Chapter Text
A conversation conducted on Facebook messenger between:
B. Knight
Samwell grad, law school bound, dedicated naturist, best shit in town. He/him; answers to all.
Student at Harvard Law School
Studied at Samwell College
Lives in Somerville, Massachusetts
From Newton, Massachusetts
and
Eric R. Bittle
Baker, former figure skater, and the shortest member of the Samwell hockey team!
Kitchen Supervisor at Camp Oconee
Studies at Samwell College
Lives in Samwell, Massachusetts
From Madison, Georgia
B. Knight
Are you on brah?
Please, dude.
Little green thing says you’re on.
Don’t leave me alone with these capitalist motherfuckers.
Eric R. Bittle
Shitty?
B. Knight
Thank fuck.
Eric R. Bittle
Shits, are you high?
B. Knight
Not high enough.
Eric R. Bittle
So … why exactly are you high at quarter past ten in the morning?
B. Knight
The sire decided I should accompany him and some gentlemen assholes to Hyannisport this morning for a round of what I like to call sticks-and-balls.
Sticks and balls. Has a nice ring, yes?
Eric R. Bittle
Your dad thought it was a good idea to take you … to a golf course.
B. Knight
Fucker.
Turns out, country clubs are plentiful with locations in which to chill.
And by chill I mean enjoy the delectable pleasure of a well-rolled joint.
Eric R. Bittle
I figured.
Please tell me you’re not somewhere … high off the ground right now?
I mean, unless Lardo is there to make sure you don’t fall.
But I’m pretty sure Lardo is in Boston.
B. Knight
It is true and tragical that my best bro Lardo is unable to partake this morning.
She’s infiltrated the territory of the capitalist swine.
Behind enemy lines.
As I will be come autumn.
Eric R. Bittle
*sigh*
At least you’ll get to see her on the weekend?
Is she meeting you in Providence?
B. Knight
Nah, I’m picking her up in Quincy.
Her mother likes me.
I like her mother.
Though not as much as I like Lardo.
Lardo is a beaut.
Beauty.
Beautiful human being.
Eric R. Bittle
Right.
B. Knight
Hey!
I haven’t talked to you since you came out little brah! Congrats!
Eric R. Bittle
Thanks, Shitty.
You know you’ll always be my first 
B. Knight
Aw shucks.
But seriously, Bits. I’m proud of you.
You done good.
Eric R. Bittle
Yeah. It’s … it’s been kinda surreal, you know?
And … you know how sometimes you find out something about your parents that, like, makes you see everything you thought you understood about them in a whole new light?
B. Knight
You mean like that time I discovered dear dad fucking his secretary?
Eric R. Bittle
… kind of the opposite of that.
But yeah, I guess.
I can’t really explain right now but I learned some stuff about why my parents made the decisions they did that … makes a lot of things I thought I understood about my childhood seem … really different.
I’m not sure what to think yet.
B. Knight
All part of growing up, little brah.
Man. Everything here’s so fucking green, Bits! You should see it.
The trees and the grass and the trees!
All so fucking green.
Eric R. Bittle
Please just don’t CLIMB the trees, Shitty, okay?
Can you do that for me?
For me and Lardo?
Why aren’t you talking to Lardo, anyway?
B. Knight
Spying. She’s spying.
In a meeting.
Undercover as a wage slave.
Eric R. Bittle
Right.
*sigh*
I just don’t want to have to explain to Jack why you’re in the hospital with a broken leg instead of visiting him in Pawtucket. He’s ordered inflatable mattresses and everything!
B. Knight
AHA!
YOU.
You are the little shit responsible for the mattresses!
I was informed of the mattresses.
Jack ordered TWO.
You are cock-blocking me from his couch.
Eric R. Bittle
Jack calls it OUR couch.
B. Knight
Beautiful.
Your love is a beautiful thing.
I’m really not that stoned, Bits.
I’m just bored.
And I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing going to Harvard Law School.
They want me to become one of THEM Bits.
Fuckers.
I will defy them.
Eric R. Bittle
Yeah you will.
You know we got your back, Shits.
Me and Jack and Lardo and everyone else on the team.
B. Knight
Thanks brah.
Eric R. Bittle
I gotta get ready for work, okay Shitty?
I’m switching to my phone but message if you need me, okay? And I’ll respond when I can.
B. Knight
Go on.
Can’t keep the wage-slave from his work.
Eric R. Bittle
Nope.
Stay out of the trees, Shits.
B. Knight
You ruin all the fun little brah.