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If someone had asked Chuuya what the first memorable bet was he and Dazai Osamu had made he would think back when they had made a bet when they had been each 15 years old.
‘So, what do we do now?’ Chuuya looked at Dazai while holding their suitcases. After losing a bet to him about who would win the boxing match they had watched in their hotel room a few days ago Chuuya had gotten the job to carry his and Dazai’s suitcases. Dazai scanned the line for security. Probably counting how many people were before them.
‘This is your fault Chuuya.’ Dazai said when looking back at him. ‘If you just didn’t need to take so much time resting from something you easily can do- ‘
‘You were the one who decided it was a fucking great idea to steal from some drug dealer’s drugs so you could create an overdose and could die.’ He exclaimed angrily in response. They needed to hurry. They were losing time and needed to get on their airplane fast. It wasn’t usual for the mafia not to get them a private jet but with Elise begging the boss to go to some random fashion show the jet wasn’t an option so it ended with them having to go the legal way of getting into and out of a country.
‘Alright let’s make a bet!’ Dazai said, slamming his hands together like a stupid child who just thought of a world changing idea.
‘I am not making a bet with you suicide freak!’ They didn’t have any time for making bets. Didn’t that go through that thick skull of the asshole who was standing right before him?!
‘But Chuuya…’
God what did he ever do wrong to have his partner be Dazai Osamu? What did he do wrong god? What?
Dazai looked at him. Brown bambi eyes looking at him with acted sadness in them. No, no, no, no no he was not going to fall for the others bullshit. No he was not go-
‘Okay what is your wage?’
‘You cleaning my office in one of Kou-nee’s kimono’s.’ A pause. ‘It’s not like you are unfamiliar with that anyway.’
‘How do you- ‘
‘You remember Kou-nee taking pictures? I walked in on her looking at them. You sure looked adorable Chuuya.’ Okay, ignore that last comment. Stay calm, he could do this. They couldn’t fight each other in an airport after all without ending up in the police department. The pleased look Dazai gave him confirmed his suspicions about the other for sure getting a kick out of this. ‘Your wage?’
‘You giving me your alcohol stash.’ He honestly hadn’t had a better idea. ‘Alright what is the bet?’
‘I’m going to get us through this line within a few minutes.’ Dazai exclaimed in Japanese only to then touch the shoulder of the people before them. ‘Excuse me, but can I pass through, because me and my partner are going to miss our flight.’ While Dazai wasn’t the greatest at the English language he still could put up a small conversation. He gave the elderly woman a dazzling smile. Dazai looked confident, his posture was open. He was staring into the woman’s eyes and did not look a moment away.
He really should stop studying Dazai whenever he got the opportunity.
Falling under the young Japanese tactics the woman quickly looked away. Their grip on their suitcases growing tighter. ‘Of course, please catch your flight!’ one of the woman exclaimed, making room for them so they could pass. Dazai looked back for a second. Giving Chuuya a quick smile he passed through the woman only to already ask the next people if they could let them ask through.
Which they did.
Within a few minutes they were at the end of the line, ready to go through the airport security. Looking dumbstruck at Dazai, Chuuya’s mind was working over hours so the realization that he was going to clean Dazai’s room in one of Kou’s kimono’s could be finally be accepted. He looked confused at Dazai, a frown showing on his face while the other just looked at him with ease.
‘What did I tell you Chuuya?’ Dazai said with mischief all over his face. He was stepping out of his shoes and put off the belt he had on. ‘I hope you are ready to ask Kou-nee for a kimono.’
‘Mister please put off your hat.’ The American air security said looking down on him. Irritated he put off his head and metal chains that were as decoration on his trousers. Giving him a smile before he went through, Dazai spinned through the security like a little child. Irritating him only more.
‘Thank you dear people!’ was the next thing that followed from his partner’s mouth. Mentally slapping himself in the face Chuuya only felt like getting closer to the base soon. He already had spent a whole month with Dazai on his side 24/7, even going as far as having to take up a motel and sleeping in the same bed and with the 15-hour flight ahead he just wanted to be in the big mansion again. Putting on his shoes he studied Dazai, the familiar eyes looked as alive as ever yet just like Chuuya’s it didn’t hide the tiredness they were experiencing.
The month had been filled with tracking an ability user who had as an ability called: Where I still am*, which basically concluded with them following a person who could pop up and then disappear while it looked like his body was still there. Yet when they had finally caught him he had been as helpless as a one-day old kitten, with a quick knife in the head it was done, yet neither of them had expected him to be a member of an infamous organization.
It had ended with Chuuya once again feeling himself in control when he had hands wrapped in bandage on his neck. Brown eyes showing no remorse or anything. (Not that he had hoped they would show anything, he had expected for sure the cold gaze yet he could still hope right?) after that they just had gone back to their hotel room in silence, Chuuya being tired enough to not give a double glance when he felt another body laying down in the bed. Only to wake up in the middle of the night and notice the absence of Dazai’s presence. Apparently the idiot had thought it was a great idea to search for the nearest drug deal after reading an overdose could be the cause of a painless dead.
After searching for hours finally at 4 AM in the morning Chuuya had found Dazai, high as ever in a nearby park, screaming at the poor ducks and stating that they should fight him. It had only taken him three attempts (two ended badly with Dazai trying to feed the ducks his hat in one and the other ended in Dazai mistaking him for a stripper) to take Dazai back to their hotel room, restrain him with some handcuffs (Chuuya had tried hard to ignore the kinky comments Dazai had made about it only to end up punching Dazai in his stomach) and to finally get his well deserved sleep. Only to wake up the next morning and realize they were way behind on the schedule.
He ran behind Dazai who had quickly took up the pace and had begun running towards their gate. Sometimes he was glad his partner wasn’t the fastest person, he was fast to a certain degree but he wasn’t certainly as fast as the other members. Moving through the crowd of people who apparently couldn’t take a hint that some people perhaps needed to catch their flight his eyes didn’t lose track of the black trench coat (Hell, it would be pretty hard to lose someone who is wearing an ugly black trench coat. Not that he could judge since he also was wearing one but come on! His was much better than that one. Let’s be honest here, Dazai’s probably belonged to some homeless down the red district once.) Dazai stopped suddenly, looked at their tickets and then at the gate number only to then run into another direction. Chuuya only told himself that he couldn’t wait for the day when that suicide freak killed himself. Yet he ran after the bandaged boy, hoping that this time they would actually end up by their good gate.
‘Stay away from me.’ The moment they had set ground into the familiar mansion Chuuya had tried to punch Dazai who only quickly had stepped away. Unamused staring down on him Dazai just looked at him.
‘Gladly,’ the other applied coldly. Walking towards the stairs greeting Oda with a bright smile. The older man just stared at the young one. Yet giving him a tiny smile he walked away and from the looks of it that was all Dazai needed.
‘Chuuya?’ Kou walked out of the living room into the grand hall, elegant as always while taking a bite of an apple she had in her hand. ‘You’re back.’ She stated, her eyes quickly went to the stairs and then back to him. ‘Dazai already went upstairs?’ she asked, slight disappointment being heard in her voice. He nodded only to walk into the living room where he sat down on the couch.
‘God why does he have to be such a pain in the ass?’ Chuuya whined while Kou followed him silently, sat down next to him and examined him in a not very casual manner. ‘What is it?’
‘You are so oblivious sometimes my little Chuuya.’ Her swooning voice said. Kou was a woman who while she was just four years older than him, sometimes felt like she was decades older than him. Or that she was born in the wrong time period. Hence that’s perhaps why they got along, both not belonging where they had to.
‘I’m not little.’ He grumbled moving his hat so it would cover his eyes more.
‘Grow taller than me and then maybe we will continue this discussion.’ Kou said trying to take off his hat. Only to be met with no moving object. ‘Seriously?’ Kou asked coldly.
‘Seriously,’ he beamed. ‘What am I oblivious to though? You said I was.’ Kou sighted irritated. ‘What?’
‘You are too oblivious to yourself sometimes. But I like you that way Chuuya, that’s why I won’t tell you.’ Kou mentioned quietly. She took another bite of the apple she was eating. ‘Shouldn’t you get some rest?’ she asked, indicating the conversation they were having was over. Chuuya agreed in silence, stood up and quietly left the living room, the jetlag was finally really hitting him.
‘Could not making me feel vexed every time I am in your presence?’ Chuuya questioned Dazai one morning when they accidently had walked (Well gimped more or less in Dazai’s case, he had in his company a familiar crutch) in the same hallway. Dazai looked up from the papers he was reading irritated into his blue own blue eyes. ‘Could your voice stop irritating me when I’m doing my work? Also who uses vexed anymore?’
‘Peoples whose vocabulary goes further than the word suicide asshole.’ He snarled back. God could he not feel like fighting him whenever he saw him?
‘Not impressed.’ Dazai stated. He looked lost in thought for a second until his face cleared. Darkened eyes looking at Chuuya like he just thought of something that was certainly not good for Chuuya’s own benefit. ‘Say, I remember winning a bet Chuuya~’
Oh crap, oh crap.
Dazai placed the papers under his armpit shining bright from excitement. He limped forward, laid his free hand around Chuuya’s wrist and tightened its grip. It took Chuuya by surprise. Not the hand around his wrist but the fact that the person before him, which looked so human was Dazai. Irritation that was displayed on his face was replaced with confusion. He couldn’t help but stare into the brown, lively eyes which were looking at his face while Dazai’s dimples were showing because of the happy smile that was plastered on the brown haired face. God it was not fair, looking at him, acting like a stupid schoolgirl because the boy before him actually looked genuinely happy for once.
‘You have started wearing gloves?’ Getting pulled out of his own world he looked at his own hands in confusion.
‘Yeah,’ he said under his breath, trying to get out of the grip of the injured boy.
‘They remind me of you.’ In confusion, Chuuya looked up. ‘They look a shitty as you are.’ Dazai replied, a sly smile on his face. Ignoring Chuuya’s “bastard” scream and the punch which grasped his cheek he began to walk and pulled Chuuya with him in the process.
‘Dazai I am not going to clean your fucking office.’
‘You lost the bet Chuuya~’ while they were walking Dazai told him in a soft voice about that he had met this girl the other day and they had hit it off. Ignoring Chuuya’s commentary on how a girl could be able to like him Dazai continued talking about the girl like nothing was bothering him. ‘Ah, Kou-nee.’ Dazai stopped without warning which ended with Chuuya falling into the boys back. Trying to regain balance he saw Kou looking at both of them in confusion. Correction: More shooting him a question full daggers which could easily be translated into; “Why is god’s name he was together with Dazai without attacking the unwanted load to society.” ‘Chuuya needs to borrow a kimono from you.’ Dazai announced loudly, making workers who were also walking through the hallway look at them in full confusion. Chuuya began to play with the end of his gloves. Not sure how to react to this situation. He wasn’t able to look Kou in the eyes without feeling even more embarrassed than he already was.
‘Why?’ Kou asked, her voice being full of confusion.
‘Chuuya lost a bet and if I won he would have to wear a kimono from you.’
‘Oh,’ Kou said softly. ‘Yeah sure.’
‘Sure?!’ Chuuya looked up with a baffled expression showing on his face.
‘Dazai, I want pictures.’ She ignored him?! Kou moved her hands, indicating them to follow. Dazai tightened his grip again on the others wrist and pulled him along once again. ‘What color kimono Dazai?’ Kou asked sincerely, he corners of her lips turning upwards whenever she looked at Chuuya. ‘Pink is a beautiful color don’t you agree Kou-nee?’
‘Ah yes, certainly it is.’ She nodded more in self amusement than as response. The headquarters were big, some people lived here for convenience. Others had their own apartments but there were rooms for ability holders who wanted them for convenience. They walked into Kou’s room. Dazai looked around with curious eyes while Chuuya finally got his wrist released. ‘Chuuya come.’ Kou said, eyes focused on Dazai who was holding one of her perfume bottles. ‘Here you go.’ She gave him a kimono. Walked away while dragging Dazai along with her.
It took a few minutes before he had the kimono on. He stared into the mirror. His reflection staring blank back at him.
‘Oh Chuuya this brings back memories!’ He heard how Kou ran towards him. Looking with excited eyes at him. She quickly fixed things she didn’t liked. Letting her long fingers play around with the hair decoration she quickly had grabbed from somewhere and had placed in his hair. It had been a long time since he had seen the woman so eccentric. She acted like a child on Christmas eve. Chuuya looked to the door where he locked eyes with the bandaged boy.
‘Your mouth is catching flies.’ Chuuya quickly said in which the boy quickly shut down his mouth. Trying to look everywhere but Chuuya. ‘Dude seriously, this is not even the first time you have seen me wearing a kimono.’
‘Well the first time I’ve seen you wearing a female one in front of me.’ He leaned against the door. Carefully studying him. ‘You look good in one.’ Dazai said carelessly while his eyes were focused on Chuuya, still studying him. Dazai looked up when he realized the other two were frozen in their spot. He looked like he repeated the words again in his head. Only to make his own eyes go wide. ‘Fuck me.’ He said. Having a shocked expression on his face and looking like he was ready for the ground to take him alive.
‘Did he really just compliment me?’ Chuuya looked at Kou who slowly nodded. Her eyes not leaving Dazai. He again looked at Dazai who was staring at him. He held up his hand, not leaving the brown eyes gaze for a second. ‘Give me your trench coat.’
‘Why?’
‘If you think I’m going to walk through the fucking base wearing this and everyone can see it you are dead wrong asshole. Give. Me. Your. Trench. Coat.’ He walked forward to the boy who was standing still. Not even moving when Chuuya took of the trench coat of his shoulders. Chuuya noticed the quick glances he shot at him. ‘Let’s go.’ He said quietly, turning to Kou who was staring at them with focused eyes and a frown showing on her face. ‘Kou-nee, don’t do that. It will give you wrinkles.’ Kou just smiled shyly at them.
Chuuya I want my kimono complete back. Otherwise,’ She shook her umbrella and let out a laugh when she saw how both of the boys’ blood disappeared. ‘See you later boys.’ Making them with that statement hastily leave the room. They walked through the hallways who were empty and felt like forgotten.
‘Chuuya question.’ He looked sideways at Dazai who looked forward.
‘What?’
‘Don’t you think that headpiece on your head won’t give you away?’ His partner laughed when he avoided the punch that was thrown towards his direction.
‘I hate you.’ Chuuya grumbled, letting his bangs cover his eyes. If he had looked to Dazai at that moment, he had seen how the corners of the lips of the person he hated the most hadn’t gone back to a thin line like he had expected. The dimples were still showing; the brown eyes had looked at him with happiness. Maybe if he had looked, he hadn’t been oblivious to what people around him had seen when they had looked at them.
At the age of 16, Chuuya was oblivious to his surroundings like people around him had told him.
When Chuuya is almost 17 he was experimenting in certain ways.
The next bet he clearly remembers is when he is at his last days of being 16, walking into headquarters, tired from what happened the night before. Only to be told that he was expected to come to Dazai’s office by Oda.
‘He wants to ruin my day the first thing in the morning?’ He asked Oda with a frown on his face. Oda only shrugged at him, gave him a probably meant to encouraging pat on the shoulder and walked out of the building, the government worker waiting for him on the outside. He was greeted with confused faces when he entered the wing where Dazai’s office was stationed. Understandable since he usually tried to stay out of the wing as much as he could do. For one second when he was standing before Dazai’s door he’d considered knocking. But realizing that it was Dazai he was talking about he just opened the door, regretting this supposed to be innocent and not regrettable action. Yet he regretted it with love.
At 8 AM in the morning, he hadn’t wish to see his partner giving a subordinate a hickey on her exposed shoulder. Clearly, Dazai hadn’t expected him either because he stared in full shock at him. He quickly pushed the woman gently away. His eyes quickly moving around the room, trying to ignore Chuuya’s stare at all costs. The woman confused turned her head around. Only to quickly turn back when she noticed Chuuya’s presence in the room. Ashamed she looked down, buttoning up her shirt quickly. The second she was longer in the room Chuuya only felt more irritated. His eyes were at this point with no doubt in his mind shooting daggers at the light brown haired back. Hastily leaving the room she slammed the mahogany door behind her.
‘How dare she its mahogany.’ Dazai said motionless. Still ignoring Chuuya’s eyes.
‘I can’t believe you watched The Hunger Games.’ Chuuya said, walking over to the familiar cabin on the left. He had been more times in this office than he liked to admit. Looking at the bottles alcohol he picked a red wine one. He needed a drink badly after having to witness that.
‘Yes I did.’ Dazai said, redoing his tie while sitting down on the sofa. ‘Every time Peeta showed up he reminded me of you. Both as useless.’ Breaking the wineglass in his hands Chuuya went ahead and picked a new one while swearing quietly at the other man. He took a sip from the glass, walked to the sofa and took place on a chair nearby it.
‘So what did you call me for? I am assuming you didn’t do to it to introduce me to your new girlfriend.’
‘She is not my girlfriend don’t worry.’ Dazai coughed for a moment, clearly embarrassed.
‘And why should I be worrying about you having a girlfriend?’ Chuuya looked at the wineglass in his hand, rolled it with his fingers in a way it wouldn’t let the wine fall out of it. ‘Last time I checked I wasn’t your dad who you need to get approval of and neither was I your boyfriend who you should tell your cheating on.’ He rolled his eyes, brought the wine glass to his mouth and drank some wine.
‘Yet you are my partner aren’t you?’ Dazai stood up, walked to his desk only to grits some folder from it. ‘And partners should tell each other things don’t they?’
‘I am not telling you anything you should know.’ Dazai looked at him, eyebrows raised and walked towards him. Only to sit on the chairs armrest.
‘Oh but there is no need in you telling things to me Chuuya’ A sly grin showing on his face. ‘Your actions speak enough for you regardless.’ Dazai’s hand slipped into the folder. Picked out a few photos and laid them on Chuuya’s lap. He felt how blood disappeared from his face when he looked at the pictures.
‘And why should this be a problem?’ he asked slowly. Not sure how to react.
‘I am working over hours, only to get in the middle of the night a subordinate running into my office. Out of breath while saying they saw you hooking up with a man. Thinking they just told me world news.’ He paused. ‘I couldn’t care less about you having such interests in men. I don’t think any less of you than I already do, let’s be honest here that would be very hard.
‘But I do give you this as an warning. People fear you, fear us Chuuya. And they will search for your weaknesses so they can bring you down. That subordinate thought they got themselves a promotion by telling me. All they did was confirm my suspicions. I’m sure Kou-nee, the boss and the rest wouldn’t think less of you if they knew. But towards this society we life in Homosexuality is treated as a joke. Seen as something disturbing. That subordinate saw you kissing another man, took their chance and made pictures of you making out with him. Thought because of this they got a promotion. Because who would want to work with a man wife am I right?’
‘I am not a fucking man wife Dazai.’
‘I know, I know. Don’t get your dick twisted up for it I’m sure your boyfriend wouldn’t like that. But I just give you this as a warning because you are my partner Chuuya. Be more careful when you kiss him. If someone goes to someone else next time who are not that keen on you could lose your job, could get your reputation ruined.’
‘So basically you are telling me to hide my romantic interactions with the people I love?’
‘Yup.’ Dazai responded, playing with his tie.
‘What happened to the subordinate?’
‘That’s why I called you here.’ Dazai said, standing up and walking to a closet. ‘He should be pretty awake.’ He opened a cabin only to show a young man tied up. Duct tape over his mouth and dried blood in his hair. ‘I already did some things just to make him learn and his resignation files are also ready to be turned in.’ He showed the gun he had hidden under his jacket.
‘Want to bet?’ he said suddenly. ‘Let’s bet that if I get that duct tape off he will scream at me that I’m a filthy gay.’
‘Hmm sure, if he doesn’t I am going to get the day off and you are going to do my job.’
‘If I win he is going to get it my way.’ Chuuya’s voice ended in a whisper. Within a fraction of a second he pulled the duct tape of the subordinates’ mouth. Ignoring the scream of pain and rage in the man’s voice he quickly picks the gun out of Dazai’s bandaged hand. He unlocks the safety, wonders for a second why it even on and raises it.
Middle of the forehead. A simple place. Chuuya liked knives more than guns, but he knew he would lose it the moment he had picked his knife from his inner pocket. ‘Anything to say for yourself at last?’
‘You fucking dykes are aids wea- ‘a gunshot. He pushed the pistol in the others hand ignoring the gaze of concern that is on it.
‘Chuuya.’ He ignored the voice, walked to the desk and picked up the folder that Dazai had in his hands a few minutes ago. He turned slowly, looked at Dazai and opened his mouth.
‘It was a hook-up, someone I met at the bar. Don’t worry.’
‘I am not your boyfriend you’re cheating on. Neither am I your dad you should ask for approval.’ Dazai gave him a smile, but it disappeared the moment he realized it didn’t help. ‘You are a stupid midget you know that right?’ he walked towards him, putting the gun away under the horrible trench coat he wore.
‘You are a horrible human being okay?’ He had to look up. The damn freak had gotten so tall. He closed his eyes when he felt how two arms laid themselves around his shoulders. He moved forward, accepted the gesture. They stayed like that. ‘I hate you.’
‘I hate you too.’
Chuuya is 16, almost 17 when he learns how truly homophobic the people around him are.
The first time he saw the skin that was under the bandages he was 17 and all he knew was that he felt how guilt settled in his stomach. It was after one of their missions and it was when he finally realized what kind off after affects Dazai’s ability had**, it was after a bet was made.
They were sitting in their hotel room, Chuuya still dealing with the after effects of corruption and Dazai was just reading about famous suicides made by famous people. They were doing some small talk. Mostly for the purpose of Chuuya not again losing conscious and having to bear through another hour of him sleeping. Chuuya, still being half asleep asked Dazai what was under his bandages. Not expecting a clear answer but instead he got one.
‘You would leave me seeing what is under them.’ Dazai had said, purposely joking but the joke hadn’t been caught on by him in which it such ended with him exclaiming he wouldn’t.
‘You are an idiot aren’t you? I can’t leave your shitty side even if I wanted to boss.’
‘Chuuya!’ he looked confused up at Dazai who was now standing right before him looking at him with shock and teary brown eyes.
‘I can’t believe you just called me boss! I’m so- ‘
‘Go die.’ Chuuya cut him off before he had to bear through more of Dazai’s horrible acting skills. He attempted to kick the bandage collector in the royal family only to be met with air sadly enough. ‘Maybe then you will finally contribute to society asshole.’
‘Oh Chuuya,’ Dazai exclaimed. A tiny smirk playing on his lips. ‘I would love to contribute to society but first I need like always win this bet.’
‘Bet?’
‘I’ll show you a tiny bit what is under my bandages and you will leave me.’
‘Do you also have shit in your ears? I said I wouldn’t leave you,’ He said frustrated, did Dazai really have a hearing problem or was he like always just being literal bullshit, Chuuya couldn’t honestly tell the difference nowadays. ‘Well? What is your wage?’
‘if you leave me I get to burn that dead animal on your head.’
‘It is a fucking hat, it ain’t even made of leather dumbass.’ Chuuya said, let his back touch the soft mattress. ‘If I won’t leave you will give me a bottle of petrus.’
‘Mm yeah sure,’ Dazai said, beginning to unwrap his bandages after he sat down on the chair. Chuuya watched the spectacle with curious blue eyes. Never had he seen Dazai unwrap bandages, let alone had he seen any of the skin underneath it.
“Nobody has.” His mind spoke.
When there was no bandage left to cover the skin for the first time Chuuya understood why Dazai said people would leave him. Wounds and scars were covering the skin that was usually covered by bandages.
‘This is what happens to my body when I use my ability,’ Dazai stated, his voice sounding almost like a whisper. ‘Pain is something I can get used to but it still hurts. The healing takes long and while the bandages usually can cover some of the wound some get infected. Which creates scars.”
‘So that’s why you don’t want to have a suicide that is with pain huh.’ Dazai looked surprised at him.
‘Chuuya…’
‘Hm?’
‘You actually have brains.’ He looked in shock at him. Chuuya only smiled as an answer. While on the inside he was boiling he couldn’t show it at this moment. Instead, he moved his body, forced it to walk only to stop when he was right before Dazai. The brown eyes met blue ones and a tired face greeted a frowning one. ‘You haven’t left yet; the door is on you left Chuuya.’
‘I know, but didn’t I tell you I wouldn’t leave?’ He leaned down, make their faces come closer. ‘I really hate you, you know?’ He stated. Studying the face of the body that was under him. He laid his knee between the others thighs, smiling when he saw how embarrassed it made the other.
‘The feeling is returned with ease.’ Dazai grinned, leaning more forward, closing the distance between them even more. ‘Normally you would scream at me to stay away from you.’
‘Yeah, but this time it ain’t the case idiot.’ He laughed quietly, pushing their foreheads together. Dazai smiled back, his dimples showing clearly and crinkles around his eyes were also showing. They stayed like that for several moments. ‘You know what I want to do right.’ Chuuya whispered in silence. Feeling like his heart was in his throat, he wanted to stay like this. He wanted to be able to look into twinkling brown eyes before him forever. Eyes he hated dearly.
‘Yeah,’ That was all what was said before he felt the others lips on his.
Chuuya is 17, almost 18 for once he feels like the world finally has liked him enough to let him have happiness.
---
I knew wouldn’t leave you.
But I also knew you would leave me.
---
When Chuuya’ is 19, they make their final bet.
‘Well what is the bet?’ he asks Dazai who was curled up naked against his back. He felt how his worst enemy, his partner, his lover maybe even, breathed in his neck, making him feel safe.
‘You are going on a mission soon right?’ Dazai asks, tightening his grip around Chuuya’s waist making him come even closer. Waiting a minute before saying something further. ‘Let’s bet that if you come back I won’t be here anymore.’
Within a second Chuuya turns. His blue eyes staring ice cold into the brown ones. ‘God I regret you so much.’ He says. Looking away from the brown eyes, laying his head in Dazai’s shoulder. ‘Go die in a pit for my sake but don’t you fucking try to leave me.’
‘But what if I do Chuuya?’
‘Don’t you dare to leave me, I hate- ‘he paused. Took a moment to correct himself. ‘I love you a lot. So don’t you dare to not have your shitty presence be erased from my side.’ He laid his right hand on the cheek of the man he hated so much.
Of the man he loved so much.
The sad eyes trying be covered up by the smile on the lips of his partner. ‘Yeah sure. But let’s make a bet, my wage is that you will have everything I own if I won’t come back.’
‘If you come back you move in with me.’ He said the words without thinking. ‘You will buy me a ring and we will go somewhere where we can marry.’ He came closer to the others face. ‘You will wake every minute you can wake up next to me. We will fight like we always do and we will and up kissing each other. We will both be each other’s biggest mistake. Say we hate each other while we actually mean love. We will come home after long days we spend going on missions or doing the ridiculous paper work Mori gave us. We will be together. We shall not be alone. Because while we always scream we will kill each other and that we are going to be glad when the other leaves the truth is we can’t live without each other. Or can we?’ He stared in the chocolate colored eyes. Who looked dumbstruck back.
‘Wow Chuuya, you should’ve become a poet instead of a mafia member.’
‘Go die.’ He said coldly. Pushing the other out of the bed.
‘Chuuya are you going?’ Dazai asked. Looking at the suitcase that was standing next to him.
‘Yes, the car is here already.’ He looks away. ‘You are going to be here when I come back.’
‘If we follow your mind then yes.’ He stared at him with no emotion. He played a bit with the ends of his bandages. ‘Take this with you.’ Dazai showed him a wine bottle. ‘I promised you to give it after our bet was done but kind of forget about it until now.’ The Petrus label making Chuuya’s eyes go wide.
‘Made in 1978. Should be ready whenever you feel like it.’ Dazai handed it to him, only to bow down and kiss him afterwards.
Normally, Chuuya wouldn’t have been able to tell differences in the kisses they shared. Yet, he could now. The kiss was tender. Felt like the man before him was for once not his enemy but the person he loved dearly. ‘You are going to be here when I come back and I expect that ring Osamu.’
He smiled when the man looked shocked at him. Quickly gave a peck once again on the other man’s lips and turned, picked up his suitcase and walked of the staircase. When he was in the car he looked again at the man who now looked at him with a darkened expression. Only to walk away the moment he met his eyes.
‘Chuuya-nii I finally got you!’ Elise sounded on the verge of crying the moment Chuuya got her on the phone.
‘What is wrong Elise?’ He asked, opening his hotel door hastily, not wanting to let everyone hear his conversation with the little girl.
‘Dazai-nii.’ She said suddenly. No emotion in her voice to be heard. It was like she was a robot. Chuuya slammed the door behind him and let him drop down on the floor. His brain working over hours. Trying to find words to ask the question.
‘He is not dead right? Elise, Elise, he didn’t die right?’
‘He is a traitor Chuuya nii.’ She pauses. ‘After you left that afternoon he was supposed to come into the office in the night. He didn’t come so we searched everywhere. Looked in your apartment even but nowhere. Then we found a letter apparently having some mean insults but his head is now on the traitors list. They will kill him when you they find him.’ She stopped, her breathing being heard clearly through the cellphone. It was heavy. ‘Chuuya-nii are you crying?’
‘Of-course not.’
‘Why not? You loved him right?’
‘Hated him more than love Elise.’ He said, smiling more to convince himself than the little girl on the phone. ‘How’s Mori? He must have it hard with Dazai leaving without warning.’
‘He’s been in his office all day, cursing a lot.’ He nodded to the voice. Trying to make an attempt to unbutton his gilet.
‘I’m going to get some sleep okay? You also get some sleep Elise. We will talk later.’ His throat was screaming pain. His body felt heavy, making it feel like boulders were attached to him arms and legs. He heard how the girl said her goodbyes and he exchanged his in return. He stared at his phone, opened the messages and tapped on his partners name.
“I hate you.”
It were simple words.
Send. He stared at the message. Only to throw his phone at the wall when he got a read notification on his message and to quickly open the Petrus bottle that had been given to him.
He sat down in the chair, eyes closed, trying to keep the tears away, suffering from a broken heart shouldn’t be this bad. He should not feel anything. He hated the man who once sat in this chair.
Loved him
He opened his eyes slowly and let his hand touch the handle of the top drawer belonging to the desk. In the top drawer he sees the gun Dazai always used. In the next drawer laid a few pictures, one was a picture of when they just arrived. Other is them fighting, Elise is laughing in the background while Mori is trying to calm her down. The last picture is them, happy. They are sitting on the couch. Chuuya is kissing him. The corners of his lips curled upwards. He doesn’t know who has taken the picture. Mori is sitting on the other couch, smiling at them while Elise is eating a cookie. Kou sits in the chair next to them. A grimace showing on her face but her eyes are filled with happiness. He remembers the moment. How he felt back then.
Happy.
It was one of those rare moments. Where they were affectionate with each other. Not to mention in presence of the people they considered their family. Who almost always saw them fighting, knew about the scars they had given each other. The people who considered them part of their family. The people who had seen them falling in love. They had been considered their family
‘Only you did.’ His mind told him when he said that.
He moved on, laid the picture on the desk, opened the last drawer. Only to find his eyes go wide when they saw the letter. Chuuya moved too quickly. Ignored how mad he was supposed to be to read he was being addressed as a walking hat advertisement. He wanted to rip it apart but he stopped when he saw the ring in the envelop.
‘Dazai this is the ugliest proposal you could’ve done.’ He whispered to the ring. He picked the paper out of the envelop. Carefully he unwrapped it. Only to read the horrible handwriting on it:
‘You’ve won.
Everything is Yours. Ain’t it everything you wanted?’
The letter continues. He knew that but he stopped reading it regardless. He held the ring in his left hand while the letter was in his right. Ready to be burned alongside with the ring.
‘Chuuya-nii?’ Elise ran in. Stopped in her running motion to let for a few seconds her mind process of what she sees. She then moved forward to stand next to him.
‘That’s a beautiful ring Chuuya-nii.’ She said softly, laying her arms around his neck.
‘You can have it I don’t care about it. It belongs to a dead man.’ He stated, trying to push the ring in the hand of the girl.
‘I can’t accept that gift Chuuya-nii,’ she made him look at him. Let her much smaller hands go over his wet cheeks. ‘The traitor would not like that.’ She paused, her salmon colored lips parted lightly. ‘One day perhaps you guys will meet again.’
He smiled at the girl in response. From the inside he was laughing at how much she failed to help him while he was learning how to deal with his broken heart. But that laughter died out as he watched how she took the ring out of his gloved fingers, took off the glove and gently put it on his finger.
‘Elise.’ He picked the glove out of her hands. Pushing it over his hand. ‘Don’t tell anyone about this okay?’ He pulls her close, hugs her gently. ‘Let’s keep it our secret okay?’
‘Okay.’
Nakahara Chuuya was 19 when he learned what it meant to have a broken heart.
Fin
+1:
Chuuya is 22 when he sees the dead man. They act like nothing ever happened. Hate each other as much as they did before they fell for the others soul. Only giving themselves places where tomorrow bruises will be standing as a memory of each other. He walks away, asking himself what he thought he could accomplish with coming here. The moment Elise had told him who was down stairs he had begun to ran through the base. Ignoring the knowing smile that had appeared on the blond girls face. Yet here he was. He had tried to kill the dead man. Trying to ignore how much his body had desired to do other things.
‘Chuuya.’ He stops. In trance by how his enemy said his name. ‘Do you still have the ring.’
He turns. Walks back while taking off his glove and promptly puts the ring that was once on his finger in the others hands. Where an identical ring is being worn. He doesn’t smile, instead he walks away.
Chuuya is 22.
And was until a few moments ago engaged to a dead man.