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How to Make Out on Stairs: Useful Advice to Avoid Injuries

by Ryan Jeremy Noel Nugent-Hopkins

Dedicated to my boyfriends, who are remarkably ungraceful for professional athletes.

1. Don't Make Out On the Stairs.
There are two bedrooms upstairs, and the couch downstairs. There are level floors in both directions. Making out can wait for a minute until you've found less precarious footing.

2. Look Where You're Putting Your Heads
I agree that they're something romantic about kissing with your eyes closed, but it can wait until your mouths have actually met. It will take a second longer, but it greatly reduces the risk of make out related injuries.

3. Sit Down
Yes, stairs are uncomfortable. They aren't a very pleasant place to sit, but sitting on stairs is less dangerous than standing on stairs. Or better yet, you could just leave the stairs entirely.

4. Hold onto the Bannister.
This suggestion does two things. First, it makes falling down less likely. Secondly, it takes at least a couple of hands out of the equation. People are less likely to knock you in the face if you aren't groping them Taylor.

5. Keep Your Hands to Yourselves
In the vein of the item above, this greatly reduces the risk of accident. Now, I know you're asking "What's the point of making out if I can't touch?" I agree that hands free kissing is less than ideal, but if you're really dedicated to kissing on the stairs this is the way it has to be.

6. Bondage
I was just thinking, we could tie Taylor up to the railing sometime. Then there wouldn't be any risk of him hurting himself. Ebs, I think you and I could manage this without anything bad happening. If Taylor's so into people making out on the stairs he can watch.

7. Wait For Supervision
Really guys, I'm don't trust you to attempt stair-kissing again on your own. If it's something that has to happen wait until I am around to keep things under control.