Actions

Work Header

The Groupchat

Chapter Text

You have entered the group: We Dem Boyz

 

ChillingGriffin: Why in the name of Van Gogh’s right ear did you guys let me get an ART DEGREE

 

SexyLexy: I mean you were weeks away from graduating when we started dating, I couldn't find an appropriate time to tell my extremely new girlfriend to change her degree, sorry guess that's on me :L

 

ChillingGriffin: No babe as always you are the only constant, pure thing in my life

 

ChillingGriffin: it's the OTHER evil constants in my life who I’m asking

 

ChillingGriffin: Raven and Bellamy, my supposed childhood best friends, the ‘smart ones’ the ‘teachers’ and the ‘future engineers’

 

ChillingGriffin: where are you guys I’m having a Crisis™ and you've left me for dead

 

ThatsSoRaven: griffin u are so not chillin

 

ThatsSoRaven: BINCH what do you mean ‘history teacher’ ‘future engineer’ we ARE those things go graffiti a wall or something get the anger out

 

ThatsSoRaven: be Banksy he's a passive aggressive dick

 

SexyLexy: omg did u guys hear about the guy in England he spray painted dicks on potholes so the government was forced to fix them

 

ChillingGriffin: amazing the hero we never knew we needed

 

SexyLexy: they called him Wanksy

 

ChillingGriffin: AMAZING

 

ThatsSoRaven: clarke is wanksy

 

SexyLexy: dam… i mean have u ever seen Clarke and Wanksy in the same room?? Suspicious….

 

ChillingGriffin: I hear wanksy is shredded… I hear wanksy has an eight pack

 

BellULater: oh my god

 

BellULater: I was subbing for the english teacher whose away on a field trip right

 

BellULater: n i was like to the kids okay do whatever the fuck u want just chill do homework live ur lives

 

ChillingGriffin: tbh tho i dont wanna hear the rest of this story bc if you had a free class then u have no excuse to not text us back

 

ThatsSoRaven: you missed clarke confessing that she was an english graffiti artist who rebels against the government by spray painting dicks

 

BellULater: anyway??

 

BellULater: so this kid decides to put his head on the desk and go to sleep #me

 

BellULater: and his friends decide to superglue his shoes to the ground bc when u leave teenage boys alone somethings getting superglued, so when the bell rings the kid is startled awake tries to stand up and then discovers he is FUCKING GLUED TO THE GROUND WITH NO HOPE OF MOVING

 

ChillingGriffin: LMAO MEEEE

 

ThatsSoRaven: amazing!!!! 10/10

 

SexyLexy: your school is so wild like I couldn’t imagine pulling that shit back in military school

 

ThatsSoRaven: two key words there lex ‘military school’

 

BellULater: but his little face the entire class was laughing while he was just STUCK there in a half standing position n he just turned to me really sadly and said ‘bellamy?’ in this wavering tone n ofc I caught the whole thing and didn’t know whether to laugh or hug him

 

BellULater: janitor had to scrape the shoes off the floor with a knife the kid was 20 mins late to class I wrote the teacher a note explaining what happened

 

ThatsSoRaven: what it say?? ‘lmao this fucking kid got punked and had his nikes glued to the ground by his fuck boi friends u shoulda seen it check my snapchat story I caught the whole fucking thing on video’

 

BellULater: ……. i mean ur not wrong

 

BellULater: pity I didn’t video it we coulda played it at his graduation :(

 

ThatsSoRaven: omg im stealing the superglue idea and doing it to that dickhead in my engineering class

 

ChillingGriffin: u say theyre all dickheads babe be a bit more specific

 

ThatsSoRaven: kyle fucking wick the racist MENISIST

 

BellULater: tbh im still not over the shock of us finding his twitter

 

BellULater: like one minute we were all teasing you about hooking up with him ((which I mean…yikes.. but u didn’t know he was trash its not ur fault)) and deciding to look him up and then the next minute we’re all staring at the screen

 

ThatsSoRaven: iknow…. It was such a slap in the face

 

ThatsSoRaven: and such a slap in the puthy too, first Finn, then Wick… why do I always hook up with evil

 

SexyLexy: okay but u hooked up with bellamy like u two are tru kings and queen

 

BellULater: awwwwww

 

ThatsSoRaven: but I mean I actually considered dating wick whereas bell is just friends with benefits

 

BellULater: is that all I am to u?? ur whore??? Someone convenient to use while you go off and find the love of your life while im stuck at home waiting for your call???

 

BellULater: jk ur young n beautiful you should be living life and sleeping with every hot guy n gal thatpasses you fuck dating!!!!

 

ChillingGriffin: the superglue story cleansed my soul tbh

 

SexyLexy: u know the way we say every time monty laughs an angel gets his wings?? Every time clarke feels stressed a teenage boy gets his shoes superglued to the ground

 

BellULater: job search not going well babe??

 

ChillingGriffin: no one wants to hire a person with an art degree?? Tbh who wouldve thought???

 

ThatsSoRaven: I know!! all our lives we were told if you study art you are guaranteed a job idk what changed… puzzling

 

ChillingGriffin: no offence but y u r evil

 

ThatsSoRaven: had to sell my soul to the devil to get looks this good xxx

 

ThatsSoRaven: okay im soz im in my last year of college and I am Full Of Fear

 

ThatsSoRaven: hey Bell remember in high school me n clarke tied your shoes together when u were sitting down at lunch and fox the girl u were crushing on couldn’t find a seat so you jumped up like a tru gentleman and YELLED ‘fox im done u can have my seat!!’ even tho u werent done eating, and when she came over to sit down you started walking to her and TRIPPED AND U BODY SLAMMED HER TO THE GROUND AND HER TRAY WENT FUCKING FLYING ACROSS THE CAFETERIA SPAGHETTI ALL UP IN THE AIR 

 

BellULater: did that happen?? :) tbh I can't remember :)

 

ChillingGriffin: WE remember I doubt Fox remembers since you knocked her out

 

BellULater: I didn’t come here to be disrespected???

 

SexyLexy: STOP IM SCREAMING

 

SexyLexy: like I can just imagine baby Bellamy calling Fox over and Raven and Clarke giggling wearing devil horns and then in slow motion you crash into her and the spaghetti flies through the air while Ave Maria plays

 

BellULater: lexa it was awful tbh it still haunts me

 

BellULater: I cant look at spaghetti without having flashbacks

 

BellULater: im sweatin

 

ChillingGriffin: his palms are sweaty knees weak arms are heavy

 

ChillingGriffin: theres vomit on his sweater already

 

ChillingGriffin: moms spaghetti

 

ThatsSoRaven: I wonder where fox is now

 

BellULater: the one that got away :(

 

SexyLexy: I wonder where katy perry is now

 

ThatsSoRaven: hell where she belongs

 

BellULater: prob busy planning what other cultures she can appropriate so she can be Quirky

 

SexyLexy: omg drag me but teenage dreams is such a tune

 

SexyLexy: reminds me of clarke xx it was the song playing on the radio when I picked her up for our first date xx

 

ChillingGriffin: don’t you hate it when your nipples fly out of your bra

 

SexyLexy: anyways

 

BellULater: ano ffs that happens to me all the time I need a better bra

 

ThatsSoRaven: tbh lexa ur lucky if katy perry was playing when someone picked me up for the first date id prob turn the car around myself and drive home

 

ThatsSoRaven: after ripping the radio out of course xx

 

BellULater: someone stole my car radio and now I just sit in silence

 

SexyLexy: STTOPPP??

 

ChillingGriffin: … anyways

 

ThatsSoRaven: lmao remember when we had to convince clarke not get a twenty one pilots tattoo

 

ChillingGriffin: stop!!!!!!!!

 

ChillingGriffin: ur all fake?? We all liked them once upon a time

 

BellULater: vessel >>>> over blurryface

 

ChillingGriffin: End This

 

ChillingGriffin: tgif gang whats the plan for tonight??

 

ThatsSoRaven: the same thing we do ever Friday night pinkie… pregame in Bellamys living room, get high and listen to the smiths while talking about world events and mature conversations like what would our role be in a post apocalyptic world and them after 3 hours of getting Turnt we all stumble to the dropship bar where shenanigans ensue and someone ends up on the roof

 

SexyLexy: Im still annoyed u all laughed at me when I said id be a leader of a whole warrior army in a post apocalyptic world fuck a fake friends where ur real friends at

 

ChillingGriffin: youre too diplomatic to be a leader idk I think thered be a lot of compromises if you were in charge

 

BellULater: I think thered be a lot of compromises if lexa was in charge of the bedroom ;;;;)

 

BellULater: bc we all know lexas is the most bottoms of bottoms

 

ThatsSoRaven: BELLAMY MY BOY IM SCREAMING

 

ThatsSoRaven: HE DID THAT HE DID THAT

 

SexyLexy has removed BellULater from the group: ‘We Dem Boyz’

 

ThatsSoRaven: what the fuck how dare you treat my husband like this?????

 

ThatsSoRaven has added BellULater to the group: ‘We Dem Boyz’

 

BellULater: I will fight ur lil gay ass Woods don’t fuckin test me u may be ripped but youre exactly 3 feet tall

 

ChillingGriffin: um?????? Me lexa and raven are ALL 5’5 we could take you down u big fucking tree

 

BellULater: is that a man in a trenchcoat or just clarke lexa and raven sitting on each others shoulders trying to sneak into an r rated movie

 

ThatsSoRaven: who would win in a fight bellamy armed with the superglued shoes or us in a trench coat

 

SexyLexy: bellamy could run at us with his head down like a bull and we would topple right over I don’t think we'd be very stable :(

 

ChillingGriffin: that’s such a mental image im laffin

 

ChillingGriffin: Bellamy The Bull

 

ChillingGriffin: but srs tho plans for tonight?? Bellamys then drop ship??

 

BellULater: ACTUALLY ya boy has a date for the evening!!! You can still go to my place and pre game with miller obvs n Ill prob swing by the dropship around midnight and join you xox

 

ThatsSoRaven: a date???? Before marriage??

 

SexyLexy: who!!

 

ChillingGriffin: whats their name??

 

BellULater: her name is gina…

 

SexyLexy: where does she work??

 

BellULater: library…

 

BellULater: she helped me locate a book about the roman empire

 

ChillingGriffin:  nerd

 

ThatsSoRaven: do we have any mutual friends with her??

 

BellULater: END THIS

 

BellULater: why do you guys always facebook stalk everyone I ever meet

 

ThatsSoRaven: bc youre weirdly popular and have more friends with us and we are all ridiculously co-dependent we have to know everything about each other lives

 

BellULater: ye I know??? When I started working at the highschool you knew ever single teacher who worked there before i did!! Weirdos!!

 

ChillingGriffin: hey you Facebook stalked lexa when we went on our first date

 

SexyLexy: ???!!!!

 

BellULater: that’s because you had serious heart eyes for her and at the time she was considered our Enemy I was just looking out for my girl

 

SexyLexy: aw heart eyes clarke??

 

ChillingGriffin: I said I love you after our third date u know I had heart eyes binch

 

SexyLexy: I know but I love knowing you liked me as much as I liked you

 

ChillingGriffin:  from the moment I laid eyes on you I was head over heels

 

ThatsSoRaven: this is cute… but also so fucking gay?? Stop it

 

ThatsSoRaven: whats gina like?? She cute??

 

BellULater: very cute you would like her I think

 

SexyLexy: do she got the booty

 

BellULater: LEXA OH MY FUCKING GOD

 

ThatsSoRaven: I hate you??? I hate you more than murphy and finn and wick put together??

 

BellULater: I don’t understand why you use memes from fucking 2012!!!!!! Why?????

 

BellULater: like you don’t even mean to do it you are literally incapable of using a meme from this month??

 

ThatsSoRaven: its disgusting??

 

BellULater: it's disgraceful??

 

ThatsSoRaven: in this day and age of meme culture??

 

SexyLexy: I don’t understand meme culture!!!!!

 

SexyLexy: back in my day we had things called ‘inside jokes’ which always stayed alive and never had a time limit

 

BellULater: ‘back in my day’ I swear to god I think youre actually an 100 year old woman reincarnated as a 21 one year old girl who doesn’t understand the young uns of the day

 

ThatsSoRaven: it would explain why youre so bad with technology

 

BellULater: ur insta be popping tho I cant believe ur insta famous and clarke is vine famous what sort of couple GOALS

 

ThatsSoRaven: kim and kanye who??

 

ChillingGriffin: we both have a couple 100 thousands followers we’re not famous

 

ThatsSoRaven: ‘couple 100 thousand followers’ oh yeah same who doesn’t lmao

 

ChillingGriffin: back to dragging lexa about memes tho…

 

SexyLexy: klorke why

 

ChillingGriffin:  it's embarrassing??

 

ThatsSoRaven: hold the fuck up!!!!!

 

BellULater: clarke is that you???

 

ThatsSoRaven: what happened to the Lexa Outdated Meme Defence Squad???

 

BellULater: of which there was only one member, you, bc everyone is sick of lexas shit??

 

ChillingGriffin: yes well….

 

ChillingGriffin: she started singing what does the fox say yesterday…

 

BellULater: I Am Disgusted

 

ThatsSoRaven: DHDFJR I HONESLTY CANNOT PICTURE THIS???!!!

 

BellULater: is that song a meme tho

 

BellULater: actually its outdated as fuck I’ll let it pass

 

SexyLexy: thank u judge blake

 

ChillingGriffin: ….

 

ChillingGriffin: she started singing it while she was going down on me

 

BellULater: AHFDICSWTA

 

SexyLexy: they don’t call me sexy lexy for nuthin I know what a woman wants

 

ThatsSoRaven: OH MY GOD

 

ThatsSoRaven: I AM SCREAMING!!!!!!!

 

BellULater: IM IN CLASS THEYRE DOING A TEST AND I HAD TO PRETEND TO HAVE A COUGHING FIT TO COVER THE SCREAMS

 

ThatsSoRaven: omg details like did she sing the words ‘what does the fox say’ and then start doing the fucking demonic yapping into ya puthy??

 

BellULater: delete this tbh????

 

ChillingGriffin: yes I was STARTLED

 

SexyLexy: it was in my head!! I just started singing

 

ChillingGriffin:  ……. U had me lying in bed naked as the day I was born, about to eat me like a buffet dinner…. And the fucking fox song was in ur head???

 

BellULater: ur lucky u don’t have a dick that’s a boner killer right there my man

 

ThatsSoRaven: really??? Hmmm better test it out next time we hook up

 

ThatsSoRaven: next time ur getting a blow job ur getting a reyes remix of gangnam style

 

ThatsSoRaven: use ya dick like a microphone

 

SexyLexy: ur so talented

 

SexyLexy: when does ur mixtape drop??

 

SexyLexy: come to brazil

 

ChillingGriffin: no but bellamy I dried up like the savannah desert

 

SexyLexy: u liar it was like the titanic had just been hit by an iceberg and we were the only two without a life boat it was wet™

 

ThatsSoRaven: and cold??

 

BellULater: people died lexa

 

ChillingGriffin: rip jack and rose

 

ThatsSoRaven: they couldve both fit on that fucking board of wood??

 

SexyLexy: we are NOT having this debate again

 

ChillingGriffin: it hurts too much

 

BellULater: are these kids in my class kidding they know I can clearly see them cheating?? Amateurs

 

ThatsSoRaven: we were the kings and queens of cheating back in the day

 

ChillingGriffin: remember during my biology test I had the textbook beside me the entire time and I still failed?? How??

 

ThatsSoRaven: I still cant believe Dr Singh CAUGHT you cheating and didn’t do anything

 

SexyLexy: maybe that’s why u failed

 

ChillingGriffin: ur honestly not wrong babe

 

BellULater: g2g a kid just straight up fainted off her chair onto the ground ttyl xoxxooxox

 

ThatsSoRaven: omg hope shes okay xx I gotta blast too guys ive an exam I sadly cant cheat on

 

SexyLexy: good luck both of u xox

 

ChillingGriffin: deuces

 

BellULater and ThatsSoRaven have left the group ‘We Dem Boyz’

 

ChillingGriffin: and then there was two :)

 

SexyLexy: I have a class that I could very potentially skip to go make my fave girl feel better ;)

 

ChillingGriffin: you know that’s what I like to hear

 

SexyLexy: oh I know what you like to hear

 

SexyLexy sent an audio recording into the group ‘We Dem Boyz’

 

ChillingGriffin: I honestly don’t know what I expected

 

ChillingGriffin: but you singing what does the fox say complete with animal noises while walking through a crowded area wasn’t one of them

 

SexyLexy: Im walking through campus, everyones looking at me, jealous of my talent I expect

 

ChillingGriffin: what else could it be

 

SexyLexy: so….. are you onboard the titanic right now or stranded in the desert

 

ChillingGriffin: why don’t you come find out ;)

 

ChillingGriffin has left the group ‘We Dem Boyz’