He's always confused me, always thrown me off track as to what he's thinking or what could possibly be on his mind. Even today as we sat outside under the cherry trees, the blossoms floating down around us in the gentle breeze, I couldn't read him. He just stared distantly past me, as though I didn't even exist.
That was a first for me. In all the years we've done things together, been around each other as possibly the closest siblings on the planet, he's never treated me like I don't exist. Something's on his mind, I just can't figure out what it is... and that bothers me so very much. He's been anxious for a few months now and part of me assumed it'd get better. Now though, it's becoming so obvious that it's not.
We're sitting on the couch in my living room, watching a movie. The sound's cranked up and the speakers are booming around us, making me thankful that I insulated the walls of my apartment so completely. A gentle sigh leaves my lips as I turn to look at him, to study the way his features are still so tight. He's still upset and I dearly wish he weren't.
I'm conflicted on what to do. My rational brain tells me to ask him what's wrong. The other part taunts me, telling me that I could do what I have always wanted to do and simply lean over and kiss him as if we were on stage. The thing is I don't want to lose my brother... my friend.
I let the moments slip past, caught between what's right and what's oh-so-wrong. My mind feels half made up on what to do, but I'm too nervous to go through with it. That is, until he looks over at me, the pain in his eyes so deep that I can't deny the need to comfort him. There's maybe a second of hesitation before my lips are pressed firmly against his, my hand buried in his blonde hair, tugging his head back to give me better access as I all but crawl into his lap.
I expect him to struggle, to push me away and demand that I stop. Maybe for him to threaten me, scream obscenities at me until he can get me off of him. What I never expected was for him to pull me closer to him, his hands fisting in my black tank top, holding me suffocatingly close to him. His body molds into mine, his hips arching up to meet the downward push of my own. Before I can even start thinking about what's going on, his tongue is in my mouth and I'm sucking on the slick appendage like my life depends on it.
For a few minutes, we just keep making out on my couch, the leather rustling softly beneath us. I become aware of the fact that he must have muted or paused the DVD. It surprises me, but I don't mind in any way. I want to hear him, want to remember every single sound he makes under me tonight.
The kiss breaks and he arches up harshly under me, his head falling back against the pillows of the couch. I can feel his arousal pressing against my body and I know I want him completely, right then and there. Nothing will stop us now and I'm damn sure of that fact.
"Please... Kirito... please." His voice is so soft, pleading and whimpering. I couldn't deny him even if I wanted to... and I don't.
My fingers move to his pants, unfastening them as I go to work on his neck, kissing his smooth flesh as I keep moving against him. I'm rock hard and aching for the release I've wanted with him for so many years. His jeans slip down his hips with help from both of us and my hand wraps around his length. He shudders under me, his fingers coming to yank at my slacks, tugging at them until he's got them open and my arousal freed from the confines of the material. A moment later and he's jerking me off harshly, cries falling from his parted lips as if he's singing just for me... the way I sing for him on stage.
He whimpers more, squirming around beneath me and I finally extract myself from his lap and then part his thighs, slipping between them and spitting in my hand, pressing two fingers against his entrance. One slips in without any resistance and he cries out in a way that makes it obvious it's pleasurable for him. My teeth tug lightly at his earlobe as I add the second finger and start to fuck him with them as hard as I can.
His body accepts me so easily that it's obvious he's done this before. I shift around a tiny bit, finding his prostate and making him scream. He's trembling and his balls are pulled up tight against him. I'm almost certain he'll explode just as soon as I start fucking him and that's just fine with me, because I know I can't last very long, either.
I bring him to the brink, just like that, and then deny him the release, pulling my fingers out and spitting in my palm, slathering what I can on my cock. Just as he whimpers in desperation, I press myself against him and then shove in all at once. A cry rips from his throat as I wait for him to adjust to me. I listen so carefully, hearing the way he's panting for me... because of me. He's tight and warm around me, feels so perfect, as if he's been built just for me.
My hips flex and pleasure shoots through my body like a rocket. I can't think, I can barely breathe... and before I can hold myself back, I'm fucking him hard and fast. His body moves with my own, his hands digging into the couch for support, the frame protesting our vigor. He's moaning like a whore, his cries mixing with my own as I fuck him so very desperately. The coil inside me burns bright, letting me know it's going to spring soon. My eyelids fall closed just as he shudders under me, calling out my name. His body spasms around mine, warmth flooding out across our abdomens as he cums just for me.
I dig my hands into the back of the couch, fucking him harder than I thought I possibly could, shaking and moaning as my own orgasm hits me. It's better than any other release I've ever had in my life. It makes me feel complete. My hips push into him a few more times and then still as I rest my head on his shoulder, trying to catch my breath.
Finally, his arms come up and wrap around my body, holding me close to him. It's only then that I realize I still don't know what was wrong with him. My mouth opens and the question pours out. "So... what was wrong?"
His laughter is soft and low against my neck, his body trembling slightly beneath my own. "I was lonely."
A slow smile makes its way onto my lips. "Guess I took care of that, then...." I could have said something more to that, could have found something else to say, but I don't.
"Yeah... I guess you did." There's a smile in his voice, and just like that, I know... there are no regrets, there is no wrong in this... we just are who we are, and this is a part of it... a part of us.