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To Be Frank

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Everyone knew that the marauders shared a dorm, but everyone conveniently forgot about the poor bloke who had to share it with them….
And indeed, Frank Longbottom knew he was lucky that the marauders liked him, or life could be extremely unfortunate for him. One only had to look at Snape to know why. [But then again, Frank wondered why anyone would willingly look at the greasy haired git]
Sharing a dorm with the marauders had certain perks; Frank was the first to admit. Like an anonymous note warning him not to walk out of class first, lest he be showered with bubotuber pus. [Poor Mary McDonald always seemed to get the worst of everything]
But even Herbology-loving-Frank-with-a-very-stupid-surname-he-wasn’t-going-to-mention sometimes felt that four pranksters and one innocent [hardly, Marlene would scoff] bystander living in one small dorm at the top of Gryffindor tower was too much to handle…
Take Friday evening, for example.
Frank was peacefully sitting on his bed doing his Herbology homework while nearby, Remus quietly read a book when the door slammed open, one James Potter propelled himself inside and proceeded to throw himself on his mattress. Face first. The only result being that his spectacles poked him in the eye.
“What happened?” Remus asked sympathetically, but looking at Peter, who had followed James in at a more sedate pace.
Peter rolled his eyes. “They fought, again.” Neither Remus nor Frank had to ask who ‘they’ was.
“But I thought you were getting along better now?” Frank addressed the back of the messy black haired head. And indeed, the first week of their seventh year had passed without Lily and James fighting, but longer than that seemed to be too much to hope for.
“We were,” James neatly flipped onto his back with a grace Frank envied. “But no! For Ms Lily Evans, everyone has to be perfect, just like her! Becoming Head Boy is not enough! Stopping annoying people is not enough! Changing is not enough!
Beneath his annoyed expression, Frank saw real hurt in James’ eyes. Apparently Lily’s rejections affected James much more than he let on.
Frank sighed. Everyone could see that James sincerely liked Lily, except Lily herself. She was as stubborn as they came and refused to see that James was not the arrogant prat he might have once been.
Frank shook his head. Thinking about James and Lily always gave people headaches. Sometimes, he really pitied Sirius Black, who had to listen to his best friend complain constantly. .
“Okay. Which bloody idiot stole my last Honeydukes chocolate bar from my drawer? Remus enquired in a dangerously soft voice.
Peter paled. Frank saw, but wisely didn’t say anything. The last time this happened, it resulted in a three-way prank war that had Frank and a couple of other unlucky Griffindors walking around with green hair for a week.
“Not me” James mumbled, still avidly staring at his bed canopy.
“Not me,” Frank added. “I was with you the entire day!”
Poor Peter’s stammer of “Nnn-not m-“ was interrupted by Sirius bouncing in through the open door yelling “NOT ME!!” at the top of his voice.
He jumped onto Frank’s bed, right on top of his neatly-written essay.
“Oops! Sorry, Frank, old mate! But whatever it is that whoever is accusing someone of doing, which they probably have not done, and which Peter has, it wasn’t me!”Frank stopped trying to keep up with Sirius’ convulted sentence halfway through.
“He’s right, you know,” James muttered to the canopy. “It probably was Peter.” Sirius stared at him. “What’s got you in a strop?”With well-practiced co-ordination, Frank, Remus and Peter all sighed, “Lily…”
Sirius huffed. “Maybe you should announce your undying love for her to the Great Hall at breakfast tomorrow…”
“Are you crazy??!” Frank demanded. “Wait, don’t answer that. D’you want him to get hexed again?”
James chuckled, sitting up. Somehow, although Sirius was the craziest, most impulsive marauder, he was the only one able to get James out of one of his moods. The two were closer than brothers.
“That was a pretty stupid idea, wasn’t it?” James reminisced, reminding Frank of the memorable event in fifth year, when James had asked Lily out while standing on one of the tables in the extremely crowded Griffindor common room.
Sirius snorted. “You think?!” Sirius has warned James that it wasn’t going to work, but James hadn’t listened. Contrary to popular belief, Sirius was surprisingly good at judging people’s characters.
“Excuse me!” Remus snapped. “Can we please get back to my chocolate, which is gone!” Remus was normally an easygoing bloke, but could never stand anyone stealing his chocolate. Sirius called it an unhealthy obsession.
“So that’s the problem, is it? I told you already, it was Peter.”
Peter mumbled something that convinced nobody.
“You deserve this,” Remus told him severely, and with a flick of his wand, rabbit years were growing out of Peter’s head. Unfortunately, Remus was good at Transfiguration, and Peter was not.
“Aaaargh! You…! You…!” Peter stuttered in anger and threw Sirius’ pillow at Remus.
Remus ducked.
Frank got a pillow smack in the face.
“My pillow!”
Sirius tackled Remus who fell backwards onto the already abused Herbology essay.
“You bloody gits!” Frank started hitting both boys with his pillow.
Peter tried to slip away in the confusion, but James saw him.
“Ohh no, you don’t! This is all your fault!” James yanked Peter backwards and promptly got hit with Frank’s pillow. His glasses flew off his face. Unfortunately, James was practically blind without his glasses.
“Enough!!” James roared. “I am the Head Boy, and you will all-“
“That’s it!!! This calls for a-“
“PRANK WAR!” Sirius yelled, happily hitting Remus with his pillow. Why, Frank wasn’t sure.
“Noooo!!” Peter and Frank both howled. They had both got the worst of the pranks the last time.
Needless to say, half an hour later, as five disheveled boys made their way down to dinner, all that was left was a few battered pillows, some strands of something that looked suspiciously like rabbit fur and one extremely crumpled, partially written Herbology essay.