1 INT. A FAN WRITER'S SKULL
Normally a very cluttered place, and now is no exception. The location is currently furnished in a cross between hospital ICU room and a cozy mountain cabin. Mental notes and the bits and pieces of several discarded ideas litter the site. The Fan closes the just emptied idea file. Undaunted, she lays the file aside and makes another mental note:
2 INSERT MENTAL NOTE
(SPECIAL EFFECT: mental notes are written in fiery purple letters on thin air, inside a border of the same fiery material.) This one says in all capital print:
THINK UP A NEW WAY TO TRASH HARRISON AND IRONHORSE TODAY.
3 ANGLE ON SUDDEN DISTURBANCE
In the middle of the ICU cabin a swirling, neon green vortex appears. In the middle of the vortex the vague outlines of the face of Frank Mancuso Jr. can be seen, alternately stretching and shrinking in hideous contortions, looking like he is about to pop into a million bits with the next stretch. Something is obviously about to happen. . .
4 ANGLE ON FAN
Profoundly startled, but enjoying the sight of Mancuso writhing.
5 ANGLE ON DISTURBANCE
which, with a sudden FLASH and POP! becomes, incredibly enough, two other minds inside this skull-space. These inadvertent intruders are HARRISON BLACKWOOD, a weird and wacky mind, and LT. COL. PAUL IRONHORSE, a somewhat prim but hardy mind.
6 ANGLE ON FAN
Startled but obviously delighted.
7 ANGLE ON HARRISON AND IRONHORSE
They glance around at their new surroundings.
All right, Blackwood, how'd you pull this one off?
Me? I have—
Never. Never again will I let you try to hypnotize me. What was I thinking? Where the hell are we?
8 THE SCENE
Hi! You're in my mind.
I haven't got a clue, Colonel.
(to the fan) How much did he pay you, and how the hell did you get past security?
9 CU - FAN
Me? Nothing. And you really are in my mind. Good thing, too, I have a deadline and I haven't had a good trash plot for days. Maybe you can help me?
10 ANGLE ON IRONHORSE
Reacting to that.
11 ANGLE ON FAN
You see, I really have to get a story done. I can't afford to buy zines. (smiles) Gosh, I'm not being much of a hostess, am I? Please, make yourselves at home. Then we'll talk.
12 THE SCENE
Harrison and Ironhorse move about, inspecting their shared quarters.
(to Harrison) Pretty weird taste in decor, don't you think?
13 ANGLE ON HARRISON
who is inspecting the hospital bed with an eye toward a nap.
Works for me.
14 ANGLE ON IRONHORSE
Why am I not surprised?
15 THE SCENE
Harrison sits on the bed, testing it. Ironhorse moves to a file cabinet that's stuffed full of old ideas and plots. The drawers are half open and some ideas spill out, creating a small drift on the floor. The colonel reaches down and picks up a few and reads them.
Run into any old enemies lately, Colonel?
Too bad, that's always a good one.
16 ANGLE ON HARRISON
who watches the Fan watch Ironhorse as he digs deeper into the drawer.
(to Fan) What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost.
17 ANGLE ON FAN
who is now watching her relatively short life play out on a small screen set up in the corner of the room.
He's going to kill me!
18 ANGLE ON IRONHORSE
who looks up from the ideas with not murder, but incredulity in his eyes.
Harrison! This— This— She's—
19 THE SCENE
Harrison slips off the bed, sidestepping the Fan, who runs for cover in a corner closet, slamming the door shut behind her.
Calm down, Colonel. What's wrong?
Our security's been breached! That woman must be an alien!
Colonel, English, please.
(extending a mixed bag of ideas) Look!
20 ANGLE ON HARRISON
as he reads, his eyes growing wider with each word.
My, my, my… she doesn't like you very much, does she?
21 ANGLE ON IRONHORSE
He displays his own ideas about what he thinks of the Fan's ideas. (Details are censored in order to keep from acquiring NC-17 rating.)
Keep going, it gets worse!
22 ANGLE ON HARRISON
flipping through the Fan's ideas with rapt curiosity and obvious enjoyment.
Why, Colonel, I didn't realize you could be so… so… expressive.
23 THE SCENE
The Fan sneaks from her closet to watch while Ironhorse paces back and forth across the space, wearing a rut into the floor.
'Expressive'! You'd be expressive too if you'd gotten shot, stabbed, whipped, beaten, poisoned, drowned and blown up!
Not to mention bonked on the head, dropped into freezing water, tossed off a cliff and attacked by lust-crazed Amazons. Lucky bastard.
And that's not the half of it!
That's the other half!
24 ANGLE ON HARRISON
reacting to the last bunch of ideas to pop out.
Why, Paul, I never knew—
25 ANGLE ON IRONHORSE
I'm not! I am not in love with you, Harrison. Not – not - NOT!
26 THE SCENE
Then it really is Norton you—?
No! Not you, not Norton, not Suzanne! (he pauses, then shrugs) Okay, maybe Suzanne…
But it says right here, I'm your soul-mate.
Over my dead body!
Careful, Colonel, we don't know where we are, remember?
27 ANGLE ON FAN
as she makes a few alterations in the space. WE PAN DOWN TO:
28 DESK TOP
which blurs, becoming a buffet, complete with all the trimmings, including champagne.
A little food for thought, gentlemen?
29 SEVERAL FULL BOTTLES. DISSOLVE TO:
30 SEVERAL EMPTY BOTTLES. PULL BACK TO:
31 THE SCENE
It is some time later. All three minds are comfortably fuzzy around the edges. They've all been swapping stories and an interesting selection of memories is scattered across the floor.
You're both welcome to stay. You're great company. Even better than I could've imagined.
We'd love to, but—
We have a lot of things we have to do. Besides, what would we do?
Well, you know all the real details of the War of the Worlds, and – I know!
LIGHTS COME ON all over the skullspace, restoring it to its usual brilliance.
32 ANGLE ON FAN
We're going to write scripts!
33 ANGLE ON HARRISON AND IRONHORSE
who are both blinking rapidly due to all the sudden illumination.
34 ANGLE ON FAN
Yes! And the first one is going to be about the sudden, horrible demise of a television producer named Frank Mancuso Jr.
35 THE SCENE
Ironhorse's eyes narrow as the Fan remembers what the so-call producer did to him.
All right, I have a few ideas.
Yes, Colonel, we have to stop the producer from killing you off, but I want a chance to try some of these other plots.
Don't hold your breath, Blackwood.
Maybe if it wasn't really you who blew his head off… if it was another clone…
Oh, I like it!
And when you escape the aliens and make your way back to us you realize that I am your soul-mate, and—
No! Absolutely not!
(nodding to Harrison) I can see it.
36 THE MENTAL NOTE
which is still hanging in mid-air. A fiery check mark appears next to it and it flutters down, fading away as it does.
We PULL BACK, leaving the Fan happily absorbed in her work, Harrison standing behind her, watching over her shoulder, nodding. Ironhorse frantically searches for an escape…
FADE TO PURPLE