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How to Entertain the Master of the Universe

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Sometimes being the Almighty Unnamed One involves duties such as: being a total badass, saving the day [after causing the chaos in the first place - but that’s beside the point], getting the guy [and having extremely satisfying saved-the-day sex with said-guy].

Sometimes it means waiting around for those moments to happen.

Really, since finally being able to be with Emrys as he wanted to be, it hasn’t been too bad. In fact, those few quiet times between all the mayhem have been the highlight of his immortal life. Living and laughing with Daniel and the Blackwells, making up lost time with his father and having lazy morning sex with Emrys.

Which may seem a little confusing but, just because he can be Nate or the Unnamed One doesn’t mean he can’t be the Unnamed One while being Nate. Firstly, they were pretty much the same entity no matter what his ‘Nate’ side wanted to believe about good and evil and - this is a little off-topic. Secondly, that would be no fun. As serious and badass as the Unnamed One is, when you’ve lived as long as he has you learn that you can’t be serious all the time and to get your kicks where you can.

Hence the playful morning sex he is planning to have with Emrys. As soon as he can open his eyes. The Unnamed One reaches over from his side of the bed with his eyes still closed. His fingers searching, expecting to touch warm skin.

All he gets is cold mattress. Annoyed, he blearily opens one eye - yep, Emrys’ side definitely looked empty - and then the other one. He smiles when he sees a piece of white folded paper with ‘Nathaniel’ scrawled in Emrys’ handwriting on the front. He flips onto his back, holding the bit of paper above him as he opens it. Sunlight streams through the thin paper as he reads.

“Couldn’t wake you - you looked so peaceful.” the note reads and he feels his smile grow wider, “Guess I wore you out last night.” That earns a blush and an eye roll, “Had some errands but I won’t be long. Love you.”

By the time the Unnamed One reaches the end where Emrys signed off as his ‘Finicky Cat’ he is frowning. Errands? Wait? But. He pouts.

“I had plans.” He whines to no one in particular.

Daniel claimed to want alone time with Skyrim and his other video games but the Unnamed One figures it was just a ploy to be out of the tower, with earphones in, not thinking about his best friend having sex.

Turner is helping Abbie as she executes Dunhaven tasks on behalf of his father. Abbie excitedly and Turner grudgingly.

His father is probably doing something he didn’t want to know about with Cooper. Or maybe they weren’t and Emrys is just rubbing off on him.

The Unnamed One is fine with Emrys rubbing off on him except for that it isn't happening right now.

He muses as he pouts at the ceiling,

“What the hell am I even supposed to do until he gets back?”




Tha-thud. Tha-thud. Tha-thud.

The Unnamed One sighs with his chin cradled in his hands as the little orange ball flies from floor to the wall then back at him. With a single thought he redirects it back to the floor before it can reach him.

“Why do people find this a fascinating way to pass the time?” he grumbles as he watches the rubber ball fly through the air.

Really, how many scenes from movies and shows were archived in Nate’s brain of people sitting around doing this all by themselves? Bouncy balls pegged at walls. Baseballs flying in the air. Even people with scrunched up balls of paper trying to throw them three feet away into a garbage can with such a look of concentration on their face as though they thought they were on a basketball court leading their team to victory. They obviously had no idea what they were talking about.

Henry chooses that moment to walk into the room and put some folded laundry away.

“I believe you are supposed to physically throw and catch the ball.”

The Unnamed One pauses and the ball pauses too, hovering in midair. Half an inch in front of his face. He turns to the butler and tilts his head.


Henry shrugs and, having completed his task, walks back out of the room.

The Unnamed One carefully plucks the ball out of the air with his fingertips. After giving it a thoroughly disdainful look he aims it at the floor and throws. The ball ricochets around the room, fast as a bullet, for a frantic moment before becoming embedded in the plaster of the ceiling.





“Henry?” the Unnamed One finally asks as he follows the butler from room to room as he completes his chores.

“Yes, Master?” Henry says without pausing from his work.

They walk into another bedroom and the Unnamed One launches onto the bed and puts his head into a pillow.

“I’m bored.” He mumbles around the pillow.

The Unnamed One is slightly offended when he looks up to see Henry just shrug and continue on with what he is doing. Honestly, it’s like he doesn’t care about his feelings at all.

“He’ll be back soon.” The butler says but he just responds with a loud whine and flailing his limbs.

“It’s been hours.”

“It’s been twenty minutes.”

The Unnamed One sighs dramatically while turning onto his back.

“Can we go back in time and start another war?” he suggests half-heartedly before feeling a manic grin spread across his face, “Or go play a prank on someone?” he bounces excitedly on the bed, “Like Alric?”

Though it doesn't have to be Alric. Anyone would do. Preferably someone uptight.

Henry makes a pointed look at his full hands as if to communicate that he is working but actually says, “You wouldn’t be happy with yourself later if you did either of those things.”

The Unnamed One glares but there isn’t any heat.

He points his finger at Henry and says in his most authoritative voice, “Quiet you and do as your master commands!”

Henry just laughs at him and walks away.

“I’m having you replaced!” He calls out the door after him.





The Unnamed One carefully clicked another grey square and sighed in relief as a bunch of little blue ones appeared on the screen.

“Yes!” He hisses and goes for another square.

A two. A three. No, nope. Other side now. He is actually sweating right now. His hand is cramped over the mouse and it hurts. But he’s been at this for a while and he swears on the fate of the world that he is going to win this stupid game.

He figures that he could always cheat but that would be no fun.

He looks up at the happy yellow face and thinks about how happy he’s going to be when it finally has those damn sunglasses on.

Eight! He proceeds to make a little flag barrier around the eight with his flags. The screen is almost full and he knows he’s flagged all those spiky balls of doom.

With a squinting eye, a bead of sweat lingering at his temple and his tongue poking at his cheek he clicks the final grey square.

Fucking mine.

Those spiky balls of doom reveal themselves and that formerly happy yellow guy gives a disappointed frown.

Well, screw you, yellow guy.




The Unnamed One has read every book in the house. Several times over. He was there when they were written - in fact, he wrote some of them.

Suffice to say that he is absolutely sick of all the books in the house.

Which is why he turns to the internet.

“Why didn’t I think of this before?” he says excitedly to himself, “It’s like a never-ending library. I will never run out of things to read.”

He starts on archive websites which offer a variety of online books and articles and, somehow, ends up on wikipedia reading all the featured content.

“There is no way that is correct.” He is sure he has a horrified expression on his face as he stares at the screen.

He’s in the middle of a article updating war with some Phd student from an Ivy League school when he decides that he should probably stop. Because popping over to the student’s dorm room and giving him the fright of his life is starting to feel like a good idea. Except that he might not stop with scaring if he gets any more worked up.

So the Unnamed One figures fiction would be a safer place to turn. He figures he’ll find a good fantasy story with romance and thrills and action could tide him over until Emrys gets home.

It doesn’t take a lot of searching until he finds something he likes. There are vampires. In space. There are pretty, pretty pictures. And the romance is steamy. He actually looked behind him to check that Henry wasn’t around to catch him reading it sort of steamy. And, it wasn’t what he was searching for specifically! But it’s not like he’s complaining either!

He’s five chapters in and things are heating up. There are guns and clubs and drugs and he’s starting to wonder if maybe Emrys would want to role-play this with him later.

And then he gets to the end of the page and it won’t let him go to the next chapter. There is bold writing telling him that this is far as he goes unless he becomes a member.

“This is a ploy.” He mutters, “They stop it right at the bit when you know its getting good and now you have to become a member!”

He considers for all of two seconds [all the time it takes for him to start squirming with anticipation for the next chapter] before going to click the ‘Sign Up’ button.

That’s when his laptop runs out of battery.





“Yes! More! Oh Emrys!”

The Unnamed One makes his voice deeper, trying to emulate how Emrys sounds when he moans out, “Nathaniel!”

He’s holding dolls. Dolls that looks exactly like himself [well, his Nate-self] and Emrys. Anatomically correct dolls. That are naked.

He has no shame. He can admit that. Let it not be said that because he is sitting alone in his room playing with the dolls with the lights off that he is ashamed. The lights are off to set the mood.

He holds the doll together so that they front’s are pressed up each others and makes cheesy kissing noises.

“Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! I love you!”

Like a little girl marrying her Barbie and Ken dolls. If they were both Ken. And naked.

Then he starts simulating moans and grunts. But when doll!Emrys has doll!Nate on his back and is between his legs the lights in the room flick on.




“What are you doing?”

“Emrys!” the Unnamed One cries happily as he spins around to face the other man. He places the dolls behind his back and makes them disappear.

Emrys beams at him and the Unnamed One’s Nate-side melts a little. That’s a lie. He melts all over. Emrys crosses the room with quick, long strides and, in no time at all, they are in each other’s arms.

“What were you up to while I was gone?” Emrys asks as he buries his face in his boyfriend’s neck, inhaling deeply.

Nate blinks confusedly for a few moments, trying to think back to the last couple of hours. In the end he just shrugs, “Must not have been anything important. Just waiting for you to come home, I guess.” He narrows his eyes at Emrys suspiciously, “What errands did you have to run that couldn’t wait till after a proper ‘good morning’?”

Emrys groans and it truly sounds as though he’s in pain.

“The little witch we call our friend was torturing me today.” He says with a pout, “Protect me?”

“From an organised teenage witch who’s helping you do your job so that you don’t have to do it yourself?” Nate says dryly while cuddling him close, “How would Dunhaven survive?”

“It can crash and burn into the ground for all I care.”

“Lazy liar. You don’t mean that.”

Emrys scoops Nate into his arms and lays them down on the bed. They spoon with Nate’s back against Emrys’ chest and sigh contentedly as they hold each other.

“You were saying something about a proper ‘good morning’?” Emrys says and Nate feels the cheeky grin press into his neck.

“Soon.” Nate tugs at his boyfriends hands so his arms wind tighter around him, “This is nice for now.”



“Hey, Nathaniel?”


“Why is there a ball in the ceiling?”