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I want to F*cking Tear You Apart

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On the internet, everyone is “different” and “unique.” They're loved for it in broad strokes. Encouraged to live their truth and be as different as they can make themselves. Pierce this, color that, wear this, put this on your wrists, put that on your head. Just be different, be you. Don't conform! Be proud!

Being different in real life is nothing like the internet. Being different in the real cold world fucking sucks. No one congratulates you for not being like your classmate, for writing something disturbing or expressing yourself a bit too much. They instead send you to the damn counselor. Again. Hux is tired of going to the counselor.

Mr. Petree is a nice man, at least that's what everyone is supposed to think about him. But really he'd a dull man, boring, fat and jewish (that isn't a slur, but Hux wants to rip his little yamica off most of the time because it's always crooked on his head) and he's inept. Hux used to tell himself that the reason he didn't like Mr. Petree was because he didn't really want to help Hux, but that's not true. He'd just busy dealing with more important cases; the girl in his science class who doesn't eat, the guy in mathematics III who Hux is pretty sure is on drugs, and then there's the idiot in his English class who's cutting himself. That's just in his small eleventh grade class, Hux don't even want to know about the other years. Those people were more pressing than straight A Hux who wrote a little too expressive in English class, or had to be excused from gym because he started “acting weird” when his classmate took a ball to the face and got a bloody nose, or had accidentally forgotten where he was during lunch and took his scalpel (it was always on him) out and used it to cut open the plastic seal on his cheese and cracker Lunchable. These weren't things Mr. Petree could fix, but the school wouldn't wanna risk looking like they missed any “signs”.

“I'm sure you didn't mean to alarm anyone, but this is pretty graphic,” Mr. Petree was saying, eyeing pages of Hux's most recent assignment.

The assignment was to write a story in an era of their choosing, with heavy grading on the authors ability to bring the time period to life accurately. He'd chosen the 1800s and weaved a tale following a body part. It began with the young man who was brutally killed by his lover. Not knowing what to do with a dead body on his hands the lover sold it to a “body thief” who sold it to a local medical school. The medical school used the body as a teaching tool for autopsy. As the pieces were taken out, you learned which of the body parts you were actually following. Hux had chosen the dead man's liver (he'd thought a heart was too melodramatic). The story took you on the travels from the medical school to a brief stint in the hands of a cannibal, who thankfully did not get to eat his meal. And finally ended up with another shady character who made the liver a piece of a Frankenstein-like monster, alive again. He considered it a down right happy ending. He had thrown out the ending where the liver was thrown to a bunch of dogs and instead chose the light hearted rebirth idea. Hardly something worth going to the counselor for. Again.

“It's supposed to be descriptive,” Hux said and leaned back in the chair. The office smelled stuffy, the windows were closed – they were always closed – and beyond the glass he could see several of his classmates out on the lawn taking their lunches.

He saw the tall frame of Kylo among them, impossible to miss with his ridiculously flamboyant choice of clothes; neon green skinny jeans held with a white belt, lined with metal studs, several chains of silver and black hung from the pockets, a black ringer t-shirt that was probably form the girls section and said “I'm not with the Band” in curly bright pink writing stretched across his chest, and his usual wrist loads of “kandi” and jelly braclets. That didn't even take his hair into account. Not that Hux had spent a lot of time thinking about his hair.

“Listen, just tone it down next time,” Mr. Petree pressed on. By the resigned sound in his voice (which Hux was used to hearing) he was probably aware Hux's attention wasn't in the room with him. “I would send another referral to your parents for consoling, so you can start dealing with some of these issues but the last two didn't do much good.”

“Five,” Hux corrected boredly.

Kylo was sitting on the ground beside his cousin Rey talking animatedly about something – probably something stupid, maybe he'd made something new on for his Myspace page. He kept waving his hand (with black finger nail polish no less) in the air like he was doing a performance. Rey laughed, smiled at him, said something back and Kylo laughed large, showing his braces and the large scale of his mouth. He seemed to realize it and a moment later and glanced around sarupticously, pulling his large lips back over his teeth firmly in a grimace.

“Is it five? Oh,” Mr. Petree frowned worriedly when Hux looked back over at him. He had Hux's file open, it was littered with past assignments that had gotten Hux in trouble, a couple photographs he'd taken that were “disturbing” and a selection of write ups for behavior. “I guess it has been five times. Hm. Well, I suppose a sixth won't hurt.”

Hux nodded to him as Mr. Petree turned in his chair and began typing on his computer to make up a new referral. Hux would do what he did with the last four, fold them into an origami hand gun and tape them to the inside of his closet door. He kind of enjoyed the collection. He'd given the first one to his mother and father. His father had laughed, patted him on the back and said he didn't see the problem, his mother hadn't said a word, nor had she laughed.

Outside Kylo was laying back on the grass now, stretched out beside Rey who was talking to someone else while stuffing bits of sandwich in her mouth. The way Kylo stretched out made his shirt ride up, exposing the expanse of his white tender stomach. He was thin in a way Hux was pretty sure had more to do with fitting in skinny jeans than actual appetite. He wondered what Kylo had eaten today, if he was still sucking down those little wax bottles of flavored sugar water between classes. Probably. He seemed to survive on sweets. Maybe his blood was sweet too, going against all medical realities, maybe the overwhelming amount of sugar he ate had changed his blood from a tart metallic flavor to candy. Hux could see himself drinking little wax bottles of Kylo's sugar blood. Why not.


Hux looked back, flushing as his thoughts pulled away from Kylo to Mr. Petree. He was holding out the sealed envelop, referral inside, eyebrows high on his too-short forehead. That fucking yamaka so far off kilter it looked like it might fall right off his head.



“Thank you Mr. Petree,” Hux said, took the envelope and left the office.



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Hux smiled with satisfaction as he loaded his Myspace dash. On the internet, no one can send you to the counselor; you're crazy is someone's crazy too.


You have new comments!

FOURgetU: OMG!!! Did you kill that yourself?!?? LIKE WHAT!!!?

BleedingAngel1978 (Online now!): I love the way you captured the shine of the blood. Very impressive. I look forward to more.

Zialark (Online now!): Wow, I really like this. I don't want to, but I do. ^.^

iMade7eat9dics (Online now!): i think you're kinda sick bro cool lol

vXvBitesdwnvXv (Online now!): Teenage Mutilated Ninja Turtle. Hahaha.

HarrowingNitemares: Why can't I find things like this when I go for a walk?

SarahSpArKleTY: Needs glitter!

XxKindred (Online now!): You are my top 8. Just you.


Hux had another twenty or so comments like this, all from the photo he had posted last night. It was a quick photograph he'd taken while walking home from school. He liked to take a long route through the section of town that a lot of the college professor's lived in, the sidewalks were always better maintained there. Along the way he'd stopped at his favorite pond – it happened to be at the cemetery, which despite what some people might think was NOT his favorite place. The pond had it's own little ecosystem going for it, and Hux usually found at least one or two animals out in the opem. Yesterday it had been a turtle, it had been half eaten by some wild animal. It laid in the grass on it's back, one leg torn off, head gone, blood thick and congealed where the neck stretched out, slightly bloated. It was still going through it's process of decay and hadn't shrunk back in yet.

He'd gotten down all the way on his belly to get the shot, laying in the somewhat damp grass and pulled out his camera. It was an unimpressive digital one, but his grandmother had tried her best during Christmas to get the right thing. He chose to take the photo in black and white, edited in photoshop to heighten the contrast and uploaded it to his Myspace with the title: “Morla doesn't talk anymore.” He wasn't surprised no one seemed to get his reference to the old movie, at least he thought no one had...


xXBeautyTornAparTXx (Online now!): I love The Never Ending Story! Poor Morla! T_T' sooo sad. U_U


Kylo. Stupid ass Kylo. He probably dressed up like some scene version of Childlike Empress for Halloween. Okay, Hux knew that wasn't true because he'd seen Kylo for the last several Halloweens, he'd uploaded his party pictures the same night. He was a demon last year; a costume consisting of a pair of horns, a tail and a pair of bat wings strapped over his back, the rest had been his normal t-shirt and jeans combo. But still, it sounded like something Kylo would do.

Kylo was in his message box a lot and commented on every photo Hux had ever uploaded. Though they didn't talk a ton at school it seemed like Kylo was always finding reasons to talk to Hux through Myspace, or AIM. Hux had pointedly refused to give Kylo his cell number when he asked. On que Hux heard the crack through his laptop speakers signifying Kylo was on AIM, seconds later a message popped up from him.

XxbrokenNtornXx: Hey!

GuiltyKiller: Hello Kylo

XxbrokenNtornXx: Why can I like hear ur lack of enthusiasm through aim?

GuiltyKiller: I do not know.

XxbrokenNtornXx: omg! Again. Hux stop being stupid

XxbrokenNtornXx: ok ok ur not stupid. Answer me!!

GuiltyKiller: You didn't say anything to reply to.

XxbrokenNtornXx: omg. W/e. Did you see my new pic yet?!

GuiltyKiller: No.


Hux felt his heart suddenly leap. He loved when Kylo posted new photos of himself, especially lately. Something over the last few months had changed with Kylo, he'd started showing more of his body, and the “scene kid” persona he was known for was increasingly getting darker. Darker in a way that made Hux stir a little too much sometimes. He was glad Kylo didn't look like he did in his myspace photos everyday, else Hux was sure he'd be running around with a constant boner.

Hux had a folder on his computer with nothing but Kylo's photos on it, especially the last several month's worth. His favorite was Kylo nude from the chest up, looking sadly into the camera, eyes ringed with black liner, mouth hanging half open, pierced bottom lip puckered out, blood dripping from his mouth, down his lips and a long trail across his pale chest and stomach. It was fake blood, but the image worked for Hux... well it had worked several times actually.

Myspace was always logged in and he quickly clicked on Kylo's name, watching as the gaudy page loaded. He forgot to turn his speakers down so his horrible screamo music began blasting through the air even before the new picture loaded.

Kylo lay on a tiled bathroom floor with no clothes on at all, unless Hux counted his braclets and choker (which he did not). The photo wasn't a full nude despite Kylo's lack of clothing, because where Kylo's hips lead down the picture cut off. His face was turned half toward the camera, doing his best at playing dead; mouth open slightly but not enough for his braces to be seen, charcoal rimmed eyes half open and staring up. He must have run his mother out of karo syrup because the floor below him was absolutely covered in fake red blood. In the center of his chest was his hand, limply holding a pink gun (clearly fake, possibly a squirt gun) the end of the barrel leaking more fake blood across his chest, a large circular section on his chest was darker and was apparently meant to be the gunshot wound. The caption read: “Just Shoot my <3 I'll bleed to see you smile.”


XxbrokenNtornXx: omg. Hello?

XxbrokenNtornXx: Do you hate it?

XxbrokenNtornXx: ….......

GuiltyKiller: Ever dramatic.

GuiltyKiller: Did the gun come from a cracker jack box?

GuiltyKiller: How much trouble are you in for staining your bathroom floor?

XxbrokenNtornXx: dick

XxbrokenNtornXx: fuck

XxbrokenNtornXx: Ok! I used spray paint on a toy gun. W/e it looks hot

GuiltyKiller: It looks desperate.


And hot. Horribly, pants tightening hot. Hux dragged the picture into his folder of Kylo photos and changed the title to !1.jpg so it would show up as the first image later, when his family wasn't awake and roaming around the house.


XxbrokenNtornXx: w/e its better than ur turtle

GuiltyKiller: Morla.

XxbrokenNtornXx: w/e

XxbrokenNtornXx: did you really kill it?

GuiltyKiller: Maybe.



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“How do you even see the shuttlecock?” Hux asked, eyeing Kylo's face.

They were in PE, sitting on the bleachers, happily removed from the game of indoor badminton currently going on (they'd both been swapped out). Hux really wished he'd taken the two required years of PE earlier in his high-school career, but at least he wasn't alone. Kylo was there too, if that was actually of any consolation. Which it kinda felt like it was...sometimes.

“Wha?” Kylo looked at him, with one eye, the other was hidden behind a long sweep of black and red hair, freshly dyed Hux assumed, by how vibrant the red was. His black eyeliner was even more smugged than usual and his cheeks were flushed red from the excursion of PE class.

Hux made a vague motion toward his own pale green eyes, which of course had no stupid hair falling over them. He kept his red locks smoothed back and lightly moosed.

“Oh, right,” Kylo said and tucked back the section of hair, pulling a rainbow colored hair clip from the bottom of his shirt (a row of four were clipped there) and promptly clipped the hair back along the side of his head. He really took too much time adjusting it, then smiled at Hux tilting his head like he could see his refection in Hux's face. “That look good?”

Hux smirked. “Your eyes are no longer covered,” Hux said and looked away before Kylo started using him for even more of a mirror.

Most of the people in the gymnasium were from the 9th grade, but a few of Hux's and Kylo's classmates were there. Finn was out there, trying his damnedest to hit the little shuttle cock, he missed a lot. Hux didn't care for Finn much, he was such a good guy. It was kind of disgusting how often Kylo talked to him.

“So uh,” Kylo started to speak again. “Did you get my message last night? You never answered...”

Oh yes, he'd gotten it. He'd pretend he didn't all night. He'd looked at it, closed it, opened it, looking at it again. Paced his room and tried very very hard not to feel the panic coursing through him at those simple words.


You have a new message!

xXBeautyTornAparTXx: I'm going to this party sat. you should come. pwease. no one I know is going. be mi date.


Brendol Hux did not go to parties. Brendol Hux had not been invited to a party since he was in middle school. But this was Kylo asking him and that was really tempting. He'd been eye-fucking all of Kylo's party pictures for months, he knew how Kylo looked at a party, how his face reddened when he drank and his eyes got glassy in that too appealing way. He wanted to see Kylo that way up close. Maybe he could even talk Kylo into some... things.

“I saw it this morning,” Hux lied and gave his best bored expression to Kylo. “Why would you ask me to go?”

Kylo frowned and started chewing on his lush bottom lip, his braces flashing briefly before he shrugged. “I dunno. Because it's gonna have a lot of older people there and you're, like, the only older person I know,” Kylo said and frowned again.

“I am literally ten months older than you Kylo,” Hux said, cocking his brow.

“Yeah but, you're not really,” Kylo whined and put his big hands on Hux's arm, tugging it. “Please! Come on. You're older ish. Like, you act older and I don't wanna go there and be kidnapped or something.”

“Jesus,” Hux sighed. He looked down at Kylo's hands on his arms, his fingernail polish was chipped, he could tell Kylo had used a sharpie to fill in the spaces. “How did you get invited anyway?”

“Sarah Sparkles, you know the chick that comments on everything you post. Well she invited me,” Kylo sounded a little like he didn't really like that Sarah, like Kylo, commented so much. “I told her I'd bring you. Phasma's going too.”

“You said no one you knew was going!” Hux said sharply.

“Phasma is Rey's friend not mine. Just say yes,” Kylo was shaking his arm again, tugging on it like a little kid asking for a new damn puppy. Kylo's bottom lip pushed out, the lip ring he usually wore in it was gone, taken out for PE class. Hux wondered if Kylo would moan if he nibbled on his pouting bottom lip, how much would it bleed if Hux bit on it?

“Fine. I'll go. But I'm not promising to stay.”

“Yes!” Kylo threw his long gangling arms around Hux's shoulders and squeezed him close, butting his head against the side of Hux's. “You're the best Hux!”



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Hux wasn't sure why he was even going to this stupid party. Over the last four days, the “Kylo's guest” list had expanded from Hux to include two of Kylo's emo-goth friends; Bazine and Ethan No (Ithano as Kylo liked to call him). Phasma was still going too. Kylo would know plenty of people, there was hardly a reason for Hux to go, honestly. Except maybe that he wanted to. Maybe he wanted to see Kylo (kind of) a lot.

He tucked in his black turtle neck and began fastening the front of his fitted dark tweed pants while he glanced at his laptop yet again. He had his laptop open, the conversation with Kylo from an hour ago was still up on AIM.


XxbrokenNtornXx: HUX!!

XxbrokenNtornXx: I don't knw what to wear. Bazine says to take my kandi off. But omg I cant.

XxbrokenNtornXx: Hux accept the file! Omg

XxbrokenNtornXx: HUX is this OKIE? Accept it!

XxbrokenNtornXx: Finally!

XxbrokenNtornXx: So???? Well??

XxbrokenNtornXx: Omg is it too highskool?


He'd accepted the file and nearly lost all his breath when it had popped up on his screen. Kylo had taken a picture of himself in his full-length mirror (Hux knew it hung off his closet door, from the millions of pictures he'd seen of Kylo's room). He wore a pair of tight black jean, a too-short orange shirt with a boat collar that hung off his shoulders exposing his collar bones and said “PANIC PANIC” in hard to read pink script. In addition to his usual black choker with the dangling sword pendant, was a bright silver dog's choke chain, one long section of links danged so the rest of chain pressed snug around his neck, the O-ring at the end of the hanging chain was lit bright from the flash of his camera.

Hux rushed to his journal the minute he'd seen it, pulling it wildly out of his satchel and thumbing threw it so quickly he nearly ripped the pages. And there it was, the drawing he had done of Kylo several weeks ago. In the image Kylo was looking up, tongue out, drooling saliva and blue-ink blood, being choked out by a dog's choke chain, just like the one he wore now. He hadn't shown Kylo that, no way. He hadn't shown Kylo any of his drawings. No one had seen them but his little brother, and that had been accidental.

Hux felt his face sweat and his mouth go dry. He'd never seen one of his fantasies come even close to life, and there Kylo was, wearing a fucking dog chain. Looking fucking... fuckable. Hux had barely been able to feel his fingertips when he'd replied to Kylo,


GuiltyKiller: You look great.

XxbrokenNtornXx: OMG.

XxbrokenNtornXx: Thx HUX *\(^#.#^)/*


When Hux finished dressing, he slipped on his sleek, fitted leather jacket (he never wore to school because some asshole might mess it up) and shut his laptop down. He pulled the battery out (like he did ever single time he left the house) and hid it in the top shelf of his closet with the laptop charger, before leaving his room. He thought he was pretty good at hiding things, plus he'd put a lock on the closet door.


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Ithano's car smelled like body spray, hair spray and weed. It wouldn't have been so bad if the car wasn't also a piece of crap with windows that didn't work and so many discarded plastic water bottles that Hux had given up making space for his feet, and just put them on top of the bottles. He was crammed in the back seat with some girl he didn't know, and Kylo's large body pressed up against him, he'd thrown one of his legs over Hux's after also giving up on the bottle covered floor.

“It's just up to the left,” Kylo yelled. The car's sides were rattling with the vibration for the speakers, some horrible screaming was coming out of it, a long garbled torrid of a words that Hux couldn't even identify.

The party was at one of the many large “college houses” on the northwest side of town, just off of what was considered the campus. Coruscant College (which shared it's name with the town itself) was known as an Arts school, and had a rather laid back arty feel about it that expanded beyond the borders of the College itself. When students for the college came for the new year each dorm house would put out large banners (hand made) labeling the dorms for their nicknames. Hux recognized the house they came up to as “The Tank.” The Tank, got it's name from the 200 gallon fish tank that was kept on the ground floor of the expansive house, maintained by the students originally and later the college employed an aquarium specialist to keep it up, despite it being off campus. He knew this only because his brother, who attended the college, had told him as much. He'd never actual been in the house.

When the piece of shit car finally pulled up, Hux was mildly dismayed that they parked in the yard, but as there were several other cars doing the same, he supposed he really shouldn't care. It was a college house after all, what did he expect? Neat, orderly parking behavior? Common sense?

Kylo was practically bouncing on the balls of his feet when he followed Hux out of the car and up toward the large house. The door hung open and Hux could hear the heavy beat of music long before they were walking up onto the porch and into the house. It was packed. Bodies everywhere, music tearing through the house, drinks, smoke, everything you can expect from a party. It was exactly as he had expected. Apparently movies didn't always lie.

“Oh my god. Hux, we're at a college party!” Kylo was pulling on his arm again, jumping up and down and making his silver choke chain bounce against his breast bone.

“Calm down Kylo, really,” Hux said dismissively, less excited by all the activity than he was by the sound that collar made.

“Come on, lets find the drinks,” said Bazine. She slipped her fish-net covered hand into Kylo's and pulled him with her.

Hux watched bitterly as Kylo disappeared into the mass of people, followed by Ithano, toward the back of the house, where the music seemed to be loudest. Hux didn't follow. He explored the house a bit until he ended up in the large front room, standing in front of the fish tank. It was a lot more unimpressive than he expected. There were three green and yellow severum fish, two oscars, a really large sucker fish and several schools of tetra fish. The selection wasn't unlike the fish tank he's father used to have. Interesting to watch for a minute, but over all lack luster and ordinary.

He realized as he watched the fish that he was probably being “lame” as Kylo would call it. He should at least have a drink, even if it meant going back towards where all that noise was. He'd just deal with it.

Once at the back of the house, he found this was where the real party was. Past the large back porch the music was playing from a large set of speakers, a makeshift dance floor had been set up on the yard and several bodies were milling around it in different states of dance. It wasn't easy to see, since the only lights in the backyard came from a selection of strobes and a few lights that showered the space in blue.

He didn't see Kylo anywhere. He did find drinks however, lined on a card table on the porch across from two kegs. He found a solo cup and filled it half way up from a bottle labeled “SKY” and after taking a big breath, grabbed a handful of ice from the cooler to bring the temperature of the luke warm vodka down to something drinkable. It didn't taste as good as his father's Greygoose, but at least it was better than beer.

The railing on the back porch was wide and stone, so he perched himself there, sipping from the cup and watching the people below, swirling in dance, half of them drunk, more than one half just grinding their bodies on the dance floor. He was certain this must be exactly the kind of thing Kylo liked, it looked like more people than he'd ever seen in any of Kylo's party pictures. He was sure wherever Kylo was, he was probably having a great time... without Hux.

Hux decided he didn't like parties. Not that he'd expected to, but the whole thing seemed kind of confusing. What was the point, when you could just drink at home? He wasn't getting it, not really.

His eyes wandered back to the keg a few times, watching as people filled their cups up and dunked bare hands into the ice filled chest to cool the various alcoholic beverages. He could imagine how much bacteria was probably building up on the handle of the ice chest alone. These people were all so trusting. They had no idea what was in that keg or the ice. Yes it was beer and water. But what if someone put a little ethylene glycol in the beer? Would these drunk people even noticed before it was too late? Maybe cyanide. Would the yard be littered with bodies like a Jim Jones reenactment before anyone caught on?

Hux almost smiled, until he realized Kylo would be one of those dead bodies on the grass. He wouldn't like that, that just wouldn't do. He liked Kylo. Enjoyed his stupid enthusiasm, the way he didn't let Hux's cold exterior stop him from touching him or talking to him. That he ignored the way Hux spoke to him, like he didn't even mind it. Maybe he liked the abuse. That sounded like someone Kylo would say.

“Get down Kylo!”

The yell caught Hux's attention and he looked toward the noise. Along the edge of the yard was a tall wooden fence, closing in the backyard from the neighbors. Perched on the top of the fence, standing with his arms out to his sides, weaving dangerously, was Kylo.

“I'm fiiiine,” Kylo slurred down to the people below. Phasma was the one yelling, Hux recognized her harsh hair cut and striking platinum blond hair in the small crowd by the fence.

“Get your ass down right now Kylo!” Phasma yelled up at him.

Hux sighed and abandoned his cup, slipping off the banister and dropping onto the ground to join the crowd near the fence. Kylo's need for attention really held no bounds.

“No, no. Come ooon, I do this all the time in clash,” Kylo went on, his words somewhat messy in his drunken mouth. He placed one big foot in front of the other, starting to walk the fence, it wobbled under his weight and he wobbled with it. “Come on, someum' get up here with me. I'll spar ya!”

“Jesus Christ,” Hux muttered. He knew Kylo took Martial Arts, as Hux's younger brother attended the same school, but their balance practices (when done on beams) were inches off the ground, not seven feet. A girl with black hair was being lifted up to join Kylo on the fence. Several people in the small crowd were cheering her on.

Hux really didn't like parties.

“Rey is gonna kill me if I let you bust your ass,” Phasma yelled up at him again. She was walking along the fence, her arms raised, waiting to catch Kylo when he fell, but too fearful to grab his ankles and drag him down.

“Seriously Kylo. Get down!” Hux said loudly, trying to get his attention.

He got it. Kylo turned to look at him, turned too quick, too far and toppled right over the fence... landing on the opposite side of Phasma's strong arms.


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“I'm never gonna get invited to another college party,” Kylo said glumly. His large nose was bleeding all over his mouth and he dabbed at it with a tissue. Red drops strained his bright orange shirt and a few drops clung to his chin. Hux was doing his best to ignore how dry his mouth was, and how very very hard his cock was in his pants. It was not easy.

They were alone on the front porch. Phasma had gathered up Kylo from the other side of the fence and after a lot of yelling, left Hux to “deal with him.” Kylo's other two friends were no where to be found. Everyone else in the fence crowd had went back to partying once they realized no one was actually really hurt. Kylo had gotten a bloody nose and a pretty bad scrap on his shoulder he probably wouldn't feel it until the alcohol wore off. Hux suspected however, that Kylo hadn't actually drank as much as he might have been pretending to.

“Probably not,” Hux said and handed him a third tissue from the box he'd nicked out of some girl's bedroom. He didn't want to give Kylo any tissues at all, but at least he could see how bright the blood was on the white cotton.

“I'm sorry 'ux,” Kylo said with a sigh, stuffing the tissue up his nose and leaving it there. “I wuined et.”

“You didn't ruin anything for me,” Hux said drying and set the box away. If he wasn't going to use the tissues properly, Hux wasn't going to let him have anymore. “You should tip your head back. It'll help stop the bleeding.”

“W'ight,” Kylo said and tipped his head back.

Tipping his head back wasn't the right thing to do at all, all it did was make blood flow down his throat instead of out of his nose. With his head back, Kylo's was exposing his big ears completely. Hux had only seen his ears fully a few times, but he'd drawn them a lot, sometimes attached to Kylo's head, sometimes not. He loved them, though he knew Kylo mustn't since he hid them most of the time, only letting them poke out a bit through his dark hair.

“Let the air get to it, it'll help,” Hux added to the lie, he reached over and pulled the tissue from Kylo's nose, folding it in on itself. Kylo trusted Hux's judgment more than his own, he tipped his head back further. Hux watched as Kylo' adams apple bobbed against his choker and dog collar as he swallowed the blood that was undoubtedly running down his throat. The blood that stuck to his chin was drying a bit, Hux could see that it no longer wobbled when Kylo moved.

“So much for a date huh?” Kylo said.

Hux tore his eyes away from the blood and looked at Kylo's eyes. Personally this was the best fucking date, Hux had ever had. He couldn't have wished for it to go better really.

“I wasn't aware coming to a party with your friends was considered a date,” Hux said coolly.

Kylo closed his eyes and frowned, tipping his head forward again. “That's not helping,” he muttered. “But I did want it to be a date... I mean I kinda did. I thought if you spent some time-”

Hux wasn't listening at all. The blood was flowing freely from Kylo's nose again and down those plump lips, coating them red and reddening the silver metal in his bottom lip. Hux leaned in and Kylo's voice stopped droning on when Hux curled a finger into the O-ring of his dog chain and yanked him over.



He mashed his lips against Kylo's bloody ones in an ambushed kiss. For a breif second Kylo's lips remained stiff under his own and then slowly he began to kiss back. Kylo wasn't a good kisser at all, he didn't open his mouth enough and pushed his tongue around too quickly. Hux yanked harder at the O-ring making the cirlce tighten around Kylo's neck, Kylo seemed to get the message, his mouth slacked and opened more, allowing Hux to slid his tongue in.

Kylo's blood didn't taste like candy, but it was still good. Sharp and metallic and alive.

Kylo moaned under the kiss and Hux felt his arms slipping around his waist, pulling his larger body against Hux's. Hux pulled back a bit and licked down Kylo's chin, holding him only by one finger in the O-ring. He yanked it tighter and heard the metal link clink against the O-ring pressed against Kylo's pale throat. He wanted to yank harder, to push his hand against Kylo's chest for leverage and hear Kylo choke and gasp for breath... but he didn't know how far he could go. He wasn't so sure Kylo's willingness would extend that far.

“Hux,” Kylo gasped, leaning back a bit and pulling the chain another link tighter.

Hux cleaned his chin off of all the blood and moved his mouth back to Kylo's lips, biting down on his bottom one. When Kylo responded by moaning and digging his hands into Hux's hips, Hux bit down harder, working his jaw so that skin dragged under his teeth.

“Shit,” Kylo pulled back and put his hand to his mouth, closing his lips tightly together. “Damn, that hurt.”

“Did it?”

“Hux... you're eyes,” Kylo said slowly, he was looking back at him almost with apprehension. Hux could feel how hard he was breathing but couldn't stop it, his mouth tasted of Kylo's blood and he was sure he could almost smell it. His vision was hazy with the lust that was throbbing through him, increasingly focusing on his pants. He curled his finger more in the O-ring, curling his hand into the chain, he was forcing himself not to yank on it again. “You... you really like that huh?”


Chapter Text

 Hux held on, with one hand, to the bathroom sink for dear fucking life. He had done this a million times, especially to thoughts of Kylo, but tonight was different. He had splattered the bathroom sink two times already with thinner and thinner globs of cum and still wasn't satisfied. It was hard to believe it was happening again.

He was naked in his private bathroom, his thighs shaking very slightly as he pressed himself to the cold front of the sink, his sack (somehow not empty) between himself and the hard porcelain. He stoked his hand faster up and down the shaft of his cock, the slippery silky lubricant was nearly gone and the action felt rougher. The skin dragged harder and clung sticky to the inside of his palm, hot and slightly sore at this point. Fingertips of his other hand dug into the porcelain of the free-standing sink, trying to hold himself in place as the pleasure rattled through him.

“Fuck, Kylo.. Jesus,” he groaned softly.

His eyes opened only enough to look down at the sink through his pale lashes. There was only one bloody tissue sitting in the sink now, he'd thrown away the others after he finished cumming in and on them. The blood on the tissue still in the sink wasn't even red anymore, it had become a dark less attractive brown, but it was the tissue that Kylo had stuffed into his nasal cavity. He's saved it for last. It had been inside of Kylo, directly pressed against an open wound, catching gushing blood and filling the fibers.

“God Jesus,” Hux hissed as he felt the orgasm shutter through his body.

It hurt bad, from the pink tip of his cock all the way down into his sack. He hissed as he leaned over the sink, closing his eyes to the sight of his cum once more gushing out and soaking the tissue in the sink. It was too much and Hux slammed his other hand onto the edge of the sink, using both arms to hold himself up. He was shaking, his legs felt like jelly and his muscles felt tired from being tense for so long.

He hoped he was satiated finally.

After cleaning up the mess in the sink, washing all the slick off his abused dick, and thoroughly washing his hands, Hux slipped back into his comfy plaid pajama bottoms. Another gift from his grandmother. He returned to his bedroom adjacent to the bath and sat down at his desk again. He really wanted to go to bed but he hadn't gone to sleep without checking into Myspace for ages now. He wasn't going to change his routine now just because of some post-orgasm sleepiness.

He scrolled through the new friend requests and comments he'd gotten, it was all pretense for what he really wanted and he clicked on Kylo's main page. Kylo had made a new blog post titled “black and green (view more).” Very creative.


Black and green

mood: smitten


like a black soul put in a pool of poison
toxic mouth, black heart
poison so hot, black so cold

i want to drown into the pool of back
let the sting of poison burn me, I won't care

my red on your pink
your black for my red
green so thin

poison burns up my red

love me. burn me.

taste my red


~ kylo ( #˘ ³˘)♥
omg I think I broke my nose 2nite guyz.



Hux rolled his eyes and huffed at the classically crappy Kylo Poetry. Sometimes he thought someone should really take Kylo's computer access from him. He shook his head and took one last look at Kylo's gun-shot profile picture before he closed down the laptop and crawled into his bed.

He knew he'd probably dream of Kylo, the sound of the chain clinking as it tightened and the taste of his bloody lips. At least he'd be too worn out to wake up with a mess... hopefully.


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The fact that study hall was required for people nearly out of school was really ridiculous. Hux could have gotten out of it by taking on another “electives” class, but he hadn't thought it through at the beginning of the year and was stuck with his choice. German II was filled up. Adding insult to injury, it was worse that they actually took attendance in study hall. Was this elementary school?

“Finn Ribert?”


“Kylo Solo?”

“He's here!” Fin answered brightly for Kylo, smiling broadly up at the exhausted looking teacher. Hux was pretty sure she taught Home Economics.

Hux knew he shouldn't feel the bitterness as he looked over at where Kylo was seated, but he felt it anyway. Finn and Kylo sat at one of the tables together in the back, both leaning over a MADD magazine, enthralled by the pop-culture humor. Hux had tried to read MADD once. It hadn't even made him smile. But Finn and Kylo seemed to find it hilarious. Hux didn't like the way Finn laughed, it sounded warm and too friendly to be shared with Kylo.

Finn and Kylo were not friends publicly, in fact seeing them together was so rare very few people knew about their under the radar friendship, but Hux knew. Kylo had rattled on a few times about going to the movies with Finn or some token of advice Finn had given him that Kylo stupidly thought was profound. When Hux had shared his distaste for the boy, Kylo had just told Hux “You just don't know him Hux.” Hux didn't want to know goodie goodie Finn Ribert.

The boy was a full year younger than them both but had somehow managed to skip a grade in elementary school where Hux had not. He was also very popular, especially with girls. Not in the way Poe Dameron or Kylo's cousin Rey were, these were the kind of girls that thought Finn was cute and 'adorable' because he was openly gay. He was the least likely person to ever be in a relationship with anyone at the school. His purity ring took care of that. It was hard for Hux to fully understand how Finn lived his life in the historically judgmental Church. He was the lead organizer of the Bible Study and had handed Hux more than one “Watchtower” or “Daily Devotation” pamphlet over the years. Perhaps because of his row of perfect white teeth, his nauseating helpfulness and teeth grinding good nature it out weighed the prejudice he faced. Funny how easy some people just fit in no matter what.

Not that Kylo was one to fit in, but that was by his own design in Hux's estimation. In an odd way, pushing to be so different had left him fitting in like a glove. He had a vast array of friends in the school, both people like himself (self-proclaimed social rejects whose more unique features were easily changed with a bottle of hair dye), people like Finn who were all sweetness and light and even people like Rey and Phasma who were closer to the stereo typical “Jocks.” Jocks who should make Kylo's life a living hell, by Highschool standards. Somehow Kylo swam through the social pools like it really was water. Maybe that was why he was so easily able to approach Hux, no one else seemed bold enough to do so.

Hux tore his eyes away from the two of them and tried not to listen to their laughed as it ebbed and flowed. He had no more classwork and instead set to pull his journal out. He'd gotten a new journal every year for the last four years, since he'd finally realized it was time to keep a closer eye on the experiments he wanted to try, or had actually done.

He turned to the last entry and began to add notes in his sharp slanted writing. Right now he was working on getting the correct surgical cocktail together for a human, namely himself. Hux knew he would some day be preforming a surgery outside of a medical setting; technically he already had dozens of times, but that had been on animals. He wanted humans. How better to start than on yourself? He was hoping that if he did enough research he would find the correct combination of (easily accessible to him) drugs that he could numb his whole leg. Then he would do a short exploratory surgery on his thigh, or calf. He hadn't decided which yet. The goal would be to cut a small section of muscle out and see how long it took to heal, as well as how well he was able to preform everything. He was pretty sure it would only take a month or two for everything to heal and go back to normal. The human body was very resistant.

Since he didn't actually have any access to the internet or the PDR in the study hall, his notes were limited to the medicines he could access from memory. Soon his hand gave way to lazily sketching.


He didn't notice when someone came behind him, or that the class was filing out. It was only when Kylo's big (and not broken) nose came into his peripheral view that he realized Kylo was standing directly behind him, leaning over his shoulder to look down at Hux's sketch. Hux froze for a long moment before slowly looking into Kylo's face.

“You draw good Hux,” Kylo said with a smile playing on his big lips. He licked his lips in a way Hux was certain was meant just for him.

Well. Not good,” Hux corrected once he was able to get enough saliva in his mouth.

“Well. Ok, whatever,” Kylo said with a shrug and then smiled. He seemed to think for a moment and then placed his overly big hands on Hux's shoulder and gave it an excited shake. “Hey, you should draw me sometime! Would you do that? Like, something gnarly and bloody?”


“Thanks. You're great Hux!” Kylo kissed the side of his mouth before cheekily winking and walking out of the room.


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“I rather walk home,” muttered Hux's little brother, glaring rather deeply from behind his mess of sandy red hair. He stood several feet away, looking up through the window of the truck, refusing to move any closer, as if Hux would snatch him like some kidnapper.

He had been sent to pick up his little brother Dorian from 'Uncle Luke's Martial Arts Academy' for the last time, as far as Hux was concerned. Every time Hux was sent to collect him, his little brother acted like he was being invited into a death machine instead of their father's large and very safe 4x4 trunk. Plus, Hux was an excellent driver.

“Suit yourself, I'm not responsible for what happens to you,” Hux said sharply.

The opposite door of the truck suddenly opened and Hux watched with dumb fascination as Kylo hopped into the tuck, tossing his gym bag onto the floor board and slid across the seat to stick his head out the window past Hux. Kylo's large shoulders bumped into Hux's chest, forcing him to press himself back in the seat. Hux knew Kylo worked at the Academy after school, but was still a bit surprised to see him. Usually when Dorian finished with class Kylo was still inside, dressing in his white gi, working with other students when they left. But now Kylo was in normal street clothes and the shirt he wore was too-small (like usual) and exposed the space above his jeans as he stretched over Hux. His pale tummy was flat and smooth, spotted with a few dark freckles.

“Your loss kid,” Kylo said and stuck the tip of his tongue out briefly. “Next week I'mma make you work even harder for being a brat to your big brother.”

“Nuh-huh,” said Dorian and ran forward, grasped the edge of Hux's window frame.

“Uh-huh!” Kylo said back, turning his large nose in the air.

Kylo's body was slung so far over Hux's that Hux had to drop his arms into his lap and was very aware of how close Kylo's pale stomach was to his hands. He wanted to grab it, sink his bare fingertips into the flesh and finally get to see what was inside. If he applied enough force he could probably tear him open...

“Master Luke won't let you!” Dorian protested.

“Oh? Whose uncle is he again?”

“So what?! I-”

“If you don't mind,” Hux interrupted and pushed Kylo back by the shoulder and turned sharply to look out at Dorian. “Last chance. Get in, or walk.”

The rude gesture Dorian made before he walked back into the school was noted... and would not be forgotten.

“Don't worry, Luke'll just take him home,” Kylo said as he sat back in the seat. He didn't move into the actual passenger side of the tucks long front, choosing instead to sit in the middle close to Hux.

“I wasn't worried,” Hux said coolly. Let a real kidnapper take the little pest.

Kylo had his hair held back with rainbow clips and Hux was treated to a view of one of those big ears again, one was pierced twice through the cartilage with silver rings and both earlobes were filled with medium sized blue gauges. He didn't have his lip ring in again, Luke probably made him take it out during class.

“Is there a reason you're in my truck?” Hux asked lightly, making a real effort to control his voice so it didn't come off harsh.

“No,” Kylo said and smiled, flashing those braced teeth briefly. “I just wanted to see you again. Did you see my poem?”

“Yes,” Hux nodded and pulled his eyes off Kylo to watch the space in front of the truck. Through the large glass windows that lined the front of the Martial Arts school he could see Dorian talking to Sensei Luke and pointing out the window. Probably complaining. He complained a lot for such a young kid.

“So you hated it....” Kylo said after Hux didn't answer.

“I didn't say that,” Hux said and narrowed his eyes. It looked like Luke was walking towards the front of the school, a frustrated look on his face. Was he coming out to talk to Hux? Maybe to talk Dorian into getting in he truck so Hux could drive him home. Suddenly he wanted to leave and he did not want his little brother with him when he did.

“Would you like to come somewhere with me?” Hux asked quickly.

Kylo didn't have a tail, but if he did, it would have been wagging at warp speed. His smile was big and split wide, all teeth and braces.

“Fuck yes.”

Hux might have pulled out a little too fast and might have pulled in front of some small boxy car, but no one got hit. They stopped in time not to hit him. He wasn't sure where he was taking Kylo until he realized the series of familiar turns he had taken. He was going to his favorite pond again. When he pulled into the long drive of the cemetery he glanced over at Kylo, he looked unphased even as the rows of gravestones came into view.

The pond was near the back and Hux pulled the large truck off as good as he could before he shut it off. He'd barely gotten his seat belt off before Kylo was on him. Apparently Kylo's mind had only been on kissing Hux and not the scenery around them. Kylo's mouth was better than it had been before, the lips were soft and opened wider when Hux pressed is tongue into his mouth. Kylo's hands were wandering over Hux's body wildly, as if he wasn't sure where to touch and Hux finally grabbed his wrists hard to stop him.

“Wha.. Why'd you stop me?” Kylo asked, his bottom lips pushed out, brows curved in worry.

“Because I'm not accustom to being pawed like an animal,” Hux said firmly.

Kylo deflated a bit and sat back on his butt again in the middle of the bench seat, dropping his hands in his lap when Hux released them. Kylo smoothed his hands over his jeans like he was wiping them off before his fingers began scratching at a hole in the fabric, the thin pieces of thread stretched across the bony knee joint.

“Don't pout,” Hux said and grabbed Kylo's hand from his knee. It felt kind of awkward to hold Kylo's big hand, but also kind of nice, even though it was sweaty.

“You don't like me,” Kylo said in a small voice, looking down at his knees still. His small chin looked like it was quivering.

“I didn't say that,” Hux said. Hux wasn't sure what he felt for Kylo now, but “like” didn't at all fit anymore, not since their bloody kiss less than 48 hours ago.

“You hate me,” Kylo said, his voice quivered.

“I could shoot you in the fucking heart,” Hux said in a meaningful tone. He hadn't meant to say it, but Kylo's head snapped up, chocolate brown eyes wide. Hux smiled a bit then and slowly Kylo did too.

“I'd let you.”

When they came together this time things went much better. Hux moved over from behind the steering wheel and pulled Kylo over to straddle his lap. Kylo rutted down on him firmly and Hux let him, enjoying the friction against the front of his pants. He planted his hands against Kylo's hips while Kylo leaned down to kiss him. Kylo's long arms draped around his neck and his fingers ran through his short red hair. The kisses weren't as tasty as the one from last night, but he could taste something sweat and tart on Kylo's tongue, like he'd been eating candy.

“I wish you were bleeding again,” Hux muttered between kisses. He moved his hands down to hold Kylo's bottom, grabbing the firm muscles as Kylo ground down on his lap.

“So make me,” Kylo whispered back, pulling away to smile down at him with hooded eyes.

Hux didn't need to be invited twice. He grabbed the back of Kylo's head and pulled him down to kiss again briefly before he bit at Kylo's bottom lip. He felt Kylo squirm under the pressure and bit down harder, turning his head slightly to catch the plump flesh with his canines. The salty taste finally came and Hux groaned into Kylo's mouth as he began to bleed, though not nearly enough. He bit again harder, deeper, chewing and sucking at the bottom lip. Kylo was whimpering and his chest rose and fell fast as he breathed loudly, letting his mouth hang open for Hux.

“More, please,” Kylo whispered, his voice somewhat slurred sounding since Hux had not let go of his bottom lip.

“Do you want to really bleed Kylo?” Hux asked when he let go of the flesh he was biting into. He felt like his hands were numb where they lay and all the saliva in his mouth seemed to disappear again. Was he really asking this out loud?

“Yes, make me bleed Hux,” Kylo whispered back in a sultry tone.

Hux flipped Kylo smoothly onto his back, pushing him to lay down on the bench seat of the truck and straddled his thighs. He leaned past Kylo to the floorboard and dug under Kylo's gym bag for his satchel that lay under it. He was rushing, and his journal, water bottle and several pens fell out before he found the small pencil case he was looking for. He sat back as he opened it, glancing down at Kylo's face as he lay out. His eyes watched Hux closely, he didn't look scared really but something close to it.

“I can make you bleed a lot Kylo,” Hux said and opened the case. Inside was his stainless steel scalpel handle and four individually wrapped #10 scalpel blades. He'd gotten a large pack from several months ago, for conveniences sake. He picked up the handle and held the blade's silver package between his lips before shoving the case back into his bag.

He pulled open the edges of the foil package with one hand, using his mouth to hold it like you might a condom wrapper. He then placed the handle against the delicate blade's base, snapping and sliding it into place before pulling the foil off and tossing it onto the floorboard. Hux felt Kylo's body shiver under him and smiled slightly. The light was dim in the cab of the truck but the blade was shiny and new, deadly sharp and glinted along the curved edge. It was lovely, his favorite tool so far.

“You want this Kylo?” Hux asked as he slid his hand upward over the front of Kylo's jeans. The lump his hand came into contact with was larger than Hux was expecting but he passed over it to push Kylo's shirt up under his arms.

“Yes,” Kylo nodded as he answered. Hux could tell his voice was nervous, but the blush on his cheeks and hardness in his pants said it wasn't from fear. He stared up at Hux with such a look of wonderment, Hux briefly wondered what Kylo was seeing in his face. Did his eyes dilate like Kylo's did? Did his cheeks burn red with excitement too?

Hux gaped at the expanse of Kylo's flat stomach, so very pale, soft over the slight ripples of muscle, dotted with little moles hear and there. When Hux put his hand on Kylo's stomach, just along his belly bottom, he felt Kylo's stomach sink in slightly. He picked a spot just past his belly button to place side of the scalpel at a nearly flat angle.

“Are you ready?” Hux asked, letting the blade's edge start pressing to Kylo's skin.

“Y-yes,” Kylo said as his body shivered again.

Hux smiled, feeling an immense sense of pride in the younger boy below him. No mater what people may say about Kylo, he was no coward. Hux pressed the blade up and made a slow even slice from on side to the other in a long arched curve, a good six inches across.

“Fuck,” Kylo hissed and Hux felt Kylo's thighs tense below him.

“You're doing good,” Hux said softly. His mouth didn't feel dry anymore, if anything he felt like there was too much saliva. He placed his free hand on top of Kylo's stomach and pushed upward to open the wound more. He placed the scalpel along the line of flesh he'd opened, it barely bled, as if the body hadn't registered what was happening. He pushed in harder this time, putting pressure across the scalpel with his index finger to making several short even cuts into the opening wound. The skin sunk, blood flowed heavily from the cut as he dragged the sharp blade through it. It opened like a flower blossoming, exposing the fibrous layers below, too heavily bleeding to show their true color.

Kylo panted and his mouth hung open a bit, Hux could see the tip of his tongue through his teeth. He looked more ravishing than he ever had before. Hux knew if he put another smooth cut into Kylo, he could sink past the last thin layers of fat and down into the real muscle. He could do more than skin a small section of him. It was so hard not to, he gripped the wide scalpel handle tight in his hand to control the desire.

“You are fucking amazing,” Hux said before he put any thought into stopping the words. Kylo smiled at him and sat up a bit, leaning his elbows behind him. His big eyes looked down at his stomach through heavy lids and then he actually giggled. Endorphins, Hux assumed.

“I knew you were weird Hux, but not this weird,” he said and licked his lips, the bottom one was starting to swell from the bites Hux had given it but it wasn't bleeding anymore.

“Hm,” Hux snorted and dropped the scalpel down on the dashboard. If he put it down there, he knew he wouldn't be tempted to used it more, it was contaminated now. Not that they were exactly in a sterile environment, but when the mood strikes...

Hux ran his hands over Kylo's exposed sides until his bare thumbs moved along the wide cut, the angle of the cut made a flap under the layers of dermis, like an odd smile. He slid the tip of his thumb under the bloody flap of skin, stroking back and forth and lifting it. His senses felt heightened and he swore he could feel the ridged lines of muscle fiber under the pads of his thumbs. He wished he could sinking in deeper, past the last layers of tissue, under the muscle and down to the hot deep parts of Kylo. Kylo tossed his head back and jerked his hips up when Hux pushed his thumb in, tearing the cut a bit in the corner of the smile.

Was this really happening?

Aroused by the feelings coursing through him Hux slid further down Kylo's legs and used his other hand to undo Kylo's pants, unlatching his stupid studded belt and with Kylo's help, pushed them down enough he could pull Kylo's cock out from his underclothes. Kylo must just be blessed with limited body hair, because the dark down around his cock and sack was surprisingly light and straight and didn't looked shaven. When Hux yanked the underwear down to Kylo's thighs, his cock was fully erect and slapped up against his own stomach, only missing the cut because Hux's hand was in the way. Hux only mildly registered that Kylo wore very boring white-tighties.

Hux took the blushing end of Kylo's cock in his mouth and grinned around it when he heard Kylo groan and then whimper in the closed space of the truck. Hux took him deep into his mouth, lowering head head down as far as he could manage and staring into the flap of skin in front of him each time. His other hand came to Kylo's stomach too and he less gently dug his thumb into the cut, pushing the flap of skin up so Hux could look almost eye level into it. Blood pooled around his thumb, soaking them and filling the small spaces under his nails. He was pretty sure he was touching something like heaven.

Kylo was jerking a little under the dual attention, his bleeding wound soaking the space of his stomach and Hux's hands, while his cock leaked along Hux's tongue. Hux felt a series of shivers running through his body as he watched Kylo's face contort in a desperate expression, brows knit together like he was struggling with the feelings going through his body, his upper lip was pulled back to expose his brace covered teeth as he bit down on his swollen bottom lip. His pained expression was beautiful, far more than any of the false one's he'd made for stupid profile pictures.

One of Kylo's large hands moved to Hux's head and ran his long fingers through his hair, disheveling it a bit from it's perfect style. It was a loving gentle touch and Hux was surprised by how nice it felt. His cock was uncomfortable in his pants, hard, pulsing on it's own each time Hux looked into Kylo's face, or the gash across his abdomen. He moaned softly around Kylo's cock and leaned up, pressing into the gentle touch on the upstroke of his mouth before he pulled his mouth tighter, sucking the leaking fluid from him. He could feel the veins of Kylo's cock pulse under his tongue and let his teeth gently graze over them. Kylo was huffing louder and his sounds had gotten increasingly whiny.

Kylo's stomach got tighter and his hips lifted slightly, pushing up to Hux's willing mouth. Hux sucked him down deeper, bobbing his head with a renewed urgency. His eyes moved down from Kylos contorted face to where his thumbs rested and pushed down again his straining abdomen, watching the new gush of blood pool and drip across his skin, clinging to his hands and wrists. The skin flap had come up so easily. It wasn't unlike skinning a rabbit. Hux imagined if he took a fist around the flap of skin and ripped upward all the way under Kylo's chin, it would pull loose just like the rabbits he'd skinned with his father. With the skin removed it would leave Kylo's long torso exposed, nothing but naked raw muscle broken only by thin lines of white fibours cartilage. There would be so much blood too.

Kylo's gentle hand in his hair suddenly gripped and tugged the red locks, and Hux felt his release rush into his mouth, seeping out in a large gush. Kylo sounded whiny even when he was coming. Hux let most of the slimy liquid flow back over Kylo's cock as he sucked more gently, undoubtedly swallowing some of the substance. It didn't taste like blood or candy.

The impossible images in his mind, the blood on his hands, the beautiful expanse of open flesh in front of him and Kylo's long sighing whines were all too powerful. He felt his cock jerk in his pants, filling his underwear with fluid like some middle schooler during his first frog dissection.

When he pulled his mouth from Kylo and looked at him from a higher angle as he sat up, Kylo looked like he was glowing. Everything felt dizzy and his eye sight was hazy even though he tried to blink it away, it was like looking through a foggy mirror, ever edge was softened. He imagined this is what being high must feel like. Better than being drunk, better than anything.

Kylo looked weak and was breathing shallow, but he smiled when he finally sat up, only giving a short wince when he moved and the wound was disturbed. Hux pressed his hands both over the smiling woundm closing the flap of skin down so it was no longer exposed to the air. He leaned his hands into it putting a little pressure to help the blood flow stop, even though it made Kylo whine in pain. The cut wasn't horrible really, just a laceration of tissue, he'd avoided all the muscles. He hadn't done anything worse. He hadn't lost control. This was okay. Everything is fine. He just had to breath. This is okay.

“I'll t-take you to my house and get you cleaned up,” Hux said thickly.

Kylo smiled like he was going to Disney land.


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Hux swiped the last alcohol soaked pad across the neat row of sutures that went across Kylo's lower abdomen. He'd placed a chuck bed pad on his bed under Kylo before he'd gotten started, but it hadn't really been needed, most of the bleeding had stopped and only returned minimally during the clean up and steady threading of the sutures. He'd wanted to be done earlier but he'd had to stop at the car wash long enough clean his hands and wipe down the leather seats of his father's truck, before coming home. During their rather intense interaction, he hadn't noticed how much blood leaked off of Kylo and how much of it gotten everywhere.

“I wish you'd talk to me,” Kylo said for the third time in a row.

Hux ignored it again. He couldn't speak right now, he had too much going on in his mind. What he'd done to Kylo wasn't like the things he'd done in the past. This wasn't like the rabbits, rats, guinea pigs or even like that pig last summer. This was a human being, with a brain and the ability to react badly. The other animals hadn't been able to react, what few he had let live had just hobbled off when he'd released them (once they were done healing). He couldn't keep Kylo in his room to heal. Sure he'd thought about it. He was resourceful, he had a closet he could lock, he could make up a gag, maybe ziptie him to the bar in the closet until he was all healed up. Then let him go. But again... humans meant consequences and Kylo certainly wouldn't react well to being hid in a closet. Ironic.

“Hux, jus' say something,” Kylo whined.

Kylo hadn't given him any sign that he was upset, worried or even bothered by what had happened between them. On the contrary, Hux had to slap Kylo's hands from messing with the wound multiple times on the drive home. He seemed very interested in what was inside his own body and had beamed at Hux like the cut was a gift. Hux had made a make-shift compress with his belt and one of Kylo's (thank god) unused gym towels so they could get home without further mess. Thankfully no one paid any attention when Hux had quickly bolted up the back steps and up into his room. He was pretty sure Dorian had seen Kylo being dragged along, but he'd been smart enough not to come inquiring.

Kylo frowned down at him as Hux worked to bandage the now clean and treated cut. He was pretty sure he had done a good enough job and the wound wouldn't get infected. It had been down right insane to put his bare thumbs in the cut. Fingernails were filthy, even for someone like Hux who used hand sanitizer regularly. He had tried not to think of all the million examples of transference his hands had made before he'd ended up in the truck with Kylo. Door handles, the fridge this morning, the car door, the ATM's buttons. So many possible germs, so much room for infection. But he'd killed it all. He had to of.

“It doesn't hurt much,” Kylo offered.

Hux finally really looked into Kylo's face for the first time since he'd brought Kylo into his room. He'd been so lost he hadn't really been thinking about what Kylo might actually be feeling, just what the worst-case possibilities were. Kylo's face wasn't angry, scared or confused, he just looked mildly worried. Hux realized with a snap, he was worried about Hux, not his own state.

“It will hurt later,” Hux said simply. He pulled his latex gloves off and tossed them into the metal medical pan that held the bandage wrappers, suture needle and thread line. He'd be tossing most of it in the trash but put it on his bedside table for now.

“So I'll snag one of my mom's vickies. No biggy,” Kylo shrugged. He smiled, seeming happy to be spoken to again. It was strange seeing Kylo on his bed, stripped of his ruined shirt (it had gotten too much blood on it), sitting shirtless with nothing but his tight jeans and multicolored van shoes on. He ran a hand over the white bandage tapped to his stomach and grinned almost... lovingly down at it.

“You'll need to keep it clean. I'll check it at school tomorrow,” Hux said in a somewhat distant voice.

He sat down in his computer chair because sitting on the bed beside Kylo suddenly felt too close. He wasn't sure what this feeling was but he hated it. It was something like regret? He wasn't totally sure what that was supposed to feel like. He didn't regret what he'd done. Maybe a bit how he'd done it. Wildly, without any care for keeping things sterile. He wouldn't let that happen again. Would there be an again? He really wanted there to be.

“Cool,” Kylo said and hopped to his feet. He stretching a bit, raising his long arms above his head and watching how the bandage moved when he wiggled his hips.

“You pull those sutures, and I won't fix them for you,” Hux said sharply.

“Aw come on,” Kylo said with a little whine. “Don't be such an ass Hux.” He walked over to Hux's computer chair and before Hux had a chance to protest crawled onto his lap, draping his legs over the sides of the armless chair and dropping his ass on Hux's knees. “I won't pull 'em. Pinkie promise.”

Hux rolled his eyes and tried to look away from Kylo's closeness, but there was no where to look or go. Plus, he finally had Kylo this close, what the hell was he doing trying to find somewhere else to look?

“You can kiss me now,” Kylo said and draped his arms over Hux's shoulders, leaning down so his hair fell around his and Hux's faces like a red and black hood. He butted his big nose against Hux's insistently.

“You're ridiculous.”

“You love it.”


Chapter Text

Hux stared at his own stern reflection, thrown back at him from the plate glass window at the front of Carla's Shoppe. Inside several attractive flower arrangements sat in the window, a few had balloons, one was in a teddy bear mug, another (clearly for a funeral) was in a golden vase. They were all very colorful. Like Kylo.

He began to bite at the inside of his bottom lip. Was this what you did when you cut someone open? There didn't seem to be a guide book for things like this. He tried to think back on other times he had cut open living things. Even the ones as a child, long before he had been methodical about it. Animals didn't need flowers. He'd patched some of them up though, that counted for something. He'd patched Kylo up too. Maybe that was enough.

Earlier in the day, after lunch, he had marched Kylo into the boys bathroom and shoved him in the disabled stall. Kylo had been scratching at the bandage off and on every time Hux had seen him.

“I swear, if you got this thing infected, I'm going to be pissed.”

“How'll I tell the difference?” Kylo had said, a smile on his lips.

Hux had glared at him before he keeled down (not putting his knees on the floor, eeeck) and peeled off the bandage. The line of sutures were perfect, the skin sealed nicely together, no sign of infection or irritation.

“You know, I've had stitches before,” Kylo said and wiggled around. He was not so subtly pushing his crotch towards Hux's face. “I know how to handle them Huxie.”

“If you did, you wouldn't be scratching at them.”

Hux had put on a fresh bandage and stood. He had not been the one to start the kissing. But he had been the one to stop it, to turn Kylo around so his cheek pressed against wall and pushed himself not so softly against Kylo's bottom in his tight red jeans. His hands had wandered over the bandage, wishing he could risk taking it back off and stroke his fingers over the healing cut. Kylo's moans had echoed as he has ground himself back to Hux.

The bell had gone off. Despite Kylo's protesting Hux did not believe in skipping class to rutt against each other in the bathroom.

Now (standing here down town in front of a florist) he was trying to figure out how to navigate what they … were. He wasn't sure they were anything, but he knew Kylo was not a 'test' subject. That possibility (so often thought about) had been thrown out the minute Hux had decided to take the scalpel out with his bare hands . You didn't test anything on the seat of a truck. He hadn't even tried to enter it into his journal. The experience had been too emotional to have a place there. His motivations had not been anything remotely scientific.

His refection morphed as he started to turn way. He paused and blinked at it. A warp in the glass, that was all. Surely.

Maybe he would just get Kylo a ring pop. He'd like that. Hopefully he didn't think of it as marriage proposal.


[]==[| | | | |)---- , , .                         . , , ----(| | | | |]==[]


So they were dating, apparently.

Hux wasn't sure when he had agreed to it, he didn't recall having any conversation with Kylo in the last several days about the actual nature of their relationship. Though he supposed it was the natural progression of how things had been going. Now there it was on Kylo's myspace; a screaming confirmation.


Orientation: Bi (Sure.)

Marital Status: In a Relationship


And the blog post titled “BOYFRIEND OMG (view more)” that read:


Sozz babies!

no more single life for this boi! <33333

I'm Taken! (//ღ˘ 3˘)♥(˘ε ˘ღ#) by HUXIE <3

Cri your eyes out!




Kylo had also changed his music on his page and Hux was mildly surprised when screaming didn't immediately come from his speakers when it loaded. It was still definitely a “emo” song, complete with whining voice and untalented drum beats but there was something long and pining in the lyrics. Something about love and blackened eyes. Hux got the gist and muted it.

Hux didn't dislike that Kylo had declared their relationship. Maybe he was even a little relieved. But there was a nagging uncertainty about being in a relationship Was he really ready to be someone's boyfriend? The word itself sounded down right silly when put in the context of who Hux saw himself as. Did he even have the depth for something like that? It was something he had considered before.

The past sexual encounters he had usually consisted of quick sweaty romps with near-strangers found on Myspace that were frustrating, bloodless and sometimes unsatisfying. Nothing that lead to a relationship. He wasn't sure that was something he would have in his life. Not with who he saw himself to be. On good days he saw a future as a functioning member of society, giving into his urges in a series of well planned and orderly encounters. Controlled. On bad days he saw himself hiding bodies, avoiding prosecution and trying not to destroy everything around him. No place for a love life. Where would someone like Kylo fit?

He scolded his mind when it supplied, 'In several trash bags'.

When he arrived at school his footsteps faltered as he neared his locker. Taped to the front of his plain red locker was a purple heart made out of construction paper. The heart had a series of stitches in black sharpie and drops of neon pink nail polish dripping down from them, and finally in the middle was “HUXIE” in Kylo's dopey handwriting.

Hux snatched the heart off the locker so fast it tore near the tape. He wasn't sure why he didn't want it there, or why he was quickly bringing it to his face. It only smelled like nail polish.

“Hey, you ripped it!”

Kylo appeared beside him, arms folded over his chest and a pout in place on his pierced bottom lip. Hux noted in the first once-over that Kylo had choose to wear a shirt that actually fit, a long red one with a My Chemical Romance logo on it. He must still have the bandage on. Good.

The cut had been healing nicely over the days since Hux had made it, but he was still concerned someone might see it. He really didn't want to end up looking at Mr. Petree, or worse the Principal. Again. Worse, a real psychologist.

“It's fine,” Hux said and folded the tape down over the place it had ripped. He lifted it and waved it a bit. “Good as new, see?”

Kylo's smile was crooked and Hux noticed his eyes, ringed in hard clashing black eye-liner suddenly looked really soft and sappy. Hux opened his locker door so he didn't have to look anymore. He was a bit uncomfortable with this love smitten Kylo. Not unhappy. Just uncomfortable.

Unfazed Kylo moved around to the other side of the locker so the door no longer covered his face. He leaned his impressive body on the other lockers and eyed the people milling in the hall.

“You could say thanks. I stayed up all night making that.”

“Wow, that's unfortunate for you,” Hux said into his locker. He shifted out the books for his first period, taking the others he needed. He left the construction paper heart in the top of his locker, propped up so he could see it. It was the only decoration in his locker. He preferred to keep things neat. He'd allow this one thing, just for awhile.

“Maybe not all night,” Kylo said and rolled his shoulder on the locker, leaning heavily on them as he turned to face Hux. He leaned in Hux's space and tugged at the strap of Hux's satchel, trying to pull him over. Kylo was such a needy child.

Hux closed the locker firmly and set his pale green eyes on Kylo. Kylo didn't speak again, but whined. It was a good thing Hux had so much patience for this idiot. He knew what Kylo wanted. It had been the same thing every day they saw each other since the cemetery. The boy acted like a day without a good-morning kiss was some kind of punishment. Hux liked kissing Kylo, who had gotten increasingly better at it, but kissing was a segue. You couldn't try to bite your boyfriend's mouth off in the middle of the hallway. People might talk.

“You're pathetic,” Hux said as he grabbed at Kylo's head. He pulled Kylo over for the kiss, grabbing at the cloth of the slouch hat he wore and pressed his mouth into Kylos for a rather gentle kiss.

“Mmhm,” Kylo hummed happily in agreement when Hux pulled back.

He didn't mind when Kylo slung his arm over Hux's like some old fashioned lady going for a walk with her beau, nor did he actually mind when Kylo put his chair as close to Hux's as possible during their first class together.

He wondered though, did Kylo have any idea how his closeness gave Hux such distracting thoughts?

That while Kylo was doodling little stars and hearts in the corner of his own school work, Hux was wondering what Kylo's heart looked like. Pumping alive, exposed between a cracked and spread rib cage. He imagined it was large like Kylo, pumping hard through the four chambers in that strange rhythmic dance hearts did. It would look even better than the pig's heart had. He had to stop thinking about cupping his hand around the heart when he realized how close it was to the end of class. After all, he did have to stand up.

When lunch came Hux was pulled away from the lunch line by Kylo, once more tugging on his arm. He considered popping Kylo's shoulder out of it's socket, so he could feel what it was like to constantly be tugged on.

“Yes?” Hux said with a stiff tone. He removed his arm from Kylo's to fold both across his chest.

“I made us lunch!” Kylo said and smiled wide. He held up a honest-to-god metal lunch box with Marilyn Manson's white face plastered on the front of it. It didn't look like Kylo's style but by all the dents and scratches, he assumed it was before Kylo had become a subscribing member of the pink-vomit murder doll club.

“I didn't realize you cooked?”

“Of course. I'm a great catch!” Kylo smiled and dragged him outside. Hux allowed it.

Within minutes they were seated side by side on one of the outside lunch tables and Kylo was putting two sandwiches (PB&J), a bag of grapes, two juice boxes (fruit punch) and eight packets of fruit snacks (Hello Kitty) out in front of him. Hux wasn't sure what to say. He had only been in the school lunch line to get a water and the only fresh item they had; an apple. Kylo's lunch looked like he had struggled to find the sweetest things he could without actually just bringing a box full of candy.

“I love these, but they get stuck,” Kylo said as he tore into one of the pink bags of fruit snacks.

Hux eyed the selection and decided finally to take a few grapes. At least they were green.

“Then maybe you shouldn't eat them,” Hux said, pawing through the bag for the best ones. When he glanced up he saw the large form of Phasma walked up to the table and plopping down across from them, Rey beside her.

Rey looked like she wanted to kill Hux. Quite suddenly the feeling was mutual. He'd display her head in his room by hanging it from those stupid loops at the back of her hair. Lets see her glare then.

Rey had never really liked Hux, he knew that. When Kylo had been younger Hux had been a bit mean to him, even more so than he was now. He'd down right humiliated him in several comment threads on Myspace. He had made scathing ugly remarks on many of Kylo's photos (while privately saving every one). Not to mention the trolling he'd done of Kylo's old Xanga journal, back in fifth grade. Hux was the reason it had been deleted. Supposedly he was also the reason Kylo had missed a week of school after that. Kylo had gotten over all the past bullying at Hux's hand. It had been years.

But Rey still harbored a grudge.

Kylo and Rey were very close and before Kylo's confidence had gotten so large she'd spent most of her time looking out for him. She wasn't all talk either. She'd never physically come after Hux but he'd seen her punch someone out before during an after-school tussle. It had been over Kylo of course. Rey was a different creature than Kylo all together. She was a mix between a jock and a homecoming queen. Tough and scrappy, but pretty in a way that didn't require make up. She was apart of almost every viable club including Year Book and Debate club. Sometimes she reminded him of Finn.

“Who said you could date my cousin?” Rey asked, her lips pulled tight and so far to the corner she looked comical.

“Oh my god, Rey. Seriously?” Kylo said with an exasperated sigh. He rolled his eyes. “Would you chill?”

“No,”she said sharply and frowned at him. Her face was very expressive. “I don't think it's good for you to be around this little freak. He's bad news.”

“Rey! You can't just call my boyfriend a freak,” Kylo said, voice rising in pitch and volume. The effect was somewhat lost because he had a bunch of little Hello Kitty gummies dancing in his mouth when he talked. He talked with his mouth full, a lot.

“You might be going a tad far Rey,” Phasma said. Her cool blue eyes shifted from Rey to Hux, squinting slightly.

Hux was fine with Phasma, she was easy to deal with. She was an absolute beast physically and played every sport that the school would allow her to; the football argument was still playing out. She treated Hux better than most, avoiding him but not out of fear. Her avoidance was more like mutual respect. They'd shared a few class projects together in the past, she was probably several points higher on the IQ chart than himself.

“No it's not!” Rey said more loudly. She was turning red, a lot like Kylo did when he was excited. “He's not the kind of guy I want anywhere near me, and you shouldn't either Kylo.”

Hux didn't respond and quietly popped another grape into his mouth as he watched her face.

“Seriously Rey?” Kylo rolled his eyes. Hux noticed he wore a touch of shimmer on his eyelids among the smudges of black, gaudy as always. “I don't tell you who to date, or hang out with.”

“You don't need to! I make good judgments. You wouldn't see me hanging out with this-” she gave Hux a look of disgust “-person.

“Rey!” Kylo said loudly and slapped his hand flat on the table for effect. “Stop it! I mean it.”

Hux quietly popped another grape in his mouth.

“No! He's dangerous Kylo, he's a freak!” She half stood up, pointing a finger at Hux's face. Her eyes bore into him, fire in the hazel tones. “You know, people know about you! You're weird! Really weird! I've heard about the shit you said last year in biology. I want you to stay away from Kylo!”

Sometimes Hux felt muscle spasms, they weren't painful and he considered them nothing but small ticks. He'd had them as long as he could remember. Right now his upper lip was having one, the left corner pulling slightly as the muscle contracted under the skin. It was noticeable only to him as he chewed the grape. Maybe he should bite her fucking finger off and spit it in her face.

“Rey!” Kylo was standing now, grabbing at Rey's hands and tugging her away from the table. “Come on, stop it.”

“You heard me, I don't care what he says. You stay away from him! Freak!” Rey yelled again, even as Kylo shoved her, turning her away from the table.

Phasma gave him an eye roll, gently grabbed a grape out of the bag and popped it into her mouth.

“Later Hux,” she said and slid out of the seat to join Kylo in calming Rey down.

Hux was left with a bunch of sugar food and the taste of bile in his throat.

It fucking sucked being different.


[]==[| | | | |)---- , , .                         . , , ----(| | | | |]==[]


“She just doesn't get you, ya know?” Kylo said and waved his hand in the air, as if that explained Rey Skywalker completely. They'd had this conversation multiple times now since they'd started officially started “dating.” In the last two weeks Rey had made a point of letting them know she didn't approve, much like she had the first day, loudly and often. Today had been no different. Hux was pretty sure it never would be.

They were in Hux's room again, something that was becoming normal. He had allowed Kylo to come over after school on the days he didn't have to go to the Academy. Kylo laid on his bed, shoes off, draping one leg over a propped up knee and staring up at the ceiling while he talked. Kylo talked a lot. Hux kind of liked how his voice filled the usually silent room, droning on.

“I don't need to be gotten,” Hux said, only half looking up from his laptop screen.

He had taken a new photo. On the walk home he had found a dead mouse curled up on a bed of leaves. It's small body had already been in rigger and it's mouth hung open, the skin tautly starting to recede from the gums. The insect activity had been pretty lively and the photo was quite busy, but he liked it. He ran it through one more Action in photo shop before he began uploading it to his Myspace.

'Fievel goes belly up' seemed the best title.

“I don't know what to do with her. I told her to stop stalking your myspace. Like, every time she does she calls me like 'did you see what he posted? Is he insane?' and 'what is with that music, is that from something?' 'He probably kills baby animals and records it.' 'he's so weird' blah blah blah” Kylo continued using a mimicked Rey voice. He made a huff and pushed himself further across the bed so he could drape his head over the edge, watching Hux upside down. “I like your music Hux.”

“No, Kylo, you don't,” Hux said as he submitted his photo's title to Myspace. He then turned in his computer chair to look at him. The way Kylo laid made the little sword on his choker flip up against the underside of his chin, the point pressed on the hallow space under his jaw bone. Hux liked that spot on his body, it looked tender and unguarded.

“Well... it has no lyrics.”


“Music needs lyrics Hux. How can you know what they were thinking when they wrote it?”

“You don't need words to know what someone is thinking.”

Kylo frowned (or smiled from this angle) and rolled over, sitting up on his knees. “Do you know what I'm thinking right now?”

“That if Blood Brother's got back together your life would finally be complete.”

He dodged the pillow Kylo threw, but not Kylo. He leaped on Hux's lap with mock anger and saddled Hux's thighs, frowning down at him. It seemed like they always ended up in this position.

“They were good Hux, you just don't know!”

“They were trash. All your music is trash,” Hux said and smiled brightly.

He liked the closeness of Kylo's body, the way he felt under his hands. Kylo was deceptively lean, all long gangly limbs and awkward angles. Unless you took his clothes off (or saw the photos where he did) you'd never known how taught the muscles were, formed by his time in the martial arts school. Hux imagined if he really set into working out, his body would probably put on muscle like Phasma's. He could be a damn house. There was something appealing to that possibility. Who didn't like a little demolition?

“You're sooo mean,” Kylo whined and wiggled down in Hux's lap, purposely grinding the front of his jeans down on Hux.

“Yes, you've told me,” Hux said. He didn't realize he was rocking them side to side, moving one foot on the floor after another. It was oddly soothing.

“What I was thinking is, isn't it time you updated your Myspace?”

“What do you mean? I just did.”

Kylo rolled his eyes, one rolled unseen behind that drag of black and red hair.

“I mean your marital status! Geeze.”

Hux blinked a minute. It hadn't occurred to him to do anything with that. Wasn't what Kylo's Myspace said enough? He brows knit together in thought; he considered what his Myspace 'friends' would think. He thought the perception he had created was somewhat aloof. He didn't care. Well, maybe just a little

“That's necessary?”

“Lemme think. Yes. It's necessary.” Kylo rolled his eyes and stood up briefly before sitting back in Hux's lap with his back to him. “I'll do it for you,”

Hux leaned back, still thinking it over while he watched the back of Kylo's shoulders and head as he navigated Hux's Myspace. He considered stopping him, but for some reason didn't. So the world would know he wasn't single. Quite alone but not single.

“There!” Kylo smiled over his shoulder, his braces looked blue from the computer light. “We're official.”

Hux leaned up, dropping his head on Kylo' shoulder to read the screen. He moved his hands around Kylo's waist, hugging his body against Kylo's back. His hands felt oddly numb on Kylo's waist. He was starting to put together why this kept happening...


Marital Status: In a Relationship


“Now we just gotta take a picture together!”

“Jesus. No.”

“Huxieeeee” Kylo whined, drawing out the name. “Come on, please?”

“Absolutely not,” Hux said firmly.

His fingertips probed the slight rough edge of the healed scar on Kylo's lower abdomen, it was level with his jeans today, just over the waist band. Maybe Kylo deserved some recognition. But a photo?

“Fine, but can we at least change your profile pic, I mean how long have been using this one?” Kylo asked nodding to the black and white photo Hux used for his profile.

He hadn't taken the picture, it was from his fifth birthday party. The little Hux in the photo stood beside a terrifying amateur clown. No smile on his face, his arms folded behind his back and giving the camera a stare that seemed to say “You must be kidding.” He thought it was pretty fitting for who he was.

“Who uses baby pictures? I'm sure you have something better,” Kylo went on. Hux watched as Kylo began to navigate his computer. He minimized the browser and began opening the My Documents folder. Hux wasn't too concerned, the folder full of Kylo's photos was safely checked as a “hidden” file now. He wouldn't explain so many years worth of pictures, dating back to when Hux had first discovered eleven year old Ben's GaiaOnline account.

“What's that?” Kylo asked and clicked on one of the internet bookmarks files labled “yoj.” The browser popped back up and Hux watched as 2chan image board loaded and the warning screen for /o/ came up.

“You read Japanese?” Kylo said as he looked at the two optional links, allowing access or sending the user away. Both in kanji.

“No. I don't need to,” Hux said thickly. He wasn't sure why he wasn't stopping Kylo. His hands, which rested on Kylo's scar felt so numb and there was a reserved dread begining in his chest that wouldn't allow him to do more than talk and rest his head on Kylo's bony shoulder.

Kylo picked the right link and the page loaded in, he scrolled down and there it all unfolded. Image after image of destruction. Bodies torn in pieces, head's removed, head's bashed in, arms twisted out of their sockets and being ripped off their bodies, blood bursts, guts on pavement, bodies cut in half, and bodies being roasted or served up like sashimi. Each horrible scene mixed with the girls (mostly) being fucked or soaked in silvery cum as they died. The saving grace was that these were all just drawings.

“Oh wow,” Kylo breathed.

Hux didn't move, he couldn't. His body felt like it was shivering but he knew he wasn't, just chills as his blood tried to regulate the increase of heat suddenly rising in him. It wasn't just the images on the screen, it was the closeness of Kylo's body and the truth of Hux's depravity out there. He was terrified and turned on at once.

Pictures of dead animals was one thing, that was art. This was violence and sex in a way that couldn't be glossed over as poetic. It wasn't like Kylo's dramatic screamo shit. This was the skull fucking that suave Ted Bundy would never admit to. This was the ugly stuff that Hux loved and hated. This was his lust.

He was about to speak, to say something. Apologize maybe? But Kylo made it unnecessary.

“So you don't just like cutting. You like this too,” Kylo said. And he was mercifully, somehow, smiling.

“Yes,” Hux heard himself answer.

Kylo turned a bit, moving his arm around Hux's neck and kissed his lips with a small peck. Kylo looked almost relieved. “I was starting to think you were into bestiality or something.”

“Wh-what? Why would you think that?”

“Well, you haven't tried to do anything with me again. Except kiss. And you take all those pictures of dead animals, and I dunno.” Kylo smiled and shifted in his lap, pushing his ass against the lump that had formed painfully in Hux's pants. It felt good but still terrifying. “Is this what you want to do to me? Like in the truck ... but more?”


“Why do you look so sad?”

“I don't,” Hux lied. Was this shame? He knew that what he really, really, deep in his core wanted to do, would leave Kylo as dead as those fake girls on the screen.

“Hm,” Kylo hummed and slid off his lap.

He was on his knees fast and Hux stared as he began pulling Hux's pants open, roughly dragging them until Hux lifted up enough so they could be pulled down. He watched Kylo settle himself down between his legs, his bracelet covered wrists rested over Hux's bare thighs.

“Keep looking at the pictures silly,” Kylo said and nodded his sharp narrow chin toward the computer screen.

Hux nodded dumbly and placed his left hand on keyboard, gently pressing the “pgdn” button as he felt Kylo's teeth butt against the end of his hard cock. He was pretty sure he must have something wrong in his brain, this had to be a hallucination? But Kylo's mouth felt real, his tongue felt hot and the tightness pulling on him had to be real.

Hux tore his eyes from the bloody images on his screen to look down at Kylo, he was focused on what he was doing, his brows were knit together and he wrapped on hand around Hux's blushing dick, squeezing it tightly as he licked the head lavishly. Hux had the feeling Kylo had only done this a few times, but there was something nice in the sloppiness of it. His teeth caught on the head a few times, it hurt but he was so hard it didn't matter.

When he looked back at the screen he moved his shaking hand to click on a string of images from Akiba Oze. It was a full scanning of one of his comics, Bullet and the Knife, a gay, relativity light guro story that Hux had seen pieces of. He didn't need the English translations to know what was going on and felt his eyes half close as he scrolled. The story was a violent one about two hit men and quickly rushed into depraved sex and pain. Hux groaned as he scrolled through. The 'victim' in the story was impaled with several throwing knives, criss crossing through his flesh impossibly. Some through skin, some through muscle.

Hux hissed his breath as he imagined Kylo's face blushing like the boy on the screen, letting Hux slide blades into his body. He looked down again to see Kylo pulling his hair back with one hand, holding it to the side of his neck. His big ears totally exposed, red even in the dim light. He was bobbing his head in a smooth rhythm, the slimy brush of his tongue stroked on Hux's cockhead each time he pulled upward before diving back down gain. Hux groaned hard as he felt his body tense, knowing he was going to finish soon, the stimulation of the images in his head, the willing mouth in front of him were a bit too much.

He scrolled down through the last few pages as the two on the screen fucked, blood dripping down down the body speared with blades. Hux moved his hands off the keyboard and grabbed Kylo's ears, hard. Pulling him away. Kylo blinked and turned his head up with his mouth hanging open, his lips slightly swollen from the activity. His eyes looked worried as if he had done something wrong.

“Open your mouth Kylo and close your eyes,” Hux warned as he held Kylo's head roughly by the ears. Kylo caught on and smiled before he closed his big brown eyes and opened his mouth, sticking his tongue out lewdly. Hux grabbed himself with one hand, still holding one of Kylo's ear with the other, crushing it a bit under his fingers. When he came he pressed close, letting the mess splatter Kylo's lips, braces and across his high cheekbones. It felt like the world pulled in and then blessedly exploded out again.

He huffed loudly as he sat back in his chair again, looking through hazy eyes at Kylo. Kylo opened his eyes slowly, grinned and took Hux's messy hand to his mouth cleaning it off with long lewd licks. Dragging the ring in his lip through the mess.

“You taste good,” Kylo said and smiled naughtily, cum still on his cheeks.

Hux slowly rolled the chair back enough he could stand and reached down to help Kylo up. He didn't seem at all embarrassed, he dabbed at the cum with his finger tips and giggled like it was something more than a simple bodily fluid.

“Lets uh.. clean you up,” Hux said his voice sounding thick.

He tucked himself away and refastened his pants before he took Kylo's hand again and led him into the adjoining bathroom. Kylo hopped onto the counter and swung his legs happily. Hux wet a wash cloth and slowly began cleaning off Kylo's face, taking some of his lower eye makeup off at the same time.

“You look so blown out Hux,” Kylo said and chuckled. His cheeks were pink and his lips looked slightly swollen. “I love it.”

Hux glanced in the mirror and immediately knew what he meant. His pale green eyes were dilated, black pools with a pale band of green around them and his own cheeks were flaming red. What was to be expected with his complexion?

“I guess so,” Hux agreed as he finished cleaning him up.

“Next time,” Kylo grabbing Hux's hands. “You can cut me again. Okay?”


After that, he let Kylo take that damn picture of them together.

Chapter Text

The reactions weren't unlike what he expected.


You have new comments!

iMade7eat9dics: u lvld up to lame

BleedingAngel1978 (Online now!): I hope this doesn't get in the way of your work.

Zialark (Online now!): Congrats. ^.~*

SarahSpArKleTY: What a lucky boi!

ReyBall29: This is bullsh*t!

TrantricBleeder: Please tell me you're only doing this so you can kill him. Emo POS.

vXvBitesdwnvXv (Online now!): Beauty and the Beast remake already? Haha.

PDAM093: You have strange tastes man

He didn't care. It was worth it. Plus, his friend count had actually gone up. Love to hate.

Having someone so willing to indulge Hux was worth anything some random people on-line could say. He'd faced his own share of ridicule for other things far more personal than a change in relationship. And that had been by people whose opinions he had once cared about.

His AIM rang and up popped a familiar instant message window.

XxbrokenNtornXx: Hey! I thought you were gonna make that ur profile pic!

GuiltyKiller: I never said that.

XxbrokenNtornXx: omg!~ HUX MAKE IT YOUR PIC

GuiltyKiller: Are you attempting to yell at me over the computer?

XxbrokenNtornXx: sorry

XxbrokenNtornXx: i made it mine.

GuiltyKiller: I see that.

XxbrokenNtornXx: Do you like it?

GuiltyKiller: Of course.

He loved it. It was stupid and ridiculous and so Kylo.

GuiltyKiller: I took it, why wouldn't I like it?

XxbrokenNtornXx: ha. ha. do you wanna see one I took tonite?

GuiltyKiller: You must want me to.

XxbrokenNtornXx: ass

XxbrokenNtornXx: Do u or not?

GuiltyKiller: Is this another one of you playing with toy guns?

XxbrokenNtornXx: omg. That was one time.

XxbrokenNtornXx: and I wasn't playing with it!

GuiltyKiller: I could show you how to use a real gun you know.

XxbrokenNtornXx: …....

XxbrokenNtornXx: do u wanna see the pic or not?

GuiltyKiller: Fine.

Hux accepted the file. He was extremely glad he did.

It was four photos, each taken and cropped together. Hux could only assume (hope) these pictures were taken for him alone.

Kylo was in the same bathroom as the gun-shot photo. In the first one he was holding a sharp long Chef's knife beside his face, kissing the blade. The second one his shirt was off, kneeling on the floor with his pants opened and he was pressing the sharp edge against where Hux had cut him, a look of mock ecstasy on his face. The third one his head was back, mouth open and he was holding the knife over his tongue as if it were something more phallic. The fourth one his tongue was out and he was pushing the end of the knife into the wet fleshy muscle of his tongue. There was just a little blood, but it was real.

Kylo had hurt himself just for Hux to see. By himself. Without Hux even asking him to.

XxbrokenNtornXx: my tongue still hurts

XxbrokenNtornXx: do u like them?

XxbrokenNtornXx: ????

XxbrokenNtornXx: HUX!!

GuiltyKiller: Are you dressed now?

XxbrokenNtornXx: um… in pj bottoms yeah

GuiltyKiller: Call me.

XxbrokenNtornXx: …....

GuiltyKiller: Right now Kylo.

XxbrokenNtornXx: (O.O;;)

XxbrokenNtornXx: u still havnt given me ur number!

GuiltyKiller: Fine, I'll call you.

XxbrokenNtornXx: U have my number?

XxbrokenNtornXx: Hux????

XxbrokenNtornXx: Oh it's ringing

XxbrokenNtornXx: Its you! Hahahaha (^ O ^)/*

So, he was giving into phone sex too now. Where did this end?

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The meds were working. Hux poked the needle at his leg again. Didn't feel it.

It was a Sunday and no one was home, they wouldn't be for hours. They were at church.

He wasn't home alone because he didn't want to go to church. He had at one time really enjoyed the routine and structure of attending church on Sundays. The activities that would follow. A meal, “fellowship.” It had been pleasant in the beginning and his exit had happened in a series of slowly.

He'd been asked not to come to Sunday School when he was ten. Mrs. Smilie (her real name) had concernedly told his mother in not-so-quiet whispers that Hux's constant need to discuss the crucifixion was troublesome. She thought it was better he attend the adult sermons 'for now'. Youth group hadn't lasted as long as Sunday School. He wasn't asked not to attend, but he had suddenly stopped getting the calendar information. The group would stop talking when he walked in. He hadn't been invited to Wednesday bible studies. It became obvious pretty quick he wasn't wanted. Finally during Sunday sermons, sitting rigidly beside his mother, father and older brothers (while his younger brother enjoyed Youth Group) he had caught on that the Reverand Angely (so not his real name) was not preaching damnation to the congregation. He was preaching it to Hux.

“Impure thoughts lead to dangerous things! Idle hands, they are the Devil's tools!”

“Galatians 5:19-23 says the works of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity, depravity, hostilities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish rivalries, envying, murder, drunkenness and similar things. I am warning you, as I have warned you before: Those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God! They will dwell in the fires of hell!”

“God sees everything! You can't hide your sins from God!”

Then there was that little gem after one of the people in youth group had learned Hux had a pet cat.

“Proverbs 12:10 tells us good people take care of their animals, but even the kindest acts of as a wicked person are cruel.”

So Hux had stopped going to Church. No one in his family had said anything. They must have noticed too.

Hux stabbed the thick needle in further until he started to feel it a little. It went in a whole inch. He looked down at his journal and wrote down how far he was able to put it in, keepeing time since he'd injected the cocktail.

Status: Calm. Sweaty Time: 43min 5sec Depth: 1in approx. Pain Scale: 0 Pressure Scale: 2

Since he was writing with one hand, he only wore one glove, keeping the one hand clean to work on himself. He was really lucky to have a bathroom all to himself, it made private matters like this much easier.

Hux pulled the needle out and set it down on the blue surgical towel (another gift to himself from Amazon). He would measure each bloody needle when he was done, to make sure his depth was right. The goal was a full 4 inches with minimal pain. The Dritz upholstery needles he had bought were each six inches. His mother had looked confused when he'd asked to accompanied her to the local Jo'Ann Fabrics and had turned a pale shade of green when he'd slapped five packs (two needles per pack) down on the check-out counter. But she hadn't said anything. She never did. But she knew he didn't sew.

Hux picked up the next needle from the neat row, laid out side by side and watched the timer on his phone. At fifty minutes he slid the needle in beside the other red hole. This one went in over an inch.

Status: Calm. Sweaty Time: 50min 14sec Depth: 1.5in approx. Pain Scale: 0 Pressure Scale: 4

A chainsaw's artificial buzz ran through the air. Hux's ringtone, chosen just for Kylo. He used his writing hand to open the message. Kylo had put his name in Hux's phone the day after their phone sex adventure. He would fix it eventually.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (10:11am)
can u pik me up?

HUX (10:15am)
I'm busy.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (10:16am)
plz! Mom 4got me

HUX (10:18am)
I'm busy.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (10:18am)
Pleeeeeeese huxie

Hux looked down at his leg. He could wiggle his big toe, but barely. Everything in his leg was getting increasingly numb. He took out the needle and picked up the next one, pushing it in it beside the other two red holes. He barely bled. This time it went in deeper still.

Status: Calm. Sweaty Time: 59min 24sec Depth: 2.5in approx. Pain Scale: 0 Pressure Scale: 5

This was some progress. He had to reach bone.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (10:25am)
Hux i need u!

Hux glared at the screen of his phone. Kylo was the most needy creature alive.

HUX (10:26am)
I won't be able to get you until 11:30.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (10:26am)
yay!! i'll be waiting

HUX (10:29am)

Kylo <3333 ULUV (10:30am)
Dds shaw 554 n main.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (10:30am)
can we get icescream 2?

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“What if I hadn't agreed?”

“I dunno,” Kylo said and shrugged. “I guess I'd call my mom.”

“I thought she forgot you.”

“Right,” Kylo laughed. “I might have forgot to tell her about the appointment.”


Kylo was leaning on him in the front of his father's truck, happily snuggled against Hux's side as he drove. He was not driving his best because the slight lingering numbness in his leg was distracting, but he was thankfully he had chosen to do the tests on his left leg. He didn't need it to drive.

“Of course you did.”

“Aw, you don't mind!” Kylo said and smiled, then winced. He touched his mouth gingerly. He kept licking over his teeth, then made weird little sucking sounds in his cheek. It was really distracting. Kylo was always such a fucking distraction.

Today in particular he looked like he'd rolled through a puddle of rainbow vomit and left the house. His t-shirt was neon yellow with a large blue cartoon rabbit on the front, apparently dead by all the bloody graphics and large Xs for eyes. The words “BABY CAKES” stretched across his chest in black above the dead animal. His jeans were bright green and he'd wore his pink and black checkered vans. That wasn't counting all the colorful kandi and bracelets on his wrists. He looked ridiculous. He could be like Hux though, adorned in fitted black pants, a high collared black shirt and black mid-height military boots. Void of color. Hux didn't like to imagine Kylo in such plain clothes. Something about it seemed like a violation. Hux thought he preferred Kylo the way he was. Obnoxious or not.

“Why do you keep doing that?” Hux asked as Kylo made a sucking sound from the corner of his mouth again.

“They tightened my braces,” Kylo said glumly.


Hux considered what it would be like to have Kylo in the dentist chair. A large light overhead, a table of small sharp dental tools at his disposal. The chair would need binding cuffs though. It wasn't an unpleasant thought. For him anyway.

“That's why you gotta get me some ice cream,” Kylo said, started to smile and winced again instead.

So he got him ice cream. Because he was apparently a “good boyfriend.”

Das Cow Haus was in the down town area of their little eclectic college town. After getting the ice cream he sat down with Kylo at one of the park benches in the town square.

The square was a vast section of land with large oak trees, paved walking and biking paths (though it was illegal to bike on the sidewalks down town, everyone did), a huge gazebo band stand that was used for the community summer concerts on Fridays, and littered with benches and tow very large porch swings that hung from huge oak trees by thick chains. On weekdays it was not uncommon to see the square littered with college students, studying, napping on the ground or lounging between classes. On a Sunday it was limited to the occasional person walking their dog or people walking from one of the churches near the square. The weather wasn't exactly the warmest anyway.

“Want some?” Kylo said and thrust the ice cream cone (three scoops, strawberry, bubble gum, lime aid – disgusting) in his face. Hux sneered and shook his head.

“Definitely not.”

“Why not? It's yummy,” Kylo said and ran his tongue lazily along the side of the scoops, coming away with a smear of green and pink on his tongue. “I don't think it's helping much though.”

“You poor thing,” Hux said and turned his eyes away from Kylo. The First Church of Coruasant was caddy corner and about 40 yards from where they sat. Hux watched the building.

It wasn't his family's church, but it was Finn's. The dual front doors were open and people had started flooding onto the front lawn, all smiles, shaking hands, talking, small kids in Sunday best running around. He enjoyed watching people spill out of buildings, it was like ants abandoning an ant hill but there was no frantic rushing of course. They were hanging around for continued fellowship like good Church going people. Like Hux once had.

He'd imagined before what it would feel like to set up outside one of the large social gathers downtown, maybe the movie theater, or the playhouse, maybe the music hall. He could plant himself of the roof of one of the downtown building with his father's M700 Remmington rifle. Looking down the narrow scope as the faces gliding behind his cross hairs. How fast could he take them down? How many? It had been done before. Could he beat Charles Whitman's 49 victims? Maybe if he practiced more.

Hux smiled to himself.

“Ow, shit.”

His eyes turned back to Kylo who was slouched down beside him, pressing two fingers to his mouth.

“Does it really hurt all that bad?” Hux said doubtfully. He considered Kylo's pain tolerance to be pretty high, considering what he'd let Hux do to him. It was amazing what the body could handle when the mind wanted to.

“Yeff,” he said muffled as he pressed his lips together, pushing his tongue around behind them.

Hux snorted softly and watched as Kylo licked the ice cream again anyway, pain be damned. When his tongue pulled away this time there was a smear of red in the lime green. Hux could swear he smelled it. He turned his head, grabbing Kylo's chin and turning it toward himself before he could go in for another lick of the ice cream cone.


“Open your mouth.”

Kylo frowned at him but did as asked.


He listened. There, along the left canine, Kylo's gums were bleeding. A lot. The blood mixed with saliva and clung to his pink gums, slimy and glinting. He dropped his hand from Kylo's chin and looked back across the street.

“You're gums are bleeding.”

“Yeah.... that happens sometimes,” he said in a quiet voice.

In his peripheral vision he could see Kylo look at him, confusion on his face. After a minute he went back to licking his ice cream and Hux tried to focus. He didn't like changing his plans often. He was already being indulgent with Kylo's need for ice cream. He was supposed to go back home and start a new round of needle-depth testing. Not get distracted with Kylo's bleeding gums. Pink. Fleshy. A needle would only go in a fraction of a centimeter before it hit the bone.

“I'll take some ice cream now.”

Kylo looked up and offered the cone. Hux ignored it and grabbed the back of Kylo's head, pulling him hard into a kiss. He shoved his tongue in, not gently against Kylo's ice cream soaked one, he licking across it, and then up over his gums. He tasted like blood, copper mixed with the tart flavor of lime, undercut with something sweet. Kylo moaned in the kiss and Hux felt Kylo's body press against him. Hux pulled back briefly, kissing Kylo's plump lips and swiping his tongue once across his bloody brace covered teeth.

“Do you want to come to my house? I want to try something.”


“It's going to hurt.”

[]==[| | | | |)---- , , .                         . , , ----(| | | | |]==[]

Hux tossed the first pair of surgical gloves in the trash and glanced up at Kylo.

Kylo was shivering as he stood nude from the waist up and Hux was pretty sure it had nothing to do with the temperature in his room. Hux unfolded the chuck bed pad and laid it down on his pillows and took Kylo's hand, helping him lay down. He was still licking at the sides of his teeth and cheeks. He'd complained a little when Hux had made him gargle with the 50/50 peroxide and water solution, but it had been necessary. It had made the bleeding stop too.

“What is this for?” Kylo said with a bit of apprehension in his voice. The chuck made a crinkling sound when he laid his head down on it.

“I don't need your blood all over my bed sheets.”

Kylo didn't say a word, the wideness of his eyes and reddening of his cheeks said everything Hux needed to hear.

The needles he had used in his earlier experiments had been thrown in a jar of alcohol for disinfection, but Hux still have four needles he hadn't used. They had been sterilized in both the boil method and rubbing alcohol. As had the pair of Duvaul forceps (he'd actually stole those), sitting on a clean blue surgical cloth (he had 113 more left, by his count). He tucked another cloth under Kylo's chin. He soaked his hands in hand sanitize before he pulled on a pair of nitrile surgical gloves. What would he do if Amazon didn't exist? He'd hate to be caught stealing more from the nurses office, on top of everything else he was on alert for.

He let the last tug of the glove snap a bit and watched Kylo smile at the sound.

“Does it still hurt?” Hux asked as he sat on his computer chair. He kept his hands up as he rolled it closer with his feet, so he was by Kylo's head.

“A little. I uh.. I guess it's about to hurt worse?”

“No. You're tongue will though.”

“Are you gonna pierce my tongue?” Kylo asked, his already pierced brow arching. He looked doubtful. Smart.

“Partly,” Hux said and smiled. “You're not gonna be able to talk once we start, so we're going to use a simple blinking method. One blink yes, two blinks no. Understand?”

“Yeah,” Kylo said and tilted his head, looking at the long needles on the cloth. “Where's the jewelry?”

Hux actually laughed. “Kylo, stop being obtuse. This is an experiment.” He paused, realizing after he'd said it, that it wasn't a subject they had discussed before. Kylo didn't know about the other animals or what else was in his journal (except that one page). He knew about the pictures on Hux's favorite website, but they hadn't talked a lot about that since. Hux wasn't sure he even wanted to.

He eased his words out more slowly. “I want to record how this goes... I just need to know your pain tolerance....I'm sure it has limits. I want to cut you again, but I don't want to go too far. It's important I know what you can handle. I'm going to put one of these in your tongue. Another through your cheek. If that goes well... I'd like to do more.”

More that would involve permanent blindness or nerve damage.

Kylo seemed to be thinking, more thought than he had put into the fun they'd had in the truck. But that had been a mistake. An unwise mistake that could have been dangerous. This time he would be careful, he would be calm. He would be detached. Or try to be. This was just a necessary event for a bigger experiment. That's all.

“Okay,” Kylo smiled and shrugged once under the blue cloth and tipped his head back, letting his mouth hang open. “I trust you.”

Hux's hands were totally numb. He flexed them, two times, three times. Shook them. Trust? Really?

For the briefest moment he thought about calling it all off, telling Kylo to get dressed and leave. Maybe to never come back. But then he looked at his closed journal, thought about the years of experiments he'd done. The animals never quite enough. Never really what he … needed.

Kylo was a possibility. He couldn't give it up already.

His fingertips felt alive again as he picked up the forceps and gripped the end of Kylo's pink tongue with it. “Don't stretch your mouth, just relax it,” Hux said softly and pulled at Kylo's tongue. He tightened and locked the clamp so it hung, the weight of it pulling Kylo's tongue out over his pierced bottom lip. It was obscene.

“You're going to do great.”

He grabbed the first needle and put the point to Kylo's tongue, once more picking up the forceps and holding them upward to keep the tongue level. It was harder to push the needle in than he expected. Upholstery needles were thicker than a normal needle, especially ones as large as Hux had gotten but at least these were sharp, a lot of them weren't. The needle didn't go into Kylo's tongue nearly as easy as the ones that Hux had put into his leg. But his leg had been in a state of relaxation that Kylo's glistening tongue was not.

“Guuh,” was the sound that came out of Kylo's throat. Kylo had his eyes open, trying to watch what he was doing. It made him go cross eyed.

Hux pushed the needle down harder and harder, glad his gloves kept a grip on the sides of the metal. It felt like it was catching on something inside, layer by layer. A bit of blood welled up where he paused in and he pushed harder, finally feeling the muscle give way and the sharp silver tip come out the bottom. Kylo's eyes were watering. He turned the needle slightly, moving the forceps with it as he slid the needle down past Kylo's lips, forcing it to hang out beyond his mouth. Not allowing Kylo's tongue to be pulled back in, the side of the metal bar pressed into his lips firmly, top and bottom. It bled very little.

“Pain levels,” Hux said evenly. He knew he was breathing harder than he should be. “1 is a like a mosquito bite. You barely notice it. 3, is like an booster injection. 5 is like a sprang. You can't block out the pain. Its sharp. 7, you can't think clearly because of the pain. 9, you need pain killers right now. It's too much. 10... you're gonna pass out. Blink when I raise the right number of fingers. Okay?”

Kylo blinked once.

He raised one finger. He raised two.

Kylo blinked once.

Hux lowered his hand slowly and felt his mouth hang open. He hadn't hoped for that much. That was asking a lot.

“Good,” Hux breathed. He'd have to remember this, he couldn't risk grabbing his journal and writing in it right now. That journal went everywhere with him, who knew how much bacteria was on the cover. Hux left the needle in Kylo's tongue and picked up another.

“Now you're cheek,” Hux said breathless.

He stuck his thumb into Kylo's mouth, holding his right cheek out and slid his thumb up under where the cheek joined below the eye. He pulled his cheek outward as far as he could and found a good spot with the needle. His cheeks felt thick. It was nice. Like how he imagined it would be when he slid his hand into a body cavity. Kylo's body cavity. Flayed and open.

Those thoughts wouldn't help right now.

Hux closed his eyes for a moment and took in two long breaths, trying to focus. This was worse than an animal, worse than the things he did to himself. There was something about putting the long points into Kylo's flesh that was making him stir horribly. He knew he was getting hard in his pants despite trying not to. It hurt . An organ could only take so much abuse and lately Hux had felt needs too often. He wasn't sure how to keep detached now, he wasn't sure he wanted to.

He pushed the tip of the needle in and glanced up at Kylo's eyes. They were closed tight but the rest of his face didn't feel tense. Hux pushed the needle in deeper and watched from the outside as it moved around under the skin, almost alive. The skin pushed out at an impossibly sharp angle and then slowly broke. The silver point slid into the light, coated in a thin trace of blood several inches from his eye. Probably just missing his orbicularis oculi muscle. Hux left the needle there, the short oval base still in his mouth. The other needle kept him from closing his mouth anyway.

“Gugh,” came the groaning sound from Kylo.

“Open your eyes, I need your number Kylo.”

He opened his eyes, his tongue moved slightly, the needle pressed against his lips harder. His eyeliner was even more smugged, his eyes were tearing up but he wasn't making any crying sounds. Hux saw his Adams apple bob as he tried to swallow the saliva that accumulated at the back of his throat. Kylo's cheeks were still pink and Hux was sure by the way his pants were fitting it was not from pain alone. Kylo enjoyed some aspect of this. Hux wasn't 100% sure which one it was.

Hux held up one finger, two, three, four.

Kylo blinked.

Hux smiled. His chest felt so full of pride he was sure it might burst.

“I'm so proud of you Kylo,” Hux said and placed a kiss on Kylo's forehead. “I want to try your arm.”

Kylo blinked once.

He was going off the rails again. He knew that. He shouldn't. This wasn't so much about pain tolerance. He shouldn't push this far already. This wasn't about testing. There was something else controlling the show more and more.

“I'll take these out first,” Hux said and grinned at the grateful look Kylo gave.

“Is it because of the pain?”

Two blinks.

Hux frowned but didn't question further until Kylo could actually speak.

He probably enjoyed watching the one in Kylo's cheek come out a bit too much, so close to his eye the gloves brushed Kylo's lashes. His cheek bled when the oval end of the needle came out and Hux gently pressed a piece of gauze against it. He then set to the other needle. As was natural Kylo's tongue had moved around quite a bit. It wasn't easy having your tongue forced out and impaled for this long. Hux could understand that. This needle came out more easily and he tossed it onto the cloth beside the other one.

Kylo grabbed him. His lean arms coming up to grab around Hux's shoulders and forcing him down into a kiss. Hux gave in, knew he shouldn't but couldn't help it. Kylo's tongue was bloody, his whole mouth tasted like warmth and copper. He swirled his tongue in, tasting the saliva and blood both heavy in Kylo's mouth.

When Kylo laid back again he smiled. “I 'dust wanted to ki'th you.”

He sounded stupid, and perfect.

Hux licked the taste of Kylo off his mouth and smiled. “You can touch yourself. I won't stop you. In fact, the distraction should help with the pain.”

Kylo's cheeks flamed. He'd said the right thing. Hux watched with a kind of giddiness as Kylo began to open his tight jeans, pulled them down and his plain underwear came into view. He watched Kylo's arm rest on his long torso, his wrists in the dip the front of his hips, colorful rainbow bracelet a bright spot of joy against his pale skin. He was a map of little dots. One day Hux thought he would count them.

Kylo moaned softly when he slid his own hand under the cloth of his under pants and began to palm himself. The spot under Kylo's eye was bleeding, just slightly and it rolled down the side of his face like a tear. Hux wanted to lean over and lick it, to grab Kylo's hand and replace it with his own. He looked down at his gloves and remembered what he was doing. He stilled himself with a few breaths and picked up one of the alcohol swabs he had planned to used during clean up. He tore it open and unfolded the pre-soaked cloth. He ran it up and down Kylo's forearm. The younger boy whimpered.

“S'cold,” Kylo said softly. His head was turned towards Hux, watching him with a stare that Hux found a bit too intense.

“It'll be warm in a minute,” Hux said lightly. He noticed that Kylo was shivering again.

Hux picked up the needle from the blue cloth and bought it eye level, giving it a once over. He wanted to kiss it. To put a small part of himself on the needle before it sunk into Kylo's arm, but he resisted. It was such a good thing Hux had patience.

“Ow,” Kylo whined when Hux put the needle tip to his arm.

Hux pulled the needle back and eyed Kylo's face. He was smirking.

“Lighten up Huxie,” Kylo said and grinned wider. There was still a thin amount of blood and spit sticking to his teeth.

“Brat,” Hux said fondly.

He gripped Kylo's forearm gain and this time pushed the needle against Kylo's skin hard. The skin here didn't give as much resistance as he's cheek had. The needle began to sink in pretty smoothly. Hux could feel Kylo's muscle tense under his arm and he held it tighter, making sure he didn't jerk his arm up. Hux slid his eyes over Kylo's body. He was stroking himself fully now, his hand half in his underwear, half out, part of his hard cock exposed over the top of the cloth. Hux tried not to watch, but he glanced up more than once. He would not have been so rough with himself as Kylo was with himself. Hux noted that for later.

Kylo groaned when Hux began pushing the needle again. It sounded more pain than pleasure.

“Give me a number Kylo,” Hux said firmly.

“Ugh, I dunno,” he panted, whined. “Five maybe.”

“Good,” Hux said and smiled. The needle was planted a good 2.5 inches in his extensor carpi ulnaris muscle (a muscle responsible for extension of the wrist and elbow). There was no blood, the space around where the needle entered was too tightly clasping about the metal. Hux watched as it sunk in deeper. He held Kylo's arm at an angle, so he could gauge the needle's path through the muscle. He felt some resistance, slight but there. Not unlike Kylo's tongue.

“Shit,” Kylo hissed. His thighs were tensing and Hux watched as he began stroking himself harder and faster. Hux couldn't focus. He didn't care about the numbers. He'd lost sight of it now.

“Tell me how it feels Kylo.”

“Good, it feels good,” Kylo panted.

“Do you like me doing these things to you?”

“Fuck, yes.”

“Would you let me do more?” Hux pushed harder, watched as the skin stretched and the sharp silver point began poking out of Kylo's skin. Impaled through a section of his arm. Only a half inch of metal stuck out on each side.

“Ugh, y-yes,” Kylo's voice was wavering. He was sweating and panting like he was doing much more than laying in a bed jacking off. His hips turned a bit, half rolling, though Hux's grip kept his arm in place.

“Would you like me cut you open? Let me put my hands inside you?”

“Fuck,” Kylo moaned loudly now. Someone would have heard, if they were home.

“I want to feel your heart Kylo, your ribs, everything. I want it all,” Hux was speaking fast, his chest rising and falling rapidly. He was beyond excited. It hurt horribly.

He put his right hand (still in gloves) on Kylo's jaw, grabbing it and kissed him, hard. With his eyes closed he felt Kylo's movements as he finished himself off, he took Kylo's moan in his mouth. He was bad. He was wrong when he pulled the needle out too fast. Kylo's moan turned to a cry.

He was in deep. Way, way too deep.

[]==[| | | | |)---- , , .                         . , , ----(| | | | |]==[]

GuiltyKiller: are you awake?

XxbrokenNtornXx : yeah. Lol its only midnight dummie

XxbrokenNtornXx: Even stevens is on again u should watch it!

GuiltyKiller: are you okay?

XxbrokenNtornXx: lol yeah why?

XxbrokenNtornXx: Hux???

XxbrokenNtornXx: You there?

XxbrokenNtornXx: r u ok?

GuiltyKiller: Yes. I am fine.

XxbrokenNtornXx: ur lying

GuiltyKiller: How is your arm?

XxbrokenNtornXx: lol sore. I got a couple bruises but it looks hot (**^.~)

GuiltyKiller: I'm sure it does.

XxbrokenNtornXx: You sound funni

GuiltyKiller: You can't hear me.

XxbrokenNtornXx: ass

XxbrokenNtornXx: u knw what I mean

GuiltyKiller: I'm going to bed now.

XxbrokenNtornXx: ??? Stay!

GuiltyKiller: Why?

XxbrokenNtornXx: b/c I like talking to u!

GuiltyKiller: I like talking to you too.

XxbrokenNtornXx: AWW Huxie!

Hux smiled. Everything was fine. Everything was okay. He was different, yes. But sometimes with one person... maybe he wasn't so alone.


Chapter Text

He was in school. The florescent lights were flickering above his locker. He didn't want to be here. Something wasn't right. Something felt like dread.

“Can you believe it?”

“He's a freak.”

“A fucking psychopath.”

“Why would you ever let him touch you?”

Kylo, Finn, Rey was that Phasma too? He recognized the voices before he saw them standing near the lockers. Phasma wore a football uniform, Kylo was a rainbow of color. His sappy eyes were hard.

“How disgusting.”



The world jerked, the world rolled. He didn't see himself walk over to them, but there he was.

“Why are you saying these things!” Hux yelled.

“Because you're a freak. Because something is wrong with you.”

“You need help.”

“There is no help for something like that!”

“You're sick.”

It was like a white flash, something snapped.

He was on Kylo, knocking him to the ground. He straddled Kylo's chest and punched him, hard in the face, over and over. No one stopped him, they parted like the sea. He was grabbing Kylo's big ears in his fists, lifting his head and pounding it down on the hard floor, over and over. A spot of blood began to form on the ground and he kept going. Kylo was grabbing at his arms, but didn't manage to take hold. His painted nails raked over the skin on Hux's arms but left no mark. The skull cracked, he heard the crunch. A bloody thick sound filled the air as he continued to pound his head even as Kylo went limp. His hands were slick with blood, he gripped harder, pushing his thumbs into where Kylo's eyes were and spreading his hands out on the sides of his head. He had to keep slamming Kylo's head down harder and harder. He had to.

Finally Kylo was gone, just a mess of broken skull, brains and blood resting in his hands. The body was limp below him.

And then he opened his eyes.

He was going to vomit.

He rolled to the side of his bed and tried to relax his throat as his stomach muscles tensed. He let the sour bile pour out of his mouth and forced himself not to fight the second spasm. His mouth dripped bile and he tried not to use his nose. He stared at the black space where it must have fallen and was soaking into his bedroom carpet. It was too dark in his room to see anything clearly. He was breathing hard and his forehead was soaked with sweat. He blinked over and over. The images weren't gone. He moved his hands together, rubbing palm over palm, then to his face. There were no bone fragments, there was no blood.

It wasn't real.

Two parts of his mind fought, because it felt real.

Hux kicked the blankets off, hard. They felt spiky and rough though he knew they were soft. He could still hear Kylo's voice in his ears. His voice full of hate. Hux hugged his knees, trying to ignore the ache in his chest.

Everything felt too much . His heart felt like it was being grabbed too hard and squeezed in a vice. His skin felt irritated, everywhere . Even the cloth of his soft pajamas felt like small spikes were touching him. He ripped off his pajama shirt and threw it away from him, holding his hands over his arms then cupping them over the back of his neck. The sound of his own breathing was grating and even in the darkness he saw shadows of the dream. It wouldn't leave.

He needed to protect himself from something that wasn't there.

He knew he was shaking, not just inside but bodily this time. The images of the bits of skull were in front of his eyes. He closed them and opened them, trying to clear the image. It just wouldn't leave, it only changed from vivid colors to a polarized vision. Like sunspots.

He begged his mind to hurry , to catch up to the reality he knew was in front of him. He had not killed anyone. There was no brain matter on his hands. No skull. Kylo was not hurt.

He would have to wait. There was nothing else he could do but wait.

Sometimes your mind just doesn't listen.

[]==[| | | | |)---- , , .                         . , , ----(| | | | |]==[]

“Guess what?!” Kylo said excitedly.

“What?” Hux asked, picking at today's lunch. A Kylo Solo original; a mix of sliced vegan “tofu pups”, bake beans and brown sugar. Lots and lots of brown sugar. Hux dropped his spoon back into the container with a mild sugar shutter.

“Lexi Lush returned my whore for whore ~ with a friend sign! She friended me back! And we messaged each other for like, 30 minutes!”

Hux looked up from the container of disgusting sugar food and into Kylo's face. He was beaming. Kylo had changed his hair. There were more pieces of red and he'd added platinum blond to several parts of his hair. Hux had suspected it was fake hair until he'd ran his hands through Kylo's hair this morning. It was all real.

“That's great,” Hux said and smiled indulgently. He had no idea who Lexi Lush was.

“I know right?! It's like, finally!” Kylo said and smiled. He popped another few spoonfuls of the food in his mouth and his smile faded. He was looking past Hux. “Eh.. shit.”

“I need to talk to you,” Rey said as he stopped in front of their lunch table. Hux regretted choosing to eat inside today. The rain hadn't left him much of an option though. He could have skipped lunch in favor of dragging Kylo into the biology lab. No one would have been there, he could have had enough time to play with Kylo … just a little.

“Rey, leave him alone,” Kylo said firmly, glaring. “Isn't this getting old?”

“Shut up Ben. I'm not mad. I just need to talk to him. Alone.”

Her face was calm, arms folded over her chest. This was the least amount of bad attitude Hux had seen in her. A nice change.

“Why, so you can break us up? Forget it. You can't make him-”

“It's fine Kylo,” Hux put his hand on Kylo's as he spoke. “I'll survive a conversation with your cousin.”

Kylo looked unsure, his fingers curled between Hux's and Hux was sure he didn't want to let go. Kylo glared up at Rey briefly but stood.

“Fine, but I'm gonna be right over there talking to Ithano. BE NICE.”

Hux chuckled a bit as Kylo put two fingers eye-ward, then at Rey. The internally sign for 'I'm watching you.' Rey ignored it and sat down across from Hux, he set her with a steady gaze, waiting.

“You know I don't like you. I'm not gonna waste time rehashing that,” Rey began. She placed her hands on the top of the table, running one finger along the edge Kylo's metal lunchbox as she spoke. “I just want to make sure, if this is gonna continue you're gonna be good to him.”

“You sound like his father.”

“Pfft, you haven't met his father.”

Which, was true. Hux had not even been to Kylo's home. They always went to his house if they didn't roam around town. Hux frowned briefly, feeling like a shot had been fired.

“No, I have not.”

“Uncle Han is a great man. Kylo needs that, you know,” Rey was nodding her head as she spoke, as if talking to herself. “He didn't take our grandfather dying well. Alot of people hurt him. Including you. He's come a really really long way. I know you... like him, but I want to make sure you understand Kylo. He's not like you or I.”

“Are you saying we're alike?”

Rey looked like she wanted to murder him, but pushed it off her face after a scathing glare. “We're strong people. Kylo's... not.”

“I think you greatly underestimate your cousin.”

“I think you over estimate what you know about him,” Rey said back, sharper than Hux had spoken to her. “I see you for what you are. He doesn't. But if you care about him at all, somewhere in your fucked up brain, you'll make sure you're careful with him. That you don't hurt him.”

Hux tasted bile again. He knew what she meant, but still.

“He likes you for some reason. And if he's just something for you to , to, …. experiment with, then do us both a favor and end it now,” she finished.

Hux's mouth fell open at her choice of words. She couldn't know. She must have meant something else. Hux turned his eyes away to find Kylo. He sat several tables over with Ithano, talking but watching Hux and Rey with narrow eyes. He looked sour.

“This is not an experiment. I care about Kylo,” Hux said calmly, flicking his green eyes back to Rey. “I won't hurt him.”

Rey sucked air in through her nose and drew herself up. She didn't look happy, but she seemed less agitated than she had in their past interactions

“Just keep in mind, what I said.” She got up then and left the table to seek out her own, with normal people. It had probably been a risk to her reputation to be seen talking to him. What would the prom counsel think? Ha.

When Kylo rushed back over, Hux let him take his hand again. He returned the kiss even though Kylo was glaring in Rey's wake as he did so.

“Whatever she said, don't listen to her.”

“Of course.”

This was no experiment. You don't love the way your lab animal smells, the way its little face warms when you touch it, the way it smiles, the way it looks excitedly at you. Not like he loved the millions of things about stupid-ass fucking Kylo.


[]==[| | | | |)---- , , .                         . , , ----(| | | | |]==[]

Hux rolled his shoulders as he cut the last piece of flesh from bone. It was rather unsatisfying at this point. He'd been standing here too long.

“Bren, make sure you lay them straight. I don't want them touching. Your brother screwed up a whole tray last time.”

“Yes Sir,” Hux said mildly.

Hux scooped the shoulder joint and bone off the table and into the large tub that was now filled with deer bones, cartilage and joints. He lifted the long deep pink flesh now removed and slapped it down on the meat table to trim some of the excess fat. The knife glided smoothly as he pulled the the white stringy pieces of fat and cartilage up and away from the meat.

They were cleaning the third of the three deer his father had brought into their “hunt room.” The name his mother had given the sizable shed at the back of their property, where they would finish the dressing of dead animals. Today (as it often was) was all about deer. He father's venison jerky was down right famous among the local hunting community. Hunters often sent their kills to be butchered by Brian Hux, with the intention of having several portions turned into his jerky. Hux hated the taste of it, but had been helping to prep the jerky since he was old enough to hold the knives (okay, maybe he hadn't been old enough). It was less appealing than field dressing, but beggars can't be choosers.

He used to like the Hunt Room a lot more when he was younger, before he'd spent so much time in here. Before he had cut up and killed so many animals on his own. Those animals were different than hunting animals. Those animals meant something different to Hux. He rarely went on hunting trips anymore, they were almost always just deer hunts; killing the slow local deer had lost most of it's excitement. It felt kind of tedious to hunt nearly domestic deer, much like the boring meat he was working with. There was hardly any blood, cleaned away or drained. The organs were already disposed of in the field before arriving at the Hunt Room. It was just something dead. He preferred things to breath... and bleed.

Much like when he was younger, he still sometimes imagined what it would be like to bring a human in here. To use the meat hooks to hold their torsos and disarticulate the limbs. Maybe human meat could be made into jerky too. He wasn't sure. Not that he wanted to eat people. Quite the contrary. Meat was mostly disgusting. But the thought had come to him sometimes when one slab of deer meat began to look like the one before it, and it all started to blur.

“I'm glad I have you to help me,” Brian Hux said. Hux nodded as he felt his father's strong hand on his shoulder, giving it a strong squeeze.

“Happy to, Sir.”

“That's my boy.” Brian said. He picked up another tray of prepped flesh from the table beside Hux and disappeared in the back of the shed, where the drying 'oven' was.

Hux loved his family. He knew he did. But his father was probably his favorite. When they were in the Hunt Room together it was close to comfortable. Like logging into Myspace, or sitting beside Kylo. He had experienced accepted with his father when in the Hunt Room, even praised for his efficiency. Not like every other aspect of his life.

The familiar sound of a chainsaw gently rang through the Hunt Room. Hux quickly pulled off his gloves and fished his phone out of his pocket.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (01:19pm)
I gotta ask u sumtin

HUX (01:22pm)
So ask me.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (01:23pm)
uuuugh I dun wanna

Kylo <3333 ULUV (01:23pm)
its so stupid

HUX (01:25pm)
Don't ask me then.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (01:25pm)
but I hav 2

HUX (01:28pm)
Kylo what is it?

Kylo <3333 ULUV (01:28pm)
my bitch mom wants u over

Kylo <3333 ULUV (01:28pm)
4 dinner

Kylo <3333 ULUV (01:28pm)
4 my birthday

Kylo <3333 ULUV (01:29pm)
/w my whole fuking family


Hux stared at the small screen, suddenly unsure what he wanted to say. He had known Kylo's birthday was coming. It was impossible not to for many reasons; Kylo had a count down on his Myspace, complete with a little counter that moved daily towards a bunch of balloons, Kylo also talked about it every day (because 'omfgfinallyalmostlegal'), plus Hux had kept track of Kylo's birthday for years anyway. He wasn't going to forget now.

Kylo had whined repeatedly about how badly he wanted a party but his family “sucked” so much they wouldn't allow him to have his own. He said glumly that his mother still insisted on a family meal together every year. Hux had told him he was being a drama queen (okay, fucking drama whore), but then he hadn't expected an invite at the time. There was some apprehension at the thought of being submitted to the judgment of a new set of people. Surely Rey would have already muddled their view. She'd probably tried to force his mother to stop allowing Kylo to come over. It hadn't worked, but he was sure she'd tried.

She had sounded so smug when she'd said Hux hadn't met Kylo's father. As if he didn't really know Kylo because of that alone.


Kylo <3333 ULUV (01:36pm)
ill tell her you said no

HUX (01:37pm)
No. I'd be happy to attend.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (10:11am)
ugh. Ur gonna hate it

HUX (10:15am)
I would never hate your birthday.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (10:11am)
Jus wait

HUX (10:15am)
Don't be dramatic. I know you want to show me your room.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (10:11am)
fuck you

HUX (10:15am)

[]==[| | | | |)---- , , .                         . , , ----(| | | | |]==[]


Hux had only been a school acquaintance and Myspace friend during Kylo's last birthday. He hadn't even told him 'happy birthday' when the day came. When Hux looked back through his journal he found the entry for Kylo's last birthday. There were notes about birth defects, an interested he had played with from time to time. Then there was a drawing of Kylo's eye. Just one. Eyelids stretched away from it by hooks and a cross-view cutting into the eye to show the interior. He knew it was Kylo's eye just by the shape. He had drawn (and now looked into) those sappy eyes many many times.

This year was different, he was Kylo's boyfriend. He couldn't pine away from afar, drawing Kylo's body parts. Societal norms told Hux he had to do something special. If he hadn't observed this truth, Kylo had made it clear over the last week by constantly asking.

“What are you getting me Huxie?! Is it big? Is it sharp? Will it hurt?”

Hux was sure he was only (partly) doing it to get a rise out of him. It often worked.

Hux really didn't enjoy going to the mall, but he wasn't sure where else you would find something for Kylo. There was a Spencer's Gifts and a Hot Topic. Hux had never actually set foot into either one until today but he had it on good advise (Myspace) that those were the places to go. And there were lots of things Kylo would want, but nothing that seemed to mean something. By the time he was done going though the stores, he was certain the task was going to be even harder than he imagined.

Hux had considered giving into Kylo's suggestions and giving him something cold and sharp for his birthday. But that felt more like a gift for himself than one for Kylo. Even though Kylo would enjoy it too. He still talked about the tiny scar on his arm from the needle. It was barely even visible despite what he said. Kylo scared (unfortunately) very lightly.

But it just wasn't right.

It was while thinking about the needle's tiny scars that it finally came to him. If you care for someone, you give them something special, something from the heart. Something made in your own two hands. Hux knew exactly what to do. He was only mildly worried if he could do it right .

[]==[| | | | |)---- , , .                         . , , ----(| | | | |]==[]


“God, finally,” Kylo said and stepped out of the front door, closing it tightly behind him.

Hux tilted his head in confusion. Wasn't he invited in?

“Am I late?” Hux asked, knowing for certain he was not.

“No,” Kylo said. “It just feels like forever. My family is like, the most annoying people in the world... What the hell are you wearing?”

Hux bit the inside of his bottom lip. He usually didn't think about clothes (it was easy when you wore one color) but today he had given it thought. With a pair of black slacks he had put on a proper button up shirt (though black) and tie, a thin one with a slight silver pattern on it.

“I'm meeting your parents,” Hux said. These clothes had once been his usual Church attire.

Kylo stared at him, his eyes really wide. He had no room to talk. He did not look like his usual colorful self either. He wore jeans that were light gray and a dark blue t-shirt under a loose striped hoodie. His hair was still a mix of black, red and platinum blond, but he didn't have any of those rainbow barrettes in that Hux had become fond of.

Hux wasn't sure if he liked a toned down Kylo or not.

“Wow. Just wow,” Kylo said slowly. Hux bit harder at the inside of his lip, until it hurt. “You look like you're going to my funeral, not my birthday.”

“That could be arranged.”

The kiss Kylo gave him was sweet and tasted like he'd already gotten into cake icing. He was aware Kylo was sliding his fingers along the tie, tugging it.

“I think if we hurry maybe we can just run by them and go up to my room,” Kylo said, glancing over his shoulder as a burst of laughed came from inside. “Maybe they won't notice.”

“I think they'll notice you missing Kylo. This is your party.”

“Uggggh,” Kylo groaned and ran his hands through his hair, tugging it back. “Calling that a party is insulting to parties!”

“Beeeeeeenn,” came a long sing-song voice from inside.

“Where'd he go?” asked another voice, male this time.

“Fuck,” Kylo groaned and set his sulky eyes on Hux. “If you stay my boyfriend after this... I swear, I will suck you off every day for a month.”

Hux chuckled and grabbed Kylo's hand in his own. “Careful Kylo, I might hold you to that.”

When Kylo put his other hand on the door handle Hux stopped it.

“Do they know?”

Kylo looked at the ground, the mailbox, then Hux. “About?”

Hux removed his hand from Kylo's, eyes narrowing. “Us.”

“Kinda. Erm.. I think they kinda know. I mean. Yes.... Rey might have told them before I could.”

Hux reminded himself that you can not attack people in public. That was foolish and would land you in jail. He could not beat Rey Skywalker to a bloody pulp, no matter how much she deserved it.

The Solo family home was comfortable. Hux couldn't quite find another word for it. The foyer gave into a large open floor plan and he was able to see the dining room from the front area. The furniture was used and looked as if it had been kept out of comfort over style. There was just enough stuff to fill the space without looking too cluttered. There were lots of books and pictures, mostly photographs rather than art.

Kylo threw furtive glances toward the dining room as he pulled Hux in. Streamers and balloons were hung to decorate the dining area and he could see several bodies in the space. Laughter and conversation murmuring. Hux's hands suddenly felt too big, like they were swelling.

“Hurry,” Kylo whispered back to him.

“Oh, hey there!”

Too late.

Hux looked up to see a tall man standing on the stairs that led upstairs (and presumably to where Kylo's bedroom was). The man was way over six feet and looked like some of the more reclusive hunters Hux had come across in the deeper parts of the forest. Wild men that lived off the land and avoided society. His dark brown hair was past his shoulders and he had a long beard with a drooping mustache that didn't meet in the middle.

“You must be Huxley!”

His voice was very loud and rolled in a strange way that told Hux he was not from America. Kylo, looked absolutely mortified.

“This is Hux, just Hux. Hux this is my Uncle Chest-”

“Chewie! Everyone calls me Chewie!”

Hux put his hand out and though Kylo's uncle gave him an odd look he took it in his huge one and gave it a good hard shake.

“Nice to meet you,” Hux said and inclined his head.

“You too,” Chewie said. He turned toward the dinning room and gave them an encouraging wave. “Com'on, I'm sure Ben- erm Kylo, is gonna want you to meet everyone” Kylo gave him an over exaggerated eye roll and grabbed Hux's hand. Hux didn't mind being dragged this time, he had a feeling if he wasn't his feet might not work.

When he entered the dinning room he had to force himself not to focus on how many eyes were on him. Twenty (including Chewie). He could almost hear the sound of eyelids closing and opening after the first glances were given. Judgments formed. Rey was glaring from the open kitchen, she sat on the counter beside a teenager girl with dark red hair,

“Ok, everyone. This is Hux,” Kylo said with a grumble. His hand was holding Hux's harder now. “Hux this is everyone. Ok. Great. Lets move on.”

A few mumbled hellos, slight smiles were given and most of the people went back into whatever conversations they had been in before they entered the room. They were friendly but it was clear to Hux, they'd already heard what they needed to know from Rey.

Ben,” a woman said scolding. She was a short woman with dark brown hair held up in a clip.

Kylo dropped his head back and looked skyward, his adams apple stuck out against his choker. “Jesus mom,” he groaned and set his eyes back on the woman, quite annoyed. “This is Hux. Hux this is my mom.”

“Leia,” Kylo's mom corrected and smiled just a bit. Her eyes were brown like Kylo's but not nearly as wide, that feature belonged to the man standing beside her. “This is Han. Ben's father.”

“Yeah, nice to meet ya, kid,” the man said, not looking up from the pot he was stirring.

“Its very nice to meet you both,” Hux said with a trained voice.

“Ben, introduce your grandparents. Don't be rude,” Leia said when Kylo (it was so odd hearing him called Ben) began pulling Hux out of the room again.

“Jesus Christ mom,” Kylo groaned.

“Hey, don't start that,” Leia said in a tone Hux read was 'warning.'

Kylo rolled his eyes a lot. Hux wondered if the muscles were loose and slack from over use.

Hux met the grandparents (Han's parents), a older man named Lor (who Kylo had looked uncomfortable around), and the dark red haired girl (apparently another cousin, named Jania). There had been no need to meet Rey and Luke, though at least Luke had made the effort to tell him hello and offered a smile. After the full rotation of pleasantries had been given Kylo had once more tried dragging him off toward the steps. They were stopped by his mother who (honest-to-god) snapped her fingers three times at him and gave him a look before saying that dinner was done.

Kylo had finally let go of his hand when they sat around the table with his family. Hux had been glad when Kylo had placed it on his thigh instead. Something about touching Kylo was helping the world stay grounded. His hands still felt huge. When he looked down at them, they didn't seem to be swelling though.

Hux ended up beside Han, who never really looked at him. Dinner consisted of what Hux learned was 'Ben's favorite foods.' Mac and cheese (with bacon), corn dogs (which Kylo ate with maple syrup and honey), honey BBQ pulled pork, a large bowl of assorted sliced fruit, and a salad. Leia had said with smile that she had added the salad “for the rest of us,” she didn't hear Kylo's quiet “fuck you too.”

The dinner conversation was going well, mostly because Hux had not spoken. The few times he was asked things Kylo would jump in to answer, usually more aggressively than Hux might. Until Rey saw her chance.

“So, Hux, what is it you plan to do after you finish school?” Lor had asked, looking over his clear rimmed glasses. He had to be in his 60s and looked like he had probably always been an academic. “College?”

“Probably something gruesome,” Rey muttered not so quietly.

“Excuse me?” Lor had said, gently.

“Hux is kinda known in school for being gruesome,” Rey said after a pause. Despite their last conversation, she was apparently still holding a hell of a grudge. Maybe she felt the shot fired her direction when Hux had been welcomed in the house. Into her family's celebration. She looked down right smug now, she was aiming at him. He wanted to plunge his fork into her throat and soak the table of sugary food in salty red blood.

“He likes to cut up animals in biology. Like a lot. I can't imagine any college taking him on, unless it's a mortician's school,” Rey continued on, her eyes on Lor. She had a tone in her voice that said she knew exactly what she was doing. “It's disgusting.”

“What the fuck,” Kylo growled quietly at Rey through his teeth.

“Ben!” Leia scolded.

Hux felt his vision was pulling in, the world felt spacey. He blinked a few times, searching out words; socially responsible ones.

“It's true,” he said finally. “My family all hunt. When my father was in the marines, he received several commendations for his rifle skills actually. So, I learned early how to handle fire arms and hunt. Dressing an animal was a necessary skill. I'm afraid it may come off as gruesome to my class mates. But it's been helpful in biology. I'm not squeamish.”

That sounded better in his head. Something about his own voice made him think of his father's often clipped tone.

“I hope it will continue to help me later,” Hux continued and turned his eyes back to Rey. “In the field of medicine. Helping people.” Target hit.

He felt Kylo's hand move over his own under the table and curled his fingers into it.

“Oh. That's wonderful,” Lor looked a bit taken back for a minute but dropped the subject.

Rey 1, Hux 1. Better than nothing.

He was silently thankful when Kylo's father began talking about sports and Hux was able to disengaged from the conversation again. When he slid his eyes over to Kylo, he saw that he was glaring at Rey steadily. Heat radiating off of him. His mother noticed too and slapped his shoulder lightly until he stopped.

After dinner ended Leia finally let Kylo drag Hux off, calling after them that cake would be soon. Kylo had given her a double middle finger once he was around the corner.

When Hux reached the upstairs hallway he pulled against Kylo's hands that were dragging him down towards his bedroom.

“Is this you?” Hux asked looking at the wall.

“Um... yeah.”

The hallway upstairs was a sea framed Kylo (or Ben) pictures. Pictures Hux had never seen. Kylo as a baby, chubby with drool running down his chin and bib, a bathtime toddler crying into the camera with a soap beard, sitting on his father's shoulders at the zoo, sitting in a booth eating a huge sundae with a man with a scared face, maybe seven years old in a tea-ball uniform looking into the distance, maybe ten years old standing with the scarred man again, another several with the same man a few years older.

“Who is that?” Hux asked and gently touched a picture. In this one the man with the scar and Kylo were both in a yard, holding sticks like swords at each other. Laughing but trying to give mockingly serious looks.

“Papa Anakin.”

Kylo didn't sound right.

Hux looked at him and saw Kylo's face had changed completely. His bottom lip was pulled in and he had a pained expression on his face. His large brown eyes looked up at the picture and Hux dropped his hand. So this was the grandfather. The man whose death Rey had said was hard on him. Kylo was looking at the picture but he also wasn't, Hux was sure his vision was somewhere else.

“You cared about him a great deal.”

“Yes.” Kylo didn't move but he seemed to shrink somehow, his shoulders kind of sagged. “I hate these pictures.”


“Because, why the fuck would I wanna look at this shit. He's gone,” Kylo sighed and looked away from the wall of smiling face. “Plus, I looked like a fucking idiot.”

Hux knew he should say something comforting. What's that what you did here, right? But no words came to mind. He couldn't help that Kylo's grandfather was dead. No words would fix a death or the sorrow that Kylo had. Hux noted it must be very close to the surface, so easily found by just looking at these photos.

“You don't now?” Hux said with a hint of question to his voice.

Kylo looked at him suspiciously, unsure if he was joking or not, then smirked. “Asshole.”

Kylo's room was familiar to Hux, due to all the Myspace photos. It was a mess and very very cluttered. Very little space on the walls weren't covered with posters (full size and magazine pull-outs) or writing. Kylo wrote on his walls a lot, some poetry, some just graffiti style words. Hux kicked some discarded clothes out of the way and sat down on the end of Kylo's bed. He didn't bother moving the clothes that were there and just sat on top of them.

Kylo turned on music immediately after they stepped in, like turning on a light switch. Something electronic and crappy began coming from the stereo's speakers. Hux was dismayed that he actually recognized it. Blood on the Dance Floor, Till Death do we Party. He shouldn't let Kylo use his iTunes account anymore.

“It's kinda weird having you in here,” Kylo said while he leaned over his computer. He still had a desktop set up, which Kylo had told him was much better than a laptop. Laptops couldn't handle World of Warcraft – apparently.

“It's not weird to me,” Hux said lightly.

While Kylo leaned over his desk, checking his Myspace (replying to birthday wishes mostly) Hux let his eyes roam around the room. Finally he found something he'd never seen. On Kylo's ceiling were stars. Not just a single set of glow in the dark stars; there had to be 100s of little sticky stars up there, some sets slightly different from another. All circled around the round globe of his bedroom light. Hux smiled. He could imagine Kylo staring up at those at night. Probably thinking about how crappy his life is, how unlucky he is, how bad he had it. So dramatically wishing he could leave this place. Hux almost laughed.

“Hux... you're being weird.”

Hux looked down and smiled at Kylo's expression.

“I just like your room.”

“Really? I thought you'd hate it. I mean, like, I cleaned up a little before you got here.. but it's not like yours or anything.”

This was cleaned up? Lord Jesus.

“It's very you.”

Kylo blushed. It was just the chemical trnasmitter adenylyl cyclase triggering the dilation of the veins in his cheeks. It was only a biological response. But it was so very attractive.

“My mom hates it,” Kylo said as he moved from the computer desk. He reached out and took Hux's tie in his hands, running his hands down it. He moved closer, standing so he straddled Hux's knees. “No one gets me.”


Hux placed his hands on Kylo's hips and pushed up his t-shirt. The scar under his belly button was faint, only pink. Hux wished it was dark, wished he hadn't done such an efficient job at taking care of it. He leaned in and kissed it, felt Kylo's hips squirm. He opened his mouth and ran his tongue along the length of it, wishing he could taste what was below it. He felt Kylo's fingers on his hair, then his shoulders. He didn't stop Kylo when he moved forward, forcing Hux to lay back and crawled on top of him. Hux suspected all along things would lead here. Kylo was so needy. He thought with his dick.

Hux indulged the kissing, stroking his hands along Kylo's hips and down across his ass to grab it. Kylo was hard even before he began grinding down, Hux could feel it, pushing against the front of his pants. As much as Hux enjoyed the kissing, grinding and attention. It didn't quite work the same for him. He knew there were limits he couldn't reach today. Kylo's whole family was just below them. He couldn't bite, cut, tear at or hurt Kylo with them down there. So aware Kylo's 'weird' boyfriend was in the house.

“I got us something,” Kylo whispered between kisses.

“Hm?” Hux nudged his face under Kylo's hair and bit at the skin under his jaw where his neck met. He wanted to bite much much harder.

Kylo reached under them, fishing his hand under the edge of the bed and sat up on Hux after he did. In his hand was a folded tactical knife. Hux felt his mouth go dry. Kylo sat back on his lap and purposely wiggled his ass down on Hux's groin. He knew exactly what he was doing, Hux was sure of it. Kylo smirked and pushed his thumb into the side of the handle, sliding the knife's blade out and clicking it locked. The knife had a drop point blade, a little under five inches long and two inches wide. Drop points were perfect for slicing.

Right through flesh.

“You like it?”

Hux nodded dumbly. Kylo lifted the knife up and moved it to his mouth, and licked the side of the blade. His brown eyes were lit up. He reached down and grabbed Hux's hand and pulled it up to wrap his fingers around the handle.

“You wanna cut me open?”

Hux shivered when his hand grabbed the handle of the blade, curling his fingers around it tightly. It felt good and familiar in his palm. He and Kylo had talked about this before, during those heated exchanges when Hux had given into phone sex and got lost in his darker hopes. About using a knife and opening Kylo's body in meaty slices. But that was fantasy. That wasn't controlled or methodical. It wasn't reality. That was savage, without thought for Kylo's safety. Hux didn't want to like it. He hated that he loved it. It wasn't what he wanted in reality.

But he was hard in his pants and blood was rushing through his head like crazy. He could slit Kylo's belly open, right here. Right now. His insides could flow out on Hux in a pool of sticky blood and guts. Hux could have it all. He would be bathed in it. All of Kylo. He could feel his everything .


“Fuck!” Kylo was off him in a flash. He ran to the door, sticking his head out of it and into the hallway, yelling back.

Hux froze, gripping the handle of the knife so hard his hand hurt.

“We'll be down in a minute!”

“Hurry up! It's time for cake. Gramma's getting tired of waiting for you.”

“Jesus Rey, shut the fuck up. I'll be down.”

Hux sat up, tried to put the knife down. His fingers wouldn't move. Kylo slammed the door and growled, he looked sulky when he looked back at Hux.

“Sorry,” Kylo said guilty and pulled at the front of his jeans, trying to make room for his own problem.

“No problem.” Big problem. Huge problem.

Kylo laughed a bit and flipped off the music, moved over to him and took the knife. Thankfully it came out of his hand. He watched as Kylo folded it up and stuck it back under the bed.

“I'm gonna head down.” Kylo smirked, looking lewdly at Hux's lap. “Take a minute to calm down.”

Hux nodded dumbly, barely returned the kiss Kylo gave and tried to breath when he was staring at the back of Kylo's closed door. Alone. His own reflection staring at him from Kylo's mirror.

He looked mad .

He closed his eyes, took deep breaths, forcing himself not to think about the knife or Kylo's trusting face. His soft tender belly, so easily opened... No. Those thoughts wouldn't help.

It took a bit but once in the hallway, breathing normal, feeling in his hands again, he paused to look at the sea of Kylo's photos on the wall. He had his impulses tested many times. Most of the time he passed the tests. Sometimes he didn't. Today he was doing both.

When Hux went down the steps and back to join the family there was one less picture on the wall.

Kylo's cake was from a bakery. A chocolate half sheet cake, with a red shell boarder and the words “Happy Birthday Kylo / Ben” in smooth professional script. The candles were rainbow colored. His family tried .

Chewie started the birthday song when the candles were lit and everyone joined in. Even Kylo couldn't play it off and was smiling from ear to ear by the time they were done. He glanced at Hux before he blew out the candles and Hux (feeling Rey's eyes on him) smirked lewdly in return.

Hux avoided the cake when it was passed around, but was happy to hold Kylo's plate while he ate from it between opening presents. Kylo's family really really tried. Among gifts he'd never use (an old Navy gift certificate – really grandma Solo?) were band t-shirts, trinkets from Hot Topic, a few CDs and a new Ipod touch. Kylo had actually hugged his mom over that.

When Kylo had finished his cake, he finally leaned into Hux and whispered.

“Can I have my gift now?”

Hux laughed. “Of course, it's nothing to hide.” Kylo looked a little disappointed.

Hux pulled out the string of beads from his pocket and held it up to Kylo. His face changed completely. The bracelet had a series of large colorful plastic pony beads, a few shaped like stars, a couple like hearts. In the middle were three letter beads that spelled out H U X. Hux had made Kylo his own Kandi.


 Hux watched Kylo hide his face behind his hair as he tied the bracelet around his right wrist. Kylo's eyes turned wet and glimmering. Hux saw it. It was for him.

Too bad you can't bite your boyfriend's lips off front of his family.


Chapter Text

Kylo couldn't fucking drive.

Hux slammed his hands on the dashboard and pumped his foot on the floor in front of him, wishing for the invisible break to be real as the one Kylo slammed his foot on, jolting them both forward. This was the third time Hux had agreed to help Kylo learn to drive. It was the third time he had regretted agreeing to it. Hux watched as the driver in the car in front of them threw their hands up in the air, angered by the closeness and near collision Kylo had gotten them into. Kylo returned it by throwing his own hands up in the air. Hux leaned forward looked out the window at the red light, it was bright and hung low enough even an idiot could have seen it. Why had he agreed to this again? Right. Because he was a “good boyfriend.”

“You're fucking terrible.”

“Oh my god! Shut up Hux!!” Kylo said loudly. He was gripping the steering wheel again, hard, hands in the one and eleven positions, body leaned close to the wheel like a grumpy senior citizen. At least when the light turned green he didn't jerk them into motion.

“Pull over at the next driveway, I'm driving.”

“What?! No. We've only been out like twenty minutes.”

“Pull over.”

“No, I need a solid hour of time. Don't be a dick.”

“Kylo, you know this doesn't count for hours driven. I'm not an instructor and I can't sign off as a witness unless I'm twenty-five.”


“I've already explained,” Hux said with a sigh. Kylo made him sigh a lot. “Just pay attention to the damned road.”

Hux studied Kylo for a minute. He was tense, hunched over the wheel, large eyes narrowed as if he was having a hard time seeing – there was no reasons for it, the sky was clear. Hux recognized Kylo's expression as concentration, something he often saw in Kylo during school. It was oddly charming. His three-tone hair was tucked behind his big ears. He wore plugs with no center today, just round circles stretching his thick lobes into thin bands of skin. Hux had to resist the urge to loop his fingers into them and tear them out. He wouldn't mind leaning over the small center console/arm rest and bite along the curve of Kylo's jaw. Maybe he could tear into his earlobe, already stretched so thin, with his teeth. It might tear easily.

Hux turned his eyes out the passenger window and tried to put his impulsive thoughts to bed. Hux rarely looked anywhere but on the road when Kylo was behind the wheel, but they were coming up to a stretch of road that had no cross roads or stops. How much damage could Kylo do when driving straight? Hux had insisted they drive on the back roads, where it was less likely for cops to see and pull them over. Two teenagers driving without any adults (especially one as colorful as Kylo) was just asking for attention. Last thing Hux wanted to do was deal with police. Not yet anyway. Not until he had to.

Hux's eyes roamed over the large yards they passed, houses set far back, some with barns in the background, fields of soy beans, or pastures fenced off for horses. It wasn't unlike his own home, set back at the edge of town, a long driveway and more trees than open yard. Unlike where he lived there weren't many lights out here. They were sectioned far and few between.

He couldn't look at light poles the the same anymore and had grown more than a little fond of the ones on his street. That was Kylo's fault.

Kylo had started sending him pictures he found on-line (probably after lots of searching). Drawings of guro (sometimes computer generated) always pornographic and full of some level of blood and guts. There had been one picture in particular that involving a streetlight with a teenage male strapped to the pole. He was hanging off the ground, limbs removed, stomach opened and trails of impossibly long intestines hanging down and wrapped around the pole like ribbon. There was a wreath around his neck, colorful Christmas lights wrapped around his body securing him to the pole and trailing the intestines down to the ground. At the base of the street light was a red santa bag soaked with blood, limbs poking out the top. In some warped world, this was a holiday decoration. A gift. Hux had laughed at the absurdity of it, yet was enticed by how well it had been dawn. The lines and colors were very vivid and it was very easy to change the anime faced male into a panting, groaning Kylo. Hux was sure that was the reaction Kylo wanted and was probably the whole reason he sent the pictures. It lead Hux into phone sex or being all over Kylo the next time they were together.

It was a comfortable manipulation. Kylo knew how to get to him and Hux didn't mind much.

Kylo was quiet for quite a while, Hux only looked away from the scenery outside the window, when he felt one of Kylo's hands grab his. He pulled Hux's hand onto his thigh before putting his own hands quickly back on the wheel. Hux frowned.

“Hands on the wheel.” Hux kept his hand on Kylo's thigh though, lightly resting his fingers over the bright green fabric.

“I am! Jeeze, Mom!” Kylo said in a sarcastic tone.

Hux ran his hand along Kylo's thigh, stroking across his covered skin. He wondered how hard it would be to disarticulate a human limb. Probably no harder than a deer. He stroked his hand down to Kylo's knee, probing the joint gently with his fingers. When he looked back at Kylo's face, he was grinning and looking down at Hux's hand.

“You should move that up.”

Hux gave a soft snort. “No.”


They should have paid attention. At least one of them should have seen the stopped truck. But they were two teenage boys, alone and full of hormones. Was it any wonder they crashed?

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“Thank you!” Kylo said and waved his right arm wildly as the truck drove off.

They were lucky. Extremely lucky. The truck driver had been nice enough to not call the cops when he saw there had been no damage to his truck. Hux wasn't surprised considering Kylo's mother drove such a small car; an old escort with enough miles on it to have met with the junkyard years ago. There were a few dents in the hood edge of Kylo's car however. Hux wouldn't have been surprised if the little car had folded up on itself at the impact, minor as it had been. They could be nothing but bits of flesh right now.

“They can't hear you. Stop moving,” Hux snapped.

He held a handful of tissues to Kylo's face, trying to keep them there through Kylo's idiotic waving. Kylo had hit the steering wheel with his face, a gash had opened across his forehead, over his right eye and the impact had made his nose bleed. So far he hadn't complained of any other injuries. Hux's only one was a painful feeling on the side of his throat, where the seat belt had snapped against him. He didn't have the privacy he needed to look to see if it was bruised below the fabric of his turtle neck.

“I know, but still,” Kylo said as he lowered his arm and pressed his nose into Hux's hand full of tissues. He blew a little. Idiot. Then began sniffing, sucking the blood down into his throat.

“Stop that. I'm actually trying to stop the bleeding.”


“Thanks Huxie,” Kylo said and smiled. He looked attractive even when his forehead was starting to swell under the gash. “You know what this reminds me of?”

“No.” Hux did remembered. Very vividly.

“Our first kiss,” Kylo said and snaked his gangly arms around Hux's waist.

Hux avoided Kylo's eyes as he finished wiping his nose, tossing the tissues into a bush. He didn't need tissues to wack off to anymore. He had the real deal. Live, breathing and so willing to bleed for him.

Hux let Kylo kiss him. It didn't taste like blood, but he could smell it, heavy on Kylo's face. It made his mouth water with a metallic feeling, like a penny was placed on his tongue. He pushed Kylo back against the side of the car with his body weight as he kissed him. Hux ran one hand gently over Kylo's wounded forehead, smearing blood back into his hair. He traced his thumb over the small cut, even as Kylo whined. It was nothing really. Hux had done worse. Kylo's whine turned into a moan under the kiss and Hux pushed his hips against Kylo's, grinding them together.

Driving lesson, what driving lesson?

“I want you to make me bleed more Hux,” Kylo whispered between kisses.

“I want to, too.”

“I'm going to start carrying that knife with me, so you can use it. I got it us for us. It hasn't even been used yet.”

Hux had tried very hard not to think about that knife, with the enticing, wickedly sharp, drop point blade. Its been hard to forget it since he'd held it in Kylo's bedroom a few weeks ago. When he thought about it he could still feel it's textured handle in his hand. Hux had continued to spend time with Kylo, but only at is own home just so he could avoid being near that temptation. The knife was savage. The knife sang a different song than his scalpel did. Lately he had been trying to mute them both. He was hardly succeeding.

Kylo had noticed Hux's resistance and commented about it several times. Hux knew Kylo was starting to wonder if there was something wrong with him, that maybe Hux wasn't interested in continuing their not-so-innocent sexual romps. It was probably another reason he was constantly sending him so much guro art.

Disinterest in Kylo was impossible, he didn't even need to try to attract Hux. But he didn't seem to realize that. He felt more than just attraction when he was with Kylo.

“Don't you want to? I mean... like if you don't you could say so...” Kylo's voice was dwindling and his eyes were timid behind his harsh coal toned make up. Unsure.

He wanted to. He wanted to use that knife in horrible ways.

“You know I do,” Hux nodded.

“You look sad again.”

Hux didn't answer and instead curled his hand where it lay in Kylo's hair, yanking his head back in the way he knew (from past make-out experiences) Kylo liked. He pressed his mouth to Kylo's neck, along the curve where his neck met shoulder and licked it, bit it and began nipping sharply. He dragged his teeth over the tender skin. It wasn't enough really. None of this was. But he hadn't trusted himself to do more lately, not since he'd had such a hard time putting that knife down. But Kylo's moans were pleasant and very encouraging. Hux sucked hard on the tender spot of skin,working his teeth over it.

“Harder, tear me open,” Kylo panted. Hux could feel Kylo's hands on his ass pulling Hux closer, gripping the fabric of his plain black pants. “Rip my throat out.”

Hux pulled back. No blood. Just a very dark purple and red mark where his mouth had been. Nothing but blood on the surface layers of the skin. Nothing more. But he could do more... if they weren't on the side of some stupid country road grinding against each other like sex starved teenagers. If he had Kylo to himself he could do much more.

“Lets go to my house,” Hux said, trying to keep his voice even. “I need to...”

“Fuck,” Kylo said with a smile blooming across his face. “It's about fucking time.”

They both got back into the car rather quickly (Hux drove this time) and eased back onto the road. It was hard to keep Kylo's hands off of him during the short drive from the country roads into the more suburban streets of their hometown. Hux slapped at Kylo knuckles hard enough Kylo had pulled his hand back completely and gave Hux a sulky pout. Hux's mind was focused on the tasks ahead of him and barely noticed.

He'd give Kylo a gag maybe, since his mom and brothers was probably at home. He could make one pretty quick. He'd lay down chucks on the bed again, strip Kylo, lay him down on his stomach and sterilize the back of his thigh with alcohol swabs. Then he'd begin. Just the surface layers again, just under the skin. A nice warm place he could slid his fingertips into. So he could feel the flesh underneath. So he could have Kylo. But he'd be safe. He'd wear gloves, he'd clean him up with saline. He just needed to feel a little and with Kylo on his stomach, he wouldn't risk other impulses... He'd never felt a human muscle before, not without skin covering it.

“Hey, can we stop at Finn's real quick?”

Cold water. Washing away blood.

“Why would I do that?” Why the fuck would I ever do that.

“I need to grab my other xbox controller. It'll only take a minute. I need it for tonight.” Hux must have failed at keeping his expression plain because Kylo frowned. He leaned over and kissed Hux's cheek briefly. “My halo clan meets at ten tonight. Pleeeease? Then straight to your house.”

Freezing water, no blood at all.

Hux nodded shortly. He didn't want to go to Finn's home. He didn't want Kylo in Finn's home in the first place.

He knew the two hung out sometimes. In the large front living room, on the dark blue couch, playing video games on Finn's big screen television. They never touched, unless Hux counted the high-fives they gave each other. He did sometimes. Finn's family was always around, sometimes pausing to watch their game, but usually leaving them alone. Sometimes Finn and Kylo shared a bag of popcorn or a pizza but never the same drink (like Kylo liked to do with him). It was all very benign. But Finn's laugh always looked warm, and Kylo's laughter always exploded like he was having the time of his life when they were together. They had the same humor, made lots of jokes that (apparently) only they got. They were at ease with each other.

Behind closed doors, the good boy Finn and the scene queen Kylo could be friends. There was no place for a boy like Hux.

Hux had never been invited to join them, nor had he asked to. He'd never actually heard the laughter, never been in Finn's house, but he'd seen it anyway. Finn's family always kept their living room curtains drawn back wide for anyone to see in. They liked the light.

When he arrived at Finn's house, Hux stayed parked on the street, and sat back to wait while Kylo hiked up Finn's slightly domed yard. He watched as Kylo rang the bell and was soon invited in (he couldn't see by who). He felt a spasm begin in his mouth, tugging the muscle of his upper lip. He tried to ignore it, but finally reached up to press two fingers against the twitching muscle. He didn't like to think of Finn's face. Smiling at Kylo, asking him how he was. Would he be sad Kylo couldn't stay? Just came to grab a forgotten item. Not to stay. To spend time together. Kylo was going back to his weird boyfriend. The one no one seemed to want Kylo to have.

Finally Kylo came jogging out of the front door. It felt like it had been much longer than needed. Kylo dipped his head down and smiled through the window before he hopped into he car. Someone in the house had provided a band-aid for Kylo's forehead. “Got it!”

Hux dropped his hand from his mouth. Spasm passing.

“Great. Lets go.”

Hux might have sped away a little to fast from Finn's house. Might have been a bit too eager to put space between Kylo and Finn's home. Kylo didn't seem to notice. It was only when they had pulled the small car into Hux's driveway that Kylo even spoke.

“Hey.. How'd you know where Finn lived anyway?”

Hux was a well practiced liar.

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“Take everything off,” Hux said quietly as he locked his bedroom door. Only his mother and oldest brother were home. No one would bother them, no one would want to.

He pulled the box of chuck pads from under his bed and tossed a clean one down on top of his bed. He then pulled the box of nitrile gloves out, along with the box of blue surgical cloths. While setting it all out, he half watched as Kylo began stripping out of his clothes.

His checkered vans were tossed off, one flipping upside down. Mismatched socks, a white studded belt (with a belt buckle shaped like a cupcake), bright green jeans and a “Cute is what we Aim For” t-shirt soon joined Kylo's shoes. The pile of clothes were the only thing to mess up Hux's immaculate bedroom floor. He watched from the corner of his eye as Kylo hesitated, hooking his thumbs into his underwear, then decided not to take them off. It was amusing.

Hux got his journal out and thumbed through the pages, to the one he had drawn of his own calf. His original plan was to attempt this exploration on himself. But that was also before he had such a willing subject... partner. Boyfriend. The lines of the muscles were exposed widely, the flesh held back by surgical extractors. Showing much more exposure to the ligaments than Hux thought he could accomplish today. Kylo would bleed out if Hux did something like this. But he could open up enough to feel inside, even if he couldn't see.

“You can sit down,” Hux said as he set his journal down on his desk. He pulled out a fresh packaged blade and the scalpel handle from his satchel and set it down with the other items.

Kylo seemed relieved and sat down on the edge of the bed. The chuck made a crinkling sound from the protective plastic bottom rubbing against Hux's plain grey blanket. Hux put on a pair of the gloves before he went near Kylo, holding the bottle of rubbing alcohol. He knelt down in front of him and smirked a bit as Kylo leaned in for a kiss. He didn't allow it and leaned away.

“I did say everything. Unless of course, you wanna go home with cum and blood on your underwear.”

Kylo looked excited and alarmed. His brows rose comically high on his forehead and Hux could see his adam's apple bob once. Hux almost laughed as he watched Kylo quickly strip out of his underwear and kick them away. Hux was proud that Kylo didn't try to hide himself when he sat back down, instead sitting still with his legs open, hands on the bed. This was no time for Kylo to be embarrassed. After all, he'd never bothered to be when he used to post those half-naked photos on Myspace.

Kneeling in the space between Kylo's bare thighs, he let his eyes roam over them. They were strong, dotted with a few moles, one high on his upper thigh, another was on his inner hip, in the delicious space where the femoral artery was. Hux memorized it as he gently poured alcohol onto the gauze and began rubbing it over Kylo's thigh. He watched as the small hairs on Kylo's leg rose in response to the cool liquid, the muscles below tensing slightly as goose bumps appeared. Kylo was having a hard time being still (apparently) and reached out to Hux so he could lean down and kiss him. Hux returned the kiss until he was done disinfecting his thigh. When he broke away he could see Kylo was more than a little hard now. Kylo was too easy to please.

Hux tossed the gauze onto the surgical cloth to dispose of later and picked up his scalpel handle. He smirked when Kylo picked up the packaged scalpel blade and held it between his brace covered teeth by the corner of the foil. Mocking Hux's previous actions, yet very attractive while doing so. Hux pulled it away from him, opened it and locked the blade into the handle. The foil joined the used gauze.

“I'm going to cut your thigh. The less you tense the easier it'll be. So just hold still,” Hux warned, meeting Kylo's eyes. His pupils were slightly dilated. Hux realized he must miss this, some part of these interactions Kylo must need as much as Hux needed them.

He was very close to Kylo's thigh, he was sure Kylo could feel his breath as he placed the blade along the pricked flesh. He held the muscle tight with his other hand and slowly slid the blade across his skin in a long slice, pushing down harder than he dared in the past. What was intended to be just a three inch cut, ended up being a good eight inches long. A lovely slice just slightly open. Hux felt himself stir before the blood even started, his cock flex on it's own inside his pants. He didn't have as much control over it as he'd like. He didn't have enough control over many things he wished he did.

“Shhhit,” Kylo hissed. Hux looked up at Kylo to see his teeth gritted and his big dopey eyes watching with a pained expression.

“You can take it,” Hux said and used his thumb to push Kylo's skin taught, opening the cut wider. It bled freely. Hux grinned and tucked his finger under the lip of skin and pushed it upward. It bled fresh in small dots from the tiny severed veins. He made several quick parallel cuts into the wound, releasing subcutaneous layers and skin away from the muscle below.

“Ugh fuuuck,” Kylo groaned. One of his hands turned into a fist in the chuck pad, crinkling it up in his fingers. His shoulders rolled back and Hux saw the muscles in his stomach tense.

He watched as long streams of red flowed down Kylo's skin, overflowing from the cut and ran between his nude thighs onto the white fiber of the chuck. Hux had saline near him, on the desk. He could use it to clean the blood way. That was the plan, but now he didn't want to. He wanted Kylo to flood. Hux heard himself groan. Kylo must have heard too; he released his hand from the chuck and began stroking his fingers through Hux's hair. A now familiar touch that Hux enjoyed.

“Anything you wanna do I can take,” Kylo said panting, he seemed to be shaking slightly.

Hux wished that was true.

He lowered his eyes to Kylo's bleeding thigh and sliced in again, smooth short cuts, curving inward at angle parallel to his leg. It was widening and Hux pushed his fingertips in deeper and deeper as the cut was expanded, checking the depth every few cuts.

“Ugh,” Kylo groaned. He moved his hands behind him, leaning back heavily on his arms. Hux watched as his chest and stomach rose and fell quickly. He was starting to sweat. The pain had to be strong, worse than Hux had done to him before. And here he was taking it. Letting Hux do whatever he wanted.

So trusting. So willing to give.

Hux finally slid his fingers together and pushed under the layer of flesh, from the surface he could see them wiggle under Kylo's skin.

“God,” Kylo groaned louder, his eyes closing tight in pain. There were tears at the corner. He squirmed under Hux's hand. Hux could feel Kylo's muscle tense and flex. His fingers were against his epimysium, separated only by the thin layer from his glove. This was not like a deer. The deer meat he'd felt before was dead and still. This was alive, pulsing just under his hand. Full of blood and oxygen soaring through the cells.

It felt hot under his fingers. The thin glove took away the texture but Hux was sure it was rough under the slimy coating of blood and fluid. Not unlike meat. But it was so much softer than he expected, it had give to it.

Blood pooled around his fingers tucked firmly under the section of flesh like a pocket and dripped down curve of the glove to his wrist. Hux's face felt swollen, like his lips were filling with blood. His vision was becoming far too crisp again. There was nothing like this. Nothing so bone jarring exciting than being inside Kylo's body. Having Kylo under his hands. Hux was drunk, hard, and lost with it's power.

It was too much. His mind was no longer able to put an observational dialog to what he was touching. What he was feeling. Scalpel was thrown down on the chuck in a bloody smear, he pushed Kylo back all the way on the bed, he was on top of him quick, kneeling over his nude body. He grabbed Kylo's hair with his free hand and kissed Kylo hard, sucking his tongue, ignoring how his lips scraped against Kylo's braces. He wanted to consume him.

Kylo's hands were on him, pushing his shirt out from his pants, groping over his pants. Grabbing at him, tugging at his belt and pulling his pants open. Hux let him, he curled his fingers under Kylo's skin and push in further, feeling the flesh resist against him.

“Ahh, fuck,” Kylo cried. He had tears running down the corner of his eyes, they flowed freely into his hair.

“Shhhh,” Hux warned and covered Kylo's mouth with his own. He was too far gone.

He felt Kylo's rushing fingers grasp his cock and the first spine tingling tugs of Kylo's hands on him. Hux moaned and slid his hand out of Kylo's hair to place it against the bed, holding himself over Kylo. His other hand still planted into the open wound. He was resistant to withdraw it, but knew he couldn't trust himself anymore. He was already imaging himself spreading his fingers... clawing down. Ripping into Kylo. He forced himself to removed his hand. The blood on the nitrine glove was bright red and coated the surface heavily. Long drips clung to him and rolled down his wrist and into his shirt sleeve.

“I want you to fuck me,” Kylo whined.

“I bet you do,” Hux panted and kissed Kylo's mouth once more.

Hux sat up from him and grabbed Kylo's arm (just below the Kandi) with his blood covered hand and forced him to stop touching. It left a bloody print on Kylo's skin. Hux scooted forward, tossing each of Kylo's thighs over his own and took himself and Kylo's hard dick together in his bloody hand. He squeezed them against one another and watched as Kylo's eyes got wide and his mouth fell open in a moan, this time in nothing but pleasure. When he began to stroke them together he felt Kylo's hips roll and the bloody surface of his thigh bump into his hip. It felt more than good to stroke himself with Kylo. The blood made a bad lubricant but Hux didn't care, Kylo's cock was leaking like a damn faucet anyway. The slippery clear substance mixing with the red until they were both coated in a film of pink. It made it too easy.

“Fuck Hux,” Kylo whimpered. He wrapped his legs loosely around Hux's hips, offering himself out to Hux's manipulation. “That feels so fucking good.”

“I want to fuck you, I want to tear you open Kylo,” Hux was speaking nonsense. The thoughts and words lost somewhere in the stream of blood flow pounding in his ears. “I want everything to be mine. All of you.”

Hux leaned down into Kylo and kissed him as he closed his eyes. He imagined shoving his hand back into Kylo's open wound and stroked them harder at the idea. He could make cuts on Kylo's hips, he could use them as hand-holds. He could fuck Kylo properly and let blood pour from his hips. Kylo would let him. He'd let him do anything.

“Fuck,” Hux growled into Kylo's mouth and dropped his head into Kylo's chest. He felt Kylo's hips jerking up to his hand and he quickened his pace. He didn't know who came first, only that there was suddenly warmth on his glove and a mess on his shirt and Kylo's scared stomach. His body was shaken by the pleasure and he was sure Kylo's whining gasps were going to be heard outside of his room.

He panted against Kylo's chest for a few minutes, stoking them together until it hurt to so. The mix of red, clear and white fluids were lewd and odd feeling on his cock. The thing\ traces of blood tightened on his sensitive skin (quick to start drying) while the cum stayed warm and wet, clinging to them both. It was an odd feeling.

“Holy shit,” Kylo sighed. He was taking in large gusts of breath and his whole body laid out slack under Hux. He looked like he was glowing. Hux was sure Kylo had to be overloaded with prolactin and oxytocin right now. He looked slack and spent.

“Let me, change my gloves... then I'll stitch you up.” Hux wondered where his breath was or how he was still able to speak through the pulsing sensations running through his body. Every nerve felt wonderfully alive.

“Yeah... right,” Kylo breathed his words. He looked weakly down and raised his leg a bit, as if he'd forgotten it was even there, open and bleeding.

Hux was in and out of the adjoining bathroom quickly, with a warm washcloth he cleaned himself and Kylo off. He liked how Kylo whined and rolled his hips away at the friction of the cloth on his groin.

“Shit, its sensitive you know. Ass..”

“Says the guy bleeding all over my bed.”

There was a smile on Kylo's face when be giggled. Hux really liked that sound.

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After using the saline and alcohol (Kylo had to bite into a belt for that part) to clean the wound, Hux set out the things he needed to sew up the damage he'd done. It wasn't as easy as last time, his vision still felt in a post orgasm haze.

“Is this going to hurt?”

Kylo looked down at him as he spoke. He was sitting on the bed, and Hux sat on the floor with Kylo's leg was draped over his lap, a fresh chuck underneath it to catch any blood. It had mostly stopped bleeding now though. Kylo's body was still slightly sweaty but he was no longer panting. Kylo had his arms wrapped around his nude chest, his spine curled forward as he slouched. His eyes were half open and he looked sleepy. Kylo had mentioned feeling “floaty” and Hux was pretty sure he was in an endorphin stupor. Pretty sure.

They had soaked a one chuck after all. Hux was having a hard time finding the checks and balances on blood loss. He knew he'd researched it before, but it escaped him now.

“Not anymore than it already does,” Hux said softly as he laid the cloth over Kylo's knee to rest his arm on it. Hux noticed (having his face so close to Kylo's lap) that despite all the blood being cleaned off his spent cock remained a shade of red. He thought only ginger's did that. He liked it.

“Did you mean what you said?” Kylo asked quietly.

“Hm?” Hux asked. He thread the curved needle with thin suture line, barely looking up at Kylo as he did so.

“That you want to fuck me.”

Hux frowned and looked up at him sharply. “Again? Didn't we just-”

“No,” Kylo rolled his eyes and then covered his face. Naked, having just cum, bleeding and moaning on Hux's bed.. and this fucker was blushing. “I mean like... for real. Like...” He spread his fingers and Hux saw one of Kylo's big dopey eyes looking at him. “Ya know...”

Oh. Hux nodded in understanding and placed the needle into the first edge of the cut, Kylo jerked his leg but stayed quiet.

“Of course I want to,” Hux said lightly as he smoothly pushed the needle through the edge of flesh. It wasn't actually something he gave much thought to, not until he was lost in Kylo's blood, or his voice. There were no sketches in his journal of Kylo being penetrated in a normal sexual manner. Not even one.

Silence stretched on and Hux refused to look up from his work. He pulled the stitches through in a series of tight neat lines. He made them very small and was surprised (and a little alarmed) when he got to the tenth stitch and still had over half the wound to go. He had to pause to clean away blood before he continued.

“Like.. when?”

Hux hesitated at the stitch then pushed the needle in, swallowing hard. He had sex before, though not many times. It had been the closest he'd come to experiencing what it was like to feel someone's insides. But it hadn't been the same. It hadn't felt as amazing as the things he did with Kylo. It had never felt like he expected it to. He knew Kylo wanted to have Hux inside him like that. Kylo said it enough during their two-in-the-morning phone sex sessions to know; Kylo thought about it as often as Hux thought about cutting into Kylo.

Same – same. Right?

“Soon,” Hux said gently. At the last stitch he tied it off and set the thin needle down beside his (now cleaned) scalpel handle.

“So never,” Kylo said. He sounded pouty.

“Next month,” Hux said calmly. He really needed to think more before he spoke. He looked up into Kylo's face, meeting his dark brown eyes. The makeup was mostly sweated and cried off. He looked spent and exhausted, it was really nice. Thankfully he did not look more pale than usual.

“The family hunting trip is coming up,” Hux said slowly. The plan forming in his head alarmingly quick. “They know I won't be going and they'll be gone for ten days. Can you find a way to stay out all night? Maybe two?”

Hux's mind swirled with something much more than sex. Maybe it was time. He would have several weeks to gather what he needed. He'd waited this long... maybe he could do this. Finally. The experiment he'd been thinking about for so long. He'd touched bare muscle today, maybe he could finally touch more... more important parts. Things that meant something.

“Are you serious!” Kylo sounded like he just learned it was his birthday again. His face was lit up (still flushing) and his braced teeth were exposed in the large smile he had. “I'll find a way! Shit. Yes!”

Hux grinned at his enthusiasm and began bandaging Kylo's thigh as he was given a series of excited kisses on his face. Stupid fucking Kylo. When he finished tapped off the bandage he placed a cloth ace bandage around his thigh, securing it with three metal clips.

“You can get dressed,” Hux said gently as he stood.

He handed Kylo his pile of clothes before he went to the bathroom to toss out the used medical trash and wash his hands once more. When he returned Kylo was pulling on his boring white underwear and began sliding his jeans up his caves. When he stood up, pain flashed on his face and he quickly dropped back onto the bed.

“Holy fuck.”

“Yeah... it's going to smart for a bit” Hux said coolly. He folded his arms over his chest and watched Kylo from the bathroom doorway. “Guess no driving lessons for awhile.”

“Oh. Oh you asshole...”

Hux smiled as he went back over to the bed and helped Kylo with his pants. He intended to take Kylo home then so he could write in his journal. He needed to record everything he'd experienced before he had gotten lost. There were valid things to record. The levels of pain Kylo had taken, the approximate time it had taken for the bleeding to stop, and how he'd stopped it. How the living muscle had felt under his hands. It's elasticity, the slight coppery smell, the slimy coating...

But he recorded nothing and found himself crawling back in the bed with Kylo. His arms wrapping around him and doing nothing but listening to Kylo's breathing go from happily content to blissfully asleep. He didn't want him to go, he wanted to watch over him. To see that everything was okay. It was.

This was not scientific. You don't cuddle your test subjects.

You don't feel because of them.

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Hux had to enter his log in information to access Myspace and navigated to his inbox. It was weird. There was a time he was always been logged in, but as of late his mind had been away from it. He logged in only to check Kylo's page and then back off, every day (multiple times). He hadn't paid any attention to his own messages or comments but he probably should have. He didn't even have as many friends as Kylo anymore, something Kylo had happily told him. Hux didn't even mind. Those friends that remained were the people who had been there (so to speak) before Kylo. The faceless ones who (seemed) to see and enjoy Hux's view the world.

The fascination in dead and dying things.

Hadn't they meant something at one time?

You have new messages!

XxKindred: never see you on anymore. Whats up?

BleedingAngel1978 (Online now!): I miss your work.

Zialark (Online now!): Are you still around?

SarahSpArKleTY: It's like you're dead WTF

TrantricBleeder: That scene POS has destroyed you.

iMade7eat9dics: u alrite?

vXvBitesdwnvXv (Online now!): being Hallow man? Really? Not cool.

HarrowingNitemares: Where are you?

His gut reaction was to write them all back. To tell them he was alive and busy. That he was doing things he'd only dreamed over. But that sounded dramatic and like something Kylo would say.

He didn't know why he had stepped away from the site, which had made many nights less lonely and even bearable. Not that anyone knew that. If he wasn't with Kylo, he was thinking about him or talking to him. Or doing research for future plans... with him. It was consuming. And he loved every minute of it. But he always made time for things he really wanted to in the past. He could have fit in time to be active on Myspace.

Maybe he just needed a night of nostalgia. Maybe he could give his friends a small peek into his world now. Road kill and dead animals had been replaced with something so much better.

Instead of replying to any of the messages, he plugged in his small digital camera and unloaded the photos of Kylo into his laptop. He had taken several and took his time in going through them all before he picked the finally two. A few minutes in photoshop and it was done. He uploaded them onto his page with the captions “Rare Meat” and “Raw Meat.”

One photo was in black and white. Hux had taken it at his favorite pond after school. He caught Kylo looking down, his face half hidden behind his ridiculous hair as the wind blew past them. Kylo had loved it when Hux showed him on the camera's small view screen. Hux had loved it too even though it drowned all the color from Kylo. There was something engaging about it. Kylo was alive and yet somehow still held the same attraction the dead behind him did. He looked beautiful.



The other photo Hux had taken at school while checking Kylo's stitches. It was harsh compared to the softness of the other. It was a shot of Kylo's thighs, the neat row of stitches fresh and clean, skin slightly reddened from the ace bandage. No sign of infection.


Kylo had told him the incision hurt, but only when he moved too much. Hux had wanted to say something smart in return but the words just hadn't been there. He'd hurt Kylo. He was going to hurt him again. In worse ways.

Hux ran his fingertip over the computer screen, following the long curve of Kylo's inner thigh. He was sure he would lose friends when they these photos. He wasn't sure he cared anymore.

He had Kylo.

Kylo was his.


Chapter Text


Hux was in the school library trying to study for his History exam, at least that's what he'd told Kylo. In reality it was an excuse to be alone.

Kylo had wanted to come with him and Hux had pointedly refused. There was no studying anything when Kylo was around, he didn't seem to understand that concept of studying required the attention to be off of him. What a shame. Hux had only studied with Kylo once, got nothing done and ended up listening to Kylo's shitty music the rest of the evening. Never again. It was too important that he learn the best method to control the bleeding he expected to encounter during his big experiment. A exploratory laparotomy of his boyfriend.

The Library had those nice desks with three-side privacy partitions and a shelf for your extra books. Hux was tucked into one of them with several books spread out in front of him and a notebook slowly being filled with information in his angled writing. He also had several articles he'd printed out from the internet. He had a series of plans forming all the information he'd gathered and was completely lost in a sea of words he needed to know, his notes flowing from him at a steady clip. It was only when he heard the “What the hell?” that he realized someone was near him.

He looked up to see (standing broad as day, within a yard of him) Rey Skywalker, her hazel eyes staring down at the ground, wide and startled. Hux followed her gaze to see that she had kicked his satchel over from it's position beside the desk. The contents had spilled out. His pens, several folders, a couple books and his pencil case (thankfully still snapped shut) were all spread out across the carpet. Everything was exactly what Hux had packed, except for the item Rey reached down and picked up.

The tactical knife. That charming knife with the drop point blade that made Hux think of cutting Kylo into slices. Savagely ruining him.

Hux had not put it in there. As he stared at it, held in Rey's hand, he realized how it must have gotten there. That morning Kylo had been messing around with his bag, whining that Hux didn't have any candy in it for him. What was he; Kylo's babysitter? Kylo must have slipped the knife in there. He'd been threatening to start carrying it with him. Hux assumed he must have thought it was better to have Hux carry it.

Just fucking great. What an idiot.

“What the hell is this,” Rey repeated slowly.

Hux was on his feet, he reached to snatch it out of her hand and she backed away, reflexes quicker than his own.

“Oh no you don't,” Rey said softly. She moved her thumb along the edge of the blade, flicking it up and locking it into place. The blade glinted in the light.

Hux was holding his breath and slowly let it go. He wished he didn't remember how the knife felt in his hands. He knew Rey must be able to feel the textured grip, the comfortable weight of it in her palm. It was a well made item.




“Oh wow,” Rey said as she turned the blade. She looked past it and smiled at him. “You are so fucked.”

Yes, he was.

She wasn't scared or threatened. She looked very, very happy as she pushed her thumb into the side of the handle again and tucked the blade back down.

“You've done it now, you little freak.”

“Rey, I don't know what you're thinking,” Hux began. He knew, he knew exactly what she was thinking. “But that is not mine.”

“Oh, of course,” Rey said and smiled even wider. She folded her arms over her chest, still holding the closed tactical knife in her hand. She looked like she was ready to settle into this little interaction, like she wanted to make Hux squirm. Hux did not do squirming. “You – the freak that likes to cut up pig fetuses in biology like freaking birthday cake – just happen to have a fucking switchblade in your bag. And its not yours.”

“It's not a switchblade. It's a tactical knife and it is not mine,” Hux said curtly. He considered what would happen if he came at her. She was a strong girl, would it be a fair fight? Would she used the knife?

“I don't give a fuck what you call it,” Rey said. “You have a fucking knife in school. You think you're gonna get away with that? You're ass is gonna get kicked out. Kylo won't ever see your shitty face again.”

Hux knew he was breathing hard, that the world was pulling in around him. He couldn't feel his feet anymore but he knew he was still standing because he could still see Rey's smug face at the same height. He wasn't sure if the feeling of a muscle spasms in his jaw were real or just in his head, a phantom tick.

“That is Kylo's knife. If you turn it in, he would get in trouble. Not I.”

“Bull shit. It's in your bag – what were you planning huh?” Rey was stepping closer as she spoke, her voice raising past the quiet hush of the library. “Were you going to stab someone? You gonna pull some Colombine shit, you little freak.” She was in his space. “Were you going to hurt my cousin? Were you gonna cut him, you sick fuck?”

Hux didn't see her, not really. His eyes were unfocused, his head pounded. He wanted to focus but he couldn't. Everything seemed so big and loud and bright. His fingertips were itchy, his legs hurt in his pants. Needles everywhere.

He was picking up his satchel, things were crammed into it. He was turning away. She was yelling. His foot falls became rapid. He knew these things were happening, not because he remembered doing it; he didn't have any control over it. It was like watching himself from somewhere else. It was a blur.

Somehow Rey was gone and he was staring at the door of a bathroom stall. There was vomit somewhere, he could smell it. His hands were wet with sweaty, his mouth tasted horrible and his heart was trying to tear out of his chest. Could other people hear it? It was so loud. Was he even alone?

A bell rang. He had no idea what period it was or how long he'd been here.

He was so fucked.

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The conference room had the shades open, but the weather outside was drizzly and did nothing but bathe the room in an ugly grey overcast. Mr. Petree was looking down at his file. Hux was looking out the window. They were doing what they always did. Except this time they were waiting for the principal to join them and this was not over some mere words.

Bringing a knife to a school (even one so small) was not something the administration ignored. He was facing (at the worst) expulsion. It was absurd of course. Hux hadn't brought the knife, Hux was (odd as it sounded) innocent. His whole problem was allowing Kylo into his bag; nothing more. Kylo was stupid, but he didn't deserve to risk expulsion either. He couldn't tell anyone that of course, not even to his parents. Hux hadn't even discussed the issue with his father, only handed him the school's letter that explained the infraction and requested a meeting. No one in his family had asked Hux any questions about it either, though he was sure it had spread to their ears quickly.

It was probably only luck that Rey had not been on his Myspace as of late. She would probably conclude the photo of the pale boy with stitches was none other than her dear cousin and that Hux had indeed 'cut' him. Close, but not quite, dear. He had expected Rey to attack him any day about it (before the library), especially since Kylo had been limping those first few days after Hux had cut him. But she'd never said a word and Kylo hadn't shared any complaints about it from her. It was hard telling what might happen if she'd added to her report that she believed he'd used that knife. He'd end up with a hell of a lot worse than Mr. Petree.

Maybe he should take the photo down... for now.

When there was a knock on the door, Hux felt his stomach flip flop. His father's strong features appeared, followed by his mother and finally Mr. Thomas, the principal. Mr. Thomas was a short, thick man with dark skin and a crop of spiky white and grey hair on his face that didn't grow long enough to be a beard. He looked unkempt. He wore a dark blue suit, wrinkled at the side and a dark grey tie. He looked fitting beside Mr. Petree and his crooked yamacha.

“Please folks, have a seat,” Mr. Thomas said, extending his large hand before joining the table Mr. Petree and Hux sat at.

Hux stood and waited for his mother to take her seat before lowering back down right after his father did. His mother was in the middle and he could see from the corner of his eye that she was biting at the inside of her cheek. Her own nervous tick.

“I'd like to introduce Mr. Petree, he is our guidance counselor for the school. I've asked him to sit in – for formalities sake,” Mr. Thomas said dismissively. Mr. Petree looked as as emasculated as Mr. Thomas made it sound.

Hux folded his hands in his lap, wondered why they weren't wet. He expected them to be sweating.

“As I'm sure you're aware. Brendol has been accused of bringing a weapon onto school grounds.” Mr. Thomas placed his large hand on the shoe-box sized Tupperware container that sat on the table and slid it to the middle of the table. Like it was some kind of contaminated item, the knife sat inside of it, looking harmless and small in the empty space. “This is an offense that that School Board takes very seriously. I've had time to review Brendol's school records and he appears to be an excellent student – no one could argue that. However, when a student brings a weapon – a knife – it is not permissible to look at their academic history when making a determination on a fitting punishment.”

“I'm sorry, Mr. Thomas,” Hux's father began before Mr. Thomas could go on. Hux recognized the tone in his voice, it was the same one he heard his father used on work calls; ice calm and firm. This was not the version of his father that Hux helped make venison jerky with, this was the smart, cold, quick witted man that the rest of the world knew and some feared. This was all business and had very little to do with Brendol.

“I believe that is exactly what you should look at it,” Brian continued. “Bren has not been in any trouble, here or otherwise. His school work is impeccable as is his behavior.” Brian Hux paused and put his hand out on top of the plastic box, peering through the clear side at the knife. “Now, I'm not on your school board. But I believe that a simple pocket knife is permitted in this state. Under state code 245.34 subsection 23, signed into law last year by Seanator Thadlé Berenko, my son is permitted to have his pocket knife on school grounds, government offices and any place of public gathering.”

Hux watched Mr. Thomas's eyes flick to Mr. Petree and back to Hux's father again.

“I'm not familiar...”

“Not a problem,” Brian said and nodded to Hux's mother. On command Hux watched as his mother opened her large purse and pulled out a dark brown envelope. She opened it and pulled out a single piece of paper with very tiny printed words, she slid it onto the table and over to Mr. Thomas. “I took it upon myself to have my wife print the information out for you. I can understand if its not easy to keep up with these sort of things.”

“I... I'll need time to review...”

“Please, take all the time you need,” Brian Hux said and smiled, it didn't reach his sharp green eyes. Hux felt just a little bad for Mr. Thomas.

The short man held the paper between himself and Mr. Petree and Hux watched as their eyes quickly scanned over it, brows knit together. It looked like they started over several times, re-reading the legal information which probably seemed foreign. Finally Mr. Thomas set the paper down, his face looked concerned if not a little confused.

“This may be the state codes, but our school has their own policies. The school board requires that we uphold them. Now, I wasn't trying to suggest that any punishment was going to be decided for Brendol today. This meeting is just to formally invite you to a hearing where you will be able to bring up all these points in front of the school board. I wanted to give you all a clear understanding of how it works.“

“I see.” Hux noted the change in his father's voice and had to bite his inner lip so he didn't smile. His father was a hunter of many things.

“Mr. Thomas, John is it?” Mr. Thomas nodded, though by the look on his face he had not given his first name to Brian Hux. “My family comes from a long line of hunters. We're a vast community, but close knit. We sit on the city counsel, the state senate. We raise our boys to be men, to have skills and the ability to use them. I put a pocket knife in Bren's hand when he was four years old. If you think this school is going to take that right away from me, you're mistaken.”

Mr. Petree was looking at Hux now, he could feel it. He was certain Mr. Petree was probably putting together the things years of knowing Brendol Hux had not. Maybe he'd never have another meeting with him after this.

“I can have seventy of my fellow hunters at this school every day, lined up outside your school grounds. Knifes – far bigger than this one – holstered on our hips in a sign of solidarity for my son's God given right to the liberties of this country. I can explain to the other parents why we're there, to the news paper why we've come and to the TV stations what our intentions are,” Brian Hux said. His hand was still on the plastic container that held the pocket knife and he slid it over in front of Mr. Thomas pointedly. “Or, you can see that this is a mistake.”

Mr. Thomas was very dark skinned, but it didn't hide the rush of blood that came into his face and left him an unpleasant shade of plum. He looked wildly at Mr. Petree, who was of no help.

“Mr. Hux if you mean to threat-”

“Certainly not,” Brian said shortly. His sharp green eyes softened and set Mr. Thomas with a look of sympathy – so very false. “I just believe in giving a man the full scope of the environment before a decision is made. I'm not expecting you to let my son walk out of here with his pocket knife and no punishment. I just want to be assured that you understand where we're coming from.”

“I believe I do.”

Hux left with a ten day out-of-class suspension. Mr. Thomas kept the knife.

Hux's father had squeezed his shoulder, his mother had looked sick.

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“School sucks without you,” Kylo whined.

“You should have thought about that before you put the knife in my bag.”

“Come on Huxie... you know I feel sooooo bad about that.”

Hux smirked and ran the cool swab of peroxide over Kylo's stitches. It bubbled a little and he blew softly over his skin. He felt Kylo's fingers in his hair and kissed the space beside Kylo's stitches, along his inner thigh, the muscle tensed under the attention. He opened his mouth briefly to lick Kylo's sensitive skin.

“Mm. You call me a tease...”

Hux chuckled and began taping a fresh bandage over Kylo's neat row of stitches. He'd be able to take them out tomorrow when Kylo came over after school. Once bandaged, Hux stood up, hooking his thumbs into Kylo's pants and began pulling them upward. Kylo frowned but wiggled into them, allowing Hux to pull them all the way up over his underclothes.

“You are a fucking tease. You spend half your nights looking for things to try to turn me on with,” Hux said with a sneer. Kylo's guilty blush was a nice response. “You're ridiculous.”

Kylo tossed his arms around Hux's shoulders and arched his hips out while Hux began fastening the front of his pants. He wiggled his hips a little, half pushing himself against Hux.

“You like it. Plus, I like turning you on,” Kylo said as he began to grin. “Gotta make sure you're ready for our date.”

Our date. The term Kylo had taken to calling their planed stay during the Hux family hunting trip. Kylo had worked it out so that he would be staying two nights at Ithano's house and Ithano would cover for the fact that Kylo would actually be spending a couple days alone with Hux. Nothing Hux's plans and lots of alone time. Hux didn't need Kylo's gore porn pics, suggestive texts or anything else to make sure he was ready. Just the thought of having so much time alone with Kylo was enough to make Hux physically hard, not to mention the racing thoughts his brain would provide on what they would do in that time together. He often had to not think about it just so he could get through his day.

Hux still had lots of planning he had to do for their “date”. But the closer the date came, the more Hux was certain he could do this. He could know what a living, breathing person's insides felt like. His answers would finally come to him. His fantasies would finally be real. Maybe if he was really careful when his hand was inside Kylo, he could find the appendix too. He could know finally know what it felt like to hold someone's most special of parts, internal ones. To feel the part of someone, no one ever would be able to. To know what Kylo felt like.

Then maybe his curiosity would finally be quelled. Maybe he would know satisfaction.

It was familiar now to hear Kylo's phone go off at 9'o clock on the dot. That was Kylo's curfew, newly implemented. Hux was certain it was because his parents didn't wanted Kylo to spend so much time with his miscreant boyfriend. Rey had surely filled the whole family in on Hux bringing a knife to school. Kylo hadn't told Hux what had happened after that conversation, or how his parents felt about Hux now, Kylo just whined about his parents “sucking” a lot more often.

“Uuuugh,” Kylo groaned in annoyance. “Mom's gonna have a shit fit if I don't get going.”

“Why don't you start leaving before the alarm goes off?” Hux asked, fastening Kylo's cup-cake belt buckle. He smoothed down Kylo's bright orange t-shirt but let his finger tips remain underneath, stroking across the fading scar on his stomach. The one that would soon have a twin near it.

“Because then I'd have to leave early. That's stupid. Whatever, I'm so tired of their shit,” Kylo whined and pulled himself closer to Hux. “It's like the world is against us.”

“As stupid and melodramatic as you sound; you're not mistaken.”

“Fuck 'em.”

“Fuck them indeed.”

Kylo dragged his feet the whole way down the steps, purposely forgetting his book bag just so he got to stay longer while Hux fetched it for him. He was ridiculous. Finally once he'd walked Kylo all the way out to the street, Kylo stopped dragging his feet and began walking home. Hux watched him for awhile. Kylo had a strange gate to his walk, a slight swing he put to his right leg. It was subtle but Hux noticed, he noticed most things when it came to Kylo.

His intentions for the rest of the night were to remain in his room (as usual) and continue the research he had been doing during his days of suspension. It had been a blessing in disguise really. The plans for his experiment (surgery really) were becoming crystal clear. He polished them every day, using his hours free of school to focus solely on his own endeavor. He would have continued to his room when he entered the house, if his mother hadn't stopped him mid way up the steps.

“Bren, could I speak to you?”

Hux paused and looked down at her. Her brows were pulled together in concern, they were auburn but didn't have the gray in them like the rest of her hair did. She used to dye it. Hux knew at one point she had been a beautiful woman who wore make-up, bright dresses and laughed with her mouth wide. He didn't remember her that way, but he'd seen old photo albums from before he and his three brothers had been born. She used to burst with life.

“What is it?” Hux asked.

“Please...” His mother backed away from the steps and extended her hand toward the living room.

It was odd for her to want attention from him, if anything Hux was pretty sure she preferred not to be around him at all if she could help it. His mind quickly supplied a list of scenarios for her request; they ranged from a request to weed the garden to unexpected news about his father's health. He turned his mind off when he joined his mother in the living room, sitting on the far end of the couch.

It was ironic that this room was even called a living room, no one ever used it. The couch was dark blue and had more pillows than was necessary for the comfort of no-one. There were no photographs, only a few tasteful paintings and a large mirror over the (never used) fireplace. The Hux family didn't sit around on Friday nights watching movies or playing games here. His brothers had things to do, his father had hobbies to fill where work didn't and Hux was always in his own world with his own list of priorities. Hux wasn't aware what his mother did except cook meals, do laundry and chase after Dorian's messes.

When he looked at his mother she had her hands in her lap and was twisting them in her navy blue skirt repeatedly. Hux could feel her unease, as usual. He wondered if she sometimes chewed a hole into her cheek. She always seemed to be cannibalizing herself when Hux was around. Did she taste blood a lot, as much as he did?

She licked her lips several times before she spoke. “I'm concerned about that boy.”

“His name is Kylo.”

“Yes,” Hux's mother looked down at her hands as she spoke. He followed her gaze. The corners of her thumbs were reddish, skin raw and picked at. “I not sure it would be good for him to continue coming over here.”

“That's stupid,” Hux said plainly. He hated her tone. Simpering, small, weak.

“Please Bren,” she said softly. Her eyes lifted to his face, then back down again. They were pale, like his own. He had fire in his, hers were a faded ghost of life. Probably broken down by his father and years of living in his imposing shadow. He couldn't gather enough sympathy to feel badly for her.

“I don't think he's good for you,” she finished just as softly.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Hux asked. He felt annoyance prickle at him. She talked in nonsense. She was nonsense.

“A boy like that... He's confused. He could influence you to do something you wouldn't otherwise do,” she said and paused. She bit her bottom lip, then (as if she gathered herself up) reached out and touched Hux's hand. “I know you like him Bren, but he's a bad influence. I want you to stay away from him.”

Hux wanted to laugh. He wanted to laugh loudly and in her face. He wanted to see her crumble already (it always seemed like she was on the edge of doing so). Better to get it over with. Just fall apart and stop being in the way. He wanted to tell her how stupid she was, that Kylo was his . That he was hardly a bad influence. That he was the only thing that made Hux feel something real beyond his own body. That only Kylo made life...

Instead he turned his hand in his mother's and gripped her's tightly. Very tight.

She looked into his face. She so rarely did this, that it was the first time he noticed the lines at the corner of her eyes had set in deep. She was aging in front of him.

“You have no fucking clue what you're talking about.”

She didn't say a word. She looked frightened, horrified, in pain. Caused by something other than his words, something unspoken. He watched her eyes dart around and then drop down to her lap one more.

He nearly crushed her hand, then shoved it away. He didn't want to feel her warmth or her skin. Her soft tone of concern, her stupidity. He didn't want anything that was her. He stood, she said nothing. He climbed the steps to his room and when he reached the top he began to hear her. She was sobbing. He wouldn't have gone back even if she'd called for him. What would be the point?

Whatever she had been trying to do, she had waited too fucking long to do it.


[]==[| | | | |)---- , , .                         . , , ----(| | | | |]==[]

Kylo crawled over his lap and Hux laid back on the bed, stretching out underneath him.

“Why did you want this anyway?” Kylo asked as he squirmed his hips downward. He was sitting up straight so all his weight rested on Hux's hips. Between his fingers were the two sheets of stapled paper, each page had a flower border and the professional letter head for the First Church of Coruscant printed on the top, following that was a list of names with phone numbers, addresses and a short blurb on each one.

“Wouldn't you like to know.”

“Grr, Hux, you suck,” Kylo whined. His eyes scanned over the list of names on the paper. “Finn looked at me so weird when I asked for his church's prayer list. I had to tell him my grandma wanted it.”

“I'm very proud you can lie,” Hux said and closed his eyes, smirking. “Good boy.”

“Ass,” Kylo snipped. “You're such an jerk.”

He heard Kylo toss the paper across the bed and lean over him. Hux could hear the choke chain Kylo wore clink and the felt of the cold metal drag over his chest, even through his shirt. Kylo's big nose brushed over his jaw and began kissing it, then under it. His fingers were sliding under the edges of Hux's shirt, untucking it from his pants to explore the expanse of skin below, dotted with dark orange freckles.

“I can't wait for our date,” Kylo whispered as he moved his face against Hux's ear, kissing it.

“I hope you can handle it.”

Kylo began to giggle, his body shaking from the action as it turned to full laughter. It took Hux a few minutes to realize why, when he did, he opened his eyes to glare at Kylo.

“I don't mean my dick, idiot.”

“Hey! You said it, not me!” Kylo laughed as he sat up again, holding his arms over his stomach, as if it were that funny.

Hux reached up and grabbed the O-loop of his collar and yanked it downward.

“You're lucky I love you.”

“What?” Kylo asked.

Damn. Shit. Fuck.

He hadn't meant to say it.

Was love the word? Was that what he felt? He loved things about Kylo, but him as a person... That emotion didn't really compute in the Brendol Hux brain processor. He knew he loved things (like his family) more than he ever felt them . He was certain Kylo would never understand that. He couldn't be expected to. How could a boy who loved things so freely and vastly ever understand what it was like?

“I didn't mean that.”


He watched as Kylo started to hid behind his hair again and Hux had to force himself not to roll his eyes. Kylo listened to too much shitty music about love, and watched too many chick flicks. Hux sat up, dropping the chain in favor of wrapping his arms around Kylo's waist to scoot him backwards on his lap.

“I care about you Kylo. A lot. I do.”

“I love you too Hux,” Kylo said, peeking out from behind his shaggy hair. His eyes were fucking wet.

Hux didn't like this feeling. It felt like something was moving in his chest and stomach, the edge of anxiety mixed with a joyful thrill bubbling up and still somehow nausea, all at once. He'd like to think he'd just eaten something bad, but he knew that wasn't it. Hux didn't know what to say to get out of this situation, so he pressed his mouth against Kylo's instead. He felt the wetness on Kylo's cheeks and used his hands to brush it back.

He cared. Wasn't that enough? Surely it had to be. But, there was no taking the words back now. Hux was certain Kylo would hold onto this like a dog with a bone.

“I wanted to say it months ago,” Kylo said when their kiss ended. “But I thought you'd just tell me I was pathetic.”

“You are.”

“Shut uuuuup,” Kylo whined and frowned at him. “You gotta ruin this moment?”

“I apologize.” He didn't mean it.

Kylo kissed him again, and Hux felt his tongue slip across his own in a lazy stroke. He tasted like sour patch kids today.

“Tell me again about our date?” Kylo asked as he tucked his head against Hux's chest.

They'd had this conversation repetitively now, since the day it had come up. Hux didn't mind much, sometimes talking his ideas out loud helped him perfect them, but he was sure Kylo knew it by heart. He suspected this was Kylo's way of teasing Hux... it usual worked.

Hux sighed and and laid back down across the bed, pulling Kylo with him. He snuggled Kylo into his side, settling in as if he were getting ready to tell this idiot a bedtime story.

“You're going to pack a bag like you're going to Ithano's for the weekend,” Hux began. “Your mom will drop you off there, then you'll text me when you're ready to be picked up-”

“Like as soon as I get there,” Kylo said quickly.

Hux rolled his eyes and continued. “I'll pick you up and then we'll come back here. No one will be home so it'll just be the two of us. You'll take a shower d-”

“I still think it should be us, not just me,” Kylo interrupted again with a pout. He rest his narrow chin on Hux's chest and played with his Kandi, turning the bracelet Hux had given him around and around. Hux had noticed he did this often, usually while smiling to himself.

“No,” Hux said calmly. “If we do that, you'll never get clean.” He ignored Kylo's excited smile. “After you're clean I'll take you into my room, I'll have it ready for you. I'll be very careful with you. I'll make sure everything is sterile and then I'll begin by making a vertical incision, right there.”

Hux moved his hand under Kylo's t-shirt and stroked one finger along his right side from the edge of his pants and up several inches. Kylo acted like he touched something much more enticing and whined a bit.

“Pararectal incision, right?” Kylo said, pronouncing the words slowly.

Hux smiled proudly. “You remembered. Yes. Then, depending on how you feel, I'll probably have you take some of the pain killer.”

“It's gonna be in fruit juice right? No pills.”

“Yes,” Hux said indulgently. “Something sweet and disgusting, just like you.” Kylo pinched his side but Hux just smiled. “Then I'll proceed. I'll clean away the blood and begin exploring the incision. I'll open it up until I'm able to expose your lower abdomen easily.” Hux smiled wider as he thought about what this would mean to him. About running his hands over Kylo's small intestines, his open bloody flesh, feeling the organ slid through his fingers. Following them around, seeking out the appendix if he could. As close as he was with Kylo, he couldn't find the right words to express what this meant to him. He wasn't sure Kylo could fully understand even if Hux did find the words. It wasn't just that he would be able to do these things, but that Kylo would let him. He trusted him. The excitement of that alone was enough to cause him problems that manifested very physically.

“Then I'll check your pain level again,” Hux said with a slow breath. He was trying to keep his mind away from the places it wanted to go. “Then I'll clean up the wound and stitch you back up. Starting with the dissolvable sutures inside, then the outside ones-”

“That I get to see,” Kylo said with a smile.

“Yes, that you get to see.” Hux rolled his eyes.

“And they'll be purple.”

Hux laughed and kissed the side of Kylo's head, pressing his lips near his temple “Yes. The thread I bought is purple.”

“Good,” Kylo said as he crawled back on top of Hux. His thighs spread on either side of Hux's narrow hips and he lewdly wiggled down against him. The conversation had not left him completely calm and Kylo had clearly noticed. “And then you fuck me.”

Hux nodded dumbly as Kylo leaned down over him and began kissing him again. He didn't plan to lose control with Kylo. He planned to keep himself reserved and detached from the excitement he knew the surgery would cause him. He was more and more certain he could do it. He just had to stay calm. He had to focus and look for the end goal – and that wasn't fucking Kylo. It was getting answers to some of his most deep longing questions. It would be the closest he could realistically come to his darkest dreams. He could never hold Kylo's heart in his hand, he knew that. But he could make himself satisfied with touching organs that he could easily access. Ones that would not leave Kylo in a life threatened state.

Something safe. Something to quell his needs.

“I can't wait to feel your hands on me,” Kylo whispered in his ear. He ground his hips down in a rocking way he had to know was going to drive Hux nuts. Hux stroked his hands down Kylo's back and across his bottom. “In me. Making me bleed all over for you.”

Hux was breathing hard, and swallowed the lump forming in his throat. Sometimes he wished Kylo didn't know as much as he did about turning him on.

“Touching everything, like it's yours. Like you own it all,” Kylo whispered breathy in his ear.

Hux could barely hear him. He could see it in his mind, Kylo spread out, nude, blood pooling from his bleeding side. His organs sliding through Hux's hands like long thin ropes, pink, alive and beautiful. Hux could imagine more blood, much more. If he cut around Kylo's shoulders too, across his neck. He would be bathed in blood. If he took the blade and dragged it across Kylo's small external jugular, into the sternomastoid muscle and down through his main internal jugular...

Hux shoved Kylo back harder than he usually would and pinned him face first against the bed, grinding himself firmly against Kylo's bottom. All's fair after all. Tease for a tease.

“Is this what you want Kylo?” Hux pressed his mouth against Kylo's ear as he spoke.

“Yes,” Kylo whined and pushed his hands below him, arching himself back against Hux's body. Hux willingly moved onto his knees with Kylo, and wrapped one arm around his waist, gently pulling Kylo's ass against his groin. Kylo moaned at the action.

“Are you really going to let me cut you open Kylo?” Hux slid one hand around the front of Kylo's shoulders and grabbed the loose end of the hanging choke chain. Slowly wrapping his fist in it, he tugged less than gently.

Kylo whined and nodded, pushing himself back against Hux's body needfully. He lewdly began dry humping himself backward like he had no self control. It was probably mean for Hux to let Kylo act so desperate. Mean that words like “slut” and “pathetic” kept coming to his mind. But those words didn't mean the negative things to him that they did to everyone else. He loved every pathetic slutty thing about Kylo.

“I want you to Hux,” Kylo groaned. “I want to feel your hands inside of me. Touching me from inside. Everywhere.”

Kylo's head was thrown to the side, exposing his throat to the minimal pressure of the choke chain. Hux could see Kylo's veins pulsing under the skin in excitement.

Hux moved one hands to the front of Kylo's hips, grabbing over him before he began to palm Kylos dick through his pants. He was whining in that familiar way that Hux knew meant he was doing everything right. Hux's other hand was still wrapped in the choke chain and he pulled it again, watching as the O ring at the base of Kylo's neck pulled tight against his throat, just under his choker. The metal was smooth but still sunk into his skin.

“Do you like that?”

“Yes,” Kylo whimpered and squirmed against Hux's hands.

“I want to choke you Kylo... but you have to let me know if it's too much,” Hux said firmly.

He knew he was stepping onto another edge, one of many he had tip toed on lately. He had drawn Kylo like this ... choked, gagging, tongue out, drooling, eyes flowing with tears... he had even pulled this chain before, but not at all like he wanted to now. He wanted to see the tender veins in Kylo's neck strain. He wanted to slide a blade through them...

He could allow only this. He could cut off Kylo's air... just a little. His air, not his neck.

“I'll tell you if I need you to stop,” Kylo said with a shaky breath, Hux could feel his body tremble.“I trust you.”

Hux needed no further encouragement. He took his hand off the lump in Kylo's pants and pressed it flat between Kylo's shoulder blades, pulling the free hanging chain with his other hand. It clinked a link tighter, then two tighter. Kylo's head lagged to the side and Hux could see the vein on the side of his neck bulge and pulse. Kylo's chest rose and fell quickly and Hux watched as Kylo moved one of his hands to stroke himself through his pants where Hux's hand no longer did. It was only seconds later he heard Kylo's frustrated whine and the sound of Kylo undo his own pants. Hux could see his arm move as he began to touching himself freely.

He was so comfortable and free with Hux, he didn't even ask. The brat.

Hux wrapped his hand tighter in the chain and began tugging it to the side, so the skin pinched a bit in the O ring. Kylo groaned but didn't stop him. Hux wanted to see the redness come to Kylo's face as the blood flow was cut off. He wanted to push down on the cluster of chemoreceptors near his carotid artery, to push Kylo as far to passing out as he dared.

“You look amazing,” Hux whispered as he curled his fingers against Kylo's back, his t-shirt wadded up under his hand at the center of his shoulder blades. Kylo's lower back was exposed, narrow and more muscled than Hux had noticed before. His spine was a tail of small hills.

Hux pulled the chain two more links tighter and heard Kylo make a sound deep in his throat. A gurgle.

Kylo's head was turned enough Hux could see that though his eyes were open they had gone hazy with the lightheartedness he must be feeling. His mouth hung open and Hux could tell his breath was leaving him. Hux felt him move, twitching below his hands. His body looked so powerful and yet weak at the same time, straining against Hux's power. He was so close to being gone. They both were in their own ways.

Kylo's eyes closed and his mouth opened wider as if to pull air in, but couldn't. All of it was gone, power given away, released only into Hux's hands.

Hux more than tip toed on this edge.

It came to him in a rush, he didn't want to let go of the chain. He was going to pull it harder... He needed to see the red of the skin turn into purple. If he pulled harder and kept pulling, this simple metal chain would push into the flesh, press down into the thickness of his sternoiciedomastoid muscle and down through to smash his vagus nerve. This simple chain that Kylo used as a fashion statement could so easily crush into the bones of his neck...

He knew what Kylo would experience if he kept pulling.

Like a ghost Hux could feel it against his own throat. Sharp and tight. Pressing in on him. His breath caught in his throat. He knew how the world turn white at the edges, like small bursts of electricity. How his eyes would feel like they were bulging from his head and his mouth, nose and lips would fill with blood stilled in his veins unable to pump through the rest of his circulatory system. The blood would be forced to press against the skin, as if it would burst after finding no place to go. And some would burst, his rental arteries would break, as well as the choroid behind the sclera. Leaving the conjunctiva of his eye covered in thing red spiderwebs and red fog. It would look haunting for days, even weeks. Even the spaces under his eyes and through the eyelid would be inflicted with a sea of broken veins. His body would pull, muscles tensing as the body it tried to fight for air air and tried to fight against the pain of it's own accord. Then he would wither in death throws. His mind would be too far gone with the loud rushing of blood in his ears to know if he was screaming for not. Then finally everything would fade into merciful black.

It would hurt.

Hux dropped the chain with a sudden gasp of breath. He unclenched his hand from Kylo's shirt, as if he couldn't stand to touch Kylo anymore.

Dimly he could hear Kylo's breath again, long and ragged. Gasping for air, moaning in pleasure. Unaware.

Hux knew where his mind had just been; it was not on the squirming male in front of him. It had been in dark places that he told himself he wouldn't think about every again. Places he had been avoiding for years.

Hux was shivering. Blood was too loud in his ears. His eyes stared at the back of Kylo's head, transfixed into the space of air between them. He hands hovered, unable to touch any part of Kylo. He was only dimly aware Kylo was still lost in his lust, completely oblivious that Hux no longer was. His moans were high pitched and desperate as he finished himself off.

Hux focused on the sound of Kylo's voice. Trying to bring himself back to where and when he was.

It didn't work.

He tried to focus on Kylo's voice again, but he couldn't hear it anymore.

Everything would be okay. He just had to focus. He had to remembered where he was. Who he loved.

He loved Kylo. He didn't want to end Kylo. He wanted Kylo alive, always. To always be his.

“Hux... Hux?”

Suddenly Kylo's face was in front of him. Adrenaline spiked his pupils to sharp points. Kylo was still half dressed, still breathing hard but any sexual contentment he might have felt, was gone from his face. Cheeks still flaming red from his post orgasm, but eyes wide in fear. He looked so scared.

“Are you okay?” Kylo asked. His hands were holding both of Hux's shoulders hard. He must have been shaking him, but Hux wasn't sure...

“Yes. Of course I'm okay.”

He wasn't.

What if he had stayed lost? What if he had kept pulling on the chain, lost in his own experience? If he hadn't been able to stop? If he hadn't realized what he was doing? He couldn't let this happen. He had to remember to stay present in the here and now. He couldn't keep getting lost like this. He had to stay calm.

“You scared me,” Kylo said breathlessly. He looked like he wanted to cry.

“I'm sorry.”

Hux felt Kylo's head against his chest and his long arms wrapping around his middle but he couldn't find the strength to hug back.

He was shaken deeply. He couldn't let Kylo know that.

[]==[| | | | |)---- , , .                         . , , ----(| | | | |]==[]

Kylo <3333 ULUV (3:30pm)
Please answer me?

Kylo <3333 ULUV (3:34pm)

Kylo <3333 ULUV (3:35pm)

Kylo <3333 ULUV (3:35pm)

Kylo <3333 ULUV (3:38pm)
I cnt bleve ur doin this

Kylo <3333 ULUV (3:40pm)
omg! Im being kidnaped! HELP!

HUX (3:40pm)
Kylo. Stop being dramatic.

HUX (3:42pm)
I told you, I would not be able to meet with you today.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (3:43pm)
iknw. but why???

HUX (3:45pm)
Don't be a brat. It's for our date.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (3:45pm)
ur lying

HUX (3:48pm)
I certainly am not.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (3:49pm)
then jus tell me!

HUX (3:51pm)
Kylo, I am shutting my phone off.

Hux held down the power button until the screen flashed briefly and powered off. He slid the phone into his pocket and looked down at the Prayer List and then up at the small single story home in front of him. Inside was the last thing he needed to collect before the big day. Before Kylo and Hux's “date.” When he would experiment in the way he had always wished.

He had been waiting to find an alternative to this part, but nothing had presented itself. He had no choice. Perfect A student, never in (legal) trouble, was going to commit a theft. At least it wouldn't rise to the level of a felony. He had stolen things before, but never like this. He had never planned it or entered someones home just to take from them.

Watching people was how Hux had spent most of his life, viewing the world from inside himself Removed from most of what went on around him. It came easy to him. So watching this small house over the last week had been no strain to his scheduled or stress on his mind. Now that he had to enter it he was feeling a little nervous.

Edith DeLeon was a seventy three year old woman dying of cancer. Pancreatic cancer. She was second on the prayer list even though it was hopeless. She had no family and the only visitors she had were the two Hospice workers. One arrived at 8:00 In the morning and stayed until 1:00pm, then the second came at 5:30pm and left every night by 9:20pm. It was clock work. She had no pets. No security system. In this neighborhood (one he doubted people in the Church ever came to), no one was going to care if someone came into your home they didn't recognize. You could even scream. You'd be lucky if someone called the police.

This was probably the safest situation Hux could have imagined himself being in. But there was some level about it that made his hands sweat in his leather gloves, and bile rise in his throat. He told himself multiple times how much worse it would be if he didn't enter the house. Did he really want to give up years of planning (only recently realized) because of a few nerves? Definitely not.

Hux glanced down the street before he slid out of his father's truck. He pulled the box securing the large flower arrangement into his arms and knocked the door shut with his hip. He parked far enough away he was sure Edith (if she could even see) wouldn't notice his father's truck. When he arrived at the door, he straightened the bright red ball cap he wore and knocked hard on the front door. Edith wore hearing aids, he'd seen them when she'd gotten her own mail a few days ago.

He could hear her slow shuffle to the door. He looked up at her peep hole and smiled brightly into it, forcing the action to seem friendly. It took so long for her to get to the door his mouth hurt.

“Whose there?” he heard from inside.

“Carla's Shoppe Ma'am! I have a flower delivery,” Hux said loudly.

“Oh!” She sounded thrilled.

When the door opened Hux realized she was even smaller than he'd thought. The woman looked like she had once been plump but was now wasted away. She held the door open with a frail arm, dropping with loose skin and smiled at the flowers. Her watery brown eyes focused on the brightly colored flowers instead of Hux's face. Hux had spent $70 on them, they were doing their job.

“Oh my goodness, please come in,” she said and waved him with one hand, a weak motion. Her other hand held onto a metal cane with a three legged bottom. “Those are beautiful!”

“They are quite nice,” Hux said as he walked in, he gently pulled the door shut behind them. “Where shall I put them?”

“Oh my,” she said. Hux watched as the old woman looked around the living room, eyes searching out a place. “That's a good question. I never get flowers.”

She walked very slowly into her living room, leaning heavily on her cane after a couple steps. She sounded in pain, but determined to keep moving.

There is a certain smell that people get during cancer and prolonged death. A kind of spicy unpleasant smell that is half a sense and half a feeling. Her home reeked of it and Hux had to resist the urge to cover his nose with his hand. The whole place was shabby and dusty. Maybe at one time it had been a lovely home, but her illness had taken away any energy to clean. What was clean must have been done by the Hospice workers – minimal work for minimal pay.

“Maybe here,” she said and placed her hand on the edge of her (fake) fireplace. “Well, I don't know how I'll care of them up there...”

Hux was only half listening as he looked around the living room for what he came for. She had medicine containers near the couch, where it looked like she spent most of her time on. There was tissues, blankets, magazines, and three remotes all around the spot in the couch in a semi-circle. Hux imagined she was often too weak to do more than sit there. Cancer was a real bitch.

“Maybe in the window... so they can have light,” she said softly.

“How about I go to the kitchen and get rid of his box. Then I'll set them up in the window?”

“Oh yes. Wonderful,” she said and smiled up at Hux. “Thank you so much.”

Hux smiled at her until he left the room and walked around toward the hall. He passed a closed door before the hall opened into the kitchen. He quickly set down the box holding the large arrangement and opened her fridge. It wasn't there. He looked in several cupboards and the counters quickly. He tried to move as silently as possible. He came up empty.


Hux tossed the box and packing into her trash and picked the large vase back up, hoisting it up as he entered the living room again.

“I think I want it here,” Edith said, patting her coffee table. She was back on her worn spot on the couch. Hux imagined she wanted to keep the flowers close, just so she had something bright and beautiful to look at in this faded place that reeked of death.

Hux lowered the flowers onto the center of her coffee table, using the base of it to scoot several magazines out of the way.

“I can't believe someone sent me flowers.”

“Well, someone definitely cares about you,” Hux said and pasted that same fake smile on his face.

“Oh,” Edith said with concern in her voice. She looked down at her lap and patted at the front of her house coat, reaching into the pockets. “I know my pocket book is here somewhere. Let me get you a tip.” Hux watched as she started to reach for her cane and he waved her to sit back down.

“Oh, no no. That's fine,” Hux said and shook his head. “If I cold use your facilities I'd appreciate it.”

“Of course,” Edith said and smiled, settling back into her spot and looking relived to do so. “Just through the kitchen, first door on the right.”

“Thank you,” Hux said and went back into the kitchen.

In the bathroom Hux turned on the water and quickly opened her medicine cabinet. There was nothing but band aids and a few antacids. He wasn't surprised, she probably had most of her meds close to her in the living room. But he hadn't seen the one he was looking for. He turned the water off, flushed the toilet and quickly walked down the hall. He peeked inside the only other door and found her bedroom. Clearly she had not been using it, the bed was made and there was nothing on the night stand. She was probably in too much pain to go back and forth between the rooms. Hux frowned. This was not going as planned.

Once he was back in the living room he found her gently leaning in to smell one of the large white gardenias. She looked so happy, at least for the moment. When she leaned back, she made a pained expression and pressed her hand against the side of her stomach.

“Oh my...”

“Are you alright?” Hux asked, because he was pretty sure that's what he was supposed to say.

“Yes. It's just time for my medicine,” she said and gave a short laugh. “You came just in time. I won't make it to the door after I take it.”

Hux wasn't sure what to say. But he watched as she leaned over to a large cloth bag beside the couch and pulled out a short bottle made of brown plastic. It looked like a bottle of peroxide but Hux recognized it immediately.

OMS Concentrate. Oral Morphine Solution Concentrate.

Exactly what he'd hoped to find. The perfect pain killer to use on Kylo.

“Could I trouble you...”

Hux smiled and reached his hand out for the bottle. “I'll do it for you. How much do you take?”

“Oh... you're familiar with this?” her tone was sad but not suspicious.

“Unfortunately, yes,” Hux smiled in a way he hoped looked convincing and harrowing all at once. “My grandfather.”

“It's not easy,” she said with a sigh. Her warm brown eyes met his, they were pained but a slight grin came to her dry lips. “Dying ain't for sissies.”

“It sure isn't.”

Once back in the kitchen, dosage amount given (100mg), Hux poured the old woman a glass of cran-apple juice and used an oral syringe to pull out the appropriate dosage. The morphine concentrate was thick and looked a lot like spit, bubbles in it and slightly foggy. He stirred the juice and morphine with a spoon and slid the brown bottle into the bright blue jacket he wore. Finally he had what he came for.

When he returned and handed her the juice she frowned at it, then lifted the glass.

“You're a sweet boy.”

“Thank you.” Hux said. Aware how completely unsweet he was.

When she had drank the liquid and settled back, Hux considered weather or not he should go. He had the feeling if he asked to stay the woman would be happy to let him. She was lonely. If he stayed he could observe the effects of the morphine first hand. He'd researched it enough to know what it would do, but had not seen it up close. But if he stayed and the Hospice worker showed up and realized the bottle of morphine was missing, he'd have no way to explain himself.

“You have a good night,” Hux said finally as he began toward the door.

Edith smiled weakly at him and lifted one hand.

“I didn't ask you who they were form?”

“A secret admirer,” Hux said and left out the front door.

[]==[| | | | |)---- , , .                         . , , ----(| | | | |]==[]

The cemetery had been dedicated in 1864, a small plaque said so near the entrance. In that time the forty-seven acre property had slowly grown, filling with stones to signify the lost and departed. The oldest part of the cemetery was near the pond where Hux always found himself. It wasn't a large pond really, nothing as grand as the town's reservoir and certainly no one fished here. It's location, down a slope made it rarely used by the visitor's of the cemetery, many too aged to make it down the grassy decline safely. But Hux was young and was often happy to lay himself down in the green grass near the pond.

He had no lost ones to reflect on, but he found peaceful solitude here anyway. In the quiet hum of this dead place.


Today he'd given up solitude. Kylo didn't know what peaceful enjoyment was.


“What... What was it that happened on Saturday? When we... ya know...” Kylo asked quietly.

Hux pulled his arm tighter around Kylo's middle, gently hugging him but stayed silent. The only sound was their breathing and the soft rustle of the wind blowing through the trees overhead. The cemetery was stereo typically quiet, residents keeping the peace. Somewhere he could hear the dunk of a pond turtle plopping down into the murky water.

It was peaceful here. He saw no reason to ruin it with conversation.

“Huxie?” Kylo asked, his voice sounded cautious.


“Are you gonna answer me?”

Hux opened his eyes and looked down at Kylo, half laying on his chest, spread out in the soft grass near the pond. The weather was lovely and warm and Kylo wore a tanktop, obnoxiously bright but showed off the beautifully awkward curves of his shoulders and collar bones. He was made of nice angles and little dots. Each angle more strangely formed than the next, yet somehow came together to make this beautiful creature that Hux could not stop thinking about. This gangly boy who looked at him with such big trusting eyes.

“I'm sorry if I hurt you.”

Kylo's eyes rolled and he sat up on one elbow, frowning at him. “I already told you, you didn't hurt me. I... I liked it. A lot. ” His eyes got big for emphasis. “But you... you went away after.”

“I didn't mean to,” Hux said as he moved one hand over Kylo's hair, tucking one of the platinum blond strands back behind his big ears. He had green disc gauges in today, each one had a little smilie face on them, grinning at Hux. “I'm sorry.”

“Ugh, Hux! Stop apologizing,” Kylo said and tossed himself back down on the grass beside Hux, staring up at the clouds. His profile was probably one of Hux's favorite views.

“I've just never, like, seen you like that. Ya' know.”

“I'm sorry Kylo.”

“Holy fuck. Stop!” Kylo said and jabbed his finger roughly against Hux's side.

“Sor-I mean, I don't have any answers for you. It won't happen again. I'll never go away like that again,” Hux said firmly. He rolled on his side and kissed Kylo's mouth briefly, he tasted like cherry sours. It was nice. “I promise".

“Good,” Kylo said and gave him a brace covered smile. Sometimes lying to make Kylo happy was just easiest.

Hux wished that he was as confident in his words as he sounded. But the simply truth was, he couldn't explain what had happened last Saturday, or many other times in the past. Sometimes he just left. He didn't like to use words he'd read like 'panic attack,' 'flash backs' or 'dissociation'. But he knew something was wrong. That he was different in ways far reaching, more than his preoccupations with blood. Disappearing like that had never happened with Kylo before... Hux supposed he knew why it had; even if he didn't want to admit it to himself. He tried not to give it any thought.

For now, he would just focus on the future. In the future everything would be different, surely. In the future he would have a better control over everything.

He just wouldn't touch that choke chain anymore. Simple as that.

“You know what I wonder?”

“Lord knows,” Hux said and grinned at Kylo. He was sitting up know, his knees pulled up to his chest, eyes roaming over the murky pond in front of them.

“Do you think the turtles have sex in that water?” Kylo said and arched his pieced brow. He looked adorably serious. “Like, is it full of sperm and shit?”

Hux deserved a halo sometimes. Honestly.


Chapter Text

Hux stared at Kylo's new Myspace layout. He had to reloaded it twice, just so all the damn graphics could show up. It looked rediculous.

Navitgating Kylo's Myspace made Hux's simply arrow cursor into a freaking unicorn... with a rainbow trail when he moved it. The layout had gotten more gaudy than ever. The colors were black, neon pink, teal and neon green. He had sparkle blinkies that said things like “MY BLOOD” where his blog posts were, and the “Message, Add Me, and Comment” buttons had been joined with a new one that said “RATE ME”.

When Hux clicked on the Rate Me button, a site called “Hot or Not” loaded up. There was a photo of Kylo, taken in his bathroom (as usual) stripped down to just a pair of tight blue jeans and his kandi. There was no fake blood, but he had his face to the camera with his tongue lewdly offered toward the camera. Hux wondered if Kylo could ever have enough attention. Probably not.

Hux of course took the time to join the site and rate him at 'HOT'. He'd vote again the next day too.

Once he was back on Kylo's MySpace page Hux scrolled his unicorn cursor over to the most recent blog post titled “loveLOVElOvE (read more)” and clicked it.



mood: excited


when i was little i dreamed of a knight
not one in white but one in black
he would ride a pale horse and raise a red torch
he would come through the darkness and find me

he would take me
he would love me
he would make me his

i found my knight and he wears blood red
he scorches the land below him
and comes through the darkness to find me

he tastes my red
he gives me life
i am his


~ kylo ♥


I have the best boyfriend in the world you guyz!!

I LOVE HUXIE OMG! ♡♥\(.˘ ³˘.)/♥♡


Hux couldn't stop himself from smiling. The comment He left read:

Brendol Hux (Online now!): Even as a child your dreams were melodramatic.

Sometimes Kylo's ridiculous poetry was kind of nice. It wasn't a bad way to start the day.

When Hux began down the steps from his bedroom to the front foyer, he saw his family was nearly ready to leave. A series of large bags sat piled near the front door, each clearly belonging to their owner even without tags. His parents simple brown leather ones, with gold zippers. His oldest brother Julius's designer bags, navy blue and looked brand new (because it was). He had a second bag sitting on top, just for his toiletries. His brother Douglas's bag was worn, cloth and an ugly shade of olive. It was made of vegan cotton (whatever that was), with recycled plastic handles and two Green Peace buttons on it. Then there was Dorian's back pack, black and yellow with holes patched in the bottom with duct tape. It looked like it was going to burst it was so stuffed. Hux was pretty sure he had a plushie in there... he thought about looking for it and making fun of Dorian, but when his mother entered the foyer the thought was dashed.

“Oh! Bren,” she looked surprised and after a hesitation, smiled at him – or in his direction as she did not actually let her eyes fall on him. She had her camera bag and purse both thrown over her shoulder, her dark red and gray hair was in a plain plait down her back and she wore a flannel and denim combo. Hux supposed this was her idea of hunting attire. She never did join them in the field. “I left you a note on the kitchen table. Your father left some extra money and the keys to the Focus. I wrote down the numbers to the cabin and-”

“You've been going to the same cabin for my whole life mother. I know the number,” Hux said dismissively and continued down the steps. “I'll help with the bags.”

Before she could say anything more he grabbed his parents bags and began out the door. His father was already outside by the open tailgate of the large crew-cab truck, arranging the long-gun cases in the truck bed. When he reached his father he placed the bags on the gate and slid them into the open mouth of the bed, beneath the soft cover.

“I know you were by yourself last year too, but I want to make sure you remember,” his father began as he hooked the locks onto each of the gun cases. They were cheap little pad locks he'd bought to “keep the liberals calm” when he transported his guns across state lines. “There's a loaded twenty-two in my bedroom, bedside table and a nine in the bathroom, bottom drawer. Anything goes funny; you take care of yourself.”

“Yes Sir,” Hux said and forced a smile toward his father.

Nothing would go wrong. The last thought on Hux's mind was an intruder. He would have his hands wrist deep inside Kylo's body, not skulking around the house waiting for nonexistent phantoms. There had never been a single intruder to their home his whole life. Hux was pretty sure his father was just hopeful that day would come.

“Beep beep!” yelled Dorian as he ran out toward them, leaped and slid his body into the narrow space between the soft cover of the tuck and the bed, where the bags were.

“Dorian, get out of there!” Brain Hux said harshly.

“I wanna ride here. I don't wanna ride with freaking Julius! He wears too much freakin' AXE!” Dorian said with a whine. He stayed put, watching them from the dark space, his green eyes glaring behind his sandy red hair.

Hux smirked and leaned down to look in at him. “If you stay in there, you know what will happen?”


“When father takes you down a nice steep hill, all the bags will slide forward. One after, another will slam into your body, crushing you against the back of the cab. Breaking your bones one at a time. Piercing your lungs with broken ribs and crushing your organs. No one will be able to heard you cry for help under here. You'll just be bits of broken bones and blood staining the luggage.”

“Really Bren... Jesus Christ,” Hux heard from his left.

Hux looked up to see his brother Julius loading his toiletries bag into the back seat of the truck. He had been the one to speak. He gave a shake of his head and pulled his sunglasses down from atop his head, shielding his eyes in a mirror so Hux was left looking at his own reflection. No one got Hux's humor.

Douglas, who had also come out of the house, swiftly shoved his, Julius's and Dorian's bags into the bed of the truck. He didn't seem to notice the “ouch!” when they hit Dorian.

“That's enough,” Brian Hux said. “Dorian get in the back seat. I want to be on the road in two minutes.”

Dorian shoved the bags out of the way crawled out from under the truck's soft cover and slid off the edge of the gate. He gave Hux a sour look. The rude gesture Hux received was once more noted. Sweet kid, really.

Hux stepped back from the truck and nodded shortly at his father as he headed back to the house (a fitting farewell). In the open doorway was his mom. She was going over a piece of paper, presumably her check list. When Hux approached her, she looked up and for a very brief moment. It looked like she was going to say something to him, her hand moved out, as if she was going to... what? Hug him goodbye?

“Lets go!” Brian yelled from outside.

The moment passed and Hux's mom walked past him and quickly got into the truck. He watched as his father shut the tail gate, climbed in the truck and began off the property.

Hux was alone for ten whole days. Two of which Hux was sure would be the most important in his life.


[]==[| | | | |)---- , , .                         . , , ----(| | | | |]==[]



Kylo <3333 ULUV (12:05pm)
come get me!

HUX (12:06pm)
I'll leave in twenty minutes.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (12:08pm)
omg. hurry!!

Kylo <3333 ULUV (12:10pm)
r u on the way?!

Kylo <3333 ULUV (12:15pm)


Hux closed and slid his phone back in his pocket. He looked over his room, mentally reviewing his mental check list as he looked over bedroom.

Hux had already used the OMS concentrate to prepare a container of Kool aid (Kiwi and Cherry mix, per Kylo's request) and place it in the fridge downstairs, it would serve to help kill the pain he was sure Kylo would feel. He hoped to avoid using it as much as possible.

He'd lined his bed, under the sheets with absorbent bed chucks so Kylo could lay comfortably on the chucks without feeling them on his bare skin. He planned to throw the sheets out when he was done, they'd probably be blood stained. He had also cleared the surface of his desk and placed a series of blue surgical clothes on it, ontop of them he set a bottle rubbing alcohol, peroxide and a large bottle of saline solution with a precision squeeze nozzle (just in case). Hux also had several loaded applicators of surgical hemostatic powder (not unlike Quick Relief Powder) set out (to use if the bleeding became problematic). The powder had been very expensive and not totally legal for him to get his hands on. But what couldn't you get on the internet?

Beside the bottles were two metal trays; one held sterilized scalpel handles (he had two now), forceps, two sets of weitlaner retractors (they had loop handles like sissors, three curved pieces that bent down at the end, they were used to hold open incisions) and several surgical sponges. The other tray held pre-threaded surgical needles, both in regular suture thread and dissovable, and a roll of gaze and several bandages.

He had everything spread out on the desk except his gloves, he'd placed those in his bathroom where he planned to wash before he started. He'd considered doing everything in the tub. It would be super easy clean up. But he didn't like the idea of having to lift Kylo out of the tub once he was floating high on morphine. That just didn't sound like much fun considering how long Kylo's limbs were. Awkward as a baby giraffe.

Hux ignored the sound of the chainsaw's tone once more coming from his phone. Kylo was insistent, that was for sure. Hux couldn't blame him, he'd be lying if he didn't admit to himself he was more than a little excited for the next two days. No 9 o'clock alarm would pull Kylo away from him. Hux could keep him. All of him. He looked over his bedroom once more and smiled. He would have a bleeding (probably crying) Kylo on his bed within hours.

Finally he would know what real satisfaction felt like.

Hux didn't even remember the drive to Ithano's house. Suddenly he was there and Kylo was coming out the front door, bounding like a fucking puppy towards the car. He must have demanded his mom take him straight to Ithano's the minute he woke up because he was dressed in bright yellow Sponge Bob Square Pants pajama pants and a faded t-shirt with 'Uncle Luke's Martial Arts Academy' across the front. They clothes looked rumpled like he'd slept in them. Kylo's hair stuck out in sharp angles from under his slouch hat. He hadn't put on make-up either. Hux wondered briefly how he managed to look good so easily.

Kylo tossed a backpack into the back seat before he folded himself into the front seat of the car.

“Lets go, lets go, lets go!” he said excitedly and rubbed his hands on his knees.

Hux hooked his hand in the front of Kylo's shirt and pulled him in for a brief kiss. No sugar. No food at all. Hux had told him not to eat, but it was surprising he'd listened to those instructions... amazing.

The whole drive to Hux's house Kylo prattled. Hux had a hard time keeping up, his own thoughts crowded over the steady drone of Kylo's voice. He was talking about Rey's new puppy named Bebe. It had bit someone, Hux wasn't sure who but it sounded like Kylo had said Chewie. When they arrived at the house, Kylo was at the door before Hux was even half way up the walk, bouncing on the balls of his feet and smiling excitedly.

“You're ridiculous, you know?” Hux said as he slung Kylo's stuffed bag over her shoulder and undid the locks.

“I'm jus' so excited!” Kylo said and smiled. “Mom, never lets me stay alone! I can't believe your family trusts you like this. You are so fucking lucky. Don't you get how awesome this is?”

Hux didn't. His life didn't change much when he was alone in the house, he still spent most of his time in his room. This was the first time he'd had a guest over when his family left town, and the first time that he was going to make use of the extended privacy. The plans were exciting, the privacy was just convenient.

Hux led Kylo in with a shrug and began up the steps to his bedroom, Kylo followed, talking again about the novelty of teenage privacy. Hux was tuning him out again. When he opened the door to his bedroom Kylo finally went quiet.

Hux placed Kylo's back pack on dresser and began going through it, making sure Kylo had brought what he was supposed to. Loose fitting clothes, nothing that would put pressure on his abdomen, no belts. For the most part he had listened, though he noticed there were one pair of jeans shoved in the bottom of the backpack. Hux would see how that went. If he wasn't in too much pain, perhaps he could wear normal clothing when he left for home.

Once the weekend was over and Kylo was home, the plan was for him to fain illness to get out of school for the week. Kylo had assured Hux that he could easily get out of a few days of school with a fake fever and some fake vomiting (throwing cups of water into the toilet with some well placed gagging sounds). Hux wasn't too worried about it. If anyone could act, it was probably dramatic ass Kylo. In the time off being “sick” Kylo could rest and recover. Hux would come over every day during mid morning break and lunch to make sure everything was progressing well with his recovery. He certainly couldn't trust Kylo to take care of the wound by himself.

Hux had considered getting Kylo a set of scrubs to wear during the weekend, but that had seemed like over kill, he figured he could simply have him nude under the sheet. It would be better for the rest of what Kylo wanted anyway. Hux wasn't giving the act of sex much thought though. He loved Kylo and the words Kylo knew how to say to him could certainly bring Hux's mind to sex pretty easily. When got to slid his hands into Kylo's warm insides, he would probably feel compelled to give into his sexual urges. He'd have to resist until he was done sewing him up, for the simple reason of keeping things with Kylo clean. He couldn't risk an infection, even if he would love to give into those dark urges.

Hux clenched his jaw and tried very hard to ignore the obscene images that came rushing to his mind as he thought of how nice it would be to feel Kylo's open insides in his hands. How much the mere idea of it made his groin build with pressure. He begging the mental images to disappear.

When he looked up at Kylo, they did...

Kylo was hovering in the bedroom doorway, looking folded up on himself, his hands curled into the edges of his loose t-shirt. The ring in the bottom of his lip was sucked into his mouth and he was looking at the full set up of the bedroom turned impromptu surgical room. He looked... worried?

“Kylo?” Hux asked, removing his hands from the bag and tilted his head. “Are you okay?”

“Huh?” Kylo blinked a few times and then looked over at Hux. He smiled timidly. “It's just... I dunno.”

“Kylo, do not lie to me.”

“Its just... I dunno. I'm just nervous.”

Hux felt something in his chest pull downward; the edges of disappointment. He had been so busy believing he could do this without getting lost, that he hadn't given any thought to what Kylo might feel. That it was very possible Kylo might not have the strength to follow through with being cut open. He had never tried to pull away at any of the other times Hux had cut him, or talked about cutting him open but that had always been just surface stuff. Maybe the reality of how far Hux wanted to go was just too much. Kylo was alone in a house with someone that literally wanted to cut him open and play with his guts. That could make anyone nervous... to say the least.

“You're scared of me.”

“What?” Kylo stared at him, eyes wide and mouth falling open. “What the fuck? No!”

“It's all right. I can understand that you might feel-”

“What the fuck Hux! Shut up!” Kylo's timid expression had turned to anger quickly. “You call me dramatic! Shit. I never said I was scared of you. I'm not.”

Hux searched Kylo's face, his stubborn frown and furrowed brow. They weren't signs of fear, just annoyance. Hux walked toward him, saw Kylo did not back away, only folded his arms across his chest, huffing. What a fucking child.

“I trust you Hux. I am not scared of you,” Kylo said firmly.


“We better get you in the shower then,” Hux said just as firmly.

Hux would know the truth soon enough.

The lingering question was how would he handle the disappointment if Kylo decided he just couldn't go through with their plans? Hux had been looking forward to and planning this for so long... He'd put so much work, time and energy into this, he didn't know how he would be able to handle it if it didn't happen. Or what he might do.

Once in bathroom Kylo slid onto the counter beside the sink and swung his legs freely while Hux ran the water. Kylo stuck his leg out in Hux's way when he tried to leave. He'd already put a bottle of Dial soap and washcloth on the shower shelf for Kylo. His intention was to leave Kylo to it, but he really should have known better.

“I think I forgot how to take my shoes off,” Kylo said in a pouty voice. “I need help.”

Hux smirked. “If you want me to strip you naked, you could just say so.”

Kylo turned a lovely shade of pink as he nodded. “Strip me Huxie?”

Hux rolled his eyes and started to undress Kylo, beginning with his big vans shoes and working his way through Kylo's clothes, ending with Kylo's slouch hat. When he took the hat off Hux was surprised to see just how crazy Kylo's hair actually was under it, it looked like a wavy cloud of red, black and white. He was adorable.

Hux allowed himself to admire the shape of Kylo's long body when helped him into the shower. He sat on the edge of the tub, furthest from the shower head, watching as the water began to flatten down Kylo's hair, and start streaming down his body. Kylo had small moles on each of his ass cheeks. Hux had an urge to bite them, but resisted it. He would be providing enough pain to Kylo soon enough.

“I think I forgot how to wash too,” Kylo said.

Hux smirked. He considered remarking about his behavior but decided he didn't mind. Hux stood, wet the cloth and began washing Kylo's shoulders, the front of his neck, his chest, and down over his scared stomach. Kylo turned around as Hux worked his way over his body. It was while he was washing Kylo's backside that he realized things were not okay. Again . Kylo was folded in on himself again and his soapy shoulders were drooping, hid head was down and his long wet hair covered his face. He was too quiet and hiding.

“Are you okay?”


Shit. Kylo's voice was thick. He sounded like he was trying not to cry. Hux sighed and tossed the wash cloth down on the edge of the tub. He was having a hard time navigating Kylo's quick mood shifts today. Usually they didn't happen at such rapid fire. Hux wanted to believe it was nerves but unfortunately he doubted it. The tug of disappointment was heavy in his chest as he turned Kylo around roughly by the shoulders to face him.

“Kylo, look at me.”

When Kylo lifted his head up, his eyes were wet with more than the shower water. Hux pushed the heavy wet strands of hair behind his ears and tried to make Kylo meet his eyes, he did after a few attempts.

“You are scared of me.”

“Oh my god,” Kylo said with a sigh that made water blow out from his mouth. “You are so stupid. I'm not scared of you.”

“Then tell me what you are feeling. You were looking forward to this day and now you look like you're regretting it. If you're scared of the pain, we can-”

“What?” Kylo stared at Hux like he was an idiot. “Holy shit Hux!”

“What?” Hux dropped his hands from Kylo's wet shoulders, suddenly feeling like maybe he was missing something huge.

“I'm not scared of pain or you cutting me, for fuck's sake,” Kylo said with a groan of annoyance. “I'm a fucking virgin okay? Jesus!” Kylo shook his head and folded his arms around himself, standing there tall and gangly with water beating on his back. He looked like an annoyed and drowned cat. “Like, you should have probably figured that out. Like, you're supposed to be sooo fucking smart. But you're fucking dumb okay. Yeah, like I'm scared cus' I've never gone that far. I've never like done-done that stuff okay? Jesus.” Kylo heaved a big sigh and lowered his voice, “I don't think I'm ready to... I don't want to make you mad but. I just, I just can't.”

Confusion buzzed in his head. Hux thought about his room where the desk held the bottles and tools and the trays covered with surgical cloth. The bed with fresh sheets. Oh. His chest swelled with a mix of adoration and pride. Kylo wasn't scared by the reality of what Hux was going to do to his flesh, about being opened, having his guts literally in someone else's hands... he was scared of having sex for the first time! Relief flooded over Hux and he grabbed Kylo in a hug, ignoring his posture and the water showering down on them.

“I fucking love you Kylo,” Hux said laughing lightly in relief.

Kylo was looking at him weirdly, but his own mouth began turning into a relieved smile.

“You're so weird Hux,” Kylo said softly.

“I am,” Hux agreed, hugging him close.

“I'm so sorry Huxie,” Kylo said as he slid his arms around Hux too, their bodies separated only by the edge of the tub and Hux's clothes. Kylo pressed his forehead to Hux's, letting his big nose press on Hux's cheek. “You're all wet.”

“Soaked actually.”

“Will you get in the shower with me now... please?”

This wasn't the plan, but everything was so weird today Hux didn't care. He didn't care what Kylo wanted him to do, he would do it, if it meant this ridiculous boy was going to continue being his.

Hux slid off his shoes, pants and underthings. It was weird to take everything off in front of Kylo, as he never had. After a hesitation he took off his turtle neck and dropped it to the bathroom floor before he got into the shower behind Kylo's back. He pressed himself close, letting the water start to wet his skin and hair. It was warm and comfortable and Kylo smelled like clean soap and that certain smell that was just always Kylo.

“We don't have to do anything you don't want to Kylo,” Hux whispered as he wrapped his arms around Kylo's waist, resting his chin on his shoulder. “We don't have to do any of it.”

“I want to,” Kylo said and wiggled back against Hux, their bare bodies sliding against one each other under the warm water. “I want to feel your hands inside me Hux, I really do. I want to do everything we talked about, just... not that one part.”

Hux laughed at Kylo's choice of words. “So I won't fuck you bloody. Got it.”

Kylo groaned in embarrassment and turned around to face Hux. He draping his long arms over Hux's shoulders, curling his fingers into Hux's rapidly wetting hair.

“Not yet anyway,” Kylo adding.

Hux could count the seconds it took for Kylo to look down from Hux's eyes, from his nose, to his mouth, to the bare skin of his neck, his chest and right back up to his neck. He could probably approximate the millimeters Kylo's eye brows lowered and just how deep his frown set in as he stared at Hux's skin.

Hux didn't do many things without reason. Keeping himself clothed was one of them.

People probably presumed the reason Hux wore the classic lines of a turtle neck was some avant-garde aesthetic that went with his photography. Or a throw back to the 60s beatnik style. Some weird tribute to Andy Warhol maybe? Maybe he was just cold blooded and had a hard time keeping warm? Maybe he believed it would somehow make him look smarter than other people? All these things were untrue. Lies of convenience created by the minds of people who believed he was weird enough for any of them to be the truth.

The truth was much more simple and uninteresting.

Kylo slowly lifted his hand and Hux tipped his head back, knowing what was coming. Kylo's fingers touched the long deep lines that ran from one side of Hux's neck to the other. There were two lines, thick and three years worth of scaring. Rough edges that looked like they had been torn before scaring had tried to smooth them away. He waited until Kylo's fingers had followed them to where they faded at the back of his neck.

“What happened?”

“A mistake,” Hux said softly and kissed Kylo's lips. “An accident when I was younger. It's not very attractive. I don't like people to see it.”

“Nah,” Kylo said with a grin on his brace covered teeth. “It's hot. It makes you look tough.”

Hux set him with a scathing look and shook his head. Liar, liar.

He took Kylo's hands from his neck and braided his fingers between his. He didn't want to talk any more about his scars or how they'd gotten there, so he pressed his lips to Kylo's and allowed himself to get lost in the softness of them.

He enjoyed kissing a lot, it was probably his favorite activity that didn't involve anyone bleeding or crying. He turned in the shower to press Kylo's back against the wall of the shower and gently moved one hand down Kylo's hips to the front of them, stroking his fingers down across his lower abdomen and slowly wrapping his fingers around the girth of Kylo's cock. He was not surprised to find him rapidly growing harder. He squeezed the flesh and listened to Kylo whine.

“So I can't fuck you bloody,” Hux whispered in his ear. “But I can still make you cum crying, can't I?”

Hux loved how much Kylo blushed, no matter what activities they did. No matter how much vulgar, disgusting, obscene and depraved things they talked about or did, this kid could still become adorably pink as if he'd never been a part of anything so risque.

“You're gonna make me cry?” Kylo asked. His hands were out of Hux's and roaming his body instead, despite his coy voice they weren't shy. They stroked down his chest, over his bright pink nipples and down his stomach. Kylo's touch was pawing, it always was, but Hux had grown to like the ineptitude of it.

“I can make you beg,” Hux said softly into his ear before he opened his mouth wider and pressed his teeth down where the edges of his gauges began to stretch open his earlobe. Kylo whined and Hux could feel his hands start sliding over his hips and down over his ass, trying to pull Hux closer. Hux allowed himself to be pressed in and slid both of his hands onto the wall above Kylo's shoulders, bracing himself against Kylo's slippery warm body.

“I can make you cry, and scream if I want,” Hux added before running his tongue along the lines of Kylo's big dopey ears. “But I know you rather moan for me.”

The skin of Kylo's earlobe was not nearly as thin as Hux thought, it took him biting down pretty hard before he finally broke though the layers of skin. There was a gasp of pain from Kylo before Hux tasted the copper of his blood. The water rushing over them watered it down but Hux didn't mind, this wasn't for him. Later would be for him, this was for Kylo.

There was a disgruntle whine from Kylo when Hux moved away, only to be silenced when Hux knelt down on the floor of the tub and began kissing the space where Kylo's stomach was scared. He felt Kylo's hand in his wet hair and let him, enjoying the feelings of his long fingers moving over his head as he began stroking Kylo's cock in his hands. The water washed way any taste of pre-cum when Hux licked him, but he didn't mind. It couldn't compare to the other flavors he preferred. Hux set to task, focusing on how to bring him off, rather than that he wanted to be doing to Kylo. What he would be doing to Kylo soon; Hux could be selfless after all, for a few minutes anyway.

When he took Kylo into his mouth, his narrow hips jerked at the unexpected pleasure. He knew Kylo was often rough with himself, though he'd never really tested how much. No time like now. He dragged his teeth backwards as he came off Kylo's cock, letting them catch on the sensitive head.

“Ugh fuuck...” Kylo groaned, not disappointing Hux at all.

“Don't tell me you want me to be gentle?” Hux asked with a smirk.

Kylo was looking down at him, sucking the ring in his bottom lip. A look of adorable concern and discomfort on his face. He shook his head negatively and Hux watched as he seemed to still himself against the shower wall, readying himself for more pain. The way his thighs quivered slightly Hux was certain it was more than readying, he was excited for it. It wasn't the kind of thing Hux had a lot of experience in; causing pain just to pleasure someone else. Everything he'd done with Kylo had not started out that way, and he never intended for it to lead where it did. He just got lost in his own excitement. But in this, there was a kind of control he enjoyed.

He knew he wouldn't get lost right now, as long as he didn't think about blades or skin, or the veins that ran down the side of Kylo's dick or how the connective tissue and nerves joined down to his scrotum. How interesting it would be to open that skin and see how it all worked in the bloody flesh.... As long as he focused on giving Kylo what he wanted, he could be okay.

Hux tucked himself fairly close in the warm water, between Kylo's spread feet, and cupped his hand around Kylo's sack, pushing his thumb into the center and wrapping his hand around the fleshy formation. He pulled downward, not gently. He heard Kylo give a sharp hiss and kept the pressure, thumbing between them, squeezing in ways that were far too painful for most people – himself included. When he took Kylo back in his mouth he wasn't slow about it. Kylo was so rough with himself, why not do the same? Hux was not surprised when he began hearing the moaning, even less surprised when he felt Kylo's sack tighten in his hand. He didn't allow the muscles to pull and kept his hand tightly around, pulling downward on him. Kylo's hands were on the wall now, Hux could see them when he opened his eyes a little, painted fingernails clawed out, holding onto the white title like there was something to grasp.

He could hear Kylo's heaving panting even over the water and bobbed his head more quickly on Kylo's hard cock, letting his teeth rack over the skin here and there. Each time he felt Kylo's skin butt against his teeth, Kylo's hips would jerk slightly and Hux would do it again. Kylo's moans were very encouraging. He knew he would have Kylo falling over the edge, it was easy. Kylo was easy.

When Kylo's hands came back to his head, grasping at his hair he knew it was nearly over. He held his hand tight on Kylo's sack, grasping around it below where it joined his body and pulled harder downward. The constant drag must have helped because Kylo cried much louder than usually when he began to come, his high pitches rolling into a painful sound. Hux felt the muscles pull in his hand as his testicles tried to move toward the body for orgasm, the quivering of his thighs and the physical flexing of his dick. It was all muscle and nerves and Hux might have found he actually enjoyed it, just a little; feeling the power of Kylo's body being forced to yield to him. Hux let the cum run from his mouth and back onto Kylo, making a messy trail of white and slippery clear that was washed away far to quickly.

“I love you Hux, so much,” Kylo said with shaking breaths.

“I love you too Kylo,” Hux said as he stood up from the tub. They had really been in the water too long, Hux noticed his fingertips were pruney when he used them to push the hair from Kylo's face. “Now lets get you cut open.”

Kylo's lazy post orgasm smile was sexy and beautiful even if it was all awkward metal.


[]==[| | | | |)---- , , .                         . , , ----(| | | | |]==[]


Hux stared down at the smooth surface of Kylo's stomach, freshly drying from the rubbing alcohol that Hux had used to sterilize the skin. Kylo was dry (except his hair), relaxed on the bed and chattering on about something Hux wasn't paying any attention to. It wasn't unpleasant, the steady drone of his voice over the music. Kylo had insisted on music and after a bit of time on Hux's iTunes account, he had ended up playing the last album by Say Anything. Hux didn't mind, it wasn't distracting.

Hux was dressed in a fresh shirt and pants but remained barefoot, he'd also placed Kylo in a pair of pajama pants. Kylo had seemed appreciative. He'd washed his hands again, put on fresh gloves and only needed to open the scalpel blade to begin. He was pretty sure he could feel every nerve in his body.

“And then I told her, if she wanted to look like a drag queen then go-”

“Kylo, shut up please,” Hux said softly, interrupting the steady done.

“Huh? Sorry. I'm rambling.”

“Always,” Hux said with a smile. He leaned over and placed a soft kiss on Kylo's forehead before he took the scalpel handle from the tray. Kylo leaned over and picked up the packaged blade before Hux could stop him, he grinned up at Hux as he opened the foiling, holding the bracket end out for Hux to attach the handle.

“So you're going to be my patient and my assistant?”

“I should have gotten a nurse's hat,” Kylo said with a lopsided grin.

“I wouldn't want to encourage you to dress up more,” Hux said as he attached the scalpel handle to the blade. He then slid it out of the foil and held it up, looking at the curved metal, sharp and shiny in the light. “You're daily clothes are enough of a costume.”


Hux smiled as he leaned over Kylo, stroking his hand across Kylos side before he placed the blade there. He gave Kylo a glance before he pressed the metal edge against his skin, he was nibbling on his bottom lip but looked fine. Hux pressed down and slid the sharp metal across Kylo's tender skin. The cut opened in a long seven inch line, the skin spreading like a smile to show the white layer of fat under neither. Kylo hissed out his pain but stayed still. Once more there was no blood until Hux placed the second cut, this time blood began to pool in small circles along both side of the cut.

He used gauze briefly to wipe it away. It stained a lovely bright red against the vibrant white fibers. Fresh blood was always more beautiful than old, bright, alive and thin.

Hux didn't want to accidentally cut something by mistake, so he'd chosen a spot along Kylo's side where the muscles weren't so concentrated. He would be able to easily expose the connective tissues between muscles and avoid cutting directly into the thick muscle itself. Using one hand to hold the incision open and the other to maneuver the scalpel, he began sliding the blade down through the outer wall, past the fat in a slow series of slices. Hux moved in delicate but deliberate cuts, feeling the depth lessen more and more as he cut through the layer of fat. As the white fat tissue started to open up to thinner layers, he could feel his mouth filling with saliva. When he saw the dark pink meat of muscle and the lighter translucent tissue that made up the abdominal wall he pulled the scalpel up briefly.

“Urggh. Oh, wow. Uhh. Oh, shit,” Kylo groaned, deep in his throat. When Hux looked up at him, his hands were fists at his sides, fingers curled into the bed sheet and he was biting down hard on his bottom lip. His shoulders were hunched up nearly to his earlobes as he sat tensely. His breathing had increased considerably as the pain must have began to get to him.

“Just breath Kylo,” Hux said gently. “I love you, you can do this. Do you remember the pain scale?”

“Yeah,” Kylo said with a panting breath. “Shhhit.”

“What is your number?”

“Like, like six I think, maybe seven,” Kylo said and sucked in his breath again as he half laid, half sat on the bed. Not even remotely relaxed. “Fuuck.”

“Okay. Take deep breaths for me Kylo and relax your arms and shoulders. Just focus on my voice,” Hux watched him closely as Kylo attempted to followed instructions. “I'll get through this layer and then I'll give you the morphine. Can you do that Kylo?”

“Yes Huxie.”

Hux smiled, he felt so much pride, not just in Kylo but himself. He was staying focused, he was not lost yet in this growing cut. He was staying here, detached, professional. He would care for Kylo so he could continue. He was so close, he certainly wasn't willing to stop now. He wasn't sure he could.

When he looked back down he saw that blood which had just began in small circles was starting to pool over the dark pink flesh of Kylo's now exposed muscle. It looked like deer or rabbit meat, coated in blood. Hux used a surgical sponge and wiped it away before he lifted the scalpel again and began to cut the firm connective tissue that separated Hux from his goal.

Suddenly his scalpel was meeting no resistance. He was in.

“Oh Kylo,” he breathed softly. Lovingly.

Hux had watched many, many videos about surgery and had seen many animal bodies opened (both living and dead) but he had not expected to be inside Kylo so fast. It seemed almost too quick that he was through the outer wall and entering Kylo's abdominal cavity. He set the scalpel down on the tray and gently used his hands to spread the cut open by pulling each side gently apart. It was like looking into a secret place. Opening Pandora's box. Seeing what you shouldn't ever be allowed to see. The body was made up of so much liquid that Hux was not surprised to see it sitting there like watered down blood, just pooling around the lumpy form of his large and small intestines.

“Hux, I, I think I'm gonna pass out.”

Hux looked up to see Kylo's concerned face, he was breathing too hard. His eyes planted firmly on Hux. Hux moved his bloody hands from the cut and lifted the cup of kool-aid to Kylo's mouth. He allowed two full swallows before he pulled the cup away.

“Just give it a minute Kylo. You'll feel better soon, I promise.”

Without his hands holding the incision open each fatty side came together almost closed, with nothing connected underneath it anymore, the halves curved inward. It looked highly sexual and obscene. Hux wanted badly to push his fingers into it. The urge was strong enough that Hux had to look away before he got lost in the delicate red line peeking out of the center. He couldn't think about any of this being appealing in that way, he just couldn't. He couldn't risk it.

“It tastes like raspberry Huxie,” Kylo said after a few minutes.

“I know, it's the morphine. It's pre-flavored,” Hux said and lifted the cup again, allowing him to take larger swallows. The act of doing something different than watching Hux seemed to be helping, he was breathing more slowly. He even grinned after he finished the whole glass.

Hux wished he could risk filming this, he wasn't sure he would be able to remember the details of how Kylo looked right now. How his cheeks were red and his bitten lips were swelling. How much the morphine was quickly taking a hold of him and his pupils of his eyes were starting to open as he relaxed. He looked more than sexy. He looked more than fuckable.

It barely took ten minutes of waiting before Kylo's hands stopped curling into fists and started to flatten out on the bed. He was sure the pain had to began to numb. Hux had read it usually took fifteen-minutes for oral morphine to take effect; transforming the pain receptors into a swirl of confusion, lying to the body about just how much pain it was really in.

“It feels funny,” Kylo said thickly.

He was drugged. The dope was even more dopey.

“I know,” Hux said gently as he set the cup back down on the desk. “Just enjoy it Kylo, relax for me.”

Hux watched Kylo slowly open and close his eyes, wondering briefly if he was experience vision issues. It was likely he would develop trailing vision while the morphine ruled his system. At least he was occupied.

Hux picked up the first set of weitlaner retractors and placed the curved teeth firmly into appealing red line at the center of the cut. He saw that Kylo just watched him with a dim look on his face and spread the cut open with a series of clicks. The metal of the retractor's split open wide, holding open the sides of the flesh so it was exposed and locked in the open position. Kylo didn't complain. The morphine was doing it's job, because that should have hurt horribly. Hux used the second set of retractors to the the other end of the cut and locked them also in place so the cavity was open in a large four point space. Exposing everything accessible under the incision.

Kylo was bleeding quite a bit now, the veins pulled from the four points began bleeding more heavily. Hux took one of the applicators of pre-filled hemostatic powder and applied it to the edges of the cut. As the powder began to join with the blood it thickened and the bleeding began to hault. It formed a firm edge that looked like thick clotted blood; a red frame for the window into Kylo's body. It wasn't as pretty as the pink organs he could see in the liquid below, but there was something poetic about the red frame. Through that window he used a surgical sponge to soaking up the liquid inside, tossing one, two, then three sponges onto a tray, all heavily saturated with the blood and fluids that flowed around Kylo's intestines.

Hux felt his hands going numb in his gloves and felt his lips filling with blood. He knew the moment was here, he was going to be able to touch Kylo's most intimate places. The spaces no one ever got to touch before. He hoped he would be the only one to ever be able to.

“I love you Huxie,” Kylo said. His voice was weird, faded, like he was very sleepy. His eyes were half open and his smile was lazy. He looked so fucking appealing this way. Drugged, split open and smiling all the same.

“I love you too Kylo,” Hux replied.

Hux smiled at him briefly before he slid his fingertips into the cut, he gently caressed the clotted edges before he slid his fingers beyond. When he felt the intestines, it was like nothing . They were so much softer than he expected, that he barely realized his fingertips had made contact through the gloves. He leaned in close and wiggled his fingers down, gently curling several loops of intestines around his fingertips and began lifting them up just inches through the cut. They felt like cotton candy at first, soft as a cloud and then firmer as he pulled them. They were slippery and shiny and pink.

Hux was overwhelmed. He was sure his vision was playing games with him. There was no way this organ could be so bright pink, this was too vivid. He could see the tiny lines in the small intestines making up the serosa and the small veins that could be seen here and there. He couldn't remember seeing anything so beautiful and so alive. These were Kylo's but they were his too now. Slowly, letting the intestines slid through his fingertips he gathered more, lifting them upward through the red frame of Kylo's incision. He held them in his hands and rubbed his thumbs along the smooth surface with lovingly care. Caressing them like the gift they were.

“Holy shit,” he heard Kylo say dimly. When he looked up at Kylo, Hux could see he was rolling. His head dropped back a few times, then forward and his blinks were really slow. Hux was pretty sure he had no real clue what was going on.

Hux was aware of his own body, though it was becoming harder to feel all of it. He knew he was standing because he could feel the carpet under his bare feet if he wiggled his toes, he knew he was wearing pants because his cock was straining against the front of them painful, and he knew he was wearing a shirt because he could see the sleeves pushed up. But he couldn't feel it as clearly as he should. His focus was so closely on the delicate pink organ in his hands, he wasn't sure that he even breathed, but he must have.

Hux leaned closer to his hands, moving his face just inches above the glistening organs. He wanted to feel them on his bare skin so badly but he forced himself to resist. He took deep breaths, smelling the blood and something else he'd never smelled before. It wasn't bad exactly, but a strange smell that didn't quite seem the same as other animal's entrails had. It wasn't bad but it did fill his nose somehow, clogging it with the odd scent.

Slowly Hux began to let the pink intestines fall from his fingers and back down where they belonged. They made a slippery wet sound as they sloshed inside Kylo's abdominal cavity. He couldn't keep them, even if he wanted to.

He knew his body was responding to the sounds, smells and feelings around him so he gently pressed himself against the edge of the bed, using it to add friction to the front of his pants. It barely relived the painful ache.

He moved his hand back in through the red frame of Kylo's cut and curved his hand to the Kylo's right, feeling for Kylo's large intestine this time. It was much easier to find and he felt it as soon as his hand came in contact. He followed it and ran his hand down it, trying to find the apendix. He wanted so bad to make the cut bigger, so he could see everything better than this spread seven-inch window was allowing. But he couldn't risk it, he was being risky just doing this as long as he had. He knew the longer he had Kylo open the higher the risk of complications became. But it felt so good. It felt amazing to hold Kylo's organs in his hands.

Hux felt his cock flex multiple times as he ran his hand down the large intestine and tried to will his body to stop. He didn't want to get lost in his lust, though there was no denying how much it was effecting him. He could see himself opening his pants and jerking himself off right there and then, using the slimy body fluids on his gloves to help. But he couldn't do that. For so many reasons, including ones that scared even him. He couldn't close his eyes and give into fantasy.

Hux took several breaths before he began to move his hand again inside Kylo's body, trying hard to find that appendix. When his fingers came in contact with a web of flesh and a firm curved organ, he realized he found it. It didn't hang nearly as loose and free as diagrams had made it look. He maneuvered it around and pulled it upward so he could see it closer. It was firm, blushing deep pink and fleshy. He wished he could take it. He knew Kylo could live without it, but that had never been the discussion.

He looked over at his desk, he could easily cut the appendix out, stitch the cut closed and be done...

Hux sucked in his breath and grit his teeth. He tried to remind himself what boundaries were. Things you don't do and the reasons not to do them. In the end the only thing that stopped him from cutting the body part out was because Kylo did not give consent to that and was in no condition to do so.

He looked barely conscious.

Reluctantly Hux pushed the large intestine back into place. He gave the intestines a gentle wiggle, they squirmed like a bowl of jello. Hux was sure they were all back in place, joining together in a beautiful slimy mass of pink rope. He didn't want to stop... He wanted to stay right there in Kylo's belly and put his hand deeper, to feel the other organs far beyond the intestines. He could possibly do it... but he hadn't made plans for that. He could twist an organ, or hurt Kylo by accident.

Plus he couldn't reach the heart.

Hux looked down at the tray full of wet surgical pads and the scalpel again, it was bloody and shiny. He could cut Kylo's chest open. He could expose the ribs... He didn't have a rib spreader but he could probably figure something out. Broken and cracked ribs took time to heal but they would heal. It was done every day. Kylo's heart could lay bare to him...

Hux backed away from the bed a few feet. He was losing it. He felt it. It wasn't just the pain in his pants of his leaking cock that was driving his desire. He knew that was a shameful part of it, but there was something else. Something trying to take control, to shove whatever part of Hux was the rational to the side and give in. Rip open Kylo's chest, hold his beating heart, kiss it, feel it. His liver, his stomach, his kidneys, all those bright organs could be in his hands. Gifts he could give himself.

Wasn't this supposed to be enough? Wasn't that the idea? That he would know what satisfaction was by doing what he had? Just this far... no farther.

His boyfriend let him cut him open and here Hux was, wrists deep in it and still wanting more .

“Shit,” Hux sighed to himself. He looked down at his wet gloves and back up to Kylo. He looked like he was sleeping but Hux was sure he wasn't totally out. Hux approached the bed and leaned over Kylo's peaceful face and gently kissed his lips.

“I'm sorry I'm so fucked up,” Hux whispered. Sure that he wasn't being heard or seen. He was vaguely aware his cheeks were wet, but he didn't quite feel why. “I don't want to lose you. I won't.”

Hux repeated the words in his head. Forcing himself to conclude that if he went further with his imagination he could lose Kylo. He could kill him. This wasn't like the choke chain, but it could become that way very quickly if he didn't stop it here and now. This second. He had to stop. Now .

It wasn't easy to use forceps and stitch the inner wall of Kylo's abdomen at the same time, but Hux managed. He managed to do it all because he had to . He didn't even count the sutures he put inside with the dissolvible thread or the outside ones, he just kept going, ignoring the feeling of pain in his chest and the tears on his face. His hands shook the whole time, but he got it done.

He said goodbye to the most beautiful things he'd ever seen, goodbye to his deepest desires, because having Kylo alive was more important.

It would always have to be.


[]==[| | | | |)---- , , .                         . , , ----(| | | | |]==[]


Due to the morphine stupor, Kylo was in and out for the next couple hours. In that time Hux cleaned up all his tools, washing them and placing them back into a plastic tote he stored under his bed. He also disposed of all the used medical waste and tossed out the used needles. When he was done turning his room back into a bedroom, he shut the music off and placed a fresh clean sheet over Kylo. Every now and then Kylo had made to move on the bed but Hux had kept him still. Save for the bandaged boy on his bed and the pitcher of spiked koolaid on his desk Hux's room looked like nothing had ever happened.

Once he was sure Kylo was going to rest comfortable Hux decided to leave his room. Perhaps to get air, perhaps just to give himself space from the events that took place in this room. He could still smell the inside of Kylo's body in his nose, still feel the wetness closing in around his hands, the faint desire to rip his stitches open and feel much more than some intestines. He hoped distance would help.

The back of the Hux home opened up to a large yard, the Hunt Room was far beyond the back of the house and could only be partly seen through a few trees. There was a large screened in porch attached to the house with several pieces of lounge furniture that rarely got used. Hux settled himself onto a brown wicker love seat with huge blue cushions and curled his legs under himself, resting his journal in his lap. Hux opened the journal to the last page he'd prepared. It had the date written, the things Hux had gathered for the surgery and below that an open space. Hux had thought he would fill this space with an entry on what he'd done; the cut he had began with, what he'd seen, what it had been like, the approximate size of Kylo's intestines, the color, the condition. Several bits of data he could review later when he developed other things he wanted to try. But now that he was here with his pen in hand no words of detached scientific explanation came, no conclusions to write.

He was still reeling from everything that had happened inside his bedroom. It didn't feel like he expected it to. He had been turned on (as he suspected would happen), but he hadn't finished himself off (as he thought he would). When it had come down to it, he had found once he's stitched Kylo up, those sexual urges were gone. It felt almost like a disappointment that they had left. He'd been controlled and detached through out the surgery (as he'd hoped), but he'd still started to go too far, in other ways. Something inside of him had wanted to take over and do evil horrible things to Kylo. He had not been expecting that at all. It wasn't a moment of mental confusion or sexual excitement, it had been like something much uglier tried to break through the surface.

He'd not felt satisfaction in any form. He wasn't satiated but what he'd done. His curiosity wasn't anywhere near quelled. In may ways the surgery had been a complete failure.

He stared at the page and finally wrote six words.

I'm sorry I'm so fucked up.

Once he was back in his bedroom he found Kylo was starting to wake up again. It had been three hours since he'd given Kylo the morphine.

“Mmm, Huxie?” Kylo mumbled, his eyes were closed but his head turning toward Hux, he must have heard his footsteps.

Hux slid onto the edge of the bed and gently stroked his hand over Kylo's forehead, pushing his hair back. His temperature felt normal. His breathing was good and his color looked right.

“I'm here Kylo,” Hux said. He moved his hands down from Kylo's forehead to arrange his sheet, fussing because he didn't know what to do with his hands. When Kylo opened his eyes his pupil's weren't as largely dilated as before but he still looked sort of sleepy and drugged. He was looking at Hux for several minutes before a smile began to split his mouth.

“I can still feel your hands inside of me Huxie.”

Hux smirked. “You're such an idiot. You can't feel a thing and I know it.”

“Was it pretty Hux? Was I pretty inside?”

“You were beautiful Kylo. The most beautiful thing I've ever seen.”

“Do you love me?”



[]==[| | | | |)---- , , .                         . , , ----(| | | | |]==[]


The next forty hours together were perfect. Kylo didn't need much in the way of pain killer except when he woke up from sleep. Hux was impressed by his ability to stay upright for so long, relaxed and happily chatting like he hadn't just been cut open in the last day. Hux joined him on the bed with his laptop and they watched stupid things Kylo found on Youtube, surfed Kylo's Myspace, watched a whole series of old cartoons which Kylo laughed at despite complaining that it hurt his wound. Hux made Kylo eat real food that wasn't made of just sugar (despite his complaining) and made him drink plenty of Pedialyte to help replenish his electrolytes.

He took care of Kylo.

Hux hated to admit he enjoyed such mundane things as sitting around goofing off with Kylo, but he did. He enjoyed every fucking domestic moment of it, even helping Kylo walk on the first day had been enjoyable. Having Kylo need him like this was rather appealing; he'd never given it much thought.

When Sunday began to draw to an end Hux was reluctant to let him go, but he knew he had to. He couldn't keep Kylo during the school week, there was no way his parents would go for that.

“Did you text your mother yet?” Hux asked. He was sitting on the floor, packing up Kylo's bag for him. He'd set out a pair of jeans and a t-shirt for Kylo to change into. He'd spent the last couple days in pajama pants and seemed ready for regular clothes.

“Yeah,” Kylo said and sighed. “She's picking me up from Ithano's at eight o'clock. I tried to talk her into later, but she's being a bitch.”

Hux nodded slightly. “Just text me tomorrow after everyone leaves for work. I'll come over and check on how you're doing. I suspect you won't need more than four or five days before you're back to normal. You've come along a lot quicker than I expected.”

“That's because I'm fucking awesome,” Kylo said. Hux wasn't looking at him but knew he was getting dressed when a pair of pajama pants came flying at Hux's head. He stuffed them in Kylo's bag and tossed it onto the bed, turning so he could watch as Kylo proceeded to get dressed.

Kylo wiggled easily into a pair of underwear and jeans and then a loose black t-shirt with the words “PAPA ROACH” across the front of it in a white scratchy front. He'd already spent forty-five minutes arranging his hair and putting on eye make up. Hux didn't think he needed it, Kylo was beautiful no matter what he wore on his face or what condition he was in.

“I'm not going to pretend you're super human just because you're healing well,” Hux said plainly. “You're lucky. Things could change, it's important you text me if you feel anything funny. I'll come right over.”

“I won't be able to text you,” Kylo said quietly.

“And why is that?” Hux said as he sat on the bed, watching as Kylo began wiggling his feet into his van's. It was already seven thirty. Time seemed to be running away from them.

Once Kylo had his feet put into shoes he folded his arms over his chest and set Hux with a frown. “I don't wanna tell you.”

“Excuse me?”

Kylo heaved a big sigh. “Alright, so you have to promise not to get mad.”

“Do I often get mad?” Hux asked, arching his brows.

“No... I guess not. But I might have lied to you a little. I mean kinda.”

“Kylo, what the hell are you talking about?”

“I'm leaving tomorrow,” Kylo said. He moved onto the bed beside Hux, sitting down gingerly as not to put too much pressure on his wounded side. “For a martial arts tournament in Naboo.”

Hux could kill him. He could actually throw this asshole to the ground and beat him to a bloody pulp. “You can't possibly think you're in any condition to practice martial arts. Kylo, you need to heal. Do you realize how easily you'll pull your stitches?”

“Wow, way to think I'm fucking stupid,” Kylo said and rolled his eyes. “I'm not gonna be in it. I lost my qualifying match weeks ago...”

“What? You never told me that.”

“Yeah, well... I had those stitches in my leg,” Kylo was looking down at his lap, sucking on his lip ring again. “I thought if I told you, you'd get all weird on me. Like you wouldn't do this stuff with me. I knew if I told you I had to leave you'd cancel everything.”

“Of course I would,” Hux said firmly. Kylo lost his match because of what Hux had done to him... just great. “You can't travel. Kylo you need to stay home, to lay in bed and do nothing. You told me you were going to fake sick to get out of school. You'll have to do the same to get out of this.”

“Yeah,” Kylo said slowly. He looked sheepish. “I'm not actually very good at that. Mom always figures me out.” He looked up at Hux and gave a strained smile. “Please don't be mad Huxie. It'll be okay. I'll text you the whole time okay? I'll make sure I keep the stitches clean and I'll take it easy. I mostly just need to stand around with Uncle Luke and watch... I'm just assisting. It won't be a big deal. I promise.

“This is a big deal,” Hux said firmly. “I won't be able to be there. I need to make sure you're healing okay. Kylo, this was not a simple cut... I was inside your abdominal cavity! If I missed a stitch, or you start to bleed internally, or something happens... I wont be there to fix it.”

“Hux stop,” Kylo leaned into Hux, bumping their shoulders together. “I love you, you did everything fine. I will be fine.”

Hux wasn't so sure.


[]==[| | | | |)---- , , .                         . , , ----(| | | | |]==[]


HUX (04:11am)
Are you feeling okay?

HUX (04:34am)
Are you up yet?

HUX (05:45am)
Please text me when you leave.

HUX (07:15am)
You haven't texted me. Does this mean you didn't go?

Kylo <3333 ULUV (07:16am)
no. im in the car now. Sry

Kylo <3333 ULUV (07:17am)
mom was bein a bitch

Kylo <3333 ULUV (07:18am)
freakin 7hr drive w/o stops. omg. Lik kill me

HUX (07:20am)
How is your side?

Kylo <3333 ULUV (07:21am)
fine. i took some aleve.

HUX (07:23am)
Make sure you take every rest stop and check it. It could bleed.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (07:24am)
omg stop worrying. its fine!

Kylo <3333 ULUV (07:25am)
I miss u

HUX (07:26am)
It's been less than 10 hours since you saw me.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (07:26am)
still! I miss u

Kylo <3333 ULUV (07:27am)
ill txt you soon as we stop

HUX (07:30am)
Please do.


Kylo <3333 ULUV (10:23am)
we just stopped. its fine

HUX (10:25am)
Good. I should be there.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (10:27am)
im sorry Huxie

Kylo <3333 ULUV (10:27am)
i love you!!



HUX (12:25pm)
Have you stopped for lunch?

HUX (12:28pm)
You need to eat something healthy

Kylo <3333 ULUV (12:35pm)
jus stopped. they have caramel apple pie here!!

HUX (12:37pm)
Kylo eat REAL food.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (12:39pm)
omg stop being such a mom

Kylo <3333 ULUV (12:41pm)
im havin a hamburger first.

HUX (12:44pm)
Make sure you're drinking enough water. Have some fresh fruit please.

HUX (12:46pm)
You need to help your body heal.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (12:49pm)
u said I heal fast! Im a super human remember?

HUX (12:50pm)
That is absolutely not what I said.



Kylo <3333 ULUV (02:50pm)
dnt freak out

HUX (02:51pm)
What happened?

Kylo <3333 ULUV (02:53pm)
nothing! i had to change the bandage

Kylo <3333 ULUV (02:54pm)
it was wet. not like bloody

HUX (02:57pm)
Was it clear and watery? Thick? Yellow? Did it crust?

Kylo <3333 ULUV (02:58pm)
ew gross! it was clear

HUX (03:01pm)
That was probably just some seepage. Please make sure you change it again after you shower tonight.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (03:02pm)
u want me to take a shower 2nite?

HUX (03:04pm)
Of course. You need to keep it clean Kylo.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (03:04pm)
nah. you just wanna think of me naked

Kylo <3333 ULUV (03:05pm)
and wet

Kylo <3333 ULUV (03:05pm)
i could text you a pic when i do

HUX (03:07pm)
Of the stitches? That would be a good idea.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (03:07pm)
so not sexy

Kylo <3333 ULUV (03:09pm)
i mean a pic of me naked

HUX (03:10pm)
I've already seen you naked.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (03:10pm)
u can get naked too

Kylo <3333 ULUV (03:11pm)
r u home? wut r u wearing now?

Kylo <3333 ULUV (03:11pm)
take off ur shirt

HUX (03:15pm)
I am not going to sext with you Kylo.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (03:15pm)



HUX (04:07pm)
Did you arrive yet?

HUX (04:45pm)
Please text me when you arrive.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (05:23pm)
were here

HUX (05:24pm)
Good. How are you feeling?

Kylo <3333 ULUV (06:23pm)
sry. couldnt use my phone @ dinner

Kylo <3333 ULUV (06:25pm)
I gotta share a room w/ like 10 ppl

HUX (06:26pm)
I doubt that.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (06:26pm)
ok its 2 but still. No sexy time w/u!

HUX (06:27pm)
You need to rest.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (06:27pm)
but I wanna hear your sexy moaning

HUX (06:29pm)
I don't know what you mean.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (06:29pm)
omg w/e u kno wat I mean!

Kylo <3333 ULUV (06:30pm)
imma take a shower now

HUX (06:31pm)
Good. I love you Kylo.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (06:31pm)
I love you too huxie!!!

Kylo <3333 ULUV (06:31pm)
stop worrying!

Kylo <3333 ULUV (06:32pm)
think of me naked!

HUX (06:31pm)
Make sure you bandage.



HUX (09:45pm)
How are you feeling?

Kylo <3333 ULUV (09:46pm)
sleepy. they are watching boring chick flix

HUX (09:47pm)
You probably love it.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (09:47pm)
do not!

HUX (09:47pm)
You should sleep if you're tired.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (09:48pm)
i rather talk to u

HUX (09:50pm)
I'm going to sleep shortly myself.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (09:51pm)

Kylo <3333 ULUV (09:55pm)
fine but I wont sleep well

HUX (09:57pm)
Good night Kylo.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (09:57pm)
nite huxie! <33333 MWAH


Hux stared at the small screen of his phone. It was going dead. He'd spent most of the day staring at it. He knew Kylo would be sleeping and he should as well, but there was no way that was going to happen. He would plug the phone into the charger, doubtful that sleep would come. He wouldn't feel right until Kylo woke and began to text again.

This small screen was his only sense of control he had.

Nothing else seemed very important.


Chapter Text

Kylo looked different as he walked down the steps, like maybe he was sleepy or drugged with morphine again. His cheeks weren't bright red like when Hux had drugged him, they were pale, but his dopey eyes looked droopy.

“Hux, I have a present for you,” he said as he reached the bottom of the steps.

Hux watched with widening eyes as Kylo lifted his shirt. His stitches were neon purple on his pale skin; a row of perfect little sutures going up his side. Kylo grabbed each side of the healing wound and began digging his fingers into it. Hux could heard the stitches snap as Kylo's fingers began pulling them apart. His black painted nails were soon a wash with bright red blood, seeking every crevice in his skin to pool, shiny and fresh.

“What are you giving me?” Hux asked. He felt calm, only his eyes widened in response to Kylo.

Kylo dug harder into himself until suddenly he was holding the wound open. His intestines began to fall out in long sloppy ropes. They made a sick splattering sound on the floor, much louder than the carpet should allow. Kylo was panting as he reached his hands in deeper, past his fingertips, his knuckles, until he was hands deep inside himself.

“I'll show you Hux,” Kylo panted.

Kylo groaned and fell onto his knees as he continued to dig. His small intestines hung out of his body lewdly, following soon by the large one. They hung limp over his pants in fleshy pink lumps. There was so much blood, it soaked the floor in a large pool and down the front of Kylo's jeans, turning them impossibly bright red.

“Kylo you can't do it,” Hux spat.

“No! I can!”

Kylo grabbed the sides of the wound again, he opened it wider. He was ripping himself open, up the length of his torso, the skin was pulling apart easily, stretching like rubber and snapping apart with horrible ripping sounds. His stomach was there, a bubble of red hanging out just below his ribs. His ribs were ivory and bright even among all the blood.

“I don't want your present.”

“NO! You have to!”

Kylo was crying, the tears fell from his eyes freely, drool and snot leaked from his mouth and nose as he dug his hands in on himself. He began to hunch over the floor, bracing himself on his knees. Hux looked down to see the dark red tide of blood was creeping in his direction. When he wiggled his toes, the blood was warm and slippery between them. He only realized then; his feet were bare.

“Kylo this is stupid.”

Kylo didn't answer.

Hux looked up to see he had collapsed on his side, his hands still half in his body. He had stopped crying, his mouth hung open, snot and tears coated his face. Hux lowered to the floor, through the pool of blood and moved to look at Kylo. His eyes were open, but empty. It was like whatever was Kylo had sunk inside and disappeared.

He was dead.

Hux opened his eyes. He was hyperventilating. All the calm and detachment he had felt was whisked away. He shot to his feet, the carpet was dry, there was no blood. He was in his room, there were no steps here. Hux looked around, it was afternoon and the sun still streamed in from the windows. He expecting to find Kylo, somewhere in this room, dead. Maybe shoved in the closet or under the bed. It was stupid and only panic driven. Kylo wasn't here. Kylo was in Naboo, far from Hux. Safe from Hux.

Hux took painful breaths as he looked down at the floor, he tried to count. To find a tempo he could work with. Someway out of this horrible feeling. His mind rushed, hurtling him towards an impending world of loss and fear, he'd been there far too many times. He could feel the stinging in his fingertips, the needles trying to attack him on the surface of his skin. His heart beat was so loud. The room was too bright.

He had to find a way out of this.

When he did, it was worse than the feeling itself. It began to pull away, that creeping hell that threatened to leave Hux on the floor lost and vomiting. Something else grew, rising up from inside of him until he thought he might choke.

He had enough. He was so tired. So tired of this .

Rage exploded.

The desk was cleared, the chair was physically thrown, his satchel was slammed, the case inside the bag impacted on the edge of the desk until the plastic broke and the scalpel handle and unused blade went flying. Books met the floor, pencils were snapped under floor. The wall gained a hole it never had before. Then another and another. The door was stronger, it didn't take the impact without giving back just as hard. It felt right. It felt horrible. It helped. It hurt.

He was on the floor, his hand was bleeding, but so was his head. It was minor. He didn't feel it as much as he needed to. He wanted it to hurt, needed to feel it hurt. His own blood was ugly. It smelled horrible and sour. He eyed the hard wood surface of his bedroom door and moved closer to it. He would welcome the impact. He needed something painful. He deserved it.

The thunk was heavy, the sound became wet quickly and only dimly he heard the chainsaw buzzing.

[]==[| | | | |)---- , , .                         . , , ----(| | | | |]==[]


Kylo was a fucking liar. He was an irresponsible imbecile. He took things too easily. He didn't know shit about his own body or what could happen. He didn't have any real cognitive understanding of what Hux had done to him. That's why Hux always changed the bandages from the cuts he made, always did the stitches and did all the aftercare for Kylo. Hux did it because he had to . Not because he got a sense of atonement out of it... Not due to guilt. Surely. Not because he felt helpless and out of control without it. None of that could possibly be the truth; what sense did that make?

Hux glared at the front of the class. Kylo should have never lied to him. Who did he think he was; waiting til the last minute to tell Hux he was leaving for four fucking days. Who does such a thing? Only someone as short sighted as fucking Kylo Solo. Ben Solo. The child.

The mathematics teacher was standing at the front of the the room, writing out a series of equations which looked like nothing to Hux. Usually he enjoyed math, it was easy, each problem had an answer; you simply had to solve the puzzle. This was something he used to breeze through and leave feeling comfortable and pleased with himself.

Today he just felt itchy. His fingertips, his arms. Everywhere. It wasn't like dry skin or bug bites. It was something under the skin, a strange feeling under the surface buzzing around. No matter how many times he rubbed his arms, washed his hands or tried to ignore the feeling it continued to plague him. He wanted it to stop but nothing seemed to be in his control anymore.

The phone was on vibrate during class, but Hux didn't care what anyone thought, when it moved in his pocket he opened it immediately.


Kylo <3333 ULUV (10:11am)
omg low lvl matches are so boring

Kylo <3333 ULUV (10:12am)
im soooo bored

Kylo <3333 ULUV (10:12am)
its so fukin hot here

HUX (10:15am)
Sit down. Rest.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (10:16am)
duh but its boring. Wut r u doin?

HUX (10:17am)
Ignoring math to talk to you.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (10:17am)
im impressed!

HUX (10:19am)
When do you return home?

Kylo <3333 ULUV (10:21am)
I think u jus like me 2 repeat it

Kylo <3333 ULUV (10:21am)
u miss me

Kylo <3333 ULUV (10:25am)
2 days

HUX (10:27am)
I simply forgot.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (10:27am)
sure w/e

When Hux closed the phone he found the math teacher had stopped writing on the board and was eyeing him from behind her desk. Hux set her with a snarling expression. He was ready for another trip to the office if necessary, the last one had gone in his favor after all.

Lunch came and went. Kylo said he ate veggie sticks and humus because 'its too fuckin hot for real food'. Hux was impressed. Hux ate a whole bag of sour patch kids and half a box of cherry sours. By the afternoon he was ready to throw it all up.


[]==[| | | | |)---- , , .                         . , , ----(| | | | |]==[]


Hux could hear Kylo's voice in the house; the excitement of being alone bouncing off the walls. Hux wished it wasn't just memory. He wished Kylo was back again to share in the remaining days he hand to be alone. The space the house gave seemed too wide and open – it had never felt that way before. Kylo always filled any space he was in it, with noise, excitement, life. Hux could use a little Kylo in the house.

Hux used two patch kits and half a tub of Spackle on his bedroom wall. The door didn't need more than a wipe down with a paper towel. Once the walls were fixed it looked flat and solid, it was unlikely anyone would ever know the holes had been there – it wasn't like he invited his family into his room anyway. Hux pressed his fingers on the fresh white Spackle, confirming it was dry and ready for the paint. The paint he'd picked up after school was the same as his walls and eggshell sheen. He hadn't painted anything since he was a kid and they'd all been tasked to help paint the Hunt Room. His father had made it “Desert Earth Brown” inside – it hid the blood stains best. Hux's walls were called “Warm white” by the paint manufacturer.


Kylo <3333 ULUV (03:34pm)
Rey won her division!

HUX (03:37pm)
I send my congratulations.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (03:38pm)
ha! Sure u do! lmao

Kylo <3333 ULUV (03:38pm)
shes braggin lik crazy

Kylo <3333 ULUV (03:39pm)
she gave me a headache

HUX (03:42pm)
I regret that you weren't able to complete.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (03:42pm)
no biggie

Kylo <3333 ULUV (03:44pm)
prob would hav lost ne way

HUX (03:45pm)
I very much doubt that.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (03:48pm)
txt l8r Uncle L needs me


Hux gathered everything he needed; the trays, drop cloth, brush and paint. It would give him something to do, another task to fill the hours. Until these last few days Hux had never had a problem filling time, even before Kylo had fully come into his life. It didn't make sense to him why he would be having trouble now. Surely he would find things to do on a daily basis. There was home work, but he'd completed that. There was roaming the internet, but that didn't seemed even mildly appealing. There was working in his journal; sketching out things he wanted to see or adding new pieces of research. Right now that didn't seemed likely to happen. He hadn't so much as picked up his journal since the day after he'd preformed the exploratory surgery on Kylo. He didn't want to indulge in any further plans when the current one was unfinished. Kylo wasn't healed yet.

Truthfully Hux had no idea how far along his healing was coming along.


HUX (04:25pm)
I'd like you to send a pic.

Kylo <3333 ULUV (05:45pm)

Kylo <3333 ULUV (05:45pm)
jus got this!

Kylo <3333 ULUV (05:46pm)
Gimme 2 mins

Kylo <3333 ULUV (05:57pm)
jus pretend im on my knees


The picture Kylo send was not what Hux had in mind. Kylo must have ran to the closest bathroom because Hux could see a toilet behind him, his shirt was off and he was looking up into the phone, his pink tongue out and offered to the viewer (only Hux). He looked as ridiculously desirable as he always did. Tongue so welcoming, as if he wanted Hux to use him. Hux understood the point of it, however it wasn't going to work. He wouldn't be baited into an afternoon of sexting. Things like that could wait until Kylo was home and healed. Then he would be more willing to indulge in Kylo's constant need to for sexual attention.


HUX (05:57pm)
You look like a slut.

HUX (05:57pm)
Are you shirtless in a public bathroom?

Kylo <3333 ULUV (05:59pm)
wow dick

Kylo <3333 ULUV (06:01pm)
Shut up!! omg

HUX (06:02pm)
I meant a picture of the stitches Kylo

HUX (06:11pm)
Are you going to send it?

HUX (06:45pm)
Please send one when you can.

HUX (07:20pm)
Is there a reason you're not responding?


By the time Hux was done painting, cleaned up the brush and was in the kitchen to prepare himself dinner, he'd assumed Kylo would have complied with his request. He has expected to get a picture of the stitches, probably with an inappropriate amount of the rest of Kylo's body. Perhaps his fully naked groin. Hux didn't mind, he enjoyed looking at Kylo. Even the photo with Kylo's tongue out, welcoming to Hux was not unappealing. He could remember vividly another time when he had coated Kylo's face and tongue with cum, the same night Kylo had learned and accepted a deeper darker layer of Hux's interests.

They had come a far way since then. Kylo had made some of Hux's darkest wishes come true.

Hux wished it had been enough.

When he checked his phone he found there was no picture. Kylo hadn't texted at all.


HUX (08:15pm)
I assume you're having a celebratory dinner for Rey.

HUX (08:15pm)
Txt when you're done.

HUX (09:01pm)
Kylo please text me.

HUX (09:25pm)
I tried to call. Is this phone lost?

HUX (10:03pm)
You looked good in the picture you sent.

HUX (12:34am)
i do miss you.

Sleeping was a fucking joke. When he did make himself comfortable enough to close his eyes, he would hear the chainsaw's buzz and grab for his phone. There was never a text from Kylo. The phone wasn't realy buzzing. He'd tried to call and the phone was off; at least Hux assumed that's why it went directly to a voice mail box that hadn't been set up. Hux couldn't even leave him a message to tell him how pissed he was.

It wasn't like Kylo to cut off communication, he'd never done that before. If anything Kylo was usually the one to make contact. He'd always done so back when their main communication was MySpace; Hux had a ton of messages to prove it. He had always been the one reaching out loudly seeking Hux. What a fucking mess it was for Hux to be the one; desperate, pathetic and unable to function because of something so stupid as a silent cell phone.

He was so fucking itchy. His fingertips, under the skin, in the flesh itched. He wanted to rip it away, through his flesh to bleed out all the itching. But he doubted it would help. The pain he'd given himself days earlier had only helped to ward off something worse and left him with a mark on his head and holes in the wall. Rage wasn't the answer. Hux wasn't sure what the answer was. His mind answered him even when he didn't want it to. Kylo was the problem and the answer. If Kylo was gone – really gone – Hux wouldn't have to feel this way.

How had it happened anyway? How had he become so quickly attached to another living breathing human? One he (still) saw as far below him, yet not quite in the useless category the rest of the world was. If Kylo was gone none of this would be happening. He wouldn't feel this sense of … helplessness?

“You make me want kill you, Kylo,” Hux said to the silent room, giving his thoughts a voice. Saying it didn't make it sound any better or worse than it did in his head.

He knew it was bullshit. He didn't want Kylo dead, he just wanted whatever he'd had four days ago. When the loneliness wasn't back, when things almost felt peaceful in Hux's brain.

[]==[| | | | |)---- , , .                         . , , ----(| | | | |]==[]

He must have slept at some point, though Hux didn't know when. Suddenly it was nine in the morning and the sun was shining in his face. Hux stared into the brightness, watching through a small forest of red lashes as the world outside slowly began to come into focus. A new day was supposed to bring a new perspective, or so they say. It wasn't working. His body still felt itchy and the phone was still without a single response. Everything was the same.

Kylo was supposed to be driving back into town today and by the afternoon he would be home. Hux wished things were different with Kylo's family. As they were, he was sure he would not be welcome to wait for Kylo outside their home. Ignoring the that fact 'normal' people found that 'creepy' and 'weird'; Hux knew they didn't want Kylo near him. If he waited there for Kylo to arrive, Kylo's parents might take further action to distance their son - Kylo was doing a good deal of that himself right now.

When Hux called again, Kylo's phone went straight to a non-existent voice mail box.

He didn't want to kill Kylo as much as he wanted an answer.

HUX (09:43am)
I've decided you're phone must have died.

HUX (09:44am)
And you're an idiot and forgot your charger.

HUX (09:45am)
Contact me when you get these messages.

HUX (09:58am)
I love you.


Hux made it through the day.

His family was returning tomorrow and Hux, being the sort of young man he was, hadn't made a lot of mess to be cleaned up. He took extra time to wash all the dishes in the dishwasher by hand, dry them and put them away. His weekend homework was complete, his laundry was done and everything he'd used to finish the repairs in his room were stored in the garage. The house looked exactly as it always did; clean and cold.

At some point Hux ended up in front of his computer searching things in the Naboo local papers and news stations. He found an article about the Martial Arts Tournament but there were no photos and nothing about there being any problems. The weather report for Naboo was a cool sixty-one degrees and partly cloudy. They had experienced the same weather for the last week. Everything in Naboo was fine.

Kylo was fine.

He was just a idiot, surely.

When the downstairs clock struck eight-thirty Hux gave in to anxiety.

No one was home at the Solo house. Hux expected to see Kylo's parents at least, but the lights were out and there were no cars in the driveway. He'd even chanced knocking on the door. No one came to answer. Hux tried opening the door, the few of the windows in the back and the back door in the kitchen. The place was locked up. Kylo wasn't there.

He didn't know where Rey lived... but he did know where Finn's house was.

Finn was in his normal spot. Finn's living room was full of his usual Saturday Night youth group meeting. They were a smiling group of teenagers, passing around pop corn and watching some morally appropriate moving on Finn's large TV. Everyone looked like they were having a good time and the laughter was coming easily. Kylo wasn't there. He never attended these.

Ithano's house was unhelpful. Ithano was there alright, in his downstairs bedroom,, flopped out on his bed smoking weed from a pipe that looked a lot like a small ship with an X formation of rockets on the end. The smoke was a strange tinted color and even through all the fire-engine red hair he kept over his face, Hux could see he was smiling with the look only someone deep in their high would. Hux considered knocking on the front door and asking to speak to him anyway, but he doubted Ithano would be of any help. He looked ready to pass out. Kylo wasn't there anyway.

He was back at the Solo house by ten, only to drive by and see Kylo's father walking into the house. He was alone, there was no Kylo or Leia.

Maybe the Martial Arts Academy had stayed over somewhere and would be home tomorrow morning. Maybe Leia was out of town doing something for work. That made sense.

It was the only things that made sense.


[]==[| | | | |)---- , , .                         . , , ----(| | | | |]==[]


The first bell was set to ring any minute and the halls were lousy with students; people chatting about their exciting weekends, going through their lockers for first period text books, fiddling with their hair or clothes, popping medications (Ithano and Bazine did anyway), and generally filling the space with bodies and noise. Hux didn't feel all of them as he usually did; an oppressive presence. Hux didn't feel as disconnected as he did when dreaming, but pretty close. He couldn't feel their closeness, smell all their body odors and perfumes, hear all their annoying and often overwhelming chattering filling up his ears. In a way everything being so dim was more pleasant than the annoyance and sharp disgust these crowded hallways usually made him feel.

Every one of his senses were dimmed. When he reached his own locker the metal door seemed far away from his hand even when he held it, as if there was a layer of something between the door and his skin. Deadening everything. Even the voices around him seemed distant and faded away but he knew there were three people talking right beside him.

Three bodies full of fluid, sacks holding useless lives. They usually had their own smell; today he smelled nothing.

Hux was aware he was experiencing signs of sleep deprivation, he'd been in this position before many times in the past. It was mildly annoying.

He could see Kylo's locker from his own, but he wasn't there. There were no cars in his drive way at home either. His father had been there once on Sunday but that was all. Maybe Uncle Luke had caught him texting Hux and Kylo had his phone taken away, maybe the phone had died, maybe Kylo made the choice himself. Whatever it was, Hux had thought he'd at least be at school. Even if their trip had ran over. He was finding himself wrong a lot more lately. Hux wasn't sure exactly what was going on, but it was slowly sinking in that it really wasn't any of his business. It was odd, that it had become his business so quickly, everything that was Kylo had been so easily accessible to him for a portion of time; he hadn't considered that it might not remain that way.

Once Hux had his first period book in his hand, he closed his locker and slid it into his satchel. Navigating the hall to room 3P0 was usually a maze of how to avoid touching anyone, but today it didn't seem to matter. It wasn't as if people wanted to touch the weird freak boy anyway, if he did brush past anyone he didn't feel it. When his classroom door came into view he saw a small crowd in the hall near it. It was different than the others; no one was in their locker. In the small grouping of six or seven people the sound of crying floated through Hux's sleep deprived cotton and entered his eardrums.

He would have ignored it if he hadn't gotten a glimpse of the crying person.

Rey Skywalker.

He was there, suddenly he was standing in the group and the cotton was starting to push away, he could hear her and see her easily. Sharply.

Rey's hair was in it's usually buns, but it looked like she's ran her hands over her head too many times and pulled many of the strands loose, her eyes were red and puffy and she'd worn no make up at all. She looked horrible.

“I just, I don't know why,” Rey cried. “He's been doing so good you know? I mean, Phas, you know. I just, I am so worried about him.”

“It'll be okay, he's in the right place.”

“Yeah, seriously Rey-rey, it'll be okay honey.”

“You know my church will pray for him Rey, it's gonna be okay.”

“Th-thank you guys,” Rey sniffled. “I just wish I'd known. Like he looked so bad and we didn't even realize it.”

“You can't blame yourself Rey,” that was Phasma's voice. Hux didn't see her face but he watched her large arm circle Rey's shaking shoulders. “He'll be okay in a couple days.”

“I just can't believe I didn't notice,” Rey cried again. “I was just so excited by my win! I thought he was just pouting or something – he does that. I dunno. I feel like it's all my fault.”

The first bell was ringing. The bodies were crowding, hugging Rey, leaving words of comfort, promising prayers.

“What happened to Kylo?”

Rey looked startled, her crying momentarily wiped away. She paused, Phasma still at her side as the others in this little sympathy circle were heading off to their classes, false empathy given. What the fuck did they care about Kylo? They probably didn't even know him.

“Why do you care?” Rey spat.

“Rey,” Phasma said in a sad tone. “Come on, you know he'd want Hux to know...”

“Yeah, right,” Rey answered, her tone was changing to something familiar. The usual rough, hateful sound that was Rey and Hux's common stance. Where was that pitiful guilt ridden Rey he'd seen seconds ago? “He's in the hospital.”

Hux was pretty sure his vision was messed up. Surely her face wasn't really such sharp angles and this hallway couldn't actually be this bright.

“Why?” he heard himself ask.

“He hurt himself,” Rey spat. “I told you before, he's not as strong as us. I don't know why – but I'm sure it had something to do with you. What did you do huh? Did you break up with him or something? Did you tell him to fucking do it? Tell him to kill himself like you used too? This isn't the fucking internet, Kylo can't deal with your fucked up cyber bullying shit anymore. He fucking cut himself again. Badly. He could have fucking died because of you!”

“Rey,” Phasma said firmly. She held Rey's arm gently, trying to bring her from the hysterics she was swiftly flying into. Phasma's blue eyes met Hux's without any hate or heat, she was a well of cool calm. “She doesn't know when he did it but he passed out while on their trip. He has an infection from whatever he did to himself.”

Did to himself? No, what Hux did to him. Hux did that. Hux cut him. Hux cut him open and exposed his insides to the world outside. Hux caused him the infection. Hux is the one that nearly killed him...

“Where... Where is he?”

“Oh fuck no,” Rey said. “You're not gonna see him, you're probably-”

“Empire Memorial, room 220,” Phasma said.

“Phas, what the fuck!”

“Rey, you know this inst his fault. Kylo was doing this stuff long before they got together.”

“But... but he was better. He never did something this bad before... not like this.”

Rey was crying again. Hux wasn't sure how he saw her face when he was also walking away. He wasn't sure how his feet were moving or how he was still seeing her face when he was in the truck, when he was driving, when the city was a blur and he was going across town. He was floating.


[]==[| | | | |)---- , , .                         . , , ----(| | | | |]==[]


Their college town wasn't very big, compared to some of the other state schools and the hospital was barely more than a clinic – it didn't even have a delivery room anymore. Everyone knew if you were at Empire Memorial Hospital then you really weren't that bad off. You would be life flighted or taken by ambulance to one of the larger area hospitals if you were in anything near critical condition. These facts should be a comfort to anyone going to visit someone at Empire Memorial.

Hux felt no comfort.

There were benefits to such a small hospital, the security at the front consisted of an elderly woman with a sunflower name tag and a hearing problem. She had Hux sign in to the floor he was going to, but no one bared Hux from going upstairs or seemed to care if he was any relation. The hospital was an open fucking book. Hux didn't know the hospital that well, except the last storage closet on the first floor. In the past stealing things from here had been easy, before he'd been old enough to find another avenues for his supplies. It didn't take much to find the elevators and in little time he was approaching the second floor nurse's station. No one was there – Hux wasn't surprised.

The room numbers were blue writing on grey plaques outside of each room. With his vision misbehaving it seemed it took forever before he was standing at the open doorway of room 220. It was probably only minutes.

Kylo was alone.

He sat in the hospital bed with one knee raised, propping his arm up as he used a blocky remote from the 1980s to change a ceiling mounted box TV. He had one IV bag, a single tube ran from it to his hand and two white cords disappeared down the front of his hospital gown attached to another monitor beside his bed. All his kandi was gone except the bracelet Hux had made him. Hux imagined Kylo had refused to remove it. Kylo did have two new bracelets; a medical ID tag and a bright neon green one – signifying him as an underage patient.

Kylo's face was pale, or perhaps the lack of make up just made it look that way. His hair wasn't done up and hung long and shaggy over the sides of his face, hiding his ears from prying eyes. He didn't look horrible, but it seemed he'd lost some weight in this short time they'd been apart. The angles of his face were sharper than they used to be. Drawn in.

He was beautiful.

He was alive.

When Kylo noticed him, his face lit up, his mouth broke into a huge smile and he reached his hands out toward Hux, dropping the remote on the bed.

“Huxie! You came!”

Hux was never huge on human contact, but everything with Kylo was different. When he hugged him, he wanted to drag him off the bed, to hold him tighter, to take him out of this place, to keep him. To never let him out of his sight again... to keep each part of him.

“I'm so glad you came,” Kylo was saying in his ear. Hux could feel Kylo's gangly arms wrapping around his shoulders and neck- where they belonged. The kiss tasted like orange jello. “I thought my bitch mom wasn't gonna call you! She's acting fucking nuts about all this. It's so stupid. Like it's not a big deal.”

Hux's hands were holding Kylo's back, he could feel Kylo's bare skin through the opening of the medical gown. His skin was warm and familiar. Hux wanted to grab harder and sink his fingers into Kylo's skin, to grab his bones, to hold him that close, that tight.

“You're wrong,” Hux said into his hair.

“Come on Hux,” Kylo said softly, he was using his big nose to butt it against Hux's ear. “It's no big deal. Jeeze, you're acting like Uncle Luke and Rey. It was just a fever – I got an infection. It's all cleared up now. Like, I'm fine. It's okay Huxie. I just made a mistake.”

Hux didn't want to let go, even when he slid back a bit he kept his hands on Kylo; cupping them against the sides of Kylo's ribcage, mildly thrilled by how easily he could feel the ripple of his body under the fabric.

“You stopped texting me,” Hux said, not sure why those were the words that came out, they sounded stupid.

“Yeah, I'm sorry,” Kylo said with a sigh. “I didn't want to show you how bad the stitches were looking. I'm not sure what I did wrong but... I mean they were really red and leaking. I guess I didn't change it enough or something. They said my fever was like 106.5 or something. I dunno. They said I got really weird and loopy. I can't really remember any of it. I think I was in some ER in Naboo too, but I dunno.” Kylo shook his head. “Everyone was being so fucking nuts. They brought me here like the same day we were supposed to come home. I've seen like three fucking doctors, I dunno who is who. But the infection was like inside or something. Look-”

Kylo leaned back and pulled up his gown from under the blanket, exposing his side and his usual whiteie tighties. He moved the clean white bandage that was wrapped around his side and exposed his flesh under neither. The skin wasn't red but it did look like it had been freshly worked on. The new stitches were clear and from what Hux could tell were liquid, no thread poked out anywhere. The skin was pulled much tighter than it had been when Hux had stitched him up.

“They had to cut away some of my skin. It's gonna scar all crazy but I dunno, it'll look okay. It was all red and hot before.”

“I'm so sorry... I hurt you.”

“Oh fuck,” Kylo sighed and grabbed Hux's arms. “Don't do that shit. This is my fault. You know I'm dumb, I didn't listen to you. It's my fault.”

None of this was Kylo's fault. The infection was inside... they'd had to open Kylo up. Which meant that Hux had messed up somewhere during the surgery. Something he'd done had allowed bacteria to enter Kylo's body. He'd probably been at risk the minute Hux had closed him up. He'd probably been growing the infection the day Hux had to let him go and hadn't known it. It came to Hux that Kylo's complaints of being hot and having headaches were probably also due to the growing infection. He did look a little peaked in the photo he'd texted... If Hux had been thinking right he might have caught this.

He could have killed Kylo... again. This time because he had made a mistake. Kylo really wasn't safe with him. If he had been a normal person none of this would have happened. If he was a normal person he would have never desired to open Kylo up in the first place.

“Hey? Hux?” Kylo was shaking his arm, he was frowning. “You okay?”

“No, I am not.”

“Come on Hux, it's okay.” Kylo smiled again but seeing it wasn't being returned his own faded a few moments later. “If you're worried about getting in trouble you don't have to be. I told them I did it to myself.” Kylo looked suddenly a tad uncomfortable and turned his big dopey eyes away from Hux. “They know I used to cut myself sometimes back when I used to get angry and stuff. Like in middle school. They think I've been doing that again. I mean, I never did stuff this deep before but I guess they had no choice but to believe me. I mean, no one suspects...”

Had they really believed that Kylo had given himself stitches? Hux was doubtful, however it was clear Kylo had done everything in his power to leave Hux out of the issue completely. How odd; this big idiot who had been so horribly hurt by Hux's actions, would stand up for him. His idiotic protector.

“I'm gonna be back into therapy for awhile, but it's no biggy. I've gone before," Kylo said and turned his eyes back to Hux, a hesitant smile once more forming on his lips." You won't get in any trouble though. Everything is gonna be okay.”

Nothing felt okay.

Hux felt like he was falling, but he knew he was still standing. The world wasn't actually moving. He could see his journal, so many pages filled with things he'd wanted to do to someone. Ideas and plans he'd had for a some-day experiment, slowly becoming a reality with Kylo. He had drawn Kylo nearly dead before. He'd had his hand around a chain and thought about ending Kylo. He had wanted to slide a blade into his throat, into his chest... He'd held Kylo's living guts in his hands and it hadn't been enough. He'd wanted to hold Kylo's fucking heart for God's sake.

None of the things he'd wanted to do or had done to Kylo had ever felt awful; how odd that Hux suddenly realized they were awful and horrible. He was going to kill Kylo... or someone else. Hux wasn't just different. Hux was the monster so many people seemed to think he was. He was sick .

“Of course it will,” Hux said slowly. He pulled Kylo's hands into his own, curling his fingers between Kylo's longer ones. “I won't ever do these things to you ever again. I won't hurt you.”

“Uurrrgh,” Kylo gave a groan of annoyance. “Stop it. I like the things we do Hux. I like seeing you so happy... it's not the end of the world. I'm fine. I'll be more careful.”

“I don't want to kill you.”

“You won't, you love me too much for that.” Kylo's smile was so trusting.


[]==[| | | | |)---- , , .                         . , , ----(| | | | |]==[]


The keys were in the ignition. He knew he had to turn the truck over if he was going to leave but so far he hadn't found the energy to do so. He didn't want to go. He hadn't wanted to leave Kylo's side at all, had the nurse not insisted he leave, he'd still be at Kylo's bed; watching him talk, feeding off his voice, his life, his very being. The worry he'd experienced over the last few days was gone, faded away with each word Kylo spoke. The living breathing, healing Kylo. The worry had left so quickly he wasn't even sure what he'd been thinking.

His mind quickly found new things to dread.

He dreaded himself and the answer he saw in front of him. The only answer to his sick mind.

He wasn't ready to stop doing the things he desired; he could barely control the urges and thoughts he had when he was close to Kylo. He was dangerous. The future he imagined where he hid bodies and weaved a web of lies to cover his ass, felt like it was coming closer; speeding at him. Already lies were in place to hide what he'd done to Kylo. How many more times would he have to do this? What was he going to do when he lost the battle of control and killed Kylo? Sure, Hux hadn't ripped his chest open, but he had still come close to killing him. Would he be able hide that body? Could he just lie about it? He wasn't as smart as he seemed. He would get caught.

Even if he managed not to cause someone's death he knew it was impossible to be one-hundred percent safe. He'd been lying to himself when he thought he was being anything near professional. When he thought he'd done everything safely, he'd been wrong . Gloves, sterile instruments and controlled sexual urges had still resulted in Kylo getting an infection. Kylo's fever could have easily slipped into something worse, the infection could have turned septic. Kylo could have been beyond help. These things happen every fucking day.

Hux reached up, gripped the steering wheel and stared at the Ford emblem on the center of the wheel. He wished it wasn't soft, then he could bash his head against it. He could feel the pain, to shake his brain around. Make his brain work, just work like everyone else for once. He knew it wasn't possible. You can't just scramble the human brain to make it work – hadn't lobotomies proven that?

There was one answer he knew would work; he'd tried to before and it had come close.

The only problem was; he didn't want that answer. He wanted to stay close to Kylo, to keep seeing his face every day, hear his stupid voice, taste his candy flavored kisses and feel his skin under his hands. He didn't want to say good bye to this life he'd experienced. Despite the isolation he so often felt, there were so many good parts to it, so many things he greedily wanted to devour. He wanted to see many things, experience more things in his hands. Bloody and otherwise.

Hux's fingers hurt as he grabbed the wheel tighter, staring at the silent console (the power was still off). He wished his fingers would break, that this horrible itching dreadful feeling would find a release and leave his body. He was losing it.

He didn't want to kill himself. He didn't want to try again.

He'd worked too hard over the last four years (completely by himself) to put that option to bed. And here it was staring at him as if it was the same easy answer it had been at age thirteen. An easy route away from constantly fighting with himself, about what he wanted to do, should do, shouldn't do. Now, a way to leave the horrible things he would do.

Maybe it was the emotional havoc in his mind, the mental confusion caused by sleep deprivation, maybe we all just have our breaking points. Whatever it was, Hux found himself driving back to the school. He watched himself get buzzed into the office, heard himself speaking to the secretary and watched his own feet as he enter Mr. Petree's office.

“Brendol,” Mr. Petree said with surprise in his voice. “I was told; you left school this morning without signing out, is everything alright?”


Mr. Petree nodded and sighed. Expecting nothing from this interaction. There never was. He offered his hand out to the chair opposite his desk. When he inclined his head his yamaka slid around from its clip, almost into a straight position.

“I'd be happy to help if I can,” Mr. Petree said slowly. He let the silence stretch for a moment before he continued. “Otherwise, I'll write you a pass back to class. I'm sure whatever-”

“I tried to kill myself when I was thirteen.”

“Ex-excuse me?”

“My mother found me hanging in my closet from mounting wire, I was already passed out. She cut me down. They decided it was accidental.” Hux felt himself blink, and set his gaze finally on Mr. Petree's face. He felt in his body again, this body that had shaking hands and a heart beat deafening his eardrums “I don't want to do that again. I'm ready for some help before I do.”

“Brendol... I am so sorry that happened to you.”

Mr. Petree's face was still fat and dull, but at least the concern there looked genuine.

Within the week Hux met with his first real psychologist and not long after his first psychiatrist.

There would be many other doctors after that, some for months, some years until the right people were in his life at the right times. There were diagnoses with acronyms spanning ever letter of the alphabet, all with codes connected to them that allowed the insurance to pay for Hux's medical care. In the end that's how he had to look at it, just codes they had to use; it didn't mean he had ever diagnoses. It was all about treating the symptoms. Treating Hux's mind. He ignored the (often ugly) labels.

There were medications that made things better for a time (antidepressants), ones that made it worse (ones that worked on his dopamine levels) and eventually a cocktail (anti-psychotics and antidepressants) that worked to give Hux the ability to live an enjoyable life. A normal life. To clear the fog and help him control his mind for the first time ever. To have the chemicals in his brain fall into a normal ebb and flow almost felt like magic, so much so that there were times that Hux wondered if he was sick anymore. Then there were times when he was white-knuckling it through ever minute, hour or day, reminding him why he had to keep working.

Truth is, there is no magic wand, there is no actual magic pill and therapy only goes so far. There is only willingness to try; to work ever day to become “normal” and to control the urges as they came. To cope with his own thoughts and the places they lead. To set himself boundaries and make changes to turn them into stone.

With time and work he gave himself a chance to really live outside of his mind, in the real world.

Chapter Text

“I am counting to ten. Do you understand me?” Hux asked shortly.

“Oh my god. Would you please calm your tits! I'm done,” Kylo's voice floated to him from down the hall. He didn't sound nearly as annoyed as the words pretended to be.

Hux suspected he was not even 'almost done'; Kylo was never done. There was always just one more thing; one more accessory, one more brushing of his hair, a different pair of shoes, a different shirt.

Hux often patted himself on the back for his patients.

“One,” Hux looked down at his watch, to be fair.


“Two. Three.”

“I swear,” Kylo growled.

Kylo was never short, but over the years he had topped out at a few inches over six feet, just enough height that he seemed to look down at Hux – when he was standing anyway. He swept into the living room, holding a pair of black formal shoes in one hand and a small black velvet bag in the other. He gave Hux a sheepish grin as he lowered his body down on the plush leather ottoman beside Hux.

“I couldn't pick which bracelet I wanted to wear.”

“Of course you couldn't,” Hux said as he moved in front of the ottoman and knelt down.

He took Kylo's left foot first, placing it against his knee as he lifted the first black shoe. The shoe had a thick sole, much to his chagrin; as if the beast wasn't tall enough already. As he did up the oxford shoe on Kylo's ridiculously large foot he watched as Kylo dumped all the contents of the velvet bag onto the ottoman beside him. There were several thick platinum bracelets with different styles that Hux had gotten him over the years, a few gold ones, on in tungsten, an embarrassing braided one with pookey shells and pearls that Kylo had insisted they get on vacation and a worn colorful one Hux hadn't seen in several years.

“I don't want to look obnoxious. But ya know...” Kylo said as he picked through the jewelry. He was already wearing two thin black leather bracelets on his left wrist.

“Of course you wouldn't,” Hux said mildly. He lowered the tied shoe and reached for Kylo's other foot. He rested it on his knee for a minute as he stared at the selection of jewelry, he gently pressed his thumbs into the sole of Kylo's foot as he did so, rubbing against the fabric of his socks. He remembered each bracelet he'd given Kylo, the reasons and lack of reasons. Each one had been met with such gratitude. He couldn't remember there ever being a time in their lives when Kylo wasn't happy to take whatever Hux dished out to him. Gifts or otherwise.

“Hey, no tickling!” Kylo whined and snatched his foot away and soon his right shoe as well.

Hux shrugged and picked through the jewelry spread out in front of him. Finally he decided for Kylo and picked up the colorful rainbow bracelet from their teenage years. It was a bit worse for wear, the stars and hearts were scuffed and the letter beads spelling out H U X had been filled in with magic marker back when the paint had chipped off.

“Wear this one.”

“Really?” Kylo arched his brows as he finished with his shoe, smoothing his pant legs down. A grin was coming to his lips, amusement playing at the corner of his eyes. “I seem to recall you telling me I was too old for rainbows?”

Hux smirked and looped the bracelet around Kylo's wrist, tying the cord's together.

“What the fuck do I know.”

Once in the car, Hux firmly in place behind the steering wheel, he waited for Kylo to tell him what he forgot. It was part of their routine, any time they went anywhere Kylo would always rush back in the house for something – usually a phone or a ticket to the event. Today it was his wallet and book he'd meant to bring with him.

Hux smiled to himself as he watched Kylo's long strides rush up the walk toward the house. Probably mumbling to himself. When Hux checked his phone he was not surprised to see a message from his mother. Though she had been texting for many years, her messages still sometimes sounded like a letter.


Mom said:
I hope you have a wonderful time tonight Bren!
Please send us some pictures, you know I love to
see you two! I miss you dearly.

You said:
I'm sure Kylo will send many. You know how
nostalgic he gets. We'll be down next week.

Mom said:
I cant wait! Your father has a new rifle he wants
to show you. Douglas is bringing the kids too. I
don't know if Julius will make it. He's so busy.

You said:
We're picking up Dorn on the way. I'm sure
everyone will be there. No one is going to miss
your birthday. I wouldn't let them.

Mom said:
I love you!

You said:
Love you too.


Hux smiled as he closed he message app and slid his phone into the car's hands-free holder. He'd come to adore these daily texts from his mother. Most of the time she wanted nothing but someone she could talk to; there was a time Brendol would have been the last among his siblings that she'd chosen for this, but with time they had grown close. He knew his mother for what she was; her limitations, her own childhood traumas, the things that shaped her to be the woman that tried to deal with life rather than guide it. She was a passenger to everyone else. He loved her even for her faults. When he was a child it had never felt like she cared, he hadn't understood her fear then. He didn't know; that what felt like rejection was merely a parent not knowing what to do. It wasn't the same with his father, Brain Hux always knew what to do and what he expected out of life. He took charge of his life, like the hunter he was. It hadn't changed and though there had been times when Hux's path to recovery was uncomfortable for his father, Hux knew he'd at least tried to understand. He did what he could.

You can't pick your parents after all, and you don't come with a manual when you're born.

Kylo finally got back into the car and smiled, gripping his book to his chest like a school kid.

“Are you ready for this?” Kylo asked brightly.

“Probably not,” Hux answered, honestly. He smiled anyway.

“It won't be so bad.” Kylo said as he slid his hand into Hux's right one and squeezed it lovingly. “We can always find a corner and just make fun of how terrible everyone looks.”

Hux snorted gently and lifted Kylo's hand to his mouth. He kissed the back of it, briefly smelling the scent of Kylo's aftershave, still clinging to his hand. It was spicy smelling and comforting.

“Just keep my hand and I'll be fine.”


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The Coruscant Hotel had just reopened after a huge undertaking to rebuild up the small hotel, it had been a burden to the whole town for months that felt like years. There had been an uproar from the 'townie' community over how much parking was taken away by the huge hotel, but it was beautiful and geometric, cold and steel. It felt modern and didn't quite fit with the town's old reputation of a quirky place to live and learn. But the town (once literally called a village) was changing and slowly people and papers were referring to it as City instead. The college had expanded, the economical landscape had shifted up and slowly less and less lower income families were making their lives here. It was turbulent, there was push back and protests. But in the end, money and power won.

To anyone that wasn't a local; Coruscant seemed like a place with more trees than people and a modern aesthetic foretold good things were coming. For someone like Hux, it was kind of sad. So much had changed that when he visited (rarely) he struggled to remember where certain places had been and who had been renting what shop when. Even their high school was unrecognizable after it's three-year 'rejuvenation' – Hux still drove by it anyway, just because he knew Kylo would want to.

On que Kylo was chatting about the school when they passed it. Explaining what he thought the first time he'd seen it as a nervous thirteen year old. Hux had heard the story before, but he still enjoyed listening to Kylo explain his over-dramatic teenage view of the world. He was still dramatic now – he'd want it no other way.

Once they arrived at the Coruscant Hotel, Hux splurged by valeting the car; the parking lot and garage looked rather packed as it was. This wasn't a small event after all, their graduating class had been one of the largest in history. Kylo looked surprised when Hux checked them in for a night, knowing this would mean he could enjoy himself as late as he liked, Hux would not insist on an early departure because he didn't like driving tired. Kylo had beamed excitedly.

When the elevator opened to the second floor banquet room, music began pouring into the elevator. The long rough whine of Kings of Leon's “Sex on Fire” hit Hux's ears the same time he saw Kylo's face light up.

“Ohhh, yes,” Kylo said excitedly. “I remember this! Do you remember?” Hux laughed as Kylo began moving, as if the music infected his ability to hold still. He swayed and began humming along instantly.

“I seem to recall you torturing me with this song, yes,” Hux said mildly.

“Torture? Oh Huxie, you just don't know good music! This was the stuff,” Kylo said brightly.

Hux found himself at a table full of preprinted name tags and Kylo's book shoved into his hands. The committee had indeed called Kylo by his chosen name but Hux's included his first name, so rarely used. He stood still as Kylo moved to attach the tag to his chest.

“I can't wait to see everyone,” Kylo said as he slid the pin through Hux's black button down shirt.

“Haven't you stalked most of them through social media?”

“What?” Kylo frowned and slapped Hux's arm before he began putting his own pin on through the plush fabric of his v-neck sweater. “I did no such thing. Come on!”

So many years of being dragged around, Hux didn't mind at all.

The banquet hall had large vaulted ceilings and though littered with tables there was still plenty of space for a full band and a dance floor along with a lounge area of sofas in a section enclosed off with a half wall, also where the full bar was. Over the band's stage was a large banner that read “Welcome Class of 2008” in black comic sans writing on the white background. Hux had to at least smirk at that. The lighting was dim in the middle and brighter at the edges where he could see many familiar faces, talking and laughing in their little world of conversation.

There was a moment when he was being pulled toward a table that he felt a pang of anxiety. A little reminder poking in his stomach about how so many of these people used to view him. The freak, the strange kid. The weirdo who once brought a knife to school, who (later it was said) pulled it out on a girl. The psycho that had once suggested cutting up another student in biology (where was their sense of humor?). The unwanted.

He wondered what they saw now. He wasn't without his differences still, those would never leave but after so many years passing; how would any of these people knew who Hux had become? He supposed he didn't know them either though, not for the people they were now. During High school he'd seen them all as useless wastes of spaces, people that would do nothing but cause him to feel uncomfortable and other. People that barely deserved to live and breath. His opinion might not change, but at least now he was willing to open himself to the possibility that they weren't all horrible.

“Kylo!? Holy shit! It's you!”

Hux watched as Kylo was pulled into a hug by a dark skinned woman with a shaved head and very heavy eye make up. It took him a few minutes before he put it together.

“Bazine,” Kylo pulled from the hug and grabbed the woman's hands. “You look great! I haven't seen you in like -”

“Seven years!” Bazine finished nodding. “Yeah, Grum and I moved up to Chaaktil and this is the first I've been back. Sooo much has changed!”

“It's crazy right? I almost hate coming back here, it's just so different. We've been in Hosnian Prime for like, I think that last six years?”

“That's right,” Hux nodded and smiled lightly at Bazine; she seemed to just notice him. She broke into such a big smile that Hux wondered briefly if he had underestimated their friendship. He had become known to all of Kylo's friends in high school and college, but that had always been as 'Kylo's boyfriend' not anything more personal, never forming his own friendships.

“Hux! It's so good to see you,” Bazine said and before Hux could stop her, he was being pulled into a hug by her thin (and surprisingly strong) arms. “You look great. God, you two look so good together!”

Kylo chuckled (though Hux would call that a giggle) and grabbed onto Hux's hand again, folding himself briefly into Hux's side.

“Seriously, you two might actually be the only high school couple still together. I mean – did you hear about Poe?”

“I know, it's sad,” Kylo said. “He's on wife number three I think.”

“That was a wife ago. He's on husband two actually,” Bazine said with a wave of her hand. Suddenly she paused and looked past them. “Is that.. Ethan?”

Hux turned with Kylo to follow the gaze. Walking in with a rather bulky man was none other than Ethan (formally only referred to as Ithano by Kylo), who apparently hadn't let all the years change him. Though clearly older he still had a head of bright red hair that covered a large portion of his face. Hux couldn't tell for sure from this distance but he also looked a bit blitz. Some people never change.

“I've gotta talk to him,” Kylo said with excitement in his voice and grabbed Bazine's hand. “Come on.”

Hux chuckled softly as he watched Bazine get the Kylo drag treatment. Finding himself alone for the moment he tucked Kylo's year book back under his arm and made his way for the lengthy bar at the back of the large hall. There was a step up behind the half wall, sectioning the bar off from the rest of the room. It appeared this is where a large majority of the spouses had come to mingle; he recognized very few faces but saw many wedding rings.

The young man behind the bar was friendly enough and despite the odd laugh he gave, Hux was soon swirling the straw in a narrow glass of Shirley temple. It was sweet and reminded him of Kylo, plus it didn't mess with his medications. Hux leaned on the bar as he watched over the half wall, sucking on the cherry from his drink. He could make out Kylo's tall form as he made his way through the people.

He loved watching people. What once had felt isolating was now a comfortable distance. He didn't feel a loss not being out there mingling, there was a quiet joy just knowing he could if he wanted to. He was not rejected as he'd once perceived. Hux still had less appetizing thoughts about people; like how this building's windows were so large – floor to ceiling, a sniper could easily pick someone off. That the buffet of food could easily be laced with a little drizzle of oleander nectar atop the exposed cheese cake slices. How hard would it be to drop a small dusting of Strychnine powder into someone's drink? It was like any social gathering; you give up a sense of trust to everyone around you. You're vulnerable to everything. Including Hux.

He smiled a bit to himself as he bit into the cherry, letting it crush and pop in his mouth. It was candy sweet. He didn't want to hurt anyone, he didn't have the urge to do anything to anyone in the building. But his mind always supplied the possibilities, it always would. It made for constant entertainment at least; maybe he should have been a writer.

“You hiding up here?” said a light voice. Rey Skywalker barely smiled. They were basically family (though Hux wasn't sure why he hadn't made that official), but that didn't mean things were perfect; at least she had accepted the fact Hux wasn't going anywhere.

“Not particularly,” Hux said and looked over Rey's shoulder. “I thought you were bringing Phasma?”

Rey sighed and rolled her eyes. “She said she'd come later. Something about a last minute merger,” Rey said. “She's like some 1980s wall street movie, you know? Always busy. Always an emergency. You'd think she'd want to actually have a night away from it.”

“You don't take time off yourself,” Hux said lightly. He curled his fingers around his glass and took a sip of the bright red liquid; it was doubtful there was any reason to worry of poisoning.

“That's totally different,” Rey said. “If I don't run the Academy, who will? Phas just doesn't know how to relax – why do you think she's given up on dating.”

Hux smiled but kept his opinions on that to himself. In some ways he knew more about Phasma than Rey did, but that was in a different arena, he wasn't going to break any confidences. Unrequited love was sometimes best left that way, especially with someone who was unable to return it. Rey had never married and rarely coupled, work was the last of the reasons.

“I'm sure she'll figure it out,” Hux said and drank a bit more of the sweet liquid in his glass.

“How are things with First Order anyway; you seem to find time to relax?”

Hux smiled, the warmth of pride came into his chest at the mention of his business. He had no children, but the First Order was definitely the closest thing to it.

In his college years Hux had finally found a safe outlet to some of his urges and creative hobbies; Body modifications. His drawing soon became tattoos and his love of the scalpel soon became an design tool. Kylo had become very interested in the BDSM scene at that point and Hux had obliged by attending the clubs, meetings and parties with him. The need for “play piercings” seemed an easy fit for needle ready Hux. Through Kylo he met his business partner, Mitaka; a popular young man (then art student) with huge depths of creativity and an insatiable fetish for being choked (though Hux had no part in that). They complimented each other well; Hux's cold business savvy with Mitaka's people skills and creativity.

After spending many hours training (when not in class), Hux created the First Order; the name given to his business before it had even become one. With Mitaka's help the First Order formed from a handful of other college students (mostly friends of Mitaka in the BDSM world) working as piercers and tattoo artists in a mobile collective. They switched off in turn; attending conventions, private parties and concerts. Most of Hux's work was done in private settings with a better ability to control cleanliness than a concert or convention offered. When Hux finished his BBA, he quickly made First Order his passion. In six short months Hux and the First Order went from word-of-mouth underground to a physically location in one of the best parts of Hosnian Prime. In time, Hux's work sent him around the world, preforming body modifications most people didn't even know existed, for people with the mindset and money to match. There were very few things he said no to.

In this often bloody arena he found a popularity and mass acceptance he'd never felt before.

“First Order isn't work,” Hux said and let his eyes fall once more on Rey's face. He was glad they no long shared glares and could speak like normal people. It had been a long road to this peaceful ceasefire. “Mitaka does a great job at the day to day. I'm so rarely in the shop it's like a vacation to be there.”

“I see,” Rey said and looked down into her own drink. He knew she didn't care for the world of modification, it probably didn't help that Kylo had shared a video of Hux preforming a tongue splitting during their last family gathering. “I'll never understand why people want to make themselves look so weird.”

“Me either,” Hux said honestly.

Hux had spent too much of his life being an other person; weird, strange and different. It was hard to really gasp “normal” people's desire to change themselves so drastically. To stand out when they didn't have to. But he loved his work and respected his client's desires. He also happened to like the art that covered parts of Kylo's large body; a nice balance of skin and ink that allowed Hux to see the skin change color when they played more roughly.

Working in body modifications was a comfortable give and take for Hux, despite the hidden irony: to give him a blade and ask him to cut away skin for a scarification piece was not unlike the recovering alcoholic owning a bar. There was strength in the constant temptation to do wrong; but Safe, Sane and Consensual had become a mantra of sorts. He got through work and life with the help of a very good therapist, a psychiatrist that was easy to work with, and the love of a good man. Who could ask for more?

“There you are,” said Kylo as he approached behind Rey. “I wondered where you were off to.” He paused to greet Rey and hug her side before he was sliding onto a stool beside Hux.

Hux could easily phase out of the conversation then, as Kylo updated Rey about everyone he'd caught up with so far. Apparently Finn and his husband had adopted their fifth child. Rey seemed to think it was a horrible way to live, Hux couldn't agree more. Who would want children? Apparently the majority of their graduating class; so many had shown pictures of their kiddos to Kylo. That's what normal people do, he supposed.

After awhile Phasma did show up and Rey disappeared with her to mingle. The music became too much for Kylo after awhile and Hux found himself being dragged off to dance. Hux didn't dance, but he didn't mind swaying, and was happy to watch Kylo enjoy himself. It was hard in the dim light of the dance floor to see Kylo as anyone but the kandi clad, multicolored haired kid he had once been. Kylo's happiness and exuberance for life never seemed to never lessen; it shown from him like a bright light.

He helped Kylo meet up with most of the people that had signed his year book, getting new signatures, listening to their old stories and learning a few new ones. He learned that two of their classmates had died, one of cancer another of a motorbike accident. Kylo had looked stricken though Hux had a hard time placing faces to the name. He found a few people wanted to talk to him – apparently there had been people that didn't hate him back then after all. It was a pleasant surprise among the many not-so-pleasant stares he got.

Some things never fully change.

When the night finally started to draw to an end, and Hux was being leaned on heavily by a tipsy Kylo he set him down one on of the sofas. Kylo smelled and tasted wonderfully sweet.

“Did you have a good night?” Hux asked as he tucked Kylo's hair behind his ears.

“Yes. Thank you Hux,” Kylo said with slightly sloppy speech. He nuzzled his head into Hux's hand, not unlike a needy animal. “My 'gram and snap feed are insane with photos. I still need to get some of you though.”

“How about we have Rey take one of us together?”

“Even better.”


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He left Kylo sleeping (passed out naked) in the bed, with a short text..

HUBBY<3 said:
I'm going to our pond. Let me know
when you're up. I'll treat you to
breakfast – you pathetic lush.


One thing that did not change about Coruscant; was the dead. The cemetery (maybe his favorite place after all) was a tad more full, the large trees were still bursting with life and beautiful, the pond was still just as murky and badly positioned as always and the ecosystem that had been there was still striving generations later. The city had added a few benches at the top of the hill, but the rest remained unchanged.

Hux set himself down beside the pond and took in deep breaths of the warm spring air. Somewhere he could smell a blossoming tree, perhaps a cherry, he wasn't sure, it's scent came wafting over him from the distance. He leaned back slowly onto the ground and propped himself up on his elbows to watch the pond turtles. Most of them just stood on logs sunning themselves, a few along the bank eating a small cropping of bugs. There was little sound outside the rustle of the trees and his own light breathing.

He saw no dead animals, though it had been a long time since he'd come seeking them out. The pass time of taking photos of the dead had long since faded away. He couldn't remember what the appeal had been in highschool that drove him to take so many photos of dead things. Dead were meant to fade and rot away, not be photographed to keep forever. His large amount of dead photography had disappeared when he'd deleted his Myspace during his first few months in treatment; a big but important step. When he'd rejoined social media later, he'd never had the urge again to take photos of dead things again. He preferred living in all ways.

There was still a peace about this place and a new spot of happiness; he'd bought himself and Kylo plots here several months ago. They'd agreed there was no other place they'd want to be; even forty or fifty years from now. This quiet spot had gotten them through many times, together and alone. Hux had told Kylo his first diagnosis here, Kylo had excitedly told him about being accepted to college here, they'd both silently leaned on each other here when things had gotten bad, they'd discussed a future here and worried about one that might never be, they'd laughed and kissed here countless times. It had long since stopped being a place of solitude, at least with Kylo; it had become their place. Their pond.

Hux must have closed his eyes at some point, because he didn't notice the sound of footsteps until they were close. He opened his green eyes to see Kylo's long form walking down the hill, a small carrier in one hand and a paper bag dangling from the other.

“What are you doing here?” Hux asked with a grin. His favorite person to watch, had to be Kylo.

“I figured I'd bring you breakfast, like a good boy,” Kylo said as he plopped down on the ground beside Hux. His kisses were mint but yummy all the same.

Long gone were the days when Kylo expected Hux to joint him in a diet mainly consisting of sugar. Kylo had brought Hux a wheat bagel with a small packet of cream cheese, four figs and ice tea, no sugar added. Kylo set out in front of himself a southern style sweet tea, two fruit tarts and a small container of mixed fruits which he ate with his fingertips; loudly with many sucking sounds.

“Plus, I couldn't let you enjoy our pond alone could I?” Kylo asked as he bit into one of his tarts. The crumbs clung to the corners of his mouth.

“I suppose not.”

“So what did you think of last night?” Kylo asked around another bite of tart.

“It was good. You behaved well ...” Hux smirked as he nibbled at one of the figs. “Though I'm sure the room beside us could have gone without your screaming.”

Kylo still blushed, Hux still loved it. The shove Hux received was all play but still nearly knocked him on his back. Kylo, the over sized beast.

“I meant the reunion! Are you glad we came?”

“Yes,” Hux said with a smile and gently brushed Kylo's mouth with a napkin. “It was interesting to see how little people really change. I saw the looks, you know. The same ones I used to, but it just wasn't as … bothersome to me.”

Kylo smiled and tipped his head against Hux's shoulder. “I told you it would be fine. Who cares what they think? You never did before.”

“I never will,” Hux added. He let his eyes look down at Kylo's head, resting against his shoulder, his dark hair swept back to expose his ears; Hux knew Kylo wore his hair like this just for his pleasure; Hux adored his stupid ears. “I enjoyed seeing you so happy. You reminded me so much of when you were all skin and bones and had that outrageous red and blond hair.”

“Ohh god,” Kylo groaned and covered his face with his hands. “Lets not talk about that, okay? It was hard enough seeing my year book photo. Why did you ever let me color my hair fuchsia?”

“If you recall,” Hux said as he pushed Kylo upward so he could kiss his cheek and down the side of his appealing neck. “I objected at the time. You were also wearing purple zebra print on a daily basis back then, despite my objections. I think that photo was taken just before you pierced your tongue.”

“You pierced my tongue,” Kylo corrected swiftly. “I just got the jewelry. Ya' know Bazine drug up some old Myspace photos I took, too. I don't know what the hell I was thinking.”

“That you wanted to be seen. You wanted everyone to see you,” Hux muttered into Kylo's neck before he bit gently at the skin.

“I only need to be seen by you now.”

“Yes well,” Hux smirked. “I'm the only one allowed to see you.”

When Kylo kissed him again, Hux was met with enthusiasm and need. It was always quick to come to Kylo, a warm desire Hux could feel in his touch and nearly smell on his skin.

“I want to show you something,” Hux said against his mouth.

“What? Right here?”

“Don't be obtuse,” Hux said as he stood up. “Come with me.”

Kylo obeyed and was soon walking hand-in-hand with Hux up the hill and through the cemetery littered with stones, trees, and memorial flowers. It was a short walk up the east section around to the other edge of the slope that lead toward the pond. Hux stopped when they faced the west, placing his hands on Kylo's arms and positioning him to face outward.

“Right here,” Hux said with a grin. “That's yours.”

The confusion on Kylo's face was brief before he looked down. “Oh! You actually know where our plots are? You didn't tell me!”

“Do you approve?”

“Of course I do Huxie,” Kylo said excitedly.

He looked at Kylo's face, as Kylo looked out across the cemetery; the view they would someday have together when life finally took it's finally bow. He didn't long for that day to come, not anymore. But he didn't fear it either. He was at peace with his life, the one he had built from what had felt like nothing but ruins. Kylo was not as Rey had once feared (weak), he was strong and had weathered the ups and downs that came with Hux. Hux knew he would be willing to do this forever.

He realized he had to ask Kylo, to follow tradition then and make Kylo his legal spouse. It seemed a perfect time at this moment, but Hux was a planner. He' decided then and there, he'd plan something grand and special for Kylo, perhaps something in front of the whole family. He'd have a ring custom made, with something horribly personally and sappy. He'd bring Kylo to a mess of snot and tears; something he enjoyed seeing just as much as anything else.

Hux smiled to himself as he thought of standing somewhere like this, side by side, joined forever in matrimonial. This future was a much different picture than the future he'd once feared. There would be love, happiness and most of all; Acceptance.

Kylo caught his stare, reached out and grabbed Hux's hand in his own. His slim fingers curled between Hux's and he squeezed it tightly. They fit perfectly.



“I love you.”

“I know.”

He would always love Kylo and the life they lived .