"Grantaire, can I have a word?"
Grantaire was about to leave, the meeting at the Musain being over, but Enjolras is standing in front of him, looking overly serious, so he sits back down.
"I'm at your service, oh fair leader."
Enjolras frowns. "Preferably, when you're sober."
"I'm sober enough, " Grantaire protests. There's still wine left in tonight's the bottle, after all.
"No. Tomorrow. Would you mind coming to my room in the afternoon?"
"Enjolras, surely whatever you want to discuss with me can't be that serious."
"Yes, it is. Are you free?"
Grantaire wants to laugh, but Enjolras' seriousness is disconcerting him. "Yes, sure."
"Good. Thank you."
Grantaire watches as Enjolras joins Courfeyrac and Feuilly at another table, unsure if he wants to take another drink or not. He goes home feeling uneasy, unable to stop worrying that all the secrecy is because Enjolras wants to kick him out of the group.
The next day, Grantaire arrives at Enjolras' doorstep looking his best - clean shirt, combed hair and even some perfume. His sleep was restless. Grantaire has been working on being a better companion lately - or, at least, a less annoying one - but he can't think of anything else that Enjolras would want to discuss with him with this secrecy.
Enjolras opens the door after the first knock. He's smiling and Grantaire immediately relaxes. Maybe it isn't anything bad and his worrying was for naught.
"Hello. I hope this is a good hour?"
"Yes, of course. Come in."
Grantaire wasn't sure what to expect of Enjolras' lodgings. He finds a well furnished but messy single room, a desk covered with papers, a few piles of books strew around and an unmade bed.
"Thank you. Please, sit."
Enjolras points the only free chair and clears another one for himself, placing a pile of books in the floor.
"I should offer you something to drink, but I'm not sure what I have."
"It's fine, I'd rather you get straight to the point." Grantaire sits still, trying not to disturb anything and send a pile of books to the floor.
"I want to ask something of you." Enjolras pauses for a moment, his attention focused in Grantaire. "It's a personal favour. You don't have to agree, but I'd appreciate if you didn't comment this with anyone else."
"You have a personal side?" Grantaire asks, before he can stop himself. "Your secrets are safe with me, don't worry," he adds, hoping he sounds reassuring.
"I'm not worried."
Grantaire feels his face heat up. It's nice when Enjolras shows that he trusts him.
"I'm curious. What would you rather entrust me to do over everyone else?"
Enjolras hesitates for a moment before answering. "I have to admit, in this case is entirely a matter of personal preference."
"Oh." Grantaire wonders if he should be flattered or disappointed. "You still haven't said-"
"Have sex with me."
"I want to have sex with you."
Grantaire stares at Enjolras, certain his incredulity is showing on his face, but Enjolras looks completely serious, despite the light blush spreading over his cheeks.
"Is this a joke?"
"Why..." There's a million ways he can finish this question, but Grantaire settles for the simplest one. "Why me?"
"I want you."
"That's not an answer."
"Yes, it is. I want you. When I think about this kind physical intimacy, you're the only one I want to be with."
"I thought you'd be amenable?" Enjolras looks disconcerted, which makes Grantaire want to agree to everything.
"Of course I am. But are you sur-"
Enjolras jumps out of his chair and cuts him off with a kiss. It's clumsy and uncomfortable, with Enjolras leaning over him, one hand digging in Grantaire's leg, the other on his cheek. It's clear he has no idea what he's doing, but the only thing Grantaire's brain can focus on is that Enjolras was being serious.
When Enjolras pulls back, uncertainty showing in his face, Grantaire takes the hand on his cheek and kisses it reverently.
"Sorry, that was..." Enjolras sounds almost nervous, maybe for the first time in his life.
"No, it was perfect." The funny thing is, Grantaire isn't lying.
He stands up, remaining close to Enjolras and pushes their lips together, a soft kiss. Enjolras follows his lead - another first - but he's a quick learner. Grantaire pries Enjolras' lips open, eliciting a surprised sound from him that turns into a moan. Grantaire takes his time, showing Enjolras what makes a kiss good, hoping he doesn't mind Grantaire putting his hands around his waist to press Enjolras to his body.
"This was much better," Enjolras says, when they finally part.
Grantaire has to agree. He lets Enjolras pull him to the bed, where they sit together.
"Do you feel hot?"
"You should take off your coat."
Grantaire throws it on the floor and starts to work on his cravat.
"Are you nervous?" Enjolras asks.
Grantaire half-shrugs, half-nods. He feels there are a few important points to clarify before they move any further. "Enjolras, have you ever done this before?"
He shakes his head.
"It's a lot of responsibility. Are you sure someone el-"
Enjolras cuts him off, covering Grantaire's mouth with his hand.
"Grantaire, do you want to have sex with me?" Grantaire nods. "Then stop trying to dissuade me."
He climbs into Grantaire's lap and kisses him, much more confident this time. He pushes his tongue past Grantaire's lips. Grantaire lets his hands wander below Enjolras' waist. When he gets no complaints, he pulls Enjolras closer. For his part, Enjolras reaches for the front of Grantaire's trousers, undoing the buttons and pulling his cock out.
"Are you sure you haven't done this before?" Grantaire asks, breaking the kiss.
"I'm not entirely naive about this subject. I've read some books."
"I bet you thought they were actually about philosophy," Grantaire teases.
"Does it matter?" Enjolras strokes Grantaire's cock, slow and careful, looking at him straight on.
"In your studies, have you read any Greek poets? Or Roman ones?" Grantaire asks, voice not as cheery as a moment ago.
Enjolras' face is flushed, but he doesn't look away when he answers. "If you want to ask which position I prefer, I want you to fuck me."
Grantaire swallows around the lump in his throat. "W-well, you must be as pretty as Achilles, so that's appropriate." That gets a smile out of Enjolras. He also gets more adventurous with Grantaire's cock, reaching down to squeeze his balls. "You should- You should take off your trousers," Grantaire croaks. "Have you ever-?"
Enjolras stands up and strips down, getting rid of his waistcoat as well. "I've used my fingers before. And a candle, a few times."
"My dick's bigger than a candle," Grantaire says, without thinking. He's rather distracted by Enjolras' cock, hard and curving up to his stomach, as embarrassing as that is.
"Are you bragging?"
"Stating a fact."
Enjolras pushes Grantaire down on the bed and climbs on top of him again.
"Here." Grantaire presses two fingers to Enjolras' lips. He raises his eyebrows, but obliges him and takes Grantaire's fingers in his mouth. That's quite the sight: Enjolras with his eyes closed, pink cheeks, sucking on Grantaire's fingers like nothing could give him more pleasure. Grantaire's cock reacts accordingly, twitching and leaking precome. Grantaire pulls his fingers out, drawing a disappointed sound out of Enjolras, sits up and reaches behind him, pressing a finger to Enjolras' hole. It doesn't take a lot of pressure to push his finger inside Enjolras - his body arches and presses back against him.
Enjolras nods. He moves his hips experimentally up and down and Grantaire adds the other finger. Enjolras moans and bites his lip.
"I'm wondering," he asks, "does this help?"
"Doesn't it feel good?"
"Yes, but purpose..."
"Pleasure can be its own purpose," Grantaire says. He's sounding rather sure of himself, to his surprise. "Like this." Grantaire crooks his fingers , finding the right spot in the first try. Enjolras gives a small cry in surprise, eyes opening wide.
"Never felt that before?"
Enjolras shakes his head. "Do it again. Please?" His voice is small, Grantaire can't resist his request. He crooks his fingers again, eliciting a very satisfying moan out of Enjolras.
"You do now about this," Enjolras says, with a slight tone of surprise that Grantaire doesn't approve.
"There's no need for that," Grantaire says, trying not to sound offended. "I'm your man for all matters of debauchery and perversion."
Enjolras kisses him. It feels like an apology.
Grantaire takes his fingers out. "Would you mind?" At Enjolras lost expression, Grantaire points to his cock. "Not intending to impose, but some lubrication is advisable. And I really don't bend that far." He didn't intend to sound so apologetic, but he needn't bother.
Enjolras happily moves back, until Grantaire's cock is in front of him. He leans forward, taking the head in his mouth as easily as he took Grantaire's fingers. He licks and sucks inexpertly, but Grantaire doesn't care. It takes all his strength not to thrust into Enjolras' mouth. Enjolras drags his lips down the shaft, coating it with spit.
"Is this good?"
"Y-yes." Grantaire takes Enjolras' hand to pull him forward, fearing he might not last very long.
Enjolras sits on top of Grantaire's cock, grabs it and lowers his hips, pushing it inside him, until it bottoms out. Grantaire grabs his hips, hoping it helps steady him. Enjolras moves his hips up and down and Grantaire guides him, also showing him how to roll his hips. Grantaire does his best to remain still, to let Enjolras explore the new sensations, his legs tensing with the effort. Enjolras keeps moving, his rhythm more or less steady. He leans forward to kiss Grantaire.
Little by little, Grantaire raises his hips to meet his movements, thrusting into him. Enjolras moans and gasps, the sounds swallowed by Grantaire's mouth.
He can't help it. Grantaire comes with one last thrust, his hands pulling Enjolras down on his cock.
"Sorry," Grantaire says, after regaining his breath.
Enjolras blinks. "That was unexpected." He sits back up.
"Let me." Grantaire reaches for his cock, but Enjolras slaps his hand away.
"No, I got this." He strokes himself, eyes fixed on Grantaire, his cock still inside him. As he increases the pace, he starts moaning again, his hips swaying with every stroke. Grantaire can't tear his eyes away; he wishes he could put Enjolras' face on paper - head throw back, eyes closed, lips parted. He's like a saint in the throws of ecstasy. When Enjolras finishes, with a low moan, Grantaire has to kiss him.
"You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," he says, with all the earnestness he can muster.
They fall back to the bed, Enjolras laying his head on Grantaire's chest, bearing a lazy smile and giving a sigh of contentment. Grantaire takes a few deep breaths, trying to quiet his heart.
"We made a mess," Enjolras mumbles.
"It happens," Grantaire says, voice low. He uses his shirt to clean them. He doubts he made a decent job.
He stills, listening as Enjolras' breathing quiets down and he falls asleep, leaving Grantaire clueless about what to do. He can't leave without waking Enjolras, but he's not sure he wants to be there when he wakes up either. There's a reason he avoids sleeping with people he knows.
He closes his eyes, just for a moment, but he must fall asleep, because Enjolras is gone when he opens them again. The light is darker, the sun must be setting and Enjolras left him to sleep alone on his bed. He looks around, but there's no sign of him. He also took the trouble of cleaning Grantaire up and rearrange his clothes. Grantaire doesn't know what to make of it.
He sits up, his legs weak, but he doesn't want to stay in this room more time than necessary. He gets the rest of his things and finds a note on the table, addressed to him. His hand shakes as he picks it up. It's from Enjolras, saying he couldn't stay, didn't want to wake him up and that he'll see Grantaire that night in the Musain. It's signed "yours, Enjolras."
Grantaire really doesn't know what to make of it.
In the end, he doesn't go to the Musain that night. He's there the following day, though. There's only so much restraint he's capable of.
Enjolras acknowledges his entrance with a nod and nothing else and Grantaire is suddenly certain what happened between them was nothing but a feverish dream. It's reassuring in a way. The world can go back to making perfect sense.
For a couple more days.
Enjolras doesn't pay him much attention during that time, but one night, when Grantaire is prepared to follow Bahorel out of the Musain, Enjolras calls him.
"Grantaire, can I have a word?"
"Sure," he says, reflexively.
He waves Bahorel goodbye and turns to Enjolras. He waits for the door to close before making his way towards Grantaire and backing him against the table.
"I was beginning to think I'd never get you alone again."
Grantaire doesn't know what to say to that. Good thing Enjolras' mouth is on his, his tongue pushing inside, and Grantaire doesn't have the opportunity to say anything. Not that he could. His brain seems to be gone. Enjolras is pressed against him, every inch of their bodies touching, his hands tearing at Grantaire's clothes.
"I missed you," Enjolras says, when he comes up for air.
At least, he saves Grantaire the trouble of asking if the other day was real.
Enjolras kisses him, slower and deeper this time, unaware of the turmoil affecting Grantaire. It takes him far too long to realize it's anger. He's angry with Enjolras. It's a new feeling.
He has been angry at his father, his friends, the entire world, but never at Enjolras.
That doesn't mean Grantaire pushes him away. Passion is passion, and Grantaire has to look for his wherever he can.
Things start to heat up, the kiss more frantic, Enjolras passion ignited and Grantaire's baser instincts taking over. He grabs Enjolras' ass, making him gasp delighted, and starts trying to unbutton his trousers.
"Why so many buttons," he grumbles.
Enjolras laughs and starts kissing and biting down his neck, not helping Grantaire's coordination. Or his anger.
"Fuck." Grantaire gets the front open, but he still needs to deal with the braces and it seems to take forever, especially considering Enjolras found a particularly sensitive spot on his skin. Finally, the last button flies off and Grantaire touches Enjolras' bare skin. He cups his ass, pushes a finger to his hole, making Enjolras gasp.
Grantaire has no idea how he manages, but Enjolras opens his trousers with a gesture.
The outburst makes Enjolras laugh. He takes Grantaire's cock, already hard, and licks his lips. It makes Grantaire want to shove his dick in his mouth, or bend him over the table-
He does it, flips their positions in one swift movement and traps Enjolras.
Grantaire presses his cock to Enjolras' bare ass and he has to stop for a moment. This is a bad idea, he shouldn't do this, but Enjolras rubs his ass against him.
"Come on. What are you waiting for?" Enjolras pleads, in a breathy voice that could be considered begging from anyone else.
Grantaire pushes Enjolras down onto the table, so he's leaning on his hands, and spits on his hand. Enjolras readies himself, and Grantaire's anger deflates.
Oh well, he's never been any good at holding on to his anger. And, this time, he would only be making a bad idea worse.
He pushes his cock inside Enjolras, all the way in. Enjolras tenses, Grantaire pulls out and slams back in. The table rattles, Enjolras gasps and moans and writhes against him. Grantaire keeps going, rougher than he thought himself capable of, but Enjolras doesn't protest.
He encourages him.
Grantaire comes very quickly, to his embarrassment. He leans heavily on Enjolras' back, afraid he's going to collapse.
"Already?" Enjolras sounds disappointed.
"Quiet," Grantaire mumbles. He reaches for Enjolras' cock, stroking it slowly, while he kisses Enjolras' neck. Grantaire keeps Enjolras pinned in place, feeling like he's the one in control for a moment.
Enjolras makes a whining sound. "Grantaire, please."
"I might get you to beg, it seems," he jokes.
"Do you really want me to?"
"No, not really," Grantaire admits. He's not sure Enjolras hears him. He keeps stroking his cock, Enjolras trembling under him. "Turn around."
Enjolras turns, eyes wide. Grantaire drops to his knees, holds Enjolras' cock and kisses his way down the shaft, slow and reverent.
"Grantaire." There's a note of begging in Enjolras' voice that makes Grantaire's heart leap a beat.
He licks the tip, sucking lightly, enjoying how it makes Enjolras tense and his breathing hitch. Grantaire takes the cock in his mouth, going almost all the way down. He hums around it, causing Enjolras to jump and roll his hips, pushing his cock further into Grantaire's mouth. Realising Grantaire isn't holding him anymore, Enjolras begins to thrust, shallowly at first, and then more forceful. He doesn't seem entirely aware of what he's doing, his eyes are closed.
Grantaire likes seeing him so far gone; more than he imagined possible.
When he's about to come, Enjolras goes still, his cock firmly inside Grantaire's mouth. He holds him through his orgasm and licks Enjolras' cock when he's finished.
"Thank you. I-" Enjolras doesn't finish the sentence. He simply sighs and starts petting Grantaire's hair. It's nice.
Grantaire would be quite happy to stay on his knees, head resting on Enjolras' thighs, but he pulls him up after some time and kisses him, not caring about the taste of his mouth. They stay like that until some random noise reminds them there's a world outside.
Grantaire doesn't know why he expected different, but the next time he enters the back room of the Musain, Enjolras doesn't even acknowledge him. His surrounded by people, dealing with some stupid problem about a worker's group.
Grantaire drinks. And he drinks some more. And then even more. Things get hazy after that.
A few days later, Grantaire wakes up in his bed, with the sun hitting his face, a not so terrible headache and the feeling something died in his mouth. He groans and thinks idly of getting up, splashing some water on his face, but his legs refuse to move.
There's a knock on the door. And another. Grantaire's happy to ignore it, until he hears Enjolras calling.
"Grantaire, are you there?"
He's on his feet in a second, opening the door without considering he looks like a dishevelled mess. He regrets it immediately. Enjolras doesn't only looks like his usual radiant self. He's wearing freshly ironed clothes and even his cravat is tied to perfection. Part of Grantaire wants to close the door on his face, but Enjolras is taking a step inside, his hand touching Grantaire's face, looking concerned.
"Are you alright?"
"You weren't at the Musain last night."
"May I come in?"
Grantaire steps aside, and immediately feels like banging his head on the door. Instead, he closes it and goes search for something to clean his mouth. He has to settle for cold coffee, which tastes awful.
Meanwhile, Enjolras is standing in the middle of the room, looking very well put together. Grantaire doesn't want to deal with this.
"Why are you so well dressed?" Grantaire asks.
"I had an examination this morning," Enjolras explains. He carefully places his coat on the back of a chair. He looks around, probably trying not to let too much disdain show on his face.
"Please, make yourself comfortable." Grantaire sounds bitter. He didn't intend to, but he finds he doesn't regret it.
"What happened to you? I was worried." Enjolras approaches him, touches his cheek again. Grantaire takes a step back, ignoring the hurt look that passes Enjolras' face.
"Nothing happened. I was bored, so I went looking for some fun."
"Yes, you look like you had a great time."
Grantaire shrugs. "Nothing I haven't done before. Don't understand what made you worry now."
"Who said I never worried before? Grantaire-"
Grantaire walks away from him. Not very far, because the room is small, so he has to sit on the bed, feeling a bit like a sulking child.
Enjolras sits next to him. "Talk to me, please."
"What do you want from me? Why are you- You don't have to pretend to be nice to me."
"I'm not pretending. Grantaire, why would you think that?"
He touches him again. Grantaire doesn't pull away this time. He lets his head fall in Enjolras' shoulder. "You don't even look at me," he mumbles.
"I don't..." Enjolras trails off. "Oh. I'm sorry, I didn't realise I was doing it. Or that it bothered you," he adds, after a pause.
Grantaire snorts. "No, you wouldn't."
"I'm sorry, I don't know what to say."
Grantaire sits up to look at him. "Don't say anything. I don't care, anyway."
"You don't? Is that why you're so upset?"
"Grantaire, can you try and be honest with me?" Enjolras sounds exasperated.
"Honest? Fine. I love you," Grantaire says, before he can stop himself or think twice. "I love you so much, sometimes I hate you. And sometimes I can't breathe if you aren't there. And I get angry, and you kiss me and touch me and ignore me and I don't know if it's real or I finally lost my mind." Grantaire finishes his tirade, resolutely not looking at Enjolras.
Grantaire covers his face with his hands. "Don't say anything, please, don't say anything."
Enjolras tentatively puts his arms around him. Grantaire lets him, hiding his face in his chest. Enjolras resumes petting his hair. Grantaire likes it more than he wants to admit.
"This is real," Enjolras says, with the same tone of voice he uses to talk about tomorrow's grand Republic. "I'm real. And maybe I-"
Grantaire kisses him to stop Enjolras from talking. He suspects what he might be about to say - or deny - and he doesn't want to hear it. It will do him no good in the future. Enjolras lets him kiss him for a long as he wants, holding his waist and the back of his head.
"Grantaire," Enjolras says, coming up for air.
"No, don't say anything, it's fine." Enjolras doesn't look convinced, so Grantaire sighs and tries to explain. "Look, I'm not an easy person. And you have more important stuff to do than to deal with my problems."
"You're important." Enjolras means it. Of course he does.
"Just don't pretend I don't exist when there's other people around," Grantaire pleads. He hates he sounds so pitiful, but he's willing to lose his pride for more time alone with Enjolras.
"That's not what I'm doing. Not on purpose," Enjolras adds, when Grantaire's gives him a sceptical look. "I understand that's what it feels like to you, and I'm sorry I hurt you. I'll try to do different from now on."
"Thank you." Grantaire feels a weight lift from his chest. Maybe he was taking this too seriously.
"But I can't promise to change myself entirely. If there's something that needs my attention, I won't be able to let it drop."
"I know. I don't want you to change, believe me. There's nothing wrong with you."
"That's probably my worse quality," Enjolras interrupts. "I shouldn't put anything above the well being of my friends, not even the Revolution."
Grantaire feels a blush creep up his face at being considered a friend. "Well, I love that about you. That you believe with all your soul."
"Thank you," Enjolras says, a little surprised.
"You didn't know that?"
"Honestly, I always thought you found that a bit silly." Grantaire looks at him, amazed. "Sorry," Enjolras adds.
Grantaire bites his lip so he won't start laughing. When he feels more composed, he leans to kiss Enjolras again.
They end up lying on the bed, Enjolras on top. "Do you want to..." he asks, shyly.
Grantaire nods, enthusiastic. "What do you want to do?"
Enjolras shrugs. "Why don't you choose? You're more experienced, anyway."
Grantaire thinks for a moment. "Would you mind sucking my cock? Properly, this time."
Enjolras sits up, straddling Grantaire's legs. He unbuttons his trousers and pulls his cock out, stroking it to full hardness. Then, he leans forward to take it in his mouth. Enjolras drags his lips down the side of the shaft and up again a few times, the same way he did the first time.
"I said properly," Grantaire says, leaning on his elbows to get a better view. "You're not getting it ready for a bit of buggery."
"I know," Enjolras says, rather primly.
"I can give you some tips."
Enjolras sticks his tongue out at him, before using it around the tip of Grantaire's cock. He takes the head on his mouth and keeps going down. He pulls out and goes down again, taking a bit more in.
"Put your fist around the base," Grantaire advises, voice strained.
Enjolras does. He keeps swallowing more of Grantaire's cock, until he hits his hand with his lips. He seems to choke a little, but keeps repeats the motion, until it's as easy as loading a gun.
"Try sucking in air." Grantaire is surprised his voice comes quite steady.
Enjolras hollows his cheeks the next time he goes down, drawing a long moan out of Grantaire. He does it again, his lips stretching into a smile. With his free hand, he plays with Grantaire's balls, a finger reaching further back.
"Do you mind if I-?" he asks, suddenly.
"God, no." Grantaire's head falls back, his body opening up for Enjolras' teasing. There's heat pooling at the base of his stomach, and Enjolras' mouth is so warm around his cock. "God, I think I'm about to-" He spills inside Enjolras' mouth before he can finish the sentence.
Enjolras pulls back, surprised and coughing.
"Sorry," Grantaire says, still reeling from his orgasm. He pulls Enjolras to him, kissing him, tasting himself in Enjolras' mouth.
"Was that good?" Enjolras asks in a raw voice.
"Best blow job I ever had, swear to God."
"You shouldn't invoke the Lord's name in vain," Enjolras jokes.
"Who says that was in vain?"
He reaches down, for Enjolras' cock, hard and straining inside his trousers. Enjolras moans and grinds against his hand.
"How do you want to come?" Grantaire asks.
"This is fine."
Grantaire undoes the trousers fastenings as quickly as possible, with Enjolras grinding against him, kissing with his tongue well inside Grantaire's mouth.
This isn't one of Grantaire's better hand jobs, for sure. He does little more besides providing Enjolras something to rut against. He comes with a low moan, swallowed by Grantaire, his come covering Grantaire's hand. He cleans it with his shirt and lays down, pulling Enjolras with him.
They sleep entwined and Grantaire finds Enjolras still there when he wakes.
The next time he enters the back room of the Musain, Enjolras looks up at him with a smile that fills Grantaire's chest with a warm, sweet emotion. He doesn't know how long it will last, but, this time, he's determined to enjoy it all he can.