Anger and resentment was what he felt. Nothing less, nothing more.
It wasn’t something he liked to feel and it didn’t happen very often, but when it happened something really bad had gone down.
He never thought he’d feel angry, his best friend had just died and jet he could not mourn as he should. Anger and resentment was what he felt. And perhaps that was logical, Jeff had committed suicide after all. And Nick, Nick knew nothing of how bad Jeff had been and all the hate that had been thrown at him. He wasn’t aware of how badly his best friend was hurting and that was something he hated.
What if he had known, what if he had been more persistent in his questions of Jeff’s well being. Would Jeff still be alive? He wished he knew, what if he could have helped him. How good of a best friend are you when you do not realize how shitty your friend feels?
Nick felt as if it was all his fault. They were best friends for crying out loud! Shouldn’t you be able to tell when your best friend isn’t feeling well? And especially when said best friend commits suicide because of how he feels.
Apparently it wasn’t Nick’s fault, Jeff didn’t think so. He had written it in the letter. The letter that told them all how he had felt. Nick didn’t remember much from it, and to be honest, he was kind of glad that he didn’t. He only remembered one certain paragraph clearly, the one to him.
It wasn’t your fault, Nick. It wasn’t, I promise. It was my own choice to do this. You were the best friend a guy could have and I love you so much for always being there for me. I know that you didn’t see this coming and I’m glad you didn’t. You couldn’t have done anything to change my mind. Nothing could have made me change my mind. I decided to take my life simply because I couldn’t take all their crap anymore, I had enough. It had nothing, and I repeat, NOTHING to do with you. I love you and you are a fantastic guy, whoever takes my place or marries you or something alike, that person will be so lucky it’s unreal. You were, and still are, amazing. Oh, and by the way, keep singing and dancing, you are good enough. I promise. You will do great, go for the solos. Sooner or later you’re going to get them and they will all see how great you are.
Thank you for being my friend for so long, it was a blast to be with you.
I love you,