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House of Sans

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You wake up and check the time using your phone. However, you don’t even register the time because you see that there is one more text than yesterday. Had you opened a text in your sleep? You’d done it before so it honestly wouldn’t surprise you. You shrug and head to your messages, maybe it was just Alph- The phone drops to the floor with a thud, the battery cover flying under the vanity, as it slips from your shocked grasp. Why was HE messaging you?

You had come to terms with the fact that he was at fault with all your time to think, after all what else could you do until daylight hours? And sleep wasn’t a friend of yours. At any rate you had had plenty of time to think the situation over when you were all alone on that park bench. And now he has the gall to text you saying you should have known it was coming and offering for you to be their third?! Fuck, that noise!

You grit your teeth as your eyes begin to water. You bend down and grab your phone before getting up and going over to the vanity, getting on your knees and looking under it for the back cover. What you find surprises you, a makeup sponge as well as your missing cover, how had it gotten there? Had Alphys or whoever stocked the vanity dropped it and simply neglected to retrieve it? But then, Blueberry seemed the type that would check something from every single nook and cranny to insure utter perfection when trying to impress someone…. Perhaps you were overthinking things, hell, you could’ve knocked it out in your investigations, Christ knows your clumsy enough.

You grab both objects and simply place the sponge back into a random drawer, not really giving a shit about organization right now, and slip the cover on your phone before inspecting it for damage. Nothing external, no cracks, now to turn the damn thing on. You turn it on crossing your fingers and breathing a held breath when it does so without issue. Praise be whatever deity saw fit to save your phone from its destruction today!

You return to the messages and re-read the previously skimmed message carefully. Oh, so not only was he offering you to be their third, he was basically threatening you into it, motherfucker! You really wanted to squeeze his balls with a pair of pliers, or maybe just beat his ‘oh so pretty’ face in with your fists until he resembles the inside of an overripe watermelon. “You’ve got another thing comin’ if you think I’m gonna abandon these guys who treat me so much better than you ever did in the course of a few days when you had years Bel. No, I am not about to fucking go back to you and your sorry cheating ass,” you growl under your breath before exiting your messages and putting your phone in your pocket. “I’m not that naive little girl anymore who thinks she can’t do any better, I’m  -----, a fucking vixen who knows she deserves so much more. I don’t wake up next to some guy who smells like smoke, liquor, and sex every single morning with my skin crawling like a bug because my instincts were all telling me to get away. And I am not worried that one morning that guy might get tired of me saying no and just force me into submission. So like hell will I go back to that!”

You calm yourself down using some breathing exercises you’d seen on Youtube, because you know Youtube is totally the knowledge center of the world and should be consulted in every situation. Sarcasm aside, regulating your breathing had helped you tremendously during your first panic attack on your first night alone in the park, and it helped calm you down now. You couldn’t go outside your room in your current state, everyone would know something was up, but if you calmed down first at least you had a chance at hiding it.

They shouldn’t have to worry about this anyway, it was your problem, and they’d already done enough for you by giving you a job and a place to stay, though technically that was Alphys, but they did have a say in whether or not she should hire you so there’s that. After a few minutes, you’re completely calmed down and you quickly and quietly leave the room.



Fuck, that’d been close. They’d all been sleeping when they heard a loud crash and the sound of something skidding across the floor. Everyone immediately reacted the larger three’s magic at the ready as the giant plastic piece scooted under the vanity. Shit, she’d come looking for this, they had to move and fast.

“Okay, we’re going to go along the wall and under the bed. YanYan you have Punny and Poppy you have Pumpkin,” Brassberry whispered as loud as he dared. The small ones couldn’t teleport very far at all, definitely not all the way under the bed from the vanity, so it was up to the bigger three to make sure they all got to safety. Teleportation with two was hard and drained a lot of magic, it would be easier for them all if the larger ones carried the small ones, and so that is where Brassberry’s plan came from.

“What are you going to do?” YanYan asked incredulously as he picked up Punny with a bit of chagrin.

“I’m gonna stay here and keep look out, that way I can make a distraction if need be,” he responds gesturing for the other two big ones to go along.

Poppy held Pumpkin in both hands in front of him and on his chest, looking almost like a mother with a baby harness, while YanYan held Punny under one arm like a workmen carrying a heavy sack. Pumpkin’s face was burried into Poppy’s scarf as he muffled his soft whimpers and cries, not wanting to alert the human nearby. Poppy gently ran one of his hands across Pumpkin’s back as they began to go along the wall. “Here we go Pumpkin, you’re doing great! Just keep a tight hold on to your good friend Poppy, and we’ll be under the bed before you know it!” Poppy encouraged quietly, Pumpkin nodded and held on even tighter to Poppy’s scarf, his whimpers softer and less frequent.

Meanwhile Punny did not appreciate the manner in which he was being handled so he began to squirm to show his distress, since he couldn’t communicate. “Stay still you furry little rodent!” YanYan hissed under his breath to the writhing creature under his arm as he increased his hold.

Punny could handle many things, being ignored because he could not speak, being thought of as ignorant because of his lack of commutative ability, and even being cuddled and coddled and cooed to like an adorable animal, heck he liked the attention, but one thing he could not stand was being called a rat, a pest, or a rodent! Punny turned his head towards YanYan’s arm and bit down hard, his long teeth chipping a bit of the bone. “FUCK!”

YanYan dropped Punny unceremoniously onto the ground, before shooting a glance towards the human, good she seemed to be talking to herself and to distracted to hear his outburst of pain. “Fuck, that shit hurt you little vermin! I don’t care what Brassy said I am not carrying your ass another step!” YanYan ranted angrily as he stomped off holding his injured arm.

It was all the same to Punny, he may be small, but he was quick and he had stamina, also with his soft pads he was as silent as death. He dropped to his fours and quickly bounded up to Poppy, he was eager to check on Pumpkin feeling a certain camaraderie with the bitty as he was the only other one who was as small, actually smaller, than he was. As he passed YanYan the tall bitty shot him a glare that could turn fire to ice, but it didn’t affect Punny at all, he wasn’t threatened by the taller bitty, call him dumb but he just wasn’t phased by the tall ones threats, even though he knew perfectly well what the other was capable of.

Finally, he caught up to Poppy who had just reached the skirt of the bed, and Pumpkin allowed himself a quick peek of his surroundings catching a glimpse of Punny and a small smile tugging at his face before going back into the warm safety of Poppy’s scarf. “See Pumpkin, I told you we would be alright. You were very brave out there, you didn’t cry, not even once!” Poppy praised the small one against his chest before going under the bed skirt.

“I-I d-didn’t did I?” Pumpkin asks looking up at the smiling and encouraging face of the tall bitty, a small smile forming on his own face.

“Yep, you didn’t cry at all! I’m so proud of you, Pumpkin!” Poppy praised picking up the small one higher and nuzzling him gently.

Pumpkin blushed a little his cheekbones turning a light shade of orange, he felt happy that Poppy was pleased with him, but Punny was right there and it was kind of embarrassing for him to see Pumpkin being nuzzled so. After receiving a small kiss on his cheekbone, Poppy sat Pumpkin down, who was know blushing even harder.

Punny would laugh if he could, there was no shame in receiving praise, but he couldn’t so instead he smiled and hopped up to the smaller bitty. Without any hesitation he pulled back his ears and began to nuzzle Pumpkin much in the same manner Poppy had, only a lot softer due to his fur. “Even Punny thinks you were brave,” Poppy chuckles as he sits down crossing his legs.

It is at that moment, YanYan comes in looking pissed holding his arm and glaring daggers at anybody who so much as glances at him. Pumpkin cowers behind Poppy and Punny attempts to comfort him while YanYan turns his back to them all and waits for Brassberry. It doesn’t take long as the other brother teleports under the bed with ease, appearing no worse for wear.

He notices YanYan and gives him a confused glance. “Jeez, what happened to you bro?” Brassberry asked.

“The purple menace over there decided to take a bite out of me,” YanYan huffed. “Last time I try and help that little bastard.”

YanYan was now pouting, god he was such a drama queen, it was barely a nip and he was acting like Punny broke his arm. Brassberry saw how YanYan was carrying Punny, and in all honesty if he tried carrying him like that he would’ve decked him one on the spot. “You’ll be fine,” he says simply before turning to the others. “Alright, I think it’s best you all hide out under here. I’ll try and do some reconnaissance and see exactly who we’re dealin’ with here. If this lady checks out then we’ll go from there, but for now stay here and stay quiet. Unseen, unheard, and safe.”

“I can handle myself, thank you very much,” YanYan said turning his head up, lips in a pout.

Why of all the people in the world did he have to get trapped in an unfamiliar world with his brother? Fuck, he’d rather have Edgy at this point, or YanCap for that matter! Still…. YanYan was his brother, and no matter how much of a drama queen he was Brassberry just couldn’t bring himself to hate the guy, hell he loved him like anyone loves their sibling. So he sighs and smiles before going over to his brother.

“I know ya can YanYan, that’s why I need ya to stay and watch after the others for me while I’m gone alright?” Brassberry asks, though YanYan still remains unconvinced. “Who else could I trust with such an important job besides my bro?”

YanYan taps his foot in thought before letting out an exaggerated sigh. “Fine, but you’d better bring me back something to eat,” he huffs.

Brassberry simply smiles and laughs, “of course, bro.”



When you go down into the living room nobody is up. You quickly pull out your phone to check the time, 2, 2 in the fuckin’ morning! You grumble a bit, but decide overall that this was a good thing, it gave you time to finish the dishes and do some cleaning before everybody woke up. Also, like hell could you sleep now even if you wanted to so why not actually do your fucking job, yeah?

Stifling a yawn you head to the kitchen and begin the dishes. There wasn’t many left over from yesterday and even in your current half-asleep state you got them all finished, dried, and put up within twenty minutes. “If I’m gonna make it through the day I’m gonna need a nice big ole cup of joe,” you mumble before filling the coffee makers tank about halfway with water.

You grab the instant coffee and a filter, placing them both in the machine before turning it on and waiting for the pot to fill. Drip. Drip. Drrrriiiip. Damn, did it always take so long to make coffee? Hell, might as well sweep the kitchen while you’re waiting, at least then you’d be doing something productive with your time.

“Now, if I was a skeleton where would I put a broom and dustpan?” You ask yourself while looking around for a closet space or other such storage area.

You checked the pantry, but it wasn’t in there, the laundry, no dice, and the storage closet, but it wasn’t there either. Well, fuck you sideways with a spiked dildo, you had no idea where the fucker could be. Thinking back to the previous afternoon you remember Blueberry having it, but where would he put it? Things don’t just disappear without a reason.

Out of ideas you lean against the frame of the entryway, the force of your frustrated flop of a lean causing a reverberation through the wall and leading to something falling over in the corner. You sigh and turn to go pick up whatever it was only to find it was the broom, dustpan, and even the mop….well shit. You could practically hear the steam coming out of your ears you were so aggravated, but in all fairness all of this could’ve been avoided if you would’ve turned your head about forty-five degrees!

“Well, at least I know where they keep it now. Lesson learned, always look in the corners before you go sleuthing around like Sherlock Holmes and make yourself look like a dumbass.”

It only took about ten minutes to sweep and when you were done you were more than ready for a cup of coffee. Hell, you’d drink that shit black you needed it so bad. You grab a rather large mug from the cabinets and then pour as much as would fit in it without spilling, before sitting it at the table. You grabbed the sugar and creamer, as well as a spoon before returning to your cup, just because you could drink it black didn’t mean you would, or even remotely wanted to. You added a couple of spoonfuls of sugar and enough creamer to turn the coffee a light caramel brown color. You stir it and then, using the spoon, take a timid taste. Oh yeah, that’s the good shit, that’s the shit you would murder a small Puerto Rican man named Jacques for! All jokes aside, you would do almost anything for a good cup of coffee early in the morning.

“Ah, this is the life. A nice hot cup of joe, a nice house, nice friends, hot guys,” you giggle a bit at the last part. “No way would I ever give this up, not for all the money in the world.”

You take a small sip of your drink before checking the time once again. “Huh, it’s four now? Man, that broom hunt musta took a lot longer than I thought,” you think aloud.

Everyone would be awake soon enough, you thought as the sun began to rise ever so slightly, its light illuminating the sky just barely. “Maybe after I finish my coffee I should make pancakes again? Everyone seemed to like it last time, plus it’s simple to make for a big group,” you mutter to yourself between sips.

The bittersweet drink coated your tongue and you felt rejuvenated as it began to work its magic within your body. “Yeah, I think I’ll make pancakes. Might see if I can find some chocolate chips this time,” you continue your conversation...with yourself, and don’t notice the levitating note behind you that gets attached the fridge without a sound.

As you finish up your morning beverage you feel ready to do anything. You place the mug into the sink before heading over to the fridge to gather ingredients for today’s breakfast when you notice a note attached to the fridge by a blueberry magnet. Curiosity getting the better of you, you look at it closer. Upon further inspection the note was addressed to you, it was plainly seen on the outside in big, bold, fancy lettering. Whoever wrote this had impeccable handwriting, exquisitely beautiful calligraphy, it was….impressive to say the least.

So, you brought it over to the table and opened it, it even had a seal on it, a fucking wax seal! Damn this was so romantic! Your first thought went to Actor, the old style made sense for him, but you were surprised to see who the little charmer behind this letter really was.


Oh my dearest heart, how can I possibly describe my feelings for you within something as common and simple as the written word? Alas, it is a nigh impossible task, but I shall try nonetheless, for you deserve no less my sweet.

If my love were a river, the current would have taken me away and swept me downstream, the waters would have claimed me within their dark depths; for your beauty and kindness have bewitched me so that all I can think of is your countenance and all I can breath is your intoxicating aroma, my sweet flower. You have won my heart fair maiden, and I shall be forever bound to you as your knight, the bonds being the sweet, strong, and overpowering shackles of love, but then if I am to be bound I thank whatever being out there that granted me the absolute honor and pleasure of being bound to you my little dove.

Like the stars in the sky, my love for you is immeasurable, my love for you floods my entire being, devours my very SOUL, it is such a sweet ache, such a beautiful longing, such a wonderful desire, words hardly do it justice. I feel I have yet to give you your due in all this my love, I have gone on and on about my love for you, and yet I’ve said little about the object of my affection. I shall remedy that immediately!

You’ve been the first genuinely kind and caring soul I’ve come across in this cold and lonely world, and I find myself missing the feeling the warmth and comfort you emit from your very core when you are not beside me. Your SOUL shines with an intense passion that is almost blinding and alights any room you enter. Your beauty is incomparable, both outward and inward, you outshine all others without ever even trying. Because of all of this, and more, you are the center of attention, and others find themselves drawn to you, yet no matter how stressful that may be you remain calm and dignified, never once pushing them away, even when it would benefit you to do so.

I could write about your beauty, kindness, loving nature, and perfect SOUL forever my love, but I don’t think you would want that so I shall simply end the matter by saying if wishes do come true then you are mine, I wished for someone who was caring, understanding, and above all kind to come along, and here you are. I may not be the most mature Sans, or the smartest Sans, or even the most romantic Sans, but I do know what love is and I feel it for you, my SOUL has been calling out and until now I hadn’t quite understood why, but now that I know I want to try and be your knight, that is if you’ll be my princess.

Do not worry about your decision, take your time. I am fine just being close to you, and whatever you choose I will respect your decision. Though, if you wouldn’t mind I would prefer that this note be kept our little secret, and when all is said and done, remember that no matter the decision I shall always remain your best of friends.

Your Knight,

Sir Sans (Blueberrry)