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With His Back to the Wall

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It was actually happening. After years of hoping and yearning here Tony was finally in Gibbs' bed. Naked. With his boss between his legs. It was almost too fantastic to believe.

Gibbs was excellent at this. With so many wives and who knew how many sexual partners over the years, that wasn't much of a surprise, really. Gibbs was slow and thoughtful. His attention to detail was unparalleled. Slow and steady and intense, that was Gibbs. And when he got there, got to that spot that was just oh-so-perfect, it was so magnificent. Tony would have bet Gibbs would be good, but he could never have imagined things with him would be this good. He wondered what it would be like to feel Gibbs in him. He wondered if the man would keep touching him as he fucked him. He wondered what it would be like when it was over. He hoped Gibbs wouldn't want to cuddle afterward. Tony wasn't so hot about cuddling.

"DiNozzo!"

Tony's eyes flew open in alarm. He looked down, past his chest, his belly, the nest of hair at his cock, to find Gibbs' gaze locked on him. Tony swallowed. "Um, yeah, Boss?"

"You okay?"

"Sure am."

Gibbs sighed, slightly exasperated with the younger man. "DiNozzo, I'm down here doing the work with my tongue going in places my tongue has never gone, and you're, what, taking a nap?" He nuzzled Tony's cock, which lay limp but twitched slightly. "Do you even want to do this?"

Inhaling sharply, Tony replied, "Did Han shoot first?"

Gibbs glared with confusion and annoyance.

"It's a Star Wars… oh never mind. I want it more than anything."

"Then for God's sake, try to at least pretend like you're enjoying yourself here." He kissed the shaft of Tony's cock, breathing warm against the sensitive skin. The cock stirred again and began to stiffen. Gibbs nodded in approval. Then he lifted Tony's legs up onto his shoulders.

The whole thing was over way too soon. From the very start— the kisses exchanged on the stoop outside—to the finish— Gibbs grunting as he came and Tony crying out at the hotness of it all— it lasted more than an hour, but it felt like just a few moments. After Gibbs pulled out and snapped the condom off, the older man flopped down on the bed beside Tony with a grin on his face.

Tony's heart raced. All it would take was for Gibbs to drape an arm over him and then they'd be cuddling. He couldn't let it get that far. He turned his head, kissed Gibbs roughly in appreciation, then slid sideways. With a happy sigh and a stretch, Tony began looking around for his clothes to put back on. He hopped backwards on one foot as he pulled on a sock and he leaned against the bedroom wall as he yanked his boxers on.

Gibbs turned onto his side and propped himself up on one elbow. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Just getting dressed," Tony stated the obvious. "I'm not really… into sleepovers so much." He laughed, trying to sound casual. "Besides, I snore and you wouldn't want—"

"Get back into bed, DiNozzo," Gibbs ordered in a tone that meant Tony should think twice about what he thought he was doing.

"Jethro…"

Gibbs narrowed his eyes. He flapped the corner of the top sheet in Tony's direction. "Now."

Carefully, Tony walked back to the bed. He was careful about how he moved, making sure he faced Gibbs the whole time. He lay on his back again and exhaled deeply. He glanced sideways at his boss. "There. Ya happy now?"

Gibbs shrugged. He asked quietly, "Are you?" He reached over and placed a hand on Tony's chest. He let it lie there a moment. "Or is rushing out your way of saying how awful that was?" Tony turned his head at that, and saw Gibbs' eyes look deep, dark and full of hurt. "It's been quite some time since I last… Admittedly I'm out of practice. I promise, next time will be better, if there will be a next time."

Tony gave it a second, and then he let out a laugh. "Are you kidding? You were extraordinary! If it gets any better, I might just die of pleasure." He reached down and took Gibbs' hand. He squeezed it. He didn't like seeing Gibbs looking so vulnerable and uncertain; that wasn't Gibbs. Plus, when he was done squeezing, he could direct the hand off him. Maybe that would be enough to tip Gibbs off.

Alas, it was not.  "Roll over," Gibbs commanded almost sleepily, inching his body closer to Tony's.

"I don't sleep on my side," said Tony quickly. His heart pounded and he wondered of Gibbs could sense the alarm he was stripping from his voice. "I'm fine on my back here, actually."

"Bullshit." Gibbs came closer, pressing his front up against Tony's side. "I've seen you when you sleep under your desk. Half the time you're on your side." Gibbs reached up and traced a finger against Tony's collarbone. "Besides, this is me you're talking to. I can tell you're lying."

With a slight shiver at the touch—not to mention the observation— Tony shook his head. "The truth is, after sex, I don't cuddle."

"I don't cuddle either," Gibbs said matter-of-factly, still propped up on his elbow. "Men aren't soft, delicate, little flowers. We don't cuddle." He nudged Tony. "Now roll over so we can spoon."

That was all he could take. Once again, Tony slid sideways off the bed. He stood staring down at Gibbs for a long moment, and then he looked around for his pants again.

Gibbs lowered himself back down and stretched his arm out over the spot on the bed that Tony had just vacated. And when he spoke again, he did so in a steady but quiet kind of voice. "If you want to run from this, you can. I won't say another word about it ever. It won't be an issue between us at work; you have my word on that." Tony trusted this man's word above all others, so he hesitated for a moment, his eyes silently asking Gibbs to go on. "But if you'll let me in, I promise not to disappoint." He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "This can't be just about cuddling."

Tony's eyes were wet as he stood with his back to the bedroom wall. His arms were crossed over his chest and his heart raced. Gibbs had given his word. Gibbs had promised. But what did that promise mean if he didn't really know to what he was promising? Tony shivered, the cool bedroom air hitting his skin, which was still damp with sweat both from the sex and the panic.

His shirt lay on the floor just a few feet away. He could easily swoop down and put it on. Then he could walk out as easily as he'd walked in and nothing would be ruined except for the potential for greatness that Gibbs offered him. Or he could go back to bed, back to Gibbs, and let the man in.

He'd been so careful over the years with so many partners.  He'd enjoyed himself and been careful and no one got hurt, no one was any wiser. But Gibbs wasn't just any partner. Gibbs had darkness in his past, too. Gibbs was understanding and moral and cared for his team like they were family. Gibbs was… Gibbs. And Gibbs was worth it. Wasn't he?

Leaving the shirt on the floor, Tony walked back to the bed. He lay down on his back on the bed and on top of Gibbs' outstretched arm. Gibbs' hand instinctively gripped Tony's shoulder. Tony blinked back tears he refused to shed as he looked up at the white ceiling. Then, with the deepest of breaths, Tony rolled in place, onto his left side.

He heard Gibbs gasp and a tear escaped, speeding down the side of his face to his left ear. Unseen, it was wiped away quickly by Tony, who pretended to scratch an itch. He heard nothing at all for a full minute. Then he jumped as he felt Gibbs' fingers graze his back. The crisscross of subtle, white scars was not as pronounced now but still impossible to miss up close like this. Apart from the occasional doctor during his annual physical, he hadn't let anyone see the marks since he'd received them, until now. He certainly hadn't let anyone touch them before. The touch made him tremble with uncertainty and he hated himself for it. They weren't him. They were part of a different DiNozzo. Their presence shouldn't change anything now, but he knew it would.

Tony tried very hard to control himself. He let his body go still as it got used to the calloused fingers sliding every which way across his back. And he kept his voice as light, happy, and natural as it always was when he made a joke. "So, I was thinking of trying out to be a Chippendale's dancer to supplement my income, but I didn't want to make the other men feel inferior. Thoughts?"

Gibbs seemed to have none. The joke was met with a horrible silence. Even Gibbs' hand stopped moving and withdrew from his back. Tony's eyes stung with tears and he squeezed them shut tightly as he waited for what would happen next. Gibbs would be disgusted and never let him get close again. Gibbs would look at him funny every time they were together at work. Maybe it would get so awkward that Tony would have to transfer to another team. Suddenly being back on the USS Seahawk didn't seem like such a bad arrangement.

After one of the longest silences Tony had ever endured, Gibbs spoke. His voice was impossibly quiet and rough with anger. "What bastard did this to you, Tony?"

Something between a sob and a whimper caught in Tony's throat. He cleared it. "It—" he stopped and cleared his throat again as it hadn't worked the first time and it gave him a few extra seconds to figure out what to say. "It was a long time ago."

"I can see that." Gibbs' fingers resumed their probing, sliding down and tracing some of the scars that extended to Tony's rear.

Tony wondered if Gibbs was noticing that some of the marks were different sizes there, having been made by something different than what had struck his back. Then Tony reminded himself that it was Gibbs behind him, and Gibbs never missed a thing. "It's bad enough I have something to always remind me of it," Tony said. "I don't need you hunting down the ghosts of my past for me." That was as close as he could come to an answer just now; he just hoped it was enough for Gibbs.

There was more silence after that during which Tony felt sick to his stomach. He decided he'd give it another minute and then bolt. He could grab his clothes and dress on his way down the hall and out the door. He wouldn't have to look at Gibbs' disgusted expression or the look of intense sympathy, whichever Gibbs was going for at the moment. Tony didn't want to see either. He could go without another word, just as he should have done when given the chance before. Tony let the seconds tick away.

When he couldn't take it anymore, he inhaled sharply and tensed up, ready to rise. But, as if he were psychic and knew Tony was about to leave, Gibbs reached forward and put his other arm around the man. Gibbs slid forward, pressing himself up against Tony's scarred back and crossing his arms over Tony's chest. His legs matched Tony's bend for bend. And his face pressed into the back of Tony's neck and head. He hugged Tony tightly.

Tony wasn't sure how to react at first. Then he decided to let it sink in. The reassuring tightness. The inescapable touch. The soothing warmth. The intense intimacy. "Boss?" Tony's voice cracked.

Gibbs hugged tighter. "Not cuddling," the older man clarified. "Just holding." He kissed the back of Tony's neck. "And not planning on ever letting go, DiNozzo. You okay with that?"

Tony let out a slow, steady breath of relief. His body relaxed into Gibbs', the two becoming one. "Yeah, Boss," he said with a smile.