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Of Course It Blew Up

Chapter Text

"Stupid fucking morons." Jack muttered to himself as the elevator took its sweet time carrying him to the tech floor. He was ready to make heads role because of their latest blunder. A new model of LoaderBot was supposed to be released yesterday. Unfortunately for the guys in tech, not only did the bots refuse to listen to any orders they were given, their arms were constantly popping off. It was clear someone was trying to work Jack over, and no one works Jack over without losing some brain matter. As the elevator came to a stop, he stood tall and adjusted his coat. Time to make someone pay.

He stepped out and every technician in the hall froze. "Hey, Kiddos! Who wants to enlighten me on what happened with the new LoaderBot?" He shouted at everyone that was in front of him. At least five people scampered into their collective offices and busied themselves. Everyone else looked down in shame and fear. "No one's going to speak up?" He was growing more angry by the second. Jack rolled his eyes and approached a shorter, and older looking man. Judging by his coat and the clothing underneath the coat, he was one of the head techs. He cowered behind his clip board. "You! What's your name?" The man whimpered as he was addressed by Handsome Jack. "I-I'm..." "Come on cupcake, I haven't got all day." Jack interrupted impatiently. The man tried to straighten himself out and speak more clearly but he wasn't doing too well of a job of that. "I'm H-Harold Dennison, Handsome Jack, s-sir."

It was both amusing, and very irritating when people trembled and stuttered in fear. It was amusing because it made Jack feel truly superior. He was always superior but it was a nice reminder. Then, it was irritating because they were so slow with their answers. He was a busy man. He wanted shit to get done.

"Mind telling me why the newest Loaderbot is total shit? This is the damn tech department, correct?" Dennison nodded his head hesitantly. "And your one job is to build these damn things, and make sure they don't fall apart, right?" Again the man nodded, slower and more fearful this time. "Then please tell me WHY THE DAMN BOTS CAN'T TAKE TWO DAMN STEPS WITHOUT LOSING AN ARM!" Everyone trembled and hid behind the closest object they could find. Dennison looked like he was about to piss himself then pass out.

"W-well, you see sir... we um..." He just couldn't seem to find the words, and that was annoying. Jack pinched the bridge of his nose. "Just take me to the one who caused this crap so I can shoot them." Dennison whimpered at the thought of being shot. "WELL?!" Jack yelled, completely about to lose his shit. "Ah! Yes sir! Right this way!" Dennison hastily made his way down the hallway, receiving looks of pity left and right. Jack was one step behind him, his strides long. They turned down two hallways and passed about three doors before Dennison finally stopped in front one of the rooms. Loud music could be heard from the other side of the door. Dennison glanced up at Jack whose arms were folded over his chest. His fingers tapped against his coat sleeve.

Dennison swiped his card and the door opened. The loud music was now louder than before. Jack stepped into the room with the man to find you swaying your hips to the beat of the music while your hands were buried deep into the chest of one of the faulty Loaderbots. Jack watched you dance with surprise and amusement. Dennison reached over and shut the music off. Your hips stopped swaying but your attention was still on the Loaderbot.

"__________-"Dennison spoke almost on the verge of a whine. "Dennison, sweet pea, darling, bane of my existence! What did I say about touching my music?" You grunted and twisted something inside of the robot. "Y-yes but-" "But nothing!" You interrupted harshly. "If I have to take another god damn five minute break just to shove a grenade up your ass, I will not hesitate!" You threatened without looking back at him. "But H-Handsome Jack is-" "Yes! Yes! I am fully aware of the fact that Handsome Jack is going to be making an appearance sometime today to more than likely kill someone! Although considering how many times I've told you to piss off today, I might be the one shooting someone! If you'd stop interrupting me and touching my music, I would of had all of your shitty mistakes fixed two hours ago!"

Jack listened to the whole conversation. His head snapped down to the man as you said they were his mistakes. The man looked completely horrified. You grunted again as you lifted the chest piece of the LoaderBot up and set it into place. "See, Dennison. See how easy it was for me to fix this mess? It wouldn't have even had to happen if you hadn't tried to cut corners! Those make shift pieces of crap you tried to use couldn't even hold the weight of their own arms, but thanks to me, the arms should be the most stable part of this damn thing!" Dennison's face grew paler and paler as you went on, basically ratting him out.

Handsome Jack whipped out his pistol and aimed at Dennison's forehead. Dennison only had time to gasp before Jack pulled the trigger. The loud bang made you jump and spin around. Your eyes were wide as you watched your co-workers body hit the ground. Handsome Jack let out a huff before looking at you. You looked up from Dennison at him. He gave a charming smirk and stepped over the body. "That was quite a show, now wasn't it?! I must admit, I've never seen someone so unintentionally rat out their co-worker before!" He swung his pistol about.

Your eyes were trained on his gun. "And threatening to shove a grenade in his ass all because he turned your music off?! Amazing!" He chuckled, looking down at you. You tore your eyes away from his gun and looked at his face. His multi colored eyes met your ______ ones. "Well? You going to say anything, or are you too star struck?"

You blinked then snapped out of your slight stupor. "Did you just shoot my co-worker?" He chuckled at your question. "Had to, cupcake. Can't have incompetent people like him cluttering up the place." You looked around him at the blood splattered on your wall and desk. That was annoying. "Let's forget that! It's the past! Now why don't you tell me your name?" He lowered his gun to his waist. He hadn't holstered it, which meant there was a good chance he was going to shoot you, but that was the last thing on your mind at that moment. "_________ ________... Did you seriously just shoot him in my office?" You asked more offended sounding this time. He rolled his eyes. "We've been over this. Yes. Don't tell me you're hard of-" You groaned. "Come on! Do you know how hard it is to clean up blood?" You scolded, forgetting who you were talking to. Jack was taken aback by what you said.

"First I'm woken up at the butt crack of dawn to fix that moron's mistakes. Then while trying to fix his mistakes, he harasses me about music making it slower than it already was! And now I'm going to have to spend the rest of the damn day cleaning him off of my walls! You couldn't have shot him outside?!" You complained and rubbed your face. Jack was silent through out your entire rant. No one had scolded him like that in years!

You remained quiet for a long second before it occurred to you who you just yelled at. You tensed and looked at the man, taking note of the shock. "I-I... Uh.... Wow... I am so sorry about that. I didn't mean to scold you. I'm used to scolding them-" Jack's loud laughter filled the room, startling you. He gripped his side, unable to contain himself. You weren't sure if you were meant to take this as a good or bad thing. The smarter thing was to assume it was bad because, well... he was Handsome Jack after all.

Handsome Jack finally managed to regain his self control after a few minutes. He chuckled and wiped a non existent tear from his eye. "Oh boy. I have not laughed that hard in weeks." You fiddled with your sleeve, unsure what to do or say. "You really know how to make someone laugh, __________." You gave an awkward smile. "I wasn't exactly trying to make anyone laugh...." Most people would be pissing themselves or trying to self induce a heart attack but you just felt awkward. "Uhm...." Time to change the subject because this was too uncomfortable. "W-would you like to see the improvements? I mean, you are here after all." You gestured to the Loaderbot behind you.

Jack finally holstered his gun and crossed his arms. "Alright. Alright. But only because you amuse me." He encouraged. The phrase "amuse me" rubbed you the wrong way, but you chose not to ruin his good mood. You rolled up your sleeves, revealing your metal left arm. You noticed Jack look over it once. You continued on pressing a few buttons on your work table, it shifted and turned so the Loaderbot was up right. You activated the bot and waited patiently.

The bot booted up and you smiled. "HELLO." It greeted. "Hey bud~. Have a nice nap? Good! Now I need you to something for me." You moved around Jack to your office chair. "Just walk over here for me." The bot pushed off of the table and stood upright. So far so good. "UNDERSTOOD." He moved towards you, his arms showing zero signs of weakening. "Good! Now for the final test to make sure they won't pop off again." You raised your hand up, waiting for a high five. The bot complied, raising his hand to yours. You smacked your metal palm against his much larger metal palm. "WOO! Yeah!" You turned towards the corpse in your office, hands on your hips. "I told you I'd fix 'em up! I didn't even break a sweat!" You hopped up and down until you heard your boss chuckle.

Spinning on your heel, you faced him and cleared your throat. "Ahem.... As you can see, sir, I fixed him up. Just replace the shit parts and boom! Good as new!" You moved closer to the bot and looked at his arm sockets as a double check. Jack chuckled again. "You did good, cupcake." He to a step closer to you and set a hand on your shoulder. You looked at his hand then back at his face. "I'm proud of you. Really. Most of the people on Helios can hardly tie their shoes without messing it up. We need more people like you!" He rubbed his thumb against your shoulder. Wow, uncomfortable didn't even begin to describe how you felt. You weren't fond of being touched so comfortably by a stranger, nor did you like his halfhearted praise. You'd lived on Pandora long enough to know when someone was just bullshitting with you.

"How about I give you a promotion? How does taking his job sound?" Jack referred to the dead body on your floor. The mention of promotion caught your attention until he pointed at your dead superior. You frowned and pulled away from Jack. "Ehhhh...... no offence but pass." "What?" Jack looked down at you sternly, clearly not expecting you to say no. You shrugged and looked over the Loaderbot. "As much as I appreciate the offer, taking his job is not a promotion. I'd rather be the one fixing other's mistakes than be the one blamed for causing them...." You looked at Handsome Jack and felt regret form in your stomach. His face screamed annoyed. "I-I mean!" You quickly tried to rephrase your words. "What I meant is, I'm more useful here! No one can do this job like I can. Moving me somewhere else would just be a hassle for you and then there would be no one to fix these problems."

He seemed to ponder what you were saying. He was still frowning though. "You know what happened to the last person to say no-" "I'm not saying no!" You said hastily. "I'm merely trying to....." Crap. What could you say to make him calm down? "I'm trying to make things easier for YOU, sir. If I take his job, there would be no one here to catch those stupid mistakes people like him make. The only reason this one even slipped by me is because he thought he could get away with half-assing it. But I can keep that from happening! Keep from causing you any trouble!" You sounded like you were repeating yourself. Well, you were, but it seemed to be working. Jack removed his hand from his gun, which you hadn't even noticed he had been holding.

He let out a short laugh and suddenly put his arm around your shoulders again. "You know what? I actually like you! You aren't afraid to tell me how it is. I can't bring myself to say no to that face." That last comment stunned you. "Alright. You can keep your current job..." You let your shoulder fall in relief. "But" He gripped your shoulder tightly, making you stiffen them again. "I also want you to be the one to bring me the reports. Any bugs, issues, etc. You bring them straight to my office. Think you can handle that?" He starred at you, a deadly glint in his eyes. Good thing you didn't plan on saying no this time. "Of coarse I can handle that, sir." You stated confidently. "That's the spirit!" He patted your back and moved towards the door. "And don't worry about the mess, kiddo, I'll send the cleaning crew down." He waved nonchalantly as he left.

You stood there in silence for an entire minute. Loaderbot finally broke the silence. "ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" You didn't say anything, just nodded and walked to the door. "I-I'm going to lunch. Make sure they clean up everything." With that, you left.


The cold cafeteria table felt nice against your face. You weren't sure how much time had passed since you sat down, but during that time, you greatly reconsidered your life choices. "______!" A familiar voice pulled you from your thoughts. You sat up just as your two friends sat at the table. "What are you doing? How long have you been here?" You set your elbow on the table and cupped your cheek. "I have no clue..." "Man, you look seriously out of it. Did something happen in the office today?" Doug, your friend from coding, questioned as he took a bite of his sandwich. "Well.... besides having a co-worker shot in my office. Nothing really." Doug and Shannon, your other friend from coding, halted and looked at you in shock. "WHAT?!" Doug shouted, making you wince.

"Oh my god! You have to tell us what happened!" Shannon clung to your arm, her face an inch from yours. You rolled your eyes and took a deep breath. You expected this reaction. "Alright.... well... " You went on for the next ten minutes explaining everything that happened. During your story, Doug almost choked on his food because he was more interested in the story than to how much food he shoved into his face. Shannon gasped and clung tighter to your arm at random moments.

"Then Handsome Jack just left, saying he'd send for a clean up crew." You finally finished your story. Your friends, and the three tables around you were dead silent. You glared at the other tables, making the other people who had been listen turn back to their lunch. Pulling your arm away from Shannon, you rubbed your temples. "I basically had three near death experiences all within an hour. I feel like I've aged by twenty years." A sigh left you as you slumped down in your chair. Doug and Shannon looked at one another before looking back at you.

"The fact that you're even alive means either you are the luckiest person on Helios or there is some unseen force that has taken a liking to you." Doug stated with complete seriousness. You snorted and flicked his arm. "As if I'm lucky. I have to bring a report to Handsome Jack like once a week now. How is that lucky? What if I bring him a report that makes him fly off the handle? I just barely avoided death. I don't want to try to dodge it another five or six times." Shannon patted your back lightly. "Geez..... that's rough....." There was a long pause. "If you end up dying, can I have your chair?" "What no! I want _________'s chair!" Your friends glared at one another while you just frowned. "I'm so glad to see where your priorities are. I truly appreciate the concern."

They stopped glaring at one another and gave you a sympathetic look. "Maybe you're just over thinking this, ________. I mean..... You scolded Handsome Jack, denied his promotion offer, and still didn't get shot or thrown out an airlock. Maybe Jack actually likes you and wants you to stick around." Doug's attempt to comfort you didn't work. "If we weren't talking about Handsome Jack; you know the guys whose known for killing people just because they looked at him wrong, I might actually feel better." You put your face in your hands and mumbled. "We can't understand you when you do that." Shannon clarified for you, not that you weren't already aware of it. "I said I'm going to head back to the office. Hopefully, it's clean by now and I can just continue to work." You pushed away from the table and headed for the elevator.

"Don't over think it!" Your friends shouted at you. You simply waved them off before getting into the elevator.