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Must Love Animals

Chapter Text

“Uh, can you come up here for a second?” There was an odd inflection in the tone of the voice that caught your attention immediately and you looked up from where you were taking inventory. Cheri had come back to the technician department from the receptionist table. Her normally cheery face seemed worried.

“Yeah, yeah, sure. What’s up?” you asked, putting the clipboard down next to the hospital cat, Tommy. Tommy reached a paw over to knock the clipboard over and you quickly picked the clipboard up and put it in a drawer. “Don’t fucking touch my shit, Tommy, you cute little asshole,” you chided lovingly, rubbing the chubby orange tabby.

“Language, bitch!” Another technician yelled as you walked to Cheri. You flipped your coworker the bird and followed Cheri into the hallway.

“So, we might need some help loading the next patient into the exam room.”

“Dog or cat?”

“Dog...sorta.” You raised an eyebrow.

“Sorta? Are we seeing werewolves now? That’d be cool,” you grinned.

“No, no. That would be kinda hot but no,” Cheri shook her head. “It’s”

Both eyebrows were raised. You took a sharp intake of breath. “Really?”

“Well, there’s two. One is kinda a dog. And the other is, er...a skeleton.” There was a moment of silence and then you burst into an ugly snorting laugh. Cheri looked aghast. “I’m serious!! He’s up there in a big blue hoody and fuzzy slippers!” You felt herself tearing up. “He keeps telling this awful jokes and Pam is absolutely no help right now! She keeps laughing at them and I can’t check them in properly.” Cheri tried to look stern but she was failing at it.

“So you’re sending little old me up there instead?” you chuckled, wiping your eyes with the end of your scrub top.

“Little yes, old no. I’m 20 years older than you, sweetie. And Pam’s got 40. Now go march your cute little butt up there and help me with this!”

“No! Not the mom voice!” you gasped in mock horror.

“Get!” Cheri ordered, swatting your butt. You made a motion to run but Cheri quickly caught you. “Ooh! Wait, here’s their check in sheet. I’ve got their names on here. Just try to fit them in a room, please.” You saluted her and began to walk towards the front, taking a brief moment to collect your thoughts.

This was Sunset Animal Hospital, a small practice that saw primarily dogs and cats with the occasional pocket pets. This practice had been going for more than 30 years but in the last year, things had been getting much more interesting. Sunset City had always been lively due to its beaches, shopping, a great downtown nightlife and relative closeness to some hiking trails. It was also 2 hours away from Mt. Ebbot. Yes, the Mount Ebbot.

The appearance of monsters drew people for miles to Sunset City when the news broke out, especially when a lot of monsters began to move into Sunset City. And with more people meant more pets, and more pets meant more business for the vet hospitals in the city. If the office manager hadn’t refused to extend their opening hours, you were sure the hospital would be seeing pets until midnight.

For the most part, people had responded positively to the appearance of monsters. Mostly. There were still some idiots. And those idiots were unfortunately loud. Usually louder than the not stupid people. You couldn’t even chalk up the ignorance to age as you had met dumb people from all walks of life.

A huge smile broke your thoughts as the sound of laughter rang out in the waiting room. Whatever got Cheri all flustered couldn’t be too bad if people are laughing. Laughing was always better than growling. You turned the bend, grabbing a handful of peanut butter dog snacks to shove in your front pocket and scanning the client info sheet Cheri had handed you.

“Alright, I’m here for...Greater Dog?” Your confident shout tapered off as you looked up. Sitting on the benches as best as it could was a the head of a white fluffy dog. The dog was smiling and panting and attempting to lick the wall. So far everything was normal. It looked almost like a Samoyed if you had to pin it to a particular species. And attached to the rest of him was a massive suit of armor. That was not normal. There were smiley faces on the armor. That still was not normal.

The dog looked up at the sound of his name and looked at you eagerly. And then he sneezed. And sneezed. And sneezed again. Your shock was quickly replaced with curiosity as you saw Greater Dog’s behavior. One of his eyes seemed to be squinting and a large metal paw was rubbing his nose. This was not normal. Poor guy seemed to be in pain or at least some pretty intense discomfort. “Why hello there, you handsome guy,” you cooed, “are you Greater Dog?”

“nah, i’m sans,” a baritone voice spoke up from beside her.

“Holy shit! I mean, shoot!” You quickly corrected as you jumped in surprise, quickly turning toward the voice. A figure slightly taller than you was leaning against the receptionist desk, watching you with a wide grin. Your eyes quickly took him in before you could stop yourself. This guy wore a blue puffy hoody and basketball shorts...and yup, a pair of slippers. Nope, alright, that’s fine.

“gee buddy, don’t wanna scare you out of your skin. you’d look like me.”

Pam’s high pitched cackling brought you back to your senses. “Scare you out your skin! Cause he’s a skeleton!” Pam was dying over there behind the receptionist desk. Sans looked like he was enjoying the attention cause he seemed to smile even wider.

You quickly glanced over at Greater Dog. Somehow the dog monster looked even bigger than he was 30 seconds earlier...or was he just closer? You’re sure you would have heard him if he got closer. That smiley faced suit of armor did not appear to have been made for stealth purposes.

Sans stretched out a hand. You quickly put on a professional smile, reached for his hand and began your speel, “Hello, I’m Lori. I’m a -” The moment your hand made contact with his, two things immediately happened. One, his hand was all bones. Like legitimately a skeleton hand. And two…

The sound of a whoopie cushion went off and sputtered profusely in the waiting room. You froze. Are you fucking serious? You were about to voice those exact words Cheri caught your eye. The receptionist in her mid 40s was holding up a sign with the word, “PROFESSIONALISM!” Right, no swearing.

“..a RVT. You’ll be seeing Dr. Johnson today so I’m going to get you both in an exam room and I’ll get a history from you and then the doctor will come in.” It was a speel you had practiced innumerable times. Prior to today, it would have been nearly impossible to detract you from this greeting. You could say it without inflection while a client’s “friendly” chow was lunging for your throat, or when another client’s cat had latched itself around your arm. But the whoopie cushion. The whoopie cushion was the killer.

Sans’ grin didn’t seem to falter in the slightest at your perseverance. He looked even more amused than if you had succumbed to the whoopie question. “heh. sounds good. ready to go, gd?” he asked.

You looked over and to your surprise Greater Dog was almost nose to nose with you now, tongue lolling out. How the hell did he get here so closely without you hearing him? “Oh. Hi there.” The dog licked you square in the face. And then sneezed again.
Pam was prepared and quickly handed you a towel she had stashed under the counter. “The poor little guy has been sneezing ever since he walked in.” Little? You shot her a look like she was nuts.

“Right, let’s get you into a room. Er...Well let’s try to get you in a room.” Greater Dog stood expectantly in front of the doorway to the exam room. Heightwise they were fine, but width was another story. “Um, can you get him to turn sideways...we have a chance if we get him sideways,” you asked Sans who had tucked his hands into the front of his pockets.

“he understands you. you can tell him if you want,” Sans offered helpfully.

“Oh. Cool. Um, hey can you turn yourself sideways? I think we can squeeze you in if you do that.” Greater dog barked happily and complied, launching himself sideways into the doorway...where he proceeded to get stuck.

“heh. it looks like a tight situation.” You chuckled weakly.

“Greater dog, can you pull yourself out?” you asked hopefully. The dog monster struggled for a bit before letting out a sad whine. And another sneeze, “Dammit. Alright hang on buddy, we’ll think of something.”

“yeah, stick tight.” You facepalmed.

The skeleton still seemed to be grinning about all this. You pressed your body weight against the suit of armor and started to push. He budged a little, but you were definitely going to need more help to get in him in. You felt yourself groaning and grunting more than you would have liked. Sans watched you lazily, hands still in his pockets, making no motions to help whatsoever. “Enjoying the view?” You panted sarcastically, as once again put your back against Greater Dog and pushed.

“can’t see that much under your uniform but i’m definitely enjoying the sounds,” he winked at you.

You felt your entire face turn beet red and you quickly turned around to shove forward with both of your hands. “ah, there’s a view,” his deep voice rumbled behind you as you caught him eyeing your butt.

All professionalism was gone. You whirled around to face the smiling skeleton. “I’m going to kick you in the eye sockets if you don’t come here and help me right now,” you threatened through gritted teeth.

“better idea. let me go see if my brother is done parking the car.” Sans snickered and he stepped out.

“Cheri! Go get Tim! See if he’s done helping Dr. Dylan!” you shouted, hoping that the much beefier male technician was available. Cheri quickly nodded and ran towards the back.

“You okay, sweetie?” Pam hollered.

“No, the fucking skeleton was looking at my ass!” you swore, grateful that the waiting room was empty.

“Oh really? Did he like it?” Pam asked curiously.

“Yes? I mean, what the fuck type of question is that?!” you shouted exasperatedly, turning around again and pushing with both of your hands.

“Ooh! Take it as a compliment! Scrubs aren’t that most flattering clothing you know!”

You gave a half smile. “Well it could have been worse, at least he didn’t try to touch it,” you admitted. No sooner had you said it, than you felt something come into contact with your rear. You spun around with a fist and a “You motherfuc-!” Your voice died immediately and your fist came to a stop midswing. “Oh my gosh! Dude, I’m super sorry!!” you gasped.

It was not Sans. It was almost the exact opposite of Sans. This skeleton towered over you by at least a foot. Instead of a poofy blue sweater, it appeared to be wearing some slick white body armor with a red cape. Boots instead of slippers stood steadfastly to the ground. You quickly stepped back only to lose your footing on the floor that had become slippery with Greater Dog drool. “Aghhh!” you yelped, expecting to land on your recently observed tush.

Except you didn’t. Your fall was halted by a pair of red gloves gripping you firmly on both of your sides. Although the skeleton probably intended to grip around your waist, he seemed to have missed and instead squeezed around your chest, pressing your breasts together underneath your scrubs. You gasped in surprise at the sensation of both not falling and the accidental fondle. You caught a glimpse of Sans smirking behind the skeleton, giving a thumbs up.

“Human! Are you alright?” the skeleton asked you in a booming voice, still holding you upright. Your attention was immediately drawn to his “face”. He genuinely looked concerned for your safety or at least as far as a skull could look concerned.

“Yea-yes. I think so…” you began. You chuckled to yourself, “At least things can’t get any worse,” you admitted.

“Pam, did she load the next patient?” an older male voice asked. Your eyes widened and you attempted to straighten yourself out, only to slip again, forcing the taller skeleton to maintain his hold on you. It was too late as the owner of the voice walked out into the wait room.

“Dr. Johnson! Hey! Um, we-uh!” you began helplessly as you attempted to address the mid 30s man who looked at the scene in front of him. “This isn’t what it looks like.”

“It isn’t?” Dr. Johnson asked with a wry smile. Other than the smile, the rest of his countenance was rather enigmatic.

“The patient got stuck!” you explained, gesturing toward the whining dog monster behind you, “And I was trying to push him in and I slipped and uh-what’s your name?”

“The Great Papyrus.”

“Right. The Great Papyrus here-” You stopped and looked up at the skeleton. “Wait, seriously?”

“Yes! Although you may call me Papyrus if it is easier for you.” The skeleton smiled as you registered this information and tucked it away.

“Okay, so Papyrus here caught me and...wait why aren’t you in your office?” You narrowed her eyes at him.

“My office?” Dr. Johnson asked, still keeping the slight smile.

“Yeah! TJ, go back to your office! Your appointment doesn’t start for another 3 minutes!” you realized.

“Oh, my mistake. I’ll come back I guess. Please don’t fraternize too much with our clients though. Save that for after work,” he smiled with a nod before he walked back into the hospital. You groaned and placed yout own hands on top of the Papyrus’ and hoisted yourself up to a stable standing position before gently peeling his gloves off your body.

“Hey, sorry about that, um Papyrus was it?”

“Yes human! And it was nothing really. I am always ready to help others.”

You ignored Pam and Cheri whispering between themselves, catching only bits “What a darling”.

You turned to Papyrus and smiled gratefully. “I would love some help actually. I was trying to get Greater Dog into the exam room but he got stuck. Would you be able to help me get him in?”

“Of course! This is a simple puzzle for the amazing Papyrus!”

“Puzzle? Um, I guess? Yes. Now on the count of 3, push as hard as you can.”

“That doesn’t sound like a very innovative solution for a puzzle,” Papyrus critiqued.

“well it’s a simple solution for a simple puzzle. i’m sure she has more complicated puzzles waiting for you after this one.” Sans spoke up with a wink. Finding the shorter skeleton finally helpful, you mouthed a “thank you” as this answer seemed to placate the taller skeleton.

“Of course! What an ingenious start to a gauntlet! Although I wish you hadn’t give me the answer right away, but I understand you being surprised by my entrance. Alright human! Commence the solving!”

“Alrighty then! On the count of 3! 3….2…..1 PUSH!”


“So how long has the sneezing been going on?” You asked, running a hand through your now sweaty hair.

“Ever since Greater Dog went through some high grass at Undyne’s house!” Papyrus recollected, straightening out his cape? It seemed a bit short to be a cape but you didn’t exactly know what to call it. Sans appeared to have fallen asleep against his brother but from what you had learned, he apparently knew very little of Greater Dog’s activities and was mostly responsible for transporting the large dog monster here.

“You wouldn’t happen to know if there are foxtails at um, Undyne’s home?”

“Fox...tail? I’m afraid I don’t know that type of creature.” Papyrus’ brows became furrowed.

“Oh, it’s not a creature. It’s a plant-”

“Oh! Like a flower? I know a flower-”

“No! Not a flower. It’s like a stick but with sharp pieces on its side. When dogs are smelling the ground, they can get these stuck up their nose. Just in case, has Greater Dog eaten anything this morning?”

“Er...I don’t know. I think Undyne fed him. She’s usually pretty good about taking care of everyone” Papyrus offered helpfully.

“Wait, you guys aren’t the, I mean.”

Sans woke up with that question because of course he did. “heh. no one owns greater dog exactly but i guess if you’re interested in a master relationship, undyne would be the fish in charge.”


“TJ don’t give me that face.”

“I’m not making a face.”

“Yes you are! I can see it underneath your silence.” TJ, rubbed his temples as he sat in his chair in the office.

“So, from what I understand. This dog may have a foxtail up it’s nose. The only way to make sure is with a nasal scope which requires sedation.”

“And they don’t know if he ate.” You remembered one of the first things you learned with anesthesia. Any species that ate food prior to sedation or any anesthesia ran the risk of vomiting it up in the middle of a procedure. And then asphyxiating and possibly dying on the table. Joy.

“And they don’t know if he ate because they aren’t the owners but rather some fish person named Undyne is in charge of him. So we don’t even have consent from the owner to treat the patient.”

“She technically doesn’t own him.”


You waited for a minute, but TJ didn’t continue. “Soooo….can I go?” you asked.

“Yes. I’m going to have Cheri see if they can contact Undyne after I exam him.”

“Cool, cool. Good luck with that.” Before he could blink, you practically skipped out of the room and headed back into the interior of the animal hospital. You opened the door and nearly ran into Tim. “Oh hey, what the hell took you so long?” You asked irritatbly.

“Sorry, the cat got away from Dr. D and started climbing the walls like some goddamn poltergeist,” Tim apologized. Cats tended to do that. He smiled. “Heard you got groped by a skeleton.”

“...motherfucking Pam.”


You had barely got started on your next project before you heard the sound of shouts coming from TJ’s exam room. You exchanged looks with Tim. “Should we..?” he wavered.

“No. I don’t hear TJ yelling, so I guess it’s okay.”

“TJ never yells.”

“Well, he’s not asking for help now is he?”

As if on cue, the doors separating the exam rooms from the technician part of the hospital swung open and TJ stepped through, followed closely by a still sneezing Greater Dog. Papyrus quickly followed suit, dragging in his brother with one hand and in the other holding a cell phone. “I need you both to start setting up the nasal scope equipment.”

“Sure thing, TJ. Eh, any ideas on what you want to do for anesthetics?” you asked, pulling out a blank chart to write on.

TJ’s usual smile faltered at this. “Actually,” he admitted, “We are not going to use anesthetic.” You and Tim stopped and stared at him. Anesthesia was always required for nasal scoping. How would you feel if someone stuck a long ear cone up your nose and started fishing around with a pair of long nosed forceps trying to pull something with spikes out of your nose? And you had to remain perfectly still because those forceps hurt if they pinch the skin. They weren’t called alligator forceps for nothing.

You and Tim observed Greater Dog who was wiggling just from standing. Papyrus noticed your skepticism and spoke up. “Um, Undyne, can you tell the humans why Greater Dog doesn’t need anesthetic?”

If you thought Papyrus had been loud, Undyne had him beat. A booming female voice literally erupted from the mobile phone. “GREATER DOG IS TOUGH! HE CAN TAKE WHATEVER TORTURE THEY DISH OUT! HE DOESN’T NEED NAMBY PAMPY DRUGS!!!” Greater Dog’s chest seemed to swell with those words.

TJ sighed. “Miss Undyne here feels confident that with some minor restraint, I will be able to perform this procedure without anesthesia drugs. And unfortunately, we don’t have enough knowledge of monster reactions to animal anesthetics to know what dosages would be safe to use.”

Papyrus slapped TJ on the back. “Do not worry! Greater Dog is very well trained! I’m sure he will be on his best behavior. You shall not need any help!”

“oh cool. i like not having to do anything,” Sans spoke up with a yawn. “i’ll catch you at the house later, papyrus.” He gave a thumbs up and a click of his teeth to you who found yourself slightly coloring at the farewell and then stepped out of the doors.

Papyrus quickly opened the door after his brother, yelling, “SANS! YOU LAZYBONES! GET BACK HERE!”

“don’t be too ruff with them, pap!”


“mutt you really hound me, pap?”


You took the opportunity to beckon Greater Dog over to you who happily bounded up to you and attempted to lick your face. “No, no. Calm, let’s be calm. We’re going to have you kneel down. Can you kneel down? Ye-eh no that’s no-not quite. I would love to rub your belly but I need you to sit up. Yes. Sit. Good. Stay there. No, belly rubs after I promise. Please sit back up. Yes, plenty of belly rubs. But don’t think about the belly rubs now. Think about being still like a statue. Yes. Perfect.” You attempted to coach the wiggly monster.

Greater Dog was massive compared to the veterinary staff. Tim sweated as he observed him. “I guess if he starts to move, maybe I can lay on him?” he offered, “But I don’t think that will do much,” he admitted.

“I’m heavier than you,” you mumbled, “It’d make more sense for me to lie on him.” You felt an army drape over your shoulder and looked up to see an energetic Papyrus.

“Nyeh nyeh nyeh! I believe in us human!” he cheered.

“ARE YOU GUYS NOT DONE YET??” the phone hollered, “LET’S DO THIS!”

TJ quickly fitted his otoscope with a long cone and knelt down to Greater Dog. “Alright, I’m going to insert the cone,” and he started to slide it in.

Greater Dog immediately started to whine and fidget uncomfortably. Before anyone could act, the phone came alive. “GREATER DOG! YOU STAY PERFECTLY STILL!” Greater Dog froze up and stared straight ahead, finding the wall behind the crouching doctor absolutely fascinating. You braced yourself against one side of Greater Dog while Papyrus took the other. Tim placed his weight against Greater Dog’s rear to hopefully prevent the dog monster from backing up. Hopefully.

TJ flicked on the light on the otoscope and looked up. “Foxtail. Not too far up. He’s lucky. Hand me the alligator forceps.”


TJ looked like he was about to say something but thought better of it. Which was probably a smart decision. “Alright, I’m about to place the forceps. Greater Dog, this is going to tickle. You need to be very still.”

The sudden intrusion of a slick metal instrument provoked an even higher pitched whine from poor Greater Dog. “STAY THERE!!” the phone ordered, but Greater Dog was still trying to back up. You quickly threw herself against Greater Dog’s body.

“STAY! STAY! GOOD BOY! STAY!” you yelled as you felt him rock underneath her.

“Almost got it,” TJ’s quiet voice mentioned.

Greater Dog’s tail whipped around, almost sweeping Tim’s legs. The monster bucked and you felt herself slipping against the smooth metal. A gloved hand quickly grabbed your wrist and you looked up in relief to see Papyrus grabbing Greater Dog...and overpowering him? Your relief turned to shock as you watched the skeleton with no muscles force Greater Dog’s body back down.

He’s not even breaking a sweat. Can skeletons sweat?!

“Got it! Pulling!”





Everyone screamed in unison as TJ yanked back with a triumphant “Hoo rah!”

Greater Dog collapsed to the ground, whining and panting. You looked up to see the damage. Tim had managed not to get crushed which was good. Papyrus was exhaling sharply. Do skeletons get out of breath? A “hmm” brought your attention to TJ. Clasped in the forceps was the foxtail. Slightly bloody, but intact. You rested your head in silent celebration against the suit of armor as everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

“GOOD BOY! YOU CAN MOVE NOW!” the manically happy woman ordered on the phone. Greater Dog barked happily and to everyone’s surprise, popped out of the suit of armor.

“Did...did he just, are you telling me that he just controls a suit of armor?” Tim’s voice asked incredulously. TJ remained tactfully silent. Greater Dog was almost the size of a larger, much more manageable and easier to restrain dog. He quickly trotted over to you and flopped onto his back, inviting you to partake in the belly rubbing that you had promised earlier. Your hand shakily reached out and began to stroke the dog’s stomach.

“What the fuck just happened?”

Chapter Text

     “Another lint roller?”

     “Yes please.” Cheri handed Tim and you another lint roller as you both attempted to remove the monster fur off your scrubs.

     “I smell like butt,” Tim bemoaned. You snorted. “Seriously, that monster sat on me!” You snorted and laughed again, prompting Tim to roll his eyes. “God, your laugh is just as bad as that skeleton’s laugh. Who even says nyeh anymore?”

     “Aww. I think it’s he’s just darling. You and Papyrus have such lovely laughs,” Cheri said with such sincerity that even the most skeptic skeptic would have to agree. Cheri shot you an appreciative smile. “Ooh, somebody’s got a crush!” Cheri teased.

     “What?” You blinked in surprise. What was she talking about?

     “Look at that smile! I haven’t seen you smile that big in a long time!” Cheri pinching your cheeks.

     You lifted your hands to pull off Cheri’s hands and felt your own cheeks. Sure enough, they were creased from the big goofy smile on your face. You felt the blood rush to your cheeks as you quickly darted your eyes away, finding the ground much more interesting than your coworkers. “So yeah um, where’s TJ anyway?” you mumbled quickly, trying to speak faster than your heart was beating.

     Tim finished lintrolling his left leg. “Oh, he’s out front talking to the angry lady and your boyfriend about plant dangers. I think they’re talking about having him do a house call or something.”

     “A house call? That would be-what did you just say?”

     “Sorry, I meant your bonefriend,” Tim snickered.

     “Tommy, get Tim. Rip Tim’s jugular out. Go get him,” you coaxed the lazy hospital cat. Tommy just yawned and rolled over to allow the humans to scratch his butt. “Eh, close enough,” you gave up and scratched his butt. Tommy purred appreciatively. “Who’s a good boy? You’re a good boy! Who’s my little studmuffin?” You baby talked.

     “What’s a studmuffin?” a familiar voice shouted behind you. You looked up at your coworkers’ faces in horror. The traitorous pair were barely containing their humongous smiles.

     You turned around and almost came nose to “nose” with the tall skeleton who had lowered himself down to your eye level. Now that they were only a few breaths apart, you noticed that Papyrus didn’t have any eyes. Or at least pupils. Just two empty black sockets watching you curiously. You could have sworn that you had seen white specks of light at some point during their exchange but now you weren’t sure. You had heard that Monsters had magical abilities. Maybe this was one of his abilities. The ability to conjure pupils as he saw fit. Yeah, that sounded pretty stupid in your head.

     “A studmuffin?” you quickly tried to think of something, anything to lie to the innocent skeleton. And your mind drew a complete blank. “A studmuffin is a term we use to say someone is good looking or handsome.” You heard your coworkers gasp collectively behind you. Well what the hell did they want you to say?

     Papyrus eyed Tommy who was kneading the air with a look that could only could be described as intense concentration. “I see. I see. So this tiny furry creature is the ideal handsome, good looking male?” He reasoned.

     You quickly shook your head, laughing weakly as you heard Tim trying to smother himself from breaking out into hysterical giggling. “No, no. It’s like trying to be funny by saying the opposite of what we really mean. Like a joke.”

     Papyrus’s eyes lit up at the word “joke”. Well, as much as eyes could light up without pupils and scleras. “Oh, I like jokes. But only good ones. Sans likes to tell these terrible ones that are never funny.” He glowered. “I try not to encourage his bad habits but he always finds a way to get under my skin.”

     “Don’t you mean under your bones since you’re a skeleton?” The words tumbled out before you could stop yourself. You bit your lip.

     Papyrus gave you a disappointed look. “Human, I’m disappointed in you but I do not blame you. Sans’ humor rubs off on people if they hang out enough with him.”

     You smiled genuinely. “Well thank you for understanding. I’m sure next time I see you, I won’t have a single bad joke to tell.”

     Papyrus clasped his hands together excitedly. “That’s wonderful! I’m glad Sans did not influence you too much. I don’t think I have the stomach for another bad joke tomorrow.” Papyrus scrunched up his face in disgust at his accidental pun. “Ugh.”

     You blinked, not sure if you heard him correctly. “I’m sorry, did you say tomorrow? Do you have another appointment tomorrow?”

     Papyrus grinned. “Nope! You are coming to Undyne’s place for a housecall.” His grin faltered at your confusion. “Am I mistaken?”

     You recovered, “No, no! I don’t know. I might be. I am not scheduled to work tomorrow, but maybe something changed. I’ll go check with the doctor.”

     Papyrus regained his confident smile and stood up to his full height. “Goody! I shall look forward to seeing you again, human!”



     “My name is Lori. might be confusing to keep calling me “human” since there are other humans.”

     Papyrus scoffed. “How is that confusing? I am very good at letting you know I am talking to you.”

     You rubbed your head. “Yes, I’m sure you are. Um, Let’s say you and your brother were standing side by side and then Tim and I walked up to you guys and I said “Hi skeleton”.”

     “I would say “hello human”.”

     “Ah. And what if I was actually talking to Sans?”

     This startled Papyrus. “...why would you talk to Sans?” There was an odd inflection in his voice as he leaned toward you. You tried to ignore it.

     “Do you see how it would be-”

     “Why wouldn’t you want to talk to me?” There was an insistence to Papyrus’ voice that you couldn’t ignore now.

     “Um, I mean, I do want to talk to you,” you stammered, feeling yourself shrink a little under Papyrus’s questions. Why was this bothering you?

     Papyrus seem satisfied with this answer and stood back up. “Good. Then I would say “hello human”.”

     You shook off the uneasiness. “Good. Then I would say “how is your day, skeleton?””

     Papyrus’ face fell. “Human, you do not remember that I am Papyrus?”

     “But you ARE a skeleton, so am I wrong?”

     Papyrus shook his head slowly. “No...I suppose not. I would say “It is good. How are you human?””

     “I’m good thanks,” Tim piped up, catching on. You shot him a grateful wink and watched Papyrus.

     Papyrus appeared to be stumped. “Oh, human, I’m sorry but I was asking the other...human?” Realization dawned on him. “Ah.”

     “You understand?”

     “Yes, I see. So I should call you by your name and I should call him human?”

     “Ah, no. It would be better if you used his name too.”

     “Actually!” Tim piped up, “I like the nickname “Human”. Sounds way better than Tim. It would be kinda fun.” You rolled your eyes at him.

     Now it was Papyrus’ turn to bring a hand to his temple. “This may be difficult.”

     You sighed. “Here, hang on. I’ll help you. Give me your hands.” Pap blinked in surprise but held out both of his hands. You placed your own hands in his gloves and gently gripped them. Your hands were much smaller. He could probably crush all the bones in your fingers if he had the slightest inclination to. You swallowed, trying not to dwell too much on the fact. “S-so. Both words have 2 syllables. Lo-ri. Hu-man.” You gently shook one had at the first syllable and the other at the second syllable. “If you don’t remember my name, it’s okay to call me human, but I would really like if you say my name.”

     “I really like it when I say your name too, Lori,” Papyrus spoke quietly. His face suddenly lit up in excitement. “I did it!”

     “That was perfect,” you cheered. Papyrus broke into an ecstatic smile that you found absolutely contagious. You grinned back at him and noticed an orange tint on his cheek bones. Huh, must be a magic effect of...something. Papyrus hadn’t budged from his spot and was still staring down at you. Um...why is he just looking at you?

     “Ahem!” someone coughed from behind the skeleton monster. TJ stood with his hands in his doctor’s coat, watching the you two patiently.

     The cough brought your back to reality and you realized you were still holding his hands. “Oh! I’ve still got your hands! Ahaha. Sorry, lost my train of thought,” you apologized, releasing his hands. “So tomorrow?”

     “Yes, I look forward to it.” Before you could ask, Papyrus quickly swept you into a giant hug. You gasped, expecting to feel the sensation of hard bones crushing into your chest. But to your surprise, the large skeleton felt warm and solid to the touch. You found yourself slowly closing your eyes, enjoying the contact. You swore you could feel your feet barely touching the ground. Another cough and your eyes shot open to see TJ now almost snickering.

     “Uh, yes, right. Tomorrow,” you spoke, breaking the hug. Papyrus nodded sheepishly, noticing the audience you both had gathered.

     “Yes, thank you humans. And Dr. Human.” With that, he quickly turned, his short cape swirling as he walked out the door.

     You stood there for a moment, still feeling the heat from the hug on your face until you caught TJ’s eye again. “So...I don’t work tomorrow,” you began.

     Now it was the doctor’s turn to look uncomfortable. “Yes, apparently this Undyne person owns or rather is in charge of a couple of dog monsters and, based on our work with Greater Dog, would like to set us up as their primary care physicians. They apparently serve as an Elite Guard for Monster Royalty. Their schedule is pretty strict so they want us to come to their residence tomorrow as it would be too difficult to bring each member here separately.”

     “And I don’t work tomorrow?” You felt your spiciness returning.

     “Yeah...about that. They requested both of us to go to their residence tomorrow. And I can’t make it. I’ve got dinner with the in-laws tomorrow and I’ve already had to cancel once.”

     “Isn’t your wife an emergency vet and doesn’t she bail on her family like all the time?” Tim asked.

     “Yes, but she’s allowed to because she’s their daughter, I’m not.”

     “Alright, that’s cool and all, but even if I was working, which I’m not, I can’t go up there and doing any diagnostic things. I can’t even vaccinate anyone without a doctor,” you reminded.

     TJ held up a hand. “I know. To be honest, none of the practicing doctors here really have a knowledge of monster biology. I wouldn’t WANT to vaccinate anyone without knowing potential side effects or even if they could get the same diseases as regular pets. You would solely be going up there to get heart rates, respirations, temperatures, diets and surveying the landscape for potential hazards. This apparently wasn’t the first foxtail they came across but it was the first that they couldn’t remove on their own.”

     You nodded. That completely made sense. Sorta. Monsters had only been up here for about a year so knowledge was limited. “How are you going to get more info?” you asked.

     TJ almost shrugged. “There’s not many research papers published at this point. Fortunately I’ve heard the university has hired on a Monster on their academic staff. Although her focus is artificial intelligence, she does possess knowledge of monster biology so I’ll be contacting the dean to see if I could set up a meeting with her.”

     “And me not working tomorrow?”

     “I will pay you double.”

     “What if I had a date tomorrow or something?” Tim burst out laughing behind you and you whirled around. “SHUT YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH, TIM! WHEN’S THE LAST TIME YOU HAD A SOCIAL LIFE TOO?!” you hollered. Tim quickly stifled his laugh.

     TJ raised an eyebrow. “I’m assuming that would be unlikely based on Tim’s response.”

     You sighed. “Fine, I’ll do it. Where does she live?” TJ rummaged in his pockets and pulled out a sheet of paper which you snatched out of his hands. Your eyes widened. “TJ, do you know where this is?”

     TJ looked concerned for a moment. “No, I haven’t seen the address yet. Listen, if it’s a bad neighborhood, you can borrow my car if you’re worried about something happening to your mini.”

     You shook your head. “No, that’s not it. My car is not good enough for this place.” You felt Tim lean over your shoulder and let out a whistle as he looked at the address.

     “Summer Hills? The screaming lady lives in Summer Hills?? Oh man! That’s so cool! You totally gotta clean your car,” Tim advised.

     “I probably should. There’s pet fur all over it,” you agreed, looking at the address again.

     “You should probably clean yourself too,” Tim teased, “you’re just as bad as your car. I can’t believe that skeleton hugged you.”

     “Love clearly has no boundaries,” TJ said with a straight face as he sat down at the computer near the technicians. Tim started laughing again.

     You felt your cheeks burn again but couldn’t think of any clever comeback. You settled for smacking Tim in the arm with the stethoscope. “Owww!” Tim frowned, rubbing his shoulder, “That hurt.”

     “Hey,” TJ admonished, “If you keep hitting that against things, I won’t be able to hear anything with it.”

     You put on the stethoscope and placed it against Tim’s arm. “Good news, TJ. It still works. I can still hear Tim being a whiny bit-!”

     “Language,” Cheri sang as she walked back up to the receptionist area.

Chapter Text

      A few hours later, you found yourself pulling into a car wash downtown. The attendant ran up to you as you got out and blanched when he looked inside. “Ma’am, did a rabbit explode in your car or something?” he asked, observing the damage.

      “Oh yeah, a whole pack of them. It was impressive. All self imploded at the same time,” you chuckled, giving him the keys. “Whatever you can do would be awesome, but trust me I’m not expecting miracles.” The guy nodded appreciatively and drove your car up while you walked inside the car wash’s waiting lounge. You glanced at your phone. 7:30? You’re surprised these guys are still open. The sun was already setting. You found an empty chair and sat down, groaning slightly.

      “Oh beautiful chair, you feel so good on my butt,” you mumbled. You glanced around. It was pretty empty save for a one or two people waiting for their cars. “Thought it would be busier,” you thought aloud.

      “Ya just missed the rush,” the employee at the desk mentioned, “We usually get busy between 3pm to 7pm. People come to spruce up their cars before they go on dates, especially on a Thursday night.”

      “Ah yes. Dating. That sounds nice,” You smiled halfheartedly. You made a mental note to go check your online dating profile when you got home. You hadn’t even considered online dating a week ago, but Cheri had really pushed you to do it. The receptionist had met her current boyfriend on it and was loving every minute of their relationship so far. You had posted a picture of yourself in scrubs since that tended to be what you wore 80% of the time, although you were sure you had other clothes buried somewhere in your closet. That scrub pic had been a good call you learned the next day. It tended to filter out a lot of the perverts. Unfortunately that meant that you had 0 messages as of yesterday. Being average and wearing scrubs was not exactly Scarlet Johansen desirable.

      The television caught your eyes and you focused your attention on the suspended square box on the wall. The female news anchor looked quite serious.

      “In other news, police still have no leads on the identity of Sunset’s notorious serial rapist, nicknamed the Roofied Rapist. Another victim has come forward this morning but was unable to provide any identifying features about the man who assaulted her.”

      “Or monster,” the other male news anchor offered, “DNA evidence has so far been inconclusive.”

      “Indeed,” the female journalist agreed, “However at this time, the police have no reason to suspect any member of the monster community is responsible and urge all citizens to remain calm and just be aware. Chief Wagner of the police issued a press conference with some tips and guidelines to hopefully prevent another woman from becoming a victim.”

      “One, be aware of your surroundings. Travel with friends or if you have to go alone, notify a friend or family member of your whereabouts. Two, if you don’t know someone, don’t get into their car, don’t go over to their house alone. Meet new people in public places during daylight hours. Three, if you decide to carry personal protection such as pepper spray or a taser, make sure you are aware of how to safely use the device. Failure to use these items correctly may cause you to accidentally incapacitated yourself instead of a possible attacker.”

      You looked at the pink pepper spray can attached to your key chain. This was a recent addition to your personal belongings based on current events. You shuddered slightly and kept listening.

      “And most importantly, if you are out at night, be extra cautious of your surroundings and make sure you are not being followed. If you feel that your life is in danger, we advise that you get to a safe place, barricade yourself and call the police. We do not encourage citizens to confront possible assailants unless absolutely necessary.”

      You sighed and ran your fingers through your curly short hair, attempting to braid some of the longer strands out of boredom. Your hair was starting to get long enough that you could pull your bangs over your eyes. You twisted one lock around your finger as the news story continued.

      “Do the police have any modus for the Roofied Rapist, Bev?”

      “He tends to target women from as young as 18 to as old as 29. There appears to be no underage victims or if there are, they may not have stepped forth. Police can find no similarities between the women as far as appearance nor nationality, these crimes appear to be one of opportunity and not premeditated. The criminal utilizes both chemical and mechanical means of incapacitating his victims based on victims’ memory loss and what police believe are rope bruises from being tied down.”

      Your head snapped back up at those last words and your eyes widened as pictures of bruised wrists and ankles flashed across the screen. Purple and black skin showed where ropes had been drawn too tightly on these women, cutting off circulation and bruising the skin. Your eyes widened even more when images of victims’ necks flooded the news segments. Bruising where rope and hands had gripped too roughly around these womens’ slender necks.

      “Police believe this Roofied Rapist may be an expert in the BDSM fetish based on the markings on the victims.”

      “Oh that’s fucking bullshit!” you swore angrily.

      “What’s bullshit?” the cashier asked, almost dropping her phone in surprise at your sudden outburst.

      “That motherfucker isn’t some expert in BDSM. He’s a fucking noob.”

      “Uh...why do you say that? Isn’t BDSM just tying someone up and beating the shit out of them?” the cashier asked, eyeing you curiously.

      You groaned and rubbed your temples. “Alright, so the biggest thing with BDSM that people forget is that everything happens with consent. Two adults are consenting to do something. They have safewords and limits in place and they are supposed to stop immediately if they hit those limits or someone says the safeword. The second the safeword is ignored or a limit is pushed, it is no longer BDSM. It is torture and rape and it should be called such. You with me?”

      The cashier nodded. “Yeah, I agree with you on that point. Someone should tie this guy’s nuts until they turn just as bruised as those women.”

      “And that’s the other thing. BDSM doesn’t necessarily lead to bruising unless the person being bound wants to be bruised. A BDSM “expert” will not bruise people. They ask if the bindings are too tight and they use certain types of rope to prevent burns and bruises. Someone who bruises up women like this is just some overeager fuck nut wanting to feel more powerful by taking beautiful women and treating them like toys because they are a huge fucking pussy in real life.”

      The cashier whistled. “And I thought the rest of my night was going to be boring but now I’ve got this to mull on when I go home tonight. Gah.”

      You felt yourself blush. “Yeah, uh sorry. Just a pet peeve I guess.”

      “I feel ya. I get really pissed when people chew hard candy right in front of me. It’s called HARD candy? You don’t bite it, you fucking idiot. You suck it until it’s gone!”

      “Uh, is Lori here?” Both you and the other women jumped at the surprise and quickly looked to the entrance of the lounge. The male attendant from earlier was standing there, looking like he wanted to disappear into the wall. “Her car is done.”

      “Oh yeah, sorry, that’s me,” you apologized, “you literally walked in on the weirdest part of our conversation didn’t you?” The male attendant laughed nervously, handed you the keys and quickly departed to help the next customer. “Man, I hope I didn’t get you in trouble with your boss,” you said.

      The cashier laughed. “You kidding? I am the boss.”

      “Oh awesome.” You walked over to your cherry red mini and looked in. “Dammmmnnn. I didn’t know my floor was black!”


      It was dark by the time you got to your one bedroom apartment. You pulled into a parking spot, grabbed your bag and ascended the nearby flight of stairs. You reached your door and was starting to unlock it when your neighbor popped out. “Hi ya!” she greeted.

      “Hi Kaylie! How was Utah?”

      “Oh it was awesome. Got to hang out with the family, the boys got to see their cousins and our flight was on time for once!” the blonde blue eyed girl gushed.

      “Sounds good,” you smiled, “Did Jethro manage to sleep through it?”

      Kaylie laughed good naturedly. “I can’t believe how deep that man can sleep. I swear if we’re hit by a tornado, he might stir when the roof flies off,” she winked. “Ooh! I got you something as a thank you for watering the plants! Wait here.” The woman ran back inside and quickly ran back out with a bottle of, to your slight disappointment, non alcoholic apple cider. “Here you go!”

      “Daw, thanks,” you thanked, adjusting your load so you could take the bottle from Kaylie. Kaylie eyed the pink pepper spray worriedly.

      “Pepper spray?”

      “Remember that rapist dude we were talking about before you left?”

      “Yeah-ohhh. Wow, I should have Jethro pick me up some too. I can’t believe someone would do that.” You shook your head and put your keys into your door knob. “You knowww, we might be heading back up to Utah in a few weeks. If you ever want to come with us, I know there’s some cute Mormon boys who just finished their missions.”

      “Oof. Pass. Pass,” you eagerly declined, “I’ll take my chances with the online dating. Worst case scenario, I’ll get a cat or two...or seven.”

      “Alright, alright, offer still stands. Have a good night.”

      “You too.” You pushed the door open and dropped your stuff down, being careful not to break the glass bottle. Unlike your car, your home was actually somewhat put together. There was an order, even in the chaotic parts of the one bedroom apartment. You stripped off your scrubs in one fluid motion and tossed them into the laundry hamper. You were too lazy to put on pants so you wandered through the apartment in your sports bra, black tank top and underwear. You trudged to the fridge and opened it.

      “Ah, shit, the milk expired,” you realized, tossing the funky smelling beverage and grabbing an alcoholic lemonade. You grabbed some left over pizza and popped in it the microwave for a minute or two before plopping yourself on her couch. You chugged half the bottle in one satisfying gulp before grabbing the remote. You flicked on the TV and One Piece popped up almost at max volume. “Fuck! Too loud! Too loud!” you yelled, quickly turning down the show to a suitable volume.

      A wave of nostalgia hit you as you watched a few minutes of Luffy talking. “Man, I can’t believe I used to co president of a high school anime club,” you muttered to yourself as you watched. High school hadn’t been the best time of your life, but you definitely had some fond memories, one of those running the only anime club in school. Well sorta running it. You were playing tennis full time as well so it was hard to evenly split your time between the two activities. That’s where Butterbear Jeremy came in, the other co president. And no, he did not ask for the nickname.

      Jeremy handled the tech, got the anime, got the permission forms signs and rented the rooms. You meanwhile were good at drawing attention to the club, getting and retaining new members. You also found yourself serving as the off and on bodyguard for members of the club, especially Jeremy because there was nothing more tempting to a jock than a pudgy, sweaty acne covered boy with a nasally voice trying to roll a television down a hallway all by himself. The club dubbed you a knight in shining armor. Except instead of armor, you wore a skirt and instead of sword, you carried an orange Wilson racket that made nice square imprints on peoples’ faces.

      “Although if Papyrus and Greater Dog were the norm, those suits of armor and swords might be making a comeback,” you chuckled. You briefly considered looking up Jeremy on facebook but decided against it. You hadn’t spoken to the guy in 7 years and hadn’t watched anime in about 5. You hadn’t kept up with a lot of people from high school actually. You settled for changing the channel and stretching out over the cushions. America’s Funniest Home Videos. Nice. It was a repeat. Not nice.

      “Maybe I’ll just watch some porn,” you mumbled sleepily to no one in particular. You got up to check the door. Locked. Excellent. “No repeating what happened last time I left the door unlocked.” You got a little too loud one time and Kaylee in her concern opened your front door asking if you were okay...and it was just awkward. You yawned. “I wonder if the monsters have made porn videos yet,” you wondered.

      You thought about it. “I wonder if there’s skeleton porn,” you giggled, dragging your laptop to your lap and opening it up. The sound of a woman loudly moaning hit your ears and you quickly hit mute before she could moan again. “Fuck, I gotta remember to close these tabs when I’m done,” you swore at yourself, watching the muted video. Even without the volume, the sight alone was enough to put wanton shivers down your spine. A woman was handcuffed to a bed, moaning in pleasure as her hunky lover made love to her. You found yourself becoming aroused watching the sensual lovemaking until the man placed his hands around the woman’s neck and began to strangle her. You found your arousal plummeting as the man intermittently choked the woman as they made love. You wavered on whether to continue or not until the man reached down and bit her on the neck. “Mood gone!” you gasped, closing the tab abruptly.

      You couldn’t help it. You found yourself aroused by the bondage part of BDSM but completely repulsed by the sadomasochistic part of it. Restraint was fine. Bruises and pain were not. Your method of thinking confused men with whom you had been sexually active with. Trying to explain that you didn’t have to like all the aspects of the BDSM culture in order to be interested in bondage was much more difficult than you anticipated. So you didn’t bother to tell anybody about it or even talk about it. Well until today. You were surprised that you had actually gotten very vocal about it in the car wash station. You debated whether your encounter with Sans and Papyrus had probably triggered the outburst. You weren’t used to being checked out and subjected to accidental sexual assault at work very often. Even if you were to have reciprocate, the office had a general no fraternizing with clients policy especially during work hours, although some coworkers had gotten around it with permission from the office manager. You generally followed this rule although you did engage in the occasional flirting if the circumstances were right - a hot, single man with a puppy or kitten were always the right circumstances.

      “What was I looking up again? Oh right. Monster porn.” You were about to google this term fueled by inebriated curiosity when you saw an email notification. You huffed, dragged the mouse to the inbox and clicked. You stared at the email title for a few moments. “You have been messaged by a potential match,” you read aloud in disbelief. You looked at her drink suspiciously. “Bullshit,” you muttered, already logging in to your online account.

      You stared at the online dating website in disbelief. There was a message alright. You clicked on it. “Hi there! This is going to seen kinda forward but could I take you out to dinner tomorrow night?” you read aloud. You looked at the tiny icon next to the message and clicked it to bring up the guy’s profile. Your jaw dropped.

      A tanned shirtless hunk of a man smiled back at her. He was outside somewhere, the wind ruffling his stylish blonde hair. Baby blue eyes sparkled magically in the sunlight. And in his hands was a puppy. A goddamn squishy Labrador puppy. You looked around warily.

      “Alright, who is fucking with me here?” You swore, racking your brain, trying to think of anyone in your life who would be cruel enough to play a sick joke like this. But your mind was blank. Anybody you had in your life like that was no longer in your life for that very reason. You read the rest of the profile, your jaw nearly dislocating from your skull. The term “working out” was only mentioned once. The rest of the profile was peppered with phrases like, “I like to watch movies and cuddle.” and “I’m a romantic.”

      You went back to the message. It had only been sent about 15 minutes ago and the guy was still online. “Huh, well, here goes nothing,” you grinned. You quickly typed a response. “Hey, um. Are you a real person or are you trolling right now?” You hit send. You barely had enough time to take a sip before your computer pinged with a new message.

      “I’m real lol. I like to eat food like real people do. Want to eat food with me, fellow human?”

      You stared at the message, feeling yourself giggle. “Prove it. Draw me a picture of a monkey playing a keytaur riding a unicorn.”

      “Lol, okay. that might be hard. Give me a few minutes.” You finished off the pizza and took your dish to the sink. The beverage followed soon after and you plopped back down. A few more minutes passed. Finally the computer pinged again. A message with an attachment. You eagerly opened it.

      There sat the same man from the profile picture holding a piece of paper with a crudely drawn but acceptable keytaur wielding monkey riding atop a majestic unicorn. The unicorn even had a rainbow coming out from its butt. The man was smiling and giving a thumbs up. Another message popped up. “I know you didn’t ask for a rainbow, but I figured you wouldn’t mind if I took some creative license with your suggestion.”

      You laughed much harder than you intended in the empty apartment. “That is amazing,” you admitted, “Alright. You’re clearly real. What did you have in mind?”

      “Do you like Chinese food?”

      “I LOVE CHINESE FOOD!!!” you wrote back too enthusiastically and hit send. “Er, I mean it’s alright,” you added without the caps lock, “have a favorite place?”

      The response was immediate. “Lol. Feng Shui off Huston Ave. 6pm?”

      This was too real too fast. You were hesitating. You just saw the reports on television about not meeting up with strangers and here you are about to go on a date with one and you haven’t even asked his name. You contemplated this bit of info. But when was the next time you were going to go on a date with a 10? You settled for writing the following: “I’m going to copy your photo and tell a friend where I’m going tomorrow so if you end up being a murderer or something, I’ll be avenged, okay? ;)”

      There was no response for a few minutes. You got up and stretched. “Well, I’ve officially scared him off. Time to look up skeleton porn,” you chuckled. You paused mid stretch as your computer pinged again.

      “That’s a good plan. I’m texting my mom right now and letting her know where I’ll be going tomorrow so I will also be avenged in the case that you harvest my kidneys.”

      You choked on your own spit and laughed. “Alright, fair enough. What’s your name btw?”

      “Prince Charming. Yours?”

      “Banana Rama.”

      “Excellent. I look forward to seeing you. The reservation will be under Banana Rama.”

      You felt happy. Bewildered but happy. The sleepiness was gone as you clicked back on the profile of the guy. “This dude’s seriously a 10,” you gaped. You glanced once more at him before observing yourself in your sexy granny underwear and tank top with a hole down the side. You were a 6. Maybe a 7 and a half if you counted your boobs and butt. You grabbed your chubby thighs and tsked. “Doesn’t matter,” you smirked, “this chunky monkey’s got a date with a stud. TJ can go suck a lemon.” Your smirk dissolved. “Oh shit! TJ! I have to work tomorrow!” You scrolled to the open chat window but the guy had already logged off.

      “Shit shit. No. Wait, it’ll be fine, I can do this. Housecall at 2pm. I’ll finished by 5 at the latest. I’ll bring a change of clothes...and maybe perfume. 2 lint rollers just in case. Change in the car and be good to go. You got this Lori. You got this! But first…”

      You stood up and knocked on the wall. “Hey Kaylie!”

      Your neighbor’s muffled voice piped up from behind the wall. “Yeah?”

      “I got a date tomorrow. We’re going to Feng Shui tomorrow around 6pm. I’m going to text you a photo of him in case he’s an axe murderer or something. So you can like avenge me or something.”

      “Sounds good! Make sure to scream really loud if you bring him home and he tries to off you in your home.”

      “Thanks Kaylie! Will do. Good night!”

      “Good night!”

      Satisfied, you walked back from the wall and into your bedroom. “I know I have date clothes in here somewhere. Probably buried behind the scrubs…”

Chapter Text

     Sunset City was huge. No really. When a city can have it’s own downtown, coastal beach, suburbs and an upper class ritzy neighborhood and be within reasonable driving distances of hiking trails and national parks, you know it’s huge. And when that same city happens to be the closest thing to civilization to the infamous Mt. Ebbott, well, popular doesn’t even begin to describe this place.

     You had never been to a monster home. You didn’t really see that many monsters. Except for the three you met yesterday, you couldn’t recall a single monster you met. It probably didn’t help that you didn’t really go out much these days what with the hospital being so busy. But now…

     Your car was in park as you double checked your phone GPS with your surroundings. You were at the entrance of Summer Hills, home of the wealthiest, most famous and most educated citizens around. A security booth was planted between the entrance and exit gates that appeared to be gilded gold. Past the entrance, there was small mansions built along the winding incline of the green hills. Keywords being “past the entrance”. You eyed your passenger seat, registering your spare bag with a change of clothes and the other bag full of supplies - paper, pens, stethoscopes, thermometers, gloves...lube. You were wearing scrubs and had your RVT license on you along with a letter from the hospital stating your purpose and identity.

     You put the car in drive and slowly pulled up to the security booth. A pudgy guard lounged in his chair, watching a baseball game on a portable television. You tried to see who was playing but was unsuccessful. “Hey who’s winning?” you called out.

     “It’s a tie at the moment,” the guard mumbled. He glossed over you lazily. “Name and who are you planning to visit?”

     “What, you don’t think I live here?” you gasped overdramatically. The officer didn’t even crack a smile. “Right, right. Um, I’m Lori. I’m an RVT.”

     “What’s that?”

     “Registered Vet Tech. I’m here to see er...hang on.” You quickly reached over to your papers and found the address again. “I’m not sure I’m pronouncing it right, but Ooohndeeneee? Or Uudeene? I’m not quite-.”

     An immediate change hit the guard like a car hitting a wall of breaks. He paled and quickly jumped up to his feet in a salute. “Mistress Undyne?!

     “Yes, that sounds right. You know who that is?”

     The guard looked panicked. “Yes of course! Absolutely. Let me get that gate for you!”

     “Mistress Undyne?” you questioned as you watched the guard pull the lever to swing open the gate.

     “Please let Mistress Undyne know that I was definitely not slacking off. I was doing the jumping jacks training just like she requested. One-two-three-four,” the guard panted, breaking into jumping jacks inside the booth.

     “Oh, yeah sure thing dude. Thank you for the gate,” You thanked but the guard was already exercising like his very life depended on jump jacking and did not respond. You drove in slowly, the guard’s counting being drowned out by the sound of your phone spewing out further driving instructions. “Mistress Undyne,” you chuckled to yourself, “Last time I heard someone get called a mistress, they were dressed in a leather bodysuit and were whipping some dude chained to a table.” You found your chuckle dying down. “Uh...that might be kinda awkward.” You drove through the opening gate and started up the hill.

     You whistled and oohed at the houses as you passed. Some of them had statues of angels and cherubs lined up in front of their steps. Others had large ornate fountains. The glitz and glamour sure was shiny, but definitely nothing you could ever even hope to afford. Although your own occupation made well over minimum wage, you would never become a millionaire. But it put food on the table, a roof on your head and some extra cash left over to build up a nest egg and that was good enough for you. “My only chance to get up here is if I shack up with some sugar daddy or marry someone from the yacht club...neither of which sound that cool though.”

     “You will reach your destination in 600 feet,” your phone chirped helpfully. You started craning your head around to catch a glimpse of the home. As you neared, you couldn’t help notice the nearby pedestrians who walked in the opposite direction of her destination. They looked nervous. “Huh, never seen a dude in a pop up collar actually run away in absolute terror before,” you mentioned to the phone. The phone did not respond except to tell you that you just passed your destination on the left.

     You flipped a U and parked in front of a wooden fence. “Oh. Wow. This is…” You sat in the car and just gawked. You had parked right in front of a grassy pasture that would fit several horses quite comfortably had this been a normal rich person’s home. But this was not a normal rich person’s home. Nor was it a person’s home per say.

     A gauntlet style training obstacle spread out across the entire field. There were rope bridges, swinging axes, monkey bars, sand traps, massive walls and a tower with a zipline. Various weights and boulders were either strewn about or currently used by both monsters and humans alike. Your eyes widened as you watched two dog monsters throw a boulder the size of your mini to each other like two children play hot potato.

     You turned your attention to the house and was surprised it was still a fairly normal human looking house. Well for a mansion at least. You saw more pedestrians quickly jog/sprint past this house again, as if their very lives depended on avoiding this house. You were about to chalk it up to monster racism when you noticed the array of weapons, sharp rocks and weights littering the ground outside of the property. The houses next to this home had their windows facing Undyne’s home installed with safety bars and most likely bulletproof glass. You gave an understanding “Ah, more of a legitimate personal safety thing,” you reasoned, leaning over to grab all your bags from the passenger’s seat.

     You shut the door and walked up the front door, avoiding a blue spear strewn near the door mat. You rapped the door and waited. And waited. And waited. You were about to rap it again when it opened a crack. A pair of eyes peaked out from the crack.

     “Oh-h-hello. Can-can I help you?” she asked nervously? At least you thought it was female.

     “I’m Lori. I’m from Sunset Animal Hospital. I’m here to start the Guard Dogs charts for the hospital,” you tried to smile disarmingly.

     “Oh. Undyne said we should expect you. I thought you would be, um, bigger.” You raised an eyebrow but the eyes didn’t seem to catch it as they looked away to unlock the door the rest of the way. You shrugged it off as the door opened to reveal a yellow dinosaur in a lab coat. “I’m sorry, I just got home from work so I haven’t er changed. Um, please come in, I guess. I’m Alphys.”


     You and Alphys sat on opposite ends of the wooden table. A heavy silence permeated the air between them. You had been sitting in absolute silence for the last 7 minutes, both of you looking around anxiously. You coughed.

     “Did-did you say something?”

     “Ah, no, I just coughed.”

     “Oh, okay.” Alphys looked out toward the yard. “Undyne should be coming to a break soon. She’ll come in then.”

     “Cool, cool. That’s uh cool.”

     The silence returned. A few more minutes passed. You noticed a dip in the wood table in the middle. Almost like someone smashed in the middle of the table and then tried to warp it back to being straight...or maybe you were just imaging that. You could only study your fingertips for so long before your imagination started going. You cleared her throat, startling the yellow dinosaur who quickly pushed her glasses back up on her nose. “So, um...what exactly is the yard?”

     Alphys glanced back over toward the yard. “Oh. Well when we got to the surface, Undyne thought it would be a good idea to still keep the Royal Guard trained even though we got up here. I mean, humans in general have been very friendly but there are a few who are-ah...not. So the Royal family continue having her train monsters since she was Captain of the Guards.”

     “Ah, I see. I see you guys have some humans?”

     “She made this training course. Trains your endurance and strength. Her course attracted some attention from our neighbors and The police showed up and Undyne challenged them to get through the obstacle course and she’d take it down. They, um, didn’t make it.” She laughed nervously, “It seems the police captain thinks a lot like Undyne and now new recruits for the police are sent here as well. The neighbors don’t complain anymore though. There’s um, competitions sometimes. Everyone kinda gets carried away sometimes...” Her mind seemed to trail off. The look on your face made Alphys stutter. “OH! No-nobody gets hurt! They just get a little overzealous, that’s all.”

     You chuckled. “So it’s not a torture challenge?”

     “T-t-torture??” Alphys looked horrified. “No-no. Everyone is here on the own free will!”

     “I’m kidding! I’m kidding,” you held up your hands. “Honestly, that obstacle course looks just fine. As long as you guys don’t add a volleyball net, it’s alright by me.”

     There was a pause. “Eh...a volleyball net?”

     “Or anything relating to volleyball. I hate volleyball.” The look on Alphy’s face made you feel slightly self conscious at the admission. “Oh. Ah. I am really really bad at volleyball. I never could get good at it, no matter how hard I tried. It always blew up in my face. Blam, instant failure everytime. Everyone else seemed to be really good at it, or at least not suck. You ever feel like you’re the only one who’s a failure while everyone else around you is totally cool?”

     Alphys shifted her eyes. “Oh you have no idea.”

     “Exactly,” you clapped. “That’s me and volleyball. Thank God for tennis and the anime club else I would have gone nuts with everyone loving volleyball so much.”

     You felt a noticeable shift in the atmosphere. Alphys appeared to be what you could kindly call, intense. “Um, did you say” Alphys asked breathlessly.

     “Y-yeah. This guy and I used to run the club in high school. We’d get a group of students together and watch anime,” you sweated, “Um. Do you like anime or something?”

     There was a sharp intake of breath and then an explosion of words. You nearly fell out of your seat as Alphys literally had stars in her eyes as she was yelling about “Mew Mew: Kissy Cutie!!” and “the chapter about the snail ice cream” and the core values of friendship. Once you realized it was an anime meltdown, you relaxed and allowed yourself to smile instead of scoping out the nearest exit. It was truly impressive to watch this person who was stuttering only moments ago transform into well, an anime schoolgirl. Alphys was looking expectantly at you now.

     “Oh shoot, did you ask me something?”

     “Have you ever watched episode 53?”

     “Er. To be honest, I haven’t seen that anime. I actually haven’t watched anime in a few years.”

     If Alphys had been a balloon, it looked like those words were a needle. She appeared to visibly deflate. “Oh, sorry, I guess I got a bit too-”

     “Oh wait!! I watched some last night!” you quickly spat out, “It was very good! I just don’t happen to have any at my house.” You eyed the yellow dinosaur monster hopefully, hoping to maintain her good mood.

     The save seemed to have worked. Alphys glowed again. “Oh! Oh! I’ve got some! Hang on! I’ll go get you my box sets!” She got up and quickly made a dash for the stairs.

     “Ooh! Wait, wait, I can’t take anything tonight!” you exclaimed, “I’m going on a date with a guy I met online and I don’t wanna leave them in the car in case they got stolen.”

     Alphys halted and shyly came back. “Oh, oh! Th-that’s a good idea. I would feel bad if I lost them.” Alphys looked at you curiously. “Wait, did you say online? Is he a robot?”

     “Um, no. He’s a real person. There is a dating site where people can make profiles and the site tries to match people based on location and interests.” You pulled out your phone and handed it to a curious Alphys who opened the dating app and was scrolling through it.

     Alphys squinted at it and tapped a claw on the screen. “Interesting. Is this just for humans?”

     You shrugged. “I think so. They’ll probably add a monster species at some point.” You leaned and elbowed the distracted monster gently. “Why? You looking for a special someone?”

     A pink tinge swelled on her cheeks. “Ah n-no. I-i already have someone,”

     “Oh nice! Who’s the special monster?”

     As if on cue, the door to the pasture swung open with a loud slam. “ALPHYS!” a familiar booming female voice shouted, “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME THE HUMAN GOT HERE?”

     You almost felt your jaw hit the ground. A monster with flaming red hair stood majestically in the frame of the door. Blue rough scales adorned her body as you realized this monster was some type of fish creature. That wore combat boots and cargo pants. Gilled fins stuck out like ears amongst the red hair. A black worn eye patch covered one eye. The other eye was a sickly yellow that watched both of you intensely. She grinned widely. Teeth. Large teeth. Fangs. Friendly fangs? Hopefully.

     You shot a glance over at Alphys and to your surprise found the yellow dinosaur blushing a deep shade of red. Almost as red as this fish woman’s hair. Ah. Well that answered your question didn’t it. “I-i didn’t want to interrupt your training, Undyne.”

     “H-h,” you greeted, your voice cracking as you looked up at the tall monster. Oh man, she was just as tall as Papyrus. Maybe even taller?     

     Undyne didn’t appear to hear you at all. In one long stride, Undyne was at Alphys side and in the next, smothering the smaller monster in a hug. “Hey! You can always interrupt me! You’re just as important to me as training!!” Undyne romantically hollered into Alphys’ ears.


     “D-don’t say that Undyne. You’re helping other monsters. I-i don’t mind waiting. I’m not doing anything important anyways,” Alphys tried to argue.


     “Not doing anything important?! If you’re not awesome, then why did those fancy professor humans want you to work at the university if you’re not a cool braniac?”

     “U-undyne,” Alphys voice dropped as she brought herself to look into Undyne’s eyes-er, eye. Undyne grinned before leaning in, fish lips puckered. Alphys returned the gesture, making the mwah noises preemptively. Nothing more romantic than a sweaty fish about to kiss an equally sweating dinosaur.

     “HI I’M LORI!” You found yourself accidentally shout. The two monsters stopped their descent on each other and looked up surprised. Undyne started laughing and let go of Alphys.

     “Heheh, sorry about that,” Undyne laughed, rubbing the back of her head awkwardly. She resumed her manic grin and reached a scaly hand toward you. “I’m Undyne! Thanks for coming down. Or up depending on where you live I guess.”

     “Oh definitely up,” you answered faster than you intended, “I’m more downtown actually. But it’s cool. I’ve never been up here before.”

     Undyne chuckled. “Yeah, it’s pretty cool I guess. Wish it was closer to the water but eh, the neighbors are cool. And the recruits are really determined to train. So that’s awesome.” She eyed you with interest. “You ever do a training course? I think you would do great.”

     “Ah Maybe next time. I have to come back up to borrow some anime, right Alyphys?” You motioned to Alphys.

     Undyne turned on Alphys. “Is this true?”

     “W-well, I mean, uh, yeah yeah, I was thinking about loaning her-”

     “Alphys! I’m so proud of you!” Undyne congratulated, slapping the shy dinosaur on the back, “Making new friends! Soon you’ll be making BESTIES!!” she turned her attention back to you. “Let’s get things started. This way, please.” Undyne opened the door leading outside and you followed her out. None of the monsters had seen you guys yet. Except for one.

     “HELLO HU-Er I MEAN LORI! HELLO LORI!” a familiar tall skeleton waved eagerly from a distance. You waved back, trying to meet his enthusiasm. You did not see the odd look Undyne shot you as the fish monster rubbed her chin in thought.

     “That’s a first.”

     “What?” you asked as Papyrus started jogging toward you.

     “Papyrus got your name really quick. It took him forever to get Frisk’s.”

     “Er, I gave him a good example,” you offered. Undyne raised an eyebrow as a small smile crept onto her face. “Is it bad that he said my name?” You asked hesitantly.

     “No. Nope. Just wondering.” She placed both hands around her mouth and hollered. “Get in formation!!!” At the command, five monster dogs dropped what they were doing and bounded toward the fish monster. You recognized Greater Dog whose tongue lolled out happily as he spotted you. You spotted a smaller white dog barking excitedly as it spotted you. You raised a hand to wave at him and paused. You blinked. Did-did his neck get longer? It must be the sun.

     Two other large dogs ran toward Undyne and to your surprise, seemed to be practically attached by the hip. Although it was difficult to tell initially, they appeared to female and male. They were almost in sync with their movements and stole loving glances and nose nuzzles with each other as they approached. You probably would have found them adorable if they weren’t wielding massive battleaxes as they charged.

     Lastly, a dog in a tank top would run, come to a dead stop, look around panicked, dash forward, stop again, bark in alarm, then run again...and stop, shift eyes, run a few, took him an extra 30 seconds to come in formation, the very act seemed to stress him out considerably.

     “Alright, cool, are we missing anyone?” you asked, separating a few sheets of paper.

     “RG1 and RG2 are on escort with Royal Family!” Papyrus piped up suddenly from behind you, startling you into nearly dropping your paperwork.

     “Oh that’s, I guess I’ll get them later.” You turned your attention to the dog monsters. “Hi everyone! My name is Lori and I’m-!”

     “AHHHH! THERE IS A VOICE BUT I SEE NOTHING!!!!” The tank topped dog shrieked.

     You froze and looked for help at Undyne who shrugged. The female larger dog spoke up. “Move around a bit, Lori, so Doggo can see you. He doesn’t like things that don’t move.” You glanced at Doggo who twitched and fiddled with his knives nervously. You found it easier to comply.

     “Okay! Hi, I’m Lori. I’m a vet tech!” You introduced yourself as you hopped from one foot to the next, “I am here to get some information about you so we can start medical charts for you at our hospital.”

     “Sounds good.”

     “If Dogamy is fine with it, I’m fine with it.”


     “There you are!”

     “Yipp! Yipp!”

     “Cool, cool. I think this also answers who can speak English as well,” you noted, writing down this information. You felt something near your shoulder and found Papyrus hovering near your shoulder. “Hi Papyrus,” you greeted again.

     “Hello Lori. You didn’t write that I speak English.”

     “Oh er, well you’re not really a dog-” You caught Undyne’s eye. She winked and mouthed the words “go with it”. You cleared your throat. “You’re right! Sorry about that. Yes, you also speak English. Why don’t you help me hold some of my paperwork while I ask more questions?”

     Papyrus gave a delighted grin and gladly grabbed some of the paperwork. The next few minutes went by relatively painless. The monsters names were Doggo, Greater Dog, Lesser Dog, Dogamy and Dogaressa. You asked about age, genders, how often they interacted with other non monster dogs if they did at all. The monsters who did speak English were able to answer did for the most part (Doggo had difficulty answering questions as he kept getting distracted by items that could be squirrels but they weren’t moving so he wasn’t sure). The dogs who couldn’t speak were able to communicate via whines and barks in addition to helpful translations from Dogaressa every now and then.

     You continued down your list of routine questions you would ask in exams. Your handwriting wasn’t great due to having to hop, but the answers were legible enough. You reached one of the questions and paled. You tried to skip it. “Lori! You skipped a question!” Papyrus chirped helpfully.

     “Oh, no I did? Was it the age one?” you attempted to play dumb. Papyrus didn’t register the attempted ignorance and pointed to the question with a gloved hand.

      “No, that one. Right there.”

     You paled more so and coughed. “ anyone here...spayed or...neutered? And if you have any desire to?”

     Undyne burst into a roaring laughter as Greater Dog whined and crossed his legs. Dogamy and Dogaressa exchanged uncomfortable looks. Lesser Dog’s head seemed to shrink more into his body. Doggo flailed and let out a series of alarm barks. Papyrus was puzzled. “Do I need to be spayed or neutered?” He asked you curiously.


     “You’re fine, Pap. Don’t worry,” Undyne panted, wiping a tear from her eye. She smirked. “You can go ahead and mark no for everyone,” all the dogs sighed in relief, “unless they start to goof off!” They tensed back up into position.

     “Haha,” you laughed weakly knowing that nothing was funny. “Uhhh, well let’s move on to taking temps, heart rates and respirations. We’ll check any environmental factors and we’ll be done.” You hesitated. “Um, I only have a rectal thermometer soooo, yeah, let’s not do that now,” you quickly added, trying to avoid the glares from the dog monsters.

     You watched the rise and fall of each monster’s chest and recorded respirations. Which was easy to do as you could just mentally write “Panting”.

     You pulled out your stethoscope. “Alright, now I need to put this on your chest and stay still so I can get your heart rate. So if you have armor on, can you lower it or take it off so I can reach your chest.” You turned to Doggo, still hopping. “Doggo, you’re wearing the least so I’ll start with you-”

     “NOPE!” Doggo began to bark aggressively.

     “Doggo!” Undyne ordered, “You’re going to stay still and let Lori take your heart rate.”

     “Stay...still?” Doggo looked horrified. You hesitated and took one step toward the anxious dog before he turned around and dashed off barking frantically.

     Undyne sighed. “Papyrus, will you go get him?” Papyrus saluted and jogged after the panicking pup. You turned around to find Greater Dog in your face, panting happily.

     “Oh wow. You’re uh, really close. Okay, um, lower your breast plate a bit, there now just stay like this while I catch the...beating?” You blinked in surprise and listened harder. That heartbeat was everywhere, almost as if it was playing a song. This dog should be in cardiac failure. You observed Greater Dog who was drooling happily. He did not appear to be in cardiac failure. You wrote down a number that was close to what you could pick up and moved on to Lesser Dog.

     No sooner had you put a hand on his chest then you saw a shadow cast over yourself. You looked up and gaped. “Is-is this normal?!” you shouted.

     Dogamy snorted. “He gets excited over anything. It’s fine.” You returned your observations to Lesser Dog. His neck had elongated upwards. You attempted to get a heart rate but everytime you brought the stethoscope close to his chest, his neck got longer.

     “If I keep this up, I’m going to lose you in the clouds,” you muttered. You took out your paper and wrote “Cannot measure. Neck growing too long.” You gave him an affectionate pat on his tummy before moving on to the dog couple.

     Dogamy exposed his chest first so you placed the stethoscope on him first. You attempted to concentrate but Dogaressa kept rubbing her cold nose against your bare arm and whining “Don’t leave me out. Me too! Me too!” You tried to take heart rates with just your hands but the two monsters were getting too excited and jumpy. You settled for writing, “Need another tech to take both of their heart rates at same time.”

     Papyrus came back, looking disappointed. “Undyne! I have failed my task! Doggo jumped the fence,” he apologized profusely.

     “Pshaw. He’ll come back. He left his stash of biscuits in the house.” Undyne clasped an arm around your shoulders and pulled you close. “Now we patrol for environment dangers!!” she hollered. You nodded mutely and the group began to walk along the borders of the obstacle course. They didn’t get far before stumbling on a white, pom pom looking flower hanging from a leafy stalk.

     You approached it to take a closer look. What looked like one big pom pom of flowers were actually an accumulation of smaller flowers that formed an overall round shape. You shook your head. “Hey Undyne.”

     “What is it, punk?” she asked.

     “So this is a Hydrangea. It comes in different colors but they generally look like this round thing. Um, they’re pretty but if dogs eat them, they can get really sick. And if they don’t throw them up right away, the chemicals in the plants convert into cyanide which if left untreated could result in them having seizures and possibly dying.”

     “Wait wait,” Undyne interrupted, “You’re telling me that ball of flowers,” she pointed incredulously, “is dangerous to my guards?”

     You nodded, “Yeah, I mean if they don’t eat them, they’re fine-”


     “HOLY SHIT!!!!”

     A blinding flash of blue light exploded in front of your eyes and you jumped back reflexively. Where the plant once stood, a smoldering pile of leaves and burnt leaves remained. You whirled around to see Undyne in a battle position, a bright blue spear gripped tightly in her hands. The spear glinted as blue smoke wafted off the deadly looking weapon. Your eyes widened as you realized that this was magic. The warrior’s eye glinted dangerously. She gave you a huge grin, “Anything else?”

     “Uh huh. Just, maybe mow the grass to reduce foxtails...otherwise I don’t think so-!”

     “GUARDS! SEEK AND DESTROY THE KILLER PLANTS!!” Undyne ordered. The remaining dog warriors let out a hurrah and scattered throughout the pasture, leaving you alone with Papyrus.

     You realized you had been holding your breath and you shakily released it with a nervous giggle that came out more like a whimper. “Are you alright, Lori?” Papyrus asked.

     You nodded mutely and ran your hands through your hair. “Yeah, yeah. Just. I’ve never seen monster magic up close. It startled me,” you admitted. You looked at Papyrus curiously. “Aren’t you going to go destroy the flowers too?”

     Now it was Papyrus’ turn to look uneasy. “I’m ah, not actually a guard yet. More like a sentry. Technically, a Royal Guard in training. Undyne thinks I need more training before I start escorting the Royal Family on dangerous missions,” he admitted, “So I’m going to keep training until I make her proud and achieve my dreams!”

     You gave him a warm smile. “I’m sure you will someday. Hey! Great idea, why don’t you practice escorting me back to Undyne’s home? I don’t want to accidentally get shishkabobbed by a weapon,” you offered, remembering the array of weapons you had to step over to get to the front door.

     Papyrus lit up like a candle. “OH! That’s an excellent idea! Come! I will keep you safe!” Although you were only about 30ft away from Undyne’s home, those 30ft easily became the most amusing 30ft of your life. Papyrus ducked and dodged the entire way, having you stop several times to allow him to scope out the path to make sure it was safe. After an exciting 5 minutes, you reached the back door. “Human! I, Papyrus, Royal Guard in training, have delivered you safely to your destination,” he announced proudly.

     You were just as proud as Papyrus. “You most certainly did. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this safe in my life. Thank you noble Papyrus.”

     “Oh just Papyrus is fine.”

     “Gotcha. Well, I guess I’ll see you-”

     “Ah, actually, can I ask a favor of you? I know I’m only a Royal Guard in training, but would you mind taking my heart rate and respirations too?”

     “Oh sure sure,” you nodded, remembering that Papyrus had been chasing Doggo when you performed the tests on the other monsters. “So we’ll do breathing first. So just relax and, do skeletons need to breath?”

     “Breathing is nice,” Papyrus responded, although it didn’t really answer your question. You watched his chest rise and fall and counted the number of respirations.

     You fished out your stethoscope that you had thrown back into your bag. “Cool. Now we will move on to heart rate...Um, I need to put this against your..chest. Any chance you could remove your battle armor?”

     Papyrus looked nervous. “Do I need to? I’d really rather not.”

     You stroked your chin. “I think I can go under your armor if I come in from below,” you observed, “Would that be better?” He considered it.

     “That seems like a good compromise.” Papyrus contemplated. He carefully lifted the bottom part of his armor off his body slightly. You put on your stethoscope and brought it against his spine gently. You weren’t sure how strong his bones were but you didn’t want to do anything to accidentally hurt the very trusting skeleton.

     His breathing hitched the moment the diaphragm of the stethoscope connected with his spine. “Sorry, sorry, the metal might be cold,” you apologized, quickly removing the stethoscope.

     “It felt...different,” Papyrus admitted, “I didn’t think I could feel the cold.”

     “Hang on, I’ll warm it up for you,” you offered, pressing the head into your hand for a minute until it came to body temp. “Alright, take two.”

     “Take two what?”

     “It’s a saying that actors like to say. It means let’s try again.”

     “Ooh! I know an actor! I didn’t know he said that,” Papyrus exclaimed in delight. You smiled patiently. Papyrus sheepishly grinned. “Sorry, alright, I get excited when I talk about him. Please continue.” You pressed the diaphragm once more against his spine. His breathing hitched again and you made a motion to pull back but Papyrus quickly caught your hand with one of his own. “I’m fine,” he insisted, “It just feels weird. I don’t think I’m used to being touched there.”

     “Maybe you’re ticklish,” you suggested, feeling your cheeks starting to burn red. It hadn’t been that sunny out but it was possible that you had gotten a sunburn. A few thoughts in your mind begged to differ but you buried those deep in the back of your brain. Papyrus released your hand and you slowly dragged the diaphragm up. You listened intently for a heartbeat, drowning out your surroundings as you became focused on your task.

     The skeleton monster trembled slightly as his breathing became uneven. You continued up, catching the soft echoes of a heartbeat, until you felt the ribs protruding from the spine. You debated whether he would find it intrusive if you continued up the spine and through the rib cage. You settled for finding the sternum and pressing against it. The heartbeat was much stronger. “Found it!” you announced proudly, “now just stay still while I count the beats.”

     “I’m g-glad,” Papyrus stammered. You found the stammering strange from Papyrus who was normally booming and self confident, but you were far too elated to have found the heartbeat on a skeleton that you ignored the deviation. You started counting but your surprise, found that the beat was increasing the longer you listened to it.

     “Papyrus, your heart rate is escalating,” you spoke lowly so as not to drown out the sounds of his heartbeat. You felt his gloved hand reach forward and grab onto your shoulder, knocking you out of your concentration. You looked up. “Are you o..kay?”

     Papyrus’s skull had dropped down to look at the ground. His cheeks were bright orange and his eye sockets seemed shut in concentration. He was breathing heavily and you felt his hand tighten on your shoulder although definitely not painfully, there was still pressure.

     You were not a virgin. Far from it. You had many partners in the past and enjoyed safe sex with condoms and STD checks. You knew how touching and caressing certain body parts on humans could turn on and turn off their drive for sex. They would moan and blush and sweat. Their breathing might change. These facts seemed very commonplace even if someone didn’t have sex but just sat around watching television or reading stories on the Internet. When it came to monsters, you had no idea if they even had sex, much less had the ability to become aroused or bothered by touch. You were now learning that this may hold true for skeletons even if they had no skin.

     You quickly pulled back in horror and yanked yourself out of Papyrus’ grasp. A feeling of shame hit you as you realized you may have just accidentally molested this monster who had trusted you just moments ago. “Oh, Papyrus! I’m so sorry! I-i didn’t know!” you began.

     He exhaled heavily. “I-i’m sorry to have scared you, Lori. I don’t know why that felt so weird,” he gasped, bringing a glove to his forehead. Your eyes widened at the admission. Oh my God. He’s a virgin your mind shrieked at you.

     “Papyrus, I-”

     Papyrus quickly glanced around, visibly sweating. “Wowie, did it get really hot right now or is it just me? I think I better go inside and get a glass of water. Have to keep these bones hydrated in the heat! Nyeh heh heh!” he quickly spewed out. Before you could say anything further, the monster darted past you and into Undyne’s home.

     You smacked yourself on the head. “Great, just great Lori. First the rectal thermometers and now you’re sexually molesting monsters. Can life get any grander?”

     “Did you say something, Lori?” Alphys asked, stepping outside.

     You mouthed a silent “thank you” as the monster seemed to have missed the whole molesting the guard in training bit. “Oh, just mumbling to myself. Hey! Can I change into my date clothes in your house?”

     Alphys nodded. “S-sure. Just use the restroom straight ahead. It’s the least I can do for having you come up here...oh and also letting me work with your phone,” she thanked, holding out your phone

     You had almost forgotten that you had given the phone to Alphys and eagerly took it back. “No worries. Hey, did I get any messages?”

     “I don’t think so,” Alphys’ brow furrowed.

     “Cool, looks like I’m still on for tonight then,” you cheered. You unlocked your phone and blinked in surprise. Your phone battery was only 20%. Alphys observed your surprise and blanched.

     “I, er, may have played some fruit ninja a little...and installed some software...and altered some core programming...” Alphys’ voice trailed off.

     “Oh, that’s cool. I think. Uh, did you do anything that might void my warranty?”

     “What’s a warranty?”

     “Nevermind. I’ll just cross that bridge when I get to where’s that bathroom?”

Chapter Text

Alphys opened the bathroom door for you and closed it after you walked in. You quickly stripped out of your scrubs and sports bra and wiped yourself down with a towelette. You slipped on a black bra, adjusted the girls, and then put on a black tank top. You squeezed youself into a pair of dark blue jeans and a pair of purple wedges before pulling out your arsenal of war paint. Make up. You meant make up. Once the war paint was applied, you put on some hoop earrings, a light jacket and a spritz of perfume before repacking your work clothes. You gave yourself a look over in the mirror.

“I’m not going to say I look amazing, but I could definitely could turn a few heads. Especially if I knock these two into their heads! Pew pew!” you shot, grabbing your boobs and pretending to use them as laser guns.

You heard someone knock on the door. “Oh! Just a minute!” you coughed, finishing up your packing and casting one last approving look at your reflection. You opened the door and ran smack dab into Papyrus. He had been holding a glass of water that you knocked out of his hands and onto your new clothes.

Papyrus looked horrified. “Oh human! I’m so sorry!” he gasped, quickly grabbing a towel.

You quickly tried to speak, “Oh, no don’t be sorry. It’s my fault, Papyrus! I didn’t look where I was going!”

Papyrus had grabbed a towel but stopped when you spoke. He looked out you curiously before his sockets widened. “Human, er Lori. I did not recognize you without your battle armor on.” You opened your mouth to question this but decided against it. Papyrus circled you, observing you. “You are wearing different clothing…” He stopped in front of you and peered closely at you. The attention was making you blush. “You...must be going on a date!” he exclaimed happily.

You did not understand the reasoning but it was sound so who were you to question it? “You’re absolutely right!” you confirmed. “I’m going to meet a guy downtown in about an hour.”

Papyrus beamed. “Of course I am right. I am the master of observation and detection.” He lifted up his towel again. “I’ll help you get perfect for your date! Let me fix you back up.”

You tried to step backwards, only for your back to come in contact with the bathroom door which had shut automatically. “Uh, P-papyrus, that’s not necessary.” You felt your blush color darker now. Why were you stuttering?

“Nonsense. That’s what friends are for!” Papyrus announced proudly. Papyrus grasped the bottom of your clothes and began to deftly dry you off. You allowed yourself a sigh of relief. This was fine. Fine. Papyrus can’t be that determined to dry you off.

You were wrong. The towel touched the underside of your chest and your breathing stopped for a moment. It’s just a towel. Get ahold of yourself. “Ooh” you gasped as Papyrus’ hands came into contact with your breasts and stopped.

Papyrus studied your chest, his gloved hands touching tentatively. “I don’t remember you having this attachment on your battle armor.” Of course he didn’t, you realized. Unisex scrubs make even the largest breasted women appear to have A cups. His hands slowly traveled upwards, pinching at your flesh underneath the bra. “You have something else underneath to hold the armor in place?! You are more skilled in battle than I thought.” Any attempt to stop his accidental advances died in your throat as he pinched a little harder. Papyrus appeared to be completely enraptured with this “body armor” addition to notice your flushed cheeks and uneven breathing.

“I have never felt soft under armor,” Papyrus awed, squeezing both breasts again. “Does this armor absorb projectile weapons to protect your soul?” he asked.

“Uhhh,” you managed, trying not to moan as he eagerly fondled your breasts.

There was a sudden crash of something heavy hitting the floor. “P-Papyrus!” a startled voice called out. Yo and Papyrus looked over to see a horrified Alphys who had dropped a stack of books to the ground. Both of her claws were pressed against her face.

“Oh hello, Dr. Alphys!” Papyrus greeted enthusiastically, not halting in his experimental probing.

“What-what are you doing?!” she gasped.

“I’m studying this new underarmor that the human is wearing under her date clothes! Have you ever seen Undyne with this armor?”

Alphys turned a bright red. “O-oh my, I uh!” Papyrus gave each breast a firm squish, eliciting an actual squeak from you. If you could die from embarrassment, this would be the time.

“Hey nerds, I think we got all the plants destroyed. I think we’re good to go until next time,” Undyne began as she walked into the house. She looked at Alphys who seemed to be completely focused on something. “Uh, Alphys? Whatcha looking at?” She walked over to her girlfriend and waved a gilled hand in front of her stunned face. “Hmm?” Undyne followed her line of vision and stared at Papyrus and you.

“Oh hello Undyne!” Papyrus cheerfully greeted.

Undyne said nothing for a moment. She threw her head backwards and laughed hysterically. “U-undyne!!” Alphys shrieked, “It’s not funny!!”

“Oh man! Imagine if Sans was here right now! Haha! He’d probably beat you up so bad!” Undyne laughed, pointing to you.

“Wha-what?!?!” You freaked. He seemed like an easy going skeleton.

The taller skeleton appeared to agree with your mental thoughts. Papyrus scoffed. “Sans? You must be kidding. He can barely lift himself off the couch. I doubt he would be upset with me for inspecting her armor attachment.”

“He called them armor attachments,” Undyne snorted while Alphys buried her face in her hands. “My Papyrus, getting to second base like a champ!”

“Second...base?” Papyrus asked, no longer squeezing your breasts but still having not removed his hands. Papyrus’ cheerful demeanor began to drop as he watched the two female monsters. Something was clearly wrong. Your soft panting brought his attention back to you and he finally looked you in the face. Your cheeks were flushed and your mouth hung open to pant and squeak. You trembled in his hands. There was something familiar with this scene and then it hit him.

“Are-are you feeling, er...weird?” Papyrus cautiously asked.

“Yeah, kinda like that,” you admitted. Papyrus flung himself backwards so suddenly that you gasped at the removal of his touch. His face burned a bright orange.

“I WILL LEAVE SO YOU MAY GET A CUP OF WATER!” he frantically shouted, turning and dashing out the door.

You remained stunned and pressed against the door as your heart beat wildly in your chest. You stared out into nothing for a moment until Undyne brought you back with a slap on the back. “Pap’s a great guy but he can be painfully oblivious sometimes when it comes to certain topics,” she admitted.

“Would Sans really beat me up if he found we just accidentally molested each other?”

Undyne’s eye narrowed dangerously. “You did what?” You quickly explained the stethoscope incident, emphasizing that it was an accident since you were unfamiliar with monster anatomy, even when the anatomy was technically the same as human skeletons. Undyne’s eye relaxed and she laughed. “Oh that’s just great.”

“You’re not answering my question!” you exclaimed a lot louder than you intended.

“Er, Sans can be a bit of an overprotective older brother,” Undyne snickered.

“That really did not answer my question.”

“I don’t think you really want me to answer your question.”

“No I don’t think I actually do,” you admitted. You glanced at your phone. “Shoot, well death threats or not, I’ve got a date to meet in less than an hour. I’ll see you both later.”

“Have fun, punk. Don’t let him touch your armor attachments,” Undyne winked.

“Oh-oh my gosh Undyne!” Alphys gasped. You could not think of a single comeback so you settled for turning bright red, giving a short wave and leaving the house. Like a boss.

You opened the driver’s door and tossed your still open bags into the passenger’s seat before climbing in yourself. You were just about to turn the key to start the ignition when you spotted a lone hydrogena plant along the fence’s edge close to the front of you car. “Huh, Undyne’s troops must have missed one,” you observed. You glanced around to see if anybody was nearby and spotted Papyrus pacing anxiously nearby. You rolled down your passenger car window. “Hey Papyrus!” you hollered, startling the skeletal guard in training. You gestured to the plant. “There’s one more flower here. Think you could take care of it?”

Papyrus chest swelled and he saluted as you turned on the engine. You rolled up your window and plugged your phone into its car charger. You started entering in the address for into your phone’s GPS as Papyrus approached the plant. The phone urged you to start driving but you were curious to see how Papyrus was going to destroy the plant. He didn’t appear to be carrying any weapons unlike the other guards.

To your surprise, Papyrus stopped some distance away from the plant and shut his eye sockets. A faint orange glow seemed to resonate from his hands. “Oh shit...Is this magic?” You gaped. Papyrus’ eye sockets opened to reveal that a single orange eye. A rather spectral looking eye you noted, shivering. You watched eagerly as a blue ethereal bone began to materialize in his gloves. Once it had achieved a certain level of corporalness, Papyrus grasped it firmly and took aim.

You caught the time out of your peripheral vision and swore. “I’m going to be late if I stick around much longer,” you muttered, shifting into drive. You began to pull away just as Papyrus lobbed the bone spear. You watched with interest as the blue spear struck the still plant...and then phased right through it. Your eyes widened as the bone continued its trajectory, passing through the stationary wooden fence before lodging itself with a sharp bang into your turning front tire.

The mini slunk forward with the impact and you quickly shifted into park. “No no no no no no,” you panicked, turning the car off completely and jumping outside. You ran desperately to the front and stared at the damage. Your front tire was shredded. “Oh man!!” you moaned.

Papyrus looked equally stunned and dismayed. He looked irritably at his hands, to the car, and then back to his hands. “That wasn’t supposed to happen,” he remarked.

You were having a difficult time not turning around and yelling at the stunned Papyrus, “AND WHAT DID YOU THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN WHEN YOU THREW A SPEAR AT MY CAR?!?”

Thankfully, you didn’t have to say those words. Undyne appeared more than happy to step in for that role. “PAPYRUS, WHAT DID YOU THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN IF YOU THREW A BLUE ATTACK AT A NON MOVING TARGET?!”

Papyrus’ shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry Undyne, I forgot. I promise to keep working on my orange attacks.”

Undyne nodded. “I know you can do it, I believe in you, Papyrus.” Undyne looked over at you who just stared dumbly at your car. “Hey! You okay? Ya got a spare tire?”

You slowly shook your head. “No, I was supposed to get one like forever ago but I just kept forgetting...not that I know offhand how to change a tire to be honest.”

Undyne huffed. “I’ll go call you a tow truck. You probably should contact your date and try to reschedule.” Undyne walked past Alphys who had come outside to see what the commotion was about.

“Oh! You’re right!” you grinned, “Hang on, I’ll message him through network?” Your voice drifted into silence as you stared dumbly at her phone. The screen flashed back at you: “No Network”.

Alphys sweated anxiously. “Ah, some of the modifications that I put in might disable your network...but it’s only temporary! Just for an hour or two. Afterwards, your phone will be able to…”

You did not hear the rest of what Alphys said. “That’s it,” you moaned to yourself, running your hands through your hair. “I’ve never stood up anyone in my life and I’m about to stand up a hot guy with a sense of humor who talks to his mom.”

Undyne’s voice carried from inside the house. “Tow truck driver said he’d be here in about 2-3 hours. Did you contact your date?”

You didn’t answer her. “Well, I guess I better sit here and start picking petals or something cause I’m certainly not going anywhere tonight.” None of your clients had ever attacked your car before. Professionalism be damned. You flopped to the ground childishly and buried your head in between your knees. You felt someone put a hand on your shoulder.

“Human!” syou heard Papyrus speak. “Do not despair for I, the great Papyrus, will take you to your date so that you do not miss out on meeting someone as great as you!”

“Really?!” you gasped, jumping up at his words and facing Papyrus. “Are you serious?”

Papyrus nodded. “Of course! Nobody has ever said that Papyrus is unhelpful and no one ever shall. People will say ‘why, Papyrus? He is certainly the most helpful of mons-’hurk!”

His speech was interrupted as you threw yourself against him with a squeal of delight. “Oh thank you thank thank you!! You’re a lifesaver!” You squealed, wrapping your arms tightly around him and pressing your cheek into his chest.

Papyrus’ sockets widened in surprise at the sudden contact and he quickly looked to Undyne who had returned from the house for advice. Undyne simply gave him a thumbs up and mouthed the word “Nice!” at him. At least he thought it was the word nice. He wasn’t quite sure. Maybe she was saying mice. Or rice? Why would she say rice? He had already had dinner. No wait. He had lunch only. Did he have rice with lunch? Papyrus couldn’t remember. Then again it was hard for his mind to concentrate on anything right now.

Papyrus normally loathed when he got confused, especially after one of San’s pranks. But at the moment, he didn’t feel too upset. It was the weird feeling again but it wasn’t as strong. Just a pleasant warmth, which just confused him even more. Undyne was saying actual words now. “You should totally let your date know that Papyrus beat him to second base.”

“Sh-shut up!” Papyrus remembered that you were currently engaging him in an act of friendship and he gladly reciprocated by patting your head affectionately. Undyne slapped a scaly hand over her face and groaned. Oh. Maybe she wanted him to hug you back. Before he could reach his arms around you, you had already pulled away, oblivious to the exchange. You had reached your passenger door and were pulling things out. He remained standing where you left him, allowing the warm feeling to linger.

You felt your cheeks burn at Undyne’s words and was grateful that his back was turned. You began to scoop up your bags as Undyne continued to speak. “Just leave your car here. When the tow truck driver shows up, we’ll have him fix your tire and we’ll drop your car off tomorrow morning or something. In the meantime, Papyrus will bring you to and from your date.”

“Sounds good,” your voice was muffled from trying to pick up all of your stuff at once which had been knocked to the floor when the bone hit your tire. It was difficult to keep things from falling back into the car, but you managed to hold everything together. “So where’s your car?” you asked, following Papyrus.


“No way,” you gasped.

“Er. There is no way here. Just my car,” Papyrus awkwardly pointed out.

“No, I don’t...You have a convertible?” you gawked, staring at the albeit old fashioned but shiny two seater red convertible parked by Undyne’s house.

“Oh yes. I like to feel the wind in my hair when I, metaphorically speaking,” Papyrus admitted, running a hand over his naked skull.

You grinned stupidly. “Red is my favorite color.”

“That’s good. Cars that are red go faster,” Papyrus insisted so earnestly that you didn’t have the heart to correct him. He opened the passenger’s seat and helped you dump your stuff onto the floor before you finally sat down.

Papyrus hopped into the car and quickly turned on the ignition. The engine roared to life, startling you but you quickly settled down. “Makes sense. Loud skeleton, loud car.”

“What was that?” Papyrus asked as the engine revved.

“Nothing! Just thinking.”

“Oh. Well hang on to your thinking.” Truer words could not have been spoken as the car jerked forward. You quickly fastened your seat belt to avoid hitting the dashboard. You scoped out the car but to your disappointment could not find a phone charger...or even a port to plug in a phone charger.

“Guess I’ll just have to settle for...22% battery life and still no network,” you mumbled.

“Are you thinking again?” Papyrus asked patiently.

You laughed awkwardly. “Yeah, yeah. I am sorry. Sorry about that. It’s been an exciting day. I’ll stop doing that. You don’t need to know about that.”

Papyrus was silent for a moment. When he spoke, he was slightly quieter than his normal booming voice. “A lot of monsters don’t think I need to know about things. Especially Sans,” he began carefully. You felt something sink in your stomach. The car had approached the security gate but you barely acknowledged the guard who was attempting one handed push ups. Papyrus gave a friendly wave before driving through the opened gate.

“Oh okay,” you attempted a neutral answer. You were not sure what he was referring to and you were anxious hoping he wasn’t going to continue.
Papyrus continued. “I believe they feel I need to be protected or that I am not ready to learn something new. I know they want the best for me I’ve known everyone for such a long time…” You tried to remain casual.

“Oh that’s thoughtful of them.”

“But you!” You nearly jumped out of your clothes at the sudden increase in volume. “You have not known me as long as Undyne nor Sans! And therefore, you may not feel the need to protect me.” It was difficult to remain casual now. You squirmed uncomfortably.

“Er, Papyrus, I wouldn’t let anything bad happen to you-” you began.

Papyrus waved a hand. “Of course not! You and I are friends. Comrades in protecting each other.” You let out a sigh of relief only to suck it back in sharply when Papyrus ran a red light. Thankfully the street was relatively empty but still.

“You just drove through a red light!!” you gasped.

Papyrus looked at you as if you just said that the sky was blue. “Of course I did. See! This is exactly what I admire. Your honesty.” You gripped the seat as he blew through another one. You were wondering where the hell were the cops. “Therefore, I have question for you. that happened between us.”

You froze. “B-between us?” You blurted out.

Papyrus nodded. “Of course. In the presence of so many powerful monsters, I would not be surprised that you would be awed. But...oh boy. How do I say this?” Papyrus actually looked nervous. He slowed down and stopped at a light before looking at you. Oh god, did you have to explain sex is? You didn’t even know how monsters got turned on prior to 3 hours ago. What the hell were you going to tell him? “What does spaying and neutering mean?”

You blinked. “What?”
Papyrus sighed. “I admit, when I saw that you had forgotten the question and reminded you to ask it, I actually did not know what those words meant. Would you explain them to me?”

You were about to decline when someone honked behind them. You looked around and realized Papyrus had stopped at a green light. “Yes! Yes! Just drive the car!” you urged.

“But it’s green and that’s close to blue.”


“Blue means stop. Red means go. Ah see, here. I can go now.” Papyrus drove the car through the intersection as the light turned to red. You stared at him in shock.

“Wait, no! That’s opposite. How long have you been driving?” They were getting closer to downtown.

“Since Frisk brought us to the surface,” Papyrus answered helpfully, beginning to slow down at another green light.

You blanched. “And you’ve never gotten a ticket?”

“Ticket? Like to a fair?” Papyrus asked.

You ran a hand through your hair. Papyrus was steadfast in his driving abilities. It would take more time to explain that he was wrong. And then she would be late. “I’m not sure if you know this but downtown has different street rules than other places.”

Papyrus looked astounded. “It does?”

You nodded. “Oh yes! Downtown, everything is opposite. So you would drive forward for green and stop for red.”

“How perplexing.”

“Absolutely,” you sorta lied, “younger humans learn that from an early age and they have to remember that these are the rules.”

“This reminds me of a very confusing puzzle involving lights,” Papyrus began doubtfully.

“That’s just it!” you got far more excited than you intended. “It is a puzzle!”

Papyrus nearly squealed. “Oh excellent. Inform me about the spay and neutering while I master this puzzle!”

You hesitated. “Huh, are you sure? It’s kinda gross.” Papyrus nodded as he avoided breaking for another green light. “Well alright..You see..”


There was an awkward silence between the monster and you. You glanced at your phone. The explanation had taken at most 5 minutes but you were sure its effects would be felt for a liftetime judging by Papyrus’ face. He seemed horrified. Well, you weren’t going to be seeing him anytime soon, you realized. Somehow, this realization made you feel a bit despondent inside.

“That-the brothers and sisters will do it too?” his voice came out strangled.

“Er yeah. Human pets are not as smart as Monster animals. Listen, I’m sorry, I probably grossed you out.”

Papyrus looked startled. “Grossed out?”
You shook your head. “Yeah, uh, lots of people don’t really think about that side of pets. Pets are cool and all but they can be totally gross too. Not that I mind, I love them!” you quickly argued, “But there’s a reason I ditch my scrubs as soon as I’m off work.”

“Of course. You’re following the Official Dating Handbook,” Papyrus finished.

“Exactly-wait I’m following what now?” You were taken aback.

Papyrus stated matter of factly, “Step 1, press c on the dating hub. Step 2, ask them out on a date. Step 3, wear nice clothings to show that you care.”

“Er...I guess I might be. I don’t own the book to be honest.”

Papyrus looked aghast. “Human! I will loan you mine. It has helped me on all of my dates!” You looked over the battle armoring skeleton who about to run another red light and couldn’t help but wonder just how many dates he had really been on. But he seemed so sure of himself, you decided not to test him.

“Thanks. To be honest, I also change out of my scrubs because they smell like fur and sweat. I might still smell like that now to be honest.”

“I don’t think you smell.” Papyrus began. You felt her chest flutter a bit. “But then again, I don’t have a nose so I’m not sure.” You sank into your chair again. You glanced at your phone. You were probably about 5 minutes away. You would only be a few minutes late at this rate which wasn’t bad. “But I will make sure to loan you my book so you can become a dating master like me.”

You laughed and sat back up. “Alright thanks. Although, I don’t think I could ever get to your level. You seem very experienced and clever.”

Papyrus hesitated and appraised you curiously. “A genuine compliment?” he asked aloud. “Lori, are you trying to flir-?”

“Oh STOP STOP! That’s the place!!!” You shouted, pointing to the restaurant he was about drive by. Papyrus quickly cranked the wheel and came to a stop in front of the restaurant. “Oh my gosh, thank you so much, dude. You’re a lifesaver. What were you saying?” you asked, turning back toward him.

“I-er-nothing. Just thinking,” Papyrus lied.

You laughed and gathered some of your stuff. “Is it alright if I leave most of my stuff here? I’ll come get it later, I promise.”

“Of course, do you need help?” Papyrus asked, as you grabbed your purse and a handful of stuff that had fallen out of said purse.

“No, I think I’m good. Thanks again, Papyrus.” You were about to turn and leave when Papyrus quickly caught your arm.

“Let’s exchange numbers! Otherwise you will have to call every number before you get mine when you need to be picked up.” You laughed and swapped phones with him. You plugged in your number and handed it back to him without putting in a contact name. “One last question!” Papyrus called as you turned to walk into the restaurant. “What does second base mean?!”

You blushed as the nearby humans looked toward you both in bemusement or curiosity. “Er!! Check your dating handbook! I’m sure the term is in there! Okay bye!” you quickly waved before darting inside.

Papyrus watched you go inside and was disappointmented that you didn’t answer his question. “Maybe the dating book will have the answer,” he assured himself, “What a smart human she is.” He looked at his phone and realized you hadn’t put your name in. He almost typed Lori but paused. He smiled and saved your contact as “Second Base” before tossing the phone into the passenger seat and driving away. The glow of the phone briefly illuminated your forgotten wallet that had fallen in between the seat and the door before the screen dimmed.

Chapter Text

You stumbled in to the restaurant, startling the hostess who was busy writing in her large book. You approached the podium out of breath. “Hey, is there a reservation here for Banana Rama?” you asked hopefully.

The hostess shot you an odd look and looked in her book. “Yes,” she responded, “It looks like your friend has been seated already. Follow me and I’ll bring you to him.” Score! You were elated.

“Thanks,” you thanked as calmly as you could. You followed the hostess into the busy restaurant. The guy showed up. Awesome! Good start! Only 3 minutes late and he stuck around. Still awesome. You took this opportunity to glance around at the other patrons in Feng Shui. You let out a sigh of relief as you realized you had dressed appropriately. It sucked when you overdid it and it was absolutely embarrassing when you were under dressed. This was turning out to be a good conclusion to an otherwise eventful day. You looked ahead and your breath got caught in your throat.

There he was. Even better looking than he had been in the photo he sent of the rainbow farting unicorn. He was wearing a polo shirt which did a good job of showing off his biceps. His hair was still angelically feathery. To your surprise, he looked anxious, sipping water frequently and fidgeting in his chair. He spotted you approaching and suddenly broke into a wide nervous smile. “Oh man,” you quietly whispered to the hostess, “Wish me luck on my date.”

The hostess’s eyes widened. “That’s your date?”

You hesitated. “Yeah...why did he say something else?”

The hostess bit her lip. “He said he was waiting for a friend. Oh, I better tell Theresa not to try to slip him her number in the bread basket just in case.” Fuck.

“No, probably not. Unless he starts running for the door, then tell her to trip him,” you instructed, feeling a lot less confident than you did about 15 seconds ago. The hostess was kind enough to bring you to the table, politely nod you to your chair and then quickly dashed toward the kitchen, probably to catch Theresa. You awkwardly stood there a bit as the guy was getting out of his chair. “Oh don’t get up-ooh!”

You found yourself enveloped in a second big warm hug of the day. Your hands remained at your sides in surprise before quickly coming around and gently patting him on the back. “I am so happy to see you!” the guy greeted almost giddily as he nearly crushed you.

“I am stoked to meet you too,” you gasped. Damn, he was strong. Getting this close and personal really let you get a good smell of him. He smelled better than you for sure. Was he wearing cologne? You stole another not so creepy sniff before your date let go of you and cocked his head.

“Meet me?” He asked in confusion. Warning bells went off in your head. Your eyes darted around. This had to be candid camera. When was Ashton Kutcher going to pop out and yell: “you just got punk’d!” Your date noticed you looking around. “Um...are you looking around for someone else? If you’re not interested in me, I totally understand.”

Your eyes bulged and you stared in disbelief at this Roman God. “Are you kidding me right now?” you asked before you could stop yourself, “I’m literally waiting for some dude to come out and say that I’m on candid camera or something because you are so goddamn hot.” You gasped in horror and covered your mouth. “Oh my gosh, I’m super sorry. I’m not just saying that you’re just a hot guy! I’m sure you’re very smart and have a lot more facets to your personality than your appearance. It’s just-uh. Normally people don’t immediately ask me out on a date if they see a picture of me in scrubs! Especially people who look like you.”

The guy studied your horrified expression for a moment before he laughed good naturedly. “Of course not!” He paled. “Oh that sounded bad! I mean you don’t look bad. You’re super cute, even in scrubs. And you’ve already got a good sense of humor, ah.” He smiled weakly. “I guess it is kinda weird huh? I’m sorry about that.”

“You’re sorry?!” you gaped, “I should be sorry. Ugh!” Your head slunk in defeat. “Can-can we just start over? Press the reset button or something?” you asked hopelessly.

To your surprise, he nodded and then enveloped you in another hug. “I am so happy to see you,” he repeated with a noticeable wink.

You smiled. “I’m so happy to see you too. Let’s sit down and talk about ourselves.” You ended the hug with an awkward chuckle and sat down. “So, what do you do for a living?”

“I’m a sommelier at Le Grand Vefour,” he answered.

“No kidding. That hoity toity french wine place?” you smirked.

Your date snickered. “Ah contraire, I prefer the term hoity toity, mademoiselle,” he spoke, adding an over the top French accent to his sentence before returning his voice to normal. “It’s pretty cool. Get to meet a lot of famous people.” you nodded, taking a sip of your water. “How about you?”

“Oh, I’m an RVT. Like an animal nurse,” you explained after swallowing.

“Ah, that explains the smell,” he nodded knowingly.

Your jaw dropped. “Are you fucking serious? I wasn’t even supposed to work today-!”

The guy quickly held up his hands. “I’m kidding! Kidding! Although now that you say that, you do smell a bit like dog. But I like dogs so that’s cool.” You regained your composure as a waitress brought over a basket of bread pieces. You eyed it suspiciously, remembering the hostess’ words.

“Okay, hear me out here,” you spoke, catching your date’s attention, “but we need to check that bread basket out.” You waited for him to protest or leave but he said nothing. You glanced at him curiously. “Really, you’re not going to question me on this?”

“Lori, I totally trust you. If we gotta interrogate that basket, I’m on board.”

“Oh cool. Well, supposedly, our waitress may have slipped her telephone number in there for you because you told them you were meeting a friend,” you explained, grateful for the immediate blind trust.

The guy rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. “Yeah, sorry force of habit. It’s still overwhelming that we are finally on a date,” he admitted as you reached for the first piece of bread. You stopped as his words registered.

Did he just say what you think he said? “Hang on,” you paused, “I don’t think I ever told you my name.” The guy’s smile seemed to falter. The other line caught up with you and you felt your heart rate increase. “And what do you mean that we’re finally on a date?” You felt an edge coming to your voice, “I have never met you before in my life.”

Your date reached out a hand to touch you. “Lori, wait just-”

You felt your blood run cold. “You did it again!” You yanked your hand back and used it to push yourself away from the table. “Are you a client or-or-or, I dunno a stalker? If so, there are so much worthwhile people to stalk.”

The man at the other end of the table sighed and looked at you. “You really don’t recognize me at all, do you?” You shook your head fiercely. “Okay, wait wait, come back. Here, let me borrow your sunglasses real quick. Trust me, alright.” You scooted back toward him and handed him your sunglasses suspiciously. He placed the glasses on his face. “Woah, okay, this room got a lot darker. Um, pretend these are normal glasses. Yeah? Maybe? Er, well hand me the marinara dip.” You pushed it toward him and watch in morbid fascination as he proceeded to stick his finger in and dab lots of spots onto his face. Finally, he puffed up his cheeks and pinched the bridge of his nose. He faced you again and asked in a nasally voice, “D-did Mr. Jenkins say we could use Room 410 for Naruto today?”

You slammed both of your hands on the table. “JEREMY?!?!” You shouted in surprise, “NO FUCKING WAY!” The other patrons of the restaurant looked over in either fear or annoyance. You ignored them. This was Jeremy. Anime Jeremy. Chubby, sweaty, nasally acne prone Jeremy from high school. From the anime club. That you used to save all the time from getting pushed into lockers. Now standing before you, the picturesque male in his late 20s, with well defined muscles, a dashing pearly smile, a clear face and no dorky glasses.

“You seriously didn’t recognize me?” Jeremy asked, deflating his face and wiping the marinara off his face, “So you just accept random invites from strangers?”

“Uh duh. A random stranger who can draw a monkey riding a farting rainbow unicorn is clearly a stranger I want to know better!” You insisted, staring at him in morbid fascination as he removed the sunglasses.

Jeremy smiled. “Oh man, you really haven’t changed, Lori.”

“I’m going to take that as a compliment. Now let me see your arm.”

Jeremy let out a happy sigh as he handed his arm to you. “Of course it’s a compliment. God, you have no idea how nice it is to finally see you again. Life is so crazy, it’s a relief to have some nostalgia.” He look curiously at you who was flexing his arm. “Um, what are you doing?”

“I’m trying to figure out if you have enough muscle strength to crack open a walnut.”

Jeremy pondered this. “One way to find out, hey! We’re ready to order!” he called over to the waitress who was looking very relieved that she hadn’t put her number in that basket as Jeremy wiped off some residual marinara sauce off his face. “Can we get two plates of the kung pao chicken and if you have a small bowl of walnuts, could you bring us one?”

“Hey!” you protested, feeling somewhat slighted, “You didn’t ask what I wanted. I wanted to order chow mein.”

“Trust me, the kung pao chicken is ahhh-mazing.” You threw up your hands in defeat.

“Fine fine. What he said, please.” The waitress took away your menus, leaving the two of you alone once more at the table.

“Er, hope you don’t mind, but I ordered a bottle of wine for the table. It should be coming out soon.” As if on cue, a waitress carried over a bottle with two glasses. She quickly filled up both glasses before leaving the bottle with them.

You raised an eyebrow. “Ooh. Very nice psychic powers.” You gently poked Jeremy in the rock hard shoulder. “Well I’ll let you pick the wine for sure. But don’t order for me next time without asking me next time,” you gently scolded, sipping the wine.

Jeremy nodded. “Of course, of course.” He leaned forward and took your hand that had poked and squeezed his bicep. “So do you keep up with anyone from school?”

You let him hold your hand now feeling much more comfortable with the physical contact. You shrugged. “Not really. I know a few of our classmates are still here but I haven’t really run into them that much.”

Jeremy smirked. “I catch a few of them every now and then. Man, it’s totally going to blow their minds that we’re dating.”

You chuckled. “Yeah, I think I do remember a few people asking if we were dating even though we went to prom with different people.”

“Uh, you went to prom with someone. I didn’t.”

“Oh shit. Right. My bad,” you apologized. You forgot that Jeremy had been too nervous to ask anyone and by the time he had asked you in what you had assumed to be a last ditch effort, you had surprisingly already been asked by a jock who’s ass you had kicked a month prior. You actually had a lot of fun. You glanced around and coughed, remembering where you were. “Well I just made things awkward.”

“That’s what wine is for.” Jeremy offered helpfully, lifting his glass before taking a sip. You followed suit. You felt yourself break into a large smile. “Something funny about that?” Jeremy asked.

“No no. It’s good advice. I’m just realizing I can probably drink this whole bottle if I wanted to tonight since I’m not driving.”

Jeremy crossed his arms and looked at you in mock annoyance. “And you were planning on taking a ride from a complete stranger too? My goodness, Lori, what would your parents say?”

You shook your head. “No, no. Pshaw, what? Give me some credit. I have a dude who’s driving me around for tonight.” You leaned forward with a wink.

Now it was Jeremy’s turn to raise his eyebrows. “Wait, you have another guy driving you around for a date?”

“Papyrus kinda owes me tonight after he attacked my car with a blue bone.”

“...This guy’s got a fetish or something..?” Jeremy appeared even more concerned.

“Oh shit, sorry. Papyrus is a Monster,” you quickly explained, taking another sip.

Jeremy’s concern melted away in an instant. “Ohhhhh. That makes so much more sense. I’m glad to hear that,” he smiled. The smile faltered. “Wait did you say he attacked your car?”

You found yourself retelling the story of the last two days, minus the monster molestation bit. How the clinic ended up becoming the primary care for a group of dog Monsters and how you ended up getting roped into performing a house call. How a magic mistake led to your car being the target of an accidental assault and how badly Papyrus misunderstood driving instructions. As you were finishing up, the food had already arrived and you were both eagerly digging in, continuing to tell the story between bites.

Jeremy gave an appreciative whistle. “Wow, your job sounds much more exciting than mine. We don’t interact with Monsters too much at my job, although we are doing some business with one that wants to start his own sparkling wine line.”


“Yeah, but hey, nothing’s set in stone yet so can you like please don’t tell anyone? My boss would be super pissed if he found out I told anyone, even you.”

You crossed your heart. “Of course. Your secret is safe with me. But speaking about being pissed, I really have to use the restroom. I don’t think I went since this morning. Can you point me in the direction?” Jeremy nodded and pointed to the right. “Thanks!” You got up and started to walk away, only to dart back. “Almost forgot!”

You seized your wine glass and in one fell swoop, swallowed the remaining half glass you had left. Jeremy’s eyes widened. “Damn! You did that like a pro. I didn’t think you had turned into a party animal!”

You stuck out a tongue and shook your head. “Really Jeremy? You don’t remember what my mom used to say when a group of us went out?” Jeremy thought about it. You sighed. “Never leave an open drink out in public. Either finish it or dump it but don’t come back to it if it goes out of your sight.” Your mother wasn’t an idiot. She knew you would drink alcohol at some point in your life and wanted you to be smart about it.

Jeremy smacked his head. “Oh man, you’re right. I totally forgot she was the one who taught me that.” He became quiet. “I’m glad you’re taking that to heart especially with what’s going on now with those women.”

You paled and nodded. “Yeah, definitely. It’s a little spooky. But I have the perfect defense against the fucker who’s doing it. Come closer and I’ll tell you.” Jeremy leaned in and you whispered into his ear. “I’m not hot. Only the hot ones seem to be targeted.”

Jeremy nearly choked on whatever he had in his mouth and snorted. “That’s awful!”

“It’s true.”

“Well maybe they were all hot...but you’re hot too.”

“I know, but don’t tell anyone,” you winked.

Jeremy winked back. “Your secret is safe with me. I want to keep you all to myself,” he ended with an evil laugh.

You chuckled. “Well that’s totally not creepy. Can you have them box up my dish? I’m stuffed.”

“Yeah, same here. I’ll flag her down. Want dessert?” You shook your head and patted your stomach happily. “Alright, well go take of business. I’ll be here.” You nodded gratefully and left to find the restroom.


Five minutes and the amazing feeling of emptying a bladder after holding it all day later, you found yourself at the sink washing your hands. You looked in the mirror and noticed that your lipstick had come off during dinner. You reached into your purse to apply the lipstick and froze. “Where’s my wallet?” you asked aloud. You emptied the contents onto the counter and pawed through them. No wallet. “Shit, shit, shit,” you swore, “I must have left it in Papyrus’ car.” You debated calling the skeleton monster right away but decided against it.

You walked out to see Jeremy going over the check. “Hi beautiful,” he cooed, “I’m thinking about having my boss put up your mom’s words of wisdom on our walls for our patrons. What do you think about that?”

You laughed. “That would be sweet. Beautiful eh? That is so weird coming from you now that I know who you are.” Jeremy grinned goofily and held up the check.

“Wanna help me figure out the check?” You looked away anxiously and Jeremy became concerned. “Is something wrong?”

You scratched the back of your head. “Alright, you’re going to think I’m a total flake, but I swear to God, I left my wallet in Papyrus’ car. Can you cover the bill and I’ll pay you back? I promise.”

Jeremy chuckled. “Oh is that all? I already took care of it. I just need help doing the math for the tip, that’s all.”

You gasped, “You did what? Jeremy, you didn’t have to!” You waved your arms at him.

Jeremy grabbed both of your waving hands. God he was really strong. “I wanted to. Do you know annoying it is to take out a woman out on date and have to hear her bitch out the server for not having a non fat vinegar dressing?”

“Er...we clearly have been dating totally different types of people? And also I’m straight?”

Jeremy smirked. “Thank God for that. No, I got to take out an old friend on a date and watch her eat like a real person. You’re such a change from the rest of my life. I’m tired of the models who come into my work. I want a real girl.”

You smiled. “Daww, Jer Bear, you’ve got a fuzzy widdle heart underneath all that tough guy exterior.” Jeremy smiled and stroked your hand, “Alright let me see that receipt and we can get out of here. I have to make a phone call once we get outside.”

The receipt was quickly settled and you both stepped outside in front of the restaurant. Downtown had become alive with the nightlife and laughing, smiling people walked past you both as you fumbled with your phone. You scrolled through your contacts until you found Papyrus’ and hit call.


Sans slouched on the couch, his arm dangling off the edge. Today had been a good day so far. Work had been alright. Not too busy so he still had some energy left. He considered even heading to Grillby’s new place if Papyrus managed to set the kitchen on fire again. There was a 50-50 chance of that happening at this point.

Speaking of Papyrus, his brother had come home a little later than usual. However he still appeared to be his peppy, excited self so Sans hadn’t paid it much thought. He could hear his younger brother hollering from the kitchen in his attempts to cook something. Sans’ ever present smile was relaxed and he slouched further into the couch. He wondered if he slid down far enough if he could bury himself in the couch cushions. Maybe plant a whoopie cushion between the seats.

A phone ringing caught his attention and he glanced in surprise to see Papyrus’ phone ringing on the sofa table in front of him. Nobody really called Papyrus, especially after 8:00PM. The exception had been Frisk but Frisk had his own special ringtone and this was not it. Usually anyone else would just text him.

“Sans!” Papyrus shouted, “Can you answer the phone?”

Sans eyes lit up and he lazily reached for the phone. “i...can’t...arms...too short...and...tired.” He pretended that even that the exertion of lifting his hand off the ground was too much.

“SANS! ANSWER THE PHONE!!” Papyrus yelled, “IT MIGHT BE-!” His voice was cut off by the sound of pans hitting the floor loudly.

This piqued Sans’s interest that Papyrus had been expecting someone to call. Using a slippered foot, he managed to knock the phone close enough for him to pick it up. He looked at the caller ID. “what the…?” he began as the words “Second Base!” flashed on the screen. He answered it. “hey buddy, who’s on first?”

A female voice sounded surprised on the other end. “Papyrus? Is that you?”

“nope. pap is busy in the kitchen. this is sans. who is this?” he asked, flopping back down on the couch. A young woman calling his brother late at night with the name “Second Base”? Sans clicked his teeth together. He wasn’t sure if he should be impressed or jealous.

“Oh. It’s Lori! Hey listen, can you-”

Sans blinked in surprise but the smile did not leave his face. “oh hey. did you know that pap has saved you under “second base” in his phone?”

There was a sharp intake of breath on the end and Sans waited for an answer. He did not expect “Goddamnit Undyne.” The obscenity made him chuckle. “Something stupid happened today and Undyne kept saying that phrase. and Papyrus picked it up.”

“something stupid eh? that’s pretty vague. care to elaborate?” he asked.

Your voice was annoyed. “No. Listen can you ask Papyrus to go check his car and see if my wallet is in there? I don’t have it with me and I want to make sure it’s not at Undyne’s place.”

“hey pap, can you go check the car for lori’s wallet? she thinks she might have left it there,” he called. He blinked in surprise as all the cooking and pan clanking stopped immediately.

“It’s the human?!” Papyrus asked excitedly, stepping out in an apron that said “Cool Cook” with the word “Cool” scribbled on with black permanent marker.

“yeah. can you check your car for their wallet?” Papyrus nodded eagerly and dashed out the door. Sans returned his attention to the phone. “so what’s your wallet doing in my brother’s car?”

“Papyrus accidentally attacked my car with magic so he had to drive me to my date.”

“a date eh?”


“is he cute?” Sans chuckled.


“cuter than me?”

“Oh definitely.”

“does he know that you’re kinda a kinky freak?” Sans voice got a bit deeper and huskier at that last line.

The other line stammered. “Ye-yeah. I have no idea what you’re talking about but he’s like right next to me so you keep those comments to yourself.” Sans smiled even wider. Your voice was wavering. You didn’t sound so sure of yourself there.

“Everything okay?” a male voice asked on the other line.

“Yeah, it’s fine. Pap’s brother answered the phone and he’s being a huge skeletal dick.”

Sans chuckled into the phone. “buddy, keep using words like that and you’ll get to see how much a dick i really am.” Papyrus ran into the room at the end of this particular line holding aloft a red wallet.

“Why you-?!”

“hey kid, good news, pap found your wallet. i’m going to hand the phone to him now. maybe you and i can make a home run sometime.” Sans was almost too gleeful in handing the phone off to Papyrus who eagerly snatched it.

“Hello Lori! Lori, language! It’s me, Papyrus! I have found your wallet!” Papyrus announced. Sans shut his eyes, unable to hear the your part of the conversation anymore, but still eavesdropping. “The date is going well? ...Excellent! I shall be right on over to pick you up-eh? Oh, is that him I hear? Tell him the Great Papyrus says hi. Now what’s the address again? I...oh. Are you sure, human? Really it’s no problem. I would be happy to go - he insists? Well if you’re sure. I’ll just drop it off tomorrow with the rest of your belongings. Of course. You’re welcome. Stay safe. Good bye.” Papyrus looked less than pleased as he ended the phone call. To Sans’ surprise, Papyrus tucked the phone into his battle armor underneath his apron rather than returning it to the table.

“so you’re going to go get the human?” Sans asked, playing dumb.

Papyrus made a terse face. “No, apparently her date is giving her a ride back.” He waved his hands toward the spot on the couch next to Sans.

Sans shifted himself on the couch to allow Papyrus to sit. If he wasn’t sure something was off, he was now. Papyrus never sat. Sitting involved not moving and Papyrus was always moving. Sans decided to test the waters. “yeah, the guy sounds safe. she said he was cute too.”

He watched with slight amusement as Papyrus tensed slightly at that comment. “That’s...nice.” Papyrus muttered.

Sans decided to prod further. “she seems to be pretty cute too, ya think?” Papyrus relaxed at those words.

“Yeah, I suppose for a human she is. She’s also nice and honest.” Sans doubted the nice part but the honest bit he could buy.

“maybe it wouldn’t hurt to bring the wallet back tonight?” Sans suggested, “you have her driver’s license which should show you where she lives.”

Papyrus hesitated and he thumbed the side of your wallet where a corner of your driver’s license was indeed exposed. He stopped himself and shook his head. “No, I probably shouldn’t. She said she would be okay.”

Sans shrugged. “oh okay. well you’re pretty smart, bro, and you seem to know the human better than i do. so if you think she can wait a whole day without needing to get any food or drive her car, you know best.”

Papyrus sputtered. “Whole day? Sans, I would drop it off before I went to training of course!”

“gee pap. I didn’t even think about that. it’s your early day tomorrow too so you could even bring her the wallet as early as 4am if you wanted. that is, if she’s awake and alive at that time?”

“I er, di you say alive?” Papyrus asked anxiously.

“yeah. you never know. she could be dead tired,” Sans winked .Papyrus groaned and buried his head into his hands.

“Oh my god Sans!” Papyrus groaned. “I walked right into that one,” he admitted. He stood up. “Perhaps you are right though. Lori would probably appreciate having her wallet tonight in case she needed to buy something tomorrow. Like pasta. I’ll go check with Undyne to see if her car is fixed and then we’ll go.”

“aw, you sure? you don’t want stick around for my bad jokes? i’ve got a ton of them. a skeleton.”

“I’M MAKING THE CALL OUTSIDE!!!” Papyrus announced in frustration as he walked out the door.

Sans chuckled and spread himself once again over the entire couch. “heh. have fun bro. save some for me.”

You ended the call and looked apologetically over at Jeremy. “Are you sure you can give me a ride?”

Jeremy nodded. “Of course. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m sure Papyrus is a good driver-”

“You’re a goddamn liar but go on.”

Jeremy snorted. “Well, in any case, I don’t know where he would come from but I bet I can get you home sooner than him since my car is just down the block.”

“Good point.” Jeremy extended an arm toward you and you placed your arm into the crook his arm made with his body. “Oh say, while I’ve got you as my personal driver for the next 10 minutes, do you mind if we stop by the gas station to pick up some milk?”

Jeremy eyed you with interest. “Milk? What type of milk?”

You rolled your eyes. “Cow milk, you perv. Don’t make this weird. I was going to make pancakes for my neighbors since they were nice enough to keep an eye out for me in case you turned out to be a murdering rapist but my milk went bad...and honestly, who knows when I’m actually going to get my car back since none of the Monsters have even asked for my address yet.” Jeremy seemed to consider it. “I have a few bucks on me to cover milk,” you pleaded, “But if you can’t bring me there, that’s cool. I already asked a lot of you today.”

“Oh no I don’t mind. I’m just wondering if I want to buy ice cream from there or wait until I get closer to my place.” Jeremy smirked at you. “You wouldn’t want to come to my place, would you?”

You laughed awkwardly. “Uh, yeah it’s only our first date.”

“Come on...I’ve got a PS4,” he cooed.

“Ooh, very tempting,” you smiled, “but I’m afraid I’ll have to pass for now.”

Jeremy made an overexaggerated, “Humph!” before you reached his car, “Next time I’ll tell you that I have an XboxOne.”

“Oof! Well then I’m never coming over!” you stuck out your tongue and jumped into the car.


Twenty minutes, two ice creams and one jug of milk later, you found yourself pulling up into your apartment’s parking lot. Jeremy glanced around nervously. “Kinda dark here. Are you sure you don’t want me to walk you to your apartment?” he asked.

You nodded. “Yeah, I’m not far from here, just have to cross the lot, climb some stairs and boom, I’m there. Besides, no knowing where I live just yet.”

“Well I know you now live on the second floor. I guess I’ll have to wait until the second date to get an apartment number huh?” Jeremy grinned. He faltered. “I can see you again, right?”

“Oh yeah totally. This was the most fun than I had in awhile,” you admitted.

“Whoot!” he cheered. “Man, this is just so weird. Monsters showing up on the surface. You and I being reunited after all this time. It almost feels like the start of some wacky anime.”

“Huh, it kinda does actually,” you admitted, stepping out of the car. “Thanks again Jer Bear!”

“What, no good night kiss?”

“What? Pshaw, if we’re going by anime rules, you and I aren’t going to kiss until at least our 3rd date, dude. And even then, it’s totally going to be under weird circumstances and we may not even know that we are kissing each other,” you pointed out. “Only the bad guy tries to go for a kiss on the first date,” you reminded.

“Oh shit you’re right!” Jeremy smacked his head, “Alright, I guess I’ll go back to my role as lovable goofball. See ya later, Lori! Text me when you get in safely.”

“Will do. Bye Jeremy!” You waited for him to safely back up and drive out of the lot before you began to walk toward your apartment with a happy hum. Tonight had been awesome. Jeremy was still somewhat of a nerd under his hotness which did not phase you in the least. You still had retained a lot of your nerdy geekiness as well, just maybe becoming a bit more sarcastic and vocal than you had in the past. Your phone buzzed and you looked down at it.

“I want that third date to come faster. How about a second date tomorrow night? Your choice.”

You grinned. The attention was flattering after a very dry period of no attention - again scrubs were not the most eye catching. You quickly typed back, “Feel like burgers? I’m thinking Rube’s off 2nd street. 7:30pm?”

“Where have you been all my life?”

“Being awesome. Talk to you later. Good night, Jeremy.”

“Good night, Lori,” the phone blinked back before flashing 10% battery. You smiled and lifted a foot to step forward.

The sound of a stick breaking behind you froze yo in place. You gulped and slowly turned around. The sound came from the unlit part of the parking lot. It was almost pitch black compared to the lighted area you were currently standing in. “Of course, if something is going to make a scary noise, it’s going to happen in the dark,” you whispered under your breath, “Just don’t freak out, don’t freak out. Maybe it was a dog.” You turned back toward the path to your apartment. “90 feet. I could run it if I had to,” you noted. You took a tentative step forward.

A metallic crunching clanked behind you and you jumped. You quickly whirled around just in time to spot a beer can skitter toward you until it made contact with your shoe. You looked down. The can was completely crushed. Your eyes darted warily up and you felt your eyes dilate at the shadow of something large lurking in the shadows. Not something. Someone. “Shit shit shit shit,” you whispered under your breath, “You don’t know for a fact that he’s coming for you. Just back up slowly and walk quickly to your place and call for Kaylie. Stay calm and stick to the plan.” You took a step backwards, clutching your jug of milk protectively.

The figure lunged toward you the moment your foot touched the ground. “FUCK!” You shrieked, turning around and bolting toward your apartment. Your heart beat a million times a minute as adrenaline shot life into your already sore legs from having worn wedges (your profession called for tennis shoes, not heels). Someone was shouting at you. Telling you to come here or something. Yeah, right, like that was going to happen. You leaped up the stairs nearly 3 at a time, key already out and ready to go. Your heart was pounding in beat with the footsteps as you reached the top and slammed into your own door. “Kaylie!” you shouted as you regained her footing. It was only 9:30. It wasn’t that late. Please let her still be up. Please be up. Youi pulled out the key and was about to put it in when you stopped.

The footsteps were gone. Save for your wildly beating heart, it was deathly silent. You looked around in a confused panic. Whoever the stranger was, they were gone now. Your hands still trembled as you glanced around still. It was just you. “Oh..good. I’m just going crazy…” You let out a nervous chuckle and turned back toward your door to unlock it.

A heavy hand landed on your shoulder with a heartstopping thud and yanked you backwards. They were yelling something but in your panic you had no idea what it was. Adrenaline forced you into fight or flight mode and since flight was no longer an option...You were going to fight! You were not going to die tonight!! You let the milk tumble to the ground as you shrieked your best battle cry, arming your pepper spray as the heavy hand turned you around roughly. With a press of a button, you unleashed the potent mace onto your assailant’s face.

Except, it wasn’t a face. Technically. Faces had skin...and noses...and eyes. You looked up in horror as you came face to “face” with a very familiar skeleton who was in the process of releasing your shoulder and then quickly bringing his hands to his sockets.


Chapter Text

“AGGHHHHH!!!!” the monster shouted painfully.

“PAPYRUS?!” you shrieked back, dropping the mace to the ground, “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU-OMG! ARE YOU OKAY?!”

Your next door neighbor’s door opened and Kaylie popped her head out. “Hey, Lori, I heard you yelling and was just making sure you were-” the words died in her mouth as she saw you two. “What the hell is going on?!” Kaylie gasped.





“I THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO ATTACK ME!” you yelled helplessly.

Kaylie turned her attention to Papyrus who had sunk to one knee and was wiping frantically at his face. “PAPYRUS! WERE YOU TRYING TO ATTACK LORI?”

“N-NO!” Papyrus choked out, unable to look up. “I WAS JUST-JUST-I WAS JUST-” He sunk to both knees now. Your panic was now giving way to alarm and fear.



“KAYLIE, NOT NOW! HOW DO I FIX IT?!” you demanded.

“GET-get him to calm down. He might suffocate himself if he panics!” Kaylie offered, “Hang on! Let me get Jethro!” she darted back inside.

You knelt to face Papyrus who had buried his skull in his hands. “Papyrus, hey! Stay with me dude. It’s going to be okay! Don’t panic.”

“IT-IT HURTS!” You placed both of your hands on his shoulders and leaned in.

“I know! I know! We’re going to find a way to fix this!” Your eyes began to sting bitterly too at your close proximity to the still aerosolized spray and you debated pulling back from him. You decided against it as his breathing began to decrease from panicked sharp intakes of breath to a slower, although still shaky, steady breathing. “We’re going to remain calm and quiet so we don’t draw any more attention,” you advised as your eyes began to tear up.

“Why do we have to be calm and quiet?” a familiar gruff voice asked. You looked up to see Undyne and Alphys walking up the stairs. “Hey Pap, we parked the car over there. Is that going to work? I can always lift it to the next parking spot if I need to.”

“UN-UNDYNE?” Papyrus’ voice came out shaky as his breathing began to escalate again.

The fish monster leapt to his side in a second. “PAPYRUS! WHAT HAPPENED?”

“I maced him!” you sobbed, the pepper spray stabbing your tear ducts.

Undyne looked incredulously at him. “He looks great for someone who’s been hit with a mace! Your training is coming along nicely!”

Alphys gasped. “No no! She sprayed him with the pepper spray.” The dinosaur monster pointed to the canister that lay dormant on the ground. “It’s a human self defense weapon!” she explained as Undyne picked it up, “It shoots out hot solution that burns their enemies if they push that button!”

“I just press this button and hot peppers come out?” Undyne asked. Her webbed fingers were about to depress the button but you knocked it out of her hands quickly.

“No Undyne! Don’t push it!” you shouted, swatting it into the depths below them.

Undyne looked livid. “WHY DID YOU ATTACK PAPYRUS?!” You sniffled.

“I-I SCARED THE HUMAN. PLEASE-PLEASE UNDYNE. IT’S NOT HER FAULT!” Papyrus pleaded as he fought to control his breathing.

“Alphys! What do we do?” Undyne demanded.

“Pour lemon juice on his face!” Kaylie tried to helpfully yell.

“Lemon juice?!” you asked, “Won’t that make it worse?”

“Jethro says either that or syrup!”

“What about water?” Alphys asked.

“That might work!”

“Oh for the love of, everyone inside!” you ordered, putting one of Papyrus’ arms over your shoulder and attempting to drag him inside. He was heavy for a skeleton and you found yourself have significant difficulty as he tried to get up to follow. The load was made considerably lighter as Undyne grabbed his other arm and nearly lifted Papyrus off his feet and charged into the apartment. You and Alphys followed quickly in and turned on the sink faucet.

“Put him under the water!” Alphys ordered.

“HE WON’T FIT!” Undyne argued.

“HIS HEAD! PUT HIS HEAD IN!” Undyne made an “oh, i knew that face” before pushing his head under the faucet. You turned to Alphys who was pacing.

“The pressure is too low on your faucet! Where do you keep your emergency eye wash station?”

“I don’t have one.”


“MOST HOMES DON’T!” you yelled back.


“NO-wait, yes I do actually!” Alphys pushed past you and grabbed Undyne.

“Get him into the shower! It’s our best chance!” Alphys ordered. Undyne looked at her with what you could only describe as pure admiration as she dragged Papyrus who didn’t appear to be recovering too well into your shower.

“Papyrus! Take off your battle armor! It’s going to get soaked!” Undyne ordered.

“NO!!” you heard him choke back defiantly. You heard the shower get turned on as Alphys rushed back out and snatched your laptop. You were never more grateful than now that you remembered to close any NSFW tabs that you had opened prior to leaving home this morning.

“Here! Here!” Alphys shouted, pointing to the screen. “Most mace contains capsaicin which is a ground powder from peppers!”

“Great yes fine. How do I fix it?” you irritably asked, rubbing at your sore eyes now.

“It will go with time but-” she stopped as Papyrus let out a painful yelp, “I don’t know how much time we have. I don’t know any monster who has been pepper sprayed!” Alphys panicked.

You looked around for something, anything that could help your hurt friend. Your eyes focused on the jug of whole milk you had left outside which thankfully hadn’t busted open when you dropped it. “Alphys! Does it say anything about milk?” you asked as you darted outside and seized the jug like it was a football.

“Milk?? Uh! Yes! Yes! It says to pour it on the affected area to help neutralize the effects!” You ran past her and into your restroom, ditching your wedges as you ran.

The skeleton looked absolutely miserable. He was shaking, his eye sockets shut tightly as he clung to the shower head to prevent his knees from buckling. Undyne was yelling at him to open his eyes until she caught sight of your new weapon. “Milk! Of course! Alphys is a genius!” Undyne cheered.

You jumped up onto the lip of your bathtub/shower and was immediately grateful you somehow didn’t slip on the wet surface. With your new vantage point, you were positioned taller than Papyrus.

“Pap!” you shouted, “You gotta trust me here! Open your eyes!” Papyrus winced as he opened his eyes but it was enough. Fighting back your own tears, you ripped off the lid to the jug of milk and doused him in it. Water and milk splashed off of him and hit your clothes, but for the most part you were able to take cover behind the shower curtain.

Undyne was grinning manically. “YES! LORI! MILK HIM! SHOW HIM THE AMAZING POWER OF YOUR MILK!” she cheered way too loud for your comfort.

“Please, please don’t ever yell those words again,” you begged, realizing that if your neighbors hadn’t heard anything up to that point, they most certainly heard those lines. To your relief, Papyrus seemed to be visibly calming down. The milk might not have completely cured the effects, but it appeared to dampen the unbearable sting. He appeared to be panting-not going to even question the lack of lungs-and his eyes were half lidded. He didn’t seem to be focusing his vision anywhere in particular. There was an orange glow emanating from the dark sockets, but it was so pale that you weren’t sure if there was actually a glow or if your eyes were still tinged red from the after spray of the mace.

“Whatever you say, punk!” Undyne agreed, slapping you heartily on the back and robbing you of your delicate balance.

“Fuck!” you gasped, slipping forward, ripping the shower curtain off its bar. The sound of ripping fabric seemed to bring Papyrus’ eyes into focus for him to look in time to see you tumbling into the shower as well. He managed to let go of the shower head long enough to catch you. Sort of. His knees buckled under him and the two of you collapsed with a heavy thud into the tub.

Freezing cold water drenched you in your date clothes and you gasped in shock at the the change in temperature. The jeans helped protect your legs from freezing immediately but your skimpy tank top did nothing. Your curly hair plastered against your cheeks and you could feel your make up running. You opened in your eyes as the cold water pounded down on your back and you found yourself staring into Papyrus’ startled sockets.

“L-lori!” he gasped as your weight was pressed entirely on him. Not that your weight seemed to be the issue here. No. The issue was more that your sopping wet chest was pressed against his, judging by the embarrassed orange blush on his cheek bones.

“Oh my gosh, Pap, I’m-uh!” you stammered, trying to push yourself up by place your hands against his chest only to have them slip against his sleek battle armor and cause your breasts to crash against his chest once more. Papyrus’ orange blush darkened even more at your attempts to get up. You bit your lip. God, he’s so embarrassed about this, your mind scolded you, first you molest him then you assault him, only to molest him again in front of his friends while he is down. You tried to smile at him disarmingly. “Well, at least this can’t get any worse,” you tried to cheer.

A white flash blinded both of you, accompanied by the sound of a shutter clicking. You twisted your head to see a smirking Undyne holding out her cell phone camera. “Nice,” she chuckled, giving a thumbs up, “I’ll leave you two alone.”

“Undyne, you son of a-!” you tried to shout. However the shower was still on and you found yourself accidentally swallowing a few gulps of the freezing liquid. Coughing and sputtering, you felt around blindly with your foot until your toes found the on and off button. You pressed in the button and the torrent ended.

After a minute, you were able to prop yourself up with your hands and you stole a guilty glance at Papyrus. He looked absolutely distraught, his chest shuddering as it rose and fell. He appeared to be looking anywhere but at you. Immense guilt and embarrassment weighed heavily on you now.

“Hey, are you alright?” you asked quietly, hoping he wouldn’t hear you and you could attempt to slink away in the silence.

Papyrus’ attention flickered toward you briefly before he looked away again. The guilt grew heavier. You could feel the weight of it crawling down your back along with the freezing droplets of water. You wished he hadn’t even looked at you. “I have been better, but I think I will recover,” he admitted softly.

The bottom of the tub was starting to dry and you could almost confidently push yourself up without the fear of slipping back down against him. “Does it still hurt?”

Papyrus didn’t glance at you this time. You didn’t know if this made you feel better or worse. “Not so much,” he answered.

The tub was dry enough now. You pushed yourself up quickly. The sudden movement startled Papyrus who reached out a hand toward you. “Don’t-don’t move,” you groaned, and Papyrus’ hand dropped back to his chest. You sat yourself on the bath tub rim. “I’m so so sorry,” you moaned, burying your face into your hands, “I’m going to get you a towel and then I promise you will never have to deal with me again after this!” you assured him, rising to your feet.

“Don’t get the towel!” Papyrus sputtered, catching your arm and clumsily pulling you back down. You dug your heels against the side of the tub to prevent yourself from falling back into the tub and Papyrus quickly released you

“ you not like towels or…?” you prompted as the skeleton monster sat up in the tub. Water was dripping off his bones. It was a bit surreal.

Papyrus sighed. “No, no I just...actually a towel would be nice. I just don’t want you to feel like you have to hide your feelings from me.”

You looked at him as if he had grown a 2nd head. “My...feelings?”

Papyrus nodded understandingly. “Of course. You are clearly falling in love with me.”

You nearly choked. “I’m falling in LOVE with you?!” you gasped.

Papyrus smiled. “Exactly. Your compliments, changing your clothes and then challenging me to a battle. All an attempt to gain my attention. Just as my dating manual stated.”

You waved your hands. “My clothes and-Wait wait, I didn’t battle you! I-i-!”

Papyrus grasped your waving hands. “I can understand how overwhelmed you must be. Afterall, I am very great. Even Frisk could not resist my charms and he was but a child.”

Your mouth dropped open and could not close. A dating manual that suggests assaulting people is part of building a relationship? Did he just say he went on a date with a child? How do you even respond to that? Papyrus was getting to his feet now and stepped out of the bathtub, soaking your bath mat.

“I see. My very words rob you of speech,” he observed. He cleared his throat. “Very well hu-er Lori. I, Papyrus, shall go on a date with you!”

“Papyrus, er I-”

Papyrus placed one of his fingers on your lips. “Speak no more! I shall take you out on a date that will exceed your expectations! Just come to me when you are ready for our date. Nyeh, heh heh!” Papyrus stood up triumphantly, patted you on the shoulder and left the bathroom.

You opened and closed your mouth mechanically but no words came out. You resigned yourself. “Well...maybe this won’t go too badly. A skeleton monster feels bad for you and wants to take you out on a pity date.” As soon as the words came out, you grimaced. “Gah, that sounds way worse than it actually is...which wasn’t that good to begin with.” You ran a hand through your wet hair. “I’ll probably never run into him for a while after this. And by the time I see him again, he will probably forget about all of this.” You laughed confidently. “It’s going to be fine.”

“Hey Undyne! Guess who’s got a date with me?” you heard his voice call out.

You facepalmed. “Oh good God no.”


“Are you guys sure you’re okay to drive?” you asked as you stood in the doorway. You were trying to ignore Undyne elbowing Alphys and winking but it was getting progressively harder the longer you looked at the three monsters.

“Oh yes,” Alphys assured. “Papyrus drove your car and we took Undyne’s jeep. We have enough seats to get everyone back.”

“Lori! That reminds me. Your car appears to be broken,” Papyrus offered.

You blanched. “What? Broken? How did you drive it here if it was broken?”

“You appear to be missing the third pedal where your feet go.”

You looked at him like he was crazy until she realized what he was implying. “Are you talking about a clutch? I don’t have one of those. My car is an automatic.”

“Automatic?” Papyrus tilted his head.

“Yes, I don’t need to manually shift gears-are you telling me that your car is a stickshift?” you asked incredulously, looking at his figure and subsequently stocky feet more closely.

“Of course! Aren’t all cars?” Papyrus asked.



“I-i don’t think so.”

“Oh.” Papyrus looked disappointed.

You attempted to cheer him up. “Hey driving stick is hard. A lot of people my age have never done it. That’s pretty cool that you can.”

Papyrus smiled. “Another flattering compliment. Thank you human. We will have a wonderful time on our date.” You blushed as Alphys and Undyne exchanged smirking glances.

“Y-yeah. I’m sure we will. Well, again, I’m super sorry to have maced you and kept everyone up this late.”

“I’m sorry you gave Papyrus all your milk,” Undyne snickered.

You looked at her a deadpan expression. “I will buy more, thank you very much. Good night!” You waved them off and they descended the stairs. You could hear Undyne guffawing as they disappeared back into the darkness. You groaned and returned to your home and looked around in dismay at the puddles of water and milk all over the floor. You grabbed a towel and began to clean.

Chapter Text

“Damn, Lori, you look like shit,” Tim’s voice called out. You groaned.

“I’m too tired to flip you the bird right now. So just accept my waving hand as me flipping you off.”

“Duly noted.” You felt yourself nodding off a bit until a warm hand gently shook you. You looked up sleepily into the smiling face of Pam.

Pam grinned down at you. “Cheri said you had a date last night. Is that true?”

You nodded slightly. “Yes, it is.”

“I’m so proud of you sweetheart. Now did you guys fuck or just make out for a bit?” Pam asked matter of factly.

Your eyes widened and your smile dropped. “Did we what?!”

Pam smiled. “Oh, you’re both adults. Don’t act so surprised. As long as you did it safely, then no harm no foul.”

“No, no. We didn’t have sex,” you urgently whispered under your breath, “The date actually ended around 8:30PM.”

“Well, why are you so tired? 8:30 is not that late,” Tim insisted.

You bit your lip. “I had an incident last night. You see-” you repeated the explanation you had given Jeremy the night before but there were new additions to the story. You admitted to accidentally macing Papyrus and how Undyne and Alphys were able to fix it. You opted to omit the bits where you and him ended up smushed against each other at the base of the tub. Tim and Pam listened eagerly to your story as you ended with Papyrus misunderstanding the circumstances and asking you out on a date.

“Let me get this straight. You not only assaulted a client, but you agreed to go out with him as well?” Tim asked.

“...shit. I didn’t think of it like that,” you admitted nervously.

“Of course you shouldn’t think about it like that,” Pam consoled, “Tim is just being a nervous nelly. I think it’s very sweet. What a wonderful way to start a relationship.”

You blanched. “Relationship?! No no no no. Nothing like that. He’s taking me out on a pity date.”


“Eh, to be honest, he didn’t actually say.”

“Oh,” Tim laughed, “if he didn’t even give you a day or time, I wouldn’t worry about it.”

“Timothy you hush yourself,” Pam scolded, “I’m sure that darling skeleton boy was serious. You better start packing a spare set of clothes with you at all times in case he suddenly asks you,” she advised seriously.

“I’ll get right on that.”

“Lori, could you come to the office for a moment?” TJ’s voice called out from the hallway. You groaned as you got to your feet and trudged toward the doctor office. You pushed open the door and raised an eyebrow. The normally tidy desk of the veterinarian was covered in papers and open books. He was sitting down flipping through the paperwork you had filled out yesterday.

“Howdy, what’s up?”

TJ looked up at you and gently waved the papers at you. “I wanted to say thank you for going out there yesterday on your day off. We have some base values on these monsters...however, I have no idea if these are considered within the range of normal,” he admitted.

“Soooo are you saying it was a wasted trip?” you asked despondently.

“No. On the contrary, I will just need to get into contact with the monster professor they have on campus to see if she can provide me with some insight,” TJ reassured, “I’ve already emailed the dean to see if they can set up a time for me to meet with Dr. Alphys.”

“Wait, Alphys is the professor?”

TJ raised an eyebrow at you. “Yes. Have you met her?”

“Actually yes. Yesterday. Looks kinda like a yellow dinosaur. She’s nice. She was at Undyne’s house yesterday. Undyne and her are apparently dating.”

TJ tapped his chin. “That’s interesting.” He glanced at you curiously. “What did Undyne look like if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Scary fish monster.” The words came out of your mouth before you could stop yourself.

This elicited a smile from TJ. “I could see that. Would you like me to inform you if I hear about from the university?”

“Oh sure. That would be awesome actually, thanks.” You stood up and returned to the back. You weren’t there long. TJ had caught you near the end of your shift and within 15 minutes your watch beeped.

You gave a sigh of relief. “Well looks like I’m off guys,” you mentioned offhand to Tim.

“It’s noon already? Man, half days are awesome. Go home and sleep, stupid.”

“Thank you, I will. I’ve got another date tonight,” you winked.

“With a human or a monster?”

“With the human, duh.”

You headed to the employee room and quickly stripped off your scrubs. You had worn a spaghetti string shirt underneath and wiggled your way into a pair of jeans. You slipped on a thin jacket to cover your arms and stuffed the dirty laundry into a separate bag. Due to last night’s events, you needed to go purchase milk again and would rather not have to go grocery shopping in scrubs.

Your phone lit up with a new message and you quickly checked it. It was Jeremy. You opened up the message. “Hey, boss loved your mom’s message. Talking about getting it made into a wood saying to put on the wall or something. Next time you see your monster friend, can you ask if there is such a thing as monster alchohol? Guys at work are curious. I have money riding that there is.”

You laughed and typed back. “Sure thing. No plans to see any of them soon but when I find out, you’ll be the first one to know.”

The phone buzzed back with the words: “Sweet. See you tonight. ;)” You tucked the phone back into your pocket and walked out the door. Your mind could already envision the warm sunny spot by your window that would be perfect for napping in. You noticed TJ was also outside, putting a bag into his car. He caught your eye.

“The university responded already. Dr. Alphys would be able to meet me today actually. Since I’m not scheduled for any more appointments, I’ve been given permission to head over there sooner rather than later.”

“That’s awesome. Can I follow you?”

“I’m sorry?”

“I wanna go. Let me follow your car.”

“Oh. Um. We won’t pay you for this.”

“Duh, I know. Is it so hard to believe that I want to learn something new?” you tittered, “Now let me stalk your car.”


Ten minutes later, you found yourself driving after TJ’s car as they headed to the university. You had gone to college out of state so you were unfamiliar with the school grounds. Although from what you had heard, it was definitely prestigious. At least it better be prestigious after you had to shell out $15 for a daily parking pass.

Both of you parked and walked toward the Science and Technology Building. Classes must have been changing as you found yourselves walking past throngs of young students. To your pleasant surprise, you spotted the occasional monster student walking alongside their human friends. “Well looks like this people at this school accept monsters,” you noted as you walked.

“Not everyone does,” TJ gritted his teeth and gestured to a gap of students. Standing in the opening was a man wearing sign and shouted passionately. The sign read “Human Pride.” You paled.

“These creatures think it is acceptable to come and steal your jobs, your wives and husbands for their sinful lifestyle! How long will you wait until they have stolen the very land you walk on?!”

Most of the students seemed to ignore or yell something condescending back at the screaming man. Unfortunately there was the occasional student who dawdled. They seemed only too interested in what the man had to say, nodding along with his words. Those were the people which made you nervous. The small, stupid yet passionate group of anti monsters.

“This is it,” TJ’s words broke you out of your thoughts as they stood in front of a large building. You stepped inside and TJ approached the receptionist at the front desk. You noted a rather formidable security guard standing at the entrance.

You wondered if he was here before monsters came to the surface as TJ introduced himself and showed identification. You found yourself wandering to look at some of the models of robotic arms and legs. You could hear the receptionist explain, “You can find her on the 4th floor, 4th door on the left,” she instructed.

“Thank you. Lori, are you coming?” TJ asked.

“Uh yeah, I’ll follow in a few. Just checking out this arm,” you admitted. TJ nodded and entered the elevator. As the elevator shut behind the doctor, you returned your attentions back to a robotic arm. You started to hum the terminator song under your breath until you caught the security guard watching you. You hadn’t noticed it before, but he was wearing a name badge with a smiley face that read “Matt.” He wasn’t smiling. “Has anyone made any terminator jokes with this thing?” you asked casually.

“No.” He remained stoic.

“Any jokes about needing a hand?” you chuckled.

There was a brief flicker of chagrin and annoyance over the guard’s face before he settled back into stoicness. “Yes,” he grunted, “Too many. I don’t want to hear another one if you catch my drift.”

“Crystal clear,” you nodded, “those jokes can get out of hand pretty quickly.”

If looks could kill, your body would have already been buried in a ditch somewhere outside city limits. You chuckled awkwardly and moseyed over to the elevator, rapidly pressing the up button until the doors opened. You squeezed through and went to press the 4th floor when you saw it was already lit up. Another security guard was already in the elevator, reading a newspaper large enough to completely cover his face. Another woman entered the elevator and pressed the 3rd button.

As the elevator doors shut, you locked eyes with Matt in the front lobby who shot you a glare. You probably shouldn’t piss of any more security guards today otherwise you might be stuck waiting in the car, you realized. You opted to remain silent as the doors shut in order to not provoke any irritation. You glanced at her watch 12:52PM. You could remain silent until 1:00 easily.

Five seconds later, you were humming the jeopardy theme. Thankfully no one seemed to notice. Or care. You got halfway through the song when you noticed that the elevator had just hit the second floor. “Huh. That’s weird. I would have thought we would have hit at least the 3rd floor by now,” you mumbled out loud.

“...this elevator runs slow. sometimes it even stops for a bit, bud,” the guard’s muffled voice explained from behind the newspaper.

There was something oddly familiar about the voice but you couldn’t place it. “Wait, the elevator just stops working for no reason?” you asked in shock. The doors opened as they hit floor 3.

“heh yup.”

“Oh screw that. I’ll just take the stairs,” you reasoned, making a move to walk after the quickly departing woman. You felt a hand grab your arm tightly and pulled you back from the doors. You followed the hand with your eyes to see the security guard’s hand around your arm. The newspaper hadn’t moved. “Uh...everything okay?” you asked nervously.

“your joke earlier seems to have made matt forget he was supposed to search you. you know, since you didn’t sign in at the desk,” the voice tittered at you.

“Search me?”

“with the antimonster demonstrations on campus, we’ve been instructed to search individuals who slip past without showing identification. for all i know, you could have just told a good joke to make you look less suspicious.”

“Suspicious? Wait, you mean my hand joke. Shoot. I didn’t mean to do that. I’ll go back down and sign in.” You reached to press floor one but found you couldn’t move. His grip was pretty strong. You were starting to become legitimately anxious now. “ did you even hear my joke? Weren’t you in the elevator?”

“let’s just say i’ve got a handle on what happens around here,” the figure snickered. You looked back at the hand holding you. It was skeletal hand. The newspaper lowered to reveal a familiar grinning skeleton.

“Sans?!” you gasped.


“You work here?”

“sure do.”

“Oh. Mind letting go of my arm?”

His eyes glittered dangerously as he looked you up and down. “maybe. i’m a nice guy though so i’m going to lend Matt a helping hand here so he doesn’t get in trouble.”

“Helping hand?” you asked as Sans released his hold on you. “I don’t understand.”

“i’m going to search you.” You stiffened at the words. You attempted to back up but you were too late. The elevator doors had just shut, trapping you in the small elevator with the short yet no less threatening skeleton.

You puffed up your chest, attempting to regain control of the situation. “Well you better hurry. We only have one floor left-” no sooner had those words left your mouth, the elevator made a sickeningly loud buzz and grinded to a halt mid ascent. You whirled around to look at the electronic number on the wall but the screen was blank. “Did we just lose power?”

The lights flickered for a moment before completely shutting off. It was dark. You could imagine Sans was probably smiling if you could see him. You strained your eyes in the darkness to try to make him out but all you could see was an outline. He spoke up, “whelp, looks like it.” The outline shrugged. “better go ahead and place your hands on the wall next to me here. i’ve got some questions for ya, bud.”

Chapter Text

“Wait, you’re seriously going to search me in the darkness?” you asked in exasperation, “How are you even going to see anything?”

“i’ll just have to be very thorough with my hands.”

You felt your body seize with unconscious anticipation and you silently cursed. “Don’t you wanna just forget about it and we’ll sit here and take it easy until the power comes on?”

Sans deep chuckle was closer to you now. “buddy, normally i’m all for taking it easy. but i’m willing to make an exception in your case.”

“Oh how lucky I am,” you groaned but with all other options exhausted, you had no choice but to do as he said. You faced the wall and placed your hands against it. And waited.

True to his word, Sans’s skeletal fingers landed at the base of your neck before following the slope to your shoulders. Even with the jacket on, you could feel the trail of sensitivity on your skin left by fingers. Your muscles seemed to relax under his phalanges. Sans noticed your body’s reaction and let out another chuckle.

“heh, never had anyone calm down when they’re strip searched before.”

“Wait, strip searched?!” you blurted out as his fingers further traced downwards along the sides of your back. Your muscles began to twitch tensely.

“if there’s time. i’m not in any hurry. we can always do it next time you drop by to visit me.”

“I didn’t come here to visit you,” you argued. Sans pressed his fingers sharply into your lumbar muscles, eliciting a gasp. You realized how compromising this situation looked and glanced around quickly. “Are there cameras in here?!”

Sans paused as his fingers reached the top of your pelvis. You could hear him shift as his clothes rustled. “yup. but they don’t work when the power goes out.”

“That...seems like really poor design,” you admitted. You sighed. “How long do these power outages last?” you asked, feeling somewhat resigned to whatever Sans had in store for you.

Sans drew circles around the tips of where your ileum would be. “long enough to ask a few questions.”

“Questions?” you bit your lip. He had mentioned questions earlier. But you were hoping he was just kidding or he misspoke. You tried to force yourself to relax and allow your muscles to loosen up. You attempted to focus on the wall.

“i’m just wondering what happened last night. care to enlighten me, buddy?” His fingers rested on either cheek of your rear. You fought the urge to clench up at the feathery touch.

Remain calm. Be believable. “Nothing.” Oh that wasn’t believable.

“nuthin huh? that’s pretty funny.” And he laughed in a way that didn’t sound like he actually found it funny. Without warning, he dugs fingers into your fleshy rear, forcing a startled throaty squeak out of you. As you regained your breath, Sans began to knead the spot. “hmm. i guess i was right about you,” he mused as you squirmed in his hands, “you have a nice butt under your uniform.” You attempted to turn around to yell at him and found yourself facing a glowing blue eye. The eye bore into you and all of your resolve melted. “care to try again?” Sans offered as the eye flashed.

You quickly returned to the wall as Sans continued to “search” you. You would need to end this quickly before he could pick up that his intimidation tactics, although effectively terrifying, were also eliciting a much more carnal response. “W-well last night, my date dropped me off and I walked to the door and Papyrus...he’s really good at sneaking up on people ya know.”

“yeah my brother is pretty cool,” Sans agreed as he continued to fondle you.

“He is. uh. Anyway he snuck up on me and scared me super bad. And Undyne and Alphys were there and we all had a good laugh and we drank some milk and called it a night,” your explanation coming out hurried and much more anxious than you had hoped. Hopefully it was believable.

Sans paused in his exam. “milk?”

You sensed the hesitancy and you jumped on it faster than a lion on a gazelle. Emboldened, you took advantage of his pause to turn around and face him. Sans seemed startled by your sudden action and the glowing eye flashed violently. He leaned back but stopped as you place a hand on his chest. “Yes, after all,” your voice lowering in an attempt to be sexy as your fingers intertwined with his shirt, “isn’t milk good for bones?”

That has to be the least sexy thing you had ever said to anyone in your life but it seemed to do the trick. Sans was silent for a moment before he broke out into a genuine laugh. His blue eye flickered out and returned back to its regular solid white appearance. The elevator lights turned back on and the elevator groaned back into existence, ascending once more.

You shot Sans a suspicious look. “Kinda weird that the power came back right now, wasn’t it?” Any further communication you wished to convey was immediately shut down as Sans was suddenly pressed against you. You blinked in surprise. How the hell did he move so quickly? He hadn’t appeared to take even a step, but here he was now, his arms extended and effectively trapping you between the wall and him.

Sans snickered. “that is weird, pal. if i were you, i probably wouldn’t worry about it.” Although the tone was casual,you got the impression that worrying about it probably would lead to less than desirable results. “well thanks for the update about last night. pap was really excited last night when he got home so i was wondering what was up.”

“Sure, happy I could help,” you said in a way that suggested you were not happy to have helped.

Sans looked like he was about to let you go but paused. His grinned appeared somewhat devilish. “the next time you think you need some milk though, just call me up.” He leaned in until he was centimeters away from your neck. “i can always give you the extra calcium to fill you up.” You almost jumped out of your skin as you felt something wet and serpentine drag itself from the base of your mandible to your clavicle in one smooth motion. Holy shit, was that a tongue? Why does he have a tongue? Any attempt to maintain the upperhand were gone as the unexpected yet sensual action provoked a moan.


Sans stiffened and pulled back to give you a look that you could only describe as predatory. You slammed a hand over your mouth and looked away. His face lapsed back into his easygoing smile. “welp, i guess we’ll have to continue this later,” he admitted, straightening up and backing away from you as the elevator doors finally creaked open. The cold air of the hallway brought you back to your senses and you stood up yourself unsteadily. Sans eyed you lazily now. “might as well follow me there. i was just ending my break.” You nodded mutely and followed him down the hallway to a door. He opened it up and you walked in.

It was for all intents and purposes, a laboratory. There were desks, a work bench, a ventilation hood, strange colored chemicals and various tools and instruments scattered across the desks. Robotic limbs and pieces of hardware rested innocently on the work bench. By one of the desks, TJ and Alphys were pleasantly chatting.

“Hey, sorry I’m super late. I got distracted by the robotic arm,” you lied, because honestly what else were you going to say. That hey, sorry I’m late. Sans decided to grope interrogate me after I sprayed Papyrus last night.

Alphys smiled and waved, “You’re not that late actually. You only missed about a minute or so. We haven’t gotten far.”

You blinked in confusion. “Huh?” you looked at TJ and Alphys to see if they were serious. “I swear I thought I was stuck in that broken elevator for at least 15 minutes.”

Alphys looked concerned. “The elevator stopped working?”

“Yeah, I heard someone say that it breaks down all the time or something?” you vaguely explained, not wanting to throw Sans under the bus quite yet.

Alphys shrugged. “That’s the first I’ve heard of it but I’ll see if we can get someone to check it out. These elevators are new so they should still be under warranty.” She smiled at you. “I figured out what a warranty is by the, your phone might not be covered anymore,” she admitted nervously.

You scratched your head and looked at your watch in disbelief. 12:55 PM. If your watch was correct, you had only been separated from TJ for three minutes? It felt so much longer. In fact, you know it was. But how? You caught San’s eyes and he winked at you. That ever present smile seemed just a bit too smug at the moment. You should have thrown that smug fucker under the bus.

Alphys noticed Sans and grinned. “Hello Sans. Did you find the chip machine?”

“sure did,” Sans pulled out two bags from lord knows where and tossed one to Alphys. She attempted to catch it only to fumble it awkwardly and have it land on the ground. Sans didn’t laugh at her but gave her a gentle smile as she picked up the chips. He reached over to a lab coat hung over one of their chairs and slipped it on.

Your eyes bugged out. “Wait a minute! You work here?!”

“only when i’m on break from my other jobs,” Sans stated.


Sans smiled mysteriously and wandered to the other side of the lab. Alphys gave you a look that basically said “just don’t question it”

TJ coughed, drawing back the attention to him. “Thank you for meeting with us on such short notice.”

“Oh that’s no-no problem,” Alphys stammered, feeling the attention back on her. “I wasn’t a monster doctor so I’m not sure how much help I will be. But I do have some books I brought me from the Underground.”

“Every bit helps. I’m afraid most of our literature on monsters is based on myths and stories. And even those may not be that accurate,” TJ admitted.

“I’m afraid our literature on humans isn’t much better,” Alphys admitted, “Although we were surprisingly able to keep up with your social culture and entertainment trends.” She was already pulling out some worn thick books from her shelves. “It’s still pretty legible after all this time. For the most part the writing is in English.”

“And what’s the other part?” you asked curiously as Alphys opened the book.

Alphys hesitated. “Well some of these books seem to be written in a different language altogether. One that I’ve never seen before,” she admitted, flipping the pages. TJ and you peered over her shoulder.

“It almost looks like Egyptian hieroglyphics,” TJ mused.

“If Egyptians drew little pictures of smiley faces and bombs, yeah,” you noticed. It was a weird combination of little pictures written in initially straight orderly lines. But as Alphys flipped the pages, the pictures seemed to jut out of their lines until these little doodles were scattered all over the page. Until they finally stopped and turned to English. You caught Sans casting a rapt sideways glance toward the book. “Hey, Sans, do you understand this?”

“afraid not,” he shrugged, “been too lazy to even touch that book,” he explained as he opened a bag of chips and somehow ate one. He appeared far too nonchalant now. It was slightly suspicious.

“Huh,” you shrugged, returning your attention to Alphys who smiled weakly.

“Sans has proven to be surprisingly resourceful with science,” She chuckled, “He’s kinda an assistant although I think he may know more than me. I don’t know exactly when he actually works, but he does seem to produce results.”

Your eyes flickered over to Sans who appeared to be sitting down to take a nap. The skeleton was clearly more of an enigma that he let on. Before you could commit anymore thought to this curious revelation of his character, you heard the laboratory door open again.

“Sans! How many times have I told you not to forget your lunch?” You turned around quickly to see Papyrus had barged into the lab, irritably waving around a brown paper lunch sack. The name “Sans” had been scrawled on the bag.

“oops, sorry bro. i must have forgotten,” Sans smiled sincerely at his little brother.

“You’re lucky that you have a such a great brother to look after you. Otherwise, you might starve down to the bone.” Papyrus’s grimace of self revulsion and Sans’ immediate proud grin occurred in the seconds that followed.

“gee pap, i didn’t know you had the heart to care so much,” he responded without missing a beat. Papyrus let out a strangled groan at the pun.

You almost found yourself chuckling at the sibling interaction before the gravity of the situation hit you. Several thoughts hit you at the same time. Does Papyrus remember anything from last night? Would he be happy to see you? Oh shit, what did Papyrus tell Sans? Would Sans murder you here or wait until there were no witnesses? The combination of delight at seeing the energetic skeleton and full blown panic was almost nauseating.

Papyrus realized he had generated an audience with his scolding and looked around. “Good afternoon Dr. Alphys, Dr. Human and-” his sockets spotted you and he stiffened. He straightened up and appeared to make himself even more imposing than you remembered.

“Nyeh heh heh. Hello Lori!” He greeted confidently. “You must be really serious about this. I can see that you could not wait even a day for our date.”


Chapter Text

“Date?” TJ and sans questioned simultaneously. Fuck. Damage control! You turned to TJ as Papyrus turned to Sans.

“TJ, see when I went to the housecall, Papyrus accidentally threw a bone spear through my tire…” you began

“...and I felt terrible so of course I drove the human to her human date…” Papyrus reminded Sans.

“ date dropped me off at my place afterwards…”

“...Undyne, Alphys and I scared the human by accident when we tried to bring her her car and wallet…”

“...but we all had a big laugh and Papyrus said we could hang out afterwards.” you concluded.

“No I said we would go on a date,” Papyrus gently corrected you. TJ looked at you sternly as Papyrus patted you on the back. “I see your memory is still shaken by my greatness. I will explain.” He turned back to TJ and Sans.

“No! Totally not necessary!” you stammered.

“I think I’d like to know what Papyrus has to say,” TJ spoke and you clammed up. Papyrus was more than happy to continue.

“Yes. The human has developed romantic feelings for me and I feel that it behooves me to take her on a date.”

“how did the human show you she had feelings?” Sans asked with a smirk on his face

You felt Alphys frantically pull your jacket sleeve and you exchanged nervous glances with the lizard monster. Hopefully Papyrus wasn’t going to be too specific on what happened last night. He wouldn’t share everything, would he?

He would. “The human began to flirt with me by complimenting my greatness. She shared information about herself and asked questions of me. And then she battled and defeated me with her pink stick.”

It was so silent that one could hear a pin drop. Sans’ brow furrowed at the terminology as Alphys bit the collar of her own lab coat to keep from gasping.

“pink stick?” Sans questioned. TJ mouthed the words silently until realization dawned on him and his eyes widened. You found yourself trying to shrink behind one of the tables in the lab. TJ still spotted you and brought a hand to his forehead. Maybe you’d get lucky and get murdered before you got fired. You haven’t been fired before...but you hadn’t been murdered before either.

Papyrus seemed oblivious to the change in the atmosphere. “Yes. I remember it like it was yesterday which it was so that’s good. I think it had another name. I think she called it pepp-”

“IT’S CALLED A PINK STICK!!” Alphys suddenly yelled, the sudden outburst making everyone jump.

Once everyone came back down to the ground, Papyrus faced her. She was nervously laughing and wringing her claws. “Are you sure it’s called a pink stick?”


Sans hesitated at the manic looking scientist but ventured anyway, “what does a pink stick do?”

Papyrus attempted to answer but Alphys was faster, flailing her arms in the air as she spoke, “IT’S A HUMAN FEMALE NOISE MAKER! IT MAKES LOUD NOISES TO CONFUSE POSSIBLE ATTACKERS AND IT BRINGS HELP TO THE WOMAN.”

Papyrus was perplexed. “But I could have sworn I felt like my skull-”

You quickly waved your hands too. If you were going down, you were going down swinging. “I BET YOU THOUGHT YOU DID! WEREN’T YOU CONFUSED WHEN I USED IT?!”



Papyrus nodded. “You did.”


Papyrus smiled. “I understand now. What an ingenious invention.” Alphys and you were too busy have a good panic laugh to acknowledge this.

“where’s the pink stick?”

“Eh?” You asked.

Sans shrugged. “i’m curious to see what a pink stick looks like.”

“Oh uh. I don’t have it right now. I must have dropped it around my apartment,” you answered honestly.

Sans shrugged. “doesn’t seem like a good protection device if you don’t have it on you.”

Before you could respond, you felt TJ’s hand on your shoulder. “Excuse us for a moment,” he asked, steering you away from the monsters.

“sure thing bud.”


“I cannot believe you not only maced a client but you’re also going on a date with him,” TJ spoke quietly, keeping up a smile to avoid drawing attention.

You gritted your teeth. “The fucker jumped me from the darkness. I thought he was a rapist,” you argued. You paused.


“Now that I think about it, even if he was a rapist, how can a skeleton rape anyone without a penis?”

“Really, Lori? You might be getting fired here and you’re wondering about monster genitalia?”

“It’s a legitimate question.”

TJ raised his hand to shush you. “Listen, it looks like Papyrus isn’t going to file a complaint against you. Neither am I...unless...were you in uniform when you attacked him?”

You dropped your smile to give him a hard look. “You really think I would wear scrubs to a date?”

“Right, so that helps a lot. But you do need to go tell him that you cannot go on a date with him because he’s a client.” You bit your lips at his words. TJ studied your face for a few moments before prompting, “It was his idea to go on a date, correct? You didn’t ask him?”

“Pshaw. Yeah no. You think I would want to date such a cinnabunny?” Your eyes bulged and you smacked your forehead, “Shit, no wait, I didn’t mean?! Fuck!” You didn’t even bother to look at TJ’s smirk. “Fine I’ll tell him.”

“Tell who what?” TJ and you looked to see that Papyrus had inched his way over to you from the other side of the room.

You sighed and mustered up your best sad face. “Oh Papyrus, I’m afraid I cannot go on a date with you.”

Papyrus was startled. “Why? Was it something I said?”

You shook your head. “No. My work has strict rules about fraternizing with clients after hours. We are not allowed to date clients otherwise we could lose our jobs.”

“Oh.” You watched him curiously. He actually appeared crestfallen about this. “I-i see. I don’t want you to get into trouble” Papyrus admitted, looking resigned.

You felt pangs of guilt strike your chest. “I’m really sorry,” you spoke quietly, putting a hand on his shoulder, “I’m sure we would have had fun.” You meant every word of it.

“I only hope that you are able to find someone almost as great as me to alleviate your devastation.”

Those pangs of guilt subsided and you cracked a smile, withdrawing your hand. “I’ll try,” you chuckled.

“hey bro, what’s up?” Sans asked, having sauntered over to your small group.

Papyrus sighed. “I am not taking the human out on a date.”

“oh gee. why not?”

TJ stepped in, to your relief. The shorter skeleton had unnerved you in the elevator a bit to say the least. “Our hospital doesn’t allow our employees to date clients.”

Sans whistled. “that’s a shame. whelp. nothing you can do about that, pap. guess the time next you’ll see her is when you bring in your pet to have good old doc check him out.”

“I suppose you’re right,” Papyrus agreed, starting to walk back with Sans. He stopped midstep. “Ah, Sans?”

“yeah bro?”

“Sans, do I have any pets?”

TJ and you exchanged glances. TJ suddenly grinned and you felt out of the loop. What did he know that you didn’t? He ignored your suspicious probing.

“hmm, undyne didn’t put you in command of any guards did she?”


“the pet rock is mine.”

“Even though you never feed it, yes.” Papyrus tapped his skull. “If I don’t have any pets...that means I’m not a client...which means-!” He immediately turned around and ran back toward you both, enveloping you in a big hug.

“Guff!” you gasped from the impact.

“Human, I shall take you on your date afterall!” He dropped you back to the floor and began to walk back to the laboratory door. “Come! Let us commence the date!”

“Now?” you gasped.

“Of course!” You looked for help but the doctors were too busy snickering and Sans was already waving good bye. You must not have moved fast enough as Papyrus doubled back, grabbed your hand and dragged you out the door.

“I guess bye!” You waved back as the door shut behind you. You tried to walk toward the elevator but Papyrus stopped you.

“We should take the stairs! It helps build strong bones!”

You were regretting this date already.


Four flights of stairs, 30 minutes of walking and a whole lot of stares later, you found yourself in front of an Italian restaurant called Tacchelli’s. “Tacchelli’s? That sounds familiar,” you mentioned.

“Oh, have you eaten here before?” Papyrus asked.

“No I don’t think so. I tend to remember Italian names,” you admitted.

Unlike your last date, this place seemed much more casual so you fit right in with your jeans and jacket. Well as best as one fits in with a tall energetic skeleton monster. You brightened up considerably as you followed him inside. You were pretty excited actually. You had been craving noodles for a while now.

The restaurant was a lot brighter than you anticipated. Pictures of Italy and Italian flags decorated the walls. Papyrus walked up to the host and smiled. “Two please.” Surprisingly, the hostess did not seem the least bit phased by the skeleton.

“Oh hello Papyrus!” she greeted cheerfully. “No Undyne today?”

“Nope. I have brought my human friend. We are on a date,” he announced proudly, gesturing to you.

The hostess looked over at you and you waved somewhat shyly back. “Oh hello!” the hostess greeted. She looked closely at you and smiled. “Are you Italian?”

You chuckled. “Yes, not fully though.”

“Lui è molto carino, no?”

You ran a hand through your hair. “I don’t speak it very well, either. Sorry,” you apologized.

The hostess waved her hand. “No problem. I’m sure you’d agree with it soon enough. I’ll get you two seated.” The restaurant wasn’t too busy as the hostess escorted you guys to a table, “We’re never busy for lunch. Dinner on the other hand,” her voice trailed off and she laughed. True to her word, the hostess got you seated very quickly. “Go ahead and look at the menus. I’ll send someone over soon.”

You and Papyrus stared at each other for a moment. “ are you feeling?” you asked, breaking the ice. “You know...after uh, last night?”

Papyrus nodded vigorously. “Much better, thank you.” He thumbed through his menu and set it down. “I was surprised to see you at the lab,” he admitted.

“Hah. Yeah me too,” you concurred. “We were hoping to meet with Alphys to get some information about monster biology for the royal guards. We’re not sure if they can catch the same diseases that human pets can since they are very similar to our own dogs.”

Papyrus nodded. “Well if you have any questions about skeleton anatomy, feel free to ask me. I’m very good at skeleton anatomy,” he bragged.

“No doubt,” You laughed. You glanced through your own menu. “I didn’t know your brother worked with Alphys,” you added.

Papyrus smiled. “Sans is pretty smart even if he is incredibly lazy,” he explained, “He always seemed to be interested in physics more than fighting. Since we’re no longer Underground, Alphys was able to take him on as a lab assistant when the university hired her.”

“That’s actually pretty cool,” you admitted. So Sans was a nerd. A possibly lecherous, most definitely terrifying nerd but a nerd nonetheless. That admission alone seemed to make him less scary to you, especially when imagined him in dorky glasses and snickered. You noticed that Papyrus hadn’t touched his menu anymore. “Do you know what you want?”

“Yes. Spaghetti. I get it everytime I come here.”

“Oh. What type of spaghetti?” you asked.

Papyrus looked confused. “Um, the regular kind?” he offered.

“Er, I meant what type of sauce?”

“Oh, marinara.” Papyrus looked at you curiously. “Are you saying that there are more than one type of sauce?”

You weren’t sure if he was kidding but then you realized that Papyrus was not capable of sarcasm. “Oh yeah. A lot. You mean to say you’ve only had marinara?” Papyrus nodded. You processed this information. “We’ll have to fix that.”

“Ciao! Papi!” a male voice called out. The two of you looked over to see a heavyset man wearing a waist apron approaching jovially. There were flour stains on his black pants. He was balding but what hair he left was massively curly and thick. You were having an odd feeling of deja vu. He slapped a hand on Papi, er Papyrus’ back happily.

“Hello chef human!” Papyrus greeted back, “How are you?”

“Good good. But say, Angelina justa came back to the kitchen. Says yous got a date today, heheh?”

“Yes I am on a date. This is her!” Papyrus proudly pointed across the table at you. The man turned to you and stuck out a hand.

“Ciao bambina,” he greeted enthusiastically as you took his hand. “Youse look a so different when you’re not in scrubs.” Your brow furrowed. That’s why. He was a client.

“You have...a dachshund,” you remembered smiling, “and her name is Lenny!” You paused. “I actually don’t remember your first name,” you admitted.

The man grinned. “It’s Giuseppe. But I ama so happy you remember my little meata sausage!” He poked you gently and pointed toward Papyrus who watched with interest. “Youse got a great guy here,” he “whispered” to you. Whispering for Italians was just talking at a slightly lower volume which meant everyone could still hear them. Papyrus colored slightly. “If youse can just put some meat on dem bones, that’d be great. Lord knows my Maria has tried.”

“Haha, I’ll do my best about putting some weight on him,” you winked. Giuseppe seemed satisfied with that answer and stood back up.

“Youse gotta bring her around here at night. Definitely more romantic,” Giuseppe winked at Papyrus who colored even more so, “We’s gota candles, live music. You gotta make reservations cause it’s so romantic.”

“Ah-ah. I see,” Papyrus managed. You couldn’t help but find yourself amused at Papyrus’ nervousness.

“Whats ya guys want from the kitchen?” Giuseppe asked, wiping his hands on the apron.

“Spaghetti,” Papyrus smiled. Giuseppe seemed to understand and turned to you.

“Alfredo chicken pasta please.”

“Got it. Yous want a glass of wine? Or a bottle?” he offered.

“Wine?” you asked, glancing at your watch. “Isn’t it a bit early?”

“Naw. Never too early for wine. You think about it. I’ll ah comea back.”

You laughed as he left. “Psst!” Papyrus loudly whispered.

“Yes, Papyrus?”

“Wine is alcohol, correct?” Papyrus asked. You nodded.

“Yes. It’s a special type of alcohol made from grapes...although speaking of alcohol,” you remembered Jeremy’s text, “Do monsters have alcohol?”

Papyrus nodded. “I think so. I can’t tell you much about it though. I’ve never drank.”

A knot formed in your stomach at the admission. Never drank? Shit, shit. What if he’s a minor? Oh my god, that would explain Sans’ somewhat overprotective attitude. “How old are you?” You asked. Papyrus hesitated. The knot grew. “Uh, okay don’t take offense at this...but you are an adult right?”

Papyrus actually did look slightly offended at it. “Nyeh! Of course. I’m just not interested in drinking is all,” he scolded. The knot vanished thankfully. He shifted his eyes. “You probably should ask Sans. He still goes to that horrible grease bar, Grillby’s.”

“Grillby’s? What’s that?” you asked, starting to slip out of your jacket. It had gotten pretty warm. You just pulled out your other arm, exposing your somewhat pale shoulders (hey, when you worked full time in a hospital, daylight didn’t come by easily) as Giuseppe returned.

“Ya guys decide on what wine you wanna try?” Giuseppe asked, holding two plates of pasta.

You shook your head. “Not today. Maybe next time,” You answered. Giuseppe looked over to Papyrus and began to chuckle. He dropped the plates, shot you a wink and left you alone. You were slightly confused by his reaction until you looked over at Papyrus. He was observing you rather intently. “Uh, Papyrus?” you ventured.

“I’m sorry, did you say something?” he asked, looking slightly confused.

“What’s Grillby’s?” you asked, fidgeting. Had your disrobing really been that distracting to him?

“Oh.” Papyrus coughed and seemed to come back out of whatever state he had been in just moments ago. “It’s a restaurant and bar that Sans used to go to all the time in the Underground. The owner, Grillby, moved his place up here after the barrier broke. I can’t stand the food though. It’s way too greasy,” he admitted, making a bleh face.

“Ah.” You ate in silence for a bit. You tried to discreetly figure out where the food went that he was eating. It didn’t seem to fall out of him so you settled on magic. Magic seemed to be the reason for the many monster quirks you realized. “This is pretty good pasta,” you admitted.

“Yes it is, but if you truly want to try some artisanal pasta, you should try one of my masterpieces,” Papyrus insisted between bites.

“You cook?” you asked.

“I have been taught by Undyne. I was known as Papyrus, master chef spaghettore.”

You smiled. “That’s pretty awesome. I can cook a few things too. We should trade dishes or something.”

Papyrus was about to say something when he suddenly jerked back from the table. “Agh!” he yelled in surprise.

You stood up. “Papyrus, are you okay?” you asked hurriedly.

“She’s got my leg!” You quickly ran around to his side of the table to see what exactly who she was.

“Oh, hey Lenny,” you recognized. A chubby dapple dachshund had latched onto his fibula and was desperately trying to pedal backwards without much luck. The dog perked up at its name and let go of his leg which Papyrus quickly yanked up on to his chair. Lenny was by no means the epitome of health, but she definitely looked happy and spoiled rotten. The dog was friendly enough as it now ran to you for belly rubs. Belly rubs were easy to give when the animal was 60% belly to be honest.

Giuseppe walked out and whistled for the wiggly dog. “Lenny, yous didn’t finish your lunch!” The dog yipped happily, gave a final lick and ran back to her owner. Giuseppe shot an apologetic smile in their direction. “Sorry. She’sa smart one. She always gets out of her crate when she knows you’re here.”

You opted not to question the health code violations that were possibly be broken by the presence of a dog in the kitchen but instead looked back to your date. You raised an eyebrow at Papyrus who was sitting back down. “This has happened before?”

Papyrus nodded somewhat grimly although you swore you could see a slight smile. “Everytime. The stupid dog just knows when I’m here.” He looked around nervously. “She’ll make another attempt after lunch. We may want to finish before her.”

You found that actually a lot easier than you thought. All the walking had made you rather hungry and you soon finished your plate. Papyrus had somehow achieved the same result (again, magic) and Giuseppe brought over the check. Before you could even take a look, Papyrus snatched it out of your grasp and placed some money down. “Hey! Let me pitch in,” you argued.

“Nyeh!” Papyrus countered. “I said I would take you out on a date and I meant it. Papyrus always keeps his promises.” You gave up. You would try to pay the next time. No next time. Why did you even think that?

“Well thank you for the date,” You thanked him outwardly. “I had fun.” You meant it.

You were soon both walking back into the daylight. Papryus stood strangely quiet on the sidewalk as you slipped back on your jacket. You swore you could see him shoot a glance or two at you as you redressed but you couldn’t have been sure. Finally, Papyrus was the first to break the silence.

“So did the Great Papyrus cure you of your feelings for me?” Papyrus asked.

You laughed. “You don’t have to ask me out again,” you reassured him.

“Oh. I’m glad to hear that.” Papyrus shifted but made no attempt to move. “Are you sure you’re completely over my rugged features and dashing charms?”

You found yourself snorting with laughter at the descriptions. “Yes, I think so.”

“You think so? You’re not 100% sure?” You hesitated and gave him an odd look. His voice was a lot less boisterous than normal. He cleared his throat. “What I meant to say was that although this date was successful, I believe we should go on another one so you will be 100% positive that you are not in love with me.”

You blinked. Did you just hear him correctly? “You want us to go on another date?” You asked.

“Yes. I think it would help you,” Papyrus asserted, nodding at your statement.

You found yourself becoming irritated. Being taken out for one pity date was doable. But two? His statement just rubbed you wrong. “Nah, I’m good,” you shrugged.

Papyrus stopped mid nod and froze. He didn’t seem to expect your answer. “Eh, you are...good?”

You nodded, a wicked smile starting to creep onto your face. “Yeah, I’m good. I don’t need a second pity date.”

Papyrus hesitated. “ Although the Great Papyrus is very merciful, I do not understand that term.”

You made a motion for you both to start walking back towards the university. It was going to be a long and most likely awkward walk. He walked alongside you and listened as you explained, “A pity date is when one person has feelings for another person and the other person doesn’t like them like that but they take them out on a date because they don’t want to hurt their feelings.”

“But I don’t want to hurt your feelings,” Papyrus insisted.

“Don’t worry, you’re not.”

“I still don’t understand.”

You sighed. Oh boy, guess it’s now or never. You cleared your throat. “Er, I’m not falling for you, Papyrus. I know you keep telling everyone that I am madly in love with you, but I’m not. You’re a cool dude and all,” you assured him as his brisk pace began to slow, “but I’m not interested in dating someone if they aren’t interested back.”

“But I do find you interesting,” Papyrus added, returning back to his normal stride.

“Romantically interested,” you emphasized.

“What’s the difference?”

You sighed. Time to do what you did best. Corrupt the innocent with knowledge. You had reached a park like area so you pulled him to the side to avoid blocking foot traffic. “When you find someone interesting, you want to learn about them and hang out with them. Which is awesome.” You sighed. Here it comes. “When you’re romantically interested in them, you not only want to learn about them and see them but you also want to do...other things to them.”

“Other things? Like puzzles and cooking?” Papyrus offered

“Yeahh...but other physical things.”

Papyrus’s face was blank. “Other physical things?” he questioned, not picking up on your emphasis, “Like go jogging?” You shook your head slowly. Papyrus huffed. “What else is there to do?” he asked earnestly.

Well fuck. You faced Papyrus and gently took his hand. The motion caught him off guard but he didn’t pull it back, so you stood there holding it. “Other know. Like wanting to hold their hand, or running your fingers up and down their arms,” you continued, delicately dragging your fingers up the length of his arm, “or wanting to snuggle up to them and hold them close to you,” you added, slipping your other hand around his torso and nestling your head against his chest as you pressed the rest of your body against him. You made sure not to force yourself on him but even your simple “demonstration” appeared to have a profound effect on him.

He had gone completely still. Papyrus didn’t even appear to be breathing, although again you weren’t sure if skeletons could breath. He finally gulped. “I ah, uh like this?” his voice came out unsteadily. A pair of shaking skeletal arms carefully enveloped you but just barely touched you. You wondered if he was worried he might break you. He was pretty strong. You nodded to his question, smiling silently to yourself. His next words came out slightly above a whisper. “Is there something else?”

“Well, then there’s kissing,” you murmured softly to him. You slowly looked up at him, batting your eyelids innocently. Papyrus’ face was an orange as a traffic cone. He hurriedly looked around, as if he couldn’t believe that you were actually speaking to him.

“I, er, don’t have any lips but maybe” Papyrus stammered, leaning down toward you gently.

Your eyes widened in surprise. Shit! The absurdity of the situation was too much and you quickly pulled yourself out of his embrace, leaving him holding empty air. “Don’t worry! I wasn’t going to try to kiss you!” you reassured, running a hand through your hair. Man, it was starting to feel a bit warm out here didn’t it? Why were you doing this again?

Papyrus looked startled at your sudden withdrawal and he stared at the empty space in front of him for a few seconds longer than he should have. “Oh.” He brought his arms back to his sides, only to slowly bring one of them to the back of his head. “I thought you might have wanted to,” he admitted shyly.

Now you were starting to feel devious. “Nope, I don’t kiss people who aren’t interested in me.” You shot him a mischievous look. “Are you interested in me?”

Papyrus’ sockets widened. “Ah!” He quickly slammed a hand to his mouth to stop his outburst. He took a deep breath. “Hu-er Lori?”

“Is the answer no?”

“Yes. I mean no. Wait yes? Which question should I answer first?” Papyrus sighed, “humans are confusing. Skeletons are much simpler.”

“You can say that again. We can see right through you guys.”

The pun did not phase Papyrus. In fact, it only prompted a wry grin from him. “Ha! That bad joke doesn’t work because Sans and I wear clothes. And humans cannot see through clothes...wait. They can’t right?” he asked worriedly.

“No we can’t,” you confirmed.

“Good.” Papyrus had brightened up considerably. “But I’m getting distracted. To answer your first question-!”

“hey bro! hey bud! glad i could find you guys.”

Papyrus and you turned to see Sans sauntering toward you guys with a big grin on his face. You smiled just as big back at him, remembering that he was a big fucking nerd. “Hey Sans! Good job finding us,” you congratulated, walking over to Sans.

Sans appeared somewhat surprised at your relaxed response and his smile widened. You’re not sure what message you overtly sent, but he seemed to pick it up loud and clear. “heh. it wasn’t that hard. there’s only one restaurant my bro goes to if he does not cook at home,” Sans admitted.

“Well, it is a good one. Have you been?” Remember, big fucking nerd. In physics! Almost as nerdy as electrical engineering! You got this.

Sans shook his head, “can’t say that i have actually.”

“Sans, can you give the human and I a moment?” Papyrus interrupted. You and Sans turned to see that Papyrus had not moved from his spot. He seemed to be gritting his teeth slightly. If a skeleton could looked irritated, it would probably look like Papyrus.

Sans did not seem bothered the interruption. “okay.” He didn’t move.

“That’s not what I meant.”


“Can you leave for one minute?”

“sure, but i need to take the human with me.”

You glanced at Sans. “Is everything okay?” You asked worriedly. You didn’t feel threatened somehow, but his tone made it sound like there was trouble.

Sans nodded, “yeah. alphys has your doctor trapped and going on about that anime show she watches. i told him i’d come get you so you could save him.”

You snickered. “Man, if he wasn’t my boss, I’d totally ditch him but I guess we better do the right thing, huh, Papyrus?” There was no response. “Papyrus?” you asked, glancing back at him. The skeleton looked terribly conflicted and kept opening and shutting his mouth in silence as if debating on whether to say something or not. He didn’t look at either of you. “Papyrus?” you prodded him with your finger, startling him.

“What? Yes, sorry my mind was elsewhere.” Papyrus straightened up and seized the hand you had just poked him with firmly. The sudden contact that you did not instigate bewildered you and you looked up at him. Papyrus did not make eye contact with you and in fact appeared to be doing everything he could to appear as indifferent as Sans. “Thank you, Sans. I will accompany the human back personally. I shall not require your assistance-”

“actually, that’s the second reason i came. undyne called alphys while you were gone. she wants you to call her with a report on your activities or something like pronto.”

Papyrus’ cool face fell. “Captain Undyne said that? I guess I better go then. Good bye, Sans.” He looked down at you and with a sigh, released your hand. “Good bye, Lori.” He turned quickly and began to jog down the street. You had a weird feeling at his departure. You wanted to go now.

Sans didn’t move. “Shouldn’t we get going?” you prompted.

“in a moment. pap parked his car in the other direction.” Sure enough, the tall skeleton jogged back sheepishly.

“I...uh...went the wrong way,” he admitted before hastily running away.

You both chuckled and started walking. “oh by the way, i told him i’d get you back there in about 10 minutes or so.”

You coughed. “Are you serious? It took us 30 minutes to walk here? Did you drive?”

Sans shook his head. “nope. but don’t worry. i know a shortcut.”

Chapter Text

You could not even fathom what type of shortcut Sans could be referring to. You debated on questioning his logic or asking if he intended to sprout wings and fly. You pursed your lips together instead and continued walking alongside him silently. Sans noticed you thinking. “hmm. looks like you’ve got something you want to say.”

You didn’t really want to share your thoughts but he asked in such a way that he expected an answer quickly. You suddenly remembered Jeremy’s questions and lack of information Papyrus provided. “Ooh! Actually yes! It’s kinda silly, but do monsters have alcohol?” You gratefully asked.

“yup.” Sans nodded.

“Really?” His answer caught you off guard. “Is it similar to human alcohol in anyway?”

“sorta. the tastes are pretty varied depending on what you order. you can also get drunk on both too. the effects are different.”

“The effects?”

“yeah. monster alcohol is magic based. it’s supposed to bring out and emphasize the good parts of you. however, it doesn’t hide who you really are though and if you drink too much you might share things you’d rather not. human’t quite seem to do that. at least not every time.” Sans appeared to wince as if recalling some memory. You could attest to that. You could remember plenty of times you went clubbing only to see people who drank too much either fight, cry or fuck. It was an even split between all three.

“Huh. So it makes things fun and can be used as truth serum if you do too much of it,” you summarized proudly.

“you’d probably have to slam a couple back before you get to that point. a lot of first timers are real susceptible cause you don’t know your limits until you’ve hit them. it’s best to go drink with someone who has drank before to make sure you don’t accidentally hit that limit.” Sans put his hands in his pockets and shot you a lazy glance. “why do you ask?”

“The guy I’m dating works at a wine restaurant and he was curious,” you admitted. Sans nodded again and continued to walk. “ you know any places around here that serve monster alcohol?” you asked hesitantly.

“sure do. grillby’s. i’ll take you there tonight,” Sans informed you.

“Thanks but I actually have another date with the guy.”

“bring him too,” Sans offered.

You smiled. “Alright, we’ll see.” You both walked in silence. Sans also seemed to be thinking about something but you didn’t press the issue. Finally, he spoke.

“got a favor to ask bud.”

“Go for it.”

“i care a lot about my brother...but you don’t need to tell him that we are going to grillby’s tonight,” he mentioned casually.

You watched Sans carefully. He was still smiling as he said this. “I don’t like to keep secrets from friends,” you admitted, “Can you tell me why?”

Sans nodded. “sure. papyrus always gets on my case when i go to grillby’s. says the food is awful, greasy. you know. i don’t need to get chewed out from him tonight.”

“Oh, in that case, yeah, totally,” you winked. “But, uh, what makes you think I’ll be talking to him tonight before I see you?”

“call it a hunch.” Sans winked back. “another don’t need to answer every question pap asks you. i know he’s not the most worldly and he’s really excited to learn, but i mean, you don’t need to tell him everything.”

You huffed. “Dude, he’s an adult right? Would you rather him find things out from a friend or someone he doesn’t know?” You were surprised at your resistance. Sans cracked an even larger smile at your tenacity.

Sans waved his hands defensively. “i know. i know. just don’t tell him everything you know. do you know how weird it is to have your younger brother explain in graphic detail how humans castrate their animals to prevent overpopulation and incest while you’re trying to eat breakfast?”

You paled. “Oh my God, he didn’t!”

“he for my sake?”

“Yeah, yeah. No absolutely,” you hurriedly agreed. You reflected on his words. “I’m actually surprised your brother remembered everything that I said. I only told him once.”

“papyrus is a very good listener. especially with those he cares about.” You bit your lip but said nothing, letting the words hang in the air. Sans continued the same pace as if he said nothing. “so you guys going out again?”

You thought about Papyrus’ response to your question. He might be an adult, but he certainly didn’t act like one. And if he was playing a game with you-well you had enough experience to know you didn’t need to go through that again. Too many heartaches over men who tried to play games. You either liked someone or you didn’t. And his lack of yes meant one thing. A no, an awkward once but still a no. “No. I told him I didn’t want to go out on another pity date and he doesn’t like me like that, so no. I”m back down to dating one guy now.”


“Why? You know something I don’t?”

“nah. he seemed real excited when he talked about you.”

“Yeah, well people can act differently around family than they do around other people,” you laughed.

“so you guys aren’t in a relationship?”

“The only ship he and I share is a friendship.”

Sans laughed heartedly at the bad joke. “cool. i didn’t want to accidentally go hunting on brother’s territory, you know?” Territory?

You debated telling him to fuck off but held back. Sans was still smiling. It was hard to tell if he was serious. You leaned in close to stare at his face before sticking out a tongue at him. “I’m trying to figure out if you’re fucking with me or not.”

“not at the moment, but i can change that,” Sans replied back huskily.

A shiver ran down your spine. It had been a while since you were physically intimate with anyone. You didn’t seem to have much “me time” these days either. But even if you had more “me time”, nothing could compare to the touches from another person. Sans seemed to sense your aroused apprehension and chuckled lowly. “it’s totally up to you. but it looks like we’re here now.”

You jerked your head around and sure enough you had arrived at the lab door. “It’s been 8 the fuck did we get here so fast?”

“i know a lot of shortcuts.”

“I don’t even remember walking into the building!” you insisted.

Sans shrugged. “maybe you should have been more observant of my actions than my words.”

It was a losing battle to try to figure it out, so you stopped. You settled for opening the door and walking in. TJ was holding a mountain of text books that touched the bridge of his nose while Alphys still added to the pile. She was talking animatedly to him and you could catch the occasional phrase, “and if you really like robots, I would recommend you read this series!”

You stepped in at this point. “Thanks for waiting, TJ. I’m here to help you carry the books out to your car.” TJ shot you a look of gratitude as you seized the top half of the stack. To your not surprise, this half of the stack was all various manga books.

Alphys gave you both a sheepish grin. “Ooh! M-maybe I overdid it a bit.”

“No, this is fine. Thank you again for seeing us on such short notice,” TJ reassured the nervous scientist. “I’ll bring these books back as soon as I am able.”

“Oh. oh. There’s no rush. I have another project I’m working on,” Alphys admitted, gesturing to the robotic ligaments strewn about. “Some prosthetics advancements I hope. You-your current models don’t have the same fluidity as regular appendages and the more advanced models aren’t really in the price range for the average person.”

“Dude! That’s awesome! People in my field are kinda fuc-er, screwed if they lose an arm,” you corrected yourself in the presence of your boss.

Alphys smiled proudly. “Well I’ve got a ways to go, but I have had some practice when I was living underground with Met-ermonster volunteers. But now that there are more resources above, I think I can do more. At least I can try.”

Everyone said their goodbyes as you and TJ left the lab with arms full of literature. Thankfully, you were allowed to take the elevator down this time. Matt was nice enough to not let the door slam you in the face when he held it open for TJ. It was a good day. Sorta.

“Would you mind taking the anime?” TJ asked hopefully as you both approached your cars.

“No way dude. Be responsible and take care of your own load, TJ,” you smirked, placing the books into the back seat of your car.

“Well, didn’t hurt to ask. Are you working tomorrow?”

“Nope. Not till Monday.”

“Really? You have the weekend off? What did you have to do to get that?”

“I had to jump a skeleton’s bones.”


“I got lucky,” you shrugged, “although you can totally call me in if you need help.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, but we should be good,” TJ admitted, “Have a good weekend!” You climbed into your car and started driving toward the direction of the grocery store nearest to your house. It didn’t take terribly long as the Friday night traffic hadn’t hit yet.

As you entered the store and started to head toward the dairy section, you couldn’t help but notice the vine ripe tomatoes. 89 cents a lb? That was pretty good. The basil and garlic were on sale too. You had the base for a marinara sauce right there. When was the last time you actually made spaghetti at home? Your ancestors would be ashamed of you!

You couldn’t help but let your mind wander over to Papyrus as you grabbed another pound of tomatoes. You wondered what the hell artisians pasta was, having only heard the name in frou frou restaurants that charged you $65 a dish. Did that mean he know how to make noodles from scratch? You gritted your teeth. “I’m not even good about making uniform noodles by hand and some skeleton is making fancy pasta without a muscular system.” You didn’t even know when the next time you were ever going to see Papyrus again and here you were stocking up on pasta making supplies. But it was too late and you weren’t strong enough to stop.

By the time you reached the milk, your cart was halfway full with basil and pesto and tomatoes and garlic and onions and pasta. Lots of different pasta. You were doing this for yourself, dammit. You had to remind yourself of this message as many times as it took you to actually believe it.

The clerk eyed you curiously as you threw everything on the conveyer belt at the register. He began to scan your items as you checked your phone. “This is going to sound weird,” the clerk interrupted, “But you don’t happen to know a skeleton monster, do you?”

Your mouth dropped open. There was no way. “Yeah, I do. Why?”

The clerk chuckled to himself. “I mean, this is pretty much exactly what he buys every time he comes here. Minus the garlic.” You didn’t know whether to be more shocked that Papyrus shopped at the same store as you or that he somehow cooked pasta without garlic.

“He doesn’t buy garlic?” You went with the second option. Because that was much more shocking to you. You slid your credit card through as another clerk walked up.

“You talking about Papyrus?”

“Yeah. The lady knows him.”

“Oh that’s cool. Did you guys come here together?”

You froze. “I’m sorry?” You must have heard him incorrectly.

The other clerk nodded. “Yeah, I thought you were together since he followed you in-” this has to be a joke. “Like, you guys went to every aisle together.” There’s no way.

“Are you sure that was him?” you asked, “I could have sworn he had training right now.”

“Haha, who could forget a skeleton who wears a cape?” … “Even if I wasn’t sure, I totally heard him go ‘Nyeh!’ when he ran into one of our end aisle displays. I don’t know anyone else who even says ‘nyeh.’” Mother fucker, neither did you.

Your mouth went on auto pilot with a “Oh that’s very interesting,” before nabbing your receipt and darting out the door with your groceries. You tossed them into the trunk and leapt into the driver's seat. The ignition roared to life and you began to accelerate forward.

"Hello human!" -only to immediately slam on them as Papyrus popped up in front of your car with a friendly wave. Although you were fast and the car stopped quickly, your bumper still hit Papyrus and knocked him down to your horror. You shifted into park, hit the emergency lights and jumped out of the car. You ran to the front, expecting the worst.

Papyrus was lying on the ground and although looking slightly stunned, looked intact and perfectly fine. He spotted you and waved again from his position on the street. "Hello Lori!" he greeted enthusiastically.

"Jesus, Pap, are you okay?" You gasped.

"Of course. You just tapped me is all."

You breathed a sigh of relief which quickly turned into rage. "Oh good. In that case, what the fuck were you thinking?!" You yelled at the prostate skeleton. Your shouting startled him and he looked around nervously.


"Were you fucking following me in the store?!"

"Not exactly. At least not at first."

"Oh well that makes it alright then."


"Of course it fucking doesn't!"

"Are you seriously yelling at a monster you hit with your car?" You looked to the side and saw a group of about 5 people had gathered to watch the scene unfold. The woman who spoke had her arms crossed and looked at you disapprovingly.

"Don't worry, human. Lori and I are dating!" Papyrus explained from his lying position.

"No we're not!" You growled back.

"Oopsy daisy. You're right. She and I are friends who have dated." That was slightly more accurate so you let it go.

"Ya'll don't seem to be acting like friends," she criticized.

"I'm yelling at him because he scared me. I thought I hurt him!"

"You're yelling at him because you care about him?"

"Fuck, yes!" You yelled exasperatedly. The woman seemed to understand this somehow and gave you guys some space. You looked at Papyrus who seemed to be smiling even wider. "What did you want Papyrus?"

"I want to ask you to hang out with me."

You blinked. "Hang out?"

Papyrus nodded. "Yes. You see-"

You held up a hand. "You need to stand up if I'm going to take you seriously. It feels super weird talking to you on the ground."

Papyrus nodded and leapt to his feet in one graceful maneuver. You were impressed but you were not going to tell him. He would think you were flirting again.

"You see, after you left, I was thinking. I have never gone on a second date. I haven't even reached that chapter in my dating manual. So I need time to read it to see if we should go on another date. The prerequisites are different," He explained matter of factly.

"How so?"

"I don't know. I only read the first sentence which said that the prerequisites for the 2nd date are different than the first date."


"It will take me some time to study it but I do want to see you again even if i don't know if i like you romantically. So let us hang out instead?"

You opened your mouth to question the logic but stopped. You had only known him for maybe 2 days? Possibly 3. During which you had groped each other, assaulted him and then dated him by accident. Hanging out to get to know him better might not be a bad idea.



"Yeah let's hang out."


"On one condition."


"You tell me why you were stalking me?"

Papyrus looked embarrassed about your question. "I wasn't stalking you. I was observing you." Your face must have remained confused because Papyrus continued to explain. "You were clearly gathering ingredients for spaghetti. I wanted to see if humans made spaghetti differently. It was also the perfect opportunity to practice my stealth techniques"


"The humans who work at the grocery store told me that they informed you that I was following you. I was hoping to find you to explain that I wasn't following you to scare you. I was admiring your spaghetti gathering techniques."

"Admiring my spaghetti gathering techniques?" Of all the compliments you had received from men, this was perhaps the strangest yet somehow most endearing one you had received in a long time.

"Yes. Although you are lacking some essential ingredients to truly make a masterpiece, I would be happy to demonstrate my cooking prowess for you," Papyrus graciously offered.

You had to laugh at this because honestly what else could you do.

"Fine fine. Where do you want to hang out?"

Papyrus thought about it. "How about my house at 2pm tomorrow? I have all the pots and pans. You can just bring these groceries."

"Hmm. Would you mind taking them with you now? I don't have that much room in my fridge. Just let me take the milk back."

"What a clever idea," Papyrus exclaimed. You helped separate the groceries and watched as he lifted all of them in one hand and placed them in his car. He really was pretty strong. It would have been downright scary if he was evil.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow I guess," you chuckled. He nodded and but didn’t move. He kinda shifted from one foot to the other awkwardly. "Uh? Something wrong?"

Papyrus glanced away, the faintest trace of orange on his cheeks. "Er. It's nothing." Liar. Well if he wasn't going to tell you. You darted in before he could recover and gave him a quick tight squeeze.

"Can't wait for tomorrow!" You cheered. You felt his head rest gently on the top of your head before you could finish the hug and he seemed to sigh.

"I like you," Papyrus muttered quietly.

"Ah, what was that?" You asked, pulling back from him.

"I said me too." Papyrus spoke up quickly.

"Oh. Cool."

The drive home went by quickly and you soon found yourself entering your apartment with a goofy smile on your face and a new jug of milk in your hand. You couldn't help but feel excited. You wondered what type of house skeletons lived in? Was it a cemetery? Was it racist to even assume that? Or was it speciesist? Either way, you were excited. More so than for your second date with Jeremy you realized. Which you probably should start getting ready for.

Chapter Text

In the end, you opted to use Lyber to get downtown. (It was still amazing to you that Uber and Lyft had combined forces to make the ultimate ride sharing organization.) Normally you enjoyed driving and honestly you had not planned on the date extending longer than dinner, but it wouldn’t be a bad idea to be prepared in the off chance there was alcohol involved. Especially monster alcohol.

You scolded that idea as soon as it popped into your head. You hadn't even told Sans where you were going, much less given him your number. The monster might know where his brother goes, but he had no idea about yours truly. He might be spooky, but you were pretty sure he couldn’t read minds so your date looked like it was going to be uneventful.

You reapplied your make up one last time as you sat in the backseat of the Lyber car. The driver wasn’t speaking much which allowed you some time with your thoughts. You checked your clothing out. Low riding scoop neck with a zip up hoodie and jeans. Yup. You were ready. The Lyber car finally dropped you off and you walked confidently into the restaurant. Jeremy waved you down as you entered and you sat in the booth with him.

"So bad news, I’ve gotta keep my phone out. There's a chance I might get called into work tonight." He apologized, gesturing to his cellphone on the table.

"Oh dude that sucks," you sympathized "Yeah no problem. Did you wanna reschedule?"

"Thanks for understanding. Nah. Unless you got someone you'd rather go out with," Jeremy offered.

You chuckled. "No, I’ve got no one else tonight. Although now that you mention it, I am hanging out with Papyrus tomorrow to learn some cooking."

Jeremy arched an eyebrow at you. "But you're Italian. Don't all Italians know how to cook from birth?"

You snorted as you took a sip of a Coca cola the waiter had brought. "First, I'm only half. Second, that's racist."

Jeremy nodded. "But you get what I mean.” He whistled lowly. “From what you've described, he sounds like a cute kid. I wonder if he'll still be as enthusiastic about life when he is an adult."

"He is an adult," You admitted. Jeremy looked surprised.

"Seriously?" Jeremy chuckled. "Who still has cooking lessons when they're an adult?"

You half smiled at this. "Apparently I do,” you confessed. “plus, I think it's kinda sweet that he wants to teach me how to cook."

Jeremy played with his straw. "If you ask me, I think he might have a crush on you."

You chuckled. "Perhaps. Personally, I think it's to make up for me nearly running him down with my car this afternoon in the grocery parking lot."

"Haha what?"

"Oh man. Get this. He was trying to find out how I cook pasta while I was shopping and then he jumped in front of my car to say hi and I tapped him with the grill," you excitedly explained.

"Oh my god, what a fucking idiot," Jeremy laughed.

You felt a jolt go down your spine and you stopped laughing. The way he said that phrase did not agree with you and your smile vanished. You shot Jeremy an irritated look. "I don't think he's an idiot. He might be naive, but he's not stupid," you criticized.

Jeremy blanched at your comment. "Oh er. That's not what I meant - what I meant was that he wanted to get hit so you would feel bad and go hang out with him because he's actually acting so dumb to hide the fact that he is really clever?"

"Good save? I think?" You gave him a patient smile as Jeremy's smile returned to normal.

“But seriously. I really do think he has a crush on you,” Jeremy suggested with a smirk. You blew a raspberry and waved at him.

“Go on tell me another one.”

“I wouldn’t blame him. He has great tastes. But he doesn’t know what he’s doing. He might be an adult, but he can’t act like a real man. And you need a man,” Jeremy puffed out his chest slightly.

“Jeremy, if you start beating your chest and yelling words like ‘Me Tongo!’, I think I’d find your ranting much more tolerable,” you chuckled. Jeremy’s chest deflated and he laughed.

“Well, I mean you are an amazing, unique woman. You’re so different. Any man would be an idiot to not seize the opportunity to date you. You like totally deserve to be in a relationship with a guy who will place you on a pedestal and worship you.” You made a face at his words.


Jeremy’s face fell. “Ew?”

“Go back to the Tongo bit.”

“What’s wrong with being placed on a pedestal?” Jeremy’s eyes narrowed.

You laughed humorlessly as you guys placed your orders. “Thing is,” you began, “nobody is a special little snowflake. You’re bound to like/dislike things that a lot of other people like/dislike. So saying because I’m different and unique aren’t good reasons for men to date me. And for that pedestal bit...well when you’re placed on a pedestal, there’s nowhere else for you to go but down. Especially when you have a terrible sense of balance.”

“But you wouldn’t go down!” Jeremy insisted, seizing your hand passionately. “You would never disappoint me!”

You gently peeled his fingers off your hand. “Okay, Jeremy, everyone gets disappointed at some point in their life. It’s not fair to expect a woman to always be perfect. I probably disappoint at least one person a day, and that’s not me being self deprecating in any way.”

Jeremy clenched his fingers where your hand once was and grimaced. It was a tense few seconds that you were starting to sweat under before he finally took his fist and pounded it against his chest. “Me Tongo!” he yelled triumphantly with a huge bright smile on his face.

You laughed much harder than you intended covering your nose to avoid shooting coca cola out of your nostrils. “Oh my God, Jeremy, my nose is burning!” you snorted, covering your face. Jeremy laughed at your reaction. The other patrons in the diner looked around uncomfortably and tried to give you guys even more space.

“Oh man, speaking of pedestals, guess who keeps coming into my restaurant?” You coughed and shrugged, still smiling as you wiped your face. Jeremy leaned in. “Chelsea.”

Your eyes widened. “Chelsea? As in Chelsea the fucking cheerleader?”

“The very one.”

Chelsea. Oh man, Chelsea. If your high school was a teenage romance movie, Chelsea would have been the beautiful, stuck up blonde bitch who bullied you and your friends relentlessly until she finally got her comeuppance with some hilarious prank at the end of the year that made her regret all of her actions. Unfortunately, your high school was not a teen movie, there was never any comeuppance and you bolted at the chance to leave and never look back instead of seeking revenge. Thankfully, burgers arrived and you were more than happy to break that train of thought.

Your rubbed your temples with the memory. “I was this close to breaking that bitch’s nose if her parents wouldn’t have sued my family for everything we owned,” you chuckled, “Man, I totally forgot about her till you mentioned it.”

“You forgot about her?” Jeremy asked astounded.

You shrugged, “After her brother took me out to prom and we graduated, I didn't really see her. Out of sight, out of mind. We didn’t have mutual friends so I didn’t hear anything. How’s she doing?”

“She’s exactly the same, except she’s considered a socialite now.”

“Bummer.” You took another bite out of your burger.

Jeremy groaned. “Haven't seen Robbie though. He was probably the only nice one in her family. She and her stuck up friends come in every now and then. I’m so mad that we never got back at her for all the hell she put us through.”

You tittered and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Jeremy, you know we gotta be the bigger people.” Jeremy grumbled under his breath. “We can’t hold grudges. We’re adults now.”

“I guess…”

“And as adults, we are totally able to drive to the drug store, buy an economy stack of toilet paper, and TP the fuck out of her house,” you reminded sweetly.

Jeremy gaped at you and laughed hysterically, his manly voice cracking like you remember it doing in high school. “Oh, she still lives with her parents. We could totally do that,” he schemed, wiping his face.

“Creepy that you know where she lives now, but I’ll overlook it if you buy the toilet paper and I’ll get the black ski masks.”

Jeremy opened his mouth but paused as something outside caught his eye. His eyes widened and he paled. “Holy shit!” he gasped, “Was that a skeleton in the window?!”

Your own eyes widened and you turned to where he was pointing. There was nobody there but Jeremy’s reaction appeared legitimate. “Fuck, I don’t see him. I can’t believe Papyrus found us!” you gasped, pressing your face against the window and looking around.

“he didn’t,” a familiar deep voice intoned behind you. You relaxed slightly, recognizing the voice and cast a glance at Jeremy. He was terrified and didn’t turn away from the window. “is this your guy? doesn’t he know how to greet a new friend?” You looked to see Sans in his blue hoody sticking out a skeletal hand for a handshake. This scene looked strangely familiar. You made “eye contact” with Sans and he winked at you. Oh this was going to be good.

“What should I do?” Jeremy whispered, having not turned around yet.

“He wants you to shake his hand,” you whispered loudly. Sans smile grew wider.

Jeremy regained his nerve and turned around. He had assumed a tough guy stance and reached to seize San’s hand which admittedly looked somewhat small compared to Jeremy’s large muscled one. “Hello, I’m Jer-” he began.

The unmistakable sound of loud flatulence echoed throughout the restaurant. It became deathly silent. Then you and everyone under the age of 16 lost their fucking minds and burst into laughter...which considering it was a burger joint, this was actually a good portion of the patrons. Jeremy’s eyes flickered down to his hand and saw concealed in San’s skeletal palm was a bright red whoopie cushion. Sans was chuckling. It was fucking funnier when it wasn’t you.

Jeremy’s eyes narrowed. “Are you laughing at me?” he asked lowly.

Sans eyed Jeremy. “no sense of humor, huh bud?”

You slapped Jeremy on the back. “Oh man, that was hysterical!” you giggled. Jeremy glanced at you and softened.

“Yeah. Heh heh. It was pretty funny,” he gave a weak chuckle but you didn’t notice. Jeremy and you sat back down at the booth. Sans slid in after you and propped his elbows on the table. “Uh, are you...Papyrus? I thought you would taller?”

Sans just grinned. You spoke up. “Oh, this is Sans. This is Papyrus’ older brother actually.”

“sup. you’re jer?”

“Jeremy, actually. You’re the older one? You look like a pile of baby bones,” Jeremy observed.

The jab didn’t appear to faze Sans in the slightest. “huh. that was infantile don’t you think?” Jeremy’s face contorted into a grimace and you smashed a hand into your forehead.

“Jeremy, don’t give him anything to work with or he won’t stop.” Jeremy kept his mouth shut and nodded.

Sans poked your burger with disinterest. “come on kids, eat up so we can go to grillby’s.”

“Oh shit. I forgot to tell you!” You remembered, grabbing your date’s arm. “Jeremy, remember how you were asking about monster alcohol? Sans knows a place that serves it. And he offered to take us there after dinner.”

Jeremy’s face lit up instantly. “Wait really?” He looked over at Sans with renewed excitement. “You’re awesome!”

“nope, just sans.” The skeleton shrugged.

“What did I just say about giving him material?”

You both quickly finished your meals, paid and followed Sans out the door. “So how far is this place?” Jeremy asked.

“not far.”

“No shortcut?” you asked. Sans shot you a wink.

“nah. can’t do it with more than one person.” Ah ha! So you were right. It wasn’t just you being unobservant! There was magic involved! You grinned to yourself proudly. You felt Jeremy slip an arm around your shoulders and pulled you close. You could feel warmth resonating off Jeremy’s bulky form, even underneath his sweater. His cologne smelled wonderfully. Yet, the night air still felt chilly to you.

Thankfully, Sans was telling the truth and you soon found yourself in front of a bar/restaurant with the name Grillby’s blazoned on the top. From the outside, it reminded you of an old Westernized saloon. It almost seemed out of place with the rest of downtown, yet there here it stood. And surprisingly untagged by graffiti like many other businesses...especially monster businesses.

“Man, I’m so stoked to be here,” Jeremy eagerly spoke.

Sans winked at him. “buddy, you have no idea how accurate that is.” He pulled open the heavy wooden door and let you guys in.

Chapter Text

The first thing you noticed was fire. A lot of it. You fought down your initial impulse to panic and adjusted your eyes to allow for the lighting in here. Inside Grillby’s was all wood. Wooden, chairs, tables, floorboards. There was something kinda rustic about the place. You noticed there were a few velvety booths to the side. The walls were adorned with candle holders which lacked candles, yet carried a flame. Your eyes trailed to the back of the establishment to see a wooden bar table and behind that, various bottles whose names you did not recognize.

You felt Jeremy grip your wrist and lean close to your ear. “Look at the bartender,” he urgently whispered. You looked and your eyes widened in surprise.

Tending the bar was a monster wearing a long sleeved white suit shirt with a black vest and a snappy bow tie. They were cleaning a glass with a white cloth. And they were entirely made up of fire. You were looking at a fire elemental wearing nice clothing, tending a bar serving monster alcohol. This was not how you expected your evening to go, but hell you weren’t complaining.

Sans motioned you to follow him and you dragged an awestruck Jeremy along with you. You looked to the sides as you walked and caught the eyes of a few curious monsters. You smiled back and they nodded.

“Hey Sans!”

“Sup Sans!”

“Sansy, did you bring guests this time?” Various monsters shouted. You glanced at Sans who smiled and waved back. He took a seat at the bar and motioned for you both to sit down which you eagerly did. The fire elemental walked over to you and nodded at Sans.

“hey grillby. long time no see,” somehow you doubted that by the look Grillby gave him, “this is lori and jer. they wanted to try monster alcohol.” Grillby crossed his arms over his chest. Sans chuckled and held out his hands reassuringly. “don’t worry. i’ll be watching them. just bring something to start them off.” Grillby nodded and turned his attention to you and Jeremy.

Jeremy’s phone went off and he cursed quietly. “Shit, Lori, I’ll be back. It’s work,” he muttered, checking his phone and stepping out of the bar. You felt warmer and realized Grillby was now entirely focused on you alone. He held out his hand and you hesitated.


“He wants your driver’s license,” some red bird monster hiccuped next to you.

You flashed an appreciative smile. “I’m pretty flattered. I haven’t been carded in a while.”

“yeah, it also helps us figure out where we need to bring your body in case you pass out.”

“Oh.” You seemed less than sure about this adventure now, yet you fished out your wallet and handed your license to Grillby who began to read it. “This might be a weird question, but do you take Visa? I don’t have a lot of cash on me.”

Grillby nodded silently and pulled out a black ipad with a credit card slider. Actually, upon further inspection, it used to be a white ipad but it had been singed and burnt from frequent use by the fire elemental. Sans tried to wave a hand, “hey, don’t let her pay. just put it on my tab.”

You ignored him and handed your credit card to Grillby who slid it through the machine before handing it back. You felt a bit giddy about this. You hadn’t been out to a bar in a while. And a monster bar? You smiled broadly once more. “Alright, first drink, let’s, whenever you’re able to, please,” you added politely, trying not to appear too excited. Grillby pushed his glasses up on his face and turned towards the beverages. You looked back over the bar and noticed a large, untouched table.

Sans followed your eyes and saw the table. “huh. training must have gone on a bit longer today. normally that table is full by the time i get here.” He flipped out his own phone and scrolled through it as Jeremy walked back into the bar.

He looked apologetic, “Listen, I got called into work. Someone’s called in sick and I owe the boss a favor.” You made a face.

“Bleh, alright, don’t worry about it. Maybe another time,” you offered.

Jeremy nodded. “Definitely. Maybe next date,” he suggested, laughing. You averted your eyes and didn’t comment. Jeremy didn’t notice your lack of response. He ducked in for a quick hug, waved good bye to Sans and walked out. You sighed.

“huh. jer seems alright.” Sans observed, leaning against the bar table and closing his eyes. You sat back down next to him and swung your feet awkwardly.

“Yeah, he is a pretty good guy…” your voice trailed off. What else could you say? He was a nice guy with a job and he was really interested in you. But even with his fantastic body, you were feeling lukewarm about the prospect of seeing him again romantically. Sans opened his eyes lazily and looked you up and down as you mulled over these thoughts privately.

“so where you guys going to go for a third date?” Sans asked. You pretended not to hear him as Grillby approached with a pint of some root colored liquor.

“Oh! Thank you!” you thanked eagerly. Grillby placed your drink and handed Sans a ketchup bottle. You blinked. Yeah that was ketchup. Sans nodded back to the bartender and lifted the bottle up.

“cheers,” Sans toasted holding the bottle toward you. You took your own drink and clinked it against his bottle uncertainly. You both took a swig. The flavor was difficult to describe, but you tried to commit it to memory. You could almost say it was honey flavored but the aftertaste was bitter...but not quite bitter enough to make you want to stop. You took another gulp and watched Sans down about half of the bottle.

You opted not to question it. Again. You drank a bit more. It was going down smoother. You almost finished your cup. Amongst all the laughing and talking in the bar, you could hear a faint commotion from outside. It was starting to come closer and you tilted your head to see if you could pick up the source. You heard Sans chuckle. “here they come.”

“Here does who come?” you asked.

The door slammed open and the sound of raucous laughter and shouting poured in like a floodgate breaking. You recognized the group immediately and smiled broadly. The members of the royal guard had arrived, pushing and hugging each other. They were muddy but happy and quickly swarmed the large table and a smaller table facing the wall. Out of the corner of your eye, you could already see Grillby making up a round of drinks. The canines were breaking out two decks of cards, one of which Lesser Dog eagerly grabbed and darted to the small table. Greater Dog was about to start dealing out cards when he spotted you at the bar and barked happily.

The next moment, you had an enthusiastic guard slobbering on your face. You jumped back in surprise, laughing at the happy pup. Whatever was left of your drink had been knocked off the counter in the friendly frenzy. Sans managed to avoid even getting a speck of slobber on him despite his close proximity to you.

“Greater Dog! Heel boy! Come back!” Dogamy called. He spotted you. “Oh! It’s the human nurse! Tell her to come over here and join us!” You looked at Sans but he waved you off so you allowed Greater Dog to grab your sleeve in his mouth and gently drag you to the table. You noticed Lesser Dog was by himself, having set up a one sided poker game against the wall.

“Is he going to join us?” you asked.

“Nah, he’s honing his poker skills,” Dogaressa explained. You nodded. The monster drink was making it much easier for you to accept things. She noticed your spilled drink that had already been cleaned up. “Oh no! We spilled your drink! Grillby can you get her another one?”

“What? No, wait, don’t worry about it-”

“We insist!” Dogamy prompted, “What were you having?”

“Uh, I don’t know? This was my first time. Hey Sans what was I drinking?” When there was no response, you looked over to see the short skeleton was gone. “Uh...Sans?”

The red bird at the counter shouted something that Dogamy picked up. He scrunched up his face. “That’s a baby drink.”

“Get her something harder!” Dogaressa agreed. You hesitated but everyone was smiling at you.

“Give into peer pressure!” A plant monster yelled from his booth.

You grinned. “Fuck it. Yeah! Let’s do it!” The round of drinks were placed on the table and you all grabbed a glass.

“Here’s to not being neutered!” Doggo frantically yelled, holding up a glass. Your face paled as everyone enthusiastically cheered. Did Papyrus fucking tell everyone?! You forced a smile, cheered and drank deeply from the new beverage. There was no bitter taste to this one. It was thick and sloshy. Kinda vanilly. Was that a word? It was now.

You asked to watch the game instead of playing. You sucked at poker. You couldn’t bluff worth a damn and how could you read a tell on a dog? You settled for alternating between petting heads and scratching behind ears of the various players. The winner of a round would get extra petting. Except for Doggo. Any attempt to approach Doggo was rebuffed and you were totally fine with that.

You looked for Sans again as some time passed. The skeleton was still gone. You finished the rest of your drink and visited Lesser Dog. “Hey buddy, are you winning?” you asked. Lesser Dog whined. “Aw. Sorry to hear that.” You gave him a friendly pat but nothing too crazy. You were afraid more petting might lead to a dog shaped hole in the ceiling. He perked up and renewed his efforts to beat himself.

You took your empty glass to Grillby who took it from you. He handed you another drink. “Oh, I didn’t order anything,” you began.

“No but I did. ;)” You looked over at the voice to see a merhorse perhaps, looking at you up and down. He was flexing and winking at you. “The name’s Aaron. ;)” he introduced, extending one hand while simultaneously flexing with the other.

“I’m Lori,” you greeted, taking his hand. To your not surprise, his other hand flexed as well when you took it, “Thanks for the drink. This is my first time trying monster alcohol.” You paused. Why did you just admit that to a monster you didn’t know? You wouldn’t have told a random human that you were drinking alcohol for the first time. The lack of censorship disturbed you but not enough to stop you from continuing your conversation.

Aaron winked at you again. “Very nice. Like my pecs? What do you do for a living? ;)”

You laughed. “They certainly are impressive. I’m a vet nurse. What about you?” You winked back at him, taking a swig of your beverage.

“Nice. Maybe you can feel my heart later...along with the rest of me? ;)” he suggested. You looked him up and down. You weren’t sure how to fuck a merman er merhorse. Maybe he laid eggs or something. You continued to flirt.

“Heh. Good one. What do you do?”

“I’m actually a paranormal investigator. ;)”

“Seriously?” You asked, “How’d you get into that career?”

Aaron stopped flexing as you finished your drink and he leaned in closely. “Well when I was in the Underground, Woshua and I met the human. We were about to fight him when all of a sudden this creepy music started playing out of nowhere. The human just stood there like not saying anything and the music wouldn’t stop even though I winked so many times at it. We had to run away but when we got to the surface, I learned that humans sometimes come back as ghosts and make spooky sounds happen. So I figured based on my experience, I was already qualified to become a paranormal investigator. So I set up shop. ;)”

“Huh,” you took another swig of your next drink, “How’s it working out for you?”

“I have a reality TV show starting next week. ;)”

“Nice!! What time and channel does it come on?”

“...dude, I don’t remember actually. Let me go call my agent. ;)” Aaron took out a cell phone from between his biceps and slithered away to make the phone call.

Having a moment to yourself, you thought about your earlier transgression. You’re not sure why you volunteered that info to Aaron who thankfully turned out to just be a muscle headed dude. You didn’t normally make mistakes after just one drink.

Had it been only one drink? Your mind was fuzzy on that. You looked at your fingers. Dogamy and Dogaressa had bought you a replacement one. So that was two. Did you have the same one while talking to Aaron? You must have. You certainly didn’t feel inebriated. The world was not spinning. Everything just kinda seemed more fun. Well this would be your last one until Sans returned.

“Hey! Someone help me move the Jukebox!” A leathered jacket wearing donkey monster yelled. When nobody immediately responded, you found yourself finishing your drink and already walking over there.

“Hey dude, you need to move the jukebox?” you asked as you got closer. The monster appraised you and nodded.

“Yeah, we gotta shake this sucker really hard to get it to work,” he instructed, “It got a bit damaged when we carried it to the surface. I mean it didn’t work in the first place in the Underground, but now if we shake the beejuzus out of it, it will actually turn, you’re on the small side. You sure you’re up to the challenge?”

You scoffed. “What? Yeah dude. I’m fucking determined as shit!” You got on one side and the horse man got to the other side. You began to pull as the monster pushed. The machine was heavier than you thought. Trying to imagine someone carrying this thing from inside a mountain to here sounded insane. “AGGHHH!” you pulled with all your might.

You could hear the creak of the wood floor as the machine began to move. You were pulling so much, you could feel your muscles burning. “Push! Push!” The other monster ordered and you threw your entire weight back into the jukebox. Pull and push! You slammed your shoulder into it one more time, causing a flash of pain to shoot up your arm. You would feel that in the morning but it was worth it as the machine whirred to life.

“Awesome, thanks man!”

“No sweat. Man my shoulder hurts,” you winced, rubbing the spot.

“Hang on, I’ll get you something for that!”

You’re not sure how, but you had another drink in your hand that was quite pleasantly numbing the pain. You returned to the poker game to see that several rounds of drinks had already made their way through the group. “Who’s winning?” you asked.

“I am!” Doggo announced triumphantly, “I would like a pet!”

You smiled happily and reached over gently. You patted Doggo for 5 seconds. His tongue lolled out happily for a moment. “There, that wasn’t so bad-”

“SOMETHING PET ME!” Doggo suddenly shouted, standing up quickly. You froze.

“Uh oh.”

“PET PET PAT PET POT PET PAT!” Doggo panted, looking frantically to each side before finally bolting out the door. None of the other dogs moved.

You sweated uncomfortably. “Dudes, I am so so sorry.”

Dogamy sighed. “No, don’t worry about it. It’s fine. He actually admits he wants petting when he’s had enough to drink and then he goes and does this.” Dogaressa shot Dogamy a look. “I’m texting him, honey” he said, pulling out his phone.

“Who’s he texting?” you asked.


You turned around to see Sans behind you. He looked exhausted. “Dude,” you laughed, “Where the fuck have you been? I thought you were going to watch me!”

“heh. sorry bud. i had to call a good friend of mine, make sure she’s okay. you having fun?” he asked.

“Yeah, a lot. Hey, why are they texting Papyrus?” You asked, gesturing to the dog monsters.

“so that he’ll text undyne and see if she needs to go get him.”

“But why not text Undyne directly?”

Sans smiled warmly. “undyne doesn’t like to be bothered this late at night by her guards acting up. but she’s got a soft spot for pap so she doesn’t mind it if he texts her.”

“But he’s not even here,” you argued.

“she knows. just-” Sans voice caught in his throat as he looked at your drink.

“What?” You asked, trying to figure out his expression.

“buddy, that’s not the drink you had when i left,” Sans observed cooly.

“Oh. Yeah. The guards bought me a new one after my first one spilled.” Sans looked you oddly but did not press further. He motioned for you to follow him back to the barstools and you did so. “I didn’t mean to freak Doggo out,” you admitted.

“eh. happens a lot actually.”

“Really?” Sans nodded. He took another sip of the ketchup bottle and glanced at you as more thoughts poured unrestrained into your head.

“you look like you got something to say?” Sans mumbled, resting his eyes.

“Is petting for them like foreplay or something?” you asked, slightly louder than you intended. Sans sockets widened and he choked on his ketchup. You ignored him as he coughed. “I mean, have I been accidentally sexually assaulting monsters by accident for the last two days?”

“what?” Sans’ sockets were open now and staring at you in disbelief.

“I’ve been petting dog monsters and they got really happy. I tried to get a heartbeat on Papyrus and he kinda freaked out.”

Sans grabbed your arm as you went to take another sip. “how many have you had?


“how many drinks have you gotten?” You honestly didn’t know. Sans turned to Grillby who had been standing by you the entire time. “how many drinks has she had?”

Grillby held up five flaming fingers. “Pshaw, no way,” you laughed, “I only had er...Aaron got me two...Fonz dude got me one.” Hmm. That was a bit more than you thought as you took another gulp of the drink in your hand.

“you should stop drinking,” Sans warned.

“Dude, I’m fine. I feel great,” you argued. You noticed his ketchup bottle looked different. “You’re a fine one to talk! You’re drinking multiple bottles of condiments?”

“you find yourself saying anything you wouldn’t normally say outloud?”

“Don’t change the subject,” you chuckled. “You ever think it’s funny that condiments and condoms sound so alike yet they mean absolutely the exact opposite?” Sans stared at you with an expression you couldn’t quite read. “Goddamn dude, why you staring at me like that? I’ve got too much shit in my life to have people look at me like that.” Wow, you were getting ballsy weren’t you?

“Hey Sans!” Dogamy hollered, “Papyrus is on his way. Undyne told him to go get Doggo.”

Sans nodded and looked to Grillby. “hey grillz, can we go into the back room?” he asked. The fire elemental gave him a hard look. “i need to ask the humans some questions. don’t worry, everything is going to be fine.” He turned to you. “come on kid.”

You shook your head. “What? No. I like Papyrus. I want to see him.”

“you’ve been drinking too much, friend. trust me you don’t.”

“Five drinks isn’t too bad.”

“how do you really feel about jeremy?”

“I think he’s incredibly hot and kind but I get a weird friend/brother feeling with him and find myself not really sexually attracted to him.” You slammed your hands over your mouth but the words had already shot out.

Sans leaned in dangerously close. “would you fuck me?”

You tried to smother a “yes” from underneath your hands but the damage was done. Sans smugly grabbed your hand and dragged you to the back. You soon found yourself in an even dimmer room with a few boxes strewn about. A dolly and some rope were in one corner. The other side had the entrance to a walk in freezer. It must have been a storage room. “Grillby’s is a lot bigger than I thought,” you admitted. “And a lot warmer,” you noticed. You removed your jacket and placed it on the box nearest to you.

Sans nodded. “so, we have some time. what was that question you asked me?” he tapped his chin thoughtfully as you paled. “oh yeah. is petting foreplay?”

“Uhhh. Yeah I guess I did ask that,” you mumbled, feeling yourself blush.

Sans smirked. “the petting you’re giving the guards, eh, not so much. but if i were to touch you like this,” You felt his skeletal hand alight on your chin before stroking your neck downwards toward your clavicle. You shuddered. “heh, you like that? humans’ bodies are so soft,” he murmured, bringing his hands back up to your neck and applying pressure.

“I don’t. Please don’t choke me,” you gasped and the light pressure he was applying immediately vanished.

“i wasn’t planning on it,” Sans admitted, “sorry about that.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I love to be grabbed and tied up and fucked silly, but I don’t like getting choked. Loss of oxygen is pretty scary! And biting!” you continued, “I get bit by animals at work all the time, I don’t want to be bit during sex!” Your eyes widened. “Oh my God!” You immediately sat on one of the boxes and buried your head into your hands. What the fuck did you just say?!

You just knew that Sans was probably backing away slowly. If he didn’t know you were weird before, he certainly did now. And you think he’d let you anywhere near that cinnabunny of a brother of his? Hell no. What if he started telling other people? You would be mortified.

“ getting tied up?” Sans voice sounded far away.

You didn’t even look at him, just bowed your head in shame. “Yeah,” you admitted. “It’s kind of a kink of mine. To get tied up and let someone else do whatever they want to you. Heck, I’ll get aroused seeing an officer pull out a pair of handcuffs.” You’ve already dug your hole, might as well bury yourself in it.

Sans was silent. You could hear a commotion from the front of the restaurant. Well a louder commotion than what was before. Papyrus must have shown up with Doggo. “You don’t have to judge me in silence you know,” you irritably commented.

“oh, i’m not judging, sweetheart. i already knew you were kind of a freak. i just wanted confirmation first before things continued.”

Your brow knit in confusion. “Before what continues?” you asked.

Whatever illumination the room had was snuffed out. Sans was in front of you in a flash, a blue pupil pulsing dangerously. You couldn’t stand up fast enough. In one fluid motion, Sans had grabbed both of your wrists and slipped them into a pair of rope handcuffs. You stood up unsteadily only to have Sans seize you by the rope and push you to the wall. You landed with a hard thud, knocking the breath out of you.

Before you could recover, you felt your arms rise by some unseen force until the knot was pushed over the hook. Your toes could still thankfully touch the ground so you were not entirely suspended from the hook. But you were vulnerable. You struggled against the binds unsuccessfully. Sans stepped back to admire his handiwork and watched as you blushed violently. “Sans,” you gasped, “What are you doing?”

“making you comfortable,” he purred, running a hand down the side of your waist.

“Is this some type of joke?” you panted, trying to swing your hands off the hook. “You getting your kicks making fun of the freaky human?”

“no,” Sans mumbled, bringing another hand alongside your other side.

“Then why the fuck are you doing this?” you growled, trying to hide the arousal in your voice.

“because i want your attention and i know you like this.” You stared at him dumbly. He sighed and removed his hands. “listen bud. i’m pretty sure you’ve noticed, but you and I kinda have some mutual physical attraction going on here. am I wrong?” You bit your lip and did not make eye contact. Sans smirked. “i see that we agree. you and i both seem to be under stress for various reasons and could use a way to release some of that pent up stress. i was thinking-”

“You want to be friends with benefits,” you stated.

Sans shrugged. “i guess so. i’m not really sure what i want to be to ya to be honest,” he admitted. “but if pap doesn’t find you as interesting as i do, well” he placed a hand under your chin and you looked directly into his blue eye, “i’m available.”

“Oh,” you managed. You thought about it. You did find him attractive, in some odd way. And you had been tense, especially working full time. And as you admitted earlier, you realized you didn’t feel as strongly about Jeremy as you thought you did. The idea of physical intimacy with Jeremy made you cringe. He felt like a brother to you and the thought of even kissing him on the lips sounded wrong. You hadn’t agreed to exclusivity anyways. You cleared your throat. “ long as you’re not pranking and you don’t ask for photos or nothing, I think I would be interested.”

In the darkness, you swear you could catch Sans grinning. Skeletal fingers began to finger the collar of your scoop neck underneath and began to pull it down. “Hey wait wait!” you whined, “Are you seriously going to do this here?”

Sans played with your collar some more. “hmm, not sure. you wanna wait?”

“Might be a good idea,” you admitted, “we’re technically in a public place even though it’s dark. Can you turn the lights back on?”

“can’t. the lights are magic.”

“But you can do magic.”

“no this magic. this magic is connected to grillby,” he chuckled.

“When you say connected, what do you mean?”

Sans kept playing with your shirt. If the lights were on, he most definitely would be close to flashing your chest. “yeah. grillby’s magic controls the lights. he constantly maintains them. the only time these go out when he’s either closing or he’s distracted by something.” Sans paused. “he’s not closing anytime soon and the guy’s not distracted easily. so something might be wrong.”

“We should go check,” you suggested, “I mean I don’t know the dude very well but he seemed like a nice enough guy. I would not want anything bad to happen to him.”

Sans nodded understandingly and released your clothing. “alright. i’ll go check it out.” he began to walk towards the entrance of the room.

“Wait wait! Sans! You’re forgetting me!” you called after him.

Sans winked at you mischievously. “oh yeah. well just hang around. i’ll be back soon.”

Before you could protest further, he exited the room, leaving you behind. “Men,” you muttered to yourself, “always leave a girl hanging.”

As your stimulation abated, you felt your body shudder in exhaustion. Magic truth drinks and teased arousal definitely put your body through the hoops. Left in the darkness, you shifted to a slightly more comfortable and allowed your eyes to droop close.

Chapter Text

The moment he left the room, Sans wiped the sweat off his brow. He was so used to playing it cool but at the moment, he was absolutely exhausted. It was so tempting to have proceeded with you further, especially in that position. He had been glad for the darkness although he was not responsible for it. He sauntered back towards the front and noticed that the lights here were still on. “hmm, whatever’s going on, grillby must still have most of the lights going, but he probably forgot about us.” Customers didn’t generally go to the back so it made sense that Grillby wouldn’t normally flow magic to that room unless he was asked to.

Getting closer, he could distinguish the voices shouting a bit more. One was definitely Papyrus. Doggo was whimpering and screeching about something. He quickened his pace. Doggo could be odd after a few drinks and he didn’t want the guard to do something reckless and injure Papyrus. Otherwise, Doggo was going to have a bad time.

Sans stepped out into the bar and his eyes adjusted to the light. Most of the patrons were still in their seats but they were glancing over at the commotion at the dog table. That was a good sign that the excitement wasn’t too great to warrant standing and screaming. Yet. Doggo was standing however, looking frantically around. Papyrus had one hand on his hip and the other hand on his forehead. “Doggo, you’re not making much-Sans!” Papyrus called, spotting Sans, “I’m both glad and disappointed to see you here right now.”

“aw gee pap. thanks and sorry.” Sans smiled and shrugged, “what’s going on?”

Papyrus sighed. “Undyne asked me to bring Doggo back to the group. She was unable to come due to a movie night with Alphys so she entrusted his care to me.”

Sans patted him on the back. “well looks like you got him back.”

“Yeahh. But he keeps running for the door. The only reason he’s not running is that Greater Dog attached a leash to his collar.” Sans looked and sure enough, Greater Dog was holding a leather leash in one hand and cards in the other. The sentries had not allowed Doggo’s mental breakdown spoil their game. Lesser Dog appeared to have stepped in for his canine companion.

“hmm. is he saying anything?”

“Only one thing.”

“A ghost pet me!”

“That. He’s saying that.” Papyrus scratched his head. “The only ghost I know is um, Spooky Bloo Bloo?”


“Napper Hog?”

“you mean napstablook?”

“Yes. Him. And he doesn’t come here. And I don’t think he pets dogs. Just snails.”

Aaron entered the bar with a huge smile. “Alrighty dudes, I know when my show starts! ;)” He looked around. “Huh? Where’d she go ;)?”

Papyrus observed him. “Where did who go?”

Aaron flexed in confusion. “There was this girl here who I was totally scoring with with my awesome biceps and we were talking about ghosts and I had to make a call and now she’s gone! ;)”

“A ghost pet me!” Doggo whimpered, starting to settle down.

Aaron’s eyes flashed dangerously. “Did that monster just say a ghost pet him? ;)” Papyrus nodded while Sans did his best not to start laughing. Aaron grabbed a hold of Doggo who began to flail again. “Calm yourself dude! We gotta be totally serious here! What did it look like? ;)”

Dogamy rolled his eyes. “It was the girl who pet him.”

“Are you saying that it was a female ghost that pet him? ;)”

Dogaressa smacked her head, “No, he’s saying-!”

Aaron struck a pose that maximized the veins in his arms and dropped Doggo. “Of course! It all makes sense now. ;)”

Papyrus looked at him in confusion. “Eh, it does?”

“The girl who talked to me is actually the girl ghost who petted Doggo! ;)” Aaron declared triumphantly.

Sans chuckled. “how did you figure that out?”

Aaron suplexed. “Because I am a Paranormal Investigator and a reality TV star ;)!” this declaration elicited a bunch of oohs and ahs from the patrons. Papyrus looked ecstatic.

“Really?! Oh my god! That’s amazing. This is good luck, Sans!”

“sure is bro.”

“Can we watch you catch the ghost?”

“Absolutely! Everyone, start looking under your chairs and tables. ;)” The bar was filled with a flurry of motion as monsters began to search under the chairs, tables and even their glasses to see if they could find the mysterious ghost.

Sans felt someone tap him and he turned to see Grillby looking at him expectantly. “oh hey grillby.” Grillby crossed his arms irritably. Sans hesitated. “yeah, no, she’s still back there. she’s a bit tied up.” Grillby glared at him. “no, of course i’m not going to leave her. i’ve got a plan. do you have a back way that she could get out? i don’t want mr. paranoid paranormal here accidentally starting a fear frenzy.” Grillby nodded. “cool, thanks. um, anything that happens after this, go ahead and put it on my tab.” The fire elemental groaned and walked back behind the counter. Sans turned to start walking toward the back when he spotted Papyrus lifting up the jukebox.

A mischievous smile lit up his face. Despite what you had insisted, he was pretty sure Papyrus did have some feelings for you, even if he didn’t admit it. Not that it was going to stop Sans from having fun with you. Until Papyrus actually made you into a girlfriend, you were fair game. Still, he felt he should give Papyrus a shot. Seeing his brother happy even if it meant possibly losing access to certain pleasurable experiences was well worth it.

He strolled over to Papyrus. “hey bro.”

“Hello Sans! Do you see anything any ghosts under the jukebox?” Papyrus asked as he easily suspended the jukebox in the air.

Sans kneeled down to check underneath. “nah, sorry bro.”

“Rats,” Papyrus said, placed the jukebox back down, “this ghost is very clever. I wonder if in her past life, she was a master of hide and seek.”

“oh actually, i wanted to let you know that i trapped the ghost,” Sans grinned.


Sans held a finger to his grin. “shh! we don’t want to tell anyone else. the other monsters might panic and we don’t want that, right?”

Papyrus nodded hurriedly and spoke quietly. “Yes, of course not. That was foolish of me. It is my duty to maintain peace and order...or it will be when I am a Royal Guard.”

“right. come, follow me and i’ll take you to where i got her last. but you have to be really quiet.”

“Of course! I am the Great Papyrus, master of stealth and sneakiness!” Papyrus thumped his chest quietly and Sans smiled.

Sans led him to the door leading into the back. Sans glanced at the cracks and saw Grillby had not returned light yet to the back room. Which actually worked out for his plan. “listen pap, i’m going to go back and make sure no one follows you. there’s a chance that the ghost escaped my trap” he warned.

Papyrus nodded understandingly. “Of course, if the ghost is dangerous, I wouldn’t want to put anyone else at risk.”

“pap, you’re so cool,” Sans smiled, and he meant it. “you’re going to have to be really quiet when you enter the room. i was able to sneak up on it by not making a sound. when you catch the ghost, go out the backdoor with her and i’ll meet you back home.”

“Good plan. That way Aaron can just come to our house and Grillby’s bar will be safe, even if their food is disgusting.” Papyrus put a hand on Sans’ shoulder. “Stay strong, brother. I will return.” Papyrus took a deep breath and quickly darted into the room.

Sans listened at the door for a moment but heard nothing. Smiling even wider, he walked back to the front to see everyone still looking. Doggo had collapsed to the ground a nervous wreck and remained mostly ignored. “Maybe we should try to see if there’s anything in the back rooms,” Sans overheard a monster say.

He spotted an empty bar stool and his eyes flickered blue. The stool shakily levitated from its spot near the bar and began to slowly float toward the front door. Aaron noticed it immediately. “Dude! Look! ;)” The bar became deathly silent as all eyes were focused on the stool as it gently floated to the door before it pushed it open. It only floated a few more feet before collapsing to the sidewalk outside.

Aaron dashed outside and suplexed the stool in his beefy hands. “I like caught the ghost ;)!” he announced proudly. The bar erupted into vigorous applause and cheering. Aaron, bowed, put on a fedora and sunglasses and walked boldly into the night, carrying the stool with him past confused humans.

Sans leaned against the bar as Grillby groaned. “put it on my tab. oh i need to get the human’s driver’s license back.” Grillby shot him a suspicious look. “oh did you want to keep it? i’m sure you could show her a hot time. or do you think she would be steamed?” Grillby made a face and fetched your license out and handed it over to Sans. He read the address and grinned. “thanks bud. can i get another bottle of ketchup? and let’s turn that music up already.”


Papyrus’ heart pounded in his chest as he entered into pitch blackness. He strained his sockets to see but it was hard to distinguish any features of the room. He thought about using magic to help light up the room but decided against it. Sans said he had to be sneaky. Magic might alert the enemy to his position.

He stopped moving and listened. He could hear something. A low growl perhaps? A low growl that was separated by pauses. It almost sound like “zzz zzz zzz”. He tried to pinpoint the sound and slowly walked toward it. His foot came into contact with some type of box and he fell forward to the ground with a heavy thud.


Your eyes shot open at the sound of a loud bang. Pitch black greeted your eyes and for a moment you weren’t sure if you had actually opened your eyes or not. You tried to touch your face but your arms felt frozen. You struggled, kicking at the air and the wall behind you until you remembered where you were and why you were here. “Sans?” you whispered quietly, “is that you?” There was no response. If you hadn’t felt vulnerable before, you did now. You proceeded to panic.


The growling stopped. Papyrus was still lying on the ground, trying not to let out a groan of pain. His foot throbbed slightly. He heard a tapping noise from in front of him and was able to pinpoint the source of the noise again. He began to rise to his feet when he heard a breathy voice call out.

“Sans, is that you?” the voice quietly called out. Papyrus froze. The ghost knew his brother’s name. Which wasn’t too odd if Sans had indeed trapped it. All of Papyrus’ traps had his signature on them so why wouldn’t Sans’? Unless Sans had been too lazy to actually sign it and just told the ghost his name. Which wouldn’t have surprised Papyrus either since his brother was notoriously lazy. Papyrus growled in annoyance before realizing his mistake. He slammed his hand to his face to stop the noise, eliciting a clank noise as his wrist collided with his teeth.


You strained to hear anything, anything at all. You were hoping it was Sans and this was a joke he was pulling. It was just a prank, you were telling yourself. He would light up the room and laugh and you would laugh too and everything would be fine.

It growled. Your blood ran cold. It fucking growled. You bit your lip to keep from letting out a startled yelp. A loud snap followed the growl. Your imagination took that noise and ran like the wind as you struggled against your bindings. You imagined a monster with fangs and a steel trapped jaw. And it would bite your exposed torso and tear you in half and eat you and you were never hear from your family again. And your coworkers might actually miss you and maybe they would have a sympathy cake at your funeral if they found enough pieces of you to have a funeral. And you hoped that cake would be chocolate because you fucking loved chocolate. Just like you fucking loved being alive.


Papyrus could hear noises and breathing from the spot as he neared. His eyes were picking up movement and his heart sped up. The ghost was writhing and squirming in the darkness, like a snake. He could see it’s outline thrash ferociously. Sans’ trap must have held up. But Papyrus wasn’t sure how much longer the trap would last.

The ghost must have seen him because it suddenly became very still. No more trashing. It trembled. Perhaps it was preparing an attack? Or maybe it was afraid. Papyrus resolved to press onward. He was very close. He could almost reach out and grab it. Although even if he did grab it, he wouldn’t know if he could actually hold on to it. It was a ghost afterall.

Attack or approach? Papyrus hesitated.


You could see an outline in the darkness and you froze. It was definitely not Sans. You fought the urge to pass out from fear. If you were going to die, you were going to die awake and facing death head on, dammit. Because fucking Sans ditched you to go talk to Papyrus.

Papyrus! A flicker of hope burnt in your chest. He was here in this building right now. How could you forget? Maybe he could save you. Or at least bear witness to your demise and be able to inform your loved ones. You opened your mouth to yell but stopped.

Would he even hear you? The music from upfront seemed louder than when you came back. And even if you yelled loud enough that he could hear you, the creature in the room would know exactly where you were the second you spoke the first word.

It was getting closer now. You were running out of time. You weighed your options. Scream now and speed up imminent death or remain silent and prolong the inevitable. Fuck it. You shut your eyes, opened your mouth and screamed, “PAPYRUS! PAPYRUS! PLEASE HELP ME!!!!”


The ghost screamed. She had been charging an attack! Startled, Papyrus took a step back quickly and held his arms defensively over his body. His magic flared to life and he could feel it coursing through his skull as the ghost continued its auditory assault. If he had ears, his eardrums would have surely burst by this point. A bone started to materialize in his hands. What was it even saying?

“PAPYRUS! PLEASE HELP ME!!!!” Papyrus’ sockets widened and the bone disintegrated in his hands. That voice. He knew that voice. It was your voice! His eye flashed a bright orange and illuminated the dark path to the “ghost”. His heartbeat pounded. That wasn’t the ghost. That was you. You were in trouble. You needed him.

He panicked. How did you end up in Sans’ trap? The ghost must have tricked you into it. And in that case, was the ghost still here? Your screams brought his attention back to you as you struggled. Papyrus was determined. He had to risk the scary ghost. For you.

He lunged forward and tried to seize you around the waist, trying to protect you if the ghost attacked. You responded by kicking him in the gut.


You felt what you could only imagine was the bottom half of a jaw latch around your back and try to pull you forward from the wall. You were not going to die without a fight. Your foot made contact with the creature and you kicked hard, knocking the jaws away from you. You kept screaming. “GET OFF ME!! PAPYRUS! HELP!!”


“I’m trying to help!” Papyrus yelped back, but it was clear you couldn’t hear him over your panic. He had to get you to calm down. He charged again, getting an arm around your waist. Your foot swung out once more but this time he was ready and he deflected the blow. He smiled in victory until your other foot smashed into his side and he once again fell over.

At this point he wasn’t sure who needed saving more: you or him. Papyrus climbed to his feet once more and charged for the last time. He deflected the first foot to the side and came closer. Your second foot shot out, but he leaned swiftly out of the way and caught it with one of his hands. His other hand snaked around your waist and pressed your body against his. He tried to pull you away the wall but could not. He quickly glanced up to see that your arms had been tied to a hook of some kind above you.

Papyrus tried to think as you kept screaming. He could easily reach the hook and let you down but that required both of his hands and that would open him up to attack from both you and the ghost. Even if he shut out the screaming, Papyrus was having even more difficulty thinking as your body pressed and squirmed against him. He felt himself sweating which he wasn’t entirely sure was due to fighting off your defenses. He tried to call your name again but you seemed to shut out all other sensory information. You were truly in a blind panic.


You shrieked as your foot was deflected and you kicked out with your second, only to feel a rough tongue-your mind was really going now-wrap around your leg and crank it upwards like a picture of a can can dance in mid kick. You struggled to pull it back but you could not and it wriggled helplessly in the air. Your free foot could not gain enough momentum to actually kick your attacker effectively as your body was pressed against it. You almost thought you could hear someone shouting your name but you were distracted by the fact that you were being fucking attacked.

You felt yourself slowly losing consciousness from lack of oxygen and you stopped screaming for a moment to take a deep breath. Before you could open your mouth to continue screaming, something roughly pressed against your lips. You stopped thrashing as little bolts of pleasure coursed shot into your lips. Realization dawned on you. Were you-were you being kissed? You felt your body lean into the creature and your trapped leg curl around its bindings. It was a rush. And then just like that the pressure began to leave your lips as quickly as it came, and with it the strange euphoria which you weren’t sure was entirely fear based. Your lips involuntarily parted and you let out a quiet needy moan before jutting your own head forward to reconnect the kiss. Because of course you fucking did.

You felt the creature tremble as you kissed it back. Its grip on you tightened and pressed you against it. Fuck, you were getting aroused. You were moaning and whimpering in your kiss. You tried to tell yourself that this was a survival strategy, that if you made it let down its guard enough, you could kick it again and scream for help. Yet, you found your other leg wrapping around the creature and squeezing your pelvis against what you assumed might be the creature’s own pelvis. Either way, it felt good and you could feel it tremble in anticipation against you.


Papyrus’ sockets were wide open as he pressed his teeth against your lips. This wasn’t the plan at all. When you stopped screaming for that one second, he was going to yell at you as loud as he possibly could. But when he saw your lips pursed together, he-he panicked. He had never kissed anyone like this before in his life. Well when Sans and he were little, they would kiss each other on the forehead. But on the lips-er teeth? Never.

He had seen plenty of Mettaton movies where the robot both gave and received kisses. And there was a page in the dating manual explaining the concept. And that was his experience with kissing. He expected you to fight him even harder now. Maybe you would bite his face which admittedly would hurt you more than him but he still tensed up. But you didn’t attack. In fact, you stopped trying to kick him altogether. Warm relief flooded his body and he relaxed a bit. He found himself enjoying the softness of your lips and how your body was starting to press up against his own. Even your leg began to curl around his arm. He was starting to feel pretty good about himself. He could feel his soul smoldering in his chest. The Great Papyrus, defender of the innocent and amazing kisser.

Why was he kissing you again? Papyrus remembered and pulled away from your lips, feeling himself blush. He had allowed himself to be distracted from his mission. The orange glow illuminated your lips as he pulled away. You were smiling. He felt himself smiling back even if you couldn’t see him. He was about to speak when you opened your lips first and let out a strange noise. Papyrus felt himself freeze as the noise sent shivers down all his vertebrae. He hesitated too long and was caught off guard when you suddenly pushed your head forward and kissed him back.

It felt like you were delivering electric shocks to his skull. Except these shocks didn’t hurt. They kept him energized. Papyrus didn’t understand why but he needed to get closer to you than he already was. He pressed into you even further, feeling his battle armor crash into your chest. You didn’t seem to mind. You kept making those noises that Papyrus found absolutely exhilarating and he tightened his hold on your leg. Your free leg curled around his waist. For some reason, the way your pelvis was moving against him made his legs feel like jelly. He shut his eyes, enjoying the strange but certainly not unwelcome sensations your body was giving him.

Papyrus’ mind brought up the ghost again but he dismissed it. He didn’t care if the ghost came back. He wouldn’t let anything happen to you. The ghost would not touch you. Only he was allowed to touch you. These words made him feel he was on fire and by the way his orange magic was coursing all over his bones, he very well looked like he might be. One particular thrust of your pelvis sent a jolt back up his spine and he nyehed against your lips.


Your whole body fucking froze at the noise. That couldn’t have been, there’s no way. Your heartrate was going faster than a Japanese express train. It had to be someone playing a joke on you? But who else fucking says nyeh that you know. There was only one way to find out. You opened your eyes. Your were temporarily blinded by a bright haze of orange light before your eyes could focus.




The skeleton that you so recently thought of as a gentle cinnabunny had his teeth pressed against your lips with your legs wrapped around his waist and your pelvis grinding into his own. Even in the darkness, you knew it was him. Orange magic was coursing over him, illuminating Papyrus’ body. You yanked away from the kiss.

“PAPYRUS?!” you screamed, horrified.

Papyrus’ eyes shot open and whatever trance he was in broke instantly. “LORI?” He gasped. The door opened and the lights turned on.

Chapter Text

Grillby was an elemental of few words and many thoughts. And one of those thoughts concerned whether Papyrus and the human girl had left his establishment. Sans had already taken off after downing the second bottle of ketchup and convincing someone to up the jukebox music. Papyrus had gone to the back a while ago and he should have already left. Grillby rubbed his temples. He didn’t want to accidentally lock anyone inside the bar. He checked to make sure no one required any other food or beverage before heading toward the back.

He neared the door and paused. He heard the sound of moaning and cocked an eyebrow in interest. He knew the human was experienced but certainly not Papyrus. He wondered if Papyrus was even in there at all or if the skeleton had left and Sans had returned. He wouldn’t put it past Sans. The female wasn’t the most attractive human he had seen, but there was a sexuality around her that was alluring.

A startled scream from inside forced his hand and he stepped into a dark room. He had forgotten to relight this room after the whole ghost nonsense and quickly channeled his magic to do so. As light returned to the room, he was honestly surprised by the sight in front of him. Apparently Sans had not been kidding about being tied up. The human literally had her hands tied and hung from a hook. She was flushed and panting but otherwise seemed unharmed. No, the real surprise came from her partner.

Papyrus was clasping the human to him tightly. He held one of her legs up and her other leg was curled around his back. He was equally flushed. Grillby could feel Papyrus’ magic quickly dissipating but he still made eye contact with his orange pupil before it could flicker out. The pupil told him everything: absolute panic and confused arousal.

He cleared his throat and spoke. “Everything alright?” The two glanced at each other before nodding. He nodded back and left the room. He strode back to the bar and began cleaning the bar table. He smiled.


The door swung shut, leaving you and Papyrus alone again. Papyrus looked at the door. “I have never heard Grillby speak before,” he said in awe, loosening his grip on you. Your eyes narrowed at him.

Motherfucker, that’s the first thing he says? After all that? You ignored your still rapidly beating heart and freed both legs from Papyrus’ grasp. He turned to you just in time for you to kick him in the chest, sending him sprawling to the ground.

“Ouch!” Papyrus yelped, landing on his rear. “Why did you do that?” he asked.

“You kissed me!”

“You’re supposed to kick someone after they kiss?” He asked fearfully.

“What? No! Just you kissed me!”

Papyrus’ cheeks burned orange. “Oh my god, you’re right. I did!” he realized, “I’m so sorry! I came in here because Sans told me he caught the ghost that pet Doggo in a trap and he left it in here.”

“Ghost?” you asked incredulously.

“Sans instructed me to come in here and get the ghost but I had to be really quiet. I didn’t know that the ghost had tricked you into being captured instead!”

“What ghost?”

Papyrus looked uneasy. “Didn’t a ghost tie you up and leave you like this as bait for me?”

If anyone but Papyrus had asked you this question, you would have asked if they were an idiot and if their mother had dropped them on their head when they were little. But this was Papyrus. Who loved his brother so much that he believed anything he told him.

“No but I remember Sans tying me up and leaving me here.”

Papyrus looked shocked. “He must not have realized it was you,” he apologized. Bullshit. He looked around sheepishly. “So there’s no ghost here?”

“No, but I am the one who petted Doggo.”

“Ah.” Papyrus looked at your flushed frame and blushed slightly. “May I ask you a question?”

You shrugged as best you could. “Go for it.”

“Why are you here?”

“Sans tied me up.”

“No, er, why are you at Grillby’s...with Sans?” Papyrus prompted.

You scoffed. “Heck, Jeremy was here at the beginning too,” you admitted. You weren’t sure what you intended to achieve with that information but you certainly achieved something. Papyrus blush evaporated and he became slightly stiff. Some sick part of you enjoyed causing him some discomfort. But the rest of you felt kinda bad. You sighed. “Jeremy and I were interested in trying monster alcohol. So Sans offered to take us to Grillby’s. Jeremy couldn’t stay long and I uh...ended up accidentally drinking a lot when Sans left to go run an errand.”

Papyrus still looked unsettled. “You’ve been drinking?” He sighed. “That could have been dangerous, you should be careful,” he advised.

You laughed and motioned to your rope bindings. “Oh trust me. I know! Mind giving me a hand?” Papyrus quickly nodded and approached you carefully.

“Please don’t kick me, okay?” he asked.

“No promises,” you grinned mischievously. He sweated nervously but still approached you. You decided to be good and allowed him close enough to lift your rope bindings off the hook. Feeling returned back to your arms as Papyrus gently lowered them for you, still bound, but better than nothing. “That’s much better-gah!” you winced, trying to take a step forward, only to have your leg muscle cramp up on you.

Papyrus quickly caught you before you could face plant on the floor and let you lean against his chest. A gloved hand came around your back and pat you sympathetically. “Are you alright?” he asked worriedly.

“Yeah,” you laughed. You nestled your head into his chest, making him shudder. “Not gonna lie here, but man I’m glad it was you that found me and not somebody else.”

“Me too.”

“I mean, don’t get me wrong, you totally took advantage of me,” you began to admit.

Papyrus pushed you off his chest and you fell onto a crate. You looked up at him to ask what the hell but stopped. Papyrus looked offended. He pointed a finger at you. “First of all, I thought there was a ghost in here. I did not know you were in here,” he began. “Second, I tried very hard to get you to listen to me but you kept kicking me and you were too distraught to hear my shouting!” He huffed, crossing his arms. He was shouting? You remembered faintly hearing his voice during your panic attack and you bit your lip guiltily. “Third…” his voice trailed off and he didn’t look you in the eye, “I wanted to free you but if I let go of you, you were going to keep striking me. And you kick pretty I did something I never tried before.”

Your eyes went wide and you lifted your bondage hands to your mouth. “Oh Pap, honey, no, no. Don’t. Don’t tell me I was your first kiss?”

“Okay, I won’t,” Papyrus promised. You ran your fingers through your hair.

“You can tell me now.”

“Yes, you are my first kiss,” Papyrus nodded, blushing. “I wasn’t thinking, I just wanted to stop you from screaming so you could hear me and I...did that.” He scratched his head. “I thought the ghost might try to attack you so I remember holding you really tight so she would hit me and not you.”

“The ghost was a girl?” you raised an eyebrow.

“Yes. And then I remembered that you…” Papyrus’ voice trailed off and a smug grin appeared on his face. He whirled around and pointed a finger at you. “Fourth, you kissed me back!” he declared triumphantly.

“Hey wait no, you listen,” you stammered. Wow you lost control of the situation there. Papyrus smiled broadly. He was clearly proud of himself. “How do you know I wasn’t kissing you to buy me some time?”

“Buy you time?”

“I thought you were a monster.”

“I am a monster.”

You slapped your face. “A monster who was going to eat me.”

“But I’m not going to eat you.”

“I didn’t know it was you. It was dark. Something hard grabbed me. I screamed…” you hesitated.

Papyrus looked at you curiously. “You did scream. You screamed for me to come help you,” he added thoughtfully. He glanced at you. “Did you know that Sans was still here?”

You chuckled, “Yeah. I did. I called for you, because I don’t know, I guess I knew you wouldn’t let anything bad happen to me.”

Papyrus’ face fell. “Ah, but-”

“No buts,” you corrected, “Except for the terror and panic attack and Grillby finding us in the end, I actually enjoyed what happened,” you admitted. Papyrus blushed and he glanced away. You leaned in and elbowed him in the ribs. “You’re a pretty good kisser too,” you winked, “you’re going to blow some lucky girl’s mind one day.” Papyrus chuckled weakly.

“Ah gee.” He looked over at you. “Oh right. You’re still tied up. Hang on, I’ll have the knot figured out in a jiffy,” he grabbed the rope handcuffs and pulled you directly in front of him so he could see the knot. Before he could even start messing with it, his phone rang. “One moment, it’s Sans,” he explained, picking up the phone.

“Hello Sans!...No, the ghost wasn’t in the trap. It seems you accidentally caught the human instead! You should be more careful in the future...she’s sitting right next to me...ah, what do you say? want me to ask her? Okay…” Papyrus turned to you, “Sans wants to know if you feel like you’ve been possessed by a ghost?”

“What, no.”

“She says she’s not….oh okay I’ll check. Human are you sure you are not? It can be hard to tell?”

You scowled. “I said no. I’m fine.” Papyrus nodded and went back to the phone call.

“She says no...yes she did seem angry that I asked…No, the knot is still there. I haven’t tried to until it yet….uh...are you sure about that Sans?”

You couldn’t hear the other end of the conversation but you knew something was up. As discreetly as you could without drawing attention, you migrated to the door. Once you were out, you could put your jacket over your hands or something. Just long enough to get home to find a knife or a tutorial on how to escape a failed bondage scenario. Your hands closed over the door knob and attempted to pull the door back. It wouldn’t budge. You tried again, nothing. You stood there scowling at the door until you realized that Papyrus had been holding the door shut above you.

He was off the phone and he looked extremely apologetic. Papyrus had hung up his phone and braced his hand against the door. "Papyrus, get off the door," you groaned.

He looked very conflicted. "Sans said ghosts can possess people without them knowing it," he began slowly.

You sighed. "Dude, I'm really tired, I just want to go home and to go sleep."

"He says I should bring you back to our place so we can watch over you."

You looked at him warily. "What if I don't want to? What if i said no?"

Papyrus smiled optimistically. "I would ask you again really nicely and ask you to please say yes."

“And if I say no again? Are you going to just kidnap me or something?”

Papyrus balked. “Kidnap?! Nyeh! I would hope not. I would really like it if you just said yes though.”

Yeah, that wasn’t going to happen at this point. You had another plan. You released the door and faced him, attempting to strike a suggestive pose which was hard to do when your hands were tied. "What if I could change your mind?" You cooed.

Papyrus crossed his arms. "Sans sounded quite serious about this," he tried to tell you resolutely.

You batted your eyelashes. "I know, but what if I did something for you?" You asked, placing your hands against his chest.

"S-something for me?" Papyrus stammered. He looked around anxiously. "What do you mean?"

"Maybe another kiss?" You suggested.

"Nyeh?!" Papyrus backed up at your words, his face glowing orange. You felt a knot forming in the pit of your stomach.

You persevered. "Didn't you like it when we kissed?" You asked innocently, stepping closer to him.

"Yes! I mean Oh boy how do I say this?" He looked around for help but it was just you and him. You felt your stomach clenching but you turned up the charm.

"Tell you what, kiss me once and then tell me if you think I'm really possessed," you offered, leaning toward him.

"If you're sure," Papyrus mumbled uncertainly, approaching you again. He started to lean down to meet your lips when your stomach did a massive somersault. You backed up immediately.

"Excuse me," you gasped, ran quickly to another part of the room and proceeded to vomit.

"Are you okay?!?!" Papyrus hollered after you. You stared at where you vomited unsteadily. It was a bunch of colors.

"Holy shit, I hurled colors," you muttered.

"Ew." Papyrus made a face. "I did not need to know that."

"I mean seriously, it's like a rainbow."

"Stop telling me this!" Papyrus squealed, placing his hands over where his ears would be. Well whatever seductive mood you had tried to pull was absolutely wrecked. You watched with fascination as the liquid began to evaporate immediately until nothing remained.

"Hey Papyrus! The vomit vanished."

"Ughh. I'm not encouraging this," He groaned, shutting his eyes and continuing to hold his hands against his skull.

You got up unsteadily and shrugged. With Papyrus distracted, you opened the back entrance of the bar and stepped out into a well lit alley. You slipped your jacket down to cover your hands and began to walk casually away. Maybe just could make it to the street before Papyrus caught on that you were gone?

Chapter Text

You heard the door shut behind you and you tensed. Any second you expected the skeleton to burst out after you and catch you. Would Papyrus actually take you against your will? You pshawed. Of course not! But then again...he was really strong. It would not be very hard for him to just scoop you up and walk off. You shuddered and kept walking. Let’s see if you could make it to the street first.

“Hey pretty lady. Where you off to tonight?” Or...maybe you’d get raped before then. You turned to look at the voice. A disheveled young man stumbled out of the only unlit part of the alley. He walked unsteadily toward you. The smell of alcohol reeked off of him. He made another step in an attempt to bridge the gap between you.

You assumed a cool stance and played along. “Hey nothing much, just meeting up with some friends,” you answered, walking toward the alley exit, attempting to maintain that distance. The man followed.

“Aight, that’s cool. That’s cool,” he slurred. “Ain’t you cold? Why aren’t you wearing your jacket?” he asked curiously, pointing to your arms.

The adrenaline from the most recent events had kept you blissfully unaware of the night temperature but upon the drunk man’s observations, you shivered slightly. But putting on the jacket wasn’t an option. “Nah, I’m from Alaska,” you lied, faking a smile.

The drunk man roared with laughter. “Girl, that’s funny. Man, almost makes me feel bad to do this, but I gotta.” He lunged forward with such alacrity that you were caught off guard and he successfully grabbed your arm. “Hello love,” he spoke, the slur completely gone and in his other hand, a knife.

Your eyes widened. The man had straightened out his clothes in an instant, the disheveled appearance gone. He must have only pretended to be drunk, although his clothes still smelled like alcohol. His eyes narrowed and he observed your movements like a hawk.

“Man, dude, don’t rape me,” you began, “you have no idea what type of day I’ve had.”

Your words startled the man and his grip loosened. “What? No. I just want your wallet,” he admitted, his eyes widening.

“Oh. Good. Good. I don’t have a lot of cash. Mostly credit cards that if you take, I’m just going to go and cancel,” Your voice coming out surprisingly tired. Your nerves had already been shot. This guy didn’t even blip on your adrenaline radar.

The man hesitated. Your nonchalance about having a knife pressed to you was disarming him somewhat. “Uh, well, can you at least show me your wallet and I’ll take out whatever cash you do have?” he asked, his voice lightening.

You shrugged and attempted to reach for your wallet in your side pocket only to have your arms lock. You had a moment of confusion until you remembered that Sans had tied your wrists together, thereby preventing you from actually reaching your wallet which was pressed tightly against your leg in your jeans. You laughed dryly at your predicament.

The man narrowed his eyes. “You-you think this is a joke?” he growled.

You shook your head. “No, no. I get it. Yes, all very scary. No. It’s just I can’t reach my wallet to actually hand it to you,” you chuckled, gesturing to your pants pocket.

The thief gave you a disbelieving look. “Are you fucking with me right now?” You motioned to your sweater and he cautiously yanked it off your arms, revealing your bound wrists. His eyes bulged. “Why the fuck are you tied up?” he gaped.

“It’s been that type of day. So if you want my wallet, you’re going to have to grab it yourself,” you stated matter of factly, “It’s deep in my right pocket here.” You gestured again.

“I-i, uh alright. Let me just figure out how to do this so I don’t accidentally let you go,” he reasoned out loud, gently moving you back and forth.

“Fair enough, but if you can, could you hurry it up? I’m actually trying to run away from someone,” you explained, glancing at the door you had exited out of.

This caught his attention and he jerked you close to him. “Run away from someone? Are you in some kind of trouble?” He asked.

“Kinda. If we stick around here too long, it probably won’t end well for both of us.” The mugger looked around quickly and pondered this information.

“Hang on, I’ll get you out of this alley and I’ll mug you somewhere safer. Sound good?” he offered helpfully.

You smiled. This had to have been the oddest mugging experience you ever had. “How noble of you. Sure.” He was about to lead you away when you got a bright idea. “Oh! Better plan. Cut my ropes and I’ll give you my wallet!”

The mugger hesitated. “Uhh…”

“You’ve got a knife. These are ropes! Problem solved.”

“Yeahh, about that…” He looked away guiltily and you looked at his knife.

“ that a fake knife?” He didn’t answer. You looked closer. “Did you paint it with silver sparkle nail polish?”

“ sister did it for me.”

“Is your sister 8?”

“She’s 7.”

“You’ve got to be the worst mugger I’ve ever met...which also makes you the best one since I’ve never been mugged before,” you admitted dryly.

“Well I am going to buy a real knife once I mug enough people,” he tried to argue.

“Dude don’t argue with me-”

“HUMAN!” a familiar voice boomed.

“Oh fuck,” you swore. The mugger looked at you anxiously.

“Should we run?”

“Too fucking late for that now.” Both of you turned toward the door at the looming figure standing there.

It was Papyrus. He appeared much more imposing than you remembered as he scanned the environment in front of him. The moonlight gave his armor a malignant shine and his friendly smile appeared to be fanged like a predator. You could feel your "assailant" try to subtly hide behind you but the monster spotted both of you rather quickly.

"Oh good. You did not go far. I was worried you were trying to run away," he smiled good naturedly as he advanced toward you.

"Holy shit, is that a monster?" The mugger whispered. Papyrus caught the whisper and looked at your assailant.

"Oh hello other human!" Papyrus greeted cheerfully. "I am Papyrus!" He strode over to you both and extended his hand, "What is your name?"

The man froze. One hand still gripped you tightly and the other still held the "knife". You jostled the mugger who let go of you to shake the outstretched hand. "I'm Andrew," He mumbled.

Papyrus smiled. "It is a pleasure to meet you," he said genuinely. He gave Andrew back his hand and the man put it right back on your arm. So much for the idea of slipping away. Papyrus returned his attention back to you. "Lori, are you ready to come with me?"

"Uh...where are you taking her?" Andrew asked carefully.

"Oh. I am bringing her to my brother's and my home to watch her for ghostly possession."

Andrew blinked and looked at you. "What?"

"He thinks I've been possessed by a ghost so he wants kidnap me," you tried to explain.

Papyrus gaped. “I do not want to kidnap you!” He protested.

You rolled your eyes. “Oh, I’m sorry. Yes, you just want to take me forcibly to your home.”

The monster crossed his arms. “I asked you very nicely. I really think you would like my home if you gave it a chance.”

"Why is she tied up?" Andrew suddenly asked.

“Nyeh?” Papyrus cocked his head at the mugger.

“If she’s going with you willingly, why is she tied up?” Andrew asked, pointing at your wrists.

"Oh that was my brother's idea. To keep her from attacking anyone in case she became possessed...although she can kick pretty hard," Papyrus admitted.

You had to give the guy credit for sticking around as long as he did. He looked really nervous and was starting to play with his knife. The silver nail polish made the tool sparkle in the moonlight.

Andrew found himself freezing in place at Papyrus' next comment. "Human, are you wielding a knife?" Andrew remained silent. Your eyes widened. Oh no. Papyrus glanced around curiously before his sockets returned to Andrew. "I don't see a kitchen," He observed slowly.

Andrew tried to speak but all that came out was a strangled cough. You felt a chill in the air as Papyrus remained silent.

"...are you trying to harm my human?" He asked lowly, his hands clenching dangerously.

"Wait! I didn't mean-" Andrew panicked, stepping backwards

"Oh no! He was trying to sell me his knife!" You blurted out, jumping forward.

"I-i was?" Andrew asked, gaping at you.

"Yup, remember you didn't have money for the bus so you offered to sell me your shiny kitchen knife so you could get home."

Andrew stared at you and then glanced back at Papyrus who was still silent. The mugger was giving you a look that basically said there's no way in hell that Papyrus would believe you.

You both jumped as Papyrus laughed joyfully. "Oh human! Why didn't you just say so? The Great Papyrus is very compassionate. Please do not sell your possessions. I will bring you home myself!”

"Are you serious?" Andrew asked, although you weren't sure if it was to you or the monster.

"Of course! Come with me! I parked nearby. Nyeh heh heh heh." Before either of you could react, he was immediately in front of you. He placed a hand behind each of your backs and gently propelled you both toward the main sidewalk. Andrew hurriedly handed you your jacket and you covered your hands.

You got a few odd looks as the three walked down the sidewalk. Papyrus was speaking animatedly about how much he had wanted to use his new human imprisonment cell which made you and Andrew exchange nervous glances. Papyrus must have seen you hesitate and quickly informed you that the cell was actually his garage. That comforted you a bit although who the fuck makes people sleep in the garage?

"Oh, I forgot about this," you heard Papyrus speak up as you approached his car. His car was a two seater.

Papyrus scratched his chin. “I am afraid I only have two seats,” Papyrus realized.

“Oh, that’s okay!” Andrew announced starting to back up, “I can walk home!”

Papyrus caught Andrew’s arm. “Nonsense! The Great Papyrus does not abandon his friends!”

“I guess one of us could go in the trunk,” you offered.

“Nyeh heh heh. Of course!” Papyrus gave you a slap on the back. “I will go in the trunk and you two can drive the car.” He paused. “Well, you may have difficulty driving with your hands tied, so he can drive the car.”

“Andrew, can you drive a clutch?”


“Oh,” Papyrus was disappointed. You bit the bullet.

“I’ll get in the trunk,” you offered. Andrew and Papyrus tried to protest but you held up a hand, er hands. “Listen, even if Andrew got in the trunk, do you know how bad it would look if a cop pulls us over and he sees a monster driving with a human tied up in the passenger seat?” Papyrus tried to protest but you cut him off. “And no, explaining the situation would not help. A lot of humans are still nervous about the concept of magic. Maybe he would think you were mind controlling me?” You walked over to the trunk, popped it open and threw yourself in before either of them could say anything.

Andrew followed you and smiled weakly. “Well here’s hoping that someone doesn’t search the car,” he hoped, shutting you in the darkness.

Now you weren’t necessarily claustrophobic, but being trapped in a small dark container with no idea where you were going was certainly terrifying and you shut your eyes to not freak out. You could hear Papyrus and Andrew as they climbed into the car, which surprisingly calmed you down.

“Wowie! You don’t live that far from me!” She could hear him exclaim.

“Really? That’s actually kinda cool.”

The car engine roared to life and you felt the car accelerate. It was more difficult to hear the two guys but you could catch the occasional phrase.

“I’ve got only one sibling. A little sister.”

“Oh! I’ve got only one too. A big brother!”

The conversation seemed benign. You felt drowsy. Soon, the steady growl of the engine lulled you to a heavy sleep.


“Human! Wake up, we have arrived,” Papyrus’ voice roused you from your sleep. You blinked and stretched your limbs as best as you could in the trunk of the car. Papyrus helped you get out and you looked around sleepily.

“Where’s Andrew?” You mumbled.

“Oh! Wonderful news! He and his family live just down the street from Sans and I,” Papyrus informed you. You smiled and began to nod off where you stood. Papyrus steadied you. “Ah, I can see that you are tired. Fear not, I have taken the liberty of preparing your lodgings.”

Having been denied sleep, you observed your surroundings and realized you were inside what appeared to be a chilly garage. The car was parked inside alongside a small scooter. There were various tools, weapons and boxes strewn about. But what most caught your eye was a small dog bed, a bowl of cut up hotdogs and a glass of water lying on the floor. You looked at Papyrus who was beaming.

“Do you guys have a dog?” You asked sleepily.

“No, although there’s this mutt that keeps coming and stealing my special attacks,” Papyrus grumbled. He brightened up and pointed to the bed. “No, this is your bed!”

“You’re kidding.”

“Nope,” Papyrus shook his head. “This is all for you!” He placed a hand over his chest proudly. “I know, you must be thinking that this is too much, but Papyrus wants what’s best for his friends-eh, what are you doing?”

You were already climbing back into the trunk. “Getting back into the trunk.”

“Why? I have a perfectly good bed here for you.”

“That’s a dog bed. And not even like a Labrador dog bed, but like a Chihuahua one,” you mumbled.

“Frisk liked it,” Papyrus insisted.

“Yeah, I’m bigger than Frisk,” you retorted. You shivered. “Plus, it’s pretty cold out here. You don’t even have a blanket. I’ll probably catch a cold.”

Papyrus paused as you tried to adjust yourself in the trunk. “But until I know you are not possessed, don’t you think you should stay in the gar-er cell in case the ghost comes back? If you stay here, the ghost cannot take you outside.”

“Fine, fine, whatever,” you grumbled, finding a semi comfortable position, “If my jailer won’t let me in the house, I’ll take my chances in the trunk,” you grumbled, reaching up to pull the trunk back down. “I bet Sans would have let me sleep inside.”

Papyrus’ hand caught the door before you could shut it all the way and he lifted it back up. He looked rather conflicted. “I-”

“He probably would have brought me a blanket too because he’s a better friend.”

Papyrus made a face and to your surprise, slammed the trunk lid shut, leaving you in darkness. You groaned but were too stubborn to admit defeat, instead pulling your sweater over yourself in a makeshift blanket and curling up tightly.

Man, your day could not have gotten any better, could it? You had a less than successful second date with Jeremy, you admitted your bondage fantasy to a lecherous skeleton and then you were molested and kidnapped by his younger brother. Oh, and fake mugged. You should have been furious...yet. You cracked a faint smile in the darkness. There was something charming about how fucked up this whole situation was, you realized.

Oh sure, you would be furious in the morning, but for now, you found it much more amusing than you had intended. Exhaustion finally won you over and you felt yourself slipping into unconsciousness. You shifted only slightly when the trunk was opened. In fact, you were so tired, you did not even register a tall figure lifting you from the trunk and cradling you gently into the home.

Chapter Text

10 minutes earlier…

“He probably would have brought me a blanket too because he’s a better friend.” Papyrus’ sockets widened at your words. Granted they were spoken through a yawn, but they were rather biting nevertheless. He had no idea how to respond to that and felt his face twist in irritation. He would think of something clever to say back to you that would make you immediately regret your unkind words. He thought of something and brought his hand down in triumph...accidentally slamming the trunk shut.

Papyrus slapped his other hand over his mouth to prevent him from gasping. Oh my god! He just locked you in the trunk! He lunged to open the trunk and begin to apologize but he resisted. Instead, he brought his skull close to the trunk and listened. He could hear you rustling and adjusting yourself but otherwise nothing. No crying, no swearing, no begging for mercy. Just silence.

He stood back up to his full height and shuffled unsuredly. Perhaps...this was a test of endurance? A wry smile crept onto his face. Yes, of course. This was a challenge. Who would give up first. Certainly not him! He puffed out his chest defiantly and walked back into his house, shutting and locking the door behind him. You would realize your mistake soon enough!

He went into the kitchen and pulled out the milk, pouring himself a glass as he continued to gloat. “Surely, the human will realize that the lodgings I provided are far superior than the trunk!” He declared confidently. He went to take a gulp and stopped. Papyrus stared at the milk. The last time he had milk was when you had nearly drowned him in it after using your pink stick. He thumbed the lip of the glass thoughtfully before he shook his head.

“Nyeh! I will not be dissuaded in my resolve!” He announced and chugged the entire glass resolutely. He swallowed in determination, thankfully not choking this time. He took the glass to the sink and began to wash it. The water pouring over the glass brought his mind back to you once more. You got yourself completely soaked in both water and milk that night. He remembers you shivering against him, most likely from the freezing water. He did not feel the cold, but you certainly did. You were probably feeling very cold all alone in the trunk of the car…

“No! Remain steadfast, Papyrus!” He slapped himself. “She-she chose to stay in the trunk!” He told himself. He took a towel to dry the glass and sighed. “I didn’t even give her a towel for a blanket,” he muttered dejectedly. He put the glass away and turned off the lights as he walked up the stairs to his bedroom. Papyrus opened the door and sat down on his race car bed. He ran his hand over the covers, finding comfort in the straightness and tidiness of the bed.

Papyrus pulled down the covers and snuggled in. Normally Sans would read him a story, but it appeared that he had not returned from Grillby’s yet so he would have to do without. He pulled the blankets up to his chest and shut his sockets. Only to open them again and sit up grumpily. “Really! That dog bed is more than adequate for her!” He protested, leaping out his bed and leaving the bedroom. He stomped down the stairs and reached the garage entrance. He stopped before he touched the door knob.

Was this considered losing? “No, no it’s not admitting defeat. I’m just, erhm, making sure that I have been fair in this test of endurance.” He told himself. He opened the door silently and stepped in. He remained quiet and listened for any sounds. Perhaps an admission of defeat? Er, no, just snoring, he realized. He spotted the dog bed and harrumphed. He made his way to it and plopped himself down in the bed. Papyrus adjusted himself, trying to fit more than part of his leg in the bed without much success. He groaned. You were certainly taller than his leg. Perhaps he had simply miscalculated the size of the bed. Well no matter! He would simply leave and purchase a larger bed for you...except the only way he would be able to make it to a store at this hour would be if he took the car. And he’s sure you would wake up the minute he turned on the ignition and either cause you to panic or worse, realize you had won!

He remained seated in the dog bed, grumbling to himself. Well, maybe he could bring you a blanket at least. He was pretty sure he had seen one on the couch. He retrieved a blanket from the couch and returned to the trunk. “I’ll just give her the blanket. And therefore prove that I am the better um, friend I suppose?” He popped open the trunk and stared down at you. You had tried to pull your thin jacket over your body to cover yourself. It didn’t appear to provide much warmth as you shivered in your sleep. Papyrus bit his glove nervously. Even with the blanket, there was a very good chance you would still be cold. And catch a cold. Just like you predicted. And you would win.

Or maybe not. Papyrus watched your sleeping frame and contemplated his options. Maybe, he could bring you inside. Put you in a room that you would not be able to escape from! Yes! Of course! He smiled excitedly! But how to move you? He hesitated. “I suppose I could pick you up,” he observed. He tentatively reached underneath and delicately lifted you from the trunk, placing one arm behind your back and the other underneath your knees. He cradled you to his chest and felt himself let out a sigh of relief as you remained dead to the world.

After a moment or two, you stopped shivering. Unconsciously, you leaned and pressed yourself against his chest. He could feel himself color although he wasn’t sure why. He had carried several companions through various training exercises and more than once had to lug Sans home after his older brother imbibed too much. Yet somehow, there was something strangely intimate about the way he was holding you as he carried you over the threshold of his home.

“Where to put you?” Papyrus strategized. He considered depositing you on the couch but realized that if you were indeed possessed, you would very easily be able to stand up and walk out the front door. No. It had to be a place with only one entrance. Sans’ room was locked...which left..”My room,” he realized, “I’ve got to bring her to my room.”

The outloud admission had him feeling of combination of giddiness, nervousness and overall weirdness which he quickly attempted to shut down. “No, no, no. Focus!” He rebuked himself. He carried you to his room and pushed open the door. Thankfully, he had left the blankets uncovered and he gently placed you in his bed. He smiled at his accomplishment before hesitating. Now what? Where was he going to sleep? He observed his bed. “There’s enough room for both of us,” he admitted.

A searing hot flash erupted in his chest at the admission and he gripped the wall to steady himself. What was that?! Had you attacked him, he thought as he stared down at you in disbelief. No, you were stlll asleep. Why had the the suggestion of sharing a bed with you caused such a severe reaction? Perhaps it was because you were asleep and could not agree to sharing a bed with him? Could it be guilt related? He didn’t quite believe that reason as his soul beat roughly in his chest.

No, sleeping in the same bed was out of the question, regardless. He gently pulled up the covers to your chest and admired his handiwork. Perfect. As for where he would sleep...well, he was a royal guard in training. Weren’t royal guards expected to stay up all night if needed to protect the royal family? Of course! He placed a hand on his chest and saluted. He would stand guard outside the door until he deemed it safe. Papyrus smirked proudly. True, you had his bed, but you were still tied up and in his custody. He had won. He was truly the Great Papyrus.

Papyrus made a motion to step back but found himself caught. He glanced down curiously and his sockets arched in surprise as he realized that he had been holding your hands. When had he taken your hands? He couldn’t remember doing it, but honestly, the feeling of your smaller fingers entwined with his larger ones felt rather nice. He looked at your restraints and faltered.

Your wrists were starting to bruise under the tension of the rope. Papyrus wanted to undo the knot but if he did that, would this be an admission of defeat? He sighed. He was the Great Papyrus alright...but he was also the Merciful Papyrus. He deftly untied and removed your bindings and tucked them away in his chest plate. Before your wrists had a chance to fall, he clasped both of them and began to rub some feeling and circulation back into them.

You groaned at the sensation and he cooed you back to sleep. Reluctantly, he released your hands and allowed them to lie at your sides. Even with his gloves on, touching you had brought a pleasant warmth in his chest. The absence of the touch reminded him once again that he had lost. His shoulders sinking in defeat, Papyrus dragged himself to the door and made a move to exit.

“Papyrus.” He froze and turned around. You were rolling on to your side, still very much asleep. “Thank you,” you murmured.

Papyrus smiled at your sleepy admission. “You’re welcome, Lori,” he spoke quietly He gave a short bow and left the room. He positioned himself in front of his bedroom door and assumed a defensive stance. “Maybe it was alright to lose this time,” he grinned.

Chapter Text

You stirred as sunlight filtered through the blinds onto your face. You brought your hands to your eyes and rubbed them sleepily. Your vision was still blurry with sleep so you felt around your bed for your phone. Not finding it immediately, you began to slowly sit up, wincing slightly as your back was sore.

“God, what a weird dream,” you groaned, running your hands through your hair. “I must have drank more monster alcohol than I thought. I don’t even remember getting home...did Papyrus drive me home or something?” You wondered aloud. Your memory was a bit hazy but you knew Papyrus was there last night. But then the dreams you had about him afterwards...

The thoughts made you bite your lip. You and he were grinding on each other as you were bound and suspended. You could feel your breath hitch and you blushed. You broke into a low chuckle. Yeah, there was no way that happened, but still what an odd dream. You would definitely have to ask Sans about weird dreams being a side effect of the alcohol. Well, maybe you wouldn’t mention that in the dream you basically had dry sex with his brother.

The thought of Sans made you shiver. You and he did have a conversation last night about something rather important...but again your mind was kinda hazy and you’re not sure when you started dreaming and what actually happened. You let out a humongous yawn and wiped the sleep away from your eyes. You stiffened.

This wasn’t your room. You fought the urge to scream or swear (most likely swear) and observed your surroundings. If you didn’t know better, you would say you were in a young boy’s room. There was a pirate flag hanging on the wall and a table of action figures near you. A bookcase filled with all types of literature stood next to a computer desk, complete with a computer. You found your eyes drifting to a corner and to your surprise you saw a box of odd shaped bones. You came to the conclusion that you were either in the home of an eccentric mass murderer or you were in the skelebros home. And if you were in the skelebros home, then that means…Your eyes widened.

“Oh my God, Papyrus and I-!” You couldn’t even articulate the realization but instead buried your face in your hands. Everything was real, your mind shrieked at you. Sans had bound you and propositioned you for a friends with benefits gig which you had actually accepted. And then Papyrus walked in and not only scared the living shit out of you, but he kissed you. And not a gentle peck either. Like a full blown passionate kiss. If skeletons had tongues, you’re sure you would have been frenching.

As your mind reeled from that realization, you began to consider how you really felt about what happened. Did you actually want to engage in casual sex with Sans? Did you enjoy your kiss with Papyrus or was it really just adrenaline from what you thought was a near death experience? Now that you were technically sober (although you insisted that you never got drunk on the monster alcohol and that Sans was a goddamn liar), did you regret any of the actions you took last night?

No. You smiled strangely to yourself. No, you didn’t regret it. Oh sure, it was embarrassing and you were mad as hell at the brothers for basically kidnapping you, even though you didn’t actively fight Papyrus, it was still kidnapping. “Shit, wait, did he kidnap the mugger too?” You realized, “Gahhh!!! He did! Oh, goddammit Papyrus.” You doubted Andrew would file a report or anything, but still it was a really really bad idea to just kidnap random strangers. You would probably have to have a talk with Papyrus about that.

Speaking of Papyrus, where was he? Or more did YOU get HERE? You scrunched your forehead. The last thing you remember, Papyrus had shut you in the trunk and you had tried to stay warm by pulling your jacket over you...And now you were in someone’s bed? A bed that smelled very familiar. And call it a hunch, but you were pretty sure you knew whose bed this was.

“Oh god, did we do anything?” You gasped. You quickly patted yourself down and realized you were still wearing your bra. Well that explained why your back was sore. Judging by the fact that you were still in your date clothes AND bra (oh, you meant battle attachment), you could safely assume that you and Papyrus did not, er, engage in physical relations. You didn’t think he even tried to share a bed with you, but just to be sure, you peeked under the covers. Nope. No skeleton.

Now that you thought about it, you thought you remembered someone carrying you last night. Ugh. Last night. The memory of the heated kiss tugged at your chest again. You would be lying if you said you didn’t enjoy the kiss. For someone who had never kissed before, Papyrus apparently possessed some natural aptitude toward kissing. Then again, he was pretty great, so maybe you shouldn’t have been too surprised. “Heh, I guess he really is the Great Papyrus,” you giggled to yourself.

You stopped laughing and mulled over this information. “Do I like Papyrus?” You asked yourself. He was sweet, absolutely naive, but his heart, or whatever skeleton monsters had, was in the right place. “Maybe?” You guessed. Yes, you admit-there did appear to be butterflies in your stomach at the thought of the skeleton. And maybe, just maybe, your heart DID beat a little bit faster when he was around. But then again, every time he was around, something insane or disastrous was also happening so could you really attribute all those symptoms to feelings of actual affection or just an adrenaline rush?

To be honest, you had never fallen for someone so uh, inexperienced? Was that the right word? Yet, if that skeleton asked to kiss you again...a goofy smile grew on your face and you hugged your knees. Yeah, you couldn’t lie. You’d kiss him again in a second.

Your smile froze. “I wonder if he likes me at all?” Oh my God. You hadn’t thought of that. Of course, you should only kiss someone you were interested in but Papyrus might not know that. For all you knew, he could have tried to headbutt you and accidentally kissed you instead and just went with it because it shut you up. You shook your head. “No, no. I can’t imagine him doing that,” you attempted reassure yourself as your stomach threatened to sink.

“UGH!!! TOO MUCH THINKING!” You could spend hours trying to analyze last night. “Or, I could just say fuck that nonsense and procrastinate on the thinking.” You loved procrastinating, so you shelved away any doubts you had for later. After all, you did have a hang out to go to.

You hopped off the bed, and spotted a familiar looking bag in the middle of the room. It was your duffel bag...which you did not bring with you on your date to Jeremy. You eyed it suspiciously before walking over and unzipping it. You found a note on top of a change of clothes. You read the note.

“hey lori. hope you slept ok. i went to your home to bring back your car and a change of clothes. pap can be a bit enthusiastic when he cooks so you probably don’t want to get your date clothes dirty. come down whenever.” You smiled and reached inside the bag to find a pair of loose fitting sweat pants and a tank top. There was something else though. You dug a bit deeper and your eyes widened. You pulled out a black thong. This wasn’t yours. It looked new.

“Sans,” you realized, gritting your teeth. Yes, if your memories hadn’t emerged before, they were now running at you at full force. Sans had mentioned an interest in getting intimate with you and you had agreed. So here were your new intimates. Ha! Well, nobody said you had to change all of your clothes.

“Oh shit,” you muttered as you stripped. Apparently you had been more aroused than you thought last night and your underwear...Ah, let’s just say that you probably shouldn’t wear these again until after they made a trip to the washing machine. You stripped and slipped on the change of clothes.

You stashed the clothes back in the duffel bag and hoisted it on to your shoulder but stopped to observe the bed you left behind. “It’s a racecar,” you noted with a goofy grin, admiring the red race car frame. Papyrus must really like his car. You chuckled to yourself and approached the door.

As you grasped the doorknob, you realized that your wrists were no longer tied together. Except for a barely noticeable bruise on your right wrist, you would have hardly been able to guess that you had participated in some pretty spontaneous bondage play. “Well Sans, it looks like you know what you’re doing,” you smiled mischievously before pushing open the door and walking out.


Papyrus paced anxiously between the kitchen and the living room, rubbing his hands together. Sans watched his brother from his spot on the couch. Sans had to admit it was amusing for the first hour or so and he had made a couple jokes about Papyrus making a hole between the two rooms if he walked enough. But by now, it was a bit much. Even when Sans had slipped out to get the human’s car and a change of clothes, Papyrus was still pacing silently. Sans decided to break the silence.

“so, i see you didn’t make the human sleep in the garage,” he commented. Papyrus blinked in surprise and turned to Sans.

“Oh Sans! Eh, how long have you been there?”

Sans checked the clock. It was close to 1pm, he had been awake since 10am...and who knows when Papyrus woke up. “i’ve been here for about an hour or so,” he answered. Papyrus appeared startled at the admission and began to try to count on his fingers. “wanna take a seat, bro? you look bone tired.” Papyrus looked like he was going to decline but he let out a big yawn and sleepily nodded his head.

“I’m sorry, Sans. I’m having difficulty concentrating,” Papyrus apologized, taking a seat.

“doesn’t sound like you got much sleep last night.” Papyrus hummed in response. “so the human slept in your room?” Papyrus nodded. Sans nudged him gently. “did you sleep with her?”

Papyrus did not appear to understand the implication because he simply yawned again. “No, I did not want to surprise her.” He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “I didn’t think she was possessed so I untied her when I put her to bed,” he admitted. Sans nodded.

“well if she got your bed, where did you sleep, paps?” Sans asked.

“I slept outside the door in case that ghost came back,” Papyrus answered sleepily.

“huh, well just a heads up i went to her place and brought her car and some clothes for her,” Sans informed.

“Wow, I never knew you even left,” Papyrus smiled, clearly impressed.

“yeah.” Sans observed his brother a bit closer. “you seem kinda nervous about hanging out with the human.”

“I’m not nervous,” Papyrus lied, “we are just hanging out and cooking. Like what Undyne and I do all the time.”

Sans shrugged. “oh okay. did anything happen between you guys last night?”

Papyrus stiffened. It was an innocent question right? Why did he have such a visceral reaction to it? Images of you immediately flooded his mind. How good you felt against his body, your lips pressed against him and those noises. Those noises that made him feel like he was on fire. He wanted to hear more of those delicious noises and he felt his soul start to swell. Realization crashed on him quickly as he remembered where he was. He coughed and feigned nonchalance.

“Hmm, no nothing happened.”

If Sans had eyebrows, he would have raised them. “well if you want to talk about anything, you know i’m here,” Sans offered with a shrug. Papyrus felt something twinge inside of him as Sans continued, “you’d tell me if you guys took things past friends, right?”

Papyrus stood up quickly. His heart rate was fast and he nervously spoke. “We got confused last night but she and I are merely friends.” His soul began to slam painfully against his chest at the words, but he persevered.

He wasn’t sure who he was trying to convince with his words. The feelings and physical responses you had drawn out of him were completely foreign to him and maybe if he was slightly calmer, he absolutely would have loved some clarification as to why he felt like that. But he was Papyrus. He was strong and in control of himself. Sans looked like he was about to speak but Papyrus cut him off. “Nothing happened,” he gritted his teeth.

“pap…” Sans tried to speak up but Papyrus had to be confident.

“And-and even if something happened between us, it did not mean anything. I was merely reacting defensively to stop a situation from escalating! So there is nothing to talk about. Because nothing happened. We are only friends.” Papyrus continued.

“pap listen...”

“It was a battle strategy! Just my excellent training coming to fruition! It meant nothing!” Papyrus ended up a sense of finality, stomping his foot down to emphasize the point. Sans sighed and rubbed his forehead. Papyrus cocked a head in confusion at him. “What?”

“Good morning guys,” a familiar voice greeted behind him. Papyrus felt his sockets widen and he quickly spun around. There you were, standing with a duffel bag on your shoulder and staring at Papyrus intently. Panic gripped his chest. He wondered how much you had heard.


You heard everything.

Chapter Text

Sans had spotted you when you had descended the stairs during Papyrus’ dialogue but the larger skeleton had been too oblivious to pick up on Sans’ hints to stop speaking. So you got to hear everything. It meant nothing huh? Just a battle strategy? You bit your lip as those nice warm feelings you had collected this morning immediately transformed into poison that stung your chest and your eyes bitterly. You could feel your eyes starting to water but you were not going to cry. Not over Papyrus.

Had he even said that he had liked you? That fearful doubt you had buried rose full force and you bit your lip even harder, threatening to draw blood. No, he never did. So why should you feel upset? The kiss was just a last ditch attempt to get you to calm down. As Papyrus said, it meant nothing to him. So it should mean nothing to you. You stopped biting your lip and broke into a smile. Fuck him.

“Human!” Papyrus gasped. “How did you sleep?” He choked.

“Good,” you nodded, “better than sleeping in the trunk.” You turned to Sans who looked at you sympathetically. “Hey, thanks for getting my stuff,” you managed to continue to smile at him.

Sans nodded. “no problem. sorry that you got caught in my trap,” he apologized with a wink, “did papyrus have any trouble getting you out of there?”

You shook your head. “Nope. Nothing too exciting. He just scared me in the darkness is all,” you answered, ignoring the pained look on the younger skeleton’s face. You turned to Papyrus. “Well, let’s get cooking, okay?”

Papyrus blinked in surprise. “Right now?”

You nodded. "Well yeah. The sooner we start cooking, the sooner we can finish and I can go home," you asserted. Papyrus instantly shifted awkwardly and didn't meet your eye.

Sans let out a low whistle. "whelp, this got uncomfortable real fast. you kids have fun. i'm off to work," he gave Pap a quick pat on the back and to your surprise caught you in a hug.

"don't be too hard on my bro ok," he whispered into your ear, “give him time.”

You sighed. "Fine, fine. I’ll play nice," you whispered back smiling at the brotherly affection. Sans shot you a grateful smile as you ended the hug. He stopped by your duffel bag briefly and soon after left the house. You turned back to Papyrus who looked even more uncomfortable than he had a moment ago after having just watched Sans and you exchange a longer than normal hug. You smiled disarmingly at him. "So, how do you make spaghetti?"

Papyrus didn't answer. You walked over and prodded him in the chest. "Hey Papyrus."

"Nyeh!" He squeaked, looking down at you. “Human, uh, if you do not want to hang out, I would understand. Last night-”

You held up your hand. “Didn’t mean anything. A battle tactic only. Yeah, I heard,” Papyrus tried to glance away from you again but you took his hand. “Listen, fear and alcohol can make people do stupid assume their friend is possessed by ghosts and then kidnap a random stranger and drive him home.” Papyrus shifted nervously. “Let’s just hang out and see what happens,” you smiled gently.

“I didn’t mean...ah. Are you sure about this?”

Your eyes glinted devilishly. “Ah, I see you are admitting defeat already.”

“Defeat?” Papyrus stared at you in confusion. “I don’t-”

“Clearly you are no match for my own pasta making skills,” you continued, adding a twirl of your wrist to increase the bravado of your statements, “I bet you can’t even cook artisanal pasta afterall.”

You stole a glance at Papyrus who gritted his teeth at you. He put his hands on his hips and was puffing out his chest. “Human! I will have you eat those words! Literally, I will shape my masterpiece to match your statement and you will have no choice but to eat them!” He seized your wrist and dragged you into the kitchen. You grinned widely.

Papyrus was full of determination.

You found yourself in a surprisingly normal kitchen. It had a stove, an oven, a fridge, various cupboards and shelves. Yup. Perfectly normal. Except for that sink. You gazed up at the sink. It was so tall. Papyrus was probably the only one who could reach it. You opened your mouth to comment on it but your words died in your mouth as he held out an apron for you. “I’m afraid I’m going to give you Sans’ apron,” Papyrus apologized as you slipped it on. “But do not worry! It is clean. Sans never wears it because he rarely cooks.”

“No worries,” you smiled, typing it around your waist. “Have you washed the vegetables yet?” Papyrus nodded, gesturing to the ready vegetables sitting neatly on the counter. “Awesome, I just need to wash my hands, and I’ll be set,” You said as you walked out of the kitchen.

“Oh, there’s a sink here!” Papyrus offered helpfully.

You chuckled, “I can’t reach reach that one. It seems awfully tall even for you.”

Papyrus looked proud. “Of course it is. I made it that way so we had more space to put things. Like my extra bones.” He popped open the cupboard to demonstrate its usefulness and you immediately broke into a huge grin.

“AW! Look at the cute little dog!” You squealed, bringing your hands to your cheeks. You may be a licensed professional but a dog was a dog dammit and you were going to get excited about it. It was a happy white dog sitting all alone in an empty cupboard. It yipped happily as your discovery and wiggled.

Until Papyrus started shouting. “There he is! That’s the stupid mutt who keeps stealing my attacks!” The dog quickly darted out of the cupboard and out of the kitchen before either of you could move. You heard the front door open and shut as Papyrus scowled. You swore you could even hear it lock the door as it left.

“That’s pretty impressive that the dog can open doors without thumbs,” you admitted. Papyrus groaned.

“One day. I will catch him. And he will give me back all the bones that he stole,” Papyrus promised. You gave him a pat on the back.

“You’ll catch him some day.” You glanced around the kitchen. “You wouldn’t happen to have a stepladder around here or did the dog get that too?”

Papyrus huffed. “I don’t think so, but I wouldn’t put it passed that meddlesome canine. Why do you need a stepladder?”

“So I can wash my hands in this sink,” you reminded gently.

“Oh, yes I see. You are rather small,” Papyrus observed. He snapped his gloved fingers. “I can give you a boost,” he offered.

“Are you sure? I’m kinda heavy,” you warned.

Papyrus nodded. “I’m up to the challenge.” You stood in front of the sink as Papyrus came up. You expected him to at least warm up but he deftly seized you around your hip and hefted you up. “You are very light,” he assured you. You couldn’t help but giggle. “Eh?”

“Sorry, Pap. This kinda reminds me of what my dad used to do when I was younger and couldn’t reach our own bathroom sink,” You chuckled, your mind still somewhat reeling from the sudden change in altitude.

“That is very kind of him,” Papyrus noted. You quickly washed your hands but did not see a towel.

“Do you have a towel I can wipe my hands on?” You asked. You felt Papyrus shift his hold on you. Suddenly you realized he was holding you up with only one hand as he reached for a towel. “Man, you’re really strong!!” You gasped, “Nobody’s ever picked me up with only one hand.”

“Of course!” Papyrus proudly stated as he handed the towel up to you. “I train every day!” You began to dry your hands as he attempted to once again place his other hand back on your hip. Except he didn’t quite place it high enough to rest against your hip. Instead, his hand ended up slightly lower. You immediately realized the seriousness of the mistake when his fingers curled in and pressed against your...oh boy!

“Put me down now! Please,” you heard yourself squeak as you felt yourself color darkly. Papyrus set you down and you could feel him curiously observing you but you didn’t let him see your face. “So! What’s the first step?” You quickly asked, changing the topic.

“Nyeh heh heh!” Papyrus focused on the ingredients. “Prepare to be amazed by my culinary prowess!” You helped gather some of the vegetables onto the counter. “First, let’s start with the sauce!”

“Cool, cool.” Papyrus closed his eyes but did nothing. “Uh, do you have a knife or something-?” In a split second, Papyrus brought both his hands down and smashed the vegetables into the counter, splattering tomato bits everywhere. “HOLY FUCKING SHIT!” You gasped, jumping backwards. “WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!”

Papyrus smiled. “Undyne said to cook with passion. Everything must be done passionately. Especially when we attack the vegetables like our enemies...or at least how Undyne would treat her enemies!” Papyrus beamed proudly.

You looked at the mess. “How are you going to get that in the frying pan?” You asked. He held out a spatula and started to scrape the mixture into a bowl. You stared dumbfounded at Papyrus.

Although the apron took the brunt of the damage, Papyrus still had tomato sauce splattered on his bones. It was a little bit uh, creepy? Yeah, that was pretty accurate description. If he went out on Halloween night covered in tomato sauce, he might win an award or two. Yet Papyrus didn’t seem to mind...or notice. He was intently scraping the mixture into his bowl. “So how do you season your pasta sauce?” You asked cautiously as he managed to scoop most of the sauce into a frying pan.

“Oh! Salt, pepper, basil…”

“Good, good.”

“And glitter.”

“...glitter?” You questioned as he began to pull spices out of the rack.

“Of course! Pasta has to sparkle!” You watched in horror as he dumped the entire bottle of glitter and he began to stir.

“Uh, Papyrus, are you sure you don’t mean garlic?” You hesitated.

He cocked his head at you curiously. “Garlic? What’s that?”

You felt your heart drop into your stomach as your Italian ancestors called out for justice. “It’s a plant that commonly goes in pasta dishes,” you tried to explain. You did not add “and it is so good, I would fuck it if Garlic was a dude.” Papyrus still looked confused. You decided to try an experiment.

A lightbulb seemed to go off on his head. “Oh! Yes! I saw you bought something different.” He pointed toward another part of the counter and you spotted the garlic you had purchased still wrapped and unsmashed. As you made your way over and began to collect the precious materials, Papyrus shrugged. “I’ll admit that I’m unfamiliar with that vegetable so I left it to the side in case you purchased it by mistake.”

You gathered all the garlic in your hands and set it on the other side away from his splattered creation. “Tell you what, why don’t you keep making your style of pasta and I’ll make mine and we’ll try them both and learn from each other?” You offered.

Papyrus eagerly agreed. “Wowie! What a great idea! I think I still have more of your vegetables in the fridge. Would you like me to help you prepare them as well?”

“NO! Ah, I mean, no. Listen, uh, do you have any knives?”


To your surprise, the skeleton household did have kitchen knives. They just were like Sans’ apron: not used very much. You also found a cutting board when made cutting up the tomatoes and garlic much easier. You found yourself whispering adoringly under your breath to the garlic as you peeled and minced it. When it came to the onion though…

“Are you crying? Is something wrong?” Papyrus asked worriedly, approaching you.

You sniffled as the onion stung your eyes. “No-no. It’s the onion.”

Papyrus observed the half cut onion warily. “The onion?” He turned his attention to the onion. “Please onion, do not make my human cry. I would appreciate it very much,” he asked politely.

You couldn’t help but giggle as you teared up. “No no, the onion releases stuff into the air which makes you cry when you cut it.”

“Would you like me to cut it for you?” He offered. You shook your head.

“Naw, I’m almost done.” You soon were scraping the onion pieces into the frying pan and Papyrus returned to his own cooking. This left you alone with your thoughts.

Papyrus called you his human again. You thought he said that last night when you were getting “mugged” but now there were no doubts. You glanced at him out of the corner of your eye but he remained unaffected. Perhaps getting called his human was the same as getting called his friend? You were thinking far too much into that innocuous phrase and you silently chastised yourself. You should be concentrating on kicking his ass at cooking, not trying to analyze his words.

“Hey Papyrus, do you have another pot lid? I need to set the sauce to simmer,” you asked. He did not respond. You glanced at him. “Uh, Papyrus! Do you have a pot lid?”

Your second attempt seemed to rouse him. “Oh yes, it’s in that cupboard over there. Let me get it for you,” he offered.

“Oh! No no, keep stirring yours, I can reach it!” You responded quickly. He resumed stirring in glitter as you walked over to where he pointed. To your annoyance, you stepped on the bottom edge of your loose sweatpants, yanking them down slightly. You pulled them up but scowled. “Gah, I wish Sans grabbed a different pair of sweat pants,” You grumbled.

“What? What’s wrong with your pants?” He paused. “Wait. Your clothes are different again! How is this possible?”

You glanced back at him as you opened the cupboard. “Apparently Sans went to my apartment and got my car along with a change of clothes this morning.” You looked down at your pants irritability. “He’s grabbed the one pants that I own that’s a bit too big for me.”


That lid wasn’t too high up thankfully but you were still going to have to stretch to reach it. Papyrus seemed preoccupied with his cooking so you stood on your tiptoes clumsily. You felt your sweatpants sang again but the lid was so close so you didn’t bother to pull them up. You let out a triumphant “Ha!” as you grasped it.

You could have sworn you heard someone choke and cough behind you but you were too excited to have gotten the lid that you didn’t pay it much notice. You pulled up your pants and turned back toward Papyrus. You arched an eyebrow in surprise. He had sorta been watching you as you worked but now he looked absolutely unwilling to spare a peek in your direction. Well no matter, all you had to do was put the lid on your pot and…

“Papyrus!” You shouted, dashing over. He did not respond. “Papyrus!” You shouted again. He looked up startled and you pointed to his pot. “There’s a fire!”

He looked at his pot of spaghetti which was erupting in flames. “Oh. That’s fine,” he waved nonchalantly.

“That’s fine?!” You gasped.

How did Papyrus set a pot of water on fire? You had no idea but the flames were dangerously close to spilling into both of your sauces. And you were pretty sure glitter was flammable.

He was smiling. You looked at him in astonishment and he shrugged. "I'm afraid you must not be quite up to my skill level. You see, the higher the flames, the greater the passion. So if the flames get really big - wait no no!"

Papyrus wasn't quick enough to stop you as you threw your own spaghetti water on his, dousing the flames and sending scalding hot water everywhere. He was fast enough to yank you back from the overflow of boiling liquid that poured off the oven.

You both stared at the soppy mess. Papyrus spoke first. "I'm not mad but I am disappointed with you."

You looked at him incredulously. "You're disappointed?"

Papyrus huffed slightly. "I will have to make another batch of pasta in order to demonstrate the passion of cooking."

You blinked. "You were setting the kitchen on fire!" You gasped.

"A passionate fire!"

"You could have gotten hurt," you argued.

Papyrus scoffed. "Although I appreciate your concern for my safety, I have cooked plenty of times with passion! Beside, skeletons are not particularly flammable.”

“But humans are,” you reminded. All of his protests ended rather quickly and he looked at you guiltily. You sighed and pointed to your face. “All this skin will light up faster than hay in a bonfire,” you laughed.

Your eyebrows arched in surprise as Papyrus placed a gloved hand against your face. “I forgot. I’m sorry. Although I’m sure you would make a beautiful skeleton, I would be very sad to see my friend catch on fire.” You couldn’t help but aw at the sentiment although you’re not sure if you’d be a good looking skeleton. More like a crispy one.

You realized his hand had not left your face and you both stood there awkwardly. “Uh…” you began. Papyrus cleared his throat and quickly withdrew his hand.

“Ah yes. Well I guess we better cook more pasta.”

You held up a hand. “Let’s cook some spaghetti together and split it up between the sauces.” You winked. “I’ll teach you a human way to cook without setting things on fire.”


After the near fire, the rest of the cooking lesson went much smoother. Unfortunately, there was no way to remove the glitter from Papyrus’ sauce so you didn’t try to suggest he strain it out. The spaghetti noodles however came out just fine and you split them up evenly between you two. When it came time to test the dishes…

You desperately tried to not make a face. You really really tried but the never ate purple spaghetti and you hoped you never did again. Papyrus eagerly studied your features as you swallowed and gagged.

“There is no need to tell me human. Your facial expressions are clear as day,” he observed. Your shoulders sunk.

“Papyrus-,” you began.

“No, no. It is clear that monster cooking is just too intense for humans,” Papyrus sighed. “I will have to adjust my ingredients so that humans can truly appreciate my culinary skill.”

You perked up immediately. “Oh yes,” you lied, “Yes, totally. That’s it.” You pushed your dish toward him. “See, glitter can be too much for humans, so we use garlic instead.”

“I see, I see.” Papyrus took a bit of your pasta and chewed thoughtfully.

“Well? What do you think?”

Papyrus swallowed although you’re not quite sure how. “Well I can see why humans like this garlic ingredient. It is very good. Not quite the same as glitter but I see the appeal.” You let out a sigh of relief.

Thankfully Papyrus did not make you eat the rest of his spaghetti. Instead, he put it in a tupperware container for Sans. You pitied the shorter skeleton but hey, it was survival of the fittest here. And also fuck him for last night, you added as an afterthought. You were able to save some of yours for Sans as well, but it was significantly less than what Papyrus saved for Sans. You caught the taller skeleton going back for thirds on your dish which made your chest swell with pride. Your ancestors would be proud.

You checked the time. It was only around 4pm. You both washed the dishes and cleaned up the excess water you had thrown on the fire. You stretched and yawned. What a surprise that you were so tired. It was almost like you had been bound, molested, kidnapped and then nearly forced to sleep in the trunk of a car. Your bed sounded absolutely amazing. “Well, I guess I better head home,” you admitted.

Papyrus looked disappointed. “Oh, I suppose so. The cooking lesson has ended.” You reached into your bag to pull out your keys and didn’t find them.

“Damn it.”

“What’s wrong?” You paused, remembering how Sans had dawdled at your bag before he left. You swore inwardly.

“I think Sans has my keys,” you realized. You could have sworn you saw the disappointment lift briefly off of Papyrus’ face but you were too busy internally cursing Sans to be sure.

“That brother of mine. Causing trouble even when he’s not here. Would you like me to drive you home?” He offered.

“No, no. I mean, uh, if you don’t mind me hanging around until Sans comes back. I don’t want to be a bother,” you apologized. Papyrus patted you heartily on the back.

“Nonsense. I am more than happy to keep hanging out with you.” You tried to smile back but you found yourself yawning again.

“Ah, man. It’s my nap time!” you yawned, plopping yourself down on the couch in the living room.

Papyrus huffed in annoyance. “Ughh.”

You stuck out a tongue as you sat on the couch. Papyrus crossed his arms and did not sit down. “What’s wrong with napping?” You teased.

“There’s nothing less productive than naps,” Papyrus groaned, “I’m very disappointed that you engage in this habit.” You began to laugh at his indignation. “Why are you laughing? It’s bad enough Sans indulges his napping habits.”

“You don’t think I’m perfect?” You smirked. Papyrus gave you an odd look.

“Of course not.” Papyrus hesitated. “Nyeh, I’m not perfect and I work on it everyday,” he clarified, “I think you’re pretty great though.”

You’re not sure why, but the fact that Papyrus admitted that you were flawed and most definitely not perfect had you feeling absolutely elated. You closed your eyes as you leaned into the couch. You had been telling the truth when you tried to explain yourself to Jeremy. If anybody said you were perfect, then they clearly didn’t know you well enough.

“You’re really going to take a nap?” You heard Papyrus question. You opened your eyes to see the skeleton staring down at you.

“I do like to take midafternoon naps on my day offs. A lot of different human cultures do it. They’re called siestas. Like an hour power nap.”

Papyrus’ interest was piqued. “Power nap? Is this a special training nap to make you more powerful?”

You shrugged. “Sorta? I always feel much more energetic after I’ve had one.” Papyrus tapped his chin thoughtfully as you stretched once more. “Would it be alright if I took one right now? I’m pretty tired after last night,” you mumbled.

“I suppose that would be fine,” Papyrus admitted, rubbing the back of his skull at the mention of last night.

You were about to lie down when Papyrus cleared his throat again. "I'm interested in trying a power nap session."

"Are you sure?" You made sure you heard him correctly. He nodded emphatically. "Oh cool. First step, find a comfy I guess come over and sit on the couch."

"Like this?" Papyrus asked, sitting next to you but not touching you.

"Yeah," you chuckled. "Second, try to get comfortable but not too comfortable otherwise you won't want to wake up."

Papyrus shifted on the couch, stretching out his legs. "This is weird," He admitted.

"You don't have to do it," you offered but he shook his head.

"It feels like I should do something else if I am going to sit here." You hesitated. You pulled out your phone and thought of an idea.

"Oh. I have Sudoku," you offered, opening up the app.

"Is that another spaghetti dish?"

"Oh no. It's a puzzle-" You didn't get a chance to explain further. Papyrus snatched your phone out of your hands and eagerly looked at it. "Don't you want to hear the rules?" You asked.

"Oh. Right. Please." You chuckled and scooted next to Papyrus, leaning in toward your phone screen.

"So the objective is that every line must have the numbers 1 through 9. But there's also these boxes that surround the numbers and all of those must not have repeating numbers either...uh. I'm not explaining it well." You apologized.

Papyrus smiled. "It is alright. I will figure it out. There's nothing that the great Papyrus cannot accomplish...but a hint might be nice if I get stuck," He admitted.

You had him start on the easiest setting where you only had to fill in a few numbers which he was able to quickly grasp and beat in a few minutes. He moved up to the next and that soon was completed as well. You had been offering advice and pointing to the screen but he really was picking up the game and you found yourself simply lying your head on his shoulder pad and watching him calmly, allowing yourself a moment to think.

Well, except for an accidental grope which he didn't seem to realize, Papyrus had not made a single move toward you. Oh, well he had caressed your cheek and called you beautiful but he seemed quite embarrassed at those actions and stopped. He really had been telling the truth when you overhead him and Sans. It had been a battle move. You guys were solely platonic. You were his imperfect friend. It seemed the only bones you would be jumping would be Sans' and that's if Pap's cooking didn't kill him. Which you were like 50% on board with happening.

Even Papyrus' excitement wasn't enough to keep you awake. His body was surprisingly warm and non bony for a skeleton. You snuggled into him unconsciously but he didn’t seem to mind, confirming your theory. You hadn't been kidding when you said you were tired and could feel yourself drifting off to sleep once more.

Chapter Text

Papyrus eagerly tapped numbers into the blank white spots as he worked his way through this level of Sudoku. He was on a level currently nicknamed Child’s Play and it was much easier than he thought. With each level passed, his confidence level began to grow.

You had been offering advice but your voice had trailed off a while ago. Papyrus realized you had gone silent when he started to reach the medium difficulty Sudokus. “The puzzles are becoming more difficult,” he observed out loud. When you didn’t respond to his comment, he glanced curiously at you and held his breath.

You had fallen asleep against him. He sighed. You must have been tired afterall. He wanted to be annoyed with you for falling asleep without telling him but he couldn’t muster up any irritation. You looked so content. Plus your body felt pretty good against him. He felt his cheekbones color orange again at that last thought.

Last night was wow. Just so wow to him. And he had no idea how to put it in words what exactly happened. It had pained him to tell Sans that it was nothing and it made him feel absolutely wretched that you had heard him. But until he actually had words for it, he really had nothing to say.

Papyrus had honestly been surprised that you would wanted to commence the hang out. He was almost positive that you would have wanted to leave shortly after his statements but even now you were still here. Had the hang out been that much of a success?

Well there were a few things that could have gone better now that he thought about it. For one, the “my human” slip. Papyrus was glad to see you did not react when he accidentally called you this when he was addressing the onion. He hadn’t meant to call you his. You were his friend, sure, but his human had an odd feeling to it he couldn’t really place. Like an ownership type of thing.

He had once fantasized about owning a pet human when he was very little before he met Undyne but now he had no such desires. At least, he didn’t think he did. He found himself shifting nervously. If he did keep you as a pet, he wondered what type of pet you would be. No doubt something soft and cuddly but you'd probably bite or scratch or at least kick. Would you scratch the furniture too or just him? He felt his chest tingling at the thoughts. This was drifting into territory he wasn’t comfortable thinking about while you were here.

Papyrus quickly skipped ahead in analyzing the hang out as the image of you wearing a collar made his skull swim. Relief! Yes relief! He felt relieved when you had safely vanquished the onion and tossed it into the frying pan. But then you started acting oddly around the weird vegetable. The garlic or whatever you called it was the most peculiar of the items you used. The way you almost seemed to lapse into a daze around it and whisper things to it that you thought he couldn’t hear had been unsettling but he resolved not to say anything. It wasn’t that he found it creepy. Far from it. Papyrus would be lying if he did not admit to talking to and encouraging himself and shouting encouragement while training. You seemed to be whispering uh, possibly romantic things to the garlic. Something about lying in a bed surrounded by it which made his cheekbones blush. There was that nervous tingle in his chest again so he moved on to other parts of the date. He meant hang out.

So Sans had gone to your apartment afterall. The thought of Sans alone in your apartment made him pause but he shrugged it off and clicked to the next level. The fact that Sans got up early for once without him having to bang on the door was impressive. Perhaps you could provide a good influence to Sans. Of course, no one was as good of an influence as the Great Papyrus, but you could easily be a close second if you stayed over more often.

He should probably advise Sans to pick out more appropriate clothing if he was going to keep bringing you clothes. You had seemed very displeased with the selection of pants especially when you were trying to get that lid. Loose pants could make a guard fall while performing his duties which was dangerous. He had turned to inform you about the danger of loose clothing when he caught sight of your pants sliding down slightly, revealing black lace-.

No, no, no! He had turned away quickly when he spotted whatever that was. You must definitely had not wanted him to see that! He forced himself to look everywhere but at you. Of course he had to set his cooking on fire at that exact moment. That was embarrassing. He hadn’t planned to set fire to his food dish for another 5 minutes or so. He would have to inform Undyne that he prematurely ignited again which always made her laugh although really he didn’t see why she found premature ignition so funny. It could happen to any monster especially if he was under a lot of stress to perform.

A notification popped up on your phone and he blinked in surprise. “New text message from Jeremy,” he read out loud softly. Papyrus cocked his head at the notification in surprise. “That name sounds so familiar...OH!” he remembered. Jeremy. That was the human you had gone on two dates with. He felt something tighten in his chest as he studied the notification. What did the other human want? Your phone did not preview the message but instead presented him with two options. Open or Ignore. He glanced at you and saw that his comments did not wake you up so he focused his attention back to your phone.

He could open the message, read it and mark it unread or say he opened it on accident in case you woke up. The dishonest snooping plan left a bitter taste in his mouth and he made a “bleh” expression. No, he would not do it. He was Papyrus and your friend. Friends did not read their friends’ texts unless they wanted you to. You had entrusted him with your phone to play puzzles on and that’s all he was going to do. He pressed ignore and returned to Sudoku.

Papyrus continued to try out numbers, being careful not to jostle you now that he remembered you were asleep. You let out another soft noise and he felt his breathing stop for a second as his spine tingled once more. He swiveled his head a bit in order to look at your face. He caught a glimpse of your pink lips and memories from last night once again flooded his cranium.

He had never kissed another monster before and his first kiss was with a human? Mettaton had joked that if Papyrus hadn’t gotten kissed soon, he would kiss him himself but it looked like that would be unnecessary at this point. The skeleton beamed with pride as he remembered that you had been impressed with his style. You even told him that he was “going to blow some lucky girl’s mind”. He frowned slightly.

But...he didn’t know any other girls. Well, he knew Toriel, Undyne and Alphys, but he didn’t think he could/would kiss them. Especially like he kissed you. And if he did kiss another female, would he have the same reaction? And did it matter if the female was a monster or a human?

Did he even want to kiss other females? That thought startled him and he shifted slightly. You thankfully didn’t wake up. Papyrus looked at your sleeping form. An odd thought crept into his mind. Maybe...maybe he should kiss you again. Just to see if he got the same reaction. It felt good to both of you so why not just lean in and push against your soft lips once more?

He shook his head roughly. "Nyeh! I couldn't do that," He admitted to himself. It wouldn't be right to kiss you while you were sleeping, even though he was pretty sure you would not have woken up. He sat there conflicted for a moment before he resolved to just keep using your phone.

The sound of a door opening made him look up. "hey pap i'm home " He heard his brother call out. You stirred softly but did not wake up, much to his relief. Sans popped his head into the living room when Papyrus did not respond. “pap?”

“Shh,” Papyrus shushed his brother loudly. Sans’s smile broadened as he spotted your position.

“heh, nice. you captured a human afterall.” Sans winked at him. Papyrus felt his cheeks color at the comment and his sockets darted back to your figure.

“She fell asleep and I don’t want to wake her up,” Papyrus mumbled. Sans gave you a look over and whistled. You certainly did appear exhausted to the shorter skeleton. Your position against Papyrus gave Sans a good view of your body as you shifted softly. He eagerly noticed that your sweatpants had started to sag again and expose the black thong he had picked out this morning. The shorter skeleton felt his own spine warm at the sight.

Sans mentioned none of this to Papyrus but instead tucked his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. He was much better at hiding his “interest” than his younger brother. “when is she heading home?” he asked nonchalantly, rocking and forth in his slippers.

Papyrus’ face fell. “Well, actually, when you got back...but...she does look awfully tired right?” Sans nodded, winking at his brother. Papyrus cleared his throat. “I’m not a bad host. I will make sure she has eaten and rested before she heads home,” he announced definitely.

“sure thing bro.”

“Which reminds me, the human and I left you some food in the fridge,” Papyrus offered.

“oof. I actually ate at grillby’s on the way home.”

“Ugh, Sans.”

“i got an idea, i’ll try her leftovers and send yours home with her.”

Papyrus’ sockets narrowed suspiciously at Sans. “Why don’t you want to eat my pasta?”

Sans’s grin never faltered. “well gee pap, i’m lucky to have your cooking all the time. don’t you think i should share my good fortune with her?”

“Ah, yes, I see. That is very generous of you Sans,” Papyrus responded, smiling trustingly at Sans. He turned his attention back to you and missed the mischievous grin that lit up his brother’s face.

“sorry kid. survival of the fittest here,” he snickered.

“Did you say something?”

“you think she would want to watch mettaton’s show with you? it comes on pretty soon, i think,” Sans suggested.

Papyrus’ face lighted up. “Oh! That would be wonderful!” He exclaimed.

“Huh, what?” You yawned, slowly shaking yourself awake. Papyrus froze up, his words catching in his throat. Why did he shout?

“You-you fell asleep,” Papyrus explained as you blinked sleepily.

“Oh, did Sans get back?” You asked, sitting up slightly.

“Ye-no?” Papyrus corrected himself as he glanced toward Sans only to see that the short skeleton had disappeared.

“Oh cool, cool, let me know when he gets here,” you mumbled, yawning and plopping your head onto his lap.

“L-Lori!” Papyrus gasped, the sudden heat and weight from your head turning his legs to jelly. Why was this happening to him?

“Hmm, what?” You asked, stretching your arms and tucking them under your cheek, “Has it been an hour?” He had wrestled plenty of times with Undyne and other monsters and never once did any of their touches have such the profound effect that yours did.

Papyrus had no idea. “Maybe,” he offered, trying not to focus on his rapidly beating soul.

You picked up a strangeness in Papyrus’ voice and forced yourself to rise off your warm, comfy pillow. Except that it wasn’t a pillow. The sleepiness dulled your surprise at having plopped yourself down in his lap. You shrugged and yawned again, resolving not to make a big deal out of it. “Sorry Papyrus,” you chuckled, “I didn’t realize that skeletons were so soft.”

“Ah, yes. Thank you,” Papyrus gratefully answered you as the heat began to dissipate. As the sleep left your eyes, you blinked wearily around.

“I guess Sans won’t come back for a while huh? Think I should head out?” You asked.

Papyrus quickly shook his head. “I was wondering if you would be interested in watching Mettaton’s show with me?”

“Isn’t that the famous monster everyone is talking about?”

“Yes! He is so popular!” Papyrus cheered. You swore you could see stars in his sockets at the mention of Mettaton.

“That’s cool. Is he an actor or something?”

“Yes! And a news anchor and a chef and a show host and a model and a-”

You held up your hands. “Woah woah woah. I get it. He’s pretty famous.”

“Have you watched him before?”

“No, I don’t have cable,” you admitted. Papyrus squealed in delight and seized you tightly around the shoulders.

“I shall enlighten you to his sexy wonderfulness!”

“Did you wonderfulness?”

Chapter Text

Did he just say sexy wonderfulness? You kinda stood there in stumped surprise as he dropped you back to the couch. He grabbed the remote off the table as you shook your head. You laughed at Papyrus’ excitement as he fumbled with the remote with his gloves. He seemed determined not to strip them off so it took a minute for him to get the TV on.

The screen flashed a multitude of bright, seizure inducing colors as you heard an odd pop music blare. You almost winced at the volume but Papyrus didn’t seem to mind so you grinned and bore it. To your surprise, a metal robot box rolled onto screen with fireworks and explosions trailing it as it wheeled to center stage.

“There he is!” Papyrus shrieked happily, pointing eagerly to the screen.

You blinked in surprise. “The robot? That metal rectangle is Mettaton?” You asked astounded. Papyrus nodded. “Huh,” you wondered. “I wasn’t expecting him to look like that.”

“I know!! He’s so beautiful!” Papyrus breathed. You felt an odd twinge in your chest at those words.

“Oh heh heh, I guess?” Papyrus continued to watch the robot twirl and dance to a large studio audience and you felt yourself observing Papyrus’ reaction than the monster host.

Well...this explained a few things. If this was Papyrus’ epitome of beauty then uh, you were, to put it lightly, hideous. Had it been racist for you to assume that he would possibly be interested in humans just because you both shared similar base anatomies? You stole another glance at Papyrus who almost had stars in his eyes. Wow. You shifted nervously. If you thought about it, it made more sense for Papyrus to fawn over a metallic monster than a fleshy human. Skeletons and robots did not have fleshy parts!

You clenched. Oh my God. What if every time you touched him, he wasn’t getting nervous because he liked it but rather he was actually grossed out that your fleshy bits were touching his clean bones? And you weren’t even that gorgeous of a fleshy creature, er you mean human. Ughhhh, this was so embarrassing to think about. You were so caught up in your own thoughts that you hardly realized the additional presence into the room until they placed a hand on your shoulder from behind. You looked backwards to see Sans grinning down at you.

“H-hi Sans!” You greeted, breaking your train of thought.

“hey kid. pap got you hooked on mettaton?” Sans asked, pointing to the television.

“I’m trying!” Papyrus insisted, refusing to tear his sockets away from the screen.

“Do you like Mettaton too?” You asked.

Sans seemed to wince. “eh. he’s alright. pap’s more of a fan than me. i kinda find the dude a little tacky.” You realized slowly that Sans’ hand still rested on your shoulder and you glanced curiously at it. You looked back at Sans who seemed to be smiling at you strangely.

“Sans, if you’re just going to complain, then you are welcome to leave,” Papyrus scowled, waving a hand in Sans’ general direction. Why was he still holding on to you?

Sans shrugged. “i think i’ll stick around and watch with you guys.” Papyrus turned away from the television to stare at his brother in shock.

“Are you serious?” Papyrus gaped. You observed the two brothers. You could guess that Sans willingly wanting to watch Mettaton was a rare circumstance. You couldn’t imagine why the change until you felt his hand tiptoe to her neck and give out a discreet caress. Oh.

“yeah. maybe i can get a feel for this,” he smirked as his thumb nudged your earlobe. OH! You shot Sans a dirty look but he maintained his chill demeanor. He had mentioned that he was interested in your fleshiness but was he really going to try to get you going right next to his brother?

Papyrus remained oblivious. “Come! Come! Sit next to the human!” He gestured.

“heh, don’t mind if i do,” Sans chuckled, his phalanges leaving your body. You trembled at the withdrawal of stimulation and he glanced innocently at you. “you’re looking a bit cold. want a blanket?” he offered. You nodded, realizing you did feel slightly cold without the warmth of Papyrus who had scooted away from you. Geez. You really had been barking up the wrong tree on this one. Heck, for all you knew Papyrus could have totally been gay and your advances probably confused him. Which would add even more awkwardness.


Sans walked around the couch and flopped next to you. Your arousal began to fade as Sans leaned forward to grab blanket off the table. Yeah, you were just being a pervert you told yourself. Sans draped the blanket over your front and you tucked yourself in under it snugly. There was no way in hell that Sans would...would...oh no.

Sans skeletal fingers darted underneath your blanket and resumed their earlier position on your neck, working their way down toward your chest. You opened your mouth to say something to Sans but his blue eye glinted dangerously at you and you quickly shut your mouth. “so what’s mettaton cooking today?” Sans asked as his hands began to fondle the top of your chest.

“He hasn’t said yet.” Papyrus informed. Your eyes darted worriedly over to the taller skeleton but he appeared none the wiser. You tried to envision your situation. You were sandwiched between the skeleton brothers, Papyrus on your right and Sans on your left. Papyrus had both of his hands clasped together as he intently watched the screen. Sans’ right arm had snuck around your back and was molesting your right breast, his fingers finding your nipple and pinching it gently. The blanket had strategically been pulled up to your chin, allowing Sans mostly discreet access to your body. Although if Papyrus actually paid attention, he would most assuredly realize something was amiss. But you no longer had his attention now, did you?

Regardless, you bit your lip and with your right hand, tried to swat Sans’ hand away. His eye flickered blue once more and your resisting hand dropped besides you. Your eyes widened in shock as you tried to lift it back up only for to remain still at your side. Did he just use his magic against you? The smirk on his face confirmed your fears as you felt your cheeks begin to color. He knew what this did to you and you could feel your back arch to force more of your nipple into his fingertips at the restraint.

“SANS!” Papyrus yelled and your blood ran cold. Sans froze. Fuck! Had you been caught? “He’s making croissants!” Papyrus cheerfully exclaimed, his eyes remaining glued to the television. Oh my god. Relief flooded your body and spurred Sans onward.

“Ah!” You gasped out as Sans gave your breast a hard squeeze.

“I’m glad you are enjoying this as well!” Papyrus smiled, patting you on the head before returning his hands to the front of his chest. You still couldn’t move your arm. Your arousal was pounding in your chest. Everywhere his skeletal fingers raked against you, you could feel your skin tingle and burn. You wondered if this was also magic based but your mind was too hazy to tell. You squirmed, feeling yourself becoming wet with arousal and continued to bite your lip to hold back any moans.

Sans dug his fingers underneath your sweat pants, fingering the lacy texture of your thong. He loved how you squirmed, your leg pressing into his own unconsciously. He felt only slightly guilty that he had to use his magic to freeze your hand but even Papyrus would realize something was up if he allowed you to fight him. Oh how much he wanted to hear you scream and moan instead, but this was not the time. There would be another opportunity for you to use both of your hands with him but for now, he enjoyed teasing you.

“What does he mean by dusted?” Sans heard you pant suddenly. The question came out of nowhere to the short skeleton and he stopped pushing down your thong.


Papyrus rolled his eyes. “Really Sans, were you even paying attention?” Sans blinked in confusion and chuckled.

“sorry. sometimes i’m known to have a thick skull,” he winked. He resumed his ministrations, feeling the wetness of your sex on the thong. You panted next to him, your tongue threatening to loll out like a dog.

Papyrus groaned and explained. “Well what you missed is that Mettaton was warning us that most accidents in the home happen in the kitchen. We need to be careful because if we injure ourselves trying to repeat the stunts he is performing, we could be dusted.” Papyrus actually looked away from the screen to watch you. “If a monster dies, their body turns to dust,” Papyrus informed you.

“Ohh,” you gasped as Sans’ finger brushed your entrance. What type of croissant was Mettaton making that could cause severe bodily injury and death? You barely had an opportunity to mull over this information. Sans was unrelenting in his assault, even with his brother now watching you. Somehow the shorter skeleton maintained the same time facial expression but you could spot a blue tinge faintly color his cheeks. His leg pressed up roughly against your thigh. How far was this going to go? The teasing was driving you nuts.

You nearly jumped as a gloved hand pressed against your forehead. Your flustered face quickly turned and came face to face with Papyrus. He looked very concerned. “Eh, human,” he seemed to be choosing his words carefully, “Are you having the weird feeling?”

Sans appeared to shift slightly at Pap’s words but you had a much more profound reaction. Your eyes widened and you squeaked in surprise at the question. “Uh uh uh” you stammered, trying not to meet the taller skeleton’s gaze. Papyrus studied you and looked back at the television as Mettaton posed on top of the counter top while his assistants baked.


“Is Mettaton making you feel weird?” He asked. His brother immediately burst into laughter and brought both of his skeletal hands out from under the blanket to hold his stomach. You clamped your mouth shut. Papyrus humphed. “Really now? Playing the silent game? This is immature. We are both adults.”

Papyrus gritted his teeth and you opted not to make eye contact as you tried to bury your arousal. What were you going to tell him: Oh yeah, sorry Papyrus, you were too busy to really pay attention to the show because you were trying to get it on with his older brother next to you? You barely acknowledged Papyrus getting off the couch until a sudden click drew your attention back to him.

“pap,” Sans asked cautiously, “did you just turn off the television?”

Papyrus humphed again. “I most certainly did.”

“but mettaton was on,” Sans blinked.

“I’m aware of that.” Papyrus focused on you and you shrank into the couch slightly. He sighed and spoke, “I’m going to get you a glass of water. When I come back, I would like to talk with you.” You and Sans looked at Papyrus in surprise as the taller skeleton stood up stiffly and walked toward the kitchen.

You could feel your whole body burning up the minute Papyrus left the living room. Talk with you? Shit. Shit. Anxiety tainted your arousal and your mind raced to think of a plan. Run. You stood up immediately, pulling your sweat pants up. “I have to go,” you gasped.

Sans watched you nervously. This wasn’t going according to plan at all. “hey it’s alright. just relax,” he tried to suggest.

But you were having none of it. Humiliation wracked your entire body. Your normally somewhat rational train of thought derailed as magic enhanced arousal made your feelings volatile. You were not thinking clearly but you didn’t care. Papyrus thought you were a freak and Sans was just toying with your fetishes. The house felt suffocating to you. You had to leave. You darted over and grabbed your bag and keys which laid nearby. Sans jumped up and raised a hand toward you.

“I need to go home,” you said urgently and Sans let his hand drop. You ran to the door but paused at the door. “I’m sorry, Sans. I’m a fucked up human. I’m sorry. Tell Papyrus I’m sorry, please,” you begged. Sans nodded slowly. A few seconds later, you were in your car, already peeling out of the driveway and driving away into the night.


Papyrus was just filling up a glass of water when he heard the front door slam and the sound of tires peeling against the road. He cocked his head in confusion at the sound and turned off the faucet. “Lori? Sans? Is everything okay?” He called out. When he didn’t get an answer, he walking out carefully.

Sans stood in the living room, his back to the television. Papyrus glanced around but there was no sign of you. “Sans, where’s the human?” He asked.

“uh she left pap,” Sans answered awkwardly.

Papyrus almost dropped his glass. “WHAT?! WHY?!” He exclaimed in shock. He began to search around the room, hoping Sans was mistaken. “Why did she leave? Did I say something?”

“no you didn’t. i think i did.” Sans sighed. Papyrus stared at him in disbelief. “i made a joke and it wasn’t a good one and i think she just wanted to go home.”

“So she just left?”

“she said she was sorry. i guess she felt bad about what happened,” Sans answered. Papyrus placed the glass of water down and began to walk quickly toward the front door. “papyrus what are you doing?”

“I’m going to talk to her,” Papyrus answered, “I don’t want her to feel that she is a bad friend.” Sans quickly caught Papyrus’ arm before the skeleton could grab his own keys.

“pap, trust me, it’s pretty late. i’ll go out and talk to her okay? i don’t want you trying to drive when you’re emotional.”

Papyrus huffed. “I’m not emotional. I’m very calm!” He argued. Sans gave him a hard look and the skeleton faltered. “I guess. If you think that’s best.”

Sans smiled warmly. “thanks pap. i’ll see you later.”


You pulled into the parking lot and yanked the keys out of your ignition. Even the drive home did nothing to quell your mish mash of emotions. You looked at yourself in the car mirror and growled. “You’re such a fucking freak!” You yelled at your reflection. Now that you were out of their house, you had a moment to ponder this out of character outburst on your part.

You were never this hysterical you realized as you opened the car door, grabbed your shit and slammed it shut. Had Sans’ magic done this to you? Perhaps. It’s the only thing that made sense. It must have triggered something within you that you had either buried or cursed out and then buried.

You stomped loudly to your apartment and reached the base of the stairs before spotting a glint of metal in the shadows underneath the stairs. It looked like your pepper spray. You quickly grabbed it and confirmed it. Yes, this was yours alright. “At least one thing is going alright,” you muttered angrily to yourself. You ascended the stairs until you got to the door and began to unlock it.

“hey kid-.” Your fight response slammed you immediately. You turned around and fired the pepper spray only to watch in surprise as your assailant quickly dodged to the side. “heh did you really think-?”

The second spritz got him.

Your eyes widened back as Sans stumbled back from you, pulling his hoodie down. “FUCK!” You yelled.

Your neighbor’s door opened and Kaylie popped out. “Lori are you - did you mace another monster?!?!” She demanded.

“Yes, fuck.” You swore, looking at Sans nervously. “Hey Sans, shit, sorry dude, are you okay?” He didn’t answer and a pit started to form in your stomach. “Sans?”

“Hey, he doesn’t looks so good,” Kaylie murmured, coming closer. You grabbed one of Sans’ hands trying to get his attention but he yanked it away from you with a shudder. There was something left on your fingers from having touched the skeleton. It had a grainy texture to it.

Your eyes widened. It was dust. “FUCKING SHIT SANS!!” You shrieked, realizing the seriousness of the situation. How the fuck did Sans have such little defenses?! You had to stop the burning. The longer you waited, the more it would ebb away at San’s rapidly depleting health.

“GET THE MILK!!!” Kaylie screamed after you as you yanked the skeleton off his feet and into your apartment. You grabbed the milk from the fridge and dragged Sans to the shower. He was breathing heavily and you could feel more dust fall off of him. You had to neutralize the pepper spray. You tossed him in the tub and put the shower head on full blast, sending down a torrent of water on the hooded figure.

“Sans! Open your eyes!” You yelled at him, lifting up the jug of milk. He didn’t budge. “I’m not going to let you turn to dust!” You yelled, jumping into the tub with him. You were not going to let this stupid bastard die. You tossed back his hood and proceeded to dunk his face in a gallon of milk. “You stupid smiling motherfucker!!” You cried, dropping the empty canister to the ground and grabbing his shoulders.

He-he didn’t appear to be dusting anymore. You pulled a hand off and ran your fingers along the palm of your hand to be sure, but there was no dust. You were somehow grateful that you had pepper sprayed Papyrus first because that had allowed you to learn how to quickly stop the effects of your aerosolized attack. If the situation had been reversed...well you didn’t want to think about that.

“Oh my god, Sans, you scared the shit out of me,” you gasped, pulling the skeleton into a quick tight hug. “I’m so so sorry,” you apologized, letting him go and staring into his face. Your heart stopped. Literally.

You couldn’t move. Your hands remained frozen to your sides. You couldn’t even curl a toe. “S-sans?” You stammered, “What are you doing?”

Sans’s head rose to make eye contact with you and you could see a violently flickering blue and yellow eyeball glaring into your very soul. To your horror, Sans' relaxed smile had been replaced by something much more malicious and sinister. "Sans, I'm sorry." You gasped, feeling your chest clench. You couldn't breath.

"heh, looks like you’re going to have a bad time," he spoke in an unnaturally dark voice, raising his arm.

You screamed.

Chapter Text


Your eyes widened and you began to scream, "Kayl-!" His arm shot forward and you found yourself slammed into the wall of your bathroom. Pain shot up your spine and you gasped at the sensation. You caught a glimpse of yourself in your surprisingly unbroken mirror and saw a blue haze completely encasing your body. Sans stepped out of the tub, glaring through you, you realized.

Why was he attacking you? Holy shit! Holy shit! Were you going to die?! Did you trigger some form of fight or flight response in him?! He didn’t even look like he knew who you were. The sensation of gravity failing seized you once more and you braced yourself. He levitated you out of the bathroom and slammed you into the hallway now.

"Sans!!" You shrieked. You struggled against your invisible bindings but it felt like you were fighting against iron chains. He tittered at you. "It's me!! Lori!" You desperately screamed as you felt your chest clench up again in preparation for another toss. You were slung against your bedroom door, the door crashing down to the ground with the impact. With your mind seeing stars, you didn’t have enough control and let out a loud moan at your continued restraint.

Your body had betrayed you. Your heart which had beat manically out of fear was now pumping blood to the more sensitive areas of your body as you twisted helplessly against the magic. God, you knew you were going to die but this, this sensation of helplessness was intoxicating. You tried to roll your hips but could only grunt and moan uselessly without a way to release your involuntary arousal. You looked toward Sans.

Recognition, or at least that's what you hoped, flickered in Sans’ eye sockets and for a moment you hoped he would remember you. But he advanced upon you once more as something garish white and lethal looking appeared behind him, aiming at your chest. You screamed. This was the end. You were going to die.

There was a sudden flash and you were on your bed. Sans loomed over you, eyeing you greedily as you struggled to get off the bed but to no avail. Skeletal fingers descended upon you and roughly seized your breasts, squeezing and pressing the mounds hard enough to make you gasp sharply.

You stared into his face with muted apprehension as his digits continued to grope your chest through your shirt. Your fear was palpable as one of his hands traced your jugular vein. He glanced down toward your sweatpants. You didn't like where this was going and began to struggle against the blue magic holding you down as he seemed to consider his next step.

His other hand left your breasts and began to descend. You growled. Maybe you would have been receptive to this had this mother fucker didn't just try to kill you 30 seconds earlier. His hand rested upon the band of your sweatpants when the sound of a goofy ringtone made you both freeze. You eyed the hand on your neck as his descending hand reached inside his hoodie to fish his phone out. Maybe you could bite him?

Sans pulled out the phone and stared at it in confusion. Something seemed to register within him as he looked at the contact because the blue magic began to fade. He was starting to blink and look around in confusion. You grinned. Now was your chance! You took this opportunity to bite his hand closest to your face.

Oh my god. That was a bad idea. You whined and released the skeletal fingers. “Holy crap! That hurt!!” You cried, “I think I broke a tooth.” A deep chuckle caught your attention and you looked up to see Sans looking down at you. Looks like your attempt to escape only managed to secure his attention again. Rage clouded your filtering and you spat at him. “Don't laugh at me. You think you can do better?!”

“heh to tell you the tooth, i think i could,” he purred. With that, he descended with a feral snarl to your neck.

Teeth. You felt teeth on your neck. Suddenly his pun about teeth had a much more dangerous meaning. "Sans!! No!" You gasped, your arms shot out to push him off. God it was like pushing a rock but you managed to put some distance between his fangs and your sensitive neck before he could put pressure into the bite. He glared at you and you realized he had regained the same unfocused expression you had spotted in the shower.

His glare caught you off guard and you felt an ethereal appendage wrap around your wrists and try to pull your arms above your head. You desperately latched onto his hoodie in an attempt to stop your arms’ ascent. The sound of fabric ripping made you both freeze. Sans slowly swiveled his head to observe the noise and stared mutely at the ripped clothing.

You blinked. You had ripped a large hole in his jacket. You could see his menacing smile falter slightly at the damage to his beloved hoodie. You had a shot. "Man, Sans I know your bro doesn't like your hoodie but I didn’t think it was tearable!" You held your breath and watched his facial expression.

A snort erupted from the skeleton and he shook slightly, trying to suppress what could be either laughter or rage. You were hoping it was the former. You looked hopefully up at him and could see him partially returning back to his senses. "heh, nice one kid. but let someone like me deal the punishment around here," he chuckled. He yanked your arms upwards roughly and lunged for your neck before finally biting you.

"No! Sans!!" You shrieked. You couldn't think of any more jokes as you panicked. Tears stung your eyes as you tried one last idea. "Blue stop sign! Blue stop sign!" you cried as you felt his teeth begin to sink into your soft flesh.

The pressure against your neck stopped almost instantly. You could feel Sans retract his head from your neck and you looked up at him gratefully. The blue pupil was fading and white confused pricks began to come into focus. He shook his head slowly before looking down at your trapped form. He looked at you, appearing bewildered by your position underneath him. “why are you…?” His sockets went wide with horror as he convulsed with the realization of what had transpired. The ectoplasmic magic dissolved from existence and you quickly brought your hands to your neck. There was no blood. You let out a sigh of relief at finding the skin unbroken although you were sure there would be some bruising at the site.

"lori, lori," you heard Sans exhale shakily, "what did i do to you?"

“We almost had sex?” You tried to say.

“then why do i feel wrong,” Sans pressed warily.

You groaned. “Sans…”

“what did i do?”

“You tried to rape me.”


Chapter Text

Papyrus paced the living room. It had been nearly an hour and there was no word from neither you nor Sans. He glanced at the time again. Technically it had been 53 minutes but that was close enough to an hour for his comfort level. He went to pick up his phone to dial you but stopped himself. He instead dialed Sans. The phone rang and rang before finally going to voicemail. Papyrus put the phone back down.

“You are worrying over nothing. I’m sure Sans found Lori okay,” he told himself. He placed the phone back down and smiled. “I’m sure that they’re just sitting down, having a cup of team. Laughing about what good friends we’re all going to be.” He relaxed back onto the couch and turned the television back on. “Yes, I’m sure I’m worrying about nothing.”



Sans ducked back down as a phone charger sailed right over his head. “lori! i’m so sorry for forcing myself on you!” Sans began to apologize. He risked another glance in your direction only to quickly drop again behind the safety of your now propped up bedroom door just in time for a pillow to bounce off his makeshift shield.


Sans blinked in confusion. “uh, yes?”

This time a medical dictionary catapulted toward him and he hit the deck. He peeked through the keyhole of your door while he lay on the ground to get another look at you. You were still on your bed, grabbing anything that was within your limited reach to use as a projectile weapon. “I WANT A FUCKING EXPLANATION FOR WHY YOU TRIED TO KILL ME!!”

“i did what?”


“you did what?!”

Oh fuck. You yelled unintelligibly as you turned around on the bed to grab a larger book to toss at him. When you turned around, Sans was immediately kneeling in front of you on the bed. “AGH! FUCK! SMILING MAGICAL TELEPORTING MOTHER FUCKER!” You screamed in surprise as you fell back on your butt. You held up the textbook defensively over yourself and attempted to kick. You were unsuccessful.

“lori, please i need you to calm down,” Sans begged.

“GIVE ME ONE GODDAMN REASON TO CALM DOWN!” You demanded, peddling your feet in the air like an upside down turtle. You tried to toss the book at him.

Sans caught the weak throw and jumped on you. You opened your mouth to allow more profanity to spew forth but he placed a skeletal hand over your mouth. You glared up at the skeleton as you struggled against his surprisingly heavier form. You went to bite his fingers again but hesitated. You almost broke a tooth that way. Before you could think of something else, his next words made you freeze. “i don’t remember anything after you attacked me.” Your eyes widened in alarm and he gently removed his hand. “sorry.”

What did he mean he didn’t remember anything after you sprayed him? You started at his skull for some tell of deception but the haunted expression in his sockets tugged at you to believe him. “What do you mean?”

Sans sighed. “i remember dodging once but then you attacked again right after and then...nothing. the next thing that i know, we were in the bedroom.”

You stared at him. Now something was off about his statement. He didn’t look at you. He shifted as he spoke. He was lying. “Bullshit.”

“excuse me?”

“You’re lying. You remember something,” you cooly observed. He hesitated. You pushed more. “Seriously, who the fuck did you think you were attacking?”

“someone else,” Sans admitted.


Sans didn’t answer. A sardonic smile grew on his face. “someone who took everything away from me over and over again until i finally turned to dust.”

“That is really fucking cryptic. How about a name or a description or…?”

“i was reliving a nightmare of an time that never happened,” Sans chuckled humorlessly as he rubbed a spot over his chest.

You rubbed your head. You resisted the urge to tell him off for the jedi mumbo jumbo. He seemed completely enveloped in whatever memory that had been conjured up during your attack. “You..felt like you were back in the past?”

“you could say that.”

“And it wasn’t a good past?”

“it was a genocide,” Sans offered. could add that word to the list of vocabulary you never wanted to hear post coital.

You shrugged. “Okay, I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest you have PTSD.”


“Shut the fuck up.” You groaned. “PTSD stands for post traumatic stress disorder. I’m a bit hazy on the medical reasoning behind it, but basically it’s a condition people develop where they undergo something very traumatic in the past. And then, even years later, something can trigger this memory and the person feels like they’re back in the past and they’ll react accordingly.”

Sans allowed himself a low whistle. “that sounds pretty close.”

“Want to talk about it?”


You raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure? I’m very interested in knowing what type of situation you were in where you tried to kill and then fuck the person you were trying to kill.”

Sans chuckled at the accusation. “kid, i didn’t try to sleep with them.”

“Then why, uh well,” you gestured to yourself, “why did you…?”

The skeleton coughed nervously at that. “ah. yeah. funny thing i’ve learned about turning to dust… a lot of those voices in your head that tell you what you should and should not do...well they get really quiet when you’re dying. and when i realized it was you, moaning and squirming in front me after all this time i’ve been wanting to taste and ravish you...well…”

“Oh god, no. I get it,” you blushed darkly.

Sans shot you a wry grin. “let’s just say you look real good covered in my magic.”

You scored a kick against Sans’ chest and he fell on his rear with snicker. You sat up angrily. “FUCKIN PERV!!” You groaned, “I see your memory is working pretty well now!”

Sans smiled at you strangely. “speaking of memory...did i hear you say that you attacked my little brother?”

You felt your chest clench and you shot a panicked expression at Sans. He wasn’t using any magic to make you feel like this. But he didn’t need to. His facial expression was enough. “I thought he was someone else,” you protested.

Sans shot you a disbelieving look. “really? how many 7ft skeletons do you know?”

You cleared your throat anxiously. “I mean, your brother literally charged me from out of the shadows! And I don’t know if you’re up to date on human news, but there’s that rapist running loose in this city...Mr. Rapist!”

Sans blinked lazily before shaking his head. “i’m afraid you’re barking up the wrong tree.” You huffed as you reached for your underwear. “i have walked a couple of the female students to their cars at night and they would mention him. sounds like a real dirtbag.”

“I find that really ironic that you just said that.”

“you’re the only human i want to take advantage of,” Sans glibbed. Despite your best intentions, you found yourself breaking into a smile. You patted the pillow on your lap and coaxed Sans to place his head on the pillow. You placed your fingers gently on his skull. “i’m surprised you’re still here,” Sans admitted.

“It’s my apartment.”

Sans eyed you curiously. “let me change that. i’m surprised that i’m still here.”

You shook your head slowly. “I am too. I honestly should be furious. If I was any other women, I would have kicked you out of my apartment or taken this opportunity to bash your skull in with this heavy book next to me.” Sans winced at the imagery but you continued. “But for some reason, I’m not. I’m absolutely pissed that you tried to murder me...but as far as wanting to seek revenge or go to the police or something, I don’t plan on it.” You chuckled. “I wasn’t kidding when I said I was a fucked up human.”

Sans bopped you on the nose. “hey being fucked up is very attractive,” he chastised you. He got more comfortable in your lap. “but if pap still wants to keep hanging out with you, even after you sprayed him, you can’t be too fucked up.”

“Fuck! Papyrus!” You remembered, slapping your forehead. “Oh my God, I can’t believe I just left him like that!”

“don’t beat yourself up too much. i already told him it was my fault you left,” Sans advised, patting your melons reassuringly.

“I-ugh. I should call him or text him or something.” You groaned. You sat up forcing Sans to slide off of you to sit at the edge of your bed. You suddenly became still at the thought of talking to Papyrus right after, well...

Sans picked up on your body language. “you wondering what to say to pap?” he asked. You bit your lip. Sans placed a hand on yours reassuringly. “listen kid. i’m the one who fucked up. this was not your fault in any way. whatever you decide, i’ll stand behind you one hundred percent of the way.”

You considered it. What good would come of telling Papyrus? How would you even start that conversation...Hey Pap, your brother tried to kill me and then he attempted to sexually assault me? What’s sex you say? Well when a man and a woman-No! No! No! That was not a topic you wanted to ever have. “Gah, no, do you mind if we don’t tell him? I can’t even imagine how I could explain it to him in a way that he would understand or accept,” you asked.

Sans nodded. “give pap some credit. he understands more than he lets on...but yeah, this is not a talk i would honestly like to have with him.”

“Thanks.” You tried to get to your feet, but you quickly crumpled to the ground the moment you put weight on your legs. “Fuck your magic, Sans. It feels like my feet have fallen asleep.” You groaned.

“gee, i didn’t realize you would fall for me that fast,” he chuckled.

“I don’t even know what I did with my phone,” you admitted as you tried to rub the feeling back into your legs.

He pulled out his own cell and began to dial. “hang on, i’ll call it.” Your ears strained to listen for the phone but only heard silence. Sans glumly stared at the rip in his jacket while you attempted to army crawl to the broken door. “hey, pap,” Sans spoke.

“Fuck, did I really leave it at your house?” You swore. Sans waved at you and you shut up.

“yeah no i’m with her right now. yeah she’s okay. she just was feeling a bit queasy. it must have been an effect of the alcohol. first timers react to it differently.” You looked at Sans gratefully for the lie and he winked at you. “i’ll be home soon, don’t worry. i’m sure she’ll come by to pick up her phone. just hang on to it for now. hmm? sure hold on.” Sans hopped off the bed and walked over to you where you had managed to get yourself into a sitting position. “he wants to talk to you.”

You hesitated. Should you talk to him? You owed him that much after running out on him. You carefully took the phone out of San’s hands and put it to your ear. “Hello?”

“HUMAN!” You quickly yanked the phone away from your ear as a familiar voice boomed at you through the speaker. Sans snickered at you before walking over to your bedroom door which had been knocked to the ground during your “struggle”.

“H-hey Papyrus,” you greeted, rubbing the back of your head.

“Are you alright? I was so worried!” Papyrus’ distressed voice tugged at your heart. You really felt awful now.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m super sorry I ran out on you guys. I really had a fun time!” You assured him.

His voice sounded a bit more relieved. “I’m glad. Eh,” there was a pause as you heard your phone ding with a notification.

“Is that my phone?” You asked, “Did I get a message?”

“Yes,” Papyrus confirmed. “Your date keeps messaging you.”

“Date?” You scrunched your forehead for a moment. “Oh yeah, Jeremy. What did he want?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t read his messages,” Papyrus admitted.

You found yourself smiling goofily. “Oh honey, that’s really sweet of you.” You couldn’t help yourself. You admired his integrity.

“Nyeh! I-i mean you-,” Papyrus stammered.

“Wait, did you say he kept messaging me?” You realized, “Shit. Maybe something’s wrong? Can you go ahead and open them and tell me what they say?”

You heard Papyrus fumble with your phone before clearing his throat. “The first message says ‘I’m sorry I had to leave early. I cannot wait for our magical 3rd date. Winky face.’” You had to stifle a giggle at the seriousness with which he was taking this task. “Humans can use magic?” He asked you curiously.

“Ah, no. Er. Something different is going to happen if we go on a third date.”

Papyrus was silent. “If?” He asked, “You mean you’re not sure if you’re going on a third date with him?” You weren’t sure but he sounded somewhat pleased by that discovery. You ignored that possibility for now.

“You said messages?”

“Oh yes. There’s one more.” There was another shuffle and then silence. Papyrus hmphed.

“Papyrus? Everything okay?”

“I think your date mistyped a few words.”


“The next message reads. ‘Call me when you’re done playing beauty and the beast. I’ll save you.’” You scrunched your nose up again.

The fuck? “That is a weird message,” you vocalized outloud. Had he gone drinking or given his phone to a friend? “That doesn’t sound like him at all.”

“You should tell him that you are absolutely safe with us. He does not have to worry about saving you,” Papyrus emphasized.

“Right...although you did kidnap me,” you reminded.

Papyrus coughed on the other line. “What’s beauty and the beast?” Papyrus asked, trying to change the subject, “I have never heard of that game.”

“It’s a movie. Well technically it’s a story that got made into a movie,” you hurriedly explained, “Yeah I don’t think he was fully awake when he texted that,” you guessed, opting not to explain drunk human behavior to Papyrus at this time.

Papyrus laughed. “That sounds like a good story. Maybe Sans can read it to me for bedtime.”

You raised an eyebrow. “For bedtime?”

Sans had finished propping the door up against the wall and smiled at you. “every night, i read a bedtime story to papyrus before he goes to bed,” he explained.

“That’s adorable,” you giggled.

“Nyeh! Bedtime stories are not adorable! They help relax the mind after training!” Papyrus insisted.

“oh shit,” you heard Sans suddenly say.

A loud crash brought life back into your legs and you jumped up with a shriek. Your bedroom door had crashed back to your floor. You shot Sans a glare who shrugged apologetically. “Sans!” You growled.

“IS EVERYTHING OKAY?!!?” Papyrus shrieked on the line.

“Yeah yeah! Sorry! My bedroom door just fell off its hinges. It scared me is all. I’ll have to call maintenance and see if they can fix it tomorrow.”

“Oh not to worry human!” Papyrus insisted, “I shall come tomorrow to fix it.”

“Don’t worry,” you tried to sway him, but he was resolute.

“It’s the least I can do!” Papyrus persisted. You heard your phone ding again. “Oh, the male human is calling now.”

“Crap. I think he might actually be worried. Can you go ahead and answer it and tell him I don’t have my phone. You can come by tomorrow when you’re available.”

“Sounds wonderful! Good night, human. Tell my brother to let you get some rest!”

“Will do. Good night, Pap!” You disconnected the phone and handed it to Sans who tucked it away. “You know, I was wondering about something. How did you and Papyrus figure out where I lived? I didn’t tell either of you,” you asked suspiciously.

Sans chuckled. “well i told pap to check your driver’s license the night you left your wallet in his car. as for me, grillby gave it to me when you left it at the bar. which reminds me...” He fished out your license and handed it to you which you snatched up quickly.

“You both are fucking creepers.”

“and you attack innocent monsters,” Sans snickered.

“Only one innocent monster. Innocent monsters don’t grope humans,” you stuck out your tongue at him.

In a flash, you felt Sans’ teeth suddenly pressing against your lips, his tongue wrestling with yours. Your breath caught in your chest and you felt yourself moaning into the ferociousness of the kiss. You went to grab his jacket when he suddenly backed up, leaving you grasping the air. Your flushed face turned to him and your befuddled appearance made him laugh.

“Wh-what?” You sputtered.

Sans smiled devilishly. “just giving you a taste. can’t rough you up until i get this jacket fixed, ya know?”

“Ah, uh, I can’t sew.”

“heh. can hardly wait i see. i’ll get it fixed soon, no worries. see ya later, kiddo.” And with another flash, the skeleton was gone. You started breathing again and ran your fingers through your hair.

“Oh my god, what have I gotten myself?” You asked yourself. You stepped over the fallen door and threw yourself onto the bed. God, even the sheets smelled like arousal. You would have to do a lot of laundry tomorrow if this kept up. Exhaustion forced your eyes to droop and soon you were fast asleep.

Chapter Text

A loud pounding woke you up from your dreamless sleep. You stirred softly, drool dripping onto your pillow, before pulling the blankets back over your head. Maybe if you didn’t move, they would go away.

The pounding continued. You groaned and slowly forced yourself to sit up, wiping away the dried drool off your cheek. With another groan, you got to your feet, scratched your butt and began to stumble toward the front door. “Just a min-oh fuck!” You swore, tripping over a large wooden object. You managed to catch yourself from falling flat on your face and drowsily observed that your bedroom door was on the ground. Why was your door on the ground?

“Oh yeah,” you mumbled. You stood there staring at the damage in front of you. So last night. You groaned and rubbed your head. Last night was real. “Do I really want to think about this now?” You shrugged and made your way to your front door. “Fucking Sans,” you muttered.

“I GOT IT! FUCK OFF!” You finally yelled as the door continued to pound and you finally yanked it open harshly. “Jeremy?” You asked. Your friend stood there, holding two cups of coffee.

“Hi sleeping beauty,” he greeted warmly, “did I wake you up?” Your eyes never wavered from the coffee.

“All is forgiven if one of those is a chocolate mocha,” you stated. He smiled and handed one of the cups to you which you greedily seized and sipped. You stepped back to let him in and shut the door after him. You caught a glance at yourself in a mirror nearby and winced. Your hair was a curly nightmare, your eye make up was smudged. You had fallen asleep in your bra and tank top, but at least you were wearing comfortable pajama pants instead of those loose sweat pants. You did not remember changing...had Sans dressed you in your sleep? Ugh, it was too early to think about this. “Mm, what timisit?” You mumbled.


“Time. What time is it?”

“Uh, about 10am, maybe a little earlier,” Jeremy admitted.

“Mmm…” the coffee was beginning to jumpstart your brain as your guest took a seat on your couch. You blinked. Wait. Jeremy was in your apartment. Your apartment. That you did not tell him where you lived. “Hey, wait, how’d you find out where I lived?” You realized.

Jeremy smiled brightly. “Oh! Papyrus told me last night!” He informed you.

You blinked. “He-he did?” You felt yourself waking up more at this admission.

Jeremy looked nervous. “Yes, shit, was he not supposed to tell me or something?” He asked worriedly. “Man, I don’t want to get the guy in trouble.” You shook your head.

“No, no. I’m sure he didn’t know better, although that’s a bit scary that he told you and he hadn’t even met you yet,” you admitted.

“Gah, you’re right. He’s lucky I’m a nice guy,” Jeremy whistled. You nodded. “He mentioned that your bedroom door needed fixing?” Your mouth dropped.

“Are you fucking serious?” You exclaimed.

“I guess he felt bad for you. He said we should meet at your place at 10:00am so we could fix it for you,” Jeremy apologized. You gaped at him.

“Fucking skeletons,” you muttered.

Jeremy calmly placed a hand on your shoulder. “Hey hey, Lori, it’s okay. I’m sure the kid meant well,” he attempted to placate you. You grumbled irritably to yourself. Kid? Yeah, he certainly was acting like one.

“Wait he was supposed to meet you at 10?” You asked, “Isn’t it like 10:15 already?”

“Yes, he hasn’t tried to call me so maybe he’s still sleeping,” Jeremy suggested.

“God damn, I hate when people are late.”

“Hey! You were late to our first date,” Jeremy insisted.

You rubbed the back of your head. “Uhhhh, yeah. Okay. Sue me, I’m a hypocrite.” Oh you most certainly were, although not the way Jeremy thought at the moment.

“It’s alright, I’m sure I can fix your door by myself,” Jeremy offered.

You grabbed his arm before he could move. “No fucking way. I’m not letting you do this alone. I’m going to help you out! That door is dangerous if it falls.”

Jeremy nodded before pointing to your neck. “I can see that. Did the knob hit you in the neck when you fell?” What? Your hand darted to the side of your neck and you hissed painfully. The skin was tender from where Sans had bit you and although he had not broken skin, there was still a bruise.

“Fuck, how bad is it?” You asked.

“Not too bad actually. Tell you what, you just drink your coffee and ice it and I’ll start working on your door. If I need help, I’ll ask you, alright?”

You smiled gratefully at Jeremy. Your body ached from your less than gentle molestation from Sans last night and the thought of trying to hammer and hold up a door did not sound particularly appealing. “Thanks, Jer Bear. Tell you what, let me make us some breakfast. Pancakes okay?”

“Sure, do you still have the milk we got from our first date?”

“...Fuck. No I don’t. I used it all,” you responded truthfully. “Would eggs work?”

“Haha, that’s fine,” he called out from your bedroom. “Damn! What happened in here? The door’s been knocked clean off the hinges!”

“Shit, really?” You groaned, walking toward the bedroom.

“Did someone try to break in?”

You panicked. As much as you were did not entirely approve of how Sans had handled a life threatening experience, you did feel marginally guilty for being the one to put him in the life threatening position in the first place. You didn’t want to implicate the shorter skeleton. At least until you thought it out a bit more. “Nah, you see, I was on my period and I had no more milk-.”

“Aghhhh!! Say no more, She Hulk!” He laughed. You laughed too, grateful that he believed your lie and you sat yourself on the edge of your bed. Jeremy seized the edges of your door and propped it back up against the wall before studying the hinges. “I’m not quite sure how this is possible, but it looks like I just have to bend the metal here to get the door to fit back in.”

“That’s pretty lucky,” you agreed.

“Hey, while I’ve got you here, you put any thought into where you would like to go for our third date?” He asked casually as he began to push against the metal.

You hesitated. Your words from two nights ago echoed in your mind. Despite your best efforts, you still did not feel the emotional connection to him like you would feel toward someone you wanted to date. But here he was, without you asking, trying to fix your door. And he brought you a mocha. A mocha! He deserved another chance, you convinced yourself.

“I honestly am not sure,” you admitted, “maybe we could go to the beach or go bowling or something?”

Jeremy smiled as he forced the first metal hinge back into place. “Bowling sounds good. The weather is pretty good for the beach I’ll admit, but I wouldn’t want any other guys checking you out.”

You blinked in surprise at the comment. “Haha. What?”

Jeremy laughed oddly. “I’m kidding, kidding.”

You chuckled. “In order to get checked out, I actually would need to buy a bathing suit since I haven’t gone to the beach in a really long time.”

“Really? I go like all the time. You should go get one today. I heard there’s some form of sale or something exciting going on at Sunset Mall.”

“As delightful as shopping sounds,” you stuck out your tongue, “I have to yell at Papyrus if he ever shows up.” You humpfed. “You know what’s crazy, he had me totally convinced that he was like some super early/on time person but look he’s now 30, no 40 minutes late without even a courtesy phone call. None of his friends ever mentioned his tardiness at all.”

“I guess he just doesn’t know me well enough to know better,” Jeremy suggested with an odd chuckle.

“Well friend or not, he should still show up on time. Now let me go make my hungry bear man some eggs,” you stated, giving a light squeeze to Jeremy as he finished pushing together the second of the three hinges. Another knock at the door caught your attention and Jeremy glanced at you.

“That’s probably him now. I’m sure he got stuck in traffic or something,” Jeremy offered. “Be nice.”

Another knock got you up and walking toward the door. “Just a minute!” you called. The knocking gratefully stopped at your yell and you opened the door shortly thereafter.

Sure enough, the skeleton monster stood in your doorway. “Hello Lori!” He smiled.

“Papyrus, where have you been?” You asked him.

Papyrus blinked. “Initially? I was in bed and then I was in the living room. And then the car and now I’m here.”

“Seriously? You’re super late. Poor Jeremy has been here for over 40 minutes fixing the door by himself,” you informed him, crossing your arms.

Papyrus’ sockets widened. “L-late?!” He sputtered. “But I thought-”

You scoffed. “I can’t believe you just gave out my address too!”

Papyrus threw his hands out to his side in surprise. “But-but Jeremy said-,” He protested.

Jeremy’s voice rang out at that moment. “Got the last hinge back to normal!” You both turned to see Jeremy stepping out into the living room. He spotted Papyrus and gave a friendly wave. “Hey buddy! You’re a bit late, but no worries, you can help me lift the door back on to the hinges.”

Papyrus looked toward you but you already were walking to the kitchen to make breakfast. You could feel him watching you for a few moments longer before he sighed. “Oh, of course. The Great Papyrus is always happy to help,” he declared unsurely as he followed Jeremy to your bedroom.

Chapter Text

Papyrus checked his phone as he pulled into your parking lot. Twenty minutes early. He remained in his car and fiddled with his gloves nervously. He was going in there to fix your door. He didn’t know how to fix a door, but he was pretty sure he could do it. He looked up manuals on his phone after Sans had read him a bedtime story but the internet didn’t really show much when he typed in “how to fix lori’s door”.

However, not fixing your door was the least of his problems. He had wanted to talk to you early. That part of the plan made him anxious. He felt his chest tighten up as he remembered last night. His worrisome thoughts did not end when he finally fell asleep. No. His dreams about racecars and joining the royal guard had been replaced by dreams of, well, you. You smiling at him and holding his hand. Eating pasta together. Even when he stirred between dreams, he could not not think of you. His comments to you about not being able to smell may have been incorrect as he continuously inhaled your scent from where you had slept in his bed the night before.

He was starting to feel warm in the car and decided to head toward your apartment now. Maybe he could use the extra time to talk to you before meeting up with Jeremy. He carried your phone with him as he ascended the stairs and gently rapped on your door. “Just a minute!” He heard you holler from inside. He stopped knocking and waited. Your door opened and there you stood, your hair a mop of curls and frizz wearing almost the exact same outfit as last night. Except your pants seemed to fit you better than those sweat pants from last night.

“Hello Lori!”

“Papyrus, where have you been?” You asked him.

Papyrus blinked and began to list off his activities following up to this point. “Initially? I was in bed and then I was in the living room. And then the car and now I’m here.” You were looking at him in confusion. He started to become nervous.

“Seriously? You’re super late. Poor Jeremy has been here for over 40 minutes fixing the door by himself,” you informed him, crossing your arms.

Papyrus’ sockets widened. “L-late?!” He sputtered. He was never late. Even when he tried to be late, he was always on time. And he never tried to be late. “But I thought-”

You cross your arms. “I can’t believe you just gave out my address too!”

This was not going at all like he planned. Papyrus shifted uncomfortably. “But-but Jeremy said-,” He protested.

“Got the last hinge back to normal!” He could hear a familiar male voice shout from your bedroom. He heard footsteps and watched as a tall, muscular human male stepped out into the living room. He spotted Papyrus and gave a friendly wave. “Hey buddy! You’re a bit late, but no worries, you can help me lift the door back on to the hinges.”

Papyrus looked toward you but you had already turned and walked into your kitchen. You were not looking at him at all. “Oh, of course. The Great Papyrus is always happy to help,” he declared unsurely as he followed Jeremy to the bedroom.

“Great, I’m super glad, just get one side of the door and we’ll try lower it on to the hinges,” Jeremy directed. Papyrus grasped the door and hoisted it up easily, surprising Jeremy. “Oh, wow. Okay you’re really strong,” he laughed, “I guess I’ll just guide it down.”

“Human,” Papyrus began, “I thought you said we would meet at 11am?”

Jeremy thought about it. “I’m pretty sure I said 10am. 11am seems kinda late in the day, don’t you think?”

“I thought that too, but…” Papyrus’ voice trailed off. Maybe he had misheard Jeremy afterall. His mind was still a bit fuzzy from his odd sleep patterns. What had he even said last night?


Last night...

“Hey How my baby girl doing?” An extremely jovial male voice greeted happily on the phone.

“I think the human is doing well?” Papyrus offered helpfully to the voice on the other line. The way that the voice said “my” made Papyrus flinch slightly but he maintained his positive attitude.

“Human? Uh, is this Lori’s phone?”

“Oh! Yes, sorry it is. This is Papyrus.”

There was a pause on the other line. “Papyrus the monster?”

“Yes! Are you Jeremy the human?” Papyrus asked.


“Ah! What a pleasure to finally talk to you! Lori has said many nice things about you,” he smiled. The fellow seemed nice enough.

“Oh, that’s cool. Yeah, she’s said some things about you too. Um, no offense, but would you mind telling me why you have her phone?”

“She had to go home and she forgot her phone,” Papyrus answered honestly. “I’m going to be bringing it back to her house tomorrow when I go to fix her bedroom door.”

“Her bedroom door is broken? Is she okay?” The voice was concerned.

“I believe so. She called me with Sans’ phone and said so.”

“Whew, I’m glad. Wait, you know where Lori lives?” The voice asked him.

“Of course.”

There was a rustle of paper and his voice. “Can you remind me where she lives?” He asked.

Papyrus hesitated. Why didn’t Jeremy know where you livef? Had you purposely not told him? Then again, you hadn’t told Papyrus and Sans, yet they had managed to find your home anyway. “Uh, I’m not sure she would want me to tell,” Papyrus admitted.

The voice on the other end laughed good naturedly. “Man, she’s really lucky to know a guy like you. I can see you care a lot about her and want to keep her safe from weirdos.”

Papyrus smiled. This man seemed very nice and understanding. “Absolutely. I would feel really bad if anything happened to Lori. Not saying you’re a weirdo or anything,” Papyrus corrected.

“Oh, totally. I do know where she lives actually, I just can’t remember her apartment number is all,” the voice explained, “I’ve got something for her too that I meant to bring her as well.” Papyrus debated this information. “But, uh, if you’re not comfortable reminding me, it’s cool. I’ll just call her back when she has her cell.”

The man sounded trustworthy enough. Papyrus found himself giving your address to him. “Perhaps I will see you tomorrow?” Papyrus asked.

“Hey, that’s a great idea! We could fix her door together! Let’s meet at her place at 11am.” Jeremy exclaimed happily.

Papyrus beamed. “That sounds wonderful, new human friend! I will see you then!” He ended the call with a smile just as Sans had walked in the door…


“I must have been mistaken. I’m sorry,” Papyrus apologized, lowering the door into its proper position.

“That’s okay. I heard she yelled at you about the address too.” Papyrus nodded sullenly. “Listen, I brought her home before. I guess she just doesn’t remember that. Girls can be weird sometimes,” he admitted.

“Maybe she is just so passionate that she forgot?” Papyrus hesitantly suggested.

Jeremy appraised Papyrus curiously. “Passionate?” Papyrus nodded. “Man, you don’t have much experience with women, do you?”

“Of course I do!” The skeleton insisted, “I train with them everyday!”

“Er, not that type of experience,” Jeremy rubbed his forehead. “Listen, I’m going to do you a solid. Man to man here. Dude to dude.”

“A solid? A solid what?”

“A favor. I’m going to give you some help.”

“Oh thank you...what are you helping me with?


“Are you guys done yet?” Your voice shouted from down the hall.

Jeremy winked at Papyrus. “Watch this.” He cleared his throat and called out. “I don’t think we’ll be done yet.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” You asked.

“I think you need to make me some bacon too if you want this door fixed faster,” Jeremy laughed.

There was a clatter in the kitchen and a swear before you answered. “Fine, fine! Hang on, I’ve got some. Give me a few minutes.”

Jeremy held out a hand. “See?”

“But we already fixed the door,” Papyrus insisted, “Why did you tell her we didn’t?”

“To get bacon. Do you understand?”

“So, if I tell people that I haven’t fixed their doors, they will give me bacon which will help me get better with women?” Papyrus asked, rubbing the back of his skull.

Jeremy stared at him blankly. “What..I don’t even...what? No. No. Listen.” He regained his smile. “Listen. What I'm about to tell you, you absolutely can't tell Lori. Especially if you want a shot with her. Do you understand?"

Papyrus hesitated. "Nyeh, I don't like keeping things from friends."

"Did you really just say nyeh?" Jeremy asked incredulously.

"I'm sorry?"

"Uh, nothing." He tapped his chin. "Think of it this way. Do you tell your friends if you want to get a surprise gift for them?" Papyrus paused. Well, no he didn't. Then it wouldn't be a surprise. He shook his head. Jeremy grinned. "It's kinda like that....but," The man shrugged his shoulders, "it doesn't bother me either way. I just thought I would give you some help...." He began to walk toward your now fixed door. "I'm sure you can think of someway to get Lori to go on a third date with you."

"Third date?" He hadn't even gone on a second one with you and the human was talking about a third?

The human stopped walking. "Oh yeah. She and I are already planning our third date," Jeremy mentioned offhandedly, "I was going to help you get there too....but if you don't want my help, then that's fine. I'll just catch you later." He took a step forward.

"Wait." He turned to face Papyrus. The skeleton felt rather conflicted but cleared his throat and forced himself to continue. "I would very much appreciate some advice."

Jeremy smiled good naturedly and patted the skeleton on the back. "Excellent. Alright, have a seat with me and I'll tell you exactly what you need to do."

Chapter Text

You cracked the eggs in the bowl and began to whisk them as your frying pan heated up. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to have left Jeremy and Papyrus alone but hey a broken door was a broken door and two strong guys were two strong guys. Plus they were both pleasant and polite enough.

You placed four slices of bread into the toaster and paused. Should you make a sandwich for Papyrus? You wavered between doing so and finally decided against it. The skeleton seemed like the type who would get up early and eat a nutritious breakfast. So he probably wouldn’t be interested in a fried egg sandwich.

You began to cook the first egg and thought about it. There was no way in hell you would be telling a soul about what had transpired last night. Especially the two guys in your bedroom. Who you were both dating at the same time. Did you mention that they were in the same room, alone? Most likely talking. Maybe about you? Or was that vain to think that?

You finished up the first egg pretty quickly and started the next one. It was really quiet. You thought about starting to talk to yourself, or knocking on the wall to talk to Kaylie. You bit your lip and looked at the connecting wall. Kaylie hadn’t responded to your screaming last night. Had she not heard you? There was no way she could not have heard you. If she could hear you masturbate, she should have heard you screaming from an attempted rape...unless, Sans had done something to her. You glanced at the wall again with some trepidation.

No. He wouldn’t have done anything to Kaylie. That seemed too sinister. But then again, he did try to murder you last night. “Are you guys done yet?” You shouted, hoping to get these guys out of here so you could check on your neighbor. really didn’t want them actually talking about you. That would be kinda awkward.

“I don’t think we’ll be done yet!” Jeremy’s voice called out.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” You asked.

“I think you need to make me some bacon too if you want this door fixed faster,” Jeremy laughed.

Bacon? Uh. Did you have any? You opened the fridge and quickly started tossing items out onto the floor with a clatter. Success! Bacon! You tossed it on the counter and began to throw things back into your fridge. “Fine, fine! Hang on, I’ve got some. Give me a few minutes.”

You removed the second egg off the stove before it could burn and quickly began to fry the bacon. You quietly walked over to the connecting wall and rapped it gently. You waited an agonizing minute or so before someone knocked back. “Hello Lori,” a young boy’s voice greeted.

“Hi Elijah,” you greeted. “Is your mom there?”

“Yes, but she’s sleeping. Do you want me to wake her up?”

“Bacon or not! Here we come!”

Shit. “No honey, don’t worry about it. Just making sure everything’s alright. I’ll talk to her later. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

You returned to your kitchen and quickly plated the sandwiches as you heard footsteps down the hall. You turned to face the guys. Jeremy saw you standing there with sandwiches and he smiled broadly. Papyrus was following shortly behind him. He seemed to be in deep thought so you decided not to say anything to him. “Go ahead and dig in!”

“Thanks babe,” Jeremy cheered, grabbing one of the sandwiches and taking a huge bite.

You went to grab the other sandwich you made for yourself but quickly noticed Papyrus not moving. “Pap,” you asked, “have you eaten breakfast?”

“Ah, no I haven’t,” he admitted. You sighed and motioned to the plate.

“Go ahead and eat mine then. I’ll make another one.”

Papyrus waved his hands. “No! Human, please do not sacrifice your nutrition for my sake!”

“It’s fine. I’ll make another one,” you insisted, already pulling out another egg and more bread.

Papyrus was determined. He approached you in the kitchen and you eyed him warily. This was YOUR kitchen now. “I insist you eat first.”

“Hey, Lori, I think you should just eat the sandwich,” Jeremy suggested. You scowled at your friend and he quickly shoved another bite of food in his mouth nervously. You returned your attention to the skeleton who was a lot closer to you now, his arms crossed defiantly.

“What, you don’t think my cooking is good enough?” You sneered.

“You are an excellent cook, but I am an even better guest,” Papyrus retorted.

Jeremy’s phone rang and his face flooded with instant relief. “Oh thank god,” he mumbled. You and the skeleton both whirled on him. “Uh, I mean, oh shucks...I gotta take this. Outside. Now.” Jeremy backed away before darting out the door.

Papyrus watched the human quickly depart and he turned back to you. “Hu-gah!” You had stealthily taken the opportunity to shove the sandwich into his mouth when he tried to speak. The skeleton stumbled backwards out of shock and you quickly grabbed both of his hands before he could pull the sandwich out. There was an evil glint to your eyes that unnerved him.

“Eat it!”

“Nyeh!” He really looked like he wanted to pull himself out of your hands but you had the look of someone who wasn’t going to let go without a fight. And the last thing he wanted to do was accidentally hurt you. He took a bite.

“Don’t you dare spit it out! You better swallow it!” He swallowed obediently and you released one of his hands so he could pull the sandwich out of his mouth. You did not want to make the monster choke. You weren’t that evil. “How is it?”

“It’s very good,” Papyrus smiled. You smiled back.

“Good, now wipe that stupid grin off your skull,” you grumbled, trying to stop smiling yourself and letting him go.

“I can’t. I’m a skeleton,” Papyrus argued. You rolled your eyes.

“You know what I mean.” You turned to go back to the kitchen but Papyrus caught your arm and gently pulled you back to him. You made eye contact with him and felt yourself untense slightly at his concerned expression. You groaned. “I’m mad at you,” you informed him helpfully.

Papyrus watched you dejectedly. “I know. It’s my fault. I must have misheard your date about the time when he and I talked about fixing your door. And when he said he forgot your address...I was just hoping we could all be friends.” Papyrus found himself yawning. “The last few nights I haven’t slept very well.”

His yawn triggered one from you as well. “Yeah, I get you,” you agreed. “It’s been a crazy few days huh?” You rubbed the side of your neck with your free hand absentmindedly and winced. You bit your lip not to make a noise but Papyrus was too perceptive.


“It’s nothing,” you lied. You tried to pull back but Papyrus had a solid grip on your wrist. You felt yourself flush at the firm restraint. A bad feeling began to form in your stomach.

“Let me see.” It wasn’t a request, you realized with some trepidation. The intensity of his stare squelched whatever mischevious intentions you had and you found yourself brushing aside your hair to expose your neck to the skeleton. Papyrus approached you and touched the bruise on the side of your neck with his free hand. You took a sharp intake of breath.

“What-what are you going to do to me?” You found yourself trembling. You knew that there was no reason to be shaking but you couldn’t help it. The last time you let a skeleton this close, you got bit. Your body was sure to remind you of that.

Papyrus noted your trepidation and smiled. “Oh! Your response flatters me, human. I too quivered with excitement when I first encountered healing magic”

“Healing magic?” You echoed.


Your body shook a little bit harder now. No magic. Your body did not want to deal with magic. You had been ambivalent and even receptive to it prior to last night, but now you weren’t so sure. “It’s not a bad bruise,” You tried to dissuade Papyrus.

Papyrus nodded. “I agree. But I am afraid it might become worse if you get hurt at work.”

You clenched your teeth. This bruise might not have been anything serious, but you knew it would definitely generate some questions at work, especially since it resembled a failed hickey. It almost would have been better if Sans had broken your skin because you could have blamed it on a pet, but you had no such luck. You gulped. “Okay.”

“Yes?” Papyrus’ intense look lightened and he brightened up at you.

“Yeah. You’ve got my permission. Go ahead.”

“Permission for what?” Your eyes darted behind Papyrus to see Jeremy in your doorway. His arms were crossed and he was smirking about something.

Papyrus’ chest puffed out proudly. “She has allowed me to use healing magic to try to alleviate her wound.”

Jeremy’s smirk dropped and his eyes widened. “Wait, seriously! You can do that?” He gasped, “can all monsters do that?”

Papyrus shook his head. “It takes a lot of concentration and practice.”

“And you have a lot of practice?” You asked.

“Yes...well, some.”


“Well I’ll just hang out here then,” Jeremy chuckled, not taking a step into your apartment.

“Jeremy, you’re such a chickenshit!”

“Are you ready?”

“I think so,” you calmed yourself. Papyrus hovered his gloved hand over your bruised neck...only for nothing to happen.

Papyrus scrunched his skull up in confusion. “Did you do it?” Jeremy hollered from the doorway.

“No. I appear to be missing a crucial step here,” Papyrus admitted.

“Ah, well I think I’m going to go for a walk,” Jeremy chuckled, “I have to make another phone call anyway. Be back in a bit.” You bit your tongue to avoid swearing out Jeremy as he walked away. Before you could tell Papyrus that you appreciated his effort, you let out a small squeak of surprise as he placed a hand under your chin and firmly raised your face up to face his.

“Your friend seems like a very thoughtful human,” Papyrus mused as he leaned in to study your neck. You felt your cheeks redden at how close the skeleton was to you. You were supposed to be mad at him, dammit. And here he was, invading your personal space. You were going to tell him off! Right?

“Y-yeah, I know him from high school - uh…” Well, that wasn’t really telling him off. You sucked in some air painfully. He had extended a finger and was outlining the bruise. “Papyrus?”


“Can you not touch the bruise? It’s really sensitive,” you admitted.

“...Oh! Of course!” Papyrus exclaimed, removing his fingers from your neck.

“Thanks, sorry it’s just feeling very tender. Why-why are you removing your glove?” You asked nervously, watching the skeleton slowly remove his red glove from one of his hands.

“Healing magic works through direct contact!” Papyrus gleefully cheered. With a final tug, Papyrus had removed one of his gloves and laid it safely on your counter before returning his attention to you.

You blinked. “You took off your glove,” you dumbly observed. Papyrus nodded. “But you don’t like to take off your battle body stuff for people.”

Papyrus shrugged. “Well you are an important person to me. Just...don’t mention it to Sans. I’m sure he will come up with all sorts of awful jokes about gloves and hands if he hears about this,” He winced. Oh, you’re not just sure. You KNOW he would.

You smiled. “My lips are sealed.”

“Don’t seal them. You’ll need to tell me if it suddenly starts to burn,” Papyrus instructed you and he drew you close.

“Burn?! Wait, Pap!” Your protests died in your throat as Papyrus placed his bones against your bruised neck. You let out another squeak and shut your eyes. Initially, you felt nothing except his fingers resting on your neck. But as the seconds crawled by, you could feel a warm tingle begin to emanate from his fingers. Your pulse quickened, expecting any moment for the warm pleasant sensation to suddenly plunge into third degree burns but it remained the same temperature. You felt yourself relaxing at the pleasant sensation.

You couldn’t describe the senses that you were bombarded with in complete sentences but a few key words came to mind. Safety. Protection. Trust. Kindness.

You slowly opened your eyes and realized Papyrus had tilted your head upwards, allowing you to study his face. His orange pupil was faintly there and he appeared to be in deep concentration. Heh. The last time you had seen that orange eye you were in a position similar to this you realized. Except you were kissing him. The memory of the kiss briefly shot through your mind and you allowed yourself a small, albit sad smile. You had missed the few hours following the kiss where you had genuinely believed it was a gesture of affection and not “nothing” as Papyrus confessed to his brother. But there was no way in hell you would ever admit that to him.

The orange pupil flickered to watch your face and Papyrus blinked in surprise at you. The warm tingling had started to abate but his fingers remained on your neck. His concentrated expression shifted to confusion. You felt the warmth that had been dissipating began to rise once more and you felt yourself becoming confused. You were not exactly knowledgeable about how magic worked, but it didn’t seem to make sense that it would take this long.

There were different thoughts starting to flood your mind. Guilt, arousal, more confusion. Were these your thoughts? These emotions felt foreign to you. You opened your mouth to speak and paused. What were you even going to say? And then suddenly an image materialized in your mind. It was, well, it was you. You were wearing the clothes you had worn on your second date with Jeremy. Your body was illuminated orange and you were tied up. How were you seeing yourself? Papyrus? Were you seeing his memory? Your brow furrowed. If you didn’t know any better, you could almost say you were in his mind, watching his memory of that night. But that’s impossible. If you were in his mind, then that would mean...

Your eyes widened. Was he reading your mind?! The panic that flashed on his face in the moments after this thought confirmed your suspicions and you tried to pull yourself out of his grasp. He held you tightly. “Let go!” You hissed angrily.

“Wait, wait. I need to stop the magic first!” Papyrus warned. You felt the warmth vanish quickly and he pulled you into an immediate tight hug, one hand around our waist and the other pressing your head against his chest.

“Papyrus! What the fuck was that?” You gasped into his chest. Your head felt dizzy.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t think that would happen. Please remain calm. You’re here.” Your mind felt scattered and you tried to remain calm. He kept you tightly cocooned against him, continuing to whisper to you to remain calm.

“Were you in my mind? Was I in your mind?” You asked hysterically. The memories which had seemed so clear just a minute ago were now a puddle of mish mash as you struggled to separate what were really your thoughts and which were his. An overwhelming sense of guilt still remained.

“Possibly,” Papyrus admitted.

“Possibly?” You stared up at him in bewilderment.

“Healing magic is only supposed to cure physical ailments but sometimes, it will try to fix emotional pain as well,” Papyrus tried to explain. He shook slightly. “You’re here.”

You found yourself relaxing in his hold as the hand holding your head began to gently stroke your hair, his individual fingers combing through strands of your dark hair. Your breathing evened out and you placed your hands, which had been clenched to your sides, open palmed against his chest. You could feel his own chest pounding through his armor. Despite the warmth emanating from the skeleton, a cold dread settled in your chest. If he could see your memories...had he seen last night? Had he been in there long enough to witness what actions Sans had committed against you?

“What did you see?” You asked cautiously.

He shuddered slightly but did not respond. You watched his face and hesitated. This was the face of a monster who was trying to be very careful in the words he was going to say. The way that he had kept repeating “you’re here”...Was he afraid you were going to vanish if he did not hold on to you so tightly? Maybe you weren’t the only one whose mind was still returning to normal.

“I saw my words wound you,” Papyrus answered, leaning his own head softly against the top of yours. “I’m sorry.” He had seen...and he was sorry? If he had seen, then that means he knew that you actually liked-!

“Well, well, well.” You and Papyrus looked up quickly as a slow clap echoed in your apartment. Jeremy stood in your doorway, his figure blocking out the sunlight as he slowly clapped his hands together. He did not look pleased. “Monsters have an awfully handsy way of healing each other, wouldn’t you say?”

Chapter Text

Jeremy walked forward, closing the door behind him as he approached you both. You were hyper aware of Papyrus’ hand tightening on you almost protectively as the other male sauntered toward you. His smile dropped and he slowed his approach as he observed your face. “Hey, whoa. You look really pale. Are you okay?” When you didn’t immediately respond, Jeremy turned his attention to Papyrus. “Hey, is she okay?”

Papyrus didn’t answer but instead looked to you. You swallowed and gave his chest a gentle pat before pushing yourself off his chest. You faced Jeremy and put on a smile. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. The magic just made me feel light headed is all,” you found yourself lying to Jeremy. You turned to Papyrus who was caught off guard by your lie. “Thank you Papyrus.”

“You’re welcome,” he managed. He released you fully and you walked over to Jeremy, flipping your hair off your neck. Jeremy flashed you a pearly white smile.

“Wow! Your skin looks amazing!” Jeremy cheered. He walked around you as you posed until he was next to Papyrus. He elbowed the skeleton in the chest playfully. “And here I thought I was going to have to kiss it to make it better.”

“Nyeh heh heh,” Papyrus chuckled without humor but Jeremy did not notice. You did however and you coughed.

“Well thank you so much for the coffee and fixing my door. I guess I’ll see you around,” You spoke after a moment of silence.

“Oh yeah, for our third date,” Jeremy elbowed the skeleton again. “Hey, you got a special someone?”

Papyrus looked startled. “Special someone? Like special as in famous?” He asked curiously.

“Hey, if you know someone famous, ask them,” Jeremy snickered. He slid an arm around your shoulders. “Lori and I were thinking about going to the bowling for our third date. I was thinking it would just be us two, but I figure the more the merrier. So if you have some friends who want to come along or someone famous,” he winked, “go ahead and invite them too.”

“Are you sure that’s alright? I wouldn’t want to intrude.” Papyrus asked with a yawn.

Jeremy smirked. “Just let us know.” He faced you once more, “Later, Lori,” and before you could react, you felt his lips on your cheek. You caught Papyrus tensing at the physical contact but the kiss was over before you could say anything. Jeremy pulled back with a smile. He gave a quick wave to Papyrus before slipping out the door. Not wanting further interruptions, you shut your front door gently and turned back to Papyrus.

He was shivering and had a spaced out look to his face. “Papyrus?” You asked worriedly. “Is everything alright?”

Papyrus nodded slowly. “Of course. The Great Papyrus can handle any magic!” He took a sturdy step toward you before crumpling to the ground.

“Papyrus! Are you okay?” You gasped, leaping toward him as he lifted himself to a sitting position. He looked dazed but he tried to smile to you.

“Yes. I’m completely fine,” he attempted to reassure you.

“Completely fine people don’t suddenly fall over!” You protested.

“Well then it’s good that I’m a monster,” Papyrus grinned.

“You know what I mean,” you sighed. Papyrus let his shoulders slump slightly. You kneeled down to him. “What happened?”

Papyrus still smiled at you, albeit tiredly. “Do not worry! I will be back to tip top shape in a few minutes. Healing magic is just more intensive is all.”

You had the suspicious feeling the skeleton wasn’t being completely honest with you but you let it go, standing up. “Well, um, just sit there and eat the rest of your sandwich. Although it might be cold.”

Papyrus grabbed the egg sandwich but paused, spotting his naked hand. “Would you return my glove?” He asked politely. You chuckled, grabbing the glove off the counter and handing it to him before heading back into the kitchen, leaving Papyrus alone with his thoughts.


The magic had started innocently enough, Papyrus thought as he took another bite of your sandwich. He remembered seeing the injured skin and placing his phalanges over the sensitive skin, being careful not to cause further injury. You had started to relax and he found that he no longer had to force your head up to observe the wound. Your willingness also allowed him to channel much more smoothly. He smiled proudly as he watched the bruise fade from purple to blue to pink until it finally vanished all together. He hummed in victory and began to close the connection until a sharp emotion struck his core. It took him a few moments to recognize the emotion.

Sadness? He risked a glance at your face and noted that you had a slightly pained expression. He suspended closing the channel to see if he could understand where this pain was coming from. And if he could find the source, maybe he could fix it. And that would make you happy. At least he hoped it would. Another surge painfully struck his core and he almost retracted his hand but caught himself quickly. Papyrus couldn’t just break off healing magic in the middle of casting. Doing so would injure both parties since they technically were connected to each other during this type of magic. He forced himself to maintain the line as another feeling assaulted his core.

It was that weird feeling. The one that made his whole body feel warm. Yet there was was something unique about this sensation. It almost felt like he was experiencing this sensation through someone else. And if it wasn’t his..was it yours? Could he be tapping into your mind?

Curiosity pressed him onwards. He had never encountered this when he healed other monsters. Then again, monsters were pretty good about separating their mental health from their physical ailments. Or at least their ability to harness magic made accessing their minds a difficult task. But you had no such magical barriers and so he continued to traverse your mind unrestricted.

There was no physical cause for the painful sadness. He felt himself questioning himself and made a motion to cease the connection when an image materialized in front of him. His sockets widened in confusion. He was seeing himself. Most likely through your eyes. He was in his house, his back toward you. He was yelling at someone and he realized it was Sans. A feeling of deja vu began to creep up on him.

“pap listen.”

“It was a battle strategy! Just my excellent training coming to fruition! It meant nothing!”

The anger and sadness that immediately followed those words were akin to being stabbed if Papyrus had ever been stabbed. The aggressiveness of these emotions compelled him to close the channel but Papyrus persevered, forcing the connection between you both back open as he fed it more magic. You were starting to stir in his hands and guilt began to reverberate within him. He was misusing the magic, but he felt compelled to probe further in your mind. He knew he had been at least somewhat responsible for your emotional distress, he reasoned. Therefore he should, no he needed to know what he actually meant to you in order to fix your distress.

He risked another glance at you to see your lips had opened up once more. Your expression triggered his own memories before he could restrain himself and sent his mind down a different path. The night before you two officially hung out. Could memories of that night offer any guidance? He wasn’t sure and he tried to direct his mind away from the conjured image of you panting and moaning in front of him that night. But he couldn’t. He tried again to shift but it refused to budge. It was almost as if someone else had grabbed it and was trying to watch it.

A chill settled into his bones as he began to remember the particulars of healing magic. Although he was connected to you, you also were connected to him. Which meant only one thing. You knew he was in your mind. He visibly panicked for a moment but that was all you needed to break whatever trance he had you under. You began to pull away from him and his sockets widened alarm as he gripped you harder. Your eyes looked up at him in a flash of anger and betrayal. “Let go!”

“I need to-!”

“Papyrus, let go!”

“I just need another minute!”

“Papyrus, dude, let go of the plate!”

Papyrus blinked in surprise. “What?” The image of you struggling in his grasp melted away as he realized you were leaning toward him with one hand on his now empty plate.

“You okay dude?” You asked, raising an eyebrow.

Papyrus nervously surveyed his surroundings. He was still in your apartment. He was sitting down with an empty plate on your couch. “Where did the sandwich go?”

“You ate it.”

Papyrus blinked in surprise. “I did?”

“Yeah. Did you want another one or can I take your dish away so I can load it in the dishwasher?”

“Eh, no. I’m good. Thank you.” He released the plate and you brought it to the sink.

“Are you okay? Do you want to stick around?”

Papyrus stood up surefootedly. You made a motion to help him, but he waved you away. “No, no. I’m fine. I should really be leaving,” Papyrus declared.

“Hey, take it easy today, okay?” You asked.

“Nyeh heh heh!” Papyrus cackled. “The Great Papyrus never takes the easy path! ...unless the easy path is the only path and then I will take it on it’s most challenging level.” You smiled.

“Did you bring my phone?”

“Oh yes! I have it right here!” Papyrus pulled it out of his battle body and handed it to you. You glanced at it in confusion.

“Papyrus, did you hear my phone go off at all?” Papyrus shook his head. “Cause I’ve got like 20 notifications.”

“That seems excessive. Unless you are popular. Then that doesn’t seem like much,” Papyrus admitted.

You unlocked your phone and stared at it. “What the hell is Undernet?”

Papyrus beamed. “It’s a monster social network website! You didn’t tell me you were on that site. Add me as friend. I’m CoolSkeleton95!”


“See you’re already friends with Alphys.”

“Oh. I see. I have a friend request from someone named Jerry? Should I accept-?”

“NO!” The quick change in tone startled you and you looked at Papyrus in surprise. “He’s weird,” the skeleton explained.

“O-okay then.” You glanced curiously at the phone. “I guess I’ll try to figure out how to add people later...Wait, don’t you normally have guard training every day?” You asked.

Papyrus nodded. “Yes. I probably should be getting back to it. Undyne was very kind to allow me to come to your place to fix your door. She wanted me to ask you one thing though.”

“Oh sure. What is it?”

Papyrus smiled innocently. “What size are your battle attachments and can I have one?”


Papyrus sighed as he drove away. When he wasn’t shifting gears, his hand trailed to his face and he winced. His phone rang and he glanced at it to see it was Undyne. He put her on speaker phone.

“Hey Pap! What’s taking you so long?!” Her voice boomed over the phone.

“Hello Undyne, sorry, the human required more assistance than I thought.”

“Cool, cool. Well, come back soon. I have a special mission for you.”

“Eh um, Undyne?”

“Yeah, Pap?”

“So I asked the human the question you wanted me to ask.” There was dead silence on the other line. “Undyne?”

“Still here,” her voice came out strangely as if she was trying not to laugh. “And what did she say?”

Papyrus paled. “A lot of things. I’m not comfortable repeating the majority of it.”

“GWAHAHAHA! Oh man...did she give one to you?”

Papyrus rubbed his cheek again. “No. Uh, she did slap me though and kicked me out of her place. Does that count?”

“Yeah, that counts. Oh man, I didn’t think you would really ask her. Alphys is going to kill me,” he heard Undyne giggle.

“Alphys is very nice. I’m sure she won’t kill you,” Papyrus reassured her.

“Heheh, maybe. Anyway, get up here soon. I’ve got a special visitor for you.”


You glowered as you drove toward Sunset Mall. “Fucking Papyrus.” You muttered angrily. “Fucking Undyne!” You added. That pair was a heap of trouble. But you were done with them now. The only monster you would be interacting with would be Sans and even then that would most likely be something sporadic it sounded like. Provided you didn’t try to murder him.

Your phone was still buzzing in the passenger seat and you eyed it in annoyance. “Jesus, Alphys, what did you do to my phone?” You commented. Well as soon as you parked and got out of the car, you would check your phone.

You had not owned a bathing suit in a really long time. Your apartment did not have a pool and you were never shaved enough for the beach or you went out too late in the season or whatever. You always had a reason. But Jeremy's words had echoed in your mind and now you found yourself heading to the mall, a place where time stopped and people kept approaching you and rubbing weird creams and oils on your skin without your permission and the line for the bathroom was always a mile long. Ugh!

Your eyes widened when you got to the parking lot. “Holy shit, it’s packed,” you realized. You knew the mall was busy, but this seemed excessive. You managed to nab a parking spot near the edge and got out of the car. “The fuck is going on?” You wondered. Your phone was still vibrating and you picked it up, wincing slightly as the phone vibrated against your sensitive skin. (Man, Papyrus had a tough face). It seemed to be coming from the Undernet app.

You tapped the app too quickly and accidentally accepted a friend request from CoolSkeleton95. You blinked. “When the fuck did he send me this request?” Papyrus never touched his phone after he asked you if he could have your bra. You made sure he didn’t have a chance after you slapped him and cursed him out. Who the fuck asks a girl for her bra? Even if your superior officer told you to ask, you don't just fucking ask for someone's bra. You groaned. You clicked on the notifications and read the following:

“Mettaton rumored to have been sighted in Sunset City!”

“Famous monster actor signing autographs!”

“MTT merchandise 10% off for next 6 hours!”

“Mettaton sighted at human Sunset Mall!”

“Oh shit.” You walked in and watched in amazement as you saw a large crowd of excited monsters and humans. “How the hell am I going to get through this?”


“Papyrus!” A happy voice squealed as the lanky skeleton exited his vehicle. He looked toward the sound of the voice and broke into a huge grin.

“Hello Frisk!” He greeted, catching the small boy in massive hug. He held the boy out. “My look at you! You’re getting taller every time I see you. Soon you will be even taller than me!”

Frisk chuckled, and pulled out his phone. “Look! Look!” He exclaimed. Papyrus took the phone and peered at it.

“Wowie! Mettaton is in Sunset City? I thought he was still in the baguette country,” Papyrus wondered. He looked down at the wiggly child. “Wait, weren’t you supposed to be gone until Wednesday?”

“Mom let me come home early while she and Asgore finished up some treaty stuff,” Frisk explained.

“Oh! Well that’s exciting.”

“Papyrus, oh good you’re here.” Papyrus looked up to see Undyne marching toward him and he stood up.

“Hi Undyne! Thank you for the special visitor!” Papyrus thanked, giving Frisk an affectionate head rustle. Undyne gave them both a toothy grin.

“No problem. Could you take the punk to go see Mettaton?” Undyne asked.

Papyrus lit up. “Really?!” He gasped. “That’s awfully nice of you, but are you sure you wouldn’t want to go see him instead?” He offered.

Undyne grimaced. “Bleh. I mean, no thanks. I can admire the guy’s style from afar pretty well thank you. But Frisk won’t shut up about him.” Frisk stuck out a tongue at her and she smiled warmly at him.

“I learned some new dance moves,” Frisk explained, striking a dramatic pose.

“I’m sure he, eh she? Whatever. I’m sure Mettaton will love them,” Undyne patted the child on the back.

“I will do my best to get the tiny human to Mettaton!” Papyrus saluted. He opened the door for the child who hopped in eagerly. “Good bye Undyne!”

“Bye knuckleheads. Don’t lose Frisk!”

Frisk buckled in as Papyrus shifted his car into reverse and tore out back into the street. “So where is Mettaton right now?” Papyrus asked curiously.

Frisk grinned. “Sunset Mall.”

Chapter Text

The two males drove briskly down the hill toward downtown as Frisk began to list even more reasons for why they should go to Sunset Mall. Not that Papyrus really needed any convincing when it came to seeing his favorite star. Frisk jumped up and down in the car seat. “Mettaton said he’s signing autographs too!”

“Oh no! I should have brought some paper,” Papyrus lamented.

Frisk giggled again. “Don’t you already have an autograph?”

Papyrus smiled. “It’s lonely and it needs a friend.”

The young boy spotted an upcoming green light and braced himself for Papyrus to stop suddenly only to be surprised when the skeleton continued through the light. He glanced at Papyrus who was animatedly talking about how the sentries have been setting up medical records at a clinic. They approached a red light and Frisk watched in amazement as Papyrus downshifted and eventually stopped the car. “Papyrus!” He cheered, “Your driving got a lot better while I was gone!”

Papyrus beamed. “Of course it has. I have mastered the light puzzle.”

“Light puzzle?” Frisk prompted.

“Nyeh heh heh heh!” Papyrus cackled. “Of course. Lori explained the rules of which lights to follow and how they change at different times.”

“Who’s Lori?”


Frisk poked the skeleton in the arm. “Who’s Lori?” The child knew that Papyrus had a hard time saying human names without defaulting to just calling them “human”. The fact that Frisk had only been gone for 2 weeks and now Papyrus was saying a different human’s name was immediately intriguing.

Papyrus looked slightly uncomfortable. “Nyeh...well, please don’t be sad Frisk, but I, the Great Papyrus, went on a date while you were gone.” Frisk began to giggle. “Oh do not be upset! You are still my number one human! Platonically!” He added.

Frisk smiled. “Oh, no I’m not upset!” He assured the nervous skeleton who breathed a sigh of relief. “What does she look like?”

Papyrus thought about it. "They might have a picture of her on the hospital website," he suggested, "try Sunset Animal Hospital."

Frisk nodded, opening his phone and loading the webpage. "I don't have good reception. Tell me what she looks like!"

“Well, she has two arms. Eh, two legs. Ooh! And a nose!”

Frisk grinned. “How about lips?” He winked. To the child’s delight, he watched as Papyrus blushed a deep shade of orange and nodded. Frisk leaned in close. “Did you kiss her?” The skeleton sputtered unintelligibly and Frisk broke out into laughter. “Papyrus and Lori sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!”

Papyrus’ looked confused and silently mouthed out the letters until he realized what they spelled. “Frisk!” he whined.

Frisk giggled but he abated. “Sorry Papyrus,” he apologized.

Papyrus pouted. “I accept your apology.” He sighed, “Alas, I do not think she and I will be seeing each other anymore.”

“Why not? You’re the coolest,” Frisk insisted.

Papyrus nodded. “True. But the last time I saw her, she said a lot of bad stuff and hit me.”

Frisk shrugged. “Mom says that flirting.”


Frisk scratched his head. “There was this girl in my class and she called me ugly and she would hit my shoulder. I asked mom about it because I did not want to hurt her back and mom says that’s how some girls act when they like someone.”

“Really?” Papyrus asked in astonishment.

“Yeah. I asked her to come play at my house and she said yes.”

Papyrus gaped. “Human behavior is so strange,” he mumbled but he felt a smile starting to form at his jawline. If Frisk was telling the truth, then you may actually like him. And not just platonically. Like like like him.

He had remembered being in this position when Frisk and he dated. The human had professed their undying love for Papyrus and the skeleton had felt bad that he had to ask that they should just be friends. Frisk had a good attitude about the rejection and laughed it off (now that Papyrus thought about it, Frisk had been giggling the entire date, but Papyrus had attributed the giggling to Frisk being nervous).

And now he was in the position again. Except you didn’t exactly declare your feelings for him. And unlike Frisk, he did have greater than friendship feelings for you. Or at the very least, he didn’t want to make his relationship with you strictly platonic just yet. Maybe he just had to get you to declare your feelings first is all.


You entered the east side of the mall and managed to push passed the first enthusiastic crowd of people with only a slight amount of difficulty. This rectangle monster must be really famous, you realized. And unfortunately the gathering seemed to be blocking the escalators to the store you wanted to go to. Sighing, you began to slide your way through. After a few minutes, your efforts were rewarded by the discovery of an out-of-order escalator. The escalator was covered in glitter.

“Why the fuck is there glitter on the escalator?” You wondered.

“Because he likes glitter.” You turned to see a cat like monster, anxiously fingering a cigarette...or was it a cigarette?

“Dude! Is that a blunt?” You asked incredulously.

“Are you a narc?”

“What? No. I’m an RVT.”

“Then yes.” He scoffed. “Seriously, you see a monster and the first thing you ask is if I’m carrying weed.”

You shrugged. “I guess? It’s been a couple crazy days.”

“I would imagine. Don’t go lecturing me about how it affects my health. I’m 20 years old and I’ve already wasted my life.”

“Uh...that sucks.”


“Well, can you point me in the direction of the regular stairs?”

“Yeah yeah, hang on a second.” He pulled out his phone and tapped into it briefly before putting it away. To your surprise, your own phone vibrated immediately afterwards. You glanced around as other people took out their phones and you followed suit.

“Newflash, Mettaton has left Sunset Mall and heading downtown. Stay tuned for updates.” You read aloud. You glanced at the cat cat monster as the crowd began to disperse excitedly. “Did you do that?”


“So Mettaton is not actually here?” You asked.

The cat monster shuddered. “He’s probably not, but I’m not going to take any chances. He just messages me to update his location as he sees fit. He think it’s a good way to excite fans...and judging by the number of mindless zombies here, it works.”

“Dude. Uh, so the stairs?”

“Yeah, follow me.”

“You don’t have to take me,” you explained, “Uh...what’s your name?”

“Burgerpants, but please call me BP.” You raised an eyebrow and he groaned. “Don’t ask. And honestly, I can’t stand all this fucking glitter. Plus I need a smoke.”

You followed the cat monster to a side door and pushed it open to see the fire stairs. You were about to thank the cat monster when you saw him trying to light up in the stairway. “Dude, BP! Hey you can’t smoke here!”

“Why not? It said fire escape? Escape here to light fires?”

“No. It means we run here to escape fires. There’s smoke detectors here and if you start smoking, you’ll set off the alarms and they’ll evacuate the mall.”

“Oh. That’s not good.”

“Yeah, so if you can just wait at least until I’ve bought a bathing suit, that would be great,” you muttered.

BP shot you a sneaky grin. “Heh heh, sure can lil lady.” He plastered an over the top fake smile on his face as you ascended the stairs. “Are you sure you wouldn’t like to try one of our high quality MTT brand bathing suits? Guaranteed to make your body more rectangular than ever before?”

“Fuck no.”



Papyrus and Frisk strode through the West entrance of the mall, both boys chatting excitedly about the possibility of finding Mettaton. The star had managed to amass quite a following of fans ever since his debut from the Underground. Humanity did not know really what to make of him at first. But after being a guest on both Oprah and Ellen, his fame had been secured for life.

Thankfully the monster had not let the fame go to his head too much. He did not forget his roots and constantly posted and chatted with monsters on Undernet.

Papyrus paused as his phone buzzed and checked the notification. “Aw...Mettaton has left the mall,” he pouted, “I'm sorry, Frisk. Would you like to go find him?”

Frisk shook his head and pointed to one of the stores. “Hey! Isn’t that Sans?” He asked. Papyrus followed the direction Frisk pointed toward and squinted his sockets. Sure enough, it was Sans alright. He was walking out of an arts and crafts store with a small blue bag. Frisk looked up at Papyrus. “Hey! Are you guys making Sans a battle armor suit?”

Papyrus shook his head. “Not that he's told me. Oh I'm going to be very upset if he is trying to make one without me,” he harrumphed. He quickly strode toward Sans. Frisk began to follow when he spotted Burgerpants in the distance. The cat monster was not alone. A young woman was walking alongside him toward the stairs.

Frisk squinted and recognized you from the hospital website with a cheerful grin. He ran over to Papyrus who had already engaged Sans in conversation.“Hey Pap! Look!” Frisk pointed.

Papyrus waved at Frisk. “One moment, human.” He crossed his arms and looked at Sans. “What are you doing here? And please, no puns, Sans,” Papyrus asked.

Sans shrugged. “just picking up some thread, bro. don't worry about any puns. i won't string you along.” Papyrus groaned as Sans spotted Frisk. “hey kid. we didn't really get a chance to talk earlier. how's the diplomatic stuff going?”

Frisk waved. “I think it's going well. Mom and Asgore are finishing up a few things so they sent me home early.”

Sans smiled warmly at the mention of Toriel. “heh you’re not causing any heartache for your goat momma, are you?” He seemed to tense up at the question and observed Frisk.

Frisk shook his head. “Nope. I'm being good still, don't worry.” Sans visibly relaxed.

“thanks pal.”

“Sans, are you listening to me?” Papyrus shouted.

“oops, sorry pap. what did you say?” Frisk waved good bye and began to run off. Sans waved after him and looked up at his younger brother who did not appear to notice that Frisk had left.

“You should buy hearing aids instead of thread,” Papyrus sighed. “Why are you buying thread? We have some at home, right?”

Sans nodded. “yeah but the human ripped my jacket last night.”

Papyrus shot him a hesitant look. “Why would Lori rip your jacket?”

“she said my jacket was tearable.” Papyrus’ face was blank for a moment before he slammed his glove over it.

“ARRGGHHHHH!!! SHE’S JUST AS BAD AS YOU!!!!” Papyrus regained his composure. “Come human, let us go eat lunch before Sans’ bad humor rubs off on you,” he groaned, sticking out his hand for Frisk to take it.

But there was nobody there. “frisk’s gone,” Sans hummed. His younger brother’s sockets widened.

“WHAT?! IMPOSSIBLE!” He whirled around in a circle to see if Frisk was hidden behind his tall stature but the child was nowhere to be found. “OH MY GOD! SANS! I LOST THE HUMAN!”

Sans glanced around lazily. “you sure did, bro. good job,” he smiled, giving his brother a thumbs up.

“Sans! You bonehead! I wasn’t trying to lose the human! Undyne trusted me to-” Papyrus’ voice caught in his throat. “Un-Undyne! She’s going to be so mad! Come on! We’ve got to find him!”

Papyrus grabbed Sans’ hand and began to quickly drag his older brother through the mall. Sans glanced over at the working escalator near them and saw Frisk ascending to the second floor. He saluted the child who saluted him back and ran off. Sans wasn’t exactly sure what Frisk was planning, but if the child could survive the Underground, then the mall would be a piece of cake for him.


“Hey sweetheart! Wonderful to hear your voice! How’s it going?” Jeremy’s voice carried melodiously over your phone’s speaker. You smiled at the familiarity of it. You could hear other voices in the background.

“It’s going well. Hey, I made it to the bathing suit store. You got a minute or two for me to pick your brain or are you at work?” There was a shuffle.

“Yeah, but it’s dead right now. Hang on, let me get some space from the guys.” The other voices faded out. “Bathing suit shopping eh? What are your options?”

“Well I’ve got a one piece in my hand right now. I’m a little nervous to try on a two piece,” you admitted, somewhat shyly. You were not skinny.

“Better play it safe. Stick to the one piece,” Jeremy instructed you.

“You really think I should get the one piece bathing suit?” you asked as you balanced the phone on your shoulder, holding up the bathing suit.

“Maybe, send me a pic.” You pulled out your phone and shot a quick picture of the suit in front of you.

“You get it yet?” There was silence and then the sound of a couple of guys all groaning and yelling. Your eyes widened. “Motherfucker, Jeremy!! Were you showing your coworkers my photo?”

“No! No!” Jeremy insisted. “Ugh! These fucking guys are just being creepers is all, hang on let me look at the photo now that they’re gone.” There was more silence. “Are you going to send pics of you in them?” Jeremy’s voice asked over the line.

“Nope,” you snickered, “especially not now.”

“You’re no fun. Yeah, better stick with the one piece suit. Hey! Does it come in black?”

“Black? Why black?”

“It’s my favorite color. It’s cool and edgy. Plus black is slimming,” Jeremy chuckled.

“Hardy har har. Fuck you,” you laughed, “Alright, I’ll see what I can do. Later, Jer Bear.”

“See ya!” You disconnected the phone and sighed.

You held up the one piece bathing suit and made a face. Jeremy liked black as a color? That was weird. And that black was slimming comment? You made another face as you got in the checkout line. Well you were in line and that was that.

“Oh noooo. Where is he?” Your ears perked up at the voice and you peeked around but could not determine the source. “I really hope I’m not lost,” a child’s voice continued.

That got your attention and you left the line to follow the voice. You found a young boy, couldn’t have been older than 11 or so, wandering around the store, looking very worried. You glanced around but no one else even bothered to acknowledge him. “Hey, kid, are you okay?” You asked gently.

The little boy turned toward you. “I can’t find my uncle,” his voice quivered.

“Your uncle brought you into the women’s bathing suit section?” You asked before you could stop yourself. Man, you sucked with children.

The boy shook his head. “No, I wanted to get a pair of swim trunks and when I turned around, he was gone. I’ve looked all over the store.”

You gritted your teeth. You could bring the boy to a cashier and let them deal with it, but the employees appeared overwhelmed enough as it was. And there was something in this child’s eyes that compelled you to help them. “Well, come with me and let’s look for him. What’s your name?” You asked, extending a hand.

“I’m Frisk,” The boy greeted, taking your hand and shaking it far too happily than you would have thought for a sad lost boy. Man that name sounded familiar but you couldn’t place where you had heard it.

“Frisk, eh? That’s a cool name. I’m Lori.” You made a move to retrieve your hand but the small boy giggled and swung your hand happily. You chuckled and began to walk hand in hand with the boy out of the store, leaving the bathing suit behind. “So what’s your uncle look like?”

“Oh, he’s tall and athletic...and good looking.” You nearly choked on your own spit and looked to the the boy but he still maintained the same benevolent smile.

“Ah...did you say he was good looking?” You questioned, making sure you heard the boy right.

The boy nodded. “Yup. And he’s really kind and he’s good with kids. He likes to read too.” You started to chuckle at the child’s insistence.

“Sounds like a cool guy.” You smiled.

“Do you have a boyfriend?” The little boy blurted out.

You felt yourself color slightly. “Ah..No. I don’t.”

The little boy swung your hand excitedly. “That’s awesome! My uncle is single too!” You didn’t know how to respond to that.

“Eh, how old’s your uncle?”

“I think he’s in his 20s,” Frisk placed a finger thoughtfully to his chin.

“Oh. Then I’m surprised he’s single,” you managed to joke.

“Maybe it’s because he’s bald,” Frisk attempted to look somber even as he smiled.

You blinked in surprise, forgetting to scan ahead of you for potential uncle matches. “Wait, what?” That was pretty young for a guy to go bald, but it wasn’t unheard of. “That’s different.”

Frisk nodded. “I think he would be really happy if he met a girl who liked him even if he is bald.”

“I don’t care if someone’s bald. Lots of good looking people are bald.”

“I’m so happy that you said that. Will you go out with him?’

“I’m sorry?”

“Will you go out with my uncle?” Frisk took your other hand and looked up to you with a humongous smile.

You laughed hesitantly. “Uhh. I don’t think he would go out with someone he doesn’t know.”

“Oh, he likes you a lot.”

“Excuse me?” You blinked.

“I mean, I think he would really like you a lot,” Frisk jumped and down. “Please ask him out when we find him! He can be kinda shy sometimes.”

“Er, alright, I’ll try.” You knew you were setting yourself up for failure, but you were used to rejection and disappointment. What a depressing thought but it made you smile sardonically.

“No, promise me you’ll ask!” Frisk demanded excitedly, pulling one of his hands away and sticking out a pinky finger. “Pinky promise?”

How could you resist a pinky promise? Your inner child glowed and you extended a pinky to shake Frisk’s. “Alright, alright, pinky promise!” You laughed heartily. “So what’s your uncle’s name?”

“Oh! His name is-!”

“Frisk! Darling! Is that you?” A strange voice called out and you both quickly turned toward the sound of the voice.

“Holy shit.” You gaped.

It was Mettaton.

Chapter Text

It was the robotic monster alright, although his appearance was slightly altered. He was still a rectangle with a wheel but on his head was a bright yellow sunhat. He somehow wore gaudy (but most likely very expensive sunglasses) over his brightly flashing monitor and had a very flashy purse. He appeared much more ready for summer than you did.

“Frisk! My goodness! Look how tall and handsome you’ve gotten.” The robot cooed, wrapping the small child in a large hug. He placed Frisk back on the ground and eagerly examined the human. “Of course, I see you still insist you keep your hair the same. I sincerely wish Toriel would let me take you to Milan. They have some of the best human hairdressers I have ever encountered.” Mettaton glanced around. “Where is your mother? Surely she wouldn’t have sent you out alone.”

Frisk smiled and shook his head. “No, I didn’t come alone.” Mettaton looked up and finally noticed you.

You’re not sure how a rectangle could be coy, but Mettaton certainly was. “Well well, my darling, I did not realize you were on a romantic rendezvous.” He wheeled over to you quickly and began to study you intently. “Although really now, a mall seems hardly the place for a date unless it’s a shopping date!” He exclaimed.

The accidental accusation of pedophilia made you jump and you quickly shook your head. “Oh no no no!” You quickly waved your hands.

“Oh sweetheart, there is no need to deny it. Frisk is an amazing human and you should feel very lucky that he chose you as a romantic partner. Afterall, it’s not everyday that a woman gets to court the savior of monsterkind!” Mettaton declared dramatically.

“Savior of monsterkind?” You echoed quietly as the cogs in your brain began to turn.

Frisk giggled. “No, Mettaton. Lori’s not my date,” he explained. The robot turned back to Frisk curiously as you were trying to think. Your phone beeped with a notification. It was Undernet again.

“Hmm, not your date. Are you perhaps bringing her for someone else?” Frisk nodded.

“I got lost from my uncle. And when we find him, I’m going to have her go on a date with him,” Frisk explained with a wink. You were too busy tapping at your phone, trying to get your phone to unfreeze, to pay them attention. There seemed to be interference. Mettaton did not appear to pose any danger to Frisk so you stepped away from the duo to try to get the phone to work.

Mettaton leaned in closer. “My devious little cupid,” he gasped, “How daring! I love it!!!” He pulled down his glasses slightly. “Uncle? Surely you don’t mean…?” Frisk placed a finger to his lips. “Ooh! A secret eh. Whisper it in my auditory sensor then!” Frisk in to whisper to the robot as you finally opened up Undernet.

“HELP! I LOST THE HUMAN! DOES ANYONE HAVE HIM??” The status at the top of the newsfeed read. You saw comments and clicked on them.

“NAPSTABLOOK22: He’s not here….sorry...

“ALPHYS: Y-you did what? Undyne is going to be so mad if she finds out??




“ALPHYS: Papyrus, just because you put it in ellipses, doesn’t mean Undyne won’t see it…”


You read the comments in confusion. Well this is way too much of a coincidence if Frisk and the human were not the same. You looked up in alarm as someone placed a hand on your shoulder.

“You buy your bathing suit yet? I really want to smoke,” BP asked. He spotted Mettaton and froze. “Sh-shit.”

Mettaton darkened his lights at BP. “Burgerpants! There you are! You haven’t been slacking off, have you? I can’t have my employees being less than spectacular when they’re in public!” He ended with a smile.

“N-no sir. I updated your statuses just like you said!”

Mettaton’s lights returned to their normal glow. “Perfect. Please pocket those cigarettes in front of Frisk, darling. I would confiscate them from you, but I’m feeling exceptionally kindhearted at the moment. Have you said hi to Frisk and his uncle’s date?” BP visibly relaxed as Frisk waved at him

“Hi BP!”

“Hey little buddy!” He grinned. He jutted a thumb at you. “Yeah, we met earlier. The glitter bomb you arranged took out the escalator so she and I met in the stairs.” He watched you curiously. “I thought you were buying a bathing suit, I didn’t know you were going on a date with one of the skelebros.”

“I’m doing what now?” You asked.

Mettaton clasped his hands together eagerly. “A bathing suit! Oh! I should really get another one with how beautiful the weather has been! BP, did you tell her about our special MTT brand swimsuits?”

“Yes, sir, I did.”

“Excellent! I’m very proud of your allegiance to MTT!”

You looked to Frisk for answers and realized the boy was no longer there. You spotted him leaning over the railing and you quickly darted over to place a hand on him to prevent him from falling over. You noted with some irony that the escalator, although glittery, was now in working order. “Frisk, uh, what’s going on?”

Frisk pointed eagerly. “There they are!” He exclaimed eagerly, pointing to the first floor. You followed his finger and spotted two familiar individuals walking around. Well, one was walking and the other clearly was panicking.

“Oh hell no-”

“Sans! Papyrus! I’m up here!” Frisk shouted. You winced in preparation for Papyrus’ booming voice but it never came. Mettaton wheeled over, dragging a sweating BP.

“Do you see them, darling?” You attempted to sneak away.

“Yes, but they can’t hear me.” Frisk glumly stated. “I guess I better call them.”

Mettaton tsked. “No need darling. I’ve got just the thing. Lori, no need to go get them, just wait here,” Mettaton called to you, freezing you in your tracks. “Burgerpants, hand me my megaphone.”

BP sweated anxiously. “Uh, I don’t have it, sir.”

Mettaton groaned. “I suppose it is up to me, just a simple, yet very famous and talented, star to reunite this pining desperate family! Very well. Lift me up then. I’m afraid I must call them with my own immaculate voice.” With much difficulty, BP lifted the robot star up at the railing. The star adjusted his hat, cleaned his glasses and polished his display monitor while BP struggled under his weight. Finally, he adjusted one of the knobs under his display monitor and spoke in a booming voice. “Oh my love! Please run away! Monster King forbids your stay!”

“What’s he doing?” You whispered to Frisk.

Frisk smiled awkwardly. “Uh, it’s from one of his plays. Papyrus is a really big Mettaton fan, so-yup, he sees us now!” You glanced over to see Papyrus and Sans looking up. Papyrus seemed to be shouting something back but it was really hard to hear him over Mettaton’s theater voice.

“Humans must live far apart! Even if it breaks my heart!” Mettaton woefully cried out.

“Huh, well it seems to be working,” you noted. Papyrus had already dashed for the escalator as Sans continued his leisurely walk after him. “What’s the play about?”

Frisk shrugged. “I think it’s about monster-human romance but I’m not sure. Last time he sang these lines, he tried to kill me afterwards.”

“It’s a romance? That’s kinda cute- he did what?!” You asked incredulously.

“Oh, don’t worry. Alphys was able to turn off the fire before he could incinerate me.” This made you worry even more but Frisk seemed to remember this fondly or at the very least, repressed the memory, so you dropped it. Papyrus was almost up the escalator at this point. You glanced down and made “eye contact” with Sans who was looking up at you. He winked at you and waved and you waved back awkwardly.

“They’ll put you in the dungeon, it’ll suck. And then you’ll die a lot!” What the fuck lyrics were these? Your confusion disappeared when a booming voice finished the song.

“Really sad you’re gonna die! Cry cry cry! So sad it’s happening!” You turned in bewilderment as Papyrus proudly declared the final lyrics to the song in front of Mettaton.

Mettaton gave a delighted round of applause as BP finally collapsed under the weight. “Marvelous, darling! Just marvelous!” He praised as he rolled off the prostate BP, “You should really audition for my next production!” Mettaton cheered.

“You really think so?” Papyrus exclaimed, “Wowie, hearing that from a star makes it even more special!” He spotted Frisk and gave a not very manly squeal of excitement. “Oh human! I am so happy you are here! Undyne will not murder me now!” He added happily, hugging Frisk tightly.

“Hi Papyrus! Sorry I ran out on you!” Frisk apologized as Papyrus let go of you.

“That’s alright, I’m just glad you’re safe. And that you found Mettaton. Oh, and burgerman, and uh uh…” Papyrus’ eye sockets settled on you and he blushed, “Oh, uh hello again.”

“Uh yeah hey,” you felt your cheeks color as you waved at him.

Mettaton watched this exchange with rapt interest. The robot monster knew that Papyrus was easily his number one fan. There wasn’t much that could completely disrupt the dedicated skeleton’s attention when Mettaton was in the room. And here you were, just standing there, and you had the skeleton flushed and anxious. It was different, suspenseful...Dramatic! If Mettaton had been in his other form, his lips would have curled into a devious smile.

He grabbed the still paralyzed BP and dragged him to the side. “Listen here, Burgerpants. I want you to stay here and tell me what Papyrus and the human have to say.”

“Wh-what?” BP wasn’t sure he heard Mettaton correctly.

“I’m promoting you temporarily to MTT journalist!” Mettaton explained.


“Spy on them, sweetheart,” Mettaton explained, “Really now, must I explain everything to you?”

“Eh, sure, I guess. But why?”

Mettaton winked internally. “For show business, darling, for show business.”

Meanwhile, you couldn’t help but feel Frisk’s smile beaming on you. “So...your uncle is Papyrus?” You asked.

“Yup! Sans and Papyrus are my uncles!” Frisk proudly stated.

Papyrus proudly smiled. “Yes, it is true. The Queen made us honorary uncles. Although we aren’t biologically related, Sans and I take our duties very seriously.”

“Huh, so that’s why you left him in a bathing suit store?” You raised an eyebrow.

“I did what?” Papyrus looked absolutely perplexed.

Frisk let out a guilty giggle. “Sorry, I may be the one that actually walked away and got lost.”

You blushed and looked at Papyrus. “Ah. In that case, I owe you an apology,” you admitted, “I’m sorry Papyrus.”

“I forgive you?” Papyrus asked just as confused as before.

Frisk nudged you. “Oh, that’s not the only thing you owe him.”

If you had been blushing before, your face was beet red now. “Uh yeah...shoot. Uh, say, Papyrus, er...”

Mettaton burst into the scene, depositing a still crumpled BP at your feet. “Well, I still haven’t nearly had as much time to spend with Frisk as you have, my dear Papyrus,” Mettaton announced smoothly, “would you mind if I steal him away for a moment or two while you speak with your charming companion?”

Papyrus sweated. “Uh, you don’t have to leave…”

“Oh but I insist,” the robot said in a way that there was no arguing with.

Frisk nodded and began to walk away with the robot but now before quickly running back to you and reminding you, “You promised.” You tapped your pinkie to your head, making the child smile before running back to follow the metallic monster.

Papyrus and you were left alone with each other. “So, Frisk finding me was kinda ironic, wasn’t it?” You chuckled, breaking the silence.

Papyrus wiped his brow. “Very. But I’m so glad! I would have been very sad if he had found an unfriendly human. He must have known that you are a good human. Frisk is a very good judge of character,” He glowed. You brushed aside any sneaking suspicions that Papyrus could have sent Frisk as that seemed somewhat conniving for the gentle giant.

“How’d he lose you guys?” You asked curiously.

Papyrus humphed. “We came to the mall hoping to find Mettaton but found Sans slacking off as usual from his job. I went to talk with him and Frisk must have slipped away while I was distracted.” Remembering how easily you were able to ditch him that night in Grillby’s warehouse, you didn’t doubt this explanation for a second.

“Speaking of Sans, where is he?” You asked.

“hey, sorry i’m late,” Sans spoke up, walking up to you guys from who knows where. You know you didn’t see him ascend the escalator but you kept your mouth shut. He was carrying a small blue shopping bag. To your dismay, his jacket was still torn.

“Sans!” Papyrus admonished, “you’re so lucky I recognized Mettaton’s wonderful performance otherwise we would both still be looking for Frisk!”

“even if you hadn’t recognized it, i’m sure we would have heard it. my head is ringing and i don’t even have ears,” Sans chuckled. He gave you a broad smile. “hey kid. heard frisk saying you were supposed to ask pap something?”

Your eyes widened. “How the fuck did you hear that?” You gasped.

“Language!” Papyrus huffed. “Really now, you and Undyne use so much profanity.” He watched you curiously, “Did you have something to ask me?”

You laughed nervously. “Haha, okay, so here’s the thing. When I found Frisk, he and I were trying to find his uncle. He started telling me his uncle was nice, kind, great with kids...good looking.” You tried to ignore Sans elbowing Papyrus in the ribs as Papyrus nodded enthusiastically.

“Frisk is right! I encompass all of those qualities. I see he is still smitten with my muscular skeletal frame,” Papyrus asserted.

“i see frisk didn’t mention humble,” Sans snickered.

Your heartbeat was getting a bit faster now. Man, you hadn’t expected an audience but both Sans and Papyrus were watching you eagerly. Well Papyrus was. Sans was enjoying the show. “Yeah, well, before we ran into Mettaton, Frisk made me promise to ask his uncle to go on a date.”

“Oh that’s nice.”


“So, who would be going on a date with Frisk’s uncle?” Papyrus asked.

Sans burst out laughing as you facepalmed. “Me. Papyrus, I’m asking you out on a date. Will you go on a date with me?”

“OH!” Papyrus’ face colored a dark orange. “Uh, well…I’m flattered, really, I am. Ah.” He shifted uncomfortably. “But I’m afraid my answer is…no.”




You blinked in surprise. Your chest sank. You weren’t sure you heard him correctly. “I’m sorry, what did you say?” You asked.

“I said no?” Papyrus’ voice came out a little unsteady, but he repeated his earlier answer.

Even Sans appeared to have been caught off guard by his brother’s response. His grin faltered and he turned to his brother. “bro, are you sure?” He asked, shuffling in his slippers as Papyrus nodded.

You tried to open your mouth to say something but felt your throat was unnaturally dry and tight. Your nervousness had vanished and you felt yourself growing embarrassed instead. Not that you weren’t before but now, it was a much more dead set feeling that gripped you. You felt your rapidly beating heart sink into your gut as you realized two things.

One, you really did have an overwhelming crush on this goofy skeleton.

And two, he just rejected you.

Papyrus seemed to notice your change and became distressed. “Uh, human?” Heh, he couldn’t even try to say your name, could he? You gritted your teeth.

“Yeah?” You squeaked.

“Are you alright?” You nodded mutely. Papyrus didn’t look like he entirely believed you but he smiled gently at you. “Well I’m glad. I am very great, so you understand right?”

Your eyes narrowed at the comment. Your image of Papyrus full of hopeful confidence was immediately marred by the smugness and pride that his statement carried. “Are you saying you’re too great to go on a date with me?” You asked quietly.

Papyrus’ eye sockets opened in shock. “Wh-what?” He asked, “eh, that’s not what I meant! I would really like-!”

You huffed. You needed to leave. You wanted as much distance from the tall skeleton to go lick your wounds in the privacy of your own home. Fuck the bathing suit. You were done. “It’s fine. It’s fine!” You felt a skeletal hand firmly grab your arm as you turned away and you rolled your eyes. “Papyrus, just-” you began as you turned back.

It was Sans. Your eyes arched in surprise. He held onto your arm. “i accept.”

You studied his face in confusion. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Papyrus’ own arm had been outstretched to stop you but it now wavered hesitantly in the air as Sans touched you. “You accept what?” You asked.

“i’ll go on a date with you.” Sans grinned broadly. Papyrus jumped in surprise.

“Er, Sans, I think the human was asking me,” Papyrus explained, nervously glancing between you and his brother, trying to read your expressions.

You stared dumbfoundedly at Sans as he shrugged. “the kid just said for you to ask his uncle out on a date. he didn’t say which one.”

“I-i-well shit, I guess you’re right,” you laughed humorlessly as Sans released you, “Alright, well when do you want to go?”

“well i should be at work, but i guess i could take a break and we could go now for a bit. unless, hey pap!” Your attention shifted to Papyrus who had been watching you...intently? No, that wasn’t it. His expression was hard to read but it looked far from the smugness that seemed to drip from his earlier comment. He looked almost panicked.

At the call of his name, Papyrus turned to Sans with a somewhat strained smile. “Yes, Sans?”

“are you sure you don’t want to go with lori?” Sans checked.

“Er..well…no. Can I talk to you for a moment?” Papyrus asked.

“maybe later, bro,” Sans smiled sympathetically. Papyrus finally realized that his arm was still outstretched toward you and he brought it back to his side silently. Sans turned his attention to you. “alright then. let’s go.” Sans extended a hand and you took it carefully. “c’mon i think i saw a hotdog stand back there. let’s hit that up.”

As you and Sans walked away, you couldn’t help but steal a glance at Papyrus. The normally bright and cheery skeleton looked absolutely despondent and you couldn’t help but feel pity for the poor guy. Even if you wanted nothing more to do with him.

Chapter Text

Inwardly, Papyrus wanted to give a triumphant shout but he kept himself calm. Mostly. He felt his face color but there wasn’t much he could do about that. Here you were, asking him on a date. Just like he wanted. He could hug Frisk a thousand times as thanks. However…


“I’m not familiar with this game you’re speaking of. What was it called again?”

“It’s called playing hard to get.” Papyrus stared at Jeremy, perplexed. “Hang on, have a seat, I’ll explain it a bit better.”

“What are the rules?” Papyrus asked as he sat down next to the human.

Jeremy beamed. “You don’t say yes. When a women asks you for something, don’t say yes. At least right away.”

Papyrus appeared distraught. “But the Great Papyrus is known for his helpfulness and generosity!” He protested. Jeremy shook his head.

“When you say no at first, women think you’re more valuable. They want you more if they can’t have you.” The skeleton mulled this information. This logic seemed weird. How would saying no to someone make them want you more. His thoughts drifted to you. Now that he thought about it, you had said no to his initial decision to have a second date. And here he was, in your home after all that. He would really like to see you again after this. But as of this morning, you were yelling at him. And not yelling in encouragement like Undyne did.

“Would this work”

Jeremy flashed him a devious smile. “It always works for dating. I can’t think of a better way to tell a woman that you are indeed the Great Papyrus.” Papyrus felt his chest swell at the compliment. Jeremy tapped him on the shoulder drawing his attention. “Hey, let’s just keep this advice between us guys. If women were to find out, no man could ever find that special someone.” Papyrus nodded. He could keep a secret. “Let’s see if she’s got breakfast going for us. Bacon or not! Here we come!”


Jeremy’s words echoed in his skull. Play hard to get? Say the opposite of what you want. What if he said yes to you now and when the date ended, that was it. Maybe you wouldn’t go on another one. But if he said no now...maybe you would want to go on more than one date because you would want him more? The logic still was a bit murky to him. He felt torn whether to follow Frisk’s advice to just ask you or try Jeremy’s tactics out.


Jeremy already had a third date planned with you and here Papyrus was trying to get a second one with you. Surely, your date wouldn’t have recommended advice that he himself didn’t use. That would be dishonest and he seemed like a swell guy. Papyrus felt his chest swell confidently and he gave his answer.

“I’m afraid my answer is…no.”


“So my little Pappy has been dating? And not just any female, but a human one?” Mettaton mused as Frisk filled him on what he knew. The robot tapped the side of his body thoughtfully. “She’s a rather curvy thing. I almost thought Papyrus would go for a more skeletal looking girl or perhaps a certain rectangular individual,” he mused.

Frisk huffed. “I think she’s really cute!”

Mettaton soothed the younger boy. “Of course she is darling. Now what was that you were whispering to me about turning 10?”

“I turned 10 years old last week!” Frisk announced proudly.

“That's wonderful! The double digits! How was the party?”

“It was a lot of fun, but um, can I ask a favor?” Mettaton nodded. “I think mom felt really bad that I wasn’t able to see my friends for my birthday since we were stuck in the embassy during it. I want to have one when mom and dad come back. Would you help me plan a surprise one?”

Mettaton hummed. “Well it’s a twist on the whole surprise party bit since you already know that the party is coming but otherwise, I would absolutely love to. Do you have an idea where you would like to have it?”

“I was thinking the beach. We’ve been kinda cooped up inside a lot. Dad would really like to see the sun again. Would that be alright?”

“That would be just fine, Frisk.” Mettaton reassured. “I think that will work just perfectly,” he smirked, eyeing you and Papyrus nervously talking as Sans stood nearby.

Frisk glowed with excitement. “Thank you so much!”

Mettaton scoffed. “Dear, a beach birthday party is nothing compared to what your family is doing for monster kind.” His screen illuminated with anticipation. “It will be a truly fantastic party. I will not be pulling any stops.” He eyed the human who suddenly appeared concerned as he looked past the robot.

“Something’s wrong,” Frisk mumbled. Mettaton wheeled around just in time to watch you walk away with Sans, leaving a very distraught Papyrus. BP was still lying on the ground, looking extremely useless still, at least in Mettaton’s “eyes”. Frisk darted over to the tall skeleton. The monster host resisted the urge to throw his arms around Papyrus and instead leaned down to BP.

“What happened? Why are they not going on a romantic date?” Mettaton hissed. Ideas for news headlines of ‘Puppy Love: Guard in training takes human date on romantic outing’ were quickly evaporating.

BP coughed. “Uh, well she asked him out. And he said no.”

Mettaton gasped. “He”

“Yeah, surprised everyone. Looks like it really hit that girl hard. Sans ended up taking the girl out on a date.”

If Mettaton had been drinking, he would have spit it out. “He did?! Why?”

“Looks like he felt bad. The kid had apparently made her promise to ask out his uncle on a date. So when one uncle said no, the other took the opportunity. He’s taking her to a hot dog stand around here.”

Now this was VERY interesting. Could this be the beginning of a love triangle perhaps? He sincerely hoped so. Paris had been so boring. City of love? Yeah right. But this? This was much more entertaining and thrilling to him. Whichever way this would play out, he secretly hoped it would be messy, wild and passionate.

“Wait, did you say they are having their date in the mall?” Mettaton realized. BP nodded. “Oh, oh. I have the most awful idea! Do you have your MTT brand electronic far range listening device?”

“Oh, Mettaton, no!”

“Oh Mettaton yes! Now go scope us out on a location!”


Papyrus felt absolutely wretched. The second the word “no” came out of his mouth, he immediately realized that was the wrong answer. When you gave him the second chance, he could have rejoiced at the opportunity for redemption. This is exactly what he wanted. You were asking him out. He could fix it. He could


He didn’t want to break his promise to your friend and attempted to hint at his reason for refusing you, but you did not appear to understand. However, the immediate transformation over your appearance told him one thing. You did like him back. Or at least you had. He had tried to stop you from leaving.

Even Sans did not understand the hint and had insisted on using the date offer for himself instead, much to your surprise. Papyrus could have rolled his eyes at that if he had them. Of course Sans would do anything to get out of work, but this was a bit much. Sans! Jeremy had only sworn Papyrus to secrecy from females. Surely other males were safe to tell?

Papyrus shivered remembering how he had asked Sans to talk to him before he insisted on going on the date. It would be fine! Papyrus could just explain to him the reason behind his refusal and then Sans could tell you so technically Papyrus still kept the secret. Except, Sans had declined. Sans always was willing to hear Papyrus out but he said no. Could his brother be trying to play hard to get by refusing Pap? Did Sans want to date him? Papyrus scrunched up his face. No, that thought made even less sense to the skeleton.

His heart thumped wildly as another foreign thought snuck into his cranium. Perhaps...Sans had an interest in you as well? No. Sans never mentioned it to him and surely that would be something he would like to know. Papyrus could have laughed at the idea if he felt the slightest shiver of joy but at the moment, he still felt like garbage. A small hand tapped him on the shoulder and he blinked in surprise as he spotted Frisk.

Frisk sighed. “Papyrus, what happened?”

“I tried to play hard to get,” Papyrus admitted, “so since she promised to take your uncle out, Sans is taking her out.”

Frisk patted his friend on the arm. “I’m sorry. I’m sure he will tell her a lot of bad jokes,” he tried helpfully.

“I suppose...or he’ll just come up with new ones which he will use on me tonight,” Papyrus groaned. Either situation was terrible.

“Oh sweetheart! I couldn’t help but overhear what happened! I’m so sorry!” Mettaton called out, rolling toward the two.

Papyrus shook his head. “Oh, thank you, Mettaton. She and I are just friends though so it will be alright.”

“Nonsense! You and her are clearly not friends!” Mettaton declared. Papyrus blinked in surprise.

“Are you sure?” Papyrus asked, scratching his head. “She and I do talk about things that friends talk about.”

Mettaton shook his frame. “Not quite what I meant, but let’s not get distracted. No, you are not only friends but you are also -pause for dramatic effect- Star crossed lovers!” Frisk posed eliciting an invisible smile from the robot.

Papyrus gasped, clearly affected by the dramatic pause and pose. “No! Mettaton! What makes you say that? Eh, not that I am doubting your expertise!” Papyrus hurriedly added, not wanting to accidentally hurt anyone else’s feelings today. He had already done enough damage with you.

Mettaton wrapped a metallic arm around Papyrus and yanked him down to his level sharply. “Of course, darling, of course. But really it all make sense. Don’t you feel like cosmic forces outside of your control are hindering you from taking your relationship to the next level?”

“...yes?” Papyrus asked, feeling his face heat up but that might have been from how close he was to Mettaton’s brightly flashing display monitor.

“Correct! You are Romeo and she is Juliet...except you are both of age and will have yours truly guiding you toward romantic fruition instead of some dingy old friar who offers drugs to children.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Mettaton says he’s going to help you with Lori,” Frisk attempted to translate although the child wasn’t sure of all the phrases the star used.

“Oh!” Papyrus’ sockets widened. “That-that is very generous of you! But are you sure you want to use your time doing that? Surely, you must have other engagements you need to keep? You are very much beloved, afterall.”

Mettaton released his hold on Papyrus to fan his himself. “Absolutely! But because I am so loved means that I am the perfect monster to help you find true love and happiness.”

Papyrus nodded his head. “That makes perfect sense. Thank you! Is there anything I can do to repay you?”

Mettaton’s screen glinted mischievously for a moment. “Oh, I do have something in mind. I’ll have you go through some paperwork, who knows, maybe sign a page or two while we grab lunch.”

“Paperwork?” Frisk asked.

“Oh there’s Burgerpants now,” Mettaton dodged the question, pointing toward the incoming monster, “Let’s follow him and we’ll talk while we’re seated. He found the perfect spot, right Burgerpants?”

BP sweated anxiously. “Yes sir. You can see the entire first story of the mall...especially the hot dog place.”

Chapter Text

You and Sans were initially quiet as you walked. He let go of your hand after a bit and stuck it back into his sweater pocket. “Sans,” you sighed, “You didn’t have to do that.”

“heh i know. but i really do want to try that hotdog on a stick place although i’m sure they’re not as filling as my hot dogs,” Sans shrugged.

“Eh, are you making a sex joke or did you really sell hot dogs?” You asked curiously.

Sans smirked. “man what type of skeleton do you take me for? i also sold hot cats.” You snickered. “do you like hot animals?”

You laughed. “Yeah, I would have called you nuts if you asked me that a year ago...but now with Monsters, that’s a legitimate question.” Nevertheless, you were soon in front of some hot dog on a stick place, ordering corn dogs. You found yourself a table and waited for Sans to get his dog, allowing you a moment to collect your thoughts.

Seriously, what the hell? The skeleton was badgering you to hang out one minute and the moment you actually asked him out, he said no? What kind of bullshit was this? And Sans taking you up on the date offer? What was that about?

Sans plopped down at the table looking less than pleased. He had 6 packets of ketchup and a corn dog. He examined his ketchups dismally until you realized the problem. “They didn’t want to give you more ketchup?” You asked. He nodded.

“can i have your ketchups?” He asked. You sighed but still passed over your two packets with a smile. Sans appeared content with his serving of ketchup and began to open packets.

“Well now that it’s just us...what the fuck is up with your brother?” You laughed dryly.

Sans snorted. “you got me like a tree on this one. cause i’m stumped.” You groaned and buried your head in your arms.

“Ugh. Just leaf me alone. I meant leave! Leave!” You cried, popping your head back up and gesturing wildly.

Sans let out a chuckle. “if i had to guess the root of the problem, maybe pap was playing hard to get.”

Now that was something you hadn’t considered. You blinked in surprise and tried to think where he could have picked that up. You came up with nothing. Maybe his dating manual, but even then it didn’t seem like he got too far on that. “There’s no way he would know how to do that,” you asserted.

Sans appeared distracted by something in the distance but it did not hinder his comedy. “give my bro some credit. he’s pretty clever. maybe he’s branching out in his dating style?”

“Sans, really?”

“should i tell him you’re kinda knotty for a tree?”

“Stop being such a birch,” you grinned triumphantly.

Sans held up his hands. “fine, fine. we may want to bury your questions for another time. you know, when we’re alone,” he winked as he squirted his ketchup on a napkin and began to trace his fingers through it.

You raised an eyebrow. “Alone? What are you talking about?”

He chuckled, pushing the napkin toward you. You glanced in confusion at the paper. Sans had attempt to draw words onto the napkin. They were goopy and crude, but you could make them out. It said “MTT is watching”. You looked back at Sans in alarm but he was lazily lying back in his chair.

You mouthed the word “where” at him, and he gestured upwards. “i think i must lichen you because that was a waste of good ketchup,” he chuckled. You spotted a glint and squinted before your mouth dropped open. BP had one of those handheld radar devices connected to a pair of headphones aimed in toward your table. Although you weren’t sure of the strength of the device, you were sure he was at least getting the majority of the conversation.

You eyed Sans bag he had placed on the table. “So what’s in the bag?” You asked curiously.

“thread.” You must have still looked like you didn’t believe him because he reached in the bag and pulled out a couple different shades of blue. “we didn’t have the right shade of color to fix my hoodie,” Sans explained as you pawed through the spools.

“Wait, you can sew? Can Pap sew too”

“yup. pap and i made his battle body outfit from scratch actually,” he admitted. For some reason, his tone suggested he could have been embarrassed at the admission but he appeared actually quite proud of this fact.

You smiled slightly. “Did you know, I can suture skin but I can’t sew a single knot?”

“really? it’s not that hard. you want me to show you how?”

“That-that would be kind of nice actually.”


“What do you mean they’re talking about thread?” Mettaton asked irritably.

BP shrugged. “I mean, it looks like Sans is having her sew his jacket too?”

Papyrus shifted uncomfortably. “I’m not sure we should be watching them on their date.”

Mettaton waved a hand. “Oh, we are not watching them. We are observing them.”

The skeleton monster gave him a hard look. “I’m pretty sure that watching and observing are the same thing.”

Mettaton hummed. “Oh they are completely different things. Observing means you are taking notes. Doing field work. Like a reporter or a guard,” he added with a wink.

Papyrus rubbed his gloved hands together unsurely. “Well if you say so, then I guess it’s alright.”

Three monsters and a human child sat at a table at the edge of the second floor of the mall. Paper and crayons were strewn about the table. Frisk was busily drawing up a chart as Mettaton pulled out a pen and slid some paperwork toward Papyrus. “I need you to sign here and here while we’re observing,” Mettaton said matter of factly.

“Oh okay. What am I signing?” Papyrus asked as he scrawled his name on the dotted lines.

Mettaton waved a hand. “Oh just some consent forms. That in exchange for my dating tips and help, you’ll let me use some of this material for a little project I’ve been working on. I was thinking about starting some new programming on my show.”

Papyrus practically glowed. “Wowie! A new show! I cannot wait to see it! When does it come out?”

“Oh hopefully very soon. Maybe we could see a first episode by tonight if you work hard enough.” Papyrus nodded enthusiastically and handed the signed paperwork back to to the star as Frisk slid a piece of paper in front of the skeleton.

Frisk pointed a crayon to the paper. “Let’s start by writing down what you know about Lori.”

Papyrus thumped the table excitedly. “What a great idea! Let me think.” He tapped his skull thoughtfully. “I like her laugh. She smiles a lot. She’s honest. Oh! She can hit really hard!” He added, wincing at the memory.

Frisk scribbled the compliments onto his paper. “Cool. Cool. What else do you know about her?”

“She works at an animal hospital.”

“Got it. What else?”

Papyrus opened his mouth and then closed it. Frisk paused and looked up at his friend.
He was scratching his skull.

“What’s her favorite food?” Frisk prompted.

“Hmm, I don’t know.”

“Does she have any siblings?” Mettaton asked.


BP glanced over curiously. “Do you even know her last name?” Papyrus grimaced. BP yanked off his headphones. “How can you like someone you know nothing about?”

Papyrus looked down at his gloves in embarrassment, not catching the death glare Mettaton shot his employee. “I really don’t know a lot about her,” he admitted.

Mettaton shrugged, discreetly threatening BP. “It’s natural to be attracted to beautiful people without knowing anything about them.”

“But she’s not beautiful.” Mettaton, Frisk and BP all stared at Papyrus in disbelief. He felt the attention and waved his hands defensively. “I mean, she is very pretty, but it’s not her appearance. I don’t know how to describe it.” He sighed. “I guess I feel warm and weird around her and I just want to listen to her and talk to her,” Papyrus tried to explain. BP shrugged and put back to spying/monitoring.

Frisk nodded understandingly. “That makes sense. I know what you mean.” Papyrus smiled gratefully at the child. “Maybe you could play 20 Questions the next time you see her. It’s a game where you ask someone 20 questions and then they ask you 20 Questions. I think.”

Mettaton lit up. “My my, Frisk, I didn’t know you were a dating master as well.” Frisk beamed proudly. “In fact, this gives me a marvelous idea.” He coughed and straightened his sun hat. “It hardly seems fair that Papyrus here should have the expertise of two dating master while Lori must fend for herself. Therefore, I volunteer to be Lori’s dating coach!” Mettaton stated.

Papyrus was about to protest when Frisk placed a small hand on his arm. “Don’t worry, Papyrus, we’ll do great!” Frisk cheered. Papyrus smiled widely.

“I’m sure we will!”

“Oh gahhhhh!!” BP suddenly gasped and choked. Mettaton scowled at BP.

“Really, what a way to wreck the...oh.” Mettaton’s voice died down as he leaned over the railing to watch what BP spotted. Papyrus and Frisk glanced at each other curiously. The two joined the other two monsters at the railing and looked down.

“Ah-uh, what?” Papyrus tried to ask, but found himself blushing violently although he could not explain why.

“What are you guys looking at?” Frisk asked in confusion, not spotting anything out of the ordinary. He turned toward Papyrus. “Hey, Papyrus, your face looks kinda funny. Are you okay?”

“We may have to edit some of this in order to make my little project family friendly,” Mettaton observed coyly.


5 minutes earlier…

“The fuck’s the difference between a basting and a running stitch?”

“the basting stitch is longer. see?”

“Huh. Yeah, alright, I get it.” You didn’t get it. But Sans had explained it six ways to Sunday and you really didn’t want to have him explain it again. His jacket had been fixed by attempt number three anyways so it wasn’t like you had ruined his jacket with your incompetence. You had eaten your corn dog long ago and somehow Sans’ dog had disappeared as well although you swear you don’t know when and if he ate it. You began to stand up. “Hey I’m going to grab another dog. Do you want one?” You asked.

Sans smirked. "nah but try to get more ketchup this time. in fact wait a second, let me come with you." You shrugged as he got up and followed you to the counter..

"Hey, could I get another corn dog and some more ketchup please?" You asked politely. The cashier shot an irritated glance at Sans but quickly came back with another corn dog and 4 ketchup packets. You attempted to hand her your card but Sans was surprisingly faster and slipped her a 20 first.

You scowled at the skeleton but he didn't seem to notice or if he did, he didn’t let on. You plopped yourself back at the table and stuck out your tongue. "You know, you're supposed to pay for your date before you try to have sex with her, not the day after," you snickered, sticking out your tongue.

"heh. who says I'm not?" You froze as you felt Sans gave you an appreciative look you up and down. He leaned in closer. "wanna try for round 2?" He asked, his voice becoming husky. It sent shivers down your spine.

A skeleton in a hoodie and slippers was making you feel out of your sexual element. How did that happen? You brought back in your tongue slowly. Well, two can play at that game. "Maybe I can show you a little taste of what's to come," you teased, also trying to lower your voice with mild success.

Before Sans could respond, you quickly nabbed one of his open packets and applied a small amount of ketchup to the uneaten tip of the corndog. Your tongue darted and began to lick and trace circles on tip of the lucky dog. You shot a glance toward Sans who had a faint bluish tinge to his own cheek bones and smirked. “bet you can’t fit the whole thing in,” Sans chuckled.

“Heheh, want to bet?” Without a moment’s hesitation, you quickly deepthroated the corn dog...only to immediately hit your gag reflex. The corn dog fell to the table as you seductively gagged, coughed and choked. Through your tear soaked eyes, you could see Sans falling out of his chair, laughing at you. Could you have fucked up any worse?

A loud crash from above caught your attention as you gasped for air. You looked up just in time to make eye contact with BP who waved awkwardly down at you before ducking down as well. FUCK!! How could you forget that Mettaton was watching you both although you had no idea why. Sans’ laughter was beginning to die down as you regained your breath. “well kid, that as fun. what time you want me to come by tonight?”

“Fuck me!” You gasped, finally sucking in sweet oxygen.

“that’s the plan.” Sans winked. You found yourself blushing.

“Uh, maybe not tonight,” you admitted, “I’ve got to be at work at 7am tomorrow. So I’ll need to get some sleep.” Sans nodded understandingly.

“that’s fine. i’ve just about finished my break anyway.” Sans stuck out his hand. “this was fun. let’s do this again sometime.”

You eyed his hand with a wry grin. “Hang on, we’re really ending our sorta date on a handshake?” You laughed.

“heh, alright, c’mere. i got a hug for you,” Sans opened his arms and enveloped you into a surprisingly strong hug for a skeleton of his stature. “heh,” you heard him chuckle.

“What’s so funny?” You asked, still caught in his rather comfortable hug.

“i hope you’ve got some binoculars with you.”


“you’re about to see a star,” Sans mused, releasing you and giving you a gentle push backwards. You felt yourself collide against something metallic and turned around quickly.

“Hello darling! It’s about time you finished up. Let’s go, we don’t have all day!” Mettaton announced, seizing your arm and dragging you with him.

“Huh??” You asked, “Wait, Sans!” You whipped your head around to look for him but he was already gone.

Chapter Text

“So explain to me why I’m here again?” You asked as you stood in the dressing room.

You could hear Mettaton’s clogs whir on the other side of the door. “Really now, this isn’t rocket science my dear. I am here to serve as your dating coach.”

“And I have to sign these papers why?” You asked, holding a stack of papers. You had tried to read them but a lot of them was a bunch of legal mumbo jumbo and some of them weren’t even in English.

“To allow me to use any material I gather for my new project,” Mettaton sighed, “Also, my assistant here won’t give you your clothes back until you sign.”

You shivered. It was a bit drafty here, standing in the dressing room...naked. “Fine, fine. Hand me a pen.”

How did you get in this situation again? You had allowed Mettaton to drag you into a high end clothing store - nothing that you could afford on your paycheck and he had forced you to strip, talking excitedly about love and fate and ratings. You would have thought the presence of a dramatic metal robot and a less than enthusiastic cat monster would stump the staff but apparently the monster star was a regular to this store.

You finished signing the papers and slid it underneath the door. “Alright done. Clothes please.” A metallic hand reached underneath and took the papers.

“Excellent, everything seems to be in order. Burgerpants, hand her the clothes.” Mettaton acknowledged.

There was a shuffling and a furry paw extended toward you from above the door. You jumped up to grab it and stared at the clothes. “These aren’t my clothes.” You stretched them out. “Is this string? Did you just give me string?”

“String? Oh, no. This is a Chanel Micro Bikini.”

“A micro what now?” You tried to slip on two of the 6 strings to cover up your privates area and looked miserably down.


“If I went out in public, I would be arrested for public indecency,” you admitted. You gave a shriek of alarm as Mettaton opened the door and looked you up and down.

“Hmm, you’d be just fine for an European beach.”

“Close the fucking door!!” You screamed, wrapping an arm around your exposed breasts.

Mettaton tsked at you. “Language, Lori, I want this to be a family program.” He handed back the dressing room key he had borrowed from an employee and shut the door. “Alright, something less open, yes? Thank you.”

You handed back the bikini and sat on the bench in the waiting room. Naked, of course. “Hey, so, um, mind telling me why you were spying on me?” You asked, hoping for a response.

“Of course. I needed to take notes so that I know how to be the best dating coach for you.”

“Dating coach?” You asked as another bathing suit was tossed to you. You began to try to slip it on only to fail. This one had buckles. “I don’t need a dating coach? Who said I need a dating coach?” You asked.

Mettaton’s voice hummed thoughtfully. “Despite your ah, attempts, I feel you clearly need one. And besides, Papyrus has one of his own so it’s only fair that I am here to guide you to true love and happiness as well.” He opened your door again but thankfully you were mostly covered at this point. “Hmm, now it’s covering too much. Something in the middle. Brighter color too.”

“Will you stop fucking doing that?!?!” You demanded.

Mettaton crossed his arms. “What did I just tell you about profanity?” He tsked and shut the door again. “You need a dating a dating coach so you can match Papyrus in a date,” he added.

You snorted derisively. “As if! The dude rejected me and I’m not going out with him again.”

Mettaton was quiet for a moment as his clogs whirled thoughtfully. “Didn’t you feel unhappy that he turned you down?” He asked.

You felt yourself stiffen slightly at the odd question. “Uh, well it did kinda suck,” you admitted.

“Come on now! I bet you were very upset,” he prodded, tossing you one last bathing suit.

You grumbled now. “Yeah, I mean I guess I was upset.”

“Upset? The audience can see you were livid!” Mettaton insisted. You were started to get confused. Audience? What audience? To your surprise, you were able to get this bathing suit on fairly easily.

“I was?”

“You are FURIOUS!” You could hear Mettaton exclaim. The door burst open again and you attempted to cover your exposed stomach but Mettaton was faster and grabbed your arms. You squeaked in surprise. “Think about it! You take a chance, you ask the monster of your dreams out! And what does he do? He rejects you!”

“Rejects me?” you echoed, shell shocked. The word rejected made your stomach flip into a knot. It didn’t feel good.

“And not only does he reject you, he insults you. Thinks he’s too good for a human like you.” Now that knot was on fire. You were seething.

“That sonuvabitch,” you growled. You turned toward Mettaton. “Do you know that he kissed me too and pulled this shit?” The words were out of your mouth before you could stop yourself but you didn’t care at this point. You were a bull and Mettaton was waving the red flag.

Mettaton latched onto them like a life raft. “Oh really?” he purred with far too much interest. “Well what are you going to do about it?”


“You clearly need to one up him. Even the score. How do you plan on doing that?”

“Fuck him,” you swore. You paused. “Uh, not literally. But you know what I mean!”

“No! Darling, you’re on to something there! We must take action! We cannot retreat!” Mettaton insisted. He released you and paced as best as a wheel could pace before snapping his fingers. “That’s it! We need to use your secret weapon!”

“Secret weapon? Like my pepper spray?”

“Your provocative presence!”


“Your come-hither charm.”

“Wait, you don’t mean…”

“Your powers of seduction.” You blinked in surprise and tried to protest. “I watched you try to deepthroat a corndog,” the robot cut off you coldly.

You shifted your eyes side to side. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” you lied.

“Of course you don’t.” Mettaton patted your head, “It was just a coincidence.”

“Yeah, that’s it.”

“I’m sure that’s what Papyrus thought too when he saw you do it.”

“Oh no!” You panicked

“OH YES!” Mettaton glowed. “You and I have so much work to do,” he practically giggled as you buried your face in your hands.


It was close to 8PM by the time you pulled into a parking spot. You slumped out of the car and barely resisted the forces of gravity to just lie on the ground. Instead, you trudged to your trunk and opened it up warily. Shopping bags shot out and you covered yourself defensively until the assault stopped. You groaned but began to pick up bags as you reflected on Mettaton’s “dating lesson” as well as the information he had provided.

Frisk was serving as Papyrus’ dating coach. You’re not sure what type of advice a young boy could give to a skeleton but that seemed harmless enough. Because of this, Mettaton had felt compelled to offer his own services to you. And by offer, he meant, drag you to every boutique store and made you strip and try on a bunch of ridiculous outfits. A good portion of them had glitter or sequins. But a few were not so bad. Mettaton had insisted on buying all of them.

Papyrus had seen you do you stupid lewd thing with the corn dog too. The damage, you were informed later, wasn’t as bad as you thought as you had gotten more information from BP when Mettaton had to power down for recharging. Papyrus had apparently been unnerved by your lewd display but he actually freaked out when you choked. The loud clatter you heard earlier was Mettaton tackling Papyrus to the ground before the skeleton could run down to assist you. You felt yourself smile because you could actually imagine Papyrus doing that only to wince as you imagined just how heavy Mettaton actually was to have kept Papyrus from getting up.

You felt like Hercules as you strung all the bag holders over your arms and ascended the stairs. The sound of your impending footsteps must have been louder than you anticipated because your neighbor’s door opened and Kaylie looked out in alarm. She spotted you and relaxed.

“Lori! Thank god you’re alright!” Kaylie gasped, “Where have you been?”

“The mall.”

“But you hate the mall!”

“I know.” You cracked a smile but realized that Kaylie looked legitimately concerned. “Hey, what’s going on? Everything okay?”

“You didn’t hear?”


“There was another attack.” Your chest clenched tightly. Kaylie sighed, answering your unspoken question. “Happened about two days ago. Downtown. I know you’ve been going out lately so we were worried about you.”

You smiled appreciatively and gave Kaylie a hug...well as much of a hug as you could with all the bags you were carrying. “I am so lucky to have you guys as neighbors!”

Kaylie hugged you as best as she could. “Well I’m glad we’re looking out for each other. I’m sure glad you started bringing those skeletons by too. I doubt anyone would try anything if they saw monsters around here,” she added with a smile.

“Oh!” You felt your face blush at your recollection of last night. “Speaking of which, I’m super sorry about all the noise last night,” you apologized.

Kaylie’s face contorted in confusion. “Last night?”

“You know, after I pepper sprayed the skeleton?”

Kaylie scratched her head. “I didn’t hear any noise.” She chuckled. “Now that you mention, I didn’t hear anything from your apartment. Normally I can hear your television or footsteps sometimes but you guys didn’t even make a peep. Huh, isn’t that weird?”

“Very,” you agreed, feeling your blood pressure drop.

“I’m glad you’re home safe. I’ll talk to you later. Good night.”

“Good night!”

You managed to get inside your own apartment before collapsing to the sofa face first. “Well, that’s terrifying. Magic can cancel out hysterical screaming,” you spoke into the couch cushion. The couch cushion did not respond. Which was probably for the best. You rolled over on the couch and debated the new information you had learned. Another attack. That was disconcerting. You probably needed to get a new pepper spray by this point. You had successfully attacked two friends in the last few days with it so you definitely could trust the brand.

Could a monster really be behind the assaults? You were just getting a taste of what magic was capable of and so far you had seen motion based projectiles, alcoholic truth serum, teleportation, magically enhanced arousals and telekinesis. So the idea of a monster being able to attack so many women and evade capture actually had some weight. The next time you were on the university campus you could very well see more anti monster protesters if these attacks continued. You shivered at the thought.

"Fuckkkkk! I have to find hangers for all of these clothes!" You realized. You got up and dragged the clothes to the bedroom. You reached into the first bag and to your surprise felt a piece of paper. You pulled out a lavender colored piece of stock paper and began to read.

"Dear Lori, I'm am thrilled that you have accepted my assistance as your personal dating coach. With my expertise, there will be no man, woman nor monster alive, who will be able to resist your charms." You laughed as you hung up a skirt and continued. "Having observed you on both your date and during our shopping excursion, I have a few tips that I would like you to try out by the next time we meet."

Chapter Text

"Mother flipping pancake roller," you shouted as you accidentally bumped your head against a low hanging surgical light.

TJ shot you a questioning glance from behind his face mask but continued to operate on the anesthetized Doberman lying on the table. You rubbed your head painfully.

"What did you just say?" Tim asked as you stepped away from the doctor.

Mettaton’s words echoed in your mind as you began to check heart rate on the dog on the table. "Step one, swearing is unbecoming. Refrain from swearing in public."

"Sorry Tim. I'm trying to avoid swearing" You tried to explain.

"Why?" the other tech asked.

"Supposed to help with my dating ability. Makes people like me more or something."

"Yeah you need all the help you can get." Tim snorted

"Hey, hey. Look at me.” Tim smirked and looked at you. “Fuck you."

But that was half an hour. Since then, you had been really good. Your resolve not to swear was really holding up.

"MOTHER FUCKER JUST BIT ME IN THE ASS!!!" You shrieked as a dwarf bunny chomped your rear.

Your attempts at not swearing were dismal to say the least. This was your first day back at work after what was originally planned to be a relaxing weekend. You know before the whole alcohol magic inebriation, bondage, amazing kiss and subsequent crushing disappointment, life threatening almost sex and shopping.To be honest, the shopping was probably the worst of it. You grinned sardonically. At least there had been the possibility of an orgasm with the deadly sex. That was an improvement from most of your dates.

Mettaton’s second step echoed in your head as you continued your shift. "Step two, keep your blunt honesty to yourself." That didn’t last more than 45 minutes.

You held up a terrier. "Jesus Christ Tim! Look how big this guy's testicles are!!" The little dog wiggled happily as Tim looked over.

"Damn!! Those gotta be the size of softballs! Are we neutering him?"

"Hell yes we are. Where's Cheri? Hey Cheri!!"

"Yes hun-oh dear Lord really?" The receptionist put a hand over her eyes as you swung the dog back and forth and subsequently the testicles as well.

"Lookatem!!!” you giggled childishly, “Hahaha! Where's Pam? She'd appreciate it! Hey Pam!"

Well that didn’t last long either. You were 0 for 2 now. What was the third one? "Step 3, be willing to help," you read aloud from the folded lavender paper in your pocket. "Heh, that one's easy. I'm always helpful." You smiled.

"Hey Lori, wanna help clean up the diarrhea from the parvo puppy?" your coworker asked.

"Motherfucker. I did it last time." Okay maybe you weren't always willing to help but you helped anyway. You weren't a douche. So maybe you were 1 for 3? 33% was passing in some states...right?

Your note peeking hadn’t been that discrete afterall as you discovered during your lunch break. Cheri peaked over your shoulder as you checked the paper one more time. "You've been looking at that paper the whole day! What is it?"

"Oh, well I have a dating coach. He's having me act a bit differently to help with my dating abilities," you confessed.

"Huh. I haven't seen you act differently."

"Really? I've been trying not to swear and everything."

"You've been trying NOT to swear? You could have fooled me." Cheri began to walk away but quickly ran back to you. "Wait! A dating coach?!"

"I don’t have him by choice," you muttered.

Cheri seemed not to hear you. "Hun! That's so cool! Who is he helping you date?"

"No one," you answered coolly.

"OH MY GOD! Did you say Papyrus?!" Cheri squealed loudly, drawing the attention of all the animals and humans that were in the room.

You stared blankly at her. "How the fuck did you get Papyrus from the words ‘no one’?"

"She's not denying it!" You heard Pam screech from down the hall. You blushed.

"Oh my god, why do we not have thicker walls?!" You lamented. You sighed and walked up front to the receptionist area. "Okay, maybe it might be true. But I’m only trying to follow the directions on this paper to make us even," You explained as you handed Pam the sheet of paper.

"Even?" Pam called out.

"I asked him out and he told me no, said he was too good for me or something." Cheri looked aghast at your explanation.

"Let's throw eggs at his house!" The 62 year old receptionist shouted cheerfully.

"No no," Cheri shook her head. "Did he really say that? That sounds awful."

You groaned. "Okay maybe he didn't say that exactly but he did say no. His brother thinks he was trying to play hard to get. Point is, my dating coach says if I follow these three steps, it will get him to change his mind and ask me which point I’m going to tell him no."

“That seems like a healthy way to handle a relationship issue,” Cheri sighed.

“Yeah, well it’s not working. I can’t follow these three stupid steps, so that’s the end of this topic.”

Pam looked up from the paper. “What about the steps on the back?”

You cocked your head curiously. “What steps on the back?” Pam flipped the paper and pointed to the page. You squinted your eyes. “Did he seriously write additional instructions in purple on a purple piece of paper?” You incredulously.

Pam laughed. “It’s magenta writing on lavender paper, hun. Hang on, I’ll read it for you.” She cleared her throat and read. “Lori, by now, you’ve probably failed the first three steps. I’m glad you made it to your second day before failure.”

“I’m not even halfway through day one,” you mumbled. Pam continued:

“If you are hearing this note, that means you have given the paper to someone with a fabulous sense of style so whoever you are reading this, give yourself a pat on the back, you gorgeous beauty!” Pam paused to pat herself on the back giddily and continued. “You have only one instruction. Ignore Papyrus”


"Ignore him. Don't talk to him. Don't even acknowledge him,” Pam continued.

"That sounds incredibly petty," you admitted.

"A good relationship should rely on open communication and trust," Cheri lamented.

“Oh bullshit,” the 62 year old receptionist snorted, catching you both off guard. “I say follow your date coach’s advice. Men can start the game, but we women are going to finish it, dammit!” Pam glanced back at the paper. “Oh, there’s something else.”

“What?” you asked.

Pam read it to herself quietly before breaking into a sneaky smile. “Ooh. I’ve been instructed not to read this one to you until after you have planned your next date.”

“Next date?” you gaped. “I don’t want another date with this guy. Tell me what it says.”


“Give it!”

“Alright come get it,” Pam taunted, folding up the paper and sliding it into her bra. You slapped your face.

“Yeah, no, there’s no way they’re going to catch me on camera sticking my hand down your bra,” you stuck out your tongue. “And for both of your information, even if I didn’t want to, I was totally going to be following the advice to ignore him. He and I don’t text, I have no plans to see him again. Our paths do not cross at all. And there’s no reason in hell I would even go back to Summer Hills.”

“Lori, there you are, I’ve been looking for you,” you heard TJ speak up from behind you.

“Sorry, TJ, I’m just finishing up my lunch,” you apologized, turning around. You stared at the pile of books that TJ had in his hands. “Uh...why are you holding Dr. Alphys’ manga?”

TJ looked bemused. "I just got off the phone with Dr. Alphys. Apparently the manga that she loaned us was actually supposed to be loaned to the monster ambassador."

"Frisk? You mean the little boy?"

"Yes. She was very apologetic but she would like it if someone could bring these books to her home..."


"...And since you know the way..."

"No. No."

"I told her I would send you up to drop off the books."

"Aggggghhhh. TJ, why you gotta do this to me?" You whined.

"If you think about it, you could almost say that this is a diplomatic request," Cheri piped up. You shot her a dirty look.

TJ stroked his chin thoughtfully. "You could say that. Yes that is accurate.” He smirked at you. “Your country needs you to do your part in bringing peace between monsters and humans.”

“By delivering manga?” You crossed your arms.

“You can go after you clock in from lunch. The afternoon isn’t too busy. I’m sure we could spare you for an hour.”

You gave up and threw your hands in the air. “Fine. Fine. Give me the damn books. I’ll head up there after my lunch break.”


Alphys sighed as she hung up the phone. “Y-you were right. They’re sending Lori up here as soon as she’s off her lunch break.” Alphys glanced around nervously. “You know, I r-really don’t need those manga books for Frisk. He’s only on volume one still.”

“I know, sweetheart,” Mettaton purred.

“Then why did you have me call the hospital?” Alphys asked.

“Because love sometimes needs a little bit of a push.”

“Well, does love needs this much of a push?” Alphys sweated nervously, glancing at something hidden underneath a white cover in the corner of the room.

Mettaton leaned back seductively on Undyne’s piano. “Darling, love isn’t always soft and gentle. Sometimes it needs violence, action and explosions!” he squealed, clapping his hands.

Alphys wrung her claws worriedly. “I-i hope Undyne won’t be too mad.”

“I’m sure she’ll be delighted,” Mettaton scoffed, “your girlfriend is rather bloodthirsty.”

“She’d take that as a compliment.”

“I know.” Mettaton stretched. “Well I’m sure she’ll be here in an hour so I best be off, but I’m trusting you.”

Alphys sighed. “I-i’ll do my best.”

Mettaton placed both hands on the small scientist’s shoulders. “You will be just fine. Darling, you made me and I’m perfect. You can do anything!” Alphys smiled genuinely.

“Thank you...Hap.” Mettaton put a finger to his monitor and elegantly rolled out of the room. Alphys looked again at her covered invention and crossed her fingers before walking outside. She spotted Undyne and began to walk over, stepping over various arsenal and traps.

The warrior spotted Alphys coming and waved eagerly. “Hey Alphys! Are you going to try the Gauntlet today?”

Alphys shuddered and shook her head. “No, no! Actually...the human, er Lori is coming back up to give me some of my manga back...and I think it would be a good idea to have her try it.”

Undyne raised an eyebrow. “Uh huh. It wouldn’t have anything to do with Mettaton leaving just now?”

“Uh uhhh, n-no?” Alphys tried to lie. Undyne laughed heartily and slapped her on the back.

“I’m just messing with you! I think that’s a great idea! If my Papyrus is going to date someone, I think I’d feel a lot better if they could at least attempt the Gauntlet.” She motioned toward Papyrus who was doing push ups in the distance. “Plus, I think seeing her might cheer him up a bit. He’s been weird all day.”

Alphys cocked her head. “How so?”

Undyne gestured to him. “He just seems not as passionate. Like he normally gives 150% but now he’s giving closer to 110%.”

“That’s statistically impossible,” Alphys muttered. She looked over at Papyrus. “He doesn’t look any different.” He had a large smile on his face as he continued to do push ups.

“He totally is. He showed up 26 minutes early to training today. Normally he’s here 30 minutes early!” Undyne insisted. “I even asked him what was up but he says he can’t tell me. And he tells me everything!” Undyne groaned. “When is she coming up?”

“Probably in the next hour or so.”

“Cool, cool. Well I’ll keep Papyrus around then until she shows.”


“Hey yeah, it’s me again-No! Don’t do jumping jacks right now! Can you just open the gate?” you asked quickly as the security guard raised his hands in the air. The gate slowly swung open and you drove through quickly. You looked down at yourself and tsked. Even though you lint rolled yourself prior to entering the car, you still appeared dirty. Even your make up appeared smudged. You didn’t look great.

You found yourself pulling over suddenly and began to think out loud. “There’s a really good chance you’re going to see Papyrus up there,” you told yourself. You glanced in your reflection before reaching into your bag for your make up. “You are not doing this for him,” you argued, “Undyne is a client and I should look professional for a client.” You found yourself reapplying your sweat proof foundation and eyeliner and your lipstick before you could change your mind. You looked at your scrub top. “And this top is really furry. I don’t think Dr. Alphys would be happy if I got fur all over her books,” you added, taking off your scrub top, exposing your tank top and part of your sports bra underneath. You tucked the bra under your shirt and subconsciously adjusted the girls as well.

You shifted into drive and made your way up the street again, singing badly along with the radio. It relaxed you somewhat and you felt yourself calm down. Finally you pulled up in front of the monster home and shut off the car. You patted the dashboard reassuringly. “Don’t worry, I won’t let anyone pop your tires this time...I hope,” you attempted to promise your car. The car, like the rest of your inanimate objects, did not respond. You hesitated and looked out into the training field. The Guard Dogs were out again, training. You didn’t spot Papyrus and you breathed a sigh of relief. “Uh, maybe I should just wear the scrub top,” you decided, reaching for the top.

Something tapped on your window and you looked up to a row of fangs. You barely stopped yourself from screaming as you realized that you were staring into the face of an overly eager Undyne. “HEY PUNK!” she was yelling.

“Oh, hello Undyne,” you greeted, foregoing the scrub top and stepping out of the car. “It’s nice to see you ag-!”

“You bring anymore pepper spray?! I want to see what it feels like,” Undyne asked, pounding on your car excitedly. You were surprised to see it did not leave dents.

“Uhh, no, I’m afraid not. I have to buy some more actually. I wouldn’t recommend spraying yourself with it. It really hurts,” you admitted.

Undyne waved her hand. “Fine, fine. You got the books?” You nodded.

“Yes I do. This works out perfectly. I’ll just hand them to you and get out of your way,” you offered, trying to hand her the pile of manga.

“What, no, pshaw. Come in. Come in. Alphys has a surprise for you,” Undyne grinned, placing a scaly hand behind your back and propelling you toward the home. You thought about protesting, but considered the circumstances. You were getting paid to be out here. You technically were helping a client. And it could be considered a diplomatic thing. You might as well go with her. The fact that Undyne could easily murder you and bury your body was definitely not a deciding factor in all of this. No way.

Plus, who knows? The surprise could be tea! Tea time sounded awesome! You loved tea. Maybe it was tea. You were hoping it was tea.


It was not tea. You stood in the middle of the room as Alphys watched you expectantly. “Is-is this a volleyball?” you asked, shifting the white ball back in forth in your hands.

Alphys nodded. “It is! I remember you telling me how much you didn’t like volleyball because you weren’t good at it.”

You winced. “Yeah, I remember.”

Alphys smiled proudly. “Well I made this volleyball especially for you. It will help you hone your skills and teach you how to be good at volleyball. I call it the volleybomb!”

Your face lit up and you looked down at the ball. “Wow! Really? That’s amazing! Thanks! Does it like tell me how to stand or how much force I should be hitting the ball with?”

Alphys looked concerned. “Uh, hitting the ball? Um...this might be easier to do outside.” You didn’t really register her words as you kept looking in fascination at the volleyball. It looked so much like a real ball although upon closer inspection, it did appear to have some technical components. “Y-you wouldn’t happen to have a spare change of shorts, would you?”

“Spare change of shorts?” You asked. You thought about it. “Well I’m wearing some fitness shorts underneath my scrub pants. They’re kind of short though. Maybe a few inches above my knee.”

“Oh that’s perfect.” You glanced at Alphys and she cleared her throat. “It-it might be easier if you are in fitness clothing when we start the volleybomb. It will help you run better.”

“Uh, ok, if you say so.” You stripped off the pants and folded them onto the chair nearby. You were glad you had shaved your legs recently, otherwise you would have felt somewhat like a gorilla. “Wait, are you saying volleyball or volleybomb?” you asked suddenly.

“L-let’s go outside and I’ll show you.”

You followed Alphys and spotted Undyne throwing more coals to the fire under the monkey bars in the gauntlet. “Huh, is someone going to run the gauntlet soon?” you asked curiously.

"Well. We-we were hoping to have you run the gauntlet against the volleybomb."

You looked at Alphys in confusion. Seriously, was she saying bomb or ball? "Against the ball? You mean like I have to hold it while I do the course?" You clarified.

Alphys looked horrified. "What? No! You don't want it to touch you. Remember?"

"I don't?" You felt like you were missing a piece of vital information.

Alphys nodded. "You said it yourself. The volleyball blew up on you all the time in the past but this time it won't!" Alphys beamed.

"Blew up on me? What are you talking about?" You stared down at the ball again. A stray thought popped into your head. But there's no way she would have done that... Right? You gasped and jumped backwards. "Is that a bomb?!?!" You asked.

"Well yah, of course. That’s why I called it the volleybomb."

"I thought you just had a speech impediment or something!” You looked down at the bomb that you were still holding for some reason. “Holy shit! Holy shit!" You freaked, "is it going to blow up?!"

"I would hope not!” You let out a sigh of relief. Alphys continued, “I have to activate it first with this remote and then you'll get at least a 15 second head start." She held aloft a remote with a single red button.

Your relief was short lived. "Head start? What do you mean head start?"

Alphys was very patient in her explanation...Not that you could tell to be honest. "So you will enter the gauntlet as soon as I hit the start button on our volley bomb. That will give you 15 seconds to make a head start on the gauntlet before the bomb hones in and starts following you."

"F-following me? Is there anyway to not have it follow me at all?" you asked desperately.

"Well if you can climb to the top of the tower and ring the bell in there, the volleybomb will deactivate."

"Okay okay. That makes sense!”


“No wait, no it doesn't. This is absolutely insane!" You shouted, “Excuse me, but why the hell should I have to run from a bomb in the first place?” Your shouting had drawn a particular monster’s attention.

"Hi Lori!" Papyrus greeted, popping up beside you.

"Shut up, I'm ignoring you," you angrily told the skeleton. You blinked. "Wait..."

Papyrus looked stunned. "Ignoring me? Why are you ignoring me?"

You resisted the urge to respond to that and turned back to Alphys who looked disheartened. “O-oh. I didn’t think about that.” She shifted anxiously. “I guess it was kind of a stupid idea,” she admitted. You very carefully put the ball down and stepped over to Alphys.

“Hey, hey, it wasn’t a stupid idea. You were just trying to help me,” you gently comforted the dinosaur.

“Is everything alright? Are you mad at me?” Papyrus nervously asked.

You were finding it easier to ignore the skeleton now. Alphys sniffed a bit. “R-really?”

“Yeah, really. I appreciate you trying,” you admitted honestly, “Nobody has ever put that much effort into helping me face my fears...especially with explosions.” You laughed.

“You’re not mad at me?”

“No...I’m learning that extreme violence seems to be a way for monsters to show that they care about each other,” you muttered.

“Is this about yesterday?” Papyrus asked but neither you nor Alphys even glanced at him.

“Well I guess better put this stuff away before someone accidentally activates it,” Alphys chuckled awkwardly. You flinched as she leaned down to pick up the volleybomb and the remote slipped out of her claws. “Oh no!” she gasped as the remote plummeted downwards.

“Fuck!” you cringed. The remote crashed to the ground, button side up. You both sighed in relief and you reached down to get it only for your hand to come into contact with a red glove. You looked up in alarm and found yourself only inches away from Papyrus who stared earnestly at you.

“Human,” he began, “please explain to me why you are ignoring me.” You felt yourself shudder as you tried to remain as stoic as possible. He was directly asking you a question now. What was the protocol on that? Should you keep ignoring him?

A beep suddenly drew your attention and you swiveled your head to look toward its source. The volleybomb was beeping. It wasn’t beeping before. You looked at Alphys who stared at you in horror. The beeping was accelerating.

You turned back to Papyrus and quickly pulled his hand off the remote. The button had been pressed. Papyrus looked down at the remote. “I must have accidentally pressed it, I’m sorry-human?!” You didn’t wait to hear the explanation.

You were already sprinting toward the Gauntlet.

Chapter Text

“R-RUN LORI!” Alphy’s voice shrieked after you as you entered the gauntlet. You managed to leap over the first sand trap and barely clear the second one before your thoughts caught up with you. Hopefully they would help you with your situation. You listened to your mind. Your mind told you that you were going to die.

“Fuck!” you realized, snagging your foot in the third sandtrap. You managed to yank it out and reach the rope bridge before Undyne’s voice rang out across the field.

“Here it comes!” You doubled your speed as you ascended the ladder to begin the flaming monkey bars. You hated monkey bars. You hated them. You had much more lower body strength than upper. Your arms burned. You wanted to stop.

“Human!” You glanced over and noticed Papyrus running alongside you outside of the Gauntlet. “I know you’re ignoring me but you need to keep going!”

“Shut the fuck up!” You yelled back, forcing yourself to keep going.

“See, I know you’re only saying that because you’re having a hard time, just remember to use the momentum from one swing to the next!”

You gritted your teeth but found yourself using the momentum from one hand to the next. Sure your arms still burned, but you made it to the other side without falling into the fire pit. You almost patted yourself on the back but the sound of an approaching beeping noise made you pale. You turned around as you ran. The bomb was rolling over the sandpits.

“DUCK!” Papyrus’ voice brought your attention back to the gauntlet ahead of you and you dropped down to all fours. A large axe sliced through the air where you had been just a few moments ago.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” You shrieked as a boulder sized mallet swung at you next, forcing you to roll immediately out of the line of fire.

“OH! You almost got the pattern down! Duck, roll and jump!” Papyrus yelled, hopping up and down excitedly. You found yourself jumping as he jumped and nearly avoided having your ankles broken by a wildly spinning concrete pole. “Duck again!” Papyrus hollered helpfully and you found yourself mimicking his movements.

Even though you were facing certain death or at least severe dismemberment, you couldn’t help but be astounded by how acrobatic Papyrus seemed to be. You would have assumed he would have been too lanky or tall to pull off lunges and rolls but here he was. Dare you say it, you were impressed by the finesse. As you cleared the last colossal hammer, you risked another glance behind you.

The bomb was rolling through the fire. THE GODDAMN BOMB WAS ROLLING THROUGH FIRE!!! And NOT DETONATING! “ALPHYS!” You yelled as you unsteadily crossed a shaky rope bridge. “Why is the fire not blowing up the bomb?!”

“It-it’s indestructible. It’s programmed to blow up only if it gets within 30 feet of you!” Alphys hollered back.

“Fuck!” You looked up ahead and blanched. It was the wall! The humongous wall that you had no chance in hell in jumping over.

Even Papyrus seemed stumped as he ran alongside you outside of the course. “Er...Can you levitate yourself?” he asked hopefully. Come on brain! Think! Think! You looked to the side of the wall and spotted lesser dog happily scratching his ear. He spotted you approaching and became excited. His tail began to wag and his neck...grew? You had a plan!

“Who’s a good boy?!” You yelled as you approached, “You are! Lesser Dog is a good boy!” you praised. The dog monster began to yip excitedly and his neck continued to grow. Without hesitating, you quickly hugged the happy dog’s face and found yourself rocketing into the air faster than you could pet and cheer. Lesser Dog’s neck shot upwards and very soon you found yourself almost able to step off onto the top of the wall.

Except you suddenly found yourself up upside down. You tightened your hold as you realized that Lesser Dog’s neck was now turning upside down, thankfully on the other side of the wall. You continued your praise and ear scratches and you finally got close enough to the ground that you could safely drop down and continue sprinting toward the tower.

“You’re almost there!” Papyrus cheered, running alongside you outside of the gauntlet.

“Where’s the bomb?!” you gasped.

“Jumping over the swinging mallet!” Undyne offered helpfully as she ran alongside you on the other side of the gauntlet.

“The bomb can jump?!”

“I said I’m sorry!” Alphys shouted.

You spotted the ladder leading to the first floor of the tower and you clambered up like a monkey. You rounded the bend and reached the second ladder. As your feet hit the second floor, you could see Lesser Dog’s head retracting back over the wall...and the bomb rolling over the tip. You charged to the third ladder. Your breath came out sharp and your sides were painful but you forced yourself up until you reached the third floor.

You could hear Papyrus shout something at you but you could barely hear him over the pounding of your own heartbeat in your ears. You could see the bomb just about finished its descent from the gigantic wall and head toward the tower. The final ladder stood in front of you and you nearly grasped it with your teeth trying to get up. With a last burst of energy, you shot up the stairs like a cork from a champagne bottle. You seized the rope attached to the bell and proceeded to ring it wildly with a triumphant yell. “Hahaha! Oh my God! I did it! That! That was awesome! Fuck you, volleyball! Er, volleybomb!!” You leaned over the railing of the fourth wall in preparation for taunting the stopped volleybomb and your eyes widened.

The bomb was still rolling. Toward you. You looked hopefully in the direction of Alphys and froze when you saw her struggling frantically with the remote. “It’s not stopping!” she shrieked. You quickly looked around and could only spot Undyne who was gesturing.

“Use the zipline when the bomb touches the tower!” she ordered. You ran to the other side of the tower and spotted the zipline that started from the tower and lead to safety below. Why did you have to wait for the bomb to touch the tower? You saw the bomb approaching. Time seemed to slow as you realized the gravity of Undyne’s instructions.

If you used the zipline now, the bomb would still be following you as you rode down the line. And after that, you really didn’t have any more places to hide from it. If you waited for the bomb to touch the tower, it would be within detonation range and explode. Getting your timing right would allow you to zipline out of an exploding tower like a badass...if your timing was off...well, you didn’t want to stick around to see that.

You placed both hands on the zipline bar and gripped it tightly, only to suddenly feel the line go slack in your hands. You let go in surprise and instantly regretted it as you watched the line slip off the edge of the tower and fall uselessly to the ground. You could see Undyne hollering below at Dogamy about not tightening the knot properly on the zipline but that did not really help you at this point.

The stark realization that you were most likely going to die struck you and you just kind a stood there soaking in the fact. Jumping from this height would be instant death. You looked around and chuckled. The whole reason you were here on this tower about to die was because of Papyrus and the monster was nowhere to be found.

“HUMAN!” Your thoughts returned to reality at the shout.

“Papyrus?” You questioned leaning over the rail and looking down. The skeleton was below you on the ground, waving up at you.




“ARE YOU INSANE?!” you shouted. You had maybe 5 seconds left.

“NO! I’M PAPYRUS! PLEASE JUMP! TRUST ME!” He smiled desperately at you. You climbed onto the rail. The sound of metal connecting with wood dinged and there was an eruption behind you. You had no choice now. Trusting the skeleton, you jumped.

You bet you looked like a really awesome badass as you could imagine a raging inferno behind you. At least you hoped it was an impressive explosion. The sound alone was deafening enough to suggest it was. You shut your eyes instinctively. You felt weightless. It was terrifying as gravity suddenly dragged you downwards. You knew any second you were going to splat on the ground.

You reeled in surprise as you collided with something solid that was most definitely not the ground. You felt strong arms catching your falling body and your eyes shot open. You looked into Papyrus’ face. He was absolutely thrilled and you couldn’t help but find yourself blushing as you realized he was holding you bridal style. You weren’t used to having someone look at you with such unbridled joy and just gazed up wordlessly at him. He opened his mouth to speak to you but quickly looked up.

“Dodge! Dodge! Dodge!” Undyne shouted enthusiastically as pieces of wreckage crashed toward both of you from the sky. Papyrus leapt backwards and you shrieked, clutching him tightly around the neck. Large pieces of wood lodged into the ground as Papyrus expertly leapt and jumped from spot to spot. You buried your head into his chest and could hear his heart beat slowly as he dodged a large piece of shrapnel. How could he be so calm?

Because he does this every day, you realized, peeking up at him. A screaming howling cat didn’t even trigger your adrenaline at work because it was a daily thing. He trained every day. So for all you knew, this was just a training exercise to him. You’re sure explosions were probably commonplace at Undyne’s home. Papyrus finally took one step back and remained still. “Is it over?” you asked, peeking out.

“Just about,” he said. As if on cue, a finally large piece of shrapnel landed just a foot away in front of you two. You let out a startled yelp and grabbed him so tightly, you were sure you would be choking him if he was a human. Papyrus looked at you and smiled. “Oh, human, I’m so proud that you finished the Gauntlet!” he cheered.

You looked up at him in shock. “You just dodged meteors of death and you’re excited that I ran through an obstacle course?” you gaped. Papyrus nodded vigorously. “Wow, um, thank you,” you felt your cheeks burn.

“You’re welcome!” He didn’t release you but instead still watched you with rapt interest. You could hear his heartbeat begin to accelerate. That was odd to you. Could it be a post stress reaction from having avoided certain death like five, no six times?

“Are you okay?” you ventured, “Did you get hurt?”

Papyrus nodded. “I assure you that I am in perfect health.” As he spoke, you began to loosen your tight grip around his neck. “I’ve been training every day and this isn’t the first time Dr. Alphys has exploded the course,” Papyrus confirmed your reasoning.

“Uh huh,” you continued, “This is a regular thing?” You began to drag one of your hands down from behind his neck, and paused as his heartrate rapidly accelerated as soon as you moved against him. This couldn’t be right. There was no way that you were the one eliciting this bodily reaction…right? You slowed down your hands’ descent so that your fingers were ever so gently stroking each bone as they trailed downward.

You purposely had not applied much pressure to your curious fingers but even so your slight movements were already generating a profound effect on the skeleton. “I would say it happens at least once a we-week,” his voice wavered. You could feel him tremble slightly as an orange blush alighted on his cheek bones. Oh. Oh wow. Well, uh this was interesting? Should you keep going? You glanced to the side and froze.

Shit. Your experiment had not gone unnoticed. Undyne was watching you with a sinister grin. She knew exactly what was going on. “Hey Alphys!” you saw her call, gesturing the scientist to come closer, “How did that episode in Mew Mew Kissy Cutie end when Mew Mew got saved by her friend Toshi?” You narrowed your eyes. What was she planning?

“Oh! Oh! Uh...well,, Toshi kissed her,” Alphys admitted, already blushing more than you. Your eyes widened. That sneaky fish monster!

Undyne made an over exaggerated, “Oh that’s right!” You felt Papyrus shift his hold on you as the females talked. Suddenly, you couldn’t move your hand anymore and your attention darted back to the skeleton. He had grabbed your previously exploratory hand and was studying it in confusion. You had been caught. You needed a miracle at this point. “Papyrus!” Undyne yelled.

Papyrus ripped his attention away from you and looked to Undyne who was grinning devilishly. “Yes, Undyne?” Thank you Undyne for the miracle.

“Did you hear what Alphys said about the show?” Wait, no.

“Ah yes,” Papyrus nodded, still holding on to your hand. She wouldn’t. Undyne motioned to Alphys who nervously stepped forward, blushing even more so than both you and Papyrus combined.

“Well, you just saved Lori, so Undyne thinks you should, you know,” Alphys began, her voice failing her.

Papyrus tilted his head. “I should what?” Sweet baby Jesus, Papyrus did not understand. You had a shot.

“Oh for-KISS HER!” Undyne shouted.

“Oh!” Papyrus gasped, dropping you in surprise. You were too caught off guard to brace for landing and felt your head smack against the ground painfully. Your vision got hazy and slowly faded to black as Papyrus looked down at you in shock.

Chapter Text

“Lori!” Papyrus shouted, immediately kneeling down to your unconscious body.

“Papyrus! You bonehead! I said kiss not concuss!” Undyne hollered, walking over to you.

Papyrus wrung his hands nervously. This was bad. Very bad. Had you fallen down? You weren’t moving. “Did-did I break the human? She’s not moving!”

Undyne scowled and placed her head against your chest and listened. “She’s not dead. She’s just unconscious.” She turned to Papyrus. “Why didn’t you just kiss her, you dolt?” Papyrus remained silent as Undyne crossed her arms. “Listen, I’m not going to let Mettaton be your first kiss!”

Papyrus looked at his friend in genuine surprise. “How did you know that?”

Alphys stammered. “He likes to talk...a lot.”

Papyrus shook his head. “Well he wasn’t my first kiss,” he admitted. Undyne cocked her eye at him before her mouth opened into a big grin.

“You ALREADY kissed her!” Undyne deduced. Papyrus felt his face become heated and he sputtered unintelligently. She slapped him hard on the back. “Ahh! That’s great! How did it happen?”

“If-if you want to t-tell us, that it,” Alphys piped up, “you-you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“Bullshit! He’s gotta tell me.” Undyne smirked. Papyrus looked distraught and gestured downwards.

“But, the human!” he protested, “I need to fix her.”

Undyne groaned and then scooped you up before he could protest. “I’ll fix her. You tell me us how it happened.” Papyrus quickly nodded as Undyne began to carry you into the house.

“It happened Saturday night. After I called you and you said you were watching a movie with Alphys,” Papyrus recalled.

“Uh-Undyne we-we didn’t watch a movie,” Alphys began. Undyne shot her a look that made Alphys blush. “Oh! Oh! Yes, we did. I forgot,” she turned crimson.

Papyrus missed the look and continued, “Yes, it was a really loud movie, I kept hearing a woman screaming “yes” in the background or something? You’ll have to let Sans and I borrow it sometime. It sounded very exciting.”

Undyne gritted her fangs and walked faster, feeling herself color as well. “So, Saturday night, you got Doggo, yes?”

“Yes. I brought him back to Grillby’s and then Aaron said there was a female ghost in the bar and we all started looking.”

“A female ghost?” The monsters had gotten inside the home at this point.

Papyrus nodded. “Sans said he caught the ghost in the back so I went to go get her. But it turns out the ghost had escaped and tied up the human instead. It was really dark so I didn’t know it was her at first. She was really scared of the ghost because she started calling for help. And then I kissed her.” Undyne had just lain you on a bed during the course of this story but froze as Papyrus concluded his tale proudly.

She and Alphys exchanged looks. “Pap…” Alphys asked, “Are-are you saying that you kissed the human while she was tied up and calling for help?”

“Well, she was more screaming, but yes,” Papyrus nodded. He blanched. “Was that bad?”

The lizard coughed nervously. “Uhhh, it’s not the ideal first kiss, but uh..that actually does sound bad.” Undyne placed a hand on your forehead as Alphys excused herself.

“Are you sure?” Papyrus asked nervously.

“Your older brother ties up the human and you kiss her while she’s screaming for help,” Undyne laughed dryly. Papyrus’ sockets widened and his jaw hung open. Wow! When she put it that way, it sounded very bad!

“What do I do?” he asked quickly.

“Well, clearly, there is only one thing to do,” Undyne placed her head against your chest, listening for a heartbeat. “You’ll just have to kiss her again.”

Papyrus glanced at your lips. That made sense. It would be like a redo? “Right now?” he asked, placing a hand gently against your cheek. You were really soft.

“What?! No! Jeez, not right now. She’s unconscious, Pap. No,” Undyne scolded, causing Papyrus to quickly retract his hand from your cheek. “Like, I don’t know, ask her on a date and then kiss her on the date. You know, without getting your brother to tie her up.”

Papyrus wiped his forehead anxiously. Of course. Undyne was right. That made much more sense and honestly was a lot less creepy than kissing you while you couldn’t agree to it. “I guess I can do that. But when would I ask her out?”

“When she wakes up,” Undyne explained, “And maybe she’ll say yes if that konk in the head makes her forget that you dropped her in the first place.”

“Oh.” Papyrus rubbed his arm awkwardly. He had dropped you. He really did not mean to drop you at all. Quite the contrary. But Undyne had caught him off guard at a rather confusing moment. Which reminded him. He stole a peek at Undyne. She was busy fiddling with something by the bed so he took the opportunity to pick up your hand.

Your hands were rather small. Not as small as Frisk’s, but small compared to his own. He turned it curiously and clicked his teeth together thoughtfully. Somehow this hand had an effect on him earlier and he was determined to figure out what it had done to make him feel so, well, so warm and pleasant and weird. “Undyne, can humans use magic?” He asked.

Undyne didn’t turn to face him. “Nah, I don’t think so. They can use swords though. Big ones,” she gleefully explained.

If you had no magic…then how were you able to make his chest feel warm and weird? Even now, just by manipulating your fingers, he felt a low but still pleasurable calmness just by the prolonged contact. Was it just your hands that had this power? An idea briefly entered his skull but he quickly dismissed it with a shake. No, that was a very silly idea and he wasn’t going to even entertain it by thinking about it. Instead, his gloved hand slid down your wrists to your elbow and prodded it. His sockets widened as the enjoyable sensations rose in intensity as he made more contact with you.

It wasn’t just your hands. It was your body. He eyed you worriedly. Just by touching any part of you stimulated the sensitivity of his bones. That same idea he had refused to consider popped into his skull once more. He quickly tried to dismiss again but it insisted. Maybe…maybe the effects of your touch would be different depending on where he allowed you to touch him? What would happen if your hand was to touch some other part of him? The thought appeared more pleasing to him by the second. Like what if you touched his arm or his foot or his…?

“Papyrus!” Undyne’s shout brought him immediately back to his senses and he quickly looked toward her. “What are you doing?” She asked.

“I’m sorry?”

“Put the human’s hand down, she doesn’t need to check your heart rate,” Undyne scoffed. Check his heart rate? What did she mean? Papyrus blinked in surprise and looked to see he was just about to press your hand against his chest, right over where his soul lay.

Papyrus quickly pulled your hand away from his chest and put it down, feeling himself flush in embarrassment at a new thought that he immediately shut down. “Ah, well, I wasn’t sure. Maybe her feeling mine would make hers keep working?” He tried to explain dismally. It was really hard to come up with a believable excuse when his chest was pounding as hard as it was.

Undyne rolled her eyes but thankfully did not press further as Alphys returned to the room with an ice pack and a card. She handed the ice pack to Papyrus. “Start icing her legs. She’s g-going to have some bad bruises if you don’t,” Alphys instructed pointing to your legs.

Papyrus immediately brightened at the suggestion. He wouldn’t be directly touching you, so this shouldn’t instigate the feelings of weirdness. His theory proved correct as he pressed it against your leg and all he could feel was the ice pack beginning to melt in his still very warm gloves.

Undyne looked curiously at the card. “What’s that?”

“It’s for Papyrus. I think it’s an invitation for Frisk’s birthday. We got one yesterday,” Alphys noted, pointing to the immense amount of glitter glued to the card.

Papyrus brightened as he iced your shin. “I got fanmail?” he asked hopefully.

“I don’t think so. Can I open it?” Undyne asked. He nodded and she ripped apart the envelope. She skimmed the card. “Yup. It’s an invite to Frisk’s birthday party this Friday.”

“Oh, well that’s just as good,” He smiled.

“Ah, now here’s something different! Alphys and I didn’t have this on our card. Says here that you’re allowed to bring a guest, Pap,” Undyne read.

Papyrus shrugged. “I’m not sure who I would bring.” Undyne and Alphys slapped claws and fins over their faces.

“Re-really?” Alphys asked.

“Oh! I could invite Sans!” Papyrus exclaimed. Alphys groaned

“I’m sure Sans has already been invited,” Undyne informed him.

“Then I don’t know,” he sulked.

“LORI!” Alphys shouted, pointing to you. “Ask Lori!” Undyne started laughing. Alphys whirled on her next. “Just please call the animal hospital and let them know what happened,” she asked, calming down.

“Yes ma’am,” Undyne smiled before leaving the room.

Alphys motioned to you once more as you started to stir on the bed. “She looks like she’s going to be up soon. Uh, ju-just keep icing her legs for now. Undyne and I are going to give you guys some space.”

Papyrus nearly jumped up. “Wait, ah, don’t you want to supervise that I am icing the human correctly?” He asked hopefully. He wasn’t sure how he felt being left alone with you after discovering the very satisfying yet confusing effects that you could inflict upon him.

She glanced at you. “I-I think you’ll be fine. You’re just preventing swelling is all.” She turned to leave but paused and gestured to you, “Uh-uh, be careful if you ice up here though. It’s a sensitive spot,” she mumbled, pointing to your thighs before hurriedly leaving the room.

Papyrus nyed nervously as you moved again. It wasn’t that he was afraid of you, he acknowledged as he focused on your ankles. It was…worry? No, Papyrus did not worry! Perhaps, ah, just general concern about the thought he had to bury when Undyne called his name. It was such a foreign thought that he couldn’t believe it was his. In fact, it probably wasn’t his, just some stranger’s thought that fluttered into his mind because it recognized how great his own mind was.

Yes! Of course! Papyrus smiled triumphantly. That made perfect sense. Really! He would never even think of ignoring Undyne’s request to release you…even if it would have given him the opportunity to press your hand and maybe something more against his chest.

…Okay now he really was nervous…When was Alphys coming back again?


It had been a good day so far. Despite not having you, the other techs had managed to keep up with the patient care. Cheri was just finishing up typing up some client instructions when the phone rang. "I've got it," Pam piped up, picking up the phone. "Sunset Animal Hospital, this is Pam, how can I-oh hi!" Pam broke into an even bigger smile.

Cheri continued typing. "It's nice to speak with you dear. Is our little tech heading back? I'm sorry, I don’t normally say this, but can you speak a little quieter...Did you say an accident?"

Cheri glanced over curiously as Pam's tone changed from optimistic to concerned. A frown began to form on her face. Something was wrong.

"Well is she alright? Hang on, we will come get her and bring her to the hospital!"

Cheri darted over to Pam and pressed her ear against the other side of the phone. "What’s the address? I'll go right now!" She whispered urgently. She could barely hear the other line.

"Are you sure? Well, let us know if her condition changes. I'll go let them know in the back that she's not coming back to work today. Thank you for calling us."

Pam hung up the phone and Cheri immediately approached her. "What’s wrong? What happened? Is she alright?"

"Well, apparently one of the training structures they had collapsed with her on it. She’ll be alright, she's just kinda shocked is all."

Cheri allowed herself a grateful sigh. "Well thank god for that," Cheri breathed.

"Correct me if I am wrong, but Pam's voice became suddenly calm, “But wasn’t TJ the one who sent her up there?”

“Yes?” Cheri answered carefully.

“Excellent. Be a dear and let me know when he’s done seeing his last patient. He and I need to have a little chat.”

Chapter Text

Flecks of light began to pierce through the darkness as you regained consciousness. You stirred slightly as your vision returned. Where were you? What time was it? Had you suffered any permanent drain bramage? Your mind was fuzzy but bits and pieces began to return.

You remembered the volleyball…oh sorry, you meant the volleybomb. You remember Alphys freaking out and Papyrus yelling. Why were they yelling again? Wait a minute. The Gauntlet… You ran the entire gauntlet! You beat that fucking obstacle course and then blew it up! Your chest swelled in pride at that recollection only to wince as the actual act of your chest swelling hurt. Oh yeah. The bomb.

You blinked as the last shreds of darkness vanished and you realized you were lying on someone's bed. You shifted slowly, wincing at the action. Yeah. You hurt. Ow. Something was touching your leg. You looked towards the edge of the bed to see if you could see the source. Papyrus was sitting on the edge by your legs. He had proven to be unabashedly helpful during your gauntlet, despite you swearing and ignoring him. And he more than likely saved your life when you were forced to jump from the tower.

Should you keep ignoring him? He hadn't seemed to realize you had woken up yet so you could theoretically fake unconsciousness until someone picked you up...that is, if someone was going to pick you up. Who knew you were actually here? Your work would but they would have just figured you got stuck in traffic and if they did find out what was wrong, when would they be able to come up and get you? You could text Jeremy but it would be difficult to explain what exactly happened without implicating Alphys which you really didn't want to do. You didn't really blame Alphys... Okay you did. But it was hard to be mad at her still. Especially because of how sore you felt. It was hard to feel anything but soreness, especially in your legs.

Speaking of legs, what was Papyrus doing near yours? You stole another glance and saw his hands touching your ankle. You tensed. The last time he placed his hands on you, he used magic to enter your mind. You did not want a repeat of that performance and rapidly forced yourself to a sitting position.

"No! No healing magic!" You shouted, grabbing his wrist. Papyrus looked up in alarm as you yanked his hand away. You blinked in surprise. He was holding an ice pack. "Huh? An ice pack?" You questioned.

Papyrus nodded. "You have some bruises. Alphys told me that I should ice them so that they don’t get worse. Although this ice pack isn’t very cold anymore.” You released his hand, laughing awkwardly. He was still wearing his gloves too. Overreact, much?

“Uh…sorry about that. I thought you were doing um well,” you tried to say.

He nodded understandingly. “No, I wouldn’t do it unless you told me it was alright,” he assured you and you relaxed.

“Thank you.” You lapsed into silence again. What was your plan now? You had no idea. You broke Mettaton’s new rule and spoke to Papyrus. So at this point, your mind was kinda blanking on what to do next. You spotted a window nearby and began to watch outside while you came up with a new plan.

“Please don’t ignore me,” Papyrus suddenly plead, grabbing your arm. The action caught you off guard and you felt yourself color as you looked at him. He realized what he had done and released your hand, coughing awkwardly. “Communication is the key to building friendship!” he announced, “So I ask that you tell me why you are ignoring me...unless we’re not friends anymore.” His voice wavered towards the end.

You sighed. He was right. Fuck, Cheri was right too. You attempted to scoot closer only to wince. “Ow, ow, you’re right. We’re friends,” you admitted. “Fuck my body hurts,” you groaned.

“Hey, I made you dorks some tea!” You both turned to see Undyne entering the room with two cups of some hot golden looking liquid. You carefully took one from her and Papyrus took the other. “Oh, I called your work. They said don’t worry about coming back in. They’ll comp the rest of your hours so just take it easy.”

You relaxed somewhat as you took a sip of the hot tea. Well at least someone knew where you were…even if they weren’t coming to get you. Jerks. “Thanks, I was wondering what I was going to tell them.”

Undyne shot you a toothy grin. “Yeah, so you nerds got all the time you need to figure things out. And you’re not leaving until you do.” The monster jumped back outside and slammed the door shut. You could hear a lock clicking.

“Wait, what?” You gasped. You forced yourself off the bed and banged on the door. “Undyne! Seriously! Unlock the door!”

Undyne cackled outside. “No can do.”

Papyrus approached the door as well. “Did she really lock the door?” He asked.

“Yes!” You confirmed, pulling on the handle uselessly. Your answer seemed to unnerve him greatly. He knocked politely on the door.

“Undyne, I would appreciate it if you open the door,” Papyrus asked.



“Hmmm. Let me think about it.” You could hear Undyne walk away. You felt your legs twitch angrily underneath you, threatening to give out any second.

“Fuck, going down,” you muttered as you fell back to the ground. Papyrus caught you, again, thankfully and helped you back onto the bed. “Thanks. Again, actually,” you chuckled as he sat back down by your feet.

Papyrus smiled. “No worries. I’m always glad to help. I’m just sorry Undyne is acting this way. She’s very passionate so when she sets her mind to something, it’s very hard to stop her,” he apologized.

You couldn’t help but laugh. The situation was still too absurd to be mad. Instead, you decided to focus on the next problem that had been presented to you. The fact that you really couldn’t walk. “Man, I really hope my legs feel better before tomorrow otherwise I’m going to be useless at work,” you observed. Papyrus looked like he was about to say something but he stopped. You sighed. Yeah, there was no way you would be completely recovered by the time you had to go to work tomorrow. “Okay,” you acquiesced, “maybe you can do some healing magic on ONE condition!”

“Yes?” Papyrus asked eagerly.

“Do NOT go into my mind,” you ordered. Papyrus averted his sockets awkwardly but nodded his head.

“I will try not to,” Papyrus agreed. He removed his gloves as you brushed your hair out of the way of your face.

“Do you want me to stay sitting or lay down?” You asked. He had done this with you standing last time but that was no longer an option considering the condition you were in. Plus, the image of Papyrus having to kneel down in front of your waist in order to heal just gave you an overall weird vibe.

“Uh...maybe laying down would be best,” Papyrus admitted, his cheek bones lightly blushing the moment he spoke those words.

You didn’t really notice the change. “Cool, cool.” You laid down all the way. “Alright, I’m ready.” You began to close your eyes as Papyrus approached your bottom half only for them to immediately shoot open as you felt something brush the soles of your feet. “Woah! Woah! Woah!” You exclaimed, sitting back up.

Papyrus worriedly looked up at you. ‘Human! What’s wrong? Have I hurt you?”

“No, it’s just! Where are my shoes?” You asked. Your shoes were totally gone, leaving you with bare naked feet. One of which, Papyrus had wrapped a long skeletal hand around. Damn, the size of his hand to your foot only cemented the fact that he was much larger than you. You thanked the higher powers that he was friendly.

“Oh!” Papyrus looked around the room. “Hmm, perhaps Dr. Alphys has taken them to repair them. You burned them quite a bit when going over the fire pit.”

“Oh that’s cool.” Fuck, you were never getting your shoes back. Or at least not without some modifications. Which brought you to the other pressing matter. Literally. Papyrus’ fingers were still gently pushing on the arch of your foot as he watched you for an answer. “Sorry, ah, yeah, you can continue.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, sorry. I was just surprised is all that you were touching my feet,” you tried to explain. There was a skeleton holding your foot. You never thought you would think those words in that order before.

“They are nice feet.” Papyrus complimented you.

“Ah..uh thanks?” Way to make an awkward situation even more awkward. You had to resist the urge to pull your foot out of his grasp and forced yourself to remain sitting.

“Are you ready?” He asked one more time. You nodded and felt yourself tense as the orange pupil came to life at your acceptance. The bones began to probe and rub parts of your feet. It actually felt kind of nice. Almost like a foot massage. You hadn’t had one of those in a while. Maybe you should get a pedicure soon.

Papyrus glanced up at you and caught you smiling. You chuckled. “That, uh feels really nice actually.”

Papyrus looked rather proud of himself at your statement. “I am very glad to hear that. Of course, it’s no surprise because I am the Great Papyrus,” he bragged. He returned his attention to your foot and put some more pressure into his touches.

Maybe you should pay attention to what he was doing? You were rather curious so you watched patiently. Now that you were actively watching it, you could see orange magic coursing through his phalanges and illuminating your skin where they touched. This was kinda cool, you realized, as he ran a thumb along the arch of your foot. You were getting worried over nothing-

A sudden jolt shot up your leg and practically electrocuted your lower back muscles. The muscles of your lumbar region, and you meant all the muscles of your lumbar region, spasmed and contracted in response to the jolt and you couldn’t help but let out a startled, choked moan. You slammed two hands over your mouth immediately. Oh my God. You did not just moan. Maybe he didn’t hear it. You risked a glance at Papyrus.

Shit. The skeleton watched you with wide sockets. He heard you loud and clear. His orange eye flickered nervously, still maintaining his magic current on you although now he appeared to be taking deep breaths to do so. He must have hit a pressure point. You had to say something, stupid, think!

You pulled your hands away and coughed. “I’m okay. You, uh, hit a pressure point.”

“Pressure point?”

“Uh, it’s like a ball of nerves that affect other parts of the body-ah!” Fuck, your entire legs were hypersensitive you realized as just him dragging the tips of his fingers over one of your toes made your skin crawl. You tried to muffle yourself again but Papyrus leaned forward and grabbed your wrist before you could quiet yourself.

“Was that noise a cry of pain? Do you want me to stop?” He pressed.

“No! Ah, I mean. It was a good noise. Uh…” Your womanhood was tense and you absolutely hated yourself right now. Congrats, you were aroused by a foot massage. Granted, it was brought about by hitting a pressure point in your foot and really, when was the last time a guy really touched your legs? The orange magic flashed by your feet and you realized with some trepidation that although Papyrus had promised not to delve into your mind, you probably weren’t helping by getting all worked up and increasing the risk of him finding out. Ah man, you had to think of something, anything else. “Hey, will it distract you if I text on my phone?”

Papyrus appeared unsure. “Well alright. No, it shouldn’t be a problem.”

You pulled out your phone from under your sports bra, and breathed a sigh of relief when it wasn’t damaged during your run. Your phone lit up with a few notifications. You bit your lip as you saw the Undernet app blinking rapidly. Did you dare? Yes, yes you did. You clicked on the app.

“Royal Guard in Training Saves Beautiful Nurse from Certain Doom!” The headline proudly read. You stuck out your tongue. “Aw man.”


“We made the Undernet news,” You couldn’t help but chuckle as the orange glow flickered. “Wanna see?”

“Yes please.” You handed the phone the phone over to the skeleton who took it carefully in one of his hands. He glanced at it and his grin froze. But only for a moment as you began to joke.

“Beautiful nurse? Pshaw! Yeah right. More like Stupid Panicked Nurse,” You teased yourself.

“You don’t think you’re beautiful?” Papyrus asked, catching you off guard.

“Ah, well, I mean, there’s a lot of other better looking women out there.” You both jumped as your phone rang in the skeleton's hand. “Maybe I need to answer it?” You asked, reaching for your phone.

To your surprise, Papyrus flicked your phone to silent and put it down out of your reach. “Human, I have neglected my duty in healing your injuries,” he stated before you could protest. “Lie down,” he asked strangely. You hesitated. Was he angry with you? He watched you hesitate and his voice softened, “Please?” You found yourself almost mechanically lying back down and stared up at the ceiling in wonder.

That was, uh, odd but you didn’t reflect on it too much as Papyrus finished with your feet. You could feel the familiar warmth at your ankles and you couldn’t but let out a happy sigh. There was something comforting about the magic. It appeared that the bruises were not that deep because you felt Papyrus’ hands move upwards after only a few seconds at your ankles. His hands pressed into your shins gently and this time only a small moan broke from your lips. You really couldn’t help it. It felt even better than it did the first time he had tried this with you. Then again, last time you weren’t exactly totally on board with him using magic.

You could almost swear that he was doing this on purpose to make you feel this good but you quickly pushed that thought away. Like he was purposely massaging the skin or something. Yeah right, there was no way that Papyrus could even conceive of doing that. You discreetly placed one of your knuckles in your mouth to muffle the next moan that tumbled out. Thankfully, he didn’t even glance at you. He seemed rather concentrated in healing you instead. At least you were moaning quietly enough not to draw his attention this time.


Papyrus was doing everything in his power to have you make those noises without outright asking you to. And no, you were not that quiet.

Maybe, maybe he should think about this a little bit before he got a bit too carried away. You had laid down and allowed him to take your feet, only to quickly sit up when he actually touched you. Perhaps you were not used to being barefoot? Now that he thought about it, he wasn’t used to taking off his boots so he could understand your discomfort at the unexpected exposure. He was able to keep a steady grip on your feet despite your initial shyness and you finally allowed him to start casting.

You were rather quiet as he worked on the bruised skin on your feet. The silence made him slightly nervous and he glanced up at you to see if you were alright. To his pleasant surprise, you were smiling. “That, uh feels really nice actually,” you admitted and Papyrus felt his chest swell with pride at your statement.

“I am very glad to hear that. Of course, it’s no surprise because I am the Great Papyrus,” he bragged to you. You seemed to smile even wider at the statement and he happily returned to the arches of your feet. The human anatomy was so strange and he couldn’t help but run a bony finger along the side of your foot. His sockets arched in surprise as he found an especially tight portion on the center of your sole. It wasn’t an injury, but surely you wouldn’t mind if he helped loosen the most likely sore part of your foot so he pressed in.

And then you made a noise. A noise that made him nearly sever the connection between you both. You looked absolutely mortified and Papyrus was too caught off guard to stop you from muffling yourself. He felt his own magic threatening to spike and he quickly wrestled it under control. He focused on your eyes which echoed your fear and…something else? He wasn’t entirely sure but he managed to steady himself and prevent his chest from pounding by taking a few deep breaths.

“I’m okay. You, uh, hit a pressure point.”

Papyrus cocked his head at you. “Pressure point?”

“Uh, it’s like a ball of nerves that affect other parts of the body-ah!” Your explanation immediately ended with the same noise as his fingers gently brushed your feet once more. He saw your hands coming back up to cover those lips of yours and he snagged one of them before it had an opportunity to do so.

“Was that noise a cry of pain? Do you want me to stop?” He asked worriedly. He really liked that sound you made again, but not at the expense of your health.

“No! Ah, I mean. It was a good noise. Uh…” Your voice trailed off. Papyrus’ chest lightened considerably at the statement. He was very happy to see he hadn’t hurt you. That would have been the exact opposite of what he wanted to do! But since you were alright, maybe he could ask you why you made that noise. “Hey, will it distract you if I text on my phone?” Your voice suddenly spoke up.

Darn, maybe later. “Well alright. No, it shouldn’t be a problem,” He found himself telling you. He watched in surprise as you pulled out your phone from inside your battle attachment. Wowie! It certainly had many uses! What a neat invention. He was about to work on your ankles when your laughter caught his attention

“Aw man…We made the Undernet news.” What? Papyrus was startled by the news, but still not enough to break the magic. He had been practicing maintaining his concentration. “Wanna see?” You offered.

Papyrus released your hand and took the phone from you curiously. “Royal Guard in Training Saves Beautiful Nurse from Certain Doom!” The headline screamed. Hey! Did this mean he was famous now? At least his efforts to enter the Royal Guard had not gone unnoticed. His grin froze at the last part of the title. Certain doom? That was a bit of an overstatement. He was sure with enough time, you would have found a way off the building without exploding it. You were very resourceful.

“Beautiful nurse? Pshaw! Yeah right. More like Stupid Panicked Nurse,” he heard you mock yourself. Your comments surprised him and he looked you over carefully. Did you not think you were beautiful? He thought you were quite lovely. And smart too!

“You don’t think you’re beautiful?” Papyrus asked. He watched your face become flushed.

“Ah, well, I mean, there’s a lot of other better looking women out there,” you started to mumble. Papyrus felt something resolute settle in his chest. He wanted to make you feel beautiful. The sound of your phone ringing in his hand jolted you both out of your talk. What unfortunate timing. He glanced at the contact name and felt his chest clench. It was your other date. “Maybe I need to answer it?” You asked, reaching for your phone.

It was at that moment that Papyrus decided to do something that later on, he might have considered a poor judgement call. Before he could stop himself, he found himself switching your phone to silent and purposely placing it out of your reach. He spotted the surprise in your face and brushed it aside. Right now, it was his mission to make you feel good about yourself. Not anyone else’s. His. And he really couldn’t do that if there were more interruptions. He needed you alone.

He cleared his throat. “Human, I have neglected my duty in healing your injuries,” he informed you. His voice came out a little deeper than he would have liked as he found himself ordering you to lie back down on the bed in front of him. You appeared nervous at that statement and Papyrus instantly regretted even asking you to do this, much less touching your phone. He shook his head and smiled at you in an attempt to show he meant no harm. “Please?” he asked. To his pleasant surprise, you lowered yourself back onto the bed and watched the roof.

And now, here he was…trying to figure out what he had exactly done to get you to make those noises. Papyrus thought you only made those noises when you were kissed so it was a rather large shock to hear you make that noise when he touched your feet. Some guilt throbbed in the back of his mind, but he kept trying to remind himself he was doing this to heal you. That it was easier for him to do healing magic if you were on your back because you could see the whole leg. Plus, you had said they were good noises so having you make them really wasn’t hurting anyone, right?

Your bruises were thankfully more superficial than the one you had on your neck and they healed quickly. He found that kneading your skin proved to be the most surefire way to get you to make those noises and proceeded to work his way up your legs until he reached the base of your shorts.

He clicked his teeth together. He wasn’t sure if you required healing there and he didn’t want to go sticking his hand underneath your shorts without permission. That would be pretty rude. “Um, Lori?” he ventured, maintaining a low stream of magic.


“Are you injured um, here?” he asked, somewhat shyer than he would have like.

“Under my shorts? Yeah, they’re kinda sore,” you admitted, “If you're that determined to heal me, I guess you can touch there if you want,” you chuckled

Papyrus did not expect your response and his jaw dropped. His magic spiked before he could stop himself.


You were suddenly overwhelmed with feelings of confusion, hesitancy, fear and guilt. Those weren’t your thoughts. You sat up quickly and stared at Papyrus. “Hey! What did I say about doing the mind thing?” You growled.

Papyrus quickly removed his hands, disconnecting the magic and taking away the pleasurable warmth. “I’m sorry human, it’s just, ah I didn’t expect you to say that.” You watched him carefully before Mettaton’s words echoed in your head.

You had an overt sexual presence, as Mettaton so delicately put it. A mischievous thought entered your mind as you watched Papyrus, still slightly disoriented, slip his gloves back on. You had your suspicions that the skeleton was rather conscious to any physical contact between you two, especially after he caught you from the exploding tower. However, the skeleton seemed far too sensitive to your touch and you honestly could not tell if he was reacting positively or negatively. You decided to test it out.

“Papyrus, do I make you nervous?” you asked, gently taking one of his hands.

Papyrus chuckled nervously, “The Great Papyrus never gets nervous,” he declared unsuredly.

“Oh really?” You pulled him closer to you. He trembled slightly. “Not even the tiniest bit?” Papyrus shook his head, deciding not to risk opening his mouth and giving away that he was actually quite nervous. You grinned. “You’re not afraid of me right?”

Papyrus shook his head again, feeling more comfortable with that question. “You may be a formidable opponent, but I do not fear you,” he smiled warmly at you.

“Well...would you like to touch me?”

“Wh-what?!” Papyrus didn’t think he heard you correctly.

You smiled patiently. “You can touch me if you like. Not with healing magic. Just actually touching me…Until you no longer feel weird about it.” You released his hand and flopped back down on the bed.

Papyrus looked around for assistance but there was nobody else. “Lori, I’m not sure about this,” he began. You couldn’t help but notice the way he quickly took in your figure sprawled out on the bed. “Ah...where would you want me to touch you?” He asked curiously.

You scoffed, trying to quell the rapid beating in your own chest. “Anywhere you want.” Papyrus scooted a little closer to you. His hands hovered over your thighs carefully. You tried to maintain the sexy suaveness that Mettaton had convinced you that you possessed, but you felt somewhat hollow about this turn of events. Somehow you imagined this going differently and you couldn't help but feel disappointed. “Let’s just-just get this over with,” you muttered.

Papyrus made a face at your tone and withdrew his arms. He folded them over his chest and looked down at you. “I do not have a good feeling about this,” he admitted.

You found yourself angrily sitting back up. “What? I’m not good enough for you again?” You spat irritably. He uncrossed his arms and stared at you in shock. You scoffed. “Oh you don’t remember huh? Right, what exactly did you say? Oh yeah.” You coughed and imitated Papyrus as condescendingly as you could, “I am very great, so you understand right why I won’t go on a date with you.”

Papyrus looked flustered. “Was that supposed to be me you were impersonating?”


“Nyeh, it’s good for a first try,” he smiled weakly.

“It’s not supposed to be good, but thanks,” you grumbled.

“But, I didn’t mean it that way.” You hmpfed and turned to look at the window. Papyrus sighed. “I can’t tell you why I said what I said, but I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. Of course I’m very great, but you are very great too.” You smirked slightly at the admission. The image of Papyrus being a cocky ass was disintegrating slowly back to the picture of an overconfident and overzealous skeleton.

But…that didn’t mean you weren’t still mad. “You think I’m great?” You asked, swiveling your head back to face him.

Papyrus nodded. “Yes. Stubborn but still great.”

“Cool. Then touch me.”

Papyrus threw his hands up in the air in exasperation. “Are you serious?” he asked.

You nodded. “Look! I’m not an idiot. You clearly have some type of problem with me because every time either of us make any type of physical contact, you get all freaked out,” You argued. Papyrus shifted his sockets.

“That’s not quite it,” Papyrus explained slowly.

“Then what is it then?” You demanded. Papyrus was silent. You gritted your teeth. “Listen, you’ve been acting really weird. Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”

“I’m really sorry, but, ah, I’m not supposed to,” Papyrus apologized.

Talking was getting you nowhere. Time to revert back to Plan A. “If you won’t tell me what's up and you won’t even try to touch me or hell, give me even a reason why not, then we’re done here. Go ahead and break the door down or something because I’m done talking with you.” You emphasized your point by this time turning your whole body once more to face the window. You were handling this as maturely as a 14 year old.

“I’m not breaking down Undyne’s door,” he spoke seriously, “I already broke her windows seven times in the last month.” You didn’t outwardly register the words but inside you were thinking how the fuck did he break seven windows? You didn’t move. “Please don’t ignore me,” Papyrus asked sadly. You hmpfed once more and remained sitting, facing the window.


You felt the bed shift slightly as he sighed. “Very well, if I must do it this way,” his voice came out strained and slightly lower than normal. It was real quiet for a moment and you wondered briefly if he had gotten up to break the door down after all. Maybe you should sneak a peek?

You didn’t get a chance. A strong hand seized your shoulder and roughly spun you away from the window. You let out a startled gasp as you were pushed backwards, your head thankfully hitting the pillows at the top of the bed with your arms landing on either side of you. You attempted to lift yourself into a sitting position only to be immediately pinned to the bed by two familiar gloved hands. You let out a frustrated growl and tried to push off the hands holding you down but froze as an even lower growl from your assailant sent shivers down your spine. You looked up in alarm to see Papyrus looming over you, his pupil burning a searing orange. He looked absolutely predatory as he greedily took in your entire quivering, panting body with that orange eye.

He chuckled rather darkly. “Looks like I caught a human.”

Uh oh.

Chapter Text



You just had to keep pushing didn’t you? You wouldn’t just sit down and talk like any normal human, would you? You had to insist that he touch you, again and again and every time it got a little bit more difficult to resist. And then you shut down. You refused to even acknowledge his presence.

Well, it was a little hard for you to ignore him now, wasn’t it? Papyrus had sparred and wrestled with the Guard Dogs and had almost won once against Undyne so he was no stranger in pinning an opponent. And you had been quite easy to pin. He took some satisfaction in watching your eyes, which had been hard initially, immediately widened in surprise at his actions. He had your attention for a second before you began to fight him.

You couldn’t just stay still and let him talk? Your refusal to submit was beginning to frustrate him. He didn’t want to hurt you and he almost let you up until you growled. Papyrus couldn’t believe it. You had growled, like some feral creature caught in a trap. His trap. He felt his own chest rumble at that thought and he responded with an even lower growl of his own.

Your fighting stopped immediately and Papyrus grinned. That was a good human. Perhaps you just needed a little forcefulness to command your attention. Papyrus felt his magic swelling up at this theory and he watched you try to shut down again. He couldn’t let you do that. He pressed your arms more forcefully against the mattress and darkly chuckled “Looks like I caught a human.”

Your mouth opened in shock but no words came out. No matter. Papyrus scoffed. “Still unable to speak?” He watched your eyes narrow and your lips purse angrily. “Perhaps it’s not just your legs that need touching,” his voice trailed off and he eyed your lips with far too keen of an interest. You gasped as he pressed his chest against yours and leaned down to kiss you.


Undyne and Alphys sat at the table, tapping on it languidly. The fish monster watched the hallway leading to the bedroom and groaned. “Ughhh, this is boring!! I’m going to check on them again!” She declared, standing up.

“N-no!” Alphys spoke up, hovering her claw over her girlfriend’s arm but did not actually grab her. “We got to let them, you know, figure things out?”


Alphys pointed to the clock. “They’ve got until 5. That’s a whole hour from now. You and I promised we weren’t going to bother them until then!” Alphys reminded her.

Undyne flopped back down to the table dejectedly. Yeah, they did promise each other they weren’t going to disturb you and Papyrus. There was clearly a level of miscommunication between you two that the couple hoped you would both break through if you were trapped long enough together.

Alphys blushed. “Uh, well maybe if uh we’re good, we can do the thing that you like tonight.” Undyne raised an eyebrow at the rapidly reddening scientist.

“You don’t mean…” Undyne asked eagerly. Alphys nodded shyly, her face now a healthy beet red. The warrior broke into a humongous fanged smile. “Aw man, Alphys! That would be so cool!!” She stuck out her hand. “Alright, you got a deal. I won’t let anyone interfere until 5:00PM.”

Alphys shook the hand. “Thanks, Undyne! That really means a lo-!” The monster froze as the sound of a shriek shot from the hallway followed by a loud crash.

“Huh, that sounds like the human,” Undyne observed.

Alphys paled. “That WAS the human! Oh my god, Undyne! We have to go see what’s wrong!” The dinosaur monster attempted to scurry in the direction only to find Undyne retaining her steely grip on her hand.



“You made me promise not to let anyone in. And that includes you.”

“B-but, the human!”

Undyne waved her hand. “Yeah, I bet she’s fine. I’m sure they’re making a lot of progress!” Alphys shot another worried glance at the door as Undyne guided her outside. “Hey! This is Pap we’re talking about! He’s way too nice to do anything bad! Now let’s go find your track shorts!”


You scrambled backwards until your back collided against the headboard of the bed. Your legs had fully recovered due to the prior healing magic. Which was good because you just used them to kick a skeleton off the bed. You took the moment of respite to let out a shaky gasp and pull back down your shirt which had been tousled in the scuffle. You were a panting, disheveled mess. What the hell happened?

Papyrus had jumped you. He fucking jumped you! And those comments! You still couldn’t believe it. Yes, okay, yes you did ask him to touch you, but you had no idea he would actually follow through! You didn’t think he was even capable of that. Had he tried to kiss you too?! You needed a moment to think and the sound of your chest pounding and your own body’s quivering excitement did little to help you concentrate.

Your respite did not last long. Another growl brought your attention to the bottom of the bed to see Papyrus had recovered far too quickly from your surprise attack and stalked after you. He did not look pleased. Could you fight him? You looked at the size difference and blanched. No way in hell. You would lose rather quickly…and what would happen to you if you lost? You glanced at the door. It might be locked but maybe you could force it open?

Papyrus caught you looking and smirked. “Human, give up and accept defeat! Nyeh heh heh heh,” he laughed. Your eyes widened. He actually did the laugh. Despite your current circumstances, that was pretty funny and an incredulous smile broke out on your face.

“Oh my God, you did the laugh,” you wondered out loud.

Your comment made Papyrus falter and he actually appeared somewhat dismayed at your words. “Ah-uh well, it was supposed to strike awe and terror into you?” He mumbled, his orange magic dimming.

You felt a bit bad for saying that and stood up on the bed. You struck a defiant pose. “It most certainly did! However, not even you can stop me from escaping!” You teased back. You instantly regretted the jab. The skeleton’s magic burned bright once more as he became even more eager to stop you now.

“Nyeh heh heh! Prepare to be captured, human!” One good leap and he would probably catch you again. He seemed to be aware of that as well and you watched him tense as he prepared to jump. Uh...maybe you could distract him? Fuck it, worth a shot.

“Look! A human!” You shouted, pointing toward the window.

“Nyeh?!” He turned. He actually fucking turned. You jumped off the bed and bolted to the door. You rammed your shoulder against it only for the door to remain firmly in place. Still locked. And now your shoulder hurt.

“Ow! Fuck!” You swore. Man, movies made doors look so easy to knock down. You made a mental note as you pressed both hands against the door that you should seriously write a letter to someone about that. Wait, why were you breaking down the door again? “Oh shit!” You remembered.

You were yanked roughly backwards as Papyrus grabbed you around the waist and lifted you up easily with one arm. You struggled and kicked. “That was a good effort, human!” He praised. You were not out yet, dammit! You managed to grab and hold on to the door handle with both hands.

“I’m gonna scream!” You threatened. He stopped pulling you. A smug smile alighted on your face. Heh, that did it. Your victory was turned to confusion as his other arm came around and pressed down on your chest, pushing you even closer to his figure behind you.

“Go ahead,” His voice came out dark and husky right next to your ear and you shuddered at the close proximity. Your heart beat rapidly as you swore you felt heated breath on your neck. “I would enjoy it,” he purred into your ear.

“W-what?!” You gasped, your grip slackening. He took advantage of your surprise and brought his second arm sharply down on the antecubital spaces of your arms. The action successfully pinned your arms to your side and in doing so, wrenched them away from your grip on the door knob.

You kicked at the air as he carried you back to the bed which had been thoroughly unmade by this point. Your mind was racing. You can’t have lost! You hated being carried like a sack of potatoes! Why was he bringing you back to the bed? Was he going to do lewd things to you? Did he even know what lewd things were?!

All these thoughts went to the backburner when Papyrus threw you to the bed. You landed on your rear and quickly tried to sit up only to make eye contact with the skeleton. The orange eye was still there and it looked at you in such a ravenous way that you felt every hair on your body stand on end. Papyrus wasn’t quite on the bed yet, his knees resting on the mattress with his feet still semi planted on the ground. One of his long arms reached forward and seized your ankle before you could yank it away. “Wait wait wait wait wait!” You squealed as he attempted to pull you back down to him.

His fingers traveled to the bottom of your trapped foot and he eyed you lasciviously. “I’m done waiting, human.” With that, he pressed roughly into the sole of your foot.

“Ah!” You moaned as he triggered your other pressure point. Your struggling legs felt like jelly and he pulled you underneath his large frame rather easily while you moaned and squirmed to your once again hypersensitive lower muscles. You recovered enough of your senses to realize what was happening and attempted another kick only for him to push your leg up. You weren’t that flexible and you couldn’t help but wince and let out a pained gasp as he forced it roughly up into the air.

You could have sworn you saw a flash of concern cross his skull at your discomfort but it vanished quickly when he spotted you watching him. Papyrus did seem to let your leg lax a little, greatly reducing the discomfort, and began to stroke it. The gentle gesture after practically being thrown to the bed and grabbed like a rag doll was jarring and it honestly took you a few moments before you allowed yourself to enjoy the touch.

The tension in the room began to fade as you ceased struggling. Your free foot that was hanging off the bed swung back and forth languidly. Even the glare of Papyrus’ magic began to soften as your breathing slowed down. Your free foot brushed against one of the skeleton’s legs and you experimentally let your toes lightly run up and down the bones. Papyrus blushed at the gesture and nestled himself closer to you.

You bit your lip and debated what to do at this point. Papyrus may not have realized it, but he had pressed his pelvis against your own which was warm and pulsing from the stimulation of his fervent handling. Your clothing was far thinner than his and if anyone placed a hand on your womanhood, they would most definitely feel the amount of needy heat you were giving off. And if they pushed into it, well, uh…they would be able to tell that you were ready for action. Haha, shit.

Fortunately, it appeared that the skeleton did not notice your body’s change, instead using his new position to brush some hair out of your face with his free hand. The action made your heart pitter patter a bit and you felt your cheeks color. “I think you are very pretty,” Papyrus observed, his voice sounding a lot more normal than it had a minute ago, “And I do wish you would want to talk with me. I like to talk to you.” Looks like he was starting to come out of whatever uh, predatory aggressive mindset that he had fallen into. Perhaps you could talk to him at this point? Maybe ask if he would let you up?

“I do want to talk to you.” You found yourself admitting shyly. Uh, that’s not what you were supposed to say but his sockets seemed soften at the admission.

Your phone rang before he could respond and you froze. You had seen Papyrus silence your phone. Which meant it wouldn’t make a noise when it rang…unless the same person dialed you five times within 10 minutes. It was a safety feature you had the option of doing which allowed you to keep your phone on you at work while still being able to receive an emergency call. Because why else would someone call so frequently?

“Who is it?” You asked as Papyrus picked up your phone and narrowed his sockets. “Is it my parents or my work or-?”

“It’s your date. Again.”

“Jeremy? Wait, what do you mean, again?” You asked. Papyrus stared at your phone. He looked frustrated and did not respond to your question. “Has he been trying to call me?” You pressed. Papyrus didn’t answer but instead turned off your phone. Your eyes widened. “What the hell?” You tried to sit up. His hand, which just a few minutes ago had been softly brushing hair out of your face, pressed you back down roughly. Your leg was dropped with even less grace to the mattress below

You looked up in alarm as Papyrus loomed over you, his eye flashing a bright orange once more. “We’ll start from the beginning,” he declared, pushing you more onto the bed so that both of your legs were no longer dangling.

“The beginning?’ You finally squeaked. He had climbed on the bed slightly so that his chest was near your pelvis. The thought of his upper body anywhere near your lower half made you squirm uncomfortably. You felt rather vulnerable at this point. Did he mean he was going to try your legs again and put your through all of that stimulation once more? You hoped not. “But I don’t need healing!” You tried to protest.

“No more distractions,” he ordered. There was little you could do to prevent him from grabbing your ankles and watching as his phalanges worked their way up your legs, kneading and pulling the skin as they climbed. This should not have felt this good, but it was almost maddening how heated and loud your moans tumbled out. Your breathing hitched in your throat and you fought the urge to arch your back at the pleasurable sensations. You let out a choked moan as he advanced past your kneecaps and reached your thighs.

It was getting to be too much, too fast but God, you could not get enough. Every place your body touched was heating up rather quickly. You rolled your hips as his hands pressed into your inner thighs and the realization that he was this close to your sex grounded you somewhat. You made a motion to close your legs only to hear him growl. Did he just growl at you? The action triggered something primal in you and you immediately relaxed your legs, submitting yourself to the male on top of you. You threw back your head and moaned again.


Papyrus was enraptured with you. He never thought he would meet someone who he found simultaneously likable and irritating at the same time but here you were laying underneath him. His mind faltered slightly as he tried to remember why you were underneath him. You wouldn’t talk. You had been stubborn and refused to speak with him. But now, it appeared to him that you could not remain silent even if you tried. But you weren’t even speaking sentences. Just strange noises.

You had made one of those noises earlier and hearing you do them again so frequently stirred something hot and pulsing within him. His chest just radiated warmth that begged for more fuel. Those noises were not enough. He needed you to speak English. Heck, even just an attempt at saying his name would satisfy him. This plan only spurred him on to explore every inch of you to find out how to have you saying his name in the same way you were making those noises. He wanted you, no he needed you to say his name right now.

These thoughts seemed absolutely foreign to him and he couldn't help but wonder if he was under some form of spell or if he really had these thoughts about you and had just buried them because of their absurdity. Why did he feel so enamored with the idea of you calling out his name? His hands pressed against the soft tissue of your inner thighs, parting your legs in front of him only to come against some resistance as you tried to press your legs back together with a high pitched whine. Perhaps he had overstepped some boundary and he made a motion to remove his hands only to spot your turned off phone.

An odd feeling of discomfort settled in his chest at its sight and his mind drifted to the thought of the other male. Specifically, his interest in you. The thought of you with this other human intensified the feeling of discomfort and irritation that threatened to squelch the fire within his own chest. Papyrus was the one who had brought you to this state of excitable sensitivity, not this other human. He couldn’t help but release another alien growl that rumbled from his chest. Almost immediately, your resistance ceased with another whine and Papyrus found that he could continue his path up your thighs once more unhindered.

As his phalanges reached the base of your shorts, he stopped. You had given him permission to do this and yet, there was something nagging at him to stop. He glanced at your flushed frame once more but you were not looking at him anymore. Your eyes were unfocused and you didn’t really seem to be here. Mentally, at least. You were definitely physically present as his eyes watched your chest rise and fall. He found himself conflicted. On one hand, he couldn’t help but take some perverse delight in watching you cry out underneath him.

On the other hand, you still hadn’t said his name. This wouldn’t do. Perhaps, you needed to be reminded that he had captured you. That in this moment, you belonged to him. And if he wanted you to, you were going to scream his name until your throat was sore. He temporarily released your legs so that he could come closer to you, pressing himself against your hips. He let out a groan of his own as your hips responded to the pressure by grinding against his own pelvis. He gritted his teeth and lowered his skull to your ear.

“I intend to touch you until I am satisfied,” he growled, pressing against your bucking hips, “only after then shall I release you, human.”


“Eh?” Papyrus found himself caught off guard as you suddenly looked up with bright, open eyes.

It appeared to be a struggle for you to maintain their openness and even the skeleton could see that you were rapidly losing your newly regained focus. “My name-my name is Lori,” You gasped in a moment of lucidity before laughing strangely. “It might get confusing to keep calling me human since there are other humans.” There was something familiar about what you said but Papyrus couldn’t place when he had heard it.

“Confusing? How would that be..confusing?” His voice died in his throat as the image of you in your work uniform materialized in his mind. You were smiling up at him. “Lori?” Papyrus realized. He looked back down at you, hoping to see your smiling face, but you were already gone. Your eyes clouded over and half lidded once more as you succumbed back to writhing underneath.

You were Lori. Not just any human. But Lori. Papyrus tried to push forward and slide the tips of his fingers underneath your shorts. You had been on one date and a hang out. Your hips lifted slightly off the bed, allowing him to stick more of his hand against your thighs as the image of you cutting garlic came into mind. He had to keep going. There was a warmth underneath this article of clothing that drew him to its source. It was almost as warm as you had been when he tucked your sleeping body into his bed that night. He needed to, he had to…

He couldn’t continue. Not with you. Not like this. Papyrus’ probing stopped and he slowly retracted his hands from your legs. His chest shuddered and ached as he did this but he lifted himself off of you and forced him to sit at the edge of the bed, away from you, taking deep breathes as he did.


The absence of stimulation quickly dragged you down from your high. Your moans turned into ragged coughs as reality forced you to come to terms of how overheated your body had become from this encounter. You brought yourself up to a sitting position and shook your head. The haziness was rapidly dissipating as you realized that the skeleton no longer pinned you. In fact, you didn’t see him anywhere. Had he left you alone?

A deep sigh caught your attention and you quickly looked over to see Papyrus sitting on the edge of the bed, his head bowed and resting between his hands. Nervousness that you had pushed aside began to hit you full force. He was sitting really far from you. A closer peek revealed a blush on his skull and you couldn’t help but feel your stomach drop. Your movements caught his attention and he quickly looked up at you. He seemed worried? Guilty? Definitely embarrassed if the color on his cheekbones were anything to go by. “Papyrus,” you began.

To your surprise, Papyrus motioned you to be silent as he faced you. “ facing some complex feelings,” Papyrus began, “feelings of affection and happiness when you are near me...and then feelings of sorrow, especially when you are mad.” He rubbed the back of his skull. “I would normally say that these are feelings that you must be feeling right now but I don’t know if that’s true because, how do I say this…”

You shifted uncomfortably. “Hey,” you admitted, starting to feel guilty, “I’m sorry, I mean I kinda forced you into doing this-.”

“Oh, YOU didn’t force me. I’ve wanted to do things with you,” Papyrus growled, his voice dropping a few octaves as his eye flashed a glaring orange. You felt yourself shudder as he eyed you once more. How in the hell did the magic respawn that fast? Did this monster not have a cool down? Now that you had calmed down, you glanced at him and flinched. He almost looked like he had fangs. To be honest, that kind of freaked you out. Though you weren’t sure if it was a bad thing.

“Holy shit, Papyrus?” you gasped.

“Language,” Papyrus corrected you automatically, the orange eye vanishing immediately. He shook his head and blinked a few times, looking a lot less ominous and more back to his gentle giant stature. “I really want to touch you, human, but I’m very sorry. I know nothing about you!” Papyrus confessed.

He knew nothing about you? How did he not know anything about you? Then again, how much did you really know about him either? You bit your lip. Oh fuckbunnies...he was right. You had met each other only a few days ago. “Oh my god, you’re right. I don’t know anything about you,” you gasped, “I don’t even know your birthday.”

“Neither do I,” Papyrus admitted. “See!”

You brought your knees up to your chin and coughed. “Uh, so what now?”

Papyrus brightened up. “Frisk suggested we play a game called 20 Questions.”

You shrugged. “Uh, sure, not sure how that’s going to help.”

The skeleton monster bounced up and down excitedly. “The rules are simple. You ask me 20 questions about me and then I’ll ask you 20 questions about, er well you.”

You laughed, “That’s not how 20 Questions is played, but sure, what the heck, why not? But let’s alternate between questions, sound good?” Papyrus nodded eagerly. “Alright, uh Question one, er. Do you have a last name?”

Chapter Text

Papyrus once had a last name, but it was a really long time ago. And Sans said it wasn’t that good of one anyway so Papyrus had chosen a new one. So he had settled on choosing Snowdin based on the town he was from in the Underground when he came to the surface (also due to his first suggestion to have “The Great” as his last name not going well). Sans had done likewise. You did have a last name which you shared with him...and then he promptly forgot which was fine. You didn’t have any siblings but you had parents. At the moment, they were enjoying a two month cruise of Greece so your contact with them had been sporadic at best at the moment, but you swore you did have them. Papyrus wasn’t sure if he had any of the latter but he could remember being taken care of by someone at some point so that had been alright as well. Again, Sans had been kind of murky on that and Papyrus hadn’t wanted to pry.

He had a bunch of favorite colors. He really liked red, which you admitted you liked that color a lot too. Favorite food was almost a tie as well. He had chosen pasta, you had your noodles. You both liked to cook. You both liked books, but to your pleasant surprise, Papyrus appeared to like it more when someone read to him and you liked it more when you could read to someone. You hadn’t heard of the stories he knew and he hadn’t heard of yours but you both promised to swap them at some point. You did take breaks during the questions as you learned that Papyrus hated being still for too long and he would get up off the bed for a few minutes before returning.

You didn’t notice it at first, but every time he stood up and then sat back down, he was sitting just a bit closer to you each time. By the time you got to question 15 regarding pet peeves, he was practically next to you, sitting cross legged and bouncing every now and then. “Bad jokes in poor taste,” he grumbled, “Sans and Toriel seem to have a penchant for these terrible jokes that they then share every time we get together. Oh! And leaving laundry on the floor!” Papyrus added.

“Ah haa, yeah I don’t like the laundry thing too,” you lied, remembering you had left a pile of dirty laundry strewn about your bedroom. But you had been busy, dammit...just you should probably clean it up in case you had a special guest over. Not saying it was Papyrus or anything because there totally was no reason for him to come over at the moment or anytime soon. Just...maybe you should pick up a bit.

You glanced at his eyes and noticed the white specks had returned. You decided to ask about that. “Uh, so this might be a personal question, but sometimes when you have pupils (I think) uh, well one of them turns orange. The other one disappears. Why is that? Do you control that?”

Papyrus placed his hand on his cheekbone. “Nyeh, I’m afraid not. It comes out when I need to cast magic although lately I think it’s been showing more often but I’m not quite sure why.” he asked.

“Maybe you should write down what you’re feeling at the time your eye turns orange and maybe it will help you figure out what’s going on.”

Papyrus hummed thoughtfully. “I don’t keep a journal on me.” He brightened. “Oh! I know! I always have my phone with me so I’ll just take a picture and send it to you when it happens.”

You thought that was a pretty good idea. “Haha, alright, that sounds good. Just let me know what you were doing when it happens. Your turn.”

“What is that noise you make?” he asked. Noise?

"Noise?" You asked. "Which noise are you talking about? I make a lot of them."

Papyrus hummed. "Uh. It's hard to explain. It kinda sounds like this." And then he moaned. "But it's a bit higher when you do it...are you okay?"

"Huh? What?" You asked.

"Your face is really red, are you feeling alright?" Oh you were certainly not alright. Papyrus had just moaned and he was not very quiet about it. The skeleton did not have a sense of appropriate room volume.

"Ye-yeah. I'm fine. Uh... So that noise? It's a called a moan. People make that noise when something feels good to them." Hey. That was technically true. You weren't lying.

Papyrus smiled. "Oh. A moan! How ingenious. It must save people lots of time." You had no idea what he meant by this. You tried to change the topic.

"Uh so next question-"

"Can you moan for me?" Papyrus asked suddenly. You choked.

"Excuse me?"

"You do it really well," Papyrus insisted.

"Uhhh, maybe later," you chuckled. The skeleton seemed slightly put out by your answer but returned to his normal happy disposition.

It dawned on you how close Papyrus sat next to you. About a half hour ago, he was at the edge of the bed and now he was less than a foot away from you, bouncing animatedly. You felt less shy and found yourself thoroughly enjoying his gregarious nature.

"Well last question for me," you giggled, "Do you wear your battle body armor all the time?"

Papyrus nodded enthusiastically. "Sometimes I do have pajamas that I will wear."

"Aw. That's kinda cute. Alright your last question! Go!"

Papyrus beamed. "Will you be my date for Frisk's birthday party?"

You blinked. "Birthday party?" He pulled out a very glittery card and handed it to you. You looked at it with interest. "Hey that sounds pretty fun....uh did you say date?"

Papyrus smiled awkwardly. “Yes I did. I would really like to have you come with me. " he paused and looked at you expectantly.

Oh what the hell. Why not. "You know what, that sounds really nice actually. I'd love to go with you," you admitted.

"Nyeh heh heh!" Papyrus cheered, catching you in a massive hug. "That makes me very glad! I'm sure we will have a wonderful time!"

“Hey! Did she say yes?" Undyne’s voice came muffled through the door.

"Yes. The human has agreed to be my date."

"Will you open the door now?" You asked.

"Sure. Right after you guys kiss."



"Let's see some smooching!" Undyne howled.

You sighed and turned toward Papyrus. "Well let's do this I guess-Pap?" He was no longer next to you.


Broken glass flung everywhere as Papyrus jumped out the window.

"Son of a bitch!!" Undyne swore as she unlocked the door and bolted in. "Did he jump out the window?!" You nodded. "And you were going to kiss him too?!"

"Eh, yeah sure."

Undyne ran to the broken window and yelled after the running skeleton. "You numbskull!! She was going to kiss you!" You avoided the glass and stepped next to Undyne.

"Nyeh...should I come back?" He called. Papyrus was almost halfway across the field. Damn, he was fast.

"No, because I'm going to beat the marrow out of you for the window!! Stay right there!!" Undyne leapt out the window and charged after Papyrus who was now beating an even hastier retreat than he was before.

Alphys walked up beside you, being careful to avoid stepping on the broken glass.

"They run really fast," you mentioned offhand.

"Uh-uh yeah I guess so...wanna help me sweep up the broken glass?"

"Oh sure."

Papyrus and Undyne did not return by the time you and Alphys had swept and removed all the broken glass from the room. You had to admit you felt pretty put out that you hadn't had a chance to kiss Papyrus after all and it definitely looked like you were not going to get a chance to say good bye.

Alphys finished pouring you another glass of tea as you both sat at the table. You both were silent, but it wasn't an awkward silence. Or at least not as awkward as the first time. "So are you going to Frisk's party too?" You asked, absentmindedly rubbing your legs where the bruises once were. You still felt sort of weird but you tried to ignore it.

"Oh! Yes. Uh...I've only worn a bathing suit once or twice so I guess I better find it before then," Alphys admitted.

"No worries. I haven't worn one in a while either. I just bought one actually."

"That that's lucky, I guess," Alphys said. You nodded. She glanced toward your legs.

"Uh...your bruises look good."

"Thanks, uh, Papyrus used magic on me," you explained. Alphys looked surprised.

"Oh oh! He did? Oh! Wait wait. Wait there." She hopped off her chair and quickly darted out of the room. She wasn't gone long. The dinosaur returned with a notebook and a pen. "Tell me what you're feeling right now."

"Uh...good I guess."

She shook her head. "No, no. Sorry, that's not what I meant. Uh, are you feeling any particular emotions you weren't feeling before he cast the magic?"

"Uh...can you be more specific?" You asked. You were feeling a lot of things after you and Papyrus got locked into the bedroom. Not all of them needed to be disclosed unless it was necessary. The effects of Papyrus' touch was rather long lasting judging by the discomfort you still could feel between your thighs.

Alphys coughed. "Uh magic for monsters is kind of an extension of their being. So when a monster uses magic, the effects of the magic can vary depending on the intent of the monster using the magic." She adjusted her glasses. "Uh, when a monster uses magic against a human, the effects are much more pronounced than if it was used against a monster since humans don't have magic. Do-do you understand?"


"Well if a monster wanted to hurt you, you would probably feel pain and upset if you encountered their magic. If a monster wanted to heal you, you would probably feel safe and protected. Uh...." Her face colored slightly.

"What is it?" You asked curiously.

"Well this part is just a theory but um it's kinda not appropriate."

"Now I really gotta know," you pressed, leaning toward her.

"Er....if a monster wanted to show you...uh physical interest using magic, you would uh, also feel...physically interested." You blinked at her in confusion for a moment before realizing what she was trying to say.

"You're saying that if a monster uses magic to try to have sex with me, the effects of that magic will make me want to have sex too?"

Alphys' eyes bulged and she squeaked. You scratched your head, feeling a weight settle in your stomach at this new information. "Uh, so not really digging the idea that I would only feel like having sex with Papyrus if he cast magic with the intent of having sex with me. Seems kinda brainwashy.”

Alphys colored even darker. "Papyrus?!" she choked.

"Just trying to make up an example," you asserted. You weren't sure if you were lying or not.

"Uh...well that's what I thought at first but then I remembered what happened to Frisk when he was Underground. Not all the monsters he encountered were friendly. Some used magic against him with the intention of killing him and taking his soul. But Frisk never retaliated with violence. He always found peaceful ways to solve conflicts."

Alphys scratched her chin. "But sometimes a monster Frisk would run into would cast some type of healing magic. And because Frisk wanted to be healed, he found that it would heal him more if he touched it when he wanted to be healed than if he didn't want to be healed."

You blinked in confusion. "Huh?"

"Oh man, I'm really not good at explaining this, am I?"

"Or!" You insisted "Or! I'm just really bad at understanding things."

"I have a theory that magic is only as effective against someone if they want it to be effective. If a monster wants you to feel good and you want to feel good, then you will feel REALLY good. If you don't want to feel good, then you won't."


"So how do you feel?"

"I...feel good," you answered.


You had felt a little too good you admitted as you drove home. "Holy crap," you breathed. You could feel your legs still tingling every now and then. You pulled over as your phone dinged again and checked your messages. It was Sans.

"hey pap said he's going to be home late tonight. undyne has extra training for him." You smirked. It looked like Undyne must have caught Papyrus afterall. You continued to read "got any plans for tonight?"

You fingers floated over your phone's keyboard but stopped before you could decline as you felt your thigh muscles twitch. Papyrus had produced this much of a reaction with just touching your legs. Imagine what it would feel like with Sans who would actually follow through on what Papyrus was unable to give you. You clenched your legs together as a deep rooted heat began to pulse in your womanhood at the possibilities.

You typed back, "I think you and I should continue what we started in the mall. ;)" You added a winky flirty face. Hopefully you got the message across.

You opened the new message. "well i do have some socks that need fixing." You stared at the message.

"Haha." You tapped out another message: "I was thinking of something more physically active ;)" You tried again.

Another message dinged back and you opened it. "welp, paps more the one you want if you want to take a walk."

You facepalmed. Really? You tried one more time. “I was thinking maybe I could get my lips around something other than a corndog.” You hit send and smirked. There!

Ding! “do you want to get a corncat next time?”

"Oh fuck this shit," you growled. You tossed your phone to the passenger seat and began to drive only to quickly pull over again. You pulled out your phone and dialed Sans.

Ring. Ring.Ring. “hey-”

“You smug little shit,” you started in on him. He immediately started laughing.

“you seem a bit on edge there buddy. you okay?”

“Do you want to come over tonight?” you blurted out.

“hmm sure i guess. what’d you have in mind?” he purred nonchalantly. You could hear Sans sipping something through a straw. You smirked. Two could play at that game.

“Well, I was wondering if we could fuck,” you replied as calmly as possible.

You could hear him cough and sputter as he choked on his beverage. You smiled sinisterly. It took him a minute to stop coughing and his voice slightly cracked when he finally spoke. “i guess there’s no beating around the bush for you, huh kid?”

“Nope. So are you interested?” you asked slyly.

His deep voice had fully returned and reverberated through your phone speakers. “oh, i’m more than interested. but i really want to be sure you want to go to the bone zone?”

You snorted. “The bone zone? Really?” You chuckled.

“heh. what can i say? it has a good ring to it.”

“Yeah sure. Let’s go to the bone zone.”

“cool. meet you there.”

Your eyes bugged. “Wait! Wait! My house is a mess!!”



Chapter Text

“FUCK!” you yelled, shifting back into gear and gunning the engine. Your house was a mess. There were dishes in the sink. Dirty laundry on the floor. God, your home was embarrassing right now! Sans would be at the very least grossed out. If he was anything like his younger brother, you were in for a heap of trouble.

Your 30 minute drive turned into a 15 minute drive as you finally slammed into a parking spot. You darted up the stairs and let out a big sigh of relief as you didn’t see any sign of Sans. You opened your apartment door, shut it behind you and began to pick up dirty laundry off the floor like a madwoman. You dumped the first load in the laundry basket in your bedroom before darting back into the living room.

“yo,” Sans waved at you from his spot on your couch. You managed to seize another armful of dirty laundry and throw into the basket. You grabbed a dirty dish off the table in front of Sans and almost made it to your sink when you froze. Wait a minute.

You whirled around and your eyes widened at seeing Sans smiling pleasantly from your your apartment...that you had locked before you left. You let out a shriek and stepped backwards, your foot slipping on your kitchen mat. “Shit!” you squeaked.

You suddenly felt very strange as your descent halted. You looked at your body and saw yourself coated in a familiar blue magic. You quickly looked back towards Sans to see him slowly advancing toward you, smiling smugly.

“already falling for me i see,” he chuckled. You found yourself able to move your hands and you clasped them to your chest dramatically.

“Oh be still my beating heart!” you announced. You felt yourself gently placed on the ground and Sans stood in front of you, his hands back in the pockets of his hoody. “How’d you get in here?”

“i’ve got my ways,” Sans’ eyes glinted mysteriously and you realized that you would not get anymore answers from him on that topic.

“Yeah, that’s not creepy. Do you sneak into other womens’ apartments or am I just the lucky one?” you asked, crossing your arms.

Sans’ smile seemed to widen. “you’re the lucky one i’ve brought an extra burg for,” he offered, gesturing to your table. You peeked around to see two greasy burgers sitting on two plates and looked back at him curiously.


Sans arched an invisible brow at you. “what? would you rather have fries?”

You shook your head. “It’s just...I wasn’t expecting you to bring dinner for a hook up.”

“ah.” Sans looked slightly uncomfortable at your words and shuffled his slipper feet. “uh, well, i hadn’t eaten yet and thought maybe you’d want something too.”

“Oh hey, no! I appreciate a lot. I’ve just never had anyone bring me dinner before a hook up,” you admitted. Yes, you may have admitted you had been pretty promiscuous with that statement, but it seemed to untense Sans somewhat and he smiled gingerly at you. You looked again at the burgers. “Hey, did you take a bite out of one before I got here?” You asked, pointing to the burgers, one of which already had a bite.

Sans turned his attention back to the burgers and snickered. “huh, who could have done that?” He turned back to you but you had already leaned forward and planted a kiss on his lips. His laughter immediately died and you were most definitely sure you caught him off guard.

You broke the kiss and leaned back, licking your lips. “Mmm, tastes pretty good. Can’t blame you for taking a bite before I got here.” You walked past him toward the couch. You could feel his sockets taking in your figure as you swayed slightly before flopping yourself as gracefully as a beluga whale onto your couch. “Wanna watch some netflix and chill?” you asked with a wink.

Sans winked back at you and quickly plopped onto the couch next to you. You actually did have Netflix and you booted it up, taking a bite out of the untouched burger. You just got it a week ago and were logging in from your laptop to sync with your television. “what do you want to watch?”

“I dunno,” you admitted, trying to remember your password to log in. “I haven’t actually gotten a chance to watch anything yet.” You glared irritably at your keyboard. “If I can remember my fucking password, that is.”

“hmm. i saw a paper on the fridge with some info.” Sans went to retrieve and brought it back to you. You glanced at the paper.

“Oh, yeah. I remember. Hang on, let me write it in my computer.” You glanced at the paper. “Do you guys have netflix?” Sans shook his head. “Here, take this. You can use it to watch netflix at your place if you want.” You stuck out your arm to hand Sans the paper. Just as you signed in, you felt something wet and rough trail from your wrist up your arm. You moaned at the sensation and looked through half lidded eyes toward Sans.

Sans’ glowing blue tongue dragged up your arm, illuminating your skin with a blue aura. The skeleton looked up at you as he reached the crook of your arm and smirked. He began to trace lazy circles in your antecubital space, making you curl your toes and bite your lip. “Maybe-maybe we should take this to the bedroom,” you gasped as the aura began to travel to your shoulder.

“sure thing.” Sans released your arm and began to stand only for you to pull him down.

“Gah! Wait wait! My room is a pig sty!” you admitted, “give me a few minutes to clean it up-mmph.” Sans pressed you to the couch and pressed his mouth against yours. Your surprise allowed his tongue to push past your lips and begin to sensually massage your tongue. Your eyes closed as you wrapped your arms around his skull and grinded your hips into his, moaning into the kiss. Even with your eyes shut, you could catch flashes of azure dancing over your figure.

The smoldering neediness Papyrus had awakened with you was now a well kept stove top as Sans’ hands began to pull up your shirt.

You suddenly felt a shift in the air and Sans pulled himself off of you. Your eyes opened and you looked around to realize you were in your bedroom. Your messy bedroom. Even in your aroused state, you still felt embarrassed. “I'm sorry about the mess,” you mumbled.

Sans let out a deep baritone chuckle as he straddled you. “kid, if you only saw my bedroom...i've got a trash tornado. and a dirty sock collection in the living room that pap keeps telling me to clean… although speaking of pap…”

The room suddenly felt cold and your skin began to crawl. Sans was still smiling but there was a hollow look to his eyes that unnerved you. If he wasn't on top of you, you would have probably tried to scoot away. “What about Papyrus?” you asked carefully.

“are you and my bro involved?” Sans asked.

“He asked me to be his date for Frisk's party,” you admitted. Sans seemed to relax and his white pupils materialized once more. The room returned to a normal temperature. You studied Sans curiously. “Heyyyy,” you suddenly grinned.


You smacked his chest gently. “You're a sweet older brother.” Sans rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “Trust me, I'll tell you if Papyrus ever asks me to be his girlfriend,” you truthfully admitted.

“heh. thanks. appreciate that. i know pap likes you but until he actually tries to make you his human then, you're fair game,” he growled, running his phalanges over your breasts.

“All this my human and his human talk,” you moaned as he began to pinch your nipples through your cloth. “Seems a bit possessive doesn't it?”

Sans chuckled again as he began to tug at your shirt. You helped him pull it off, leaving you just in your bra and shorts. He pulled back to admire you and you began to blush. You tried to cover your face but Sans gently peeled your hands away and placed them at your sides.

You both stared at each other, neither of you attempting to make a move toward the other. The removal of your shirt had brought forth the gravity of the situation as well as the memories from the last time you and Sans were in your room. “Sans,” you began.

“we can stop.”


Sans lifted himself off of you. “we can stop right now.” You were silent as he continued. “you don’t need to prove anything. i can go away right now if you want.”

You rolled your eyes. “I already told you, it’s alright.”

“i don’t want an alright. i want your consent.” Your chest tightened at the statement and your eyes softened. The skeleton monster placed a hand on your bed. “i want you to want this. i don’t want you saying yes because you feel you don’t got a choice. i am not the monster you saw last time.”

“But you are a monster,” you softly smiled.

“heh….all our joking aside, what i did was wrong. and you may never really forgive me completely for that. nor would i expect you to. i want you to know i care about you and i’m sorry. really sorry. all you have to do is say the word and i’ll go and never bother you again for the rest of your life. just tell me what do you want?”

You hadn’t realized you were holding your breath until your lungs were burning and you exhaled shakily. A kinda half laugh half cry poured from your lips. Any sarcastic or biting remark you had armed yourself with broke in that moment of sincerity and now you felt truly naked in front of your friend.

Friend. Yes. He was your friend. He was still your friend. Perhaps he was right and you would never truly forgive him for that night, but that was okay. What mattered was what you wanted right now. This was your decision. And you were the only one who was going to make it.

“I want to go slow,” you whispered, your voice cracking. You coughed. “I only want to be touched where I say it’s okay. I don’t want to be bit and I don’t want to get choked,” you asked, no, demanded as your voice gained strength. “I want to say when we start and when we stop. And when I’m done, we’re done,” you finished resolutely.

Sans’ smile grew as he listened to you. Your chest swelled proudly as you concluded, your face now aglow with determination. “anything else, baby girl?”

You smiled and winked. “I don’t know. I’ll decide when we get there, okay?”

Sans leaned back over you and kissed your forehead. “sounds like a plan. let me take you to the bone zone.”


Sans’ fingers rested on at your shoulders and began to finger your sports bra. Man, you really wished you were wearing a more sexy bra...or anything but a sports bra. Then again, you were underneath a skeleton wearing a hoody and basketball shorts. How fancy did you really expect this to go? He looked at you expectantly and you hesitated. “Shit, did you say something?” you asked.

“heh. yeah. was asking if we could take this off,” he pointed to your bra.

You snickered. “That hardly seems fair. You’re still wearing all of your clothes.”

“alright, just don’t go ripping the hoody,” he chided as he removed the outer garment.

“Don’t fucking murder me and we should be fine,” you reminded him. You observed the skeleton curiously. Despite being, well a skeleton, he did appear to fill out the shirt. Maybe he was big boned? Or was it magic? Your eyes lit up at the thought of magic as you remembered Alphys’ talk less than 2 hours ago.

Sans noticed the shift in your thoughts. “what’s on your mind, kid?”

You bit your lip and debated whether to say anything. Eh, fuck it. This was a hook up. “So, uh, I heard a rumor about monster magic,” you began. “I heard that the magic has a different effect depending on the monster’s reason for casting it.” Sans nodded. “ that I’m here, willingly,” you added, “I was wondering if you could try to use some magic on me.”

Sans was quiet and for a moment, you thought you had fucked up requesting magic. “hmm, sure.” You could not help the excited squeal you let out at his agreement. Sans lifted himself off of you and pulled you to a sitting position. “i’m gonna go slow, alright?’re not a virgin, right?”

You threw your head back and roared with laughter. “Good God, no. Sorry.” You were not sorry. “You are my first monster though.”

Sans hmmed. “okay, uh, alright good to know. however, you’re still a human with no magic so it can be a bit overwhelming if i start with the big stuff first,” he explained.

“Big stuff?” You questioned. “I take it you’re not a virgin?”

Sans shook his head. “i’m not exactly the town bicycle, but i’ve had my share.” He eyed you lustfully. “i’m going to go ahead and start. let me know if it gets to be a bit too much.” He shut his eyes momentarily and when they opened again, a bright blue eye was focused on you.

You felt your breathing immediately stop as memories flooded back from that night you saw that eye. Despite the fact that it was not flashing and glaring at you now, your body unconsciously reacted fearfully. You gritted your teeth. You were going to do this. And it was going to feel good. And Sans said he would stop if you wanted to stop. You are in control. Everything will be okay.

You looked up at Sans to see he hadn’t moved. He appeared to be patiently waiting for you to give him the go ahead. You sucked in some oxygen and nodded.

Skeletal fingers raised up toward you slowly. At first, you didn’t feel anything, but as the seconds grew, you felt what could only be described as invisible caresses against your shoulders. You glanced down and could see the faintest trails of blue dance over your tingling skin. It was pleasant, like someone was petting you.

Sans eyed you carefully and you nodded again. His fingers shifted and the caresses began more rough and adventurous, beginning to slide down your stomach. You could feel almost gently pinches of the skin as the magic, now a deeper shade of blue, continue to trail over your body. Your heart beat loudly in your chest as your breath began to become uneven with arousal.

“ready for the next step?” he asked. You nodded fairly quickly this time around. “alright, relax for this next part,” he advised. His eye flashed again.

Your eyes widened as your chest suddenly felt incredibly heavy. You resisted the urge to panic as you surprisingly relinquished control to your top half. The skeleton’s finger flattened slowly and your body leaned back until you were lying on the bed once more. “Woah.”

“how you feeling?”

“Heavy...but not like crushing,” you admitted, “More like a dog sitting on my chest.” Sans grinned at the analogy

“woof, babe, woof.” He scooted closer to you as his magic kept you pinned. His other hand reached out and tilted your head up, exposing your neck. “i’m not going to bite.”

“G-good boy,” you couldn’t help but stammer as he approached. You let out a choked moan as Sans ran a blue tongue from the middle of your chest to your chin. God. Everywhere that tongue went, your skin felt like it had been electrocuted and you felt yourself convulsing. “A-ah,” you panted.

You could feel Sans pull away and look down at you strangely. “...uh, so this might be a mood breaker,” Sans interrupted as you panted, “but, you taste like a campfire.”

You felt yourself flush with embarrassment and arousal. “Ah, Undyne had me run her obstacle course and a building exploded while I was jumping from it,” you quickly explained.

Sans seemed to accept this explanation. “hmm, okay. just making sure you weren’t getting too hot and bothered.” Your groan turned into a loud moan as Sans’ other hand landed on your stomach.

And you thought the magic alone felt good. Holy shit. You watched as glowing blue fingers dug into your stomach and snuck into your bra, tugging and circling your nipples. Through half lidded eyes you watched in amazement as his other hand remained off of you, still pinning your chest to the bed. The level of control over his own magic was unfathomable.

“Holy shit,” you spoke outloud now. “S-sans!”

“god, it sounds so good when you say my name,” Sans groaned as he pinched your nipples, forcing out another squeak.

Damn, your loins were beginning to ache from the lack of attention and you wiggled your hips pathetically. “Sans, please, take off my shorts,” you asked pitifully. His eye glinted mischievously. You caught the look and frowned. “Don't rip them!”

His baritone chuckle only made you more needy for his touch. His glowing hand advanced and he slid his fingers in beneath your shorts and your underwear. Although his digits were not directly touching your entrance, you couldn’t help but tremble in anticipation of his touch. Sans pressed your shorts down and you finished shimming out of the clothes once they were around your knees.

“heh, i like how nice and wet you’re getting for me,” Sans purred as his fingers trailed your clitoris through your underwear. You had not realized how soaked you were until he pressed the fabric against your entrance. Your face flushed in embarrassment. You felt like a sponge.

“Sorry,” you mumbled under your breath.

“don’t be. haven’t you heard wetter is better?” Sans growled. You squealed as he removed your underwear, exposing your pussy to the cool air. You shivered as his fingers began to trace the outer entrance. “you still with me?”

“Yeah, yeah. I am. God, just uh shit,” You struggled against the magic which was still stimulating and restraining the top portion of your body, “keep going, please.”

Sans hummed. “i think now would be a good time for you to show me your talents.” You felt the magic restraint vanish and you looked at him in confusion. “continue what we started in the mall?” he suggested.

Oh. OH! You sat up quickly and got to your knees. You reached for the waist band of his pants and hesitated. “ you have” You questioned.

Sans raised a socket at you. “you mean a dick?”

“Yeah. I mean, I don’t see a bulge at the moment, is it like a turtle where it kinda pops out when it’s ready to go?” You asked. Sans stared at you for a moment before throwing his head back and laughing.

“kid, aw man. i really am your first monster heh.” He motioned you toward him and you pulled down the band of his pants hesitantly. You stared in surprise as what you could only describe as a blue penis stood to attention in front of your face. It was clearly magical as the colors of the appendage glowed and swirled. It seemed to materialize from the pubic symphysis which still remained skeletal in shape. You tentatively reached out and brushed the tip with your fingers, eliciting a hiss from your sexual partner.

Your eyes lit up at the sound and you began to stroke the shaft, confidence growing every time you descended to the base. Pre cum began to form at the tip and you thumb the head of his penis, sending the pre crum dripping down the sides. Sans’ groans were getting louder and more animalistic.

“babe, please, can you-ughh!” Sans’ voice broke as you took his head into your mouth. You swirled your tongue around the tip and began to stroke the underside of his penis as you descended. Your demonstration at the mall did reveal your inability to deep throat and therefore, you were unable to fit his entire member comfortably in your mouth but he hardly seemed to mind. You could feel his hand curl up in the back of your hair yet he did not force you further on his shaft, allowing you to bob up and down at your own pace.

You glanced up as you worked and felt your chest swell in lustful pride as you spotted beads of sweat forming on his skull. His body was trembling and his eyes were half lidded with arousal. You noted with some curiosity that the hand that was glowing was beginning to move again and you wondered briefly the cause until he flexed his fingers.

You nearly screamed against the magic ecto-dick as you felt invisible fingers descend into your hole and press against your inner walls. You realized with lewd excitement that the motions of his fingers corresponded with the penetrations of your rapidly slickening vaginal entrance and you wiggled and thrusted into the spectral stimulation needfully.

His cock begin to twitch as you massaged the head with your tongue but before you could descend once more, you found Sans pushing you off his piece and onto your back. The magical presence vanished from below and you let out a pitiful cry at the emptiness of your sensitive entrance...until you found his head resting against it.

Sans eyed you carefully, his chest heaving with constrained lust as he greedily took in your sweating, panting body. “lori, are you ready?”


“you sure?”

“Just fuck me already!” You demanded. Sans licked his teeth and slowly pressed the head in. “Ah-ah!” You squealed, “Hot!” A sudden intense feeling of heat seized your chest and robbed you momentarily of oxygen.

“shit, sorry baby, hang on,” Sans apologized. He concentrated and you felt the heat simmer to a comfortable warmth. Your chest relaxed. “got a bit too excited there. you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m alright. What was that?” You breathed.

“hah ah huh,” Sans panted, “let's just say be you should be glad I'm not a virgin.”

“That explains nothi-ahh fuck yes!” Your words died into a lusty moan as Sans pressed himself fully into you.

He remained still as you adjusted yourself around your length. Holy shit. You could feel it pulsing inside your trembling walls, filling you snugly. You hadn’t been filled in a long time due to a long dry spell and now it was absolutely pouring. You felt yourself relax finally as the initial discomfort faded away. “Ah-ah, okay, alright. I’m good,” you breathed. He moved slightly and immediately electricity slammed your cervix. “Fuck, fuck, I lied. Wait,” you gasped.

Sans stroked your head comfortingly. “that’s alright. don’t worry. i can wait.”

Finally. Finally you nodded and he began to thrust slowly. The electricity was still there but not nearly as severe as the first time. Or maybe you were just used to it? Either way, it was starting to feel good. With each thrust, you felt Sans slightly angle his shaft. Although it felt good, you couldn’t quite figure out what he was doing...until he pressed against your G spot.

“Ah! Sans!” You moaned as his magic head pressed against your own magic button. Sans’ eyes glinted in satisfaction and continue to thrust against it. You were shamelessly moaning and drooling in moments. You tried to move your arms but that blue magic was back and all you could do was curl your fingers around the sheets of your bed, trying to gain a perch on anything right now as your mind began to numb.

“damn baby. those noises you’re making,” Sans growled, his pace quickening. “i don’t know how much longer i’m going to be able to go.” Your thoughts exactly. You could already feel that delightful pressure building up in your abdomen that was begging to be undone.

The normally lax and nonchalance of Sans had been replaced by a sweating, shuddering monster. He was groaning under his breath as he continued to plunge into you in a way that told you that he needed this escape, this release, as much as you did. You thrust your hips up to meet his, forcing out another groan as he bucked into you faster.

“Sans, I’m close!” You gasped. Sans nodded as his motions became more erratic. Any moment now, your body threatened to give up. You were so close. Just a bit more.

A particularly savage thrust was all it took and the dam in your body broke immediately. Your mind reeled and you began to scream as your body shook and convulsed. Your screams became muffled as Sans ferociously pressed himself against your lips, tasting you as he released his seed into you. You rode out your orgasm as you could feel the member twitch and pulse in your overstimulated sex, your scream only beginning to quiet down as your throat became hoarse.

Finally, you both became still. Sans pulled away and let out a small smile at what you assumed was easily the most dazed look you ever had on your face. He pulled out his penis and you watched through hazy eyes as the appendage evaporated from existence. You twisted as you felt his cum likewise fade, leaving your sore cunt only filled with your own slick juices. It took you a few minutes to sit up. Your legs felt numb and your body lax at the intensity of your orgasm.


“Holy fucking shit,” you finally managed, running your hands through your sweaty hair.

Sans’ breathing was beginning to even out and his smile increased. “i take it you liked it?”

“That was amazing,” you exhaled.

“hang on,” Sans spoke, “i’ll be right back.” You felt the bed shift as the skeleton stood up from the bed and slowly walked to your living room. You couldn’t contemplate why he was leaving but you really couldn’t put much thought into anything at the moment. You felt the bed sink again and you blinked in surprise as there was something floating in front of your face.

It was your burger. “Oh, hah, thanks,” you thanked and you took the burger from Sans’ outstretched hand. You sat up and began to eat the cold but still pretty good burger. Sans sat across from you, chewing on his contently although you never saw him open his mouth to take a bite. “So..” you began, after a minute, “What now?”

“i dunno,” Sans admitted, “i guess we could get some pizza if you’re still hungry.”

“What? No, uh, I’m good with the burger. I mean the sex. If we’re going to do this, uh do you want to make this a regular thing or on an as needed basis?” You asked. Sans was quiet and you felt yourself getting slightly embarrassed. “Uh, I mean, if you want to do this again, that is. If you didn’t enjoy it then, you don’t have to,” You explained.

Sans looked at you like you were nuts. “kid are you crazy? of course i want to do this again. damn, i may not talk much during sex, but your body feels really good against mine,” he chuckled.

“Oh whew. Okay, good. Uh, so?”

Sans tapped his chin. “let’s do it on an as needed basis. i’m sure you’re used to being on call as a nurse,” Sans teased.

“Tech, but yeah, alright that works for me. My schedule isn’t always regular,” you agreed.

You settled into a calm lull as your mind began to return to you. There was something nagging at the back of your mind. Something you wanted to ask Sans. “hey babe,” his voice broke your thoughts and you looked over at him. “i got a favor to ask.”

“Go for it.”

Sans looked uncomfortable. “will you let me know if you and another monster decide to have sex?”

You looked at him for a moment before bursting into a snort and then laughing. “Oh my god! What?! Why? Are you jealous?” You teased.

Sans scoffed. “i don’t want you getting hurt.”

“Get hurt?” You giggled. Sans looked serious. You sobered up at those words. “Sans, is this a joke? Cause it’s not funny.”

Sans shook his head. “it’s not supposed to be funny.”

You stared at him. “Explain.”

“if you are going to have intercourse make sure they have experience,” Sans advised. You blinked.

“You’re telling me not to fuck a virgin?” You asked incredulously.


“That’s fucked up,” You criticized. “Listen, everyone starts at level one with these things. Nobody is good immediately. So a couple of lousy sex attempts are to be expected.”

Sans held up a hand. “i’m not saying it would be lousy. i’m saying it would be dangerous.”

You stared at him now. “Are you saying virgins are dangerous?”

“yes. that’s exactly what i’m saying.” The skeleton groaned. “listen, when monsters have sex, their magic is constantly present. we can’t turn it’s part of who we are. this is even more the case when it’s an emotionally fueled lovemaking and not just a hook up. it especially likes to flare up at those times, so we gotta make sure we keep it under control.” Sans sighed. “the problem is when you got a monster who’s a virgin or has very little experience.”

A pit formed in your stomach at these words. “Okay...what’s the problem?” You prompted.

“well everything is pretty new to a monster virgin. sure, they may read books or watch television, but nothing really can prepare them for the actual sex, especially when it comes to their own magic. they won’t understand how to control or limit their magic at first. it takes a lot of trial and error before they know how to set limits and boundaries for their magic to prevent it from acting up during sex, especially if it’s for someone they have deep feelings for.”

You didn’t like where this was going. Correction. You REALLY did not like where this was going. “What happens if they can’t control their magic?” you asked.

Sans nodded at your question. “a lot of things. they get too excited or nervous and their magic picks up on that and they accidentally start casting magic on their partner.”

“But Alphys said magic’s effect is based on intent!” You protested. “So the magic would feel good...right?”

Sans chuckled. “yeah. but you ever hear about too much of a good thing? it’s one thing to use magic to brush away hair out of your eyes,” he demonstrated, extending a hand, allowing the invisible feeling of a hand push a strand of hair off of your face, “it’s another to accidentally arouse your partner to an unbearable state of lust and then fuck them so relentlessly that they pass out. hell, even just some heavy petting can set it off.”

You opened your mouth to say something, but you couldn’t even begin to come up with an appropriate way to respond to that. Remembering what had happened when Sans had first entered you sent a shiver down your spine. Despite the minor flare up only lasting for a few seconds, it was far too intense for your liking. You couldn’t even fathom an entire lovemaking session having to undergo that sensation.

And that heavy petting comment? You shook your head. Well, that would explain what happened with Papyrus. Even though he hadn’t really touched any erogenous zones, you remembered feeling somewhat overwhelmed by the sensation of it all. Hell, even after you left, you had still felt the effects of his touch. If Papyrus hadn’t pulled away…you shuddered as Sans continued.

“sure, if their first time is with a monster, it’s not so bad. their partner’s magic seems to be able to sense the disturbance and helps protect its user from the majority of the effects. but if you’re a human...well you don’t have that protection, sweetheart.” He coughed and looked away. “after they get their magic under control, it would be safe for you to get intimate with them.”

You bit your lip at this information. “Are you sure that this happens every time? I mean, like, what if a monster doesn’t have much experience but he’s really determined and he practices with magic every day and…”

Sans held up a hand and you clammed up. “sorry babe. but it’s a done deal. it happens to every monster. you do not want to be a monster’s first,” His sockets focused on you, “even if he does call himself the great papyrus.”

Chapter Text

You woke up with a groan to the sound of your phone dinging with the arrival of a new message. You rolled over with the grace of a one legged Chihuahua and managed to fall right off your bed. “Fuck!” You cried as you crashed to the floor. Your hand darted out of the covers and seized your phone. You opened the message and winced as the bright light of your phone glared at you.

“Good morning human! I hope you are well!” You blinked groggily as you stared at the text. You looked at the time. It was 4:10AM.

“Who the fuck sends people texts this early in the morning?” You grumbled. You looked at the sender. “Papyrus,” you growled. Ugh! Did that skeleton not understand the concept of time and sleeping hours? You were too fucking tired for this and debated just silencing the phone but stopped. Well if he was going to wreck your morning, you could certainly wreck his. You hit the dial button and listened to the phone ring.

“Oh hello Lori!” Papyrus greeted cheerfully as he picked up the phone, “How is your-?” You moaned as sensually and lewdly as you possibly could into the receiver. His voice became strangled in his throat. “L-lori?”

“Papyrus,” you moaned, drawling out the “us” sound in his name. You heard him stutter, a loud clatter and the line disconnected. You smugly climbed back into your bed and reburied yourself in the covers. “Four AM” you thought that this was a great idea and you drifted off to sleep once more.


“Seven AM” you realized what you had done and you quickly flailed out of bed. You spotted your phone and seized it anxiously. “Stupid. Stupid. I'm so fucking stupid,” you swore, dialing Papyrus. You tapped the floor impatiently as the line rang.

“Hello?” Papyrus answered hesitantly.

“Papyrus! Hey it's me, Lori!”

“Oh. Hi Lori,” his voice was somewhat restrained from his regular exuberance.

“Hey, listen, uh, I'm super sorry about earlier. I wasn't totally awake and was just confused and sleepy.” You technically were telling the truth. Even though you knew exactly what you were doing, you had been very sleepy.

“Oh, that's good. Uh, may I talk to you later?”

Your gut twisted. Oh shit. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes, everything is fine, but uh, my rope is about to break and I need to use both hands to hang on to the wall.” You smacked your forehead.

“Oh my God! Don't answer your phone on the obstacle course! Hang up! Hang up!”

“Ugh, I'm going to have to drop the call. Do not tell Sans I said that,” Papyrus grunted. There was silence. And then a female voice boomed.


“Undyne? What happened? Is Papyrus okay?” you asked worriedly.

“Oh yeah, yeah. He's alright. He dropped the phone to me is all.” You scrunched your face in confusion until you realized why he was upset earlier. He dropped the call...and literally dropped the call to Undyne. Sans would probably be very proud actually.

“Ah. Well that's good. Uh how's things with you? Sorry I blew up your obstacle course.”

Undyne laughed. “Ya kidding? That was awesome. I'm making the course way harder now. Bigger walls, sharper weapons, hotter fires! It's going to kick ass! You should come up and try it again the next time you're here.”

“Ah, maybe another time,” you winced.

“Hey Pap, is it cool if I play with your phone?” Undyne yelled.

“Sure! Tell the human I made it to the top!” His voice sounded really far away. How high was this new wall?

“Hey your boyfriend made it up the wall,” Undyne chuckled.

“Good to know.” You didn't bother to correct her. It was a losing battle.

“Oh hey, there's a draft message he meant to send to you this morning that's stuck in his outbox. You guys talked at 4am?”

You sweated guiltily. “He woke me up. Yeah. Uh, a message?”

“Hang on, I’ll hit resend. Don't worry. I didn’t read it. If there’s one thing I know about letters, is that they should only be opened by the intended recipient,” Undyne lectured you. “Alright message sent. Looks like there’s an attachment too. I'll let you go. I gotta throw my guards some more rope. Later.”

The phone disconnected and you scrolled to your messages. Sure enough you had a picture message. You opened up and stared at it. And stared. “Uh...I don’t know what I’m looking at?” you murmured. The picture was kinda blurry yet you could still distinguish the majority of it. It looked like Papyrus had taken a selfie and tried to send it shortly after your phone call this morning. One of his pupils was orange. He looked nervous.

You couldn’t remember initially why he sent you the picture until you recalled your conversation yesterday afternoon about him sending photos of himself when his magic acted up unbidden. Hmm. Your little stupid stunt this morning was enough to trigger something alright. Surprise? Arousal? Embarrassment? Your eyes caught the flicker of something else at the bottom of the picture and you squinted to look at it.

“What the hell is that?” you muttered, holding the phone close to you. There was something glowing near his chest. It was orange as well. “It’s not a dick,” you acknowledged. Papyrus didn’t seem the type to send a dick pic...even if he had genitalia. Of course you now knew a bit more about skeleton genitalia thanks to last night. You let out a happy relaxed sigh at the memory and looked at the photo again.

“Is that a heart?” It looked like an orange heart. You were almost sure that it was a heart but the shaky camera shot could not allow you to confirm it. “Huh. Weird.” You slumped out of bed and proceeded to get dressed for work.


Two days until the party, you reminded yourself as you pulled into your hospital parking lot. You kinda felt giddy. You hadn't been to a kids’ party since, well, when you were a kid. But man you seemed to enjoy those parties more than other type of parties...then again you didn't go to many parties now either. And you were going as Papyrus’ date.

You couldn’t help but allow Sans’ words from last night to echo back in your head. You were going to see Papyrus. As his date. You certainly weren’t planning on having sex with him that day. But what if that date turned into another and another and then another? And you guys became a couple! And then maybe one day you guys would decide to take things to the next level, past kisses and cuddles and he’d be above you and would get hurt, according to Sans.

Unless Papyrus had relations with someone else. Another monster. Would you be okay with that? Would he be okay with that? Would it be considered cheating if it was for your own safety? “Stupid, you are way overthinking this,” you criticized yourself. You really were. As you placed your stuff in your locker in the employee room, you started to laugh. “Nobody said anything about there being more dates after this one. This is just one date. For all you know, maybe Pap will realize he likes monsters more...especially if Mettaton is there,” you reasoned with a wince.

Now that you thought about it…you couldn’t think of any monster human couples that had come forward. Would an interspecies relationship be too much for people to accept? Again…you were overthinking things. Shelving these thoughts for later, you walked toward the technician area. Your ears perked up at the sounds of an excited commotion. You pushed open the door and saw your fellow techs gathered around Tim and his phone. “Hey what’s going on?” you asked.

“Dude!!!” Tim exclaimed, holding up his phone, “have you seen that new paranormal investigator show?”

“Uh...I don't have cable so probably not. Why? What is it about?”

“It's this dude named Aaron. But he's not a dude. He's a mermaid horse monster dude and he goes to people's houses and finds ghosts!!!” Mermaid horse monster dude?

Oh. Oh yeah. “Ohhh! I remember that dude. I met him at Grillby’s. He was talking about having a show? How is it?”

“He’s so hot!” A female tech squealed.

“Yeah. The dude makes me want to work out so bad. I've never see anyone supplex a piano to shake out a ghostly pianist!” Tim gushed. You started laughing. Guess the real show was Aaron after all.

“Okay. I'll have to catch that at some point.” you smiled. Tim looked at you strangely. “What?” You asked.

“You look relaxed,” he observed.

You shrugged. “I always look like this.”

Tim shook his head. “No, nah. You look really relaxed.” You bit your lip as he leaned in closer. There was no way he could know. He looked deep into your eyes and broke into a humongous grin. “OH MY GOD!”

Fuck! “Tim, don’t.”


“TIM! SHUT UP!” You warned him.

“YOU WENT TO THE BONE ZONE!!” He squealed, already booking it far from you.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP, TIM!!!!” You hollered, tossing a clipboard at him. He ducked, so you scooped up Tommy the cat and lobbed him too. Gently. The fat cat landed on the ducked technician with a thud and proceeded to make biscuits on his back.


“BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU!” You hollered back, picking up your fallen clipboard so you could smash it over the trapped technician’s head.

“HEY!” Everyone froze. Cheri had stomped in, hands on her hips. “We can hear you out there!” She hollered, pointing toward the waiting room. Everyone looked at each other guiltily and shuffled their feet awkwardly. Cheri nodded approvingly and walked back towards the front.

You gently extricated Tommy who had tried to fall asleep on Tim (again, Tommy was a rather lazy fuck of a cat) and helped the technician up. “Sorry about that, you piece of shit,” you apologized.

“Seriously? You threw Tommy at me, you crazy bitch,” he pointed. He coughed. “But yeah, er, sorry about yelling that you boned Papyrus,” he admitted.

You shifted your eyes. “Uh, I didn’t bone Papyrus…” Tim’s eyes widened.

“You didn’t-!”

“OH! And for everyone’s information!” Everyone turned to see Cheri had returned. “If anyone is going to be talking about boning anyone, that Aaron monster is first on my list. He’s got a rack of abs you can wash your laundry on. Especially the dirty laundry.” The looks of horror and disgust that encompassed everyone’s faces did little to dissuade Cheri who happily sauntered back up to the front.

“Jesus Christ,” another technician mumbled, “Can we please get back to work?”


“Alright everyone! Take a break! You’ve done well so far!” Undyne hollered. It was getting close to noon and lunch was definitely on a few monsters’ minds. The Captain of the guards dropped the steel anchor she had been casually carrying around with her and sauntered into the house.

“Hi Undyne!” Alphys greeted, waving at her girlfriend.

“Hey Alphys! Man that smells good. What are you guys making?” Undyne asked, walking over to her girlfriend and Frisk in the kitchen.

“F-frisk is making ramen,” Alphys explained. “Uh...should be ready in 3 minutes?” Frisk nodded and stirred the pot of boiling needles quickly.

Undyne grinned and tried to reach for the stove top. “I bet we could have it done in a minute and a half if I turn up the heat.”

“N-no!” Alphys scolded, gently slapping her outstretched hand. Undyne shot her a fanged smile and Alphys blushed. “We’ll call you guys when it’s ready.”

Undyne nodded. “Cool, I guess I’ll go see what’s up with Pap. He’s been acting really weird.”

“He likes Lori,” Frisk giggled.

Undyne chuckled. “Oh I knew that. He's just acting more jumpy than he normally does when he's nervous.” Undyne took her leave after giving Alphys a discreet butt squeeze that elicited a startled stutter from her.

Papyrus wasn't too hard to find. He was shoveling dirt onto a flaming boulder that Undyne had utilized for training purposes today. “Hey Pap! How's it going?”

“Oh, it is going well...sorta. I guess I'm really nervous about the Royal family coming back to stay this week,” Papyrus answered, dumping another load of sand onto the boulder.

Undyne raised her eyebrow at Pap. The Royal family had come plenty of times. This wasn't unusual.

“Oh. I can see how it would be stressful,” Undyne played along. Papyrus nodded and continued shoveling sand on the apparently very durable fire. “Sooo, nothing related to the human?”

Papyrus stiffened and then laughed. “Nyeh heh heh! Why that is just silly. Why would the Great Papyrus be worried about seeing the human? I have seen the human plenty of times.”

“You ever see her in a bathing suit?” Undyne asked slyly.

“Nyeh?” Papyrus froze. “B-bathing suit? Er, are these separate clothes for human baths?”

Undyne shook her head. “Oh, no no. They’re clothes used for swimming. But they cover a lot less than regular clothes.” Undyne leaned in closer. “A LOT less.” Papyrus gripped the shovel tightly but remained tactfully silent. Undyne nudged him. “Hell, maybe you can ask her for a picture after training. Seems only fair since you sent a picture this morning.”

Papyrus tilted his head at her. “Picture? What picture? I did not send the human a picture.”

Undyne sighed. “Well no, it was stuck in your outbox. I saw it while she and I were talking so I went ahead and resent it to her since she hadn’t seen it...uh, are you okay?” Papyrus had gone completely white which was impressive since he was a skeleton. Undyne waved a hand in front of his skull. “Yo, Pap! Hey!”

Snap! Undyne blinked in surprise as Papyrus snapped the shovel in two. The action seemed to startle the skeleton out of whatever trance he was in, only for his face to devolve into pure panic. “I’ve got to go!” he announced, running off.

“Papyrus! What was in the picture?” Undyne hollered after him. But the skeleton was already gone.

Chapter Text

Papyrus slapped his skull as he drove. Why didn't he delete that photo? Why did he let Undyne play with his phone? He was so glad she was being helpful but this was the wrong kind of helpful!

He spotted a red light and resisted the instinct to accelerate, instead downshifting as he remembered your instructions. He smacked his head as just remembering your puzzle instructions reminded him of this morning.


He was just about to leave his room when his phone rang. He pulled it out of his chest plate and smiled broadly as the words “Second Base” flashed on the screen. He answered cheerfully. “Hello, how is your morn-?” The sound he was greeted with made him stop in his tracks. He felt an electric shock shoot up his spine and he went completely still. It was this noise. You were making that noise. It was you, right? “L-lori?” he questioned.

“Papyrus…” Hearing you moan his name set every bone in his body on fire. Any attempt at the English language was immediately stricken and he took a step back in shock. His boot collided with an uneven bump in his rug and he unceremoniously plopped back down on his bed. He thumbed the end call button and sat there staring at his phone, trying to register what just happened. His head was burning...his head?

He flipped on his phone’s camera and studied his reflection. His right pupil glowed orange again, his left one was gone. His magic was up. “Ah,” he observed, trying to steady himself. “I said I would take a picture for the human when this happened.” He attempted to remain still and snapped the shot. He had already hit the send button on his phone when he finally focused on the photo. His sockets widened

“Wait! Wait Wait!” he fumbled with his phone and in the nick of time, managed to cancel sending. He stared in horror at the photo before looking down at his own chest, a strong orange glow threatening to bleed out from underneath his breastplate. It was his soul. His soul was in the picture. “Sa-!” Papyrus began but stopped himself quickly. He didn’t want his brother to worry and besides he doubted that Sans would have even heard him. Sans slept like a log.

Papyrus furrowed his brow and looked back down at his soul. “Why is it orange?” he asked. His soul was never orange. Monsters souls were always white, right? At least as far as he knew they were. And why could he see it now? Papyrus knew that the soul could appear during battle...but you had not engaged him in battle. You didn’t even use your pink stick over the phone. All you did was say his name...he could just imagine how your lips looked when you said it.

The burning returned and he looked at alarm at his chest. His soul was almost aflame with heat, glowing even brighter than before. He looked around. “Does it feel warm?” he whispered to himself. He slowly extended his fingers toward the fiery heart but paused. He had never touched his own soul before. Somehow the thought of touching his own essence seemed strangely forbidden. He had no one to ask these questions. The thought of asking Sans unnerved him. He thought of possibly asking you but the thought of doing that made his chest blaze even more.

Papyrus couldn’t deal with this now and began to will himself to think of something or someone else. He thought of how Undyne would deal with this type of problem. Undyne. He glanced at the time. The orange soul immediately flickered out. He was still somewhat sore from the extra training Undyne had made him undergo last night for breaking the window. Being late to training this morning would exacerbate the situation moreso as Undyne had been especially grumpy last night for having her “special time with Alphys” interrupted by the extra training.

He shot one more look at the photo that remained in his outbox and sighed in relief. As much as he may or may not like you, he felt there was something invasive about texting you a picture of his soul, especially if you did not ask for one. Papyrus did not know how many monsters you had met prior to him, but it was generally frowned upon to send pictures of your soul to someone. He did not want to damage your perception of monsters. He had no doubt that humans certainly did not send any pictures of their own private parts to each other and he really didn’t want you thinking that monsters did.

But he had not sent the picture, so everything was fine.


Everything was not fine. The blare of a horn brought him back to reality and he realized he idled too long at a green light. He was entering the city now and he had to be more careful of how he drove. He tried dialing you again. This might have been the 7th time he tried and everytime it rang until it went to voicemail.


Jeremy opened the door to his car in the hospital parking lot and sat down in the driver’s seat, sticking his legs out the window. He quickly turned on his phone’s bluetooth and started to prep the song playlist he had made for you the other day. This so preoccupied his thoughts that he didn’t notice the old fashioned convertible pull up next to him until something heavy collided with his ankle. “OW!”

“Oh! I am terribly sorry human! Are you alright?” Jeremy’s eyes bulged at the familiar loud voice and he looked up to see that skeleton monster staring down at him.

“Holy shit, uh, Papyrus? Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Uh, how are you?” he asked hesitantly.

Papyrus grinned. “I am good.” His face fell slightly, “Well, actually not that good. I really need to talk to Lori. Is she in there?” he asked, pointing to the hospital.

“Yeah,” Jeremy responded honestly, "I was kinda waiting for her actually."

Papyrus shook Jeremy’s hand enthusiastically. “Thank you! You stay here and keep an eye out! I will be back soon to talk to you!”

Jeremy watched him go. “Huh. Sure man.” Realization slowly dawned on him. “Wait! Hang on, I’ll gah!” Jeremy attempted to spring after him but his legs had fallen asleep due to his sitting position and he soon found himself prostrated on the ground instead.

Pam lit up as Papyrus marched in and approached her. “Why hello sweetheart!” she greeted enthusiastically.

“Hello nice human,” Papyrus greeted back, “Is Lori here today?”

“She suuuurrreee is. Why don’t you head on back there and go get her?” Papyrus nodded and walked back in the direction of the technician area. His chest clenched apprehensively as he walked down the hallway.

You must have been furious. Why else would you not be answering your phone?

Chapter Text

Ring. Ring. Ring.

You cursed silently to yourself as your phone continued to ring in your scrub’s front shirt pocket. “Dude, just answer the phone,” Tim grumbled as it continued to ring.

“No, I want to take this shot first,” you countered, “Plus it’s a pain in the ass to take off all the PPE.” You indeed were wearing all of the lead personal protection equipment (or PPE) as you worked with your hospital’s x-ray machine. You had already gotten your thyroid collar on and adjusted your lead gown just right so it didn’t slip down your shoulders. Hell, you even were wearing the lead gloves properly as you finished setting up the machine.

The phone rang again. “Whoever it is will just keep calling,” Tim suggested as he brought over the feline patient the doctor had wanted you to x-ray.

“I’ve got 10 minutes until lunch break,” you argued. “Besides it’s not my parents. They know to call the hospital if they don’t get ahold of me after the first few times.” Someone was dialing you over and over again. It must have rang at least 8 times at this point. “Plus. The cat is being really good,” you realized as you and Tim put the surprisingly mild mannered cat into right lateral recumbency.

“Also, who knows what amount of radiation I’ll expose my phone to if I take it out now?” You mentioned as your foot slightly depressed the dead man pedal to the x-ray machine. To your luck, the kitty you were attempting to take a right lateral abdomen shot of remained very complacent and you were able to quickly snap the shot once the rotors had warmed up

“That apron is pretty old. You don’t think it’s still getting exposed?” You huffed as you adjusted your lead apron and thyroid collar and slid out of your gloves

“It should be totally safe unless you go sticking it in the primary beam like a dingus. But I guess if the apron is no longer effective, then my ovaries have been cooked a long time ago,” you laughed humorlessly.

“Huh. Good point.” Tim whistled. There was some uneasy silence between all the technicians. “Uh, I really do hope we’re not all sterile. I wanted like 6 kids.”

“Six?!” You exclaimed. “Jesus, is there a discount if you buy 5, get the 6th one free or something?” Your phone rang again. You ignored it.

“Will you even be able to have kids?” Tim asked.


“Can monsters reproduce with humans?”

“What type of question is that?” You narrowed your eyes.

“Ooh better question. Can monsters give STDs to humans?” You stopped narrowing your eyes. Fuck! You never had sex without a condom! What were you thinking? “You used protection, right?” You began to whistle. “Oh come on!!”

“Lori, dear you have a visitor,” you heard Cheri call from the front. Thank goodness, you were saved.

You sighed and finished up the x-rays. “Good a time as any to go to lunch,” you realized.

“Maybe it’s whoever has been calling you so much,” Tim suggested.

“You might be correct, actually. I better go check.” You thought about taking off the heavy protection equipment but decided against it and just opted to walk up in your full gear. You pulled out your lipstick from your cupboard and reapplied it before entering the receptionist area. “Hey, who’s coming to visit me?” you called out as you entered the front of the hospital. Your eyes widened, “Jeremy?”

“Hello gorge-woah!!” Jeremy gaped as you walked out, sweaty and stocky. “You look like Iron Man in that! What is that?” he asked, stepping forward and poking you in gut.

“Personal Protection Equipment,” you chuckled, “Helps protect my organs from radiation when I take x-rays.”

“Too bad, I was a big fan of She Hulk,” he snapped his fingers. “Hey! So I was in the neighborhood and was wondering if you wanted to grab some lunch?” he asked.

“You’re in luck, I just got on my lunch break. Hang on, let me go back and take this stuff off,” You waved.

Jeremy clapped his hands together. “Cool, cool. I’ll be in my car. Just come on out when you’re done. I have been craving nachos.”

“Oh! Wait! Wait! Were you the one calling me just now?” You asked before your date could leave.

Jeremy shook his head. “Nah, but I was trying to get ahold of you yesterday but you never picked up. You must have been doing something really fun if you couldn’t answer me.”

“Haha, you could say that,” You laughed, quickly turning around so he did not spot the blush forming on your cheeks, “I’ll meet you at your car!” You started to walk back towards the technician area as Jeremy walked back out the front door.

“Psst! Lori!” You paused as you spotted Pam. She was waving a familiar lavender piece of paper.

“Hey, not now Pam, I got to go to get my stuff for Jeremy.”

“No! No! It’s really important! Hang on! You’re too fast for my old legs!” You shrugged but stopped in the hallway to allow the elderly receptionist to catch up. “I’m supposed to read you the second part of the letter!”

You blinked in surprise. “How do you know I got a date with Papyrus?”

“Your dating coach called this morning and asked for the well styled human who could read his handwriting,” Pam bragged, fanning herself with the paper.

Did monsters not know the definition of privacy? Or boundaries? Actually, considering they were trapped behind a barrier for who knows how long, you’re sure that most monsters would be more than happy to break a few boundaries. “Are you going to read it to me?”

“Yes, dear. Come closer.”


That was probably one of the odder pieces of advice you had received, you contemplated as you walked back to the technician area. “Hey, so was it your date calling you?” Tim asked.

“No, it wasn’t, although he’s here now to take me to lunch.”

“Pretty convenient…although a tad creepy that he knows when your lunch is,” Tim pointed out.

You ignored him as you fished out your phone from under your apron. ‘Seriously, though. If it wasn’t Jeremy, who the fuck kept calling me?” You unlocked your phone. “12 missed calls, from-.”

“Human!” Your head snapped up at the familiar voice and looked over to its source.

“Papyrus?” You asked, turning to see the skeleton in the technician area. You glanced back at the phone and then at him. He looked rather distraught. “Is everything alright?” You asked worriedly.

Your direct question seemed to throw him off because he hesitated. Instead of answering, he pointed curiously to your protection equipment, “That’s some very sturdy armor you are wearing. What is it made out of?” Papyrus asked, stepping forward.

You looked back at the other techs who simply shrugged. “Uh...lead?”

“It even covers your neck?” Papyrus asked, touching the material.

“Oh, uh, yeah, it’s thinner lead. This part comes off. It’s a thyroid collar,” you chuckled, slipping back into your professional demeanor. You removed the collar and handed it to his outstretched hand and he studied it. “It helps protect me from radiation. Uh, that’s basically an energy source that lets us see what’s inside animals without surgery,” you stoically responded. You took the collar from Papyrus. “Excuse me one moment.” You took both pieces of protection equipment and put them away before returning to the skeleton who was starting to remember why he had come. “So, is everyone alright?” you asked carefully.

Papyrus nodded. “Oh, everyone is fine. Uh, may I talk to you somewhere else? Please.” He asked politely.

“Sure, the employee room is over here.” And with that, you lead him back to the empty employee room. You closed the door after him and watched as he calmly observed the new surroundings for a few moments. “So what did you want to tell me?”

Papyrus blinked in surprise at your question. “Oh, nyeh. Yes. Well, oh shoot. Let me start over.” He took a deep breath, regained his nerve and then spoke as calmly as he could. “I AM SO SORRY!!!!” Papyrus practically yelled.

“Uh, wait what?”

“I did not mean for you to see that picture,” he began, pacing back and forth in front of you.

“You mean your selfie?” You scratched your head. “Now that you mention it, I meant to ask you what um, this was,” you pulled out your phone and pointed to his chest in the photo. You looked at it closely. “It’s like an egg or a glowing heart or...”

“It’s my soul.”

“Or a soul.” You blinked. “Your soul?”

Papyrus sighed and rubbed his chest. “Yes. My soul. It’s the very essence of my being,” Papyrus admitted. “Everyone has them.”

“I uh, yeah probably,” you dismissed that info and stepped closer to Papyrus. “How was I able to see your soul?” You asked, staring eagerly at his chest, “I have never seen a soul before. Are they all orange?”

Papyrus didn’t register your eagerness and continued, somewhat still embarrassed, “Ah, as far as I know, normally a soul only comes out during a battle...and they’re usually white,” he explained.

“Maybe your magic made it change color?” you suggested, closing the distance between you two.

Papyrus sighed. “I don’t really know. I’ve never actually handled my soul in a non battle situation-uhh, Lori?” Papyrus blinked as he looked down at you. You were rubbing his chest. “What are you doing?”

“Trying to make your soul come out,” you huffed, rubbing the center of his armor.

Papyrus stood there completely stumped at your reaction before regaining his composure. “Ahem,” he interrupted plucking your hands off his armor, “Souls are supposed to be personal,” he tried to emphasize, “you’re not supposed to show them to just anybody.”

“Oh,” you felt yourself blush, “ah, sorry. Got it. Don’t do that.” You shuffled your feet awkwardly. “Uh, so...was that it?”

Papyrus’ sockets widened. “That’s it?” He huffed. “This is a big deal.”

You sighed. “You accidentally sent me the monster equivalent of dick pic. I get it.”

“Dick pic? What do you mean?” Papyrus blanched, “I’m not familiar with this term.”

You paled. “Fuck, uh maybe you should ask Sans...actually on second thought, do NOT ask Sans.” You hesitated. “Sometimes human males like to send pictures of their dicks to girls they're interested in to see if it makes the girl like them back?”

“Does it work?”


“Then why do they do it?”

“Males are present company excluded.” Papyrus smiled at the compliment.

“Okay…what’s a dick?” He asked. Huh. Well that just confirmed Papyrus’ virginity.

“It's a body part that males use to get more intimate with people they like.” You felt your face color. That was the mildest explanation of sex you had ever given.

Papyrus processed this information. “Now when you say, more intimate, what do you mean?”

Nope. You were not answering that. Here. Now. In your work. Nope. “I'm not explaining what that is,” you resolutely stated You walked out the door, quickly followed by the monster.

“Wait! Why not?” Papyrus whined.

“Just search online and I'm sure it will tell you,” you mumbled quietly as you entered the workplace.

“You’re saying that I can go to the Internet to see how dicks make people closer?” Papyrus asked loudly, in front of all your coworkers...and Jeremy.

You turned bright red and turned around to face your sincere companion. You could hear someone behind you whisper “the fuck?”

“Lori, what the hell?” Jeremy laughed.

“Jeremy, I’ll meet you in the car okay?” You groaned, grabbing Papyrus and heading back into the employee room.

“Uh, alright, I’ll see you there,” Jeremy watched you drag the skeleton away.

Papyrus huffed and crossed his arms as you shut the door after him. “Human, I have asked you to be honest with me, and I’m sorry to say but I’m finding your answers somewhat evasive,” he grumbled. You had to end this conversation now. The amount of damage control you would have to do after this was rising by the second.

“Papyrus…Can we talk about this later?” you groaned running a hand through your hair. You were feeling very nervous now and you could feel your face still beet red.

The skeleton’s arms remained crossed. “Why can we not talk now?” He glanced back at the closed door and his sockets narrowed. “Are you going out on a date with Jeremy?” His sockets shifted. “Is this the special third date? Why was I not informed?”

“No, it’s not just, wait, no. I’ll explain everything to you in when we’re in private, okay?” You attempted irritably. Papyrus’ stubbornness was starting to wear thin and you were running out of options on how to end this conversation other than yelling at him.

The skeleton stiffened at your bristled response. “Do you have intense and passionate feelings for Jeremy?” he asked. There was an unusual edge to his voice. Fuck it. You had only one option left. You stopped running your hand through your hair and took a ginormous breath before letting out a shaky sigh. Papyrus immediately noticed the difference and watched you, concerned. “Human, is everything alright? You seem nervous and twitchy,” he hesitantly mentioned. The edge vanished.

You laughed dryly. “No, I’m fine. Fine. Just, I can’t believe I’m about to do this.” You walked toward him.

“Do what?” You didn’t answer. Papyrus became nervous and stepped backwards. “Are you mad at me? I’m very sorry if I’ve upset you.” He took another step back only for his spine to hit the closed door. “Nyeh, you wouldn’t be thinking about doing a violence? If you don’t want to go on a date with me, you don’t have to."

You reached forward and grabbed his scarf before he could blink. He squeaked as you yanked him down to your level and watched his surprise through half lidded eyes. “I do want to go on a date with you...and I wouldn’t exactly call this a violence. More like a preview,” you responded cooly. Before he could question it, you crashed your own lips against his teeth.

Chapter Text

10 minutes earlier...

Pam cleared her throat as she read. “Congratulations on securing your next date with the Great Papyrus. No doubt my expertise directly resulted in such a feat. But I digress. Your next step is as not easy as the first one.” Pam paused.

“Why are you stopping? Is there nothing else written?” you questioned.

“It says to pause for dramatic effect for a total of 2 seconds.” You waited two seconds. Pam continued. “You must now utilize your sexual energy to charm him.”


“Touch Papyrus,” Pam continued.

You snorted. “Yeah, that’s not a problem. I touch people all the time.” And yes, you truly meant that. There was absolutely no boundaries when it came to working with animals. You once had your face resting on another tech’s butt while another tech was crouched between your legs trying to do a nail trim on a large bloodhound.

“This is a different type of touching that you need to do.” You raised an eyebrow. “You must master the art of a discreet touch. To touch without letting your subject knowing that you are purposely touching them.”

“Huh. Ninja touching,” you clicked your tongue.

“In addition to whatever horrid nickname that you most definitely gave this style of seduction, you may be forced to perform direct physical actions on Papyrus as needed to quickly gain his attention or prevent him from doing something stupid.” You snickered. “Use these direct actions only as needed so as not to diminish their power. Happy Hunting!” Pam looked up at you expectantly. “Did you understand that or would you like me to repeat it?”


Oh you most certainly understood, as you stood there with your lips pressing against Papyrus for a few more seconds before releasing the skeleton. You watched in barely disguised wonder as Papyrus slumped against the door and shook unsteadily for a few moments. You must have kisses of Kryptonite. Either that or you caught him mid breath and he was trying to recover from the lack of oxygen. And in that case, hey skeletons need air to breathe!

Finally, he stood himself back up and shook his head slowly before looking up at you. His face was flushed orange and he had the goofiest grin you had ever seen. “Wowie,” he breathed. You couldn’t help but blush yourself. That was easily the most flattering compliment you got after a kiss. And it was a pretty good kiss, even if you did catch him off guard.

You leaned in and stifled a giggle as you realized that you had planted a lipstick stained kiss on his face. Papyrus was shaking himself out his daze and watched you in surprise as you gently wiped his face with a towel. You met his eye sockets and laughed awkwardly. “Uh heh. I kinda marked you with my lipstick there,” you admitted.

“Marked me?” he asked. You chuckled and showed him the towel to reveal the pink lipstick. He blinked in surprise and felt his own face. There was a slight pink smudge on his glove as he pulled it away. “Oh.”

“Yeah. Sorry about that,” you apologized.

Papyrus grinned, having recovered rather quickly, “There is no need to be sorry. We are now on a level battlefield.”

Now it was your turn to be surprised. “Level battlefield? I uh, don’t understand.”

Papyrus laughed. “Frisk told me that because I kissed you first, you would have to kiss me back so we would be equally prepared for the next date.” Your stumped expression prompted a sneaky grin from the skeleton and he elbowed you gently. “Ah, you seem surprised that I know this. Well you are not the only one who has the assistance of a dating master. Between Frisk and my dating book, I will soon have learned all the techniques and skills to become a master of seduction and romantic wooings.”

“Oh, I got it.” You didn’t get it.

The monster puffed out his chest proudly. “Be prepared human! I shall be more than ready to make our next date the best date you have ever had. Why, you won’t even remember any other date, even our first date...except, it would be really nice if you could remember our first date actually because that was a lot of fun,” he admitted shyly, twiddling his thumbs together.

The burst of shyness made you regain your confidence. “Alright, well let’s see what you got because I also have the dating mastery of Mettaton behind me. And I will be the one to make our next date so amazing that you’ll forget anyone else you ever dated.” Ooh. You were getting into it now.

Papyrus crossed his arms. “I highly doubt it for I have dated Frisk and the human is such a master of dating that even if I tried to forget him, I could not!” he proudly stated.

Alright this was getting confusing again. You probably needed to stop. Instead you escalated the situation and got up close to him again. “You better bring your A-game Friday because I’m going to take you down!”

“Nyeh, to where?”


“Where will you take me down?” Papyrus cocked his head at you.

“Uh...It’s a surprise!” You snapped back and Papyrus looked immediately intrigued.

“I love surprises!!”

“But, for now, I have to go. You can text me, uh but no more visiting me until the party, please. And especially don’t come back in the tech area alone.” You already had enough explaining and damage control you would have to go do after you came back from your lunch break with Jeremy. Shit, Jeremy!

Papyrus seemed to realize it too because his grin faltered. “Ah yes, you have to meet with your other date now.”

“Er yeah, sorry, I told him I would before you came here,” you answered honestly.

Papyrus waved away your protestations. “Human, do not feel bad for the Great Papyrus. You should always keep your previous arrangements. Besides…” He leaned in quickly toward you until he was only a few inches away from your ear. “I know you like me very much!” he whispered as best as he could whisper into your ear.

You couldn’t help but gasp as your hair stood on end and he pulled away triumphantly. He almost looked smug. You tried to form words but found yourself unable. “Good bye human! I shall see you soon!” he saluted and darted out the door. You teetered on your feet for a moment before taking a less than graceful seat. You needed a few moments.

After about 5 minutes, you felt confident enough to get up and walk back out into the tech area. Tim caught your eye as you walked back and made a motion to say something. "Don't you fucking say anything until I get back," you warned, sliding a finger against your throat threateningly. The male tech took the hint and resumed his earlier business. You walked out into the lobby and spotted Papyrus and Jeremy talking outside. You pushed open the door and greeted both guys loudly.

“Hey guys!” You greeted happily, stepping outside. You took a double take at Jeremy. “Jesus, Jer Bear, you looked like you saw a ghost," you observed seeing your date somewhat pale in the sunlight.

“Nope! Just a skeleton!” Papyrus announced. He paused. “Eh, but if you do see a ghost, will you please tell us? There’s still one on the loose from Grilby’s that Aaron hasn’t managed to catch yet.” You rolled your eyes as Jeremy nodded.

“Sure thing..uh, let’s get going, yeah?”

“Oh shit. You’re right. Bye Papyrus! See you Friday!” You waved, hopping into Jeremy’s car. Papyrus enthusiastically waved back as your date pulled out of the parking lot and drove away.


You couldn’t help but be overly eager as you hopped up and down in your booth. “Oh man! We’re getting milkshakes!” you squealed.

Jeremy smiled. “Well we don’t have enough time to really eat but we can get a milkshake. This place is pretty good at making milkshakes.”

You felt yourself relax into the booth seat. “A milkshake...that's probably the most normal use of milk I've seen in a while,” you joked, remembering that you had to yet again, buy more milk.

Jeremy chuckled. “Well hopefully a milkshake will be the start to the rest of a nice and normal day for you.”

“Normal doesn't exist for me anymore,” you joked, “I kinda miss it.”

“I hear ya.” He looked passed you and smiled. “Here comes our waitress.”

An overly busty waitress sauntered up to your table and gave Jeremy a huge wink. “Hi sweetheart, what can I get for you?” she asked.

“Can I get a vanilla milkshake?” He asked with a smile. She nodded and jotted down his order before starting to walk away.

“Ooh! Wait! Wait! I want something!” You piped up. She eyed you, slightly annoyed. “Chocolate milkshake, please?” She wrote it down and left. “Sheesh. If that's normalcy, I changed my mind” you mumbled, “who pissed in her cornflakes?”

Jeremy watched her walk away and chuckled. “Yeah, I don’t think she eats cornflakes. More like drinks asparagus water and eats a gluten free veggie bar for breakfast.”

“Maybe she is sad that is not having a milkshake too?” you chuckled. You kept forgetting that Jeremy was extremely hot while you were exceptionally not or at least not at the moment. He already had turned more than a few heads when you both walked in, to put it politely. You were practically invisible in your scrubs next to this man. Perhaps you could use your newfound invisibility to commit an act of vandalism or steal a pancake from the kitchen!

“So what’s going on Friday?” Jeremy asked. Damn. No pancakes today!

“Huh?” You asked, playing with a straw someone left on the table. Jeremy shrugged.

“You have another hang out planned?” he asked nonchalantly.

“Ah ha, ah.” You scratched your head. “Actually, he asked me as a date for a beach party.”

“Beach party?” Jeremy winked at you. “I knew there was an ulterior motive to you calling me about buying a bathing suit. You’re a bit of a two timer,” he chided.

You stuck out your tongue. “Dude, actually I wasn’t invited until the next day.” That was a bit coincidental now that you thought about it. Almost as if the cosmos wanted you to run into Papyrus that day. That was a bit too spooky to think about. The waitress returned with a vanilla milkshake and plopped it down in front of Jeremy with a lingering hand on his shoulder. You couldn’t help but notice the discreet touch. Dammit, Mettaton. Now you were going to be hyperaware of every act of flirting.

“Here you go, sweetie. Nice and cold just for you,” she cooed.

“Thanks, beautiful!” Jeremy nodded. She flashed him a big smile and began to walk away.

“Uh hey! My milkshake is coming right?” You asked. Okay, you were used to being ignored but this was borderline ridiculous.

The waitress feigned sadness. “Oh golly, I must have forgotten it.” Bitch. You gritted your teeth and looked to Jeremy but he said nothing. You thought about sitting there to sulk until an idea struck you and you smiled.

“Oh, don’t worry about it, beautiful,” you cooed back, grabbing another straw from the table. “I’m sure Jer Bear wouldn’t mind sharing with me?” You shot him a coy look and allowed your fingers to gently brush the palm of his hand while your foot gently tapped his ankle.

The result was subtle and immediately noticeable to both you and the waitress. Jeremy’s eyes were instantly on you and he pushed the shake toward the middle of the table. “Let’s swap spit already,” he purred, yanking your hand closer. You watched triumphantly as the waitress scowled and quickly walked away.

You eyed the milkshake eagerly. “Ooh! Wait. You don’t have any STDs right?” you asked before you took a sip.

Jeremy brightened considerably. “Right now? Lori, I’m not an exhibitionist here but maybe in a few hours...”

“No, fuck I mean. You don’t have cold sores right?” You asked, gesturing to the drink. “I don’t want to catch them if you do.”

“Ohhhh. Right. I keep forgetting your mom's a doctor. Heh. No. I’m clean. And circumcised if it matters,” he added as you began to suck on the straw.

You choked. “Fucker,” you coughed, “why you gotta tell me that when I’m sucking up a bunch of white stuff?”

“Because it is hysterical and I was really hoping to see if it would shoot out your nose.” The conversation very quickly degraded into jokes about milk, milk shaking and who could drink the most faster. Jeremy won that last bit, must to his chagrin he learned as you immediately proceeded to ask if he had practice. Despite his overdramatic protestations, you told him you would support him anyway and you were there for him.

“Hardy har har,” he finally muttered as the waitress dropped off the check. Your milkshake never came. He picked it up and his smirk dropped.

“What?” you asked, leaning forward. You read the check and winced. There was a note on it with a telephone number. “Call me if you want to go out with a real woman, Love Tiffany?” You read aloud. You huffed. “Man, what a bitch. Tip her only 15%.”

Jeremy growled. “You’re worried about tipping the whore? Who the fuck does she think she is? I’m clearly with you.”

“Eh,” you began, “Yeah, you didn’t exactly say anything when she was ignoring me and not bringing me my drink..and flirting with you and stuff.”

Jeremy shot you a dirty look. “Doesn’t matter, she should know better. I’m going to go give that cunt a piece of my mind and tell her to stay away from other girls’ boyfriends.”

Your eyes shot open. “Dude, no. No no no!” you pulled him back down before he could walk after her. “Just let’s pay the damn bill and let’s get out of here.”

“Oh no, I got this,” he dropped some money and shoved the receipt in his pocket. You had to be getting back to work anyway. You and Jeremy walked out the door and popped into the car. As he backed up, you heard shouting and turned to see Tiffany screaming at you both.

“Hey assholes!!! Fuck you!” she screeched.

You ducked down and stared at Jeremy who was grinning manically. “Dude, what the fuck did you do?”

“I tipped her only 2%.”

“Ooh, that is diabolical,” you admitted glancing at the angry waitress, “I thought you were going to do something far worse-why are you rolling down the window?” you asked panicked.

“Hey sweetcheeks! You’re a huge bitch!” he hollered out the window before peeling out of the parking lot. You buried your hands and began to laugh.

“You’re a fucking nut dude, but oh man, she was so mad.”

Jeremy relaxed and smiled charmingly at you. “Well I hope it makes her think twice before she gives out her phone number again like that. Not every guy is as nice as me.”

Chapter Text

Jeremy rested his head against his steering wheel as he waited outside the hospital doors for you to come out for what was now going to be a short lunch break. This day had not gone according to plan in the slightest. What was supposed to be a fun impromptu lunch date had turned into a bit of a muddled mess due to an unanticipated interruption from the skeleton monster. Who started yelling about penises in front of you and all your coworkers’. Which he had to admit was the funniest shit he had seen all day.

At the very least, it looked like you were super pissed at the monster and dragged him off to yell at him. At least that’s what he hopes you were doing. You guys had been gone a while. His thoughts turned lewd for a second but he dismissed them quickly. There was no way you would even consider doing anything inappropriate at work. Although you had your fair share of fights in high school, Jeremy knew that you were actually a better than average student when it came to following rules and regulations.

He was about to get out of the car and check on you again when the front door of the hospital opened and Papyrus strode out confidently. He seemed to be posing dramatically until the hospital door shut. Only once the door shut did Papyrus’ demeanor relax and then devolve into nervousness. Jeremey wasn’t exactly sure but he could have sworn that the skeleton wiped some sweat from his brow. How did skeletons even sweat?

The human male rolled down the window. “Hey buddy, you okay?” The skeleton quickly straightened out upon hearing his voice and waved enthusiastically.

“Hello human friend! Yes, I am fine. Just very excited. Definitely not nervous about anything.” Jeremy raised an eyebrow.

“I didn’t think a seven foot tall Monster could be nervous about anything,” Jeremy admitted.

Papyrus grinned. “Ah, human you flatter me with your compliment, but I’m afraid I do not reciprocate your affections. We could still be friends.”

Jeremy waved his hands. “Woah woah. No. No homo. I like women!” he insisted.

Papyrus nodded. “See! We have so much in common. I not only like women, I like everyone I meet!” Papyrus cheerfully exclaimed. “Although, I do admit, I do find myself liking Lori a lot more than other humans I’ve met.” Jeremy stiffened at the last statement but relaxed as Papyrus observed him.

Jeremy laughed but there wasn’t much humor. “Oh yeah, she’s pretty cool. I like her too. A lot.” He emphasized. Papyrus remained blissfully unaware.

“And that’s another thing we have in common. We both like Lori.” Papyrus nodded. In the back of his skull, he thought he remembered reading something bad about when two people like the same person in his dating manual but he couldn’t exactly remember what. It couldn’t be too bad as Jeremy was still smiling at him. He was even walking up to him, perhaps to exchange a handshake of friendship?

Jeremy did not offer a handshake but instead crossed his arms. “Yeah, I guess we both like Lori huh?” Papyrus felt slightly uneasy.

“Ehm, that’s good, right?”

“Oh yeah, yeah. Totally.” Jeremy nodded enthusiastically and Papyrus relaxed, “She’s very likable. But the real question is, which one of us does she like more?” Papyrus hummed at the statement.

“I guess that is a question that is real. Oh well, I know she will tell us when she is ready,” Papyrus innocently acknowledged.

Jeremy flashed him a sneaky grin. “ know there’s a way we can help her decide faster.”

Papyrus cocked his head at him in confusion. “I’m afraid I don’t understand your meaning.” Jeremy’s grin seemed to grow even wider at the admission. He peeked over the skeleton’s shoulder and appeared to spot you as you walked up to the door from inside the hospital.

“Tell you what, why don’t you and I meet up at Joe’s Sports Grill down the street say about 3pm? I’ll you all about it.”

“Oh absolutely. I would love to hang out.” Papyrus cheered. Jeremy stepped back and motioned to his mouth.

“Cool, cool. Hey you got something pink on your uh teeth or something?” he mentioned.

“Oh! That must be Lori’s lipstick,” Papyrus admitted, wiping the remaining stain off.

“What?!” Jeremy’s smiled vanished.

“Hey guys!” You greeted happily, stepping outside, “Jesus, Jer Bear, you looked like you saw a ghost.” You exclaimed, looking at Jeremy curiously.

“Nope! Just a skeleton!” Papyrus reassured you. He paused. “Eh, but if you do see a ghost, will you please tell us? There’s still one on the loose from Grilby’s that Aaaron hasn’t managed to catch yet.” You rolled your eyes as Jeremy nodded.

“Sure thing..uh, let’s get going, yeah?”

“Oh shit. You’re right. Bye Papyrus! See you Friday!” You waved, hopping into Jeremy’s car. Papyrus enthusiastically waved back. Today was turning out to be an exciting day alright!


Papyrus sat patiently at the bar. He had gotten there early and was alternating between thumbing through his dating book and trying to figure out exactly what was on the television. “Excuse me barkeep human,” he finally asked. The place wasn’t particularly full so the bartender strode over.

“What’ll it be bud? You want what’s on tap?”

Papyrus shook his head. “No, no, I don’t need tap water. I’m still drinking my ginger ale thank you. What are you watching on the television?” The bartender glanced upwards at the television as he cleaned his glass.

“Oh. That’s baseball.”

“I see, I see. How do you play it?”

“Uh, well there’s two teams and they play against each other and they take turns. One team hits or bats the ball and the other team tries to catch the ball or touch the person who batted the ball three times in order to switch sides.”

“Hmm, and they just keep doing this until they are tired?”

The bartender shook his head. “Nah. They only do the switching nine times. When a team is batting, they have the opportunity to score points if they can get on a base.”

Papyrus’ interest was further piqued. “Did you say base?”

The bartender nodded and pointed to the white shapes in the dirt. “Yeah, uh, those are called bases. There’s first, second, third and home. In order to score points, a player has to touch all the bases and reach home.” Papyrus scratched his head in confusion.

“That’s second base?” he asked, pointing to the screen. “Are you sure?”

“Uh yeah…why?”

Papyrus hummed thoughtfully. “Well a friend of mine said that I reached second base with a human but I definitely don’t remember touching one of those. Unless she was wearing one under her clothes.”

The bartender stared at him astounded. “Uhhh, are you joking?” Papyrus shook his head. “Well, I guess I’ll tell you. Second base is when you and a girl-”

“Hey Papyrus! Glad you could make it!” Papyrus swiveled in his seat and spotted Jeremy walking toward him.

“Hello human friend! How was your date?”

“Good. It went really great. We shared a milkshake,” Jeremy smiled, sitting down next to Papyrus. “Hey, get me what’s on tap please,” he asked. The bartender nodded and left to go fill a mug.

Papyrus winced at the good news and scolded himself. He should be happy for his friend. “So what were you saying earlier about how to help Lori?”

Jeremy leaned against the bar and smiled. “Yeah, so listen you and I both know she won’t keep dating both of us forever.” Papyrus blanched.

“Er, but I have enjoyed dates with her. Why would she stop?”

Jeremy chuckled. “Well, she’ll stop because at the rate this is all going, she’s going to like one of us better and she’s going to choose him to be a boyfriend.” The bartender dropped off a dark brown beer.

“Oh!” Papyrus gasped, “I-i see. Oh, that is a very good reason. Why would you want to make her choose faster?” he asked. Jeremy looked at him in astonishment as Papyrus eyed his beer curiously.

“Well when she chooses a boyfriend, she’ll only date her boyfriend. Nobody else,” Jeremy explained patiently, “Do you understand what I’m saying now?”

“Almost. Hold on one moment, friend.” Before Jeremy could stop him, Papyrus plucked the beer away from Jeremy and proceeded to pour it down the drain behind the bar counter.

Jeremy gaped. “What the hell are you doing?”

Papyrus gestured to the glass as he finished pouring out. “Most water is not brown! There must be something wrong with the pipes supplying the tap water!” He spotted the bartender who was watching with a bemused expression. “Oh hello human! Will you bring my friend another glass of tap water? The one you brought had some contamination in it.” The bartender took the empty glass and left an elated Papyrus and a steamed Jeremy.

“I didn’t get to even take a sip!” Jeremy hissed.

Papyrus patted him on the back. “Of course you didn’t. You might have gotten sick from drinking that. I wouldn’t want any harm to come to you and I’m sure Lori especially would not want you to get sick!”

“That was a beer!” Jeremy tried not to yell.

Papyrus looked stunned. “Why are they serving beer here?”

“Because this is a sports bar!”

His sockets widened. “This is a bar?!”

Jeremy slapped himself in the face. “You cannot be this fucking stupid!”

“Of course not. The Great Papyrus is very cunning and intelligent!”

“I want to be Lori’s boyfriend!” Jeremy interrupted loudly.

Papyrus stopped midspeech. “I’m sorry?”

Jeremy calmed down. “Yeah, I don’t like sharing. I want her to date only me. I know she likes me a lot.” Papyrus hesitated. Jeremy sighed and gestured toward the Monster. “And I know she really likes you too.”

Papyrus scratched the back of his head as the bartender brought Jeremy another drink. “I believe so. She and I have kissed.”

“Don’t say that.”


“Ughhh.” Jeremy shook himself. “No man, I should be really happy for you. Good for you. But listen I want what’s best for Lori, right? I want her to be happy, don’t you?”

“Of course!” Papyrus asserted.

Jeremy smiled strangely. “Then let’s have a competition, you and me. Trying to prove who would be the better boyfriend.”

The skeleton tapped his chin. “I guess that makes sense. What does the winner get?”


Now Papyrus looked uneasy. “Nyeh heh heh,” he laughed weakly, “I don’t know about this. Shouldn’t we ask her first for permission to use her as a prize?”

“What? No man. This is the bro code. We men should keep it to ourselves.” Jeremy could tell Papyrus needed more convincing. “Hey, didn’t you take my advice earlier? Look what that got you? Another date!”

Papyrus wrung his hands. “Uh...I suppose you are right. In a roundabout way, your advice did work. Although my dating handbook actually discouraged using this tactic unless you were absolutely confident that they liked you back.”

Jeremy looked at him curiously. “Dating handbook?”

Papyrus nodded and pulled out his book from under his breast plate. He handed it to the human who thumbed through it languidly, pausing a moment at the words "Property of Snowdin Librarby" printed proudly on the inside cover. “Oh yes! This book has been written by dating experts!” Papyrus proudly exclaimed.

“Press C to open dating hub?” Jeremy read aloud, “I don’t get it.”

Papyrus hummed. “Well tell you what, since I have an actual dating coach now, I’ll let you borrow my book.”

“Uh, thanks I guess?” Jeremy took the book from the skeleton and placed it on the table. He returned his attention to Papyrus and smiled slyly. “Listen, book or no book, I want you to trust me on this one too. This is going to make her so happy. Don’t you want her to be happy?”

Papyrus nodded, “Yes, I really do.”

“Alright bro, well I’ll see you on Friday.”

“Friday? But Friday is my date with Lori,” he protested.

Jeremy shrugged. “Alright man, but I didn’t peg you for a cheater.”

Papyrus was flabbergasted. “A cheater?! The Great Papyrus never cheats!!” he declared angrily.

“Uh huh. Well you got to kiss Lori on my date today. I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t seem fair to do that and say I can’t at least try to make her happy too.”

“I suppose you’re right again, I’m sorry. But it’s a party and I haven’t been told I can invite more than one person,” Papyrus apologized.

Jeremy waved his hands. “No worries. I’ll just hang around for a little bit. I won’t crash the party or anything.” Papyrus nodded gratefully.

“Well I best be off. It was nice seeing you again,” Papyrus held out a hand and shook Jeremy’s outstretched one with a smile.

“Hey!” Jeremy called, lifting up his drink. “May the best man win!”

“Or Monster!” Papyrus chirped before leaving the bar.

Jeremy smirked. “That was a bit too easy huh?” He took a swig of his drink and spit it out immediately. “What the fuck is this?”

“Tap water,” the bartender quipped. “You owe me 8 bucks for the beer, by the way.”

“But I didn’t drink it!”

“Don’t care,” the bartender grunted. “You’re also going to pay up because you’re kind of a prick.”

Jeremy grumbled, “I thought bartenders weren’t supposed to have opinions,” as he handed over the money.

“Common misconception. Have a good day, sir.”

Chapter Text

“Hello Sans, how are you doing?” Sans smiled at the familiar voice on the other end of the line.

“i’m doing good.”

“And your brother, how’s he doing? Are Frisk and he behaving?”

“oh yeah. frisk and pap are in the other room doing some form of battle strategies or something.” He laid back on his bed and placed a hand behind his skull. “how are you?”

“I’ve been better, I’ll admit. I’m sorry to call you so late. I hope I am not keeping you up.”

“heh. no worries. sleep comes naturally to me, i can do it with my eyes closed if i want.” There was some silence at the other end and then a good natured melodious laugh.

“Oh, I better be quiet, I don’t want to wake up you know who.”

Sans smirked. “you guys finally sharing a bed?”

“Hahaha no, he’s on the couch.”

“sofa, so good.”

There was snickering again. “You’re being awful, Sans, I really must keep my voice down. Our return flight leaves at 7:00am. We should be by around 5:00pm to pick up Frisk.” There was some silence between the two friends before she spoke again. “I’m very grateful you were able to take him on such short notice. That bomb scare last Saturday just worried me too much. Even though they found out it was a dud in the morning, I just can’t risk anything happening to my child.”

Sans smiled gently. “whelp i can’t take all the credit. undyne and alphys had the kid the first two nights before he stayed with us.”

“Still, I am grateful you were able to come get him. I know you used a lot of magic to do it. Hopefully your brother hasn’t been pushing you too hard to be productive.”

Sans snickered. “actually he hasn’t pushed me so much lately. he’s been dating someone.”

“Oh that’s lovely. What is she like?”

“she’s pretty cute. short. human. works at the vet clinic where undyne has started establishing the guard dog health records at. your kid has been dating advice to pap. i’m sure you’ll see her soon if those two have their way.”

“I’d believe it. He’s a shameless little flirt,” she chuckled. “She sounds very sweet. I would love to meet her.” There was a yawn on the other end. “I guess I better go get some rest. I’m driving us all to the airport tomorrow since RG1 and RG2 don’t know how to drive and if I let King Fluffy Buns here drive, it will take us forever.”

Sans yawned as well. “heh i guess you’re right.”

“Oh before I go! What would you call a sleeping bull?”

“hmm, i dunno. what?”

“A bulldozer.”

Sans chuckled genuinely. “that’s a good one. i’ve got a couple for you when i see you.”

“I can hardly wait. Good night, Sans!”

“good night...tori.”

Sans disconnected the phone and let out a shaky sigh before attempting to lull himself to sleep. He couldn’t do it.

So he pulled out his phone and texted you.

The phone buzzing jostled you from a semi deep sleep on the couch and you blindly felt around for the cellular device. It was a message. You yawned and opened it, barely reading it's contents.

”hey. i can't sleep. can i come over?” You yawned again.

“Sure.” You typed back. You went to flop back down on the couch only to find yourself flopping onto your bed. Had you slept walked? How did you get to your bed so fast?

The answer came gradually as you felt something pull down your underwear and you reached down. You felt a familiar fuzzy jacket and you sat up to confirm it.

It was Sans alright. He was in the process of lining up a fluorescent blue penis with your vaginal entrance. You coughed. “Uh. Hi there.”

“hey kid,” Sans greeted.

You watched as he teased the tip against your lips. “I'm all for rough riding it, but uh, I think some foreplay might help,” you offered.

Sans didn't verbally respond but he seemed to understand as he dragged phalanges down your thighs in gentle figure 8 motions. His mind seemed elsewhere and he seemed for a lack of better words...stressed.

“Uhhh, are you feeling okay?” He didn’t respond. “Do you have a femur?” You prompted. Sans cracked a smile.

“Nah, I guess I'm feeling a little bonely,” he chuckled. You chuckled and he stopped caressing your legs. He sat on the bed in front of you. You yawned once more and sat up, closing your legs. “a good friend of mine is going through a lot of stuff right now. trying to do good in the world for monsters.” He chuckled.

“Are you talking about Frisk?”

Sans shook his head. “no. his mother, tori.” He smirked, “you might know her as queen toriel.” You nodded. You weren’t entirely up to date on your current events but when Monster royalty starts appearing in the news, well it was hard not to take notice. Sans continued, “i didn’t know she was a queen when i first met her to be honest. she and i got to knowing each other by exchanging knock knock jokes behind closed doors. i didn’t even see her face to face until frisk was about to break the barrier.”

“Dude,” you wondered.

“yeah she was the first one to find frisk when he fell down. and she was the one who made me promise to take care of any humans that fell into the underground,” Sans commented. “she’s full of kindness and mercy...sometimes too much so.”

You bit your lip. You didn’t really know what to say. Sans watched you carefully before sighing. “tori would like humans and monsters to coexist peacefully...but some humans,” he smirked humorlessly as he spread apart your legs once more, “are not as, let’s say, open as you.”

You chuckled at the pun but found your laugh end in a keel as his phalanges began to explore your folds. You leaned back onto your elbows and let your heads roll backwards as Sans advanced.

“there was a bomb threat at their hotel where the royal family was staying saturday night...and all she was worried about was keeping frisk safe.” Your lips opened to make a noise but you found yourself groaning as his strokes became more deliberate. His bones began to circle your clitoris and thumb it. Sans chuckled darkly as he slid a finger in. “a bunch of knuckleheads threaten to destroy everything we work for and she still tries to save them.”

“Sans,” you tried but he wasn’t listening. You moaned again as he stretched and bent his finger within your walls, sending delightful electric shocks within you. He removed his finger and repositioned himself at your entrance. Foreplay was over. You tried one more time. “Do you want to talk about it?”

He shook his head. “nah, not this time.” He plunged in roughly and you shuddered at the sensation of being filled. His eye flickered blue as his left azure whisps on your skin as he stroked your breasts. You tried to sit up once.

“Dude,” that's as far as you got. You felt your chest suddenly get heavy and the sensation of magic pinned you to the bed. You tested out your invisible restraints and found he had allowed you a little wiggle room but not nearly enough to do anything with.

San climbed on top of you, maintaining the steady penetration and pressed his teeth against your lips. You sighed. Any more insight into his character was clearly going to have to wait and you parted your lips, allowing his tongue to enter your mouth and wrap around your own. Might as well enjoy it.

You found yourself able to move your hips and you arched upwards to meet his member. He growled at the increase of friction and renewed his exertions.

You could feel the knot tightening in your stomach again. You were close. A few more thrusts like that and you would be over the edge soon. You didn't want to give in so quickly. You clenched your kegel muscles in an attempt to milk his ectodick.

Sans eyed you in amusement. “Heh, you don't want to cum?”

You panted, “I want to make you feel good too,”

Sans chuckled. “gee that's nice of you kid. I'm feeling pretty good but if you're sure about that…” You nodded, “well alright then.”

Gravity seemed to fluctuate once more and Sans pulled out. You gasped at the emptiness and you were flipped onto all fours. You barely had enough time to steady yourself before Sans filled you to brim once more. Although scientifically impossible, you swore you could feel he him pounding against your womb. You moaned and squealed with each thrust, goading the skeleton to push himself deeper and faster. You were starting to see white at the edge of your vision.

“babe you’re doing great. just hang in there little bit more,” Sans grunted clasping your body tightly. You were sure you were going to have bruises on your hips at this rate.

“Sans, Sans!” you gasped, “I’m going to, going to-” You shrieked as you felt magic thrust you backwards into Sans’ chest, forcing you to balance on your knees. The action hilted his entire shaft into you in one final plunge.

“Now cum,” Sans ordered into your ear. That was the last push and a wave of pleasurable release rocked you. Sans was quick to follow with a shuddering groan as you felt him shoot his load into you over and over until he was empty. You both remained still as his magic flickered and finally evaporated like steam off your body. You slid off his member sorely and collapsed onto the bed.

“Woah,” you breathed.

Even Sans looked winded somewhat but he still maintained his smile as he stared down at your panting sweating form. His penis was already vanishing and you could feel his warm seed inside you begin to disappear. You giggled at the sensation and Sans shot you a quizzical look. “normally when a girl laughs during sex, it's when he’s pulling it out, not putting it back,” he chuckled.

“No no, it just tickles a bit,” you explained. You observed him as well, noting his much less tense appearance. “You think you might be able to sleep now? Uh, Sans?”

He had fallen asleep.

Chapter Text

Your eyes fluttered open at the sound of your phone ringing. You sat up from under your covers and blinked sleepily. You spotted your phone on your nightstand and reached over to grab it. “Ah man, who would be calling now?” You mumbled, answering your phone. “Hello?”

“Good evening, human!” You winced at the volume. There was no mistaking that voice.


“Ah! You recognize my voice!”

“It’s hard not to,” you chuckled, you sat up a little bit more until your back was against your headrest, “What time is it?”

“Ah, about 10:30?” That wasn’t that late. You wonder why you were more exhausted than usual.

“Oh, that’s not that late,” You admitted.

“Well it’s late for Frisk. He’s already asleep.” You heard Papyrus grumble. “To be honest, I would have joined him but I’m having difficulty sleeping.”

“Huh. How come?”

“Well normally my brother is here to read me a bed time story. But I’m not sure where he’s run off to. You remember him, right?” Papyrus did not know where his brother was? You stuck out your foot as you yawned and felt it collide with something solid. You looked down at your foot and let out a startled shout.


“Yes! That’s him! Have you seen him?” Papyrus asked eagerly.

“Ah-I-uh!” Sans was dead asleep on your bed…uh, he wasn’t dead, right? You could see the slow rise and fall of his chest which confirmed that the undead Monster was still alive. But…he was here lying like a sloth on your bed. Why the fuck was he here? He didn’t stay the last time you guys hooked up? He must have really been stressed out. You poked him with your foot but he only snored. Shit, it was like a rock.

“Maybe I should call him again with Frisk’s phone,” you heard Papyrus speak to himself.

“No!” You found yourself shouting. You could not afford him calling Sans when he was right next to you. What if he heard Sans’ ringtone? Technically you weren’t exclusive still but that would probably raise more questions than you felt like answering at this moment.

“Is something the matter?” He asked.

“Uhhhhh…..” Think fast, think fast! “Why don’t I read you a story?” You heard yourself offer.

“R-really?” Papyrus asked incredulously.

“Yes?” You asked more than confirmed.

An excited squeal forced you to pull the phone away quickly from your ear to avoid permanent hearing damage. “Oh! A human story! I would be so honored if you shared one of your stories!”

You slid off the bed and walked into your living room. You didn’t have a lot of books here. Most of your books were at your parents’ home but you did have a few here and there that you either purchased or that Kaylie’s boys would leave over when you babysat them. You highly doubted Papyrus would be interested in Radiology for Small Animals so instead you picked up the first child’s book you saw.

“Have you ever heard of Cinderella?” You asked.

“No, what is that?”

“It’s a story about a woman named Cinderella.”

“What an interesting name!”

You opened the book and breathed a sigh of relief as you discovered that this was not the Grimm’s version of the story. Which was much darker and involved dismemberment. You sat on the couch and cozied up against the armrest. “Alright, ready for your story?”

“Ooh! Ooh! Wait! Let me get under the blankets!” Papyrus exclaimed. You heard the rustle of sheets. “Well, the couch is not the comfiest, but since Frisk has the bed, this will have to do!”

“That was rather nice of you.”


“Once upon a time, there was a beautiful girl named Cinderella. She was very kind, friend to all animals and worked very hard. She lived with her wicked stepmother and two stepsisters.”

“How did we know they were wicked?”

“Uh…they treated her badly. Made her wash everything, called her names and didn’t let her wear good clothes.” You coughed and continued. “One day, there was a grand ball in the king’s palace and they were all invited. The stepsisters and stepmother told Cinderella she could go if she made all of their clothes and helped them get ready. However, once Cinderella had helped them and it was time to go, they left her behind.”

“Well, that’s not very nice.”

“That’s the whole point of being wicked. Generally, you’re not nice.”

“I suppose so, but are you sure they left her behind on purpose? Maybe it was a mistake?”

“It wasn’t a mistake, Pap. In fact, it made Cinderella so sad that she began to cry. Suddenly a fairy godmother appeared and asked her not to be sad. She said, “Don’t cry! I will help you get to the ball!” Cinderella really appreciated the offer, but she did not have a gown for the ball. However, the fairy godmother took out her magic wand and with the words, “Bibbiddi Bobbidi Boo!” Cinderella found herself wearing a beautiful new gown.”

“I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“Beautiful new gown?”

“No, no. Before that. What the fairy godmother said?”

“Uh, oh! Bibbiddi Bobbidi Boo?”

“Yes! That! Bopity booditi boot? What does that mean?”

“It’s just her way of casting magic. You’ve got your orange eye, she’s got magic words.”

“Ah, thank you.”

“The fairy godmother then touched Cinderella’s feet with her magic wand, said those magic words and behold! She was wearing beautiful glass slippers!”

“Slippers? That doesn’t seem appropriate for a ball. Unless you’re Sans.”

“It’s another word for female shoes. Like heels or something…you’re not questioning the whole glass thing?”

“Should I?”

“…no, actually don’t. Well, Cinderella was very grateful but she still had no way of getting to the king’s palace. It was a very far distance. So the fairy godmother looked around and saw some of Cinderella’s animal friends, a few mice, playing near a large pumpkin. She said “Bibbiddi Bobbidi Boo!” once more and the mice all turned into horses. And the pumpkin turned into a carriage.” Cinderella was so happy and was about to leave when the fairy godmother warned her, “Cinderella, this magic will only last until midnight! You must come home by then!””

“That seems like very good advice. You should not stay up too late or you’ll be very tired in the morning.”

“Midnight is not that late,” you argued.

“It is for a party.”

“When Cinderella entered the palace, everyone was surprised by how beautiful she was. Not even her own stepmother or stepsisters knew who she really was all dressed up in her nice clothes and her shoes. The handsome prince also saw her and they immediately fell in love with each other.”

“Ah! They soul connected!”

“Uh yeah, sure.”

“No, let me explain,” Papyrus explained with a yawn, “Soul connection refer to two people or monsters meeting and having their souls instantly connect, even if they’ve never seen each other before.”

“Oh, we have a saying like that. It’s called love at first sight. When you see someone and you instantly fall in love with them, even if you don’t know their name.”

“That sounds very similar. Sometimes they don’t even know that they love each other at first. There’s just a connection.” Papyrus hummed thoughtfully. “Perhaps we have read the same history books?”

“Or romance novels…”

“I’m sorry?”

“So the handsome prince also saw her and fell in love with Cinderella. He went to her and asked if she wanted to dance and she said “Yes!” So they danced all night together and nobody knew who she was.”



“Why does it keep saying handsome prince? Aren’t all princes handsome?”

“Uh, guess not. I suppose this story just wants to clarify that he was rather good looking,” you admitted, realizing that this was a bit odd. “In fact, she was so happy dancing with the handsome prince-“

“There it is again!”

“Dammit, Papyrus. Okay, yes fine. The book is a bit obsessed with that.”

“Do you find the prince handsome?”


“Are there pictures? Is he rugged and daring?” You looked at the illustration to see a rather fair skinned prince dancing with Cinderella. He looked almost as feminine as Cinderella.

“He actually looks a bit girly.”

“Girly can be handsome.”

“Not to me,” you laughed.

“Well what’s handsome to you?” Papyrus asked curiously.

You bit your lip. “Well…ideally, he would be tall. Or at least taller than me, which isn’t that hard. He’s got to be strong too. Not like muscly but just he could help lift furniture?” The adult in you was starting to come out. You tried to tone it back a bit. “Someone who took care of himself – washed regularly, didn’t eat junk food all the time.” Emphasis on the word TRIED. One more shot. “And beautiful eyes and a big smile every time he saw me.”

“Would he need hair?”

You yawned sleepily. “Nah…he’s just got to be very huggable is all.”

“Well...skeletons are very huggable.” Papyrus suggested.

You raised an eyebrow. “Oh really?”

“Yes. It is a well known fact that bones are in fact very comfortable. Therefore, skeletons are huggable.”

“Are they cuddleable too?” You asked slyly.

“Ah-well yes – of course! That’s why I’m so good at it!”

You couldn’t help but aww. “Well maybe you can demonstrate your skills.”

“At what?”


“Of course! I was just testing you! Yes! I am very good at that thing we have discussed!”

“Want me to continue the story?”

“Yes please.”

“In fact, she was so happy dancing with the handsome prince that she forgot her fairy godmother’s advice. It was at the very last second that she remembered and she quickly left the prince to go home! “Oh! I must go!” she cried and ran out of the palace. In fact, she was in such a hurry, that one of her glass slippers came off but she did not turn back for it.”

“Why would she leave?”

“Because the magic was going to run out and she would turn back to normal.”

“Why would that matter? If the prince really loved her, he would still love her even in normal clothes.”

“Well, maybe she didn’t know that he loved her back.”

“I suppose. I’ve heard those soul connections aren’t the most obvious when it comes to determining feelings of affection for someone else.”

“Yeah, those sound pretty complicated. Although the prince sent guards and search dogs to chase her, Cinderella was too fast and eluded them all. She reached home just as midnight struck. Her carriage turned into a pumpkin, her horses into her mice friends and her beautiful gown back into rags. All that was left was the glass slipper she had managed to bring home. She hid the shoe just as her stepmother and stepsisters came home, talking about the beautiful strange girl at the ball.”

“The prince had fallen in love with Cinderella and was determined to find her again although he did not know her name. All he had was the glass slipper that had fallen off Cinderella’s foot when she was running away.”

“Wouldn’t he recognize her?”

“Excuse me?”

“She should still be recognizable,” Papyrus insisted.

“Uh, well maybe the magic changed her appearance. Like she was already beautiful but it just showed a different side of it?” You bullshitted desperately.

“Ah! That sounds like very interesting magic. I wonder if Alphys would know about that!”

“Is she a fairy godmother?”

“No but she watches animes with fairies in it.”

“…So all he had was the glass slipper that had fallen off Cinderella’s foot when she was running away. The prince said, “I will find her. The lady whose foot fits this slipper will be the one I marry!” Papyrus remained quiet at this part. “Really, no comment on that?”

“No, that is a very good deduction. Plus, marriage makes sense if they’ve already connected.”

You blinked in surprise. “Ah, right then. So the next day, the prince and his men took the glass slipper and went to all the houses in the kingdom, trying to find the woman whose feet fit in the slipper. All the women in the kingdom tried the slipper but it would not fit any of them. Even Cinderella’s stepsisters tried on the little glass slipper but it did not fit for their feet were too big. Cinderella’s stepmother saw how excited Cinderella was and broke the slipper, claiming it was an accident.”

“Oh…that was not very nice.”

“The prince and his servants were all distraught until Cinderella declared that she had kept the other slipper. Cinderella’s stepmother refused to let her try the slipper on, but the prince spotted her and ordered her to try on the slipper. The slipper fit perfectly. The prince recognized Cinderella from the ball. They got married and they lived happily ever after. The End.”

You heard Papyrus yawn again into the phone. “That was a very good story. Thank you,” he thanked sleepily.

His yawning triggered your own and you smiled. “Think you’ll be able to go to sleep now?”

“Yes, I think I can. Thank you. I look forward to our date.”

“Me too. Good night, Papyrus.”

“Good night, Lori.”

You hung up the phone, stretched and walked back to your bed. Sans was no longer there. You shrugged and crawled back into your now empty bed. You quickly fell asleep, dreaming of glass, pink slippers and handsome princes.


The sun had already set on Sunset Animal Hospital as TJ packed up to leave. He nervously glanced at the door to the doctors’ office once and a while but the door remained closed. Everyone else had gone home. Still, it would be dangerous to stay any longer than he needed to and he quickly tossed the rest of his belongings into his bag. He had just grabbed his car keys when the sound of a door opening made him freeze.

“Ah! There you are, dear!” A pleasant older voice called out. TJ almost swore under his breath as he turned to face the voice. It was Pam. She looked absolutely delighted to see him. Which made him worry.

“Uh, hello Pam, I was just leaving,” he began.

“Oh, I’m sure you were. Go ahead and have a seat,” she motioned to his chair.

“Ah, it’s okay, I’ll stand-“

“I wasn’t asking, dear.” TJ quickly sat back down and looked at the receptionist warily. She continued to smile. “You know, you and I were supposed to have a little chat the day before.”


“And I was so looking forward to our discussion and I know you wouldn’t just walk out on little old me on purpose, right?”

“Of course not,” he lied.

Pam smiled and shut the door. “Now, TJ, dear. I believe you sent Lori on an errand, yes?”

TJ sighed. “Yes, she was to deliver some literature I had accidentally borrowed from a client.”

“Yes, I understand. But she was injured, doing you a favor,” Pam continued.

“How is doing her job considered doing me a favor?”

“Was she hired to deliver anime books or draw blood?”

“Pam, this is ridiculous.”

“Deliver anime or draw blood?” Pam insisted, her old eyes flashing dangerously.

TJ gulped. “Draw blood.”

Pam smiled. “Wonderful. Now let’s not beat around the bush any longer. You owe her.”

TJ blinked. “I owe her? What do you mean I owe her?”

“You owe her a favor in return.”

TJ stood up angrily. “Pam, you’re being ridiculous and you are way out of line here. I don’t owe Lori anything. Now if you excuse me, I have to go home!” He began to walk past her.

“Theodore Abigail Johnson!” Pam shouted, making the vet freeze. “You sit down, mister, RIGHT NOW!” The veterinarian darted back to his chair and sat down under the steely gaze of the old woman. Pam stood in front, her arms crossed. “To think I got you hired here to begin with! Dr. Sanchez, God rest his soul, wasn’t sure if he should hire you, being so young and fresh out of school! But I told him how that I could just tell that you were such a fine, young upstanding man and that you would make this hospital proud!” She scolded. Pam shot him a look. “Your first day, remember how terrified you were of making a mistake! You CRIED that afternoon in the restroom!”.

TJ immediately shifted his eyes. “I-uh.”

“I baked you a welcome cake and snuck you medical notes when the other doctors weren’t looking?! I took care of you for 12 years!! And this is how you repay me?!” Pam cried, raising a hand to her forehead dramatically.

“Well, er…”

“Theodore, dear, I’m not mad, I’m just very disappointed in you,” she sighed. The vet hung his head in shame. “Now, tomorrow when she comes in, you’re going to be a gentleman and tell that nice lady that you owe her…or else.”

TJ looked up nervously. “Or else what?”

“I have the pictures from your first day you were hired,” Her lips curled up evilly, “And you looked just dapper in polka dots, sweetie.” TJ paled and the receptionist patted his shoulder gently. “I’m glad we had this talk, dear. Please gives hugs and kisses to Allison for me, won’t you?”


“What was that?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Good boy.”

Chapter Text

“No, this won’t work. Really now, nobody has any ideas?” Mettaton asked. He sat at the table of a group of monster writers and tapped his fingers against the table. “We are going to start filming in less than 15 minutes and not one of you can think of anyone to play the human?” The writers mumbled to themselves. The star let out an exasperated sigh as someone knocked on the door. “Come in.”

Burgerpants peeked in. “Uh, you wanted to see me sir?”

Mettaton nodded and beckoned him in. “Yes, yes, do you have the transcript for the next episode?”

One of the writers blanched. “Wait, are you saying that the actors haven’t even seen the script yet?”

Mettaton nodded. “Of course not! I want them to act genuinely. It hardly makes sense to give them the script ahead of time. They’ll just memorize it and get too used to saying their lines that they won’t be able to carry out the true emotion of what the characters are feeling.” Burgerpants placed the paperwork in front of him and shifted nervously.

“ if you don’t mind, if you don’t need me anymore I’m gonna go-”

“Oh my God! Did she actually say that??” Mettaton gasped, reading the papers intently.

“Uh yeah, it's a direct transcript of everything they've said in public so far. The only place I've not been able to listen is when she is in her home.” Mettaton began to hand out copies of the recorded conversations to his writers who proceeded to quickly edit and skim like mad men.

Yes, the papers you and Papyrus had unwittingly signed allowed MTT to not only use your likeness, but also granted permission for the company to record every word and action you did. And anyone else you associated with. Although that last part was a bit fuzzy on the legality, you and Papyrus’ actions had provided plenty of material for Mettaton’s project.

Burgerpants sweated anxiously and shifted uncomfortably. “So, uh, sir if you don’t need me anymore.”

Mettaton waved. “Alright, alright. Just one more thing.” The sound of giggling from behind the door made Mettaton paused and shot Burgerpants a suspicious glance. “Burgerpants, do you have something to tell me?”

Burgerpants shuffled his feet. “Uhh, I may have some guests I’m showing around the studio.” There was more giggling.

Mettaton glanced at the door and then back at Burgerpants. “Those sound like females, Burgerpants.”


“I mean, actual females,” Mettaton insisted.

“I know!” Burgerpants spat irritably.

Mettaton looked astounded. “What women did you manage to convince to come with you?”

“Shh, oh my god, you got to be quiet!”

“Whaa!! I can’t help it! I’m just so excited!”

“I know! I’m like super excited too!”

“Like, do you think we’re going to see Mettaton?”

“Oh my god! I mean no way will you see him!”

“Whaatttt? Why not?”

“Because I’m going to see him first!”

“Oh my god, Catty, you are so awful!”

Mettaton stared at Burgerpants who was trying to hide in his shirt. “Are those the two girls who go through our dumpsters?” he asked.

“AHHHH! Bratty!!! He knows who we are!!”

“That’s because we are so ah-mazing!”

Mettaton waved his hands. “Bring them in.”

Burgerpants wasn’t sure he had heard him correctly. “Sir?”

The star nodded. “Go ahead and let them in.” Burgerpants glanced around to make sure he was hearing him correctly. The silence afterwards confirmed he had heard correctly.

“Uh okay then.” He walked back outside and shut the door. There was some quiet whispering followed immediately by the sound of excited screaming. Two mobster barged in, squealing.

“Oh my God! It’s like Mettaton!”

“I’ve been planning our dream wedding for years!”

“Years? I’ve been planning all my life!”

Mettaton held a hand to his chest, flattered at the attention. “My, my ladies! I am touched by your flattery! What are your names?”

“That’s Catty!”

“And that’s Bratty! We’re like-”

“Your biggest fans!!”

Mettaton tapped his display monitor thoughtfully. Burgerpants walked in afterwards, looking like he had just been run over with a steamroller. He froze when he saw how Mettaton was observing Catty. “Uhhh…” A bad feeling settled in the pit of his stomach.

Mettaton cleared his throat. “Catty, was it?”

“Oh my God! Catty, he knows your name!”

“AHHHH! I’m so excited!

“Have you ever thought about being a star?”

“What?!” Burgerpants gasped.

“A star?” Catty squealed. “Maybe? I don’t know!”

“You could totally be a star!” Bratty assured her.

“You think so?”

“Of course! You already act like a diva!”

“Shut up! You’re so bad...but I really do.”

Mettaton pressed his fingers together. “How would you like to star as the romantic female lead in my television series?”

“Oh my god! Yes! Yes!” Catty shrieked, “Can Bratty come too?”

“Of course!” Mettaton cheered. “Do you think you could play the best friend coworker?”

Both girls screamed in joy. Burgerpants looked absolutely haunted as Mettaton began to hand out scripts to the girls. “Uh, Mettaton?”

“Not now, Burgerpants! Someone get these girls to the dressing rooms! We start filming in 10!”


Episode 1

*Scene opens up in hospital background. Various monsters are in 50s hospital garb, walking around, pretending to hit other monsters on the knees with hammers and using a stethoscope to listen to a wall.*

Catty: *Walks out in a traditional nurse dress* Oh what a busy day! But it’s not too busy because I am Laura, a self independent, human woman in my late 20s. However it is way too busy to ever date anyone so I guess I’ll just have to keep being really serious about my job.

Bratty: *Walks to Catty from off stage* Oh my god! Did you hear my fellow human best friend that a monster is here?

Catty (Laura): What??? Are you like serious, bestie friend Thomasina?

Bratty (Thomasina): Tot’s serious!

Clam Guy: Hello! I am the very serious doctor, Dr. T! I have vast credentials and know what I’m talking about! We need to do hospital work stat on this patient! *a small Annoying White Dog is wheeled in on a stretcher* Here are the owners!

*Bleu the ice cream vendor and Ugly Phish come in. Ugly Phish is wearing a bright blue cardigan sweater and Bleu has donned some hastily made cardboard armor*

Bleu: Please help our dog monster friend for I am the Glorious Palatino! Please ignore my brother, Segoe, for he is a real nice guy but the script, er, I mean, he is not very smart.

Ugly Phish (Segoe): Whatsup? I like your butt! Can I touch it?”

*A loud commotion is suddenly heard off stage. All the actors and actresses quickly look at each other panicked. A familiar metallic voice yells, “KEEP GOING!”*

Catty (Laura): Oh my gosh, I’m like seriously offended but maybe I am secretly flattered judging by how red my cheeks are! Wink wink!

Bratty (Thomasina): Oh no! Doctor! We are losing the patient! He is having heart kidney esophagus failure!*she points to Annoying Dog who had began to roll on to his back for tummy rubs*

Ugly Phish (Segoe): Is that serious?

Bratty (Thomasina): It’s like, super serious!

Clam Guy (Dr. T): I need someone to help me restrain my unruly patient! You there, Palatino, with your strong skeletal stature, hold the patient down with Laura and Thomasina!

*Bleu gently pats the dogs head and the girls proceed to give belly rubs*

Clam Guy (Dr. T): *pulls out two unplugged irons* I have to save the patient! Everyone act likes they’re shocked! I mean, uh, go! *puts the irons on the wiggly dog and everyone awkwardly pretends to be shocked as Clam Guy accidentally read their action cues as dialogue*

Ugly Phish (Segoe): Wow! You saved the patient while I just sat here staring at butts! Good job! Here’s a bad joke about dogs! They are never easy, they make things roof.

Bleu (Palantino): Haha-oh I mean! That is a terrible joke! Please go home and I will join you later to make dinner. *Ugly Phish gets up and walks off stage, followed quickly by Annoying Dog who found something interesting in the corner*

Catty (Laura): Wow! That was so stressful! I’m so glad I’m a nurse specialist independent adult woman!

Bleu (Palantino): I need your help. Will you come to my boss’ house tomorrow to help me with medical stuff?

Bratty (Thomasina): Oh my god! Do it Ca-Laura! Then we can chat about it over wine coolers the next day!

Catty (Laura): Oh okay, if you say so! Sure I’ll come to your boss’ fancy house! *Bleu and Clam Guy leave* Hey my phone is buzzing!

Bratty (Thomasina): Who is it?

Catty (Laura): Omg! It’s a super hot hunky monkey and he wants to take me out to dinner tomorrow! And I said yes!

Bratty (Thomasina): But don’t you have to be at like the boss lady’s house?

Catty (Laura): Oh no!! What do I do now?


*To be continued appears on the screen*

Mettaton leapt out of his chair. “And Scene!” He clasped his hands together. “Wonderful! That was wonderful! What an exciting start to this series! Although I am going to have to remind those not being filmed to keep themselves quiet while we’re filming.” He shot an irritated glance at Burgerpants who shyly scratched his head

“I didn’t like what he said to Catty,” he mumbled.

“What was that?”


“That’s what I thought.” Mettaton coasted over to Napstablook who was in control of the sound effects and theme music. “How many viewers did we get, dear?”

“Uh, well, apparently a lot of people thought we were advertising costumes…so 12?” Napstablook offered helpfully.

Mettaton sighed. “Well 12 fans are better than no fans! I’m sure after next episode, the fanmail will come streaming in by the truckload!” He smiled proudly. “Now can you make us theme music to play over the romantic parts coming up?”

“Uhhh, I think so.”

Mettaton beamed and quickly rolled back to his director’s chair. “I can already feel the popularity! Alright, let’s start writing next episode already!”

Chapter Text

Frisk and Sans sat outside on the front porch of the skeleton home. Sans felt strangely peaceful as the two males sat in the sun. “so did you and pap come up with a battle strategy?” he asked after a few moments of content silence.

Frisk nodded. “Yeah, he knows what he’s going to say when he first sees her.”

Sans blinked. “and?”

“That’s it.”

Sans smirked. “pap is smart. he’ll think of something. no sense in trying to plan ahead.”

Frisk grinned. “That’s what I said, but he wants to really be prepared. He even wanted to take his dating manual to training with him today but he doesn't even have it! Which made him even more nervous!” Frisk groaned. “Undyne’s got him all freaked out about what a bathing suit is.”

Sans began to drag his phalanges through the dirt. “heh. he has a computer. he can just search for images.”

“Yeah, I think he forgot about that.”

The sound of car approaching drew both of their attention ad thy looked up. Sans smiled. “Here comes your mom, kid.” Sure enough, the car came to a stop and a large white goat monster stepped out.

“Frisk!” she exclaimed happily holding out her arms. Frisk ran and was immediately scooped up into her arms. The child looked almost miniature in the arms of his mother. Finally, she placed him down and he hopped into the car.

“Hi Asgore!”

“Howdy Frisk!” a loud gentle voice greeted warmly. Sans stuck his head into the car.

“heh you guys look about as comfy as sardines in a tin can,” Sans whistled. It was impressive how the king of monsters and two hand holding Royal Guards had managed to fit into this tiny car but they somehow managed it, albeit a bit cramped.

“Howdy Sans. How are you?”

“i’m good. thanks, your majesty. how was your trip?”

“Good. I feel we have made some great progress in human monster relations,” Asgore answered optimistically.

“glad to hear it.” Sans stepped back and turned toward Toriel who was waiting patiently for him.

She smiled down at her smaller friend. “Good afternoon, Sans, how are you?”

“i’m good, tori. you?”

Tori sighed. “Much better, actually.” The two remained quiet for a moment. Sans felt himself hesitate slightly as Toriel observed him with a strange smile.

“something in my hair?” Sans asked, tousling his skull playfully.

“Haha, no no.” Toriel smirked. “It’s just you look different.”

“different?” Sans questioned.

“Yes. You seem less stressed. You look...rested. Dare I say, relaxed.” Sans cocked his head at her.

“me? nah, i’m as cool as a cucumber...but thanks,” he added with a wink. “i’ve been able to let off some steam lately.”

“I’m glad. Well I would love to share my new jokes, but I’m afraid I better get the boys home.” She was about to turn back to the car but paused. “Oh, I’ve heard a rumor that we will all be seeing each other tomorrow afternoon for a ‘secret party’.”

“hmm, don’t know what you’re talking about.” Sans shrugged as Toriel pulled out her cell phone.

“Oh, really?” She handed her phone to him and he eyed it curiously. She had it opened to an event page on the Undernet.

“‘mettaton and frisk’s super secret birthday party...don’t tell his parents,’” Sans read outloud. “huh would you look at that?”

“You’re the first name in the RSVP list.”

“well you goat me there.”

Tori laughed wholeheartedly. “I missed you Sans. I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“heh, see ya tori.”


You let out an exhausted sigh as you flopped onto the couch. What a busy, yet absolutely boring day! There were no soul pictures, no sexual harassment, no death traps of fact that had been a single monster related thing that happened to you all day. You couldn’t help but feel disappointed.

“Are you out of your fucking mind?” You asked yourself. “You should be celebrating! You had a day of actually being normal again!” Change was scary! Right? You felt your shoulders sink. The thought of normalcy didn’t sound so enticing anymore.

You looked over at the bathing suit you had hung up. You couldn’t believe you were going through with this. You did like Papyrus. You couldn’t deny it at this point. Enough to date him exclusively? Uh…you avoided the question and looked around your room. Your stomach clenched and you glanced at the bathing suit once more. What was Mettaton thinking choosing such a color for a bathing suit? You never wore this color before. Not since you were little at least.

You were never going to get any sleep if you kept up thinking like this. And you knew the quickest way to solve this was to have a drink. You hopped out of bed and walked to your kitchen. You groaned when you opened the fridge and did not spot any cider. However, you did spot an unopened Merlot. You hemmed and hawed slightly. It seemed a shame to open a whole bottle of wine just to have only a glass. Plus, wine did make you more emotionally charged…among other physical things. But then again, it was an inexpensive wine and being slightly emotional now was better than being exhausted the next day.

You poured yourself a glass and walked back to the bed, resting your beverage on your nightstand. You took a large sip and began to play with your phone. Perhaps you could try a Sudoku puzzle? That always got your attention. You loaded up one of the puzzles and made it about 40% of the way through before you came to a stop. It was one of those L shaped or S shaped patterns. You weren’t entirely sure. There was a type of logic needed for this part that involved knowing a particular rule that was specific to this situation. Which you didn’t know, so this made this portion of the game damn near impossible.

Papyrus would probably know what to do. He seemed to really enjoy puzzles. Perhaps you could screenshot the puzzle and text him a copy. Then he could give you hints over the phone on what to do? That was a super great…terrible idea. “Are you nuts?” You bluntly asked yourself. How desperate were you going to appear, calling him the night before the date. For puzzle help? He would think you were a moron.

Actually, no he wouldn’t, would he? He never thought you were a moron. Or at least he never said you were. But to be honest, he didn’t seem like the type of guy, er monster, who would. Nah. He’d go ahead and try to explain things over the phone. But, you were probably a better visual learner. Yeah, you’d probably see if he could come over and explain it. It wasn’t that late anyway. Plenty of time to solve a few puzzles. Hell, maybe you both could take on Diabolical difficulty together. No guarantees you would beat it though. It was an appropriately named level of difficulty.

You guys would probably have to take a break from puzzles. Maybe you could teach him how to bake cookies without causing a nuclear meltdown of your oven. Oh my god, you could just see him trying to hold a tray of cookies with his gloves on. That would be adorable. Not that you found him incredibly cute, you mean. You mean, sure, any grown male holding a plate of cookies was already charming, but just it being well, him, just made it seem extra uh…sweet? Endearing?

You were getting sidetracked! Cookies! Yes! Cookies went really well with milk and movies! If he wanted to, maybe you would be willing to watch a scary movie. But you guys would probably have to sit really close together. Uh, not because you’d be scared at all. Nope. Your couch uh, just might be too small for him. In fact, it would be safest if you cuddled. Less surface area for monsters to strike! And if he got nervous, you’d be right there for him to hold tight. Not that he’d get nervous. Papyrus was really brave – he did brave a ghost for you after all. Technically. You grinned goofily. But still, if you could see in the dark, you bet he looked really heroic when he went into the backroom of Grillby’s. A smiling, strong, clean male who was willing to brave danger. Hell, with that armor on, you could almost claim he was some type of knight or maybe even a prince or…


Your grin froze and your hand flew to your chest. Your heart was beating wildly. “Fucking, god, no fucking no. Wait.” You begged. But your heart continued to beat as realization set in.

You had fallen for Papyrus. And that terrified you.



Papyrus paced back and forth nervously in his room. Tomorrow was his second date with you. And he still wasn’t sure what a bathing suit was. He finally broke down and googled “Lori in bathing suit”, but the images only pulled up an older, blonde woman in strange, small pieces of clothing. Were you going to dress as her? Were you going to dye your hair? What would you look like as a blonde anyway?

These questions did nothing to placate his anxiety. Maybe there was a dish he could clean to take his mind off of things? No. There wasn’t. Because he had already checked an half hour ago. Darn his efficiency! He finally took off his boots and crawled into bed. He stared at the ceiling. Maybe he could clean the ceiling? No, that seemed excessive. Or maybe it wasn’t. Life on the surface was certainly different. Perhaps ceilings did acquire dust. He should call you and ask if that happened.

“Nyeh! No, no, no!” He caught himself as he almost dialed you and quickly put the phone down. He had to not think of you at the moment. Thinking of you made him incredibly excited and nervous at the same time. And the last thing he wanted was to show up sleepy to the date. Maybe he needed another story? Sans had read one to him an hour ago but Papyrus still hadn’t been able to sleep. He didn’t want to wake up Sans for one though. His brother seemed to have picked up another hobby as of late, although he did not share with Papyrus what it was. However, whatever it was, it put Sans in a good mood and he seemed to sleep even more deeply than before. He actually appeared rested and relaxed and did not shuffle his slippered feet so much when he walked.

Papyrus retrieved one of the books from his collection that Sans had rented from their town’s library. He flipped open the cover and spotted the check in/check out slip attached to the inner cover. He winced as the words “Property of Snowdin Librarby” were proudly embossed on the top of the slip. He’s not sure if any monster had gotten fired for the misprint that now existed on every piece of librarby, er, library property.

“Wow, Sans rented this book over a year ago…I hope they don’t fine us too much for it being late,” Papyrus admitted to himself as he noticed the check out date. Then again, he’s not sure where the library had actually gone once it got to the surface. If he ever found it, he would make sure to return the book, pay the fine and then rent it again because who didn’t love the adventures of Fluffy Bunny?

He wondered what it would be like to have you read him a story. Not over the phone, but to actually do what Sans did and be here in person. Would you do the voices for the characters? Would you sit on a chair or maybe on the edge of the bed like Sans did? Of course you would sit on the bed! Story telling was always more exciting when everyone sat closer together. In fact, it only made even more sense that you should sit next to him while you read in order to get the maximum effect of the story!

Papyrus thumbed the book cover thoughtfully. You would probably have to get under the covers too. A cold storyteller would not be able to do a story justice! Especially if it was a love story. You would have to be really close to him because no doubt there would whispering in a love story. It would break the atmosphere if he had to ask you to repeat yourself because he couldn’t hear you whispering. Perhaps it would be best if he held you while you read to him so he would be sure to hear every word you said. And if you decided to act out the story, it was the utmost important that he could hold you. That way, when you got to the final scene where they kiss, you could just turn to him and he would be right there to just…just…

Oh no. No. No. No. His sockets widened in realization and he looked down in alarm as his chest glowed. There was no way he could deny it now.

Papyrus had romantic feelings for you. And that terrified him.


Chapter Text

A loud pounding jolted you awake from a rather uh, disturbing sleep you had managed to get. There was a lot of tossing and turning and skeleton princes. You felt your heart beat manically at the suddenness of your wakening before it finally settled down. You tumbled out of bed, swearing and tripping.

“Hey dork! Open up!” You heard a voice yell from outside. You yawned and opened the door, coming face to face with two familiar monsters. They were wearing sunglasses and bathing suits underneath some summer clothes.

“Undyne? Alphys? What time is it? Why are you in my house?” You yawned, letting the two monsters in.

“It’s about 10:15am,” Alphys answered.

“We need quarters!!” Undyne exclaimed, darting into your home.

“Quarters?” You asked.

“For the parking meters,” Alphys translated as Undyne proceeded to explore your kitchen.

You shuffled around and found your jar of loose change. You blinked sleepily as you handed the jar to Alphys. “Wait...why are you guys in my home again?” You realized.

“Oh! We thought it would work best if we all carpooled together,” Alphys smiled.

You nodded. “That’s a good idea. Parking is probably going to suck...uh, but isn’t the party at noon?”

“Yeah! We’re just making sure that you’re actually going to show!” You heard Undyne yell from your kitchen.

You laughed. “What? Of course. I’m going to show! It’s hella rude to not show up for a date,” you winked.

That answer satisfied the fish monster and she returned to looting your kitchen. “Glad to hear it! Hey, you should have someone come fix your oven! It’s not getting nearly hot enough to cook successfully!”

Alphys quickly darted in and pulled out Undyne who had been tampering with your controls on the stove. “U-undyne!”

“You’re right! We’ll have to fix it ourselves!” Undyne enthusiastically declared.

You were too sleepy to argue with that...or even understand what she was talking about. “That’s cool. Cool. Um, excuse me while I go get ready.” You walked into your bedroom and began to strip. The two monsters in the living room were talking amongst each other quietly. You managed to just put on your bathing suit when Undyne busted in.

“Hey Lori!”

“Jesus Christ!” You shrieked. “What?!” You tried to quickly pull a shirt over your bikini top.

“Is that your bathing suit?!” Undyne asked with a huge grin.

“Undyne! You-you can’t just barge into people’s bedrooms like that!” Alphys ran in, waving her arms frantically. She looked at you apologetically before doing a double take. “Oh oh!”

Well shit. Now you were very self conscious. “What?” you asked hurriedly, “Is it bad?! Should I change?! Fuck, I should change!”

“Hell no!” Undyne ordered. “This is perfect!!”

“ sure?” you asked hesitantly.

Alphys was blushing but nodded along with her girlfriend. She squeaked in approval, having not been able to orally speak at the moment.

“Well okay then. I’m almost done. Let me just pack a change of clothes and grab a sweater.”

“No sweater!” Undyne growled, snatching the hoodie out of your hands.


“No sweater!” Undyne smiled mischievously, pointing to the tank top you had slipped on over your bathing suit. “I want everyone to see your battle attachments!” You sputtered unintelligibly, only spurring on the fanged smile creeping onto Undyne’s face. “Finish packing. We’ll be waiting in the jeep!”

The two monsters left your room. You snuck your favorite hoody into your duffel bag containing Frisk’s gift and followed them shortly afterwards. Heheh, no one would suspect a thing.



“Are you fucking serious?!” You screamed back at her.

“Ahhhhhhh!!!” Alphys squealed as she attempted to steer the car from the passenger seat.

“I really like that hoody!!!” You hollered, trying to smack Undyne from the back seat unsuccessfully. Undyne had spotted your hoody in your bag and snatched it before you could stop her, forcing Alphys to grab the steering wheel in a desperate attempt to keep you all from swerving off the road.

“TOO BAD!!!” Undyne laughed manically as she held your hoody out the driver’s side window, “FUHUHU!!!”

“I WILL PUNCH YOU IF YOU TOSS IT!!!!” You finally snapped.

“Undyne!! Wait!” Alphys begged, spotting something in the rear view mirror. But her words fell on deaf ears.

“NGAHHHH!!!” Undyne roared and, with a powerful swing, tossed your hoody out the car window.

You stared in shock at her for a moment before letting out a war cry of your own. You unbuckled your seatbelt and proceeded to smack Undyne with your rolled up towel. The Captain appeared uninjured by your assault. In fact, she almost seemed proud. “YES! UNLEASH YOUR INNER FURY! USE THIS ENERGY TO CONQUER YOUR DATE!”

The sudden blare of a police siren made everyone freeze. Alphys groaned. “Th-that’s what I was trying to tell you,” she groaned, pulling the car to the side of the road.

Undyne stuck out her tongue as she brought the car to a stop. “Pshaw, I wasn’t even speeding that much! I wonder why he pulled us over?” You turned around to look through the rear view window and blanched.

“You threw my sweater at a cop,” you gasped. The sweater indeed was caught up in the windshield wipers of a police cruiser who was now utilizing a megaphone.

“Turn off your engine and remain seated in your vehicle!”



The police officer strode over to the car stiffly, clutching a ticket book tightly. “Wow, he looks uh, really mad,” Alphys nervously chuckled as she watched him approach.

“Shit, shit, shit, Undyne! This is considered assault on an officer. At the very least battery!” You panicked.

Undyne raised her brow. “What do batteries have to do with your sweater?”

A knock on the window halted all conversation. The police officer was at Alphys’ side of the door. She began to shake as she rolled down the window.

“License and registration, please,” the officer intoned roughly. Alphys’ hands trembled as she reached for the glove compartment.

Undyne peered at the officer before breaking into a humongous grin. “I KNOW YOU!!!”

The officer looked up sharply only to pale quickly. “Uhhhh, Eh, Captain Undyne?” The officer coughed and attempted to straighten himself back up. “I need to see your license and registration.”

“License and registration?” Undyne asked, “What’s that?” Alphys froze as her search in the glove compartment yielded neither of those two items. You had never gone to jail before. Then again, you were getting to experience a lot of first times lately, weren’t you?

The officer remained calm. “Do you know it’s against the law to drive without those-Captain please get back in the car!” Your head snapped around to see Undyne exiting the vehicle excitedly.

“I am so disappointed in you!” She huffed.

The officer was stunned. “Disappointed? I-uh, you threw a projectile at my vehicle!”

“AND YOU DIDN’T DODGE!!” Undyne asserted, pointing to your sweater which was still tangled amongst the officer’s windshield wipers. She began to run over to his side of her car, only for the officer to run to the other side to maintain the distance. “I know you can dodge better than that!” she exclaimed, “Do I really have to put you through the training course again?!” She began to chase him around the car.

The officer gasped, “I uh the gauntlet? No, no, no!” He realized, continuing to run in circles around the car.

Undyne laughed sadistically. “Tell you what! If you can dodge all the stuff I throw at you, you don’t have to run the gauntlet! Now get back over here and dodge this time!” She ordered as she pursued the officer.



Asgore squealed in delight. “Oh my! I did not expect this at all!” he exclaimed as he walked toward his subjects waving at him on the beach. Tori and Frisk exchanged knowing looks as they walked after him.

Mettaton bowed. “Well, a little birdy told me that our little Frisk turned 10 recently, and we thought what better way to celebrate than for a day at the beach!”

“That is very kind of you. Frisk has such thoughtful friends,” Tori smiled, shooting a wink at Sans who winked back.

Papyrus waved. “Oh! Frisk has even more thoughtful friends..but eh, they’re not here yet,” he admitted, glancing around curiously. There were a lot of monsters already here. The guard dogs were beginning to dig near the water. RG1 and RG2 had already taken off their chest plates and were sprawled out on the sand, making sand angels.

Frisk smiled. “I’m sure they’ll be here soon,” he said.

Asgore nodded. “I’m sure you are right. Let’s go set up our towels!” he eagerly suggested, carrying the beach gear. Frisk tugged Toriel along and they quickly set up their stuff.

It was good weather for the beach. The sun was shining. It wasn’t too hot with a nice breeze. The Monsters had managed to claim a sweet spot near one of the many volleyball courts and the lifeguard station...which turned out to be empty but it was a pretty good landmark. Just to be safe, Mettaton had insisted upon BP raising a large flag with his face on it...just to be safe of course. Even after Toriel had applied sunscreen to Frisk, they were still missing three individuals.

Papyrus wandered over to Sans who was dead asleep on the bare sand. “Eh, Sans, have you heard from Undyne and Alphys?”

“hmm can’t say that i have.”

Papyrus shifted uncomfortably. “Nyeh, how about the human?”

Sans opened an eye socket at him. “nah. why don’t you call her?”

“That’s a great idea!” Papyrus exclaimed. He pulled out his phone and quickly dialed you.



Ring- ”Papyrus!! Oh thank god it’s you!”

Papyrus coughed. Your excitement to hear from him was encouraging. “Hello Lori. Yes, it is me. Papyrus. Your date. That you’re supposed to meet…but you are not here? Is everything okay?” There was the sound of a loud commotion in the background.

“No! We got pulled over by a cop!”

“Oh, that’s nice of him! Did he have a present for you?”

Another loud bang. “What?! No, listen, I carpooled with Undyne and Alphys-”

“Oh! One moment,” Papyrus lifted the phone off his head and waved at Sans. “The human is with Alphys and Undyne.”

Sans nodded. “cool. tell them i say hi.”

“Right! Sans says hi!” Another loud bang.

“Hi, yes, fine! We got pulled over for uh, I guess littering? And he was going to give Undyne a ticket but she recognized him from the obstacle course.”

Papyrus frowned. “Well she should know better than to litter. We should always pick up our trash and put it in the dump so other people can go through it!”

“She’s throwing tires at the cop!” You finally yelled


“Undyne said he needs to learn how to dodge since he didn’t dodge the sweater!”

Papyrus sighed. “I-i see. That is bad.” Now there were sirens.


“An officer of peace should be able to dodge a sweater! He most definitely needs this time to practice! I will understand if you are late because you are helping to train him,” Papyrus assuaged you.

Your voice cracked in disbelief. “Late?! Pap, we’re going to go to jail!!” An even louder crash.

“Jail? Eh...will you be able to get out in time to make Frisk’s party?”

“No.” Papyrus began to sweat. “No party means no date.”

“No date?” He echoed.

“Yeah, so we’re just up the street from the beach so if you could-HOLY SHIT, ALPHYS, GET OUT OF THE CAR!” There was an even louder bang and the line went dead.

Papyrus stared at his phone. “Nyeh?” He tried to redial you but it went straight to voicemail. You said that Alphys was there right? He didn’t have her number.

But Mettaton might.

Chapter Text

Papyrus trudged through the sand to the star’s lounge chair which was comfortably seated under a large umbrella. The Monster was flipping through a script of some sort but quickly stashed it as he saw Papyrus approach.

“Hello darling! How are you? Where’s Lori?”

Papyrus scratched his head. “Eh, Hello Mettaton. I am well. That’s part of the reason why I am here. I was wondering if you could call Alphys and find out where she is? Undyne, Alphys and the human all carpooled and now Undyne’s training the police by throwing weapons at them so I wanted to go get Lori before she had to go to jail.”

Mettaton’s display monitor blinked for a moment, as if trying to process this information. “Ah-ah. I see. Um, well, I’ve got my phone built into my body. Just a moment please.” The robot was still for a moment.



Ring. “He-hello Mettaton!” Alphys voice crackled through.

“Hello sweetheart! Everything alright on your end? It sounds exciting?”

“Uhhh...yeah, you could say that. Eh. Undyne threw the car at the police cruiser!”

“Sounds absolutely smashing! Oh, sorry Paps,” Mettaton quickly apologized as Papyrus groaned at the pun. “Listen, dear, would you mind telling us where you are before they take you to jail?”

“Uh sure. We’re actually just up the street from the meeting point.” There was slightly perturbed laughter. “Did-did you say jail?” she gasped.

Mettaton shrugged. “I’m assuming so. Human police tend to frown upon people throwing cars at their own cars.”

“Oh my gosh!! Lori! Lori, you were right!”

“I fucking told you!”

“What do we do?” Alphys stammered.

Mettaton waved his hands. “Now, now. Just think! Do you know what happens to females when they go to jail?”

“Uh...they have to share a toilet?” Alphys suggested.

“No. They get to shower together!” Mettaton answered suggestively.


“Oh yes. I’ve seen it on human programs all the time. You’ll get to see Undyne in the nude,” he prompted. Papyrus blushed a dark orange and quickly looked away.

“But! I’ve already seen her naked!” Alphys protested.

Mettaton leapt up. “HAHAHA!!!! I KNEW IT!!”

“Oh no no no, I mean-!” Alphys attempted to backpedal but Mettaton was having none of it.

“When were you going to tell me, you little sneak?!” he chortled. Papyrus buried his skull in his gloves. The sound of sirens from further up the beach caught his attention and he quickly turned toward the source of the noise. It was not from the telephone.

“Thank you, Mettaton, for your assistance!” He quickly thanked before darting towards the sirens. But Mettaton was too busy giggling and shouting to notice Papyrus’ exit.


“Alphys! Get your girlfriend to stop tossing car parts!” You hollered at the dinosaur. She did not respond and you quickly looked out from the mailbox you were taking cover behind. “Alphys?”

She was shouting into her phone, red faced and sweating. Apparently the destruction and attack on local law enforcement was the farthest thing from her mind. All you could catch was the words “cuddle time” and “appropriate nudity”. You returned to your cover behind the steel mailbox and shook your head.

“What the fuck do I do?”

“Hello human!” Papyrus popped up next to you.

“AHh! Fuck!” You yelped, jumping up again. “Papyrus!”

“Yes, it’s me,” Papyrus smiled. “Ready to be my date now?” He asked eagerly.

You stared at him like he was nuts before glancing back at the carnage. Undyne was in the process of dismantling her own car and tossing it toward the officer who had pulled you over...who was actually now dodging pretty well. Another police cruiser had pulled up. You turned back to Papyrus who watched you expectantly. “I-uh-”

“Oh hang on!” Papyrus barked suddenly. Before you could blink, he had grabbed you and yanked you down to into a kneeling position. Part of a radiator flew through the air shortly where your own head had been moments ago. You felt your pulse shoot up exponentially at the realization that he just saved you from near decapitation. He smiled at you as if he just brushed a piece of lint off your shoulder. “So, as I was saying!”

You didn’t give him a chance to finish. You tackled him all the way to the ground in an immediate hug. “Thank you thank you thank you thank you!” You squealed into his neck.

“Nyeh heh heh, you’re welcome!” Papyrus grinned triumphantly, enjoying the unexpected attention you had bestowed upon him. Unfortunately, even he knew it was probably not completely safe here as he spied part of a brake pad skid to the right of him. “Eh, human, perhaps we should go join the party?” he asked, trying to quell the blush that was threatening to erupt on his cheek bones.

You laughed awkwardly as you sat up. “Yeah, shit, you’re right. Maniac monster on the loose. Uh, wait, shouldn’t we try to get Alphys and Undyne to come with us?” You asked, gesturing behind you. Alphys was still yelling on her phone. A superior officer had pulled up now and watched as Undyne shouted encouragement to the still dodging officer.

Papyrus shook his head. “No, I think they’ll be alright. Undyne and Alphys are very skilled. But I’ll check.” He cupped his gloves and shouted over to the manical Undyne. “Hello Undyne! Do you need any assistance?”

“Nah! I got this! He’s getting really good at dodging! I’ll catch you guys later!”

Papyrus nodded. “Thank you! We will see you later.” He held out a hand to you. “Let’s go.” You took the skeleton at his word and allowed him to lead you away from the fight toward the beach.


“Howdy human, my name is Asgore!” A large furred goat monster extended a hand out to you in a gesture of friendship. You shook it and noticed with some trepidation how massive his paw was compared to your hand.

“Hello Asgore, it is very nice to meet you,” you greeted back.

Asgore looked around contently. “It is so nice to meet new people. I hope you have a wonderful time!”

The more feminine of the goat monsters stepped forward at this point. “Greetings, I am Toriel. I am Frisk’s mother. Thank you for coming to his birthday party,” she greeted.

Her paw was also large compared to yours although admittedly not as large as Asgore’s thankfully. But if she wanted to, she could probably crush your hand. “Hello Toriel, it is nice to meet you as well. Thank you for having me here!” You looked around sheepishly. “Er, I did have a present for Frisk, but it was in the car,” you admitted.

Toriel seemed to understand and she smiled knowingly. “Yes, the Captain can get a bit enthusiastic when it comes to training. I’m sure everything will be fine.” Man, everyone was a lot more sure than you that this was all going to be okay now, wasn’t it?

You spotted Frisk running past you with a bucket of sand. Toriel’s mothering must have rubbed off on you because you found yourself asking her, “Do you guys need any sunscreen? I’ve got some in my bag.”

Toriel lit up. “Oh thank you. I admit, it is very difficult to put sunscreen on Frisk without it getting stuck in my fur but he found this spray can that works very well.” She showed you a can of spray sunblock and you nodded approvingly.

“That’s a good one. Well I guess I better go set up my towel and put on my own sunscreen.”

“Sans has saved you a good spot!” Papyrus exclaimed.

“Oh cool!” You once again followed the skeleton and he lead you to a moundy spot in front of two towels. You were about to say thank you but he huffed in irritation. “What’s wrong?”

Papyrus crossed his arms. “Sans said he would stay here and guard the spot! That lazy brother of mine must have wandered off. Please set up while I see if I can find him.”

“Sure, sure, go find him,” you snickered. He darted off as you unrolled your towel and placed it on the towel. Most of the items in your duffel bag seemed to have made it with you. Except your sweater. You cracked a smile at yourself. “Teehee, I’ve got everything sans my sweater,” you chuckled at the word play.

“heh. nice.” That voice was very familiar.

You looked around but could not locate my source. You smirked. “I guess I could say that Papyrus is sans Sans.”

“heh heh heh.” One of the mounds of sand next to you jiggled slightly. You walked over and brushed some the sand off the mound to reveal a pink slipper.

“Hey Sans,” you greeted, “Long time no see. Thanks for holding my spot.”

A skeletal hand dug its way out of the sand and waved at you languidly. “hey kid. no problem.” He pulled himself out all the way and watched as you finished setting up. You stared at him and shivered.

“Holy shit, that’s freaky.”


“Sorry, but it’s just so weird watching uhh...sand come out of you…” you bashedly admitted, averting your eyes finally. You literally watched sand pour out of Sans’ eye sockets and skull. It was a bit disconcerting to say the least.

Sans chuckled and tucked his hands into his sweater. “you think i’m doing it on porpoise?”

“No, Sans, no ocean puns.” You groaned, pulling out your sunscreen.

“hey, speaking of the ocean, i think it has a crush on me. it keeps waving at me.”

“Papyrus! I found Sans!” you shouted. Sans snickered.

Mettaton wheeled over to you with some difficulty. Sand did not appear to be as friendly to wheels as concrete was. “Ah, there you are. I’ve got something for you before Pap comes back.” He finally reached you. In one hand he held a black bag, and in the other, a fruity pink cocktail of some kind. You weren’t sure if he could even drink liquids but you opted not to question it.

“What’s in the bag?” you asked curiously, taking it from the robot.

“Just a little something for later tonight. Don’t open it now.” You obliged and placed the unopened bag in your duffel.

“can i open it?” Sans asked.

“No!” Mettaton regained his composure and gave a sly grin. “But you can help me take off her clothes.”

Sans shook his head. “hey buddy, i must still have some sand in my skull here because i almost thought you said something wrong there.” You nodded along with Sans. What the hell was Mettaton doing?

Mettaton rolled closer. “Oh, don’t be coy, I know perfectly well you know how to take her clothes off.” Sans and you both froze. You risked a glance at Sans whose pupils had vanished. His sockets appeared hollow. And you thought it was freaky when there was sand leaking from his skull. The monster noticed Sans’ expression and sighed. “Oh really now? Don’t get so worked up. I most certainly am not judging here. No one’s in a relationship yet so this is all fair and fine by me.” Sans’ expression softened somewhat and his pupils began to reappear. The robot’s monitor glinted knowingly. Besides, I don’t want her naked, darling. You’re wearing your bathing suit underneath, yes?”

You nodded mutely, still not quite having recovered from the robot’s statement. Sans shifted, his smile slowly starting to return to his skull although he still eyed the robot warily. “so why should i help you do this?” he asked.

You started at this line and whirled on him. “You motherfucker, don’t you dare,” you began. Sans held up a hand to you and you crossed your arms.

Mettaton smirked. “I chose the bathing suit for the human. So get her to take off her clothes before Pap comes back, please?”

Sans began to laugh as you blushed darkly. “You both are assholes! I have no intention of taking off my clothes until I’m ready!”

The skeleton gestured to you. “the kid seems pretty shore about this,” he quipped. You groaned at the pun but smiled at him thankfully.

Mettaton glanced behind you and cursed silently. “Well, here comes Papyrus. I really was hoping for a more classy reveal but I suppose you leave me no choice.” He rolled forward and his wheel suddenly shifted unsteadily. “Oh whoopsy! My drink!” he called out as he fake tripped. Before you could move, he tossed the contents of his beverage onto your clothes.

What you thought had been a cool fruity cocktail was actually some form of hot pink tea!! Your eyes bulged at the devious monster. “You son of a-!” You stopped swearing as you realized that your skin was starting to burn and immediately ditched your shorts. You were yanking your soaked t shirt off as Papyrus ran up to you.

“Human! Mettaton! Are you both alright?” he asked, running up to both of you. You did not answer so he looked to Mettaton first who placed a hand to his monitor.

“Oh dear, I’m alright. My treads just slipped on some sand is all.” Mettaton assured the taller skeleton gracefully.

“Who the fuck brings tea to the beach?!?!” Papyrus, Sans and Mettaton looked in your direction and froze. You tossed your t-shirt to the ground and scowled at it before realizing it was awfully quiet. You looked at the monsters. “Uh…”

Mettaton stuck out his hand dramatically. “The human and I went shopping together and thanks to my expertise, I feel I have chosen the perfect bathing suit for her. She is absolutely fabulous in that.”

You looked down at and resisted the urge to cover yourself. Mettaton had actually not chosen anything too revealing. The bottom part of your bathing suit was some type of shorts that extended slightly above your midthigh. The top part of your bathing suit was a bikini halter top. Yes, it did draw your breasts together in a more flattering way, but it wasn’t too crazy. The girls were actually pretty secure in this top and you weren’t worried about one of them slipping out to say hello if you ran or swam.

You knew there were other humans on the beach, some in fact very close by, that were wearing far less clothing than why were the skelebros staring at you so intently? Well maybe not both brothers. Sans had a huge grin on his skull that suggested trouble...but Papyrus was almost hypnotized by your appearance. Mettaton leaned over to the taller skeleton brother and elbowed him gently. “What do YOU think about the outfit, Papyrus?”

“Uh, well, I…”

Mettaton leaned in closer. “I especially like the color, don’t you?” Papyrus blushed and nodded.

Color? What the fuck was he going on about? You cocked your head inquisitively at Mettaton. What was so weird about wearing an orange bathing suit? You were about to question what he meant by that when you caught Papyrus’ eye. Just one eye? Yes, his left pupil had vanished and his right one was transfixed on you. His right, brightly pupil.


Mettaton gave Papyrus a forceful shove in your direction. “Go on and tell her how much you like it darling! Don’t be rude. I’ll just be heading back to my chair now and leave you two alone,” he called as he wheeled away. Just us two? You looked. Sans had vanished. You turned back toward Papyrus and nearly squeaked in surprise to see he was a lot closer than he was before.

“Uh heh heh, hi Papyrus,” you managed, “Uh, do you like my bathing suit?”

He stepped a bit closer. “Very,” he spoke lowly. You felt your hair standing on end and your skin begin to feel hot. Could it really be from Papyrus? The feeling of the sun on your cheeks brought you back to reality and you jumped.

“Shit, shit! Sunscreen! I’m burning!” You gasped, turning around and quickly grabbing your sunblock. You pulled out the bottle and turned back. “Hey, can you help me put on this -Uh, Papyrus?” You blinked. He was gone. You could faintly hearing Mettaton screaming in frustration.

Well this was an awkward beginning to your sorta date. You began to apply sunscreen as much as you could until you had only your back left. Your t-rex arms just could not reach that center part of your back. You would have said fuck it, but you knew how easily you burned these days since you spent most of your time inside a hospital.

You sighed. “Maybe Toriel will help spray my back.” You began to walk away to hopefully find the large goat monster.