I'm a terrible brother.
See, even though I'm hurting you, you want to disagree. Oh, you're not so bad, you're saying. Sure you can be an asshole and you're shallow and self-centered, but that doesn't make you a bad person! You're only about as bad as the rest of us, really!
Stop making excuses.
Would it make it easier, if you could hate me wholeheartedly? If you didn't have to hold your tongue out of some familial sense of guilt, or some half buried sense of respect? If you could cut me off entirely, if you never had to talk to me again... would that be better? If I wasn't your brother, someone you were obligated to care about, would any of you still be here?
You're already leaving.
How do I feel about it? That doesn't matter. It shouldn't, really. I don't want it to matter to you what your selfish, pathetic excuse of an eldest brother is feeling. I know you still do. I'm sorry about that.
The least I can do is make it easier for you to let me go.