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Seven robot!Steve drabbles

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The naming of parts

Rule number 1 is No names. They're not human beings, they're machines, you don't name them. Especially not when they're a highly-specified combat unit like this one: a lethally-efficient killing machine loaded up with all sorts of experimental software and on loan from the Pentagon because the Governor has friends in high places. Not even if they've been designed to win hearts and minds by looking like every American's wet dream of a conquering military hero. No names, ever, that's the rule and Danny knows it. So quite how and when SEAL Unit MCGT-50-X became 'Steve', Danny's really not sure.


"Tell me again why you're driving my car?"

"Danny, my neural net fires one and a half times as fast as yours and is synched directly with the car's guidance and drive systems. My data files contain a fully detailed set of street maps of Honolulu and are constantly being updated by satellite link allowing me to view traffic conditions in real time throughout the city. Logic therefore indicates that optimum pursuit performance will be achieved if I drive instead of you."

Danny sighs. There's nothing more annoying than a robot who has logic on his side and knows it.

Uncharted territory

There's porn written about these units, a lot of porn. Danny's read some on the Internet, and it's mostly ridiculous fantasies about rock-hard cocks, pistoning hips and limitless stamina. He doesn't even know if Steve is anatomically correct - he's seen him strip off his shirt a few times in the line of duty, so he can vouch for how good that looks, but anything further south is a mystery. But he can't stop thinking about it, and he's got a couple of the sites bookmarked, and sometimes when it's late and he's alone and needy he visits them...

Appropriate action

Danny wasn't expecting this: Steve is sitting ramrod-straight on the couch with Grace curled up fast asleep in his lap. He swivels his head to look at Danny. "The small lagomorph called Mr Hoppy ceased to function, Danny, causing Grace to display emotion and produce tears. My data sources indicated that the most appropriate course of action when dealing with a small human in this condition was to supply comfort by embracing it, so I did that until she fell asleep."

Danny's heart swells a little, because who knew that the Pentagon included childcare subroutines in their combat unit programming?

Supplementary features

"You're a combat unit and yet you're telling me you're fully equipped to have sex?"

"I'm an experimental model, Danny. The Pentagon are developing us for a range of missions." He looks at Danny enquiringly, "Do you require me to have sex with you, Danny? I'm programmed to perform a wide variety of sex acts with women or men, both vanilla and more extreme, and I can function as a top or bottom, whichever you prefer."

Danny closes his eyes, tries in vain to mentally get a grip and wonders how many regulations he'd be violating if he said yes...

Protect and serve

They're back here again, same as every time Steve takes an idiotic risk and puts himself in the line of fire to save Danny from harm. Danny never wins and he never will, but he can't leave it, because Steve is too fucking valuable to lose, and he just doesn't get it.

"I'm aware of how much my development and construction cost, Danny."

"I don't mean valuable, asshole, I mean... valuable."

"I'm a robot, Danny, I can be rebuilt or replaced, whereas you are a human and therefore unique and irreplaceable. It was the logical course of action."

Stupid robot.


"There's nothing you can do, Danny," Kono says, glancing over to where the combat unit stands at parade rest in the corner of the bullpen, powered down and staring blankly into space. "They lack relevance in the modern pacifist era, you heard the Governor. They're decommissioning all of them, orders from the highest level." She touches Danny sympathetically on the arm. "It's not like he'll mind, Danny. Robots don't have feelings, you know that." And of course Danny knows that, he's worked with AI units before. It's just that… robots may not have feelings, but humans aren't quite so lucky.