Dell never understood how Pyro survived on just soda and air, but considering Mundy and his coffee intake, he shouldn’t have been surprised. His interest in Pyro’s diet was piqued with him catching Pyro with over twenty cans of the newest soda: Doktor Popper.
Dell wanted to laugh as much as he wanted to scold Pyro, as the sight of the tall man carrying the container of soda was oddly hilarious. The scolding was for getting an entire surplus of the stuff.
Dell thought of it as just an eccentric food choice until the medic came to him with a clipboard overflowing with paperwork and a nervous scowl across his face.
“Herr Engineer, May I inquire about your lover for ze moment? I have some information for him about his...Eccentric diet.” Medic inquired to Dell, handing him a clipboard full of information about Pyro’s diet and the issues it contained. “Ze Pyro is a man in love with caffeine, but it iz not ze best for his health...I’m afraid to say it to him, but he may need to curb som of ze addiction to keep his body from collapsing.” Medic finished curtly, stretching a bloody glove out to procure his clipboard.
“Ah suppose that’s the case, Doc. Any way to get that started off?” Dell asked with a small frown, eyebrows furrowed.
“I shall ask zat you see to it herr Pyro’s sugar intake is halved by next month, at the least. If that happens, I’ll take care of ze rest. Understand?” The medicine man turned to him, staring into his eyes.
Dell simply nodded and sat back in the cushioned chair with a large fwump, his back strained against the hard wood behind him. This was going to be a hell of a thing to explain to Pyro.
The easy part would be to just to switch the sodas out for fruit juice, all he’d have to do is buy the can type. The problem was the taste was most definitely not the same. The next idea was to wean Pyro off of it, a straightforward solution. Except Pyro had the willpower of a bull and would not be easily motivated to go in a separate direction. Another option was sugar-free soda. That would not go over well with anyone. This was beginning to be incredibly difficult.
Pyro knew about Dell’s plans almost immediately. The fire starter had more of a brain to him than he let on. He watched carefully, stroking his rubber duck. Dell was fitting the fridge with a lock, it seemed. A basic lock, akin to the deadbolt locks for doors. Dell had three of them lined up, each one an inch apart from the other. This fridge was not the one used for food, thankfully. It was purely for soda and other sugary supplies.
“Now, Darlin’,” Dell sighed, turning slightly to face Pyro’s pouting form. “This ain’t because I don’t love ya, doll. Medic asked me to. It’s for ya safety.” He continued on, though he knew it was probably not going to register for now.
“Rr knrr.” Pyro mumbled, his head resting on his knees. “Rr dnn blmm yr.” Pyro set the duck down, and began to rock slightly.
Dell smiled, cocking his head to the side. “At least ya understand what I’m doin, doll. Now, it ain’t gonna be cold turkey. I ain’t that cruel .” He looked back to the final deadbolt, sliding it into place. He was finally done.
Pyro looked up, eyeing the locks.
“They’re tough to crack, doll. Made sure of it.” Dell stretched, popping his back in several places.
Pyro frowned, but nodded. He was not happy about it, but it most certainly wasn’t Dell’s fault. He was following orders. Medic was just trying to keep him in shape for battle.
It didn’t mean he didn’t HATE everything about this, though.
“Now darlin, the idea is only two per week, and only for good behavior. I ain’t gonna hand it out just because I can, Doll.” Dell chuckled as Pyro huffed. “Be good, an’ you’ll get a soda.” He wobbled off, rubbing his lower back.
The mercenaries didn’t expect the diet to last, but it did. The soda part of it, anyway.
Pyro had asked Mundy for some coffee one morning before the shift, his mask ajar, but still covering up the face. Mundy had allowed it, but required Pyro to NOT burn the coffee pot again. Pyro had thoroughly ruined a good half of the coffee with enough sugar to give a man diabetes and enough cream to fill the coffee pot itself. It had miraculously not killed the man, but had instead worked for a good while, until Mundy had (not so) politely kicked him out one day.
He tried to fill the fix for sugar in other ways, but nothing hit right.
Dell was particularly worried in how much coffee Pyro was trying to down. He had to find an easy out, and quick. He went to Medic one day out of exasperation and exhaustion.
“Medic, I need some solid advice...” he groaned out as he entered the wing.
Medic turned on his pivot, facing Dell. “Ah, Herr Engie! So good of you to drop by! What may I assist you with?” His smile was larger than life, and creeped Dell out. Otherwise, it was the medic.
“Pyro keeps downin’ lots o’ coffee to get his caffeine fix. Know anything that may fix that? Mundy’s gettin’ real close to puntin’ him...” he placed a hand on the table beside him for leverage.
Medic placed a gloved finger over his temple, massaging it for a moment. “Ah, Herr Pyro might need some certain tea for his need!” He offered, procuring a piece of paper, scrawling the name of the tea on it. “It’s called ‘Black’ tea, but ‘Oolong’ is a good alternative! They both have high caffeine amounts, but are still healthy!” He handed the paper to Dell, who simply nodded in thanks and wobbled away.
Pyro sat at the table, picking away at an array of steamed vegetables and eggs. He sighed, moving the fork rarely to his mouth. The sound of boots on tile alerted him to Dell’s presence.
“Since ya need that kick, I got you somethin, Doll.” He placed a bag in front of the plate. It was rather fancy for a simple bag.
Pyro looked up at him. “Rr yr shrr?” Pyro inquires tentatively, pulling the bag closer while simultaneously pushing the plate away.
“Yeah, I’m sure doll. You’ve been real good on this diet, so I got you somethin’ nice.” Dell smiled as Pyro pulled out a mug.
The mug itself was in a basic shape, and had no color. Pyro was confused, but continued to look in the bag and found two large boxes of tea. One black, one oolong.
He finally understood.
Dell grinned as Pyro thanked him. “No problem, darlin. If you want, I’ll show you how that mug there works.” He pointed to the nearly all-black mug. “It’s a color changer. Brand new thing on the shelves. It’s magic, darlin.”
Pyro lightly bounced in his seat as Dell made them both hot mugs of tea, and Dell began to explain the mug and how it was possible. The pair sat in comfort and in joy, just existing for a while. The mug eventually cooled down and had to be washed, but it was ready for the next use the next day.
Pyro wasn’t a big fan of tea, but it did pull through, for now.