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Broken hearts beat in the same way 2/3

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I woke up in a strange room. The walls were mostly bare, a part from a couple of posters promoting a healthy lifestyle or choices. The room was furnished with a couple of chairs, a table, the bed that I was currently lying in and a T.V that hung above my head. Where was I? Well I had an idea. A couple of nurses rushed passed me , not really giving me much notice. Then I saw him- Chris, MY CHRIS. I had loved him more that I loved myself. I wished that, that was a whole lot but I didn't really love myself that much anyway. I had never really had high self esteem but the last couple of weeks had lowered it even further. It had been hell! First it had been the " fans " calling me all sorts- the kind of things that I used to get called when I was bullied when I was younger and then there was Nikki. I gave myself to him: mind, body and soul. I had never asked for more than his love but then again I guess even that was too much for me to ask. Why was I so hopeless when it came to love? Maybe I was just meant to die alone.

" Ashley, Ashley my love, why did you do that? I love you Ashley. I have always loved you" , he cried.

My heart felt like it was tearing in two as I lay watching him cry. It was agony. Looked at him, he had a few cuts and scratches to his face and a broken arm. It didn't seem fair that my darling was hurt and I was left in one piece. I felt so bad it was my fault that he was hurt. I opened my mouth and tried to console him but I just couldn't. What was wrong with me? A loud band on the table brought me back to my senses.

" I'm going to kill Nikki for this!", he yelled before putting his head in my lap.

I tried to lift my hand to stroke his hair but again I was unable to. It felt as if there was a weight holding me down. I closed my eyes in desperation and reopened them a second later after hearing a familiar voice.

" Oh my baby girl!" a voice exclaimed.

Mom?, I thought to myself.

" Chris my darling, what did they say?" Chris simply sat there, tears hanging in his eyes holding my mom's hands. " Chris, Chris tell me what's wrong with Ashley." Again he sat there unable to say a word. I don't know why she was so worried here I was in front of her alive and well. Then again she is a mother and worrying is what mothers do when it comes to their children. " Chris, I'm asking you again what is wrong WITH MY ASHLEY!", she yelled causing Chris to flinch a little.

A doctor finally came by after hearing the display. " I'm sorry to say Mrs Costello, but she is gone, she never made it to the emergency room."

I'm dead....

After realization hit, I was staring down at my own lifeless body. I looked around the room, my mom was in tears and Chris was trying to console her. Everything was muted. I could see the scene but I couldn't hear it. It was like I was living yet dead. What was going on?

"Erm, sir, we found this in the wreckage, its addressed to you.", He handed Chris the note.

It read:

Paralyzed by my envy of the night

I am lost without you here and outside it looks like rain

For the last time, I bleed myself dry tonight

And nothing I could ever write, will help you understand this life

There's so much beauty when your eyes lay lost in all the city lights

The wax will drip as so as blood, romance is dead and all is lust

You are the water in my lungs, we've lost it

We are all alone

I love you Chris, I really do

- Ashley

His grip on the paper tightened as fresh tears streamed down his face.

" I love you Ashley", he whispered as my body was being rolled away.

" I love you too Chris", I cried as I stood between my body and Chris.

On seeing my body being taken away my mother broke down again.

On seeing my body being taken away my mother broke down again.

I thought to myself that I would have been happy once I had reached death but now that I was dead, I had regrets. I wasn't happy and neither were the ones close to me. What was the point in death when all that it was going to do was hurt the ones that get left behind? As I thought about it more, only one question kept coming back to me:

What had I done?