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La Douleur Exquise

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Ascending the Jedi steps was by no means an easy task. Not physically, but emotionally. Rey knew that by choosing to climb these stairs, she was offering herself to the Jedi way of life. Offering herself to Luke Skywalker. To learn, to train. To hone her abilities. Somewhere, in her mind, she had subconsciously given up her life on Jakku. Maz Kanata's words had been a knife in the heart, but something she most definitely needed to hear. Even if she knew the truth deep down.


Approaching the famous Luke Skywalker sent chills down her spine. The man she'd only ever heard stories about. Rumours. Myths. He was a living legend. And now she was walking up to him, about to offer him his father's lightsaber. Her body thrummed in anticipation.


He felt her. Long before he saw her, he felt her. Her vibrations in the Force. He knew she was coming for him. He'd had the feeling of dread in his stomach. He wasn't sure how her arrival would change things.


He'd fled from the others, from everything, after Ben had turned to the Dark side and destroyed Luke's Jedi academy. Luke couldn't believe he'd let history repeat itself. The blood of his own father, Anakin Skywalker, ran thick in Ben's veins. Luke was ashamed and sorry for fleeing, but he felt too responsible for all the wrong-doings which had gone on. Everything would be better if he just went away, he'd believed. So he fled to Ahch-To, starting a new and solitary life for himself. A clean slate.

The loneliness and isolation he'd banished himself to for near-on twenty years had been soul-destroying. But for Luke, this was his personal punishment. It was his fault things had transpired the way they had - not training Ben properly, thus not protecting him from Snoke's influence.


Ben was an extremely Force-sensitive being who had not been nurtured properly and who had been inadvertently neglected of guidance throughout his life. He'd struggled with his emotions and dealing with the consequences of that as well as feeling his powers, abilities and potential ignored by those who supposedly cared for him. It was all too easy for Snoke to swoop in and be the mentor Ben never had. Before Luke, Leia or Han realised what had happened, it was too late. Ben was gone, and there was no saving him.


Luke felt he'd let Han and Leia, as well as everyone else, down. And so, he'd taken himself away from it all.


But now, there was Rey. He'd seen her before, in his dreams. Pure beauty, surrounded by Light. So much Light. Flowing dark hair. Rosy cheeks and lips. She was a vision of the Light side. Maybe she was the answer to everything. Maybe she was the Chosen One. Maybe it never was Anakin. Or Luke. Or Ben. Maybe she was it. The one who would bring balance to the Force. And finally, restore peace to the Galaxy.


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Rey's arm remained extended, as she held out Anakin's lightsaber for Luke.


"It's yours now," he told her, "it called to you, and it shall remain with you... Until you build your own."


"Build my own?"


"All new Jedi must construct their own lightsaber."






He knew who she was before she came, and it was of no surprise to her. They'd shared the same powerful Force dreams.


"Will you show me the ways of the Force, Master Luke?"


His weathered face bared two decades worth of burdens. He was old. The 'skin' on his mechanical hand had worn away over time and, with no one around to fix it, he'd let it be, let nature taken its' course. His hair had greyed, he had a beard and his skin looked tired.


"I'm not the man I used to be, Rey. I have aged somewhat," he told her.


"You're still the legend I know you to be. Age doesn't change that." He felt flattered but self-conscious. The way she looked at him, the admiration she had for him, it was all a little too much for him.


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Luke had been punishing himself to a life of solitude for fifteen years, believing his life hadn't taken the course it was meant to. He'd started off as a young pilot, thirsty for adventure; to discover whatever the Galaxy held for him. He'd discovered far more than he'd ever intended. Gone on crazy adventures with two people he'd barely known. Discovering so much more about his past and his family bloodline than he even knew existed. Leading the Rebellion and restoring peace to the Galaxy. Or so he'd believed.


Eventually, he believed he'd failed at everything and basically handed the Galaxy over to the treacherous First Order. He did not see himself as a hero. Or anything else to be proud of. To admire. To follow in the footsteps of.


But Rey did. She believed. And she had total faith in his teachings.


Conflict overwhelmed him. He was in agony over the idea of letting another person in his life down. The notion of training her consumed him with fear. Fear he would fuck it up. Fear that his teachings would lead to even more devastation. On the other hand, maybe something good could come of this, of her time on Ahch-To.


Perhaps she was a new hope.

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The days were spent training hard in combat. The nights were spent meditating, getting in touch with the Force and connecting with one another's minds. Luke taught Rey many simple techniques as well as how to project and how to let her feelings and instinct guide her


He tested her often, wanting her to be strong and ready. She was already strong and her potential was far more than obvious. She reminded him a lot of himself, in his younger days. He saw the same thirst and determination he'd once had, in her eyes. Her beautiful hazel eyes.


He often marvelled at her beauty and thought it unfair for such a creature to have endured the things she had so far in her short life. The abandonment, the scavenging, the loneliness. How he wished he could have shielded her from such a life. He felt protective of her. He wanted to take care of her. He could not let her go back to that life. He vowed to impart all his teachings, and help her move forward for a better future.


Over time, he'd begun to care for her, oftentimes gazing at her, watching her when she wasn't looking. He found beauty in the simple things she did; waking first thing in the morning and stumbling bleary-eyed into the kitchen for breakfast, styling her hair with delicate fingers and the utmost concentration as she looked into the mirror. How she would go walking or meditating alone, returning with a keepsake such as a flower or a rock. When she fell asleep meditating, he'd move her to her bed, tucking her in gently, softly moving the hair out of her face, leaving his hand to linger just a little longer than it should, stroking her cheek, her neck and her collarbone.


He would still himself, closing his eyes and breathing her in as his fingers ghosted over her soft skin, sending shivers through his body. It had been an age since he'd been so close to another. Since he'd touched another living being. He would never take advantage of her. He would never let it go further than a few innocent touches. If she awoke, he would continue tucking her into bed before leaving.

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It wasn't too easy for Luke to keep his feelings hidden from Rey. Being two Force-sensitive individuals, they could feel one another's vibrations in the Force. Luke was trying to attune their minds in meditation which involved opening up their thoughts, feelings and emotions. It proved to be quite the challenge for him to open up and keep feelings hidden at the same time.


He would never want to make her feel awkward or uncomfortable with his feelings. He knew they were inappropriate and the Jedi were obligated to celibacy anyway, but it had just been so long since he had been close to another. So long since he'd had any sort of companionship or even felt for anyone.


He was acutely aware of the expected behaviour within the Master/Padawan relationship. Not to mention their age gap. He had been well into his thirties when Rey was born.


No. He knew it wasn't decent and he would not act upon anything he felt. He owed it to her. It wouldn't be fair to distract her from her training. Not that she would be interested anyway, he'd thought. She was young and beautiful with her whole life ahead, whereas he felt he was just an old man with nothing to offer and not much to look at.


As challenging as it was to keep his feelings to himself, he would sure try his damnedest to do so. He owed it to her. He owed her the life of learning and training she craved and deserved.

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Luke woke early one morning to find Rey had already left. He had awoken bleary-eyed, getting out of bed and getting dressed before making his way through to the common area.


He figured her to still be asleep, so he tried not to clatter around as he made breakfast. After eating and wrapping up the leftovers for Rey, Luke headed towards the fresher for a shower. Walking past Rey's bedroom, he noticed that her door was slightly ajar and that her bed was empty. Oh, she must have gone out early.


He decided to take some time for himself and go for a relaxing swim. He got ready and headed out to one of the nearby coves. It was a beautiful morning and he basked in the glorious sunshine as he strolled across the grassy hills. As much as this place had been a lonely desolate existence for him, it really was beautiful and relaxing and still brought him an innate calmness.


Luke took one last look around to make sure he was alone before undressing and slipping into the welcoming water. It was semi-warm against his skin, which soothed him. He allowed his mind to wander as he casually swam backstroke around the bay, staring up into the beautiful blue sky. His thoughts soon fell onto Rey. He could not sense her in the Force, so he knew she was not close by. Similarly, she would be unable to sense him in return. 


He allowed his mind to fully open up, letting the thoughts he'd carefully guarded filter through to the forefront. He closed his eyes as he swam, the beautiful image of Rey materialising. Her beautiful bronzed skin, her hazel eyes - the way they sparkled and widened along with her infectious smile when she would discover something new. A new flower, an animal, a new food. The way pure joy would dance on her face when she experienced new tastes and smells. She's simply precious, he mused, growing ever more fond of her by the day.


Luke found it endearing, the way she gazed at heavy rainfall, genuinely fascinated. Sometimes he would spot her through a window, dancing in the rainstorm, getting thoroughly soaked and giggling like a child. Sometimes, she was barefoot, marvelling at the feeling of wet grass or mud between her toes, not minding one little bit. He would smile and chuckle softly, walking away and simply letting her be. He knew all too well, growing up on Tatooine, what it was like to live through nothing but dry heat for days, weeks, months, even years on end. Later, he would run her a bath, make hot tea and try to remind her that running around in the rain could make her ill.


His thoughts drifted onto her looks. It happened before he even realised. He thought about her slim, young body, thin but toned. He thought about how delicate she was and how he longed to touch her, to feel her soft skin as her body would move underneath him. A warmth pooled in his belly and his heart did double beats as he thought about her. He had to take a deep breath to try and calm himself, feeling his arousal stirring for the first time in a very long time.


He imagined running his good hand up and down her stomach, delicately tracing her ribs. In his mind, her muscles would switch and she would buck her hips a little, giving out quiet, breathy moans. He would bring his mechanical hand up to her face, stroking her gently, not wanting to alarm her. He would twine his 'fingers' in her hair. He wouldn't be able to feel the softness of it but he would still relish in being close to her and having her allow him to touch. In his fantasy, she would not wince or recoil at the cold feeling of his prosthetic. She wouldn't mind at all.


His other hand would stroke her delicate skin some more, feeling hungry for her, fingertips tracing upward of her navel, pushing up and under her tunic. She would arch a little, her body begging for more of his touch. Her nipples would pebble under her thin layers as Luke would rut against her thigh, longing for any kind of friction to relieve his urgency. Another breathy moan would escape her lips. Luke imagined closing in on her, pressing his lips to hers, kissing her timidly, the stubble of his rough beard scratching at her. But she wouldn't mind. She wouldn't mind one little bit.


Her little fingers would lace themselves into his hair, gripping lightly, moaning softly under the weight of him. Chills would travel down his spine at her touch. He would gaze into her eyes, sending images to her via the Force to use her fingernails on his scalp. Not harshly. Gently, but with a firm hand, fusing their arousal together. He would moan into the nape of her neck as he rutted against her, pushing his erection into her leg, wanting more and more of her. His lips would brush her collarbone, her neck, her ears. Her cheeks would flush as her heart rate increased.


She would open her legs, timidly, pulling him right into place, where he would feel her wet heat between them, almost catching her scent. His heart would hammer in his chest before feeling her nails drag up the expanse of his back, causing him to groan, biting his lip. Luke would press against where she ached for him, both of them needing more of each other. He imagined his lips tracing her earlobes, moaning breathlessly into her ear, "I want you, Rey".


He pictured her guiding his hand to slip her trousers down, taking his time to peel off her underwear before entering her, unrushed and relaxed. Then he would make love to her agonisingly slowly, caressing her body as he took her, having her moan and writhe beneath him, pushing herself onto his cock, taking all of him in, making noises he'd never heard a woman make before.


In his fantasy, she would be a virgin and he would be her first. The first man to ever take her. To have all of her.


Luke came to, realising his cock was rock hard in his hand as he jerked himself off in the water. His heart was almost beating out of his chest as he imagined taking Rey's virginity. Before he could fathom what was happening, pleasure surrounded him as he pumped up and down his length, shooting his release all over his fist.


Luke tried to calm himself, his breathing ragged. He felt a little embarrassed as he washed himself off, before drying off in the sun and getting changed. Guilt lingered at the edge of his conscience, his fantasies still fresh in his mind. As he got closer to home, Luke began closing off his mind, to shield his thoughts from Rey.


Climbing a hill, their hut came back into view and he felt Rey's Force signature nearby. It hummed, beautiful as ever.



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As Luke got closer to home, he could feel Rey's Force signature stronger and brighter. For Force-sensitives, it was akin to having a sixth sense. It was like all the senses rolled into one. When he got near to her, Light radiated. Her beauty shone out. Not only her physical beauty. Her inner beauty along with all of her other amazing qualities combined made for a blinding allurement which Luke felt difficult to resist.


Approaching the hut, Luke could hear soft singing. He warmed inside at the sound. She sounded like... home.


Luke entered the hut as the sun was setting, pushing all thoughts of the day's events into the furthest pit of his mind. As he closed the door, the smell of freshly baked bread hit him.


"Good evening, Rey."


"Good evening, Master Luke," she piped up from the kitchen, grinning like a loon. "how was your day?" she beamed.


Everything about her was divine and pure. He purposely skipped over the details of the afternoon, presenting in his own mind, an altered version of the day. "It was lovely, thank you. I took a walk over the hills, had a swim in one of the coves, just enjoyed the day. And what about you, Rey?"


"I made bread!!!" she squealed, lifting a tray from the wood-fire oven built into the wall. Her top teeth were biting her bottom lip in excitement as she grinned, placing the tray on the counter & transferring plump bread rolls into a cotton-lined basket.


He chuckled; "Is that what you've done all day? I noticed you rose early this morning."


"A few other things," she muttered, ducking her head back towards the oven, pulling another tray forth. "I went in search of some native vegetables and fruits." Dumping the second tray on the counter, she dashed over to a pot heating over a fire, its contents bubbling away and gave it a stir. "I wanted to make us a nice meal." She lifted a spoonful to give it a taste.


Luke's stomach growled as delicious smells began surrounding his senses. He walked over to the kitchen to see what else Rey was concocting. A feast fit for a thousand men came into view. The large pot of stew bubbling in the corner. On the counter; the basket of (ten!) bread rolls, and surrounding it was a large selection of fresh fruits, most of which he recognised. Fruits he'd eaten a dozen times and more.


He tittered, looking around the table. It was definitely too much food.


"What is it, Master?" she inquired.


He didn't want to dishearten her.


He reminded himself this was still all pretty new for her. He'd listened to the horror stories of her surviving on nothing but measly packaged rations in exchange for a full day's labour in the beating sun. Whilst food on Ahch-To was easy to harvest and available in abundance. He bit his tongue, saying nothing. They would make use of the leftovers, he reasoned.


"Nothing at all. It looks fantastic!" he beamed.


He noticed she had lit the hut by candlelight, just in time for sunset. He couldn't help but think how romantic and... domestic it all felt. He warmed inside, happiness filling him. But then... the sadness came. His affections for her were growing stronger by the day. He worried about how long he could keep his feelings to himself.


"I'm just going to wash up for dinner." he told her, making his way to the fresher. He needed a minute to himself.


Luke closed the door and stood in front of the mirror, staring at himself. Staring at his old reflection. He examined his weathered face, the lines, the wrinkles. He felt ashamed at what he felt for Rey. He felt like a dirty old man. Although he did want her sexually (and he was ashamed to admit that, even in his own mind), he had begun to care deeply for her and wanted to protect her. He wished she'd been born in his time, that he had met her many years prior. He'd never had the chance to get close to someone, not like this. Not since Leia, and look how that turned out!


He tried to push his developing feelings deep down and away.


All he wanted was companionship. The loneliness had eaten away at him over the years. He thought he'd buried all those feelings, numbing himself to them. But Rey's extraordinary personality had come along and begun to melt all of that away.


He marvelled at the fact he'd allowed himself to get this close to another, to be frank. That he had agreed to such an arrangement; her living with him while training in the Force. All so that she could one day, soon, face her enemy, again. His own nephew. He was teaching a girl he'd only just met the skills necessary to one day perhaps destroy his sister and best friend's own son. It was quite absurd.


She was such a bright, young woman with a great future ahead of her. He knew she would go on to do great things; take down the First Order? Lead the Resistance? Definitely have a positive impact on the Galaxy in some way. Never mind the fact she had probably sparked the interests of several of the handsome young men in the Resistance. She would probably follow on in the footsteps of Leia; he could see her becoming an exceptional leader and after achieving much greatness, settle down and marry, maybe have some younglings and a family of her own.


He washed his face and hands, the tepid water welcoming on his skin. He brushed his hair out of his face before returning to the common area.


"Hungry?!" Rey asked with gusto as she finished getting the table ready.


"Famished." Luke replied.


She'd dished up bowls of the stew for them and fetched some water. She stood and pulled out Luke's chair.


"Please, sit!" she enthused.


"Rey, you don't need to—"


"Ahh!" Rey jokingly frowned at him, putting one finger to her mouth and 'shooshing' him. "You're always doing things for me. Taking care of me. Let me take care of you."


His heart jumped at the words. He wasn't one to argue. He slid comfortably into his chair as she tucked him in. He smiled at her. This was totally unnecessary, but pleasant all the same. She had the bouncing energy of a young child, darting around, serving up stew and making sure everything was just so for their dinner. She pushed her basket of bread towards him as she took her seat across from him.


"Please try the bread, its the first time I've made it. I hope you like it."


Luke took a bite. They were still warm, soft inside with a perfect crunch on the outside. He dipped it into the stew and ate. Delicious! He was rather surprised at her cooking skills. "Mmm, this is really good, Rey. Where did you learn to cook?


"Well, I guess I cheated a bit. I learned a lot from General Organa, Master." she said with a wink.


Ah. Leia. Of course. She'd been a great wife and mother through the years, having done a lot of home-cooking for Han and Ben.


They chatted idly about not much at all while they enjoyed the rest of their meal.


"That was delicious, Rey." Luke complimented. She smiled, feeling and looking extremely proud of herself.


They tidied up together then Luke went to sit out on the grass in front of their hut. It was a picturesque evening and the sun was setting beautifully.


He sensed her. She came out to join him on the grass. They both looked on and began chatting without making eye contact.


"Is everything okay Master Luke?" she sounded apprehensive.


"Of course, Rey. why do you ask?"


"You've been awfully quiet tonight."


He looked on, saying nothing.


"Something feels closed off in your mind. It feels like a brick wall when I try to connect with you."


"Oh, I'm just weary, sweetheart. Nothing to worry about." he tried to reassure. She looked unconvinced but decided not to probe. Instead, she shifted herself closer to him. His heart felt as though it were battering against his chest for escape. He was convinced she could hear it. She leant her head against his shoulder as they finished watching the sun set together. His heart was in his throat.


Feeling relaxed and comfortable with her, he allowed his body to let go. Rey's eyes drifted shut, "I feel so safe with you, Master."


He wanted nothing more than to stroke her hair. To take her in his arms and hold her. 




He would not allow himself this. He didn't deserve this moment.  And it was agony to have it and not have it at the same time.


Abruptly, Luke stood and made his excuses. "Goodnight, Rey." he told her as he retreated to the safety of solitude. 


Rey's eyes shot open as she watched him leave, "Master Luke!" she called after him.


He did not look back... 


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Luke walked solemnly into the hut. Away from her. Away from his feelings. Just... away. It was just all too much.


Come on, get a hold of yourself! Th ese feelings aren't real. You're just lonely. You don't like her that way. You're old enough to be her father, for Kriff's sake! Its disgusting. She's practically a kid.


Only she wasn't a kid. She was a grown woman. Young, but still an adult.


Luke strode into the hut, walking quickly. He didn't want her to come after him. He wasn't sure if he could hold it together and pretend at that moment. He locked himself in the bathroom and turned on the shower. He disrobed and climbed in, allowing the hot water to soothe him.


He closed his eyes, letting the jets of warmth wash over and consume him. His mind wandered to a beautiful place. An open field. A sunny day. He was running. And running. And laughing. He was with her. Her voice permeated the scene. Her laughter. Pure. Fresh. Beautiful. They held hands. It was soft and tender. Her small hand fitting into his just perfectly. Like she was made for him. Like he'd been waiting his whole life... for her.




Why was he thinking about her? He was trying to get away from her. Thoughts and visions clouded him. He tried in vain, but he could think of nothing but a life with her.



Rap rap rap. A gentle knock on the bathroom door.


"Master Luke?" she called out.


"Uh, not a great time right now, Rey."


"What's going on, Master?"


"I'm taking a shower..."


"Why did you run off?"


"Can we talk later?"


Luke waited for a response but none came. He finished showering and dried himself off. He would have to talk to Rey eventually, realising he couldn't hide his feelings forever, even if he tried. She wasn't stupid, she knew something was different. They both did. Fear and panic flourished, knowing he was projecting his feelings, despite his efforts of keeping them guarded. He knew he was going to have to face things.


He scuttled to his room to get changed. A moment later, her gentle knock came. "Master... can we talk?" her voice sounding muffled through the door. He breathed in deeply. He'd desperately wanted to avoid this situation. Thirty years of Force-use and it turns out he was rubbish at hiding his projections. But how much did she know?


Dressed in his nightwear, he slowly opened the door, keeping his expression neutral. He said nothing.


"Master Luke..."


He moved his eyes to the floor. He could barely look at her. He didn't want to have to talk about this. To actually identify it with words.


"You can't hide from me, you know..."


He looked up at her but still said nothing.


"I know something is different..." her brow furrowed in concern.


He gulped.


"...I don't know what exactly."




"Master...what is it?"


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Luke walked away from the door of his bedroom, settling on his bed. "You'd better come in." he told her. She walked up to him, standing tall in front of him. He looked up at her, seeing the worry on her face. He gestured at the space next to him, "Please... sit down, Rey." he told her.


"You've been hiding yourself from me all day, Master... maybe even longer? What is it, what's going on? Has something happened? Is it General Organa? Is it Finn? Has that monster killed again? Please, just..."


"Rey," he interrupted her. "it's nothing like that."


"But there is something?"


Luke closed his eyes and bowed his head. Rey's hands reached out and took hold of Luke's. He startled and snatched his prosthetic away, as a reflex. Rey gasped. She'd had a fear of touching Luke's hand, not because it repulsed her, more for the fact she wasn't sure how Luke felt about it, certain he wouldn't want anyone touching it. She hadn't intended to cause discomfort.



"I'm sorry..." she started.


"It's okay, it's just..."


Rey looked on and waited. His human hand clasped her fingers as his eyes closed again. Rey closed her eyes too. Luke began projecting images. Visions came into Rey's mind.


A beautiful open field. Sunshine radiated down. She was running. And laughing. The most intense feeling of happiness she had ever felt hummed through her. She felt complete.


With her eyes closed, her face twisted as she tried to understand what she was seeing/feeling/experiencing.


The sound of Luke's laughter came up quickly behind her. It got louder as he got closer to her. His hand caught hers as he grabbed her, firm but gentle. He pulled her to him playfully. She turned to him, her body closing in on his, their lips meeting in a delicate embrace. So soft and pure. Luke's lips claimed hers as their bodies moved together. Pressing close, feeling the vibrations of one another in the Force. They giggled as they kissed, falling to the ground, feeling the soft grass beneath their feet. Cuddling close together, their bodies intertwined as they breathed one another in.


Rey snapped back to the present, with a prolonged gasp, pulling her hand away from Luke. "What was that?!" she exclaimed.


Luke looked up at her briefly before lowering his head again. He didn't know how to answer her.


She was lost for words, unsure of what he was showing her. Was it the future? A dream? A mere wish? And what did she feel for him? She had no idea now. She'd always seen him as a teacher, a mentor, a friend. Nothing more.


She couldn't deny how safe and protected he'd made her feel. How she'd never felt more cared for in her life. Never felt at home before. Never ever felt that someone could or would ever care for her deeply. Her whole life she'd been told she was garbage. Nothing more than a filthy scavenger. She'd felt less than human. Luke had brought warmth back into her life.


She hadn't let herself think of him as anything more than a teacher. She wouldn't let her mind go further. She was purely grateful that he had agreed to train her in the first place, when she'd shown up and disrupted his life. Bringing the past back. Maker knows how painful that must have been for him.


And yet, here he was... projecting visions of them... together. It didn't make sense. She didn't know what to make of any of it.


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Luke and Rey both knew there weren't any words for a situation like theirs. They sat on Luke's bed, eyes darting around awkwardly, unable to meet each other's gazes. Luke was consumed with guilt. He knew he shouldn't have put this burden onto Rey, but similarly, it was killing him inside, holding it in.


Rey pulled herself up onto the bed properly and crossed her legs.


"You're a really special girl, Rey..." he told her.


Her face was serious but sad. She looked pensive. She didn't quite have the words yet to express how she felt. She still didn't know herself. She certainly had a fondness for Luke. The admiration she held in her heart for him was second to none. But what did that fondness mean? She wasn't sure.


She nervously extended her hands, slowly taking hold of Luke's good hand. Her thumb stroked over his skin. He gazed upon her as she caressed him. They had never shared such an intimate moment. Their eyes locked as her fingertips brushed over his hand, drawing invisible circles on his skin.


"I told you make me feel so safe, Master."


"Rey...." his voice held an air of anxiety.


She lifted a finger gently to his lips, shushing him softly. Luke's body was alight with want. He desperately wanted to kiss her fingertips, close his lips around her digits. There was a fire in his belly, radiating southward!


Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection, he silently willed himself.


He hadn't been touched in such an intimate way by another in such a long time. Not since before the death of Mara-Jade. The only woman he'd ever loved truly. His first and only lover. So much time had passed since then, it almost felt like a dream. Like it never really happened.


Rey's delicate fingers swept over Luke's skin as he closed his eyes, revelling in the feeling, unable to look at her, to identify that this was all really happening. He didn't want to open his eyes and find it to be a dream or an extremely authentic vision. He was terrified of meeting her gaze, in petrifying fear of the possibility that if she looked into his eyes, she would stop.


He'd spent so long fighting this. But there was no fighting at all now; he was addicted to her touch already.


Part of him knew it was wrong. There was a voice inside of him, somewhere, ready to tell him to stop, that they shouldn't be doing this. That he was too old, she was too young, what would people think, what would people say, etc. But that voice was silenced for the time being.


Instead, all he could do was focus on the pleasure which pulsated through his body and on how utterly intoxicated he felt by her.


Does she feel the same?


Rey's hand gradually slid up Luke's arm. She slowed at every possible moment, feeling his skin. She thumbed over his wrist, noting the protruding vein running up the inside of his forearm. Luke stayed as still as possible, his breath labouring as Rey's hand worked the length of his arm, her nails scraping at him lightly, causing him to break into gooseflesh.


Luke released soft whining noises which caused ripples of arousal to stir through her. She shifted herself closer to him. The air was thick with tension. No sounds could be heard other than Luke's heavy breathing and occasional moans. Rey felt her nipples pebbling beneath her tunic. Steadily, she moved her face forwards towards his, eyes remaining shut as she leaned her forehead against his.


She swallowed hard. They could feel the weight of one another's breaths.


This is fine, this is okay, nothing serious, just light touching. We still haven't broken any rules or boundaries... she told herself over and over again.


They were bonded in the Force. Luke could see and hear her thoughts and feel everything she was feeling at that moment. They were connected through and through.


Nothing wrong.... nothing wrong at all.


Rey cautiously reached for Luke's hands. He'd begun to draw his prosthetic away from her when she gripped it. Neither of them opened their eyes as she laced her fingers through his and whispered, "It's okay, Master... don't be afraid."


Luke knew he had grown extremely hard beneath his trousers. They felt altogether too tight and restrictive. It was almost painful. Her touch was almost too much. He prayed she could not tell how aroused he was.


Rapid shallow breathing passed between the two of them as she held his hands, stroking him with her thumb. A tiny affectionate gesture.


So far, Rey had made all the moves. Luke had been too scared to. Not until he knew she wasn't repulsed by him. He opened his eyes to look at her. She opened hers too and they gazed at one another. He moved his hands to her waist, wrapping them gently around her and pulling her towards him.


"Lie down with me?" he urged as he lay on his bed. She followed without hesitation.


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Rey moved with Luke as they lay down together, her body mimicking his movements. His hand was still on her waist as they settled into bed and gazed at one another.


"How long have you...?" Rey was clearly inquiring about his feelings.


"Does it matter?" he responded.


Luke moved his hands upwards, keen to touch Rey's beautiful hair. He'd wanted to for so long. He stroked his fingers through it, taking hold of it as his thumb grazed her cheek, her eyelids fluttering. They shifted closer together before Luke reached for the throw at the end of the bed, pulling it over and making a little cocoon for them.


He stroked her face with the backs of his fingers, breathing her in. "I haven't felt like this in many years, Rey." He felt that things were too good to be true.


She still didn't know how to address her feelings. She wasn't sure what she felt, other than safe and happy. As well as particularly aroused. She responded to his touch with gentle moaning before moving her hands to stroke down his neck and chest.


She began unbuttoning the front of his nightshirt. His breath hitched. Her fingers slid beneath his clothing, caressing his chest, stroking the soft hairs there. He moaned again, "Ngggh, Rey... we shouldn't."


"Shhh..." one hand moved up to his mouth. She pressed a finger against his lips. He kissed her fingertip.


"If it feels right..." she soothed.


He took his time pressing his lips against her fingers and she let him. Both clearly wanting to and needing to savour this moment. Whilst her hand moved inside his nightshirt, he kissed tenderly at her. He gazed up at her, captivated by her beauty; he wanted so badly to kiss her. To taste her on his lips. Her finger trailed down his mouth, stroking his bottom lip as the hand at his mouth lowered to his chest to join its twin.


Luke's hand hadn't moved from its place on Rey's hip. He could feel the shape of her hipbone. He loved feeling her body in his hands. Soon, his fingers began to dance around and follow the contours of her body. He grew harder at the sensation of touching her.


Eventually, she used one hand to untie her tunic. The fabric loosened around her small frame. Luke was rock-hard and throbbing - his cock desperate for attention. He wasn't willing to rush or ruin the moment though.


Rey closed the small gap that was between them, manoeuvring to slot comfortably together with Luke. She gasped upon feeling his erection on her thigh, but almost chuckled when she met his apologetic eyes. 


"Sorry..." he began.


"Don't be" she hushed him.


Luke's fingers mindlessly moved along her belly, noting how warm her skin was beneath his touch. The act caused her to arch and Luke could only stare and marvel at the beautiful sight of her pushing her breasts into the air, realising his cock was wet at the sight of her hardened nipples.


Chapter Text


Luke couldn't get enough of touching her. There was nothing else at all in the Galaxy when he was with her. Everything just felt... right. His favourite thing so far was brushing his fingertips along her belly, feeling her muscles tightening, the slight arch of her back, taking one finger and running it over each hipbone in turn. He was fascinated by each dip and curve of her body. She was still slightly underweight, but he could see where she was filling out now that she was being properly fed on a regular basis. He couldn't care either way, whether she was thin or rounded, he knew he would still have this incredible fascination for her. Just being this close to another person again, feeding his soul what it needed, what it craved - simple human touch.


He felt drunk on her, his head spinning. He couldn't get enough of the way her body responded to him, pushing herself to meet his caress. His cock was painfully hard, but he was afraid to make any moves, unsure if any kind of sexual interaction would be too soon. For him as well as for her. However, his subconscious had decided to take care of his need for friction and he found himself rutting against her thigh, almost uncontrollably.


"Uhh," he moaned, his eyes rolling into the back of his head. This was all he'd ever dreamed of and more. Just to be close to her.


She finished unbuttoning his shirt, pushing it off of his body. He hadn't realised how self-conscious he was, "Rey..." he started as he tried to cover himself. She was composed. Calm. Very zen. Very Jedi-like. She pushed the hands that had been trying to cover himself away, before dragging her nails gently through his chest hairs. His head fell back into a whimper.


"I want to see you..."


He almost felt numb with arousal, unable to get his head around the fact she wasn't repulsed by him. "My body isn't something you want to look at, sweetheart,"


"With all due respect, that is for me to decide." With one hand she pressed her fingers to his mouth, while the other played with his chest hair. Luke breathed heavily, kissing her fingertips again, in total awe of her.


He decided to push the boundaries by gently taking the tips of her fingers into his mouth and suckling on them. Her eyes closed involuntarily, her moans a soft hum in her throat. Jolts of pleasure swam in her veins, in her blood, permeating every last bone in her body, the arousing feelings centring in her pelvis. She was wet, swallowing hard as she attempted to deal with all of these new feelings and sensations. There was no denying her feelings for Luke now.


Rey pushed her tunic open and away, revealing her breasts. Luke stopped kissing her fingers, his mouth gaping at the sight. It was almost too much; he had to stop and take a deep breath to stop himself from getting over-excited.



Chapter Text


Luke struggled to breathe as he stole another look at Rey's breasts, which were a nice size, firm and perky. He felt almost perverted thinking that way, but he couldn't help himself. His cock strained against his underwear as he throbbed. If he'd been alone, he would have taken himself in hand long ago, bringing himself to climax whilst quietly moaning into his pillow. Ironically, in all the years he'd been alone, the majority of them were absent of such an act. That part of him had been asleep for so long and it was only now that it was awakening.


He wanted so badly to touch, to cup her and feel her breasts in his hands. But he wouldn't. Not until she told him. He was a gentleman above everything. It was enough to just be with her. They had yet to even share a kiss.


She slid her hand into the loosened articles, guiding Luke's hand over her hips, stomach and ribcage, his movements shadowing hers. She left it up to him to decide where he would touch her next. She moved her hands out of the way, allowing him to take hold of her waist, so small in his grasp. They laid on their sides, facing one another, gazing into each other's eyes, Rey thrusting her pelvis into Luke's touch. She realised how scarily intimate the moment was. It was all new and scary, but she was enjoying every second.


"You can touch me if you want," she told him.


"I am touching you,"


"I mean... more,"


Luke bit his lip, closing his eyes, as his hips responded to hers, his aching erection rutting into her thigh.


"I'm afraid," he told her.


"What are you afraid of?" suddenly she was the brave one.


"Everything. I haven't touched a woman in fifteen years. I don't really know what I am doing."


"I've never touched a man..." she admitted.


Luke was a little surprised; "Not ever?"


"Never." her face blushed at her confession.


"We don't have to do anything you don't want to do darling."


Her heart fluttered at his chivalry. She didn't say anything and neither did he. Both were comfortable in their silence, her body moulded into his, not a space between them. Luke kept his prosthetic clear away from Rey. He still felt uneasy about it, even though she appeared quite comfortable with him, he was sure she would be repulsed by it touching her.


He must have projected his feelings because she looked at him, giving a hint of a smirk and shaking her head before she reached out, grabbing hold of the hand in question. She threaded her fingers through it, delicately stroking between the metal digits. Luke was embarrassed and a little fretful at her actions. He tried to fight his natural urges to yank the thing away from her. She brought the cold fingers up to her mouth, taking a moment to closely inspect and kiss each one in turn.


Her next move had Luke's mind going crazy. She took his hand, guiding him, placing it on her breast, encouraging him to feel. She dropped her hand away and arched into him, allowing him the freedom to explore. He couldn't really feel her, of course, but it worked in both of their favours. Rey needed to be touched but Luke was so afraid of going too fast. The perfect compromise.


He was so turned on, he moaned anyway as though he really could feel her. She nuzzled her face close into the crook of his neck, releasing barely audible whines, their bodies nudging against one another. She nosed behind his ears, kissing his neck softly, exploring his face, moving down to his chin and collarbone, the fuzz of his beard grazing against her. As per his fantasy, she didn't mind at all.


Luke swallowed hard as he watched her move. "You don't know how beautiful you are, Rey." he complimented. She looked up at him, nervous, shy, a flush in her cheeks.


This was clearly something they both needed. Something their bodies and souls had craved for years. They both knew they were crossing boundaries they probably shouldn't, but their need was too strong. Two puzzle pieces, lost and broken, the simple touch of another healing and soothing their fragmented souls.


Rey fully opened her tunic before shucking it off, encouraging Luke to touch as he pleased.


"Rey, are you sure you want this?" he asked.


She showed no air of doubt, looking into his eyes and nodding. Luke pulled her flush against him before reaching out to take hold of her chin, tipping her head up and back to look at him. They studied one another before he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, his finger stroking her jaw. She closed her eyes, allowing him to kiss her eyelids. He chuckled inwardly, thinking he had never seen such cute eyelids in his whole life before. Having never felt anything like it before, he reasoned that he must be losing his marbles.


He smiled as he continued studying her features while she lay with her eyes closed, her long mousy eyelashes twitching. He would kiss each and every one of those precious lashes if he could. As he gently kissed her cheek, she couldn't believe how turned on she was, just from holding, touching and kissing. She'd never felt anything like it. Luke pulled away, still cupping her face, "Hey..." he whispered.


She opened her eyes, they shared a long, quiet moment and then... his lips met hers, embracing her in the softest, most romantic kiss she could ever imagine. His heart pounded in his chest, terrified she would reject him. Surely she couldn't possibly want to kiss him?


She playfully darted her tongue out, catching his as she opened her mouth, caressing her lips against his, responding eagerly to his affections. They shared a deep, erotic kiss, pushing into one another, Luke's hard-on stiff and aching


When they broke the kiss, Luke saw the lust in her eyes "Please touch me, Luke," Rey begged, a longing, hungry expression on her face.


Chapter Text


Luke was hesitant to touch. Rey's gorgeous young body was splayed out before him, breasts exposed, they'd been touching each other for hours. She was asking to be taken. He was so fucking hard he felt like he was going to explode.


It would be far too easy to take things further right now.


But Luke was still a gentleman. Above all.


"It isn't the right time, sweetheart."


She looked hurt.


He didn't want to hurt her. And he certainly wasn't rejecting her. But he cared so much about her, he didn't want to ruin things on a whim. He wasn't even sure if she felt the same way about him.


She hadn't been repulsed by him. She appeared to enjoy the touching and the kissing but whether she wanted it to go beyond sex, he didn't know. He was not mentally prepared for the rejection which was surely inevitably on the way.


And above everything else, he was meant to be training her as a Jedi. Knowing full well that Jedi's weren't supposed to form attachments. Never mind the concerns about sullying the master/apprentice relationship, and not to even mention their age gap, and the fact she was (quite possibly?) a virgin. There was too much to think about right now.


Luke silently cursed himself for being so sensible.


He'd closed his mind off from her; he didn't want her sharing these thoughts. He felt he needed a little bit of privacy.




Luke's touches to Rey's body began to dwindle. He was not going to lead her on at this moment.


She rutted herself against his body trying in vain to get some friction. She let out little mewls. He wasn't responding the way she had hoped, and she felt the connection sever between them.


Rey suddenly felt embarrassed by her actions. The little bubble her and Luke had been in had burst. She felt ridiculous. Foolish! What the hell was she doing? She pulled her tunic over, covering her naked form.


How could I have been so stupid? she thought.


She'd offered herself on a plate, and Luke had rejected her. Of course he wasn't going to want her when she offered herself up so easily, she reasoned.


He must have seen her in a different light now. She rolled away from him.




But Rey didn't wait. She sat up on the edge of the bed, her back turned to him. She fixed her garments and her hair. She closed her eyes, taking a moment.


She took a deep breath. This was a mistake.


Luke shuffled over to her and put a hand on her. She didn't respond.


"Rey, lets just talk about this, please..."


"What's there to talk about?" she snapped.


She felt so cold to him. Not his Rey.


"I think you have the wrong idea, sweeth--"


"Don't call me that." her voice was hard. Luke backed off.


"It's fine, I get it. I guess I picked up the signals all wrong." she sounded so bitter.


He swallowed hard; "Rey...listen." Luke struggled.


He wanted more than anything to tell her that she wasn't wrong. That she'd picked up on everything just perfectly. Better than he could ever have hoped for. That she was beautiful and amazing, and he wanted nothing more than to take her, and make love to her and hold her, and kiss her and love her.


Because god-damn, if he wasn't in love with this girl.


He wanted to tell her all his fears, and how scared he was. That she wouldn't want him. That she would reject him. That she was too young, he was too old. That she was his student, he should know better. What would people think?


But that he didn't care about any of those things, and that he was fully in love with her, and that he would give anything for her to feel the same. That he wanted to give her everything, take away all the pain, all the loneliness and suffering. To hold her, to marry her, to have a family with her (if that was even possible?).


To be her everything. To bring her nothing but peace and love and joy for the rest of their days.




Instead....Luke said nothing. He kept it all inside.


Rey waited. Tears were forming in her eyes.


She'd gotten it all wrong. He knew. She was sure he didn't want her anymore because she had offered herself too easily. She'd exposed herself, and instead of it being intimate, it'd been slutty..maybe he'd lowered his opinion of her now.  Or seen how young her body was and realised she was practically a kid. Only she wasn't a kid, she was 19 years old dammit! A grown woman. But to Luke's 55 years, she guessed she was just that..... a kid to him.



Tears streamed down Rey's face as she stormed out of Luke's room and slammed the door.


Luke put his head in his hands...


Chapter Text


Luke lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling, replaying the events of the night in his head. He hadn't felt so terrible in a long time. What he was feeling now was far worse than all the years of loneliness. How had things gone from being so perfect to this? He climbed into bed, pulling the covers tightly over himself. He reasoned that everything would be fine in the morning. Once they'd both had some sleep, they would talk things through properly. Luke allowed his body to relaxed as he drifted off to sleep.




Some hours later, his bedroom door creaked. He was half asleep but was aware of his bedding moving and a body sliding into the bed beside him. He felt small, warm hands on his back. Hands which stroked gently up and down his body. Even in his sleepy state, he felt shy about his body. He wasn't the fit, toned young man he used to be. Her hands felt too wonderful for him to care too much, though.


"Mmm," he hummed, feeling gentle murmurs on his neck while small hands caressed him. He shuddered from the top of his head, through his spine, all the way down to his toes. He was suddenly more awake as he turned over to face his bed-partner. It was dark and neither of them could see much of anything. His need allowed him to move his hands to her body, pull up her tunic and gently run his fingers over her belly. He traced the hem of her trousers before tugging them lightly.


"Need these off," he whispered.


She moaned into his ear, her hips rutting forward, needy for him. Luke pushed his bottoms off, letting his already-stiff cock free. He couldn't help himself, his fingers exploring her. She was addictive and intoxicating. He hadn't touched another human being in so long, let along be so intimate with another. He pushed her tunic up and over her body, allowing her breasts free. She sunk back into the pillow. With their eyes having adjusted to the darkness, Luke could see her shy, bashful smile.


He stared into her eyes for the longest time, wanting to look down at her naked body. He projected it to her mind and she projected her consent back to him. He peeked down at her chest, seeing her breasts again, biting his lip as he looked. "Beautiful," he whispered, gently stroking them, allowing his fingertips to brush over her nipples. There was a sudden raw, animalistic energy between them. A sudden sense of urgency.


"Please undress me, Luke, before I go crazy,"


He wasn't going to be told twice. He slid her trousers down and away from her, leaving her lying naked before him. He took in the view of her whole body, "So beautiful," she blushed and smiled nervously at him. Luke climbed on top of her as she opened her legs to accommodate him. He gently cupped her face before leaning down to kiss her softly. He slid his hand down her hip onto her thigh, pulling her leg up, holding it against himself, gripping her hip, his hand splaying out onto the side of her behind. He couldn't help thinking how amazing her ass was.


"Good girl." he cooed. She beamed, adoring the praise. Rey pulled Luke closer, deepening the kiss. As she did, she took his hand and pushed it down to where she needed to be touched. She felt Luke physically shudder, sensing his apprehension.


"Touch me please" she begged.


"I'm... I... I don't know what I'm doing, Rey."


"Follow your instincts." her lips brushed his ear, sending ripples through him. His cock throbbed. She began guiding him, placing his forefinger on her clit. "Uhh," she moaned when he made contact, her wetness immediately coating his finger.


"Fuck," he moaned, "that feels so good,"


She gasped, eyes shut, biting her lip, "You're telling me," she bucked her hips up to rub against his finger.


"You're so wet!" he rubbed her in circles, his lips finding hers.


"Oh, Kriff!" she moaned, arching her body, "please... another finger," Luke obeyed, pressing a second finger to her sweet spot. She circled her hips, breath huffing out in excitement. She was overcome with need, moving her own hand down to guide Luke's fingers inside her, parting her thighs. She helped him push two fingers in, thrusting up to his touch.


Luke was overwhelmed by the sensation of her, warm and wet. His cock wept at the feeling.


"Please... more," Rey moaned. Luke gently fingered her, sliding in and out, addicted to and spurred on by her moaning sounds.


After a while of fingers, tongues, rutting and heavy breathing, Rey piped up, "Master Luke?"


"Yes, Rey?"


"How old are you, exactly?"


He withdrew his hand,  "Fifty-three... why?"


"You're old enough to be my father... I guess." she considered, as they cuddled in the dark.




"Some people might think this is wrong." she said.


"What about what you think?"


Rey couldn't help but think how handsome he looked in this light. He was old, sure, but there was no denying he was a good-looking man. She wondered what he'd looked like in his younger days. It turned her on a little - the idea of him being so much older than her. She licked her lips before sliding her tongue into his mouth.


"I think," she began, kissing him hungrily, "that I need you to make love to me." she fluttered her eyelids.


Luke's cock twitched, desperate to take her. Some light came from outside, moonlight perhaps, casting a dim glow over Rey. Luke pressed himself in closer to her body, his hardness brushing up against her.




She looked up at him. "Uh huh?"


"How old are you?"


She hesitated, "I'm nineteen."


He couldn't begin to imagine how tight she would be. He tried to push such thoughts away, not wanting to be a pervert. Rey felt everything he did and she tried her best to project to him that he didn't have to worry about things like that. That he was allowed to think of her in that way, that she wanted him to.


"It's okay, master Luke. It's just us... just... take me."




Luke took himself in hand, gently stroking to make sure he was hard enough. He felt her body tense up as he nudged the head of his cock closer to her.


"Relax, darling."


"I'm fine,"


"Are you sure you're ready?"


"More than ever,"


He kissed her deeply, beginning to push inside of her. He loved how wet she felt, aroused and ready for him. He had planned to use lots of fingers and tongue to open her up, but as it went, it wasn't necessary. He held her face, staring into her eyes whilst sliding into her. As he did, she bucked and arched, whimpering and moaning at the pleasure. She felt too good for words, her warmth clutched around him snugly. Once he was fully seated inside her, he lay still to enjoy the feel of her while studying her face.


Her eyes rolled to the top of her head as she bit her lip, pushing her fingers into her hair, "Oh Kriff!" she moaned. Luke watched her carefully, his hands on her face, his thumb brushing her cheek. He bent down to place soft kisses on her closed eyes, his forehead pressing against hers, his thick cock throbbing inside of her.


"Please move," she whispered. He stroked her hair as he began gently thrusting into her. Her wetness lubricated him, allowing for ease of movement.  They moaned together, enjoying the pleasure of each others' bodies.


"You feel... so good!" he whimpered into her ear, brushing her hair out of the way to kiss her neck and behind her ears as he fucked her. Her nipples pebbled at the sensation, Luke's body thrusting against her, stimulating her clit. Everything felt right and easy as they made love, the stars aligning perfectly.


He lowered his mouth to kiss her chest, allowing his tongue to explore, pressing his nose into her skin to breathe her in. As he kissed down her chest, his lips found her breasts, his tongue automatically darting out to lick her nipples. He couldn't contain himself, his tongue going a little crazy on her. He continued to thrust into her as his tongue worked her. He was so hard, he felt like he was going to finish soon. He pulled back and looked down to watch himself pushing in and out of her, seeing himself glisten as he slid out of her.


He pulled out, without warning, moving down to put his mouth on her, his tongue lapping. She gripped the bed sheets as his tongue slid inside of her. He felt smug at how wet she was, knowing he had caused it. He loved tasting her, kissing her outer lips before sliding his tongue back inside, his cock rock hard when he smelt her on his beard. He cautiously flicked her clit with the end of his tongue, not sure if what he was doing was any good, however her pulsing and thrusting soon told him that it was. He moved back up to kiss her as he slid back into her.




"Yes, sweetheart?"


"Please fuck me."


"Fuck!" Luke did as she asked, ramping up the pace, pushing into her harder.


"More please," she begged as she squeezed his cock. He moaned into her shoulder, gently grazing his teeth there. She was in ecstasy, his pelvis hitting against her clit perfectly with every thrust, aiding in her mounting orgasm. She curled her legs up and around Luke's waist, her feet meeting behind his ass, squeezing tight around him. He managed to slide in even deeper this way and could think of nothing but how wonderful she felt.


Luke felt his orgasm building deep in his belly, "Sweetheart, I'm not going to last," he warned with an apologetic look.


"Then, don't," she urged, wanting to feel him fill her up. She pressed her forehead to his, murmuring, "Finish inside of me."


He groaned, grasping her hips whilst picking up the pace. He cried out with his final few thrusts. His eyes shut tightly, "I'm gonna come,"


Her breath ragged, her hips bucking, their bodies sweating together, she moaned, "Oh, please,"


His orgasm hit him in waves, pleasure radiating his body, a feeling he hadn't felt in way too many years. He held Rey close as he spilled inside her. The pressure of his body against her rubbed her clit in just the right way, causing her to come only seconds after he did. They held each other close, their breathing regulating, coming down together, foreheads touching.


Luke placed gentle kisses on her lips as he stroked her bare shoulders, her body alive with pleasure. 



Luke's heart hammered in his chest as his eyes shot open, panting heavily. A sheen of sweat glazed his face. He felt hot and sticky in his bedclothes. His arms were pressed against the mattress as he sat up in his bed, sweat soaking his hair. He gasped, breathing heavily as he looked around, realising he was alone.


He looked down to see he'd made a mess in his pajama bottoms. A wet dream, well damn, haven't had one of those in years, he thought to himself. An erotic dream about Rey. Well, it was inevitable really given the recent circumstances. His face flushed with embarrassment, despite the fact he was alone. He felt satisfied but guilty as he got out of bed, quickly losing his erection, heading towards the fresher to go and get cleaned up.




Rey shot up in bed, clutching the sheets, feeling a pool of wetness between her legs, her heart battering against her chest. She'd never had a sex dream before, and about Luke? Her cheeks were hot with bewilderment, blushing hard at what she'd just experienced. "Well... that's new... wow."


Both of their Force signatures hummed in utter contentment.



Chapter Text


Luke snuck to the fresher quietly, shuffling in and closing the door, locking it behind him. He switched on the light, looking down at himself. There was a huge wet patch on his bedclothes. He flushed with embarrassment. He stripped off then washed up at the sink, wrapping a clean towel around himself and tying it in a knot before leaving the bathroom. He gathered up his dirty clothes, opening up the locked door and checking around to make sure no-one was there.


He slipped out into the hallway, walking quietly. Just as he rounded the corner before his bedroom, he bumped right into Rey, who let out a shocked gasp. Luke dropped his clothes as he collided with her.


"Oh! Shit, sorry—" he stuttered.


"—Sorry." she said at the same time. Luke scrambled to retrieve his clothes, folding them around the wet stain and tucking them under his arm.


They looked at one another. Rey's face had a pink hue and the air was thick with tension. They stood awkwardly, eyes darting around, not knowing what to say to one another.


"Just been in the shower?" Rey asked. Luke realised he was standing there in just a towel. He felt particularly self-conscious. She knew he'd been for a shower earlier that evening. Luke was aware that she knew that.


"Umm.. yeah, I, er... it was too hot in my room, and I couldn't sleep."


"Right...yeah. It is.... it is hot tonight." she mumbled awkwardly.


She looked so beautiful stood leaning against the wall, he thought.


"Er, what... er... what are you doing up?" Luke asked.


She went to speak but Luke interrupted her, "Not that you shouldn't be up! I mean... erm, that didn't sound right. You can get up whenever you want. I... I just... I, I wondered... are you okay?" he asked.


Her face dipped to look at the ground. He could still feel the hurt within her. Her perceived rejection. Her humiliation.


"Yeah, I sort of... couldn't sleep either," she told him.


They both knew why.


Luke stood looking at her, flashbacks of the dream filtering through his mind. He tried in vain to push the imagery away. He looked up at the ceiling, anything to try and magic the memories away.


She gasped. His eyes came back down to look at her. He noticed that her body was responding to his thoughts about the dream. Every time a mental image of them having sex appeared in his mind, he noticed her pupils widening, her lips parting, and her body trembling.


Their minds were still connected.


"Are you okay?" he asked.


She tried to pretend she was, muttering excuses. "I should go back to bed, I suppose. We should train in the morning."


She turned to walk away, uttering some form of a 'goodnight' when Luke grabbed her hand and she spun back around.


She gasped.


"You know, don't you?" he asked.


"Know what? I... I should sleep," she tried to wiggle her hand free, "we should both sleep, big day tomorrow."


"You know about the dream..." He could see by her response that she was well aware, yet she carried on with the charade.


"Dream? I don't..."


"You had the same one!"


She tried not to look at him. She knew he would see the truth in her eyes.


"I don't know what you're talking about, we should sleep, big day tomorrow," she repeated.


He pulled her around to face him. "I know you did... I can see it in your eyes." she looked terrified. He lowered his voice to a whisper, "I can feel it."


She couldn't pretend anymore. She looked up at him, "Yes, alright, are you happy? I had the damn sex dream. FUCK!"


"Why are you so upset, Rey?"


She looked confused, conflicted. She looked on but didn't answer him. A few moments passed and then she asked "Why... how? How is it possible we shared the same dream?"


"It's simple really," he began, "We've had shared visions, we can read and feel each other. Haven't you figured it out yet?"




"We're Force-bonded."


She looked dumbfounded.


"Our souls are tied together, it's an unbreakable bond."


She mused for a moment, before beginning to accept the truth, "Wow..."


"I mean, I know you can feel me sometimes... did you know that? And I feel you?"


"I... I knew... something, I just... didn't quite know what it was." there was a long pause before she added, "Perhaps we should talk..."


Chapter Text


Rey woke to the sound of birds chirping. Her head was pounding and her eyes felt heavy. She hadn't had anywhere near enough sleep. She'd lain awake going over things in her head until the early hours when she'd finally nodded off. It must have only been a couple of hours since she'd drifted. She wanted more sleep but her woes prevented it.


She'd awoken from an erotic dream the previous night involving Master Luke which had left her wet and wanton. She'd thought a lot about the dream and about bumping into Luke in the hallway after waking in the middle of the night, both of them having flustered awkwardly. She quickly learned from Luke that it had been an accidental Force-sex dream, which was a result of being Force-bonded with him, along with the feelings they harboured for one another.


She wasn't quite sure how to feel about that, but they'd agreed to talk things through in the morning.


She trusted and admired Luke, was completely grateful he'd taken her under his wing to train. She wanted desperately to become a Jedi. An honorable one at that. She was happy on Ahch-To, or at least she had been happy. Until things had gotten complicated. She still wasn't sure what her feelings for Luke even were. Or what they meant.


She knew he was fond of her. She'd always figured he'd seen her as daughter-figure. She suspected that his feelings for her had grown rather strongly. Maybe it was just a crush. Or the fact that he was living in close proximity to another human being for the first time in years. Initially, she had viewed him as a teacher, father or even a beloved uncle-type figure.


Her feelings for him had not quite grown, but more... opened up. Once he'd transmitted his Force-vision of them happy together as a couple, it was as if a light bulb had come on. As if she finally knew what her fondness for him was. Only she wasn't sure at all. She'd allowed herself to explore the idea of being with him, like that. She'd gotten carried away, let it go too far.


And now... he'd rejected her. She couldn't take her mind off that part. She'd offered herself to him and he'd said no. She was still a little humiliated. Maybe she'd gotten it wrong. Maybe he did only see her as a daughter-figure or a friend. But why did he get into bed and touch her, if that was the case? Maybe he'd gotten carried away too. All these thoughts swirled around Rey's head. She stuffed her face into her pillow with frustration.


They needed to talk. In a way, she was impatient and wanted to get it over with. In another, she didn't want to have to face it. She didn't want to talk at all.


After much deliberating, Rey came to a decision. Her mind was made up. She decided it would be for the best to leave Ahch-To. To take herself out of the situation and out of Luke's life. She no longer wanted to be a burden to him.


She realised then and there how much she truly cared for him, as her decision to go was based on what was best for Luke and not herself. With a heavy heart, Rey got out of bed and began gathering her belongings.


Chapter Text


Rey's small number of belongings were packed up and ready to go. She got dressed, made her bed and opened the window and curtains before stopping to take one final look around. She felt herself welling up.


Guilt and sorrow consumed her for what she was about to do. She really didn't want to leave. But she knew it was for the best. She felt guilty about the fact she'd promised to talk to Luke about everything. She just wasn't sure she could face it.


Rey walked through to the common area, setting her rucksack and lightsaber by the door. She then proceeded to make a small breakfast and sit at the dining table until Luke got up. She knew she needed to leave, but she wouldn't go without saying goodbye. She hadn't yet made contact with General Organa or any of the Resistance base to inform them of her return. She knew she would be welcome with open arms, although explaining why she was back so soon was going to be a challenge.



Rey had finished breakfast and sat at the table, staring out of the window, a feeling of melancholy taking over her. Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard the sound of Luke's bedroom door creaking open. Luke wandered through to the kitchen, hands rubbing at his tired eyes. Rey looked at him and couldn't help but think how sweet he looked in his nightclothes. Her heart did a double beat but she quickly pushed her feelings down.


Luke stopped rubbing his eyes. "Oh, hey... you're up."


Rey gave a weak smile, before dropping her gaze to the table. Luke made himself a cup of caf. He settled at the table and looked up at her, his hands nervously fiddling with his cup.


"So I guess we should talk." Luke said.


At first, Rey didn't respond.


"Listen," she began.


He properly looked at her then, realising she wasn't dressed in her usual everyday clothes or her training outfit. She was wearing similar attire to when she arrived on the planet. It was then that Luke looked over to the door and noticed her things sitting there.


He suddenly felt wide awake. "What's going on?!" he exclaimed as he jumped out of his chair. "Are you going somewhere?"


Rey looked down at her hands, guilt eating away at her. "Master... I've made a decision..."


Luke was gobsmacked, totally lost for words. He stared at her wide-eyed. Waiting. He felt sick thinking about what she would say next.


"I'm leaving." she informed him.


"Leaving?!" he almost shouted, "What do you mean you're leaving? Rey come on, please don't do this. You don't have to leave. This is crazy. Come on... put your things back and... and, we'll go and train. You don't need to do this."


Suddenly it felt like a break-up,and Rey hated this feeling. It wasn't what she wanted. Clearly, it wasn't what he wanted either. No-one seemed to be winning and Rey felt her heart breaking.


"I can't do this, Master... I just... I can't stay here." she tried so hard not to look at him.


"Is this about last night? Because, if it is, just forget I said anything. We don't have to talk about it anymore. We'll just carry on as before. We'll put it behind us."


Rey dared to look up at him. Tears threatened to roll down her cheeks. Her heart lay heavy in her chest. Luke couldn't help himself as he rushed over to kneel in front of her. He took her hands in his as he stared up at her, the pain clear on his face.


"Please don't do this, Rey... please don't go."


The dam broke as tears streaked down her face. "I should never have come here, Master Luke. I'm sorry. I should never have barged into your life."


Tears pricked Luke's eyes. "Yes, yes you should have." She had been looking down. He nuzzled his face under hers, forcing her to look at him. "Sweetheart, I'm glad you came. You don't know how glad. You reminded me of what it was to... to feel again."


She pulled a hand up, wiping a stream of tears on her sleeve. "I'm sorry about last night. I shouldn't have..."


"Sorry? What are you sorry for?" he looked puzzled.


"I know I put you off when I offered myself so freely. I'm not that sort of girl... I didn't want you to think—"


"Sweetheart!" he pulled her to him, holding her close. He breathed her wonderful scent in, "Rey... you've got it all wrong."


She stared blankly as her tears subsided.


"Rey..." he began as he pulled back. He needed to see her, needed to make her see him. Maybe she would believe him if she could see the truth in his eyes. He tried in vain to transmit his feelings to her. He could feel them coming through but her not accepting them.


He stroked her hands tenderly, "I really care about you... you don't know how much."


Rey slunk her head into Luke's shoulder and wept, "I just... I can't." her sobs were loud and heavy. Luke held onto her, trying to console her. He hugged her tightly, but it wasn't working - she refused to connect with him.


She stood up, heading for the door. Luke followed her, "Please don't do this, Rey," he pleaded. She tried to block his voice out as she choked back the tears, deciding it was time to be grown-up about things. She kept a neutral expression as she finally turned to face Luke.


She held Anakin's lightsaber, staring down at it. A moment later, she offered the weapon to Luke; a bittersweet moment which mirrored her first moments on Ahch-To.


"What are you doing?" he asked.


"I guess... I guess I don't need this anymore. So, you should take it. Technically it belongs to you anyway."


He pushed it back to her, "Keep it. You might need it." he struggled with his words. Without arguing, she tucked the saber into her belt.


They stood staring at each other. He stepped closer and took her hands again.


"I have to go... Goodbye." A single tear fell from her face.


Luke said nothing, finally accepting defeat. Rey pulled her hands away and picked up her rucksack, turning to open the door, walking through and closing it behind her. She walked to where she'd stowed the Falcon, preparing for her journey back to the Resistance.




When Luke felt Rey's Force-signature fading into a blip, he crumbled to the floor, sobbing, letting everything out that he'd been holding in. His heart broke into a thousand pieces as he replayed visions of them together, happy and complete. He pictured her bright, happy smile, her soft hair, sparkling, bright eyes and he broke. His wonderful Rey was gone. The only piece of sunshine in his life had gone.


He silently cursed himself, wishing he had never revealed his feelings. Luke lay clutching his grandmother's necklace, attempting to comfort himself. The small light which had been ignited within him was suddenly extinguished. He lay weeping on the floor until he finally fell asleep from exhaustion.


Chapter Text


The first day without Rey was the hardest. Luke didn't know what to do with himself. He'd been so used to seeing her around, so used to her presence. She'd given him a reason to get up in the mornings, she'd given his life meaning and purpose again.


The day that Rey left, Luke lay on the ground where he'd collapsed, having fallen asleep from crying. He wasn't sure how long he'd been there. Night and day passed and he ignored the gnawing in his belly. He knew he had to move, to feed and wash himself. But he simply couldn't bear to face reality. He knew that if he moved from his spot then he had to face the empty hut, to face the fact that Rey was truly gone.


The pain was still too fresh and too raw. Luke had cut himself off from the others for almost twenty years. It had been his personal punishment for all the things that had gone wrong. He had not allowed himself the joy or pleasure of another's company. It hadn't been an easy decision to agree to train Rey, to allow her into his life. Little did he know what that would have brought with it.


But she had been so pure and Light that he was instantly drawn to her, allowing himself to feel happy around her, to possibly allow himself to love again. He was afraid to love, because each and every time he did, it got taken from him. He hadn't known his natural parents while growing up, he'd been raised by his aunt and uncle who'd been killed when he was a young man.


He then met and fell in love with a wonderful woman whom he'd considered to be his soulmate—Leia—who'd turned out to be his twin sister. He struggled for years with his feelings for her until he finally accepted what was and learned to love her only as a sister. He later reconnected with his father, only for him to pass away shortly after. More recently was the death of Mara-Jade, his first and only lover who met her end at the hands of his nephew, Ben Solo turned Kylo Ren. The same fate would eventually meet Han Solo, his former best friend and Ben Solo's own father.


Luke was tired. Tired of loving and losing. He associated love with loss. He felt stupid to have let himself care for Rey, thinking it could somehow end happily. If anything, he should have expected it. It should only have been a matter of time before she left.


He threw himself into a life of further punishment, telling himself she would never have loved someone like him. He told himself over and over that he was too old, that a nice young girl would never want an old man like him. She had her whole life ahead of her, so much to experience, why would she ever want him? He told himself there's no way she could have ever found him attractive. He looked at himself in the mirror, hating what he saw. He failed to see what good he'd done in his life. He ignored the fact he'd taken down the Empire, started the new Jedi Academy and restored peace to the Galaxy... for a time.


Luke only saw the bad. He quickly spiralled into a deep depression in the days following Rey's departure, one he couldn't find a way out of. He told himself he didn't deserve to be happy, staying locked in his nightmare, not letting himself process or recover from his newest loss. He didn't train or meditate. He knew deep down that he was making himself vulnerable, letting his guard down and leaving himself open to attack. If the First Order came for him he probably wouldn't put up much of a fight.


Chapter Text


Rey's journey back to the base was a pensive one. She had plenty of time to think. She wondered if she had done the right thing. In a way, she felt as though she were simply running from her problems, but in another she felt like she was being mature, taking time and space to think things out properly, the way adults do. Yes, she was being an adult.


Rey had never been close with a man before. She was still so inexperienced in many things in life. Not that she never wanted to settle down and have a family one day, but it certainly wasn't her main priority at that time. There was so much else going on, so much to fight for in the Galaxy, much that needed putting right. Something deep in her heart called to her to stand up, to fight. She knew she was destined for greatness.


Worrying about a potential romance should have been the last thing on her mind. And yet... it wasn't Rey struggled with her feelings. She'd never felt about anyone the way she felt about Luke, however, she'd never pictured someone like Luke being the one. He was older, yes, but that wasn't the issue. She was more intimidated by his vast life experience. She worried that perhaps he saw her as a stupid kid, a silly little girl. Maybe he'd agreed to train her out of politeness? She still felt she'd been somewhat of a burden to him.

There were lots of handsome young men at the base. Any one of them would be a worthy suitor. Not too long ago, she'd felt a little bit of a spark between her and Finn. They'd gone on their crazy adventure together and survived it. Only just. She mostly saw him as a friend, her best friend, but knew he would be a good man to be with. Loyal, honest, kind. And she suspected he saw her as more than a friend, just vibes she felt from him. Only, they'd never had the opportunity to really talk about it.




The Falcon touched down at the base and everyone rushed over to greet Rey. She stepped off the ship and met by the happy beeps of BB-8 who'd rolled over in excitement to her.


"Rey!" voices called from every angle, "You're back!"
"How come you're back so soon?"
"It's so good to see you!"
"Welcome home."
"We missed you!"


She was met with a barrage of hugs. Finn, Poe and Jessika were the three main culprits. Finn especially. Rey singled him out, throwing her arms around him and squeezing so tightly, tears began to form in her eyes.


"Woah, not so tight," he teased "you might break me."


She pulled back to look at him, smiling with glassy eyes.


"Hey, hey, kid, what's wrong?" he asked, holding her arms gently as he looked at her, concern written all over his face. She quickly wiped her tears away. "Nothing, it's just so good to see you... all of you." she spoke to the group as a whole. The pain in her heart was dulled temporarily by having her friends back in her arms. She got pulled into another group hug with Finn, Poe, Jessika and Connix with BB-8 in the middle of their circle at their feet.


He beeped up at them, as if to say "Don't forget about me!" and everyone laughed then. Rey knelt down to his level, telling him, "I missed you too, my little friend" and BB-8 squealed with delight.


Rey noticed Leia standing by silently on the sidelines. She dropped everything, walking over to her and reaching out for a hug. Leia opened her arms and squeezed tight around Rey as she embraced her.


"It's great to have you back." Leia smiled at her.


"It's great to be back."


"How... how is my brother?" Leia enquired.


A sadness swept over Rey's face, which she quickly covered up with a smile. She wasn't sure how genuine it seemed, but it was the best she could muster up at that point. Leia stared.


"He... he's great. He's safe. We... uh... we trained every day. He taught me many things, General." she feigned another smile.


"How was it meeting the legend?" Leia asked.


"It was... phenomenal, General." Rey answered.


Leia's expression remained neutral. "You're back so soon, Rey." she stated.


"Yes... I... um..."


"Luke didn't want to come with you?"


Rey's face was solemn. She knew General Organa wasn't stupid. She was Force-sensitive too and was deeply connected to her brother. She knew that Leia knew something wasn't quite right.


"Not quite yet, General. He wasn't ready."


"Are you ready, Rey?" she asked. "You couldn't have completed a great deal of training in your short absence."


"If a fight comes, we'll deal with it. I defeated him once before." She was referring to Kylo Ren. They never used his name, either of his names, while talking about Leia's son. A part of Leia still had to treat him as the enemy. Deep in her heart, she wanted him to come home, she wanted him to turn back, the possibility of which seemed to be slipping further and further away.


Leia eyed her. "I just hope you came back so soon for a good reason. Not that we don't welcome you, darling, but... I know there is much to learn and I am sure my brother wouldn't have let you go so soon if he didn't think you were ready."


Rey hesitated briefly. "I guess I must be ready then."


"Let's hope so." Leia replied.


Chapter Text


Her first night back at base was a crazy one. Everyone had made such a fuss of Rey's return. She hadn't realised how respected she was on the base. Everyone wanted to talk to her, hear her stories, ask her questions.


"What was it like to actually meet him? The famous Luke Skywalker!"
"What was it like training with him?"
"It must have been an experience of a lifetime!"
"You're so lucky, you actually got to meet him! Such a legend!"
"Tell us what Jedi tricks you learnt, Rey!"


Rey should have felt happy but instead, she was filled with another feeling which she could not explain. She simply felt empty. Numb. She feigned her excitement about meeting Luke. She didn't particularly want to have to think or talk about him, yet it's all anyone on the base seemed to want to hear about.


Leia was used to this. After her, Han and Luke took down the Empire back in their day, Luke particularly became a legend of sorts, and he was all anyone wanted to talk about or hear about. He was a hero.


Rey was not so used to it. Before long, she made her excuses and quietly slipped off to her bunk. Rey was tired. She changed into bedclothes and slid under the covers of her new bed. She didn't like it. It just wasn't the same. It didn't feel or smell right. Not her bed.


"Huh" she marvelled, thinking about how she'd only been on Ahch-To for a few weeks, yet only now that she was away from it did she realise how much it had felt like home. She closed her eyes, allowing her thoughts to fall to Luke. She pulled the covers up to her face, before silently weeping into them. She missed him. She missed him so damn much, and it hurt like nothing else she'd ever experienced. Not even being abandoned as a child.


Rey agonised over why she was so upset. Why did she care so much? Why did she miss him so badly? He was kind and funny, but so was... Poe, Finn, Chewbacca, Jessika, C-3PO, Gial Ackbar. She didn't see any of them in that way. She hadn't missed them. Not like this. Not this badly.


Rey lay awake for hours, trying to decipher her feelings. It was only being away from Luke that it started to become clear. She felt for him - really felt for him. She knew she felt something, but she thought it might have been a stupid crush, or simply wanting to feel wanted. By someone, anyone. But now, as she lay in her bunk, not being with him, not being near him, being unable to have him protect and guide her that she felt utterly lost. And despite having all of her friends surrounding her, she felt alone.


She realised Luke made her feel alive. Luke made her feel whole and complete.


Why did he have to push me away? she thought. She knew she wasn't being an adult. She wasn't giving herself time and space and being grown-up about things. She knew then, that she had simply run away from her problems. She had run because her feelings had gotten too darn real and it scared her. She was scared to open up to those feelings, to let Luke in. Scared to let someone care for her who might, one day, abandon her.


She had taken a pre-emptive strike. Her thoughts were a mess, so she pushed everything to the back of her mind and willed herself to sleep. She would deal with it later.


Chapter Text

In the days following her return, Rey kept herself busy with Resistance business, throwing herself into it as best she could, keeping her mind occupied so she wouldn't have to think about Luke. General Organa informed Rey that The First Order still had no clues to their whereabouts. After the destruction of Starkiller, the Resistance moved their base to a new location, knowing that there were no doubt survivors from the destruction of the planet who had previously known the Resistance was based in the Ileenium system.


They were safe... for now. The Resistance members were on standby, ready and waiting for the day The First Order would reappear. In the meantime, most of them got on with building their lives in their new home.


Rey spent much of her time working and doing anything she could to help the General. There was somewhat of a distance between the two women. Rey knew it was because Leia suspected something had transpired between her and her brother whilst they had been on Ahch-To. She knew it was only a matter of time before it all came out.


"So, Rey..." Leia said to her one day, whilst they worked together, "you never really explained what happened with my brother."


Rey froze. She took a moment to compose herself before looking up at her. "In what respect, General?" Rey's heart was beating fast.


"I mean, I just wondered if something had happened."


"Something? Like what?"


"Oh, I don't know. I just wondered if maybe you two had had some kind of disagreement, is all."


"What could we possibly have disagreed about, General?"


"I don't know. It just seems very strange that he didn't come back with you. I know he and I haven't seen each other in years, and I know Han is gone, but I figure he would have at least wanted to reconnect and..."


"It wasn't about you." Rey interrupted mindlessly, before squeezing her eyes shut and screwing her face up, cursing herself inwardly.


"So, there was something?"


Rey looked up at Leia, with hurt in her eyes and fear in her heart.


"Listen, yes... there was something, but... I don't really care to talk about, if that's not at all rude, General?" Rey asked.


"It isn't rude, sweetie, but... if there's something I can help with?"


"I really don't think you can." Rey smiled sadly.


As suspected, General Organa was not a stupid woman. "Rey,"


"Yes, General?"


"What was the nature of your relationship with Luke?" Leia asked bluntly.


A pink tinge swept across Rey's face, "How... what... we... um... how... how do you mean?"


Leia looked at her, raising her eyebrows. "What was your relationship, dear?"


Rey was flustered beyond belief, "We... well, we... we were Master and Padawan... obviously."


"Obviously." Leia echoed.


Rey's heart rate was through the roof.


"Did things ever go any further?"


Rey's face turned a deep shade of red then. She didn't even know how to answer. She had not anticipated anyone asking any such questions. She never thought in a million years anyone would ever think... of that.


Chapter Text


Rey had somehow gotten into a conversation with General Organa about the nature of her and Luke's 'relationship'. It wasn't something she particularly cared to talk about, but Leia seemed to give an air of non-judgement as well as the notion that she would understand.


"You know the rules about the Jedi way of life, don't you Rey?"


"Yes... Yes I do. But..." Rey was flustered, "It isn't like... we... I mean, we didn't... nothing actually..." she stopped herself, closed her eyes and put a hand to her face, rubbing her forehead as if to clear the chaotic space that was her mind.


Leia said nothing.


Rey's eyes snapped open to look up at the General. "We are both perfectly aware of what's expected of us, General." When Leia said nothing, still, Rey carried on. "Not that anything happened. Not that it would. He could be my father, General. The age difference. It would be wrong. Strictly student/teacher relationship."


Leia simply eyed Rey.


"I know my brother's been lonely. You're the first person he's lived in close quarters with for years. Jedi training means opening yourself up to someone. You're probably the first person he's opened up to in a very long time."


Even though Rey knew this, she still had a strange feeling inside of her hearing the General saying it out loud.


Leia met her gaze, as though waiting for an explanation or an admission. When Rey didn't give one, Leia said, "I'm strong in the Force too, you know."


Rey gave a small nod, acknowledging this.


"I can feel and see the things you think you're hiding, darling." Leia told her. Rey's face returned to its previous deep shade of red, followed by a state of shock. "I know why you've returned so soon. You couldn't handle your feelings."


Rey's jaw practically dropped. She didn't know what to say. She was utterly embarrassed, wanting to hide her face in shame.


"I understand why you've come back, Rey. I really do. But just know this... running away doesn't solve anything. Trust me. I know of these things. Look at Han and I. How we were toward the end."


Leia was very careful to make sure nobody else was within earshot of her and Rey's conversation. "What is it that you feel for Luke?" Leia asked Rey.


Rey became embarrassed once again. "Well, I... he's... uh... I guess... I don't really know General." Rey looked sad.


"Does it feel like a stab in the heart being apart from him?" Leia asked.


Tears sat at the edge of her eyes as Rey began nodding slowly to Leia's question. 


"You here and him there... does it make you feel empty, sad, lonely?"


Rey nodded again.


"Does thinking of him make the sun seem to shine brighter?"




"Everything feels good and right and complete when you're with him?"




"I believe that's called 'love' dear."


Rey shot up from where she sat, knocking her chair flying backwards. "What?! Love! No. No no no! Absolutely no way! Haha, love??? Come on General, you must be crazy. He's an amazing man, yes. A legend! I admire him and have so much respect for him... but... love?"


Leia looked at Rey and shrugged with a smirk that told her it wasn't such a crazy idea. Rey couldn't help but walk away. She was too shocked to speak or even think.


Chapter Text


Rey stormed away from Leia, into her quarters.


How dare she insinuate love? Love! For Kriff's sake! I mean, he's a great guy, he's one in a million. I like him, he makes me feel nice and good about myself. But... the 'L' word? There's no way he'd ever feel that for me either. I'm just a kid.


Rey was busy rifling through her rucksack, throwing clothes around, huffing and grunting in anger when Finn appeared at her door. She was so busy making a mess, she didn't notice him standing there.


"AHEM!" he cleared his throat loudly.


Rey was startled. "Oh! Um... Finn... hi. How's it going?" she stood with her hand clasped in front of her, while Finn stood casually leaning against the door frame.


"Something the matter, Rey?" he asked, eyeing the piles of mess on the floor.


"Uhhhmm... nope!" she lied, trying to smile.


"Huh, that's funny because I could have sworn I just watched you huffing and throwing your stuff around like something had got you all worked up or something." he began walking towards her, picking up articles on his way and handing them to her.


"Thanks." she said.


"Don't mention it."


There was a gap of silence.


"Wanna talk about it?" Finn offered.


"Not really."


She was busy staring down at the last thing Finn had handed to her, thinking about everything when she realised Finn hadn't let go of her hand. She slowly looked up at him and saw the kindness in his eyes. He gazed at her with a warm homely smile. She found herself reciprocating. Finn was a sweet man. Not a single bad bone in his body. Her best friend.


They stood awkwardly for a minute after realising they'd been staring into each other's eyes. Finn knew that whatever was bothering Rey, she wasn't exactly going to be forthcoming about it.


"Let's go have some fun!" he announced.


She broke into a grin. "What do you have in mind?"


"I dunno, let's see where our feet take us!" he said excitedly. He grabbed her hand and pulled her along, heading for the exit of the base. "Oh, hang on," he said as they passed his own quarters. He slowed down, letting go of her hand before ducking into his room and grabbing his [Poe's] brown jacket, which had become a favourite of his.


Rey giggled. "Never giving that back are you?" she asked.


"Nah, not in this lifetime, kid." he replied, winking at her.


Chapter Text


Finn and Rey ended up in the local Cantina. Finn decided it was time, once and for all, for both of them to let their hair down. Everything was always so serious all the time, with the war and the rest. Finn thought they deserved a night off to have a bit of fun.


They entered the watering hole, Finn holding onto Rey's hand the entire time. Traditionally, it was an act of romance but Rey let it slide because she knew Finn wanted to protect her when they were in unknown territories and taking her hand was his way of doing that. She also wondered if it was more for his benefit, really. So he could feel safe. She smirked at the notion. Deep down, it didn't really bother her.


"Why don't you go and find a secluded spot over there in the corner?" Finn suggested, gesturing and practically pushing her towards the quietest part of the bar. Without hesitation, she claimed a rather comfy looking sofa. The bar was fairly quiet that night. Rey sat herself down on the sofa, getting comfortable. She pushed all resurfacing thoughts of Luke deep down and away. She was out for the night with a friend, she didn't want to sit around and mope about Luke. She put her best smile on just as Finn returned with a tray of drinks.


"Woah, what's all this?!" Rey cried, counting at least six drinks. "Are you trying to get me drunk?" she giggled.


"I thought we needed a bit of fun tonight." Finn explained. He picked out two shots of Corellian rum, for starters.


"We do shots now?" she teased. They downed them in one, pulling faces as they did so. Finn then settled down next to Rey on the sofa, passing her two glasses of Corellian wine. "This is meant to be really nice." he told her.


"I don't even really drink, Finn." she told him.


"Never too late to start!" Finn lifted his two pints of ale, immediately beginning to chug one down.




Finn had Rey in stitches, doing impressions and telling her all his best jokes. She found herself laughing properly for the first time in ages. They slunk together on the sofa, sitting side by side, arms touching. Rey felt slightly drunk, a sudden burst of happiness in her heart. She knew it wasn't real, she knew it was the alcohol but it certainly beat the numbness which had consumed her as of late.


"It's really great to see you smile again." Finn told her.


Rey's expression changed then, revealing a hint of sadness.


"I know you haven't quite been yourself lately. Ever since you got back, really." Finn put his drink down on the table in front of them, before resting his head on the back sofa cushion, staring at Rey. Their hands were very nearly touching. Finn felt a spark of electricity between them. He looked at Rey with a softness in his eyes. She looked up at him. She wasn't sure what she was feeling, but she knew she was very comfortable, Finn was sweet and caring. She liked that. A lot.


Finn moved his hand to her, gently tucking a few stray hairs out of her face behind her ear. He brushed her cheek with the backs of his fingers. Her eyes closed at the feel of his delicate touch. She felt her body ignite. Her cheeks became flushed. Before he could think too much about it, Finn leaned down and kissed her softly and slowly.


Her body responded, arching towards him. He put one hand on her face as the other tucked itself around her waist, pulling her close to him. She moaned into the kiss before their tongues explored one another's mouths. They sank further into the sofa, almost lying down as they carried on kissing, barely coming up for air.


Rey pulled away, feeling embarrassed. It was the wine. She knew it was the wine making her act this way. Yet, she couldn't help herself. She just wanted to feel... wanted. Cared for. She knew Finn cared for her deeply. She knew she probably didn't feel the same way, but he was sweet, funny and kind and he liked her. Maybe if I give him a chance?



She stared up at him in her drunken haze, allowing him to kiss her again. Things seemed to pass by in a blur and before she knew it, they had made their way back to the base, sneaking along the hallways to Finn's bunk.



Finn shut the door, removing his jacket and slinging it to the side. Rey stood nervously in the middle of the room. She wasn't sure what was about to happen. She wasn't sure what she wanted to happen. There was an air of sexual energy. Finn walked up to her, taking her face in his hands, kissing her with a little more passion now they were behind closed doors.


She blushed. She thought Finn was cute but didn't want to tell him for fear of leading him on. Not that she was doing much to stop things anyway. Finn pushed her hair aside, kissing her ear, his lips moving softly down her collarbone. He nibbled gently at her skin, making her moan as she pushed her head to the side.



He pulled her close to him, walking backwards as he held her until they reached his bed. He lay down, pulling her with him. For a fleeting moment, she wondered if she really should stop things, but it all felt kind of nice. Maybe he was the type of man she should be going for?


Finn's breath was heavy as he kissed and moaned into Rey's neck, "You smell amazing," he muttered while thrusting his hips into her. She felt his erection pressing into her thigh, which she was embarrassed to admit made her feel wet. He held her close, one hand on her hip, the other on her back. His lips met her ear, "Wanted you for so long," he murmured.


She pulled back, unsure, "Finn, I..."


"Shh," he pressed his fingers to her lips, "I know what you're going to say. That we shouldn't but... if it feels right, sweetheart."


And there it was. Sweetheart. The name Luke had called her. And just like that, her mind was filled with images of Luke. Rey sobered up instantaneously.


She stared at Finn as she pulled back, "I... I can't do this," she told him, clambering off him, almost falling to the floor.


"Rey, wait!" Finn called out, as he sat up.


"I'm sorry, Finn. I'm so sorry. You're sweet. But, I... I just can't!" and with that she was out the door, running down the hallway back to her own bunk, where she began packing her things up, yet again.


Chapter Text


Rey was terrified Finn would catch up to her or try to stop her. She felt awful for letting things get so far and then leaving. But she just couldn't go through with it. Everything she'd had with Luke came screaming back to her. Having been a few minutes away from having sex with Finn made her realise how much she wanted to be back with Luke, to be in his arms again, to hold him, to have him hold her.


She packed her bag, clipped her lightsaber onto her belt and made her way to the centre of the base where Leia was still working late into the night. With her rucksack slung over her shoulder, she approached Leia. "General."


Leia looked up from where she was working. The base was quiet. Most people had gone to bed.


"I, um... I didn't wanna leave without saying goodbye."


"You're leaving? You only just got back."


Rey's face was red from having welled up a little and also from the alcohol. "I know. It's just..."


Leia waited patiently.


"...I need to see him."


Leia knew exactly what Rey was talking about. She didn't need to explain herself. Leia gave a friendly smile and a small knowing nod and Rey gave Leia a thankful look in return. The General stood from her seat and Rey ran over to give her a big hug. "Thank you for understanding," Rey said.


Leia glanced at the lightsaber, "What about...?" Rey knew Leia was referring to the Jedi way of life.


"We'll figure it out. Right now, I need to be with him."


Leia smiled. "Go."


"Thanks for everything."


"Be safe."


"I will... goodbye, General."


"Goodbye, Rey. Good luck."


And with that, Rey turned on her heel and made for the exit of the base. She didn't stop, she didn't look back. It was dark and rainy. Rey ran all the way to the Falcon, boarded and prepared for her journey back to Ahch-To.


Chapter Text


Rey was a bundle of nerves as she boarded the Falcon, preparing to make her way back to Ahch-To. She was anxious to see Luke but excited all the same. The guilt of leaving him behind had begun to consume her. She hadn't felt particularly guilty initially after leaving. All she knew was that she needed the time and space to clear her head. She was thinking about her own needs, whilst telling herself she was doing what was best for Luke. She knew now that all she had done was try to run from her feelings.


She thought about the pain she must have caused him. She was nervous that he may not be so forgiving. She worried that he may not even want to see her. She knew she had to take a chance. She wasn't totally sure how things were going to pan out or what she would even say to him, but the thought of nothing else but him on the journey, which felt neverending.


Finally, as she arrived on Ahch-To, Rey navigated the Falcon to a landing spot. She stopped to gather her things and herself. She'd spent the entire journey assembling her thoughts and preparing herself for any reaction Luke might have to her return. She was prepared to get right back on her ship and fly away if that's what he wanted.


Carrying only her lightsaber, Rey disembarked from the Falcon and walked to Luke's hut. It was a short journey. As the hut came into view, Rey slowly began to feel Luke's Force signature. It didn't vibrate in the same way as it normally did. The edges were tinged with sadness, she could feel. Guilt ate at her, but she had fully expected it. Nerves got the better of her and she began trembling as she walked.




Luke had spent the last few weeks adjusting to Rey's absence. Most days he didn't even think of her as the pain was too raw. He put his feelings for her into an imaginary box in his heart and kept it locked tight. The days and nights melded into one, passing by in a blur. Luke went through the motions of life, feeding himself when necessary, but otherwise, simply subsisting. He was empty without her and he knew it, yet he did nothing about it. As much as he didn't think about her, he still couldn't shake off his depression.


Towards the end of each day, Luke retired to be early in the hopes of escaping the noise in his head, hoping and wishing for sleep, which usually didn't come. He existed in a neverending vortex of heartbreak and misery. He began to wonder if his life even had a purpose.


On this particular evening, Luke did as he always did. After forcing some of his evening meal down, he discarded the rest, which was most of it, took a quick shower, changed into bedclothes and retired to his quarters.


It was when he began to drift off to sleep that he felt it - felt her. His eyes shot open, his heart rate quickening. Must be mistaken. Surely, it couldn't be? Luke was abruptly surrounded by a beautiful familiar hum. He threw off his bed covers and jumped from his bed. He felt certain that his heart and his soul were about to betray him. That what he thought he felt couldn't be real. It couldn't be her.


And then...




His heart skipped several beats and he felt dizzy. Anxious, he began to sweat.


"Master Luke." her voice called again. Things seemed to be in slow-motion. Luke stepped into the hallway, walking along into the common area, and that's when he saw her. His beautiful girl. His Rey.


was in slow motion. Luke made for his bedroom door, turning the handle and stepping through the open doorway. He walked along the corridor which led to the common area, and that's when he saw her. His beautiful girl. His Rey.


His heart swelled with the love he felt for her. The little box in his heart was opened. He felt he had never seen a more beautiful sight in his entire life right then. No Leia, not Mara-Jade, not the birth of his nephew, not all the worlds in the Galaxy. None of the trees, flowers, suns or moons he'd ever seen. Nothing held a candle to her.


He felt that his heart couldn't take it if he couldn't hold her right there and then.


"Oh Luke, you're here." tears fell from Rey's eyes as she ran to him, and threw herself into his arms.


"Sweetheart! You came back!" his heart was already beginning to heal. Just from holding her in his arms.


"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." she began, "I was afraid, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't... I just needed..."


"Shh shhh" Luke soothed. "it's okay, you're here now. Everything's fine now," he wiped her tears away with the pad of his thumb, gently stroking her hair as she practically melted into the hug. She pressed her body so close to his, holding him so tight she never wanted to let go.


They looked at one another as their hearts began beating together in perfect synchronicity, absorbing each other's feelings before their eyes closed and their lips pressed softly together in a passionate kiss. She was the first one to make the move. Luke had wanted to do it, but he was far too scared to do anything which might scare her or make her want to leave again.


She kissed him with all the feelings and emotions which had built up over the course of the past few weeks. Delicate at first, then urgent and playful, teasing him with her tongue. Before long, Luke's hands were all over Rey, running them all over her body. Her's were around his neck and shoulders, fingers finding small fistfuls of his hair, gripping firmly yet playfully.


He held her by the waist, kissing her lips, moving to her neck and hairline. He nosed at her neck, pushing the hair away so he could nuzzle her and breathe her in. He planted delicate soft kisses on any part of her flesh he came across. She closed her eyes, smiling, her body responding.


Chapter Text


"I'm sorry I left," Rey began as Luke kissed her neck, his nose pushing up behind her ears, his lips nibbling her earlobes. She shuddered at the feeling.


"It's okay, I understand why you did."


"I got scared."


"I know." he gripped her tighter as he explored every inch of her hair, relishing in the sweet scent of her.


"I wanted you to be sure of what you wanted. I didn't think you'd want an old man like me."


She pulled back, holding his face in her hands, "I didn't think you'd want a stupid kid like me."


"You're not a kid."


She gazed at him in awe and admiration. And then she made a decision, "Luke..." she murmured as they embraced one another.




"Take me to bed?"


Luke's heart exploded with sheer love and joy. He wanted nothing more. To take her, hold her, love her. "Are you sure?"


She had never been so sure, nodding with certainty. "Please?"


Luke's hands dropped to hers, cupping them as he placed slow gentle kisses on her lips before leading her to his bedroom and shutting the door.


Chapter Text


Once inside his room, Luke gazed upon her. His Rey. His heart fluttered just looking at her as he sighed happily. She sat on the edge of his bed, looking around the room.


"It's strange to be back here." she said.


"Bad strange?" he asked.


"Good strange," she smiled.


"I kept your room just the same." he told her. Rey knew they were stalling with idle chit-chat. Luke stayed by the door, whilst Rey swung her legs down the side of the bed.


"Come here." she asked affectionately.


Luke did so, keeping eye contact as he walked over to her, slowly, stood in front of her and looked at her for a moment before leaning down to kiss her.


"I could get used to that," she said, smiling.


"Me too." he replied.


She gripped his clothing and pulled him close, making him kiss her again. Luke slowly moved onto the bed, pushing Rey backwards to make space, never breaking contact. She moaned when his mouth found her neck, gentle kisses causing shivers.


"I can't believe I..." she muttered between kisses.  Luke devoured her neck, his hands holding her waist tightly.


"Can't believe what?" he asked, never stopping his kisses.


With his mouth on her neck, she continued, "That I left... I'm so... so..." she was about to try and apologise again.


Luke put his fingers to her lips "Shh," he soothed, more interested in laying down with her.


"Wait," she said and Luke pulled back. "I just want to get changed into something more comfortable, since I've been travelling in these," she pinched at her clothing, "and maybe take a quick shower."


"Okay," he told her. He would wait. She darted out of the room, running to the Falcon to retrieve her bag, then running all the way back to the hut. She wasted no time throwing her bag into her old room, onto the bed, grabbing a clean towel and making her way to the shower.


In the meantime, Luke lay back on his bed, hands clasped behind his head, sinking into his pillows, feeling more relaxed and contented than he ever had in his whole life. He climbed under the covers, shutting his eyes and waiting patiently for his girl to come back.



Luke heard the shower being switched off, Rey clambering about from room to room as she stomped loudly. He chuckled, she always was as loud as a bantha. His heart swelled at everything she did and he knew then that he was truly, madly and deeply in love with her.


A short time passed before his door creaked open and the soft sound of footsteps padded to the bedside. Luke turned to see Rey looking a bit fresher, still just as beautiful, if not more so. She wore a thin white silk bathrobe with little blue embroidered flowers on. It was open at the front and he saw that she wore a pair of matching blue underwear.


He lay still, feeling himself getting hard under the blankets as he looked at her. She reached out to touch her fingertips to his. They gazed at one another as she slid the robe off, standing only in her underwear. Luke's breathing laboured and it took a good few deep breaths for him to compose himself.


"Definitely not a stupid kid," he muttered. She guided his metal fingers to the edge of her panties, encouraging him to slip them off. Rey slid into bed, cuddling up to Luke before climbing on top of him to straddle him. He took a moment to gaze at her, her beautiful chestnut hair draped around her shoulders. Naked, she was a vision. He pushed the hair away from her face so he could look at her, drinking in her beauty. He couldn't get enough of her.


"So beautiful" he murmured, fingers gliding through her soft hair. She beamed, pressing her body into his, drunk on the feeling of giving herself to someone.


"Sure you're ready for this?" he asked again.


She nodded with certainty. "I want this so much," she told him.


"Me too."


She leaned forward to kiss him, her hair falling over his face. Her kisses travelled from his lips to his cheek and ear, "Need you inside me,"


She moved his hands so they were clutching her waist and hips. She loved being held like that. She shifted down, feeling his erection rubbing against her. She arched her body, breasts plump with excitement, her nipples hard with anticipation. Luke groaned deep into his throat at how sexy she was and how lucky he felt to have a girl like her.


"Feel like I've waited so long for you, sweetheart..."


She moaned as she began thrusting her hips, feeling his cock, hard and throbbing, needing her so badly, the wetness of pre-cum smearing onto her thigh. She cupped one of her breasts, playing with it, teasing her nipple, biting her lip at the sensation as she gyrated against Luke, feeling the hardness pressed against her and wanting it so badly inside of her.


She ground her ass against him, feeling the tip of his cock nudging at her entrance. He bit his lip feeling how slick she was already, his heart racing. She leaned forward again, her tongue skimming across his lips, kissing him erotically, enjoying the soft fuzz of his beard gently scratching her face. She reached down and wrapped a hand around his cock. He threw his head back, totally overwhelmed by the new sensation. Feels so good.


She smirked, her hand moving rhythmically, jerking him off slowly but steadily with just the right amount of pressure. "Mm, just like that," he whispered. He was astounded by the fact she had never touched a man before. She was so good at it and it was ridiculously arousing. He felt lucky to get to be her first. As her pace quickened, Luke feared he may finish all too soon. They hadn't even started yet.


He had to catch his breath, his fingers pulling at the bedsheets, attempting some self-control. He shifted up so he was no longer lying flat. His hands clutched her body, manoeuvring her until his cock was lined up with her entrance. He couldn't help but look at the beautiful sight, knitting his brow, blinking hard and biting his lip, "Wow,"


She looked down too, thinking how big he looked and how small she looked and wondered if he would even... fit! Her skin flushed pink with excitement mixed with a little bit of fear. Luke couldn't even begin to wonder how good it was going to feel having her wrapped around him.


"I need you," he muttered as the tip of his cock rested at her entrance.


She brought his human hand up, taking two fingers and pressing them against her clit, "Like before" she smirked, closing her eyes and tipping her head back and Luke began rubbing her in little circles, eating up the sight of her moaning and thrusting against his fingers, desperately wanting to fill her up.


He projected his need for her consent, one final time. She simply nodded.


He moved his hand to his cock, stroking twice, sliding a finger to her slit to gather some wetness which he rubbed around the head of his cock. He enjoyed the look on her face when he did that, seeing her stomach muscles clenched tightly, her breasts flushed with arousal.


All Luke could think about was how slowly was going to penetrate her and how he was going to watch himself disappear into her. He stroked himself again using only his fingertips, slowly nudging forward, his wet cock rubbing against her.


Chapter Text


Luke felt giddy with Rey so close to him, her wetness coating the tip of his cock. "Are you sure you want to... this way?" he asked, referring to her being on top.


She thought for a moment, then said, "Maybe I should lie down?"


Luke smiled in approval. She climbed off him and lay down next to him, his body almost immediately covering hers as he leaned over to kiss her and slide on top of her. She opened her legs and allowed him to get comfortable.




"Uh huh?" she looked up at him.


"Is this..." Luke began, feeling embarrassed for what he was about to ask. She looked at him expectantly, "Is this your first time?"


"Oh..." her cheeks blushed, "Um... yeah. Could you sense it?"


"Sort of. Why didn't you tell me."


"Does it matter?"


"No, but... are you sure you want me to be the one who..." he couldn't finish his sentence.


She smiled and replied so fast, "Huh, I'm sure. I want you to be my first."


Luke was taken aback. "Wow, okay..."


They shared a tender kiss, continuing their communications via the Force rather than talking.


Please be gentle

I will sweetheart

I trust you


Luke put his hands beneath her, feeling her buttocks and lifting her hips, pushing forward until his head met her entrance. He stared down at her, feeling how anxious she was. He gently stroked her hair as he moved forward.


I'm nervous too, it's been so long for me


Her lips were plump with excitement and he couldn't help devouring them in an erotic kiss before pulling back to watch himself enter her. He pressed into her, watching her open around him and accepting him, her body gently squeezing him. He couldn't believe how tight she felt. He moved at a snail's pace, selfishly because he wanted to prolong the glorious moment, but also to make it as easy and pleasurable for her as possible. He would hate for the memory of it to be tarnished for her.


He kept having to stop because the squeeze felt too good. He moaned, head dipping back before he would kiss her again, sliding another inch in. Her body was rigid with anxiety and he did whatever he could to ease things; stroking her hair, kissing her softly, holding her close.


I've got you


"Fuck..." she groaned.


"Are you okay?"


"It feels so good," she looked up at him, her eyes sparkling, her skin glowing. He pushed forward, another inch and he was finally fully inside. Her fingernails began digging into the skin of his back, her legs coming up to wrap around him.


She wasn't even looking at him, she was lost in her ecstasy, but he was certainly looking at her, studying her every move, every facial expression, every hint of pleasure, carefully watching her, making sure she was okay.


He was yet to move, however. He was allowing her some time to adjust to the new feeling of having someone inside her.


"You okay?" he pushed a loose strand of hair out of her face, brushing the back of his fingers down her cheek.


She finally opened her eyes. "Feels... amazing."


"You're so beautiful," he told her and her heart rose up, feelings of love, arousal and happiness mingling through the Force, binding them together.


Luke throbbed inside her, feeling how wet she was, how she coated his cock in her slick, allowing him ease of movement. He held her close as he started to pull back and thrust into her gently. He kissed her collarbone as he began to fuck her. He'd never felt so close to another human being, ever. Not even Mara-Jade who'd been his soulmate, or so he'd thought. Maybe he'd been wrong. Maybe it was Rey all along.


The rush of feelings that surged as he held onto Rey was incredible. He didn't know sex could feel so good. He was so overwhelmed, a single tear fell from his eye. Rey noticed but said nothing. She slid her body flat against the mattress, lying horizontal and pulling Luke even closer.


Make love to me


Luke stopped thinking so much and allowed his body and the Force to guide him, tangling himself up in Rey and fucking her gently, softly. Their hearts beat together as their bodies did what they did, speaking to one another, playing off one another, dancing together.


He felt her arousal sliding down her thighs, he couldn't believe how wet she was. He had visions of eating her out and getting covered. Of course, he shared these visions with Rey, who in turn blushed and tried to hide her face. He moved her hands, I want to see you. Want to see you enjoying me. His cock felt like it was getting harder as he watched her body move and bounce with every thrust. Rey couldn't help gently fucking herself on him.


Luke could do nothing but stare as she worked for her own pleasure. He pulled back, seeing her glistening down below. His fingers seemed to find their own way to her clit, teasing her as he slid in and out of her. "I wish you could see how beautiful you look," he told her. He slid his hands underneath her, curling them up and around to cocoon her in his grasp.


"Uhh, mmm" her moans spurred him on. He felt his pre-ejaculate leaking inside her, knowing he was close.


She worked her fingers into his hair as she leaned up to kiss him, their bodies moving together in bliss and she panted heavily into his mouth.


Feels so deep, want all of you deep inside me, want your seed


His pelvis jerked at the notion, at the idea of releasing into her, filling her up with his cum.


Chapter Text


Luke stared down at Rey, rocking his hips gently, seeing her pleasure building as his pelvis hit her clit with every thrust. He couldn't actually believe this was finally happening. He'd waited so long. Not just for the sex, but getting to be so close to someone. Not just anyone. To her.


He draped his body on top of hers, getting in closer, fucking her deeper. He held her by one hip with his prosthetic, his other hand moving up to cup her face, gently stroking her cheek as he stared into the deep brown pools of her eyes. He could never have described the level of intimacy he felt with her as she stared back into his eyes, into his soul.


"Your eyes are amazing." he told her.


She blinked and smiled before they gazed at one another for the longest time as they made love, both releasing urgent moans,  


"You're amazing." she told him. "No one has ever made me feel so..." she trailed off, not knowing how to articulate just what she was feeling. Instead, she showed him through a vision. Luke's heart soared... higher than it had in years.


She nuzzled into the crook of his neck, kissing softly, feeling him shudder at the feeling. She moved up to kiss his ear, gently flicking her tongue at the skin behind it. He moaned, spurring her on to sweep her lips across his jaw and mouth before leaving a trail of hot and hungry kisses to his chest.


He hummed in appreciation, his body alive with want and need. He picked up the pace, pushing deeper into her, or so it felt. She gently squeezed herself around his cock, clenching her muscles.


I'm gonna lose myself if you keep doing that


She did it again and Luke's eyes rolled back, his cock throbbing. He had to stop moving, close his eyes and take a deep breath to steady himself.


Do it, she encouraged through their connection. They breathed heavily onto one another's lips, hot breathy kisses, mouthing at each other's skin. He kissed her neck and ears before plunging his tongue back into her mouth.


Luke began fucking her harder, really losing himself in the moment. "I wanna make you come, Rey," he said out loud. Her face blushed the darkest shade of crimson and Luke slid two fingers into his mouth, making them wet before snaking his hand down to finger her clit while he fucked her.


Rey lost herself completely, stilling as her orgasm hit her, moaning so deeply it hurt her throat, her sounds pushing Luke over the edge. "Fuck!" he cried, expelling his hot release inside her as she tightened around him, her body milking his seed, his hot moans muffled in her hair. They kissed deeply as they rode out their pleasures, the kisses eventually dwindling down as tiredness washed over them.


Being connected so deeply, each felt the other one's pleasure as intensely as if it were their own, which was almost a sensory overload for both of them. Neither had felt anything so strongly before and it took a long time after for them both to come down.



Luke had lain still on top of Rey for... hours? Minutes? He was so wrapped up in the moment and so was she. His cock throbbed inside her, the last of his cum pumping into her before he felt himself going soft then slipping from her, kissing her again softly before moving to lay next to her. Spent, she lay staring at the ceiling, an overwhelming blissful calm enveloping her.


Luke put his arm around her, pulling her in close where she nuzzled into his body, her face resting on his warm chest, her fingers absent-mindedly playing with his chest hairs. She sighed contentedly, never having felt so at peace in all her life. Luke pulled the bedsheet over them, looping his arm back around her, holding her tight, kissing the top of her head and studying her face, marvelling at her afterglow which looked just gorgeous on her.


"You really are beautiful," Luke began.


He could tell Rey felt self-conscious about such a compliment. She hid her face, first with her hand and then by pushing it into his chest so he couldn't look at her. He pulled her chin up, "I mean it. You shouldn't hide or be embarrassed. You are the epitome of beauty, my dear."


Rey didn't know what else to do but smile. Her instinct was to say "No I'm not" or "Don't be stupid" or to just flat out argue with him. But, the feelings which she got when he spoke to her that way won over the urge to fight it. She still didn't agree, but... she couldn't help but smile shyly. She leaned her head against his chest again, listening to his heartbeat, the sound of which soothed her.


"I've never been this close to someone," she told him "to anyone."


"I know," he said, and he really did. It meant so much to both of them, having been without human contact or physical and emotional relationships for years, or ever in Rey's case.


Luke closed his eyes, stroked her bare skin and enjoyed the aftermath. Her Force signature radiated warmly and Luke thought it was the most beautiful and blissful things he'd ever felt.




"Mmhmm?" she mumbled, her eyes shut tightly.


"I think I'm in love with you."



Chapter Text


Luke had Rey wrapped up in his embrace, heartbeats in sync, having just told her that he loved her. She stared at him for some time without speaking, not knowing how to respond. 


He began wondering if telling her had been a mistake. “Should I not have told you that?” he asked. 


Her eyes darted around, feeling slightly awkward, “No no, it’s okay... I just... I don’t know how to take that really.” 


“I don’t expect you to say it back,” he assured her, “I just needed you to know.” A fleeting thought crossed his mind; what if this wasn’t a long-term thing for her? But she’d just willingly given her virginity to him. 


After another few minutes, she finally spoke, “Luke, I care about you a lot. I’m sure you can feel how much...” 


“I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable,” he interrupted, “that’s the last thing I want. I never expected any of this, you know?” 


She nodded, she did know. 


“I was pretty sure the day I projected my visions to you, you would run. And then... you sort of did. And I was fully prepared to spend the rest of my days alone.” 


“Don’t say that,” she furrowed her brow. 


“No, I mean.. It's okay. What I’m trying to say is... I don’t expect anything from you. All I want is for you to be happy. But I also want you to know the truth.” 


Rey put her fingers to his lips, “Shhh,” she began, “Luke, listen... I’m not going anywhere, and you need to stop thinking that you’re not good enough for me. Or that I’m too good for you, or whatever other crazy notions you have going on in here,” she tapped the side of his head. 


“You haven’t made me uncomfortable, but... I suppose you should know... you’re the first person who’s ever said that to me.” 


His eyes widened with shock, although once he thought about it, it all made sense really. He knew what kind of life she’d led. He leaned in to kiss her. 


He pulled her chin up to look at him, "I have NEVER felt like this before. You make me feel things I never thought possible. So much so, I would give it all up for you. All of it. The Jedi life. Everything. Just to be with you. Right now, all I want is you. The Jedi Code states attachments are forbidden. I would abandon everything to do with the Jedi and the Force just to have you in my arms. I know you want the Jedi life too, so that's something we need to talk about but… all I know is, I feel like I waited my whole life just for you. Everything I've done up until now has led to this. I feel like you were born for me." 


"You really feel that way?" she asked. 


"I do." 


"What about what the others will think?" 


"I frankly couldn't care less. What anyone has to say about us. We don't need anyone's approval. We could just stay here, just us. Or move to another planet. Anywhere. Anywhere you would be happy. I'd do anything for you." He stroked her cheek with the backs of his fingers. 


"I'm not quite ready to say it back." she told him with her eyes closed, their noses touching. "but I do want to be with you. And we'll figure the Jedi stuff out. But this is where I want to be, right now, with you."



He kissed her softly and she chuckled, allowing his mouth to move to her neck, hers lining up with his ear, “I love kissing you so much,” she said. 


“My beard doesn’t bother you?” 


“It tickles... I kinda like it.” 


Luke manoeuvred her to lie beneath him. Still naked, his mouth and tongue explored her body, eventually settling his attentions on her breasts. He held them, kissed tm and gently licked her nipples while staring up at her. She could feel her arousal refuelling. 


He nestled between her legs, pulling her thighs up and around him, wrapping her tightly around his waist. Placing his arms either side of her head, he towered over her, pressing his cock to her, rubbing himself up and down, without any attempt to penetrate her, just enjoying the feeling. She still felt wet with his cum, which made him hard instantly. 


“Feels nice” she murmured. 


He closed his eyes, “Mm, I know,” 


He put a hand on her chest, feeling her heart beating against it, then leaned down and kissed the red circles on her skin. "I love the way your skin flushes when you're excited." 


She reached out for him, making a fist around his hard length, slowly stroking him. He fell further into bliss. 


I want to taste you, he projected. She felt her excitement growing at the notion. 

I’ve never... no-one's ever...  

I know  


He snaked down, kissing her belly, his fingers stroking her stomach muscles and her pubic bone, his mouth finding its way to her thighs. She opened her legs, the worry of how she might smell or taste passing through her mind, only for a moment. 


Luke parted her lips with his fingers, “mmm” he groaned, seeing her glistening. Rey’s heart felt like it was in her throat. For a minute, she couldn’t breathe, the overwhelming sensation fogging her mind. All her woes flew out the window the second Luke’s tongue made contact. It was so soft and warm. She arched, pushing her head into the pillow, pushing her hips up to meet his mouth. 



The taste of you makes me hard  

Then make love to me again... please?  


Chapter Text


I need to feel you again  


Luke climbed back up to mould himself into Rey, his fingers teasing her clit while his cock throbbed against her thigh. As he kissed her, Rey realised she could taste herself and she blushed at the thought. Luke felt her embarrassment. 


Don’t be shy, you taste wonderful  


She guided him to move three fingers inside of her. As his fingers moved gently inside her, she grabbed his hand, pushing forcefully, making him thrust harder into her. 


Please... fuck me again  


He pulled his fingers from her, a trail of wetness sliding out with them. Wrapping the same fingers around himself, he coated his cock in her juices before sliding forward and slipping right into her with ease. It wasn’t long before her breath panted thick and heavy. 


He pushed slowly inside, inch by inch, taking his time, enjoying every second with her. 




He held on a moment, kissing her wetly before pushing further, pulsing inside. They stared into one another’s eyes before he started fucking her, gently at first then picking up the pace to harder thrusts, watching her breasts bounce as wetness dripped from her. 


It had been a hell of a long time, but Luke was sure he’d never felt a woman get this wet before. The thought was so utterly arousing, he wasn’t sure how long he would last. 


Luke lost himself as he made love to Rey, all of his emotions bubbling to the surface, “I love you” he whispered, “so much... not sure I can hold on, my love.” 


Please come on me, she projected. 

ON you?  


She sent Luke an image of her stomach painted with his release and it was too much. He never knew how much he wanted that until she showed him. 


He panted heavily until he was on the edge. He quickly pulled out of her and leaned back, jerking himself until he came in thick ropes over her belly, her muscles tightening. She was fascinated as she watched. Watched the streams hit her, watched Luke’s face contort, his hand working himself until it slowed down, sticky cum coating his fist, strings of it oozing from him down to her stomach. 


She was a little embarrassed but she had been feeling playful and she smirked up at him once he had composed himself. 


“That was...” she began. 




“Yeah.” she laughed. 


Luke blinked and let out a massive breath he’d been holding in. He had to laugh too. It was slightly embarrassing, these kinds of things usually were, if you were doing them with someone for the first time. 


“I’ll just get a towel,” he said. 


“It’s okay,” Rey replied, sitting up, “I’ll get it. You rest here.” She cleaned herself up in the fresher before bringing a washcloth and a dry towel back to the bedroom. She helped Luke clean himself up, which seemed crazily intimate, before she found her robe and re-dressed and tied the belt. 


Afterwards, she threw the towel in the corner, got back into bed and snuggled up to Luke, sighing happily.


Chapter Text


Luke woke to a beautiful morning, the sun streaming through his bedroom window. He was in a sleepy, relaxed state, his body having gone into a deep, blissful sleep for the first time in many moons. 


He looked down at the mass of brown hair covering his arms and chest. He took a moment just to take it all, to breathe her in. His Rey. His heart swelled at the very notion of waking up next to her, holding her as she breathed deeply, still in slumber Such a privilege. 


Luke was afraid he was dreaming. He kept pulling her close and squeezing her, in an attempt to reassure himself. She let out a happy hum in her sleep. 


He did nothing but stare at her, overwhelmed by the excitement of new love, the feeling you want to hold onto forever. The euphoria you suddenly discover when you fall for someone, feeling as though it will never end. He brushed his fingers through her hair, the smell of her shampoo hitting his nostrils. He closed his eyes and relished in her, giving in to his senses. 


Just then, she stirred, shifting to get more comfortable. Her hand searched for his, twining her fingers through his when she found it. It didn’t matter that it was his mechanical hand. Although he still had reservations, she never treated it any differently which helped him relax about it. 


She nuzzled her nose into his chest hairs before lazily opening her eyes to look up at him. He sensed her and peeked at her with one open eye. 


She giggled, “Hey you,” 


"Hey you,” he replied softly. 


Her heart swelled looked at him, feeling him and smelling him. Being held by him, she felt secure, safe and protected. She planted small kisses on his chest, lazily stroking his stomach. She sensed his modesty, about his body. His much older body, he projected. 


I love it just as it is  


She kissed his chest again, her mouth moving downward, kissing his stomach and ribs. They both imagined her going down on him, but neither said it. 


Luke felt himself stirring with the thoughts and feelings, not to mention the usual morning-wood situation. “You’re going to get me going again...” he warned. 


“Is that a bad thing?” she mouthed between kisses. 


“No, but... we should probably leave this bed at some point.” 


She looked at him all doe-eyed, "I've only just found you. I just want to stay here... right here, with you. Just for a while longer." She lay on top of him, staring up at him. 


He found himself unable to say no to her, pulling her into an embrace, pressing his forehead to hers. Her tongue moved languidly into a kiss as she parted her legs, reached behind her to feel for him and stroking him before she pushed herself back, sliding down onto his cock, which was hard enough to take her. His heart raced in his chest, sighing as he entered her, relishing every second as they made love until they climaxed together. 


They couldn’t seem to get enough of one another, but there was an air of sadness to their love, both of them asking the same questions; What and why? Why couldn’t Jedis be allowed lovers? What would people think? What about the age difference? Luke worried about how others would view him, wanting a girl of such an age. He’d never planned to fall in love with someone of her age. Or to fall at all, and especially not for someone who wanted to train in the Force.




“We really should leave this bed.” he told her, firmly 


“What for? What to instead? Combat training? Meditation? Wouldn’t it be irresponsible for us to train together now? What’s going to become of it all? Of us? What about the Resistance and the war and... everything?” she fretted. 


“Shhh” he soothed. “Listen, we don’t have to tell anyone anything yet, so we don’t have to think about that right now. The Resistance is safe in the meantime and so are we. So, let’s re-address it at a later date. Okay?” 


“Okay,” she replied. Luke seemed to have all the answers. 


They lay together a while, chatting and kissing through the morning, enjoying being able to relax together. Rey asked Luke more questions about his youth and his childhood. He told her stories of his adventures with Han and Leia, how they'd come to defeat the Empire. She listened to his story about his father, Darth Vader, or Anakin as he was truly known, and what Luke went through when he discovered who he really was and about how he'd died. 


Her heart went to him. Rey would have given anything to be able to find and reconnect with her family. Luke had never known his mother, but at least he'd found Leia. She was hoping she could help them to reconnect at some point in the near future. 


Luke and Rey muddled through their days together, making meals, going for walks, swimming, just enjoying the good life, the kind of life she knew they could have together. She knew her feelings for him were growing stronger by the day. However, she was still too fearful of opening up and admitting her feelings. 


But they both felt it in the Force. At night, they would go to bed and have sex, with Luke climaxing inside her while professing his love. Every time. He couldn’t control it. She would always hold back, though.



It was a day like any other. Rey and Luke rose early and ate breakfast together. “We are running out of food,” he informed her, “we best head to the village and collect some supplies.” 


“Do you mind if I stay?” she asked, “I’ll fix the place up, make it look good for your return.” 


“So domestic,” he teased, before kissing her goodbye.


Just as everything was going smoothly, Luke and Rey living in domestic contentment, that’s when he descended. He must have known of their whereabouts for some time, perhaps even watching or tracking them. It was all too convenient. The day that Luke left Rey at home alone for the first time in ten days was when Kylo Ren descended. 


She knew something was wrong, having felt a great disturbance. It irked her when she felt particularly dark and angry feelings coming through her; hatred, sadness, betrayal, vengeance. 


Kylo Ren had lurked around the hut for a day or two, waiting for Luke to leave Rey. It was then that he made his move. He would not fail his mission this time.


Chapter Text

I can't believe it's been about a year since I wrote for this. I never intended to wait that long, so sorry :(  Been discussing ideas with my good friend and co-writer on other projects about this one. and she's given me loads of fuel for the fire! :D Can't wait to write more.


I MIGHT take this version down, re-work it and re-upload it. But we'll see.

Chapter Text


Rey couldn't understand why she felt anger, hatred and sadness filling her, after weeks of living in harmony with Luke. Negativity seeped into her, bringing her down further and further, pulling her mood down, making her feel anxious and irritable. 


She tried to carry on normal, cleaning and tidying up for Luke’s return. With a broom in hand, she felt her body tensing, something akin to jolts of electricity coursing through her. Her breathing deepened, her forehead beginning to bead with sweat as she felt an entity taking over her. 


Despite being alone, the hut had an eerie feeling about it. It was when the broom flew from her grasp that she yelped. Her head whipped around upon hearing a door slamming shut. She couldn’t blink. She trembled where she stood, frozen to the spot. 


With the room cloaked in darkness, she heard the low, evil chuckle. She sucked in rapid breaths, her lips beginning to crack with dryness, her eyes wide, heart thudding. She glanced around in all directions, unable to locate the source of the awful sound. She wondered if it was in her mind. 


A moment passed before the heard the familiar igniting sound, the hallways of her home lighting up a brilliant bright shade of red. Kylo Ren. 


As an automatic response, Rey’s hand flew to her belt clip to reach for her lightsaber. Shock pumped through her veins upon the realisation that she was without her weapon, remembering it was in the other room. 


She looked up to see the tall, dark, masked figure of Kylo Ren fast approaching. She silently cursed herself for letting her guard down, especially with Luke gone. Rey backed away from the hooded figure as it stalked towards her, her eyes refusing to blink, fear and panic shrouding her. 


She wanted to tell him to just leave them in peace, but her fear had silenced her. She tried to think on her feet, her eyes darting to the kitchen, where she spotted the knife rack. She hadn’t even a chance to make a move, Kylo Ren always one step ahead. His gloved hand hovered in front of him, haltering her movement and pinning her to the spot. 


Once he had her right where he wanted her, he deactivated his weapon, clipping the hilt back onto his belt. 


Sweat ran down her temples as she watched him stalk around her like a predator with its prey, utterly frustrated at her paralysis. She desperately hoped she could tap into her abilities to escape. But the truth was, she simply hadn’t had enough training yet. She wasn’t strong enough yet. She knew it and Kylo Ren knew it too. 


“Foolish girl...” he chuckled, "you really thought you could hide away from me here? I feel you, Rey. You may think you're connected to him but you pay so little attention to the other connections you have. I felt your Force signature. What do you think led me here to find you?" 


Rey was unable to speak, only looking at the monster who had hurt just about everyone she cared about. 


"What a perfect little set up you two have here," Kylo spoke carefully, his voice the epitome of calm, "very cosy... a perfect little home just for two." 


Rey continued to tremble as Kylo slowly approached her. 


"I assume you know the rules about Master and Padawan. You two are lucky, in a way, that there's no longer a Jedi Council. I'm sure they wouldn't... approve of your...  relationship... tut tut, Rey. Of all the people... and you chose... him! You think you know him, don't you?” Kylo chuckled low in his throat again. 


“You shouldn’t trust everything he says. Don’t forget, he’s part of my bloodline, I know more than you ever could,” he walked around her, watching her carefully, “It’d be a shame to have to tell you the truth, though you do deserve at least that.” 


He’s just trying to get in my head, Rey thought. Kylo kept his mask on the entire time he spoke to her, keeping himself guarded. Rey could tell he was scared of her potential. Why else would he paralyse her, or hold back from duelling with her? He was a coward, but she knew he had a mission to complete. 


Rey tried in vain to connect with Luke via the Force, but it was futile. Kylo knew what she was trying to do, he felt it. 


“Don’t waste your energy, you’ll only tire yourself out, although perhaps that will work in my favour,” he crooned sadistically. His overbearing, oversized torso towered over her as she trembled, sweat pouring down the side of her face.


He waved a hand in front of Rey's face, the feeling of a migraine filling her head. The pain was unbearable and her eyes soon fell shut. He swiftly grabbed onto her before she could fall to the ground, his plan turning out perfectly. The vulnerable little Jedi, all his for the taking.


Chapter Text




The loud noise startled Rey awake. She panicked, not immediately recognising her surroundings until her mind and her vision properly came into focus. Lights shone brightly, causing pain to her tired eyes. 


Her natural reaction was to try and move, of course. Upon doing so, she realised she was tied down. Her eyes darted down, seeing she was once again, strapped to, what could only be, the interrogation chair of Kylo Ren. Now it all came back to her. His descent on her and Luke's peace and quiet. 


Something caught her eye to the left, her head whipping round to have a look. That's when she saw him, the nightmarish figure of Kylo Ren looming nearby, this time already unmasked, his scarred face in full view. The scar that she gave to him. A gloved hand hovered over the source of the noise which had awoken Rey. His helmet which he had dropped into his morbid little grave of ashes. 


Rey moved her head to face forward, sighing internally. She couldn't believe she was back in this place. 


She subtly attempted to move her arms, quietly without Ren noticing. Perhaps if she could just gain a little bit of an upper hand, she could get herself out of this mess. 


But Kylo Ren had impeccable hearing, the tug of her restraints catching his attention.  


“Well, well... Look who’s awake.” Kylo Ren crooned. 


Rey could feel the tears threatening but she refused to give him the satisfaction. She continued to stare straight ahead. 


Kylo Ren stood, his towering form striding over to where Rey was restrained. She glanced up to see a smirk on his face. She got a closer look at the scar and was happy she had branded him in such a way. She wasn't a vengeful person, but for what he'd done to the people she loved and for what he was doing now, she was glad. 


"What do you want?" She hissed. 


"You know perfectly well what I want." He replied, a hint of annoyance in his voice. 




Kylo said nothing. 


"You know where he is now, you could have just waited." 


"Oh, but this way is going to be so much better." 


"WHY don't you just leave us alone, in peace?" 


Another evil smirk spread across his face as he crouched down beside her. "You'd like that, wouldn't you? Leaving you and lover boy to do... the filthy things you've been doing." Kylo's face winced at his own words. 


Rey's face flushed, knowing that he knew. Feeling embarrassed. How much did he know? Had he seen? Had he watched? She couldn't bear to think about it. 


"Disgusting." He added. 


She chose not to respond, not even looking at him, trying as desperately as she could to focus on the Force, praying that she would be able to break free. 


He knew what was in her mind. He was probing slightly. "There's no point trying, scavenger. You know you won't win." 


"All you are is a monster who hurts people. Aren't you ashamed of what you've become?" 


"Aren't you?" He retorted. 


"Why should I be ashamed?" 


"Why? Why?" He raised his eyebrows and huffed out a sarcastic titter. But then, he leaned in even closer to her. "You talk about the things I do. But what about you, hm? Little scavenger. Pretending to be a Jedi.” 


“I AM a Jedi... Or at least... I will be.” She spoke quietly.  


Kylo Ren laughed, leaving Rey with a feeling of humiliation. She suddenly felt so small and meek. Suddenly felt foolish. Was she a fool, to try and think she could still become a Jedi? Technically, she and Luke were breaking the rules. But it's not as if there was a Jedi Council anymore. Maybe she and Luke could do things differently. Maybe there could be a way that Jedi could live their lives with love and compassion. 


Kylo began circling Rey in a predatory fashion. "That's not how it works, Rey." 


"You know NOTHING!" She spat. 


The cloaked figure chuckled again. "Oh, Rey..." He circled again until he was back in front of her, not coming down to her level this time. Rey looked up at him, " naïve. You would grimace if you knew what I know." 


Rey huffed, so sure that Kylo was simply muttering words to make her nervous, to make her think too much. She wouldn't let him irk her. 


"What don't I know? Why don't you fill me in, if you're so clever?" She retorted. Kylo's face was serious as he inched closer. Rey almost immediately regretted her words. 


Kylo leant over her, his cape flowing around her, a gloved hand, moving up towards the side of her face. She dipped her head away as Kylo took a deep breath in, stepping even closer to her.  


His smell permeated her nostrils. Closing his eyes, he reached into her mind causing her to wince. A large, clear image filled her mind.



Luke stood near a bed. “You can do this, sweetheart, I know you can. You’re almost there. Just one more push. Keep breathing."


Machines beeped, a woman with red hair was hooked up to a monitor, sweating, moaning and panting. Luke was younger, Rey could see. He was aged, still. Lines on his forehead, wrinkles forming around his eyes and mouth. His hair still brown with youth, however.  


"Aaaggghhhh!" a wretched cry came from the woman. And then she slouched exhausted as the room filled with the loud, piercing scream of a child, a repetitive urgent cry escaping its lungs. 


“Mara... It’s a girl! We have a beautiful daughter!” 


Luke was a father?! 


The woman had just given birth to a baby. She was slumped against the pillows of the bed, eyes closed, tears rolling down her cheeks. Luke held the child up, the small, wrinkly purple thing that it was. A tear escaped Luke's eye, staring at the child as it continued to cry. The woman eventually opened her eyes and Luke moved over, gently placing the baby on her chest and covering them both with a blanket. Within minutes, the child’s cries began to dissipate. 


“You did it. I’m so proud of you. She’s here. Our beautiful daughter. ” Luke kissed the side of the woman’s head as she cradled the child. 


“Let’s call her Reyna,” the woman spoke, “Rey for short.” 


“It’s perfect.” Luke said as he kissed her again.


Rey was wrenched from the vision and snapped back to reality, her breathing short and rapid, her forehead sweating. She couldn't control her racing heart. She was Luke Skywalker's daughter? He and Mara-Jade were her long-lost parents? 


She suddenly felt sick to her stomach, heaving before vomiting on the floor. Kylo stood, retrieving a cold compress and a small bucket which he laid near her. He pressed the compress to her head, before using it to clean up the vomit on her clothes and face. Rey felt humiliated. She'd been having sex with her own flesh and blood. Her head spun. She had way too many questions. 


Did Luke know? Did he know she was his daughter? How could he... how could he have done such a thing if he'd known? Maybe he didn't know it was her? But surely... he and Mara-Jade must have left her on Jakku? 


Nothing made sense. 


Rey suddenly felt humiliated in front of Kylo. Not only for her latest discovery and her foolish actions, but for throwing up on herself, and having her greatest enemy cleaning sick from her face. 


Confusion filled her, her mind over-clouding with thoughts she couldn't handle at that moment. She felt embarrassed and wanted him to leave her alone, but somehow, she also found comfort in him cleaning her up. 


“It’s okay, shh,” he comforted. He sensed Rey’s unease. She lay her head back and stared off to the side. "You see why this can't continue, Rey..." 


She didn't answer. She had nothing. Her life was a lie, everything was a lie. 


Kylo leant close to her, attempting to see into her mind. It should have been easy, as she had left herself so open, she had no fight right then. But for some reason, he couldn't. He unstrapped her restraints and gently lifted her from where she lay. They both knew she wasn't going to flee. He could see on her face that she was utterly defeated. 


He carried her through to his sleeping area, gently placing her down on his bed. Her eyes couldn't meet his. She stared off to a place where she seemed unreachable. He never stopped looking at her, however. 


Kylo began to disrobe, leaving only his underwear on before sliding into the bed next to Rey. She was completely in her own world. He wondered if she were even aware of her surroundings anymore. 


She lay lifeless, not even a single tear.  


He moved closer to her, beginning to press himself up against her, feeling her delicate body, with his beginning to respond as one would expect. “It’s okay, Rey... None of this is your fault. That man is evil.” 


As he ground his hips against her, his cock hardened, quickly becoming uncomfortable in his underwear. He placed a hand on her shoulder, feeling the soft skin there, his other hand stroking down her body, his cock throbbing with the feel of her. 


He soon reached her leggings and began tugging them down. 


“I’ll make it better, I’ll take the pain away.” 


He pulled her pants and underwear down, his greedy fingers exploring her. His other hand began pulling out her hairbands, unravelling her buns and allowing her hair to fall onto her shoulders. Her scent rolled off her in waves, hitting Kylo's nostrils, making him harder as he pushed his nose into her hair. 


He gripped her body tight against his, stroking his cock and parting Rey's legs, pressing two fingers to her entrance. She wasn’t wet, she wasn't ready. He felt her beginning to squirm as if she had suddenly come to. Kylo spat on his fingers before moving them back down to touch her. This time she jerked in response. "N-no!" She managed. 


"Shhh-shhh, just be still, I've got you."  


"No, I don't want..." Kylo cupped a gloved hand around her mouth, before gripping tighter as she fidgeted. 


"This is going to make it all better. You'll see." He circled his fingers around her, making her wet enough to penetrate, before he stroked his cock, guiding it to her and quickly slipping inside. 


Rey wriggled and thrashed, attempting to escape his grip. She knew it was futile, he was too strong. Being much bigger than her, his body crowded her as he held her and fucked her. She wailed into his gloved hand, his other arm wrapped tightly around her, ensuring she couldn't escape. 


"It'll be over quicker if you don't fight it, pet." 


Rey thought she was going to be sick again at his words. She knew he was evil, but she had no idea just how corrupt Kylo Ren really was. 


She began to give up the fight. It was useless and she was tiring herself out, her muscles aching, her body giving up. It was already happening, she knew there was nothing she could do. She allowed her body to go slack. 


She closed her eyes tight, picturing the beautiful scenes of Ahch-To. The water, the sky, the greenery. Despite the island now holding terrible associations with Luke, she still found comfort in it and managed to take herself away, even just for a few moments. She focused on the sounds of the birds that flew there, she gentle swishing of the tides. 


Before long, she felt the grip of a fist in her hair, pulling tightly, his hot breath in her ear, "Rey, you're so amazing... fuck... so willing, Rey, I'm going to come..." He panted hard and heavy in her face, the smell of him making her feel sick. And then she felt it. His hips turning rigid, a warm thick gush as he finished inside her. He held her close as he pumped every last drop of seed into her. 


Rey wasn't sure how much more violated she could feel anymore. It occurred to her, not only had she had relations with her father, she'd been raped by her own cousin as well. Her life was a mess, one big incestuous mess, and the thought alone shattered her mind into a million pieces. Pieces she may never be able to put back together again. 


Kylo pulled out from her, making a mess on the sheets. He let go of her before leaning into her neck and kissing her. "Thank you, Rey, that was wonderful." He stroked her cheek before leaving the bed, heading to his fresher. 


Rey heard the sound of the shower being switched on. 


She had nothing. She lay totally lifeless. The need to fight was completely and utterly destroyed. All she could do was close her eyes and picture Ahch-To. She gingerly tugged at the bedcover, pulling it up to her chin. A strong sense of numbness engulfed her, which she allowed to blanket and console her until she eventually fell asleep.


Chapter Text


Her mind flitted serenely, in other places, other dimensions. She was brought back to her reality with the sounds of a shower being switched off, the last few droplets of water cascading down the drain, the light pad of footsteps casually making their way around the fresher. The click of a cabinet could be heard at the same time as Kylo Ren hummed an unfamiliar tune. 


Her eyes stung. She wasn't sure how long it had been since she last blinked, too afraid to close her eyes. Kylo Ren came back into his quarters, ruffling his wet hair with a towel which he discarded into a laundry bin once he was finished. He stood naked, mere inches from his bed, where Rey still lay. Kylo looked at her, half-naked, her tunic ripped. 


"Hmm, that won't do." He muttered. 


Rey froze, upon hearing him. This time, she did indeed close her eyes, as if by doing so he would somehow not see her, or at least leave her alone. She heard him shuffling around his quarters and retrieving something from a dresser. Seconds later, she felt the bed move and his weight slinking onto it. 


She tried to stay as still as possible. Kylo Ren's hands were then upon her as he began to undress her. She had a sinking feeling in her stomach as she started to wince and curl into herself. "Please, no..." She whispered. 


"Rey, don't be afraid" Kylo purred, "we can't have you in these torn clothes..." He told her. She whimpered as he began sliding her ragged tunic from her until she lay naked and vulnerable. She wished he would simply get it over with and kill her. She was almost certain he would attack her again. She wasn’t sure she had the energy to take herself away mentally. Death felt easier.


And then she felt a softness as he began to re-dress her. But in what? She felt the silkiness of stockings gliding up her legs before Kylo gently turned her over, slipping on what felt like a bra, the whole ensemble complete with lacy straps, which he tied together behind her as he moved her this way and that. Her stomach heaved.  


He took his hands from her, leaning back to give a small approving smirk. "Just beautiful, Rey." She looked down at herself, finding she was dressed in red see-through lingerie. Her cheeks began to blush almost the same shade as her garments, particularly when she realised her 'outfit' did not come with underwear. Or if it did, Kylo Ren had chosen not to dress her in them. 


She noticed Kylo's hungry eyes growing wider as he stared at her. Her stomach lurched at the seediness of it all, how he'd dressed her up almost like a doll, a plaything. As if reading her mind, and maybe he was, Ren said: "You'd make such a perfect little pet." She saw he was growing hard again. 


He inched closer to her, holding her as he began to kiss the side of her face. She grimaced. "Please, don't..." 


"Shhh," Kylo soothed, as he slowly lay her down. "I'm not going to hurt you. I told you, I'm gonna make everything all better." 


Rey looked around, desperate for a means to escape. Why hadn't she tried to find one when he'd been in the shower? She cursed herself. 


Kylo saw her eyes darting around. "It hurts my feelings when you look away, Rey. After everything I've done for you.” 


“Please can I just go to sleep now?” she pleaded. 


“Oh but you look so beautiful,” he said as he moved the arms which were trying to block his view out of the way, getting a good look at her. He began stroking her cheek, his finger lingering down her body, brushing over her breasts, feeling her nipples, shuddering and moaning to himself. 


Rey tensed, tasting the bitter, burning flavour of bile which rose into her throat. She tried to squirm away from Kylo but his fingers gripped her thighs, pulling her legs apart as he stared deeply into her eyes. 


She winced, looking away from him, beginning to pull away before the loud boom of his voice filled her eardrums. “ENOUGH!” 


She trembled, her movements stilling.  


“I’m getting just a little tired of this,” Kylo proclaimed before pinning Rey down onto the bed as she struggled. 


She tried to fight him, “No, no!” she cried out, the fight in her coming back, her fists clenched, raining blows down on him which did absolutely nothing at all.  


She was no match for Kylo Ren, who pushed her hands out of the way, using his entire weight to press and hold her down, seeing the fear in her eyes, cupping her mouth when she began raising her voice. 


Her legs thrashed. Kylo forcefully held them down before stroking himself quickly, already hard enough to enter her. He lay on top of her and pushed inside, eyes falling into the back of her head as he felt her, her throat vibrating with her trapped screams.  



After Kylo Ren abused Rey for the second time, he pulled out of her, held her close and kissed her on the cheek. As she felt his cum spilling out, a wave of nausea washed over her. He stroked her hair, his finger once again cascading down her face. "Thank you," he uttered before rolling off her. 


She lay in a pitiful cloud of shame and disgust. It wasn't long before he fell asleep, satiated by his actions. Rey lay quietly, her mind racing. Should she move? She bided her time carefully until she made sure the monster had fully fallen asleep. It could have been twenty minutes, it could have been ninety, she wasn’t sure. But she knew from the difference in his breathing, the heaviness of it, that he was asleep. 


She moved slowly, allowing herself to slip from the bed carefully. She hadn’t been out of the bed in some hours and so, was unfamiliar with her surroundings. She took a moment to take in the whole room. It was dark but she had superior vision. Something to be thankful for, for her years on Jakku, having to scavenge and sneak around in the safety of the night hours. 


As she began moving, she felt an ache between her legs, reminded of the recent events. She had no time to think of that at that very moment, however. This was about her survival. 


She looked down, seeing herself dressed up like a disgusting sex doll. She quickly scrambled around the floor, finding the rest of her clothing, grabbing them up into a jumble. 


She peered around the room and... A miracle! She spotted Kylo Ren’s lightsaber near the side of the bed he was sleeping on. She extended her hand, attempting to summon it. She held her breath, a small grunt escaping. The saber wouldn’t budge. Dammit. She tried again before giving up, not wanting to expend too much energy. 


She had no more time to waste, deciding to sneak around the bed, tiptoeing as quietly as she could. 


She would grab the lightsaber and make a run for it. That was her plan. What she would do after that she had no idea, but as long as she had a weapon. 


She slowly crept closer to where Kylo slept. A shiver came over her, seeing his face again. His disgusting damaged face. When she had sliced him open, part of her had felt a pang of guilt, sure that perhaps he was just on the wrong side of the war. That he was simply a lost little boy trying to find his place. Manipulated and controlled. But not now... Not anymore. 


She sneered before turning her attention away from him... Keeping her mind on her goal.  


She stepped forward slowly, careful to move as silently as possible until the saber was within reach. It was hot. Sweat dripped down her forehead, her breath quiet but erratic. 


With one hand extending, her other gripping onto her clothes, she leant forward slightly, taking one last look at Kylo Ren. With his eyes still closed, she turned her attention from him, focusing solely on obtaining the weapon. 


She made a grab for it... And then... a large heavy hand slammed down, gripping her wrist. She gasped, turning her head to see Kylo’s eyes wide open, mouth pursed tight, eyes boring into her. 


“Nnnrraargghhh!” Rey screamed out, pushing hard against Kylo Ren who pounced out of bed, shoving her down to the ground. His eyes were wild, hair damp, lips tight. 


As they scuffled on the floor, each battling for dominance, Kylo thrust his hand out, calling his weapon. Rey had to act quickly. She couldn’t allow him to gain the upper hand. Once he had the saber, she wouldn’t stand a chance. She knew that. With everything she had in her, she recalled her training with Luke, calming herself to tap into the force. 


She simultaneously called for Kylo's weapon again, utterly shocked when it began teetering between her and its’ master. 


Still battling on the floor, Rey managed to slam her knee into Kylo's pubic area, a piercing cry filling the room as he fell off of her, his focus broken, the saber flying into her hands. 


She leapt to her feet, igniting the weapon, hearing the deep, distinctive crackle as the room lit up in the signature red color. Kylo lay on the floor as Rey towered over him, holding the saber to his neck. 


She could see him trying to summon his weapon, as well as attempting to use his power on her, trying to penetrate her mind, the force flowing between them and seeing the frustration and anger on his face when he knew none of it was working. 


She screamed, slicing the floor next to him. As much as he was her enemy and as much as he hurt her, she did not wish to hurt him in return. But she wanted to show him she was not his victim. And that she was stronger than he anticipated.  


Seeing the surprise in his eyes, he ceased any attempts to control her. If Rey wasn't mistaken, he seemed even a little... impressed? Turned on? Totally captivated by her strength.


Something snapped inside of her, “You’re a disgusting monster” she cried, tears beginning to flow, “I should end you right now...” she trailed off, not sure how to finish her sentence. 


She wanted to tell him all the reasons why she wouldn’t kill him, how she wasn’t a lowly creature like him, but she simply sneered, her expression soon turning soft, her lip quivering before she gave up and scarpered toward the exit of his chambers, slicing through the lock on his door, making her way down the halls of the ship. 


Chapter Text


She had no time to waste. Rey was fully aware of the fact that she was sprinting down the halls of the Finalizer in the disgusting little sex outfit that Kylo Ren had dressed her in. Her face flushed red and a sick feeling pooled in her stomach. If anyone were to see her... she shuddered at the thought. But she had no time to think too much about it now. Her eyes remained wide, darting around as she lurked down the hallways.


In one hand she carried her torn clothes, and in the other, Kylo's lightsaber. Her main priority now was making her escape. That was all her mind could focus on. She was in survival mode. Adrenaline pumped through her veins, her legs carrying her through the hallways at an incredible speed. She felt like she was dreaming. The kind of dream where you can run really fast and you're just running and running, with all the stamina that is not humanly possible to have, your surroundings whirling by as you reach your destination. 


She headed for the hangar. She had a vague memory of the last time she was there. And here she was, having to escape it all over again. Sirens began to sound as she continued and a pack of four stormtroopers came into view. "Hey, you there! Stop!" one shouted. 


"Nyarrghh!" she screamed, activating the saber and slicing the nearest wall before turning to run in the opposite direction. 


"Dammit!" She muttered, heading down a different hallway, realising she was lost now. She didn't know how to get to the hangar from where she was. She ducked her head on instinct when she heard the sound of blasters firing at her. Red flashes flew above her head, narrowly missing her.


"It's her, it's the girl. Stop right there!" 


Her breathing quickened, sweat soaking her brow and sliding down her temple as she rounded corners trying to lose them. The fact that she was scantily clad in the sleazy lingerie hovered at the forefront of her mind. She needed to get out of there without any more people seeing her. How the kriff was she going to do that, she wondered. 


Hurrying along down the halls, frantic with unease, it was unfortunate that a small black circular droid crossed Rey's path and without a second thought, she struck it down as she ran. She heard its' circuits frying and its' innocent-sounding beeps going off, which reminded her a little of BB-8. She hadn't meant to do it, she was simply in survival mode. "I'm sorry!" She shouted back to the droid. 


Speeding around another corner, she felt the wind being knocked out of her as her body slammed into that of another. She hadn't the time to think as the lightsaber was knocked from her grasp and a pair of strong hands gripped her shoulders. 


She let out a gasp, realising she'd come face to face with General Hux. "Well well, if it isn't the lowly scavenger." he sneered. 


She struggled, attempting to free herself, but it was useless, he was too strong. A loathsome smile spread across his face, his hands pushing her backwards so he could look at her. His grasp moved from her shoulders and down her forearms until finally, he had her wrists, his eyes roaming up and down, his grip tightening. 


"All dressed up for a party, I see. Can that overgrown man-child do NOTHING but think with his dick? Did you enjoy it, girl? Being nothing but a toy for him? I hope he got good use out of you because your days are numbered, little girl." 


Rey spat in General Hux's face. "Bastard!" she retorted, the abhorrence on her face clear as day, "Let me go!" 


A sharp sting connected with the side of her face, her head swinging to the left, realising the General had back-handed her, and with his leather glove on! Ouch! Asshole! She turned to look back at him, his lips thin and tight, his face showing utter repulsion for her. 


"You're nothing but a foul sewer rat, it is what you have always been and all you EVER will be!" 


Rey's face twisted in exasperation as she struggled one more time, before letting her body go limp. She lulled the General into a false sense of security, allowing him to think she was giving up, surrendering. His body turned, his arms beginning to drag Rey away when, without warning, Kylo's saber flew towards Rey, smacking the General on the back of the head on its' way. His grip on her faltered, allowing her to slip her hands free and catch the weapon, which she quickly ignited. 


Anger filled her bones, a thrumming feeling coursing through her as she pushed the General to the ground. She immediately took to standing over him, aiming the weapon at his neck. She watched as his hand reached down for his blaster. A tremendous fury overcame her, the red, crackling blade of the lightsaber coming down to slice the General's hand off. Rey felt like it was all happening to someone else. Like she was watching a holovid, like she wasn't in control of her actions. Blood spilt onto the marble ground. 


A high-pitched scream deafened her before she realised it was coming from the General. She screwed up her face at the sound. Her heart thumped in her chest as she bent down and grabbed the blaster, actively trying to avoid getting his blood on her. She deactivated the saber whilst aiming the blaster at Hux. Without taking her eyes off him, she shuffled to where her clothes lay on the floor. 


"Don't you dare move!" She commanded. The sounds he emitted were akin to those of a dying man. He was too weak and in too much pain.


"Fucking bitch! You'll pay for this!" His usually-neat hair was coming undone as he heaved on the floor, panting, his face sweating. 


Rey quickly dressed, one-handed, the General's blaster still pointed towards him. Her clothes were torn, leaving the undergarments exposed. Again, she hadn't much time to think about it. She stood upright, clipping the saber handle to her trousers, keeping a firm hold of the blaster. She watched as the General face contorted in agony, rolling to his side slightly, somehow needing to stem the bleeding. 


She came back into the General's view, his eyes bloodshot, his lip curled, pathetic little whimpers escaping his throat. He looked up at her, both their breaths ragged. "Which way to the hangar?" She demanded, his blaster in his face, her hand trembling, but ready to fire at a moment's notice. 


He laughed at her which made her slide the blaster into his mouth. "If you don't answer me, I'm going to blow your head off." 


Despite everything, General Hux remained unafraid, which really irritated Rey. He wasn't scared of her. Almost as if he were taunting her, laughing that she didn't have the guts to pull the trigger. 


She was running out of ideas. She had no plan. What if he really wouldn't answer? Was she really going to shoot him? Anger and hatred flowed through her veins, leaving her feeling confused. This wasn't her. Why did she suddenly have so much dark inside of her? The reality of what she had done came crashing down around her. She looked around seeing Hux's cut-off hand, realising she had done that. And him writhing on the floor. 


She'd allowed her anger to consume her and shame suddenly filled her as a result. She felt hot tears stinging. She didn't want to cry in front of him. Not when he was on the verge of mocking her. Or so she felt. 


She didn't have a plan. All she could do was grip the weapon, attempting to think what her next move could be. At that moment, he piped up, "That way." he pointed down another hallway. She couldn't hold her tears. 


"You. You fucking... you fucking stay there!" she whimpered through her crying, snivelling as her hand shook. She knew she looked ridiculous in front of the General, but there was little she could do about it. 


After everything Kylo Ren had put her through, her self-esteem was shattered anyway. She wasn't brave or strong. She knew she was weak and pathetic, and a failure for letting darkness dictate her actions. 


She knew it was stupid to just leave the General there, but he had a pretty serious injury and had had the wind knocked out of him. Time was ticking and she had to make her escape. She started to walk away, backwards with her eyes still on the heap of ginger and black on the floor. "Don't you move," she sniffed, "You fucking move and I'll blast your other hand off!"


She fled down the hallway that Hux had pointed to, looking back to make sure he wasn't following her. When she was far away enough, she picked up the pace, tears streaming from her eyes. 


What have I become? 



Sirens continued to blare through the ship, Rey ducking around corners and into anywhere she could hide, trying to avoid the stormtroopers. Usually, a group of them would march or run by as she was tucked away somewhere. She heard them talking about her. It was soon clear that the whole ship was looking for her. Getting out was proving to be a challenge. 


She finally found her way to the hangar. The place was filled with tie fighters, but it was Kylo Ren's command shuttle she spotted and was determined to steal. It was on the other side of the hangar. Now all she had to do was get there. And how the kriff was she going to do it? 


The place was rife with stormtroopers and officers alike. She bit her lip, trying to formulate a plan when she spotted what appeared to be a one-manned work console. He was the only officer, it seemed, who was working alone. She wasted no more time, creeping over to his workstation and whacking him over the head with General Hux's blaster. He hadn't made a sound thus not drawing attention to the situation. She quickly dragged his body to where they wouldn't be seen, stripped him and dressed herself in his uniform.


She stuffed her hair under the uniform cap, pulling it down over her eyes and securing the blaster to the belt. Before she lost her nerve, she confidently strode through the hangar, heading straight towards the command shuttle without looking back. She tried to keep her head down and walk at the same hurried pace as the rest of the officers. 


She was a stone's throw away from the vehicle when she heard a loud voice; "SHE'S THERE! SEIZE HER! NOW!" She turned to see Kylo Ren pointing at her and running as fast as he could through the hangar. What looked like hundreds of stormtroopers began doing the same. 


She turned and sped up towards the ship. Before too long, a few troopers were right on her tail. She ran halfway up the ramp leading into the shuttle before turning and blasting the troopers to the ground. She shot a few more who followed and fired a few more shots around for good measure. 


"STOP HER!!" Kylo Ren bellowed. But, it was fruitless. Rey was too quick, closing the ship's doors and darting towards the pilot's seat. It didn't take her long to work out the controls before she activated the ship's hyperdrive and finally fled from the Finalizer. 


Chapter Text

Rey was in Kylo Ren's command shuttle, having stolen it to escape the Finalizer. When she first boarded the ship, she was in two minds about where to go. Back to Luke or back to the Resistance. She couldn’t face Luke... not yet. Although she missed him terribly and her heart ached for him. In the end, she chose the Resistance and made her way through hyperspace to their base. 


She had plenty of time to think on the journey. And all she could do was think about Luke... something deep inside of her told her that there was no way he could be her father. If it was true, certainly he was unaware of it? But... how? Her and his daughter having the same name? Surely, he must have known. 


Unless his mind had been wiped of the memory somehow? Or maybe he was evil and disgusting as Kylo Ren had said. But she felt like she knew him... inside and out... something wasn't adding up. She wanted to believe it was all a lie, but... the Force-vision? She’d seen it. 


She hadn’t even had time to process the sexual assault. If all was true, then she’d been raped by her own cousin! She couldn’t fathom it... Surely he wouldn’t have stooped that low? She didn’t know anymore.  


All she wanted now was the comfort of friendship. 


When she reached the Resistance base, she’d inadvertently caused chaos and panic, forgetting that she was in Kylo Ren’s shuttle. Exiting the ship, she was met with a line of Resistance fighters, all aiming weapons at the vehicle. 


Her hands flew up in surrender, “Woah! Guys, it’s me! It’s Rey.” she said as she took the cap off, tossing it aside, “Don’t shoot, it’s me!” 


The weapons were lowered and she was met with a barrage of hugs as a few people ran over to her. She recognised Connix and Poe straight away. 


“Rey! Stars, are you okay?” Poe was frantic, holding Rey at arm’s length, his hands outstretched. “Why are you dressed like that? Did he capture you, again? Hang on... did you FLY that thing?!” Poe exclaimed, pointing at the shuttle, his eyes widening. 


Rey couldn’t help but let a little smirk cross her lips. “Um... yeah, I did.” 


“Wow!” Poe took a step back and looked her up and down. Rey knew it wasn’t in a sexual way in any manner. It was of admiration. Respect. “Gone five minutes and already taking on the First Order single-handedly.” 


“What happened?” Connix asked, inquisitively. 


“Yeah, what happened?” 
“Are you alright? Are you hurt?” 
“Did you have to fight Kylo Ren?” 
“Is the First Order coming for us?” 


She was bombarded with questions. She didn’t quite know where to begin. She felt as though she were being interrogated by paparazzi. She looked around at everyone before saying “I guess I better fill in the gaps. But... can I settle in first?” 


Everyone bustled around her, pulling her towards the inside of the base. Word had spread that she had returned and before she knew it, Leia was at her side, reaching in for a hug. Just seeing Leia brought back what Kylo did to her. She winced, but embraced the hug, guarding her emotions as tightly as she could. Rey knew she had to be careful around Leia, who was extremely strong in the Force. 


And then... Finn was there. Everything stopped when she saw him. Their eyes connected, Rey’s arms dropping from Leia. Their smiles lightened up in unison and they ran to one another. 




They embraced, Rey feeling warm and safe for the first time in an age. Tears fell from Rey’s eyes and she squeezed Finn as tightly as she possibly could. “I’ve missed you.” she whispered in his ear.


She hadn’t left things on great terms with Finn the last time she left the base to go back to Luke. Rey knew that Finn still had feelings for her. She was confused about seeing him, but his warmth melted everything away. 


“I’ve missed you too. It’s so good to see you.” he replied. She pulled back to look at him. His expression was one of genuine happiness upon her return. Her rejection of him from before played in her mind, but she pushed it back as far as it would go in the meantime. 


They stared at one another, holding hands. The strangest of feelings swept over Rey, new and different affections for Finn surfacing. Her heart suddenly thudded in her chest when she looked into his eyes. His warm smile was all she needed then and she was already beginning to feel whole again. 


“Can we... talk... privately?” Finn asked her. 


“Sure. Maybe a little later, okay? It’s been... I just need to rest a while.” 


“Come on, we’ll get you back to your old bunk.” 



Finn and Jessika helped Rey settle back in. Jessika and Connix donated some basic supplies—toothbrush, hairbrush and some other personal care products. Rey spent that first night back wanting to rest and sleep so much. However, the conquering thoughts of recent events permeated her mind, refusing to let her relax enough to actually go to sleep. 


Her evening was interrupted by a visit from Leia, who gently knocked on her door in the late hours. Rey turned over in her bunk to face the direction of the knock. 


“General Organa.” Rey greeted as she sat up in bed. 


“Rey...” Leia began as she made her way over, sitting down gently on the bed, ” are you?” 


“I... I’m okay.” 


Leia regarded her carefully. “Listen... I don’t expect you to tell me what happened. I’ve already felt you blocking yourself from me in the Force,” Rey’s eyed darted away in guilt, “It’s fine, sweetheart, I understand. You don’t wanna talk about it... I get it. I didn’t come here to interrogate you. I just came to say, we’re glad you’re alive and safe, whatever it is that’s happened, and you know you’re always welcome back here anytime.” 


“Thank you.” Rey relaxed into a smile, basking in the warmth of maternal love that Leia radiated. 


“I just need to know one thing... what’s happening with your Jedi training?” 


A sadness came over Rey, looking away from Leia as her gaze readjusted to that of her hands in her lap. In a strange way, Rey knew it was Leia’s way of asking how things were going with her brother and how his and Rey’s relationship would be affected by the Jedi training or vice versa. 


“I... I don’t know.” Rey genuinely didn’t know how to answer. She carried on staring into her lap, her attention focused on a loose thread, her fingers fiddling with it, part of her wondering if she pulled at it, whether the fabric would unravel. And wasn't that just a fucking metaphor for her life? She almost chortled. 


“Rey...” Rey looked up at Leia. “ did you end up with the First Order?” 


Rey’s lips tightened, memories flooding back, images of Kylo Ren sweating overtop of her, taking her as he wanted, the son of General Leia Organa assaulting her over and over. The revelations of Luke. 


“He... he...” Rey never wanted to say his name around Leia. Reserved with her feelings as she was, the pain Leia had gone through in her life at losing her son to the dark side was as clear as day to anyone. She was professional, and careful with the Force, but her grief and sadness flowed from her in waves. Everyone felt it. 


“He took me.” 


“Kidnapped you? From Luke?” 




Leia was trying so hard to read Rey, but she was a closed book. However, she’d promised not to probe, so she let it go. 


“We don’t have to talk any more about it. You’re safe now.” Leia moved a hand up to stroke Rey’s hair. It induced a vulnerable feeling in Rey that she was all too uncomfortable with, and yet craved at the same time. "You're home."


The gesture was both reassuring as well as not. The fact that the base felt like a second home to her was comforting, but her heart yearned to be with Luke. Her true home.


She wanted to throw herself into Leia’s arms, burst into tears and tell her everything. But, she just... couldn’t. How could she ever get those awful words out? Perhaps she could have projected it to Leia, but really, Rey wanted to protect Leia from the truth. She didn’t want her heart to break even further at the knowledge of what a monster her son truly was. 


Rey pushed everything down and away. Ultimately, protecting those she loved was more important than her own anguish. She knew she would get over it. She just had to forget about it, push it away and move on. 


“Thank you, General.” 


Leia continued to stroke Rey’s hair, tucking a few strands behind her ear and thumbing her cheek. “You know where I am, okay?” 


“Yes, General. Thank you.” Rey felt genuine gratitude toward Leia, holding her hand a moment before she got up and left Rey alone. 


Tears soaked Rey’s pillow that night, tucked into the foetal position, her thoughts, feelings and memories drowning her. She cried and cried as she thought about Luke, missing him so terribly, wanting and needing his arms around her so badly, but feeling so utterly conflicted about everything. It was around four a.m. before Rey got any respite and finally, through sheer exhaustion, she lost herself to a deep slumber.


Chapter Text


Morning came all too quickly for Rey, a feeling of dread and pure loneliness filling her as she came around. She hated waking up in the tiny cramped little bunk, instead of nestled in Luke’s loving arms. 


Stop it, she told herself, he could be your father, Rey wanted so badly to believe that was a lie, but uncertainty clogged her mind. 


She begrudgingly got out of bed and got dressed before she stood in front of the mirror and tied her hair up. She no longer sported her signature three-bun style. The buns had represented something; youth, childhood. It was the hairstyle she had when she was abandoned as a child. Part of her hoped that if she kept her hair the same all those years, maybe when her family finally came back, they would recognise her and know it was her. 


However, she’d long given up on the idea and had taken to wearing her hair in one high-up ponytail. She was playing with a few loose strands at the side of her head when she heard a light tapping on her door. 


Everyone on the base kept their doors open most of the time. She looked in the mirror to see Finn standing there before turning around to face him. She plastered on a fake smile, “Morning, Finn.” 


“Morning... how did you sleep?” he asked her. 


“Oh... um, fine, thank you.” 


“Listen, do you think we could have that talk now?” he asked her. 


She was tired. She blinked heavily, but agreed, “Sure.” 


“You look like you could use some caf. Mess hall?” he suggested. 


“Sounds good.” Rey grabbed a sweater on the way out. The sheer size of the mess hall meant it was often chilly, even on the warmest of days. 


The two friends queued up to get their refreshments before taking a nearby seat. Rey stared distractedly into her cup. 


“I’m glad you’re back,” Finn smiled. Rey looked up, her woes more than apparent by the look on her face. She gave him a tired smile. Finn recognised that something in her had changed. He was getting the feeling that something awful must have happened, but he was unable to figure out how best to approach the subject, without unintentionally upsetting her. 


Plus, he had something else on his mind, but he settled for small-talk anyway, “Things haven’t been the same ever since you left.” 


Rey wasn’t in the best of moods that morning and couldn’t even muster up the energy to answer him. She just stared. 


“It must be so awesome training with the famous Luke Skywalker,” Rey’s heart pinched, “You’re so brave, you know, and then taking on the First Order as well... I mean... wow!” 


“It wasn’t exactly like that,” Rey began. 


“What are you talking about? We saw you come back in Kylo Ren’s shuttle. I mean... how badass are you?” 


It was of little triumph to her. 


When she failed to make much conversation with him, Finn’s hand slid across the table to take hold of Rey’s. She looked up from her cup. 


“I’ve really missed you...” Finn said in a soft voice, his eyes big and needy. She couldn’t help but melt into them a little bit. 


“I’ve missed you too, you walnut.” her lip curled up in a tiny smile. 




“Yeah that’s new your nickname, I’ve decided.” she smirked. 


Finn laughed a hearty laugh and gripped her hand tighter. She looked down at their joined hands when she felt the squeeze. All she could think about was how it was Luke's hand she wanted. 


Finn read the situation all wrong, gazing at Rey romantically, when in reality, she just couldn’t find the words to tell him to stop, to tell him he wasn’t the one she wanted to be holding. 


“You’re so beautiful, Rey...” Finn began, “you know... it was really hard when you left the last time. I didn’t get to say goodbye and... things just weren’t the same without you. It made me realise something...” 


Rey waited, “And... what’s that...?” 


Finn cupped his other hand around Rey’s, “I... I think I’m in love with you.” 


She retracted her hand, scowling at Finn. 


His happy expression soon faded. “I... um...” he bumbled, feeling awkward when she didn’t answer him, “Sorry... I... Should I not have—?” 


“That’s all it is with guys isn’t it?” she barked, “Love. Just a word you like to throw around.” 




“Do you think I don’t have enough going on?” 


“I just—” 


She furiously got up from the table, slamming her hands down on it and bringing herself closer to Finn. “I’m sick and tired of men thinking I’m some sort of prize for the taking. It’s the same bullshit over and over. Have you ever tried NOT thinking with your dick???” 


Finn was taken aback, shocked through as he leaned back in his chair, too afraid to move or breathe or blink. 


“Have you ever considered trying to find out what happened with the First Order? Did you ever think of that? No, it’s just all about you and what you feel! What about what I feel?” 


Rey stared him down, baring her teeth like a rabid animal. She huffed angrily when he failed to respond, before turning and marching away through the mess hall.


Chapter Text


Rey stormed back to her room, this time slamming the door shut and locking it. “Urrrgghhh!” she roared, throwing herself onto her bed. Tears flowed as her fists rained down onto the bed and pillow. 


Love? LOVE? Seriously? Why can’t they all just leave me alone? Does anyone even care about me? What did he want me to do? Fall into his arms? Can’t he just be my friend? Doesn’t ask about where I’ve been or what I’ve done. Doesn’t even know anything about me. 


Rey’s mood dipped lower than it ever had, her tears flowing hard and fast, not sure of what she wanted, having no motivation to do anything, not wanting to work, train, talk or even interact with anyone. She had no motivation to even move from her bed. If Kylo Ren were to come for her then, she would probably just let him destroy her. She had no more fight. She cried until she fell asleep, hearing various knocks on her door during her slumber but choosing to ignore them. 


When she woke again, it was night. The loneliness that encompassed her was more than she could take, the invasive feeling of nothingness filling her. Her heart was empty and yet, it ached. Her bones ached, her muscles ached and the sheer exhaustion of heartbreak stifled her. 


She got up, throwing the blanket from her, feeling hot and sticky. Checking the time, she saw it was after ten. She collected the things she needed to take a shower, checking the hallways were clear before heading to the communal fresher. She tried to be as quick as possible, not wanting to bump into anyone. Afterwards, she wrapped a towel around herself and gathered her things, quickly scurrying back to her room. 


Her head felt loud with warring thoughts, Need to drown out this noise 


She got dressed and put her hair up before applying a slick of mascara and some blush, and then she headed out of the base to the local cantina. A stiff drink would help her, she was sure. 


She ordered her first glass of wine, taking several large gulps whilst she sat down to think about everything. It wasn’t long before she felt relaxed, yet her thoughts stayed with her. 


I must be a really bad person. Maybe I am looking for happiness in the wrong places, she wondered. Maybe I’m selfish, maybe this is why bad things happen to me. Maybe it’s selfish to want a better life and I should just make do with what I’ve been dealt. Maybe this is my punishment. Maybe that’s why he forced himself on me. Because I’m just a lowly, pathetic scavenger who will never be anything more. Jedi? Who am I kidding? 


Two more glasses of wine down and her thoughts were on Luke. Not that she’d had much respite from thinking about him. The heartbreak was drowning her, no doubt about it. She wanted so much to talk to someone about things, but she was filled with shame. What would people think? She just wanted to tell someone how much she missed him and how confused she felt about things, knowing he could potentially be her father, but feeling unable to stop loving him. 


She thought again about speaking to Leia, wanting so much to open up to her. But if she was going to do that, there wouldn’t be any point talking about only some things and not the others. She knew she would have to be completely open about everything and she still couldn’t bring herself to break Leia’s heart with regards to her son’s behaviour. 


If it’s true, then at least General Organa is family... but then so is that monster


Instead of making any decisions, she decided to get another glass of wine. She was rather enjoying the relaxed feeling it gave her and how it appeared to dull the pain. Just for a while.  


I wish I could feel like this all the time 


She began to giggle and she literally had no idea why. Everything just suddenly seemed so ridiculous. She laughed and laughed at how pathetic her life had become. A moment later, she sensed she was no longer alone, feeling the presence of someone hovering over her. She looked up and with hazy eyes, she saw Finn standing in front of her.  


She burst into another fit of giggles.  


“Something funny?” he asked, bewildered.  


She tried to be serious as she looked up at him. But suddenly, everything just seemed hilarious. She was trying to hide her face and stifle her laughter. He stared at her, wide-eyed. She’s lost it, he thought. He sat down slowly next to her. “Rey... are you okay?” 


“You know what?” she half smiled, “I really don’t know if I am,” and then she laughed again. 


“What are you talking about?” 


“It’s pathetic.” 


“What is?” 


“All of it. My life.” She snickered and drank the rest of her wine. 


“Hey, come on, don’t say that,” he sidled up to her. Finn noticed she was swaying a little. “How many drinks have you had?” he asked. 


“I dunno... a million?” she laughed again. 


“Maybe you should call it a night,” Finn said calmly. 


A look of appreciation came over her face, her hand moving up to cup his face, staring at him with kinder eyes than she had done recently. “How did you know I was here?” 


“I dunno, I went to your room to find you and saw you were gone. I was worried. I don’t know what made me think you’d be here, I guess I just took a chance?” 


She thought about how he’d come to find her when he could have just let her be. “You’re a good friend,” she began before ruffling his hair. “A really good friend. You do care.” 


He smiled softly at her, “Well, of course I care but, I dunno about the good friend bit, I seemed to have pissed you off pretty bad earlier?” 


Her hand slid down to hold his arm. Finn looked down, watching her movements. He wasn’t sure if she was even aware of what she was doing. 


“It... It wasn’t you. I mean... yeah, it was, a little. I’ve just got stuff going on, you know? I... I didn’t mean to be so harsh and for that... I’m sorry. But it was, a lot, you know? A lot to take in. I just... I’ve got stuff going on.” she repeated. “I didn’t have the mental capacity to deal with that then.” 


“I knew something was different. You haven’t been yourself at all lately.” Finn looked at her with concern, but she didn’t even seem to notice. 


With eyes half-lidded from the alcohol, Rey looked tipsy and tired. “I... guess I haven’t been. I’ve changed... things have changed.” 


“What things?” Finn carefully tried to get some information out of her. 


She laughed in a way that said she was guarding a secret. “Too many things.” 


Finn couldn’t help thinking how cryptic she was being. They stared at each other a moment. Her smile faded to seriousness before she said: “I’ve really missed you too, you know.” 


“You have?” Finn was surprised. 


“Of course I have. You’re one of my best friends... maybe even my only friend...” 


Finn moved a hand up to hold onto Rey, “Listen...” he began, “the things I said before... I, I wanna say I didn’t mean them. But that would be a lie.” 


She gazed at him in concentration. Somehow, the information was easier to take and process with the level of alcohol she had inside of her. “So... you’re in love with me?” she asked boldly. 


Finn was embarrassed, “Well... I’m not gonna lie, Rey... yes. I’m in love with you.” 


“How long?” she eventually asked. 


“Honestly? Probably since the beginning.” 


“Since Jakku?” 


He didn’t answer. There wasn’t any point. They both knew that’s what he meant. “Anyway,” he piped up, “I just wanted to apologise, for being selfish.” 


Rey looked puzzled, “Selfish?” 


“I shouldn’t have said what I said.” 


She thought for a moment, “But... if it’s the truth, then why shouldn’t you? If that’s how you feel. Maybe honesty is the best policy. You shouldn’t have to apologise for your feelings.” 


“But it clearly wasn’t something you wanted to hear, so... I should have kept it to myself.” 


“It would have come out eventually.” she reasoned. 


“Either way, I didn’t mean to make things... whatever it is you’re dealing with, worse for you.” 


In that moment, Rey saw what a good heart Finn had. “I know you didn’t.” 


“But I’m going to put all those feelings away, you don’t have to worry. I don’t want to wreck... this... what we have.” 


“Are you able to put feelings away?” 




“Yes.” he lied. Finn made a decision to do whatever was best for Rey, regardless of how he felt. 


“Thank you,” she said after a long moment, “for what it’s worth... I’m flattered.” 


“Are we friends again then?” he asked. 


She grinned, “Of course, you walnut. We were never not friends.” 


He smiled, feeling warm inside at her affections. He gulped before asking her his next question. “Is, um... is there anything I can help with? You know... your problems or whatever you’ve got going on? Do you wanna talk about it?” 


She gazed at him with sadness, her cheeks pink from the alcohol. He could see she held a world of pain behind her eyes. He wasn’t sure how to get her to open up though, which was one of the most frustrating feelings. 


She so desperately wanted to get things out, to tell him about Luke and what Kylo Ren did to her, about her conflicted feelings, everything. She wanted to pour all the pain out, but something stopped her. 


“I... I’d rather not.” she kept guarded. 


“Didn’t you just say honesty was the best policy?” 


“I did... but not if it’s gonna fuck everything up.” 


Finn disagreed, but he also didn’t want to push the issue and risk making her mad again, and besides he wasn’t being totally honest anyway, about putting away his feelings, so he couldn’t really be a hypocrite on the matter.  


“I’m not gonna burden you with my problems.” 


“It wouldn’t be a burden...” he began. 


“I just... I just can’t right now,” a tear rolled down her cheek, taking a line of mascara with it, “please try to understand.” 


“Okay.” he said, lacing his fingers through hers, “I’ll just be whatever you need me to be, Rey.” his grip squeezed her hand, “I’ll be here. Whatever you need.” 


“Thank you.” 



The hours ticked by and what began as an all-too-serious talk soon led to jokes and reminiscing for the two friends. They quickly fell into a comfortable rhythm of idle chatter and laughter. Rey had sobered up a little from their talk but disliked how the difficult feelings would surface as a result. She insisted on getting a few more rounds in, convincing Finn to let loose with her. Despite her enjoyment of the evening, she had a frantic need to drown out the painful feelings. 


As the night wore on, the friends moved closer and closer to one another where they sat, arms and legs brushing, light touches here and there. The actions were so slight, one couldn’t really say for sure. 


Rey’s emotions were up and down, going from feeling depressed to elated in seconds, only for her mood to drop again. Of course, she kept it all hidden from Finn, simply laughing at his jokes and taking another drink every time she didn’t know what to do with her hands. 


“We should get back soon,” Finn suggested, checking the time on the chrono, “it’s late.” Rey then noticed it was almost two in the morning. 


“Yikes! You’re right.” 


Rey and Finn emerged from their seats, linking arms as they left the cantina. Once outside and with the fresh air hitting them, they realised how much drunker they were than they originally thought. 


“Woah,” Finn tried to steady himself, “who spun this planet around?” 


They held on to each other as they staggered back to the base, giggling the whole way. As they entered they tried to tiptoe quietly through the halls. They passed the bridge, noticing that only the droids were working, everyone else having gone to bed. 


“Shhh” Rey put her finger up to her lips. It was only the droids, but still, she didn’t want C-3PO to notice them because he would most definitely draw attention to them. 


“Come on, I’ll walk you back.” Finn said. 


“But who’s gonna walk YOU back?” she whispered loudly. 


“Doesn’t matter, we need to get you to your room safely.” 


“We’re back on base. We ARE safe.” 


The two friends stumbled and giggled the whole way. Once they arrived, they stood up straight, trying not to sway, Finn realising he had drunk way more than he intended to. “You... missy,” he poked her in the arm and she looked down to where his finger was jabbing her, “you are a bad influence.” 


“Me? I was just trying to drown my sorrows! You're the one who gatecrashed my pity party for one!” she prodded his chest. 


“I believe YOU were the one who bought the last three rounds!” 


“Well... I didn’t see you trying to stop me.” she was bantering. 


“Hehe,” Finn giggled, holding onto Rey’s arms. “Okay, okay, you get inside and get to bed. You need some sleep.” 


Rey’s mouth hung open as she focused on the door to her left, confused. “Wait...” 


“What is it?” 


“This is your bunk, you WALNUT!” she shouted, bursting into even more fits of giggles, the sound of which echoed down the hall. 


“Shhhhh!” he tried to silence her before he took a closer look around him, examining the hallways. They were all pretty similar, but, oops, “Oh yeah, this IS mine!” and then Finn had lost himself to laughing again. 


Rey stared at Finn for a long minute, seeing all of his warmth shining through. The pair were already holding hands because that was just something they did. Rey’s vision was hazy but she tried her best to focus on Finn’s facial features. 


So kind and sweet, she thought, not to mention handsome... no, no... not Finn. He’s your friend. Just a friend... but he does love you... and he’s super kind and thoughtful... a decent guy... a really decent guy, and he’s your age... and handsome... 


Rey knew she was ridiculously drunk, but she felt so alive – a feeling she hadn’t felt for a while and it was all too addicting. She couldn’t help but enjoy the feeling of someone wanting her. She'd seen how Finn had looked at her over the past few hours and then there was the brushing of arms, the close contact.


Yes, the feeling of being wanted was a heady one. She was a strong woman, but every now and then, even strong women broke and wanted to be wanted. Not to mention the crippling loneliness which swallowed her up day after day, a feeling she might, at that moment, give anything to be free of. 


She didn’t want to think anymore. She was tired. She was mesmerised by Finn’s lips, which were thick, full and beautiful, and all of a sudden, she just wanted to kiss them. She stared at them and realised she hadn’t spoken for a good few minutes. 


“Are you okay?” Finn asked when he noticed Rey’s serious demeanour. 


Finn’s world moved in slow-motion as Rey brought her face closer and closer to his, unable to think or move or do anything as she pressed her soft lips to his, causing him to close his eyes and melt into her, allowing her tongue to explore his mouth...


Chapter Text


Finn’s head spun, much like he felt the ground was doing earlier. She'd made the first move... hadn’t she? He was still rather tipsy, but he was sure she was the one who’d leaned in and kissed him, her lips warm and soft on his. 


There was no possible way he wasn’t going to melt into it, not a chance that he wouldn’t let her carry on, that he wouldn’t kiss her back with fervour, it felt too good. She felt too good, every nerve in his body alive with want. 


For a split second, Finn peeked through lidded eyes at her. He wanted to see what her face looked like up close like this. He couldn’t see much and he didn’t look for long, fearing she would open her eyes and see him gawking, thinking he was some kind of weirdo. What he noticed, though, was her eyelashes, how long and perfect they were, and so cute. He was sure he’d never found anyone’s eyelashes cute before. 


Closing his eyes, he stayed in the moment, feeling her tongue exploring his mouth, the volume of his heartbeat loud in his ears, drowning everything else out. He was pretty sure it was loud enough for the whole base to hear. The shiver which coursed through his body when her hands came up to hold his face was a feeling he knew he would never forget. 


She had slender fingers which had old scars and a few sores on them, most likely from her days of scavenging. He wanted to kiss them, to heal her wounds and hold her close as he did so. 


She broke the kiss, pulling away from him, her hands dropping as she did. His eyes cast down her face, to her full lips, her mouth red from kissing, her breath coming out in short, sharp bursts. It was such a beautiful mouth, all he wanted was to have her lips back on him again. She’d tasted wonderful. 


They stared at one another, neither one brave enough to talk. Finn knew what he wanted, but he knew he would never make the move. This was all on her. 


Rey maintained eye contact with Finn, the concept of time a distant memory. She struggled to reach into the part of her brain that held sensible answers or practical decision-making. Maybe she was tired of making decisions or being sensible. 


Instead of even attempting to think, Rey allowed her instincts to act on impulse, feeling her body gravitating towards Finn, physically as well as emotionally. She couldn’t ignore the pulses she felt within her when their hands touched. 


Rey stared solemnly at Finn before finally pushing his door open, taking his hand, walking backwards into the room and pulling him with her. Finn completely followed her lead, shadowing her footsteps into his room. He was scared to blink, lest he miss a moment of her. 


Once they were inside, Rey pushed Finn backward against the door, closing it at the same time, her hand moving to twist the lock, her mouth enveloping his not even a second later. She kissed him with more passion than she had done in the hallway, now that they were alone, her hands gripping his neck, her fingers meeting at the nape. 


The kisses were different, more frenzied, lasting mere seconds, but plentiful as she kept coming back for more. 


“Rey,” he whimpered, unable to stop her from pushing against him, her soft body igniting a fire inside him. He was aware that he was already half-hard from feeling her, not to mention her sweet scent. 


“Shh” Rey placed a finger on his lips and as she did, she stared right into his eyes, her warm breath only centimetres from his mouth. She didn’t want to speak and she didn’t want Finn to speak. She just needed this. 


She was fascinated by the new experience, her body finally alive, feeling Finn’s cock pressing into her, unable to stop herself from rutting her hips. Her hazy eyes took in his features as her finger ran down his lower lip, completely transfixed with the contrast of their different skin colours. A rush of excitement filled her, thinking about how beautiful his dark body might look against her pale skin tone. 


Rey took a small step back, slowly untying her tunic, allowing it to open. Finn couldn’t blink, he was only able to stare at the beauty unfolding before him. She had an air of confidence about her, never breaking his gaze as she undid the small zipper on her pants, toeing off her shoes before continuing. 


Finn swallowed hard, the room silent, save for the tormenting sound of that zipper being dragged down and his own laboured breathing, a feeling of exhilaration sending shockwaves down to his cock. He moved his hands in front of him to hide his erection, a flush in his cheeks making him feel hot and dizzy. 


Rey slid her pants off, standing only in her open tunic and panties. Finn’s eyes shot up to the ceiling, not sure if he should be looking. Rey walked slowly to him, his eyes darting here and there, his breathing fraught, clearly out of his comfort zone. 


Rey took Finn’s hand, bringing it up slowly and placed it gently on her body, onto her stomach to be precise. Finn thought he had never felt anything so warm and soft in his whole life and it sent jolts to his cock, ensuring he was now fully hard. 


Rey leaned in close to his face, her lips moving past his cheek to his ear, “Do you want me?” 


She pulled back and looked at Finn, awaiting his answer. He barely had to think before he was nodding like crazy. She noticed how dry his mouth was from his heavy breathing. 


“But, what about-” 


Rey cut him off with a kiss, her tongue laving over his lips, attempting to put some moisture back into them. She lowered her tone an octave as she said: “Don’t think so much.” 


Finn knew then that he wasn’t going to keep pretending to himself that he might not let this happen. He wanted her, he wanted her so badly, it hurt. 


“Just take me,” she said in a sultry voice. 


With primal instincts kicking in, Finn grabbed Rey, pulling her towards him, his hands holding onto her hips and kissing her hard with all the passion he had for her. One hand slid up into her hair, his heart going into overdrive as he finally got to fulfil a fantasy of simply touching her hair, running his fingers through it, allowing the strands to cascade over his palms. 


As he brushed his fingers through it, the smell of her shampoo lingered up to his nostrils, her scent driving him crazy. Her fingernails scratched playfully at the back of his neck, before her hand moved down to meet his shirt, her fingers tugging at the fabric, lifting the hem to touch his stomach. 


Finn’s cock jumped because it was the first time she had ever touched him that way. Truthfully, it was the first time any woman had ever touched him that way, a vital piece of information which he was not willing to share with Rey. His brain buzzed with a million and one things, things he wanted to say to Rey, things he wanted to ask her, constantly wondering what he should do next. 


Centred around it all was a question which was burning into his mind; Were they about to have sex? Finn couldn’t think about his confessions of love. He couldn’t think about how she hadn’t returned his affections. All he could think about was how beautiful she was, how pure and perfect, how he wanted her to be the one to take his virginity. He wanted it so badly, he was willing to throw all logic out of the window in order to make it happen. 


He certainly wasn’t going to think about how the alcohol may be affecting both of their judgements. All he could think about was how her tongue slid around his, her mouth warm and inviting and about the way her fingers climbed up his torso, brushing his sensitive skin, about how the smell of her permeated his nostrils, how he needed more and more of her, how he wanted to mould his body to hers and let her have him, for the first time. 


Somewhere deep in his heart, something told him she was using him, that she didn’t love him. But that thought was buried so deep, he refused to acknowledge it. He may have even buried it on purpose because all he wanted was this moment with her. If he dug it up now, he would probably never get another chance to be with her. The heady aromas of her perfume, her shampoo, her body wash – all the things which made her Rey, were like a drug to him. Everything felt fine as long as he could get a hit of her. 


Rey began to walk backwards to Finn’s bunk, taking his hands and pulling him with her. As she walked, she stared into his eyes while undoing his pants. As he kicked them off, he felt a chill on his legs, goosebumps crawling up his skin, which, after he thought about it may have been more about the fact that her fingers were back to playing with the hem of his shirt, before she gently tugged at it, silently telling Finn to take it off. Following his instincts, he pulled the shirt up and over his head, tossing it aside. 


He was sure his cheeks were burning as he now stood naked in front of Rey. She couldn’t help but take a look at his body, toned, well-built and... oh, his cock looked nice! 


She quickly looked up and they both swallowed thickly, Rey’s eyes focusing on Finn’s as she slowly slid her tunic off. She made a point of keeping her panties on and it was because she knew she wanted Finn to be the one to take them off. 


She stroked his hair, his eyes closing at her touch as he leaned his head into her palm, kissing the inside of her hand. He lost himself as his lips carried on, brushing up the length of her arm. She giggled at the feel of it and Finn opened his eyes to get a look at her smile. Stunning


Rey couldn’t wait anymore. She wanted him, needed him. She sat down on the bed, leaning back on her elbows, bringing her knees up and parting her legs, so Finn could finally look at her. His heart felt like it was going to fall out of his stomach as his eyes were drawn to her underwear, where he noticed a dark patch. Fuck, she’s wet. 


Finn’s nerves crept in, slowly at first and then quickly, the more things moved along. 


“Finn...” she began, beckoning him closer. He took two steps forward, reaching the edge of the bed where she perched. Her eyes closed and her head fell to the side, she arched her back and moaned “touch me,” as her breasts pushed up, the stiff peaks of her nipples jutting into the air. 


He was completely mesmerised by her body, her tiny frame writhing on his bed, her breasts firm, nipples erect, showing her excitement, her hips giving shallow thrusts. Finn was so hard now that it was almost painful. He’d never touched a woman, he wasn’t even sure how to go about it. He decided to follow his instincts and hope to the Gods that it was enough. 


He was slow in his actions, despite wanting to devour her. He gingerly placed a hand on her thigh, allowing his fingers to slide down, stroking her. 


“Mmm,” she moaned, her sounds spurring him on. 


His fingers slid down even further, reaching her panties, which were sodden, a sight that made his mind fog over, giving him the sensation of almost wanting to pass out. Not from the alcohol, no. Only from her. “Finn,” she moaned again, drawing a hand up to her mouth, to stroke her lips, and suck lightly on the ends of her fingers. 


Finn hissed, his cock twitching as Rey’s hips jutted towards him. His fingers were mere centimetres from her core, he could feel the heat from her. “Please,” she whined, and it was all too much and Finn just needed to touch her, his fingers finally pulling her panties aside, a string of wetness going with them. The sight of her pussy was too much, so beautiful, he pushed two fingers to her entrance and waited, his cock leaking pre-ejaculate, the tip all messy and wet. He knew he needed to fuck her and soon. 


His heart thrummed a hundred different ways as he finally pushed his fingers inside her, feeling how plush and warm she felt around him. He’d never felt anything like it, his cock throbbing in anticipation. He used his other hand to hold onto her knee, gently parting her thighs, totally surprised, aroused and thrilled all at once when she eagerly and obediently opened her legs wider. “Ohh!” she moaned, squeezing around his fingers, feeling like he was going to blow from that feeling alone. 


His fingers began sliding in and out of her and he couldn’t help looking down, utterly hypnotised by her cunt, the soft, slick folds and how ridiculously wet she was and how it coated his fingers when he slid them out of her, how they glistened with the essence of her. 


She moved a hand down, taking hold of his and guiding his thumb to her clit, gently circling it, “Like this,” she showed him. Finn couldn’t deny his excitement at his lesson, at being shown exactly how she liked to be touched. He carried on a while as they were, with her squirming and moaning on his bed, a sight that he kept having to look away from. He almost wished he could pause and go jerk himself off in the bathroom before returning to Rey, just so that he could ensure he would last a little longer. 


Rey opened her eyes, clearly enjoying herself, her teeth coming down to bite her lower lip as she stared at Finn, “put another finger in,” she told him. Finn’s cock jumped again. He obeyed, quickly inserting a third finger, causing Rey to groan hard and loud. 


Finn was concentrating so carefully on Rey, wanting to make sure he pleasured her properly, which he was pretty confident about, seeing as her slick was oozing out of her, dripping down onto his bed. He’d never seen a more filthy or erotic sight in his life. His focus was so completely on her, her pleasure, her face, making sure he was getting things right, that he failed to notice her reaching out, her hand wrapping around his cock. 


“Ohh, fuck!” he called out, not having expected the feeling at all. He looked down to see her gripping him, her pale white hand carefully sheathed around his thick dark cock. He’d never once thought about skin colour in his life before, but now that he was seeing the contrast, he was harder than ever at the sight. 


He gasped repeatedly as she worked the length of him, stroking his shaft back and forth, up and down, pulling his foreskin back, revealing his sensitive head, all shiny and wet from his pre-cum. She was careful in her actions, knowing exactly what she was doing, looking up at Finn as her fingers swirled the pre-cum around his tip, imagining how good it would feel to take him inside her. Knowing he would slip in easily from how wet she was. 


She gently pulled his fingers out, pushing his hand away and moving further up his bed. Finn looked confused, not really knowing where to go from there or what to do next. He waited patiently. Rey said nothing as she beckoned him with her forefinger. Finn swallowed hard before climbing onto the bed and shuffling up to her. 


She pulled him down on top of her, kissing him deeply, her tongue running all over his mouth, feeling her clit throb from wanting to be taken so badly. 


“Finn... I need it.” 


Finn was scared, shy, nervous, worried. All the feelings which came with losing your virginity. He wasn’t totally sure this was the perfect moment, but it was the perfect girl and he couldn’t shake the feelings he got when he looked down and realised, he had Rey in his bed, lying beneath him, practically begging to be fucked. 


Rey pulled Finn closer to her, wrapping her legs around him, feeling his erection jutting into her, knowing all she had to do was move it an inch to the side and he would slip into her. Finn leaned down to kiss her. 


“Finish undressing me” she whispered on his lips, and Finn obeyed, tenderly putting his hands on her ass and hips as he began to slowly slide the panties from her, pulling them up and over her thighs. The way her legs moved up with him was an image that would forever be burned into his memory. He stole a glance at her pussy whilst removing her panties, the sight of her wetness otherworldly, causing feelings in him he could never have described.  


And now they were on the precipice. All he had to do was nudge forward and he would be inside her. But his nerves made him hold back. 


Rey looked up at him with hazy eyes, her sultry expression fucking intoxicating. Rey took control and Finn was just perfectly okay with that. She reached out, taking hold of him again, stroking his length, only a couple of times before she guided his cock to her entrance. He gazed into her eyes as she did, his lids becoming heavy when she helped him penetrate her. 


It was a feeling he would never be able to forget. How completely surrounded by her he felt. Everything soft and warm and wet as she guided him to her, pushing him past her slick folds, his cock sliding in easily, how utterly tight she felt, her insides gripping him as he nudged forward. She moved her hand out of the way once he was inside, putting it on his hip, wrapping a leg around him in order to pull him closer to her. 


He was only halfway inside when he stopped, having to catch his breath. “You okay?” she asked, her fingers gently caressing his temples. 


“Uh... yeah.” He tried not to move until he caught his breath fully, stilling and calming himself down before proceeding. 


“Finn, please...” she spoke in a hushed whisper. He couldn’t hold back any longer, nudging forward one final time until he was all the way inside her. “Yes!” she moaned and Finn began rutting in shallow thrusts, his heart melting at the feel of her, the pleasure feeling absolutely second to none, like nothing in the galaxy. The only thing he could liken it to was how it felt to pilot a ship, ducking and swooping in the air, causing quick, adrenaline-filled rushes to his stomach. 


Finn’s senses were overloaded, the feel of her wrapped around him, the way her body pressed against his, her softness, her warmth, the way her breasts pressed into his chest, her nipples hard, the way her lips parted during her hot moans, how her hips thrust up against him, his groin stimulating her clit, her legs crossing behind him, pulling his cock deeper into her. The way she moved forward and back on his cock, allowing him to slide in and out of her had him so on edge he really felt like he was going to come inside her. 


His heart filled with a rush of love as he drove himself into her and he couldn’t help leaning down to kiss her as he did, their bodies moving in sync as they had sex in his bunk. He moaned over and over, his thrusts getting faster, her wetness easing him in and out. It all became too much too fast, feeling as though he was about to explode. Finn trembled moments before he stilled, holding her tightly to him as his orgasm hit him, pushing inside, his cum spilling into her. 


His face contorted, his eyes squeezing tightly shut as he rode out his pleasure. Rey looked at him, the look on his face and the feeling of him fucking hard into her as he took his pleasure spurring her on to find her own. The way he bumped against her clit along with how his cum gushed into her had her finishing only seconds behind him. She held tightly onto him, both with her hands and with her pelvis, wrapping her body around him as she came with a long, loud groan in his ear. 



Once they’d calmed down and after their breathing had returned to normal, Finn opened his eyes and saw Rey, relaxed and spent beneath him, her lips dry, her face flushed, her eyes closed as she enjoyed the quiet blissful after-moments. 


Finn felt himself going soft inside Rey, involuntarily slipping from her, their mixed arousal spilling onto his bed. If he wasn’t totally spent, the act alone would have had him hard again in minutes. He climbed off her and moved to lie next to her, mixed feelings of satisfaction and uncertainty filling him, having no idea where they would go from here. 


Rey soon opened her eyes and turned to face Finn, pulling the bedsheet up and over herself. The two friends stared at one another a while, both now feeling a little embarrassed and unable to speak. Rey had sobered up somewhat during their encounter, her vision more focused and clearer now. 


Finn put a hand on her cheek and smiled at her with the innocence of an infant animal. Seeing how happy Finn looked caused a spike of guilt to prod her belly. How he’d probably fallen a little more in love with her for sleeping with him when she knew she had just needed the comfort of another human being. All she’d needed was to be pleasured and satisfied and he had done just that. 


However, it was far too late in the night for her to even entertain dealing with feelings right now. She knew she would have to address it and her heart sunk at the notion. But... later, she decided. She was tired and just needed to sleep and she would deal with it all later


Finn leaned forward and kissed her softly, “That was amazing” he sighed quietly to her. She let him have the kiss, not really returning his affections, but not rejecting him either. He pulled her to him, placing her arm around him as he got comfortable and held her close before he quickly fell into a deep and satisfied slumber. 


Chapter Text


He felt it pounding in his chest. His heartbeat. It felt heavier than ever somehow, a stark contrast to the hollow bleakness his existence had become. Without that steady pulse serving as a reminder of his mortality, Luke wouldn’t know or care if he was alive or dead anymore. He was no quitter, that’s for sure. He’d been fighting the good fight his whole life.


But it was too much this time. Without her, it all meant nothing. Without her, he may as well be dead. Loving her had brought meaning to his life. She’d made him happier than he’d ever been before, happier than he ever thought he deserved. She'd introduced him to feelings he never thought could be his. Feelings that Jedis didn’t normally get to have. She made him feel like he could have it all. That they could be lovers and partners and Jedis all at once. That they could love and still fight for the Light, perhaps bringing peace to the galaxy together one day.


But the pain of having it snatched away was all just too much for Luke. The pain of loving someone so deeply within his soul, but feeling that he could never have such a love returned was beyond any type of pain he’d ever felt. La Douleur Exquise . He’d read the expression in an old text of some ancient language. The heart-breaking pain of wanting something you can’t have. That was him and Rey all over. La Douleur Exquise .


A few weeks had passed since Luke had returned home to find the place empty, accompanied by a gnawing feeling of unease. He’d been home mere moments when he was met with a Force vision… of Rey giving herself to Kylo Ren and the dark side. Needless to say, the vision was bogus, but of course, Luke didn’t know that. For him, the vision was as strong and clear as any other he’d had, so he had no reason to doubt it. He didn’t want to believe it, but Luke took what he saw and felt in his heart to be true. He’d learnt a long time ago how to trust the Force and he’d had no reason to ever doubt it since.


Luke understood that his nephew was powerful, but he never imagined Rey could ever have succumbed to it. His heart broke at the notion that he’d gotten her all wrong. He really thought she was the true Chosen One. The one who was stronger than all of it. The one who’d eventually bring balance to the Force. But the vision he’d encountered of her bowing to Kylo burned into his mind. A vision which had Luke on his knees, fighting the fiery sensation of the bile which rose up into his throat.


But he didn’t blame Rey, how could he? He knew all too well himself that the pull was much too powerful for some. The dark side usually took people unexpectedly. He remembered just how close he’d come to slaughtering his own father. He remembered the euphoric feeling of being on the precipice of reaching that level of power, almost tasting it, knowing somewhere deep inside you how wrong it is, but needing to feel it anyway, the urgency drawing you in, a feeling he could only liken to a forbidden love affair or to trying an illicit drug for the first time, being totally at its mercy.


He didn’t know how to handle his frustrations. His vision didn’t show just how Kylo had seduced her, only her at the point of her surrender, the image of her bowing to him and looking up with evil in her eyes.


His beloved Rey was gone. She was no longer who she used to be. She was someone else now. Luke knew Kylo and Snoke would make sure of that. With her powers already so strong, now that she had turned, Luke knew the First Order would stop at nothing until he, the last Jedi, was destroyed. It was history repeating itself all over again, the actions of Kylo mirroring that of Emperor Palpatine when he seduced an impressionable young Anakin.


Despite falling into a deep despair, Luke knew he had to leave the island. He knew it’d only be a matter of time before they came for him. He almost laughed at the irony of how he could now admit that after all the years of living in solitude, having everyone believe that was what he wanted, nothing could have been further from the truth and how he detested living alone. The island had done nothing but feed his misery and loneliness for years and the irony came when Rey finally entered the picture and it was only now, in the last few months he’d actually begun to feel at home. To feel truly happy. Settled.


That’s why it tore him apart to have to pack what little belongings he had and take one final look at the home he and Rey had made together before he deserted the island once and for all.


And there was only one place he wanted to be now...



Rey woke to the urgent feeling in her bladder, her eyes stinging, head pounding and her mouth impossibly dry. She felt fucking awful, trying to recall how much she’d drank the night before. A terrible sense of dread descended and it took her a minute or two to work out that she wasn’t in her own bed. She slowly tried to sit up, a shooting pain in her head making it virtually impossible. It was then that she noticed Finn sleeping next to her, shirtless and facing away.


“Oh no,” she groaned quietly. This can’t be happening . Her thoughts raced. She was struggling to recall much of the previous night, but she remembered a lot of laughing… holding hands… definitely some kissing. Finn’s lips . Rey sincerely hoped it hadn’t gone further than that, however, she had no way of being certain at that moment, it was all too hazy. She realised she had slept in the nude however and that most definitely didn’t bode well.


She was desperate not to wake Finn and just get the hell out of there. She slowly slipped from beneath the sheets, noticing her tunic on the floor, crumpled in a heap next to… her panties… Ugh. Things were looking worse by the minute. A mixture of nausea and guilt swirled around her stomach as she gathered her belongings. She wanted to throw up.


She ceased all movement when she heard Finn stirring, squeezing her eyes shut, her breathing suspended, using what little strength she had willing him to stay asleep. She couldn't deal with the confrontation right now.  She'd never felt more grateful to whatever higher powers were out there when Finn settled back down. She resumed her breathing in small, soft exhales.


It was looking more and more likely that they’d slept together, despite the fact that Rey couldn’t remember much. Small snippets of the previous nights’ shenanigans floated in and out of her memory; holding hands, giggling… desperate kisses, Finn slipping her underwear off… her hand around his cock, guiding him into her… Shit! Yep, they had definitely had sex alright. Kriff, what was I thinking? She scolded herself, wondering how she’d let herself be so stupid.


The thought of having to deal with this situation she’d now brought upon herself filled her with terror and dread. Having told Finn she didn’t feel the same way about him and yet certain she’d been the one to instigate the previous nights’ activities left her feeling like such trash, totally disgusted at her behaviour, wondering what type of person could do such a thing to another person. And not just any person… her best friend, no less. To play with someone’s feelings and emotions like that. To lead them on like she had.


But she hadn’t done it on purpose, and she wished to the Gods that she could somehow explain that to him. But how the frick was someone supposed to explain such complicated feelings? She was barely even aware herself of why she’d done any of it. To feel better?


Maybe she was still fucked up from what Kylo Ren had done to her. Maybe it was a rebellion in a way, taking back the control and power that he’d taken away from her when he raped her. Her choosing to sleep with Finn for pleasure was a way for her to take control of her body after Kylo had forced himself upon her. But how was she to explain any of that to poor, sweet, innocent Finn?


Guilt consumed her. She'd been incredibly selfish, thinking only of what she'd needed at the time, giving no thought whatsoever to the consequences, knowing that Finn was in love with her and would most definitely take all of this the wrong way. She closed her eyes, dipping her head, wishing she could turn the chrono back.


And all the while, thoughts of Luke invaded her. She missed him so much, but felt sick thinking about the truth. But despite all of that, her heart was still with him. You can’t help who you fall in love with . Not that any of it mattered, even if the vision was somehow wrong, even if Luke wasn’t who Kylo had led her to believe, Rey was sure that Luke would never want her back. In her eyes, she was now damaged goods. Having been ruined by two other men, surely Luke would never see her in the same light ever again.


It took Rey a moment to realise she was just standing there naked, thinking way too hard about everything. She quickly got her wits about her and re-dressed in her tunic, shamefully stuffing her underwear in her pocket. After tousling her hair, she snuck to the door, taking one final look at her friend, realising how different things were going to be from then on. A single tear slid down her cheek, wishing she could stop time so that Finn would never wake up and face his broken heart. If he just stayed asleep, everything would be okay in his world.


She left Finn's bunk, carefully closing the door before making her way down the halls, more tears staining her cheeks, accompanied by quiet sobs which quickly became stronger and bigger the further away she got from Finn's room.


As she moved, a wave of nausea washed over her, her cheeks flaming, sweat beading her forehead. Along with her bladder urgency, it made for a very uncomfortable waddle along the corridor. Somehow she made her legs move faster than she'd thought possible in her hungover state, in order to make it to the fresher. The last thing she needed was to throw up or wet herself in the hallways.


By some miracle, she was able to hold it in until she was on the other side of the locked cubicle door. An ache in her belly intensified as her knees automatically dropped to the floor before she emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet, which actually wasn’t much more than bile. The vile taste burned her throat as it came up, her stomach knotting with uncomfortable cramps afterwards as she winced in pain, leaning her back against the stall door.


Once the ache passed, she finished her business and straightened herself out before exiting the cubicle. She washed her hands, subconsciously using extra soap and scalding her hands with the hot water, acknowledging the pain but enduring it, feeling as though she was at least partly washing away some of her sins.


When she was satisfied, she turned off the water before finally doing the one thing she was dreading, which was looking into the mirror to face her reflection. Raising her head, she took a good, hard look at herself, knowing full well that she wasn’t going to like what she saw.


Her skin looked almost sallow, her eyes bloodshot and her mascara smudged into what simply looked like a dirty mess underneath her eyes. She no longer felt pretty or elegant as she had done the night before. Those familiar feelings of shame and disgust flooded, wondering how she’d allowed herself to get into such a state.


Unable to look at herself a moment longer, she lowered her eyes, splashed her face with cold water and stared into the sink before another wave of nausea hit her stomach and she was on her knees again in the cubicle, before she’d even had a chance to blink as she involuntarily heaved and wretched into the toilet bowl.


She prayed once again to a higher power, to just give her some relief, promising herself or whoever that she’d never touch another drop of alcohol as long as she would live.