His wife was drunk off her ass.
The celebratory post-dig “we’re all alive and uneaten and mostly still sane!” party that was an ARC (and RecServ before them) tradition had finally wound down a little after local midnight. Unfortunately, Andronikos hadn’t shown up at the Tatooine compound’s main hall to retrieve Phae in time before the remaining conscious archaeology nerds started in on making and sharing horrible, horrible jokes. Most of which were still being shared by said drunk-off-her-ass not-Sith wife.
The walk back to their residence, carved deep into the compound’s cliff, had never taken so long before, Andronikos thought grumpily as he hauled his wife in a bridal carry into the climate controlled entrance foyer and then into the turbolift. Phae hung completely boneless in his arms, her face unceremoniously smushed into his shoulder; she only lifted her head every so often to share another kriffing awful joke and giggle drunkenly.
Like she was doing now. She was laughing so hard she wasn’t even making noise any more. “Archaeologists are fickle - they’re always dating other people!” Phae finally managed to wheeze out, and then collapsed back against his shoulder, doing her best impression of a hyenax.
Andronikos felt his expression contort into an even deeper scowl as he finally trudged into their living room. That one wasn’t even good. (Thank whatever gods that were listening that the girls were visiting their aunts on Nar Shaddaa. Phae’s laughter would have woken them up from halfway across the compound.)
“One more pun and you’re sleeping on the couch tonight,” he said, coming to a stop next to said couch (a deep, giant thing made of buttery soft nerfhide, probably the single most comfortable piece of furniture on the entire planet) for emphasis.
Phae turned her head to look up at him with wide eyes. And then she grinned, open-mouthed and obviously delighted.
Horrified realization dawned on him. “Phae, don’t you fucking dare-”
“Or what,” she said, voice as innocent as her smile was very much not, “you’ll punish me?”
Andronikos just stared at his wife. Phae was practically curled up in a ball, clutching her sides and howling with laughter so hard she couldn’t open her eyes.
Then he held out his arms, and dropped her on the couch.
Phae bounced as she landed, and she kept laughing. “Worth it,” she gasped out between cackles.
Andronikos turned on his heel so she wouldn’t see the grin tugging at his mouth, and stomped off to their bedroom.
A man had to draw the line somewhere, and like hells he was going to let his wife get away with that one.