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The Wisdom Teeth Adventure

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The pain had been going on for weeks and progressively getting worse. Radiant headaches, jaw pain, difficulty chewing and it finally peaked while on a hunt. Leaving him bedridden for a day while the prescription strength painkillers gave him time to sleep. Dean had wanted to call one of the angels but Sam refused to tell Lucifer or Gabriel that it’d gotten this bad. In fact, he was content to go home, keep it from everyone but his brother and sleep for several days because as he put it. “I’ll be fine.”

That lasted exactly two minutes once he walked in the door. At first, there was an intense discussion between the two archangels on the merits of healing something as simple as impacted wisdom teeth. The ultimate outcome was sulking archangels when Sam refused healing of any kind. He was going to do this like any other normal human being since it wasn’t a life-threatening injury.

Now the day had come, surgery day and Sam was getting cold feet. The idea of being put under anesthetic with strangers made a deep fear twist inside him. Sam kept stretching his jaw and rubbing at the joint as he looked up with pleading eyes to Lucifer & Gabriel while they waited in the Oral Surgeon's office for Sam to be called back. “Please. Heal me? I was wrong, just one quick snap.”

Lucifer shook his head. “You’ll be fine, Sam,” he murmured.

“He’s right, we’ll be right here when you come out and one of us will be in there with you whether they know it or not,” Gabriel said as he sat beside Sam and stilled the hunter’s bouncing knee.

“it's a very quick procedure.” Lucifer murmured as he kissed his boyfriend's temple.  “But what if one of them is…” Sam looked around the waiting room and whispered to Gabriel. “Incompetent and give me the wrong shot. They could kill me.”

“Do you really think that that would happen?” Lucifer asked patiently.

Sam took a deep breath to argue some more and then deflated like a balloon. “It could. It’s just improbable. I simply don’t like the idea of someone cutting me and crushing my jaw on purpose.”

“They’re not going to crush your jaw.” Lucifer hummed.

“No, instead they cut a hole in the bone and crush the offending tooth,” Gabriel said as he sucked on a tootsie pop while he and the little kid across the waiting room had a staring match, complete with making funny faces.

Sam pointed at Gabriel while looking at Lucifer. “See?!”

“Your teeth are bones, Sam,” Lucifer said calmly. “And they’ll have to crush it because they’re impacted.” He rubbed his back. “You’ll be okay, baby.”

“Mr. Morningstar-Novak?” A nurse called from the door leading back.

Sam took a deep breath and stood from his chair. “That’s me.”

Lucifer stood up with Sam and smiled, rubbing his back. “Need us to go back with you?” He asked.

“I’m sorry sir, there’s not enough room.” The nurse politely explained.

Sam shook his head and squeezed his angels’ hands. “I’ll be good as long as you said you’d do like you promised.” Sam gave them a pointed look.

Gabriel grinned. “Anything you want, Samshine.”

“Whenever you want, love,” Lucifer promised. “We’ll be right here once you’re done.” He kissed his cheek.

He smiled with cheeks slightly swollen from his inflamed gums and leaves the waiting room with the nurse.

Lucifer relaxed and picked up his book. “He’ll be fine.” he hummed.

“He will,” Gabriel said as he resumed his seat next to him. He was quiet for a moment and then started grinning like a Cheshire cat. “Mr. Morningstar-Novak. He used our names.”

“He did,” Lucifer beamed. “I feel... oh, Father... So happy. And it was both of ours. No favoritism.”

“He is so getting extra ice-cream for that,” Gabriel said as he leaned against Lucifer. “Among other things.”

Lucifer chuckled as he wrapped an arm around Gabriel. “I completely agree.” he hummed.


Ninety minutes later, Gabriel is playing a game of “Go Fish” with a group of kids who are waiting with parents for someone else while glancing at the clock repeatedly. “When is he going to be done?” He asked Lucifer for the 10th time.

“Impacted wisdom teeth take time.” Lucifer hummed, turning a page in his book. “You have to be patient. It shouldn’t be long now, maybe half an hour more.”

Just then the nurse came out of the back and called out. “Mr. Morningstar? Mr. Novak?”

Lucifer stood up and smiled at the nurse. “How did it go?” He asked pleasantly. Gabriel joined his brother and furiously sucked on yet another piece of candy.

“The surgery went well.” She whispered. “However, Mr. Morningstar isn’t coming out of the anesthesia as well as we hoped and we need to move him to recovery. Could you possibly help us?”

“Of course,” Lucifer said smoothly. “Mind if do it?” He asked Gabriel

“Sure,” Gabriel said as he patted Lucifer on the shoulder. “Call if you need me?”

“Of course.” Lucifer agreed, giving his brother a pat of his own before following the nurse back and smiling at his sleepy boyfriend. “Hey, Sam? I’m going to move you, so don’t be startled.” He soothed, kissing his forehead.

Sam blinked slowly at him and grinned. “The walrus eats peanuts. How does he do that with big teeth?”

“I don’t know, Sam, perhaps he swallows them whole,” Lucifer replied, slowly wrapping his arms under Sam and carefully lifting him from the bed.

“He shouldn’t do that. He could choke.” Sam said as he rested his head on Lucifer’s shoulder. “Don’t like choking…’specially on dicks.”

Lucifer pinked and kissed his forehead. “Well, you don’t have to choke, honey.” He chuckled.

“Good,” Sam said contented with the answer. “Will you take me flying? Love your wings. Gabby too.”

“Maybe one day, when you’re feeling better,” Lucifer promised. “And I’m glad you love our wings.” He gently set Sam down on the bed the nurse designated and went to work on making him comfortable.

Sam looked up at him and smiled with cheeks packed with cotton, then gasped as if he’d just thought of something. “Can I have wings?”

Lucifer smiled and kissed his nose. “I’ll see if Gabriel and I can cook something up for you so you could have wings.” He hummed. “How’s your jaw feeling?”

Sam looked around the room to check for imaginary listeners and then leans up and whispers. “I have no jaw. They took it.”

Lucifer gasped. “No! Why would they take it?” He asked, asking Gabriel to come back through their bond and to bring the camera.

“Because... they needed it for the time machine,” Sam explained in a matter of fact tone. “How am I gonna do stuff now?”

Gabriel was let into the room by the nurse and looked at Lucifer in confusion when he saw they hadn't begun to move yet. “What’s going on?”

“Don’t worry, baby, I’ll make you a new jaw, and it’ll be better than your old one.” Lucifer soothed, kissing his forehead. He looked at Gabriel. “He’s saying the best things right now. It needs to be recorded.” He returned to Sam.

Grinning, Gabriel pulled out his phone and started filming. “Depending on what he says I may show this to Dean.”

Sam pointed to Gabriel, or at least tried but his arm flopped uselessly to the bed. “I know you. You remind me of the babe.”

“What babe, Sam?” Lucifer asked, grinning.

“You know. The babe with the power.” Sam said exasperated that Lucifer had to ask.

“What power?” Gabriel prompted him, barely containing his laughter as Sam was falling into a ‘Labyrinth’ song.

“Power Voodoo,” Sam replied.

“Who do?” Lucifer hummed, smiling happily.

“You do.” Sam sighed as he looked up at the ceiling.

“Do what?” Gabriel asked as he zoomed in on Sam’s face.

“I saw my baby... cryin’ hard as babe could cry...” Sam started to sing listlessly.

“What could I do?” Lucifer jumped in with Gabriel harmonizing right along. “My baby’s love had gone, and left my baby blue. . . NOBODY KNEW!!”

“I’m not blue,” Sam lifted his hand and stared at it, totally interrupting the song. “I’m pink-ish.”

Gabriel let out a snort of laughter and began to shake. He tapped Lucifer on the shoulder for him to take the camera. “I can’t-can’t even.”

Lucifer chuckled and took the camera. “Yes, I suppose you are, Sam,” he murmured. “Are you thirsty at all?”

“Can’t…” Sam said as he tried to smack his lips together.

“Can’t what, baby?”

“Have the water. It’ll short me out.” Sam rolled his head towards the camera and smiled. “Wanna know a secret?”

“Sure, Sam, what’s the secret?” Lucifer hummed soothingly.

“I’m a Barbie girl in a Barbie world.” He started to sing.

Gabriel came over to his side and place a finger over his lips while giggling. “Don’t sing that one, Sammy.”

Lucifer cocked his head to the side in hilarity.

Sam’s eyes widen as he stared at Gabriel. “Oh, God!” He whispered.

“What, Samshine?” The angel asked once his giggles were controlled.

“Your head is shiny... with a ring on it,” Sam said in wonder as he reached up and tried to touch something above Gabriel’s head.

Lucifer looked over at his brother. “Is your halo showing?” He asked.

“Not that I’m aware of,” Gabriel said as he looked at his brother.

Sam followed Gabriel’s gaze and gasped when he saw Lucifer. “YOU TOO!!!”

“That’s funny, could’ve sworn my halo burned when I entered the Cage the first time, and that’s how I gained my horns,” Lucifer whispered lowly. “Do I even have a halo?”

“Maybe he’s seeing our grace?” Gabriel whispered to Lucifer.

“Maybe.” Lucifer conceded. He looked at Sam. “What do you think of the rings on our heads, Sam?” He asked calmly.

“Pretty. Like- like... doughnuts.” Sam’s eyes started to blink heavily. “Wanna know something?”

“What, Sam?” Lucifer asked, internally snickering at his “halo” being compared to pastry.

“Wanna have your babies.” Sam sighed as he smacked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. The mix of surgery, cotton, and drugs making his mouth feel tacky and dry.

Gabriel raised his eyebrow and chuckled as he watched their human. “Our babies, huh? How would you give birth?”

“I’d lay eggs. With my butt,” Sam said as he drifted off. “Butt babies.” Gabriel looked at him for a moment before bursting out laughing.

Lucifer turned off the camera on Gabriel’s phone and bowed his head, laughing.

“I’m so bringing that up at the next family dinner.” Gabriel giggled as he wiped the tears of laughter from his eyes.

“Agreed.” Lucifer chortled. “Now, let’s let him sleep for a little bit and then we’ll take him home.” He sent the video to Dean and Castiel. Sam after surgery. I can’t even anymore. G&L


Dean and Castiel received the text alert at the same time while they were watching a movie. Dean paused the film to start the one sent by Lucifer. At first, he chuckled at the sheer random insanity of his brother but when the topic of babies came up his jaw nearly hit the floor and by the end clutching his sides as he struggled to breath from laughing so hard.  

Cas looked at the screen with a tilt of his head. “Is Sam aware that humans can’t lay eggs and if they were his anus wouldn’t be able to accommodate an egg large enough to hold a human child?”

Dean stopped, gasping for breath as he looked at Castiel then fell off the couch as he started laughing all over again.

“Dean?” Castiel asked as he looked innocently over the edge of the cushion. “I believe with a bit of grace this could be altered so, can I have your butt babies?”