You have been cordially invited to
The Villain Association’s First Ever
♔♕Fancy Dinner Social Party Thing ♕♔
Hosted by (the beautiful, smart, sensual, gifted, talented, wonderful, cool) Ghetsis Harmonia,
at The Fluorescent Hotel of Unova, located at 42069 Mode Street, Castelia City
7:00 PM, 28th of May, 201X
Eat dinner (duh), discuss villainry, and get really drunk!!!
Wear a suit, guys!
Giovanni put down the invitation and sighed. This was the worst thing to ever happen to him in a long time. He got mail . He was invited to something. And he absolutely detested Ghetsis Harmonia and really couldn't stand the guy ever since he met him during the PWT a year or two ago.
Giovanni nearly gagged as he read the invitation. It was written in an overly fancy script and “Ghetsis Harmonia” took up half the page, sticking out from all the other disgustingly elegant and pretentious words with its rainbow color text and Comic Sans font. The stupid piece of paper came in an envelope sealed with what Giovanni guessed to be the Harmonia family crest. Giovanni understood that Ghetsis was filthy stinkin’ rich and that the money he had was inherited and never seemed to end. Giovanni also understood he could honestly never respect someone with more money than him and Ghetsis was just that someone.
He wanted to tear the invitation in half and flush it down the toilet like the load of crap it was but he didn't want to mess up the intricate plumbing of his house and also-
He was quite bored.
It's not like anyone was living with him. No one would care if he left Kanto for a night or two. All he ever did in his free time was smoke and cry into tubs of ice cream, screaming to his morbidly obese Persian and smelly Meowth about how boring life is, about how they cancelled his favorite TV drama and how “It really didn’t deserve that fate.”
This was a wake up call.
He hated Ghetsis’ bitch ass but if he could leave Kanto again, get drunk or high or both, and possibly end the night with beating up the annoying fuck, he would be kind of happy. Just kind of.
So he packed his bags.
(MAY 28, DAY OF PARTY)
There was a great commotion going on in the penthouse of The Fluorescent Hotel.
Ghetsis sat in front of the mirror and blue steeled until the right side of his face began twitching painfully. His lanky, underdeveloped son was circling him, brushing his untamed mass of green curls with great effort.
“Col-ress, what are you gonna wear tonight?” Ghetsis practically sang.
Colress, who was nearby and tapping away on his phone, looked up and smiled. “You've gotta wait and see, darling, it's a surprise.”
“Uhuhuhuh,” Ghetsis chuckled gutturally. “That sounds so h- N!!! I'm not a Bouffalant, damn it! Are you trying to kill me, boy?!”
N winced and started gently patting the fluffy hair he held in his hand. “I'm sorry, dad, I'm sorry. I forget your hair is not a Pokemon sometimes and-”
“You forget you are an idiot,” Ghetsis said (but it sounded more like “you forget you are an ee-dee-ot”) . He waved his hand at N, dismissing him. “Piss off. Go help the grunts set up or something.”
Once his hair-tearing, graceless son was gone, Ghetsis spun around in his chair, smiling as much as he could with his wonky mouth.
“I'm so excited,” he said. “I-”
“You just can't hide it?” Colress whispered.
“I'm gonna meet everyone and I am going to impress them so hard,” he declared, brushing out the puffs and knots N didn't bother touching. He smoothed his hair down with something slick and gross that smelled like flowers, watching with delight as those three infamous horns of hair sprung right back up accordingly. “The thing is, I'm the richest out of all of them. Richer than that new white guy with the beard. Richer than Giovanni.”
“No way? There's a new white guy?”
“Yes he has a beard and I hate him. How dare he have the audacity to copy me? To copy us?”
“What, the beard?”
“No, the fact that he’s w- Never mind. Anyway, I don't know any of the other guys so there's that. It'll be a surprise meeting them.”
“They're not that evil if you haven't heard of them,” Colress snickered.
“True but I have to invite them; I have to intimidate them with everything I have,” Ghetsis rambled on. “They'll see how amazing I look and immediately be charmed. They'll see how I have you and be so jealous they’ll listen to every word I say-”
“Aww… Thank you.”
“They’ll see all the grunts we have in our dungeon-”
“You are so beautiful right now,” Colress sighed.
“Yes, I know. I'm perfect,” Ghetsis said, staring into the mirror, the veiny sclera of his only functioning eye growing larger. “Per-fect.”
Lysandre arrived at the airport in Unova wearing a handsome dark red sweater knitted by Augustine Sycamore. “Big Spicy”, it declared in bold yellow letters. He felt it should have said “Big Baby” because he was still blinking back tears at the thought of being alone in a strange region without Augustine. Who would make him perfectly milky coffee with dark syrup portraits of himself floating at the top of the cup? Who would sleep in bed with him? Who would give him the succ? Who would wipe his ass-
“LYSANDRE!” a sign shouted in blocky letters.
The lion man smiled and rushed to the two fools holding the sign.
“I can't believe you guys are here!” he laughed excitedly, feeling a rare happy anxiety pulsating throughout his body.
“Us either,” Maxie sighed fondly. “You look taller!”
“When was the last time I saw you guys?”
“Gaycation 2015, I think,” Archie said.
“Oh…” Lysandre mumbled.
Nobody brought up Gaycation 2015. It was best left forgotten.
After a long silence, the boys started heading to the Fluorescent Hotel. On the drive there, Lysandre found himself looking out the window at the crowded streets of Castelia.
“Have you ever met Ghetsis?” Lysandre asked.
“Ne’er in my life.”
“Same here,” Lysandre said. “I think I've heard of someone named Cold Dress who is his doctor or something.”
“Ranch dressing?” Maxie repeated (or so he thought).
“He has a doctor? Just always there by his side?” Archie asked. “I guess he needs it. Giovanni told me he's the record holder for the oldest man in the world. He's 200; Giovanni told me so.”
“Wow, I didn't even know people could live that long.”
“He's probably going to be a little old grandpa with a mustache and a walker! With the tennis balls and everything.”
The three very handsome men made a solemn vow to protect the ancient Ghetsis from threats such as falling, bingo nights and high cholesterol.
They reached the hotel (which did not impress Lysandre that much, to be honest) then went into their respective rooms.
Cyrus was sleeping in his hotel room when there was a knock at his door. This was very upsetting as he was currently wrapped up in a soft blanket burrito that took ten minutes to get in. Once he was free, he rubbed his eyes and opened the door.
It was some kid that looked like a piece of spinach. Cyrus made a sleepy little “Mmph?” and the kid nearly jumped ten feet in the air.
“Hey I’m sorry but Iknowyou’reoneofmydad’sfriendsandIjustcamedowntoremindyouthatthepartyisstartingsoon-”
Boy of Spinach blinked then started wringing his hands. “The p-party that my dad- uh, Ghetsis- is having is going to start in about an hour and a half.”
“Oh,” Cyrus mumbled. “Well, I’ll be ready by then. Maybe even before that so…”
“GOOD!” the leafy green vegetable boy shouted. He ran down the hallway before turning back and giving Cyrus a really frantic look. “My name is N and there’s gonna be cake!” He then sprinted off into the distance.
Cyrus stood at the door for a little while, rubbing his arms. Cyrus slammed the door, spun around and flung himself onto his messy bed.
He just wanted to nap.
(Time Of Party: 7:00 PM)
(Time of Ghetsis’ Arrival: Unknown)
Giovanni strode down the snazzily-designed carpeted floor, looking tired yet handsome in his black suit. His face was like one of a stubborn teenager who did not want to go on a two week long family road trip. His trembling fingers pulled at his cufflinks; bright red Team Rocket “R”s, shining with lacquer and possibly anxious sweat. He didn’t want to show up looking so annoyed but it’s not like he wanted to prove anything to these losers.
What a waste of time.
He made it to the end of the hall, past a very busy lobby, and ended up standing in front of a really big wooden door that had glass panels in it. He couldn’t even see inside because the useless, shitty glass was carved with flowers and Pokemon and made everything look warbled. Giovanni, sighing, carefully opened the door and peeked into the ballroom that the party was taking place in.
There was a giant round table covered in a white sheet. When Giovanni looked up, he saw that he could see the beautiful night sky through a retracted mechanized ceiling of some sort. It was obviously a ballroom… but it was also a party under stars type of thing. Giovanni decided he didn't like it.
There didn’t appear to be anyone in there except-
Archie and Maxie, a pair of familiar faces.
Maxie was wearing a snug sweater that had an atrociously large turtleneck paired up with nice corduroy pants. Archie had a grayish blue suit on and looked very sharp- however his tie was already undone and the collar of his messily buttoned shirt was flipped up on one side. This reminded Giovanni of the golden days of Team Rocket. He’d known Maxie and Archie for a long time. Neither of them were too bright and they made a lot of ruckus but Giovanni felt relieved to see them.
“Hey, you two, it's been a while.”
The two nerds wrapped Giovanni in a hug that nearly broke his spine. After a minute, he was released and began fixing his suit.
“You guys know anyone who’s coming here?” he asked, adjusting his (of course) red tie.
“Yeah, we do, boss,” Archie said immediately. “Don’t you know anyone?!”
“No, I don’t. And don’t call me boss. The nineties are over.”
“Boss, I beg to differ: the sweater I'm wearing is nineties vintage-”
“Oh, boss, look! Lysandre’s here!”
Giovanni turned around and saw a very tall white man who was the tallest and whitest guy he'd seen in a long time. It was ridiculous. He walked over really quickly and gave Maxie and Archie kisses on the cheek like a true Kalosian then shook Giovanni's hand. It was an impressively strong handshake but Giovanni, deciding not to let the man get in over his head, overpowered him with an even stronger handshake. They smiled at each other politely and the tall fiery man began talking.
“It's nice to finally meet you, Mr. Sakaki,” he said in a voice that was so deep and resonating it caused Maxie and Archie to squeak like teenage girls. He also had this dainty, fancy sounding Kalosian accent.
Giovanni wasn't as easily swayed. He just raised an eyebrow and asked, “You’re Fleur-de-lis?” He certainly didn’t expect the head of Lysandre Labs to be so young (and tall).
Lysandre gave a smile reminiscent of a proud Pyroar. “Yes, I am. It’s my pride and genocide- I mean joy. I’m a self built man.”
Giovanni thought it was absolutely horrible that Lysandre could look so sharp in a vest. His shoulder to waist ratio was terrifying. There was no reason for a human being to be so toned and V-shaped. Disgusting.
The tiny Kanto man nodded, as if he was satisfied (he wasn’t). “How impressive,” he said without meaning it. Then, in a move shimmering with salt, he turned away from Lysandre and began looking at the white tabletop and surrounding plush chairs for a place to sit.
Maxie and Archie continued chatting and milling around with Lysandre, who was very smug about being the most handsome man in the room. No music was playing so the banal drone of their voices was amplified; Maxie kept ending his sentences with “Ya know what I mean?” The fact that they were the only guests who had arrived so far made it seem like they were waiting to partake in a Battle Royale-esque fight to the death. Then… Giovanni heard the sound.
THOMP, THOMP, THOMP.
Had a Tyrantrum been let loose in the building? It was getting closer. Why didn't Maxie, Archie and Lysandre notice it? Giovanni shuddered. The stomps got louder and closer. Pretty soon… Giovanni could hear laughter in the hallway outside the door.
The door leading into the ballroom slowly opened. Golden light coming in from the hall penetrated the darkness, somehow defying the rules of physics and landing directly on the Rocket Boss’ terrified face. His widened eyes focused on a thin, shadowy figure perfectly striking a Vogueing pose at the doorway. The posing shadow laughed like a 90s anime villain and declared,
“I’m here, bitches!”
This was Giovanni’s worst nightmare.
Ghetsis had arrived.