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Of Coffee Shops and Terrible Pick-Up Lines

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Chuuya’s day could have been the best day he had ever had in a long time if not for the annoying customer that had just walked through the door. He usually didn’t give a damn about any of the customers that walked through those doors but this person.

This one person was the most annoying asshole he had ever had the displeasure of meeting.

He was far too tired for any of this. He hadn’t had his morning coffee yet, however ironic that might seem considering he worked in a coffee shop. The man had walked up to the counter with a certain flair that screamed that he was no good and to make matters worse, the first thing that came out of his mouth was the most terrible pick up line that Chuuya had ever heard.

“Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”

If it was possible to roll your eyes that hard then Chuuya would have rolled them his hardest. The pick-up line was so overused and completely terrible. If this person was to come into this coffee shop every day from now on then Chuuya would surely lose his mind.

With the most forced smile he could muster he replied with “No but I scraped my knee crawling out of hell.”

Trying to seem polite despite the internal fury that was going on inside of his mind he pointed to the board behind him. “What would you like to order?”

“I’d like to order a date with you.” The stranger replied and this only added even more fuel to the fury that was going on inside of his mind. If he could strangle this man right now then he would gladly do it but he really didn’t want to lose his job.

Besides, his job was what allowed him to pay for the amount of alcohol he bought and he sure as hell was not going to go without alcohol.

“That’s not even an item on the list now what do you want to order?” he ground out, quickly losing his patience.

After a few more torturous minutes of shitty pick-up lines, the stranger finally decided what he wanted and ordered. Of course as Chuuya turned around to prepare the coffee that the man had ordered, the man whistles and at this point Chuuya is plotting this man’s murder.

Handing the man his coffee, he watched as the man read what was written on the cup before his face morphed into a smile that he wasn’t quite sure was possible.

Chuuya had written the words, “Stop with all of the shitty pick-up lines you fucking asshole.”

All Chuuya knew was that this customer was surely not going to stop bothering him with those stupid fucking pick-up lines and if this continued then Chuuya was sure that this would surely lead to the sweet release of death.

 

To say he was expecting this was an understatement. He fucking knew that this was going to happen and yet here he was staring back at those chocolate brown eyes that had annoyed him to the point of plotting actual murder the day before.

Chuuya crossed his arms and braced himself for the terrible pick-up lines that were sure to come.

The man rested one of his arms on the counter, “You have really nice legs, what time do they open?”

Chuuya simply stared at the man in front of him in disgust. “They don’t open for the likes of someone like you.” This was truly fucking wonderful. Now the stranger had gone from cheesy pick-up lines to sexual pick-up lines and Chuuya wasn’t sure which one was worse.

“You didn’t deny that they open for anybody else though.” The stranger pointed out with an infuriating smirk and Chuuya felt the rage build up in his chest.

Reminding himself of the alcohol that still kept him sane, he continued to put up with this pain in the ass of a customer despite the growing rage.

Letting out a deep sigh he asked the rehearsed question, “What would you like to order?”

The stranger opened his mouth and before any words could spill out, Chuuya spoke, already knowing what he was going to say. “If you say you want to order me one more time I swear I will punch you.”

The stranger ordered his coffee and supplied a name so there was at least something he could call him by. Before Dazai left, he turned around to look at Chuuya. “Can you even reach my face?”

Dazai left the small cafe, laughing at the redhead who was feverishly spewing curses at him.

 

This went on for a few weeks and each day, Dazai would waltz into the cafe, greet Chuuya with a pick up line and then leave with a coffee cup that had a new insult on it each day. Each day Chuuya and Dazai would learn about each other even more. Chuuya had learned that Dazai worked for one of the many rival companies that the cafe Chuuya worked at had.

He had also learned that Dazai had supposedly worked here before as well but that must have been well before Chuuya had started working here. What he noticed though was that Akutagawa would look Dazai’s way sometimes and Chuuya assumed that Akutagawa had already met Dazai some time in the past.

Sometimes Dazai would come into the cafe with a teen with light grey hair that was cut choppily. Perhaps he had cut it himself? The boy had been introduced as Atsushi but the most peculiar thing about him were his eyes. His eyes were purple and yellow however odd that might seem.

Whenever Atsushi was there, Chuuya would catch Akutagawa stealing glances at him. From what he had heard, they didn’t have the most pleasant first meeting but they still talked frequently and Chuuya wondered how they could bear each other.

Considering Akutagawa’s personality, it was surprising to see him socializing with Atsushi as if this was only a normal occurrence for him. Despite Akutagawa’s cold personality, it seemed like Atsushi had no trouble talking to him despite Akutagawa’s anti-socialness.

One day, Chuuya couldn’t take it anymore. All of these pick-up lines had started to become rather annoying and whatever Dazai was trying to accomplish simply wasn’t working. Dazai had ordered his usual coffee and Chuuya quickly scribbled something onto the cup before handing it to Dazai.

Dazai took the coffee into his hands and turned it so he could see what was written on it. Finding a set of digits on the cup only brought a wide grin to his face. “So those pick up lines really did work after all, didn’t they Chuuya?”

“S-Shut the hell up, none of those shitty pick up lines worked.”

Dazai turned the cup so the numbers that Chuuya had written were facing him, “Is that so? I beg to differ.”

“S-S-Shut up you bastard!” Chuuya found himself stuttering on the words and a loud laugh rang throughout the coffee shop as Dazai walked towards the door and left the cafe.

Atsushi sent Chuuya the most apologetic face he could muster and quickly ran after his co-worker, coffee in hand.

 

Even when they had started dating, Dazai still sent him extremely shitty pick-up lines that were completely irrelevant now that they were dating. Despite working for separate companies, they still found time to visit each other at their work.

Akutagawa would sometimes tag along to visit, completely denying that he was only visiting for a chance to see Atsushi. The more he denied it, the more painfully obvious it became that both of them were interested in each other.

They would look at each other when they thought the other wasn’t looking and they were constantly finding situations where they could see each other. To both Dazai and Chuuya, they found it quite painful to watch.

It was quite obvious that they were pining for each other but it wasn’t their place to interfere and try and get the two of them together.

Though Chuuya wasn’t sure that Dazai wouldn’t interfere considering how he was.