“That’s Han. He’s my brother’s roommate and he sucks,” Leia informed her viewers via video camera, having just been interrupted in the middle of filming by said obnoxious roommate.
“I resent that,” Han called from the hallway, barging in again. (Leia really should start locking her door.) “I do not suck. You know you love me.”
Leia turned to face the intruder and rolled her eyes. “Yes, all the hatred and snark and caustic comments in the past four years of knowing you have been poorly concealed affection. Please, save me from this inner turmoil,” she deadpanned.
“Gladly,” Han smirked.
“Han, get out,” she grunted through gritted teeth. The scoundrel rolled his eyes but complied, and Leia turned back to face the camera.
“Again, that was Han Solo. Stupid name for a stupid boy that I’ll probably edit out of this.”
But she didn’t edit him out of the video. If it had been a makeup or hair tutorial or tag video, she probably would have, but it was just a simple vlog of life updates. She owed it to her viewers to represent her life honestly, and, as much as she loathed him, he was a part of her life. He would be a much more minuscule one if she had her way, but somehow he always seemed to be popping in or tagging along with Luke. Leia interacted much more frequently with Han Solo than she’d prefer. It was a vlogger’s responsibility to introduce him to her viewers, right? Anyway, she was too lazy to edit around him.
Her vlog videos usually got less hits than makeup or hair tutorials, so she didn’t expect anything different when she uploaded the video that night after minimal editing. However, upon opening her laptop the next morning, she was shocked with crazy views, likes, and comments on “FRIYAY: I HAD PASTA THIS WEEK.” Most of the video was a conversation around multicultural/ethnic foods, which, now that she looked back on it, actually seemed dreadfully dull. But it had already gotten twice the number of views that her usual FRIYAYs got, and she had no earthly idea why.
Until she looked at the comments.
3 hours ago
HOLY CRAP HAN IS HOT
3 hours ago
Whoa okay look at that smirk at 1:32… in love much??? I SHIP IT
4 hours ago
Okay Leia how have we never seen Han before now?! Have you been hiding a secret boyfriend from us???
Leia walked into the kitchen in a daze, both from her newfound popularity and the fact that her genuine animosity had come across as flirtation. “Hey there, princess,” Han greeted her from the refrigerator, where he was actually drinking straight from the jug of milk. It wasn’t uncommon for Han and Luke to stop by on a Saturday morning for breakfast or after they returned from the gym, but the sight of Han this particular morning set Leia’s teeth on edge.
“You okay, baby sister?” Luke asked, face forming a concerned frown as his arm wrapped around Leia’s shoulders. Evidently, she wasn’t successful in hiding her frazzled state.
“We’re twins, Luke,” Leia grumbled. As she wiggled out from Luke’s grasp and went to the cabinet to prepare a bowl of cereal, she was painfully aware of another pair of eyes in the room staring at her. She whirled around to face Han, glaring with as much fury as she could muster. “Can I help you?”
He only smirked, eyes flicking down to her legs and then up again. “Nice pajamas.” In spite of herself, Leia felt her face flush red. She was so used to Han’s presence that she didn’t try to dress nicely or always be made up when he was around. But with the Internet events of this morning, her short pajama shorts (like, really short) and messy bun were making her feel twitchy and self-conscious.
Leia reset her shoulders and pushed her chin up. Adding an eye roll, she muttered, “Whatever,” under her breath and made her way to the kitchen table.
After a moment, Luke quietly asked her, “Seriously, what’s wrong?” He pulled himself out a chair and double-checked that Han wasn’t paying attention to their conversation.
“Seriously, it’s nothing,” she insisted, staring intently into her Cheerios.
Luke continued to stare at her, but when she didn’t give in, he at last relented and rejoined Han at the kitchen counter.
“Hey, we’re meeting a couple friends at Cloud City Coffee. Wanna come?” he asked as they gathered their belongings.
“No, thanks,” Leia called out, anxious to be left alone with her delicious little golden circles.
“Okay. See you later.” Though Luke’s concerned tone made Leia feel a little guilty about not joining them, she had some work to catch up on, errands to run, a paper to write, and definitely no one to avoid or anything like that.
“Bye, princess,” Han called out as the pair passed through the front door.
“That’s not my name,” Leia grumbled into her Cheerios, relieved to be left alone at last with her troubled thoughts.
Several weeks went by of normal activity as Leia shoved the Han comments out of her mind. Things between them proceeded as normal, with obnoxious remarks and glares crossing with smirks and a general sense of antagonism. Leia avoided him as much as possible, which wasn’t all that difficult or unusual.
But about a month after Han’s first appearance on her channel, he intruded in one of her videos again. She was filming a sibling tag with Luke: Her viewers had asked which one was ________er, and they were supposed to answer. Topics ranged from who was the better cook to who was more likely to lick a Waffle House toilet seat for $5, and they were having a grand time until they came to a question they could not resolve.
“Which one is hotter?”
The viewers had seen Luke several times in other vlogs or tag videos, and Leia knew that this question had probably been asked by someone obsessed with his floppy hair and crooked smile. But she wanted to fight for her right to be the attractive one, so they argued for several minutes until Luke heard the front door opening.
“Hey, Han!” he called out. “Come in here; we need your help with something!”
Though Leia’s eyes narrowed menacingly, Luke didn’t catch on to her irritation as Han waltzed through the bedroom door. “What is it?” he asked.
“We’re filming a video and we need you to be a tiebreaker.”
Han started backing away toward Leia’s bedroom door as he said, “I’m not sure, guys… I don’t want to get involved in some sort of sibling rivalry…”
“Come on! Just one little thing and then you can go eat whatever you want out of the kitchen,” Luke insisted.
(“Hey!” Leia protested, protective of her food, but no one seemed to notice.)
“Fine,” Han finally relented and sat down between them on the bed in front of the camera. “What’s the problem?”
Luke explained the premise of the video and a few of the other questions they had answered, then informed him of their dilemma without giving away the specific question. Once Han understood the basic idea, he nodded and prompted them for what he needed to answer. After a quick confirmation nod with Leia, who felt she had no choice but to go along with it, Luke blurted out, “Which one of us is hotter?”
Han paused. The stupid idiot actually paused, Leia couldn’t believe. He looked each of the siblings up and down, only causing Leia to roll her eyes and cross her arms. It felt like ages passing in the few moments, which Leia was not thrilled about editing later. Finally, Han turned to Luke.
“Luke, I know we’ve got a good thing going here… but without a doubt, Leia is definitely hotter.” Luke groaned and buried his face in his hands, and Han clapped a hand on his shoulder consolingly.
“Ha!” Leia barked out triumphantly, focusing on her victory and knowing she could edit the red out of her blushing cheeks later.
2 days ago
Wow. Han thinks you’re the hottest. Who woulda thunk. Could it be because you two are SO IN LOVE????????????
2 days ago
well friCK WHENS THE WEDDING
3 days ago
Omg great video Leia!! That story about you almost burning the kitchen down was hilarious!!! I am really curious about Han though… Maybe you should do another video with him? Anyway, thanks for this, it really made me laugh!
3 days ago
I AM GOING TO DIE OF CUTENESS
After the ruling that she was hotter, an unusual thing happened in Leia’s relationship with Han. Somehow, her former hatred had… diminished. It definitely hadn’t vanished altogether; she still grumbled when he drank milk straight from her carton and argued with him about the most pointless topics. But when he and Luke were around, she didn’t mind hanging out with them both. Maybe it was years of being annoyed that had finally dulled her senses, or maybe she was just tired of fighting his presence, or maybe she just couldn’t stay away when Han and Luke were watching The Princess Bride in her living room. Regardless of the reason, Leia found a very weird, very unexpected friendship developing.
They just did things together. Movie night. Pizza. Bowling. Hiking. Going to the gym. Han brought Leia coffee when she had to pull an all-nighter for her grad school work. Leia listened to Han’s rants about people at his office, their boring lives, their boring haircuts, their boring lack of ambition. Seeing her phone light up with a text from Han wasn’t out of the ordinary, and Han actually set her text tone to a little beep different from the default. They had conversations back and forth on twitter, which very few of Leia’s viewers caught on to, but once they did, everything blew up on tumblr. If Luke was out of town on a business trip, Han would come over for dinner. And gradually, gradually they grew to trust one another. It was just a friend thing. They were just doing what friends do.
Somehow, just two and a half months or so after his first unusual appearance in one of her videos, it was perfectly natural for him to collab with her. “MY BROTHER’S ROOMMATE DOES MY MAKEUP” got the highest number of views in the history of her YouTube channel.
A little while later, Leia missed one of her usual updates. She normally uploaded twice each week, one fun video on Tuesdays and one FRIYAY on (obviously) Fridays, but the past five days had been absolutely brutal. She planned to film on Saturday for her video on Tuesday, but she was so bogged down with grad school work and her current job and everything else in her mess of a life that she ended up having a panic attack instead.
She ignored tweets and comments from concerned or annoyed viewers. When the ordeal was over, she reached out to Luke, but his phone call from several states away couldn’t help. He was on an extended business trip, some sort of conference, and she would feel silly reaching out to Han or one of her girlfriends. They just wouldn’t understand.
So, without anywhere else to turn to, really, and after taking yet another sick day on Thursday, she decided to express herself to the best listener she knew: the camera.
“Hey, everyone. I’ve had… a week. I’m sorry I didn’t update on Tuesday; this video is a combined apology and explanation. I should start about ten years back, when I was fourteen.
“It was a regular week… maybe a bit more stressful than most, but not by much. I was doing homework in my bedroom, and it just happened. My first panic attack. I started sweating, shaking, and hyperventilating, and my heart was pounding really fast, and I felt really afraid, even though I didn’t know of what. It lasted for about twenty minutes. Afterward, I just took a shower and tried to brush it off. But the panic attacks continued, one about every three weeks, for the next several months. I started isolating myself, avoiding my friends and family, staying away from public places where previous panic attacks had happened. Finally, my mom noticed and took me to a doctor, and I was diagnosed with panic disorder and general anxiety.
“Since then, I’ve gone through a lot of different processes to help, and they’ve all had varying degrees of success. I’ve learned to take care of myself emotionally, to view panic disorder as a part of me and not a definition of me, and to believe in myself even through my struggles. I’m doing okay, guys. But Saturday night was… rough. I had a panic attack before I got a chance to film Tuesday’s video. I’m sorry that I couldn’t upload, but it was actually a pretty big deal. Don’t worry: My panic attacks are much less frequent now than when I first had them, and I’m so much better at recovering. I’m fine, now. I just… I’ve had a rough couple of days, and I didn’t have the energy to film or edit. I didn’t even have the energy to finish a lot of the schoolwork I had to do. I’m basically in a battle with some of my professors right now over extending the due dates. Anxiety is a real and powerful thing.
“I’m telling you this because, if I’m not honest in this space, it’s like it’s corrupted. It’s really important to me to be truthful with you guys, even when it’s hard. I don’t picture myself as a YouTuber, more like part of a community. This explanation, telling you guys about this pretty significant part of my life, is really one way I hope to make this community… better.
“This is part one of my story of panic disorder. In part two, two Fridays from now, I’ll be making a video for others who are struggling. I’ve learned a lot in the past ten years and accessed a lot of resources, and I want to help people. So... stay tuned.” She smiled fondly at the camera. “Thanks for listening.”
2 hours ago
Awwwwww Leia! We love you! I'm so sorry you're having a tough time and I'm sending good vibes your way!
4 hours ago
Leia, thank you so much for your honesty. You have no idea how much it means to me. I've struggled with panic attacks for a while, and I've been watching your videos for even longer. You're someone that I really respect, and hearing that you struggle with something similar was actually really helpful. You've given me the courage to talk to my parents about everything and reach out for help. Thank you for telling your story and being honest with us. We love you!
5 hours ago
I hope everything works out okay! Everything will get done and it will get better. I'm sorry that you're going through this but I appreciate you honestly telling your story!
A few days later, Luke finally returned from his business trip, and Han and Leia went to pick him up from the airport. As if her life hadn’t been hectic and crazy enough lately, Leia’s car had refused to start in the grocery store parking lot on Saturday. It was still in the shop, and no one knew what was wrong, so Han had to come pick her up and drive her so they could get Luke.
They were excited with a plan: Now that Luke was finally back, they would all go out to dinner together at one of his favorite restaurants, and then go back to her place and watch a movie. Luke didn’t travel that much for work, so when he did, it was a big deal. For both Han and Leia, it was like the whole world was a little off balance. Now, it was back to normal, back to routine, back to the three amigos doing everything together.
Leia nearly tackled Luke with a hug when they reunited in the airport, and Han’s hug was just as forceful. “Great to have you back, buddy,” Han enthused.
“Guys,” Luke said, voice muffled by Han’s shoulder, “I’ve been gone for three weeks.”
“Only the longest three weeks ever!” Han exclaimed, making Leia laugh.
As they walked out to Han’s car, Leia began explaining, “We’ve got a big plan tonight. We’re all going to go to Nico’s and order as many pizzas as we can eat, and then eat them, and then take as many as we can carry back to my apartment and watch Star Trek. What do you think?” She was practically bouncing up and down, she was so happy to see her brother again… which is why he felt particularly awful for turning her down.
“Guys, that sounds great, but… I’m exhausted. What I really need is to go home and sleep.” Leia’s face fell, though she tried not to show it. Luke added, “I’m really sorry,” but it didn’t help much.
“That’s fine!” Leia said. “We understand. We’ll drop you off at your place and you can get some rest.”
“I guess I’ll have to double back to drive you home, won’t I, princess?” Han asked. Leia only glared at him as she climbed into the backseat.
The ride home was silent. Luke was filled with guilt; Leia was filled with disappointment; Han was hungry. At last, they pulled up to Han and Luke’s apartment building. Leia hopped out and into the front seat, after kissing her brother on the cheek. “See you later, big brother?”
“We’re twins,” he reminded her with a grin. “Thanks guys. I really appreciate it. We can hang out tomorrow?”
“Of course,” Leia said. Han grumbled from inside the car, which Luke took as a yes. As he headed up the stairs to the apartment, Han and Leia drove off.
“That was slightly less successful than we’d hoped,” Han commented. Leia couldn’t tell if it was meant for her or not.
“I guess we should have known better than to plan something for the night he came back. It makes sense that he’d be worn out. We probably went a little overboard.”
“Yeah.” Han shrugged before his face brightened a little. “I saw your video the other day.”
“Really?” For some reason, though she didn’t know what it was, this made Leia’s hands start shaking a little bit.
“Yeah. I had no idea you went through that stuff. I’m sorry.”
Leia’s heart warmed a little bit and some of the tension eased out of her nervous muscles. “Yeah. It’s okay. I’ve learned a lot about how to deal with it.”
“It’s crazy how just being nervous about something can affect you that much.”
Leia’s heart was unwarmed.
“I mean, it’s not ‘just being nervous.’ It’s a legitimate mental disorder. It’s a medical thing that I don’t have control over and that I’ve had to work through for a decade.” Almost subconsciously, she had shifted away from Han in her seat.
“Yeah, yeah, I know. I just meant, like, so bad you can’t do your schoolwork? That’s rough. If I were a professor, I don’t know if I’d buy it.”
Leia’s heart had gone from unwarmed to frozen solid.
“Well, thank goodness you’re not my professors then. Although none of them seem to be buying it, actually, which just makes this whole ordeal much worse because on top of worrying about existing and my time-consuming job and picking my little brother up from the airport and my car being in the shop and doing my taxes and grocery shopping and cutting every possible corner to save a little bit more money, I have to write a paper about how technology from the past five years has changed the face of communication and how lasting those changes can be which requires a ton of research and fancy words that I barely even know how to define and I’m already past the deadline which doesn’t put me in a good spot for this class that I absolutely cannot afford to retake. So thank you for your opinion, Professor Solo. It’s so helpful.”
Han glared out at the road. “Hey there, princess, don’t get all mad at me, okay? I’m not actually your professors that are making it so hard on you.”
“You literally just told me, an anxious person, not to be anxious. That is the least helpful thing you can do for an anxious person.” Leia was aware of the tears bubbling up and threatening to spill over, but she denied them.
“When did I say that?!”
Leia scoffed, “It was implied!”
“I just meant that… argh. I don’t know what I meant. Can we please stop arguing?” Even though he expressed a desire for a ceasefire, Han was still shouting.
Leia regretted how small her voice sounded as she confessed, “You sound like everybody else who doesn’t understand and doesn’t really care. I thought you were on my side.” The car stopped in front of her apartment building.
“Well, that mistake is on you, princess. I’m on nobody’s side but my own.” Han regretted the words the instant they were out of his mouth, but he knew he couldn’t take them back.
“Right.” Leia, who hadn’t been able to look at him this entire time, stared him straight in the eyes. “Don’t worry. I won’t forget. The next time I even think about trusting you, I’ll remember how wrong and stupid and terrible that would be.”
“Leia--” Han began, but she had unbuckled her seatbelt and was climbing out of the car.
“Goodbye, Han.” She stormed up the stairs to her apartment. Han didn’t follow.
“Hey, guys,” Leia began her video about a week later. “This is the promised part two of my story with anxiety. The first thing I want to say to everyone: you are not alone. If you struggle with anxiety, if you struggle with another mental condition, if you struggle with something else, if you struggle at all--which everyone does--you’re not alone. There are other people going through the same or similar things, even if you don’t know it now. There are other people who are hurting and fighting their way to better days. You can battle together. You’ll find people who will make it better.
“And when you come across people who don’t make it better, but worse… When you meet people who don’t get it, who think the cure for anxiety is to not worry and the cure for depression is to not be sad… Just keep your head up. Keep going. Keep looking for people who are different. Being around toxic people who don’t understand your mental disorder sucks, and it’s okay to cut yourself off from those people. I’ve had to do that recently myself--”
Leia’s video was interrupted by a furious banging on her door. She groaned, annoyed that her video had been interrupted and she would probably have to start the whole thing over again. Usually, she preferred to film in one long take and then string everything together. “What?!” she shouted, not without anger, to the person on the other side of the door.
Han barged into the room.
Leia’s jaw hit the floor.
“Can we talk?” he asked, before glancing at the camera. “Oh, crap, sorry, you were filming.” Instead of responding like a functioning human being, Leia only glared. Inside, her heart was thudding out of control. After the pause, Han said, “So, I take this to mean that you don’t plan to stop filming and you don’t want to talk to me. That’s fair.”
Surprising herself by speaking up, Leia half-whispered, “If you’re here to argue more, I’m not interested.” Encouraged by her finally acknowledging him, Han walked over and kneeled beside Leia’s chair. She shifted away, but only slightly.
“That’s not why I’m here,” he said softly.
“Then why are you here?”
Han took a deep breath. “I’m here because I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. And not just our argument the other night--I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, period. The way you looked when you were angry at me and the way you look when you come out on a Saturday morning in those stupid pajamas and the way you look when you laugh so hard at something Luke said that you start snorting. I want to keep looking at you for as long as possible, most of the time, but usually I have to stop because I don’t want it to get weird, but I don’t care anymore. I’m here because I don’t care anymore--I have to tell you the truth, and the truth is that I could look at you for the rest of my life and still not get tired of it.
“I’m here because I shouldn’t have said what I said. I didn’t understand because I didn’t try to understand, and I promise I’ll try my absolute hardest to understand in the future. If that’s okay. I shouldn’t have argued or judged or been mean or did pretty much anything I did the other night. I’m here because I’m sorry. I was wrong, and I can’t change that, and I’m sorry.
“I’m here because I’m on your side.” At this, Han reached out to hold Leia’s hand in his. “Leia, I’m here because I’m on your side--”
She cut off his ramble with a kiss.
(A long one.)
Leia Organa +
1 day ago
Hey guys! This video didn’t exactly turn out like I had expected, but I had to share. I know I got cut off in the middle of talking about people who don’t understand mental illness, but I have something to add to that. Give them a chance. They just might surprise you. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this video and we’ll see you soon with a new one!
2 hours ago
OHHHHHHHH MYYYYYYYYYYY GOSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I AM CRYING OMG I’VE SHIPPED IT SO HARD AND NOW IT’S REAL LITERAL MOM AND DAD OH MY GOSH
6 hours ago
THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY ENTIRE LIFE
21 hours ago
omg my mom came in my room and i was sobbing uncontrollably and she was like whats wrong and all i could do was replay that stupid monologue and the kiss over and over again i cant even YOU GUYS ARE SO CUTE UGH IM DEAD OF CUTENESS THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR FINALLY GETTING TOGETHER
21 hours ago
I’ve fallen out of the habit of watching your videos lately but maN AM I GLAD I WATCHED THIS ONE
23 hours ago
is this real? is this real? HAVE I DIED AND GONE TO HEAVEN?!?!?!?!
1 day ago
Would now be a good time to say I love you?