Chapter 1: prologue: Yoongi
He’s pushed out of the car with his duffel bag.
His father is giving him a dirty look. His mother refuses to look at him at all.
And that’s that.
No ‘goodbye,’ ‘eat well,’ ‘we still love you despite the fact you’ve messed up your life!’ Just a ‘tell aunt Eun-ju to call us,’ and then they drive away.
His parents drive away, leaving him all alone in a town he hasn’t been to since his aunt turned 50, 7 years ago.
He’s all alone, staring at the garden path in front of him. It’s dark outside, flies gathering around the lamppost next to the house. Yoongi wraps his arms around his body as he carefully opens the garden gate. It squeaks and the sound is deafening in the silence of the night.
He slowly walks up the path, taking a deep breath.
He knows his aunt used to pamper and love him as a kid, and he’s sorry for not visiting all of these years. He’s sorry that this is how she has to see him again. With his eyes red from crying and begging his parents to please give him one more chance, please he won’t mess up this time!
But they were done. Yoongi had to figure his life out and they were done with him bringing shame to the family and ‘being unthankful.’
Yoongi wasn’t unthankful, he was very thankful that his mother still put a plate on the table for him and cleaned his sheets every now and then. He just didn’t know how to show it until it was too late.
He brings his fist up to the door, closing his eyes as he knocks. It’s so silent in the street it almost scares him to do so. It’s never like that in the city, even at 2 in the morning. He wonders how he will get used to this. He has never felt like as much as of a failure as he does at this very moment, the hollow sound of his fist hitting the wood making him cringe.
His breath hitches in his throat when a light is turned on in the window above him.
He really hopes she’ll let him in. Yoongi doesn’t believe in a God, but if there’s one he’s praying to him right now, because please, please don’t let his aunt be mad at him as well. He can’t take more yelling right now. He knows, he knows he fucked up. He knows there’s absolutely no one to blame except for his own stubborn self. He knows he made all the wrong decisions and did all the stupid things. He knows.
He can hear her walking down the stairs; knows it’s only a matter of seconds now.
Yoongi straightens his back and tries to smile. He squeezes the handles of his duffel bag until his knuckles have turned white, trying to stop his hands from shaking.
The door is opened, and there she is, blinking at Yoongi. Her hair has gotten a little grayer, the wrinkles on her forehead a little more defined, but she still looks just as kind as Yoongi remembers and he really wants to hide in her embrace because he is so incredibly embarrassed.
She doesn’t move to hug him, though.
‘Yoongi? is that you? What are you doing here?’ It isn’t until she meets Yoongi’s tearstained cheeks that she notices. ‘Child, have you been crying?’
She does move to wrap her arms around him then, and Yoongi can only muffle his sobs in her shoulder.
‘Please let me stay, I’ve been really stupid and now mom and dad don’t want me anymore and it’s all-’
‘Let’s go inside, Yoongi-yah, the neighbors don’t need to hear.’ She pulls back, looks down the dark street quickly and then steps inside, motioning for Yoongi to follow her.
She carefully closes the front door behind him.
Chapter 2: summer storm
so this is the first official chapter, I hope you’ll like it!
my tumblr is yoongtg just gonna put it out there if you ever wants to talk to me or yell at me or want me to write something or have ideas idk just hit me up sometime?
It’s June, the beginning of the evening, and yet there are no beautiful sunsets that paint the sky orange or pink.
The sky is actually turning a shade darker with every passing minute and yes, Jimin had seen the forecast that morning but he had still chosen to ignore it and to go out in nothing but jeans and a t-shirt.
How he regrets that now.
God, he feels so stupid, shivering in his Stussy shirt. He paid a lot of money for it and now it’s going to get all wet. It’s his favorite t-shirt as well. He pouts to himself a little, wondering why he didn’t bring a jacket. His mother had even told him to do so. Lesson learned to listen to his mom, even though he considers himself old enough to care for himself. But it’s all too late now because there’s a full on storm on its way to Jimin’s town and he has to try and get home within the next 10 minutes, something close to impossible seeing as how running there would take him at least 15. He groans, regretting his decisions as he sadly looks up at the clouds. He can basically kiss his t-shirt goodbye and say hello to a very bad cold.
2 minutes later it starts with a light drizzle, the sky slowly turning from a dark blue to an almost pitch black and it’s a clear sign that hell is about to break loose.
When there’s a rumble in the distance Jimin sprints to the convenience store across the street. He’ll just microwave his dinner tonight then, he is not going to walk home through a fucking thunderstorm, no thank you.
He doesn’t realize he isn’t the only one trying to stay dry underneath the overhanging part of the roof until he has panted out a hoarse, ‘so stupid,’ and gets a, ‘yeah, I know,’ in response.
He looks up, hands still placed against the wall as the wind cries behind him, raindrops starting to color everything a shade darker. He’s met with a pair of brown eyes, a lazy grin and the smell of smoke coming from the guy next to him.
‘I, I’m sorry,’ Jimin quickly straightens up, ‘I wasn’t talking about you I meant the rain-’
‘I know,’ the stranger interrupts him before taking a long drag and slowly blowing some smoke into the humid air.
Jimin looks the guy over quickly. It’s not someone he knows, which is weird, because the town he lives in is small. Small as in actually really ‘I know everyone and everyone knows me’ small. He knows who owns this convenience store, he knows who lives in the house across the street. But something he certainly doesn’t know, is who this stranger next to him is.
So he asks.
‘Do I know you?’
‘Probably not. Min Yoongi.’
That’s all the introduction he gets. But it’s enough, because he knows that exactly one more Min lives in this town, and he makes a wild guess that the two of them are somehow related.
‘Ah, do you know Miss Min, works in the bakery?’
‘That’s my aunt.’ He turns to Jimin, ‘I have to live with her for the upcoming months.’
‘My dad knows her pretty well. She’s a lovely woman,’ Jimin smiles, ‘I’m Jimin, Park Jimin.’ He extends a hand, but Yoongi either doesn’t see it or just chooses to ignore it as he takes his cigarette from his lips and watches the rain.
‘How do you live in a place like this?’
Jimin shrugs, he has lived here his entire life, doesn’t know anything else. Sure, not much exciting happens, there’s one high school that literally everyone goes to, one church, and this small convenience store. The 'exciting' city center, where the shops are, is located on a single, long street. Lots of people would find it boring, but Jimin is used to it. And honestly, he kind of likes it, likes how he literally has a memory lying on every corner, likes that he has climbed at least half of the trees scattered around the town as a kid. But, Jimin thinks, Yoongi doesn’t have that, and he doesn’t seem to really like it here. That much is clear from the way Yoongi stares at the asphalt in front of them as if it has just done him some real bad injustice. It makes Jimin sad.
‘I just do? Born and raised here,’ Jimin tells him, ‘you’ll get used to it quickly, though, don’t worry.’
Yoongi slowly nods, ‘I hope so because honestly, this is the most boring shithole I’ve ever been in. And I’ve only been here for a few days.’
Ah, Jimin sighs, someone from the city. He shrugs, ‘well, I kind of love this boring shithole.’
Yoongi glances at him, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips, ‘that’s good for you.’ He tosses the remaining part of his cigarette on the ground and reaches in his pocket.
‘Occasionally.’ This isn’t even a lie.
Jimin had had a bit of a crisis during fall break. His girlfriend had broken up with him and he was a mess.
His dad had blamed it on the American dramas Jimin sometimes watched back then, but Jimin had declared that he smoked out of his own choice.
(It had been the American dramas. The protagonists always fell back into some smoking habit after something dramatic happened. Not that Jimin had had a smoking habit before the break up, but smoking somehow helped, or so he liked to believe. And if not then it at least made him look dark and mysterious and his girlfriend would definitely regret dumping him. Or.. well, that was Jimin’s amazing theory.)
(It took him two weeks to finally stop coughing every time he took a drag.)
‘Want one?’ Yoongi offers him the pack and Jimin hesitantly takes one out. He hasn’t smoked in months now, and it feels weird to have one of the small sticks between his short fingers again. He didn’t think he’d smoke anytime soon, and isn’t planning to screw up his lungs, but at least it will give him something to do. Yoongi definitely doesn’t seem like much of a talker, and he’d rather avoid an awkward silence as they wait for the storm to pass.
‘Do you have a light?’ Jimin murmurs with the cigarette between his lips, glancing at Yoongi. Yoongi hums and hands him a red lighter.
Jimin doesn’t know why, but he really hopes he looks cool as he lights his cigarette and takes his first drag, feeling the somehow still familiar burning sensation in his throat.
It’s weird to smoke again. Even weirder when he’s smoking with someone who is actually still pretty much a stranger to him, who has now lit a new cigarette of his own and is staring at Jimin. Something in the boy’s gaze makes him nervous. (Which is weird, because Jimin barely ever gets nervous. He quickly looks away.)
Yoongi leans his head back against the wall, ‘tell me.’
Jimin stares at the road as he taps the filter, ‘what?’
‘Tell me about this place. Tell me why you love it so much so I can love it as well.’
‘Well, I mean, it has me in it. That’s a big plus.’
This makes Yoongi smile and Jimin is glad the (almost) stranger owns more facial expressions than anger and annoyance.
So he goes for it and word vomits all over the guy who doesn’t even reply. But Yoongi nods, he nods sometimes, to acknowledge that Jimin has said something he finds mildly interesting, when he talks about that one time his high school flooded for example. Or when he brings up the forest with the lake everyone swims in. If Yoongi wants information Jimin will, as a proud citizen, provide it, because the rain isn’t stopping and his cigarette is a sad, smoked up, crushed addition to the sidewalk and he needs to do something to kill time.
‘Oh and the house in the street next to the church, they say it’s haunted -not that I believe that. Some woman passed away there and now her soul haunts the bedrooms or something. It’s abandoned and covered in graffiti but it was really pretty once.’ Jimin sighs at the memory, he remembers the woman who used to live there. It’s been over 10 years since she passed. His dad had told him she had died from cancer, which was really sad of course, but the neighborhood kids thought of the craziest, most horrifying stories -some involving chainsaws - about how she died.
And of course 8 year old Jimin believed them all.
‘We should go there, then.’
‘I’ve never been inside, and I don’t know if I ever want to be inside of that place, but you’re free to go.’
Yoongi brushes some of his black fringe out of his eyes, nodding. ‘Actually, yeah, I might. It sounds pretty cool.’
‘See?’ Jimin smiles, feeling as if he has finally accomplished a little something, ‘It’s not that bad here, really. And hey, you can always go back to the city.’
Jimin doesn’t realize his comment might have been a bit too personal until Yoongi turns and looks at him, really looks at him, and Jimin considers calling for his mother right then and there, because Yoongi looks strangely intimidating all of a sudden and Jimin feels like running right into the rain and getting far, far away from Yoongi.
‘I am not here because I want to be, I’m here because I was kicked out by my parents and the only person willing to take me in was my aunt. I can’t go back.’ Yoongi throws his cigarette on the ground and doesn’t reach for a new one, shoulders slumping as he tugs at his hair a little. ‘Fuck, I can’t believe I just told you that.’
‘It’s okay, it’s okay, I’m sorry,’ Jimin hastily responds, ‘I’m sorry for saying that, I shouldn’t have. It was too personal, wasn’t it? Ah, really I’m sorry.’
Yoongi waves Jimin’s apologies away, ‘doesn’t matter, word goes around quickly in this town, my aunt told me. You’d have found out about some fucked up nephew of Miss Min soon anyway.’
Jimin is in the process of thinking of a good response to that when his phone goes off.
He scrambles it out of his pocket with his now slightly cold hands from the wind, unlocking it and picking up.
‘Hi! Yeah.. would you really do that? Yes…another hour, that’s longer than I expected.’ Jimin completely forgets about Yoongi standing next to him as he bounces on his feet a little. ‘Convenience store, alright!’ He smiles, adding a, ‘thank you, you’re the best!’ before hanging up, suddenly remembering Yoongi who’s giving him a confused look.
‘Oh, my dad just called,’ Jimin explains, ‘he’s going to pick me up with his car because the rain won’t stop for another hour.’
‘I see,’ Yoongi weakly smiles back.
‘I could ask him if he wants to drop you off..’ Jimin hesitates if he should say home now; goes for it anyway, ‘home as well?’
‘No, it’s fine. I’ll just wait here.’
‘Really, I know where you live and it’s further away than my house, are you sure?’
Yoongi raises an eyebrow at this, ‘you know where i live?’
‘Eh,’ Jimin feels his cheeks heat up a little, ‘I know where Miss Min lives.’
Yoongi nods, ‘makes sense, but no really it’s fine. I’ll just wait it out.’
‘Sure?’ Jimin asks Yoongi one last time when he sees a familiar black car appear. ‘What were you even doing out here all alone?’
‘Needed to organize my thoughts, I can think better when I walk but then it started raining and I ended up here. But hey, I got some really useful information from..?’
Jimin wants to respond but the car pulls up next to them and Jimin’s father rolls the window down; yelling for him to get in because his mother is almost done with dinner.
‘Coming!’ Jimin calls back, looking over at Yoongi. ‘Park Jimin. I said it before but I’m horrible with names as well so yes, Park Jimin, don’t forget it again.’ He looks over his shoulder at his dad’s car and then back to Yoongi, ‘are you really sure you don’t want a lift? I’m sure my dad wouldn’t mind.’
‘It’s fine, Jimin,’ it’s weird to hear Yoongi say his name, ‘go home. I’ll see you around.’
Jimin weakly smiles, ‘alright, make sure you get home safely,’ he tells him before getting into the car, ‘I, I’ll see you around, yeah.’ He waves a little before he closes the car door behind him.
He watches Yoongi getting smaller and smaller through the window as they drive away, the raindrops hitting the screen making it hard to tell he’s even there after a few seconds.
‘Who was that, son?’
Jimin tears his gaze away from the glass at his father’s question. ‘Oh, that was Yoongi, dad.’
‘And who may that be?’
‘Miss Min’s nephew. He’s living with her now.’
His dad hums, ‘ah, she told me something about that at mass last Sunday. Heard her nephew went a little wild back in Daegu.’ Daegu, so that’s where that accent comes from. ‘Parents didn’t want the rascal anymore.’
Jimin nods, ‘yeah, he told me something like that. He’s nice, though!’
His father glances over at him quickly, ‘I don’t want my Jimin to mix with the wrong crowd. You smell like those death sticks again. He may be nice and all but his parents kicked him out for a reason son, remember that.’
‘But we don’t know that reason so the least I could do was make him feel a little welcome,’ Jimin defends himself.
‘And you did right by doing that, just be careful with boys like..?’
‘Yes, Yoongi, alright?’
Jimin looks in the rearview mirror one last time. Yoongi is only a blurry dot in the distance now. ‘Yes, of course.’
Jimin is bored. Really fucking bored.
All his friends have already packed up and left for college, sending Jimin texts with pictures of them struggling with the manuals of their new IKEA furniture. Everyone seems to be taking that next step in their lives except for Jimin. Jimin is taking a gap year, with a slight chance of still enrolling in the second semester. He only regrets it a little now that he sees everyone building desks and chairs and beds and the realization hits him that that could’ve been him.
The problem is just that Jimin really doesn’t know what he wants. Like, he actually really has no fucking clue.
And the future, the future is a big deal. The wrong decision could cost him lots of money so he wants to be sure that what he picks is also what he really wants.
His parents had been surprisingly okay with it and he has saved up a little in his senior year. Maybe to go traveling for a month, maybe to buy some crappy IKEA furniture for himself soon after all.
But for now he’s all alone, the radio repeating the same three summer hit songs every two minutes, his room too hot for comfort, the children playing on the street next to his window making way too much noise, and Yoongi not leaving his mind for a second.
He’s one of the rare people around his age still in town for the summer.
Would it be weird if Jimin went to see him? Would it be weird if Jimin even kind of wanted to see him? Yoongi probably didn’t know anyone besides his aunt (and maybe the lady behind the counter at the convenience store who had sold him his cigarettes.) But he does know Jimin now.
Yoongi could need a friend, and Jimin likes to think of himself as great friend material. It’s been two days since they met so Yoongi must still remember him for sure. He could show him around town, or smoke with him. The worst that could happen would be Yoongi sending him away. Which would be Yoongi’s loss, Jimin tells himself.
Despite the little pep talk he gave himself, he regrets his spontaneous action the moment the little garden with the purple and blue flowers comes into view. The sun is burning in the sky and he doesn’t know if he’s sweating from the heat or the sudden nerves that are kicking him in the stomach as he walks up the garden path.
Miss Min loves her garden, Jimin knows this for a fact. It’s always in the best possible state, obviously cared for. The contrast between the bright flowers and Yoongi who’s dressed in all black as he opens the front door almost couldn’t be bigger.
‘Hi,’ Jimin smiles at Yoongi, trying to sound as casual as possible.
‘Oh hey, what brings you here, Park Jimin?’ Yoongi puts emphasizes on his full name and for some reason Jimin is glad the boy remembers.
He really hopes he doesn’t sound stupid as he mutters his explanation of being bored and not knowing anyone his age and figuring Yoongi might need a friend.
The response he gets is a small nod and Yoongi turning around but leaving the front door open. Jimin takes this as an invite to come in.
‘Is your aunt home?’ Jimin asks, carefully closing the door behind him.
‘Grocery shopping. Why? Did you actually come here for her?’ Yoongi stops in front of the stairs, smirking, ‘she’s single.’
Jimin rolls his eyes, ‘my dad asked me if I could ask her something about this tomato plant he’s attempting to grow in our front yard. I, eh, told him I was going to see you when I left.’
‘She should be back in an hour. You can ask her then.’
‘Alright,’ Jimin weakly smiles, following Yoongi up the stairs. ‘She’s really good with plants, isn’t she? The garden always looks beautiful.’
‘Yeah, she’s like a plant whisperer or some shit,’ Yoongi opens a door, ‘ignore my room.’
Jimin isn’t sure what he’s supposed to ignore because the room is neat, simple, almost empty. A bed, a desk, a closet. Two pictures on the wall and three small potted plants neatly lined up on the window sill.
Yoongi takes a seat on his bed and Jimin goes for the floor, almost getting hit in the face with the pillow Yoongi throws in his direction.
‘You can sit on it,’ Yoongi instructs. Jimin mutters a ‘thank you’ as he sits down on the light blue pillow case.
He can’t help but stare at the pictures on the wall, right above Yoongi’s head. They’re a bit blurry, especially from the small distance, but Jimin can make out what’s on the left one.
It’s Yoongi with two other people, maybe his parents, clearly taken a couple of years ago judging from how young Yoongi looks.
If Yoongi has noticed him staring at the pictures, he doesn’t comment on it, and says ‘I got to decorate some more,’ instead.
‘Weren’t you allowed to take anything with you?’Jimin knows he has to be careful when it comes to Yoongi’s situation, but he feels like it is okay to ask this.
‘One duffel bag, but my aunt will go see my parents next week and get some of my stuff.’
‘You’re from Daegu, aren’t you?’
At this Yoongi smiles a little, ‘is my accent that bad?’
Jimin smiles back, shaking his head, ‘no, my dad told me.’
‘Word really does go around here quickly,’ Yoongi sighs, leaning back against the wall. ‘But yes I’m from Daegu. Lived there all my life until I was pushed into my parent’s car and dropped off on my aunt’s doorstep like the unwanted child that I am.’
‘Sounds like something straight out of a drama.’
‘Honestly, my life is a drama, I should sell it to a broadcasting company.’
‘And make millions.’
‘That’s the plan.’
Yoongi goes silent for a little while then, looking at the ceiling as Jimin stares at his hands in his lap.
‘You know that abandoned house you told me about?’
‘Maybe you shouldn’t do that,’ Jimin mutters as he watches Yoongi collapse on the dusty couch.
‘Why not? It’s actually really comfy.’
‘Well, it’s not yours.’
‘Then whose is it? That dead woman’s? Come join me.’ Yoongi grins, stretching out, ‘I like it here.’
‘You know we shouldn’t be here.’
‘But this place is amazing! And not that damaged at all. Plus, I’m just appreciating it, not taking or breaking anything.’ He innocently smiles at Jimin, ‘come sit.’
Jimin does as he’s told, sighing and protesting under his breath, but lets Yoongi tug him down anyway.
Jimin knows not a lot of people come here, knows they’re not doing anything really bad, but it still feels wrong. On the other hand, he does like seeing Yoongi smile and how the awkwardness between them is slowly fading away. For some reason Yoongi had instantly brightened up the moment they found that the backdoor was missing and were able to enter, so he decides to go with it.
‘Happy now?’ Jimin asks him when he wiggles a bit to get more comfortable.
‘Absolutely delighted.’ Yoongi turns to Jimin, ‘look at those walls! the paint is just falling off!’
Jimin tries really hard to sound just as enthusiastic as Yoongi when he mumbles an, ‘amazing.’
Yoongi rolls his eyes, ‘anyway, I was wondering,’ he plucks at the old couch cushions, ‘if I may ask, why aren’t you gone with all your high school friends? Aren’t you around that age?’
Jimin shrugs, sitting back as he stares at a broken window. He thinks the frame was red once. ‘Gap year, I don’t know what I want and I want to make the right decision instead of wasting a year doing something I don’t want in the end.’
Yoongi nods, ‘it’s a good thing you’re taking your future seriously. I didn’t.’
The urge to dig deeper almost makes Jimin cave in and force a confession about his past out of Yoongi. But he knows that that isn’t the right thing to do. ‘It’s not too late, did you finish high school?’
‘Oh,’ Jimin tries not to sound too judgmental, because he isn’t. Middle school is a good start. ‘That’s something? You can enroll in special high school courses?’
‘Maybe,’ Yoongi doesn’t look at him as he raises a hand, holding it in front of Jimin’s chest.
Jimin side eyes him, frowning, ‘you want a high five?’
‘Your phone will do, Jimin-ah.’
‘Jimin-ah, we’re getting so comfortable here,’ Jimin weakly smiles, handing Yoongi his phone. Taking the hint that Yoongi clearly doesn’t want to dwell on the subject of his education any longer.
‘I’m even going to give you my number right now,’ Yoongi adds, smiling.
At this Jimin laughs. (It’s the first time Yoongi has ever made him laugh and it feels good. Good to laugh with someone. He realizes how much he misses his old friends.) ‘And why would that be?’
‘It’s no fun hanging out here on my own. And isn’t this kind of our place now?’
Jimin’s instinct is to say Yoongi can have it. Yoongi can have this house and the possible ghost and hang out here all he wants. Jimin will be in his bed watching reruns all summer peacefully.
But then again, Jimin kind of likes Yoongi? He’s nice, it’s better than hanging out with his 7 year old cousin and having water balloon fights where he has to pretend to be really bad and lose twenty times in a row until he’s completely soaked. Being with Yoongi would definitely be better than sleeping his entire summer away, he reasons. And Yoongi is kind of.. cool? In Jimin’s eyes at least. Despite not having it together at all, he seems like he knows more than Jimin, knows better. This kind of dominant aura that makes Jimin wants to listen. Because Yoongi is different, interesting, from a big city far away.
Jimin doesn’t know anyone like him.
‘I think it is. I like it.’
Jimin chuckles, ‘then I guess it is.’ He sighs, ‘I’m glad we found at least one thing you don’t hate about this town.’
Yoongi looks at the ceiling, stares at the gray above him for a few seconds before glancing at Jimin. ‘Two things actually. You’re pretty okay as well.’
and this, my dear, lovely readers
is where the good shit starts
Chapter 4: drunk conversations
mentions of alcohol and drinking in this chapter, just a warning if that triggers you (nothing bad happens though, its just 2 kids drinking really)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Jimin is pretty sure about two things after about 8 days have passed.
One: Yoongi loves the abandoned house. So far they’ve met up there four times and Yoongi instantly brightens up the moment they walk through the empty space that was once meant for the backdoor.
Two: Yoongi for some reason likes blowing smoke in Jimin’s face. Jimin doesn’t like this so much.
He’s sitting next to Yoongi on the worn out couch, the sun is setting and an orange glow is filling the room. Yoongi hands him his cigarette, and Jimin takes it, taking a long drag and blowing the smoke right back into Yoongi’s face.
‘That’s gross, Jimin.’
‘Well you just did it to me.’
‘And that’s my last cigarette that you are smoking up, brat, so I had the right to.’ Yoongi stands up with a dramatic sigh, looking back at Jimin, ‘let’s buy new ones?’
Jimin slowly pushes himself up, ‘you chain smoker.’
‘Like you are any better.’
(Maybe Jimin hasn’t told Yoongi he only smokes with him yet. That he doesn’t even really like it. Hell, Jimin even had to sneak a lighter out of his mother’s kitchen cabinet because with the end of fall break, the life of his lighter had also come to an end. But when he’s with Yoongi he smokes a lot, and it’s a little pathetic because Jimin knows it’s 90% to impress Yoongi.
He thinks it’s working, though.)
‘I am, I didn’t smoke on the way here and I don’t permanently smell like an ashtray. But alright, let’s go get something to feed your addiction.’ Jimin grins, following Yoongi outside, the older boy’s black beanie almost getting stuck as he ducks to get underneath the wired fence and off the property.
‘You shouldn’t wear beanies in this weather.’
Yoongi turns around to look at Jimin as they step on the sidewalk, running his eyes over the younger boy. ‘You really are a brat, you know that? Talking to your hyung like that.’
Jimin stops walking.
So.. maybe he has a tendency to feel comfortable with people fast. Too fast perhaps. But he has never been one to hold back and overall, he doesn’t really bother to filter his words once he feels at ease with someone. But maybe he had been a bit too at ease with Yoongi, too soon. He’s contemplating apologizing when Yoongi grabs his upper arm, grinning. ‘Come on, I want to be back before it gets dark.’
Jimin sighs in relief.
Jimin is surprised with how easily Yoongi is able to navigate through the streets already. But then again, getting to the convenience store is only about a 5 minute walk. You follow the road until the end and then you turn to the right. It’s not exactly rocket science.
Yoongi keeps kicking small rocks as they walk, occasionally glancing over at Jimin.
‘What options did you consider?’ He suddenly asks when he kicks his third rock onto the road and out of his reach, ‘I mean, before you decided to take a gap year.’
Jimin sighs, biting down on his bottom lip, ‘about everything, from dancing to marine sciences.’
At this Yoongi turns his head to look Jimin in the eyes, ‘you dance?’
‘Used to until the studio closed down two years ago, not enough members,’ Jimin sadly tells him. He misses dancing. Sometimes he tries to practice in his room, but the space is too small, his mirror only shows half of his body and it just doesn’t work.
‘That’s a shame, I’m sure you were a great dancer.’
Jimin can’t find it in himself to agree as they turn the corner.
He silently enters the convenience store behind Yoongi, who pushes the door 3 times before he realizes he has to pull. The older boy grins sheepishly at the lady behind the counter as she greets them, Jimin recognizing her as one of his mother’s friends. He quickly bows, mumbling a, ‘good evening, Miss Jung,’ before following Yoongi, who points out that Jimin really does know everyone.
Jimin shrugs, ‘I guess.’
‘You know Jimin,’ Yoongi announces, taking a sharp turn, ‘I changed my mind, maybe we need something else as well,’ Yoongi starts walking down an aisle Jimin has barely ever been in, and Jimin has no choice but to follow him.
‘You’re of age right?’
‘Yeah, yes, I am,’ Jimin gets down on his knees next to Yoongi, nudging the older boy. The white tiled floor is a bit dirty. ‘What are you-’
‘Good,’ Yoongi interrupts him, ‘what do you want?’ he turns his head to look at Jimin, taking a break from studying the percentages of alcohol in each of the bottles.
‘Oh, I don’t think I need anything, really,’ Jimin stumbles over his words a little, rubbing the back of his neck. ‘But I mean if you want to, I, I don’t know.’ He isn’t much of a drinker, only drank about twice before, wanting to keep his body healthy and he just never really felt the need to drink. But well, he’s open to try it, if Yoongi wants him to.
Yoongi glances at Jimin to check for his reaction; stands up then, holding the bottle in front of Jimin’s face.
The liquid is close to see through, the label bright blue and it honestly looks like water to Jimin. Water in weird packaging. (He doesn’t miss the small 15% sticker, signaling that it’s definitely not water.)
‘You okay with this?’
Jimin isn’t sure why he says yes.
Jimin blushes furiously as they stand in front of the counter, and he feels really stupid and dumb because he knows, he knows there’s no need to feel this embarrassed because he is of age. A lot of people his age drink, and it’s not a big deal. But Miss Jung is looking at him so weirdly, even narrows her eyes when Yoongi asks for two packs of cigarettes as well.
(Jimin really hopes she doesn’t tell his mother they just bought that. She has a hard enough time with Jimin occasionally smoking as it is.)
Yoongi, on the other hand, doesn’t seem phased at all, smiling casually as he takes the plastic bag with the bottle from the counter, shoving one of the two packs into Jimin’s hand before telling the woman to have a good evening.
Jimin frowns, trying to shove it back into Yoongi’s hand as they walk towards the exit, Yoongi crumpling up the receipt and shoving it into his pocket, shaking his head at Jimin.
‘I didn’t pay for this?’
‘See it as a gift. A gift because you’ve been so nice to me,’ the older boy grins as they step outside, the door falling shut behind them.
‘Aw, is this you buying my friendship?’ Jimin asks, putting the pack in the back pocket of his jeans anyway.
‘This is me being done with you stealing my cigarettes, honestly.’ (Honestly, it’s Yoongi planning to drink and smoke his sadness away -Jimin doesn’t need to know that, though.)
Jimin shakes his head, walking next to Yoongi as they make their way back to the house.
‘Eh, hyung,’ Jimin isn’t sure if it’s okay to call Yoongi hyung yet, but Yoongi has been calling himself hyung when he’s with Jimin since about three days now, so Jimin figures it’s okay. ‘About that bottle-’
‘I’m not going to force you into drinking, if that’s what you’re thinking,’ Yoongi glances at him, ‘don’t worry, I saw you blushing back there.’
‘No, no, that’s not it,’ his face is heating up again and Jimin silently curses his cheeks, ‘I just don’t drink often, so..’ He isn’t sure what to say next.
‘So hyung will make sure you take it slow and don’t throw up everywhere,’ Yoongi smiles, ‘here.’ He starts fumbling with the white plastic bag, getting the bottle out, ‘hold this for me for a second.’
Yoongi easily uncaps the bottle, flicking the cap away into the bushes next to them and raising the bottle to his lips.
He takes an obnoxiously loud gulp and then holds the bottle out for Jimin. ‘It burns in your throat a little. Don’t spit it out, it was too expensive for that.’
Jimin nods, holding the bottle with both his hands as he brings it to his lips. His fingers barely fit around it. He knows Yoongi is watching him and he clenches his eyes shut, taking a small sip, and then another slightly bigger one.
It actually isn’t as bad as he expected.
Jimin’s phone is upside down on the floor with the flashlight function turned on, being the only source of light in the dark room. For some strange reason Jimin isn’t scared of being in a supposedly haunted house. It’s actually kind of nice at night.
Yoongi is giggling, Jimin is half leaning against the couch, half leaning on Yoongi’s leg, kind of cuddling the empty bottle.
It’s a bit of a mess.
For the first half hour Jimin had been convinced he had a high alcohol tolerance. He hadn’t really felt anything weird, only felt slightly dizzy whenever he stood up. Until those 30 minutes had passed and he went from tired to giggly to hysterically laughing about nothing at all.
He knows he has to be careful because his parents won’t appreciate finding their son knocked out in the front yard. But he trusts Yoongi, trusts that Yoongi will get him home safely and the bottle is empty now, so he can’t possibly get more drunk. And neither can Yoongi, which is a good thing, because Yoongi, who is somewhere next to him, is mumbling about how, ‘they should’ve mixed it,’ because he’s, ‘dizzy as fuck.’
‘Hyung,’ Jimin crawls up on the couch, crossing his legs, ‘are you okay?’
‘Of course I am.’
‘Did you do this often back in Daegu?’ Jimin tilts his head, placing the bottle in Yoongi’s lap. ‘I mean drinking?’ He lets out a small giggle.
Yoongi nods, ‘sometimes, but I did something really stupid while drinking once so then I took a chill with it.’
‘Hyung, what did you do?’ Jimin whispers, eyes going wide.
(Here it comes. Here it fucking comes. Yoongi got someone pregnant.)
‘I got,’ Yoongi leans forward a little, ‘a tattoo.’
Well, that was not what Jimin had expected. ‘You have a tattoo?’
He doesn’t know anyone with tattoos, seeing it’s kind of a taboo in Korea and in a small village like this? No one would even have the nerve. But Yoongi has a tattoo, and fuck, Yoongi is so cool.
‘I got a big ass dragon across my back,’ Yoongi whispers back.
‘Can I see?’ Jimin asks in disbelief, because the thought of Yoongi having a dragon tattooed across his back doesn’t seem real to him. He wants proof now. He needs it.
Yoongi’s t-shirt is on the floor within seconds and the first thing Jimin notices is how pale Yoongi actually is. Maybe it’s the light of his phone, maybe it’s the alcohol, but Yoongi seems to be glowing. Jimin almost falls over as he scoots closer to Yoongi, silently admiring his pale chest.
Which is.. weird.
Because Yoongi’s chest doesn’t have boobs and Jimin can’t think of any other reasons to stare at a chest except for boobs. Because he likes boobs, likes girls with boobs a lot. But Yoongi’s skin looks so soft, porcelain like. He almost reaches out to touch it when Yoongi turns around.
There is indeed a dragon. From his right shoulder blade down to his lower back, all done in black ink. Jimin has never seen anything like it from this close up.
‘Can I touch it?’ Jimin doesn’t know why but he really, really wants to touch it. It’s beautiful.
‘Sure,’ Yoongi shrugs as Jimin starts tracing the lines of the dragon, tickling Yoongi in the process, the older boy whining a little in response.
‘My parents saw my tattoo and figured I was in a gang,’ Yoongi cocks his head to the side, his words a little slurred. ‘Really fucking stupid of them.’
Jimin knows gangs and tattoos are often related, but he can’t see Yoongi in one. Yoongi is too.. soft? Yeah, Yoongi is really soft, especially his skin. It’s like silk underneath his fingertips.
Jimin is surprised with how easily Yoongi is letting him touch him, and how openly he shows Jimin his tattoo. But maybe that’s normal where Yoongi is from, because what does Jimin know, really?
He still does have to ask him about the gang, though. So he goes for it.
‘Were you in a gang, hyung? Is that why they kicked you out?’ Jimin carefully pulls his hand back, not taking his eyes off the black ink across Yoongi’s back for even a second. He wonders how much it must have hurt to get such a big piece done. It looks so good and so nice on Yoongi. Maybe he should get a dragon as well.
(Or not because his mother would probably cry and kick him out. So of course, he knows that in reality he never will, but he’s a little too far gone to stop himself from having such thoughts at the moment.)
‘It probably helped with their decision, but I wasn’t and am not in a gang, I told them so many times. It was just a drunk night with drunk friends and we did stupid drunk things.’ Yoongi picks his shirt up from the ground and Jimin almost wants to protest when Yoongi puts it back on. He liked looking at Yoongi’s tattoo a lot. He pouts to himself a little.
‘And those friends talked me into it because they had tattoos themselves and I looked up to them, so yeah. It happened. My parents only found out I had it when I accidentally left my bedroom door open while changing.’
Yoongi suddenly falls backwards, head landing right in Jimin’s lap.
‘We should,’ he pauses, staring at Jimin’s face, ‘go home.’
‘No, we don’t,’ Jimin crosses his arms, trying to lift Yoongi’s head up and out of his lap with his thigh.
‘Well, I don’t want your parents to get mad because I gave you alcohol. Imagine their little Jiminnie coming home when the sun is already rising,’ he laughs loudly at this, as if it is the funniest thing he has said all night.
‘I’m not -not even drunk,’ Jimin protests, pushing Yoongi away for real and picking his phone up from the ground.
‘Well, if you’re not, then we’re going to say I am. And I want my bed.’ Yoongi stands up, running a hand through his hair and straightening his t-shirt out, ‘it’s late Jimin-ah.’
Jimin stretches his arms out, really not feeling like walking all the way home. His legs are too tired for that. ‘Carry me?’
‘You can walk perfectly fine yourself.’
Jimin sighs, pushing himself up, ‘well, I tried.’
(Yoongi still ends up holding Jimin’s arm the first five minutes because walking in the dark turns out to be more of a challenge for semi-drunk Jimin than he had expected and Yoongi, being the good hyung that he is, wants to deliver the boy home as a whole.
He waits until the lights on the porch go out and then makes his way to his aunt’s house. He throws the empty bottle in a random trashcan, the sound of the glass shattering to pieces way too loud for this hour, but he doesn’t really care because he feels surprisingly okay. Close to happy or close to drunk. He doesn’t know; he’s content with either.)
ok so i'm gonna explain a little something, I honestly didn’t learn this until recently but apparently tattoos are illegal in Korea (that’s why jay park is always one big blurred out mess everyone) or they're at least very looked down on. (Though in the big cities tattoos are becoming more common, and the younger generation is pretty accepting of them as well.)
Tattoos are often gang related, so therefore Jimin thought Yoongi was part of a gang and that's also why no one has tattoos in Jimin's town. Just thought I’d explain this! (this is what I read I might be wrong so please don’t pin me down on this)
ANYWAY THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!
i'm really thankful for everyone who has left kudos, subscribed or even left a comment, it really means a lot since i'm super insecure about my writing and avoid my ao3 for days so, really, thank you, it's super encouraging!
Chapter 5: flower curtain
hello here i am with a new chapter
your thoughts on this story are greatly greatly greatly appreciated
‘Young-hee told me you stopped by her store with that nephew of Miss Min?’
Jimin’s mother eyes Jimin from across the dinner table, making Jimin look up from his food.
Jimin freezes for a second, but decides to carry on as normal.
So what that Miss Jung had ended up telling his mother? He’s allowed to buy things like that, other kids around town do it as well. Just the fact that he normally doesn’t do such things shouldn’t make a difference. Hell, he has even bought cigarettes at that exact same counter before. It shouldn’t matter.
‘Oh -yeah, we had to pick up some stuff.’
‘You know how I feel about you smoking, but now you’re suddenly drinking as well?’
His father looks up at this, ‘our Jimin is what?’
‘Young-hee told me that he,’ she nods towards her son, ‘and that guy came to her store to buy cigarettes and alcohol the other day.’
‘His name is Yoongi,’ Jimin mutters under his breath, placing his chopsticks down.
His father sighs, ‘Jimin, he’s influencing you in a bad way, this is exactly what I was afraid of.’
‘He’s not!’ Jimin protests, ‘I’m old enough to drink and smoke and do whatever I want to do. You know I’m careful and that you can trust me.’
‘We know that Jimin-ah,’ his mother weakly smiles, ‘we just don’t know if we can trust Yoongi. If we can trust you with Yoongi.’
‘You can,’ Jimin tells her confidently, maybe a little too confident, seeing he hasn’t even known the boy for two full weeks now. But Yoongi really is nice, and he doesn’t force Jimin into anything.
Jimin suddenly realizes how narrow minded people from his town actually are, and it makes him lose his appetite as he stares at the noodles on his plate. He decided right then and there that he is going to set things straight and show everyone that Yoongi is a good person, starting with his parents, who should be happy that Jimin has him.
‘Well, invite him over sometime, then,’ his mother picks up her chopsticks again, ‘I’d like to meet your new, amazing friend.’
‘I will,’ Jimin tells her, ‘you’ll like him mom.’
Jimin silently says a prayer in his head as he tugs Yoongi towards the living room.
His hand is clammy and securely wrapped around Yoongi’s wrist. For some weird reason it feels like he’s introducing his ex girlfriend all over again, minus an awkward dinner and hand holding underneath the table. It’s just his friend Yoongi, Jimin tells himself, just Yoongi. Not much can go wrong as long as they both stay calm.
‘Mom, dad, Yoongi hyung. Yoongi hyung, mom, dad. We’ll be upstairs.’
Jimin is already pushing a confused Yoongi out of his parents view when his father speaks up.
‘Yoongi, it’s nice to meet you. I know your aunt very well.’
Yoongi places his hand on the back of Jimin’s neck and pinches quickly, fingers lingering there for a second, and then he takes a step forward. He bows politely, ‘nice to meet you too Mr. Park and Mrs. Park.’
Goosebumps rise all over Jimin’s arms from Yoongi’s touch and his jaw all but drops as he watches the scene unfold in front of him. He has no clue what Yoongi is doing but he’s very thankful for it.
Yoongi smiles brightly, ‘Jimin told me you knew my aunt, sir, she sends her kindest regards.’
Jimin eyes his father, who has surprise written all over his face; clearly not having expected Yoongi to be this well mannered. ‘Oh -oh, yes, that’s very nice of her.’
His father turns to Jimin then, who is just letting everything happen. He had expected a whole lot, but definitely not this.
‘Jimin-ah, now that I’m thinking about it, did she answer that question about the tomato plant, I forgot to ask you.’
‘Oh, you need to water it a lot more,’ Yoongi claps his hands together, answering for Jimin. ‘She said that, didn’t she, Jimin?’ Yoongi innocently smiles at Jimin and the younger boy isn’t sure where to look as he quickly agrees, stumbling over his words a little.
‘Eh, yeah, yes! She did,’ Jimin had already long forgotten the short conversation he had had about that damn plant with Yoongi’s aunt two weeks ago. ‘More water!’
‘Okay, thank you,’ his father nods, turning back to Yoongi, ‘I heard you’re from Daegu?’
Again that weird, almost angelic smile, gums out on full display, ‘born and raised, yes,’ Yoongi tells him. ‘It’s a lovely city. Much different from your town.’
Jimin is surprised to hear the word ‘lovely’ leave Yoongi’s lips; stifles a laugh behind his hand as he sees his mother glance at Yoongi, seemingly content. ‘Yes, how do you like it here, dear?’
Dear, that’s a good sign, Jimin thinks. His mother had always called Taehyung ‘dear’ whenever he came over and his mother had fucking adored Taehyung. But that was all before the fucker had left for the best college in the entire country.
(Jimin is actually really proud of him and damn, he should really call Taehyung and hang out with him soon.)
‘Of course, I miss home,’ Yoongi admits, ‘but it’s beautiful here.’
He mumbles something about, ‘nature and stuff,’ then, and Jimin is almost relieved to hear something so Yoongi underneath the act.
‘But Jimin has been showing me around and making me feel very welcome, so I’m really thankful for that. You raised your son very well.’
It’s almost getting too much for Jimin and he’s afraid he’s going to ruin it all by bursting out into laugher if Yoongi continues like this, so he quickly butts in, grabbing Yoongi’s arm.
‘We’re gonna head upstairs now, though,’ he smiles at his parents, ‘if you don’t mind.’
‘Oh, no sure, go ahead,’ his mother tells him and he sees her turning to his father, who still looks a bit confused and taken aback.
The older boy quickly waves to Jimin’s parents and compliments Jimin’s mother on her hair before he’s being dragged into the hallway. Jimin can’t hold back a giggle anymore as he digs his nails into Yoongi’s skin, only letting go of Yoongi’s arm once they have reached the staircase.
‘What was that?’
‘The things I’m willing to do for you, Jiminie,’ the older boy grins.
Jimin turns around, looking over his shoulder to check if he had closed the door separating the hallway and the living room properly. He doesn’t want his parents to hear their conversation because it will shatter the illusion Yoongi had just so carefully created (honestly, bless him.)
‘I love learning about new sides of you,’ Jimin laughs as he walks up the stairs, Yoongi following close behind him. ‘So lovely.’
Yoongi proceeds to hit Jimin’s butt at that. ‘Hush Park, just don’t want your parents to hate me. My image is probably bad enough as it is. Auntie has been talking about me to a lot of people; I’m getting weird looks when I’m not with you.’
Jimin opens the door to his bedroom. He closes it firmly behind Yoongi as the other looks around his room. ‘I’m sorry to hear that.’
Yoongi shrugs, ‘she doesn’t mean bad though,’ he runs a hand through his hair, tilting his head, ‘it’s like you.’
Jimin frowns, ‘what’s like me?’
‘Your room.’ Yoongi tells him, ‘it’s cute, like you. I like your curtains, the flowers especially.’
Jimin collapses on his bed face first. He doesn’t know why he’s blushing but he does know he doesn’t want Yoongi to see. Curses the flowers because Yoongi is right; how incredibly manly.
‘This was my grandma’s room before she passed away. She lived with us until I was 14. We kept the curtains so people like you could enjoy them,’ he tells him, words a bit muffled because of the sheet pressing into his left cheek.
‘I certainly am enjoying them,’ Yoongi grins. ‘Somehow your room is exactly how I expected it to be.’
At this Jimin sits up, giving the older boy a confused look.
‘It’s innocent,’ Yoongi explains. ‘Another thing that matches you perfectly.’
Jimin wants to fight and tell Yoongi that no, he’s not innocent. He smokes and drinks and has kissed 3 girls before. Not to forget the sloppy blowjob he received behind the bleachers right before graduation. He isn’t innocent.
‘Oh, believe me Jiminie, you are.’
Yoongi moves to sit on the bed as well, bringing his face close to Jimin’s. Jimin can feel Yoongi’s breath fanning over his cheeks, sending a shiver down his spine.
‘You even get nervous when I get too close, and I’m a boy.’
Jimin swallows hard, he doesn’t know why Yoongi makes him nervous but he can’t deny it. After Yoongi had showed him his tattoo everything basically went to shit somewhere deep within Jimin and he doesn’t get it. He blames it on the fact that he looks up to Yoongi, maybe a little too much. There simply is no other explanation.
Jimin quickly pushes Yoongi away, ‘I don’t. And I was.. I was wondering about.. something,’ Jimin needs a subject change and he needs it now.
Yoongi sits back against the wall, still looking at Jimin with an amused look on his face, ‘you were?’
‘Well, you know, you’re, what, 20?’ Jimin looks up to meet Yoongi’s eyes. ‘Why don’t you just find a place of your own?’ He awkwardly chuckles, ‘not that I want you gone but I can tell that you don’t feel like you belong here.’
‘No money,’ Yoongi explains as Jimin’s crosses his legs. ‘When you only have a middle school certificate no one is going to hire you.’
This makes sense to Jimin. He picks up his head pillow and puts it between his arms, hoping Yoongi will tell him more. ‘Do you want to tell me about it?’ his voice drops to something close to a whisper.
Yoongi shrugs, ‘it’s not that big of a deal really, I’m just, not very proud of how everything went. But I’ll tell you a bit, alright? My past is not some sort of big mysterious secret, it’s just something that well, happened.’
Jimin nods, waiting for Yoongi to continue.
‘I used to have a job until some months ago. I dropped out of school when I was 16 because the brother of a friend of mine owned a music store. I’d sit in the back all day stacking CD’s and sorting them out. I tuned the instruments and learned how to play them when there weren’t any costumers in. I loved it, it paid well, so I figured, why not do this full time? It was my dream, I wasn’t one made for textbooks and long lectures.’
Yoongi smiles sadly at the memory and it pulls at Jimin’s heart just a little to know that Yoongi obviously doesn’t have that anymore. For some reason he can actually really see Yoongi sitting behind a piano, or tuning a guitar.
He remembers the keyboard he needed in his first year of high school for his music classes; wonders if it’s still somewhere in the attic. He’d love to hear Yoongi play.
‘My parents were so mad when I decided to drop out to work there, but to me, it was all I ever wanted; I could be around the things I loved most and talk to people who shared my passion all day, every day. From the money I made I could buy equipment and albums, I had some big dreams.’
He rubs his elbow as his eyes meet Jimin’s. They look sad.
He sighs, planting his palms on the mattress behind him. ‘It was amazing to me. The first few months I didn’t regret it for a second, not even when I missed all the school trips and parties and had to hear all the stories about them from my friends. But I made new friends, friends who were older than me and also didn’t go to school anymore. I felt like I really fit in. They understood that having a job and doing what you loved was so much better than slaving away in a classroom all day, you know?’
Jimin doesn’t know. All he has ever known are his old friends, who are all around his age, from his school. Friends that have all finished high school and all studied really hard to make their parents proud.
He nods anyway.
‘The drunk tattoo friends?’
‘Some of them,’ Yoongi is staring at the wall now, avoiding Jimin’s gaze. ‘I was happy, I was making money on my own and learning about music. But after a year or two, it just wasn’t doable anymore. Everyone downloaded albums. If they wanted a pair of headphones, equipment or even an instrument they’d order it online. We were lucky if we had a few costumers coming in for drumsticks or a set of strings. My boss first had to cut my pay, then he even fired the other employees to keep me working there. He knew I didn’t have the proper education to find decent work anywhere else, and he really tried to pay me and keep his store from going bankrupt, because that shop was his fucking dream, Jimin.’
Jimin hugs the pillow a little tighter to his chest, secretly pretending that it’s Yoongi because the boy really looks like he could use a hug right now. It makes him feel upset.
Yoongi sighs, ‘the store was forced to close down August last year, I think. And after that I had nothing. I didn’t have an education, didn’t have a job, the last few months he had only paid me less than half of what I normally used to make. My parents were beyond pissed at me and from there everything just went to shit, really.’
Yoongi drops his head on Jimin’s thigh then, ‘and that’s all you’re gonna get for now, Minnie.’
Jimin sits frozen in place, not having expected Yoongi to actually tell him that much. It’s clearly not all, and Jimin really wants to dig deeper, learn more about Yoongi. But he knows it’s not his place to drag information out of the boy, and he’s sure Yoongi isn’t just going to give it to him as well.
‘Can we do something fun like watching TV now? My aunt’s TV only has 3 channels and my head hurts from my tear jerking story,’ Yoongi looks up at him.
‘Yeah, sure,’ Jimin tells him, a little in shock but still reaching for the remote on the nightstand which he hands to Yoongi. ‘You can pick a channel,’ he stammers. He knows Yoongi’s way of coping with things is humor, but to Jimin it isn’t that easy. He needs time to properly register all Yoongi has just told him.
‘Thanks, give me your pillow.’
Jimin looks down at the pillow between his arms.
‘Did you mean; please Jimin can I have your pillow?’
‘Please dear Jimin, your fucking pillow, I have a headache and there’s too much muscle on your thigh.’
Jimin hands him the pillow and watches as Yoongi puts it between his thigh and his own head, sighing in content. ‘This is better.’
Jimin shakes his head as Yoongi starts going through the channels.
They end up watching a show Jimin has never heard of before, with lots of violence and bad acting. But Yoongi seems to like it so he doesn’t comment on it and lets Yoongi lay there and watch until Jimin’s mother comes in and announces that she and Jimin’s dad are going to bed (other words for Jimin please get Yoongi out of this house right now.)
They walk down the stairs, through the hallway, Jimin opens the front door and with a small wave Yoongi is gone and out of sight and Jimin is confused.
Because fucking shit.
He had stroked Yoongi’s hair the entire time they had been watching TV together.. and Jimin hadn’t minded? Hadn’t even really noticed? It had just happened like that? And Yoongi had nuzzled himself against the pillow even further and hummed in content and Jimin hadn’t even thought twice about it.
He could still feel Yoongi’s hair slipping through his fingers, and it still felt so nice and familiar, comforting almost. It was like stroking a girl’s hair, but Yoongi isn’t a girl, and that’s where Jimin feels waves of panic starting to suffocate him.
He smashes the front door shut, earning him a ‘please be quiet Jimin-ah!’ from his father as he runs up the stairs, taking two steps at a time.
He needs to sleep and get the smell of Yoongi off his sheets because this is not right.
He closes his bedroom door behind him and leans against the white wood. His eyes flutter shut as he places a hand over his heart.
It’s beating way too fast for his liking.
Chapter 6: chocolate ice cream (Yoongi)
so this is a yoongi point of view because I love writing yoongi and I think it’d be interesting to see his thoughts on things, right?
wrote this all yesterday while listening to the same 3 songs on repeat (s/o to dean's put my hands on you, d half moon, and ariana grande's into you) until I got a headache it was fun
when I said quick updates I meant it
why do all my chapters end up being longer than I intended them to be sigh
anyway enjoy! thank you for the amazing feedback i got so far, your comments make my day honestly!!
Yoongi is sprawled out on the couch in the abandoned house. It’s nearing 5 in the morning already and he can’t sleep.
He normally doesn’t do this, as in spend the night there, but tonight had been a bit of an exception.
He loves his aunt, he really does. But his aunt wants him to talk about everything, especially about his parents.
It had all just gotten a bit too much for him. They hadn’t really fought or anything, but his aunt is convinced his parents will give him a second chance if he talks to them and explains everything.
He told her he isn’t ready to face them yet, and that he’s hurt. Hurt by his parents and by what they’ve done. Dropping him off on a doorstep like something worthless. What if his aunt had refused him? What would have happened then? Would they have left their own son on the streets without any money, without knowing anyone or a way back home?
Okay, maybe his parents had known that his aunt would most likely let him in, but still, the ‘what if’ scenario makes him sick.
So far he has figured that he wants to go back to Daegu and build up his life again, with or without his parents, he doesn’t really care at this point. But a lot of his stuff is still at his family home, and he knows he needs to talk to his parents to get his possessions back.
He guesses he just needs some time to be ready to do so. Maybe that’s something this godforsaken town and his aunt are good for. Giving him time. Time to think, think about what he wants and how he is going to get there. Because up till now he had always just done what felt right to him, and had only thought about the consequences after. Looking back that certainly hadn’t been the best approach, because Jimin had been right, he’s 20, he should start thinking about his future, find a job, maybe go back to school. Stop smoking and get off his ass, because he basically has nothing now and it’s making him feel really pathetic.
He sighs, turning around to put his cigarette out against the concrete floor.
He wishes Jimin was there. There to run his fingers through his hair like he had done some days ago. He wishes Jimin would hold him and sit next to him, not with a respectable distance between them, but with his smaller hand in Yoongi’s own.
It’s been.. long. A Long time since Yoongi had such thoughts about anyone. He had some girlfriends in middle school, slept with girls and boys during the time after, even had a boyfriend for some months when he was 18. But it had been really long since Yoongi had wanted more than just a quick fuck.
And it scares him, because really, how well does he even know Jimin?
This has happened before, though. Yoongi knows this kind of feeling has hit him before.
Sometimes after a particularity good one night stand, with not only raw fucking but also soft kisses and tender touches, Yoongi would mistake lust for love.
But he knows that what he feels for Jimin is not just pure lust.
Of course a part of him wants to yank the boy’s shirt off and pin him against a wall. Sometimes he allows himself to think about that. When he’s alone and close, hand wrapped around himself, his thoughts wander off to Jimin. To his body, his voice, to the way he moves. His plump lips and tiny, soft hands and the things they could do to Yoongi, but also to the things Yoongi could do to him.
But he also wants to talk to Jimin, and listen to him. He wants Jimin to laugh at his stupid jokes and he wants Jimin to get mad at him, be angry with him and scream at him. He wants to show Jimin his emotions and he wants Jimin to do the same in return. He wants everything with Jimin. And it scares him.
But he knows that it must scare Jimin more, because Yoongi has seen the panic in the younger boy’s eyes.
Yoongi isn’t completely sure whether the attraction is mutual, but he thinks it’s there.
He just doesn’t know if Jimin is aware of it himself yet.
‘5 more minutes.’
‘No, what? Wake up, hyung! How long have you been here?’
Yoongi cracks an eye open to find Jimin standing next to him, hand raised as if he’s about to shake Yoongi awake. Yoongi groans, blinking against the flashlight of Jimin’s phone, feeling a little disorientated, ‘fuck, how late is it.’
‘It’s close to 9.’
He knows he heard the church bells earlier, signaling it was 7 o’ clock.
In the morning.
That means a total of 14 hours of sleep. Yoongi isn’t sure whether he’s proud or feels guilty.
He sits up, squinting at Jimin, telling him to stop blinding him with his phone. The younger quickly apologizes.
‘I slept my entire fucking day away,’ Yoongi yawns, rubbing his eyes. As if on cue his stomach decides to growl in protest over the lack of food then and he really wants to bury himself in his jacket even further because of course he hadn’t brought a blanket when he had decided to go for a walk after his talk with his aunt at 2 in the damn morning.
Jimin ignores the entire scene; smiles at Yoongi instead. Not judging him the tiniest bit, just gives him a genuine smile, and Yoongi instantly feels a little better. ‘That means you haven’t eaten all day, right?’
Yoongi shakes his head, ‘unfortunately.’
‘Good thing I bought us ice cream,’ Jimin grins, and it’s only then that Yoongi notices the small plastic bag in Jimin’s hand.
‘Ice cream?’ Yoongi runs a hand through his hair, eyeing Jimin curiously as the boy actually takes a tub out of the bag and sits down on the floor.
‘I was hungry on the way here and then I passed the convenience store, so yes. Hope you’re okay with chocolate?’
‘I’m okay with anything.’
‘They didn’t have spoons, though, so we’re going to have to eat this with forks.’
Yoongi snorts at that, climbing off the couch and lowers himself to sit cross legged across from Jimin and the tub on the floor. Jimin hands him a fork and opens the lid, babbling about how he hopes it hasn’t completely melted yet because it was still a little hot outside; apparently it had been a very sunny day. (Not that Yoongi had noticed any of that because he had been knocked out the entire time.) Yoongi tells him they’ll just drink it instead if that’s the case, and he quickly scrambles his phone out of his pocket to send his aunt a quick text to let her know he’s still alive.
When he’s done he finds that Jimin has already started without him and is throwing his head back at the taste.
‘Is it good?’
‘I want to make love to it.’
Yoongi laughs, shaking his head as he digs his fork into the substance as well, ‘please ..don’t.’
They eat in silence, and Yoongi tries not to, but he can’t help but to steal glances at the other.
The ice cream is good, but somehow watching Jimin is even better and he has to drag his eyes away and down to the tub multiple times because he doesn’t want to make Jimin uncomfortable. It’s just.. Jimin sometimes moans at the taste and works his tongue around his fork and licks his lips and it’s just doing things to Yoongi.
Things that might cause him trouble in the downstairs area and he’d rather not have that happen with Jimin less than a meter away from him.
When the tub is almost empty he sits back against the couch and tells Jimin he can have the remaining bits.
‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes, you’re still a growing boy, Jimin.’
Jimin rolls his eyes but goes for it anyway as Yoongi checks his phone for a text from his aunt. There’s a ‘thank you for letting me know,’ and Yoongi sighs, locking his phone again and standing up.
‘You know, we’ve never really been outside of the living room but I kind of want to see the rest of this house.’
Jimin looks up at him, putting the lid back on the now empty tub after placing their forks inside. ‘Do we have to? Right now? In the dark?’
‘You’re scared, Minnie?’ Yoongi smirks, ‘you know hyung will protect you.’
Honestly, Yoongi will go out and explore on his own if Jimin is too scared. But he’d rather have Jimin with him, he thinks as he turns the flashlight function of his phone on. This is their place after all, right?
‘Fine,’ Jimin stands up as well, ‘but if we fall through the floor or you scare me you’re dead.’
‘I would never,’ Yoongi promises, walking to the right side of the room. There’s a big, dark blue door there. He tugs on it but there’s no sign of movement, the wood resisting as Yoongi pulls on the handle a little harder.
‘Come on,’ he groans, biting down on his bottom lip, ‘please door, work with me.’
‘This is a sign, a sign that we shouldn’t do this.’
‘It’s not Jimin-ah, it’s just this door,’ another pull, ‘being fucking stupid.’
After 3 more tries and lots of cracking it finally opens enough for them to fit through, revealing a dark hallway.
Yoongi looks back at Jimin.
‘Yeah,’ Jimin takes a few hesitant steps until he’s right behind Yoongi, ‘and really, if you scare me I will pee on everything you love, so don’t.’
‘Wouldn’t even dare,’ Yoongi laughs, motioning for Jimin to follow him.
After looking into some empty rooms, finding a very dusty toilet with a broken bowl, graffiti and broken glass in what they assume was once the kitchen, they find a staircase.
Yoongi looks at it and then looks back at Jimin, ‘wanna find out what’s up there?’
Jimin looks up at it, swallowing hard. (Honestly, he has been near shitting himself the entire time up till now, but Yoongi has been really enthusiastic and he doesn’t want to ruin this for the boy. ) ‘Yeah, yeah sure.’
Yoongi nods, taking a deep breath before placing his left foot on the first step. It creaks a little under his weight, but it doesn’t sound or look like it’s about to collapse, so he carefully places his right foot on it as well.
He bounces a little then, and hears Jimin gasp behind him. ‘Hyung! Don’t do that!’
‘Chill Jiminie, was just checking if it’s steady enough for the both of us,’ Yoongi can’t help but smirk as he slowly starts walking, carefully placing his feet down with every new step. He hears Jimin following close behind him.
‘Fuck, Jimin,’ he mutters as he shines light on the end of the staircase. ‘They fucking barricaded it.’
‘I would’ve too,’ Jimin mumbles back.
‘We can definitely climb over it, though,’ Yoongi squints a little.
Chairs, definitely chairs. At least 10 of them.
‘They piled up a whole bunch of chairs. I don’t think anyone has ever been here,’ he tells Jimin, climbing the last steps just a little faster and placing a hand on the old furniture. The structure doesn’t look very steady, and it reaches up to his chin. He is still going to try to get up and over it, though.
He carefully places his foot on a part that slightly juts out, trying to swing his other leg over the pile and to the other side, phone between his teeth and hands scrambling for grip against the wall.
He registers Jimin begging him to, ‘please be careful!’ but Yoongi is already halfway onto the other side. With a small jump he’s on the floor again and he can’t help but smile.
Fuck yes, nothing can hold him back.
‘I am careful, Jimin-ah, didn’t you just see that?’ he calls back, taking his phone out of his mouth and shining light into the small foyer as he waits for the younger to follow him. He hears Jimin protesting under his breath as he climbs the barricade as well, voice shaking a little as he wonders out loud how on earth Yoongi had just done this.
After a few seconds Jimin lands on the other side as well, a soft thump sounding throughout the house.
‘I’m here, I’m okay,’ Yoongi hears the younger boy whisper to himself. (Yoongi only finds it just a little endearing.)
The second floor is clearly untouched, unlike the first floor, and shit, if Yoongi doesn’t absolutely love it. It’s calm and silent and just so.. nice. Only their breathing and footsteps are audible and he closes his eyes for a moment to take it all in. It’s weird to think they’ve spent so many days in this house now, and all that time this had been right there, above their heads, without them knowing.
Yoongi is just about to open the first door when he hears Jimin whisper next to him. ‘Hyung, I think I heard something.’
He turns to look at Jimin, shining light on the boy’s face. Jimin’s eyes are wide and his cheeks a little pink.
‘What did you hear?’
‘I, I don’t know, but I don’t,’ Jimin inches closer to Yoongi, ‘I don’t trust it.’
‘Jimin, whatever those kids told you when you were little about that dead lady who supposedly haunts this place is complete and utter bullshit. You know that, right?’
‘Yes,’ Jimin nods, grabbing Yoongi’s shoulder, ‘yes, I know.’ Yoongi feels Jimin’s hand running down his arm and suddenly Jimin’s hand is holding his and Yoongi’s breath hitches in his throat.
(So this is what it feels like to hold Jimin’s hand.)
‘Hey, Jimin, it’s okay,’ he runs a thumb over the younger’s knuckles, keeping his voice low, ‘there’s no one here but us.’ He’d love to make a teasing comment about Jimin’s sudden behavior, but he can’t find it in himself to do so, because Jimin really looks scared, and it wouldn’t be worth it.
‘But I really heard something, hyung. And it wasn’t you, and.. I know it wasn’t me either.’
Jimin sounds like he’s about to cry and Yoongi doesn’t know what to do, because even though he might not be scared, he still feels horrible, because he made Jimin feel this way. He should’ve known Jimin is sensitive and easily scared -no scratch that, he could have known that. Jimin is a little insecure and fragile, and fuck, Yoongi is so stupid for dragging the boy into this.
‘We should have,’ Jimin’s voice is barely audible, ‘brought those forks with us so we could at least protect ourselves.’
Yoongi chuckles at the comment; is glad that Jimin is still able to joke around, if only a little. ‘Jimin, come on. It was nothing, probably a fucking bird outside or some shit, okay?’ He squeezes Jimin’s hand, ‘and every house makes noise; yours does, my aunt’s does, and this one does as well. No need to be scared.’
Yoongi wishes he was better at comforting. He wishes he could do something, anything to make Jimin feel better. He just doesn’t know what.
Right when he thinks Jimin has finally, actually calmed down a little (the boy has just given him a little nod to signal that it’s okay for Yoongi to continue walking again) there’s a loud, completely overwhelming noise and Jimin screams.
Before he knows what’s going he’s pushed against the wall and Jimin’s entire body is flush against his, the younger’s face buried in the crook of his neck and the hand that isn’t holding his pressed against his chest. He feels Jimin tremble against him and Yoongi has half a mind of his own to bring his hand up to pet Jimin’s hair. Something that turns out to be a rather difficult task because his phone is in that hand as well, and he’s trying to shed light into the hallway to find whatever the fuck had just created that noise.
He sighs in relief when he finds that it had just been one of the chairs out of the self made barricade. It had fallen halfway down the stairs, probably because they had ruined the unsteady structure by climbing it.
He turns the flashlight function off and manages to put his phone in his back pocket, carefully placing his hand on Jimin’s back. ‘Minnie, it was just the chair, the chair fell down the stairs because we stepped on it.’ He rubs the boy’s back as the younger fists his hand in Yoongi’s t-shirt.
He feels so incredibly guilty and like such a dick because Jimin had obviously been scared since he even brought exploring the house up and god, he is such an asshole for dragging the younger boy into this. He’s 99% sure Jimin is crying now and it’s all because of him. He made Jimin cry. That’s like stepping on a puppy or crushing beautiful flowers and Yoongi kind of wants the ghost of the dead lady to come out and take him, just fucking take him, because The Worst Friend Of The Year Award goes to Min Yoongi.
‘Hey, don’t cry, it was nothing,’ he manages to wriggle his hand out of Jimin’s hold and brings both his arms up to circle around the younger’s neck, pulling him even closer.
‘I’m here, okay, I’m here, calm down,’ Yoongi whispers. His lips hover next to Jimin’s cheek for a moment but he decides not to; figures it’d only make things worse. ‘I’m sorry, I’m really so sorry.’
‘Don’t be sorry,’ he hears Jimin whisper, ‘I’m just being..’ the pathetic is murmured into his shoulder.
Yoongi stares at what he assumes is the ceiling, but it’s almost pitch black and really he can’t see anything; can’t see anything but also doesn’t want to because the only thing he wants to see is Jimin smiling and being alright and he’s pretty sure he won’t see any of that anytime soon.
‘Let’s get out of here, okay?’ Yoongi carefully pushes Jimin away a little and scrambles to get his phone out of his pocket again, turning the flashlight function back on so they can make their way back down and out of the house.
He hesitantly holds his hand out for Jimin.
Jimin takes it.
Chapter 7: photo album
this chapter is a little wild heh it starts with smut so look away if you don’t want to read that!
again this chapter is much longer than I wanted it to be, so the next ones will definitely be shorter but this one couldn’t be split into two
anyway thank you for sticking with this story! i love you all!
Jimin knows what he’s doing.
He knows this because of multiple reasons.
1: he’s a guy.
2: he has done this many times before.
3: his hand sure as hell hadn’t end up in basketball shorts by accident.
One thing he doesn’t know, though, is why exactly he’s thinking about Yoongi while his hand is around his dick. His thumb circling the head, his other hand hitching his tee up further, exposing the slight swell of his abs and his nipples. He runs his nails over his skin, slowly pumping his other hand inside his shorts. A small whimper leaves his lips and he closes his eyes, thighs falling apart a little further as he digs his heels into the mattress. It feels good, and it has always felt good to him before, but this time is different.
Because this time he isn’t imagining a girl with big boobs and beautiful long hair dropping to her knees in front of him.
This time he’s thinking about Yoongi, thinking about what his hands would feel like. On him, around him, teasing him, squeezing him, pushing him into the mattress, slowly undressing him, caressing him. He’s thinking about Yoongi’s voice. About how fucking low and wrecked it would sound, murmuring dirty things into his ear. About his lips, his tongue, his eyes. Mostly about Yoongi seeing him like this; touching himself with his eyes closed, back slightly arching of the mattress and so fucking close to cumming with the older boy’s name on his lips.
Jimin moans under his breath, hand squeezing the base of his cock.
He feels strangely guilty even though he knows he isn’t doing anything wrong. He knows that he shouldn’t feel like he’s betraying his own body by doing this. He’s just a guy taking care of his needs.
It’s just -this has never happened before. As in, he has never masturbated to the thought of another guy before. He has gotten turned on by the most ridiculous things in the past, has gotten many inappropriate boners in public throughout puberty, but not once had he solved the problem in his pants by thinking about someone of the same sex. And he isn’t quite sure how this happened but with one last stroke he’s coming, he’s coming so fucking hard and his shorts are fucking ruined and he knows he has to wash them and put clean boxers and pants on before he’s going to see Yoongi tonight, but he can’t bring himself to move.
He’s still panting as he stares at the ceiling of his bedroom, grabbing his bed sheets with his clean hand to cover himself up as he tries to catch his breath.
He feels embarrassed, cheeks heating up and fingers slightly shaking as he pulls his hand out of his basketball shorts.
He knows he can’t deny it anymore now. He knows he needs to realize that he might feel certain things for Yoongi. He’s going to have to accept that much, and he’s very aware of this, but that doesn’t make it any less difficult for him to do so.
Hell, now that he’s thinking about it, he isn’t even sure if Yoongi is into guys.
But Yoongi had said something about an ex-boyfriend before, dropped it in the middle of a conversation about the difference between people from Daegu and Jimin’s town about a week after they met. So he definitely could be.
.. But does this mean Jimin is into guys as well?
He doesn’t know, really doesn’t know what this all means but he does know that he wants Yoongi in a very non platonic way and it’s hitting him like a fucking truck speeding through a red light and ignoring 10 stop signs.
He wonders how Yoongi would feel about this if he knew.
If he knew Jimin just fucking came all over the inside of his shorts because he thought of him. Jimin pulls the blanket up even further; hoping that covering himself will be enough to hide from the harsh reality of what he had just done.
Yoongi.. wouldn’t be disgusted, would he?
Jimin doesn’t really think so, because Yoongi doesn’t seem to mind being close to him. He had let Jimin hold his hand, and when Yoongi had comforted him in the abandoned house they had been close, and Yoongi had managed to pull him even closer. Had wrapped his arms around Jimin’s neck and rubbed his back while telling him everything was going to be alright, and that.. must have meant something at least.
And it’s not like he’ll suddenly jump Yoongi when he sees him tonight, just because he realized all of this, right?
No, no he definitely won’t.
Because really, nothing has changed. Jimin just had a small revelation. And honestly, he’s kind of relieved? Because now at least a small part of his confusion is gone. Now he understands why he likes touching Yoongi and feels the need to do so. Why he gets nervous whenever Yoongi comes too close. This is a good thing, Jimin tells himself, a good thing.
And Jimin he.. he isn’t ready to really do anything with Yoongi right now anyways.
Maybe kissing or.. even touching but that would be it.
Not only because of the shock of what he had just discovered about himself, but also because the most intimate he has ever been with anyone had been that damn blowjob behind the bleachers.
(Okay, and maybe touching his ex girlfriend’s boobs when they were making out that one time.)
But if Yoongi feels the same, and Jimin somehow finds out, they should make sure that they’re both on the same page. And for now he definitely shouldn’t act on his feelings (if that’s how he should label the weird sensation in his belly) for Yoongi, because that’d be wrong, wouldn’t it? It’d only complicate things and make things awkward. So he shouldn’t. Until Yoongi makes a move he shouldn’t do anything. It would only ruin things between them.
Jimin climbs off of his bed, legs still a little wobbly as he walks over to his closet. He tugs his ruined shorts off and throws them into the laundry basket before slipping into clean underwear and a gray pair of sweatpants.
He weakly smiles at his own reflection in the mirror.
This is okay, he thinks, he is okay. He’s still the same -still the same Jimin. Just with a.. crush on a boy.
Maybe the fact that it’s Yoongi makes it a little more okay.
Yoongi and Jimin are in the living room, but there are no cigarettes or flashlights needed. No, they’re both holding a cup of tea, because they’re actually in the living room of Miss Min’s house, and are both listening to the woman talk. Jimin with a bright smile on his face and Yoongi with pink cheeks buried in his hands.
‘So he climbed out of the bathtub?’
‘And then sneaked into the garden?’
Miss Min nods, ‘and then he ran around butt naked for 10 minutes with me chasing him.’ She looks at her nephew, a mischievous look in her eyes, ‘didn’t you, Yoongi-yah?’
Yoongi looks up while Jimin brings a hand up to cover his mouth, body shaking with laughter.
‘Do we have to talk about this? I was five.’
‘And so adorable, I think I have pictures of that weekend somewhere!’
Yoongi groans and Jimin pats his back while Yoongi’s aunt stands up, asking Jimin if he wants more tea.
‘No, thank you,’ Jimin shakes his head, ‘I’m good.’
She gives them both a quick smile before announcing she will ‘go look for the photo album quickly!’
Jimin hiccups a little from laughing while Yoongi reaches for his tea, muttering that she really doesn’t have to do that.
Jimin feels.. strangely relieved. He was nervous about seeing Yoongi after what had happened that morning, but he’s actually feeling relaxed right now. And it’s nice, because for the first time he allows himself to think about the little things Yoongi does. Ruffling his hair, placing his hand on Jimin’s thigh or arm as they sit next to each other on the couch. It feels good.
‘This is so embarrassing,’ he hears Yoongi whisper next to him.
‘Come on, hyung, it’s not. We all did stuff like that when we were little,’ Jimin whispers back, slightly nudging Yoongi.
Jimin drinks the last of his tea and places the empty teacup back on the small coffee table. ‘You and your aunt are pretty close aren’t you?’
Yoongi nods, ‘we are, always have been. I wish I had visited her more often before.’
Jimin weakly smiles at him, poking Yoongi’s cheek. ‘Hey, don’t look so sad. I’m sure she’s glad to see you again now.’
‘I just wish she didn’t have to see me because of.. you know, this mess.’
Jimin can’t do anything but silently agree.
Yoongi leans forward, trying to see if his aunt has found the photo album yet. ‘I should’ve dragged you upstairs, I swear if she finds those albums you will never talk to me again.’ He gives Jimin a very serious look, ‘I was a very wild toddler.’
‘Who would’ve thought,’ Jimin chuckles, automatically distancing himself from Yoongi a little when the boy’s aunt returns to the room.
‘Yoongi-yah you got lucky, I can’t find them right now but they’re without a doubt somewhere in the attic. Next time I’ll have them.’
Jimin tells her he’s looking forward to it already, grinning at Yoongi who pulls Jimin up with him.
‘We’ll be upstairs now, though, before you really find them and show Jimin me running around the garden naked.’
His aunt laughs, waves at them and then returns to her cup of tea. Jimin waves back and lets himself be dragged along until he’s sitting on the floor of Yoongi’s bedroom and Yoongi is sitting on his bed, exactly how they had the first time Jimin went to see Yoongi.
He notices there’s more stuff in Yoongi’s room this time, though, clothes scattered across the floor and a few notebooks on the desk.
‘You know you can just sit next to me, right?’ Yoongi asks Jimin, eyeing the younger, ‘my bed is nicer than the floor.’ He smirks then, eyes lighting up, ‘or do I still make you nervous, Minnie?’
‘You never make me nervous,’ Jimin lies, staring right back at the older boy.
‘No, we -we’ve been closer than this before, hyung. A lot closer,’ Jimin reminds him, a blush rising on his cheek. Yes, he had held Yoongi’s hand and had shoved him against a wall but that hadn’t been.. on purpose. He had been scared, and that’s also the reason why they’re here and not back in the house. (Jimin was still a little shaken up.)
‘We have,’ Yoongi nods, ‘come here, then? The floor can’t be good for your behind.’
‘Maybe I like the floor.’
‘Are you rejecting me, Jimin?’ Yoongi pouts and Jimin feels something stir inside of him.
‘I’m not,’ Jimin slowly gets up and sits on the edge of Yoongi’s twin bed. There is a ridiculous amount of space between them still, and Jimin knows this, but it suddenly dawns on him that he’s alone with Yoongi (they have been alone many times before, why is he suddenly stressing out?) and Yoongi is looking at him (he has done that many times before as well, stop being weird) but somehow it’s different.
Yoongi doesn’t seem to notice Jimin’s distress, or hell, actually, he probably does, because he sits up and bites his bottom lip at Jimin.
(Fuck. He’s biting his lip at Jimin. Jimin tries to recall if Yoongi has ever done that before; maybe it’s just a habit of the boy's that Jimin has never really noticed? But his mind is too much of a mess and Jimin can’t remember.)
‘I really do make you nervous don’t I?’
‘N-no.’ Great, he’s even stuttering now.
Jimin doesn’t know what the fuck exactly possesses him to mutter a, ‘try me.’ All he knows is that there’s no way back now and Yoongi seems to knows this as well, because he’s absolutely shamelessly staring at Jimin’s lips now and shit, wait, what if Yoongi is actually about to-
‘Alright, give me your hand.’
Jimin looks at his hand and then back at Yoongi, ‘my hand?’
‘Yeah, that thing with the five fingers. Come on, Jimin, left or right -doesn’t matter.’
Jimin slowly reaches his hand out and Yoongi takes it, intertwining their fingers.
This isn’t bad, Jimin thinks, a small smile playing on his lips, he can take this. Just holding hands. Hell, he has even done that with Taehyung before. This is nothing.
But right when he thinks that that’s all, that Yoongi is only going to hold his hand, he’s being pulled forward and he lands right on Yoongi’s lap, facing the older boy.
‘See, this is much better than the fucking floor,’ Yoongi mumbles, letting go of Jimin’s hand. He gently wraps his arms around Jimin’s waist, pulling the younger even closer. ‘Still not nervous?’
Jimin squirms a little but still proceeds to tell Yoongi that he’s perfectly fine.
(He’s not. He’s freaking out. He is sitting on Yoongi’s lap.)
‘I don’t believe you,’ Yoongi whispers, bringing a hand up to Jimin’s neck and holding it there, searching for Jimin’s eyes. ‘If you want me to stop you need to tell me, okay?’
Jimin doesn’t want him to. He knows that maybe it’d be better for them to take it slow, but it isn’t like he hasn’t done this before. Of course, normally he wouldn’t be the one to sit on someone’s lap like this, but this feels good, too good. He can’t bring himself to ask Yoongi to stop; realizes he wants this. He wants Yoongi’s hands to touch him and he wonders if that’s wrong, because to Jimin, it certainly doesn’t feel that way.
‘I don’t want you to,’ Jimin whispers back.
He feels the boy’s fingers stroking his neck, soft, careful touches, pressing only slightly. Yoongi then lowers the hand that’s on his back, and it takes Jimin a few seconds to realize that it’s now actually on his ass and heat rushes to his cheeks. Yoongi’s hand is firm and warm and so big and he finds himself unconsciously leaning into the touch.
‘You know Jimin,’ Yoongi mumbles, ‘you do make me nervous sometimes.’
Jimin carefully wraps his arms around Yoongi’s neck, feels like he needs something to hold onto and chooses the older boy. ‘I -I do?’
‘Yeah, you just do,’ Yoongi nods casually, as if them holding each other like this is not a big fucking deal, ‘you’re making me nervous right now.’
(Jimin thinks Yoongi sure doesn’t look like it.)
‘Yoongi,’ Jimin’s voice is a little breathless already and they haven’t even done anything. Yoongi is just holding him close and telling him Jimin makes him nervous.
Is this all a part of Yoongi trying to work him up? Of Yoongi ‘trying’ him? Is he going to push Jimin away in a bit? Laugh at him for becoming so incredibly flustered over a little platonic skinship?
(Okay, maybe not completely platonic because Yoongi’s hand is literally on his ass and Yoongi is fucking patting and rubbing his butt now and he can feel it right through his sweatpants -and okay, shit, that is not platonic.)
He plays with the hair at the nape of Yoongi’s neck to distract himself. ‘Why,’ Jimin swallows hard, ‘why are you nervous right now?’
‘Because,’ Yoongi licks his lips, keeping his voice low, ‘I want to kiss you right now, but I don’t know if I should.’
He uses the hand that’s on Jimin’s neck to cup his cheek, pad of his thumb rubbing small circles. ‘Fuck, I really want to kiss you right now, Jimin. Actually I want to do that all the time, but I can’t do that, can I?’
Jimin notices a light blush on Yoongi’s cheeks as well now and he’s glad he’s not the only one getting flustered anymore.
‘You can,’ Jimin’s voice wavers a little as he feels himself leaning in. ‘As long as this is not you simply trying to work me up,’ Jimin weakly smiles, ‘because of what I just said about you not making me nervous. Because actually you do.’
‘I know Minnie, and it’s not,’ Yoongi tells him, ‘I mean it. You never noticed how much I let you touch me? I let you smoke my cigarettes Jimin, that’s like declaring my undying love for you.’
Jimin looks away, suppressing a giggle because he doesn’t want to break down the built-up tension between them.
He wonders for a split second if this is a good idea, but then decides to stop thinking. He’s young, he’s allowed to do things he might regret later -allowed to do whatever the fuck he wants to do, and right now, that’s kissing Yoongi.
Yoongi looks up at him through his lashes, brushing their noses together.
Before Yoongi can finish his sentence Jimin almost closes the gap between them, only leaving the smallest space between their lips.
And Yoongi takes this as the okay, as the okay to kiss Jimin because the next second Yoongi’s lips are on his and Jimin’s entire world stops.
It’s slow, careful at first. Just lips moving against lips, and Jimin decides that it doesn’t feel much different from kissing girls. He relaxes his legs, leaning into Yoongi’s touch when he feels Yoongi’s tongue running across his bottom lip. He opens his mouth to let Yoongi in, tilting his head a little; can’t help the small whimper that escapes him when Yoongi kisses him deeper, harder than before.
The way Yoongi kisses him can’t even be compared to the girl’s Jimin has kissed before. The way Yoongi kisses him is with so much more passion, so much more control.
It’s so much better.
He feels Yoongi’s hand squeezing his ass then and he can’t help but giggle mid kiss, making them both pull away for air. Yoongi carefully pushes Jimin backwards, until the younger boy feels the mattress against his back and Yoongi is hovering over him.
‘I’ve wanted to do that for so fucking long.’
‘What,’ Jimin asks him, lips already a bit swollen as he twists his hand in Yoongi’s t-shirt, ‘feel my ass up?’
‘That too, fuck baby, you have such a glorious ass.’
At this Jimin giggles again and Yoongi latches his mouth onto the boy’s jaw, making his way down until he reaches Jimin’s collarbone, where his loose white t-shirt had slipped off a little.
‘Shit, Yoongi,’ Jimin tries to hold it back, but a small moan escapes him when Yoongi starts to suck on his skin. He knows it will bruise later and maybe he should stop Yoongi but it feels so good.
‘Baby,’ Yoongi quickly moves his head up to peck Jimin’s lips, laughing a little, ‘be quiet okay, can’t have my aunt coming in to check up on us.’
‘Like she would,’ Jimin mutters back, pulling Yoongi down again. He just wants more, wants to feel more, touch more, because it feels so right and he just wants Yoongi to kiss him again.
Yoongi does and Jimin closes his eyes as Yoongi sits on his abdomen, leaning forward to connect their lips.
This is okay, Jimin thinks when Yoongi uses his teeth to pull on Jimin’s bottom lip, this is okay.
They’re both young, they both want this, and they’re in the privacy of Yoongi’s bedroom; no one is witnessing their moment except for them. And there’s nothing wrong with Jimin wanting to kiss Yoongi, or Yoongi wanting to kiss him.
Because it feels good, and Jimin feels happy, content with Yoongi’s lips against his own.
They only stop when Yoongi’s aunt yells that she has found the photo album from downstairs and Yoongi all but rolls off Jimin in shock, running a hand through his messed up hair as he stares at the boy who had caused the bird nest on his head in disbelief.
‘Okay, we’ll check it out,’ Yoongi looks at Jimin a little helplessly, ‘later!’
‘I can’t believe we just did that,’ Jimin whispers, touching his swollen lips with his fingers as he sits back up, straightening his t-shirt out.
‘Me neither,’ Yoongi admits, weakly smiling at Jimin. ‘Don’t tell me that was the first time you’ve kissed someone, though, because I don’t believe it,’ Yoongi slowly crawls back towards Jimin until he’s next to him again. Jimin notices him fumbling around and soon enough Yoongi has pulled out a cigarette and a lighter, lighting it and offering the stick to Jimin before taking a drag himself.
‘It wasn’t,’ Jimin tells him, blowing the smoke out in front of him; wonder if Yoongi’s aunt will get mad at them for smoking in Yoongi’s room. ‘It was my first time kissing a, you know,’ Jimin feels the blush rising on his cheeks again as he rubs his elbow.
Yoongi’s smile immediately drops, ‘you don’t regret it do you, because if so-’
‘I don’t, I really don’t, Yoongi,’ Jimin assures him. He looks at his hands in his lap, ‘but can we talk about this tomorrow or something? My head is a bit of a mess right now.’
‘Of course, you can take all the time you need.’
Jimin smiles at Yoongi, deciding that he did the right thing by letting Yoongi kiss him. ‘Thank you.’
Yoongi takes another drag, getting up to open his window, ‘always.’
‘You -you don’t regret it either, do you?’
Yoongi looks back at Jimin, who is still sitting on his bed, a smile on his face, ‘did it feel like I did?’
Jimin shakes his head, ‘no.’
‘Then there’s your answer.’
Chapter 8: crashing waves
well hello good day this was one hell to write because until last night I had the worst writers block. I rewrote this 4 times or something over the past week and it could still be better but i'm sick of it tbh, and i want to move on and start on the next chapter, so this hasn’t been grammar checked because I really felt like I couldn’t bother my amazing bro semi beta fellow egg lover brett more so forgive my dutch ass for any grammar mistakes :)
this is really just a filler, and you probably forgot but; in the first ‘official’ chapter I mentioned a lake in the forest everyone swims in
so guess where they’re going
(yes, the lake, 10 points for you my lovely reader)
‘Yeah?’ Yoongi looks up from his cigarette, a small bead of sweat forming on his forehead despite the fact that they have barely moved the past hour.
Jimin, who has kind of gotten over his fear of the house (he’s sure ghosts don’t come out during the daytime) is sitting on the floor, head resting against the side of Yoongi’s upper leg, the older boy laying on the couch with his legs thrown over the armrest. ‘It’s too fucking hot. I want to go to the lake.’
Yoongi frowns, ‘the lake?’
‘Don’t act like I never told you about it, because I did, in our first ever conversation actually.’ Jimin looks up at Yoongi, ‘did you forget?’
‘Well I’m deeply sorry but I certainly cannot remember you mentioning it, so please enlighten me,’ Yoongi offers him his cigarette, almost burning Jimin’s arm as he holds it out for the younger. Jimin waves his hand as a sign that he doesn’t want it and Yoongi shrugs, placing the stick back between his own lips.
‘It’s in the forest and it’s amazing,’ Jimin tells Yoongi excitedly, ‘it’s like.. have you seen The Notebook, hyung?’
‘Luckily I have not.’
(Jimin decides right then and there that he and Yoongi are going to watch it, whether the older boy wants to or not.)
‘Well,’ Jimin clasps his hands together, ‘that’s a shame, because the lake is kind of like the one in that movie. It’s really big with trees surrounding it. I used to go there all the time as a kid.’
Jimin pouts at Yoongi’s dry reaction, ‘it is! So we really need to go there, like, right now. Because it’s way too stuffy here and we can swim and cool down there and it will be so much fun!’ Jimin has already gotten up; is now standing next to Yoongi, hands ready to grab the older boy’s arm and drag him up as well.
Yoongi sighs, ‘maybe if you really, really want to I will go there with you.’
‘Yes! You’ll love it really we-’
‘But only If you kiss me first.’
Jimin drops his hands, muttering a whiney, ‘hyung.’
He can’t help that he still feels a little funny about Yoongi. Can’t help that he blushes every time he undresses himself and sees the now faded hickey Yoongi had left on his collarbone in the mirror. Everything is weird and new and he still has a lot to figure out; is especially scared of everyone’s reactions if they somehow find out about his and Yoongi’s.. situation.
And the worst is that Yoongi totally notices Jimin’s reaction to his request. Clearly finds it quite amusing. Chuckles lowly and sits up. ‘Minnie, I was kidding.’
Jimin covers his red cheeks with his hands, ‘you know you weren’t.’
‘Actually yeah, I wasn’t, but baby, hey come on don’t look at me like that, I’ll go to that lake with you okay?’
Jimin weakly smiles, avoiding Yoongi’s eyes, ‘you’re only agreeing because you feel bad now.’
Yoongi pushes himself up, ‘I’m actually doing this because I’m dying of the heat and I love getting sunburns, just so you know.’
Jimin looks at Yoongi’s pale skin and snorts at the boy’s obvious sarcasm. ‘If you’re nice to me I’ll put sunscreen on your back for you.’
Yoongi cocks his head to the side, glancing at the younger, ‘wow Jimin, what did I do to ever deserve you.’
Jimin sighs, a small giggle leaving his lips as he feels Yoongi placing his hand on the small of his back, leading him out of the house, ‘guess you were just lucky.’
Yoongi silently agrees.
After they have changed, deciding both to wear a t-shirt in the water not to burn their backs off, they finally make it to the lake.
'Shit, Jimin, I forgot to bring a towel,’ is the first thing Yoongi mutters as he stares at the water.
'You forgot to bring a towel?' Jimin looks up from his sneakers; had been busy taking them off. A small chuckle leaves his lips, ‘it’s hot enough, though. You’ll be fine without it.’
Yoongi nods, taking his shoes off as well before walking into the water, Jimin running past him less than a second later and diving in. The younger boy comes back up, blinking against the sunlight, the water reaching his abdomen.
‘And,’ Jimin grins, ‘I told you, right? Isn’t it beautiful here?’ He looks around him, the water cold and refreshing against his heated skin. He smiles at the few clouds in the sky and stares at the ripples they’re creating on the surface of the water. Jimin had expected more people to be there, but they’re all alone.
He certainly doesn’t mind.
‘Not as beautiful as you.’
Jimin turns his head to look at Yoongi, resisting the urge to roll his eyes, using his hand to push Yoongi backwards into the water, ‘really, hyung.’
Yoongi simply smiles, pushing his now wet fringe out of his eyes and tells Jimin it’s the truth. Jimin pretends he doesn’t hear it.
Jimin takes a deep breath and dives in again, trying to stay underwater as long as possible. When he comes back up he finds that Yoongi is floating on his back and wonders how mad the older boy will get if Jimin grabs his leg underwater and makes him fall over. Closes his eyes with a smirk on his lips and decides he should go for it.
‘The fuck? Jimin!’
Jimin’s laughter echoes in the air when Yoongi comes up, gasping a little. ‘You’re such a little shit.’ Yoongi tries to grab Jimin’s leg as well, but Jimin is too fast and dives away.
‘I’ll fucking get you,’ Yoongi yells, no real venom in his words as Jimin goes deeper and deeper into the water, Yoongi chasing him. When it’s up to his shoulders he stops to take a deep breath, ready to dive again, when he feels two arms around his waist. A, ‘got you,’ being whispered into his ear as he’s pulled into Yoongi’s chest.
‘Ah, Yoongi,’ Jimin’s voice sounds a little whiney as it curls around the syllables of the older boy’s name, ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry,’ he laughs. He knows he’s stuck in Yoongi’s hold and can’t go anywhere.
Yoongi pinches his sides underwater, ‘you better be.’ He then turns Jimin around, and Jimin flushes at the sight of Yoongi. His face is so close to his own; he can count the small drops of water hanging from his lashes. He wraps his legs around Yoongi’s bony hips to keep himself steady as small waves crash into them, arms around Yoongi’s neck.
‘Forgive me?’ he pouts a little, hopes it’ll work.
‘I’ll consider it.’
They’re both silent for a little while, Jimin untangling one of his arms to draw figures into the water with his index finger, Yoongi silently watching him.
Jimin feels Yoongi’s grip on his waist tighten and he thinks that maybe he should speak up now. After their first kiss, well, kisses, Jimin had done some thinking. Actually, a lot of thinking, and a certain question had come to his mind and it just.. wouldn’t leave. Wouldn’t leave until he’d ask it, and Jimin thinks that if there is one person who understands his current situation it must be Yoongi. Because Yoongi must have been through this as well at one point, in a society where it’s expected for a boy to like girls. So he gathers all his courage and speaks up.
‘Eh, hyung, can I ask you something?’
Yoongi, who is still following the movements of Jimin’s finger on the water, looks up. ‘Always.’
Jimin hesitates a little, ‘eh, how did you know you weren’t.. straight.’
Yoongi tilts his head, not responding immediately and Jimin starts feeling nervous. Had it been a stupid question? It had been, hadn’t it? He feels a mild panic rise in his chest and oh god, he shouldn’t have asked; regrets it so much. And maybe he can take it back, maybe he should, but right then Yoongi slips a hand underneath his t-shirt and soothingly rubs his back.
‘Honestly, I always knew I wasn’t 100% straight, and then I had sex with a guy and liked it as much as sex with girls and I just figured my suspicion was right,’ Yoongi casually declares.
At the mention of sex Jimin stiffens up. Can’t help it, but suddenly he feels near paralyzed and he's glad he’s holding onto Yoongi.
Of course Yoongi has had sex before. With guys and girls. Jimin should’ve known.
And here Jimin is like some kind of holy virgin and, shit, what if Yoongi expects things from him? Is Jimin even ready for that? Because call him old fashioned, but he wants his first time to be at least a little special, or with someone special. And he’s not trying to say that Yoongi might not be that person, but they have never talked about this, and maybe he should at least let Yoongi know? Yeah. Yes he should. Because technically his dick is currently only inches away from Yoongi’s due to their position and god, he really hadn’t thought this through.
He swallows hard.
‘Well, I’ve had sex with neither,’ Jimin mutters as he feels a deep red creep up on his neck.
‘That’s okay,’ Yoongi tells him, thumb now rubbing small circles near his spine, ‘you’ll find out if it’s the same for you when you’re ready. Maybe with me, maybe with someone else.’
Jimin lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.
‘But it’ll be okay, and liking guys doesn’t make you wrong, because look at me, I’m still okay, am I not?’
‘Your life is kind of a mess, hyung,’ Jimin weakly smiles; is glad the older boy is taking him serious, though.
‘But I’m doing better,’ Yoongi says, ‘and that’s mainly because I have you, and I want you to do better and be happy as well.’ Yoongi moves his hand to brush some of Jimin’s damp locks out of his eyes. ‘Because it’s not going to be easy, and coming out and being honest with yourself about whatever your sexuality may be won’t be a walk in the park. But it’s not something you have to do or decide tomorrow when you wake up, not something you have to do next week or even next month. Do it when you’re ready for it, because you got the time, and so do we. And I know I might be moving too fast and I might be overenthusiastic but that’s only because I really like you, and if you want to talk about anything or are uncomfortable I want you to tell me.’
Jimin smiles, burying his face in the crook of Yoongi’s neck, ‘I love it when you go all soft and caring on me.’
‘Yeah, you’re getting a special treatment Minnie,’ Yoongi murmurs back, planting a kiss on top of Jimin’s hair as his hands roam the younger’s sides underwater. ‘But I really do care about you, and I know how scary it must be for you right now.’
‘It is scary,’ Jimin admits, because falling for Yoongi is a big change that he definitely hadn’t seen coming. He pulls back to look at the boy. ‘But,’ it’s then that he meets Yoongi’s eyes, his beautiful eyes, and he feels himself holding onto Yoongi that much tighter. ‘I’ve got you right?’
‘You got me,’ Yoongi agrees, and Jimin leans forward, brushing his lips against Yoongi’s as the older boy cradles his face between his hands to kiss him back.
It’s their first kiss in a public place, and Jimin knows no one is watching, knows the trees don’t have eyes, so it’s okay to lose himself in Yoongi. Tells himself he shouldn’t care about anything for a moment; lets Yoongi kiss him deeper and hoist him further up his hips.
And for a little while it feels like only the two of them exist. Standing in the water, and it’s quiet except for the sound of the small waves colliding with their bodies, and Jimin feels like they could float away as he tastes faint hints of cigarette smoke on his tongue. And god, how he wishes they could float, float away to a place where no one knows them and where he doesn’t have to worry about confessing to his parents that his and Yoongi’s friendship is turning into something more, explain to his friends away at college that he has found someone and slowly feels himself falling for them, and that that someone is a boy; a place where he doesn’t have to feel wrong for feeling how he feels.
But as long as he’s got Yoongi he thinks he will be alright. If they kiss for a little longer and he holds on a little tighter, maybe they’ll make it through.
When Yoongi breaks away it’s with the announcement that he just felt something move against his leg and it sure as hell wasn’t Jimin and they need to get the fuck out of there before it eats them.
‘It was probably just a tiny little fish, hyung,’ Jimin chuckles, licking his lips, ‘they live in the water you know.’
‘Still, this is our cue to go back to the shore,’ Yoongi insists, and Jimin sighs. He still follows Yoongi until they’re out of the water, where Jimin’s towel lies all alone on the grass next to their shoes.
Yoongi pouts before complaining how cold he is and how the sun had long dissapeared behind the clouds and Jimin gives in and lets Yoongi have half of his towel.
They’re both shivering underneath the material; the towel is way too small for the both of them, but it’s alright. It’s alright because Yoongi is smiling down at him and there are goose bumps all over his skin, his wet t-shirt is clinging to his body, but he tells Jimin the towel smells like him as he brings himself impossibly close to the younger to get the most towel as possible. Jimin laughs as Yoongi hums in content, the older boy stealing at least three quarters of it, and they leave the lake with Yoongi promising he won’t bring a towel as well if they ever go there again, because he liked sharing way more.
Jimin weakly protests, but knows he wouldn’t mind at all.
Chapter 9: shotgun (Yoongi)
bet you didnt expect me back so soon hi
(honestly me neither, but i wrote this all really quick and i'm excited about it so im not gonna wait with posting it)
honestly this is here because of my first 3 commenters yesterday because i checked my ao3, expecting nothing because i really didn't think last chapter was good and then i had 3 super sweet comments already and i felt so motivated and then this chapter happened (i lowkey dedicate this to the 3 of you)
also my tumblr is still @yoongtg you're still very welcome to come love me on there
‘I don’t know if I want to.’
‘This is not a case of wanting to or not wanting to,’ Yoongi can tell that his aunt is trying her hardest to keep her voice down. ‘You need to face reality, Yoongi, we both know that this is only a temporary solution. You need to talk to your parents.’
‘But,’ Yoongi places his hands on the dining table, nails scarping against the wood. ‘I -I don’t know if I can.’ This isn’t the first time they’re having this conversation. He knows his parents will yell at him and won’t let him talk. He will never forget the disappointed looks on their faces, how incredibly mad they were when Yoongi had managed to push them over the edge. He’s hurt, but mostly ashamed.
‘I’m sorry, but you will have to. Its been 2 months already, what are you going to do when summer is over? You know summer won’t last forever.’
‘Mom and dad have been giving you money to feed me right? Please I-’
‘Yoongi, you need to think about your future. We’re going to Daegu and we’re going to arrange something with your parents so you can stand on your own two feet. You know I only want the very best for you, right?’
Yoongi knows that, knows his aunt really does love him and knows she’s right. He has actually wanted to be on his own for the longest time, hell, before he left for his aunt he had attempted saving up to move out.
And he knows he’s more than capable of living on his own. Back in Daegu he spent more nights at his friends’ apartments than in his own bedroom. He knows he can care for himself, that much he had learned in his rather pathetic life. But there’s one, kind of important, detail holding him back.
It has brown eyes and the softest hair Yoongi has ever had the chance to run his fingers through. The kindest smile and fullest lips that Yoongi has ever had the honor of kissing, and the softest hands and most adorable ways.
He can’t just go and leave Jimin behind.
But he knows he can’t tell his aunt that. Because one: she will without a doubt tell Jimin’s parents about their son’s interest in men, and Yoongi has no idea how they will react to their baby potentially being gay, and two: really, his aunt will not find it enough to let Yoongi stay.
Yoongi sighs as he paces through the living room and the kitchen, his aunt watching him from her chair in the corner of the room.
He knows, he knows he needs to go back to Daegu and figure everything out, and his aunt is right. Summer will end and if he wants to enroll in any type of schooling program and make something out of his life he’ll need to sign up soon. But he can’t do that to Jimin, can’t leave just like that. Not right now, not now when Jimin needs him the most. Because honestly Yoongi feels guilty. How strange it might sound; he feels incredibly guilty. Because.. he made Jimin realize that he’s gay, or at least very not straight. He was the one to make his entire world and everything he believed in do a fucking 180.
Yoongi doesn’t think Jimin has lots of problems with the fact that he might be into men so much, but it’s more the shitstorm that will come with it, and Jimin has voiced that he’s afraid of that before. Having to tell people, deal with the sometimes painful reactions, the slurs, the glares if they’ll ever do anything slightly romantic in public. And Jimin doesn’t deserve that, doesn’t deserve anything but love and Yoongi wants to be there for him in this undoubtedly hard and confusing time. He’s trying so hard to make things better for Jimin and make him feel comfortable, he’s going out of his goddamn way to be gentle and careful with the boy and jesus he just wants to be there for him.
He can’t do that if he’s on the other side of the fucking country.
And yeah, call him selfish, but he wants to be able to be with Jimin, hold him, kiss him. He wants to see his stupid smile and feel butterflies in his belly over and over again. He doesn’t want to hear his voice through a phone, doesn’t want to see him through pictures secretly taken during their afternoons in the house; wants to have him near.
‘Yoongi, sweetie, please.’ His aunt sighs, ‘I didn’t tell you yet but your mom called. She wants to talk to you and sort things out. Your parents are sorry about how they handled things, sorry that they didn’t let you talk. This is for your future, this is important.’
Yoongi looks up, frozen in shock.
His parents are sorry?
‘They, they’re what?’
‘They are sorry Yoongi,’ his aunt repeats. ‘They want to talk to you and make things right and help you move out and start over again.’ She weakly smiles at Yoongi, ‘never forget that at the end of the day you are their son and they do care about you, even if they might not want to, it’s a natural thing.’
Yoongi doesn’t know what to do or think anymore, feels his hands start to shake and mumbles that he needs a cigarette before he walks out of the house, telling his aunt he’ll be back.
He rubs his temple as he lights a cigarette the moment the front door slams shut behind him. Almost burning his thumb on the small flame and cursing under his breath.
He needs to see Jimin.
‘Hey, I sneaked out because my parents were -Yoongi, what’s wrong?’ Jimin kneels down in front of Yoongi, who is sitting on the old couch with his head in his hands.
‘Things are,’ Yoongi looks for the right words to say, doesn’t want to alarm the younger. Thinks it’s endearing that he had to sneak out of his house to see Yoongi; it isn’t even midnight yet. It makes him smile a little despite how weird he feels. ‘Things are really confusing.’
‘With my parents,’ he adds.
‘You want to tell me?’ Jimin asks, standing up to sit next to Yoongi.
Yoongi nods, ‘my aunt says they’re sorry and want to talk, but I don’t know about that,’ Yoongi leaves the fact that he might be leaving soon out. He isn’t going to upset Jimin until it’s final, and he still doubts his parents sincerity.
‘But that’s good right? I mean, they are your parents, and they’re giving you a second chance!’
‘More like a 10th chance,’ Yoongi mutters.
‘You know,’ Jimin squirms a little next to him, ‘you never told me the rest of the story. Why they kicked you out in the end and everything.’
‘Oh, yeah,’ Yoongi rubs the back of his neck, ‘that.’
‘I mean,’ Jimin slowly starts to drag his finger up and down Yoongi’s forearm, ‘if you want to tell me.’
‘Yeah sure,’ Yoongi takes another drag, placing his free hand on Jimin’s chin to tilt it up and in a swift motion his lips are on Jimin’s as he blows smoke into the other’s mouth. Jimin pulls back with wide eyes, a blush on his cheeks.
‘What.. was that?’
‘Don’t know, felt like doing it.’ Honestly, Yoongi did, but it’s also him trying to create some more time in which he can think of a way to tell Jimin the rest of the story without freaking him out. Because it really isn’t that bad, but he does need to be careful with his words.
‘Can you do it again?’ Jimin asks him shyly, and Yoongi smiles, taking another drag and wrapping his fingers around the back of Jimin’s neck, pulling him closer. He pulls away and quickly pecks Jimin’s lips (Yoongi couldn’t help himself) before sitting back, tapping the filter. Jimin drops his gaze to his hands in his lap.
‘But yeah, where did I leave off last time,’ he mumbles, staring ahead of him.
‘From where the music store closed,’ Jimin tells him quietly and Yoongi nods.
‘Yes, well,’ he takes a deep breath. ‘After I lost my job there I had some money left. But it wasn’t close to being enough to rent a place, so I couldn’t go anywhere really. My parents saw it all as my own fault and they were right.’ Yoongi sighs as Jimin curls up against him and leans his head on Yoongi’s shoulder, silently listening.
‘My parents really had tried to stop stupid 16 year old me from fucking up his life.’
Yoongi starts rubbing circles in the material of the couch, angry little circles that don’t disappear immediately.
‘I was lucky. They let me stay with them and provided me meals. I think I found a new job two months after the store closed later thanks to my friends, the tattoo ones I told you about, remember? And I’ll admit, I wasn’t affiliated with the neatest people, but they helped me. I started working at this-’ Yoongi wonders if he should even call it a club. It really had just been a dark room with a few strobe lights and music way too loud for anyone not to get permanent hearing damage.
‘At this underground place.’
Jimin nods against his shoulder.
‘The people who came there weren’t the,’ Yoongi looks for the right word to use, ‘nicest people. They had some dark businesses going on, but I stayed out of it. I’d clean up afterhours and help set everything up. I attempted DJ’ing sometimes when there was an open spot. There were fights often, and one night it escalated. Now the thing is,’ Yoongi bends down to push his cigarette out against the concrete floor before returning to his position, carding his fingers through Jimin’s hair as he continues.
‘My parents may have thought I worked at a 24/7 convenience instead of some really shady nightclub.’
‘Yoongi!’ Jimin looks up, ‘you lied to them!’
‘I did,’ Yoongi admits, and he’s certainly not proud of it. ‘And I regret it. But I know they would’ve never let me work there if they knew, knowing my dad he would’ve personally dragged me out of that place. But I needed that job and everything went pretty well, and I tried avoiding my parents as much as possible. But then one night there was this huge fight going on between two gangs and the police invaded the place.’ He pulls his hand out of Jimin’s hair. He doesn’t like this part. Really doesn’t.
‘And everyone involved got taken to the police station, including all the employees. I tried to get them to call my friends instead of my parents, but because I still officially lived with them they were called in. They were furious, I explained over and over again that I had nothing to do with it and the police let me go, even though I did get a huge fine for working there without a contract, but I smelled like a fucking weed plant and there was blood on my arm because people had been throwing bottles and shit.’
He hears Jimin gasp beside him, and Yoongi can only hope that he hasn’t scared Jimin away now. ‘It was the final thing, the final push my parents needed to be completely done with me.’
He stares at the ceiling, his voice a little slurred as he forces sentence after sentence to come out of his mouth. Jimin should know, if they ever want to be something he has to be honest with him.
‘First I dropped out, and in their eyes threw my future away. Then the store closed down and I started staying out entire nights and only came home for a meal and a change of clothes every now and then. And then they had to pick me up from the police station, convinced I had been involved in some mad fight and they were really angry because I had lied to them. They felt like I had used them for their food and a bed whenever I felt like it, and that I didn’t even treat them like the parents that had raised me and cared for me my entire life anymore. My sexuality, the tattoo I had gotten a few months earlier, and the weird smell coming off of me didn’t help as well, especially since my mother was convinced I was in a gang. They had had enough, wouldn’t let me speak and well, here I am,’ Yoongi concludes his story, glancing at Jimin, who stays silent.
‘I don’t agree with you lying to your parents. And the way you treated them isn’t right as well,’ Jimin softly speaks up. ‘But I do think they should hear you out because you had a dream Yoongi, had a dream and went for it and then everything went wrong. And it’s unfair of them to assume things about you being in a gang or doing things you weren’t supposed to do. So I really do think you should go and talk to them, and make use of this opportunity. And I think I understand you and I don’t want to say it’s all okay what you did but I’m glad you told me, and I’m not mad at you in any way,’ Jimin weakly smiles, ‘more relieved that I know now.’
Yoongi nervously searches for Jimin’s eyes, ‘so we are still okay, right? I mean I know I made mistakes but I’m working to make things better and I’m still the same me and really Jimin, I’m trying so hard.’
‘I know,’ Jimin looks at Yoongi and Yoongi immediately feels a little calmer. ‘And yes, of course we’re okay. You can’t change the past and it’s not like you’re an axe murdered or a drug dealer on the run.’
Jimin lets out a small chuckle and Yoongi joins him with a lazy grin before they fall into a comfortable silence. He’s glad he told Jimin -sweet, understanding Jimin. Maybe it’s all not that bad, maybe he should talk to his parents, but then there’s still Jimin and the distance and starting over again and it honestly scares the hell out of him. Plus he’ll have to face all his old friends and explain that he got kicked out and none of them will ever take him seriously again. And then there’s school and jobs and Yoongi doesn’t know what to do. His head is telling him to try and make things right with his parents, but his heart is shouting at him to stay with Jimin.
When Jimin stifles a yawn behind his hand Yoongi looks up, moving so he can tuck a strand of Jimin’s hair behind his ear. ‘Tired, sunshine?’
Jimin nods, voice soft and small, ‘I was actually already in bed when you texted me.’
‘I’m sorry baby, want me to drop you off at home?’
Jimin shakes his head, nuzzling against Yoongi, ‘wanna stay here with you.’
‘Come here then,’ Yoongi whispers, positioning himself and Jimin so they can lie down on the couch, Jimin with his back against the cushions, Yoongi facing him. Jimin buries his face in Yoongi’s chest, hands fisted in the older boy’s t-shirt. Yoongi feels a warmth spreading through his chest when Jimin leans up to kiss his neck.
He buries his own hands underneath the back of Jimin’s hoodie to pull him closer, his cold fingers resting against Jimin’s warm skin making the younger squirm a little.
‘I’m so glad I have you,’ Yoongi whispers, not sure if Jimin hears it, thinks it doesn’t really matter as he closes his eyes. He doesn’t mind telling Jimin it over and over again, and maybe he should, because Jimin is the best thing that has happened to him in a very long time.
He doesn’t want to lose that. He can’t lose that.
But he also needs to think about his future and he’s facing a big dilemma. Maybe they can somehow make it work, but Yoongi isn’t sure. He doesn’t want to think about it, his head is hurting enough from everything already and he just wants to enjoy this moment. (Enjoy it while he still can.)
Chapter 10: seeking shelter
bet you were all expecting angst
don’t worry you won’t hate me until next chapter :))
have some smut first
(im not a pro smut writer at all and writing it made me pretty damn uncomfortable so yeh, don’t expect too much thank u ily)
also !! if you’re planning to skip the smut just read the last 10 lines so you’ll still understand the story
s/o to bee for like half beta'ing this but not really because the internet and ao3 hates us so yeah this is still a mess and im sorry but bee ily we tried
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Jimin has been watching TV in the living room for the past half hour, bundled up in a blanket on the couch, near sleeping. He’s trying to keep one eye open, thinking that way he might understand a little of the plot of the movie he has put on, but it’s not really working. A heavy sigh escapes him when he hears the doorbell, because now he has to get up and walk all the way to the door, leaving his warm blanket behind. He groans as he shrugs the blanket off, wonders for a second if he’s even wearing pants, nods proudly to himself when he actually finds sweats on his legs. ‘I’ll get it,’ he says to no one in particular, because his parents had left for some great-aunt an hour ago. He threads his fingers through his hair quickly, trying to get rid of the I just pressed my face against a pillow for half an hour look and opens the door.
‘Hi, I’m wet.’
Jimin frowns and then bursts out laughing, eyeing a pretty soaked Yoongi. ‘Hello to you too, hyung.’
‘Hey babe,’ Yoongi grins, shaking his hair out a little. ‘It’s raining.’
‘Would’ve never guessed.’ Jimin bites his lip, looking past Yoongi and noticing the dark clouds and puddles on the sidewalk, raindrops falling from the sky. ‘I’m guessing you’re here to seek shelter?’
Yoongi nods, taking a step forward. ‘And to see you,’ he presses a wet kiss to Jimin’s cheek, lips cold against his skin and Jimin giggles, trying to push Yoongi away.
‘Ah, you’re cold hyung, come in.’ He tugs at Yoongi’s sleeve when Yoongi closes the front door behind him.
‘The parents aren’t home?’ Yoongi asks as Jimin drags him up the stairs.
‘Visiting some great-aunt, I’m all alone for the next couple of hours.’
‘And you didn’t even invite me over?’ Yoongi pouts as Jimin shoves him into his room.
‘They just randomly announced it and left an hour ago, if I would’ve known I would have.’ Jimin throws a pair of sweatpants at Yoongi, thinking he’ll fit in those for sure, might even drown in them a little. ‘Do you need a dry shirt as well?’
‘No, jacket saved it from the rain,’ Yoongi smiles as he shrugs said jacket off and Jimin nods.
He walks over to the window while Yoongi changes, stealing glances at Yoongi’s legs only twice.
‘Why were you outside anyway?’ Jimin asks as he plays with the two rings around his index and ring finger to distract himself from Yoongi’s pale skin.
‘Lighter died, and my aunt needed new batteries, so I was on my way to the convenience store but then it started raining.’ Yoongi runs a hand through his damp hair and turns around, walking over to Jimin’s bed and sitting on the edge. ‘And then I went to see you instead.’
‘Looks like the rain is bringing us together once again,’ Jimin chuckles, their first meeting underneath the roof of the convenience store already feeling like something that happened so long ago, when in reality it had only been some weeks.
Yoongi sighs as Jimin turns away from the window. He notices Yoongi is shivering a little, a small pout on his face. ‘Jiminnie,’ he stretches his arms out for Jimin, ‘I’m cold from the rain.’
Jimin crosses his arms, tilting his head. ‘And now you want me to do something about it?’
Yoongi drops his hands, ‘I keep you warm all the time, brat. Come here.’
Jimin bites his lip, an idea coming to his mind. An idea he thinks Yoongi will appreciate.
He hadn’t spend all those afternoons in the dance studio practicing body rolls to get nothing out of it. It may have been some time since he danced, if this will even count as dancing, but he thinks it will certainly leave Yoongi feeling hot . And maybe even a little worked up if he’s still able to move his hips like he had been before. Which would be a nice bonus, Jimin decides, because he’s done with Yoongi being the one to make him flustered all the time. Maybe the roles can be reversed for once.
‘Okay,’ he nods, walking over to Yoongi and placing his hands on the older boy’s shoulders. He swings his right leg over Yoongi’s thighs, swiftly, and he’s seated on the older boy’s lap.
He scrambles his phone out of his pocket, unlocking it and going to his music library, Yoongi frowning at him.
‘Jimin, what are you-’ he shuts his mouth when a song starts playing, one Yoongi doesn’t recognize but it has a steady, slow beat, and Jimin locks his phone and throws it behind Yoongi on the bed.
Jimin slowly leans forward, leans in until his lips are right next to Yoongi’s ear and he really hopes he sounds at least a little sensual when he tells Yoongi that he’s going to warm him up.
He leaves a kiss right underneath the older boy’s earlobe and closes his eyes, knows that if he meets Yoongi’s eyes his entire act will break and he won’t be able to continue this. He focuses on the music before slowly rolling his hips forward and he hears Yoongi’s breath catch in his throat when Jimin does it again, Yoongi’s legs falling open a little to accommodate Jimin’s weight.
‘JImin,’ Yoongi stutters, breath catching. ‘You, you don’t have to do this.’
‘What if I want to,’ Jimin whispers back, rolling his hips a little more insistently, hands wrapping around Yoongi’s neck to pull himself a little closer to Yoongi’s body.
He feels two hands on his hips and he buries his face in Yoongi’s neck as he slowly grinds against him. Cheeks a little flushed but body moving to the beat with great confidence. Dancing was one of the only things he used to be really confident in and he knows Yoongi must have noticed.
‘Where did you learn all this,’ Yoongi mutters as he moves his hips up experimentally to meet Jimin’s, making the younger boy choke back a moan when he feels Yoongi brush against his crotch.
‘I used to…’ Jimin presses a little closer when Yoongi starts to guide his movements against him with the hands holding his hips. 'Dance.’
Jimin whimpers softly when their crotches meet again and he feels that Yoongi is actually getting hard, and he knows he is as well. He glances down to find a half assed tent in his sweats and he wonders if he should stop… or try to see how far he could push Yoongi. He smirks and chooses the latter. Decides that it’s his turn now.
He pulls his face away from where it had been buried in Yoongi’s neck, knowing most of the red has faded but he still feels a shiver run down his spine when he meets Yoongi’s eyes. They’re dark, hooded as Yoongi watches Jimin’s every move, the older boy’s tongue darting out to lick his lips.
Jimin moves his hands to the hem of his t-shirt, lifting it up the tiniest, teasing bit, holding it just below his bellybutton as he bites his lip at Yoongi.
He gasps when he suddenly feels Yoongi’s lips on his neck, the boy kissing his way up to Jimin’s throat. He’s alternating between sucking and leaving wet, open mouthed kisses on Jimin’s skin and Jimin’s hands clench around the material of his t-shirt to keep himself from whimpering.
‘You’re so beautiful, I'd love to see all of you.’ Yoongi pulls away to look at Jimin again, adding a quiet, ‘if that’s okay.’ And Jimin decides that it’s more than okay, wants Yoongi’s eyes to run over his body as he lifts his shirt all the way up and over his head, carelessly dropping it on the floor beside him.
He can’t help but smile when he notices Yoongi’s eyes widen.
‘Jimin,’ Yoongi slowly runs a hand down Jimin’s chest, fingers burning his skin and he fucking melts under Yoongi’s appreciative look. He loves it.
‘They were better before,’ Jimin mumbles when Yoongi’s fingers reach his abs, and Yoongi actually laughs at that.
‘No, no you’re gorgeous,’ he brings his hands up to cup Jimin’s cheeks. ‘You’re perfect, okay?’ And then they’re kissing, and Jimin doesn’t even hear the music anymore because Yoongi is kissing him so hard Jimin thinks he might forget how to breathe. Is only able to do so for a second when Yoongi whispers against his lips how beautiful he is.
They both grind against each other, and Jimin moans into their kiss when Yoongi uses his hand to position Jimin better on his leg, adding more friction to where they both need it the most.
Yoongi pulls away to let his hands roam Jimin’s upper body, before his eyes drop down to where Jimin’s erection is pressing against Yoongi’s abdomen and Jimin can’t help but feel a little embarrassed. If Yoongi isn’t warm by now then at least he is.
‘Jimin.’ Yoongi carefully places his hands on Jimin’s thighs, long fingers barely reaching the insides. ‘Do you want me to take care of it?’
He feels Yoongi’s finger inching closer to where he needs them, so close but always just grazing until Jimin gives him the go.
‘It’s okay if you don’t want to yet, but I really want to make you feel good. Can I do that for you?’
Yoongi’s hoarse voice is driving Jimin insane in the best way, and he nods because he’s really fucking turned on, and Yoongi smiles so brightly at him it makes butterflies erupt in his belly.
Jimin wants this, he decides, there’s nothing bad about wanting to feel good and honestly, he’s the one who caused this, who fantasized about this before. He’s ready; he needs this.
Yoongi pauses to pull his own tee off and over his head, muttering to Jimin that they’re even now, and he tosses his t-shirt on the floor as well.
He pushes himself back on the bed so he can sit on it properly, and tells Jimin to place his knees next to his upper legs. Jimin obeys, hands holding Yoongi’s shoulders as places both knees on the bed, legs spread as he hovers above Yoongi’s thighs. Yoongi's eyes now level with Jimin's abdomen.
‘Good boy,’ there’s a roughness in Yoongi’s voice that Jimin isn’t used to. Yoongi leans his head down to press kisses against Jimin’s abdomen, circles his tongue around his bellybutton and Jimin is gripping at Yoongi’s shoulders so hard he thinks he might be leaving bruises when Yoongi starts working on his nipples.
He sucks and teases the sensitive buds, making Jimin whimper and his hips stutter forward, shamelessly pressing his erection against Yoongi because he can’t help it. It feels too good.
A small moan escapes him when Yoongi pushes him away a little and moves down again, lips coming dangerously close to the waistband of his sweats.
Yoongi looks up at Jimin, ‘I’m going to take these off, okay?’ he hooks both thumbs underneath the material and Jimin nods as Yoongi slowly, gently pulls both his sweats and boxers down, revealing his hard cock. Jimin whimpers and buries his face in Yoongi’s neck again when the cool air of the room hits him.
Yoongi guides him back down to sit on his lap, and Jimin has to kick his legs a little first to get the material off completely, leaving him completely naked and vulnerable on top of Yoongi. He gasps when he feels Yoongi’s hand around him, the other moving up and down his thigh, probably in an attempt to calm him because Jimin’s heart is fucking raging.
‘Yoongi,’ his voice breaks when Yoongi starts stroking him; Yoongi’s hand feels so warm, so big, so much better than his own could ever make him feel and he muffles a cry in Yoongi’s neck when Yoongi experimentally pumps him once, twice.
‘Look how beautiful you are,’ Yoongi mutters, ‘I’ll make you feel so good.’ He starts pumping Jimin with a steady pace, and Jimin knows he’s fully hard now.
He pulls back to look at Yoongi, ‘hyung -Yoongi, let me touch you too.’
‘Jimin-ah, it’s not about me-’
‘But you’re hard and I want to,’ Jimin has to take a deep breath to recollect himself when Yoongi twists his hand, ‘I want to take -fuck.’ Jimin moans when Yoongi digs his thumb into the slit of his cock and he feels himself thrust into Yoongi’s hand to create more friction; he needs it so, so bad. ‘Take care of you too.’
He knows Yoongi wants it, he knows Yoongi is just as hard as he is and he knows it will start hurting soon. ‘Please,’ Jimin begs, ‘I know you need it.’
‘Jimin,’ Yoongi pants a little when Jimin’s small hand finds its way to the waistband of Yoongi’s sweatpants. ‘Yeah, yes fuck, you can baby, let’s just,’ Jimin can’t hold back a smile when he actually gets a moan out of Yoongi when he carefully wraps his fingers around Yoongi’s dick and pulls him out. It’s bigger than his own, it feels heavy in his hand, and Jimin can’t help but stare at it for a second. It’s a little weird to him.
‘Let’s do it together, okay?’ Yoongi tells him as he places his hand over Jimin’s, taking them both in one hand. They both suck in a breath at the feeling of their cocks rubbing together, and Jimin can’t help but rut against Yoongi. Yoongi uses their pre-cum to make the slide against each other smoother and easier, and Jimin closes his eyes as Yoongi guides their hands.
Jimin knows he won’t last much longer.
Everything is hot; his skin, Yoongi’s breath on his neck -he feels like he’s on fire and he’s so fucking close to letting go.
‘Yoongi, Yoongi,’ he pants the older boy’s name, ‘I’m gonna-’
Yoongi silences him by pressing an open mouthed kiss against his lips. It’s sloppy, wet and needy, their teeth clashing a little as Jimin’s hips begin to stutter. He pulls away to gasp for air, Yoongi telling him to let go, telling him that he’s there and that it’s okay.
He comes with a broken cry of Yoongi’s name, Yoongi catching most of his cum in his fist as he continues to jerk himself off.
‘You did so well,’ Yoongi presses a kiss to Jimin’s forehead before he gently helps the younger boy off his lap and onto his bed. ‘Hyung will be with you in a second I just got to -ah,’ Jimin watches as Yoongi fists his own cock at a fast pace, ‘finish this.’
It’s less than a minute later when Yoongi comes as well, moaning lowly and Jimin can’t tear his eyes away from the sight. Yoongi’s cheeks are flushed, his hair is a mess and his hips are stuttering forward as he cums all over his own hand.
He grabs Jimin’s shirt of the ground, asking if it’s okay if they use it to clean themselves off, and Jimin nods, murmuring a tired, ‘yeah sure.’
Yoongi smiles down at Jimin as he quickly cleans his and Jimin’s hands, helping the younger back into his boxers and sweats when he’s done, tossing the now dirty t-shirt back on the ground. He scrambles for Jimin’s phone between the sheets to turn the music, which had still been playing, off.
Yoongi then proceeds to press kisses all over the younger’s face and Jimin giggles as Yoongi whispers a praise after every kiss.
‘Hyung,’ Jimin drags Yoongi down to lie on his bed with him, giggly. ‘Oh my god, hyung stop.’
‘What?’ Yoongi kisses his cheek.
Jimin feels his cheeks burn. ‘I -I’m glad we did that.’ He looks up to meet Yoongi’s eyes. ‘It felt really good.’
‘It felt really good for me too,’ Yoongi sighs as he strokes the younger’s hair. ‘It’s been long since I came that hard.’
Jimin snorts, rolling his eyes a little, ‘really, hyung?’
‘What?’ Yoongi laughs softly, ‘that’s an accomplishment, you should feel proud.’
And actually, yeah, now that he’s thinking about it, maybe Jimin actually does feel a little proud.
Because he did that. He was able to make Yoongi moan, was able make him feel good, and he smiles at the fact as he rolls over.
He wiggles his hips back until his back is against Yoongi’s chest and he feels the older boy wrapping his arms firmly around his waist, Yoongi pressing a soft kiss against his shoulder blade.
Jimin weakly smiles at the sensation, feeling how heavy his eyelids actually are. Wonders if they can take a quick nap before his parents come back, because he can’t risk his mother and father seeing them like this. He needs more time before such a confrontation.
‘Hyung, do you think we could take a quick nap? I think we still got some time left before my parents come home.’
‘Yeah sure.’ He feels Yoongi bury his face in his neck. ‘I’ll set an alarm on my phone.’
‘Okay,’ Jimin whispers back softly, ‘because I’m a little tired.’
‘That’s normal,’ Yoongi assures him, sucking in a breath as if he wants to say something else as well, but he still falls silent. He squirms a little against Jimin and stays that way for another minute before he actually does speak up.
‘You know -about parents.. I’m going to see mine in two days,’ Jimin can hear the hesitation in his voice and he places a hand over Yoongi’s, which is resting against Jimin’s abdomen.
‘You’ll be okay, hyung. You don’t have to be nervous, I’m sure you’ll be okay.’
Yoongi rubs his thumb over Jimin’s knuckles, turning his palm to lace their fingers together. ‘I’m just.. scared they’ll still be mad.’
Jimin sighs, not completely sure what to say. ‘Just be honest with them.’
He feels sleep taking him over, is only half aware of himself muttering that he’s sure Yoongi will be fine.
The last thing Jimin registers before he closes his eyes is Yoongi squeezing his hand, whispering that he hopes Jimin is right.
thank you so much for all the support, it means so much! i'm a little overwhelmed by it honestly
Chapter 11: morning walks
please go soft on me I wrote this yesterday after not writing anything for 5 weeks I normally write every 2 days I really gotta get into it again
completely unbeta’d woo
oh also i never really planned this story out and i made the plot do a backflip in my head once again so my promises of heavy angst might be lies but im not sure yet
It’s 5 in the morning, and Jimin’s phone is going off.
It’s 5 in the damn morning when someone wakes Jimin up by calling him.
Jimin’s first reaction is to ignore the obnoxious sound and turn around. Hell, he barely even registers it. 5 in the morning is a time to sleep, not a time to have a friendly conversation.
His second reaction, though (the buzzing somehow magically seems to become louder now) is to panic; someone is calling him at night, that must mean someone is dead or injured or a house is on fire or-
Jimin blinks at the bright light of his phone screen, the device is on the floor next to his bed, still charging. Reads the tiny letters that clearly spell ‘Yoongi hyung.’ He blinks again, feels his back cracking from the awkward position he’s in, bends over to reach his phone and picks it up from the floor.
He stares at the name again, sight a little blurry as his thumb aims for the green button to accept the call. He all but stutters his name into the receiver.
‘You sound cute.’
Jimin slowly sits up properly, runs a hand through his hair and asks Yoongi to repeat what he just said because he’s really only half awake.
‘Said you sound cute, all hoarse and squeaky.’ Yoongi (Yoongi!) proceeds to giggle after this and Jimin still remains in his state of confusion.
‘Eh, thanks.’ Jimin clears his throat a little, ‘but why are you calling this early, everything okay?’ He listens to Yoongi’s calm breathing as he tries to wake up.
‘Yeah, I said I’d drop by before I would leave for Daegu right? So come outside, I’m right underneath your window.’
It’s- shit, it’s Thursday, and suddenly Jimin feels wide awake as he remembers last night and how he had trouble falling asleep because Yoongi would be leaving the next day. Today. And yes, Yoongi said he’d drop by to say goodbye in the morning but Jimin had assumed that morning meant around 10 or something, maybe even 11. Definitely not 5. But this is Yoongi and Yoongi is unpredictable as fuck, Jimin has found, and he yawns as he waddles to his window. Curious to see if Yoongi is actually outside.
And yes, of course, there he fucking stands, wicked grin on his face, cigarette in one hand and phone in the other, still in contact with Jimin’s, looking like he walked straight out of a teenage movie and into Jimin’s life.
Jimin looks away but still smiles, feeling a little embarrassed because his Just Out Of Bed Look definitely isn’t his best. Decides that it’s at least something as he mutters a ‘morning’ back and tells Yoongi he’ll be there in a minute. He ends the call and tosses his phone back on his bed.
In sneakers without socks, a feeling Jimin isn’t really a fond of but sacrifices have to be made in his rush to get to Yoongi, a dark green hoodie Taehyung once left which is definitely two sizes too big for him but reaches mid thigh and does a great job covering him up, he tiptoes down the stairs.
Yoongi is already waiting at the end of the garden path when Jimin closes the front door behind him.
‘I, I didn’t think you’d be leaving this early,’ he whispers, still very much aware that the entire neighborhood is still sleeping. A cold breeze hits his bare legs, and Jimin feels stupid, because who forgets pants?
(Jimin apparently, but there are more important things, like Yoongi leaving to talk to his parents in a matter of minutes (?) hours (?) probably, now is not the time to stress about pants.)
‘Not leaving until 8 actually, but I need some proper time with you before I leave on the 3 hour ride to hell.’
‘And we couldn’t have done this last night,’ Jimin rubs his eyes.
‘You said you were tired over text!’ Yoongi defends himself, starting to walk.
‘Couldn’t fall asleep anyway,’ Jimin mutters, grabbing the material of Yoongi’s jacket. ‘Wait, where are we going? I’m eh, not wearing pants.’
‘You want to stay here and wake your parents up? Have them find you with another guy in their front yard without pants on?’ Yoongi chuckles and Jimin sighs, because Yoongi is right. He finds it’s not even that cold. Yesterday had been a hot day, and some of the heat still lingers in the air, and with the sun about to rise it’s actually quite doable.
‘Yeah, let’s walk,’ Jimin tugs at Yoongi’s arm, a shy request for Yoongi to take his hand out of the pocket of his jacket and put it in Jimin’s. Yoongi does so, no one is there to watch anyway.
‘So,’ Yoongi starts, ‘there are a lot of things that can happen today.’
Jimin nods, ‘are you scared?’
‘A little. Mainly for the moment I have to face my parents again for the first time, not so much for whatever might come after.’
‘It’s weird,’ Jimin thinks out loud. ‘I’ve never met them, I don’t even know what they look like.’
Yoongi shakes his head. ‘Don’t know if you’d want to.’
‘Well, I mean, they gave you all those good genes of yours.’
Yoongi chuckles, ‘brat.’ He clears his throat then, pulls Jimin into his side a little more. ‘But on a serious note, a lot of outcomes are possible and we.. might not see each other for some time.’
Jimin knows this, of course he does.
He hadn’t spent 3 hours last night lying awake thinking about nothing.
No but really, this is something Jimin has thought about since the moment he felt himself even remotely growing attached to the boy, months ago. Before complicated feelings were involved and Yoongi was just his really cool, older friend who his father would glare at. It was a fact from the start that Yoongi would leave again at some point.
They sit down on the sidewalk, quietly and carefully, as if the smallest movement will wake the people in the random house behind them up.
‘I mean,’ Yoongi starts as Jimin wraps his arms around his legs. Feels a little crazy because he should be sleeping in his bed instead of sitting here. Wouldn’t want to miss this moment, though, because he does realize he might not be seeing Yoongi again anytime soon after this.
‘The best possible outcome would be that they actually help me get on my own feet and don’t disown me or something like that, but that’d also mean that I’m not coming back.’
‘And I don’t want you to.’
Yoongi frowns, letting go of Jimin’s hand. ‘You want me gone?’
‘No, no, not like that,’ Jimin says quickly, ‘I mean, if you come back that’d mean you’re forced to live with your aunt for longer and that’d be a selfish thing for me to want, because your future is clearly in Daegu and it’d also mean that your parents haven’t forgiven you.’
Yoongi nods, running his fingers over the asphalt now that his hand isn’t occupied with holding Jimin’s anymore. ‘But what if I would want to come back after all?’
Jimin rolls his head to the side, staring up at Yoongi. ‘You wouldn’t want to, and I know what you’re gonna say next.’
Yoongi looks down at the boy, ‘you do?’
‘Mmh,’ Jimin hums, ‘I know you.’
Yoongi nudges Jimin in the side a little. ‘Now do you?’
‘I like to think I do,’ Jimin murmurs as he leans his head on Yoongi’s shoulder. ‘You were gonna say that you’d come back for me.’
Yoongi snorts, ‘you wish.’ (But they both know it’s the truth. Jimin feels his face heat up and Yoongi must be blushing as well because when did they become an actual teenage movie, jesus they’re so gross.)
Yoongi weakly smiles. ‘I’ll keep you updated on everything. Who knows, I might actually be back by tonight.’
‘Yeah,’ Jimin nods. He has to try so hard not to be selfish, really, how he wants to tell Yoongi that he really fucking hopes he’ll be back tonight so Jimin won’t be so lonely. But he could never do that. ‘But then again, that’d be bad.’
‘Damn, Jimin, you really want me gone, don’t you?’
‘You know I’m gonna miss you and I’ll probably cry the moment it hits me that you’re really gone.’
Yoongi sighs, taking in Jimin’s words, mutters a, ‘don’t you dare cry,’ before resting his chin on top of Jimin’s head which is still on his shoulder. They sit in a silence for a little, faint hints that the sun is about to rise becoming visible in the sky, where the dark blue makes place for light yellow and pink.
‘You know,’ Yoongi speaks up, ‘I was thinking. After all of this is over, and everything is how it should be somehow.’ He pauses, seemingly picking his words. ‘I really want to try us.’
Jimin pulls away from Yoongi’s shoulder to look at Yoongi properly. ‘Us?’
‘Yeah,’ Yoongi weakly smiles. ‘Us together, for real. I, I mean -If you’d want that.’ Yoongi is fumbling with something, Jimin can’t really see, (probably his lighter) but he’s clearly nervous. Jimin is too.
‘I would love that,’ Jimin tells him, because he knows how he feels about Yoongi, knows about the things they did. (And now is not the time to think about that because Jimin is still very much only wearing underwear underneath the hoodie and nope now is not the time for flashbacks to when he sat on Yoongi’s lap without any clothes on.)
Jimin can tell Yoongi is starting to lean in, feels the boy’s gaze drop to his lips and he has half a mind of his own to stutter something about ‘morning breath,’ to which Yoongi mutters a, ‘fuck that,’ back before he uses his fingers to hold Jimin’s jaw. Angles it so his lips can meet Yoongi’s and a soft sigh escapes Jimin when he feels Yoongi’s lips against his. Yoongi’s thumb caressing his cheek and his other hand clutching his hoodie, pulling Jimin closer.
Jimin can’t help but think that this might be their last kiss for a while -maybe days, but maybe also for weeks, or months even. (Shit, he really does not want to think about that) and deepens it.
He thinks he feels tears sting behind his eyelids but pretends he doesn’t. When did he become so emotional? When did he start crying in front of people all the damn time? Jesus he needs to stop, this isn’t forever, Yoongi is going home, he should be happy. What kind of shitty friend is he? Yoongi probably noticed his tears as well, and Jimin pulls away, buries his face in Yoongi’s chest, tries to camouflage this whole thing as a goodbye hug instead of Jimin having a minor breakdown as he quietly sobs into Yoongi’s jacket.
Yoongi doesn’t say anything, just rubs his back as they sit on the sidewalk.
They both look up at the sudden call of Jimin’s name, Jimin with a clogged nose and red, blotchy cheeks, Yoongi simply frowning.
‘Is that you?’
Jimin doesn’t think he ever sat up that fast. Even more blood rushing to his face, panic making him feel nauseous as he wipes at his eyes quickly. Because he knows exactly who that voice belongs to and simultaneously also knows that he’s screwed.
Knows the nightmare of a small dog next to the person bothering them as well, because whenever Jimin tried to pet it as a kid it would always growl at him. A white small thing with a sparkly collar, decorated with some kind of fake plastic crystals and a pink leach that leads to the owner; Miss Kim in all her bathrobe glory, staring down at them in shock.
Jimin knows her like he knows everyone in this godforsaken town. And hell, he wonders if going to Daegu with Yoongi is an option because he knows this woman. Knows this woman who lives in the house at the end of his street, garden always in a perfect state, the woman always in the damn thing as well. Watering her flowers to perfection so she can keep an eye on everyone and everything. House strategically placed on the corner of said street, so everyone going in and out will have to pass her. No husband to take care of, only her dog whose barking is audible all the way from Jimin’s house.
Yeah, Jimin knows her like she has knows him since he was a toddler, taking his firsts steps around the neighborhood while holding his mother’s hand. She’s like Miss Jung from the convenience store but twice as bad when it comes to gossiping. And fuck, fuck, fuck -she’s going to tell Jimin’s mother Jimin is gay because he’s here with a guy without pants on and what if she saw them making out? She saw them holding each other and no, no, this is Bad, with a capital fucking B-
‘Jimin-ah, what are you doing here?’ She picks her small dog up from the sidewalk.
‘Eh, morning Miss Kim,’ Jimin brings out, voice uneven.
‘I am just here walking my little girl who’s had diarrhea the entire night and wouldn’t stop barking until I walked her, and this is what I walk into.’ She’s smiling, but not in a nice way, in a satisfied way, and Jimin knows exactly why.
He slowly finds it in himself to stand up and Yoongi follows suit.
‘I’m sorry Miss, I’m Min Yoongi, Jimin’s friend,’ Yoongi smiles, a smile just as fake as the woman's own. Jimin stares at the ground, pulling his hoodie down until it reaches his knees.
‘Jimin was upset because he had a fight with a friend,’ Yoongi lies. ‘And he called me and I took him out for some fresh air but I’ll take him home now.’ Yoongi gently tugs at Jimin’s arm. ‘And not to be rude, but I believe that’s all none of your business, Miss Kim. Good morning!’
Miss Kim mutters something back, probably offended by Yoongi’s tone, but Jimin doesn’t even hear it; lets himself be dragged along until Yoongi is sure the woman is out of sight and Jimin feels two arms around him.
‘I’ll take you home, okay baby? That lady didn’t see anything except for me rubbing your back, she totally believed me and hey-’ Jimin feels Yoongi tapping his chin, urging him to look up. ‘I know what you’re thinking but really, don’t worry.’
‘But what if she did see, I, I know her, she’ll tell my parents and I’m not ready to-’
‘She won’t, because she didn’t see anything, trust me okay? I’m going to take you home and you can get some more sleep and I’ll call you tonight, first thing, okay sunshine? Promise.’
The realization that Yoongi is leaving on top of everything only hits him harder now and Jimin takes a deep breath and wills himself to calm down. Just for Yoongi’s sake. He buries his face in Yoongi’s neck once more, takes in his scent and holds him close.
‘Please don't forget about me,’ he whispers it into Yoongi’s skin and feels pathetic, but he hopes Yoongi hears it. ‘I’ll miss you so much.’ He needs Yoongi to know.
He thinks he hears Yoongi telling him how he will miss Jimin even more, but later, back in his bed with the first rays of sunlight filtering through the curtains, Jimin thinks that he might have made that up as well.
Chapter 12: yellow toothbrush
so I know I was gone for quite some time before I posted last chapter. I was gone for many reasons and I’m sorry for randomly disappearing. I want to say welcome to my new readers because wow I checked my subs and there are a lot of u hi welcome
i'm not going to promise anything about update speed, though, so it could take days but it can also take me weeks to update again and i'm sorry
anyway this chapter was a challenge to write yikes but as always, enjoy !!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Jimin is stressing out. Seriously. He’s stressing the fuck out.
It’s 9:30PM, and Yoongi had said he would call ‘tonight.’ Tonight is now, and Jimin is more nervous than he was when he asked his first girlfriend out, than when he had to take the biggest exams of his life last year and god if Yoongi isn’t going to call soon he is going to fucking walk to Daegu and get answers out of Yoongi himself.
To make the entire situation worse today hadn’t been a good day as well.
After Jimin came back from his morning adventure he was left worrying and fidgeting, and his parents had totally noticed, giving him matching frowns when he had jumped at the chance to go to the store to pick something up for his mother. But Jimin could’ve cared less. A walk would at least take his mind off of Yoongi who was talking to his parents at that very moment, and that was all he really wanted.
So to the store it was, some fresh air, a conversation about the weather with Miss Jung in sight; it sounded like a great distraction to him.
But of course, on his way back with a white plastic bag in hand, he was confronted with Stress Factor Number Two. Miss Kim standing in her driveway, eyeing Jimin. Reminding him of the possibility of being outed by his neighbor who saw him and Yoongi getting a little too comfortable with each other that morning.
Jimin found it in himself to wave before speed walking the last few meters home, panting as he slammed the bag on the kitchen table before running up the stairs. His mother thanking him, but Jimin barely hearing her voice.
Dinner had been a quick affair of Jimin silently eating his soup and burning his tongue while his parents talked. He quietly helped his mother with the dishes. No sign of their usual renditions of old trot songs, no foam on the ceiling or in Jimin’s hair, only nervous smiles and bad excuses from Jimin’s side to get back upstairs as soon as possible.
And here he is now, on his bed, pressing his cheek into his sheets, listening to his own breathing. He put his phone on his desk, strategically, so he could relax a little. At least that was the plan, but he’s far from relaxed. Ever since the evening rolled in at 6 he has been on high alert. So much could’ve happened, and this is also about their future, Yoongi and Jimin’s future together. This will also determine when, or if Jimin will ever be able to call Yoongi his boyf-
Jimin all but jumps off his bed at the sound of his phone going off, stumbles over the cord of his charger and a sweater on the floor and almost slams his face into his desk, but manages to grab his phone.
‘Hi?’ Jimin’s voice breaks and he sounds completely out of breath, but he can’t help it; his heart is almost beating out of his chest and he just wants to hear Yoongi’s voice, just wants to hear Yoongi is okay and-
Jimin slumps down onto the floor.
It’s Kim freaking Taehyung.
‘Tae!’ Jimin tries to sound happy, because he is happy to hear him, he adores his best friend, but his timing couldn’t be worse. ‘How is life in the big city?’
‘Jesus Chim, you sound like you ran a marathon,’ a chuckle, ‘but Seoul is amazing! Anyway, guess what!’
Jimin sighs, weakly smiling, ‘what?’
‘I’m going to tell you all about my new life next week!’
Jimin frowns, crossing his legs and putting his phone on speaker, placing the device on his thigh. ‘Next week?’
‘Guess who’s coming home to fuck shit up with his very best friend?’
Jimin can practically see the look on his friend’s face, and he laughs softly. ‘You?’
‘Congratulations, you guessed correctly, you move onto the next round!’
‘Nice, what have I won?’Jimin chuckles into the receiver. ‘A fridge?’
‘Unfortunately, no, but you do win quality time with me if you’re free next Saturday.’
‘Good thing I am.’ Jimin squirms a little, knowing he has to keep the call short in case Yoongi calls. ‘But why are you coming home Taetae?’
‘My mother’s birthday, duh,’ Taehyung responds, dramatically sighing because how could Jimin forget.
‘Oh, yes, of course!’
‘Had such a busy summer that you forgot?’
‘Yeah,’ Jimin hears himself say to his surprise, (because really, he had basically spent every day either with or thinking about Yoongi) ‘kind of, but then I guess I’ll see you next week?’ Jimin is a little too nervous to sound as upbeat as he wants to. Despite that he really is glad Taehyung is coming home, and looking back he should’ve known Taehyung would be coming. He has spent many late summer afternoons in Taehyung’s garden over the years, eating cake for his mother’s birthday. He just can’t believe summer went by this fast.
‘See you next week Chim!’ Taehyung yells, and Jimin doesn’t miss someone telling Taehyung to be quiet in the background. He quickly tells Taehyung to take care and to text him before hanging up.
He stands up and walks to his window then, checks for any missed calls, but there are none.
Jimin takes a deep breath. Looks at the flower curtains and sighs. It’s dark outside already, but Jimin knows he won’t sleep before he has heard Yoongi’s voice. Does he call Yoongi? Should he? No, no Yoongi promised he’d call so Jimin’s just gotta wait it out.
Just wait it out.
He waits for a few more minutes and lets his eyes adjust to the dark. There are a few stars in the sky, the moon peeking out from behind a cloud, but he’s way too fucking tired to be philosophical about the night sky at the moment. So what that he and Yoongi might be looking at the same moon, he just wants Yoongi to call him and tell him everything is fine. He’s been up since 5AM and has felt too many emotions since then and god- can’t Yoongi hurry up and call him? It’s already past 10 now, and Jimin’s phone is ringing.
His phone is ringing.
Jimin feels his heart doing a little jump at the way Yoongi greets him, and he stumbles back towards his bed, sitting on the edge. ‘Are you, are you okay hyung?’
‘Honestly, yeah, I’m okay.’ The way Yoongi says it it almost sounds like a question, and Jimin feels his own breath hitch a little. ‘You okay Minnie?’
‘Yeah, I’m fine,’ Jimin tells him, not the complete truth. Possibility of being outed by a neighbor and Yoongi’s entire situation taken in account. ‘But it’s not about me. How did it go?’
‘How did it go,’ Yoongi repeats, and it’s weird. Jimin is so not used to hearing Yoongi’s voice through a phone.
He hears Yoongi take a breath, and then he talks.
‘Me and my aunt arrived around 11, she dropped me off. She offered to come with me, but it wouldn’t really be any help, because this is something between my parents and me. To put it simple, it was just really fucking weird to see them again. To be in the living room again, the kitchen -just to be in my house again. Seeing pictures of my face on the walls still, like I’m their beloved son and not someone they actually want to get rid of, because well, that’s what they want.’ There’s a misplaced chuckle from the other side, and Jimin pulls his legs up and onto his bed. Yoongi sounds cold, his tone not something Jimin is used to. ‘We talked, and they gave me a proposal.’
‘Okay,’ Jimin whispers back softly. ‘I see.’
‘Jimin,’ Yoongi suddenly sounds a lot more gentle and careful, as if he momentarily forgot it was Jimin he’s talking to. ‘Don’t sound so scared.’
‘Is everything alright then?’ Jimin asks quietly.
‘Eh, let me explain okay? Little good and a little bad, but it’s something.’
‘Okay,’ Jimin responds, not sure what else to say.
‘So, the good news is that they actually want to help me find an apartment and will even provide me with some money to get me started.’
‘That’s -that’s amazing hyung,’ Jimin looks at his door from the corner of his eyes, which is closed. He swears he just heard someone walk by, probably his parents going to bed. ‘They’re actually going to help you!’
‘Yes, they are, but they have a lot of conditions, and quite frankly, I have no choice but to accept them. I can’t disobey them and take them for granted again, this really is my only and last chance so, yeah.’
Jimin suddenly feels anxious all over again because conditions?
He shuffles around a little, tries to keep his voice steady and even as he responds. ‘So what would those conditions be?’
Yoongi sighs, ‘obviously they want me to go back to school and get some sort of high school degree, so I will have to look into that tomorrow. And then go to college as well. I will have to find a job to support myself, because they don’t want me living in their house anymore, and honestly I don’t want to so that’s okay, but it will just be a bit of a challenge to combine everything so suddenly.’
‘But you can do that, I know you can,’ Jimin tells Yoongi, hoping he sounds convincing.
‘Hopefully. Anyway, they want to pick the apartment with me and also want to approve my job after the last one, which I understand. I can’t contact or hang out with my old friends anymore, which is okay because they aren’t really the people I want to be associated with anyway. Eh, what else, oh, they wanted me to remove my tattoo, yeah they wanted the entire piece gone from my back.’
At this Jimin gasps, because honestly, he finds Yoongi’s tattoo really sexy and he really doesn’t want it gone and oh he just said that out loud, causing Yoongi to laugh.
‘And that’s why I’m keeping it Jimin-ah.’ (He’s glad he made Yoongi laugh. He loves the sound. Feels a little more at ease now that some of the harshness in Yoongi’s voice seems to be gone.) ‘No but really, they realized how complicated and expensive things would get and since I can easily cover it up they decided to let it be.’
‘Good,’ a smile is slowly making its way onto Jimin’s face.
‘Yes, other than that they basically want me to find my own place and get started with school as quick as possible. if my grades are bad or I make a mess out of everything they will stop supporting me financially. I think they repeated that this is my final chance at least 20 times, and I’m pretty sure I’m still a big disappointment in their eyes.’
‘But isn’t this great Yoongi? they -they’re giving you a chance! Even giving you money!’ Jimin is actually genuinely smiling at this point, incredibly relieved. Everything will be okay, they will be okay and-
‘It is! I know, but about us, sunshine, about us.’
Jimin notices the change in Yoongi’s voice immediately. His smile is gone just as fast as it appeared. ‘About us?’
‘Did I ever tell you how my parents are not accepting of my sexuality?’
‘Yeah,’ Jimin plucks at the covers a little, twists them around his finger. ‘Yeah, you did,’ he quietly responds, heart starting to beat a little faster.
‘It’s an extremely shitty thing of them to do,’ Yoongi sighs, and Jimin braces himself for what’s coming. ‘But they told me no boyfriends, or relationships for that matter. But they basically meant no boyfriends, if I show up with a girl they might not even complain,’ Yoongi’s voice is shaking only a little. ‘Backing it up with the excuse that my main focus should be school and a job.’
‘Oh,’ Jimin whispers. So there might not be a them after all. He knows Yoongi has no choice, he understand he needs his parent’s money and this chance at a future. It’s okay. (It’s not.) ‘I understand.’
‘And as long as I don’t have my own place they can keep tabs on me, and they will.’
Jimin bites down on his lip to stop it from quivering so hard he thinks he tastes blood. But he’s not gonna cry. He refuses to. It’s okay that they can’t be together. (Fuck, no it’s not.) Yoongi’s future comes first, he needs to stop being selfish.
‘But once I have my own place you’ll be all mine.’
Jimin feels his heart flutter at Yoongi’s words, but he doesn’t want to make this more complicated for Yoongi than it already is. ‘Yoongi you don’t have to do this I don’t want to cause you more-’
‘Jimin,’ Yoongi interrupts him, ‘stop right there, okay. I want you in my life really, really badly at this point. Once I’m all settled it doesn’t matter what my parents say anymore. I’m also doing this for you, I also want to make things right for us. I want to be able to take care of you as well.’
‘You’re sweet,’ Jimin weakly smiles as Yoongi mutters something back in protest. ‘But then, in case it does work out, how long will it take? Until you can get your own place?’
‘A month, probably two,’ a sigh there, ‘I’m sorry.’
Two months. Jimin can do that. That’s okay, yeah.
‘I just have to figure all this shit out Minnie, but hyung’s got this okay? Really, it will only be about two months.’
‘Then we’d see each other again a little after my birthday,’ Jimin tries to be happy, because honestly this outcome is great, he just has to handle two months without Yoongi. That’s -that’s nothing. Those are not tears in his eyes just fucking dust because he never vacuums his room.
‘It’ll be my birthday present for you then baby, I’ll work all of this out and then you’ll be here in my arms again, sound good to you?’
‘Yeah, I’d like that,’ Jimin tells him, quickly recollecting himself. ‘I’d really like that, Yoongi.’
‘Me too,’ Yoongi admits. ‘And you can stay over all you want. I’ll buy you a toothbrush in advance.’
‘Good,’ Jimin bites down on his bottom lip, ‘I want a yellow one.’
‘Yellow?’ Yoongi laughs, softly, quietly, as if he knows everyone else in Jimin’s house is sleeping by now. ‘Whatever you want baby, whatever you want.’
thank you so much for reading and sticking with this story, really it means a lot
(s/o to that one line about trot and my semi beta's huge obsession with it which he really wanted me to mention so i hope he's happy now)
Chapter 13: gay forums
guys I’m so sorry but I hit the biggest block, I wrote 3k for this, decided I hated all of it and completely changed what happened in the chap and rewrote everything and well this is what came out of it and it’s unbeta’d because I didn’t want to make you guys wait any longer so just pretend you didn't see any mistakes
I believe the first semester in korea starts in march so therefore tae has been gone since march and already has experience with college just go with it please
also I’m getting busier with my first year of university approaching so I have no idea how much inspiration and time I’ll have to write but I’ll try my hardest
and a happy birthday to my fellow 97 liner Jeongguk u might not be in this fic but ily
enjoy this 3.5k monster I wanted it to be 1.5 but well that didn’t happen
It’s weird. Taehyung is in his room, sprawled out on his floor like he belongs there. He had dragged three pillows off of Jimin’s bed two seconds after entering Jimin’s room and is now smiling up at his best friend like all those months never went by and they saw each other yesterday.
Except they didn’t.
Jimin hasn’t properly seen Taehyung since he started his first semester back in March and Jimin has so much to tell him, yet doesn’t know what to say. Or where to start, really.
They had had their dramatic hug at the front door, the ‘how is college/how are your grades’ talk in the kitchen with Jimin’s mother present, the woman giving Jimin meaningful looks when Taehyung told them all about his professors, campus and fellow students. (Jimin knows what his mother meant, because she really wants Jimin to start college or university soon as well. Sometimes Jimin thinks she just wants him out so she can turn his room into a closet, though.) And now they’re upstairs and Jimin is a little lost on what to begin with.
Honestly, he’s been a little lost overall ever since Yoongi left. Now not to be overdramatic -it’s not like he can’t function or has been pouring orange juice into his cereal and has build a fort on the couch he now calls his home as he binge watches bad dramas. It’s more that he does things like smoking cigarettes all alone because he’s afraid he’ll forget what Yoongi tastes like only to cough his lungs up and wake his parents up at 2AM. It’s not that he finds himself crying in the shower when he thinks about Yoongi not being there or that he breaks down as soon as the abandoned house comes into view, it’s more that he just misses him and has so many feelings he’s dying to share, but he has no one to talk to. No one to ask for advice or to guide him through this. All he’s got are shitty forums on internet, dating back to 2008 when people actually still used those damn things, where he reads about kids being kicked out by their parents because of their sexuality. But he also finds tips on how to come out on there, and reads about good experiences and accepting family members. It still leaves Jimin feeling unsettled, though.
He also finds himself in the private and darkness of his room with burning cheeks as he looks up how he has to, well, have sex with Yoongi. Finds himself quickly deleting his search history right after as he feels himself being half hard in his pants just from imagining doing such things with Yoongi. It looks so intimate, and honestly, also really fucking painful, but he trusts Yoongi. Trusts that Yoongi won’t hurt him and will take care of him may the situation ever arise. Because Jimin has been thinking about it, and if things actually do get serious he thinks that Yoongi will probably want to have sex with him.
Jimin thinks he might want to as well.
But it’s all scary, it’s all new, and as he looks down at Taehyung on his bedroom floor he realizes that maybe he should tell his best friend. (Not that he wants to have sex with Yoongi, randomly starting about gay sex would probably scar him.) No, he wants to tell Taehyung about Yoongi, about what he feels for Yoongi.
Which basically means he’s considering coming out Taehyung.
He’s thought about it ever since Taehyung announced he’d be coming over about a week ago, and he figured it would be good practice for coming out to the rest of the world (read: his parents) because he knows Taehyung, knows Taehyung won’t judge him or ditch him or call him names. Because it’s Taehyung. And Taehyung has been his very best friend since the first day of kindergarten (not that he remembers but he’s seen the pictures in old dusty photo albums of them making sand pastries in the sandbox and sitting in a super small yellow blow-up pool in Jimin’s backyard.) And he thinks Taehyung might be hurt if he finds out Jimin is holding such a thing back from him. But where does he start? Or should he just tell him? ‘Hey Tae I’m gay?’ It would rhyme at least? A little? Not really? Jimin shakes the thought off. They should definitely have a normal conversation first. Yes. Jimin can do that.
‘So how’s your life been, Tae?’ Jimin sits down on his bed with a smile.
Taehyung pushes one of the pillows underneath his head to get more comfortable. ‘College is great, surprisingly. It’s stressful, but it’s nice meeting new people, and living on your own really teaches you how to be independent.’ Taehyung gives Jimin a serious look. ‘I can actually cook now.’
Jimin laughs, tries to imagine his friend in an actual kitchen making actual food. ‘Microwaving rice does not count.’
‘No, no, I do that with my rice cooker.’ Taehyung laughs, ‘I’ve got my own. I’m acing all the recipes my mom sends me.’
Taehyung nods proudly. He rolls onto his stomach. ‘But yeah, it’s nice, it was all scary in the beginning, not knowing anyone. In high school I always had you, and Minjae and Yoona and well, everyone. But I made some great friends and ah, Chim, you should really come over and visit soon!’
Jimin sighs. ‘I’d love to.’ He weakly smiles at his friend. ‘It sucks that Seoul is so far away, I miss you Tae.’ And he means it. He only feels a little shitty for being so caught up in Yoongi the entire summer and kind of forgetting about his other friends. But on the other hand, Taehyung had probably been insanely busy doing awesome college stuff anyway, Jimin figures.
He silently listens as Taehyung continues talking. He tells Jimin about getting drunk after midterms, eating pizza for one week straight, his first college parties where he kissed pretty girls, about going to karaoke every Thursday night with people from his floor and singing until his voice is hoarse and sneaking back into his dorm at 3 in the morning.
And even though Jimin is happy Taehyung gets to experience all of that, he secretly wishes he had those experiences as well. And it stings as he reminds himself that he could have had just that. He could have had it if only he would’ve made up his damn mind. (If only a certain boy hadn’t stolen his summer away and if only Jimin had actually researched colleges and universities instead of spending his time either with, or thinking about Yoongi.)
‘But hey, you’re gonna start college as well soon.’ Taehyung nudges Jimin’s leg at the end of his talk. ‘And you should totally become my roommate!’
‘Like I would get accepted at such a good college like yours in the first place.’ Jimin shakes his head, bunching his comforter up and pulling it into his lap. ‘But it’s okay, I don’t know what I want to study anyway.’
Taehyung’s smile falters. ‘You still don’t know?’
‘I will before march.’ Jimin hopes he sounds convincing. Hopes that he will actually know before then even more. He knows it’s long overdue.
It falls silent between the two of them then, and Jimin decides that it has been enough casual talk.
It’s time for a drastic subject change.
It’s time to drop the fucking bomb.
In a casual way. Of course. Not that he has a plan, no, if only Jimin had thought this through. But he’s just gonna do what he does whenever he goes to a restaurant and there are just too many options but he has to order because the waitress looks like she wants to slam her tray into Jimin’s head- and yeah, he’ll just do that. Say whatever feels right at the moment. (And then regret it because he wanted fried chicken instead of bibimbap, damn it -and what if that happens now as well? What if Jimin says the wrong thing and regrets everything?)
No, he just has to do it. He will be fine. This is Taehyung, Taehyung will be okay with it. Taehyung deserves to know.
‘So I met someone-’
‘You will find out for-’
They both look at each other, and Jimin feels his face turn red. ‘You first,’ he weakly smiles at Taehyung.
‘I wanted to say that you will find out what you want to do for sure. That it’s okay to take your time.’ Taehyung slowly sits up, ‘but what did you say Chim? You met someone?’
Jimin nods, runs a hand through his hair and pulls the comforter off his lap because it’s suddenly too hot. ‘Yeah, I met someone this summer.’
Taehyung frowns. ‘You ‘met’ someone?’
‘Yep.’ He probably should elaborate on this. ‘Someone special.’ That’s a good starter, Jimin decides, and it hits him that oh, he’s actually doing this. Yet he feels.. strangely calm as Taehyung stares up at him with big, questioning eyes from the floor.
Suddenly Taehyung breaks out into the biggest grin. ‘Someone special? Do I know her?’
‘Eh,’ Jimin rubs the back of his neck. ‘No you don’t know him.’ He can barely believe he just said that.
‘So.. did you just make a new friend then?’ Taehyung asks, and it’s obvious to Jimin that he’s confused. He decides he has to be honest and clear, not make this any more complicated than it has to be.
‘Yes, that as well. But I also fell in love,’ Jimin looks up to meet Taehyung’s eyes. ‘With him.’
(Shit. He has never used the word love before when describing how he feels about Yoongi. Okay, in his head he definitely has, but never out loud. And maybe it’s way too soon to label it as falling in love, or to be more precise, being in love, but he tells himself that this way there at least won’t be any misunderstandings. Now Taehyung knows exactly what’s going on. And now he can’t deny it to himself anymore as well. He’s in love. With Yoongi.)
‘And I’m pretty sure he likes me too.’ And then it’s out there, it’s fucking out there and Jimin is left to wait for his friend’s reaction. He takes a deep breath, realizing that he actually did it. He’s strangely proud of himself.
Taehyung remains quiet, though, but that’s okay, Jimin thinks. It’s a lot to take in, of course. He silently waits for his friend to speak up, albeit with a rapid beating heart.
‘That’s,’ Taehyung starts, and Jimin can hear the hesitation in his voice and for a moment he thinks he made the biggest mistake by telling him, but then Taehyung’s full on smiling. ‘That’s great Jimin, really.’
Jimin doesn’t think he has ever been this relieved, and he knows he should never have doubted his best friend.
‘Tell me about him?’ And Taehyung is off the ground and climbing onto the bed, sitting next to Jimin and messing with his hair. ‘I want to hear everything. And I would maybe like a small explanation as well.’ He grins then, and Jimin feels like he could cry -and really, how Jimin hopes Taehyung understands how much his reaction means to him. He’s so thankful, and he knows not everyone (hell, definitely not everyone) will react like his friend, and he nods as he promises Taehyung he will tell him everything.
So there they sit, side by side on Jimin’s bed like they have so many times, and Jimin starts with ‘his name is Yoongi, and he’s from Daegu.’ And then continues on about their first meeting during the storm, about the abandoned house, about Jimin realizing there might be more and them then kissing on Yoongi’s bed. (He blushes and stutters slightly at that part though, and definitely leaves some details out.) And Taehyung asks him questions, logical questions that sometimes leave Jimin silently wondering, because how did everything even happen? When did he know? And is he gay now? Just gay for Yoongi? And Taehyung asks him about Yoongi as well, because what’s Yoongi’s sexuality then? And where even is Yoongi? Can Taehyung meet him? And how far did they go? Have they had sex yet? To which Jimin shakes his head, telling Taehyung he also isn’t 100% sure how that should go to which Taehyung tells him he should just, ‘watch gay porn, a shitload of it.’ And Jimin snorts and blushes furiously, slapping Taehyung with the nearest pillow, but he secretly considers it.
And everything is going well actually, until Taehyung asks Jimin who else know about this, and Jimin mutters an, ‘only you.’
And at that Taehyung sits back, frowning.
‘You –you haven’t told your parents yet?’
‘No, I’m scared, but I might soon.’ Jimin admits. ‘You are the first person I told.’
‘So no one knows?’
‘Well,’ Jimin rubs the back of his neck. ‘You know Miss Kim, right?’
‘Shitty old lady with the shitty dog who would never give is our ball back if we happened to kick it into her garden?’
Jimin nods. ‘She caught me and Yoongi on the morning he left. We..’ he plays with his rings. ‘We weren’t really doing anything, I was just holding him, but you know how she is. She has been giving me weird looks ever since and I’m afraid she has put two and two together and -I’m just afraid she’ll tell people about Yoongi and me. Or already has.’
Taehyung nods slowly. ‘Would be something she would do, unfortunately.’ He pulls his legs up. ‘You should really confront her, ask her what she saw and ask her to keep it to herself.’
Jimin sighs, because of course, he has considered doing that as well. But what if she actually bought Yoongi’s lie? It could all totally backfire. ‘I don’t know, Tae.’
‘I really think you should.’ Taehyung places a reassuring hand on Jimin’s thigh. ‘I can go with you if you want? We could do it right now.’
Jimin weakly smiles, shaking his head. ‘I don’t think that’ll be needed, but I’ll consider doing it, okay?’
‘Whatever you want. But I think you should, there’s nothing wrong with asking someone to simply respect your privacy,’ Taehyung tells Jimin as he shuffles on the bed, completely pushing himself upright and opening his arms. He tilts his head then, grinning as he eyes Jimin.
‘What are you doing?’ Jimin frowns, staring back at his friend.
‘Inviting you for a hug.’ He pulls at Jimin’s arm. ‘Come on, bring it in, bring it in.’
And Jimin complies, albeit a little confused as he wiggles his way in between Taehyung’s much longer legs and feels two arms wrap around his back. But Jimin can’t hold back the biggest smile when Taehyung whispers a, ‘thank you for telling me all of that,’ into his ear. And Jimin nuzzles closer, closes his eyes; feels so warm and calm as he wraps his arms around Taehyung’s neck in return and that’s when he knows that nothing has changed between the two of them.
‘You know you could be attracted to freaking trees and I’d still proudly call you my best friend, right?’ Taehyung mutters into Jimin’s shoulder, and Jimin chuckles at that, but he knows Taehyung is dead serious, and honestly, it means the world to Jimin.
‘I will love you no matter what Chim, and as long as you’re happy and he treats you right I’ll be happy as well. And if he ever does hurt you I will hunt his ass down.’
And Jimin is laughing, letting out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding, fisting his hands in the material of Taehyung’s t-shirt; whispering a ‘thank you so much,’ into Taehyung’s neck, as he realizes that he couldn’t have possibly asked for a better best friend.
It’s been a week now, a week since Taehyung had so casually reminded Jimin that he really should tell Miss Kim to mind her own fucking business though, about ten times, and Jimin has finally scrambled enough courage together to actually do it.
Well, he really kind of has to do it if he wants to be sure no one finds out about him and Yoongi from anyone but Jimin himself. And like Taehyung said, there’s no harm in simply telling someone to respect his privacy, right? So yes, this is no big deal, Jimin decides.
Taehyung had even offered to practice what Jimin should say to the lady that evening in his backyard while eating almost inedible bright purple cake (made by Taehyung’s younger sister, she was very proud of it) for his mother’s birthday, but Jimin had declined, claiming there were too many people in the small garden and he didn’t want anyone to hear. But now, a few days later he kind of regrets that, as the front door falls shut behind him and he realizes that once again, he doesn’t have a fucking plan. But he’s gonna do it. That’s for sure.
But not before he takes another walk to think this through and calm his nerves.
So he starts walking, in a completely random direction, enjoying the last rays of sun of maybe the entire summer warming up his skin.
Jimin is actually quite surprised with how okay he is doing without Yoongi. He thinks it’s mainly because of the promise that they’ll be reunited soon. Yoongi had texted him pictures of schoolbooks, had then complained about them for another hour as well, but Jimin had been so proud, so proud that Yoongi was actually doing this. He had signed up to be part of a special schooling program for adults, where he has classes in the evening and can work during the day. And Jimin knows he’s been out looking for jobs as well. It’s all just really the biggest confirmation that Yoongi really wants to make this work as well, that he’s really trying, and Jimin will gladly support him every step of the way through late night phone calls and texts until he can cradle Yoongi’s face in his hands and can actually tell him how proud he is that he made it. Because Jimin has no doubt that Yoongi will.
He’s shaken out of his thoughts by a voice calling his name, and he looks up from the sidewalk to come face to face with Yoongi’s aunt.
‘Jimin-ah!’ She’s waving at Jimin from her frontyard on the other side of the street, and Jimin hadn’t even noticed he had ended up here, but decides to walk over to greet her. He hasn’t really seen her since Yoongi left, and since he used to see her a lot he brightly smiles back at the woman, waving in return.
‘How have you been?’ she questions, putting her watering can down.
‘Good,’ Jimin answers, ‘a bit lonely now that Yoongi hyung is gone of course.’ He grins sheepishly, nerves forgotten for a moment as he runs a hand through his hair and talks to the friendly woman.
‘Ah, of course, you two became so close!’ She clasps her hands together. ‘Oh now that you’re here,’ she walks a little closer to the hedge that almost reaches up to her waist. ‘ I really wanted to thank you for being such a good friend to him. If it wasn’t for you I think he might still be here with me in his little room. He always spoke so fondly of you, and really Jimin, I think you helped him a lot.’ She sounds so genuine it leaves Jimin blushing. ‘Thank you for being his friend when he needed one.’
‘There’s really no need to thank me,’ Jimin tells her, smiling. ‘It was great being his friend. We still talk, I hope to go see him in Daegu sometime when he’s all settled.’ And Jimin doesn’t know if he’s surprised that Yoongi had apparently never told his aunt about what was really going on between the two of them, but decides it’s okay. She will without a doubt find out eventually. Jimin thinks she might even be happy about it.
‘You two still talk?’ She sounds surprised. ‘That’s so good to hear! He really needs good friends like you. I actually also spoke to him this morning.’ She shuffles even closer. ‘And keep this between the two of us,’ she grins then, giving Jimin a mischievous look. ‘But I think Yoongi-yah might have even found himself a girl in Daegu already! Isn’t that great? He really is doing so much better already, and it hasn’t even been 3 weeks yet!’ And while she smiles and continues talking, something about how fast young love can grow, Jimin’s feels the air being stolen from his lungs with every word she says.
Chapter 14: making mistakes
guess who’s back
believe it or not I rewrote this 3 times and wrote a 5.5k soulmate au yet I didn’t post anything because I feel like I can only produce shit these days
anyway have this chapter and thank you for all your kudos and kind (and panicked lmao) comments!! It means so much
(on a sidenote I think there are probably not a lot of chaps left and this one is not grammar checked!)
Jimin feels rude for walking away mid conversation. Feels really freaking terrible for it.
But he couldn’t, simply could not stand next to Miss Min for one more second.
He tries to push the guilt away by thinking that she would surely have been confused if Jimin had started panicking, maybe even crying, right there on her sidewalk while she was telling him how good Yoongi was doing, telling him how lovely the girl was he had met, how happy she was for him.
He couldn’t do it. Couldn’t stay calm and suppress his emotions.
So he had walked away, muttered some shitty excuse and headed straight back home, deciding that Miss Kim could do whatever she wanted as well. Deciding that it didn’t matter anymore.
Who would even believe her if she told everyone Jimin and Yoongi had something romantic going on when there was a pretty girl on Yoongi’s arm?
The thought made Jimin cringe into himself, and with angry tears in his eyes, balled fists and gritted teeth, he had walked right past her house and straight to his own.
He skips dinner, tells his parents he isn’t hungry, and then proceeds to hole himself up in his room.
First he spends his time staring at the ceiling, but a little later his eyes are fixated on his phone.
21:03: sunshine, how was your day?
21:03: I miss you
Jimin hates the amount of butterflies he feels when he reads the two texts. Hates how instantly his fingers start to itch to type something back. Hates how he has been staring at the damn text for half an hour now, and still doesn’t know how to reply.
(Actually he does. To text one; his day had been hell.
No wait, that’s a lie. Everything had been perfectly fine until he got the news that apparently, Yoongi had forgotten all about him in less than a month.
Then it turned right into hell. Complete with flames, and a burning sensation spreading through his body every time the realization hit him that he might have lost Yoongi to some girl. That Yoongi maybe never even wanted him in the first place. That it was all a lie.
And as an answer to Yoongi’s second text; Yes, he misses Yoongi, too.
He doesn’t want to at this point, wants to be mad and confront him, maybe yell at him that he’s an asshole because Jimin is so angry and upset, so confused, but he can’t help it. Simple anger won’t take his feelings away. He misses Yoongi.)
He blinks at the screen, which becomes blurry from time to time when he keeps his eyes open for too long, the light coming from the small screen way too bright in the sudden darkness of his room. He has noticed now fall is approaching that it turns dark outside rapidly, and the speed of it is kind of taking him by surprise. He misses the sunlight, the warmth. Also misses the memories he made in summer, the ones that mean so much to him, the ones he so carefully made with Yoongi. And he doesn’t want those memories to be the last. Doesn’t want to think that the last time they kissed was really the last time. Doesn’t want to believe that when Yoongi held him it was all for fun and games, just a nice little distraction for the summer.
Because that’s not the Yoongi he knows.
But then again, maybe he doesn’t know Yoongi at all. Maybe the Min Yoongi from Daegu is someone who likes to play with fragile, easily breakable hearts.
Why would Yoongi even want him when there are so many beautiful girls available in Daegu in the first place? It would make sense for Yoongi to go for someone much easier, much more convenient and much more experienced than Jimin.
He sighs, rolling over once again. He hasn’t cried so far, only threw his pillow at the wall once. He’s kind of proud. Jimin is pretty sure the only reason why he hasn’t lost it yet is because nothing has been confirmed, and he can still hold onto that tiny voice in his head telling him that Miss Min got it all wrong. Maybe Yoongi had actually dropped hints about him and his aunt had interpreted those as Yoongi talking about a girl instead? Maybe she was confusing Yoongi with someone else, or maybe she misunderstood?
There’s only one way to find out, Jimin figures, and even though he really wants to send Yoongi angry texts, tearful confessions and dramatic ‘how could you do this to me/I hope she’s treating you right/I trusted yous' he settles on the mature option.
21:42: we need to talk, call me when you see this
His heart is beating way too fast the moment he hits send, hands sweaty and he quickly wipes them on the covers before locking his phone. He rolls on his back and waits.
He’s trembling a little, he can feel it all the way through his legs to his arms to his fingertips. Nerves. A whole fucking lot of them. It hits him that he’s actually scared to talk to Yoongi, that he would much rather keep living in the comfort of not knowing. The whole concept is just too absurd to him. Yoongi makes him all these promises, is entirely Jimin’s for the summer. They touch each other, trust each other, and then boom, like some shitty Korean remake of grease, right after summer, he forgets all about Jimin?
It doesn’t make sense.
He’s shaken from his thoughts when he hears a knock on his door. He mutters a soft, ‘come in,’ before looking up. It’s his mother, carefully opening his bedroom door, the light from the hallway casting her shadow on the floor.
‘Yeah?’ he slowly places his hands next to his body and pushes himself up; flicks the lamp next to his bed on. ‘I’m here.’
She nods, warily making her way into his room. She smiles at him, albeit weakly, before sitting down on the edge of Jimin’s bed. ‘Honey,’ she starts, and Jimin can already feel it coming. ‘Me and your father are worried about you.’
He expected just that. He wonders if maybe, just maybe, she made the connection with Yoongi somewhere.
‘You’ve been a little down lately, and tonight you didn’t even eat.’ She looks sad, and Jimin instantly feels bad.
‘I wasn’t feeling well, mom, I’m sorry.’
‘Honey, we understand it must be hard for you right now, right after you saw Taehyung and he told you all those amazing stories about college. But you will also have that soon, and me and your dad are more than willing to help you where we can in figuring out what you want.’
So that’s what she thinks his sadness is about. Of course. College. Another thing he actually needs to start stressing about. He thinks it’s sweet of her that she’s so concerned about him, though.
‘Just know that it’s okay not to know what you want, you're still so young, and picking a major and a college is a big step. But it saddens me and your father a lot to see you so upset over it. If there’s anything we can do, we want to know.’ She shuffles a little closer to her son.
Jimin weakly smiles at her. ‘Thank you mom, but I'll be fine. I'll find something, okay? Maybe I'll look into that one college in Seoul which we talked about before graduation,’ he tries.
‘That was a nice college indeed honey, you should,’ she nods, and right when Jimin wants to respond, wants to say something that might convince her that he’ll indeed figure it out, his phone goes off.
‘Oh, eh, mom, I-’ a glance at his phone tells him it’s Yoongi, signaling that he read Jimin’s text. ‘I, I gotta take this.’ He quickly snatches the phone of the sheets before his mother can see the caller ID. ‘If, if you don’t mind?’ He’s stuttering a little, trying to sound casual but probably failing at it.
‘No, of course, just wanted to check up on you, go take it.’ She smiles. ‘Is it Taehyung calling?’
‘Yeah, it’s Tae.’ Jimin lies, neck coloring red as his mother gets up. ‘He already said he’d call me today.’
His mother places her hand on the door handle. ‘I see, well don’t stay on the phone with him for too long, it’s getting late already and you need your sleep.’
Jimin nods, ‘I’ll go to bed soon.’
‘Okay, night sweetheart, and just know you can tell me and your father anything, okay? We want you to be happy.’ His mother smiles and Jimin finds it in himself to smile back before she finally closes the door behind her.
Jimin turns to his phone, hand shaking as he holds it. He takes a deep breath to calm himself, swipes his thumb over the screen but doesn’t actually accept the call yet. This is so not what he wants to do but he needs to do this. Not knowing might be nice, but living a lie is not worth it. He picks up.
‘Jimin-ah?’ he heard Yoongi’s voice just three days ago but the moment he hears his name spoken in that low, raspy tone he feels a shiver run down his spine, grip tightening on his phone. He’s not ready.
‘H-hey hyung,’ Jimin squeaks and it sounds so off and so not how Jimin wants to sound that he almost hangs up right then and there.
‘You okay?’ Yoongi asks, and Jimin is shaking his head, shaking until he realizes that hey, Yoongi can’t see that and quickly stops.
‘Actually, no, hyung, I-I’m not.’
‘Minnie, what’s wrong,’ Yoongi manages to actually sound worried. Jimin is slightly surprised. ‘And what do we need to talk about?’ there’s a misplaced chuckle there. ‘You’re kind of scaring me baby.’
For the first time, Jimin actually cringes into himself at the pet name.
‘Well, I talked to your aunt today.’ Jimin starts, fiddling with his blankets. ‘And she told me something that upset me a lot.’
‘What did she tell you?’ Yoongi is quick to respond, and again it sounds really worried, and Jimin finds that he hadn’t expected that.
He’s is not sure how he’s going to word this now that it comes down to it. Suddenly wonders if it’s even fair to get mad at Yoongi now because, well, Yoongi’s not exactly his. They’re friends, friends who told each other they want to be more, but they’re not. They’re somewhere in that gray area in which Jimin had assumed neither of them would see anyone else. And now that it turns out he might very well be wrong he has no idea how to tackle the situation. He decides it’s best if he starts with being calm.
‘She told me you met a girl, she thinks the two of you are dating.’
When Yoongi remains silent after that, though, Jimin throws the whole calm concept overboard.
‘Did you use me, Yoongi? Not even a month and you go find someone else?’ He feels so unlike himself yelling all of it at Yoongi, lashing out like this, but he’s hurt, upset, and Yoongi just remains silent and he knows that if he stops talking his anger will turn into tears and he doesn’t want that to happen. ‘I thought you wanted to try us, us being together.’
He hears Yoongi take a breath, and then it’s silent again before Yoongi actually lets out an indignant laugh.
‘Okay, hold on. First I’m not dating anyone, and second you need to tell me exactly what my aunt told you because this is bullshit and I thought I made it pretty damn clear that I’m only interested in you. What the fuck is this Jimin?’
Jimin’s breath hitches in his throat when he notices how angry Yoongi sounds and he feels panic seizing his throat. He wants to hang up so bad, but Yoongi is mad, and so is Jimin, and Yoongi is telling him he’s not seeing someone else but it doesn’t make him feel relieved at all.
‘On the phone.’ Jimin brings out. ‘You spoke to your aunt on the phone this morning and there was a girl with you. Your aunt even told me how happy she was for you that you found someone.’
‘This morning? My boss? My aunt thinks I’m fucking dating my boss and you believed her?’
Jimin is officially all kinds of confused now, because as far as he knows Yoongi doesn’t even have a job. Therefore, he doesn’t have a boss, can’t have one. ‘But -you don’t have a boss?’
Yoongi sighs on the other end of the line, and when he speaks up again he sounds a lot more like the Yoongi Jimin knows. ‘I didn’t tell you yet because I’m still in my trial week but yes, I got a job through a family friend. The girl, well -woman, who was with me when I was calling my aunt is the daughter of said family friend and she runs a traditional Korean restaurant. I’m starting out as a dishwasher but they’ll train me to become a waiter. I didn’t tell you because it isn’t final until tomorrow when I sign and I didn’t want to disappoint you if they ended up not hiring me. I wanted to surprise you with the news, Jimin.’
‘But your aunt said-’
‘Yes, Sora, my boss, was with me on my smoke break, and I have known her since I was little, so yes, we joked around a little. I also told my aunt how lucky I was I had met her because she was the one who got me a job, Jimin, a job. But just so you know, she’s happily engaged and 6 years older than me. I can promise you we’re not together, and I have no desire to date her. You know my aunt; you know how any parental figure works. You show up with someone from the other sex and they’ll assume you’re dating.’
So Jimin had actually yelled at Yoongi over.. over nothing?
‘You really don’t trust me, do you?’ Yoongi adds, and he sounds hurt; it breaks Jimin to know that it's his fault.
‘I’m so, so sorry,’ he brings out, shakily, weakly. ‘But I just assumed- it made sense, because why would you want me when I’m far away, when there are tons of pretty girls out there available for you and your aunt-’
‘You really don’t get it, I-I want you Jimin, wanted you since I first laid eyes on you. And you know that my parents pretty much monitor my every step as long as I’m living with them. There’s no way I’d get away with dating. But if you can’t trust me we’re going to have a serious problem here.’
‘No, no Yoongi I do trust you,’ Jimin rushes. ‘I was stupid, I let my insecurities get the best of me and it’s stupid, I am so stupid and I should never have accused you, but I’m so- I’m just so sorry.’ He’s rambling in a desperate attempt to convince Yoongi not to say something he’ll regret.
‘But you said you got a job, right? That’s amazing.’ Jimin throws in a forced subject change when Yoongi doesn’t respond, as some kind of last resort, but it doesn’t seem to make things better either.
‘Yeah,’ Yoongi sighs. ‘Yeah I did.’ There’s a sad, ‘surprise,’ after that and god, Jimin fucked up so bad.
‘I’m proud of you.’ Jimin tries.
It goes silent then. Jimin wants to say something, anything but he’s not sure what would make the situation any better.
'So you can start saving up now? Looking for places?'
‘Yeah.’ Yoongi mutters. ‘I can.’
‘I’m happy for you.’ He means it. ‘And I’m really sorry. I really do trust you.’
‘It’s okay.’ It’s not. ‘I guess I’m gonna sleep now, though.’ Yoongi adds something about a morning shift and evening class.
‘Okay.’ Jimin tells him softly. ‘Good luck at work tomorrow.’
Again there’s nothing but a ‘thanks,’ followed by a ‘night’ and then the line goes dead.
Jimin stares at his phone screen, quite in disbelief. He sits on his bed, quietly, places his phone on the floor with the screen facing down so he won’t be tempted to call Yoongi or check his texts again. He’s afraid he’ll end up fucking up more, ruining things even more.
He hears his mother passing his door, recognizes her footsteps; they’re lighter than his father’s. He thinks he hears her pausing, is almost convinced she’ll come back in to check up on him again. He’s longing for her arms, for his mother’s embrace, for any type of reassurance that it’s all alright. Wants to hide in the familiarity. But the door doesn’t open. She doesn’t come in, and Jimin’s bed feels way too big for his body as he buries himself in the sheets, clenches his body pillow as he waits for sleep that won’t come.
(It takes Jimin half an hour before he gives in and checks his phone again.
23:46: I can’t sleep knowing we’re not ok
Turns out he’s not alone.
He hesitates, hesitates only for a few seconds, but then decides to call Yoongi again. They both apologize the moment the line connects. Both laugh awkwardly after that.
But this time, it’s different. It’s different because now they actually do listen to each other.
So when Yoongi tells Jimin he’s scared and incredibly stressed with everything coming his way, tells him that that's why he reacted so strongly, Jimin calmly comforts him. And when Jimin mentions he’s been feeling very insecure and unsure, that he’s afraid he’ll lose Yoongi now that he’s far away, Yoongi makes it his personal job to take Jimin’s insecurities away, whispering words of praise and love to the other over a shaky connection. Whispers it to Jimin when it’s far past midnight and they both know they should sleep because Yoongi still has that damn morning shift, and staying up until 3 in the morning has bad idea written all over it.
But when they eventually do drift off, it’s to each other’s soft, slow breathing; it's to knowing that they might not be completely ok, but they're not broken either.
The call doesn't disconnect until Jimin’s battery runs out an hour later and they're both fast asleep.)
Autumn has officially made its entrance when Jimin finds himself outside of his house, his backpack stuffed with some clothes, his phone charger and a candle wrapped into a plastic bag as some sort of housewarming gift. Fallen leaves crack underneath his feet as he nervously paces up and down his driveway.
Now, don’t worry, his parents haven’t kicked him out, neither is he running away.
He’s going to see Yoongi.
For the first time in two months, the first time since summer, he’s going to see Yoongi again. The announcement that Jimin could come over came in the form of a picture of a yellow toothbrush sitting in a cup in Yoongi’s otherwise empty bathroom on the day he moved into his new apartment. Jimin had been overjoyed, had squealed into his pillow and immediately called Yoongi.
His Yoongi, who had gotten so incredibly lucky and found himself a place only a month after he had started looking.
It’s small, though, not in the best neighborhood either. The apartment consists out of a room that both functions as a living room and a kitchen, another room where Yoongi’s bed only just fits -and Yoongi has a small double (his closet went to the living room because of it, standing awkwardly next to the only plant in his apartment; a gift from his mother.) And last, connected to the bedroom is a bathroom with a sink, a toilet and a shower. It’s not much, but Yoongi tells Jimin he’s incredibly happy with his tiny, overpriced apartment. So not surprised that apparently his parents really wanted to get rid of him quickly, telling the estate agent ‘we’ll take it’ the moment they decided the place looked even slightly okay.
Yoongi also tells Jimin about the awkward trip to IKEA with his father which had happened afterwards. Picking out minimal furniture with weird Swedish names and then quietly eating Swedish meatballs in the restaurant for dinner had been quite the experience. But Yoongi had gotten all the stuff he needed, and together with some old kitchen equipment his mother didn’t use anymore and a few plates and cups Yoongi vaguely remembered from his childhood, he was set and ready to move in.
And Jimin couldn’t believe it, still can’t believe that (if everything goes right, and the goddamn trains aren’t delayed for once) he’ll be with Yoongi in a matter of hours. No more pictures or phone calls needed. He’ll be with Yoongi in his own apartment and there will be no one else. Just them.
Jimin is staying for 3 days, not a lot, but Yoongi has work and school. His first examination period is only a week away, but waiting until Yoongi’s exams are over doesn’t seem to be an option. So when Yoongi shyly confesses over the phone that he would really, really love it if Jimin were to come over as soon as possible, Jimin makes his way downstairs, begging his father if he could please pretty, pretty please drop him off at the nearest train station in two days.
His father had dramatically sighed but told Jimin that yes, he’d drop him off.
So here Jimin is, waiting impatiently for his father to come outside and drop him off at the train station. He shivers a little as he checks the time.
The numbers read 7:50 and his first train doesn’t leave until 8:40, so he should be good. He sends Yoongi a quick text, knowing he’s awake and running the morning shift, helping the kitchen crew prepare for lunch and dinner time.
The plan is that Yoongi will pick him up right after his shift from the Daegu train station, and then they’ll spent the rest of the day together. (Yoongi actually has an evening class, but he’s skipping it for Jimin. He didn’t tell him, though, knowing the younger would definitely protest.)
Jimin sighs, hopping from leg to leg. He’s really starting to wonder how long it can take a grown man to finish his coffee and go to the toilet, when he hears footsteps behind him. His heart drops when he turns around and notices who it is.
He’s so, so not in the mood for this.
‘Morning!’ Miss Kim chirps, trying her hardest to keep her small dog under control, who’s starting to furiously pull on her leach when her owner suddenly stops walking.
Jimin lowers his head and mutters a halfhearted ‘morning’ back.
‘Jimin-ah,’ she starts, giving her dog a strict look before turning her focus back to Jimin again. ‘I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something but I never see you around anymore lately.’
That’s because I’ve been avoiding you, Jimin’s mind helpfully supplies. ‘Oh,’ Jimin gulps instead. ‘Yeah, I’ve been, eh, busy.’
‘But you’re here now so I might as well-’ she stops talking then, not finishing her sentence, warily looking around. Jimin frowns.
‘Do it now.’ She continues, smiling, something that kind of weirds Jimin out and can’t his dad finish that shit or whatever he’s doing on that damn toilet and come outside.
‘You remember when I saw you and that Min kid, right?’ she asks.
Jimin wants to sneer at her that his name is Yoongi but keeps quiet. He’s going to have a great day and this small hiccup called Miss Kim is not going to affect him. She’ll leave soon enough, so he’ll just hear whatever she has to say out and then pretend it never happened.
‘Yeah, what about it,’ Jimin brings out, still managing to sound somewhat polite. God, his parents had really raised him way too well. He’s not in the mood for being called out for cuddling a guy on the sidewalk when he was upset. He knows it happened, knows what Miss Kim thinks now. He wishes he had the nerve to call her out and tell her to mind her own business. Something he had planned on doing over a month ago, but then, well, something came in-between and ever since he had lost the courage to do so.
‘I just want you to know that I think it’s okay, and that I won’t tell anyone about the two of you. I know my reputation around here but Jimin-ah, you should know I would never do such a thing.’
Jimin’s jaw almost drops, wondering if he heard that correctly. His worries about Miss Kim outing him still aren’t completely gone, though, because he’s pretty sure she doesn’t mean it.
‘I’m sorry, but what? There’s nothing going on between me and Yoongi.’ It’s a lie, and he can tell it’s one Miss Kim isn’t buying at all.
Suddenly the lady starts laughing, and her small dog starts pulling on the leach even more. She picks the little monster up and sighs. ‘Ah, Jimin, you remind me so much of my daughter.’
Jimin just stands there quietly, not even moving an inch as he stares at the woman in disbelief. He feels small, and he just wants her to go. She doesn’t mean any of this, he tells himself. She doesn’t.
‘I don’t think you remember her, she decided to live with her father when me and my ex-husband divorced. You were probably only a toddler back then.’ Jimin indeed doesn’t remember any of it and he has no idea what the lady is talking about. ‘But when she was around your age, maybe a little younger, she had the loveliest girlfriend. She tried to deny it, but I knew better. Mothers just notice such things, you know.’
And then it all slowly starts to make sense.
Jimin doesn’t know what to say, can’t really say anything; quickly looks over his shoulder instead to check if his father is still inside.
‘Just know that it’s okay, Jimin-ah. We don’t choose who we fall in love with, but when we do fall in love, it would be a shame not to love that person to the fullest, right?’ She smiles then. ‘But well, me and my little girl are going to continue our morning walk. Have a good day child, and follow your heart.’ And with that she sets her dog down and in a matter of seconds she’s gone.
Jimin is pretty sure his jaw just dropped and he’s looking like an idiot, but he can bring himself to move. Miss Kim has a daughter who isn’t straight? She actually told him it was okay? Told him that she as a mother knew what had been going on, which makes him think, would his-
He’s startled by a firm hand on his shoulder. ‘You’re ready to go Jimin-ah?’
Jimin looks at his father with wide eyes, quickly nodding. ‘Yeah, yes I’m ready,’ he stutters, walking over to the car and quickly getting into the passenger seat.
‘What did Miss Kim want from you?’ His father asks as he gets in himself.
‘Nothing.’ Jimin is quick to respond, trying to think of another lie. God knows he’s been lying to his parents way too much lately. ‘Something about weeds in the garden.’
His father nods, then proceeds to tell Jimin about something he read in the newspaper that morning as he starts the engine. Jimin mutters a ‘really?’ back, not really listening as he presses his cheek against the cool window, watching the houses pass by.
The train ride passes smoothly. Kind of.
His father drops him off with a ‘be good, tell the kid hi and call me when I need to pick you up.’
He hadn’t questioned Jimin when he had announced he was going to see Yoongi, and neither is he questioning his son now; something Jimin is thankful for. Just tells Jimin he’s not paying for his train ticket and waves with a small smile. Jimin isn’t really surprised his father isn’t raising his eyebrows, though; it’s not like Jimin never went to meet up with a friend before.
It all goes smoothly at first. The carriage on the first train is too loud for him to really think about anything, so his mind just goes blank, really. He spends his ten-minute layover looking for the right platform for the train to Daegu, but when he finds it and gets in, nervous suddenly come crashing down on him.
All of a sudden it hits him that he’s actually on his way to Yoongi and wow fuck shit. He’s doing this.
It’s silent, really silent in the carriage; besides him there’s only an elderly couple, a girl typing away on her laptop, and two businessmen both staring at their phones.
And suddenly his thoughts are really loud, and he feels weirdly overwhelmed.
He wipes his sweaty hands on his jeans, black ones with rips in the knees and one on his right upper leg. He finds himself wondering if he actually looks okay in them. He does, right? Taehyung once mentioned how amazing his ass looked in them, so he should be good, right? God, he doesn’t know.
He looks at his shirt then, it’s his stussy t-shirt, the same one he wore when he first met Yoongi. It hadn’t been on purpose; it’s just that it’s his favorite, and he always feels confident while wearing it. But isn’t it lame? He holds his arms out to look at the sleeves of his dark green bomber jacket next. It’s warm, comfortable, but it kind of swallows him up as well. Makes him look like even more than a midget he already is.
He shakes his head then -why is worrying about his outfit? Yoongi has seen him in sweats and old worn out t-shirts, and he had still wanted Jimin after that as well. He’s just being dumb.
He doesn’t know why he’s suddenly stressing so much. He guesses it’s because he’s insecure, and ever since he accused Yoongi of finding someone else, the fear of Yoongi actually rejecting him, not wanting him after two months apart, not being good enough, hits him harder than ever. What if things are not the same when they reunite?
He wiggles in his seat, looks out of the window for some minutes but that doesn’t really calm him down either.
In a few days he’ll be on this train again, he thinks, but then he’ll be going back home. What kind of person will he be, then? Will Yoongi be his boyfriend? Or will they maybe have realized things just aren’t the same between them? Will they have fought? Made love? The thoughts make him blush, make him tremble a little. So much can happen. So much can change in just 3 days.
There’s only one way to find out, he figures as the train starts to roll into the city of Daegu after a while. Only one way. It starts with getting off this train, hoisting his backpack up his shoulders and finding Yoongi in the sea of people.
He doesn’t see Yoongi immediately when he walks onto the platform and he feels small waves of anxiety already crashing his system. There are too many people on the platform, all talking, all coming from and going into different directions and Jimin doesn’t know where to look or where to go. He just stands there, probably looking like a lost puppy, when suddenly, still far away, he spots a familiar figure.
It’s Yoongi. It’s like his mind refuses to believe what his eyes are seeing, but he is right there. He thought he was prepared for this but then suddenly he’s not.
(And like a fucking sappy cliché; Jimin honestly finds that Yoongi looks even more beautiful than he remembers.)
He starts walking, wants to run, but people keep blocking his way, blocking his view from Yoongi. He’s so afraid he’ll lose sight of him, curses himself for being so short, tries standing on his tippy-toes but he still doesn’t really see anything. He just wants nothing more than to be in Yoongi’s arms, wants to feel safe, wants to feel like he’s home. But people keep blocking his sight, and he’s not even sure where he’s going anymore. Until he sees Yoongi again, not that far away this time.
He finds himself running, feet moving faster and backpack bouncing wildly on his back, as he closes the last few meters between him and Yoongi.
And before he knows, before he truly registers it, he feels two arms being wrapped around his body.
‘Jimin-ah.’ Yoongi’s voice sounds hoarser than he remembers, his hands a little larger as they hold him tight.
‘I missed you so much.’ Jimin buries his face in Yoongi’s neck, hugs him closer by the waist and takes in Yoongi’s smell.
He forgets that they’re in public, forgets about any judgmental stares for a moment.
‘Missed you more,’ Yoongi murmurs back as he turns his head to kiss Jimin’s hair. They hold each other for a little longer, before Yoongi steps back and holds his hand out. Normally Jimin wouldn’t hold Yoongi’s hand in public, normally he would actually care about what other people might think then. But not today. He’s in a city where no one knows him, far away from home, and if he wants to hold Yoongi’s goddamn hand he’s going to hold Yoongi’s goddamn hand.
‘I’m glad you’re here.’ Yoongi smiles as he laces their fingers together.
‘Me too.’ Jimin tells him as he lets Yoongi lead him out of the station.
They walk to Yoongi’s apartment, which luckily isn’t that far away, only about a 20-minute walk. There’s this weird tension between them, though, and Jimin knows they both feel it. They haven’t seen each other in two months, haven’t touched each other in two months, but they’re already gathering enough attention just by walking this close to each other. He still wants to pull Yoongi even closer and smash their lips together, though, but they both know that won’t be an option as long as they’re in public. Instead they talk, not a lot, because it’s not really needed. They kept each other updated almost every day, so it’s mostly stolen glances and careful touches until they finally reach Yoongi’s building.
Once Yoongi opens his front door, though (Jimin has only just put his backpack down and Yoongi has only just closed his door again) Jimin feels himself being shoved up against the wall.
Yoongi’s lips find his immediately and it’s all but slow and innocent. Jimin’s hands scramble at Yoongi sides, and it’s not long before he slips them underneath Yoongi’s long sleeved shirt. Meanwhile Yoongi is tugging on his bottom lip, swipes his tongue across it so Jimin will let him in, hands pushing Jimin’s bomber jacket down and out of the way so he can put his fingertips on Jimin’s skin.
Jimin can already feel himself whimpering into the kiss, and those whimpers turn into soft moans when Yoongi moves down to work on his neck.
‘Oh.’ It comes out as a shaky breath and Jimin finds that he’s glad there’s a wall behind him for support when Yoongi starts to suck, marking him, lightly biting down on the skin after.
He’s blushing and panting when Yoongi breaks away from his neck to kiss his lips again. He tastes like smoke, like mints, like Yoongi. And Jimin is so, so sensitive; getting all wind up by just a few kisses, but he finds he doesn’t really care. He loves the feeling too much.
Jimin’s hands come up to cradle Yoongi’s face as Yoongi carefully walks them back and towards what Jimin can only guess is a couch. He opens his eyes once he feels he’s actually sitting down and Yoongi has stopped kissing him.
Yoongi hovers over him, suddenly smiling shyly as he braces his hands on the backrest behind Jimin. ‘Hi.’
Yoongi leans in and captures Jimin’s lips with his own again, pulling back only seconds later.
‘Hey.’ Jimin whispers back, fingertips still lingering on Yoongi’s cheeks.
‘I really, really needed that.’ Yoongi admits, sighing and wiping his lips with his hand before sitting down next to Jimin.
‘Mmh, me too.’ Jimin smiles; leans his head on Yoongi’s shoulder while he catches his breath. He lets his eyes wander.
Gray and white walls, a small kitchen block, a closet with an exotic looking plant next to it. Besides the couch and closet there’s not a lot of furniture, only a small table with an ashtray on it, two chairs and a lamp. It’s nice, though. Still lacks a bit of personality, but who can blame Yoongi when he has only just moved in.
‘I like your place.’ Jimin looks up at Yoongi, ‘it’s actually really nice.’
‘Don’t lie.’ Yoongi frowns.
‘Not lying.’ Jimin tells him. ‘You should give me a tour.’
Yoongi rolls his eyes. ‘Kitchen,’ he points to the other side of the room.
‘No, no come on Yoongi. A real one. Like you’re on MTV.’ Jimin giggles. ‘Show me what’s in your fridge and shit. Please?’
Yoongi laughs at that, pulling Jimin up with him. ‘Because you asked so nicely.’
His fridge turns out to be rather disappointing, only has 3 water bottles and leftover Chinese take-out in it. Jimin makes a mental note to take Yoongi grocery shopping.
‘This is my closet, which isn’t interesting at all so we can move on from that.’ Yoongi tells him next, tone dry and Jimin has to resist the urge to roll his eyes. Yoongi opens a door then.
‘So this is where I sleep.’ He mutters to Jimin, biting down on his bottom lip as he looks into the room. ‘Well, where we sleep.’
The bed looks a little small, but Jimin is pretty sure they’ll fit. He figures they still need to test it, though. So he kicks his shoes off, grabbing Yoongi’s wrist with a, ‘we gotta see if we’ll fit, hyung.’
Yoongi shakes his head, letting Jimin pull him to the edge of his bed and he watches the younger crawl onto the mattress. ‘You know the moment I lie down next to you I will fall asleep, right? And that will be very boring for you.’
Jimin simply shrugs in response, getting comfortable on top of the sheets. ‘If you want to nap we totally can.’
‘I kind of want to,’ Yoongi tells him as climbs onto the bed as well, pressing a kiss against Jimin’s cheek before lying down next to him. ‘But I was also planning on showing you around Daegu, showing you where I grew up and stuff. And then,’ he traces Jimin cheekbone with his index finger. ‘Taking you out for dinner tonight.’ Yoongi sighs, pulling his hand back. ‘But we can also do that tomorrow and I can order take out tonight, and we can watch movies in bed and cuddle-’ Yoongi presses another kiss against Jimin’s neck, right below Jimin’s ear and it sends a shiver down his spine. ‘Or something instead.’
Jimin smiles, turning so he can bury himself in Yoongi’s side, trying to hide his now slightly heated cheeks. He both loves and hates the effect that Yoongi has on him. ‘I’m okay with anything as long as it’s with you.’
‘Then you better start thinking about what topping you want on your pizza tonight because I’m still not cooking and taking a nap with you sounds very, very tempting.’
Jimin laughs at that, sitting up. ‘Then taking a nap it is. I’m gonna take these jeans off, though. They’re not nice to sleep in.’
‘Jesus sunshine, you’ve been here for 5 minutes and you’re already getting naked.’ Yoongi teases, clearly amused.
‘Shut up.’ Jimin blushes as he fiddles with his belt and tries to avoid Yoongi’s eyes. ‘Got any sweats in here? Mine are in my bag in the other room.’
‘Check under the pillow.’ Yoongi mutters, ‘I put them on when I’m cold.’
‘Alright,’ Jimin tells him as he checks underneath the pillow and to his delight indeed finds a pair of dark gray sweatpants. He grabs them, quickly shrugs out of his jeans and puts the sweatpants on, finding they’re a little tight around his thighs but they’re soft and a lot more suitable for napping than ripped jeans. When Yoongi finally manages to kick his own jeans off as well they both get underneath the sheets.
Jimin’s leg ends up between Yoongi’s, his head on the other boy’s chest and their arms loosely wrapped around each other’s waists. It’s admittedly not the most comfortable position ever, and unlike Yoongi, Jimin doesn’t sleep. But that’s okay, he decides. He silently enjoys how calm he feels, even momentarily allows himself to forget about his worries, about the loneliness of the last two months. It all seems to be okay, they seem to be okay, and he pushes the small voice in his head telling him that maybe he’s got it all wrong far away.
there are 2 chapters (maybe even 1) and an epilogue left! it's almost over guys
(but there might be some angst first maybe who knows)
as always thank you so much for reading!
Chapter 16: biological bullshit
Brett said this 4.7k mess was ok and I trust him
look @ me with the almost weekly updates
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
It’s almost dinnertime when Yoongi finally, finally wakes up (Jimin almost couldn’t feel his trapped leg anymore.) They order pizza, stay in bed. Jimin giggles when Yoongi gets sauce on his cheeks, Yoongi laughs when Jimin attempts to feed him, claiming that apparently his hyung can’t eat properly himself.
It’s nice, it’s warm, it’s familiar when they cuddle up after that. Yoongi puts his laptop on the edge of the mattress and makes sure to comment on every dumb line. Jimin shakes his head, tells Yoongi that he doesn’t appreciate fine art. (Yoongi then tells him that The Notebook - they’re finally watching it, long overdue because Jimin had wanted to watch it ever since he took Yoongi to the lake - isn’t fine art, and okay, maybe his hyung is right.) Not long after that Yoongi apparently decides that the movie really is bad, though, because his eyes leave the screen completely, and he chooses to stare at Jimin instead.
Of course Jimin feels the pair of eyes on him, knows it, but he keeps his focus on the screen. Just to play with Yoongi, to tease him. He can’t hold back a smile, though, tries to, forcefully bites down on his lip, but Yoongi notices. He carefully places his fingers on Jimin’s jaw, slowly turns Jimin’s head until their eyes meet, and then leans in.
Yoongi kisses him deep, soft and tender. The movie is forgotten, the laptop closed soon after, leaving them in the darkness of Yoongi’s room. Luckily there’s a lamppost close to Yoongi’s window, shedding just enough light into the room for them not to bump heads. It’s quiet when Yoongi helps Jimin out of his shirt, pulling his own up and over his head soon after. Jimin’s heart is beating fast when Yoongi kisses down his chest, almost thinks this could be it, but he’s so incredibly tired, all the emotions of the day are getting the best of him, and even though he grinds against Yoongi’s leg for a little, nothing really happens.
So that’s that. Yoongi lies beside him, holds him (Jimin thinks he feels a hardness pressing against his leg but he’s spent, really tired and luckily Yoongi seems to be in a similar state) and that’s how they fall asleep. Sound and content.
When he wakes up it’s to an empty bed. He doesn’t notice it at first, thinks that maybe he accidentally rolled away from Yoongi’s embrace in his sleep. He feels around, reaches out with his eyes still closed. He pats the mattress; finds nothing but a cold spot where Yoongi’s body is supposed to be.
A wave of panic hits him, and he quickly sits up, rubs the sleep out of his eyes and looks around the room. To his relief he finds Yoongi next to the opened window, in the small space between the bed and the wall, smiling down at him. A lit cigarette is dangling from his fingers, crooked elbow placed on the windowsill, the smoke disappearing into the morning air outside.
Jimin drops back onto the mattress, eyeing Yoongi. ‘I thought you were gone.’
‘Of course not.’ He taps the cigarette, ashes creating dark little spots on the white windowsill. ‘Slept well?’
Jimin hums, ‘but can you come back and properly cuddle me awake when you finish that cigarette.’
Yoongi grins, tells Jimin that he’ll be right there. Jimin beams at him, curls into himself underneath the sheets again and closes his eyes. It’s not long before he feels Yoongi next to him, grabbing his waist and turning him over so his back is pressed against Yoongi’s chest.
‘Why do you get to be the big spoon?’ Jimin mutters into the pillow, voice still a little thick with sleep.
‘Because I’m older.’
‘But I’m 19 now,’ Jimin counters. His nineteenth birthday had only been a few days ago, and it had by far been his weirdest birthday ever. Mostly in the sense that it hadn’t felt like a birthday at all, and more like any ordinary day. The only difference was that he ate cake and that his grandmother had put some extra birthday money in his bank account. It had been quite lonely. He had gotten texts, phone calls and cards, but it wasn’t the same with barely anyone there to celebrate.
‘Oh, now that you remind me.’ He feels Yoongi move against his back. ‘Be right back.’
Jimin frowns, opening his eyes as he feels Yoongi’s warmth disappearing, not liking that Yoongi just left him again at all. He sits up, accepting that maybe there won’t be any cuddling after all as he rests his back against the wall behind him and waits for Yoongi to return.
When Yoongi enters the room again it’s with his hands behind his back, obviously hiding something. He looks a little nervous as he climbs back onto the bed, almost losing his balance twice as he shuffles towards Jimin on his knees until he can sit down between Jimin’s legs.
‘So this might be really cheesy and I have no idea if you’re into stuff like this-’ Yoongi starts, and Jimin raises his eyebrows. Into stuff like this? (Jimin honestly almost starts to wonder if Yoongi bought him a big glittery dildo or something.)
‘I learned how to make these back when I worked at the music store. I never got the chance to make one for anyone, though. No one ever reminded me of a song, of music. But you do.’
And Jimin knows Yoongi once told him that music was the thing he loved most, and he looks at Yoongi in disbelief.
Yoongi slowly pulls a hand away from behind his back, revealing a CD cover. ‘These are the songs that make me think of you, remind me of you, make me wish I wrote them and dedicated them to you. I, I don’t know if you even have a CD player because who does these days but-’
‘It’s perfect.’ Jimin interrupts him, hating to hear Yoongi doubt himself, because it really is perfect. Without a doubt the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for him. ‘I already love it.’ He tries to picture Yoongi behind his desk in his parents’ house. Sitting behind his laptop, with a list of songs he may have heard on the radio, in a store, from a pair of headphones a stranger was wearing on the bus that weren’t soundproof. And Jimin is so touched, gets the biggest lump in his throat as Yoongi hands him his gift.
Jimin’s mixtape, it says in Yoongi’s scrawl, written in thick black marker.
Jimin sees Yoongi smile at him from the corner of his eyes, watching fondly as Jimin admires his gift. There’s an explosion of butterflies happening in Jimin’s belly as he leans forward to kiss Yoongi’s cheek. ‘Thank you so, so much, hyung.’
‘So I crashed my bike into that tree when I was 9,’ Yoongi chuckles, shakes his head with a smile.
They’re walking around Yoongi’s old neighborhood, and so far, Jimin has seen Yoongi’s elementary and high school. They walked past Yoongi’s parents’ house as well, Yoongi assuring Jimin that his parents weren’t home first. It was a very ordinary house, Jimin found once they were standing in front of it. So different from his own, which has a garden with flowers, a gate and well, color. Yoongi’s house, on the contrary, is gray and looks just like every other gray house on the street. But that’s okay, he thinks. He kind of likes how different they are, even their houses prove it.
‘And underneath that building is the basement where I got my tattoo.’ Yoongi points at a building across the street and smirks at Jimin. ‘I’m thinking about getting another one.’
Jimin stares at Yoongi in disbelief. ‘You’re serious?’ Jimin goes weak in the knees when he even just thinks about Yoongi’s tattoo, kind of wants to lift his hyung’s clothes in the middle of the street just to run his fingers over the black ink on Yoongi’s back. If Yoongi is going to get more Jimin is sure he will probably spontaneously combust.
‘Yeah, once I have more money.’ Yoongi nods, ‘wanna get something special. Somewhere where my parents can’t see of course.’
‘Do you have any ideas?’ Jimin asks when they start walking again.
Yoongi bites down on his bottom lip. ‘Actually I kind of do. I think I want to get something related to last summer.’
‘Last summer? As in -our summer?’ Jimin looks at Yoongi, almost stumbles and falls over a loose brick in the road, too focused on Yoongi.
‘Yeah, I mean; it was the weirdest summer of my life, but it’s very special to me.’ He nudges Jimin. ‘I mean I found you.’
‘You did,’ Jimin agrees, wrapping his hands around Yoongi’s arm, nuzzling into his side. They go quiet then, walking side by side. It’s cold out, mid-October air cooler than they both had anticipated, and Jimin remains close to Yoongi, chasing after his warmth. Part of him wants to go back to the apartment, wants to hide with Yoongi underneath the blankets. Another part realizes how important this is, that this is all a part of Yoongi that Jimin needs to, and wants to know and understand.
‘So,’ Yoongi stops walking again. They’re standing in front of a small coffee place. A flashy green sticker on the window tells them that ‘everything is vegan!’ and it makes Jimin cringe only a little.
‘This is-’ Yoongi pauses, corners of his mouth dropping, shoulders sagging. ‘This is where the music store used to be.’ He takes a deep breath, raises his hand to point at the sticker. ‘Before it was sold and turned into this biological bullshit.’
‘Does seeing this still make you upset?’ Jimin carefully, softly asks Yoongi. ‘You know you can still get into the music business, hyung. This store wasn’t your only chance.’
‘I know I can. But it sucks. I gave up so much for this, and look where it got me.’ Yoongi looks at the vegan sticker as if he wants to rip it off the window, scratch it off with his nails if he has to. ‘I got kicked out by my parents, and they wanted to get rid of me so much in the end. I don’t have any diplomas, I’m a nobody.’ He fumbles around in his pockets to locate his pack of cigarettes and his lighter, and Jimin lets go of his arm, silently watches Yoongi put one of the sticks between his lips, shielding it from the wind with his hand as he lights it. Jimin isn’t sure what to say, realizes that Yoongi is more affected by everything than he lets on. It upsets him greatly, but he’s not sure what could make it better. It’s the harsh reality that Yoongi did mess up, that the scars are still fresh, and being back here must surely be hard Yoongi.
He gently tugs Yoongi with him, thinking that it’s best if they get away from there. They don’t talk for the next few minutes, but Jimin doesn’t mind. He mutters a, ‘just know that I am proud of you, Yoongi,’ when the silence grows too heavy after a while.
Yoongi frowns at him, cigarette long smoked up and crushed underneath his sole 5 minutes ago.
‘You’re trying so hard. Effort never betrays.’
‘I hope so.’ Yoongi whispers, voice really small, and Jimin almost doesn’t catch it. He smiles at Yoongi; hopes it looks as reassuring as he wants it to, because Yoongi already came so far, and Jimin doesn’t want to see him doubt his efforts.
‘You’re gonna get there.’ He runs a hand down Yoongi’s arm, trying to catch his attention. ‘Let’s find a place where we can eat. I’ll pay.’ Jimin offers, hoping it’ll cheer Yoongi up a little.
Yoongi weakly smiles, ‘need a hug first.’
Jimin laughs softly, stops walking to wrap his arms around Yoongi’s waist and buries his face in Yoongi’s chest. He feels Yoongi place a kiss on top of his hair, right there, in the middle of the street, surprising Jimin.
‘It just sucks you know. Throwing everything away for something and ending up with nothing.’
(They end up in a small restaurant Yoongi claims has the best meat in the entire district. They sit in a booth in the corner, and the setting is not exactly romantic. The lights above them are way too bright and fluorescent, the background music is something Jimin’s grandfather would listen to and the kitchen crew is constantly yelling. But the food is good, and the way Yoongi looks at him, shyly glancing at him through his eyelashes as he reaches out for Jimin’s hand underneath the table, makes it one of the best dinners Jimin has ever had.)
They’ve only just gotten back to Yoongi’s apartment when it happens. To be more clear, when the conversation happens.
Jimin sees it coming, not having forgotten Yoongi’s promise before he left two months ago.
(I really want to try us. Us together.)
The candle he gave Yoongi (he almost forgot about it, quickly pulled it out of his bag with a weak ‘tada’) is burning next to them, a little bit of light filters in through the window, and Jimin has Yoongi right where he wants him on the couch. Yoongi is straddling his hips, hiking Jimin’s shirt up until it’s tucked underneath his armpits so Yoongi can attach his lips to his nipple. And it’s different from last night, when they were tired, and things remained mostly innocent. Now it’s going to escalate, because it’s hot, too hot, everything is, and Jimin really has to calm himself down. Tomorrow he’s going home, this is their last night and everything is right. Yet he knows they need to talk about it.
‘How about we take this to the bedroom, baby.’ Hot breath ghosts over his ear, Yoongi lightly tugging on his earlobe with his teeth. He kisses Jimin’s neck then, whispering a, ‘wanna make you feel good.’
And Jimin wants to give in, wants Yoongi to take his hand and lead him to his bedroom, but he can’t, not until he has asked the question that’s on his lips. He has to know. Has to know if Yoongi still wants it.
‘Yoongi-’ it doesn’t sound how Jimin wants it to sound, way too breathy and more like a moan than a warning that he needs Yoongi to stop for a second. ‘Hyung.’ He tries again, and this time Yoongi’s lips do leave his neck; only to peck his lips seconds later.
‘What’s it babe.’
‘What are we?’ Jimin hates how shitty the question sounds, how the topic will probably kill Yoongi’s semi-boner (and his own) in 0.2 seconds, and he sheepishly grins up at his hyung.
Yoongi sits back on his lap, seemingly studying Jimin’s features. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Don’t you remember? What you said when you left? About us.. together?’
At this Yoongi slips from his lap, sits down next to him instead. His hair is disheveled, cheeks still pink and lips swollen, but the hazy look in his eyes is gone.
‘About that,’ Yoongi looks unmistakably nervous all of a sudden and it honestly scares Jimin for what’s about to come. ‘I’ve been thinking, and getting into a relationship right now would- it would be the end of us Jimin. I know I promised you we would get together when everything was as it should be. And I do have a place and a job, but it’s not how it should be. Not yet. Getting together right now -It would break us both.’
Jimin stares at Yoongi, confused. Has no idea how a relationship formed by two people who obviously care about each other and love being together would ‘break’ them. It doesn’t make sense, and Jimin is pretty sure that he hadn’t made things up when he caught Yoongi lovingly staring at him over a plate of galbi just an hour ago. He doesn’t get it.
‘Did I do something? Because what would break us? I haven’t felt this good since before you left. Being with you makes me feel amazing and I have no idea how it could make me feel anything but that.’ Jimin’s voice is audibly picking up; a sign that he’s on the verge of panicking. He squeezes his eyes shut.
‘Jimin, Jimin-ah, look at me and hear hyung out. Please.’
Jimin shakes his head because he feels that weird feeling in his throat, knows that his voice will shake and break if he starts talking; that tears will escape his eyes if he opens them. He can’t. He’s so confused.
‘Please listen to me.’ Jimin feels a hand grabbing his, and it feels so weird. Yoongi’s telling him that he can’t be with him yet he’s still seeking a physical connection.
‘You know how I feel about you right? I think I’ve fallen in love with you-’
‘Then why can’t we try to make this work.’ Jimin interrupts, whispers, first tear already slipping out and he quickly wipes it away. He had wanted to be Yoongi’s so bad, had really, really hoped that Yoongi would ask him to be his tonight. All the heat from just a few minutes ago is forgotten, blind panic seizing Jimin’s throat, clothes being pushed back into place.
‘Jimin, look at us. How can we ever have a healthy relationship if we both have to hide it from our parents? Our friends? Always have to hide? Do you think we’re ready for a relationship now? I know what I told you, but being back here made me realize that it takes a lot more than finding a job and a place to live to be alright. The last two months have honestly already been so hard.’ Yoongi’s thumb runs circles over Jimin’s palm, and it only calms Jimin down a little. ‘But you were always there to brighten my day. You kept me going.’
Jimin almost finds himself smiling at that. Almost. Because, fact is that despite doing everything that lovers do, Yoongi is still telling him they can’t be just that.
‘But I know you, you’re a little insecure, and that’s okay, but you need reassurance. You get hurt easily, and I’m so afraid I’ll take all my stress and everything out on you, that I’ll hurt you and then you won’t want me anymore’
‘You could never do that Yoongi I- ‘
‘No,’ Yoongi sadly shakes his head. ‘Jimin, I know myself. And remember how upset you got when you thought I was dating someone else? We’re far away from each other, and what if that happens again? I can’t just come over to your house and calmly talk it out. What if you’re upset? I can’t go see you, or comfort you, hold you. Or when you doubt yourself and-’ Yoongi’s voice breaks and Jimin knows that if Yoongi starts crying as well he will lose it.
‘And on top of that we both need to focus on our futures. My life is a mess; I’m not going to pretend it’s not. I have a job, yes, go to school as well, but living here all alone made me realize a lot of things. My parents don’t treat me like their son anymore because of everything, they wanted me out. I barely have any friends left, I’m barely getting by after not giving a fuck about anything or anyone but myself for 4 years. But now I care about you, and now all I want is for you to be happy. And I don’t think I could be the person to make you happy right now.’
‘Yoongi,’ Jimin tries. ‘You make me so, so happy.’
Yoongi looks away at Jimin’s words, and it hurts. ‘I’m not a stable person at all at the moment,’ Yoongi is still not looking at him. ‘And I want the best for you. I can’t give that to you right now, I’m not in the place I want to be in right now, sooner or later I’ll hurt you without meaning to. I need to focus on myself, on finally making things right, and you need to go to college soon and have the most amazing experience without me holding you back. I need to let you go for now for you to be able to have that.’
Yoongi sounds so sad, so incredibly upset and Jimin can’t help but bury his face in Yoongi’s chest. He silently, quietly cries into Yoongi’s t-shirt, doesn’t even want to, but he can’t help it. This is the realest thing he has ever felt and now the source is taking it away from him. Despite that he thinks he does understand where Yoongi is coming from, but that doesn’t take away the fact that it fucking hurts.
Yoongi lets out a shuddery breath, wipes his eyes. ‘I want to do this relationship the right way, and right now I feel like I can’t, like we can’t.’ He angrily pushes his bangs out of his eyes. ‘Ah shit, I told myself I wouldn’t cry.’
‘But what if we can make this work?’ Jimin tries again, holding Yoongi’s hand with both of his own now. His small hands barely taking up Yoongi’s; it’s something Jimin can’t ever get enough of, something he wants to see over and over again, but he might not be able to.
Yoongi shakes his head. ‘Jimin, I know I want to be able to wake up next to you, I want to love you the right way. I want to spoil you and show you off, I want what we have to be real, not something based on text messages and phone calls when we’re sure no one is listening. That’s not what I want, but that’s all that I can give, and it doesn’t even come close to what you deserve. If we do this now you’ll get sick of me sooner or later, and I’ll lose you forever.’
He weakly smiles the fakest smile Jimin has ever seen. ‘If you love someone let them go, right?’ Jimin doesn’t miss the way Yoongi’s shoulders and hands are shaking. ‘And I’m sorry if you felt like I led you on by bringing you here, but I needed to be selfish and see you one last time and feel all the things only you can make me feel. I’m so sorry.’
(Jimin can’t even find it in himself to be mad at Yoongi, knowing he needed these three days just as much.)
‘So is it over now?’ Jimin looks up at Yoongi then, who has new tears threatening to spill from his eyes and it kills Jimin to admit it, but Yoongi is right. A relationship has to come from two sides, and Jimin might be ready, but if Yoongi feels like he isn’t this whole thing will stop working sooner or later.
And a relationship based on texts and phone calls and a few weekends a year when they both have time to travel the distance to see each other, because Yoongi still has a job and school, and Jimin will go to college soon and have a packed schedule, is not enough. It might be a solution for some people, but Jimin has to be honest with himself. It won’t ever be enough for him. It won’t last like that. Not now when they’re so young, so foolish.
They both sit there in silence, holding each other, and Jimin knows that it’s serious; that it’s real when he sees tears running down Yoongi’s cheeks.
‘I want you to live your life Jimin, I want you to enjoy every single day,’ Yoongi squeezes his hand. ‘And when we’re both ready and when the time is right I’ll love you better than anyone has ever loved you before, ever will, and I fucking promise you that. Please know that I don’t want this to be the end of us. It’s just that we have to wait, and it would be unfair of me to hold you back. So if you find someone else while I get my shit together, then I hope they make you happier than I can. But just know that I’ll- I’ll always be here.’ His voice breaks, and suddenly he’s pulling himself away from Jimin’s grip and standing up. ‘Fuck, I need a cigarette.’
And Jimin watches Yoongi disappear into his bedroom, feeling strangely empty as he sits there all alone. He blows the candle out and silently follows after.
He hesitantly, warily wraps his arms around Yoongi’s waist from behind. Yoongi, who is now smoking in front of his opened bedroom window, eyes empty as he stares into a city he calls his home. (But Yoongi knows where his home is. Home is with Jimin, in the abandoned house, the lake, in a restaurant with fluorescent lights. The feeling of being home is not what he feels when he eats breakfast with his parents in a house where he has lived his entire life, home is not what he feels when he walks through his old neighborhood. Home is when Jimin kisses him, holds him. Home is when he thinks he feels so much love for the boy in front of him he can barely fucking breath. But it’s better this way; will be better this way. It’s just not their time yet.)
‘Yoongi,’ Jimin’s voice is a whisper, it’s careful. He runs a hand through Yoongi’s dark locks, stares at his profile, thinks about how incredibly beautiful he looks. Even when there are dried tears on his cheeks. Even when he looks so devastated he still sees the most wonderful constellations in his eyes, still feels that funny feeling in his belly that he now understands is love.
‘These last two days, please tell me they felt as good for you as they felt for me. Please tell me it’s not something I’ve done.’
Yoongi blows smoke into the evening air, shaking his head. ‘Jimin, you were perfect. Are perfect.’
Jimin places his hand on Yoongi’s cheek, skin cold against his fingers. Yoongi turns his head; looks at him instead of the night sky. Jimin finds himself thinking that he wants to kiss Yoongi as he looks into his eyes. That he wants to taste him for one last time. For now. ‘Can I-,’ he doesn’t dare to finish the question. Yoongi said he wanted to let Jimin go for now, and he should not make this any harder than it needs to be. But he wants to feel Yoongi so bad, wants him in this way for one last time, before he can’t anymore.
But then Yoongi’s lips are on his, kissing him hard. Yoongi stubs his cigarette out against the windowsill, hands free to hold Jimin close, and Jimin feels it in his entire body, butterflies and the lingering pain creating wild eruptions.
He doesn’t care about anything but Yoongi, about what he feels as they kiss in front of the opened window, for all of Daegu to see. And Yoongi doesn’t hold back, his hands everywhere, and Jimin can barely keep up. He tugs on Yoongi’s hair when Yoongi’s tongue slips past his lips, whimpers when Yoongi presses a leg between Jimin’s. Grinds down on it without thinking while Yoongi’s fingers kneed his ass, slipping his hand into Jimin’s sweater to run his cold fingers down his spine.
And Jimin decides something while he kisses Yoongi. Decides that he needs to know that it’ll always be Yoongi in the end. That he won’t ever allow himself to forget about him. Decides that if Yoongi takes this from him, he will always have a part of Jimin, and Jimin will always have a part of Yoongi. There’s no one he trusts more, no one he wants to share this with other than Yoongi. He’s ready, knows he won’t regret it. He needs this goodbye. So he pulls away, ghosts his lips over Yoongi’s neck as he tries to catch his breath.
‘Please let me have tonight still.’ He breathes in, breathes out. ‘And make love to me.’
why can’t they just adopt a puppy and bake cupcakes right
one chapter and an epilogue left!
Chapter 17: purple flowers
hallo was ik weer
i just want to remind you all that I’m not a smut writer, and this is more focused on their emotions and less about the smut itself (so don't expect some really kinky, steamy scene because i personally dont think that'd make sense at this point in the story)
this is also both in yoongi's and jimin's pov because i really wanted to write yoongi's pov once more so i really hope that isn't too confusing
and sorry for the delay but I’m currently dealing with some personal issues
anyway my very, very dear readers
‘Yours too.’ Jimin shyly smiles up at him as he tugs on the hem of Yoongi’s t-shirt. Jimin’s own sweater has just been dropped onto the floor and his cheeks are flushed.
Admittedly, so are Yoongi’s.
Yoongi looks down at the boy spread out underneath him, dark hair fanned out over the mattress.
It’s surreal, at least to Yoongi it is. He hadn’t been planning on this, really.
He knew what he was going to say, knew that his decision would hurt Jimin. Knew that it would be extremely unfair to even touch Jimin after that conversation. Maybe even before, but Yoongi couldn’t help himself. The only excuse being his extreme lack of self-control when it came to Jimin. And it’s not like they’re over now, at least, Yoongi doesn’t think they are. They’re just waiting. Just waiting. And Jimin told him he wanted this, initiated this. So, this is okay.
Jimin tugging his shirt up and over his head for him is okay.
Jimin kissing down his collarbones is okay.
Jimin grinding up against Yoongi so he can feel how hard Jimin is getting is okay.
Shit- that’s… not okay and Yoongi should totally ask Jimin whether he wants this again.
‘Jimin-ah.’ Jesus, does he sound out of breath just from some grinding and kissing. ‘Are you sure you want to do this?’
Jimin stops kissing him, stops the movements that are slowly making Yoongi feel dizzy. He smoothes his hands down Yoongi’s pale chest instead, his fingers feeling so good against Yoongi’s skin. It sends a shiver down Yoongi’s spine when Jimin looks up at him. His pupils are blown. He’s smiling.
Jimin tries to enjoy it. Tries to relax when Yoongi kisses him after he tells Yoongi that he’s sure, that he’s okay with this for probably the fifth time.
But he doesn’t blame Yoongi for worrying, because he’s nervous, really freaking nervous and Yoongi must have picked up on that.
It doesn’t help that Yoongi seems to be in a similar state, even though Jimin knows he has done this before. It makes him wonder what makes him different from the other people Yoongi has had sex with. It’s just sex. Part of human nature if you want to. He thinks he knows, though. It’s in the way Yoongi slowly drags his fingertips over his skin, in the way he made sure Jimin was comfortable before pressing their lips together. Not that Jimin wants to fuck anyway, the things he has in seen low quality porn are not what he wants at all. He wants praise, soft touches, gentle caresses, wants it slow so he can enjoy every moment. And he knows Yoongi can give that to him, that Yoongi is giving it to him right now when he feels soft lips on his neck.
‘I’m sorry it has to be like this.’ Yoongi whispers, close to his ear, hot breath tickling his skin. ‘I wish I could give you something better for your first time.’
‘What do you mean?’ Jimin whispers back, grinding up against Yoongi and biting down on his bottom lip when he feels his own erection touching Yoongi’s. It feels good, makes him want to press into Yoongi harder, makes him want to get their pants out of the way. He wants to feel Yoongi’s skin against his own.
‘I don’t know, maybe rose petals, candles. All that romantic shit that you deserve, baby.’ Yoongi sits back on his heels. ‘Not this.’ (Yoongi doesn’t mention how he could still taste the salt on Jimin’s cheeks when he kissed them moments ago.) ‘Cold room.’
‘I,’ Jimin starts, squirming when Yoongi bends down to drop kisses all over the soft skin of his belly. ‘All that matters to me is that I’m doing this with you. I trust you and that’s what’s important to me. That’s what makes it special.’
Jimin can feel Yoongi smile against his skin at his words, and he allows himself to forget about the conversation they had before. Tries to enjoy this moment as much as he can, now that he still has it.
‘Now come back up here and kiss me.’ He mutters when Yoongi’s lips hover dangerously close to his sensitive nipples.
And Yoongi does, steals the breath right from his lips when they collide.
Slow kisses turn into something hotter and headier and Yoongi soon finds himself panting into Jimin’s mouth, hips meeting in stuttered motions as Jimin moans beneath him.
‘I wanna feel you.’ Yoongi breathes into Jimin’s parted lips, one hand already fumbling with the buckle of his belt. He tugs at the waistband of Jimin’s jeans. ‘Let’s take these off.’
They let go of each other to both get rid of the clothing that’s still left, and Yoongi silently watches his jeans, socks and underwear drop to the floor. He slowly climbs back onto the mattress, Jimin right in front of him. Strangely, Yoongi feels hot just by looking at him; had partly forgotten how fucking breathtaking Jimin truly is.
He inches closer to Jimin, who has his back against the wall and is staring right at him. Gaze heavy, lips parted. ‘Is this okay?’ he asks when he places his hand on Jimin’s hip, thumb rubbing circles.
‘Yeah,’ Jimin smiles back, voice shaking only a little. ‘Come here.’
It’s funny, Yoongi thinks as he fits his hips against Jimin’s, how Jimin is taking the lead. He should be the one doing that, should be the one to guide Jimin. He still finds himself in Jimin’s lap, though, still finds himself whimpering with his arms wrapped around Jimin’s neck; Jimin dragging him in close. He feels like he’s suffocating when their cocks rub together.
‘Fuck,’ he pants into Jimin’s neck. ‘Fuck that’s good babe.’
It’s strangely natural, the way Jimin’s body feels against his own. It also feels like way too much way too soon, so Yoongi slides off Jimin’s lap. He keeps his eyes on Jimin as he moves down, lips finding Jimin’s inner thigh.
‘I’m gonna try something.’ He mutters. ‘Tell me what you like tell me what you don’t, okay?’
‘Okay,’ Jimin’s voice shakes a little.
Yoongi nods towards his pillow. ‘Put that underneath your hips, sunshine.’
Jimin does as he’s told, and Yoongi moves away so Jimin can get comfortable. It’s been long since he’s done this, but he thinks it’ll help Jimin open up for him later. He tries not to think too much about that part, though. He knows he’s going to hurt Jimin. (And hurting Jimin is honestly the last thing Yoongi wants, even though he finds that he’s awfully good at it lately.) Even if he stretches him properly, even if he distracts him, unless Jimin fucks himself on his fingers on the regular (Yoongi is pretty damn sure that he doesn’t) chances are that he’s really fucking tight (Yoongi tries not to think about it too hard because fuck, he can only imagine how good Jimin will feel around him) the stretch will be painful.
‘Now just lie back and relax, lift your hips for hyung. Be vocal with me, alright?’
Jimin does as he says, peeking up at Yoongi through his eyelashes. ‘But -what are you going to do?’
Yoongi chuckles at how innocent Jimin sounds when he asks the question; he literally has his head between Jimin’s thighs yet the boy is wondering what Yoongi is about to do. Not read Jimin’s asshole a story, that’s for fucking sure.
‘Gonna eat you out.’
Jimin has no idea what should have prepared him for this moment.
(He does understand why Yoongi had asked him if he was clean there earlier, now.)
Yoongi’s tongue is circling his rim, slowly, teasingly. It makes Jimin let out the loudest moan and he quickly clamps his fingers over his mouth in shock, arching his spine. ‘Fuck, Yoongi.’ A groan. ‘That- that’s good.’
It’s an odd, wet sensation, but it makes Jimin’s thighs shake and his head spin when Yoongi pushes his tongue inside. He throws his head back, breathes hard. Stay calm, he reminds himself, stay the fuck calm and don’t embarrass yourself.
Yoongi’s hands are bruising his skin, fingers spreading Jimin’s cheeks leaving angry little marks.
Marks Jimin will see when he undresses tomorrow, when he’s home and inspects his skin in front of the mirror in his bedroom. Will twist and turn just to see the flowers blooming prettily across his hips, hickeys scattered on his neck. Marks from a night that maybe shouldn’t have happened. A night he won’t tell anyone about, a night with only the two of them and the four walls of Yoongi’s bedroom closing them in. He tries not to focus on it.
‘Ah-’ Jimin can’t help but roll his hips, feeling warm all over, skin glowing with the heat that spreads throughout his body. ‘Right, fuck, right there.’
Yoongi pulls back a little, probably sensing how worked up Jimin is getting already. He kisses down his thighs softly instead, feather light touches, lips barely brushing his skin. Jimin wants to ask for more, wants to whine because he’s getting so hard and maybe he should just reach down and jerk himself off, but that’s not the way he wants this to end.
‘Felt nice?’ Yoongi asks as he sits back on his heels, searching for Jimin’s eyes. He wants Jimin to enjoy this so bad, wants it to feel good for him. He can see that Jimin is shaking, can see the heat in his cheeks. He smiles in relief when Jimin lets out a, ‘yeah.’
Jimin’s voice sounds rough, Yoongi notices, a little like it does when he has just woken up.
A little like it does after he has cried; his mind not so helpfully supplies.
Don’t think about it, Yoongi tells himself quickly, don’t fucking think about it. Jimin is okay now, he’s safe now, with him now.
‘Hey, Jimin -baby.’ He nudges Jimin’s leg, attempts to get Jimin to look at him. ‘I have a question.’ He leans down at the same moment Jimin lifts his head to meet Yoongi’s eyes, causing their foreheads to painfully collide. Jimin starts laughing, immediately apologizes and lets his head bounce back onto the pillow.
‘Oh my god, are you okay?’ He blindly tries to grab Yoongi’s hand, only catching his pinky. Apparently, that will do for Jimin as well, because he continues to hold it, wraps his small fingers around the digit.
‘Well you just ruined my attempt at being smooth and sexy.’ Yoongi sighs while Jimin chuckles, still holding his pinky. ‘But I’m good.’
‘I’m sorry, so sorry.’ Jimin squeezes. ‘Want me to kiss it better?’
Yoongi feels calmer when Jimin kisses him, closes his eyes and sighs into Jimin’s parted lips. He loves the feeling, loves how familiar Jimin tastes. Jimin soon moves down, starts to softly kiss down his neck. Yoongi feels Jimin’s free hand tangling in his hair as he sucks on his skin. He’s tugging on the strands, a little more aggressive than usual.
‘About that question.’ Yoongi’s voice isn’t as steady as he likes it to be when Jimin moves up to suck at the sensitive spot behind his ear -Yoongi wonders how Jimin knows just what that does to him. ‘Wanted to, ah, know if you’re ready for my fingers.’
‘I’m ready.’ Jimin tells him between mouthing at his skin, leaving gentle bites that sting in the best way. ‘Just-’ he moves back to look at Yoongi, detaches his lips. ‘Be careful.’
Jimin knows his nails are digging into Yoongi’s skin, knows that this might be hurting Yoongi, but he can’t help it. It’s kind of uncomfortable and weird to have two of Yoongi’s lubed up fingers up his ass.
No, don’t phrase it like that, he tells himself. This is hot, supposed to feel all kinds of sexy -but right now Jimin is honestly having a hard time trying to get used to the feeling.
‘Yoongi,’ he tries. ‘Please talk to me, distract me.’
‘You’re okay? Do you need me to pull them out?’
‘No, I just need your- your voice. Or your tongue, or lips just- use your mouth.’ Jimin looks up at Yoongi, who instantly bends down to kiss him. Yoongi had been very insistent about having Jimin in this position, on his back and facing him. He told him he wanted to be able to make sure Jimin was okay at all times and Jimin thinks that’s sweet, certainly convenient as well when Yoongi uses his teeth to tug on his bottom lip. It works, works as long as Jimin focuses on that and not what’s happening inside of his body.
‘You feels so tight around my fingers, fuck.’ Yoongi moves down, tongue catching Jimin’s collarbone. ‘I’m going to make you feel so, so good.’
‘Please make me feel good.’ Jimin tries to push back onto Yoongi’s fingers. Despite the odd feeling he is getting used to the stretch, and maybe it will feel better if they’re in deeper.
Think about Yoongi’s fingers, he tells himself. Think about how nice and long they are, how nicely they’re filling you up already.
He rolls his hips a little more, tight little circles, when suddenly Yoongi touches something inside of him just right. Jimin has no fucking clue what’s happening but his body jerks, hips stuttering a little as pleasure blooms in his veins. ‘Shit, I-’
Yoongi pushes down against the same spot again and it feels so good, so overwhelming. The smug smile he catches on Yoongi’s face when he manages to open his eyes tells him that apparently, this was exactly what Yoongi had meant with making him feel good.
‘Ready for the third, sweetheart?’
‘Yes.’ Jimin sighs out, closing his eyes again, trying to stay still as Yoongi pushes a third digit inside.
Yoongi let’s Jimin get used to the feeling for a little before he curls and twists his fingers, starts to stroke Jimin’s aching cock with his free hand.
Jimin’s mind goes blank. All he hears is Yoongi whispering how good Jimin is being, how beautiful he looks like this, how pretty he is fucking himself on Yoongi’s fingers like this.
It might feel a little dirty, a little wrong, but that night Jimin pushes any negative thought far, far away.
That night, Jimin believes every single word Yoongi says.
‘Yoongi you need to stop or I’m-’ Jimin is so close, dark hair plastered to his sweaty forehead, hands fisted in the sheets, knuckles turning white. ‘I’m gonna -gonna cum.’
‘It’s okay, it’s okay,’ Yoongi nods, ‘you’re doing so, so well for hyung.’ He carefully pulls his fingers out, and Jimin squirms at the sudden emptiness. He let’s go of Jimin completely, wipes his hands on the sheets.
He then cups Jimin’s cheek to soothe him, caressing the soft skin. He moves down to Jimin’s neck, brushes his thumb over his pulse point, stares at the prominent vein. Runs his fingers down across his chest, rubs circles on Jimin’s hip. He looks ethereal, spread out for Yoongi like this.
Yoongi doesn’t feel like he deserves it.
He moves his hand away to roam the sheets again, searching for the condom that he knows he threw on there earlier. He quickly finds it; makes a show out of ripping the silver package open with his teeth.
Jimin giggles when Yoongi throws the packaging away dramatically before repositioning himself between Jimin’s legs.
‘So extra, hyung.’
‘You dig it.’
Jimin simply grins up at him in reply, pushes his dark bangs out of his face. ‘Maybe.’
Yoongi shakes his head, biting back a smile as he rolls the condom on, a shiver running down his spine when he touches himself. He has been hard for quite some time now; Jimin had been making all these small, beautiful, wonderful noises that, admittedly, went straight to his dick. He lubes himself up, notices his hands are shaking a little, and maybe he’s using too much lube, but he blames it on his trembling fingers.
And then, suddenly, it’s silent.
Yoongi positions himself, and Jimin is waiting, looking right at him with those beautiful, innocent brown eyes, and reality hits Yoongi.
They’re doing this. He’s actually about to take Jimin’s virginity.
And even though virginity is a stupid ass social construct, and Yoongi thinks it’s all bullshit and he isn’t really ‘taking’ anything from Jimin, he still feels guilty. If he had had his life together this wouldn’t have to happen now, they could have waited for the right moment and go slow. He’s stupid. So stupid. So in love with the boy staring up at him with those big eyes that he almost wants to lean down and tell Jimin that he loves him, just to make this situation a little better, to be more at peace with what he’s about to do.
But people don’t tell other people they love them when they’re about to leave them. That’s not how it works. That’s not fair.
So, he does the only other thing that he should do at that very moment. Braces his hands on Jimin’s hips and asks him if he’s okay with this, if he’s sure he wants this for one last time.
‘I do.’ Jimin is smiling, so beautiful, so perfect only for Yoongi to see. ‘I’m happy I’m doing this with you.’
It almost makes Yoongi feel sick, he just made Jimin cry and now he’s going to put his dick in him. It’s wrong, so wrong. But Jimin wants this, and truthfully, Yoongi wants this too.
Yoongi lines himself up, bites down on his bottom lip so hard it hurts when the head of his cock touches Jimin’s entrance.
‘I trust you.’ Jimin reassures him again; places a hand on top of the Yoongi’s which is still bracing his hip. He laces their fingers together. ‘I really do.’
Tomorrow morning Yoongi will wake up to Jimin kissing along his shoulder blades. And then Jimin will go home. Tomorrow Yoongi will hug him on the platform for one last time and then he will be gone. Yoongi will stay rooted in place for 10 minutes after Jimin has left, and then he will go home as well, to his small apartment, drink 4 beers and smoke 5 cigarettes. He’ll end up throwing his phone against the wall in anger, disappointment maybe, completely ruining the screen. But he’ll be okay. Eventually.
But tonight, tonight Yoongi will make love to Jimin the way Jimin had asked for it.
‘You okay?’ Jimin vaguely registers Yoongi’s voice. He’s a little too busy trying not to clench around Yoongi, trying not to cry out in pain as Yoongi’s pushes in and his cock stretches him out.
‘Yeah, yeah- give me a moment.’
He thought he was ready for this, Yoongi’s fingers having prepared him thoroughly, but this admittedly isn’t the best feeling. But he knows this will fade, though. He just has to wait it out, it’ll all be okay as long as he stays calm.
‘I can pull out if it hurts too much.’ Yoongi promises, sweetly. Jimin shakes his head.
‘It’s okay, give me a little more.’
He feels Yoongi push in a little deeper, and Jimin holds back a whimper. It’s already stinging a little less, he finds.
‘You have no idea how fucking amazing you feel, sunshine.’ He hears Yoongi curse some more above him, and Jimin almost starts giggling until he catches the look on Yoongi’s face. Half lidded eyes and red, swollen lips that beg to be kissed.
He experimentally pushes his hips back against Yoongi when he feels his body slowly relaxing, and right when Jimin does so Yoongi pushes in deeper, making them both moan out.
‘Wow,’ Jimin breaths and Yoongi groans back, muttering something about Jimin being so fucking tight.
‘I’ll -I’ll go slow, okay?’ Yoongi whispers against his neck, and Jimin closes his eyes.
‘Yeah,’ Jimin throws his head back, suppressing a whine. ‘Give it to me slow.’
Yoongi’s being careful, Jimin knows it. He appreciates it, but he’s not that easily breakable, wants to feel Yoongi as much as he can, wants all of him. He experimentally rolls his hips, drawing delicious moans from Yoongi’s bitten lips. In response Yoongi drives into him deeper, searching for that one spot that made Jimin feel amazing before.
Jimin rolls his hips back against Yoongi as much as he can, but it’s hard and he honestly has no fucking clue if he’s doing it right, Yoongi clearly way more experienced than he is. But Yoongi pulls him closer, snaps his hips a little harder. It feels so intimate, and Jimin feels so goddamn special that Yoongi wants him in this way.
Jimin moans loudly when Yoongi starts hitting him just right, a stuttered curse leaving his parted lips.
‘Right there.’ He whimpers when Yoongi hits the same spot again, dead on and much harder than before.
He has his arms wrapped around Yoongi’s neck, moves one down to drag his nails across Yoongi’s back. He hopes it leaves marks. Hopes Yoongi will remember this night like he will, that if he doesn’t he’ll at least have red lines down his back that’ll burn when he steps into the shower tomorrow.
‘Touch me.’ He doesn’t care if he’s dragging his nails down too hard. ‘Please, Yoongi just-’
He feels like he’s floating when Yoongi reaches between their bodies and starts jerking him off in time with his thrusts. He feels so overwhelmed, and he’s moaning, unable to hold back, arching his entire body up into the touch. For a moment, he even thinks he feels something wet on his cheeks, too far gone to realize they’re tears.
‘You’re doing so well.’ He hears Yoongi say somewhere close to his ear. ‘Roll your hips like that, sunshine, just like that.’
Yoongi keeps praising him and Jimin loves the way Yoongi tells him that he’s taking it so well, adores how Yoongi’s lips kiss the side of his neck, wet and open.
He feels the pressure building in his belly, feels himself completely zoning out, and the only thing he can focus on is the feeling of Yoongi deep inside of him. He fucking loves it.
‘I’m gonna-’ he starts, but Yoongi silences him by kissing his lips. He’s licking into Jimin’s mouth, and Jimin feels it getting too much. White explodes behind his eyelids, his cries disappearing between Yoongi’s lips as his hips stutter, ass involuntarily clenching around Yoongi. He’s barely kissing back, still tries to as he comes all over his belly and Yoongi’s hand. Yoongi strokes him through it, makes sure Jimin gets to recover from his high before he chases after his own orgasm. He fucks into Jimin fast, and Jimin feels his sensitive body resisting, feels himself clenching even harder around Yoongi. But he just lies there, lies there and stares at the ceiling as Yoongi comes inside of him, breathing hard.
He’s Yoongi’s, knows it in the way Yoongi kisses him hard and deep right after he comes down. Prying his lips open and breathing him in.
Why aren’t you mine, Jimin thinks, wonders as he kisses back, tired and spent but so incredibly happy because he’s still in Yoongi’s arms. For now.
Why can’t you be mine even when I’m all yours.
It’s been snowing.
Not a lot, but enough to make everything around Jimin look like a real-life Christmas card. It’s really pretty, Jimin thinks. Unfortunately, it isn’t Christmas, and there are no obnoxious decorations anywhere to be found. There are no stars as well, because there are never stars in Seoul. That’s something Jimin definitely misses about home. Light and air pollution having ruined what could’ve been a gorgeous night sky. The only thing that adds to the non-existing Christmas spirit is the fact that it’s cold, so cold, and Jimin has been waiting for his goddamn bus to show up for half an hour and he’s mad and shivering like a leaf.
Apparently 5 centimeters of some powdery snow is enough to fuck up Seoul’s entire bus system.
He sighs. 1 more minute he tells himself, 1 more minute and he will just go and walk home. The probability of freezing to death during the 40-minute walk is something he’ll just have to accept. He breathes out and watches it cloud up in front of him before getting up. The streets are deserted, it’s late, and there’s more snow promised for later tonight. He had better start walking home, the only way he can as a poor college student when public transport fails him.
So, he starts walking; kind of likes the sound of snow being crushed beneath his feet. It’s the only thing keeping him company, unless you count the sirens audible in the distance sounding every few minutes. And his thoughts, of course. Because honestly, Jimin has a lot to think about. More precisely, a girl to think about.
Taehyung set them up. He spent weeks telling Jimin how pretty and nice she was, how she had dropped hints about liking Jimin and how much Jimin clearly needed this. That even if things didn’t work out, she would probably ‘hook up with him still!’ Which obviously (well, according to Taehyung) was just what his love deprived friend needed. Jimin didn’t agree.
(Still doesn’t, he thinks.)
It’s part of the college experience, everyone says. When you’re in college you have sex and make out with anyone who looks decent enough and shows enough interest when you’re drunk. And therefore, Jimin (again, according to Taehyung) has to do so as well. Because ‘you’re not going to die a virgin Park Jimin! Not on my watch!’ but jokes on Taehyung because he definitely isn’t anymore.
He knows Taehyung means well, that he hates how lonely Jimin feels from time to time. Jimin just isn’t sure how to tell his friend that finding a temporary replacement won’t fill the permanent emptiness he feels within.
He had tried, actually, to make… something happen. It was at a party, the music had been great, exams were over, and Jimin had been tipsy enough not to care about anything for a few hours. There had been a girl in front of him, dancing rather provocatively, looking right at him. She had sat down on his lap, brushed his hair out of his face. Tried to make some unnecessary small talk; giggled at everything Jimin said in return to her comments about the song that was playing, and then she had leant forward and kissed him.
Jimin had let her, because at first it felt nice to have another body so close to his, finally. She had been so warm, but her hands where too small where they framed his face. Jimin’s hands didn’t feel right on her hips as well, and the sound she made as she, quite suddenly, thrust her tongue into Jimin’s mouth made Jimin realize that this wasn’t what he wanted at all.
He had pushed her off his lap, apologized, escaped the party, and had returned to his dorm to scream into his pillow. (And maybe cry, because he had never longed for someone to hold him, for someone to kiss his fucking forehead and to just feel wanted as much as he had that night.)
And he had been so goddamn angry. Angry because he couldn’t even kiss someone without being torn apart by guilt. Angry that what was supposed to be a crush, a summer love, still haunted him. Angry because he was still so incredibly in love with Min Yoongi, more than a year since he had last seen him, and that night he really started to question how long it took for someone to fall out of love. Wondered if he ever would at all.
He knew Yoongi told him that he could move on if he wanted, that he wanted Jimin to be happy. But Jimin wondered if anyone would ever be able to fit against him so perfectly at all, if anyone would ever be able to fill the emptiness that Yoongi left behind after he had hugged Jimin goodbye on that cold train platform over a year ago.
He fell asleep hugging his pillow, woke up to texts asking him where he went the night before, but he didn’t reply to any. No one needed to know.
The first few months after Jimin and Yoongi had last seen each other in person, they actually kept in contact, talking to each other almost daily. Their conversations weren’t as flirty and lighthearted as before, though. Jimin knew they were both holding back; trying not to make it any more difficult than it already was. They were trying to function with, but without each other. Trying to hold onto the friendship that was left.
Jimin often found himself wondering if Yoongi ever regretted his decision. He had wanted to bring it up many times. Had wanted to ask Yoongi if he could come over, and then cuddle up in bed, talk everything over and then Yoongi could kiss him silly and tell him that everything would work out between them. But he never did, and that fantasy of snuggling up between Yoongi’s arms never became reality.
So, he tried to look for a way out of his sadness over not having Yoongi. He started college in Seoul, majored in Supply Chain Management (he honestly still didn’t know what he wanted to do, but he knew that he at least wanted to make his parents a little proud.) With a minor in Japanese (to keep his options open.) He joined a dance crew, hung out with Taehyung and finally went to that damn karaoke place with him and all the other people from Taehyung’s floor.
And the student life was good, although very stressful, so Jimin poured his heart into dancing again as a distraction of, well, everything.
It was there that he met Jung Hoseok, a fellow crewmember who majored in Musicology. He had immediately taken Jimin under his wing, helping Jimin with moves whenever he needed, dragging him into town for drinks after practice. Hoseok was friendly, loud, energetic, but also someone Jimin could trust and talk to when he needed to.
Jimin knew Hoseok had definitely sensed that Jimin felt a little off from time to time. It wasn’t that Jimin wasn’t functioning or locked himself in his room, writing poetry about his lost love and staring at the few pictures he had of Yoongi in his phone. He was still very much the Park Jimin he had always been; bouncy, bright, caring. But sometimes he got sad, like everyone does, and sometimes Jimin needed someone to tell him that was okay, like everyone does.
So, that’s where Hoseok came in. He never pushed Jimin to tell him about what was bothering him, probably always assumed that Jimin just missed home or messed up a test. He would take Jimin out for dinner, give him some extra compliments on his dancing, hug him a little tighter before promising him that he’d always be there for him.
Hoseok didn’t find out the real reason behind Jimin’s sadness until he (accidentally!) dropped Jimin’s phone in the Han River, though.
It had been a good night, they went out with the entire dance crew, got pretty fucking tipsy, and then Hoseok had decided that they absolutely needed to take a group selca. His phone had died, so he had asked to borrow Jimin’s phone. Then Jimin had made the Big Mistake of agreeing to that, and had painfully learned to never let a very drunk Hoseok take a selca with his hands hanging over the railing of a bridge.
It had been an accident, of course, Jimin understood that. Hoseok had felt extremely guilty, immediately offered to buy (and actually bought) Jimin a brand new phone. And normally that would be it, end of story, it happened, move the fuck on.
Jimin, for example, knew that Taehyung went through 3 phones in a year. Dropped one into the toilet because he had his phone in his back pocket, forgot another at a party and when they came to retrieve it the next day it was gone; it happens.
But the problem was that Jimin’s phone contained something very, very important to him.
a.k.a. the only means for Jimin to contact Yoongi. And since Jimin’s phone was located at the bottom of the Han river these days, there was no way for Yoongi to contact Jimin as well.
So, then that was all gone.
Hoseok didn’t understand why Jimin had been so upset over a phone, and Jimin understood that. It wasn’t fair to give Hoseok the silent treatment over the loss of a phone which the boy, a poor college student like himself, immediately replaced with a new one. So, he sat Hoseok down, poured his entire fucking heart out while being very afraid of Hoseok’s reaction, only to learn that Hoseok was very accepting. He also felt even more guilty about the entire ordeal than before.
But Jimin forgave him; thinking that maybe, just maybe, it had been the universe’s way of telling him that it was time for him to move on. It had already been almost a year since he had last seen Yoongi at that point, and although Yoongi had told him he was set to graduate soon, he never hinted on being ready to welcome Jimin back into his arms. They didn’t talk much anymore as well, Jimin busy at college, Yoongi preparing for his final examinations. It was just how things went, Jimin had figured. Sometimes things just weren’t meant to be. Apparently Yoongi and Jimin belonged in that category.
(But honestly, it was just Jimin’s way of protecting himself. Protecting himself from a reality where he still loved Yoongi, but Yoongi had stopped loving him. Because as time went by, and the moments he had shared with Yoongi became distant memories, Jimin’s insecurities slowly consumed him. And Jimin started to wonder where they went wrong. Started to think that maybe Yoongi just didn’t want him at all. Of course, he had understood Yoongi’s reasoning back then, but Jimin slowly started to feel like there must have been something that he had done wrong. And he didn’t know what, but once the thought had made its way into his brain it just wouldn’t leave. Made perfect sense to Jimin as well. It was just safer for Jimin to believe that they would never be, than to hope for a miracle at that point.)
So here Jimin is today, nearly freezing to death, only a little love deprived, and mentally debating whether he should go on a date with that girl Taehyung won’t stop hyping up or not. He looks behind him and sees the trail his footsteps have created in the snow, pauses to stare at them, and recollects himself.
He should go. If she’s as amazing as Taehyung says she is, Jimin will like her for sure.
Of course, he doesn’t have to fall in love with her, or hold hands with her, and he knows this. Just getting coffee and having a conversation with a cute girl is something normal, something Jimin is totally capable of. Jimin is just making this whole thing much bigger than it has to be.
He’s going to text Taehyung when he gets home and tell him that he’s in. He can wear those new black jeans that he bought recently and look handsome as hell. It’ll be okay.
He continues walking then, not completely sure where he is. He knows he’s heading in the right direction, though; can see the office building close to his dorm building somewhere in the far distance. And hey, it’s not even that cold now that he has started walking. The worst that can happen to him is waking up with a cold tomorrow morning at this rate. It’s only freezing slightly. He’ll be perfectly fine.
Okay no, he needs to stop lying, it’s really cold -and which idiot only wears a leather jacket with a t-shirt underneath out in the middle of the winter? Apparently, Park Jimin does, but that’s only because he thought there would be a nice, warm bus 100 meters away from his late-night lecture hall there to pick him up.
So, don’t blame him. Blame Seoul’s shitty public transport. He kind of feels like he’s been stood up on a date.
He groans when he discovers small snowflakes appearing in the light of a lamppost next to him. They’re falling slowly; he barely feels them touching his cheeks, but he sees the white little crystals appearing on the sleeves of his jacket. He looks around, but he doesn’t know anyone who lives in this area; doesn’t know anywhere he could go for shelter if it starts to snow harder. He tries to comfort himself by thinking about how he can bury himself in blankets and watch movies in bed later. He’ll even allow himself to skip his first lecture tomorrow morning. He deserves it.
He searches his surroundings again, but there are no cafes, restaurants, or convenience stores anywhere in sight. He figures he’ll just have to walk a little faster. But right when he’s about to do so, he catches sight of something in the corner of his eye.
No- more like, someone. A shadow in the alley next to him.
Someone’s watching him. He doesn’t even need to see their eyes to know; feels their gaze burn.
Is this a bad part of town? He honestly can’t remember.
His eyes drop to find the tip of a lit cigarette, a red dot in the darkness. It soon disappears, though, followed by the sound of something being crushed in the snow.
He starts to feel extremely uncomfortable, anxiety seizing his throat as he automatically takes a step back. Although Seoul is remotely safe, it’s still a big city. And he’s heard the stories. A guy from one of his lectures got beat up on his way home last semester. Wrong place, wrong time they had said. A girl got assaulted at a party Jimin didn’t go to, someone taking advantage of the fact that she was drunk. Jimin doesn’t want to become part of the next story.
A shiver runs down his spine when the realization hits him that he should very probably start running then.
He’s about to take another step back, about to get the hell out of there when he hears a voice. A voice that’s so familiar, yet so incredibly foreign to him.
Black hair, pale skin, wide eyes. Same petite figure, same bony fingers clutching a lighter. ‘Is- is that you?’
Jimin feels paralyzed. This isn’t happening, he tells himself, this can’t be happening to someone like him. This is one of those dreams Jimin wakes up from with a broken heart.
But then two hands carefully cup his cheeks, which have turned red from cold.
‘So -so are you.’ Jimin manages to bring out in response, and Yoongi’s thumb softly caresses his cheek.
Jimin buries his face in Yoongi’s chest then, doesn’t even stop to think about it, careful hands wrapping around Yoongi’s waist. He’s warm, Jimin thinks, so warm. He momentarily forgets about the fact that he hasn’t seen this person in a very long time, that they haven’t talked in months.
For a moment Jimin feels like he’s 18 again, and Yoongi is holding him for the first time.
Yoongi gently brushes some snowflakes out of his hair, and Jimin dares to press a little closer. ‘I missed you.’
It leaves his lips before he knows it. He doesn’t give himself the chance to regret it. It’s the truth, and nothing but the truth. Not a day went by that he didn’t fall asleep to the thought of Yoongi, only to wake up to feel cold and alone in the morning. There’s a lump forming in his throat, and he fails to say anything in return to Yoongi’s, ‘I missed you, too.’
Jimin pulls back from their embrace to look at Yoongi.
He’s matured. Definitely. Yoongi must be- 21 by now? Days away from turning 22? The lines of his face have become a little more defined, his eyes lost a bit of its spark, but he’s still Yoongi. Still the Yoongi Jimin spent an entire summer with. The Yoongi Jimin grew to love. He’s beautiful, even now, with dark bags under his eyes, his hair all messed up and covered in snowflakes. He’s gorgeous, and Jimin feels so underserving, so confused that this person had maybe once wanted him the way Jimin had wanted Yoongi.
‘Why are you so cold?’ Yoongi asks, worry in his voice.
‘My bus didn’t show up, I-I was walking home.’
Yoongi shakes his head. ‘Fucking busses can’t ever get it right, can they?’
Jimin shakes his head. ‘But why- what are you doing here?’ He looks up at Yoongi with wide eyes.
‘I, I’m attending university here. I just started my first year of music production. I graduated.’
‘That’s amazing.’ He means it, knows that that was Yoongi’s dream and he’s beyond proud that Yoongi made it. Feels pretty guilty and upset that he wasn’t there to celebrate it with him, though. ‘I’m so proud of you.’
‘Thank you, Minnie.’
Jimin weakly smiles back at the familiar nickname. Just seeing Yoongi is making his stomach do backflips, setting butterflies free; makes him feel something he hasn’t felt in so long. And it scares him to death, that Yoongi still has this effect on him.
‘If it’s okay with you -I mean if you want to, you should really come in.’ Yoongi vaguely motions to the building behind him, not taking his eyes off Jimin for even a second. ‘I live there now. You could warm up.’
‘If that’s okay.’ Jimin feels shy under Yoongi’s gaze. (Always has, probably always will.)
‘Of course it is.’ Yoongi smiles, and Jimin feels so warm. Yoongi carefully gives Jimin’s arm a little tug, silently asking Jimin to follow him.
His hands are turning red, but the sudden heat of the room is pleasant against Jimin’s cold skin. He toes his shoes off, blindly follows Yoongi as the boy- no man, Jimin corrects himself, circles his fingers around his wrist and leads him through a small apartment. He sits him down on what Jimin can only guess is Yoongi’s bed with the message to stay there.
Jimin nods, feels a little out of place as he silently watches Yoongi’s back disappear through the door again. It’s silent in the room then, and Jimin’s heart is beating so loudly from everything that just happened that he’s afraid Yoongi might hear it through the wall.
He lets his eyes wander in attempt to find something to stare at that aren’t his hands, and they immediately land on the wall opposite him. Pinned to it are what appear to be sketches. They’re done in pencil, drawn on paper that seems to have been ripped straight out of a notebook.
The first sketch is of a range of flowers, all done in pastels, soft colours. Jimin thinks they look pretty; wonders if Yoongi made the sketch. Did Yoongi have an artistic side? He honestly can’t remember, feels a little dumb for it. The one pinned next to it is of a lake with dark water, done in black. The trees lining the banks are tall, giving the entire thing a bit of a sombre vibe. Jimin still likes it, though. The last sketch, on the far right, is rather simple. It consists of the outlines of two rectangles. A big one with a smaller one inside. It’s very minimal, and Jimin honestly has no idea what it’s supposed to mean or stand for. Maybe some kind of modern art, he figures. Maybe Yoongi is into that these days.
‘It’s so unreal seeing you here.’ He looks away from the sketches to find Yoongi leaning against the doorframe, a blanket in his arms. He looks a little tired, but there’s a smile on his lips.
‘Believe me, it’s unreal for me too.’ A nervous smile graces Jimin’s cold lips.
Yoongi sits down next to him with a sigh. ‘It’s really good to see you, though.’ He shyly glances at Jimin through his lashes. ‘You look good.’
‘You too, hyung.’ Jimin whispers back, wrapping the blanket around his shoulders. It smells like Yoongi, and it truly comforts him. It’s nice that Yoongi still smells the same. (Even better that he still recognizes it so well.)
‘And I- I’m sorry for suddenly dropping of the face of the earth.’ Jimin continues, feels that he needs to address it. ‘I know we haven’t spoken in months but my friend kind of dropped my phone in the Han River by accident-’
‘In the Han River?’ Yoongi interrupts him.
‘He was drunk.’ Jimin tries, attempting to make it sound a little less ridiculous than it is. ‘He tried to take a group selca when suddenly there was a splash and next thing you know my phone is in the water.’
‘I see.’ Yoongi shakes his head, plays with his own fingers. ‘I mean, now that you’re here it doesn’t matter anymore, but when you didn’t respond to my texts I was afraid something was wrong.’ There’s sadness lacing his words and it’s something Jimin hadn’t expected; isn’t prepared for. ‘That something bad had happened to you. Or that maybe you were mad at me, that you had blocked my number. But then I tried calling and the line went dead, so I figured something had probably happened to your phone. Then I waited, but I never heard from you again.’ He searches for Jimin’s eyes. ‘You know you could have gotten my number through my aunt, right?’
Yoongi looks hurt, which automatically serves to make Jimin feel like shit and he knows he absolutely deserves it.
And it hurts, because Yoongi is right, and Jimin is the biggest fucking asshole ever.
But it just had been so much easier to think that the closure that he needed could be found by just cutting of all contact, even though it had been by accident.
Only because Jimin knew that his friends hated seeing him so upset and he wanted to find a way to make them believe that he was ok. Just because believing that Yoongi would never want him had seemed to be the easiest way out.
And even when he looks at Yoongi now, it seems impossible to Jimin that someone as beautiful, as amazing as Yoongi would ever want someone like him still. Because even if Yoongi has hurt him, albeit unintentionally, has made him feel so goddamn alone, Jimin is still undeniably in love with the man next to him, and the realization hits him like a truck. Seeing him now only serves to confirm his feelings.
‘I’m sorry.’ It’s a weak excuse, but he means it. He doesn’t deserve Yoongi. What would have happened if Yoongi hadn’t seen him outside? Would they ever have seen each other again? Could this actually be the universe’s way of telling him to finally open his eyes? And Yoongi looks so genuinely upset. it’s all Jimin’s fault. ‘I know and I’m really so sorry.’
‘Did you find someone else?’ Yoongi asks, and the way he says it breaks Jimin.
‘I couldn’t.’ Jimin scrambles all his courage together to look Yoongi in the eye as he speaks. ‘Because I-’ be honest, Yoongi deserves the truth, he tells himself. Even if Yoongi’s response breaks his heart, if it tears him apart, he’ll at least have the closure that he needs. ‘I never stopped loving you.’
Yoongi’s eyes go wide, and the room seems to go even more silent than before. He stares at Jimin, and he looks so small- so… sad?
‘Then why didn’t you reach out to me, Jimin? I don’t get it.’
‘Because it-’ he’s not going to cry, is he? ‘It’s stupid, because it’s been so long and there’s no way that you’d still want me after all this time, so I just thought it’d be better if I let you go. Because you couldn’t be with me then, didn’t want me then and right from the start it was clear that we just, you just-’ (okay, maybe he is.)
Suddenly panic washes over him and all he can think about is how he doesn’t want Yoongi to see how heartbroken he is. How he finally realizes how stupid he’s been. He’s so ashamed. ‘I, I should go,’ he tells Yoongi. His vision slowly becomes blurry and he shrugs the blanket off, stands up before Yoongi can see the tears that are threatening to spill out.
He has taken a total of 3 steps in the direction of the door when a familiar hand touches his wrist, fingers pulling him back and turning him around.
His eyes meet Yoongi’s.
‘Park Jimin, you -you idiot.’ And then Yoongi’s wrapping his arms around him, pulling him so incredibly close that Jimin can hear both their hearts beating.
‘How could you ever think that I had stopped loving you?’ he whispers into Jimin’s hair.
Jimin buries his face in Yoongi’s neck, fists his hand in the material of Yoongi’s shirt. He wants to talk, but his emotions are getting the best of him. He’s shaking, and Yoongi notices.
‘We both did dumb things. I let you go and you let me go, but look at us now. Apparently, something is telling us to rethink those decisions. I just know that I’d be willing to do anything if it meant I would have you in my life again.’ Gentle, familiar fingers find his hair. ‘But only if you stop deciding what I feel for you, and stop assuming that you’re not the person I want to be with.’ Jimin feels his cheeks heat up, and he’s kind of glad that Yoongi can’t see his face. ‘Because you are, Jimin, and ever since that summer I’ve been crazy about you. It just wasn’t the right time for me to show you.’
Jimin takes a deep breath, tries to calm himself and finally asks the question he has wanted to ask for so long. He pulls back from their embrace, looks into Yoongi’s eyes.
‘If you want it to be.’ There’s a hand searching for his, fingers carefully curling around his own. ‘I know I do.’
‘I’m just so sorry, I’ve been so stupid.’ Jimin makes the most unattractive sound in an attempt to unclog his nose, hopes that Yoongi doesn’t see how emotional he’s getting. ‘I messed up.’
‘You were protecting yourself. If I could be selfish in the past, then so could you. I mean, I’m not happy you did it, but I guess I understand. It was a bit of a wakeup call for me too, made me realize that I was actually about to lose one of the best things that ever happened to me.’ Yoongi squeezes his hand. ‘But somehow I got lucky enough to save you from the cold tonight.’
Jimin giggles quietly, leans his forehead against Yoongi’s shoulder, understanding that this is (hopefully) Yoongi’s way of saying he forgives him. ‘Did I even thank you for that?’
‘You know you don’t have to.’
Outside it’s still snowing.
Their clothes are on the floor next to Yoongi’s bed. Well, most of them. They’re both wearing sweatpants, Jimin borrowing a pair of Yoongi (like he used to do before, and it’s a bit of a déjà vu. The good kind, though.) The question if Jimin had wanted to stay had been whispered, met with the most genuine smile. They had silently shed their clothes, bodies finding each other the moment they hit the mattress. And Jimin feels a lot more comfortable now, Yoongi making sure that he’s at ease and forgetting his guilt for a moment.
His fingers trace comforting patterns on Jimin’s chest, leaving goose bumps in their wake.
Jimin sighs at the feeling, leaves a shy kiss on Yoongi’s collarbone in return. They make sure to take their time, to enjoy each other’s warmth; to just hold one another again.
They’re not in a hurry, not when it’s so cold outside, not when the sun (if it’ll even show, because Jimin doubts it at this rate) won’t be shining its rays through Yoongi’s window for another few hours. Not when this moment had been something Jimin had wanted for so long, and he finds himself staring at Yoongi until the former turns his face away with a blush on his cheeks.
(But Jimin just really has to make sure that this is real, that this is actually happening.)
‘So we’re having dinner together, right?’ Jimin can feel Yoongi tracing hearts on his ribs now, pretends he doesn’t notice because he’s afraid Yoongi will get embarrassed and stop if he mentions it. (He knows Yoongi is a fucking sap anyway.)
(Jimin loves it.)
‘Me and my mom. And suddenly she goes, ‘do you think he’s cute?’ and she not so subtly points at this guy at the other side of the restaurant. So I sit there, freaking out, because that’s weird, right? For my mom to ask me if I find a guy cute out of nowhere? So I tell her that he looked ok and she gave me this weird knowing look.’ Jimin sighs, repositions his head on Yoongi’s shoulder. ‘So yeah, officially she doesn’t know-’
‘But she probably kind of does.’ Yoongi interrupts and Jimin nods.
‘Doesn’t it feel like a relief? She seems okay with it.’ Yoongi asks, now opting to rub small circles into his skin.
‘It is. I guess she figured it out back then.’ Jimin brings a hand up to play with Yoongi’s hair.
‘Probably because of one those giant ass hickeys I always gave you.’
‘Oh my god,’ Jimin tugs on the strand wrapped around his index finger. ‘You haven’t changed one bit, have you?’
‘I hope I didn’t. You seemed to like how I was back then a lot.’
Jimin smiles, stifles a yawn behind his hand. It’s silent for a bit before Jimin speaks up again.
‘You never got another tattoo, though, did you?’ He studies Yoongi’s pale chest and bare ribs, almost wants to peek underneath the blanket to check the rest of his body. But it’s cold, and underneath it’s so nice and warm. He refrains from doing so.
Yoongi shakes his head. ‘Tattoos aren’t cheap, and I couldn’t really afford one back in Daegu. But now I’ve started saving up and I have some ideas.’ He nods towards the sketches on the wall. ‘Those are some of them.’
‘I was already wondering what those were.’ Jimin curls into Yoongi’s touch a little more. ‘Did you make them? I looked at them before when you were getting a blanket.’
Yoongi hums. ‘Don’t you recognize any of them?’
Jimin furrows his eyebrows in confusion. ‘Am I supposed to?’ He slowly lifts himself up, arms placed behind him on the mattress to hold himself up as he takes a better look at them. ‘I- I’m afraid I don’t.’
‘Those flowers? Not familiar to you at all?’ Yoongi asks and Jimin just looks back at Yoongi with a helpless expression on his face.
‘I mean, I know the colouring is different but I’m pretty sure a certain Park Jimin has curtains with those exact flowers on them in his room at home. You know, he’s also the one who took me to the lake that’s right next to it.’
Jimin’s eyes slowly go wide as he stares at Yoongi, who stares right back at him with most smug smile on his face. ‘Hyung!’
‘I told you I would get a piece related to our summer, didn’t I.’
Yoongi did, Jimin just didn’t think Yoongi would actually be crazy enough to get it done. Especially not after they had lost all contact. Apparently Jimin means more to Yoongi than he realizes.
Jimin wants to get up and take a closer look at them now that he knows what they stand for, but two arms around his waist hold him back. ‘You can look at them in the morning. It’s too cold to get out.’ He drops a kiss on Jimin’s shoulder, sending a shiver down Jimin’s spine. ‘And I wanna cuddle you now.’
‘But what’s the last one?’ Jimin asks as he leans back against Yoongi’s chest. The blanket is pooling around their waists, and Jimin has to admit that it’s indeed a little cold in the room.
‘It’s the room I used in my aunt’s house. The small rectangle is my bed, the bigger one is the room itself.’ Yoongi gently pulls Jimin down again. He’s facing Yoongi now, their legs tangling together. Jimin feels butterflies when Yoongi’s eyes meet his. It’s a good feeling.
‘I did a lot of thinking in that room, figured a lot of shit out there.’ He nudges Jimin’s nose with his own. The tip is cold. ‘We also had our first kiss there on my bed.’
‘Want another?’ Jimin whispers as Yoongi pulls Jimin flat against his body by his waist. Yoongi’s response is to close the distance, sighing into Jimin’s parted lips.
And as Jimin willingly, slowly kisses the beautiful man next to him back, he feels happiness. Genuine happiness. Although Yoongi might not be his yet, and they still have a lot of talking to do, Jimin has a feeling that this time, it’ll last. That this time, Jimin will be ready to introduce Yoongi to his parents as his boyfriend, and that Yoongi will be able to take him out on dates and hold his hand in public.
And even if he’s got it all wrong, and Yoongi won’t look at him the same in the morning, he’ll at least have this moment to cherish for a lifetime.
Outside it might be cold, but Jimin knows that he’ll be warm and safe tonight.
I can’t believe I finished this fic I’m gonna applaud myself for writing this close to 6k ending I mean, am I proud of this story no, but am I proud that I got it done and don’t completely hate it YES
(well honestly its not completely over, I’m planning to come back soon and rewrite some parts, especially in the first chapters, so if someone from the future is reading this they might read some extra new bits or miss some things that used to be in there )
then !! I really need to credit this post for lowkey inspiring that last scene! it hurt me in the best way and once I read it I KNEW I had to use it
now I’m gonna thank someone very important and if u liked this story u better be thankful for him too
to my beloved bread, this story wouldn’t ever be done, or be nearly as okay without your support and help, you know I appreciate you so much and I could never thank you enough for keeping up with all my bullshit and making time to read and correct all my bullshit as well, you’re a true lifesaver
and then of course a huge thank you to all my amazing readers! to anyone who took the time to read this story, or even left kudos, subscribed to it, or left a comment; please know that it does mean the world
if you have any unanswered questions regarding this story that weren't answered in this epilogue (or about me or my writing I mean go for it) feel free to leave a comment!
I really, sincerely hope that you enjoyed reading this, because although writing this fic was a real challenge from time to time, I'm glad I did it