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The Groupchat

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You have entered the group: We Dem Boyz


ChillingGriffin: Why in the name of Van Gogh’s right ear did you guys let me get an ART DEGREE


SexyLexy: I mean you were weeks away from graduating when we started dating, I couldn't find an appropriate time to tell my extremely new girlfriend to change her degree, sorry guess that's on me :L


ChillingGriffin: No babe as always you are the only constant, pure thing in my life


ChillingGriffin: it's the OTHER evil constants in my life who I’m asking


ChillingGriffin: Raven and Bellamy, my supposed childhood best friends, the ‘smart ones’ the ‘teachers’ and the ‘future engineers’


ChillingGriffin: where are you guys I’m having a Crisis™ and you've left me for dead


ThatsSoRaven: griffin u are so not chillin


ThatsSoRaven: BINCH what do you mean ‘history teacher’ ‘future engineer’ we ARE those things go graffiti a wall or something get the anger out


ThatsSoRaven: be Banksy he's a passive aggressive dick


SexyLexy: omg did u guys hear about the guy in England he spray painted dicks on potholes so the government was forced to fix them


ChillingGriffin: amazing the hero we never knew we needed


SexyLexy: they called him Wanksy


ChillingGriffin: AMAZING


ThatsSoRaven: clarke is wanksy


SexyLexy: dam… i mean have u ever seen Clarke and Wanksy in the same room?? Suspicious….


ChillingGriffin: I hear wanksy is shredded… I hear wanksy has an eight pack


BellULater: oh my god


BellULater: I was subbing for the english teacher whose away on a field trip right


BellULater: n i was like to the kids okay do whatever the fuck u want just chill do homework live ur lives


ChillingGriffin: tbh tho i dont wanna hear the rest of this story bc if you had a free class then u have no excuse to not text us back


ThatsSoRaven: you missed clarke confessing that she was an english graffiti artist who rebels against the government by spray painting dicks


BellULater: anyway??


BellULater: so this kid decides to put his head on the desk and go to sleep #me


BellULater: and his friends decide to superglue his shoes to the ground bc when u leave teenage boys alone somethings getting superglued, so when the bell rings the kid is startled awake tries to stand up and then discovers he is FUCKING GLUED TO THE GROUND WITH NO HOPE OF MOVING


ChillingGriffin: LMAO MEEEE


ThatsSoRaven: amazing!!!! 10/10


SexyLexy: your school is so wild like I couldn’t imagine pulling that shit back in military school


ThatsSoRaven: two key words there lex ‘military school’


BellULater: but his little face the entire class was laughing while he was just STUCK there in a half standing position n he just turned to me really sadly and said ‘bellamy?’ in this wavering tone n ofc I caught the whole thing and didn’t know whether to laugh or hug him


BellULater: janitor had to scrape the shoes off the floor with a knife the kid was 20 mins late to class I wrote the teacher a note explaining what happened


ThatsSoRaven: what it say?? ‘lmao this fucking kid got punked and had his nikes glued to the ground by his fuck boi friends u shoulda seen it check my snapchat story I caught the whole fucking thing on video’


BellULater: ……. i mean ur not wrong


BellULater: pity I didn’t video it we coulda played it at his graduation :(


ThatsSoRaven: omg im stealing the superglue idea and doing it to that dickhead in my engineering class


ChillingGriffin: u say theyre all dickheads babe be a bit more specific


ThatsSoRaven: kyle fucking wick the racist MENISIST


BellULater: tbh im still not over the shock of us finding his twitter


BellULater: like one minute we were all teasing you about hooking up with him ((which I mean…yikes.. but u didn’t know he was trash its not ur fault)) and deciding to look him up and then the next minute we’re all staring at the screen


ThatsSoRaven: iknow…. It was such a slap in the face


ThatsSoRaven: and such a slap in the puthy too, first Finn, then Wick… why do I always hook up with evil


SexyLexy: okay but u hooked up with bellamy like u two are tru kings and queen


BellULater: awwwwww


ThatsSoRaven: but I mean I actually considered dating wick whereas bell is just friends with benefits


BellULater: is that all I am to u?? ur whore??? Someone convenient to use while you go off and find the love of your life while im stuck at home waiting for your call???


BellULater: jk ur young n beautiful you should be living life and sleeping with every hot guy n gal thatpasses you fuck dating!!!!


ChillingGriffin: the superglue story cleansed my soul tbh


SexyLexy: u know the way we say every time monty laughs an angel gets his wings?? Every time clarke feels stressed a teenage boy gets his shoes superglued to the ground


BellULater: job search not going well babe??


ChillingGriffin: no one wants to hire a person with an art degree?? Tbh who wouldve thought???


ThatsSoRaven: I know!! all our lives we were told if you study art you are guaranteed a job idk what changed… puzzling


ChillingGriffin: no offence but y u r evil


ThatsSoRaven: had to sell my soul to the devil to get looks this good xxx


ThatsSoRaven: okay im soz im in my last year of college and I am Full Of Fear


ThatsSoRaven: hey Bell remember in high school me n clarke tied your shoes together when u were sitting down at lunch and fox the girl u were crushing on couldn’t find a seat so you jumped up like a tru gentleman and YELLED ‘fox im done u can have my seat!!’ even tho u werent done eating, and when she came over to sit down you started walking to her and TRIPPED AND U BODY SLAMMED HER TO THE GROUND AND HER TRAY WENT FUCKING FLYING ACROSS THE CAFETERIA SPAGHETTI ALL UP IN THE AIR 


BellULater: did that happen?? :) tbh I can't remember :)


ChillingGriffin: WE remember I doubt Fox remembers since you knocked her out


BellULater: I didn’t come here to be disrespected???




SexyLexy: like I can just imagine baby Bellamy calling Fox over and Raven and Clarke giggling wearing devil horns and then in slow motion you crash into her and the spaghetti flies through the air while Ave Maria plays


BellULater: lexa it was awful tbh it still haunts me


BellULater: I cant look at spaghetti without having flashbacks


BellULater: im sweatin


ChillingGriffin: his palms are sweaty knees weak arms are heavy


ChillingGriffin: theres vomit on his sweater already


ChillingGriffin: moms spaghetti


ThatsSoRaven: I wonder where fox is now


BellULater: the one that got away :(


SexyLexy: I wonder where katy perry is now


ThatsSoRaven: hell where she belongs


BellULater: prob busy planning what other cultures she can appropriate so she can be Quirky


SexyLexy: omg drag me but teenage dreams is such a tune


SexyLexy: reminds me of clarke xx it was the song playing on the radio when I picked her up for our first date xx


ChillingGriffin: don’t you hate it when your nipples fly out of your bra


SexyLexy: anyways


BellULater: ano ffs that happens to me all the time I need a better bra


ThatsSoRaven: tbh lexa ur lucky if katy perry was playing when someone picked me up for the first date id prob turn the car around myself and drive home


ThatsSoRaven: after ripping the radio out of course xx


BellULater: someone stole my car radio and now I just sit in silence


SexyLexy: STTOPPP??


ChillingGriffin: … anyways


ThatsSoRaven: lmao remember when we had to convince clarke not get a twenty one pilots tattoo


ChillingGriffin: stop!!!!!!!!


ChillingGriffin: ur all fake?? We all liked them once upon a time


BellULater: vessel >>>> over blurryface


ChillingGriffin: End This


ChillingGriffin: tgif gang whats the plan for tonight??


ThatsSoRaven: the same thing we do ever Friday night pinkie… pregame in Bellamys living room, get high and listen to the smiths while talking about world events and mature conversations like what would our role be in a post apocalyptic world and them after 3 hours of getting Turnt we all stumble to the dropship bar where shenanigans ensue and someone ends up on the roof


SexyLexy: Im still annoyed u all laughed at me when I said id be a leader of a whole warrior army in a post apocalyptic world fuck a fake friends where ur real friends at


ChillingGriffin: youre too diplomatic to be a leader idk I think thered be a lot of compromises if you were in charge


BellULater: I think thered be a lot of compromises if lexa was in charge of the bedroom ;;;;)


BellULater: bc we all know lexas is the most bottoms of bottoms






SexyLexy has removed BellULater from the group: ‘We Dem Boyz’


ThatsSoRaven: what the fuck how dare you treat my husband like this?????


ThatsSoRaven has added BellULater to the group: ‘We Dem Boyz’


BellULater: I will fight ur lil gay ass Woods don’t fuckin test me u may be ripped but youre exactly 3 feet tall


ChillingGriffin: um?????? Me lexa and raven are ALL 5’5 we could take you down u big fucking tree


BellULater: is that a man in a trenchcoat or just clarke lexa and raven sitting on each others shoulders trying to sneak into an r rated movie


ThatsSoRaven: who would win in a fight bellamy armed with the superglued shoes or us in a trench coat


SexyLexy: bellamy could run at us with his head down like a bull and we would topple right over I don’t think we'd be very stable :(


ChillingGriffin: that’s such a mental image im laffin


ChillingGriffin: Bellamy The Bull


ChillingGriffin: but srs tho plans for tonight?? Bellamys then drop ship??


BellULater: ACTUALLY ya boy has a date for the evening!!! You can still go to my place and pre game with miller obvs n Ill prob swing by the dropship around midnight and join you xox


ThatsSoRaven: a date???? Before marriage??


SexyLexy: who!!


ChillingGriffin: whats their name??


BellULater: her name is gina…


SexyLexy: where does she work??


BellULater: library…


BellULater: she helped me locate a book about the roman empire


ChillingGriffin:  nerd


ThatsSoRaven: do we have any mutual friends with her??


BellULater: END THIS


BellULater: why do you guys always facebook stalk everyone I ever meet


ThatsSoRaven: bc youre weirdly popular and have more friends with us and we are all ridiculously co-dependent we have to know everything about each other lives


BellULater: ye I know??? When I started working at the highschool you knew ever single teacher who worked there before i did!! Weirdos!!


ChillingGriffin: hey you Facebook stalked lexa when we went on our first date


SexyLexy: ???!!!!


BellULater: that’s because you had serious heart eyes for her and at the time she was considered our Enemy I was just looking out for my girl


SexyLexy: aw heart eyes clarke??


ChillingGriffin: I said I love you after our third date u know I had heart eyes binch


SexyLexy: I know but I love knowing you liked me as much as I liked you


ChillingGriffin:  from the moment I laid eyes on you I was head over heels


ThatsSoRaven: this is cute… but also so fucking gay?? Stop it


ThatsSoRaven: whats gina like?? She cute??


BellULater: very cute you would like her I think


SexyLexy: do she got the booty




ThatsSoRaven: I hate you??? I hate you more than murphy and finn and wick put together??


BellULater: I don’t understand why you use memes from fucking 2012!!!!!! Why?????


BellULater: like you don’t even mean to do it you are literally incapable of using a meme from this month??


ThatsSoRaven: its disgusting??


BellULater: it's disgraceful??


ThatsSoRaven: in this day and age of meme culture??


SexyLexy: I don’t understand meme culture!!!!!


SexyLexy: back in my day we had things called ‘inside jokes’ which always stayed alive and never had a time limit


BellULater: ‘back in my day’ I swear to god I think youre actually an 100 year old woman reincarnated as a 21 one year old girl who doesn’t understand the young uns of the day


ThatsSoRaven: it would explain why youre so bad with technology


BellULater: ur insta be popping tho I cant believe ur insta famous and clarke is vine famous what sort of couple GOALS


ThatsSoRaven: kim and kanye who??


ChillingGriffin: we both have a couple 100 thousands followers we’re not famous


ThatsSoRaven: ‘couple 100 thousand followers’ oh yeah same who doesn’t lmao


ChillingGriffin: back to dragging lexa about memes tho…


SexyLexy: klorke why


ChillingGriffin:  it's embarrassing??


ThatsSoRaven: hold the fuck up!!!!!


BellULater: clarke is that you???


ThatsSoRaven: what happened to the Lexa Outdated Meme Defence Squad???


BellULater: of which there was only one member, you, bc everyone is sick of lexas shit??


ChillingGriffin: yes well….


ChillingGriffin: she started singing what does the fox say yesterday…


BellULater: I Am Disgusted




BellULater: is that song a meme tho


BellULater: actually its outdated as fuck I’ll let it pass


SexyLexy: thank u judge blake


ChillingGriffin: ….


ChillingGriffin: she started singing it while she was going down on me




SexyLexy: they don’t call me sexy lexy for nuthin I know what a woman wants


ThatsSoRaven: OH MY GOD


ThatsSoRaven: I AM SCREAMING!!!!!!!




ThatsSoRaven: omg details like did she sing the words ‘what does the fox say’ and then start doing the fucking demonic yapping into ya puthy??


BellULater: delete this tbh????


ChillingGriffin: yes I was STARTLED


SexyLexy: it was in my head!! I just started singing


ChillingGriffin:  ……. U had me lying in bed naked as the day I was born, about to eat me like a buffet dinner…. And the fucking fox song was in ur head???


BellULater: ur lucky u don’t have a dick that’s a boner killer right there my man


ThatsSoRaven: really??? Hmmm better test it out next time we hook up


ThatsSoRaven: next time ur getting a blow job ur getting a reyes remix of gangnam style


ThatsSoRaven: use ya dick like a microphone


SexyLexy: ur so talented


SexyLexy: when does ur mixtape drop??


SexyLexy: come to brazil


ChillingGriffin: no but bellamy I dried up like the savannah desert


SexyLexy: u liar it was like the titanic had just been hit by an iceberg and we were the only two without a life boat it was wet™


ThatsSoRaven: and cold??


BellULater: people died lexa


ChillingGriffin: rip jack and rose


ThatsSoRaven: they couldve both fit on that fucking board of wood??


SexyLexy: we are NOT having this debate again


ChillingGriffin: it hurts too much


BellULater: are these kids in my class kidding they know I can clearly see them cheating?? Amateurs


ThatsSoRaven: we were the kings and queens of cheating back in the day


ChillingGriffin: remember during my biology test I had the textbook beside me the entire time and I still failed?? How??


ThatsSoRaven: I still cant believe Dr Singh CAUGHT you cheating and didn’t do anything


SexyLexy: maybe that’s why u failed


ChillingGriffin: ur honestly not wrong babe


BellULater: g2g a kid just straight up fainted off her chair onto the ground ttyl xoxxooxox


ThatsSoRaven: omg hope shes okay xx I gotta blast too guys ive an exam I sadly cant cheat on


SexyLexy: good luck both of u xox


ChillingGriffin: deuces


BellULater and ThatsSoRaven have left the group ‘We Dem Boyz’


ChillingGriffin: and then there was two :)


SexyLexy: I have a class that I could very potentially skip to go make my fave girl feel better ;)


ChillingGriffin: you know that’s what I like to hear


SexyLexy: oh I know what you like to hear


SexyLexy sent an audio recording into the group ‘We Dem Boyz’


ChillingGriffin: I honestly don’t know what I expected


ChillingGriffin: but you singing what does the fox say complete with animal noises while walking through a crowded area wasn’t one of them


SexyLexy: Im walking through campus, everyones looking at me, jealous of my talent I expect


ChillingGriffin: what else could it be


SexyLexy: so….. are you onboard the titanic right now or stranded in the desert


ChillingGriffin: why don’t you come find out ;)


ChillingGriffin has left the group ‘We Dem Boyz’

Chapter Text

You are now entering the group: ‘spill the truth tea’ 


OctaviaTheYounger: WAZZZZZZZZZZUP 


ChillingGriffin: Oh Shit She Back! 




OctaviaTheYounger: AAHHHHHH 


ThatsSoRaven: AAHHHHHHH 


OctaviaTheYounger: what's up u meme loving fucks 


ThatsSoRaven: where have you been?? You’ve been ghost for the past 24 hours?? 


SexyLexy: Beds empty! No note! Car gone, could have crashed, out of my mind with worry, 

SexyLexy:Did you care? 


ThatsSoRaven: alright lexa its 9 am and I am extremely hungover im gonna need you to take the theatrics down a notch if you would 


SexyLexy: it's Harry Potter 


ThatsSoRaven: okay im gonna need you to take ur *nerd theatrics down a notch 


SexyLexy: harry james potter is not fucking nerdy take that back?? 


BellULater: harry james potter inspired a nation Reyes don’t make me come over here 


OctaviaTheYounger: nice to see the Harry Potter Defence Squad is still in action  


BellULater: Defence Against The Dark Squad 


SexyLexy: lmao we should get that printed on tshirts 


ChillingGriffin: yeah harry potter is cool!! 


OctaviaTheYounger: yikes…… 


ThatsSoRaven: and clarke is right on time!!! 


SexyLexy: babe… 


ChillingGriffin: shut up you all know I love Harry Potter?? 


BellULater: we all know you lie about reading the books 


ChillingGriffin: for the 100th time I have read the fucking books!!! 


OctaviaTheYounger: oh yeah??  


ChillingGriffin: yeah!! 


OctaviaTheYounger: let me ask u this then, and you can NOT google bc we’ll know 


OctaviaTheYounger: WHO is PEEVES??? 


ChillingGriffin: ha I know this one!!! 


ChillingGriffin: hes a funny man and shouldn't have been left out of the movies bc he provided a lot of humour 


ChillingGriffin: stick that in ur pipe and smoke it binch 


SexyLexy: ‘hes a funny man’ 


BellULater: clarke be honest did you just hear us talking about peeves once and retained it for a moment like this?? 


ChillingGriffin: no… 


BellULater: I think u did 


ChillingGriffin: oh yeah?? Try to prove it in court asshole im taking u to the fucking cleaners 


BellULater: for what??  


ChillingGriffin: for inflaming my good name and reputation!!! 


PresidentBaeLincoln: is Clarke trying to fit in again 


ChillingGriffin: shut up Lincoln don't make me pull your hair out 


ChillingGriffin: oh wait…  


ChillingGriffin: I forgot…. 


ChillingGriffin: you're already bald 


PresidentBaeLincoln: for the last time I am not bald I shave my hair for convenience  


OctaviaTheYounger: and to show off that pretty bone structure am I right my main man?? 


PresidentBaeLincoln: you aint wrong baby g! 


BellULater: O I thought I was your main man? 


PresidentBaeLincoln: you're my main man Bell 


OctaviaTheYounger: ur right Lincolns my squeeze and ur my main man, in a totes platonic sibling way obvs 


PresidentBaeLincoln: I love being in a polygamous relationship with the Blake siblings 


ThatsSoRaven: couple goals 2k16 


SexyLexy: clarke and I are couple goals 2k16 


OctaviaTheYounger: I agree 


SexyLexy: Thank you Octavia most gracious and kind, my favourite of the Blake siblings 


OctaviaTheYounger: I read the messages of clarke informing everyone you sang what does the fox say while going down on her. DAMN couple goals!! Wish Lincoln would do me like that!! 


SexyLexy: I changed my mind im #teambellamy i love our rebel king 


OctaviaTheKing: if Bellamys the king that means im the princess bitch suck this ass 


SexyLexy: well you've got the manners of a princess  


ThatsSoRaven: and hell yeah im the motherfucking princess 


ThatsSoRaven: I can tell u like me too and u know im right 


ThatsSoRaven: cause, she's like so whatever 


ThatsSoRaven: you could so much better 


ThatsSoRaven: I think we should get together now 


ThatsSoRaven: and that’s what everyones talking about! 


ChillingGriffin: ENOUGH 


ThatsSoRaven: clarke you would interrupt me when I was just about to hit the chorus aka when the beats drops ur so white 


SexyLexy: not to be dramatic but watching avril lavinge music videos as a child made me gay 

ThatsSoRaven: which one? Sk8r girl or emo princess? 


SexyLexy: BOTH 


SexyLexy: I was too young at the time to notice the change 


BellULater: I still don’t understand her change from sk8r girl who wore ties n skateboarded, to pop princess with long bleach blonde hair like im all for it but how did it happen? 


BellULater: and of course there's ‘hello kitty’ which threw away any integrity her career had left 


ChillingGriffin: maybe the song is really famous in japan and shes making hella paper? 


BellULater: ah yes, who doesn't love it when a white person releases a song and capitalises on your culture and uses people of your race as convenient props? 


ThatsSoRaven: spill that motherfucking truth tea bellamy!!! 


SexyLexy: I fully get what youre saying and support it but is hello kitty considered japanese culture?? 


PresidentBaeLincoln: its huge over there and she did capitalise on it 


PresidentBaeLincoln: I have a theory on why Avril changed so much from skater chick to princess 


OctaviaTheYounger: babe not another conspiracy theory 


SexyLexy: come on lincoln hit me with!! What happened to my girl Avril! 


PresidentBaeLincoln: she died 


SexyLexy: …. 


SexyLexu: eh??? 


PresidentBaeLincoln: she died, its not even a conspiracy theory I completely believe it 


SexyLexy: elaborate please 


PresidentBaeLincoln: according to Popular Internet Theory™ she died in 2003, I believe she died in 2004, just after the release of her emotional album ‘Under My Skin’ which in my opinion got snubbed for a grammy. 


ChillingGriffin: so whose been the Avril Lavinge since 2004? 


PresidentBaeLincoln: Doppleganger 


ChillingGriffin: naturally 


BellULater: and what about Hello Kitty? Is there a new Doppleganger for her? 


PresidentBaeLincoln: I believe Avril 2.0 wanted to tell the world the truth about the death of Canada’s national treasure and she was terminated, Hello Kitty Avril is now Avril 3.0 


SexyLexy: fascinating  


SexyLexy: how did she die in 2004? 


PresidentBaeLincoln: she was having a hard time after her parents divorce and then her grandpa died so she killed herself 


SexyLexy: yikes 


OctaviaTheYoung: who would kill themselves over a grandparent like… 


ChillingGriffin: yeah I don’t believe that 


PresidentBaeLincoln: she isnt alive guys the music is proof 


ThatsSoRaven: not to be dramatic but can we please not talk about suicide :) like im literally triggered 


PresidentBaeLioncoln: shit Raven I'm so sorry 


ThatsSoRaven: no it’s fine!! I kinda feel like a baby for pointing it out I just feel uncomfortable  


OctaviaTheYounger: NEVER feel uncomfortable around us we completely get it 


PresidentBaeLincoln: no its my fault!! I wasn’t even thinking I'm sorry don't feel like a baby its perfectly fine 


BellULater: we’ve all got shit going on with us if one of us feels uncomfortable we’d all understand and try to help 


SexyLexy: this is a safeplace filled with friends 


ChillingGriffin: love you Ray xxx 


ThatsSoRaven: you guys im gonna cry omg love my pals xxxxx 


ThatsSoRaven: but yeah im #chill now so lets change the subject lol 

ChillingGriffin: Lincoln n O were where you guys yesterday 


OctaviaTheYounger: having a sex marathon 


ChillingGriffin: well then 


BellULater: WHAT 




BellULater: SIKE! Yes baby sis get that dick 


OctaviaTheYounger: thanks Bell!!! Love my big bro!! 


SexyLexy: your relationship is so confusing my family would never talk like this 


BellULater: it wasn't always like this but then I helped my mom give birth to O and theres no going back after that 


BellULater: you either be traumatised or roll with it 


OctaviaTheYounger: Bellamy bought me my first pack of condoms when I started thinking about sex 


ThatsSoRaven: he did that for all of us 


ChillingGriffin: he also gave all of us the most in dept sex talk ever experienced 


ThatsSoRaven: there was a powerpoint on every sexuality, he went through straight sex, lesbian sex, gay sex, anal, std’s EVERYTHING it was amazing 


BellULater: im the oldest it was my responsibility  


ThatsSoRaven: you're 1 month older than me :) but okay 


ChillingGriffin: it was great especially considering my mother, the doctor, just threw a pamphlet with basic sex information at me 


SexyLexy: well I grew up in military school so no sex ed for me 


ThatsSoRaven: just a lot of same sex banging in the bathroom 


SexyLexy: essentially thank fuck we were all secretly gay af or else there would have been so much teen pregnancies 


BellULater: honestly that was my worst fear as teen being best friends with three girls like the baby would’ve been adorable and we all woulda had a blast raising it but the Fear™ 


PresidentBaeLincoln: wasn't it weird hearing Octavia talk about having sex for the first time?? I mean that’s ur baby sis 


BellULater: Lincoln idk if you have some internalised misogyny or if its because youre an only child but no!!! 


BellULater: I mean when O told me she had sex for the first time I got a lil #emotional but just because it meant we were all growing up not because my poor baby sister was suddenly impure or taken advantage of or whatever they the older brothers say on tv  


OctaviaTheYounger: let Lincoln live he was raised in an old fashioned home he just wants to respectful he's still learning 


OctaviaTheYounger: lmao Bell remember when I lost the big v and when I came home we sat on the kitchen floor eating ice cream until 5 am  


OctaviaTheYounger: we always did that any date or party we went to we’d always stay up talking 


ThatsSoRaven: you STILL do it living with Octavia is a nightmare  


ChillingGriffin: ‘he just wants to be respectful’ lmao remember when Bellamy and Lincoln met for the first time 


PresidentAbeLincoln: BYEEEEEEEE 


ThatsSoRaven: lmao I forgot!!! 


PresidentBaeLincoln: I haven't  


OctaviaTheYounger: I still have war flashbacks  


OctaviaTheYounger: as if I wasn’t nervous enough introducing my brother, the most important person in my life to a guy I really liked but at the time happened to be the Enemy™ and then he had to go and do that 


ThatsSoRaven: play the flashback footage!! 


OctaviaTheYounger: I will NEVER forget everyone was already salty that Clarke and I were starting to date the Enemy™ and I finally got Lincoln and Bell in the same room 


ChillingGriffin: and what happened??? 


OctaviaTheYounger: I’ll tell ya what happened Griffin!! 

OctaviaTheYounger: by dear, respectful, traditional boyfriend, walked up to my dear, woke, modern brother, shook his hand, looked him directly in the eye and said ‘don't worry Bellamy, I’ll take care of your little sister, I wont hurt her.’ 




ThatsSoRaven: [Bellamy looks into camera like he's in the Office] 


BellULater: I just went …. Anyways…. 


BellULater: like 1) Octavia could kick anyones ass, she could kick her own ass she doesn't need any one to ‘take care of her’ 2) ‘I wont hurt her’ ?? why you telling ME this tell your girlfriend that!! Not her brother!!! Shes a mature lady who can take care of herself and make her own mistakes!!! 


PresidentBaeLincoln: OKAYYYY 


PresidentBaeLincoln: that was a year ago!!! I've learned I’ve grown I consider myself an intersectional feminist lets chill with past embarrassing memories 


SexyLexy: that’s good tho!! The whole point of having friends is to help you grow and be a better person by correcting your mistakes 


OctaviaTheYounger: you were already kind and lovely just a lil old fashioned 


OctaviaTheYounger: but I’ll never forget the look Bell gave me 


OctaviaTheYounger: it was just ‘really?’ 


BellULater: I honestly didn't think he would hang around for long 


ChillingGriffin: and then one day 


BellULater: and then one day we were playing basketball and Lincoln stood in front of the sun as he took his shirt off  


BellULater: and the light was streaming behind him like he really was an angel sent from heaven 


ThatsSoRaven: and then 


BellULater: and then I seen his abs and now my little sister was a mature lady who made her own decisions and once again she had acted wisely 


OctaviaTheYounger: aw 


PresidentBaeLincoln: thanks babe 

SexyLexy: Lincoln really is in a polygamous relationship with the Blake siblings 


ChillingGriffin: Bellamy how was ur date with Gina the librarian? 


OctaviaTheYounger: did you guys have fun last night?? 


ThatsSoRaven: it feels like I haven't seen you guys in forever even tho it’s been exactly a day 


OctaviaTheYounger: that crippling co dependancy!!! Squad goals!! 


BellULater: will we go to that diner Lexa broke her ankle at and get brunch?? 


SexyLexy: I’m banned from said diner due to backflipping off the table and breaking my ankle, which you all dared me too, and it's 9 am it would be considered breakfast  


ChillingGriffin: you look cute in a hat babe 


ThatsSoRaven: yes bacon time!!! I have to wait until the guy and the girl in my bed wake up and leave my apartment and then I'm game 


PresidentBaeLincoln: LMAO YOU KEPT THAT QUIET 


ChillingGriffin: WHAT 




OctaviaTheYounger: i love Raven so much 


SexyLexy: omg isnt it so awkward when you have a threesome at someone elses apartment and you and the other person leave the apartment together in the morning as if you didn't just sleep with them  


PresidentBaeLincoln: LEXA had a threesome 


SexyLexy: what do you mean ‘a’ threesome there's been more than one 








OctaviaTheYounger: I love Lexa 


PresidentBaeLincoln: why is everyone having threesomes @ octavia we need to have one 


PresidentBaeLincoln: we’ve had sex on top of a ferris wheel at the county fair when it broke down for 20 minutes but we haven't had a threesome?? What are we cave people?? 


BellULater: im so annoyed that youre dating my sister otherwise I’d be naked in your bed looking for someone dtf on tindr right this second 


BellULater: but always slay Lexa get that puthy!!! 


OctaviaTheYounger: remember we thought Lexa was too cold and boring for Clarke? Lol 


ChillingGriffin: lol is right bitch my girl keeps all y’all on your toes 


OctaviaTheYounger: can we make a pact that 2016 is gonna be a year of new experiences, slutty behaviour, going wild 


OctaviaTheYounger: we’re young we’re free we’re beautiful 


OctaviaTheYounger: LETS LIVE BITCHES 


ThatsSoRaven: im in!!! oh and @ bellamy im always dtf ;) 


PresidentBaeLincoln: can we talk about the hottest bombshell of 2016  


PresidentBaeLincoln: Raven is in the aftermath of a threesome and Lexa has had multiple?? 


PresidentBaeLincoln: im shook to my core and also very jealous  


ChillingGriffin: brunch!!! 40 minutes and Raven if your buddies arent awake kick them the fuck out you're not running a b&b 


ThatsSoRaven: okay, order me my usual when you get there because im so fucking hungry im contemplating eating the girl 


OctaviaTheYounger: eating her puthy or eating her flesh 


OctaviaTheYounger: ;););) 


ThatsSoRaven: disgusting none of you are free from sin, none of you 


BellULater: meet you all there! And Lexa wear sunglasses bc they have ur picture blown up on the wall behind the counter as you walk in through the door and unless you want to pay for the light you broke during your gold medal backflip id suggest you stay hidden 


SexyLexy: goddammit ur right 


ChillingGriffin: k!! see you all then after me n Lex have a quickie 


OctaviaTheYounger: lmao same Lincoln get those boxers off 


PresidentBaeLincoln: im right next to you is it necessary for you to text me 


OctaviaTheYounger: and yet you texted me back :))))) 




OctaviaTheYounger: im at Lincolns apartment 


BellULater: yeah I know lol I put condoms in all his drawers because you never know when the sexiness is gonna happen and you end up banging in the kitchen you need protection 


ThatsSoRaven: theres condoms all over my apartment thanks to you Bell do you get paid by trojan to sponsor them? To get their name out there in every nook and cranny? 


BellULater: I do it to everyone, I even stocked in up in Lexa the Lesbian™ apartment bc I hear dildos can get unsanitary  


ThatsSoRaven: jesus that is not information I needed to have at 9 am on an extremely hung over morning 


BellULater: oops sorry  


BellULater: go throw up if you need to 


BellULater: at least it would wake up your sleepover pals 


ThatsSoRaven: im good the nausea has passed 


ThatsSoRaven: oh my friends are stirring awake 


ThatsSoRaven: the girl is literally waking up with a smile on her fave damn I’m good in bed 


ThatsSoRaven: ‘I’m so happy I put so much effort into my vagina last night I’m so glad it wasn’t wasted’ 


ThatsSoRaven: well then 


BellULater: lmao me 


ThatsSoRaven: lmao the guy just went ‘well I’m glad your vagina wasn't wasted but I certainly was yo Rachel (that me) you got any aspirin?’ 


BellULater: that’s also me 


BellULater: I’m leaving the house now Rachel I wanna get to the diner a little early to see if they remember a tiny backflipping brunette and her loud cheering group of friends 


ThatsSoRaven: it was literally last month but go for it babe. See you in 20 xx 


BellULater: deuces  


You are now leaving the group: ‘spill the truth tea’

Chapter Text

You are now entering the group: Let's get down to business, to defeat the huns 


BellULater: When am I ever not hungover 


SexyLexy: It’s a Thursday morning you mess sort your life out 


BellULater: Do not sign me up for Alcoholics Anonymous again you little gremlin 


SexyLexy: Teehee that was so funny 


BellULater: Some random fucks showed up to my apartment talking about the 12 steps I’m still shook and I was getting emails for WEEKS 


SexyLexy: You signed me up for sex addicts!! 


SexyLexy: You piss in my house, I piss in your house 


BellULater: You and Clarke had sex in my bed right next my unconscious body, you were out of control, like I HAD to sign you up for Sex Addicts 


BellULater: gremlin or not I still care about you 


SexyLexu: u liked it 


BellULater: I most definitely did not 


BellULater: you have no idea how scary it was waking up the next morning naked beside the two of you 


BellULater: Like imagine waking up beside your lifelong best friend and her most definite gay girlfriend  


BellULater: the most awkwardest threesome ever 


SexyLexy: I don't understand how you sleep naked every night 


SexyLexy: What if someone breaks into you home how will you defend yourself?? 


SexyLexy: I already have 10 emergency plans and scenarios worked out incase something happens to Clarke and I whilst we are Intimate™ 


ChillingGriffin: It’s true she stages different emergency scenarios once a month so I’ll be prepared for anything 


ChillingGriffin: ‘Safety is most important Clarke, we have to have a plan incase something happens now quit trying to get in back into bed and grab a machete in case the aliens have tentacles.’ 


BellULater: Sleeping naked is just a habit, I mean how many people do I sleep with on a regular basis? 


SexyLexy: Hello is this the Sex Addicts hotline I’d like to sign my friend up for a meeting, his name? Pot, I’m kettle. 


ThatsSoRaven: Weren't you guys drunk when you had sex next to Bellamy? Like Bell was passed out due to downing a mixed bottle of sambuka and vodka?? 


BellULater: Please don't remind me of that night 


ThatsSoRaven: I'm just saying how many times have I drunkenly walked into you having sex with someone and my only reaction was to go ‘get it Bellamy!’ and then promptly curl up in a ball on the floor and pass out 


ThatsSoRaven: we’ve all done it 


BellULater: well usually your reaction these days is ‘get it Bell! Move over lil Ravens gotta spread her wings!’ but I see your point 


PresidentBaeLincoln: why is everyone having threesomes good God 


BellULater: Obvs I’ve seen Lexa and Clarke the dirty sex addicts get it on hundreds of times I just don't understand why they had to do it NEXT TO ME 


BellULater: roll me on the floor next time guys 


ChillingGriffin: we didn't want to hurt you Bell we wanted you to be comfortable  


SexyLexy: your happiness and health are all we care about Bellamy 


BellULater: Okay… y’all needa chill 


ChillingGriffin: We love you Bellamy. 


SexyLexy: You're so important to us Bellamy. 


BellULater: what the fuck I feel like I joined a cult 


ThatsSoRaven: Maybe when they had sex next to you it was part of a ritual 


ChillingGriffin: Mwahahaha 


SexyLexy: I'm laughing  


BellULater: I’m disgusted 


BellULater: Actually I’m gonna throw up in my desk drawer  


ThatsSoRaven: Bell you’ve fried my head, I mean how many of our teachers do you think showed up to school hungover?? 


ChillingGriffin: How many teachers do you think show up late to their classes last day of finals  because they were busy banging the home ec teacher in her mini cooper?? 


ThatsSoRaven: How many teachers do you think didn’t show up to school for 3 hours because they were having kinky sex with a married woman, who tied said teacher to the bed frames with scarves and then went off to pick her husband up from the airport?? 


BellULater: why am I constantly being reminded of my mistakes 


PresidentBaeLincoln: Mistakes help people grow apparently  


ChillingGriffin: I really thought we had overcome every level of friendship possible but then I got a call at 10 am from a frantic Bellamy yelling an address into the phone so I could come ‘cut him loose and rescue him.’ 


BellULater: I still can't believe you took pictures of me in such a vulnerable position  


ChillingGriffin: Your ankles and hands were tied to the bed by pink flowery scarves and you were completely naked ur damn right I'm taking pictures 


SexyLexy: Clarke called me after she picked you up and I thought something horrible had happened until I realised she was crying from laughter 


BellULater: Something horrible had happened!!! 


PresidentBaeLincoln: I still can't believe you dislocated your shoulder to get to your phone on the bedside table 


BellULater: That was the day I cursed smart phones and wished for the gold old days, before touch screens and passcodes were necessary  


BellULater: I was practically crying when I had strain my body over the bed and use my nose to open my phone and scroll for Clarkes number 


ThatsSoRaven: Still hurt you didn't call me 


BellULater: I barely had strength to scroll to the ‘C’s’ in my phone, let alone to the ‘R’s’ I very nearly thought fuck it and was about to call Clarkes mom because she's the first in my contact list 


ChillingGriffin: She woulda loved it 


ThatsSoRaven: nah she has a crush on me 


ChillingGriffin: She actually does! Which is weird considering she's homophobic  


ChillingGriffin: Actually she's not even homophobic, she's so accepting towards other people. Not to her own daughter tho! Nah fuck my happiness I’ll just ‘meet a nice guy when I'm older and settle down with him.’ 


ThatsSoRaven: Fuck her I’m your mother now go deepthroat a dildo while I buy you a prom 

dress made out of a bisexual flag 


ChillingGriffin: It’s too early if I start thinking about my mom now I'm just gonna get all riled up and be in a bad mood all day. 


ThatsSoRaven: Bell why are so hungover I thought it was just you and Octavia hanging out last night? 


ThatsSoRaven: Wait never mind I just answered my own question  


ChillingGriffin: Another Blackout Blake Bash then? 


BellULater: well not really it was a pretty quiet night 


ChillingGriffin: Okay but you two consider a night ‘quiet’ only when it doesn’t end in a police chase so what went down 


OctaviaTheYounger has entered the groupchat: Let's get down to business, to defeat the huns 


OctaviaTheYounger: Bellamy how cute are our tattoos!! 


PresidentBaeLincoln: I knew I shouldn't have left early last night  


ChillingGriffin: Y’all got tattoos?? Are they matching 


ThatsSoRaven: Lincoln your FOMO is showing 


PresidentBaeLincoln: Fomo? Fuck Our Monkeys Out? 


ThatsSoRaven: No you sweet natured idiot. Fear Of Missing Out 


OctaviaTheYounger: Yep they are matching.  I got ‘Bellamy’ on one of my collarbones and ‘Aurora’ on the other collarbone. Bell got the same with me and moms name. 


ThatsSoRaven: That's so cute omg!! 


SexyLexy: sibling goals as hell 


ChillingGriffin: Adopt me!!! 


BellULater: we had this planned for a long time we were gonna wait till O’s 21st birthday because you know the way we all got our first tattoos when me and Raven were 16 and Clarke was 15 and O was an iddy baby 14 year old so we were like hey lets wait until you're an Official Adult!! 


ThatsSoRaven: Cute logic even though you both have several tattoos already  


ThatsSoRaven: I love matching tattoos the four of us should get one since we’ve been friends for like two decades 


SexyLexy: I can't get over me and Clarke both having infinity tattoos before we even met 


SexyLexy: Like we already have matching tattoos!! 


ChillingGriffin: I know if that doesn't mean we’re soulmates what else does?? 


ThatsSoRaven: Having matching infinity tattoos doesn't mean you're soulmates it means you're both white 


PresidentBaeLincoln: DRAG THEMMMMMM 


ThatsSoRaven: I reckon my soulmate is simply a girl who drinks too much vodka at the beginning of every night out and ends up dancing on the bar counter in just her bra and then has a reheated mcdonalds big mac for breakfast washed down with a jäger bomb 


ChillingGriffin: You can't be your own soulmate Raven 


ThatsSoRaven: Yes I can have you seen me? No one is worthy of me 


ThatsSoRaven: In other news I’ve pulled an all nighter in the library and if this line in starbucks doesn't hurry up I'm seriously gonna kill someone I need caffeine pronto 


BellULater: Ahh that explains it 


ThatsSoRaven: Explains what? 


BellULater: Why you weren't home last night 


OctaviaTheYounger: In other news Bellamy and I broke your wardrobe door and I dislocated my shoulder while doing it 


ThatsSoRaven: I’m too tired and wired on sugar to feel anger I just want an explanation  


OctaviaTheYounger: It’s technically Bellamys fault 


BellULater: Thanks kid 


OctaviaTheYounger: we were slow dancing around the apartment to our rave playlist 


SexyLexy: There's a sentence I’d never thought I’d read 


OctaviaTheYounger: And Bellamy accidentally walked me into Ravens open wardorbe door and, well it broke and I dislocated my shoulder 


OctaviaTheYounger: But don't worry Lincoln will fix it! 


PresidentBaeLincoln: Will I? 


ThatsSoRaven: No it's okay I need something to do with my hands I have a lecture in two hours and if I go home and sleep I’ll just ruin my life 


ThatsSoRaven: Guess we’re even now after the time I used your hair straighteners to light a joint huh? Xxx 


OctaviaTheYounger: I mean I still have the smell of weed in my hair every time I straighten it but I guess this wasn't the first and it wont be the last time we’ve fucked each other lives up. 


ChillingGriffin: I love hearing Raven and Octavia’s weekly roommate adventure stories 


ChillingGriffin: We literally are the friends tv show come to life 


PresidentBaeLincoln: Friends was made up of a bunch of straight, cis white people but okay 


BellULater: I guess I missed the episode were Ross had to take Monica into the emergency room at 3 am with a dislocated shoulder and a bag full of alcohol  


ThatsSoRaven: Tell me you two didn't keep drinking when you were at the hospital 


OctaviaTheYounger: It was for the pain xx 


ThatsSoRaven: That's it I'm coming out with you two on Friday night  


ChillingGriffin: Octavia and Bellamy spend every Friday night with us Raven I'm hurt 


ThatsSoRaven: Well they didn't last week!! 


ChillingGriffin: Last week you ended up having a threesome with an actor from the cw and and a dallas cowboys cheerleader don't you cheek me young lady 


ThatsSoRaven: I know I miss them 


ChillingGriffin: Not that I care or anything but… was my mom at the hospital last night? 


OctaviaTheYounger: We didn't see her. We got that Doctor Becca again, you know the one who fixed Lexa’s ankle and stitched up Millers face that time after the fridge incident  


SexyLexy: We have got to drink less 


OctaviaTheYounger: Yeah she recognised us, she asked what we did this this time as soon as she saw us, she thought the wardrobe story was funny, especially when we played the rave playlist for her while she was putting my shoulder back in place 


SexyLexy: Oh we have got to drink less 


ThatsSoRaven: Catch Lexa tomorrow night buying us all shots as soon as we set foot in the Dropship 


SexyLexy: That's were all my money goes buying you fuckers shots every week 


BellULater: I cannot wait to go home to nap this hangover off 


BellULater: Do you think I could get a class of 16 year olds to colour in while I quietly die on my desk? 


ChillingGriffin: Oh it's such a power trip when someone else is hungover and you wake up funky fresh 


OctaviaTheYounger: Yes congrats on not being hungover on a Thursday you are truly a person who has their shit together 


ChillingGriffin: Hello Alcoholics Anonymous  


BellULater: Enough™ 


BellULater: I put on a youtube video about Stalin and his victims I think it’ll wake them up 


ThatsSoRaven: Unpopular opinion but I would fuck Stalin 


ThatsSoRaven: Like that moustache!!! Omg daddy 


ThatsSoRaven: He murdered 20 million people and I want my puthy to be the next victim 


ChillingGriffin: That's it I'm kinkshaming 


PresidentBaeLincoln: I had a sex dream about Bernie Sanders 


ThatsSoRaven: aw without me?? ;);) 


ChillingGriffin: why are we friends 


PresidentBaeLincoln: He kept saying don't worry you won't have to pay for college after this and I kept trying to tell him I graduated three years ago but he wouldn't listen 


ThatsSoRaven: omg did you have a sex dream about Bernie Sanders being ur sugar daddy  


SexyLexy: He’s so old that isn't even daddy that’s granddaddy 


ChillingGriffin: I’d fuck Bernie for money idc 


PresidentBaeLincoln: Nah I mean I was always gonna vote for him but now I feel more connected to him, it's about more than money, we genuinely cared for each other it was sweet sweet love making 


SexyLexy: How could y’all even consider that I’m so glad I'm gay 


ChillingGriffin: I’m in it for the coin 


PresidentBaeLincoln: I'm in it for the love 


ThatsSoRaven: I'm in it to assassinate Trump 


OctaviaTheYounger: The reheat pizza button on the microwave changed my life 


OctaviaTheYounger: I'm a new woman 


OctaviaTheYounger: The girl you knew before today is a distant memory 


BellULater: One time in college when I was doing my midterms and wired out on redbull and coffee and a substantial amount of weed I had a dream George Washington crept in through my window and stroked my face while singing Ghetto Gospel to me. Which I thought was a bit weird but it was always said he was a people person right? 


PresidentBaeLincoln: Lexa what were our lives like before they were infiltrated by a group of trainwrecks 


OctaviaTheYounger: Boring? 


ChillingGriffin: You spent your days watching Friends on Netflix not realising that your own group of friends was travelling your way 


SexyLexy: We spent a lot more time eating salads and a lot less time at pie eating contests that's for damn sure 


ThatsSoRaven: I'm proud to be third consecutive winner of Mrs Bettys All You Can Eat Pie Contest thank you very much 


PresidentBaeLincoln: And I had a lot more money  


ChillingGriffin: Hey we went splitties on that 20 foot life size Tyrannosaurus Rex don't you forget 


SexyLexy: And my hair wasn't shot to smithereens because it wasn't dyed every colour of the rainbow 


BellULater: Please we looked so good in every colour, you suited green so much especially with your eyes. Anyway Clarke jumped your bones every time I dyed your hair a new colour so your welcome for that by the way. 


PresidentBaeLincoln: And I wasn't banned from every 7/11 in the state 


ThatsSoRaven: How was I suppose to know the slushie machine was explode from overuse?? It was a heatwave 


SexyLexy: Yeah Lincoln our life was so much easier a year ago 


PresidentBaeLincoln: Maybe a little too easy 


ChillingGriffin: aww 


BellULater: squad goals 


ThatsSoRaven: That’s so sweet 


OctaviaTheYounger: I just threw up a mixture of pizza and vodka vomit onto the cat 


ThatsSoRaven: And the moment is over 


ThatsSoRaven: Wait we don't have a cat?!?! 


BellULater: In other news the Blake siblings passed by an animal shelter this morning 


OctaviaTheYounger: She’s called Mary Jane Reyes-Blake and we love her 


BellULater: Well we think it's a she 


OctaviaTheYounger: She’s very shaggy for a cat 


ThatsSoRaven: Oh great shedding the furniture!! 


ThatsSoRaven: Well I'm running home right now and they/them better be on it’s way home 


OctaviaTheYounger: oh haha Raven thank you I needed that laugh they/them are going to be here forever!!!!!! 


OctaviaTheYounger: But do hurry home because MJ is covered in vomit and leaping around the apartment  


ThatsSoRaven: Oh I am going to kill you 


ChillingGriffin: Since I'm currently jobless Bellamy is it okay if I paint you and Millers apartment? I’m thinking of a disney/space theme running across the walls 


BellULater: Go for it kid, you got the spare key? 


ChillingGriffin: I’ve been here since you left for work, hope you like having Rapunzel and Mulan fighting aliens on your front door!! 


PresidentBaeLincoln: I'm so glad I met you guys 


You are now leaving the group: Let's get down to business, to defeat the huns

Chapter Text

You are now entering the group: Ross and Rachel were on a break but that doesn't justify him sleeping with someone else 3 hours later. He did essentially cheat on her. Especially since they got back together the very next morning. I don't blame Rachel for breaking up with him. I mean the trust is GONE! What would happen if they got into another fight? Would he cheat again? - thoughts going through Rachels head. Also the incident was made even worse because the only reason they had The Break was because Ross thought she would cheat on him with Mark! It was so hypocritical and highlights how much of a child Ross is. Their situation brings to mind a quote by Lao Tzu - "He who does not trust enough will not be trusted." In summary Ross is an asshole and Rachel should have ran to Paris and never looked back. 


ThatsSoRaven: [Snoop Dogg voice] Greetings loved ones, let's take a journey. 

OctaviaTheYounger: A journey to where? 

BellULater: The shadow realm 

OctaviaTheYounger: Do I need a passport to get there? 

ThatsSoRaven: I think Kanye would smell really nice 

OctaviaTheYounger: I honestly believe Drake cries after sex like there's no other way. Also you know he a cuddly bitch 

BellULater: I just want Tupac back :( 

BellULater: He was the first guy I was ever attracted to, even now I can't listen to Hail Mary without getting a boner 

ChillingGriffin: Pull up in the monster automobile gangster, with a bad bitch that came from Sri Lanka, yeah I’m in that Tonka, colour of Willy Wonka, you could be the King but watch the Queen conquer 

SexyLexy: I always felt I was Snoop Doggs love child 

ThatsSoRaven: You would be incorrect about that Lexa considering you're the whitest girl I know. I've seen pigeons with more rhythm than you. 

SexyLexy: Go fuck yourself with the pointy end of a fork Reyes 

OctaviaTheYounger: Forks have points on both ends genius 

BellULater: Clarke is the whitest girl ever 

BellULater: She thought her chapstick was too spicy once 

ChillingGriffin: I was sick that day honestly let! me! live! 

BellULater: I don't think I will :) 

OctaviaTheYounger: Offer up your hopes and prayers that I'll have enough money to buy chinese food for dinner 

ThatsSoRaven: I'm an atheist sorry 

OctaviaTheYounger: Raven, my darling, my wife, my roommate, you think I'm so heartless I wouldn't buy you dinner? I'm hurt. 

OctaviaTheYounger: Bitch you better start praying because I'm fairly confident that I barely have enough money for a singular prawn cracker and I don't have to share with an ungrateful cheeky person I just happen to live with. 

ThatsSoRaven: @God @Allah @Satan @Buddha @Beyonce please guide this young beautiful girl to a warm sanctuary, filled with warmth, light, and chinese takeaway boxes. 

ThatsSoRaven: Hey... what do you think the Olsen twins are doing right now? 

SexyLexy: it's getting dark outside so they're probably coming out of their coffins to enjoy the moonlight. 

OctaviaTheYounger: I fucking j'adore the Olsen Twins. I love how you can always tell the difference between them because one did more coke than the other and it shows 

BellULater: They're so weird and everyone just accepts it. Like if I walking down an alleyway and heard a noise, and upon investigating it discovered Mary Kate crouched down drinking from a cats neck while Ashley stared at me, while they both wore those long ass dresses and cardigans they always wear, I wouldn't even be surprised, I'd just be like, 'hey Ashley,' 'Hey Mary Kate.' 

ThatsSoRaven: 'If I was walking down an alley and heard a noise, and upon investigating it,' Bellamy that's such a white people thing to do, and you're better than that. 

SexyLexy: Right Bell?? I like how they went from being famous teenage girls to being grandmothers overnight and everyone just ??? Accepted it???  

ThatsSoRaven: Lexa you're ¼ grandmother of course you would like that they went from being teenagers to grandmothers over night, you're probably jealous you don't know their secret 

SexyLexy: How dare you. I'm 1/4 of the Cheetah Girls 

OctaviaTheYounger: Can the four of us start a Cheetah Girls cover band 

ThatsSoRaven: Can we call it the Cheeto Girls 

ChillingGriffin: We are the Cheeto Girls, we are the Cheeto girls, I think it works. 

OctaviaTheYounger: I can smell the grammy 

ChillingGriffin: I love Lana Del Rey so much 

ChillingGriffin: will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful 

SexyLexy: nope 

ChillingGriffin: Disgusting 

ThatsSoRaven: I love Lana she makes me wanna roll around in front of a fireplace, naked wearing a fur coat while smoking one of those long cigarettes and playing with the diamonds my elderly sugar daddy bought me 

BellULater: would you not get super hot in front of a fire wearing a fur coat 

ThatsSoRaven: I'm already super hot, so I don't understand the question and I won't respond to it 

ThatsSoRaven: Dear Lord when I get to heaven please let me take my man 

ThatsSoRaven: like bitch tf that line is so extra and so fucking crazy and obsessed bitch THAT’S ME 

OctaviaTheYounger: Same 

ChillingGriffin: Not too be dramatic but the National Anthem music video was a cinematic masterpiece and deserves 10 oscars and 25 golden globes. 

ChillingGriffin: I wanna meet whoever made the decision to have ASAP Rocky star in that video. I wanna shake his/her hand, give him/her the keys to my car and say go home and fuck my wife good person 

ChillingGriffin: If I appeared in a Lana Del Rey music video that would be my life complete I could get shot the very next day and I wouldn't care I'd die happy   

BellULater: ASAP Rocky is the daddy of all daddies 

ChillingGriffin: I wanna have a threesome with Rocky and Lana I love being bi 

BellULater: I want daddy Rocky to **** me and ***** **** ****** in ***** while I'm in a jacuzzi in Spain 

OctaviaTheYounger: ASAP Rocky is the ever shortening thread that connects me to any possibility of heterosexuality.  

SexyLexy: O, this morning you were tweeting names for you and Lincolns future children. 

SexyLexy: btw if you call your child Xena I'm stealing it in the night and putting it up for adoption. 

OctaviaTheYounger: for some reason Lexa I don't think you would kidnap my child 

OctaviaTheYounger: Speaking of, where is my husband? 

ChillingGriffin: I'm right here babe 

PresidentBaeLincoln: why did I just wake up right this instant 

OctaviaTheYounger: Because you felt your soulmate calling out to you through the digital world 

PresidentBaeLincoln: Actually mother nature was calling out to me via my bladder and you can't ignore that call 

SexyLexy: Mother Nature's a bitch 

ChillingGriffin: Mother Nature is no bitch! She is kind and sweet and my friend. I Trust Her 

PresidentBaeLincoln: Mother Nature grows the flowers and makes it rain 

BellULater: Do you mean makes it rain as in; she controls the weather, or makes it rain as in; going to the club 

PresidentBaeLincoln: Both 

SexyLexy: Well considering as you're all best friends with her, could you ask Mother Nature to stop the torrential downpour outside so I can go get a smoothie? 

OctaviaTheYounger: Oh my God no I love the sound of rain hitting the windows 

PresidentBaeLincoln: I love the sound of my dick hitting your face 

SexyLexy: Oh dear! 

OctaviaTheYounger: ;) 

ChillingGriffin: I'm kinkshaming 

OctaviaTheYounger: You always hear about Mother Nature but what about DADDY NATURE? HMM? Explain that feminazis 

BellULater: Oh Daddy Nature definitely makes it rain at the club 

PresidentBaeLincoln: Daddy Nature goes up to the birds and the bee's and gives them money while saying, 'here you go baby go buy yourself something nice before hibernation.' 

ChillingGriffin: I'M KINKSHAMING 

BellULater: (sugar) daddy nature if you will 

SexyLexy: Daddy Nature seems like kind of a fuck boy to be honest 

OctaviaTheYounger: Don't you dare insult Daddy Nature! Not in my house young lady! 

PresidentBaeLincoln: Why am I so tired 

SexyLexy: Were you taking a nap? 

PresidentBaeLincoln: Nope I just woke up 

SexyLexy: it's 8 pm.... 

PresidentBaeLincoln: Believe me no one hates me more than I hate me right now 

OctaviaTheYounger: That is incorrect 

OctaviaTheYounger: So you didn't text me back ALL DAY because you were sleeping? Disrespectful 

PresidentBaeLincoln: I'm sorry my queen, how can I make it up to you? 

OctaviaTheYounger: Purchase me a tangerine 

SexyLexy: I want a smoothie :( 

SexyLexy: I.want.a.smoothie. 

SexyLexy: smoothie boothie bo boothie banana naana no boothie fi fi mo movie, smoothie 

SexyLexy: CLARKE 

ChillingGriffin: wat 

SexyLexy: this is were you offer to go get me a smoothie 

ChillingGriffin: fuck off?? 

SexyLexy: Please sugar mama 

ChillingGriffin: Go suck a double jointed didlo Lexa there's no way I'm going out in that rain for a cup of blended fruit that isn't even for me 

SexyLexy: um??? Smoothies are so much more than 'blended fruit' how fucking dare you 

SexyLexy: pleeeease it's not even raining that much 

ChillingGriffin: Then go get a smoothie yourself?? 

SexyLexy: … 

SexyLexy: … no 

ChillingGriffin: The only reason I'm getting wet for you is if we're getting naked, no more no less 

ThatsSoRaven: BELLAMY 

BellULater: Yessum? 


BellULater: Zoinks 

BellULater: What did she do now? 

ThatsSoRaven: She hugged me while I was in the shower 

BellULater: oh 

ChillingGriffin: That doesn't sound so bad 

SexyLexy: Yeah I thought you were gonna say she bought a bunch of  19 century umbrellas again 

PresidentBaeLincoln: That was such a dark day.. 

ThatsSoRaven: She ripped the curtain back so suddenly I almost pissed myself 

ThatsSoRaven: I felt like I was in a bad lesbian porn version of Pyscho 

PresidentBaeLincoln: I would watch that porn 

SexyLexy: Same 

OctaviaTheYounger: It's Britney bitch 

ThatsSoRaven: You are a bitch 

OctaviaTheYounger: Hey lover 

ThatsSoRaven: I'm gonna pluck out all of your eyelashes individually with my tweezer that you stole from me 

OctaviaTheYounger: Oh haha did Raven tell you guys I walked in on her masturbating in the shower? 

ChillingGriffin: aw without me? :( 

BellULater: Um no O, she didn't 

ThatsSoRaven: I was just getting to that part :) 

OctaviaTheYounger: oops 

ThatsSoRaven: fuck off Octavia you little weasel 

OctaviaTheYounger: I've seen you naked and walked in on you jerkin it hundred of times, what's the big deal 

ChillingGriffin: aw without me? :( 

OctaviaTheYounger: Griffin take the advice of your user name and CHILL 


OctaviaTheYounger: Oh are you annoyed because I turned you on? 

ThatsSoRaven: NO 

SexyLexy: Wait so was Octavia clothed or naked when she did this? 

OctaviaTheYounger: I was dressed Lexa jesus if I gave her a naked shower hug while she was getting herself off and screaming it probably would've been seen as assault 

ThatsSoRaven: I was kidding about it being bad porn Lexa you weirdo lesbian 

SexyLexy: I know!! I was just trying to get a clearer picture haha! 

ThatsSoRaven: Hmm 

SexyLexy: (͡ ͡° ͜ つ ͡͡°) 

OctaviaTheYounger: ( ͡°( ͡° ͜ʖ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ʖ ͡°) ͡°) 

ThatsSoRaven: (ง'̀-'́)ง 

OctaviaTheYounger: (◕‿◕✿) 

ChillingGriffin: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

BellULater: ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿'̿'\̵͇̿̿\з= ( ▀ ͜͞ʖ▀) =ε/̵͇̿̿/’̿’̿ ̿ ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿̿ 

PresidentBaeLincoln: ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ 

ThatsSoRaven: trash 

ChillingGriffin: wait so O was clothed when she shower hugged you? 

ThatsSoRaven: Jesus yes what kind of kinky shit are you and your girlfriend in to? 

ChillingGriffin: nothing!!! 

ChillingGriffin: I'm just asking because if she's already wet that means she can go get Lexa her smoothie 

SexyLexy: Ooh yes yes! 

OctaviaTheYounger: Lexa babe 

SexyLexy: Octavia darling 

OctaviaTheYounger: I ain't going out in that weather to get you a fucking smoothie 

SexyLexy: but you're already wet! 

ThatsSoRaven: yeah you know she was wet after I was through with her I know how to treat my women 

PresidentBaeLincoln: I'm glad someone was man enough to do what I couldn't, Raven, I always knew it would be you 

ThatsSoRaven: thanks Lincoln 

ThatsSoRaven: She was ur bitch until she seen me in the shower 

OctaviaTheYounger: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

ThatsSoRaven( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

PresidentBaeLincoln( ⚆ _ ⚆ ) 

SexyLexy: I want a smoothie 

OctaviaTheYounger: I obviously changed out of my wet clothes 

ChillingGriffin: aw without me :( 

OctaviaTheYounger: You just crossed the fucking line bitch 

ThatsSoRaven: Wait O so you're dry now? 

OctaviaTheYounger: Yep 

ThatsSoRaven: You're wearing dry clothes?? 

OctaviaTheYounger: Yes Lexa the second I'm wearing dry clothes do you want me to send a picture? 

ThatsSoRaven: That won't be necessary 

ThatsSoRaven( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 


ChillingGriffin: send in nudes instead xxx 

SexyLexy: I will send nudes in exchange for smoothie 

OctaviaTheYounger: Enough with the smoothie talk or I'm gonna stick your ass in a blender and make you one myself 

ChillingGriffin: I'd drink that smoothie 

SexyLexy: That's okay when one Blake fails we always have the other one to fall back on 

SexyLexy: Bellamy the Elder? 

BellULater: yessum? 

SexyLexy: Will you go purchase me a smoothie and deliver it to me? 

BellULater: Nope 

ThatsSoRaven: Didn't think so 

ChillingGriffinHow ya doing young lady 

BellULater: why do you want a smoothie so badly 

SexyLexy: idk I just have a craving for them 

SexyLexy: please Bellamy I'm pregnant 

SexyLexy: It's yours 

BellULater: omg with your bone structure and my smile this kid could be unstoppable 

SexyLexy: yes and baby moma needs her smoothie 

SexyLexy: What will we call it? 

BellULater: Julius, if it's a boy or a girl 

SexyLexy: … I've changed my mind it's not yours in fact I've aborted it already 

ThatsSoRaven: Bell ur such a nerd 

SexyLexy: You want our fictional child to be named after a guy who got killed and betrayed by all his friends? Do you want our child to have no friends? 

OctaviaTheYounger: Hey Jon Snow got Julius Caesar'd and everyone likes him 

BellULater: Caesar and Jon Snow are nothing alike but I appreciate the support 

ChillingGriffin: omg if my best friend and girlfriend had a baby together we would be just like Greys Anatomy! 

ChillingGriffin: Callie and Arizona who? Clarke and Lexa are coming thru 

OctaviaTheYounger: Legends only 

ThatsSoRaven: McBellamy 

SexyLexy: There's that small issue of my total uninterest in men and dick in general 

ChillingGriffin: Oh yeah that 

SexyLexy: yeah 

OctaviaTheYounger: Clarke could carry the baby instead! 

ChillingGriffin: oh shit waddup! 

BellULater: Didn't we have this conversation before about me being the father of Clarke and Lexa's children? 

ThatsSoRaven: Yes so if you and I got married and had kids, and Octavia had kids, they would all be related 

ChillingGriffin: I love my squad 

BellULater: I don't have a squad... 

BellULater: I have a family 

ChillingGriffin: awwwww 

ThatsSoRaven: Bellamy!!!!! 

OctaviaTheYounger: Ha gaaaaaaaaaay 

SexyLexy: Raven... 

SexyLexy: Smoothie?  

ThatsSoRaven: I would but I don't want to 

SexyLexy: Understandable 

PresidentBaeLincoln: I was taking out the trash and I ran into my neighbours kid and he was like, 'wow you're in your pajamas already?' And his dad came out and was like 'guess you're in for an early night huh?' And I just smiled and nodded instead telling them I was the human equivalent of a trash can that had been sleeping all day. 

PresidentBaeLincoln: I haven't really been in my pajamas all day seeing as I've only been up for thirty minutes. That doesn't count, right? 

ChillingGriffin: Lincoln, I haven't had a job in months, I spend my day lying on the coach, smoking weed and stuffing my hateful little face full of food while wearing 3 week old leggings and a sports bra to try to make myself feel active, which doesn't even work because I just wrap myself up in a blanket and watch netflix all day. Until all of you get out of work/class and I can finally start my day. So believe me, one day of you sleeping, does not count. 

ThatsSoRaven: Don't put yourself down Clarke you don't just watch netflix all day, don't forget about your flourishing rap career you've started for yourself on youtube! 

OctaviaTheYounger: Clarke getting drunk and snarling verses about the illumanati and lord of the rings into her laptop microphone is not a flourishing rap career 

PresidentBaeLincoln: aw Clarke you'll find a job soon! Just don't give up hope. 

ChillingGriffin: Hope?? I don't know her 

PresidentBaeLincoln: Clarke, I really believe you're a winner, you can achieve anything you set your mind too. You're a hard worker and anyone who wants to hire you will realise that, you just have to wait for the opportunity to come up 

ChillingGriffin: I don't know if I'm crying because I'm so high, or if it's because you're so sweet but I love you Lincoln 

ChillingGriffin: You must be such a good personal trainer, it's truly your calling 

PresidentBaeLincoln: You should come down to the gym some day and see for yourself 

ChillingGriffin: First of all I'm still banned from the gym after The Thing 

PresidentBaeLincoln: O is banned from the gym too and she comes down all the time 

OctaviaTheYounger: That's cause I'm punk rock 

ChillingGriffin: That's cause O pretends to be punk rock 

OctaviaTheYounger: Um.... false..... I am VERY punk rock I have a certificate that proves it 

ChillingGriffin: anyways... 

ChillingGriffin: I've given up on being a functioning adult for a while 

BellULater: ew we're not adults 

PresidentBaeLincoln: Bellamy you're a high school teacher, if someone has to be an adult, it's you 

BellULater: nuhuh!!! 

ChillingGriffin: I haven't shaved in so long I can braid my leg hair 

SexyLexy: It's true, it's like making love to Chewbacca 

OctaviaTheYounger: That's literally my dream come true 

OctaviaTheYounger: Lincoln can you get a Chewbacca costume and wear it during foreplay 

PresidentBaeLincoln: I will strongly consider it, Chewbacca is daddy 

SexyLexy: Unpopular Opinion 

ChillingGriffin: Go for it 

SexyLexy: I don't understand daddy culture, why would you call someone daddy while having sex with them 

ThatsSoRaven: Its cause ur gay 

ThatsSoRaven: You should call Clarke mommy 

ChillingGriffin: I'd really rather you didn't  

ChillingGriffin: I have enough mommy issues of my own without adding my girlfriend into it 

SexyLexy: I just don't understand the appeal of it 

OctaviaTheYounger: Well I call Lincoln daddy 

ChillingGriffin: we know we were all there that time you were in line in Mcdonalds 

ThatsSoRaven: I call Lincoln daddy too 

ThatsSoRaven: in a way isn't he the father that none of us had? 

BellULater: I'm with you Lexa I'm not overly a fan of daddy culture either 

SexyLexy: You see! Bellamy always having my back 

BellULater: I do like being called something else in bed tho 

ChillingGriffin: Master? Captain? Pilot? 

BellULater: Daphne 

ChillingGriffin: Daphne? 

BellULater: Daphne 

SexyLexy: Maybe you don't have my back after all  

ChillingGriffin: you like to be called Daphne in bed 

ThatsSoRaven: It's true I've said the name myself 

ThatsSoRaven: It's hot 

ChillingGriffin: I'll take your word for it 

ThatsSoRaven: don't knock it till you try it! 

OctaviaTheYounger: I could totally see you as a Daphne bro 

BellULater: Right??? 

PresidentBaeLincoln: Why the name Daphne? 

BellULater: The heart wants what the heart wants 

PresidentBaeLincoln: I like Barbara 

OctaviaTheYounger: You wanna be called Barbara in bed? 

PresidentBaeLincoln: sure why not? 

OctaviaTheYounger: Okay then 

ThatsSoRaven: Jinkies 

SexyLexy: Jinkies is Clarke and I's safe word 

OctaviaTheYounger: WHAT 

PresidentBaeLincoln: oh... word? 

BellULater: why was I forced to read this with my own two eyes 


SexyLexy: Okay when Bellamy shares his thing he gets love and support and 'oh I'll try it! It's Barbara bitch!' But when I share mine it's weird? This is a scandal! A homophobic and misogynistic scandal! 

ChillingGriffin: calm down Hilary Clinton 

OctaviaTheYounger: Hilarity Cliton 

SexyLexy: Claaaaarke you're supposed to have my side 

ChillingGriffin: Its not a big deal we don't need sides babe 

BellULater: Do ya thing girls no judgement here 

ThatsSoRaven: lmao at 'love and support' what were we supposed to say? Oh I'll go use Zoinks as my safeword? 

ChillingGriffin: Zoinks is also our safeword 

ThatsSoRaven: exsqueeze me? 

Chilling Griffin: Zoinks=slow down. Jinkies= stop 

OctaviaTheYounger: I would just like to know when our sex lives suddenly began to revolve around Scooby Doo 

OctaviaTheYounger: Calling ourselves Daphne in bed, using character catchphrases as safewords, when did this happen 

PresidentBaeLincoln: Atleast we're safe from the Scooby Doo sexcapades babe 

SexyLexy: Um I just googled.... 

SexyLexyJoseph Roland "Joe" BARBERA was an American animator, director, producer, storyboard artist, ... business, producing programs such as The Flintstones, Yogi Bear, and SCOOBY DOO 

ChillingGriffin: I'M SCREAMING 

ThatsSoRaven: lmaaaaaaoooooo what are the chances 

PresidentBaeLincoln: THIS IS NOT A CONCIDENCE 

PresidentBaeLincoln: NOWHERE IS SAFE 


OctaviaTheYounger: Oh my God Lincoln calm down this isn't a conspiracy theory about Scooby Doo  

BellULater: Every day we stray further from Gods light 

ThatsSoRaven: Hold up 

ThatsSoRaven: why do you two need TWO safewords? 

ChillingGriffin: what you thought we were vanilla?? 

ThatsSoRaven: HAHA I KNEW you two were into some kinky shit!! What is it? Ya'll furries? 

SexyLexy: Raven do I even need to point out how disturbing it is that your mind immediately went to furries? 

ThatsSoRaven: You can point it out but I'll just ignore it 

ThatsSoRaven: spill!!! 

OctaviaTheYounger: Yeah come on tell us!!! 

BellULater: Tell us!!! 

PresidentBaeLincoln: Tell us!!! 

ChillingGriffin: Alright!!! 

ChillingGriffin: No judgement okay?? 

OctaviaTheYounger: None! 

ThatsSoRaven: This is a no judgement zone 

PresidentBaeLincoln: get ur freak on 

BellULater: This is the hot mess group chat, no judging here 

SexyLexy: sometimes we.... 

BellULater: ooh suspense 

OctaviaTheYounger: I'm bout to pee myself in excitement 

ChillingGriffin: we roleplay 

PresidentBaeLincoln: oh.... 

ThatsSoRaven: Anticlimactic.... 

OctaviaTheYounger: Lots of people roleplay! me and Lincoln roleplay! 

OctaviaTheYounger: Lately we’ve been doing Game of Thrones, isn't that right Mr Lannister? 

PresidentBaeLincoln: You are correct Miss Lannister 

ThatsSoRaven: Why am I not surprised you two would pretend to be the incest twins when ya'll have sex 

BellULater: yikes..... 

ThatsSoRaven: Me and Bellamy roleplay 

ChillingGriffin: Naughty student and teacher? 

BellULater: I teach high school students Clarke if I started exploring fantasies about having sex with Raven as a school girl I think it would be the beginning of a dark and disturbing path that I have no desire to go on 

ChillingGriffin: Fair enough 

OctaviaTheYounger: Who do you and Lexa roleplay? I'm genuinely curious I can't imagine stoic Lexa busting out the acting chops 

SexyLexy: Well I won't be up for any awards if our sex tape leaks, but we do all right 

ChillingGriffin: Okay THIS is where the no judgement clause comes into play 

PresidentBaeLincoln: okaaaaay 

SexyLexy: we roleplay as you guys 

OctaviaTheYounger: wait what?  

ChillingGriffin: we pretend to be you guys, or people we know, while we have sex 

ThatsSoRaven: ahhhh, well we're in the no judgement zone so idk what to say about that other than you do you 

ChillingGriffin: it's very therapeutic 

PresidentBaeLincoln: I bet 

ChillingGriffin: Raven remember that time we had the fight over the vanilla yoghurt and I told you to 'go fuck yourself' well, technically I fucked Lexa-as-you 

ThatsSoRaven: wat 

ChillingGriffin: got all the aggression out 

ThatsSoRaven: Wait so you angry fucked your girlfriend pretending she was me? That is WILD LMAO 

ThatsSoRaven: Honestly when you guys said that I was judging but now I'm like nah ya'll do what ya'll want atleast it's interesting, the opposite of vanilla, chocolatey even 

OctaviaTheYounger: it is very important that I find out who plays me 

SexyLexy: Both of us 

PresidentBaeLincoln: send me the footage and I'll confirm if you're doing her right 

ChillingGriffin: oh we do her right all right 

OctaviaTheYounger: ayyy 

OctaviaTheYounger: I am very okay with this, I think that may just be my vanity talking tho  

BellULater: Do you do couples 

ChillingGriffin: Nope we do everyone and mix and match, Lincoln and Octavia, Raven and Bellamy, Octavia and Raven, Lincoln and Bellamy, Bellamy and Octavia, Lincoln and Raven 

BellULater: WAIT 

OctaviaTheYounger: what was that second to the last one there? 

SexyLexy: nothing :) 

ChillingGriffin: made a typo :) 

OctaviaTheYounger: uhuh 

SexyLexy: we’re gonna have to work the Daphne thing into our Bellamy skit now 

ThatsSoRaven: like I said don't knock it till you try it 

OctaviaTheYounger: RAVEN 

ThatsSoRaven: That's right baby say my name 


ChillingGriffin: how are you still wet? Do you guys not possess towels? 

ThatsSoRaven: I've just got out of the shower 

BellULater: You were in the shower this entire time?? 

ThatsSoRaven: Yep had to shave 

ThatsSoRaven: despite what the razor advertisements suggest, shaving is a long, horrible time-consuming activity 

ChillingGriffin: which is exactly why I quit, I'm too lazy  

SexyLexy: But you were texting us the whole time?? 

ThatsSoRaven: yep, one handed shaving, that's why it took so long 

OctaviaTheYounger: I am soaked and I just put on my comfy jammies 

ThatsSoRaven: hope you're failing sick bitch cause you just got a taste of your own medicine 

OctaviaTheYounger: okay Raven is wet, naked and has one functioning leg, I can take her and possibly kill her 

BellULater: Octavia what have we said about beating up the disabled 

OctaviaTheYounger: It doesn’t count when Raven is involved? 

BellULater: Oh shit that's right 

OctaviaTheYounger: I'm a gorgeous girl with big cans that has sex with all the fishermen 

OctaviaTheYounger: @ Lincoln ur dumped, I'm going to live my life fucking my brother Bellamy, he is the Jaime to my Cersei 

OctaviaTheYounger: Clarke, I slept with Lexa, she prefers brunettes 

ChillingGriffin: Raven you can stop we knew it was you from the first text, 'I'm a gorgeous girl with big cans' gorgeous? Yes. Big cans? Octavia? No 

OctaviaTheYounger: I'm currently sitting on top of Octavia 

OctaviaTheYounger: She thought she could take me, ha! She's gonna be pissing blood for a week after I'm through with her, of course that'll mostly because her period is due but whatever 

OctaviaTheYounger: Bellamy, permission to shave your little sisters hair off with my razor? 

BellULater: Permission granted 

ChillingGriffin: Her jawline will help her pull off the skin head look 

ChillingGriffin: Oh shit the bottle of coke I just got from the store and it is all over my kitchen floor 

ChillingGriffin: and I don't even have a map because Lexa snapped it last week when she was trying to do warrior moves with it 

PresidentBaeLincoln: Just use your art degree to clean it up, then it'll have some use 

ChillingGriffin: LINCOLN 

ChillingGriffin: RUDE. ASS. BITCH. 

PresidentBaeLincoln: Hey you said I was a good trainor, well I am, this is called tough love baby 

ChillingGriffin: Just because your arms are the size of tree trunks doesn't mean I will not take you to the carpet!! 

PresidentBaeLincoln: I'm not Octavia Clarke, I can put up a fight honey 

ChillingGriffin: Well sadly I'm not Raven either, I can't shave your head as IT'S ALREADY BALD 


BellULater: ah everyones fighting but us, feels good, right Lex? 

SexyLexy: Siri, tell Daphne to go fuck himself 

BellULater: Go fuck yourself on one of Clarkes paintbrushes Lexa you fucking sea witch 

SexyLexy: Um, been there, done that, painted the tshirt that I wore afterwards 

BellULater: …. Jinkies 

You are now leaving   the group: Ross and Rachel were on a break but that doesn't justify him sleeping with someone else 3 hours later. He did essentially cheat on her . Especially since they got back together the very next morning. I don't blame Rachel for breaking up with him. I mean the trust is GONE! What would happen if they got into another fight? Would he cheat again? - thoughts going through Rachels head. Also the incident was made even worse because the only reason they had The Break was beca use Ross thought she would cheat on him with Mark! It was so hypocritical and highlights how much of a child Ross is. Their situation brings to mind a quote by Lao Tzu - "He who does not trust enough will not be trusted." In summary Ross is an asshole and Rachel should have ran to Paris and never looked back.

Chapter Text

You have entered the group: Two bro's chilling in a hot tub, five feet apart cuz they're not gay

OctaviaTheYounger: Hello

OctaviaTheYounger: I want to talk about two things, and two things only

OctaviaTheYounger: It happened earlier this evening

OctaviaTheYounger: Haha this sounds like the start of a book

OctaviaTheYounger: Okay, Chapter one:

OctaviaTheYounger: Harper and I spent the whole evening looking for people we knew so we could steal 3 dollars off them to buy Chinese food because we are extrememly poor students and this is the life we lead

OctaviaTheYounger: I mean we looked EVERYWHERE we searched the entire city looking for handouts

OctaviaTheYounger: We walked into the grounder cafe and Monty and the entire gang was in there

OctaviaTheYounger: Monty was in the middle of telling a story and I interrupted him and asked him if I could look through his bag to see if he had a dollar or something he'd lost in there

OctaviaTheYounger: He was like... weird request but okay

OctaviaTheYounger: I rifled through his bag for TEN MINUTES until I found 75 cents in change, victory

OctaviaTheYounger: After a while Harper texted her mom to come meet us and give us three dollars in change, because we are extremely poor students and this is the life we lead

OctaviaTheYounger: So we waited outside the chinese and I was standing in the street looking up at the sky and I said to Harper 'you know, I think your mom was lying about saying she was coming down to give us money, what a little snake.'

OctaviaTheYounger: you know, clearly just messing around

OctaviaTheYounger: I turned around and THERE WAS HARPERS MOM HANDING HER MONEY

SexyLexy: haha oh my god

SexyLexy: did she say anything?

OctaviaTheYounger: She stared directly at me like she definitely heard me talking shit

OctaviaTheYounger: I mean this woman really left her house at 9pm on a Thursday night, to drive down to give her daughter and her good for nothing friend money for food, and I, in turn slandered her

OctaviaTheYounger: I felt a bit of my soul die

OctaviaTheYounger: So I just said to her 'Oh there you are! Haha!'

OctaviaTheYounger: Awkward as fuck I scurried on into the Chinese and left Harper and her mom in the street, Harper was probably holding her mom back from decking me

OctaviaTheYounger: I ordered my usual, a gravy chip with crackers, which I always get, as you know all know I practically live in the Chinese

PresidentBaeLincoln: I know you're so unhealthy it genuinely stresses me out

PresidentBaeLincoln: ur bones are probably made from noodles

OctaviaTheYounger: I watched the guy make my food and SEEN with my OWN TWO EYES him pour CURRY into my chip INSTEAD OF GRAVY

OctaviaTheYounger: when he handed me my food I was like... 'are you sure there's gravy in here?' and he smiled and said 'yep!' so happy, so confident, the monster

OctaviaTheYounger: I knew he didn't put gravy on my chip, he knew he didn't put gravy on my chip, but I grabbed my food and two forks and went outside

OctaviaTheYounger: i mean he works hard and I'm always in there, they usually give me a perfect order, everyone makes mistakes

OctaviaTheYounger: anyways

OctaviaTheYounger: Not 5 seconds later I was outside eating A CURRY CHIP!!

ThatsSoRaven: wow a scandal

ChillingGriffin: There are people dying, Kim

SexyLexy: If this book doesn't end with you murdering the chinese chef after discovering not only did he sabotage your food, but that was also the man responsible for murdering your wife and children 10 years ago, then colour me disappointed

PresidentBaeLincoln: Maybe the curry is his calling card, he leaves it for his victims whenever he strikes

OctaviaTheYounger: I'm so irked why why why I always get food from that chinese why did they betray me like that

BellULater: maybe they wanted to get rid of you because they were sick of seeing you constantly

OctaviaTheYounger: that is very possible

SexyLexy: Maybe they were worried about your gravy intake

OctaviaTheYounger: that is also possible

OctaviaTheYounger: So end of chapter 1, beginning of chapter 2

OctaviaTheYounger: I joined Harper in the street and leaned against her mothers car which was directly infront of us

OctaviaTheYounger: 'Harper will I get in the front seat or back seat.' '... Octavia that's not my car.'

OctaviaTheYounger: I got into Harpers moms CORRECT car which infact was down the street and tried to make conversation with Harpers mom after talking shit about her

OctaviaTheYounger: she just kept hitting me with, 'uh huh, yeah' so I felt a little defeated

OctaviaTheYounger: not that I blame her

OctaviaTheYounger: So wrong food, awkward car ride, to top it off when she left me home she drove up the wrong street thinking that's where my building was

OctaviaTheYounger: I didn't say anything, she was like 'you live up here right?' and I was like 'yep the building on the left!'

OctaviaTheYounger: So she stopped outside the building, I knew it wasn't where I lived, Harper knew it wasn't where I lived and finally, Harpers mom said, 'I don't think you live here, do you?'

OctaviaTheYounger: I just went, 'oh it's fine I'm in the next street I can just hop over the fence. Thanks so much for the food and the ride!

OctaviaTheYounger: The fence ended up being three times bigger than I was so I had to crouch hidden behind a car, that was probably owned by someone who actually lived in the apartment building, until Harper and her mom drove away

ChillingGriffin: you're so brave, thanks for sharing your story

SexyLexy: lmao what a disaster

BellULater: Where are you now?

OctaviaTheYounger: Walking down the street, heading for home

PresidentBaeLincoln: good stay safe

OctaviaTheYounger: Actually I'm sitting in someones little garden eating my chinese at the bottom of my street

BellULater: smh youre a mess

OctaviaTheYounger: god I'm so hungry

OctaviaTheYounger: ugh Jesus curry chip every bite I take I get more upset

OctaviaTheYounger: I just realised what's wrong with me

PresidentBaeLincoln: what's that

OctaviaTheYounger: I am in fact, extremely high

PresidentBaeLincoln: i could've guessed

OctaviaTheYounger: Raven is that really Danny Devito in your snapchat story?

ThatsSoRaven: Danny Dorito? yeah thats the man himself, he stopped by Millers and Bellamys apartment earlier we're all pals

SexyLexy: danny dorito

OctaviaTheYounger: no way!!! thats so wild whats he like?

ThatsSoRaven: Octavia that is a cut out figure of Danny Devito propped against a wall HOW did you think that was real

OctaviaTheYounger: it's very life like I admire the craftsmanship

ThatsSoRaven: you're not allowed to get this high without inviting me ever again I'm missing out

Chilling Griffin: this isn't even about being high Octavia is sooo gullible she probably would've believed that that was really Danny Dorito in your story if she wasn't high

SexyLexy: danny dorito

OctaviaTheYounger: Pot kettle black

Chilling Griffin: Scuse me?

OctaviaTheYounger: What about that guy we met who told us he painted the faces on legos? We believed him, we went along with it, we googled it later and found out that the making of lego faces is in fact done by a machine.'

Chilling Griffin: Yeah he really got us didn't he

BellULater: it's 4/20 somewhere

OctaviaTheYounger: probably Austrailia

SexyLexy: I'm pretty sure Austrailia is 24 hours ahead of us

OctaviaTheYounger: wow

OctaviaTheYounger: you're so wise

SexyLexy: it's amazing what you learn when you actually GO TO CLASS

OctaviaTheYounger: going to class?? ... never heard of that.... don't know about that... don't respect that

ThatsSoRaven: the chances of me and O going to class?? 

ThatsSoRaven: this bitch empty YEET

OctaviaTheYounger: hey, am I the only one who finds it strange how much knowledge Bellamy, Clarke and Lexa have on Austrailia?

OctaviaTheYounger: it's like ya'll lived there or something

OctaviaTheYounger: maybe in another life

PresidentBaeLincoln: oh my god you're so high please get home safe

OctaviaTheYounger: I'm walking up the stairs of my building as we text

PresidentBaeLincoln: call me as soon as you get into your apartment

OctaviaTheYounger: aye aye captain

OctaviaTheYounger: weed is the combo of we and need. so we need weed

PresidentBaeLincoln: oh my god


ThatsSoRaven: You know the guy in our building who owns the pregnant goat

ChillingGriffin: How could we forget

ThatsSoRaven: You will all be pleased to know she had her baby!

ChillingGriffin: ahhhh!! omg exciting

OctaviaTheYounger: aw the baby is an Aries!!

OctaviaTheYounger: oh my god RAM

SexyLexy: It's more likely than you think

ThatsSoRaven: He was gonna call it Raven if it was a boy but sadly it's a Male

OctaviaTheYounger: This is amazing I can't believe we're getting a baby goat the next building party is gonna be LIT I tell you that

PresidentBaeLincoln: uhh you're acting as if your last building party wasn't literally lit, you're Landlord juggled swords that were set on fire as part of the early entertainment for the evening

OctaviaTheYounger: i love that man

ThatsSoRaven: he has a passion for sword juggling! i respect it 

OctaviaTheYounger: Can the baby goat trot about yet

ThatsSoRaven: I think so it was born like an hour ago

OctaviaTheYounger: He's learning

BellULater: the fire alarm went off, the entire school stood outside for over 20 minutes while it was being investigated and it turned out that the drama department was fucking around with a smoke machine and set off all of the alarms in the school

ThatsSoRaven: ew

BellULater: thank God it's a half day so I can get the fuck out of this hell hole

ThatsSoRaven: wow good thing you chose teaching as a profession and have to work in schools for the rest of your life

BellULater: I'm cold and today hasn't been a good day :(

ChillingGriffin: Bell do you want to meet me and go on an adventure??

BellULater: YES my mother thank you

PresidentBaeLincoln: Speaking of baby animals

PresidentBaeLincoln: Guess where I am

SexyLexy: A meat market

PresidentBaeLincoln: wtf no

PresidentBaeLincoln: A CAT SANCTUARY

ChillingGriffin: LUCCKKKYYYYY

PresidentBaeLincoln: Look at this one!!

PresidentBaeLincoln sent in two photos

ThatsSoRaven: omg look at the little kitty!!

BellULater: what it name

PresidentBaeLincoln: PEDRO

PresidentBaeLincoln: "Pedro is a friendly boy who loves attention"

BellULater: relatable!

OctaviaTheYounger: omg I'm jealous

PresidentBaeLincoln: There's another girl called Mittens but she doesn't like other cats or dogs smh

SexyLexy: I'm mittens

PresidentBaeLincoln: there's a fat boy called Elliot I love him

PresidentBaeLincoln: I wanna adopt them all :(

ChillingGriffin: are you gonna get one?

PresidentBaeLincoln: nah it wouldn't be fair to get a cat I'm barely in my apartment

OctaviaTheYounger: you can co parent Mary Jane with Raven and I

PresidentBaeLincoln: There's another one called Kiwi and she's diabetic what a goof

SexyLexy: I've always wanted a lizard

PresidentBaeLincoln: sexylizardy

SexyLexy: I'm about to say it

OctaviaTheYounger: say it

SexyLexy: I'm gay


ChillingGriffin: speaking of cats

ChillingGriffin: I'm pretty sure my neighbours cat is suicidal

ChillingGriffin: I was driving up my street and she just came out and sat in the middle of it so I couldn't get past unless I, y'know ran her over

ChillingGriffin: that when I was trying to park she came over and do that thing animals do where they move about really close to the tires so you think you're gonna hit them but you never do

SexyLexy: animals are so weird I hate them, give me a nice cold lizard any day of the week

BellULater: lexa do u wanna hear a gag

SexyLexy: always

BellULater: When we were growing up, the mailman on our block used to carry around these cookies that he would throw to any dogs he came across, to distract them when he had to deliver the mail to the house that they where at

BellULater: me and Octavia thought this was the bee's knees and came up with a plan to scam our way into procuring some free cookies

ThatsSoRaven: this story is so embarrassing asdfghjkl

BellULater: so me and O would haul all of our doggie teddy bears out into the garden and then we would hide behind the hedge and start barking like crazy to try to convince the mailman we were dogs

SexyLexy: wow

ThatsSoRaven: Lexa ask if it worked

SexyLexy: did it work?

BellULater: no there was no denying that we were humans trying to steal cookies from some poor man trying his best not to get mauled to death by someones poodle

ChillingGriffin: The REAL gag is that ya'll had those bullshit ass cookies in ya own home but decided to act like dogs for reasons unknown

BellULater: everything is better when it's stolen this is fact

BellULater: Although we did sucessfully convince Clarke and Raven that the mailman did think we were dogs and gave us cookies so they joined in too

SexyLexy: I don't what to say

SexyLexy: how old were ya'll

ChillingGriffin: asdfghjkl we weren't even that young we were like 11/12/13 that's the worst thing about it

ThatsSoRaven: Octavia and I skipped class today and went and got bagels is that not the most boujiest thing you've ever heard

PresidentBaeLincoln: Ya'll skipped class??? Well I never skip leg day

OctaviaTheYounger: I'm breaking up with you

OctaviaTheYounger: anyways it was such a good day I went home early now I'm snug as a bug in a rug on the sofa I love life

ThatsSoRaven: and I'm stuck rotting in class I hate life

OctaviaTheYounger: I love pineapple so much I just wolfed down an entire tub of it

SexyLexy: ....

SexyLexy: Aren't you allergic to pineapple

OctaviaTheYounger: yes, what's your point

SexyLexy: I...

OctaviaTheYounger: My lips are reacting to it and starting to swell

OctaviaTheYounger: they're so big omg lip fillers where??

ThatsSoRaven: kylie jenner has been found dead in her home

OctaviaTheYounger: I really might invest in lip filters I look just like a doll I'm so cute

OctaviaTheYounger: omg Raven when you get home we can re enact bratz scenes we'll look exactly like them

ThatsSoRaven: now THAT is a motherfucking concept

OctaviaTheYounger: Yasmine and Jade ❤️

ThatsSoRaven: Chloe and Yasmine??

OctaviaTheYounger: Why Chloe??

ThatsSoRaven: Jade is Asian

OctaviaTheYounger: Jades not Asian?

ThatsSoRaven: She firmly is

SexyLexy: She was in the movies

ThatsSoRaven: Yasmine's Latina, so she can hola at me

OctaviaTheYounger:... Are you sure??

ThatsSoRaven: boi if you think I dont know the Bratz dolls ethnitices then you must be out of your gottdamn mind this is important and necessary info that takes up more space in my mind than all that useless enginering nerd shit

OctaviaTheYounger:I'm not sure Jade is Asian

ThatsSoRaven: you don't want a poc to be included in a franchise? thats qwhite interesting

OctaviaTheYounger: choke

OctaviaTheYounger:Let me bring Google into this mess

SexyLexy: Yes Google the Bratz ethnicities as if our conversations can't get anymore silly

OctaviaTheYounger: wow Jade IS Asian

ThatsSoRaven: I love being right and besting you in every single thing it honestly nourishes me

OctaviaTheYounger: Here I was thinking Yasmine was the Bratz token poc

ChillingGriffin: ?? Sasha exists

OctaviaTheYounger: oh yeah

OctaviaTheYounger: A latina, a black girl and an Asian girl wow Bratz really did THAT with the diversity. Barbie could never

ThatsSoRaven: tammi lahren is shaking

SexyLexy: I'm watching titanic

SexyLexy: I like that Rose is called Rose and she has red lips and red hair

ChillingGriffin: Stop looking at other girls

ChillingGriffin: I just threw up after Bellamy dared me to eat 20 chicken nuggets in under five minutes but I have no regrets

BellULater: Queen of the nuggets

BellULater: I'm drinking peach schnapps in the park and the cops just drove by, #fuckdapolice

ThatsSoRaven: everyone loves a bad boy xx


SexyLexy: I thought that said side off the egg and was like why didnt you just get a bowl


PresidentBaeLincoln: Aw I love Indra from the Grounder cafe she's so sweet

SexyLexy: That woman would murder us all for a cookie

SexyLexy: and I respect that

OctaviaTheYounger: Lincoln are you ignoring me im in pain

PresidentBaeLincoln: If Dora can't help you, no one can

ChillingGriffin: gang it's time for me to start taking my youtube career seriously

SexyLexy: your... your youtube career?

ChillingGriffin: I just purchased a 25 dollar vlogging camera so I'm ready to get that youtube money

PresidentBaeLincoln: wow that's awesome

ChillingGriffin: really? you think? thank you Lincoln

PresidentBaeLincoln: yes! you could really make a difference in the community, now that the world is so full of hate and anger, your videos could offer an illuminating light on a world where diversity such as gender, sexualities and race are all celebrated :)

ChillingGriffin: ughhh this is awkward because I kinda already filmed my first vlog and it's called 'my friend Bellamy gets drunk off peach schnaphs and let's me convince him to get his bellybutton pierced.'

ChillingGriffin: but I LOVE where you're going with this, this youtube shtickit could be really something

OctaviaTheYounger: wait you convinced Bellamy to do what?

BellULater: ow ow ow

You are now leaving the group: Two bro's chilling in a hot tub, five feet apart cuz they're not gay