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Of Leaves and Stars

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As requested, you are my first official Text Message. I just hope I have the code number correct. Right after this I'm trying Evans because there are too many damned buttons on this thing, why do they have to be so complicated??? Really rude of her to help you before helping me, to be honest. Contact me at your earliest convenience.

I have just so many questions, I don't even know where to start.


I'm afraid you've failed your friend, you've got the wrong number.             

Not Prongs,                  
No! I was so careful, I copied it exactly, I thought. I blame him. I don't know how yet, but I do. Sorry, thanks for your time, RJL.                  

Please if you could just answer these, I really feel like I need to know.
1.This is your first text massage? Like not just the first on a new phone, first, first?
2.How old are you??
3.Why do you have a phone with buttons, how old are you??
4.Why do you insist on signing every single text?
5.˝Contact me at your earliest convenience.˝? Who talks like that, how old are you??
6.Are those nicknames, please say yes

1. This is my first mobile phone, yes. 2. Old enough. 3. I have the phone Evans told me to get, she didn't seem to think I was ready for the flashy flat thing she has. I'm old enough. 4. Well I'll just stop that now then. 5. I talk like that. Old enough. 6. Yes they are.

Addressing the person at the beginning isn't necessary either, they know you mean them, you're texting their number. If you manage to get the right number, of course.

Okay, thank you.

You're welcome. Good luck.

Oh that's it, then? I don't get to ask any questions?

I suppose it would be only fair, go ahead.

 1. RJL?? Are you a fiction novelist or a mysterious benefactor of some kind? Who refers to themselves like that?
 2. How old are YOU?
 3. Why are you still talking to me?

1.I didn't want to give you my name and I don't have a nickname, so initials were the only options. And I don't like how just 'R' looks, so I went for 'RJL'
2.Old enough
3.You amuse me

 1. If you'd called yourself R there would have been pirate jokes.  
 2. Alright. Are you old enough to drink?
 3. I'm so glad.

Thank god I didn't, then. I am.

Between 18 and 40?

I was 19 last month

Oh happy birthday!

Thank you, it was wild.

Oh was it??

You've no idea.

Give me an idea.

It was such a beautiful night, I stayed up til morning, but then when I woke up I barely remembered a thing. Plenty of evidence though about what went down. Truly a killer night.

You are being far too vague, I must know everything.

Nah, it wasn't really all that special, I just had another party a few days back and it was basically the same.

I haven't been to a decent party since graduation.

Which was when

Nearly a year ago.

High school or uni?

High school.

So you're my age

and you didn't have a phone until now

I never had a need!

How have you never had a need for a phone, are you a witch

What no

Okay then if you're not a master of psychokinesis, how did you communicate with your friends all these years?

I talked to them.

With my face.

Okay but outside of school and hanging out, when you were at home

Well living with Prongs that's pretty much not a problem, and Wormtail is over all the time anyway.

Okay I'm just gonna drop it

If you so choose.

So you were never lying awake at night not able to sleep and wishing you could call a friend?

You were just like, eh, no problem waiting til morning

Yes, exactly.

Ughhhh fine. Dropped.

Good luck.

You're frustrating

I take back my amusement


I am plenty amusing.



I'm so unamusing that you just stopped texting me???

Is this proper messaging etiquette???




Oh hello.

We determined why I keep texting back, but why do you?

We did not, you claim to be unamused and yet???

Well now I'm curious

Because I'm interesting.

Sure, let's go with that

Are you always this rude?

Pretty much, yeah


Charming is my speciality

Oh is it?

Always has been

Let me tell you, it's not going well.

It's not my job to try to impress you, if you have a problem, just stop replying

Maybe I don't want to.

Well then at least tell me more about yourself

Oh no no no

You already know more about me than I do about you.

You tell me something.

I'm tall

You're tall.


How tall is tall?

Tall enough

Tall enough toooooo???

To reach the top shelf

This is terrible.

Now I have this horrifying faceless tall image of you. Are you as creepy in real life as you are in my imagination?

Even more

I, too, am tall.

How tall

Tall enough.

Tall enough toooooooooo???

Reach a shelf.

Oh, so you're short

I said I am tall enough.


Shut up, nobody asked you.

Awww you're tiny aren't you

I could kick your arse is what you need be concerned about

Sure you could

I will climb you like the unnatural tree you are, tall person, and fight you face to face.

I much prefer kissing people when I'm face to face with them

Soooo charming

I'm trying to challenge you to a duel here.

Oh, I've never been in a duel!

You know what I mean!

Fight me.


See, I could take you.

Out to dinner? You'll have to work a bit harder for that

You are infuriating.

Yet you keep replying

Because I'm bored.

Well don't I feel special

Special and charming.


Tell me another thing.


I hate my father



Too dark?

Let me try again

I have green eyes

Oh no no let's go back.

Hate is a strong word.

And also me too.

Wait forward for a second. What kind of green?

I know it is, and I don't use it lightly

I don't know, just green

I dislike my father. I hate my mother.

You're going to need to give me more than that. Maple leaf green, or sage leaf green, or ginko leaf green?

Just green

No more on father?

Tell me to drop it if I should drop it.


He hates my entire existence, there's really not much to say.


One thing at a time.

"Just green". How can you describe that as "Just green"???

And how can you send pictures?

And I try not to over-empathize, usually, because it seems insensitive, but I think I really do know exactly what you're talking about.

Fine, there's some brown and yellow in there too, it's not just green

I was asking for leaves, you've got the whole forest.

Hello, did you leave?

How do I send pictures??

Oh, right

Well I don't know your phone, probably easiest for you to go to pictures and select it from there and then share it

Yay for great parents

It says I don't have any.

Well did you take any?

I'll cheer to that for my adoptive parents.


I'll cheer for my mum

Well that would explain it, wouldn't it

Tell me about her?

And how do I take pictures?

She's wonderful. Always supportive, even of things she maybe doesn't understand too well. And she makes the best scones.

How do you not

Never mind

Select the camera icon and then try pressing the middle button

She sounds wonderful.

Okay hold on.



those can't be your eyes

Well it's one of them

It's too pretty

I can't stop looking at it

Awww thank you.


Still with me, Tall Person?


Excuse me?

My name


Hello, Remus.

Hi, pretty eyes


Hi, Sirius




She/her is good right now, that will change.

And you?

Okay, you'll let me know, yeah?

If you’d like.

I would.


They/them if you must, I'm fine with it

But he/him.

He/him will be just fine then.


Of course.

Listen, I have to go to class soon

But I'd like to talk more later


If you don't find me too infuriating.

Only in a good way.

Have an enjoyable class.

Thank you. I have a feeling I'm going to have a hard time focusing today.

Good luck.

Be sure to sit in the back so the other people can see.

Bit bitter, are we, little star?



I'm sorry.

I dropped the phone.

It's fine.


I'm not bitter.

No worries, it happens.

And of course you're not.

Being seated behind tall people is the worst.

But sitting in the front isn't cool enough?

Is that a question?

Your struggle is real.

So real.

Go suffer somewhere else for a few hours.

I'll be here when you get out.



Did you drop yours too?


Consider that your homework

What the hell???


Are you having a stroke?

Turn your phone 90 degrees right

I don't understand.