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Obi-wan cast his consciousness out, sinking into the force around him as he did so, needing his reflexes to be as sharp as possible as he fought against his best-friend in the unforgiving environment of Mustafar. He sunk into it deeply, following every slightest and littlest twitch of the force, it had never led him wrong before, and it would not lead him afoul now.
At a peculiar insistence from the Force, Obi-wan refocused on the bond he’d enjoyed with his friend, and was surprised to find it was still there. It was nowhere near the strength and vibrancy of before, but Obi-wan had expected it to have been severed entirely.
He felt a brief flash of emotion, which was quickly subsumed by the rage that had been flaring wildly along their bond. Obi-Wan winced with the intensity of his apprentice’s emotions, thinking that this was not how things were meant to have happened. He pushed that aside, knowing that nostalgia and considering “what would or should have been” had no place on a battlefield. Obi-wan would have ignored the little flash of emotion entirely, but it flickered momentarily back to the surface - this time accompanied by an expression of deep guilt and grief - and Obi-wan grasped desperately for it. No matter how quickly it had been shoved away, he knew his friend well enough to recognize when he felt a glimmer of penance.
Obi-wan had little focus to spare outside their swiftly clashing sabers, but he let the force guide him both inwardly and outwardly, and was surprised at what he found.
His apprentice should have been able to completely guard his emotions, to shield his mind from anyone trying to get a glimpse inside, to defend himself from the openings that could be pressed by taking advantage of his feelings. Anakin was well aware of these techniques, and they had used them often to great success - sometimes they were the only things that had kept them from death in the war.
They’d never quite been able to completely seal themselves off from each other; a necessity in war, to know exactly where your partner was and to have awareness of their well being. It was easy to follow those old lines of communication, old habit ingrained from years of relying upon each other and over a decade of friendship. Obi-wan would not have been able to seal himself off from those instinctual connections, but he had thought his friend had been totally lost and that those connections were gone along with him.
He had held out hope, of course, but seeing him attempt to kill his pregnant wife for an imagined slight had convinced Obi-wan that there was truly nothing left of his old friend.
They stood watching each other, momentarily out of physical reach, and Obi-wan took his chance.
He dove into the connection, pulling all the memories and emotions of the old connection with him, aiming for the dim speck of friendship, where the heart of Anakin still lay: broken and hobbled and brutalized under the influences of the Sith and the dark side. Obi-wan clung to the bond, as thready and delicate as it was, knowing that if he let up even slightly then he would lose his chance to reach his friend forever.
Anakin dropped to his knees on the floating platform in the same breath that Obi-wan wormed his way past his defenses, dragging the emotions and memories of happier times along with him. Anakin’s anguished cry was barely louder than the hellish landscape around them, but Obi-wan felt the tremors quite clearly through the bond he’d clung to so tightly.
“Please, don’t do this, Anakin,” he pleaded, his tone desperate.
Anakin’s face twisted into something between rage and anguish, “I didn’t have a choice,” the defensive words spilling out in childlike desperation.
“Stop this, I know you aren’t completely gone, Anakin! Stop this and come home,” Obi-wan shouted.
“I can’t.”
Obi-wan had to strain to hear Anakin’s quiet words, but his own frustration – fueled by the desperation he felt from his once-apprentice – lent impressive volume to what would have otherwise been a weak and defeated cry of, “Anakin!”
“Don’t call me that!” He snapped, the rage bubbling up faster and faster, filling his eyes.
Obi-wan indulged in a moment of reflexive cruelty, “Brother!” He called out, pleading and desperate, and was deeply pleased when he felt Anakin’s mind rise to meet him with a compassion that Anakin could not stamp out, followed swiftly by anger.
As he shakily got to his feet, Anakin’s only response was a silent glare.
Trying a slightly different tactic, Obi-wan spoke, trying to understand his friend’s motives, “Why don’t you have a choice?”
“You wouldn’t understand, so why even try?” Anakin’s voice easily conveyed his bitterness and disillusionment, which cut Obi-wan deeply, but he pressed on.
“I won’t know until we try.”
Anakin was silent for a long time, the thin bond between them vibrating wildly with the different emotions playing across it. Obi-wan worried that it would snap under the pressure.
Finally, he spoke, quietly, as though trying to keep a secret from everyone else, “I,” he paused and started again, “it was,” he scowled at the distant mining complex and then up at the stars.
Obi-wan was startled when he felt Anakin’s words in his mind, a sensation Obi-wan was sure he would never feel again. – Darth Lord Sidious would have stopped at nothing to secure me as his apprentice–
Anakin’s impotent rage and desperation were clear across their bond, but when the implications behind the words sunk in, Obi-wan’s blood chilled in shock.
-I did not suspect anything until he let it slip. I think he must have meant to show me, his shields would not have accidentally dropped, but by the time I knew his full intentions it was far too late.-
Obi-wan did not want to believe this latest of tragic developments. Already so much blood had been shed, he hesitated to consider any more, -The Sith are cruel, but she is pregnant and innocent, surely --
Anakin shook his head, frowning and interrupting Obi-wan’s indignation - That does not matter, she is both my strength and weakness – and that was enough to make her a target-
Chilled understanding crept into his bones as it suddenly made a great deal of sense, and Obi-wan wished that he hadn’t tried to understand the monstrous motivations of the Dark Sith Lord.
“So, now what?” He asked gently.
- I will not go back to Lord Sidious-
Obi-wan waited out Anakin’s vitriol, knowing there had to be more.
- But if I do not, you know he will kill Padme -
Obi-wan tensed at the soft defeated note in Anakin’s tone, – so you will go into hiding? Fake your death?-
Anakin drew himself up to his full height, his brave front pointless in light of the bond that easily conveyed how deeply his fears ran, but Obi-wan allowed him this last façade.
- Palpatine will know-
Obi-wan felt his heart turn to stone, and shook his head desperately.
His once-apprentice continued as though his whole being had been forged of durasteel and bent to this one final task, - I cannot fool him in this .-
- No - Obi-wan despaired against the inevitable.
- You must. It is the only way! -
Obi-wan had come here, had been sent, to kill his wayward apprentice. After seeing the good in Anakin, knowing that he was no longer a threat, even knowing the atrocities he’d been involved in – Obi-wan found the thought of killing him entirely unconscionable. He sealed himself up, hesitant to face what he knew had to be done, heart railing rebelliously against the situation.
Anakin spoke again, “Give me the honorable death and funeral I would not otherwise have,” it showed the depth of his ability to read Obi-wan, as Anakin sought to ease the core of his old friend’s resistance with a very small comfort.
Obi-wan’s gaze slid to the river of lava that raged across the landscape, cutting a path easily among the jagged rocks. Thoughts of alternative solutions bubbled madly and fizzled out in disaster as his eyes blindly watched the sparks fly up from the river and fall back into the lava in vain. Obi-wan winced and hardened his heart. The bond had to be broken or Palpatine would know his apprentice had sought to betray him, and they had no time for anything else.
He fought to steady his voice as he gazed upon his once-padawan with pride. “Padme will know, I will tell her of this,” Obi-wan swore.
“Take care of my family. They will be a target of the Emperor,” Anakin’s voice tightened with emotion and his eyes glistened with barely restrained tears.
Obi-wan’s heart clenched painfully, and he saturated their bond with feeling - forcing it to open as wide as it had been in the past - rather like a flood-gate, knowing that words would not be enough between them. He breathed deeply, bracing himself against the waves of emotion that flowed freely from his friend, and saw Anakin’s knees weaken for half a moment before he steadied himself.
- I will make it quick, Anakin - he whispered across the bond, not trusting his voice to adequately convey his pride and grief and sorrow.
I will miss you , he didn’t say.
Thank you, Master, he didn’t hear.
Anakin leapt nimbly from the hovering platform and fell upon the river bank, Obi-wan’s saber-skills having quickly dispatched him in midair.
In the same moment, Obi-wan crashed to his knees upon the shoal beneath him, his tether to Anakin having been wide open and unshielded even to the last. He felt the waves of the disturbance ripple wildly around him, riotous and frenetic, as his friend often had been. He felt flayed open and raw, the point where the bond had attached was singed and ragged, rebelling wildly in his close proximity to the nexus of the disturbance.
His soul cried out wildly in despair and grief, and he lifted his voice to release them. He had only once before felt so completely undone, adrift with nothing to guide him back to land. Back then he’d lost his Master, and he’d turned to Anakin, the purpose Qui-gon had given him in his last breaths had provided Obi-wan with much needed direction.
Now Anakin had charged him with looking after his family – and his thoughts flew back to the steady but thin pulse of the young woman on the landing pad who might never forgive him.
Obi-wan tried not to think about parallels, tried not to think about how he’d failed his master and his apprentice, tried not to think about how he was going to fail his friend and her child. He tried not to think about how he was surrounded by death and destruction.
With a tear-streaked face, he collected his thoughts, and Anakin, and began the arduous trek back to the ship.
Obi-wan cast his mind firmly away from thinking about the warm and heavy weight across his shoulders, away from the still-raw connection-place between himself and Anakin where it had been ripped out, and away from the thoughts of how lost he felt in this new age without his brother.