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"Flannel": His Little Black Dress

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Wally coughed a little, silently thanking his speed-enhanced immune system as it quickly divulged itself of Ivy’s nerve spore. He turned to where the League had her safely packed away in some clear casing, and frowned. She wasn’t shouting or glaring or even pouting, but rather, sporting a very chilly—albeit sexy—smirk. Yeah that’s right, sexy; appreciating the female kind was not bound to good or evil.

There was low breathy sort of pop and a pale yellow mist seeped in from somewhere behind him. Wally took about half second to sigh in relief—blue was the nerve spore, so he could forget a career as the new David—when a thought hit him. Spee—Red Arrow! He couldn’t be sure that Batman’s new antidote for Ivy’s “love spray” had made it to his place. He managed a half turn, when the smack of cloth against floor stopped him in his tracks.

Oh no.

Roy had his back to him, but it was clear something was wrong. There was a nasty tremor taking hold of his shoulders and he seemed to be focused on the hat lying at his feet. Where he had gotten the hat, Wally couldn’t be sure, but he knew he had to do something. If there was any chance of avoiding an enraged, love-slave version of Roy, he’d take it.

“Ro—R-red Arrow? Buddy? You okay?”

One last tremble shot through his shoulders before he turned around and Wally couldn’t resist a half a step back. Woah. That was unexpected.

Roy’s mask had been ripped off and hung loosely around his face. His blown pupils suddenly retracted and his lower lip trembled.

“Dude…” Wally began when suddenly the elder boy’s boot slapped down on his…Speedy hat?

“I didn’t want to do this,” he began in a soft wavering baritone, “I didn’t want to be a sidekick.”

“I know dude, this whole Red Arrow thing made that loud and clear.”

Roy shook his head, his eyes shining with unshed tears, “I didn’t want to spend all day retrieving arrows from a crocodile pit or constantly be mistaken for Robin.”

Okay, that was weird. “No one’s mistaken you for Robin, man. And we’re nowhere near any crocodiles.” What had Ivy given him?

A few tears had escaped and were slipping eagerly down Roy’s face. He shuffled forward a bit, before gripping Wally’s shoulders, “I...” He faltered, “I wanted to be...”

Wally’s heart seized, something was definitely off here. This wasn’t lust dust, or nerve spore. “What?” he cried, “Green Arrow?! You wanted to be Green Arrow? Aww dude, that’s a noble ambition, but I don’t think GA’s gonna want to give it up. Wait till he’s knee deep in a midlife crisis or something!”

Roy’s head fell.

Wally grasped his shoulders, shaking him a bit, “But, it’s okay! What you’ve got now, works!”

Oh god! What was he going to do? Ivy’s crazy spray he’d turned Roy into some blubbering baby. Then suddenly the elder boy’s head shot up and he looked Wally straight in the eye.

“I wanted to be… A LUMBERJACK!” he cried smashing the smaller boy’s face to his chest.

—the fuck?!

“Leaping from tree to tree as they float down the mighty rivers of Star City!” He spun them around gesturing grandly at the landscape, “The Giant Redwood! The Larch! The Fir! The Mighty Scots Pine!”

He continued spouting off trees as Wally struggled to free himself. “Dude!” he cried, “You’ve got to snap out of it!”

Grabbing the younger’s head, Roy forced it in the direction of his previous gestures adding some more odd names. Wally deadpanned as his found the area clear of said woody perennials.

Determined to keep his friend from embarrassing himself any further, Wally pulled back his fist, “Sorry, dude, but this is for your own good,” and aimed for the crazed redhead’s jaw.

Roy’s previously gesturing hand snapped up, easily catching the attempted blow, and pulled Wally against him once more. “With my best buddy by mah side!” he belted out, “We'd sing! Sing! Sing!

Oh shit.

Out of nowhere a lilting tune sprang up from behind them, egging Roy on.

“Oh, I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay,” he sang, “I sleep all night and I work all day~!”

Oh shit.

There was an answering chorus, from—God, no; just no—all the Green Lanterns present.

“He's a lumberjack, and he's okay,” Hal, Guy, Kyle, and—fuck no—even John. “He sleeps all night and he works all day~!”


“I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, I go to the lava-try~”

Wally couldn’t bear to look. He didn’t have to; the quick scuffle of boots behind him was telling him, loud and clear, that Roy—smart, moody, if a little douche-y, Roy—was attempting a jig of some sort to that mysterious tune.

“On Wednesdays I go shoppin'—”

He would find the source of the song, if it killed him. Because that’s what bros did. They kept each other from getting killed, took them out for drinks after being shot down, and stopped them from attempting dance moves patented by the Ministry of Silly Walks.

“And have buttered scones for tea~!”

The Green Lantern-Quartet echoed the dancing redhead with a rousing, and creepily coordinated, sweep of their arms. Wally’s eye twitched. What the hell were all the Green Lanterns doing in one place anyway? They kicked and spun, “He’s a lumberjack, and he’s okay! He sleeps all night and works all day!”

He had to find it now.

“I cut down trees, I skip and jump.”

If he heard correctly, the music was coming from just behind Roy.

“I like to press wild flowers!”

Now if he could just pinpoint the location and zip in to shut the thing up.

“I put on Dinah's clothing, and hang around in bars~!”

There! Just a few feet behi—What?

The GLs seemed to have a similar thoughts as they shot each other puzzled looks, before shrugging it off and continuing on.

Ivy had just broken into a whole new level of wrong.

Undeterred, Roy pranced on as the chorus started up again. He had this bright look on his face and Wally’s determination wavered a bit. He’d never seen him that…happy before.

Waltzing up to Green Arrow, Roy threw an arm around him, “I chop down trees, I wear high heels, suspendies and a bra! I wish I'd been a girlie! Just like my dear Papa~.”

They grinned at each other, Ollie returning the gesture, and continued with much gusto.

Wally stared.

“He cuts down trees, he wears high heels,” Earth’s green protectors chorused then stopped.

“Suspendies? And a…a bra?” Hal cried.

Guy looked stricken, “Wants to be a girlie?”

They exchanged looks before shaking their heads and flying off. Roy and Ollie glanced at each other, as matching smiles erupted on their faces.

“He's a lumberjack, and he's okaaay~!”

That’s it. Wally turned to zoom away—Roy was on his own—when, bam!

He awoke to a pounding headache. “Woah,” he groaned, “the hell happened?”

“You got caught in some new hallucinogen Ivy made and ran into a tree,” a cool smooth voice answered. Okay, that was Batman.

Wally blurrily looked around. He was in a room, a white room—the infirmary back at the Cave. Sighing heavily, he flopped back onto his pillows; glad to have his head clear again.

The door swung open and Roy stepped in looking concerned. “Wally,” he began, but Wally wasn’t listening. He was too focused on the older boy’s shirt.

“Roy,” he whispered, “where’d you get that flannel?”

Roy glanced down confused, “Dinah. It was a Chris—” But he never finished, as Wally let out an ear-piercing shriek and burst from the room.

“What’d I do?” he asked and Batman just sighed.