Help me I'm holding on for dear life,
Won't look down, won't open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light
Cause I'm just holding on for tonight.
Magnus slowly rolled out of his bed, head throbbing from his hangover. He winced at the bright daylight spilling in from his bedroom window. Glancing at the clock, he saw that it was already three in the afternoon; realizing that he's spent his day drunk, hungover and sleeping. He needed to get ready for his client this evening. Wearing last night's make up was not how he needed to be seen. He was the High Warlock of Brooklyn after all and had a reputation to uphold.
He turned the water on as hot as he could stand it, steam quickly billowing out of the shower door. He undressed and got in. With a tired sigh, he forced himself to rinse off last night's party and strangers' touches. He lathered the soap and tried massaging the tension out of his shoulders. He had tension that never seemed to go away these days. He pressed his back against the cold wall and slid down to the tiled floor, letting the water rush over him. Sitting under the hot shower, he couldn't help but let his mind wander and wonder about what his life has become lately. This is what his life as an immortal has boiled down to.
Partying, working, partying, and working...it was just him and Chairman Meow. Alone
No one ever wanted to stick around longer than a few months. He guessed it was easier this way. To build up walls around his heart, not letting anyone in and no more heartache ever again. Problem solved. Sometimes though, he felt the loneliness like a heavy weight right on his chest, pressing down until he could barely breathe. He took some deep breaths and felt tears spilling out and mixing with the water washing down his face.
How he longed to have someone to spend his long life with. Not even his whole life, just someone to spend years with. Someone who would be committed to him, and love him unconditionally. He knew it was too much to ask for. Being immortal, no one seemed to want to commit to him. His forever was too long for them, which is why he had to force himself to stop dwelling on what could be.
Turning the water off and stepping out into the steam, Magnus quickly got himself dressed in a v-neck burgundy silk blouse with gold trim and slim back pants. After looking at his outfit in the mirror, he decided he would go to Pandemonium after he was through with his client; he had nothing better to do with his time lately. He couldn't bear to spend many more lonely nights holed up in his loft watching Project Runway reruns, drinking alone. He made sure to apply his best smokey eye, added some glitter, and gold streaks in his hair to complete the look.
Looking at himself in the mirror, he built his walls and confidence back up and dared to let the hope rise in his chest. Maybe things would change for him soon. Maybe he would get out of this decades long slump and find something to live for again. Someone to love him…
“We got a call...demon sightings near the Pandemonium night club.” Jace said as he handed Alec his bow.
“Why am I not surprised? Always something going on at or around that place.” Alec sighed as he slipped into his jacket and strapped his weapons on.
“I don't mind, maybe it's just a few and we can hang around afterward and actually have a good time,” Izzy said with a smile beaming across her face, “We’ve done nothing but missions lately and I'm ready to have a good time. We need to have a good time. Don't you think, Jace?”
Izzy knew she could always look to Jace to back her up when it came to extracurricular fun after missions. Alec hated when she did this. He just wanted to do this mission and come back home. Those places always made him uncomfortable. All the sweaty bodies swaying to the music, most didn't even look like they were dancing; it was like an orgy going on right there for everyone to see. Not only that, the faeries always looked at him as if they knew his secret. His secret that no one could ever know.
No, he did not like partaking in Izzy's ideas of fun.
“Absolutely not, Iz. We finish the mission and come straight back.” Alec replied, giving her a pointed look. She met him for the challenge and then glanced at Jace for back up.
Jace looked between them and just shrugged, “I'm Switzerland...neutral Jace. I'm going to go get Clary, let's just go and we'll see what we do when we're finished.”
Alec grabbed his quiver and slung it over his shoulder and headed towards the exit.
“Come on, big brother, don't be such a buzz kill. It's Saturday night, it's been a pretty slow week, and I think we can take a couple of hours for ourselves.” Izzy reached out and grabbed his arm, turning him towards her and giving him her best doe eyes.
He especially hated when she did this. Isabelle had the biggest brown eyes and she knew he couldn't tell her no.
“Fine...but just for an hour or two.” He said with a resigned sigh. He was pathetic, he knew it. She played him, and he let her, but seeing her smile radiate made Alec so happy. He loved his sister so much and would do anything to make her happy.
“Thank you, Thank you!” She jumped up and threw her arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek.
“Okay, okay, enough of that, you're going to get your lipstick on me.” Grinning, he rubbed at the kiss mark on his cheek; trying to remove evidence of her lips.
Jace walked in with a smirk. “So I guess this means you got your way, Izzy?” He chuckled. “You lasted like what, 2 minutes this time, Alec?”
“Shut up, Jace, before I change my mind.” Alec said with an eye roll.
“Well, let's go kill some demons and get this party started!” Jace said with a grin.
Clary ran up to Izzy and they were practically squealing from excitement. Alec groaned. They acted as if they never left the institute or had any fun. So dramatic.
“Alright, let's go. Don't make me regret this.” Alec led the way with Jace by his side.
There were only six demons in all and the fight was over before it really even began. They realized that sending four Shadowhunters on this mission was overkill and they all stood there, none of them looking as if they had just disposed of six demons.
“Well! That was fun, now as promised...we get to go in the club!” Izzy and Clary laced their fingers together and quickly made their way to the entrance.
Alec overheard Clary saying that she was going to give Simon a call.
“By the Angel, now the vampire is coming too?” Alec said to himself under his breath. He felt a slap on his back. “Come on, brother, it's not that bad! Loosen up, get yourself a drink!” Jace said as he quickly followed after Clary with a wolfish grin.
Alec soon followed them in and saw that Izzy and Clary had wasted no time in going to the dance floor. Jace was already at the bar and so Alec made his way over to him.
“Just a water for me, thanks.” Alec told the bartender who was waiting for his order.
If no one else was going to be responsible tonight, he would. “A water, Alec? Really? At least get a beer or something,” Jace said with a disapproving look. “If anyone needs to relax and cut loose tonight, it's you.” He squeezed Alec's shoulders, gathered up the girls' cocktails and his beer and made his way over to Izzy and Clary on the dance floor.
Much to Alec's dismay, he saw that Meliorn had found Izzy and they were dancing together...a little too close for his liking. He never wanted to be the one to voice his concerns to Izzy about Meliorn, especially since their parents did everything they could to make her feel bad about her choices. He hated to agree with them in this case but he would never say anything to her. He would be supportive of her, just as Izzy has always been supportive of him. It was just that their off and on tumultuous relationship was not what she deserved. Izzy deserved the world; someone who would worship her and love her, and most of all, appreciate her. Appreciate what they had when they had her. Meliorn didn't. He was too cavalier in his affections towards her and that's what Alec hated. His sister meant the world to him, and maybe there wasn't anyone good enough to deserve her but he knew there had to be someone better than Meliorn.
He scanned the room and saw that Jace and Clary were kissing passionately in the middle of the dance floor. Ugh, Great.
He realized that in the past this would have bothered him. He would have felt a pang of jealousy at seeing Jace with someone else. He was glad that those feelings are gone. Soon after Clary came along, he realized that what he felt for Jace was never truly romantic love. He was the safe choice. The safe person that he could have a crush on. He knew that his feelings would never be reciprocated and so he would never have had to worry about his secret being revealed. Jace was safe. Now he felt nothing but brotherly love, parabatai love, for Jace. He just had to be careful now to not get swept up with feelings for anyone else. He needed to keep his secret safe.
“Yikes! A real smooch fest going on down there!” Simon said, plopping down next to Alec at the bar.
Alec groaned inwardly. Of course Simon would feel the need to sit with him. Not like he could really be the fifth wheel down there on the dance floor with the others.
“...yeah...” was all he could manage to say.
Simon turned to face the dance floor with Alec, “They back together again?”
“Huh?” Alec looked and saw that Simon was looking at Izzy and Meliorn. If he wasn't mistaken, he almost seemed to have a hint of sadness behind what now seemed like a forced smile.
“Yeah, I guess so. I'm never really sure what's going on between them.” Alec replied with a shrug.
Simon gave him a half smile and said “Well then...I guess it's just you and me for the night. Cheers, Old Sport.” He held up his beer bottle and clinked it with Alec's glass of water.
Alec rolled his eyes and wondered just what he had done wrong in life to have to spend his Saturday night in a club with this talkative vampire.
Magnus was down about six glasses of scotch. He felt a nice warmth and the room was a little swirly, but it would take a lot more than that to get him properly drunk. He was at his usual booth, surrounded by beautiful faeries and warlocks. A female faerie with mint green hair was nuzzling his neck and he honestly could not even remember her name. Or the handsome blue haired warlock's name on his other arm. This routine was getting old for him.
He scanned the dance floor and noticed a beautiful brunette shadowhunter dancing with a faerie he knew by the name of Meliorn. Now that was something he didn't see every day. Shadowhunters normally stuck to their own kind. Moving on, he saw a petite, curly haired, red head on the arm of a blonde muscular man.Both were shadowhunters. Three shadowhunters in one night? This was definitely unusual, something must be going on.
He excused himself from his group and headed towards the dance floor, eager to find out why there were so many shadowhunters in his downworlder club. The last thing he needed was a demon attack with shadowhunters going on a killing frenzy in the middle of his dance floor. On his way over, he glanced up at the bar and was taken aback for a moment when he spotted yet another shadowhunter, but this one was positively gorgeous.
Black hair, pale skin, broad shouldered; he seemed to be chatting with the male vampire next to him and watching the dance floor. Magnus felt a stirring in his chest.
No. He would not allow himself to get carried away by a pretty little thing. But he could look, no harm in that. He headed towards the bar and decided he would simply order a drink from the bartender and see what he could over hear.
Once arriving at the bar, he noticed that not only did he have beautiful messy black hair, smooth alabaster skin, plump pink lips, and a jaw line to die for, but also a large black rune that ran along the side of his neck. It accentuated his strong neck and Adam's apple, and his shadowhunter gear was fitted perfectly to his shoulders and arms, showing off his amazing muscles.
That was all Magnus could think about as he ordered a bottle of Scotch he had no intentions of drinking. Now, all he wanted was to watch this out of place, serious shadowhunter. He seriously hoped he wasn't here with the vampire; but judging from their body language they seemed to be just friends. He realized he was still staring when the young shadowhunter looked up and made eye contact with him from across the bar. He had the clearest hazel and green eyes, surrounded by thick black lashes.
His eyes were piercing, and Magnus felt as if the other man could see straight into his very soul. His heart was pounding and he felt breathless. The warlock quickly looked away and flagged down the bartender. He was going to have to come up with another order so he could linger a little longer.
Alec had been listening to Simon ramble on about comic book characters and Marvel movies for the past hour.
He kept noticing Simon watching Isabelle on the dance floor with a wishful longing. Alec knew that look. Part of him wanted to quickly shut that idea down, but at the same time he started wondering what would be worse, Simon or Meliorn? Alec knew that Isabelle dating an immortal would do nothing but lead to heart break.
He checked the phone for the time and was about to suggest that they wrap it up when he looks up and sees the most beautiful man he has ever seen standing at the bar in front of him.
Caramel colored skin that glittered, black hair styled beautifully with golden tips that seemed to shimmer in the flashing lights of the club, and deep brown eyes. The eyeliner and eye shadow accentuated his eyes so beautifully; his clothes shaping him like a work of art.
Alec's breath hitched in his throat and he felt a flush rise up in his cheeks. He knew that he was staring but he was unable to look away. He was mesmerized.
The man was staring back at him and Alec was lost in his eyes for what seemed like forever,but then the man quickly looked away and flagged down the bartender.
Oh no, Alec thought. Nope, it's time to go.
He quickly looked over at Simon who was smirking at him,almost as if he realized what Alec was thinking.
“It seems we're both striking out tonight.” He said with a shrug.
Alec scoffed and said gruffly, “I don't know what you're talking about.”
Simon only raised his brows at him “Hm.”
Shit. He knew. Only Izzy knew or had an inkling of what his secret was. Alec had never admitted it to her but he also had never denied any of her comments. Now it seems like there may be someone else who could see right through him. Was he so transparent?
He opened his mouth to say something to discredit any ideas that Simon had about him, but Alec realized that Simon was watching Izzy again and was obviously not going to push Alec on the topic. In that moment, he felt a great deal of appreciation towards him.
They definitely needed to leave before he bonded any more with the vampire.
He swiftly got up. With his shadowhunter grace, Alec made his way over to Izzy and told her that it was time to call it a night. He needed to get home; to get away from the club and the beautiful man. He needed to forget he ever saw him.
On his way out, he did one last scan of the room and saw the man watching him. Alec felt a shiver run up his spine and a stirring in his belly.
“Why were you in such a rush to get out of there?” Izzy said, following Alec into his bedroom once they were back at the Institute.
“What are you talking about? I told you we were only staying an hour or so. You got an hour and forty five minutes.” Alec quickly started discarding his gear and started gathering his pajamas. “Now, I'm going to go take a shower, if you'll excuse me.”
Izzy was standing in the doorway of his en-suite bathroom, blocking his way. “I was just trying to spend some time with Meliorn. I don't know why you always have to run away from your feelings and ruin everyone's fun in the process!”
Alec realized with a start that she was actually angry at him. “My feelings? What are you even talking about?”
“I'm not stupid, Alec, I'm more observant than you think, and I saw the look you were giving that guy at the bar.” She crossed her arms and remained in his doorway, but her expression softened. “There's nothing to be ashamed of. Also, you would feel a lot better if you just accepted yourself.” She spoke with tenderness, as if she didn't want to offend her brother.
“That- That has nothing to do with why I wanted to leave tonight. I'm tired, I just wanted to come back, take a shower and get to bed.” He stood there, waiting for her to move.
“Fine...but just so you know, you can always talk to me. I know you, Alec, so don't feel like you need to hide your true self from me. I love you and I want you to be happy.” She reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder, standing up on her tip toes to give him a kiss on his cheek, “Good night”.
She started to walk off and stopped at the bedroom door. “Oh, and Alec?” There was a mischievous grin on her face, “He was really sexy.” She winked at him and walked out, closing the door behind her.
Alec shook his head and chuckled softly as he went into his bathroom. He didn't know why he couldn't bring himself to speak openly with her; he knew that Isabelle would be a great listener and would give great advice. If there was anyone he could confide in, it would be her, followed by Jace. He knows he could tell Jace as well but fear held him back.
Maybe one day.
Right now he has too much to lose. He couldn’t risk anyone else knowing his secret. He was the acting head of the Institute and had his family's reputation to uphold.