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Of Dick Jokes and Sandwiches

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It was another hellish day at work for one Will Solace.

Honestly when he applied to be a worker at Subway he didn’t figure it’d be that hard. He liked talking to people to servicing wouldn’t be any problem. Will made a pretty decent sandwich if he did say so himself. So long as he didn’t get stuck cleaning the bathrooms he figured it wouldn’t be that bad.

By now Will was convinced cleaning the bathrooms would be better than this.
Apparently someone had given teenage boys the idea that it was absolutely hilarious to make poorly hidden dick innuendos when ordering sandwiches. Day in and day out it was the same lines over and over. “Oh yeah, I’d like a 12 inch-- wait, I already have one!” Yeah, hardee har har. Hilarious.

Usually Will wouldn’t mind the jokes that much. Sure they were a little repetitive and obnoxious, but hey, that’s teenagers for you. Occasionally they got slightly homophobic and then Will would have to shut the kids down, but overall they really weren’t causing any harm. The blond was still getting paid, so why not let the kids have their laugh? If he was being honest, sometimes the jokes could be downright funny.

No, Will didn’t really mind the jokes as much as he did who said them.

Most of the kids that came in and made lewd jokes were acting on a dare and never had enough courage to show their faces again. However, there was one group that Will knew he could always depend on.

Said group appeared to be led by a man with messy black hair and green eyes. He always had another blond dude with him who had this funky scar on his top lip that honestly scared Will the first time he saw him. Sometimes the two are accompanied by a darker skinned boy with curly brown hair and even rarer are they joined by a taller asian man, but almost always there’s a small, pale, dark-haired boy lurking behind them. In all the time that these guys had been coming and ordering from Will, the smallest had never spoken a single word.

They were usually pretty good. They always remembered to leave a tip for Will, almost as if they were trying to make up for their stupid jokes. Their jokes were definitely more creative than most of the ones he heard and never included any homophobic material. Sure, they were probably older than the typical teenage boys, but only by a few years at most. There was no good reason for Will to dislike them.

Except, of course, the small, pale, dark-haired boy always trailing them.

This would be the point where Will would reveal his deep, dark past with the boy and tell the story of how he murdered his parents, except that there isn’t any tale to tell. Will’s parents are still alive and happy and he knows absolutely nothing about the kid. But somewhere along the way, WIll had begun to notice him. Like, actually notice him and how his hair looks soft and how his eyes were almost the color of charcoal and how he always gets the exact same sandwich and always seemed to be wearing the same pair of jeans that barely seemed to even fit him.

Basically, Will had developed a crush on a complete stranger based on all his little quirks that Will had noticed through some minor observation.

And now every time that the blond saw him, he felt just the tiniest bit sad that the kid would most likely never talk to him.

Speaking of Will’s hopeless crush and co., the triplet hadn’t showed up yet. It was another slow Tuesday afternoon, which is when the three always came. Sometimes they would randomly show up on a Saturday evening or a Sunday morning, but they never failed to show up on Tuesdays. Sometimes Will wondered if they intentionally showed up only when he was working or if it was just some sort of crazy coincident.

The blond busied himself with wiping down the counter (for the fifth time) and taking inventory (for the third time). The clock seemed to be ticking ever-so-slowly, his shift seeming never-ending. Just as Will was about to go make sure the bathrooms were presentable, the bell signaling the door had been open rang out. Will whipped his head up at the entrance to see who his saviour was.

Staring back at him was a pair of charcoal eyes. The boy clenched something tightly in his pale hand as he stiffly made his way over to the register. His tight black jeans looked the same as always and his dark hair fell on his face like streaks of black on a blank canvas. He was the same as every single time he had appeared in front of the blond, so why was now so different?

Because this time he’s alone, a part of Will whispered and the blue eyed boy knew it to be exactly right. Every other time he’s come, he was joined by his friends. So why’s he all alone now? What’s so important that he couldn’t bring the other guys along? Will felt himself begin to panic.

“Um,” the boy started, almost as if he noticed how frantic the other had begun to get. “I… uh….” He took a deep breath. His eyes were closed and he seemed to be giving himself a pep-talk. Every now and then he would shake his head and his gorgeous hair would bounce around a bit and Will found himself utterly entranced.

Will could’ve spent a lifetime just watching the boy work through his thoughts. Every part of him moved just the slightest bit; his hands loosened and tightened, he drew his shoulders up, he scrunched his nose, he worried his lip, even his eyelashes gently swayed with the motion of the slight twitch of his eyes. Seriously, what could a piece of art like this be here to talk to me about?

The boy’s eyes opened again; they looked changed this time. More… fiery.

He leaned his elbow on the counter. “I would like an eight inch italian please.” Will quirked an eyebrow. That was new. The kid always got ham, swiss, tomato, and lettuce on whole wheat. Besides, as much as Will wanted to engage in this new curiosity of the boy’s, he physically could not right now.

“We don’t have any eight inches here.” Will commented, smirking slightly. The boy didn’t seem phased at all. “Sorry.”
Honestly, Will probably should’ve seen it coming. He should’ve realized who this guy was and who he hung out with. He honestly should’ve expected this.

“What are you talking about?” The smirk on his face was downright victorious. Instead of wondering what was happening, Will found himself falling a little more just by looking at that smirk. “I’ve got one right here.”

Will immediately snapped back to focus. The boy was gesturing towards his crotch. Of course. Of freaking course. This kid had probably planned this joke from the first time he stepped in here. He had probably taken one look at me and thought “huh, he looks like a fun guy to manipulate and then make a total fool of”. Damn it. Why did I fall for this?!

Will’s eyes narrowed. “Out.” Finally the kid seemed to be thrown off.

“Huh?” Will almost felt bad for him. The guy had obviously expected Will to treat him the same as his friends. To be honest, it was kind of unfair to treat him differently. But for some ridiculous, unknown reason Will still felt greatly cheated.

“I said ‘out’. Get out of this shop. Right now.” The blond could see the exact moment that the panic began to set in. The boy’s eyes grew wide and his mouth parted. He started moving his lips as if he was trying to speak, but nothing came out. Though the sight was a little sad and concerning, some sadistic part of Will just sat back and watched the scene go down. Serves him right.

“I, uh,” he cut off. The kid was back to stuttering. “Um, I-I didn’t mean to… o-offend you….” His voice got progressively quieter as the pale boy went on. By the time he got to the next sentence, all Will could hear was a faint mumbling.

“What was that?” Yup, Will was definitely sadistic.

“I, um, I was… kind of t-trying to….” He took a shuddering breath and looked down at his feet. In that exact moment Will realized just how freaked out the guy was and he felt a sudden rush of guilt.

“Hey, dude, it’s okay. I don’t mind that much. I just didn’t really expect it from you, that’s all-”

“No, let me get this out. I have to say it.” The boy trained his dark eyes on the blue eyes gazing at him. The fieriness was still there, now accompanied by determination. “I was trying to hit on you.”

Will was speechless.

His mind kept tripping over itself trying to process the words that had just been spoken. His crush… his random stranger crush… was trying to hit… on him?!

The Subway shop was dead silent. A customer could have walked in and demanded a sandwich and Will wouldn’t have noticed. His boss could’ve fired him and it wouldn’t put the slightest damper on his mood. His amazingly unrealistic crush turned out to like him back.

“Uh,” was the only noise Will could get out. The other raised an eyebrow.

“Is that a good ‘uh’ or a bad ‘uh’?” Will nodded frantically, though he knew logically it made no sense. He just hoped the boy realized that it meant “that ‘uh’ is so good you might as well be calling it Glinda”.

Based on the smile lighting up the pale face, he guessed it worked.

The boy stuck his hand out and dropped the piece of paper that he held clenched in his hand on the table.
“That’s my number,” he said, face still split in a grin. “The name’s Nico. Call me sometime. You’re always welcome to have a taste of my italian.” And with that, he turned and walked out.

Will finally began to breathe properly. He lowered himself to the ground where he sat and processed all that just happened. Slowly, a huge smile began working itself across his face.

Perhaps there were worse things than the occasional penis joke.