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the wvonder an vwariety a life

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CA: hey davwe
CA: dave
CA: sorry

TG: cronus every time you put a volkswagen in my name a little more of my soul dies
CA: i said i wvas sorry!
CA: anywvay im bored
CA: so bored
CA: its possible i havwe nevwer been this bored in my entire existence.
CA: im reduced to readin internet gossip sites
CA: did you knowv taylor swvift has wvebbed toes?

TG: i did not
TG: now i can die in peace
TG: for now my life is blessed
TG: what do you want ampora spit it out i got shit to do

CA: wvhat are you doin?
TG: getting the buick looked at
TG: shits been making a weird and ominous noise
TG: im hoping they tell me its just possessed of devils and doesnt need a new goddamn front end kit

CA: so youre sittin in a wvaitin room readin old copies a Newvswveek from like 1999 right?
TG: never type newsweek again
TG: or powwow
TG: just never ever type those words
TG: they said itd be like another twenty minutes

CA: powvwvowv
CA: that looks fantastic, i dunno wvhat your problem is

TG: soul dying here
CA: like i said youre also bored to tears right?
CA: so entertain me
CA: an in the process also entertain yourself.

TG: boy does that sound wrong
TG: fine
TG: what do you want me to talk about

CA: wvhy do you havwe red eyes?
TG: woah ok its personal question time all up ins
CA: no i mean theyre awvesome! i just nevwer sawv that on a hume before. or orange eyes. wvhat givwes?
TG: get ready for the improbable genetics lecture
TG: the strider lalonde clan is famed for its fucked up eye colors
TG: on the lalonde side you got your literal actual purple and pink
TG: we think a couple generations back someone had a fling with a my little pony or something
TG: got the offwhite hair and the trippy as fuck eyes lodged in the genome
TG: short answer we got no fucking clue but its always been like this
TG: means both bro and me have some problems with bright light thus the ill shades

CA: i thought that wvas just a fashion statement.
TG: it is
TG: it states
TG: ow its too bright i gotta wear shades
TG: ok your turn
TG: the fuck is up with those weird little frilly things on the sides of your neck that sometimes stick out
TG: they cant be gills that makes no sense

CA: wvowv, rude.
CA: no they aint gills
CA: i mean i guess at one point they might a been like back in the dawvn a seatroll evwolution or somethin but wvho the fuck knowvs, our history is a mysterious enigma an all.

TG: yes
TG: you are an unknowable figure of intrigue

CA: damn straight
CA: anywvay theyre vwestigial or somethin, they sense shit like salinity an chemical contaminants in the wvater. most a the time they stay closed cause theyre sensitivwe as fuck an it hurts like a bitch to get stuff in em.

TG: huh
TG: so theyre like
TG: feelers

CA: technically i guess
CA: they act up sometimes wvhen i got a cold, like theyre tryin to make up for me not bein able to smell nothin.

TG: pfff ok mental image
CA: youre laughin at my pain, dave, that aint vwery considerate a you.
TG: no no
TG: no laughing here
TG: merely acknowledging the wonder and variety of life
TG: and neck feelers

CA: an wveird eyes
TG: and glowy purple freckle things
CA: an pathetic little wveenie nub teeth
TG: better weenie nub teeth than a mouthful of freaky translucent icepicks yo
CA: spoken like a landdwveller wvho aint nevwer had to catch fish for a livwin
TG: ok ill give you that
TG: hang on mechanic dude is back

CA: ok good luck.
CA: hey dave
CA: can you get me a latte on your wvay home?

TG: sweet the car gods smile upon us
TG: said its just a wheel balance thingy
TG: i guess thats within the realm of possibility
TG: no sugar though youre supposed to be cutting that out

CA: daaaaaave
TG: you can have that splenda shit
CA: it dont taste the same.
TG: whiners dont get lattes cronus its an axiom of the universe
CA: no it aint, you just made that up.
TG: well known fact
TG: ok back in a bit

CA: ok
CA: dave?
CA: thanks.