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Ghost at Most

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Luke looks beautiful, Calum thinks. The blonde boy is lying on his back as he tries to catch his breath and and making it difficult for Calum not to stare. They’re both naked and if you look, you can see where Luke’s fingers left quickly darkening bruises on Calum’s hips. The brown boy secretly loves when Luke accidently marks him. Calum secretly loves Luke.

Luke huffs and draws Calum’s eyes from his sweat slicked chest back to his face. He looks tired as if he hasn’t slept in a day or two. Calum wants to ask why, but is too worried that it will cross into a more personal topic that they may have agreed to avoid.

The taller boy stands and begins to slide his boxers on. “Thanks, Calum.” He gives a friendly smile and Calum knows that Luke is waiting for him to get dressed and leave. Calum tries not to once again be affected by the way he feels after they do this, when Luke treats him like a friend and as if his dick hadn’t been inside him five minutes ago.

Calum rubs his eyes and slides out from under the covers to find his clothes and leaves without a goodbye.



“Stop looking at him.” Michael says as he sits down beside Calum and gets out his notes.

“I’m not.” Calum denies as he gets out his pen and pretends to be looking over yesterday’s notes.

They both know that Calum was staring at Luke from across the classroom. Calum is always staring at Luke when they are in the same room. It’s like he’s the only thing there with Calum and in a way, he is. Ever since the first day of the semester last year, Calum has only had eyes for Luke. Calum is still not sure if Luke is aware of how much he stares and that’s why he approached him on his way to his dorm all those months ago or if it was something else. He hopes that it was something else because the thought of Luke knowing about how Calum pined after him is mortifying.

He peeks up a few times during the two hour long lecture to get a look at Luke on the other side of the room. He wonders how well the other boy is doing in this class because every time he looks, Luke is messing around with his friends in the back, throwing pens and pieces of paper and giggling. If the professor notices, he doesn’t say anything.

Calum tries not to be bitter about how guys like Luke and his friends get everything for nothing and how guys like Michael and Calum get nothing for everything. Luke’s parents probably pay for his tuition while Calum is on a scholarship and if he even thought about slacking off in his classes, he’d be on his way back to his parents house. Calum also tries not to think about how Luke can have anyone he want, about how Luke has anyone he wants.

“Calum.” Michael whispers loud enough to be harsh, but quiet enough not to catch the professor’s attention from where he is writing formulas on the green chalkboard.

Calum sighs and goes back to scribbling half-assed notes and thinking about whether Luke is going to call him tonight or if he’ll have someone else to fulfill his ‘needs’.


Luke is never subtle about his intentions with Calum. He always calls and he always gets right to the point. Calum’s not sure if it’s easier or harder for him that way.

“Wanna come over?” Luke says, forgoing a greeting when Calum answers the phone.

“Sure, I will be over in ten.” Calum replies without thinking and Luke hangs up, and that’s it. Calum packs up his psych notes he was copying from a guy down the hall and changes his shirt before he is leaving his room and walking off campus to Luke’s apartment.

“Come in.” Luke says when he answers the door. Calum follows dutifully to Luke’s bedroom, trying not to think about how he’s really only been in the living room once and when he passes through it on the way to Luke’s bed.

Calum lays on the king sized bed that’s much comfier than his twin sized back at his dorm room. He starts to take his shirt off and hears Luke swear.

“I bought more stuff and left it in the kitchen. I’ll be right back.” Luke promises before exiting. Calum sighs and removes his jeans so he is left in his boxers.

Luke returns shirtless with lube and condoms in his hands. He smiles at Calum on his bed and Calum wills his heart to not speed up at the sight. Luke places the lube on the nightstand and puts the box of condoms in the drawer after removing one and throwing it beside the lube.

Luke smiles again as he crawls over Calum and slides their lips together. Calum kisses back and unbuttons Luke’s jeans, struggling to remove them. Luke laughs and sits up to pull them off and then straddles Calum. He wastes no time in grinding their half hard cocks against each other and creating friction.

Calum moans and Luke slips his hand into the older boy’s boxers to stroke him. His pace doesn’t slow as he reaches over Calum to grab the lube and he only stops to remove both of their boxers. Luke slicks up the first finger and circles Calum’s hole before slowly working it inside of Calum. When Calum asks for another one, Luke obliges and soon he’s got three fingers thrusting into him.

“You ready?” Luke asks as he pulls his fingers out of Calum and wipes them on the sheet. Calum nods and Luke grabs the condom and puts in on before positioning himself at Calum’s entrance. Calum nods and Luke pushes inside of him with a groan.


Most of the personal information Calum learned about Luke was from the first time they spoke. Calum had just finished his English class and was walking back to his dorm to start an essay when Luke approached him.

“Hey, you’re in my political science class right? Calum?” He asks. Calum just stands there with probably the most embarrassingly shocked look on his face. He’s been staring at the blonde boy for the better part of the last three weeks. Calum realizes that he might not have been so subtle about it and Luke is probably here to tell him to stop.

“Yeah. It’s, uh, Calum.” He confirms, silently praying that he’s not about to get called out by his crush.

“I’m Luke.” He smiles and Calum resists the urge to roll his eyes. Everyone knows who he is.

Even though Luke isn’t involved in any sports or extracurriculars, he is hands down one of the most popular guys at the university. He’s at every party and when something crazy happens, he’s always the one to tell everyone about it. That’s why it’s so puzzling for Luke to be talking to Calum. Calum’s only friend is Michael and he never wants to go to any parties and prefers to hang out in his dorm playing video games and eating as many whole pizzas as he can. So that’s how most of Calum’s free time is spent.

“Want to come hang out at my place?” Luke asks Calum, surprising him further. This is the absolute last thing Calum expected from this conversation. The worst possibility would have been him yelling at Calum for being a creep and the best possibility was for him to ask to copy his notes. Calum didn’t even know how to respond, but he tried anyways.

“Oh, uh, yeah that sounds- that sounds great.” He stumbles and manages a smile at the end. Luke smiles back.

“Awesome. My apartment is just off campus. Follow me.” He says and walks the opposite direction of where Calum was heading. Calum trails after him and Luke starts talking to him.

“What’s your major?” He asks and once again, Calum tries not to roll his eyes. It's a cliche question and Calum wonders how Luke gained his status of golden boy with his obvious underdeveloped conversational skills.

“English. You?”.

“Musical Arts.” He answers as they turn left off campus. “I was undecided for a while but I finally chose last year.”

“My friend Michael is majoring in Musical Arts.” He says. Michael has always loved music and when he’s not destroying Calum in every video game they own, he’s fumbling around on his guitar. Somehow he still doesn’t know how good he is and always waves off Calum’s compliments when he picks it up around the dark haired boy.

“Clifford? Yeah I have a class or two with him. I like his hair.” Luke nods, talking about Michael’s dyed blue hair. “Right here.” Luke points to a large, gray brick building they’re approaching that Calum figures is where he lives. The exterior is plain but still clean and shows no signs of falling apart or being anything less than impeccable. Going up the sides are nice balconies, some with plants and some with a few chairs sitting on them.

“Come on.” Luke says after leading Calum through the automatic doors of the building and walking through the lobby to an elevator. Luke tells him to press the button with a black three printed on it and when the elevator stops, they get out.

“You live on campus?” Luke asks as he turns a key to unlock a door with a large number 34 hanging on it.

“Yeah.” Calum answers, walking into Luke’s apartment. Inside is much like Calum expected. It’s a little messy in some places, but overall nice with new furniture and pristine white walls.

“Want to watch a movie?” Luke asks. Calum nods and sits on the couch facing the sleek flat screen tv that probably cost more than anything Calum’s ever owned. “How about the Lego Movie?” Luke holds up the dvd from where he is squatting by the television.

“The Lego Movie?” Calum quirks an eyebrow. Maybe Luke is a dork just like he is. Calum likes the thought. Makes Luke feel less like The Popular Boy and more like a nice, normal dude.

“It’s my favorite movie.” Luke defends his movie choice and Calum chuckles.

“Alright. I don’t mind.” Luke nods and puts the movie in.

While it plays, they don’t really watch it and instead they get to know each other. Luke has two older brothers and his mom is a math teacher while his dad owns a business. Unsurprisingly, Luke tells Calum that his parents always spoiled him because he was the youngest and did the best in grade school without trying. Calum tells Luke about his family and older sister who graduated from college two years ago and works as a teacher’s aid. They talk about music and school and movies and Calum likes this; Calum likes talking to Luke.

Calum likes kissing Luke more though. One minute they’re laughing about a time Luke was chased out of a book store for knocking down a display and the next, Like’s lips are on his and Calum can’t believe it. Luke’s pink lips feel so nice and he’s half leaning on him and half leaning on the couch and it’s great and Calum doesn’t think it can get better till they’re making out as Luke leads Calum through his bedroom. Calum doesn’t even have time to look around the room before he’s laying on his back in Luke’s bed with the taller boy grinding their crotches together and it’s heavenly.

Calum moans and then both boys are removing their clothes and Luke wastes no time getting his mouth on Calum. He sucks on the tip briefly before he’s deep throating him and Calum’s choking on air at the feeling. Calum tugs on the blonde boys hair and he moans around his mouthful. Luke pulls off after bobbing his head shallowly a couple of times and makes eye contact with Calum who is sweating and panting from Luke’s mouth. It's almost pathetic how close he already is from a rushed blowjob.

“What do you want?” Luke asks, stroking Calum leisurely.

“Anything. Please.” Calum almost begs, bucking his hips into Luke’s hand.

“Okay.” He nods to himself and reaches in the bedside drawer and grabs lube, squirting his it on fingers and and slowly pushing on inside Calum as he resumes his hand movements from earlier. “Good?” He asks and Calum nods desperately.

Luke takes his time prepping Calum till the boy is almost begging, His pace is slow and agonizing but when Calum threatens that he’ll leave and finish himself if Luke doesn’t get on with, Luke becomes significantly more motivated.

Calum stares at the ceiling of Luke’s bedroom and the younger boy pulls a condom from somewhere outside of Calum’s peripheral. Once more, he can’t believe that this is actually happening. He’s lusted after Luke for so long now and he is actually currently in bed with him and it’s difficult for Calum to wrap his head around. Can you blame him? Luke is the polar opposite of Calum with his obvious desirableness and money and friends. For fuck’s sake, he doesn’t even live on campus, another sign of how out of Calum’s league he is.

Calum is forced out of his insecure thoughts as Luke leans over him once again. He takes the time to commit how Luke looks at this moment to his memory (definitely not to jerk off to the images later, of course) because he isn’t confident he will ever see Luke with this hungry look burning in his eyes ever again.

Luke slides the condom onto himself as Calum watches. “Are you ready?” He asks, hopeful.

Calum nods and Luke pushes in at a pace that isn’t too fast or too slow while holding the back of Calum’s thighs so they are nearly parallel to his chest. When he bottoms out, he pauses and waits for Calum to get comfortable. Calum hasn’t had sex since high school, forcing himself to actually focus on his studies, and while he enjoys the stretch of finally being fucked, it takes him a bit longer to get used to the burning sensation.

Calum nods again to signal Luke to move and Luke slowly grinds himself into him. Calum moans and digs his fingernails into Luke’s shoulders, the sound of the blonde’s panting above him like a sweet song to the dark haired boy. Luke pushes deeper into Calum without speeding up and Calum bites back the needy noises bubbling up in his throat, reminding himself that Luke has neighbors.

“Luke.” Calum drawls and he nods, knowing exactly what Calum wants. A look of concentration settles on his face as he tries to angle his thrusts. Calum moans louder than he means to when Luke finally hits his prostate.

“There, baby?” Calum nods, seemingly incapable of actual, verbal feedback but he scratches his nails down Luke’s back in response to the nickname. Luke grants him a groan at the feeling.

“Faster.” Calum breathes and Luke immediately speeds up, wrapping his hand around Calum and jerking him off quickly. In seconds, the older boy is arching his back off the bed and coming hard all over Luke’s hand and chest. Moaning into Calum’s neck, Luke comes few thrusts later.

“I’m going to go make a sandwich.” Luke announces, pulling out. “You can take a shower if you like, but a few friends are coming over around eight so,” He doesn’t finish his sentences and instead, gets up and slides a pair of boxers on before leaving the room.

Calum is taken aback by Luke’s words and it hits him that this wasn’t a romantic thing at all. Luke doesn’t like him or want to hang out with him, he just wants to fuck. Calum really should be less surprised, but he already knows that he will be whatever Luke wants him to. Luke is a magnetic person and Calum doesn’t doubt he knows this. He knows that people will do what it takes to be close to him. Calum curses himself for being weak and like everyone else but he knows as he walks out Luke’s door with a small wave to the blonde boy, that it will not be the last time this happens.


“Calum.” Michael whines into the receiver. “I miss you, man.”

“I see you literally everyday in class.”

“Yeah, but we never hang out anymore. It will be fun.” Michael argues. It’s true. Luke has been busy lately and Calum is taking the time to study and look over his notes while he actually has downtime.

“All we are going to do is order pizza and play video games.” Calum points out and Michael sighs.

“That is fun!” Michael sighs again, more serious than before. “Look, Cal, I know how you feel about Luke and I have agreed to stop nagging you about your unrequited love,” Calum winces at his choice of words, “but that doesn’t mean you can go and stop spending time with me. We are best friends, bffl’s even, and therefore you are coming over so I can kick your ass at league and eat all the pizza, okay?”

“Alright.” Calum agrees, knowing Michael is right. He hasn’t been a good friend lately.

“Good because I already ordered the pizza and you’re paying.”


After being beat several times at several video games and two pizzas later, the boys put in a random movie and sit with their backs against Michael’s headboard.

“My mom is nagging me to get a boyfriend.” Michael tells him. Calum takes his eyes off of the TV to give his attention to the older boy.

“Why’s that?” Calum prompts him.

“She thinks I’m lonely and that I ‘need love in my life.’” He quotes.

“Well, are you?”

“Am I what?”

“Lonely.” Calum clarifies.

“No.” Calum gives him a look. “I’m not!” He says defensively.

“Whatever, bro.” Calum rolls his eyes.

“I’m going to bed.” Michael pouts, turning off the movie.

Calum crosses his arms. “Don’t be like that, Michael. It’s just. Who do you hang out with? Besides me?”

“I have other friends.” He frowns.

“Who?” Calum presses.

“People. Cool people. Cooler than you.”

“I’m just looking out for you, dude.” Calum rests his hand on Michael’s shoulder.

“Okay, Cal. I do have other friends, though.” Michael repeats. Calum nods and drops the subject.


The next weekend, Calum finally lets himself worry. Luke hasn’t texted or called Calum in over two weeks and they haven’t fooled around since long before that. He stresses over the thought of Luke dropping him just like that. As far as he knows, Calum is the only boy Luke is with and maybe he found someone better. Someone hotter with a better body and more money.

He barely gets any schoolwork done and spends most of his lectures blatantly staring at Luke as if the reason they stopped hooking up is written on the back of his head in fine print and if Calum squints hard enough, he’d be able to read it.

Michael notices of course, but doesn’t say anything in fear of Calum bringing up the boyfriend subject again. He’s managed to skirt around the topic so far and does not want to be plunged back into defending his relationship status.

It’s okay though, because two days after the three week mark of Luke not contacting him, Calum gets invited over to his place.

When he gets inside, he is surprised to be escorted to the living room by a nervous Luke. It’s a strange sight to see someone so sure of themselves like Luke with anxious sweat on his neck and forehead.

“You alright, Luke?” Calum asks, concern lacing his voice. Luke makes eyes contact and suddenly Calum wants to take him into his arms and whisper to him that whatever he’s worried about, it will be okay. But that will surely cross the line and properly freak Luke out.

“Um, yeah. We just need to talk.” For a moment, Calum’s heart falls out of his ass and he’s sure Luke is about to break things off with him. “I need to ask you something.” Calum breaths out with relief.

“What is it?”

Luke fidgets with his fingers in his lap. “Well, I met this guy,” Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, “and I actually really like him. We’ve been flirting for a bit and I am going to try and seduce him.” Oh fuck.

Calum doesn’t know what to say. Doesn’t know how to react properly. All he knows is that Luke firmly does not and will never love Calum and in turn, ripped Calum’s beating heart out of his chest.

“What do you need me for then?” He asks, trying not to sound bitter and willing his voice to not waver with disappointment.

Luke huffs out a flat chuckle and continues, “I need you to fuck me.”

Calum’s cheeks are already flaming at the thought. “W-what?”

“See, I don’t know if Ashton, the guy I’m into, is a top or a bottom and I have never been fucked before and if he is a top, I want to know what I am getting myself into. I want some experience.” He explains. “And I trust you.” Luke tacks on to the end of his sentence and to Calum, it sounds like he means it. It doesn’t matter though, Calum’s already made his decision.

“Okay.” He says firmly. This maybe the last time Luke gets to be partially his and he isn’t letting it slip away.

Luke sighs happily. “Really?”

“Really.” Calum confirms.

“Okay, then,” Luke stands, “lead the way.”

Calum shoots up from his seat. “Right now?”

“Yeah. I don’t really want to wait and I already have everything ready.”

“Um, okay.” He walks to Luke’s bedroom with the taller boy following and motions for Luke to lay down on the bed.

“Undress.” He orders. He doesn’t mean to sound harsh, but a part of him just wants this over with; wants to be over Luke.

Luke does what he’s told and flips on to his hands and knees as Calum strips to his boxers and locates the lube. He climbs on to the bed and briefly laughs in his head at the role reversal.

“Have you ever fingered yourself before?”

“Once.” Luke exhales as he looks behind him Calum pour lube over his fingers. This isn’t his first time fucking someone, male or female, so he is pretty familiar with the process.

“Okay, well this will feel a little different and hopefully better.” He attempt to assure Luke as he pokes at his entrance once he’s warmed up his fingers. Luke gasps, but it’s quickly cut off when Calum gently slips one finger inside him.

Luke’s silent and Calum waits from him to adjust before pulling his finger out and back in all the way to the knuckle and repeating the movement until Luke is ready for another.

At the feeling of the second finger, Luke moans deeply and Calum speeds up. He avoids Luke’s prostate as he thinks about how good Luke’ll feel around him. The third finger is the worst yet and to take Luke’s mind off the ache, Calum reaches around and jerks him slowly, taking time to play with the head and squeeze him occasionally.

“I-I, mmm, I think I’m ready.” Luke gasps out and Calum removes his fingers, wiping them on Luke’s (probably) expensive sheets and hoping he’s ruined them. He finds the condom on the nightstand and positions himself.


“Yeah.” Luke confirms and Calum bottoms out slowly. Once Luke gives him the okay to move, he gradually builds up a steady pace that has them both moaning breathlessly. He find Luke’s prostate with ease and can already see Luke beginning to fall apart.

“Harder, faster.” Luke pleads.

“Beg.” Calum demands, taking advantage of having Luke at his mercy.

Luke doesn’t even hesitate. “Please, Calum. Need to come s’bad. Ah, fuck!” Calum smirks to himself and pounds into Luke. The younger boy wraps his hand around himself and in a few tugs, he is coming all over himself. The way Luke clenches around Calum has him tipped over the edge in seconds.

Calum pulls out and stares at Luke while he catches his breath. As soon as Luke is recovered, he’s standing up and walking toward the bathroom without one word to Calum.

Calum sits on the bed and listens to the shower running, the steady falling water becoming louder and softer on the tile floors as Luke moves under the stream. He just fucked Luke and he still means nothing to him. He lets that sink in. He’s not sure why he thought that this might make a difference. The only reason he was even asked to do it is so Luke can be with someone else. Luke will never love him.

He hears the shower shut off and Luke emerges from the bathroom clean and his hair still damp.

“You’re still here?” He asks and that’s what sets Calum off. Suddenly, he’s crying and Luke doesn’t know what to do. “Calum?” He asks, frantically.

“I’m in love with you.” Calum confesses and tries not to think about how humiliating it is to confess your feelings naked, on the bed of someone that you just had sex with and who will never love you back.

Luke groans and sits down gingerly (and a safe distance away from Calum, the older boy notes) on the bed. “I know.” He reveals.


“I know that you’re in love with me.” He repeats.

Anger flares in Calum’s stomach. “You know? You know and you let this continue? You fucked with my emotions and played with me, knowing you would never feel the same.” He clenches his jaw balls up his fists at his sides.

“Calum, I,” He starts, but Calum cuts him off.

“Fuck you. You invited me over here to fuck you so some other guy can do it to you later, knowing that I would say yes. No matter how much it hurt me.” Calum is nearly shouting now, aware it’s almost eleven at night.

“Calum, I care about you. I do.” Luke says with a slight panic in his voice.

“No, you don’t. You don’t care about anyone. You used me. You use your friends. You’re an awful person.” Calum’s voice lowers and he sounds more menacing than angry. “You are empty inside, Luke, and you use people to fill the space where your heart should be. Imagine what will happen when people find out that you’re just a sorry, pathetic excuse for a person. That you’re a ghost of something good that died a long time ago. That you have nothing to offer to anyone and you’re just a shallow, careless, rich pretty boy. You’ll end up alone, Luke. Just how a person like you should.” Calum wipes the tear that as slipped down his cheek before pulling on his jeans and grabbing his shirt and boxers. He leaves without another word or glance in Luke’s direction.


Calum is the one avoiding Luke this time around. He’s not going to lie and say it doesn’t feel good. He shouldn’t, but he feels like a winner after saying all those mean things to Luke. It’s not like they weren’t true.

He does notice that Luke keeps his head down more, ignores his friends, and stops going to parties. Makes it feel like even more of a victory.

On Tuesday, Michael comes over after class to study for the midterms.

“You look smug.” Michael points out. Calum just hum in response. “Something happen?”

“I told Luke off.” Calum says.

“Really? What’d you say?” Michael inquires, moving closer to the younger boy so there is little space between them on the twin bed.

“Well, I told him that I love him.” Michael quirks a brow. “And he told me he knew the whole time.”

“Oh, shit.” Is Michael’s reply.

“Yeah. So, I told him that he’s pathetic and he using everyone and he is going to end up alone.”

“Oh, my god.” Michael has something that looks like pride shining in his eyes.

“I know.” Calum breathes.

“So, you’re over him then?”

“Not yet. I mean, I really loved him.” Calum shrugs.

“Calum, he ruined you. He used you, just like you said.” Michael protests, setting his books aside so he can face Calum properly.

“I know, but I think a part of me hopes that what I said would cause some sort of breakthrough for him and he would stop being a shit person.” Calum admits.

“And love you back.” Michael fills in after a moment and Calum nods solemnly. “Cal.” Michael coos, face softening, and tears slip down Calum’s face as he falls into Michael’s open arms.

“I’m so stupid. I think I knew he would never feel the same, but I hated thinking about giving up the only part of him I had.” Calum sniffles.

“Calum, I’m so sorry.” Michael whispers and Calum just sobs harder. They fall back together on the bed and Michael holds the younger boy as he cries himself to sleep.


The next week, Calum thinks he’s finally starting to come to terms with what happened with Luke. So when he spots the blonde haired boy at a coffee shop near campus, he hesitantly walks towards him.

“Hey.” He greets him. Luke is sitting by himself surrounded by empty cups of coffee and his laptop sitting in front of him. When he hears Calum’s voice, he tenses and stops typing.

“Hey.” He says, nervously motioning to the seat across from him. Calum obliges and sits with his hot chocolate in both hands and held close to his body.

“Term paper?” He asks, referring to the laptop.

Luke nods, “Yeah. The professor said if I don’t get a good grade on this, I’m failing the semester.” That answers the question of Luke’s grades. Guess he doesn’t get away with everything.

“Man, that sucks.” Calum replies. An awkward silences settles over them and Calum is about to excuse himself when Luke speaks up.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers.

“Really?” Calum asks, surprised and not sure what to say.

“Yeah. I guess I am a bit selfish and I use people. I mean, I knew that but no one ever called me out on it, you know. It’s kinda easy to pretend you aren’t hurting anyone if no one says anything.” He shrugs.

“I guess.” Calum nods dumbly.

“I’m going to try to stop, okay? Using people. Hurting people. You made me see that I’m not the only person with feelings. I’m going to try harder at everything.” Luke tells him. “Maybe we can be friends?” He shyly meets Calum’s eyes and Calum sees a flicker of hope in them.

“Of course, Luke.” Calum smiles.

They talk for a bit longer and Calum even gives him a few pointers for his paper. He thinks maybe Luke and him weren’t supposed to be in love. Maybe they were just supposed to be friends; to platonically change each other for the better.

Calum leaves the coffee shop with the promise of hanging out with Luke. No dicks involved.