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Letting go

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There’s a piece of Jaeger tech.

To be fair, there’s always a piece of Jaeger tech. Mako heard about this one from Sasha Kaidonovsky, when they were celebrating her tenth drop and kill on the simulator. It had been invented by Haupuku Kuana, known across shatterdomes for her brilliant shortcuts and workarounds. This was a very specific, off-duty hack, using the crotch piece designed to transmit the full force of the wearer’s legs and torso down into the body of the Jaeger. “Haupuku tried turning it around and targeting it,” Sasha had said. “Most powerful clit stimulator ever invented.”

Of course Mako had got hold of one, and of course it had lived up to its billing: Sasha wasn’t a boaster, and Haupuku was a genius. Even detached from its Jaeger, powered by domestic charger, the crotch piece is overwhelming, shaking and driving its wearer to orgasm. “A special occasion thing,” Sasha had explained; you don’t always want something that extreme. But she’d known what she was doing when she recommended it. Mako has always been good at living inside her own head. Sometimes she needs to be pushed out of it, pulled back into her body, given ways to let go.

Raleigh’s good for her that way. Between his own easy physicality and his determination to be there for her, they end up in the same space. He’ll curl his large body around her, stroking her skin and teasing pleasure out of her, or pull her on top and beg her to ride him.

He hadn’t been shocked to hear about Haupuku’s toy. Mako has no patience for boyfriends who expect her to be demure or cute. Raleigh’s been inside her head, which helps, but he understood her before that, at least since they’d sparred and probably before. She remembers how smoothly he surrendered, body going easy as she tugged his thigh over her arm.

When they first go to bed, it’s as natural as breathing, bodies as closely synced as their minds were in the Drift, hunger and comfort all at once. On the press tour that follows, they go from greedy fucking to tender morning-after sex, learning to unwind. They’re past the first lap, she thinks, getting used to a new normal. Without the kaiju threat, but without so many friends and comrades. Without Sensei.

She’s done the first of her grieving, but there’s always more to come. Sorrow comes in waves. Just as she thinks she’s finding equilibrium, a memory hits her as hard as the day it happened. Raleigh understands that, knows it intimately. He’s good at giving her space, good at holding her close. They both have moments of panic, memories of the clock. They have to learn how not to psych themselves up for a battle that isn’t coming.

Dealing with interviews, with the surprising amount of paperwork that follows the world not ending, Mako finds herself going over and over the past. If she’d done this, or this, or this differently, would the outcome have changed? She knows she’s shadow boxing, fighting an opponent inside her own head, but there’s a background tension she can’t quite shift. So she thinks of Haupuku’s toy.

“You want to use it while we…?” asks Raleigh, feeling out how this will work.

“I want,” Mako starts. She wants him to make her feel it. She can imagine it: if he fucks her from behind with the crotch piece switched on, grinding her into it. “Like being between a rock and a hard place,” she explains. “So if I pull away from the vibration, I fuck myself deeper onto your cock.” He swallows at that, a bit flushed.

“We’re going to need a safeword,” he tells her. “I can’t – if I’m going to make you, I have to know you can stop.” She kisses him.

“You’ll stop when I want you to,” she says, with certainty. “And you’ll hold me down and fuck me, if I want you to.” He strokes her back, swallows again, nods.

Haupuku’s alterations are very discreet. The toy still looks like standard Jaeger armour, a sleek black groin shield. When Mako fits it against herself, she can feel the addition nudging between her lips, against her clit, cushioned but insistent. She and Raleigh have agreed safewords, a traffic light system of red, yellow and green, practised it in English and in Japanese.

She’s already given him the controls, led him into their bathroom. The bath is raised up at one end of the room, with a useful step up that evens out their height difference. She’s filled the tub, in case they want to soak afterwards; she’s chosen a relaxing bath oil, set a pile of fluffy towels ready. The air is warm and steamy, slightly scented. She braces herself against the tiled wall, nods to him.

Even now, he starts slowly, kissing her neck and shoulders, leaving the control by the bath while he strokes her sides. They have plenty of lube, but just the preparation has got her wet already. This is more buildup than she really needs, both pleasant and frustrating. When he puts his hand between her legs, he finds her dripping, slips one finger easily inside.

“Now,” she tells him. He lines up and slides in, slow and teasing, with a grind at the end that takes her by surprise. He holds her like that, pinned against the wall, hard inside her. The tile is cold under her forearms, against her breasts. He kisses her neck until she squirms. Then he switches the groin piece on.

She’d forgotten how powerful it is. She bucks at the first buzz, and oh, that’s it; whatever she does, however she moves, there’s more of it, his cock filling her and the toy sending vibrations through her. She gasps, sets her teeth, and deliberately pumps her hips, grinding back onto him and forward into the throb of the mechanism. He starts to rock with her, matching her thrusts, pushing harder.

She’s already twitching. There’s something about the power of it, the Jaeger-scaled drive, that makes her think of backing down; it’s too much too soon, but of course that’s the point. She wants to meet it half way, own it and abandon herself to it. Raleigh’s thrusting hard and even, rocking her against it with firm strokes, licking and nipping at her neck. She shudders through an abrupt first orgasm. It never takes long to come with this thing: the trick is how long you can last, how far you can go.

His hips are still grinding, but she thinks he’s going gentler, easing off as she comes. “More,” she says, gasping. He turns the power up a notch, which she wasn't expecting; she lets out a loud moan, her whole body shaking. Shocked, he turns the power back down, stills his hips.

“Do you need to safeword?” he asks, right in her ear, panting hard. The toy is still buzzing, but he’s holding her a little away from it, ready to stop. “Red, yellow, green, remember?” She shakes her head, emphatically, still breathless. He waits, needing to be sure. She rocks her hips again, forcing herself against the buzz and pushing back against him.

“Green,” she says. “Fuck me through it, make me take it. Green.” He gulps and shivers, wrapped around her body; his cock twitches inside her. He presses her torso more firmly against the cold tile, then brings his hips in to match, pushing her against the toy. Then he turns the power up.

She wails at it, body spasming. Raleigh starts to fuck her again, pumping into her, each thrust grinding her into the vibrations. She’s coming, and coming again, flailing and babbling – she keeps trying to say “green”, but god knows what’s coming out of her mouth, in what language. Her cunt makes a filthy wet noise with each thrust, slick dripping down her thighs. The shudders are radiating through her whole body, outwards from her cunt right to her fingertips. Her knees are so shaky she’d fall if he weren’t holding her up. Almost gently, he gives one last, slow thrust, pushing her in against the toy, and holds her there, hard against it. She bucks and sobs and finally whimpers, spent and exhausted.

He knows at once, switching the machine off and reaching down to pull the groin shield away. It’s sopping wet, slippery with her slick. He slides messily out of her – she’s so out of it, she doesn’t even know when he came. She’s still trembling.

Raleigh picks her up and lifts her into their big bath, climbs in behind her. The water is hot and silky against her shivering skin. When he pulls her against his chest, she flops back, melting into him with a sigh. He strokes down her limbs, soothing over her muscles. He doesn’t touch her oversensitive groin, leaving her to recover herself. She lets her legs fall open, feeling the water hot and soothing against her pussy.

She’ll be a bit sore tomorrow, Mako thinks, but for now she feels bonelessly relaxed, floating in feeling, thoughts lazily slow. Raleigh is kissing her shoulder, soft and sweet, nuzzling up the side of her neck. She tips her head back to kiss his jaw, takes one of his stroking hands and tangles their fingers together. He murmurs in pleasure, wraps his other arm close around her. She feels safe and warm and loved, and lets herself think of nothing at all.