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Kiss and Tell

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Kris isn't expecting Adam to call from Toronto. They talked about two days ago, and he had said he was unlikely to answer his phone during rehearsals. But it's actually a break when a weird synth version of "No Boundaries" lights up his phone.

"Hey, I thought you weren't going to call," Kris says.

"Well, I've decided to play wingman," Adam says, and there's a hint of glee in his voice.

"Okaaaay," Kris says, and immediately he prepares himself.

(Not that he and Adam ever played pranks on each other. Well, not since the Ice Cream Incident of 2012, but Kris doesn't quite trust the tone of Adam's voice.)

"No, I'm serious. I promised you that if ever I happened to meet someone on your list, I would tell you, didn't I?"

Kris makes a noncommittal noise, because he's in a room full of people, and he technically has a girlfriend (and has had for years, the tabloids say he's secretly married, but they had agreed a long time ago that marriage wasn't for them, it made the whole list thing a lot less complex. Telling Adam about the list had only happened when Kris had voluntarily given the Idol producers his sexuality and somehow Kris had decided to tell him about the list.

"You have a list?" Adam asks.

Kris rubs at his neck and nods, "Yeah. We both do."

"Am I on it?"

Kris shakes his head.

"Why not?"

Kris shrugs, "Do you think that would be a good idea?"

"It's a terrible idea, but it would be great while it lasted."

They both laugh.

"Okay, okay," Adam says, "Let me see the list, and I promise if ever I get to know anyone on it, I'll subtly point them your way."

"You want to be a booty call wingman?"

"Why not?"


"In fact, he should be walking into the rehearsal hall right about now," Adam says.

Kris resists the urge snap his head to the door, instead stretching his legs so he angles towards it. David Cook walks in the door, trading hugs with Debbie and laughing at whatever corny joke she's thrust on him.

"Adam, I already know him," Kris says.

"Yes, but did you know he has a list?"

David looks straight at Kris, and his smile is more than friendly. Kris coughs and stands. He walks to the corner of the room, motioning at his phone.

"Adam Lambert, what have you done?"

"Well, do you remember about three weeks ago, and you called me, and I was a little pissy and out of breath?"

"Yes," Kris says, and he already regrets wherever this is going.

"Maybe you interrupted a really great blowjob. From him."

"Wait. What?"

The mental picture of David on his knees in front of Adam is enough to have Kris grabbing the wall.

"I," Kris clears his throat, "I didn't realize he was your type."

"Oh he's not. He's just very aggressively sexual."

"As opposed to passively sexual?"

"You know exactly what I mean Kristopher. Apparently I was on his list, and we were at the same party, and he follows me to a quiet corner, and says 'hi' you know, in that long drawn out sexy way he does?"


"Anyway, he cocks his head at me, and says 'Look, I'm gonna cut to the chase. I hate these things, and this is likely the only time both of us will be at one, so this is me, propositioning you. As in let's ditch this place and go fuck somewhere.' So we did."

"Jesus, Adam," Kris looks around, because he is totally getting off on this, "what does this have to do with my list?"

"Well, lots of amazing orgasms later, I happened to ask what brought the whole thing on, and he's like, 'I have a list.' And I say 'Really? I know someone else who does, and you just happen to be on it.' And he was in the middle of trying to convince me to kiss and tell, when lo and behold you call. So I tell him."


"Hey, Kris."

Kris turns around and it's David.

"Is that Adam?"

Kris nods. "Yeah, he's just telling me how he wants me to watch out for Allison."

"Oh, well we're getting ready to start."

"Okay," Kris says.

"Now it's your turn to be aggressively sexual," Adam says. "You'll thank me later."

"I'm going to kill you."

"Love you too. Have fun."

Adam hangs up. Kris looks at his phone, then at David. What a night it was going to be.


There's a ton of picture taking, so David finds himself half blind, and tired before the night even starts. He feels hands on his shoulders even when they aren't there. But there's one hand placement he's still trying to figure out.

It's a picture with him and Scotty and Kris. David puts his hand on Kris's shoulder, but Kris's hand is most definitely not on his. David can't help but smirk at the hand on his ass, because it's fucking Kris Allen, but he's wondering if maybe Kris's best friend is pulling some kind of joke.

(David is a natural prankster, so he likes to think that he would recognize one when he saw it, and Kris had been on the phone with Adam, and his answer about what Adam called for was a complete lie, but David had let it pass. David thinks that maybe Adam told Kris about his list, and now Kris is playing up on it to mess with David. That has to be it.)

It's about one in the morning when he makes it up to his hotel room. He's in shirtsleeves and the scarf he wore earlier, although he's just drunk enough to forget where his jacket went. There wasn't anything important in it. As soon as he closes his hotel room door, there's a knock. He opens it.

"Kris?" David says and Kris had been really handsy and David had been not taking advantage of it all night, because this was totally a joke, and the moment he played along, he lost the game.

Except Kris grabs the scarf, and pulls David to him, his mouth hot and insistent.

David breaks them apart. "Wait, what?"

"Adam told me about your list."

"I had figured that much. But since when did you kiss boys, Kris Allen?"

"He also told me he told you about my list, the asshole," Kris grins.

David stares. "Wait, you have a list?"

Kris nods. "Guess who's on it?"

David grins, "Well, well, well. If I'd known that, we'd have been here hours ago."

He locks the door and turns to face Kris, who pushes him against the door, licking up David's neck, teeth grazing against his beard.

"You're very aggressive," David says.

"I heard the same about you," Kris says, unbuttoning David's shirt and running his hands over David's chest. David grabs Kris's hands and begins to back him towards the bed. He quickly removes Kris's shirt, and bends to suck on his nipples.

Kris groans, and his hand grabs at David's hair.

"Wait," Kris says. "I have an idea."

David steps back and looks at Kris. Smiles.

"Let's call Adam," they say at the same time.

They laugh.

"I'll do it," Kris says, "while you blow me."

"Deal," David says.




"You do realize it's like four in the morning, Kris," Adam mumbles into his phone

"Yeah, like that," Kris says, and Adam sits straight up in bed.


"God his mouth is amazing," Kris says. "He's got all of me in it, slick and wet, and hot,"

Adam gasps, and holy shit is Kris moaning?

"I'm going to fucking kill you," Adam whispers, but he doesn't hang up. "Tell me what else he's doing."

"He's kissing me, all up and down my cock and my balls and humming, and, yeah, don't stop that, he's god, he's getting out some lube now," Kris breathes.

Adam's hand goes down his pants, and yeah, he's totally into this.

"Why did you stop talking?"

The next voice on the phone is David's.

"I'm putting a finger in him, really, really slowly, two now, then three," David says.

Kris moans in the background, and Adam bites back his own.

"Now he's fucking me with his fingers, and sucking on me, and it's so damn good and god if you were here—"

That's when Adam comes in his pants, the thought of Kris and David and him and it's so powerful he's shaking afterwards, and the next thing he hears is most definitely Kris coming, and it's exactly the way Adam has heard in his head.

It's quiet for a moment, the David's voice again.

"Thank you for subscribing to 1866436IDOL, your self-service porn channel. To continue your subscription, please pay a one time payment of nineteen dollars and ninety-nine cents."

"Fuck you," Adam says.

"Been there, done that," David says, and Kris is giggling in the background.

"I'm not sure whether to be mad or incredibly thankful."

"Thankful!" Kris says. "

"I knew I was going to pay for that aggressively sexual comment," he says, "but I think this counts as a tie."

"Oh I don't know," Kris says, "I think we may film the next part."

The phone goes silent, and all Adam can do is laugh.