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A Real Stretch of a Story

Chapter Text

Linda decided to go through the door closest to her, that being the one labeled "Fay Soff".

Fay's exhibit was decorated rather lavishly with clothing racks, and pink and blue colors, along with some green and yellow. There was a magazine rack near the door, and the room smelled like shampoo and perfume. Linda couldn't help but groan as she looked around the overly decorated exhibit.

One of the paintings was of Fay wearing a dress made of old firecrackers and cherry bombs, which Cindy was about to happily light. Another painting was of Fay wearing make up that Samantha made. Linda recalled that it made Fay's face smell like an old boot for three days. Yet another was of the time Fay put on a fashion show with strobe lights that rendered her sisters temporarily blind.

There were some statues in the exhibit, each rather garishly painted. One was of Fay sitting in a beauty salon chair. Another was of Fay applying makeup to her face.

On the back wall of the exhibit was a giant mirror. Instead of a reflection, though, the mirror was blank and dark blue. Linda decided to step through.

She felt herself falling for a few seconds before landing on what felt like a carpet. She looked around and saw that she seemed to be in the front hall of a gigantic house. Or maybe it was a regular house and she was really small, or something. The house wasn't one she was familiar with, in either case.

Linda started walked along the carpet, which was bigger than a football field to her. She was about the size of a large bug in this house, or maybe a small mouse. Walking along the carpet, she noticed one of the doors was slightly ajar, so she entered through that one.

She was standing in a large kitchen that was as garishly decorated as the exhibit was, with pastel covered magnets on the fridge and a bright pink oven, among other things. The tile floor seemed to be some sort of mosaic, though it was too big for Linda to tell what it was of.

Linda walked past the bright yellow kitchen table and saw something moving on the top of the fridge. It was too far away for Linda to get a good look at it, but Linda decided to check it out, running along the kitchen floor. This took a rather long time, as the kitchen floor felt like five hundred meters to Linda.

When Linda got to the base of the fridge, she started climbing up it like it was a steep mountainside, using her scarf like a rope as it latched onto to the various magnets. When she almost made it to the freezer, the door suddenly sung open, almost making Linda lose her grip. She hastily climbed to the top of the fridge door and looked into the now open fridge. It seemed to be filled with food designed to be pleasing to the eye, including a bowl of polka-dotted soup, a pitcher of striped milk, and a huge pink and purple gelatin mold. Linda suddenly got very hungry when she saw the gelatin. She was tempted by the thought of what was essentially a giant bouncy castle made of gelatin, but she decided to keep on climbing up the freezer door.

When she reached the top of the huge fridge, Linda felt one of Fay's thoughts enter her mind.

"Ugh, Becky's so annoying. She's always making these big ugly machines that make so much noise."

After the thought left her mind, Linda looked around and found a disembodied mouth with full red lips. Linda cautiously approached the mouth before it suddenly grew tiny black legs, making it resemble a very strange ant.

The mouth ant began skittering all around the top of the fridge. Linda tried to grab the odd creature, but the mouth ant shot out a torrent of flame at her. Linda reflexively jumped back to avoid being scorched, causing her scarf to swat the strange ant off of the fridge and onto the kitchen floor. Upon landing, the weird thing skittered its way out of the kitchen.

Linda slowly climbed back down the fridge and searched the giant house some more. She entered another room and came to a large pastel-coloured living room with a huge flat-screen TV, a big red fluffy couch, and a shelf of scented candles. The TV was displaying a collection of cosmetics commercials.

Linda noticed something moving on the couch so she decided to climb up it using her scarf to grab onto the bumps and creases in the couch. When she was halfway up, another of Fay's thoughts entered her mind.

"Melody's music may be decent, but she really needs to dress better if she wants to become a star."

When she reached the top of the couch, Linda saw two disembodied ears. Upon hearing Linda, they grew insect-like black bodies that made them resemble earwigs.

The ear-earwigs started scurrying around all over the couch. Linda approached one of them, but it shot out a burst of steam at her, knocking her back. Linda stood up and her scarf picked up one of the ear-earwigs and threw it into the other. Both of them were knocked off of the couch and they quickly scurried away. Linda climbed back down the couch and left the room.

Soon, Linda came to a towering staircase to the next floor. She climbed up it, though it felt more like a mountain to her. The staircase, like most things in the house, was painted with gaudy colours, in this case neon green and gold.

When she finally reached the top of the staircase, she was in the upper hallway, with a few more doors in it. Linda made her way through another giant door. This one led to a bathroom.

Instead of the usual white, everything in the bathroom that was porcelain was a neon mixture of purple, orange, and red. There were wall-to-wall shelves of make up, perfume, shampoo, and every possible cosmetic Linda could imagine. A few of the bottles had that image of a grinning demon that Linda had seen in a few different places. On the counter next to the sink were hair dryers, hair curlers, and pretty much every possible appliance one could use on their hair.

Linda heard a splash in the bathtub and decided to check it out. As she climbed up the tub, another of Fay's thoughts entered her mind.

"Susan's always coming home covered in dirt and mud. Does she really think it's fun playing around in the dirt like that?"

When the thought left her mind, Linda continued climbing onto the edge of the bathtub.

Climbing onto the side of the tub, she saw that it was still partially filled with water, pink and purple striped water to be specific. There was a bar of soap floating in the water, on which two disembodied eyeballs were. When the eyeballs saw Linda, they each grew eight black legs so that they resembled spiders.

They eye-spiders fired laser beams at Linda, who in an attempt to dodge, fell right into the bathwater with a splash. The water was fairly cold and felt like swimming through a bottle of perfume. Linda swam up for air only for the eye-spiders to shoot lasers at her again. Linda dived back down and swam towards the bar of soap. She swam up right behind the eye spiders as her scarf smacked them into the water. The eye-spiders quickly skittered out of the tub and out of the bathroom.

Soaking wet, Linda climbed back out of the bath and dried herself off before leaving the room.

When she got back to the upper hallway, she saw a large disembodied nose bouncing up and down on the ground. When Linda approached, the nose sniffed before growing a large black body that made it look like a scorpion with a nose for a head.

The nose-scorpion swatted at Linda with one of its pincers. Linda backed out of the way and started to run, but the nose-scorpions shot a large green boulder at her and knocked her down. The nose scorpion then raised it's stinger and attempted to bring it down on Linda. Linda wasn't sure what kind of venom a nose would have, but she didn't want to find out and quickly rolled out of the way as her scarf shot out and flicked the monster in the nose.

The nose-scorpion reared back before grabbing Linda with its pincers and tossing her onto the floor. The nose monster shot more green boulders from its nostrils at Linda, so she thought of an idea. Her scarf shot out and stuck two of its fingers up the nose-scorpion's nostrils. The monster attempted to shoot more green rocks, but it was too congested to do so. The nose-scorpion skittered away.

Linda continued walking around the upper hallway when she came to another massive door. This door was decorated even more gaudily than the others, and Linda could hear something happening behind it. Linda cautiously stepped through the slightly open door.

She was standing in what appeared to be a bedroom, with garish drawings all over the walls, a ceiling fan spinning around lazily, and an open closet full of clothes. On the wall at the back of the room was a huge mirror, and standing in front of it was was some sort of bizarre living doll.

The doll had a lurid purple and yellow dress with a picture of a cat on it, long green and orange sleeves for arms, and a enormous round head.

Linda started nervously approaching when the doll suddenly said to the mirror "Mirror, mirror, on my wall. Like, who's totally the prettiest of them all?"

"Fay, is that you? Why are you talking like a valley girl?" asked Linda.

"Fay Soff, actually." said Fay. "And you're, like, Linda, right?"

"Yes." said Linda.

"Oh, right." said Fay Soff. "You're the one who's dressed like a garage sale. Or maybe a grody hamper."

"Huh?" said Linda.

"You heard what I said." said Fay Soff, still looking into the mirror. "Your clothes are a meaningless mish-mash of colours and patterns and they don't go well at all!"

"Uh, maybe not." said Linda. "But they were the only ones that fit."

"Oh, Linda, you are like, the ugliest thing I've ever seen, but I do have one question."

Fay Soff turned around to look at Linda, revealing her face. Fay Soff's facial features were all bulging and, despite Fay Soff herself appearing to be a doll, were all quite organic-looking. Her huge eyes were red, yellow and blue striped, and didn't seem to be connected to any eye sockets. Her mouth had huge lips and seemed to be stuck in a permanent toothy grin. Her nose was a sickly blue and had a drip of glittery mucus hanging out of it. Her ears were yellow and purple, and seemed to just be attached to the sides of her heads with no ear canals. The only hair she had was a small tuft of green on the top of her head.

"Don't you think I'm just the prettiest thing you've ever seen?" asked Fay Soff.

Linda was a bit too creeped out to give a proper response, so she just started to slowly back away.

"I know I'm the most fabulous thing in the whole world." said Fay Soff. "Those weird things said I was. I'm the most positively perfectly pretty person on the planet! But I feel like something's missing in my looks."

Fay Soff then drew her eyes on Linda's scarf. "Wow, that scarf's like, the most totally awesome piece of neckwear I've ever seen! The rest of your outfit looks like garbage, but that scarf's the best. I have to have it!"

Linda said "Well, uh, it's kinda mine, and I need it. I'm not sure if I can even take it off."

"Oh, but I have to have it." said Fay Soff. "It'll be the perfect thing to complete my look. I'd kill to have a scarf like that. In fact, I think I will."

Fay Soff suddenly ran right at Linda and swatted her with one of her sleeve arms. She then grabbed Linda's scarf and attempted to pull if off. The scarf reached out and smacked Fay Soff in the face, causing her to let go and fall backwards.

"Ooh, it can move around too? That's like, the bomb!" said Fay Soff.

"I told you," said Linda, "you can't have it."

"I wasn't asking you." said Fay Soff. She opened her mouth and breathed out a torrent of fire. Linda ducked underneath, but she was still somewhat burned by the flames.

Fay Soff then shot two laser beams out of her eyes, both hitting Linda directly. The feeling of getting hit by lasers was similar to the unfortunately familiar feeling of getting electrocuted. Linda stood up as her scarf shot out and grabbed Fay Soff between her nose and her left ear, stretching her face out.

"Ah, not the face!" yelled Fay Soff.

Linda stepped backwards, causing her scarf to stretch out Fay Soff's face even more. When it was stretched out as far as it would go, Linda jumped, causing it to snap back and launching her right into Fay Soff's face, landing feet first before bouncing off.

The impact caused all of Fay Soff's facial features to pop off and fall to the floor, bouncing around.

"EEEEEEEWWWWW!" yelled Linda as one of Fay Soff's eyes bounced along the floor next to her.

Without her facial features, Fay Soff's face was completely blank. She ran around the room, yelling "My face! What did you do to my face?" She collided with the walls several times as she ran around.

The facial features were bouncing all around the room. Linda attempted to avoid them, but an ear landed next to her and shot out a burst of steam, launching her into the air. She landed right next to the nose, which promptly shot out an exploding booger at her, launching her into the air again. When she landed, the mouth bounced up to her, but her scarf grabbed it before it can breathe fire. Linda looked at Fay Soff running around without a face and got an idea.

Her scarf reached over and stuck the mouth right to Fay Soff's forehead. Linda then collected the other face parts one at a time and stuck them to different parts of Fay Soff's face. She stuck her right ear to her chin, her left ear to her right temple, her nose to the back of her head, and her eyes where her ears should be.

"Hey Fay." said Linda. "How do you like your new look?"

Fay Soff looked into the mirror using one of her eyes. When she saw what she looked like, her head swelled up and turned red, making her look like a giant tomato.

"AAAAHHHH! I'm ugly!" yelled Fay Soff, running around the room. She fanatically pulled off all of her facial features and stuck them back to their original position. She then turned to look at Linda and said "You ugly little nobody! I'm so gonna like, get you for that!"

Fay Soff grabbed Linda and tossed her high into the air. Linda reached her ascent just short of the whirring ceiling fan before she fell back to the ground with a painful thud.

Linda stood up before saying "Hey Fay, did anybody ever tell you your head looks like a rotten tomato?"

Fay Soff yelled "It's totally not!" and ran towards Linda, who stepped out of her way as her scarf shot out, causing Fay Soff to trip and fall face first onto the floor.

Again, all of her facial features popped off and started bouncing along the floor. Linda managed to work through her disgust as she grabbed each of the face arts and stuck them back onto to Fay Soff, though she did get hit with an eye laser or two.

When Fay Soff got up, she immediately saw that her facial features were again rearranged, and her head swelled up ever bigger and redder. She shook off her facial aspects and stuck them back to their original placement. She turned to Linda, looking madder than ever.

"That's it, I'm gonna grind you into powder and then I'm gonna apply the powder to my awesome face with a pink polka dotted powder puff!" yelled Fay Soff.

Fay Soff jumped into the air and landed next to Linda. Linda started backing away as Fay Soff looked at her and grinned sinister.

Fay Soff began firing projectiles from every one of her face facets at once. Linda dodged out of the way as a torrent of fire, snot grenades, lasers, and steam shot out of Fay Soff's face.

Linda ran for the door, but it was now closed and the handle was too far up for Linda to reach even with her scarf. Fay Soff continued approaching her firing a barrage of projectiles.

Linda leapt over flame, ducked under steam, and dodged out of the way of mucus bombs as she tried to run behind Fay Soff. However, Fay Soff turned rapidly to face Linda everywhere she went.

Eventually, Linda walked right into a corner of the room. She turned around to see Fay Soff approaching, each of her facial features shooting out projectiles.

Linda looked around, realizing that she didn't have anywhere to run from the dangerous face. When Fay Soff got closer, however, Linda noticed that her head was leaning downwards at her, and she could see part of the blank back of her head. Linda got an idea.

Right before the maelstrom of projectiles got close enough to hit Linda, her scarf quickly shot out and grabbed the back of Fay Soff's head, stretching it out. Linda then jumped into the air, causing her to be slingshotted over Fay Soff and into the back of her head, landing feet first and bouncing off.

The impact once again caused all of Fay Soff's face aspects to pop right off of her head.

As Fay Soff started running all around the room again, periodically causing the ground to shake by slamming her huge red head into the floor.

As her scarf picked up the bouncing mouth, Linda confidentially said "Looks like this is one face off you lost, Fay Soff."

The mouth then shot out a torrent of flame at Linda, burning her and covering her in soot.

"Typical, really." said Linda.

Linda stuck the mouth onto Fay Soff before collecting the other face parts once by one, taking care to dodge their projectiles and keep her balance when the room shook. She stuck each of the face facets onto Fay Soff, making sure to make her look ridiculous as possible.

"Why don't you take a glance at your new look? I think it really suits you." said Linda.

Fay Soff took a look in the mirror, and quickly freaked out, yelling "I'm hideous, I'm so hideous! I'm ugly, I look gross!"

As Fay Soff continued yelling, her head swelled up bigger and redder, and didn't seem to be stopping any time soon. Sensing what was about to happen, Linda hid in the open closet.

Fay Soff was still yelling "I look so gross! I'm so hideous! I'm so-"

A loud explosion rang through the air, leading Linda to wish she had plugged her ears. Soon, everything turned white.

Linda awoke in Fay's exhibit. Gradually, all of the painting and statues turned into dark blue balls of energy before flying into the mirror, which rippled before turning into a large ball of dark blue energy.

The ball of energy soon turned into the translucent, dark blue image of Fay, with hair in a ponytail, a gaudy dress, and an overly made-up face.

Fay was clutching her head, yelling "Ahh! You blew up my face!"

"Now Fay, you should calm down." said Linda.

"My face! And also my head!" yelled Fay.

"Fay!" yelled Linda. "You need to calm down."

Fay calmed down slightly and said "Why'd you blow up my face?"

Linda said "Well, it's partially because you were trying to kill me and partially to change you back from being a demon."

"Oh, I guess that would make sense to you." said Fay. "Though come to think of it, I didn't really look all that beautiful as a demon. In fact, I looked like a lumpy potato! What was I thinking? Well, maybe I look better as a human, or a soul or whatever I am right now. So thanks, I guess."

"Well, you're welcome." said Linda, waving to Fay before leaving the room.