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Even Werewolves Have Panic Attacks

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"Derek?"

Stiles calls out when he walks into the loft that afternoon. He frowned when he saw Derek leaning over the table, facing towards the large window, his hands gripping the edges of tight that he may end up breaking pieces off, his shoukders tight with tension and his grey wife beater drenched in sweat on his back.

He could hear the harsh breathing from where he was staking closer.

He wonders if Derek is having a panic attack.

"Derek?" He says softly when he stands right behind him.

Now that Stiles is closer he can see the sheen of sweat on Derek's body. He's trembling lightly and his breath is coming out in harsh pants.

Stiles isn't new to panic attacks. He's had to learn to deal with them growing up after his mom died, but he's never known that a werewolf could even have panic attacks. Guess he learned something new everyday.

He didn't know what to do, we'll that was lie he did know what to do. But different people reacted differently, and some people don't cope well with human contact when they have one. And with Derek being a werewolf, there was no telling how he would react.

"Derek? Hey its me Stiles." He puts his hand on the table, slowly, where Derek could seem he watched green eyes gaze down to his hand. "Is it okay if I touch you?"

Derek nods his head jerkily. Stiles moves his hand from the table, gingerly touching the muscled arm. Derek flinched hard.

"Hey you're okay." Stiles smiles gently, rubbing his hand soothingly back and forth. "I'm not gonna hurt you, not like I could, but you're okay. Everything's okay."

Derek was still breathing hard, but he seemed to be making a conscious effort to calm down.

"Just concentrate on my hand, focus on it."

Relief swelled in him when Derek's breathing was gradually getting slower. He rested his free hand in the middle of Derek's back, softly so he wouldn't startle him, but Derek still flinched. It wasn't as bad as before though and Stiles figured that was progress. Stiles trailed his hand up Derek's back slowly, feeling the muscles shift and flex underneath his palm, until his hand rested in his hair, damp with sweat.

"Stiles?" Derek whispered. Turning his head slightly towards him, eyes kind of glazed over. 

"You're okay." Stiles reassured him.

Stiles looked to his far right, then stopped his hand and grabbed Derek's. "Come on." He gestures over to tge king size bed a few feet away.

He manages to get Derek to follow him. Stiles rounds the bed and waits for Derek to lay down. Derek didn't budge, and when Stiles was about to coax him again, in a swift movement Derek removed his sweaty shirt, muscles rippling with the action.

Stiles' heart stuttered. He wasn't sure if Derek heard it when he climbed on the bed. Stiles stood there awkwardly at first not knowing if he should leave or stay. But when Derek settles on his stomach, arms wrapping around his pillows Stiles made up his mind and climbed into bed with him. He didn't lay down, choosing to sit up instead, Derek turned towards him when he felt the new weight on his bed.

Stiles stretched out his legs trying to find a comfortable position, and almost jumped when a new weight laid itself on his lap. He looked down shock at Derek, his strong arms wrapped around his middle, half laying on his lap. Stiles felt his face heat up when Derek nuzzled his stomach, and a little to close to his crotch for comfort. Not that he was complaining. 

With a tentative hand Stiles gently combed through Derek's hair with long pale fingers. He wasn't sure if he actually heard a content sigh or if he was just imagining it in his head.

"Stiles?"

It was soft but Stiles still heard it.

"What is it big guy?" Stiles hummed, bringing up his other hand on a muscled arm.

Derek tightened his arms. "Talk to me."

The faint whisper had Stiles' eyebrows shoot up to his hairline. "Uh, talk about what?"

"Anything."

Stiles gulped because for once he was at a lost for words. For all the times his mouth decides it doesn't want to work it had to be now. Typical. So utterly typical.

"Well, um, today was my parents anniversary." He blurted out without thinking. Suddenly he feels very stupid because maybe talking about family isn't the best thing to say when all Derek has left is a rebellious little sister and and power hungry psychotic creeper uncle. But he still couldn't keep his mouth shut because Derek didn't seem to mind. "I actually king of forgot until I walked in the kitchen this morning and saw a vase of sunflowers on the table. Those were my mom's favorite flowers. She wasn't all that big on roses, not that she didn't like them but she always kept sunflowers all around the house at every corner. So that if we were having a bad day, or sad or upset, there was always a sunflower to brighten up our day. Like the sun."

Stiles let's himself get lost in the memory of his mother setting a fresh vase of sunflowers on the table. Her bright smile very time his dad bought her at least one every Valentine's Day. He remembers her favorite sunflower dress she woukd wear when spring was coming around.

"Maybe I should get you some sunflowers Derek." Stiles says out loud. He scratched at Derek's scalp and smiled down at him. "You know, so it can brighten up your days too. To remind you there's always a speck of light in the dark."

Derek didn't say anything and that kind of bummed Stiles out. He was about to change the topic of the one sided conversation, until he heard Derek mutter softly. 

"Maybe."

Stiles held his breath when Derek moves to look up at him. 

"Really?" Stiles breaths out.

Derek nodded and rested his head back.

"Tell me more, about your mother."

Stiles beamed, trying but failing to ignore the way his insides did little back flip. His heart swelled knowing that Derek was listening to his pointless rambling about old memories. 

He told Derek stories about what his mom was like before she got sick. What her hobbies were and what her favorite foods and drinks were. He tells him how his mother was the one who taught him to cook and do the laundry, how she always sat and listened to his rambling and never once complained. How she woukd read his stories to calm his down when he would get a little too excited. He told Derek alot of uninteresting things some people wouldn't normally talk about.

Unfortunately there wasn't alot he could say about his mom, not since she got sick and passed away before he turned nine. But there were little things that he kept close to his heart.

"Do you have a picture of her?"

The question startled Stiles but he fumbled for his phone out of his pocket. Quickly unlocking it and scrolling through what little photos he had until he finally found it, and laid it on the bed so Derek could see. He didn't take the phone in his hands but Stiles could see his eyes roaming over the screen. He tried to ignore the way the light of the phone illuminated Derek's long eyelashes on his cheeks. 

"She's beautiful." Derek says in a gentle and fond tone.

Stiles smiles because he's pretty sure he's heard that before. He supposes that's the normal thing people tend to say when someone talks about their mom. But hearing that compliment from Derek about his mother, it just seemed more special and he took those words and kept them close to his heart.

His eyes looked over the picture and a wave of nostalgia washed over him when he sees her smile, the soft maroon blouse she's wearing, her light brown hair shining in the sunlight where it's draped down her shoulders. He remembers his mom wanting to grow her hair out a little more. It wasn't long but it wasn't short either. But he clearly remembers his mom saying she wished it were longer, so she could style and so whatever it was that girls do with their hair.

"You look like her." Derek says, eyes never leaving the screen.

"Think so?" Stiles smiled.

"Yeah." Derek looks up and meets his gaze. "You have her eyes. They're pretty."

Stiles hand stopped striking Derek's hair. Whatever expression he had on his face seemed to startle Derek because he immediately sat up with a concern look.

"What, what is it?" Derek's green eyes widened. 

"You think my eyes are pretty?" Stiles asked softly. So softly. He stared into the Derek's green hues, like he was searching for something. Something that only his eyes could display.

"I do." Derek smiled.

Stiles heart fluttered in his chest because Derek has never once gave him a smile like that before. It made him look younger, softer and more vulnerable than his usual put up scowl. Stiles wanted to see that look on Derek everyday, he wanted Derek to look at him like that everyday.

"I've always liked your eyes." Derek admits, tilting his head. "Especially in the sun, like when the light hits them in the right angle they flash gold, like a betas."

Stiles took those words and tucked them away in a safe place in his mind and his heart. He leaned forward slowly, ignoring the way Derek slightly flinched but he didn't move away. Their breaths mingled together and Stiles pressed their lips together gently. It wasn't deep, just a small innocent kiss, a small press of lips. They stayed like that for a minute until Stiles pulled away and rested his forehead against Derek's, who's eyes were searching his face like Stiles was doing moments ago.

"I like your eyes too."

Stiles whispered, bringing his right hand up and cupping Derek's cheek. At that contact Derek clamped his eyes shut tightly. Stiles frowned and stroked the skin under his eyes.

"Derek open your eyes."

He hesitated for a few minutes but Stiles didn't stop his thumb. He was trying to provide Derek any comfort he could. When he did open his eyes, they were no longer green, but were now flashing a brilliant light blue.

Stiles smiled. "Yeah, I like those too."

"Why?"

Derek voice sounded so broken at that Stiles couldn't help but nuzzle his nose against Derek's. He understood why Derek didn't like his eyes, that he probably preferred then back when they were bright red back when he was the Alpha. But..

"Blue is pretty. I've always liked the color blue, always thought it was a pretty color, but your eyes -"

"Are different." Derek cut him off.

Stiles cupped Derek's face with both hands. Looking deep into his blue eyes and whispering.

"Different yes, but still beautiful." 

He gasped in shock when Derek pounced on him and kissing him like his life depended on it. Pushing him back until he was lying flat on his back on the bed. This time the kiss was not so innocent, it was fast and breathtaking and Stiles wouldn't have had it any other way. He made a sound when he opened up his mouth allowing Derek's tongue to roam free and slide along his own tongue. Derek's kiss was intense and much more experienced than Stiles ever could be.

The pulled apart gasping for air, their cheeks dusted with red, and at some point Stiles' hands moved from Derek's face to the back of his head softly stroking the hairs on the nape of his neck.

"My mother told me those same words when she first saw my eyes."

Stiles nodded. "Believe them, mother's tend to be right about alot of things."

His slid his hands down Derek's broad shoulders to his chest, rubbing them up and down. Derek nipped at his jaw lightly with blunt human teeth.

"She's right though." Stiles said. His hands traveled lower down Derek's front. "They are beautiful. Everything about you is beautiful."

Derek stopped his nipping and stared him in the eyes. Stiles hands had stopped at the top of Derek's jeans, never taking his eyes away from Derek's when he, hesitantly, undid the button and sliding down the zipper. Derek didn't push him away for now, he was glad for that.

What he did do was pull away for a second and tugged on the hem of Stiles shirt. Stiles took that hint and moved his hands away to stretch his arms up so Derek could pull off his shirt. His hands immediately went back to their former resting place, while Derek did the same as him and undo the buttons and the zipper of his own pants.

Stiles slowly slid a hand down Derek's pants and into the confines of his boxers. He stilled but didn't push Stiles away. He hand brushed against the hair of Derek's navel and soon enough they be used against something else, and Derek's breath hitched when his fingers found the head of Derek's hard length.

"Stiles." Derek sighs.

Stiles let his fingers slide up and down Derek's length with small strokes. His cock twitched with the action and Derek's breathing was getting fast. He must have been doing something right with the way Derek's green eyes were unfocused and filled with lust. 

He wanted to see that face more, and when Stiles was about to wrap his whole hand around Derek's cock, Derek grabbed his hand and pulled it out. Placing it right along his steady beating heart.

"No, Derek please let me touch you." Stiles whined trying to go back down but Derek grabbed his other hand and placed it next to his other one on his chest.

"You can touch me." Derek nodded. "But not there, I wasn't gonna last if you touch me there."

Stiles pouted but respected Derek's wishes, instead he leaned forward and kissed Derek again. He gasped when he felt one of Derek's hand on his own crotch, rubbing up and down his hard length covered by his layer of clothes.

"God, Derek." Stiles moaned, bucking up to Derek's hand to get more of that delicious friction.

When Derek pulled his hand away Stiles whimpered at the loss. But was greeted with Derek kissing and biting down his neck and leaving faint red marks. Stiles moaned and arched up into Derek's body, grinding against each other, he felt Derek moan against his neck, hot breath hitting his skin, a flush of red appearing down his neck and chest.

Derek pulled back and looked down at him wide eyed. 

"Is that okay?" Stiles asked, brushing his finger through Derek's hair, his other hand stroking down his arm.

"Yeah." Derek nodded. 

Stiles arched up his body again, grinding his crotch against Derek's. They moved together, panting softly against each other mouth, trying to get as much friction as they could between their layers of denim. 

"Shit, Derek, faster." Stiles moaned moving, twisting his fingers in Derek's hair. "Please faster."

Both moved their hips faster and faster, breathing hard. Derek's hands rested on his hips, holding him still as he nuzzled his chest and biting and licking his tongue down his chest. Stiles could feel the tension coil in the pit of his stomach and he knew he wasn't going to last much longer. Judging by Derek's stutter thrusts, he wasn't going to last long either.

With Derek's strength they were literally moving the bed against the wall. When Stiles felt Derek's tongue swirl around his nipple he threw his head back against with a loud moan. He couldn't think straight, his hand in Derek's hair pulled his head back up and kissed him again. Derek pulled back and returned to his teasing, Stiles wrapped both arms around Derek's neck. 

The moment he felt Derek bit on his nipple he was gone. Stiles arched up, moaning loudly as he came in his pants. He felt Derek groan in his neck more than he heard it, and he knew Derek reached his orgasm as well.

Stiles slumped down on the bed, his hands resting back in Derek's hair, stroking gently as Derek slumped against him carefully, so he didn't crush Stiles with his weight. His head laying on Stiles chest. They both laid there basking in the afterglow, while at the same time trying to catch their breath.

Stiles broke the silence. "You doing okay?"

Derek made a noise but Stiles took that as a yes.

"You know I almost forgot that you had a panic attack earlier." Stiles chuckled.

"So did I." Derek nodded against his skin. "Thanks for being my distraction."

Stiles smiled. "I don't mind being a distraction again if this is the aftermath." He teased lightly.

Derek huffed out a laugh, and picked his head up. He looked so much better than he did when Stiles first arrived. He hummed when Derek leaned down and brushed their lips together.

"I mean it." Derek said seriously. "Thanks for helping me, and for sharing memories about your mom. I would've loved to meet her."

Stiles brushed their lips together again. "She would've loved to meet you too. You think one day, when you're ready, you can tell me about your mom too?"

Derek nodded. "Yeah, one day."

They stayed quiet, but when Derek shifted against him Stiles grimaced and groaned.

"We need to get out of our pants, seriously it's not a good feeling when there's jizz inside. It's gross." Stiles wrinkled his nose.

Derek laughed this time and it was music to Stiles' ears. But as he was pulled in to a bruising kiss, he had only hoped he could hear it over and over again in the near future.