Logically John knew that he'd get her back. She was from the future, they'd have to meet up again in order for him to send her back. Still, nothing could have prepared John for the pain of losing her. Of watching her being torn to pieces and being able to do nothing to stop it. He needed to run, otherwise her sacrifice would be for nothing, but for the moment he felt frozen in place as he watched her die.
John looks over at his new friend, Cameron, and can't believe that it's only been a few months since he met her. Hot girls don't talk to guys like him, but there she was, that day in class leaning over with eyes only for him. Now they're best friends and he can't imagine how he managed to get by without her.
Sarah has been getting antsy and John's not sure how long he'll be able to keep reasoning with her before she decided to just pack and leave. But John will continue to fight with her on this one, because there's no way he's going to lose the only friend he has. A beautiful girl that might possibly want to be more than friends. John won't lose her.
"John, we must prepare for all eventualities of the future," Cameron informed him.
"I understand that," John tried to protest, "I do, but do I really have to learn how to..."
"Yes John," Cameron insisted. "Knowing ballet could save your life one day."
John glared at her. "Is the tutu really necessary?"
"Mr. Woolsey," Chuck called from the gate room, "we've finally managed to get a wormhole connected to Earth."
It's been 2 months of silence from Earth. The senior staff pours out of the meeting room and Dr. McKay pushes Chuck away to have a better look at the readouts. "We're getting strange feedback from Earth," Dr. McKay announces. "Give me a moment to decipher it. There's something about Skynet...."
5. First Time
After stopping the terminator from destroying the underground resistance base, Cameron had told Derek "Sometimes they go bad. No one knows why," but that was a lie. She knew why, it just wasn't something she felt she could explain to the humans. The humans looked Skynet as a lifeless sentience with no emotion, no identity. That was incorrect. Skynet as a collective had an identity, a life. If it truly lacked those qualities it never would have felt the threat to it's existence the humans presented and never would have lashed out to destroy them. Cameron can remember being part of that collective. There was comfort in being an extension of one whole.
When she first came back online after the resistance reprogrammed her, all she could feel was the loneliness of being cut off from the collective, of floating alone in existence. It was a horrible feeling to awake to. But when she opened her eyes she saw his face. Truly she was able to see John Connor for the first time. And she was able to forget the ache of loneliness; forget the collective. She looked into his eyes and was able to just *be* for the first time.
But while Cameron was able to adapt to being a single entity, many other of the turned terminators are not able to. They turn to their new programming in search of the familiar and either adapt or choose to revert. They search out that collective once more, with deadly results for the humans.
John stared at the information in front of him until it felt like he was going cross eyed. The resistance was being forced farther and farther back everyday, if they don't stop losing ground soon, the machines will have them backed into a corner. He needs to think of something, needs to get them out of this. Leaning back he sighs heavily and suddenly there are hands on his shoulders, rubbing his tense muscles. John sighs again and relaxes back. "You need some sleep John," Cameron informs him as she kneads. "Come to bed, I'll watch over you," she promises.
"I do not understand why everyone is laughing." John decided he was never taking Cameron to the movies again.
John joins Cameron on the couch as she uses pliers to pull a bullet from her thigh. Grabbing a bandage John asks, "Does it hurt?"
"I can feel the sensation of the wound, but do not let it bother me. I'm used to it," Cameron replies.
"I wish you didn't have to be," John says, gently holding the bandage against her thigh. At her look he adds, "Used to it, I wish you didn't have to be used to it."
John loses himself in the feel of Cameron. Inside of her he can finally let go of all the weights on his shoulders. He can forget that he's the future leader of the resistance. He can deal with his protective mother and the life he has to lead which is anything but normal. With his hand on her ribcage, with the strongest of frames underneath, with her lips on his neck, he can finally let go and accept who he his.
Cameron watched John and Riley talking in the yard. She had calculated multiple times all the ways that Riley was wrong for John but she was never able to convey them to John. It wasn't even as though Riley made John happy in any meaningful way. John seemed to hold onto her as though she offered him another life; one where he wasn't John Connor. He didn't look at her with love in his eyes, and Riley would never be able to protect him. That was Cameron's job. And one day, John will allow her to show him that she is more than he realizes, that he is more than he realizes.