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It's Over

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“I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

Jim looked up from his spot on the floor of the back of the literature section of the library. Bones was glaring down at him, hands on his hips. Jim had his legs tucked up to his chest, his arms wrapped around his knees.

The glare slipped from Bones’ face. “You don’t look so good.” He crouched down next to Jim and then adjusted himself so he was seated beside him. “Are you sick?"

“No. It’s over.”

Bones frowned. “What’s over?”

Jim leaned his head on his arms, trying and failing to ignore the ache in his chest. “Me and Spock.”

“Since when?”

“I don’t know. A few hours ago. Lost track of time.”

“How do you know it’s over?”

“Spock.”

A long silence during which Jim fought not to start crying all over again.

“He said so?” Bones asked.

“Yes.”

“What were his exact words?”

“It is over, Cadet Kirk.”

“He called you Cadet Kirk? Never mind. I’m sorry, Jim.”

“Nah, it’s…expected, really.”

“Not by me,” Bones said somewhat fiercely. “Stupid hobgoblin. Why? Did you have a fight?”

“Oh, yeah. I’m stupid, irresponsible, and a fuck-up.”

“He said all that?”

“Pretty much. I mean he didn’t use those exact words but it was the gist of it.” Jim closed his eyes. “I’m also more ridiculously human than anyone he’s ever known.”

“I’ll kill him.”

“He has three times your strength.”

“I have a battery of hyposprays at my disposal.”

Jim almost smiled at that. Almost. “It’s not really a surprise, Bones. It’s more a surprise he bothered with me in the first place.”

“What are you talking about, Jim?”

“Everyone ditches me eventually.” Jim raised his head to look at Bones. “You probably will too someday.”

“Never.”

Jim shook his head. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

“That’s one I can keep. Friends for life, Jim.”

“You’re under no obligation to be my friend.”

Bones snorted. “I don’t feel obligated, you dope. I like you.” Bones held up his hand. “And before you say some shit about how I don’t really know you, that’s bullshit and we both know it.”

Jim did smile a little then. “I’ve told you stuff I haven’t even told myself.”

“That makes no sense, Jim.”

“Well.” He shrugged.

“Look,” said Bones. “Far be it from me to defend that green-blooded bastard. But Spock’s a hothead.”

Spock?” Jim asked incredulously.

“Yep. He says a lot of crap he probably doesn’t mean or even realize how much of an asshole it makes him when he says it. He has no social skills and wouldn’t know tact if it walked up to him and shook his hand.”

Jim frowned. “Now who isn’t making sense?”

“My point is, Jim, I doubt Spock meant it when he said the two of you are over.”

“He did.”

“I don’t think so. I admit I don’t know him as well as you, but from what I can see, he’s smitten.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “Vulcans don’t get smitten.”

“Spock does. And anyway, if he meant it, why would he ask my help in finding you?”

“Spock asked your help to find me?"

Bones smirked and patted Jim’s knee. “That’s what I said. He messaged me and asked me if I knew where you were. I said no, I thought you were with him. He said not anymore and that he was trying to find you, but ‘so far all attempts at locating Jim have been unsuccessful’. “

Jim sighed. “He’s probably worried he broke my fragile heart and wanted you to check on me. Don’t worry. I’m not going to jump off the top floor of the biology building or anything.”’

“I would hope not,” Bones said seriously.

“I’ll get over this, Bones. I will. I swear.”

“Jim—” Bones stopped. “You know what? I have to go.”

Jim stared at Bones. “What?”

“I’ve got something to do.” Bones was rising to his feet.

“Wait, what? I’m in my time of need,” Jim protested.

He watched Bones turning away and that’s when he noticed the Vulcan approaching, dressed in his professor clothes, expression completely blank.

“I found him,” Bones said to Spock.

“So I see. However, you failed to inform me.”

“I planned on getting around to it eventually,” Bones said with a shrug. He gave Spock a hard look. “You’d better fix this.”

Bones walked away.

Jim felt a little betrayed, honestly.

Spock took the last few steps to where he sat. “It is undignified to sit on the floor.”

Jim stared at him, not bothering to reply. A muscle ticked in Spock’s jaw and then he lowered himself to the floor beside Jim, leaning against the bookcase.

“I should have guessed you would be among the books.”

“What do you want, Professor?”

“I am not here in my capacity as a professor.”

“Why are you here? If you wanted to check on me after you dumped me, I’m fine. You can go.”

Spock studied him. “Your eyes are red from crying.”

“No. Allergies.”

“I did not dump you.”

“You told me to hit the road.”

“I used no such words.”

“Means the same,” Jim muttered.

“Are you going to stop risking your life and safety?”

Jim shook his head. “No.”

Spock exhaled. “Jim.”

“I am who I am, Spock. You can’t change me, no matter how much you want to.”

“I do not want to change you.”

“Well, good, because it doesn’t matter what you want any more since we’re not together.”

“We are.”

Jim frowned and barely resisted the urge to shove Spock. “You said we’re over.”

“I was angry.”

“No kidding? You were yelling.”

“Vulcans do not yell,” Spock insisted.

“Then your human half was doing it.”

Spock shut his mouth and pursed his lips.  “I was frustrated and spoke without thought. It was not logical.”

“Logic when dealing with me goes out the window.”

“So I am learning. I am concerned for your safety. And in my attempt to convey that to you I was, perhaps, overbearing.”

“Perhaps?” Jim asked.

“A trifle. Jim, there is no one else I want to spend time with.”

Jim bit his lip, looked away. “Not even her?”

“Your jealousy is unfounded. We are friends only.”

“She wants to be more.”

“It does not matter what she wants, although I do not believe you are correct. She is aware I am seeing you.”

“Seeing me.” Jim shook his head.

“Is there a preferable way to state it?”

“How about she is aware I’m your boyfriend?”

Spock nodded. “Very well. I admit I find that a term that does not come easily for me.”

Jim looked at Spock, held his dark gaze. “Why not?”

“It seems inadequate to express our precise relationship.”

“Spock, how do you feel about me?”

“I find you…fascinating.”

Jim laughed and leaned his head back to look at the ceiling. “Great. I sound like an experiment.”

“Jim—”

“Here are the results of the experiment, doctor, and they are fascinating.”

“Expressing emotions and feelings are not something I am comfortable with,” Spock said softly. “As I cannot change you, you cannot change me.”

“I know.”

“Do you?”

“I did. I mean, I thought you liked me. A lot. But then—”

“I spoke in anger.” Spock nodded. “I regret it and will not say it again. You are of utmost importance to me.”

“Importance, huh?” Jim smiled a little.

“The most important.”

“Human?”

Spock hesitated. His cheeks had turned slightly green. “Of anyone.”

Jim pushed. He couldn’t help it. He was still him. “Even if I am ridiculously human?”

“That is an accurate description of you.”

“Spock.”

“Perhaps more so.”

Jim touched his fingers to Spock and watched as Spock slowly let out a breath. “More so?”

“You balance me in ways that I never thought I would need or want,” Spock admitted, though he looked reluctant to do so. “So, indeed, you are fascinating. The most fascinating of all. At times I cannot figure you out at all and at others you are positively predictable in your behavior that—”

Jim had moved closer during Spock’s speech until he was up in Spock’s personal space. Instead of protesting or moving away, Spock’s brown eyes widened just as Jim’s lips found his.

Spock sighed into the kiss but then as Jim dared to deepen it, Spock pulled back. “We are in the library.”

“No one is around,” Jim said.

“Anyone could come around at any time.” Spock put his hand on Jim’s chest to prevent him from once more moving closer to kiss him. “My apartment—”

“Is far.”

“It is less than a mile.”

“Spock.”

“Yes?”

“Just…just.” Jim straddled Spock’s lap, pushing him back against the bookcase. Spock tilted his head to allow Jim to find his lips. Jim watched as Spock closed his eyes and looked as though he was trying to give into his illogical human side.

Just for a moment, of course.