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Promposal Gone Wrong

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Dipper was not paying attention to the current conversation with Mabel and their friends Amy, Thomas, and Casey. He didn’t care. They were talking about prom dates, so he didn’t have anything to contribute.

“So, Dipper,” Amy started, “Is your boyfriend taking you to the prom yet? Will we finally get to meet the mysterious Bill?!”

Dipper sighed and put his ham sandwich down, “No, Amy. I’ve said so once, and I’ll say it again. He can’t come. He simply doesn’t the chance to make it down here in time.”

Mabel nudged him, “Well you know he wants to. I’m telling you guys! Bill is one of the sweetest boyfriends someone can have! I mean, sure, him and Dipper had a horrible start, but now they’re too cute together. So what if Bill can’t make it to Junior Prom? There’s always Senior Prom!”

“Mabel, it doesn’t matter if there’s another prom,” Thomas said, “It doesn’t take the sting away.”

“Poor Dipper!” Amy cried out, “Don’t worry, we love you even if that douche Bill doesn’t!” Amy threw herself at Dipper before being pulled back by Casey.

“Amy, I’m sure Dipper is loved by Bill. Maybe he’s just an older man that Dipper is embarrassed of,” Casey said smirking.

“Well…” Mabel started, “He isn’t in high school anymore.”

Amy squealed and everyone else covered their hands. “Dipper has a Sugar Daddy! That’s so cute!!”

“Shut up, Amy!” Dipper said. “Do you know what Sugar Daddy means? I’d be lucky if Bill gave me a corn on the cob without trying to get something from me…”

“Still…” Amy pouted.

“Well Dipper,” Casey started, “If you want a date to prom, I’d be happy to take you.”

Casey then got up and attempted to walk out in a suave way. However, he managed to trip over his own feet on the way out.

“They’re such an idiot…” Amy said, looking at him in disappointment.

“Why do we put up with them?” Thomas asked.


“She called me a Sugar Daddy? Ha! Your human friends sound so stupid!” Bill shouted laughing.

“To be fair, I think Amy is trying to find herself a Sugar Daddy so she’s projecting our wishes on us. I mean, she even followed Mabel around after she said she had a date with someone she wouldn’t mention,” Dipper said laughing. “So, how’re things at the Mystery Shack? You haven’t killed anyone, right?”

“Of course not! How could you even suggest that?” Bill said, faking hurt.

Dipper just stared at the camera.

“Okay, point taken, but I haven’t done anything! Stanley is still paying me as little as possible and Stanford is still avoiding me.” Bill said, leaning on his hand.

“Well that’s no surprise.”

Bill clapped his hands together, “So how’re things with you? Anything new with the prom?”

“Yeah!” Dipper laughed, “You that friend of ours, Casey?”

“Yeah, he seems like an idiot!”

“Well, today he asked me to prom! He tried to make a suave exit after winking at me and he tripped over his own feet! It was so funny…” Dipper’s face scrunched together trying to hold in laughter. “It was so funny!”

“Heh,” Bill let out a weak laugh.

Dipper continued, “So that was my day…”

“Yeah,” Bill replied, “Hey I have to go. See ya.”

“See ya, Bill,” Dipper hesitated, “Love you.”

“Love you too.”


“Dipper, my dress has to be picked up in thirty minutes and prom is tomorrow! Please help me out! You just have to put on your suit, or tux, or whatever you chose to wear and ruffle your hair! Please help me out!!” Mabel pleaded, getting on her knees holding Dipper’s hand.

Dipper shook his head and responded, “You handle things here and set stuff up how you want. I’ll get your dress.”

Mabel squealed happily and hugged Dipper, “Thank you so much Dipper! You’re the best brother ever!”

“Yeah, yeah. I know,” Dipper hugged her back.

Picking up his car keys Dipper pulled out of the driveway and started his way to the Dry Cleaner. In the window, Mabel stood smiling. She picked up her phone and dialed a number.

“He’s on his way. Just started pulling.”

On his end, Dipper had gotten Mabel’s dress and hung it up in the backseat on his car. On his way home, he started feeling this pull in his gut. Something was nagging him to turn his car. So he did. Dipper had learned that it was best to follow his gut through his years of life.

It turned out, his gut wanted him to go to the park. As he pulled into the parking lot, he noticed a strange set up. As he got out of his car, he noticed Bill was in the center. Dipper started walking towards the set up as Bill turns around smiling.

Bill calls out to him, “Pine Tree! How do you like my setup?” Throwing out his arms Bill’s hand hit one of the tiki torches and knocked it over.

Both Dipper and Bill watch the fire spread from the wick to the the wooded post, engulfing it before Dipper can read what it said. What was it made out of? Fire starter? The banner fire spreads to the trees and before either of them know it. The surrounding trees and props are on fire. Debris starts to fall onto the playground equipment, singing and melting the plastic.

Bill slowly turns around to see Dipper has walked to his side and watched the chaos unfold.

“So,” Bill started awkwardly, “ Prom?”

Dipper just looks at his exasperated before cracking a smile. His smile soon turned into a laugh and before he knew it, Dipper was hold his sides laughing so hard even Bill cracked a smile.

“Of course, Bill,” Dipper said, throwing his arms around his boyfriend’s neck, pulling his in for a kiss, “Of course.”

In the distance, a police siren can be heard.

Bill turns to Dipper and says, “Lets go before we get caught.”

In the distance, you can see Dipper’s car speeding away, trying not to get caught by the cops.