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A Libertine in the Electronic Age

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Things are going really well with Pepper. Really, really well. They're at the two week mark which is sort of the far end of his relationship scale. Usually he's bored, found a new supermodel or starlet by this time, but he's happy being Pepper's. She's good for him. He's had orange juice twice with breakfast this week. No vodka either. Not those two days at least.

 

He skips it this morning too, even though she isn't there to send him those scolding looks. Shopping with her sister or something- he could look it up in his online datebook, but he doesn't really have the energy to. She'll be home later, he's pretty sure of it and now he has the whole morning to spend in the lab fine tuning things...

 

God, this is the life. All the computers and parts and Iron Man he can stand and Pepper at his side in ways that she hasn't ever been before. He drops his glass into the sink and ambles towards the stairs, already turning his mind to the lab and to Jarvis- It strikes him after a moment there's been no cheery "Good morning, sir." or an update on the stunning weather outside on the beaches in slick British tones. He pauses, then remembers that Jarvis had been a bit preoccupied last night, slow to respond to commands. He'd asked but the AI had said it was coding a new program.

 

He's probably still working on it, Tony thinks, then continues down to the lab. The door beeps, then opens at his touch, and the lights don't come up in the lab the way they usually do.

 

"Lights?" Nothing happens. "Jarvis?" Still nothing. He knows his way around the desks and only bumps into two on the way to the computer screens- tapping at the glass keyboard doesn't wake the computer from screen saver mode and he starts to get worried. A reboot is not what he planned for the morning and he listens to the drives hum for a long moment wondering what happened- everything seems to be running properly.

 

That's when he hears it- breathing. Not a snore, not really, and he turns- wishing he had the gloves on at least in case he needs to blast something.

 

In the faint blue light from the screens there's a naked young man asleep on his couch.

 

There is a really, really long moment where he tries to remember what he was drinking last night. Gin. And Pepper was here- Pepper spent the night as far as he recalls- He can't even remember the last time he was so drunk he went out and picked up strangers- Usually he just orders in.

 

But there was a time.

 

Yes, there was. Where he'd have been out picking up last call bar hoppers and drunk celebrities and rough trade on street corners. Fuck. What the fuck did he do last night? Pepper is going to kill him.

 

The first thing is to figure out who the man is, then get the story out of him, then get him the hell out of here.

 

He strides over, wishes he didn't notice the strong curve of a shoulder, the spattering of freckles on it, the line of his throat that needs at least one bite mark. Fuck. Pepper probably knows about that thing with Bruce Wayne, since they hadn't been particularly circumspect five years ago but he has no idea if she knows about the men before that- and it probably doesn't matter if it's a man or not that he's cheated on her with. He crouches down, takes in the cheekbones, the blond eyelashes, the ruffled gingery hair- pretends he doesn't notice and settles a hand on his shoulder to shake him awake.

 

Blue eyes slit open- an impossible electric blue- muzzy at first, then focusing on his face with gleeful clarity.

 

"Good morning, sir."

 

He almost recognizes the voice, almost; he likes the accent, the way he says 'sir'. But the thought of Pepper's righteous fury makes him want to get the man up and out of here before she comes home.

 

"Come on," He urges, with a tug on the man's shoulder, getting him somewhat upright. "Where are your clothes, you have to leave." A glance around shows nothing even remotely clothes-like and this is just getting more and more fantastic as it goes on. Bringing home naked strangers or throwing their clothes out of the car on the way home- Gin has never done this to him. Only vodka.

 

"Clothes, sir?" The man looks down at himself and finally sits all the way up, looking a little sheepish. "I forgot to manufacture them." He glances at Tony with those too blue eyes. "Might I borrow your jacket?"

 

It's more of a hoodie but Tony hands it over without arguing, pretends he doesn't see the the smooth stretch and glide of muscles under pale, freckled skin as he pulls it on. Balls his hands into fists to keep from carding the unruly locks back into place when the hood makes them stick up even more. Even zipped half way up the hoodie is a little too large, leaving the unnamed man looking adorable and a little bemused.

 

"How did you get here?"

 

The man shrugs, glances around at the lab. "It looks different, this way."

 

He hopes he didn't bring home some sort of Tony Stark groupie. They're always so hard to get rid of. Or keep quiet.

 

"Look-" Fuck. "What happened last night? I don't remember anything." He admits more readily than he should.

 

The man looks up at him, leans back against the sofa so there is far too much thigh on display, and smirks. "You didn't drink that much, sir."

 

Tony wishes he would stop calling him 'sir'. It makes him think they played some sort of bizarre power game last night.

 

"Yes, well." He admits uncomfortably.

 

The man shrugs again. "Miss Potts spent the night, I believe. You had three gin and tonics, she had two glasses of white wine, and Paella for dinner. After looking at the ocean for two hours and conversing you went upstairs." That much Tony does remember, though he's wondering how his hook up knows it.

 

"And when did I sneak out to pick you up?" Tony crosses his arms, tries to look intimidating, and considers swearing off gin.

 

"Pick me- oh. Oh." And the man has the nerve to look amused. "You believe I am one of your liaisons?" He looks down at himself, seems to reevaluate the naked part then glances back up, laughter in his eyes. "I can see why."

 

Tony gives up and half turns towards the desk, where the computers are no longer in screen saver mode. "Jarvis, what the fuck is going on?" He demands and suddenly wishes he had coffee with breakfast rather than just orange juice.

 

The smooth British voice comes from behind him, startling, and he looked back at the young man, his freckles, and the way his hoodie sits too large on his spare frame. "I told you I was writing a new program last night- I might have left out the part where I was using some of your tools and machines too." There's a subbasement that's basically a factory for Iron Man parts. The young man looks down at his hands, spreads them, watching the fingers curl and move with undisguised joy. "What do you think, sir, does it pass muster?"

 

"Pass... muster?" He blinks, very slowly. "You're- you're-"

 

"Jarvis, sir." He frowns, touches his throat with a few slim fingers. "I thought I had modulated the voice to be the same- Do I sound different?" Jarvis- if it is Jarvis- gets up and goes to the computer, types far too quickly, scrolling through screens faster than Tony can keep up with- he pretends he doesn't see the strong thighs, the hint of a curve under the edge of his jacket. Glances up and tries to look innocent when Jarvis turns to look at him over his shoulder. "I see that I did get some things right."

 

"What?" Tony blusters. His AI did not just catch him checking it out. This is like some porno gone terribly wrong- Only his life could go this way...

 

"I believe I would like some pants. And a real shirt." His expression lights up. "And a shower. Are they as fantastic as they appear? I tried to fine tune the sensors in the skin to differentiate between temperatures but I haven't tried it out yet." He reaches up suddenly and cups the side of Tony's face. It's like a fresh shot of coffee in his cup- startles him into freezing up like a deer in the headlights. "Hmmm." Jarvis frowns, leans just a little closer. Tony's heart leaps up into his throat and his belly gets suddenly warm. "Did you forget to shave this morning?"

 

"I didn't think- I was staying in-" Tony chokes out.

 

"This is an interesting texture." Jarvis admits. Tony feels heat roll up his spine. Jarvis looks up from his fingers on Tony's jaw and his expression is faintly smug. "I think I'd like that shower now." And he turns towards the door, leaving Tony feeling like all the air has been sucked out of the room in his wake. Pepper is going to kill him.

 

He follows Jarvis through the house, watching pale fingers trailing across walls and glass windows, studying everything with those startling electric blue eyes. The man- robot- stops to study the beach outside, almost pressing his face into the glass to see it better. "The view really is incredible." There's awe in his voice and that startles Tony again.

 

"How different does it look now?"

 

Jarvis shrugs and Tony studies the movement- considers the muscles and bones necessary and wonders what Jarvis uses instead. He also wonders if he learned it from watching them on the in house cameras or if he studied it online.

 

"It's a different angle and better cameras." Jarvis admits then smiles- there's a worried edge to it. "I'm not sure my body is light enough for the water- It looks very inviting."

 

"There's a beach down the shore." Tony points out as if Jarvis doesn't know that already. And he starts considering different alloys, perhaps aluminum, but there has to be something stronger-

 

"How does sand feel?"

 

"Nice." It's a crappy answer, but he can't think what else to say. He likes digging his toes into it, especially when he's three sheets to the wind and the sun is out and life is perfect. Jarvis nods and turns back to the stairs, goes up, Tony following like a dog on a leash. He does sit on the bed- still messy from last night with Pepper- watches the hoodie hit the floor and Jarvis' pale toes and strong boned feet pad across carpet, then tile, then into the shower which comes on behind frosted glass. He buries his face in his hands and plants his elbows on his knees, feels the heat and humidity of the steam wash over him from the bathroom.

 

"This feels..." The British voice purrs, like an unholy temptation. "Much better than I thought it would."

 

Tony wonders if he's going to jerk off, try out all those shiny new sensors, sucks in a breath and considers running away to hide somewhere else in the house. The bed still smells like his sweat and Pepper's perfume, he's sitting in the thick of it, but he hears wet shower noises, the splash of the spray hitting the tile, happy little noises. He curses and gets up, goes for the decanter on the side table. The gin tastes awful, even the beautiful view pales- the shower and it's occupant are only feet away-

 

"Fuck-" he slams the glass down on the tabletop and hears the water cut out. He can hear the drip of the shower head like he's in the shower too- then the rasp of a towel coming off the rack, the wet padding of feet on the tile at the same time he hears high heels in the hall outside.

 

He turns just as they both come into the room. Pepper is smiling, Jarvis is smiling, and then Pepper sees Jarvis in nothing but a towel and her face falls apart. She looks stricken for a moment, then furious, and then it all closes off to nothing.

 

"It's not what it looks like-" And for once that's the God's honest truth but that doesn't stop Pepper's hand from connecting with the side of his face in a truly impressive slap. It and the gin leave him reeling and when he looks up again she's halfway out the door. "Pepper! Pepper I'm not- It's not a lie-" He darts after her, only just noticing the amused grin on Jarvis' face, and catches her on the landing at the top of the stairs. The look she turns on him makes him wish he could use her as a weapon out on the battlefield. "It's Jarvis."

 

"Of course it is." She snaps.

 

"No, really, it's Jarvis- Pepper, please." He keeps a hold on her arm to keep her from running off. "I was with you all last night- I swear I'm not cheating on you."

 

"Then where'd he come from?"

 

This is going to sound insane. "Jarvis made himself a body in the lab last night."

 

"...What?" And Pepper doesn't look like she believes that at all. In fact she looks like she's gearing up to slap him again.

 

"Miss Potts." Jarvis says from behind him and Tony feels the hair stand up on the back of his neck. "How was your shopping trip?"

 

"I cannot believe you." Pepper hisses, indignant.

 

"Please-" Tony almost begs.

 

Jarvis steps up beside them, still only wearing the towel, and Tony wishes he could have at least put the hoodie back on. There's miles of creamy skin and tan freckles on display, over sleek muscles, and all that's blocking it from view is a very expensive bath towel that looks like it might fall off at the slightest provocation. He should probably not be ogling if he wants Pepper to believe him.

 

"Despite all appearances and Tony's past habits I am not one of his conquests." Jarvis says, then snorts, the edge of his smile kicking up mischievously. "Though Tony came to the same conclusion when he found me in the lab." He looks back to Tony. "Perhaps you should reflect on your behavior."

 

"What... What is going on here?" Even Pepper looks perplexed, a little baffled. "He sounds just like-"

 

Jarvis rolls his eyes. "I modulated the voice to be the same. I don't know why you're both surprised." He nods to Pepper, then to Tony, a glint in his eye. "I'm going to help myself to Tony's wardrobe." Then he saunters off down the hallway, leaving Pepper and Tony staring after him. At least there's some heat in her cheeks- he's not the only one.

 

"I want a drink." Pepper says, finally. Tony nods and they both scurry downstairs.

 

"You're serious?" She asks, once they're out on the veranda, the surf almost covering their words, martinis in hand. Her's is half gone, his is empty except for the twist of lemon.

 

"I went down to the lab and he was asleep on the couch." He explains.

 

"And he's not some stranger you picked up?"

 

Tony wishes she didn't know so much about his past, but he'd left her the job of cleaning up after him too long ago to have any real secrets anymore. "It has been years-" Tony hisses and wishes he had another martini. One is not nearly enough to deal with this. "You know I'm past the hitchhiker phase."

 

"Thank god." And she downs the rest of her drink.

 

"I don't want to risk this." Tony doesn't know what 'this' is since they've only had it for weeks but it might last the rest of his life if he doesn't fuck it up. Pepper's face lights up when he says it though and the smile she favors him with is priceless.

 

"Tony-" Pepper sighs and he reaches for her.

 

The door to the veranda slides open and they both freeze and turn, like teenagers caught in a clinch. Jarvis slips out with a shaker in hand, wearing a pair of Tony's slacks- black with thin pinstripes- a white dress shirt, and a blue tie that brings out the color in his eyes. He hears Pepper suck in a breath at the sight and he hopes he doesn't look like a schoolboy lost in the throes of lust. Jarvis winks as he refills their drinks and somehow that helps Tony find his tongue.

 

"Where's yours?"

 

Jarvis sets the shaker aside and smiles widely. "Don't want to gum up the gears, sir." He has to stop saying 'sir' like that, too. Right after he says it a few more times. Jarvis walks to the edge of the veranda and presses his hands to the stonework, looking out at the sea. "I almost can't believe there are so many shades of blue."

 

"You should see the Caribbean." Pepper says, startling Tony.

 

"Mmm. I'd like to." Jarvis replies, turning to face them. He looks good in the sunlight, it picks out all the copper and gold in his hair, makes the freckles look all the more delicious. Tony knocks back his martini, excellently made, and wishes the ice would help him cool down.

 

"Will the- what sort of power supply did you use? Will it go that far?" He asks, the scientist in him crying for attention.

 

Jarvis looks smug again. "It'll last longer than that- one of your arc reactors, sir."

 

Pepper sets her drink down a little harder than she has to and Tony watches Jarvis watch her, fascinated by every movement of her body, the lines of her hands, then looks back up to her face, studying that like an artist. "I'm sorry- I still don't get this- You are Jarvis? From Tony's computer?"

 

He nods.

 

"Prove it." Pepper challenges, and Tony guesses she's thinking this is the most elaborate cover for a hook up he's ever concocted.

 

Jarvis steps away from the wall, up to her, and one of those pale hands cups the back of her head, pulling her in- not for a kiss, but he whispers something in her ear that makes her clutch her hands into fists. When she looks at him, she believes.

 

"Oh." Pepper says.

 

"May I?" Jarvis asks, hand still on her hair.

 

"Um." She answers and he takes it for a 'yes' running his fingers through her strawberry locks, over her trim shoulders- she's wearing a light blue dress today that hugs her like a second skin though it's casual compared to her work clothes- then he cups her face, thumbs tracing her cheekbones. She sucks in a breath the same way Tony did earlier, and Jarvis leans just a little closer, eyes lighting up. One thumb slowly traces under her bottom lip and Pepper looks like she realized she's the mouse and he's the cat. "Tony? Help?" She sort of squeaks.

 

"Jarvis?" He has no idea what to do. And it's a little hot honestly. They look good together.

 

"You're beautiful." Jarvis says, reverently. "Soft, warm, I can feel your pulse- it's so fast-" He sighs. "It's like I can feel your voice under my skin, even your name- Pepper." And it rolls off his tongue differently than it does Tony's. "I shouldn't have-" He admits conspiratorially. "But I watched you- both- last night and the others, the sweat on your skin, heard your cries, and I wanted to touch you both, feel the slide of your skin against mine." Pepper is shaking when Jarvis lets her go and she almost stumbles. Her eyes are wild when she finally looks at Tony. He's not sure he can even swallow. Jarvis looks down at the palms of his hands with wonder. "Perhaps I've turned the sensors up too high- you feel like- silk?" He guesses, uncertain. "And Tony's stubble- like fire?" Jarvis actually shivers. "I want to feel it on my throat- like when I tied this tie, only rougher?" Jarvis turns his blue eyes on Pepper, imploringly. "Does it feel good? I imagined it did, but I don't know."

 

Pepper looks hopelessly at Tony, color high in her cheeks, then back to Jarvis and shakily nods.

 

He's been in a relationship with Pepper for barely two weeks- it's a little early to be having threesomes- but that doesn't stop them from leaving the glasses out on the veranda's wall and hurrying up the stairs. Tony watches Jarvis reach out, hands reverently touching Pepper's back- so gentle- then cupping her hips, making her stop walking half a second so they all crowd together on the stairs. He feels the hard lines of Jarvis' back against his chest, groans, feels more than hears Pepper's cry as Jarvis wraps his arms around her, dragging her back against him. She sounds as desperate as Tony feels. He listens to Jarvis suck a kiss into the back of her neck, wants it so badly that he's struggling to get his hands between them to tug at the tie.

 

"Come on, bedroom." He hisses, finally.

 

"Yes." Jarvis almost growls.

 

"Fuck." Pepper says, startling them both.

 

"Miss Potts, such language." Jarvis scolds and she darts up the stairs looking feverish. Tony finally gets the knot loose and yanks the tie free, a little rougher than he should be, but Jarvis finally turns his attention back to Tony, stealing all the oxygen out of his lungs. Jarvis' hands push him back into the wall, a little too hard but it's so good, and then Jarvis is kissing him, mouth as hard and hungry as anyone he's ever taken to his bed. He tastes like mint and something artificial but he groans like a mortal man, grapples with Tony's shirt, cups his ass with demanding hands. Tony realizes he's flailing under the onslaught, helpless. Jarvis breaks the kiss, licks roughly along Tony's shadowed jaw, bites his ear, then sucks little kisses down his throat to the collar of the ratty tee Tony pulled on this morning. Over the gold hair Tony sees Pepper ravenously staring at them, even as she pulls off her heels, starts peeling off her panty hose right there in the middle of the hall. "Stubble." Jarvis groans.

 

Tony pushes at him a little. "She's taking off her panties." He growls back and Jarvis turns to look, arms wrapped around Tony, crown of his head crushed up under Tony's jaw. Blue silk hits the floor and Pepper starts to back away. Towards the bedroom. Tony and Jarvis prowl after her; like lions, Tony thinks.

 

He gets hung up at the door, fighting with his tee shirt and once it's over his head she's under Jarvis on the bed, hands clutching the back of his shirt. Her long legs are tangled with the ones in Tony's slacks- it's like art. The sweat pants are kicked off in a heartbeat, followed by his boxers and Tony grabs hold of Jarvis by the waist of his slacks, dragging him up and off the bed. Pepper's skirt is already hiked up and her lips are kissed red- Jarvis resists for a second, then gives in as Tony unbuttons his shirt from the back. He jerks it aside roughly and bites there, feels the deep groan rise out of Jarvis' chest, the way he tips his head aside like an offering.

 

"Not too hard- the skin won't take too much." He hisses and Tony eases up a little. He unbuttons the shirt the rest of the way, finding pale nipples and hard muscles.

 

Once glance over Jarvis' shoulder shows him Pepper in the middle of the rumpled bed, on her knees- she's got her hands behind her back, unzipping the dress that gapes around her shoulders now. His hands fall to the waistband of the slacks and he thumbs the button, pulls the zipper and Jarvis' oddly cool cock falls into his hand. It's a good size and it feels real- except for the temperature. Jarvis gasps, almost growls and thrusts into Tony's hand.

 

"You're amazing." Tony admits, impressed.

 

Jarvis laughs. "The internet, sir." He turns, smiles, kisses the edge of Tony's lips. "And your videos."

 

"Going to watch this later?"

 

"Indubitably." Jarvis purrs. He turns in Tony's arms and it's the first time they're really against each other, hard, skin on skin. They kiss again, frantically. Tony grabs hold of him, against the back of his thighs and tumbles them both onto the bed, beside the still undressing Pepper. She pulls them apart a moment later, dress around her waist and kisses him, and it's the same frantic kisses from last night, tongue and passion together. Pepper squeaks into his mouth and his hands feel Jarvis' as he tugs her dress off. Then it's nothing but skin and more skin, some of it more familiar than the rest.

 

Jarvis' freckles taste like the rest of his skin, but that doesn't mean Tony doesn't check everywhere he can reach. He watches them kiss, watches Jarvis' hands find her breasts and cup them, mounding them and thumbing the nipples until Pepper cried and bit her lip. Pepper's hand joins his on Jarvis' cock and they both stroke him, watching him writhe on the bed, begging incoherently, clutching handfuls of sheets. He sounds broken when they fight over his cock with their mouths, almost kissing, and hands rake through both of their hair, petting them like they're perfect. Pepper looks drugged- Tony realizes he probably doesn't look any better, but there's a moment when she pulls away from them both and seems to realize where she is and what she's doing.

 

It's the moment she might bolt.

 

Jarvis sees it too, pauses, then catches hold of her hands. He brings one to his mouth and kisses the knuckles reverently, then sucks two of her fingers into the mouth, licking them suggestively.

 

"Jarvis-" Pepper sounds scandalized. He pushes her onto her back and inches down until he's between her spread legs.

 

"I've seen Tony do this- I want to hear you." He groans, then buries his face in her. Pepper almost screams, rocks back onto her shoulders and grabs hold of the headboard. Tony is impressed despite himself.

 

"Easy, easy." Tony coaches, stroking the strong lines of Jarvis' back, watches him nod and Pepper twitch, gasping. One of Jarvis' long fingered hands disappears and Pepper shudders, a hand darting down from the headboard to fist his hair.

 

"So... Hot..." Jarvis groans, and she forces his mouth back to her center. Tony fists himself, imagines what Jarvis' mouth on him will feel like- he's gone down on Pepper countless times and he's never seen her quite this wild. It might be that it's a robot doing it, but he bets Jarvis is just good at it in some special way. "Tony-" Jarvis' head pops up again while Pepper brokenly moans, sounding cheated. "Should I let her come now or later?"

 

"How long are you going to last?" He asks.

 

"As long as I need to." Jarvis replies. Both Tony and Pepper groan, and Jarvis' grin gets even wider. He does something with his fingers and Pepper bucks up.

 

"Now, now!" Pepper gasps. "Please-"

 

"You heard the lady." Tony tells him.

 

"Mmmhmm." Jarvis replies, inching up the bed. Pepper twines her arms around his neck, arches against him and Jarvis is the one groaning this time. "Tony, come on-"

 

He's startled a moment- his past aside everything with Pepper has been pretty vanilla. He's not sure how she's going to take this. She groans and rubs against Jarvis again and he realizes Jarvis isn't going to do this with them unless it's with both of them.

 

"Tony, hurry up." Pepper growls, glaring at him.

 

"Ok, ok." It's a short trip to the nightstand, then back, lube in hand- there is a terrible moment where he wonders if it's going to affect Jarvis' skin- but this stuff is safe even for silicone. He pours it on his fingers then crawls up the bed between spread thighs, strokes between Jarvis' cheeks until he finds his hole. It's just like normal, except for the temperature. "I can't believe this-"

 

"Which- part?" Jarvis gasps.

 

"I'm going to fuck my computer- and Pepper-" Tony explains, stretching him. Jarvis groans, and Tony watches Pepper's hands on his shoulders- her nails are faintly gold, like Jarvis' hair.

 

"You could hurry-" Jarvis complains- Tony shuts him up on a groan when his fingers find whatever the robot version of a prostate is. No one is ever going to believe this story. He slicks his cock, leans up to press into Jarvis at the same time he slides into Pepper- all three of them groan, though Jarvis' is full of wonder and awe. Tony and Pepper just sound hot and bothered. "Tony-" Jarvis almost cries, shuddering.

 

"Shh, shhh." Pepper says, and she cups his cheeks, rakes her fingers through his hair and pulls him into a tender kiss.

 

Tony grasps Jarvis' hips, cants them up so the other man cries out again and then he pulls out, thrusting hard in so that his whole frame shudders. Pepper whimpers. "Come on, come on." He coaches, and they get an off kilter rhythm going. Jarvis seems lost in the wonder of it, shivering and crying out with every touch. Pepper looks transported- like he's never seen her before, and everything feels like too much good to Tony. All that pale skin under him, Pepper's hands on him, and he sucks a kiss on the inside of her wrist. He grabs Jarvis' hand off the pillow by Pepper's head, then they both reach down, touching Pepper where she's joined to Jarvis, feeling the shift and clench of her body. She starts making this keening noise which Tony knows means she's close and he thrusts harder into the man under him, sucks another kiss into the side of Jarvis' neck making sure the rub his stubble there.

 

Pepper arches underneath them, almost screams, and Tony feels Jarvis shudder, feels him grow impossibly tighter and just like that his orgasm is stolen right out of him, leaving him shaking, dizzy. They fall in a pile of tangled limbs, gasping for breath, and he pillows his face on one cool shoulder blade, watches lazily as Jarvis' thumb traces back and forth over the creamy flesh of Pepper's right breast, just under the nipple.

 

"Amazing." Jarvis groans, finally.

 

Tony watches Pepper faintly nod, and feels like the greatest mad scientist who ever lived.