Xander didn't know what the fuck he was doing. One moment he was relaxing at home, kicking back with some porn and getting ready to fap to his hearts content and the next thing he's flying to Buffy's side to patrol a freezing cemetery in search of some child-eating demon that's been on the loose for the past couple of weeks. He didn't even know why he was here in the first place.
But then again, he did know.
For the past four years, everyone had assumed that Xander had a huge crush on Buffy, which explained why he was always coming to her aid, day or night. But they were all wrong.
It wasn't Buffy that Xander was crushing on. It was all the fabulously handsome men she always hung out with.
First it had been Angel. Now it was Riley. Sure Xander poked fun at him like most "straight" guys would have, calling him Teutonic and throwing in a barb every now and then about how Riley should be wearing lederhosen, but deep down inside, Xander wanted nothing more than to stick his hand down Riley's pants and find out just how German the older boy was.
Unfortunately, like Angel, Riley was straight, and would never in a million years entertain the possibility of sleeping with Xander, even just once, so Xander was forced to content himself with just faraway admiration. And if that meant going to Buffy's side whenever the opportunity arose, he would do it.
And even if Riley wasn't there (which would bum Xander out on end), at least Willow would be, and she more than anyone else understood the whole unrequited love business. After all, she had pined after Xander himself for almost three years before finding out that he was secretly gay. That had been a conversation to remember.
"Xander," Willow had said, and Xander could hear it in his head as if it were happening now, "What the hell is the matter with you? First, you say you like Buffy, then you say you like Cordelia, then you and I kiss, then you sleep with Anya, and you're saying that it doesn't do anything for you?"
"What can I say, Will?" Xander had replied meekly. "Whenever I was with you guys, I closed my eyes and thought about..."
"Thought about who, Xander?" Willow had demanded to know. "Darla? Drusilla? Jenny Calendar? I won't judge, I swear."
"Angel," Xander had said bluntly.
"Oh," Willow said, coming up short. "Then I have a confession to make," she said after a short pause. "I have a crush on Buffy."
And that was how Xander and Willow had come out to each other. From then on, they had shared secrets about their crushes and other things that they knew that Buffy wouldn't understand.
Luckily for Xander, when he arrived at the cemetery, he saw that Buffy, Willow, AND Riley were there, all waiting for him.
"Sorry I'm late, guys," he called out as he approached. "It wasn't easy sneaking out, but I managed it."
"That's great, Xander," Buffy said, obviously not paying attention. "Ok. Teams. I think me and Riley should go patrol the west side, and you and Willow should patrol the east side."
"Typical," Xander said under his breath. Luckily, no one heard.
"Actually," piped up Riley, and Xander stole a hasty look his way. "I kind of think we'd get more accomplished if you and Willow stuck together and me and Xander went patrolling on our own."
The blood drained out of Xander's face. He started to stammer, something he always did when he was nervous, and was about to say something to encourage the idea, but a look from Willow shut him up. She wasn't stupid. She had figured out Xander's little crush on Riley a long time ago, and she knew that if Buffy found out about it, she wouldn't let Xander anywhere near Riley. She was possessive like that.
"Oh," Buffy said, and it was clear from her expression that she was majorly disappointed. "I guess that would work."
"Wipe the frown off of your pretty face," Riley scoffed, punching Buffy lightly on the arm. "I was just thinking that I could start Xander with some military training. That way, he wouldn't be so helpless in the field."
Xander's ego suddenly deflated like a balloon. Great. Riley thought he was pathetic. On top of that, he wanted to train Xander in a military fashion. Xander might have had a crush on Riley, but it wasn't big enough for him to put himself through a physical hell for him.
Still, Xander couldn't back out now. The last thing he needed was the 'chicken' label for being too cowardly to face a little exercise.
"What do you say, Xander?" Riley asked, turning his big, beautiful eyes on Xander.
"Well," said Xander, cursing how hoarse his voice was. "That sounds great."
"Excellent," Riley said, beaming. "See you later, Buffy. We'll be on the east side of the cemetery if you need us."
"Ok," said Buffy unsurely as she and Willow walked off in the other direction.
"Come on, Xander," Riley said once they were gone. "Let's go for a walk."
Xander couldn't breathe, though he silently obeyed Riley's command. How could he have gotten himself into such a situation? Obviously, he should've seen this coming from a mile off. Of course Riley would have eventually wanted to teach Xander how to fight more efficiently. Clearly, Xander wasn't up for that. If he engaged in physical contact with Riley, there would be something majorly hard about that...and Xander wasn't talking about the exercise.
They walked far into the east side of the cemetery, in parts of it that Xander had never seen before. Finally, he found his voice.
"Riley, where are..."
He was cut off when Riley suddenly turned around, caught Xander by the waist, and pulled him into one of the most surprising kisses that Xander had ever experienced in his entire life.
The kiss lasted all of five seconds, but in that short span of time, Xander's penis went from incredibly soft to incredibly hard. All he wanted to do was climb Riley like a tree, but reason told him to pull away and find out just what the hell was going on.
"Whoa, Riley. Dude!" Xander exclaimed, pulling slowly away from Riley. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"What I've been wanting to do for a long time, Xander," Riley replied, closing the distance between him and Xander and wrapping his arms around him. "You can't tell me you haven't been thinking about it."
"Well, no," Xander admitted. "I have been, but that's not the point. What about Buffy?"
"What about her?" Riley asked pointedly. "She's great, but she's not you."
At this, Xander blushed. He suddenly felt like Maria from West Side Story after meeting Tony.
"So, then," Xander said, clearing his throat. "What do we do now?"
"That's up to you," Riley replied, pressing a gentle kiss to Xander's forehead before moving Xander's hand down to feel the front of his pants. "But as you can see, I'd be up for just about anything."
Riley was rock hard. And enormous, by the feel of it. Xander just wanted to get down on his knees and bob forever until his jaw locked, but he knew that something like that he would want to take his time with. Right now, they didn't have much time. As a result, Xander made a judgment call. Without saying a word, Xander grabbed a hold of Riley's hand and pulled him in the direction of a nearby crypt. The only reason why Xander wasn't completely repulsed by the idea of a quickie in a tomb was because he recognized it as Spike's tomb. Sure, Spike might have a bitch later upon smelling the scent of sex in the air, but Xander didn't give a fuck. Besides, if Spike told Buffy, she wouldn't believe him and would probably stake him for good measure. It was a win-win situation.
Carefully checking to make sure that no one was around, Xander opened the door to the crypt and pulled Riley inside before carefully barring the door behind them.
And now came the fun part.
As soon as they were safely guarded inside the crypt, the clothes came off. For all of Riley's composed behavior outside in the real world, he seemed to lose all form of decency when in private. No sooner had Xander turn around did he feel Riley ripping off his shirt and shoving him in an animalistic way against the wall of the crypt before crushing his mouth to Xander's.
It was most possibly the hottest thing that Xander had ever done in his entire life.
But Xander, not one to be outdone, was quick to shimmy off Riley's shirt and gape in awe at the smooth contours of his chest.
Xander wanted to lick every single one of them. Unfortunately, that would also have to wait for another time. They could be discovered at any minute, so they had to make this fast.
"Pull it out," said Xander breathlessly, kissing Riley's neck and rubbing his hands all over his chest and his back. "I wanna see it."
Riley obeyed, quickly unbuttoning his pants and shoving them down to reveal what could most easily be described as a very beautiful cock.
Long, about seven to eight inches, pink, with a flaring purple head that was dripping pre-cum and a tight nutsack that was just begging to be sucked.
"Oh, Riley," Xander said, wrapping his hand around the stiff, hot length. "You're beautiful."
His hand began to stroke Riley's cock softly, causing Riley to moan and close his eyes.
"Yeah, that's it," said Xander eagerly, stroking a little bit faster. "Do you like that, Riley? My hand on your cock? Your big, beautiful cock? I've wanted to do this for a long time, but I'm not going to stop here. Oh no. We're going to be doing this for a very long time, you and I. Next time we do this, I want it to be my mouth on your cock. Stretched out, wide open. And I want you to cum in my mouth. Wouldn't that be hot? Nice and hot and dirty? And then I'll make you wait for my ass. My fine, toned ass. And when you finally do get to shove that beautiful dick inside of me, it'll be the most amazing pleasure you'll ever experience. No one will do it like me, Riley. No one."
All the while that Xander had been talking, his hand had been growing quicker and quicker on Riley's dick. Sweat had broken out on Riley's head and his breathing was getting more and more labored.
Finally, he couldn't take it anymore.
"Gah!" he exclaimed, biting his lip hard and tensing as thick shots of semen burst from the tip of his cock and sprayed all over the wall of the crypt. Luckily, Xander was quick enough to lean out of the way to avoid getting any on his clothing. It would have been completely hot if he had, but he didn't want to have to explain anything to Buffy.
After Riley's orgasm, both he and Xander just stood silently in the crypt, the only sound their breathing.
Finally, Riley spoke.
"Xander, I swear to God, I don't know how you do that, but that was the best orgasm I've had in my entire life."
"I know," said Xander, chuckling. "I have that effect on people. But don't worry, soldier boy. I'm a one man man. I'll be yours for life."