Actions

Work Header

Say It With Sugar

Summary:

Ben Solo is the owner of his family’s small chocolate shop. Rey Kenobi is a talented chocolate maker he hires. They both share the same passion for chocolate. Unfortunately, they share the same kind of anxiety, too.

Notes:

So...this happened. Let me just preface this by saying that while I have tons of firsthand experience regarding social anxiety (haha, fml) I know next to nothing about chocolate making. What I do know has been taken from Les Émotifs Anonymes, which I have shamelessly stolen this fic's plot (and some dialogue) from. Enjoy! Let me know what you think!

Chapter Text

***

When Rey sees the ad in the paper for the first time, she can hardly believe it.

Family-Owned Chocolate Shop seeking experienced chocolatier

She’s only two years out of culinary school herself. The last few bakeries she’s worked at have had nothing to do with what she actually studied - the artistry of chocolate. It’s not like she doesn’t enjoy baking cakes, pies, and cookies around the clock but that isn’t where her passion lies. Her passion lies in chocolate. Her passion lies in what her grandfather taught her, the stories he told her of his career as a chocolatier. While she may lack years of professional experience that others have in the trade, she’s been working with chocolate since she was a little girl. She has a handle on this. She knows she does, even if her anxiety tells her otherwise most of the time.

So she takes a chance and applies for the position. Even though the chocolate shop called Say It With Sugar is across town, she takes the bus to deliver the application in person. She’s greeted by a tall blonde woman named Phasma - Phas for short - who takes her application and offers to quickly show her around the back. She’s the co-manager, apparently, but she’s more in charge of day-to-day operations than running the business side of things. That’s the owner Mr. Solo’s job, Phas explains.

“I don't normally do this,” she confides in Rey as she guides her away from the front end of the shop and past the burly cashier whose nametag reads Chewie, “But you're the first to apply so far - in person, too! - and Mr. Solo is out for a few more minutes. Business lunch.”

“He doesn’t approve of giving tours?” Rey asks, struggling to keep up with the taller woman’s longer strides.

Phas sighs. “No. This used to be run by his parents. They let school groups tour the place all the time but ever since he took over things have been more business oriented.”

Rey nods. “That’s not a bad thing.”

“No. But, uh...if I can be frank?” Phas looks over her shoulder and then back at Rey. “Things aren’t good. When his parents stepped down this place was practically bankrupt and while business has picked up slightly over the past two years, we’re still floundering. You can imagine why we’re desperate for more help.”

Rey digests this information while they continue to walk down the hallway. Phas turns a corner and pulls open a set of glass doors. Beyond is an outdated but fairly large industrial kitchen. Two workers, both of them dressed in the same black uniform, go about their work at the stainless steel tabletops. One of them is singing along to the radio. Rey follows Phas inside and she's immediately greeted by the smell of chocolate wafting through the air.

“So, this is the kitchen,” Phas offers. “We’re short-staffed right now, as you can see. We need another chocolatier to help things run more smoothly. Our head chocolatier is on medical leave and Finn has volunteered to fill in for the meantime but he’s got his work cut out for him. He’s the one over there looking stressed but still managing to sing through his problems, bless him.” Phas cups her hands around her mouth to carry her voice and bellows, “Finn, give a wave!”

A man who’s been busily piping icing over a huge tray of chocolate bonbons straightens up from his work. He waves and jogs over, wiping his hands on the front of his apron.

“Finn, this is Rey Kenobi. I’m showing her around.”

“Awesome!” He gives her a tired but genuine smile and shakes her hand. “You’re an applicant for the new chocolatier position, right? Please God, say yes. I need someone to save me. Ever since Poe broke his leg it’s been a nightmare. I feel like I’m juggling the work of ten men, not two.”

Rey smiles sympathetically. “Yeah, I am.”

“Great! I hope to see more of you around. We need someone young like you. Don’t let the boss man intimidate you when you come back for the interview, okay?”

Alarmed, Rey looks over to Phas but she just laughs. “Don’t worry. Finn is kidding.”

Finn shakes his head. “I’m really not. He can be mean at first.”

“At first?” Rey echoes.

Finn considers this. “You know what, you’re right. He’s always mean.”

“He is not, Finn, shush! Back to work.” Phas gives him a light-hearted slap on the arm and he laughs, waving both of them off as he jogs back over to his table. Phas checks her watch and her smile falters. “Uh, it’s almost twelve. Mr. Solo will be back any minute. Can I show you out?”

“No problem.” Rey follows her back to the double doors, waving to Finn again on the way out.

They make it to the front of the shop just as another man pulls open the front door and steps inside. He’s as tall as Phas but where she’s all smiles and warm welcomes, he’s nothing but intimidating. He sweeps past Chewie, Rey, and Phas without a greeting and disappears down the hallway where they’ve just come from. Rey doesn’t need to ask Phas who he is. She instinctively knows. Just like that, the anxiety that’s melted away since arriving comes back in full force. How is she supposed to survive an interview with someone like that?

“You’ll hear from us shortly. It shouldn’t take more than a couple days until we start to call in people for interviews - if anyone else applies, that is! You could be the only one!” Phas tells her with a cheery smile, holding the door open for her.

Rey nods and forces herself to smile back. “Great!”

***

The next few days are the longest of Rey’s life. She keeps her phone with her at all times and sets the ringtone to the loudest possible volume though she normally hates doing it. On the third day, just as Rey is in the middle of preparing a pathetic dinner of rice and beans, the phone rings. She lurches across the tiny kitchen to fetch her phone, knocking her elbows on the counter in the process. The number on the screen isn’t one she recognizes but she answers it, positive it’s who she thinks it is.

“Hello?”

“Rey! It’s Phas, from Say It With Sugar. You got yourself an interview!”

Rey breathes a sigh of relief. “Yeah?”

“Yeah! How’s tomorrow sound? Around noon?”

A new wave of anxiety washes over her. Crap. She’d almost forgotten about the actual interview itself. The memory of Mr. Solo - tall, clean cut, scowling - comes flooding back to her but she shuts it out at once. She can do this. It’s just an interview, and she doesn’t even know the guy. She hasn’t even met him yet! Clearing her throat, she answers, “Absolutely! Yes. You got it. I’ll be there.”

“Great. I’ll let you go. Have a good night and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

The call ends and Rey slumps down to the kitchen floor. Her orange tabby Bebe brushes against her leg then jumps up onto the counter, eager to eat the sad little meal she no longer has any interest in.

The next day, Rey is ready two hours before she actually has to catch the bus. She’s showered, styled her hair three different ways before deciding on a simple bun, and borrowed a skirt, blouse, and shoes from her neighbor Jess. The pantsuit she wore the first time is the only nice outfit she’s got and she can’t wear it again, not if she’s going back to the same place. She has to make a good impression. This is the first interview she’s had for a chocolatier since she’s graduated - not just a pastry chef, but an actual chocolatier. She cannot screw this up. She cannot.

The bus ride over is longer than it should be and cramped but it gives Rey time to think. She keeps her eyes trained on the seat in front of her, resolute as she goes over interview scenarios in her head. She comes up with an answer for every hard hitting question Mr. Solo could possibly ask.

Phas is waiting for her when she walks through the front door and her friendly smile gives Rey a much-needed boost of confidence. “Rey, hello! You’re a few minutes early but that’s great - I’m sure he’s ready to get the ball rolling. Come with me.”

Rey gives Chewie the cashier a hesitant wave as she passes him which he returns with a phrase she’s pretty sure is Russian. She follows Phas down the now-familiar back hallway, the heels of her borrowed shoes clacking against the linoleum flooring. The kitchen is as busy as it was before but Finn isn’t cracking jokes or singing songs this time. It’s no wonder why; Mr. Solo is observing his work, murmuring something to him with a shake of his head.

Phasma approaches the pair of them and clears her throat. “Hey, Ben? This is the first applicant for the position.”

Mr. Solo turns around and appraises Rey. She immediately feels unsettled by his intense stare, the way his too-large mouth puckers in apparent distaste for what he must find lacking. He motions to his office with a jerk of his head. “This way.” He clomps off, not waiting for her to follow.

Rey looks to Phas helplessly. The blonde woman offers an encouraging nod of support. Behind her, Finn gives a thumbs up. “Good luck!” they both chime.

Rey swallows nervously and turns on her heel, following Mr. Solo. She can do this. She can do this! She’s a capable chocolatier. This interview is nothing to be afraid of. She steps inside the office and takes a brief glance around, feeling herself relax a tiny bit more. The room is surprisingly homey. Bookshelves take up the entirety of one wall. A cozy looking armchair is pushed into a corner and beside it stands a reading lamp. It’s a nice space, this office. It’s at odds with the man standing a few feet from her, in the same way that the cutesy name of the shop is too.

“Have a seat,” he tells her.

She scurries to the less-comfortable looking swivel chair he’s pointing to, across from the one behind his desk. He waits until she’s seated then does the same.

“Do you have experience in the field?” he asks brusquely, slipping on a pair of glasses.

Rey pulls her resume from its folder in her bag and hands it to him, attempting a nervous smile that he does not return. “Uh, just a few years professionally, but yes.”

He gives the resume a cursory glance then leans back in his seat, giving her a critical look. “Because chocolate is a unique product, you understand. People think of it as a sweet candy but it’s more complicated than that, it’s set apart from other sweets because--”

The phone on his desk rings, interrupting his train of thought. He glances at it, then back at her, then back at the phone. The ringing fills the room, cutting through the silence but making it all the more uncomfortable, somehow.

Rey smiles, gesturing to the phone. “Please, go ahead.”

He lets it ring some more. His eyes are now fixed on her. Rey notices that the tips of his ears have gone red. When the incessant ringing continues for another round he lurches forward and picks up the handset then slams it back down. Rey jumps in her seat, letting out a small gasp of surprise.

He leans back in his seat again, spares her with the same unsettling look. Rey nervously bites the insides of her cheek. When it becomes apparent that he’s not going to pick up where he left off in the conversation she prompts, “It’s the bitterness, right?”

He blinks at her. “What?”

“The - the bitterness. Of chocolate. The varying degrees of bitterness. That’s what sets it apart, makes it such a unique product.”

He’s silent for a moment, then gives a terse nod. “You’re very knowledgeable about the subject.”

She swallows. “I try to be.”

He stands from his seat and comes around to her side of the desk, clasping his hands behind his back. He’s so tall that Rey has to strain her neck to look at him. “I couldn’t have said it better myself,” he murmurs quietly.

Rey doesn’t know what to say to that. She wrings her hands in her lap, offering him another small smile.

“Do you like it? Chocolate?” he asks abruptly.

Rey blinks. “Of course.”

“No, I mean, do you really like it? Truly?” he presses.

She wets her bottom lip, tears her gaze away from his. “Yes. I love it,” she says softly. “I’ve always loved it, even when I was little. You have to love it, I think, if you’re a chocolate maker. Because really, what kind of chocolate maker can you be if you just like chocolate instead of absolutely love it?”

He stands there for another moment, as though he’s processing what she’s just said. Then he springs into action and goes to the door, wrenching it open for her. “That will be all. Thank you, Miss Kenobi.”

Rey scrambles to her feet, pulling at the hem of her borrowed skirt. “Oh. Um. Thank you.”

She moves past him, trying to keep her expression neutral. That was, without a doubt, the shortest interview she's ever had. She knows she doesn't have as many years of experience as the other candidates probably do but honestly, would it have hurt him to ask her a few more relevant questions? Something besides whether she likes chocolate? What kind of interview question was that, anyway? “Do you, um...need anything else from me?” she asks him lamely.

He stares at her, hard, then looks away again. “No. That’ll be all. If you would return to the front-end, I’m sure Phasma will be with you shortly.”

“Okay. Well.” Rey forces herself to hold out her hand for him to shake. “Thank you for your time.” She can feel how sweaty her palms are, but she has to do this. Handshakes are a definite must where interviews are concerned, at least that's what she's always been told.

He shakes her hand once. It's more of a jerk than a proper shake. Then he lets go and wipes his hand on his pant leg, of all things. As if Rey needed to feel any more mortified than she already is.

Without another look back, she hurries to the front of the building, not even stopping to chat with Finn when he waves her over with a smile.

***

“Phasma, a word?”

Phasma looks up from her computer, blonde eyebrows raised. “Wow, that was quick!”

Ben sighs. “She’s the one. Miss Kenobi.”

“You’ve got three more interviews scheduled today, Ben.”

He huffs out a small irritated breath. “Yes, I know. But I've made a decision. File the paperwork. She starts tomorrow.”

Phasma’s brows reach even higher but she gives him a mock salute. “You know best. What do I tell the other applicants? The next one is due to arrive in thirty minutes, and the one after that is--”

“Tell them we’re sorry for the inconvenience but we’ve found an exemplary chocolatier for the position already.”

“O-kay. Will do. Anything else?” Phasma sighs. He knows she hates to be the bearer of bad news, but Ben will be damned if he has to talk to three other strangers today only to tell them he’s not going to hire them. Speaking of talking to strangers...

“I’ve sent Miss Kenobi to the front. Bring her back again and tell her congratulations, would you? Then introduce her to the staff. Show her around the kitchen if you haven’t already. I've got too much to do.” A lie, of course, but he doesn't think he can handle interacting with her again so soon. Just the thought of how...how stupid he acted makes him sweat. Honestly, asking her if she liked chocolate? What the hell?

Once Phasma's gone to the front of the shop he makes his way back to his office and closes the door behind him, sucking in a calming breath. Then he lowers the blinds to all the windows overlooking his meager staff. He shuts out the sight of an uncertain Miss Kenobi trailing after Phasma into the kitchen again. She won't look so uncertain in a few seconds when she hears the news that she’s been hired, but he refuses to lurk from a distance and watch that toothy smile - the one he's already committed to memory -  light up her face like a goddamn Christmas tree.

Loosening his tie to let his hot neck get some much needed air, he scrambles to his desk to pick up the phone. Breathing deeply, trying to center himself, he punches in the number for his therapist.

***

“I hired a new employee today.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. But the um...the phone rang. During the interview.”

His therapist Dr. Hux stares at him. Ben rushes to explain himself. “I don’t like the phone in my office. It’s ancient. Doesn’t have caller ID. I don’t like not knowing who’s calling. Then again, I don’t like my cell either. Seeing a name pop up on the screen…” He takes a shuddering breath and then lets it out, shrugging the tension off his shoulders. “I just don’t like the phone, period. Or phone calls. They make me nervous.”

Hux knows this about him already; he gives a disinterested hum as he looks down at his notes, then back up at Ben. “So...the new employee?”

“What about her?”

“Oh, so she’s a woman.”

“What does that matter?”

“You have a problem with women, Ben.”

Ben huffs out a breath and mumbles, “I don’t have a problem with them, per se. They just terrify me, is all.”

“Can you speak up?”

“I said they - they terrify me.”

Hux scribbles something down, nodding to himself. “But what about your associate? Phasma, right?”

“That’s different. She’s like family.”

“Alright. So, generally speaking, what don’t you like about women?”

Ben shakes his head irritably. “What? No. I love women. I love their smiles, their hair. Their conversation. How they laugh. They way their eyes shine.” Uncomfortable with the amount he’s shared, he lapses into silence. But that is the point of these therapy sessions, is it not? To share the parts of himself that he’s uncomfortable with? Ben sighs in resignation, raking an unsteady hand through his hair.

“Ever been in a relationship, Ben?” Hux prods.

Warning bells go off in his head - this is a trap somehow, it has to be - but he forces himself to choke out, “No. Never.”

“But wouldn’t you like to fall in love, though? With a particular woman? Get to know her? Marry her, start a family? You’re young, healthy. You're in your thirties. You run a business.”

“A failing business,” Ben mutters.

Hux pauses, gives him a tight smile. “Still. Seems like the prime time to start looking, don’t you think?

Even if he wanted to respond, Ben has no idea how to. It’s true he wants all of that for himself. He wants a relationship, wants someone to navigate the rest of his life with. He knows for a fact his parents want the same thing for him, too. But how the hell is he supposed to find someone if he’s so damn shy all of the time?

Perhaps sensing his thoughts, Hux sighs and caps his pen, setting it atop his notebook. “I have some homework for you. Or you can think of it as an exercise, if you’d rather do that.”

Ben nods warily. “Okay.”

“Ask someone out.”

“Ask someone?” he echoes, his mind blanking.

Hux nods. “To go out. On a date. Not just a friendly outing. A date. To have dinner, to go see a movie. Or both. It doesn’t matter.”

Shit. Shit shit shit. He can’t do this. What good has ever come of asking someone out? His mind readily supplies him with a flashback to twelfth grade, when he somehow mustered the courage to ask that girl from his French class to prom. Melissa. To this day he still doesn’t know why he bothered. She’d laughed at him before he even finished the question.

“Ben? Can you do that?”

Ben nods back, plastering on a fake smile. “Ask someone out. Sure.” All the while, he’s already coming up with excuses for next week’s session as to why he never got around to doing this so-called homework. Because he doesn't ask people out on dates. He hasn’t since high school, and he never will again. At least, that's what he keeps repeatedly muttering to himself on the drive home.

Chapter 2

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

***

Ben doesn’t get much sleep that night.

Every time he closes his eyes and begins to drift off, he remembers the therapy session. That’s enough to jolt him wide awake every time. His alarm goes off at six-fifteen but he’s already dressed and ready to go by the time it does. Left with nothing better to do, he decides to head out early and take the scenic route to the shop, the one that goes past the lake. It gives him time to clear his head and to think realistically about the task that Hux gave him.

There are only two outcomes as far as he can see: someone takes him up on his offer of a date, or someone rejects him. Except he’s never been good with rejection in any form. He’s a perfectionist; he readily admits that about himself. He’d rather avoid a situation that could potentially lead to failure than give it a try.

Taking charge of the family business has been the one exception to this unspoken rule about himself. It hasn’t been good but it hasn’t been that bad, either. It’s true that sales are down. People don’t seem interested in buying good old-fashioned chocolate anymore. They want something new, something different. He is woefully out of his depth where that is concerned. But he’s managed to keep things moving along despite the odds stacked against him. Who’s to say his approach to asking someone out should be any different?

This mental game of gymnastics continues until he pulls up to the curbside of the shop. It's barely light out but he can make out the silhouette of someone huddled near the doorway of the shop. He turns on his brights and nearly has a heart attack. It's her . Rey Kenobi. She’s standing there in the cold, shielding her eyes from his headlights.

He quickly gets out of the car and approaches her, his mind reeling with how to say sorry for nearly blinding her with his obnoxious headlights. But his mind goes blank when he sees her up close.

She's wearing a mustard colored cable knit sweater, a pair of blue jeans that have seen their better days, and beat up ankle boots. Her pointy, freckled nose is rosy from the cold and she’s clutching her tote bag close to her chest for warmth. He gives a little wave, trying his best to make up for whatever tone he'd set during yesterday’s interview.

“Hello.”

“Hi.” She hugs her tote tighter to her body and smiles up at him.

Ben can feel his ears turn red. Why does this always happen to him? In theory smalltalk seems like it should be easy. It’s called smalltalk for a reason, isn’t it? But for him it’s pure torture. Especially now, standing in front of a pretty woman he wants so desperately to impress for whatever reason. Pushing himself, he manages, “It's early. How long have you been out here?”

“Not long!” she says, cheerily enough. “About ten minutes.”

Ben glances around the deserted street. “Did you drive?”

“Oh.” She tucks a stray piece of hair behind her ear and shrugs. “No, I don't drive. I have a bike but it needs some repairs. I tinker with it when I’m not busy.”

She must take a bus, then. Guilt lodges itself in his throat. How early did she leave her place to get here? Too early, even for his standards. Hadn’t Phasma checked to ensure each applicant had reliable transportation?

“How far away do you live?” he asks.

“Near the farmer’s market on Niima Street. It was only about a two hour walk.”

“You walked here?”

“Yeah.” She blinks back at him with wide eyes, her cheeks flushing red with embarrassment. “Phas said to be here a little bit before seven today but the buses don’t start running until seven on Saturday and it’s nice enough out. Not too chilly yet. So I figured I’d enjoy the October weather while it lasts.”

Ben stares at her blankly, none of her other words registering. “You walked here, alone, when it’s barely light out?”

She dangles her set of keys, showing off a small can of portable pepper spray attached on a keychain. “It’s okay. I can handle it.”

He looks at her, really looks at her. She's small but athletic and is probably much stronger than her build suggests. Yes, it looks like she can handle herself just fine. But she shouldn’t have to. The commute to work each day should be the least of everyone’s worries. He has to solve this, fast.

“I'll change the weekend hours, then. From here on out get here at 8 sharp instead of 7.”

... Though maybe not that fast , he cringes inwardly. Weekends are the busiest time and starting an hour later will set production back. But he can’t keep letting her walk to work every weekend by herself. It’s either this or offer to pick her up and that means car rides spent in her company to and from work. Alone . Having to come up with conversations to fill the silence. He can feel himself breaking out in a sweat just thinking about it.

Yes, opening the shop later is the safer option. If production is delayed, so be it.

Rey shakes her head. “Oh no no, that’s okay--”

“It’s my call,” he informs her, in too brisk a tone for his liking. She snaps her mouth shut and Ben immediately feels like shit. He stands before her a moment longer, once again at a loss of what to say. This entire ‘new employee’ situation has gone from bad to worse. On the off chance that she didn’t think he was an asshole before, he’s fully convinced she does now.

Cursing under his breath, Ben goes to unlock the front door of the shop. He holds it open for Rey and she wordlessly nods before hurrying inside to the back, her messy topknot bouncing with each step. Ben watches her go, his shoulders slumping in relief when she’s finally out of sight.

“Fuck,” he groans.

***

As far as first days on the job are concerned, the start of this one ranks up there as one of the worst.

Rey had been there by seven just like Phas had asked, expecting to be welcomed inside by the bright and bubbly blonde. Except Mr. Solo had pulled up to the curbside instead. She hadn’t even made it ten seconds into the conversation before exposing her not-so-reliable transportation that she fibbed about on the application. And to make it even more mortifying, he’d changed the hours of weekend operation to accommodate her, scowling like he had a stormcloud over his head when she’d tried to make him reconsider. 

She hasn’t seen him since that happened this morning and it’s nearly lunchtime. He’s in his office, blinds drawn on the windows that overlook the kitchen. Rey much prefers it this way. She’s determined to make at least a decent impression on the rest of the staff and produce high quality work on top of that, and she knows she won’t be able to accomplish either one of those things with Mr. Solo always in her peripheral vision.

“Everything okay, Rey?”

Finn’s voice pulls Rey from her distracted thoughts. As outgoing as she is quiet, he has been the bright side of this otherwise crappy morning, effortlessly filling the lulls in conversation with chatter, humming, and jokes.

Rey sets aside her finished tray of freshly hardened cherry-filled chocolate shells to watch Finn hand whisk a bowl of heavy cream for chocolate mousse. “Fine.”

“Just fine?”

“I’m still learning the ropes, I guess.”

Finn looks pointedly at her chocolate then back to her. “Looks like you already know the ropes.”

Rey glances over to where the other worker Mitaka is busy at the stovetop tempering a new batch of chocolate. She figures if there’s anyone she can tell about her mess-up this morning, it’s these two. They’re going to be her coworkers for the foreseeable future and she has to open up to them sooner or later.

“To be completely honest, I don’t think Mr. Solo likes me all that much. I was here when he opened the shop this morning and I had to explain why I didn’t take the bus today and…I don’t know. I guess I got off on the wrong foot with him.”

Finn sighs. “Don't feel bad about it, Rey. He doesn't like anyone. Mitaka’s known him since high school but he still acts prickly towards him.”

“It’s true,” Mitaka pipes up, looking cautiously over his shoulder in the direction of Mr. Solo’s office. “He was the same way back then as he is now. Don’t take it personally.”

Rey bites her lip in thought. “Before you two were hired, how long did your interview last with him?”

Finn visibly shudders. “He grilled me for an hour. It was a nightmare.”

Mitaka nods. “I’ve never sweated more in my life. There was sweat in places I didn’t even know I could sweat.”

“You and me both, man.” Finn stops whisking for a moment and narrows his eyes at her. “Why, what happened? You were only in there for a matter of minutes.”

“Did he - I mean, not that you’d remember every question, but did he ask you if you liked chocolate?”

Finn bursts out laughing. “Oh my God! Did he really ask you that?”

Rey nods. “That and if I had experience. That was it.”

“Shit, maybe he likes you!”

Rey can feel a blush creeping over her cheeks despite the absurdity of it all. “No, he seemed busy and distracted. Like the interview was a complete nuisance and I was wasting his time.”

“Rey, he was distracted because you're probably the third girl he’s ever talked to in his life. That's including his mom and Phas.”

“Don't be mean,” Mitaka chides.

Finn laughs again. “Alright, alright. But still. I’ve worked here the longest aside from Poe and neither of us have ever seen him with a girlfriend. Or boyfriend, for that matter. Have you, Mitaka?”

“No. We had a lot of the same classes in school but I never remember him dating anyone. Mostly kept to himself,” Mitaka says.

“Sounds a bit like me,” Rey mumbles.

Finn waggles his eyebrows. “Well, you know what they say…‘birds of a feather’…”

Rey grimaces. “Oh God.”

“Sorry, sorry. In all seriousness though, if you’re worried about starting off on the wrong page with him, sooner or later he’ll realize what an asset you are. We’ve made our weekend supply in a fraction of the time we usually do and it’s all thanks to you. You’re like a chocolate wizard or something, it’s crazy. I look away for one second and the next thing I know you’re all done.”

Rey busies herself with cleaning up her work station to keep her proud smile in check. “This is my dream job. I can’t help but throw every bit of my energy into it.”

“Well, just know you couldn’t have come at a better time. Mitaka and I owe you one. In fact, what do you say we treat you to lunch? There’s a diner a block away from here that makes a mean grilled cheese.”

For a split second, Rey considers coming up with an excuse - her anxiety is telling her no, that she brought lunch and she shouldn’t waste it, that Finn’s just being nice and doesn’t really want to invite her, that a lunch out with new coworkers means opening up even more - but then she sees their faces. Both of them are smiling at her - expectant, encouraging, and genuine smiles and she can’t help but return one in full.

“That would be lovely,” she says.

***

Sales for this month are even worse than Ben thought. Even with the uptick in customers that the weekend usually provides, there’s barely enough to cover the basic necessities and everyone’s paychecks. Something has to change, and quickly...or else he’ll have to take out another loan to add to the company’s considerable debt or even worse, accept the deal that was offered to him.

Frederick Snoke had seemed sincere in his willingness to buy the business while promising to maintain its integrity, but Ben knows a shark when he sees one. If he were to change his mind and accept Snoke’s deal, he’d be doing it with the knowledge that Say It With Sugar would never be the same. The thought alone is all the motivation he needs to keep this place up and running for a little longer while he figures out what the hell he’s going to do.

Ben leans back in his chair, raking his hand through his already disheveled hair. It’s nearly 4 o’clock and he’s been here in his office all day - mostly to get these monthly figures sorted, but also in small part due to a certain new employee. But he’s brain dead and starting to lose focus and he could really use a distraction, if only for a couple minutes.

As if on cue, Phasma’s voice comes through on his office phone’s intercom.  

“Ben?”

“Yeah?”

He must sound grumpier than he feels because she lets out a laugh. “Wow, hello to you too! Haven’t seen you all day, you okay in that fortress of yours?”

“Crunching numbers.” Ben pushes himself up from his chair and goes to the window, opening the blinds enough to see out into the kitchen. Looks like Finn, Mitaka and Rey are wrapping up for the day.

Phasma snorts. “Sounds riveting. Listen, your mom’s on Line One. Talk to her, for fuck’s sake. I can’t chat with her about Dancing With the Stars all day - I still have to empty Chewie’s till up front before I leave.”

With a sigh, Ben goes back to his desk to check his cell phone. Five missed calls from his mom. No wonder she’s resorted to bothering Phas via the landline instead.

“Shit. How long ago did she call you?”

“Nearly twenty minutes.”

“Alright, thanks. Send her through.”

“Thank God.”

Phas clicks off and transfers the call. Within seconds the familiar gravelly voice of his mother fills the quiet of the room.

“Ben?”

“Mom, hi.”

“Hi sweetheart. You didn’t call us last night like you usually do so I wanted to check in. How are you?”

“Yeah, sorry. I had an appointment right after work and had a lot on my mind. I’m fine.”

“Just fine?”

“Busy.”

“Well I can certainly understand that. How did that meeting with that man go? The one who’s interested in the business?”

“Snoke, yeah. We talked over lunch a few days back.”

“And?”

“I told him I wasn’t interested.”

His mom heaves a sigh. “Oh, honey. You don't have to keep it afloat if you can’t manage.”

“I am managing, Mom.”

Leia is silent for a while, digesting what he’s told her. He can hear Artoo’s wheezing bark in the background, and what sounds like his dad singing Sinatra.

“Mom?”

“Sorry, still here. Just thinking. Well, I’ll say this - at least you know now there's another option on the table if you decide it’s too much. Lord knows your dad and I understand the pressure involved in running it,” she says gently.

“I have to keep it going. It’s what grandma and grandpa would have wanted.”

There’s that silence again on the other end. His mom finally murmurs, “I’m proud of you. You know that?”

Ben groans. “Mom, come on.”

“Oh, hush. You know it’s true. Hey, do you want to come over for dinner tonight? Your dad is making broccoli cheddar soup.”

“From scratch!” his father yells from a distance.

“From scratch,” his mom approves.

Ben sighs, rubbing the stubble on his chin. He doesn’t think he can handle a night spent at his parents right now, not after the past couple days he’s had. As if he didn’t have enough work-related problems on his mind before, that homework that Hux gave him yesterday has only added to his mounting anxiety. His mom and dad asking about his therapy over dinner would only make him feel worse, with their awkward but well intentioned words of encouragement.

“Uh, no. Sounds great but I can’t tonight.”

“Really? You’re usually done by five and we don’t eat until around seven anyway so that’ll leave you plenty of time to--”

“Mom, no. Sorry. Some other time.”

His mom lets out a little hum on the other line. A telltale sign of suspicion. “We haven’t seen you in three weeks. Facetime and phone calls don’t count. You live less than thirty minutes away.”

“Yeah I know Mom, but I just--” He doesn’t know what prompts him to do it; his mom has always been able to tell when he’s not being entirely forthcoming. But he’s so damn tired of giving her the same answer - that he doesn’t feel up to it - and then hearing the poorly concealed disappointment in her upbeat reply. He clears his throat and tries to sound as convincing as possible. “I’ve got a date tonight, alright? I’ve got a date. That’s why I can’t come over.”

“A date ?!”

“Yes.”

“With who!”

Ben cringes. God, this is getting worse. He’d meant to keep it vague, but he should have known his mom would hound him for every detail. He glances out to the kitchen and sees that Finn and Rey are the only ones left. She’s laughing at something Finn is saying, with that ridiculously beaming smile spread across her face again. An idea comes to him in a split second.

“A girl from work.”

Phasma?!

Ben stifles a groan. “No, not Phasma. She’s still very much gay and engaged to Bazine.”

“Well who is it, then?”

“She’s new.”

“What’s her name?”

“Mom--”

“Just tell me!”

He’s come this far in the lie. Ben figures if he makes up a random name for a girl who doesn’t exist, it’ll make it less convincing. What’s that saying, that the best lies are full of small truths? “Rey. Her name is Rey.”

“Rey. What a pretty name.” He can tell from his mom’s tone that she’s smiling, and her voice is also verging on watery. Christ.

“Are you crying?” Ben asks, incredulous.

“What, no! I’m not crying!”

“Yes, she is!” his dad yells again, sounding closer to the phone this time. “Congratulations, kid. What’s her last name? I can look her up on the Facebook, haha!”

Ben is quickly losing what little patience he has. “Okay, no. Tell Dad absolutely not. Seriously, I need to go.”

His mom sniffles. “Well hang on a second! You can’t drop this news and just hang up. Where are you taking her?”

“I haven’t decided.”

“You gonna take her to Maz’s?” his dad shouts in the background.

“Am I on speaker?”

“Well, you are now.”

Ben sighs. “I haven’t decided, Dad.”

“Well if you do go to Maz’s, don’t order the Pesto Chicken like you always do. It’s delicious but it’s full of garlic and if you’re thinking of kissing--”

“Hanging up now.”

“Alright, but just--”

Ben disconnects and rubs at his temples. What the fuck did he just do? He’d been prepared to lie to his therapist about a date, or give some bullshit excuse about being too busy, but lying to his parents?! He’s screwed. So very, very screwed. He can barely string two sentences together in front of his new hire and now he either has to do the impossible and ask her out, or live with the shame and embarrassment if his parents find out he’s made it all up. And he’s positive they will find out eventually. His mom knows practically everyone in town and his dad is way too good at ferreting out people’s personal information online.

Ben curses and pulls at his shirt’s stiff collar. This is definitely, definitely not the distraction he’d envisioned for himself after a mind numbing day of finances.

***

Rey is all cleaned up and ready to leave with Finn when she hears a cleared throat from behind them, followed by a request that singlehandedly negates the improvements to her anxiety over the course of the day:

“Miss Kenobi. May I see you in my office for a minute?” Mr. Solo asks, though not unkindly.

Rey pastes on a smile she doesn’t feel and turns around to face him. This can’t be good. She suddenly feels like a tennis ball is lodged in her throat but she manages to say yes. Seemingly satisfied with her answer, Mr. Solo goes back to his office without another word. Rey turns to Finn, trying to keep her voice steady.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” If I still have a job by then, her anxiety sees fit to add.

Finn nods. “Tomorrow, bright and early.” He leans in closer and squeezes her shoulder reassuringly, as though reading her frantic thoughts. “Hey, you’re okay. You aren’t going anywhere. You’re a chocolate wizard, remember?” he murmurs.

Rey blinks back what she knows to be the start of some tears. “Yeah.”

“Alright, Rey. Have a good night.”

Don’t go, she wants to shout as she watches him leave. But within seconds he’s already out the kitchen doors, leaving her very much alone. Taking a steadying breath, Rey makes her way across the kitchen to Mr. Solo’s office and peers in. He’s at his desk wearing those glasses again, his hands steepled in front of his mouth as he reads over something on his computer.

“Mr. Solo?”

He looks up and she notices his ears are flushed red again, just as they were yesterday during the interview. A sign of suppressed anger, maybe? Or annoyance? Hot body temperature? She can’t think what else.

“Could you close the door, please?” He stands from his chair and makes his way around the desk. Rey does what he says, though she keeps her back ramrod straight against the closed door, maintaining some distance as he approaches her.

“Miss Kenobi,” he starts.

Rey can’t stand this any longer. She can’t. She has to know. She has to rip off the band-aid. Get it over and done with as painlessly as possible and then bolt out the door before he can see her cry. “Am I being fired?” she asks, her voice impossibly small and weak to her ears. She hates herself for it.

Mr. Solo freezes, his brows furrowed and that familiar scowl pulling at the corners of his mouth once again. “What? No. Of course not. Did you think you were going to be?”

Now she’s thoroughly confused. “Well - I thought - after this morning...yes?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“But...I didn’t tell the truth on my application about my transportation situation, and then you had to go and change the hours around because of me.”

“That’s not an issue at all. I apologize if I made it seem as though it was.”

“Oh. Okay.” Well, that’s certainly a relief to hear him say, though she still isn’t sure why else he’d want to speak to her alone. The silence between them stretches on, and she adds as an afterthought, “Thanks, Mr. Solo.”

“Call me Ben.”

Rey blinks. She knows his first name is Ben, of course. She heard Phas say it yesterday. But it’s strange he wants her to say it, seeing as he’s her boss and she barely knows him. “Ben. Thanks.”

“You're welcome.”

They stand there in uncomfortable silence for a few seconds more. Rey forces herself to speak up. “You can call me Rey, then. Short for Lorreine but...no one calls me that, honestly. Or Miss Kenobi, either. Not that I have a problem with you calling me that. It’s just...um. I don’t hear it a lot.”  

Mr. Solo - Ben - nods once and clears his throat. “Rey. I won’t keep you here for long.”

Rey waits to hear if he says anything further. Just like yesterday, he doesn’t. This is like pulling teeth. Since when has she been the one to guide a conversation? Not often, certainly not if she can avoid it.

“Is there something I can help you with?” she asks.

She watches him as he swallows and then purses his lips, like he’s just sucked on a lemon.

“Have dinner with me?”

Her mind goes blank. “Have dinner--?”

“With me, yes. Tonight. 8 o’clock. You said you lived near the farmer’s market, correct? There’s an Italian restaurant that’s about halfway between your place and here, called Maz’s. The pasta is good.”

For the second time today, Rey finds herself trying to push aside the anxiety that usually follows any sort of social invitation extended to her. Except it’s much harder to overcome her nerves this time. This time, it isn’t a low key lunch with her easygoing co-workers. This time, it’s dinner at a restaurant. With her boss. Her intimidating, slightly terrifying boss who looks like he belongs in a high fashion magazine. Everything that could possibly go wrong probably will, but still...it’s dinner. Something she never gets invited to by anyone else.

Mind made up, Rey blurts out the first thing that comes to mind before she can manage to psyche herself out even further.

“Do they have wine?”

Notes:

Hi there! Welcome back. It's been forever since I've updated this fic but I'm trying to get back into it. This chapter kind of got away from me, but in a good way! I'm aiming to have a new chapter up every week from now until The Last Jedi comes out but we'll see how it goes. Please let me know what you think!

Edit: I also made an aesthetic for this fic, because of course I did. You can look at it here.

Chapter 3

Notes:

CONTENT WARNING: this chapter includes a depiction of a panic attack.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

***

It’s completely pouring down rain when Rey steps off the bus two blocks away from Maz’s. She knows she must look a mess. With only a few hours to spare between leaving work and catching a bus to make it here, she didn’t have much time to get ready. Hair still wet, minimal makeup, wearing thrifted Mary Jane heels she hasn’t ever worn before and the only dress she owns: a bright yellow one that’s very much out of its summer element in this cool fall weather. Still, it’s a far more appropriate outfit for dinner than the sweaters and jeans that make up most of her wardrobe.

She sprints the rest of the way to the restaurant, avoiding puddles along the way as best as she can. The moment she steps inside she’s greeted by a small, wizened old lady with round glasses that take up half her face. On the wall directly behind her there’s a painted caricature of her likeness holding a huge plate of spaghetti. She gathers this must be the owner Maz herself.

“Well hello there! Nice of you to sprint in. Welcome to Maz’s.”

“Hi! I’ve come to eat,” Rey blurts out, trying to disguise how winded she really is.

The little old lady looks her up and down. “You can do a lot of that here. Just a table for one?”

“No, actually - I’m meeting my boss. He may already be here. Tall, dark hair?”

Maz sighs dramatically. “Darling, I’ve seen so many men come and go in my life that I’m afraid you’ll have to be more specific.”

“The reservation is probably under Solo?”

“Solo?!”

“Is he here?”

The old lady claps with glee, taking Rey’s hand in her weathered one to pull her further along into the crowded restaurant. “Oh he’s here alright! Been here for nearly thirty minutes, fussing about the wine selection and asking how much garlic is in every one of my dishes. Humph! If he’d told me he was meeting someone here I wouldn’t have given him such a hard time about that! But no, he’s a Solo through and through. Never tells me anything unless I have to force it out of him, even though I’ve known him since he was in diapers!”

Rey doesn’t register half of what Maz is saying because she’s already spotted the big, hulking form of Ben Solo a few tables away. He’s out of his work clothes, wearing a green flannel button up. He looks...nice. More than nice. Rey is once again faced with how attractive he really is. Attractive in an unconventional way, perhaps, but still very attractive. As though sensing her gawking at him he looks up, catches her eye, and is out of his seat in a flash like he’s been burned.

“Yes, here she is! I found your little lady!” Maz crows triumphantly, nudging Rey the rest of the way to the table. She scurries away in a flash, chattering to herself about getting a candle for some added ‘mood lighting’. Ben’s face is as red as a beet and Rey can feel hers turning a matching shade. There’s no way she can make this any less awkward, but she can at least pretend she didn’t just hear the restaurant owner call her Ben’s “little lady”.

“Er, hello,” Rey fumbles with the strap of her purse self-consciously. She shrugs it off her shoulder and hangs it and her jacket on the back of her chair. “I’m so sorry I’m late. I had to catch a later bus.”

Ben doesn’t say anything back, which doesn’t come as a surprise anymore; instead he springs into motion, rushing to pull back her chair for her so she can sit down.

“Thanks,” she murmurs, sitting as gracefully as she can in her unfamiliar heels.

When he’s back in his seat, he actually does surprise her by speaking up first. “You’re wearing yellow.”

“Sorry?”

“It’s just--” He gestures across the table to her. “You were wearing yellow this morning, before you got your uniform. And now you’re wearing it again.”

She can feel the blush return to her cheeks in full force. He’d noticed what she was wearing this morning? “Yes. It’s my favorite color.”

“You must have a lot of yellow in your closet.”

“I do, now that I think of it.”

He’s silent for a few seconds, then asks, “Why is yellow your favorite?”

It’s an odd question, but this one she can definitely answer with minimal trouble. “Well...in primary school, there was this girl who used to pick on me a lot. Eleanor. One day I wore this bright yellow corduroy dress to school and she said I looked like a singed daffodil with my yellow dress and dark hair. I remember running home that day and crying into my granddad’s cardigan until it soaked through. But he told me, ‘A singed daffodil is still a daffodil, isn’t it? This Eleanor knows you’re as lovely as a flower - she admitted it herself.’ So that just made me want to wear yellow more. He used to say people can’t hurt you if you turn their power back on them, and I guess he was right. I just wish that advice came as easily to me now as it did when I was six.”

She looks up. There’s that scowl of his again. She’s starting to wonder if scowling is his default thinking face rather than an indication of anger, because she can’t fathom which part of her answer he could have possibly taken issue with.

“So...long story short that’s why I’m always in yellow. What’s your favorite color?”

He abruptly stands up from his seat again, the legs of his chair making a horrible squeaking noise as they slide against the floor. “It’s green. Excuse me for one second. I’ll be back.”

“Okay--”

But he’s already halfway across the dining room, clutching a briefcase she hadn’t noticed before. He disappears down a hallway and Rey slumps down in her seat slightly, digging through her purse until she finds what she’s looking for. The conversation cards. She’d written them on the bus ride over, her reason being that if she had to carry on another conversation with Ben Solo, she’d at least be prepared to have a semi-intelligent discussion this time around.

“Let’s see. Politics? No, that’s a bit heavy. Finance? God, why’d I even write that one down?” She flips through them one by one disparagingly. Sports? All men like sports, don’t they? American men like American football. Too bad she doesn’t know any of the rules, any of the teams, or why the Superbowl is a thing every year.

Hands shaking, Rey places the cards in her lap. “I’m no good at this,” she mutters.

“If you’re at a loss of what to talk about, you should ask him about his family. They’re the reason he’s kept that chocolate shop up and running, you know.”

Maz is back, this time with a tea light candle in a mason jar. She sets it down in the middle of the table with a hum of satisfaction. “I know he’s not the easiest person to talk to but keep at it, hm?” Maz nods towards the conversation cards. “And I’d lose those, if I were you. You don’t need them to impress him. He’s already yours.”

“Oh...no. I — we’re just — I’m his new employee. We’re not together. He’s not mine,” Rey rushes to explain.

“Oh, honey. You should have seen his face when he saw you! Like you put the moon in the sky.”

Rey splutters. “It’s not like that! Really. I think it’s just a business dinner...thing.” That’s what she’s been repeatedly telling herself ever since he asked her to dinner back in his office. The other possibility, the one in which he’s asked her here for a romantic dinner, fills her stomach with butterflies. Best not to think about that scenario at all, really. “Yeah, a business dinner. To get to know each other.”

Maz doesn’t look convinced at all. “Uh huh. I’m sure Ben worries over the wine selection for all the business dinners he never goes on with pretty little ladies.”

That shuts Rey right up. Maz just smiles knowingly. “Speaking of, you look like you could use some wine. I’ll bring you both a glass of our best red. What about to eat? Ben always gets the pesto chicken but if you ask me, the lasagna is the best thing here. Old family recipe.”

Still flustered, Rey glances at the menu. “Um. Yes please. Both to the wine and lasagna.”

“You got it!” Maz takes her menu from her and fusses with the candle again. “And remember what I said. Ask about his family. If there’s anything he’ll open up about, it’s that.”

Rey nods. “Right. Family. Thank you.”

She watches Maz flitter off to mingle with the other diners, most of whom appear to be older couples or families. Rey is all at once aware of how out of place she is here; young, unattached, and alone. Well, not entirely alone. It just feels that way when your dinner companion disappears for minutes at a time. She won’t feel as alienated once he comes back from wherever he ran off to.

Rey checks her watch and sighs. If he ever comes back from wherever he ran off to, she thinks glumly.

***

Tucked away in the too-small bathroom, Ben wipes at his underarms with his discarded shirt and then puts it back in his briefcase, switching the flannel out with an identical looking one. He’s a sweaty mess already and he hasn’t even been in her company for more than a couple minutes. If he can last the whole dinner without soaking through the three shirts he’s brought with him, it’ll be a miracle.

“Christ,” he mutters, his fingers shaking as he tries to button up the front of his shirt. This changing shirts idea isn’t going as smoothly as he’d planned it out in his head, and neither is the dinner. He thought he’d felt nervous enough before she arrived, but that was nothing in comparison to how utterly terrified he felt when he saw her standing there across the room, looking like a damn Vincent van Gogh sunflower painting come to life in that yellow dress.

To make matters worse, he hasn’t been able to come up with anything interesting to add to their very limited conversation so far. She’s done most of the talking, which doesn’t seem right, somehow. He’s the one who invited her to dinner, and he’s the one who should be making sure that she’s having a good time - not asking stupid questions that she’s probably answered a thousand times before.

“‘Why is yellow your favorite color’? Jesus, a preschooler could think up a better conversation,” he berates himself, finally managing to pop the last button into place. He stashes his briefcase in the cabinet under the sink for later, then takes a long hard look at himself in the mirror. He looks mad. Frustrated. At himself, he is. At her, he isn’t. He can’t go out there looking this angry. It will send the opposite impression than he intends to send.

He pushes his hair back from his face and forces himself to smile at his reflection. But all he sees when he does is a man who looks like he wants to launch himself out of a window.

“Shit.”

With a groan, Ben fishes his phone out of his pocket and opens up the app that Dr. Hux had told him about. It’s full of self-affirmations that you repeat in the mirror like ‘I am calm, at peace, and in charge of my life’ or ‘I am definitely not freaking out about the cute British girl named Rey with a smile like sunshine and a dress to match.’

He hardly ever uses it because he thinks it’s stupid and not really that helpful. But if there’s anything he can do to get himself acting vaguely normal on this dinner date, he will most certainly do it. He’s just that desperate.

***

Precisely ten minutes have passed since he disappeared down that hallway. Rey’s been counting, and she’s starting to think that something is seriously wrong. Maybe he has a stomach bug. Maybe she’s a terrible conversationalist. Either way, she doesn’t know what to do. She can’t just leave her seat and go find him. One, because that’s a bit mental, and two, what if he comes back and she’s not here? Will he think she’s left for good? That she isn’t interested in...whatever this is? She can’t let that happen. She is interested and she does want to be here...even if he’s been gone for - Rey checks her watch again - eleven minutes now.

She takes a huge gulp of her wine to steady her nerves and that’s when she notices him finally lumber back into the dining room again, sans briefcase. Rey doesn’t think much of it. She’s just glad he’s back and she doesn’t have to sit by herself anymore.

“Hi.” He slumps down in his seat and reaches for his own glass of untouched wine, chugging half of it down in one go.

“Everything okay?” She asks, because truth be told he doesn’t look okay. His face is sweating and he looks a little bit too pale. Maybe she’s right about him having a stomach bug.

“Yeah, fine. Sorry for the wait. I was--” He stops and pulls at the top button of his shirt. “Checking on something. Have you ordered?”

She nods. “Lasagna. Maz has been back to get your order a few times, but you were--” She doesn’t want to point out the issue that he’s been gone for over ten minutes, because he’s already looking more uncomfortable by the second. So she takes Maz’s previous advice and changes the topic. “How’s your family?”

“Sorry?” He looks thoroughly confused now, but not as uncomfortable. Surely that’s a start?

“Erm - I didn’t phrase that well. What I mean is - tell me about them. They used to run the shop before you, didn’t they? Phas was telling me…”

He’s quiet for a good bit, and she’s almost convinced he’s not going to say anything at all. But then he smiles . It’s a small smile, but it’s there, and it makes her inexplicably happy for some reason. 

“Well, it was originally my grandparent’s place. My grandma loved chocolate, and my grandpa loved her, so he decided to open a business.”

“That sounds lovely. Like something out of a movie. Did your grandpa know a lot about chocolate before he started?”

Ben shakes his head. “No. My grandpa was a chef by trade but he’d never worked with sweets in that capacity. Luckily his former teacher had. My grandpa was his top student in culinary school. So, when my grandpa wrote him a letter to say he was opening up a chocolate shop, his teacher dropped everything and moved here to help him start out.”

Rey smiles, reminded of her own grandfather and his love of all things chocolate. “Sounds like he was a very good friend.”

“He was. I think he moved back to live in England somewhere eventually, but they remained in contact till my grandpa passed away.”

“I’m sorry. Were you close with your grandpa?”

“No. He died before I was born. I didn’t know my grandma, either. My mom and uncle have told me plenty of stories, though, so I feel like I do know them, in a way.”

This is the most Rey has ever heard him speak before. His demeanor has completely changed since he started talking about his family; he seems softer, somehow. Not uncomfortable or stilted in his speech. His deep voice is gentle and sweet as he reminisces about his grandparents. It’s pretty clear he loves them even though he never got to meet them, and she doesn’t want him to stop.

“So that’s how your mum got into the business, then? She took it over from your grandparents?”

“Yeah. After my grandma died and my grandpa got too sick to look after it properly, he asked my mom and uncle to step up. They practically lived in the shop growing up, so they both knew enough by then to keep it running for a good while.”

“Is your uncle still around?”

“Yeah, he is. Chewie, my dad, and my uncle go way back. They were all roommates at one point. My uncle was the one to introduce my parents, actually.”

“Your family sounds awesome.”

Ben smiles again and shrugs. “They’re alright. What about yours?”

“What?”

“Your family.”

“Oh.” All this talk of his lovely and close-knit family has made her temporarily forget that she doesn’t have one. At least not anymore. Ever since her granddad died she’s been by herself. It’s not a source of embarrassment, per se, but it does make her sad to think about, sometimes...the realization that she doesn’t have anyone left to call her own. “I don’t have a family, actually. My mum and dad weren’t ever in the picture so my granddad raised me. After he died I moved here, to the States. He stayed here at some point in his life and bought a small little house on the edge of town so that’s where I live now.”

She looks up and can tell that Ben has closed himself off again for whatever reason. Has she said too much, too soon? She hadn’t intended to be such a buzzkill but she’d answered truthfully, despite how depressing her truth actually is.

“So...that’s my situation. Not the most uplifting, but...I’ve got a great cat named Bebe! He’s like family to me.” She inwardly winces at how pathetic that sounds.

Ben opens his mouth to say something then closes it, standing up from his chair. Oh no. Not this again. Things had been going so well! Really, really well. Far better than Rey ever expected this dinner to go.

He clears his throat, looking anywhere but her. “I have to...check on something. Again. Excuse me.”

Rey can only watch in dismay as he hurries back down the hallway he’d come from. Maz brings her lasagna a few minutes later, looking pointedly at Ben’s empty seat then back to her.

“Still hasn’t come back?”

“He did. For a couple minutes. Then he left again.”

Maz refills her wine glass and then pats her shoulder comfortingly. “I’ll go see what’s the matter. Sounds like irritable bowel syndrome, if you ask me.”

She doesn’t fully process that last part until Maz has already left. Maybe it’s the wine or her nerves but Rey can’t help it - she bursts out laughing, loud enough to draw a few stares. But she doesn’t care. At this point she can either laugh or cry at the sheer ridiculousness of the situation she’s in, and she’d rather have the other diners think she’s slightly deranged than for anyone here to see her tears.

***

Ben’s pretty sure he’s having an anxiety attack. He hasn’t had one in awhile so he can’t be completely sure, but it feels like one. He’s struggling to breathe, he’s already sweated through the new shirt he just put on, and he swears he can hear a woman pounding on the bathroom door - but this is the men’s room. Why would a woman want to get in here?

There’s more pounding, louder this time, accompanied by a voice he now recognizes as Maz’s. “Ben!”

Oh. He hadn’t been imagining that pounding noise, then. Pushing himself up to standing from where he’s doubled over at the sink, Ben manages to make his way over to unlock the bathroom door. He opens it just enough to see through the crack.

“Maz?”

“Jesus, you look awful. What’s wrong?”

“I feel dizzy.”

“Let me in!” She puts her foot in the door to widen it and after his halfhearted struggle to close it again, he relents. She pushes through and quickly locks the door back behind her before turning to face him, worry written all over her face. “Do you need me to call an ambulance? Or your parents?”

“God, no.” The last thing he needs is for his mom and dad to swoop in and make this spectacularly shitty night even worse. “I just need a few minutes is all.”

“Ben. Your date is still waiting out there. She’s sitting alone with her lasagna.”

“I know! I know that!” he yells, before he can stop himself. He crumbles before Maz’s pitying, knowing gaze and slumps to the bathroom floor. It’s cooler down here, and he can slowly but surely feel himself regain control of his breath.

Eventually Maz sits down beside him, right under the hand dryer. “It’s the anxiety?”

“Yes.” He hates talking about it, even with Hux, but there’s no use denying it. Maz can detect bullshit from a mile off. “I’m sorry I yelled at you, just now.”

“I’ve dealt with worse in my time, Ben.” Maz pats his knee understandingly. “What can I do to help?”

“Can you call a taxi for Rey? I’ll pay you.” He digs into his pocket, trying to find his wallet.

Maz sighs. “Ben…”

“How much for the dinner? Forty? Here’s sixty, that should be enough to cover her meal and her taxi home and then some for the trouble.” He shoves a wad of twenties at her but she pushes his hand right back.

“You can’t keep running away, Ben. She seems like a nice girl and she’s still here, isn’t she? Whatever you think went wrong probably didn’t.”

It had, though. She’d asked about his family and before he knew it, he found himself opening up more to a complete stranger than he ever had before. But then he’d asked about her family and could only sit dumbly and watch as she struggled to answer that she didn’t have one. No parents, no distant relatives, not even the grandfather she’d briefly talked about earlier. She had no one left, and the thought that he was so lucky to have a family who he then purposely avoided while she went without anyone made him sick to his stomach with guilt.

“I can’t go back out there,” he tells Maz, feeling like the absolute biggest asshole in the world for refusing to listen to her voice of reason. But his anxiety - it’s never been this bad before. Not for as long as he can remember. He’s thirty-three and shouldn’t be about to pass out from a date, but that’s the situation he’s in right now. He needs out. Fresh air, room to breathe, room to think. Away from all the couples out there who make it seem like going on a date is as simple as tying a shoe. Away from her, with her bright eyes and hopeful smiles reserved just for him.

Maz regards him for a moment and then reaches for one of his twenties, stuffing it in her pocket. “For the taxi. Dinner is on the house. I’ll tell her that you aren’t feeling well.”

“Thank you.” He still feels like shit for what he’s doing, but he can already feel the panic lessening with each inhale of breath he takes. He doesn’t know how he’s ever going to face Rey at work after this, but that’s a problem for another day. Specifically, tomorrow. He’ll be able to get through it...somehow.

Maz stands back up with a groan and jabs her finger in the direction of the bathroom door. “When you’re ready, use the back exit. You’re about as subtle as a freight train and I don’t want to lie to this poor girl only for her to see you try to sneak past her.” She smiles sadly at him and then leaves without another word.

It takes awhile for Ben to get up off the floor after she’s gone. He still feels shaky and sick when he does, but he’s able to get out to his car with minimal trouble. It’s only after he’s started the engine and the air conditioning hits his sweat-dampened skin that, to his utter mortification, he begins to cry. What the hell is wrong with him?

Notes:

*dodges rotten fruit* I PROMISE these two sweet peas will be happy eventually! You shall be rewarded with sickeningly sweet fluff when it happens :)

A few things:

1) I am BLOWN AWAY by the response this fic has gotten so far. Thank you to everyone for the kudos, comments, and subscriptions! Let me know what you thought of this chapter too!
2) I made a playlist for this fic. It's full of cutesy and romantic love songs that I use as inspiration when I write. Listen to it here. If you have a song rec you think would fit, please let me know in the comments!
3) I made another aesthetic for this chapter (I have a problem). Click the link to view!
4) There are two references in this chapter, one to a British TV show and another to a Regency romance novel. If you can spot either of them you are officially my new best friend :D
4) I am on tumblr as fettuccine-alfreylo. Come say hi!

Chapter 4

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

***

“Rey?”

Rey looks up from her poked-over lasagna. Maz is back and she doesn’t look very happy. “Yes?”

Maz takes the seat across from her. Ben’s seat . She folds her hands together and sighs. “Ben had an...emergency, of sorts. He had to leave on short notice.”

“Oh.” Rey can feel herself deflate like a balloon and she hates it. He’s her boss, for God’s sake - he’s a busy man with his own life and he doesn’t owe her anything. Even so, she can’t help but feel disappointed that the dinner is over before it even really started. She also can’t help the negative thoughts from forming. God, what if he left because of me? What if this emergency is just an excuse he gave Maz to let me off easy?

“I’m sorry, honey.” Maz reaches across as though to take her hand, then instead fishes around in her pocket for something. She holds up a twenty dollar bill up for Rey to see and passes it across the table to her. “This is from him. He wanted you to take a taxi home.”

Rey has never liked accepting money from other people, and this instance is particularly mortifying because Maz is only the messenger. “Oh, no, that’s okay--”

“Rey.” This time Maz does take her hand and squeezes it gently. “Take the taxi, please. I’ve already ordered one.”

Rey can feel her throat closing up in that horrible way it does when she’s close to tears but she manages to nod and get out an 'okay', which seems to be a good enough answer for Maz.

Maz doesn’t charge her anything for the dinner and sends her on her way with another helping of lasagna and a slice of tiramisu for dessert. Rey keeps it together for the taxi ride home but the minute she’s in the safety of her little house, with Bebe brushing against her legs with his fat fluffy tail to welcome her home, she finally lets herself give in to a good cry.

***

“Ben?” Phasma appears in the doorway to Ben’s office, looking far more chipper than anyone should be at eight in the morning. He eyes her cup of coffee greedily, having already finished his on the drive to work. He’d gotten even less sleep last night than the previous one and he’s running on fumes at this point. Fumes, and the lingering anxiety that kept him awake till the early hours of the morning.

“Yeah?”

“Staff meeting. You ready?”

Ben suppresses a groan. Every Sunday there’s a staff meeting, since all the employees except for him and Phasma have Monday and Tuesday off work. He usually lets Phasma run it, but he needs to be straight with the staff today and let them know the predicament they’re in with sales. He’s hoping they’ll have a few ideas that will help reduce costs and start November’s revenue off strong enough so that he doesn’t have to consider another loan just yet. He’s already made a list himself - that’s the one positive thing that came out of last night’s insomnia, he notes darkly - but he knows his solutions aren’t going to make anyone happy. Moving some of them to part-time, finding cheaper suppliers, and pay cuts. That last option will definitely not be received well, which is precisely why he’s dreading going out there.

That, and because he’ll have to see Rey again after last night.

“Ben?” Phasma tries again, more impatient this time.

“Right. Staff meeting.” He follows her out into the kitchen where Chewie, Finn, and Mitaka have already gathered. Everyone is accounted for, except…

“Where’s Miss Kenobi?” he asks.

Having been locked away in his office sorting the rest of the finances for the past hour, Ben hasn’t been able to see every member of his staff come in. But it’s a quarter past eight already and his newest hire is missing.

Finn and Mitaka exchange a brief look and then Finn speaks up. “We’re not sure, sir. We’ve haven’t been able to get a hold of her.”

“I see.”

“Maybe we should wait a few minutes. She might be running late,” Phasma suggests.

“Maybe.” But his mind has already jumped to the worst-case scenario. Something isn’t right. He knows it. Has she quit? Had she been too disgusted with his flaky behavior last night to bother showing up again? Has he lost this company an exemplary chocolatier because he’s an absolute disaster of a human being? Good God, what has he done ? He clears his throat, trying to think of how he can possibly explain her absence to the rest of his staff —

And then the doors to the kitchen bang open and a flash of yellow catches his eye.

“Sorry! I’m so sorry!” Rey sprints into the room and stops short of the rest of them, her chest heaving with exertion. “There was a problem with the bus and it stopped running so I had to change to another number and it took me twice as long to get here.” She’s soaked from head to toe, as it hasn’t stopped raining since last night, but her bedraggled appearance has never been a more welcome sight because she’s here . She hasn’t quit, and she isn’t disgusted with him - not outwardly, anyway. She just looks a bit embarrassed that everyone is now staring at her. That he can help with.

Ben bangs his fist on the stainless steel countertop and everyone jumps, their undivided attention on him once more. He clears his throat again. “Good morning, everyone. I won’t waste your time so I’m just going to get straight to the point. Sales are the worst they’ve been since I’ve taken over the business. I need all the help I can get to keep us floating to the end of this month and November or I’ll have to institute something shitty to avoid another loan, like paycuts or part-time work. Any ideas?”

His staff just stares back at him in silence. He’d meant to break the news as painlessly as possible, like ripping off a bandaid, but he’d underestimated how shocked they’d be. Even Phasma, who is well-aware of the shop’s financial crisis, has a horrified expression on her face like he’s just revealed Santa isn’t real to a class full of Kindergartners.

There are a few worried looks exchanged between all five of his staff and he’s starting to regret saying anything - but then Rey’s hand shoots up.

“Miss Kenobi?”

She lowers her arm slowly, like she’s not entirely sure why she raised it in the first place. “We could - I mean, this is completely hypothetical, and no one should feel obligated to participate if they don’t want to but - we could throw a Halloween bash?”

Ben blinks. “A what?”

“You know - a Halloween party. We could get the word out around town. Open up the kitchen for the kids, show them how we make chocolate...have treats for everyone, offer our products at a reduced price, maybe even hold a costume contest?”

The idea sounds like something his mom would do if she were still in charge of things. She loved to open up the kitchen to school groups. ‘Any excuse to see sugar-high kids covered in chocolate is a good one’, she used to say. He hasn’t done anything like what Rey is suggesting since he’s taken over the business, and frankly just the idea of children running around this place with all their germs is making his eye twitch...but it’s still a good idea. Where children are, their parents will also follow, which means double the foot traffic that the shop normally has.

While Ben still has reservations about planning something this big and potentially expensive, the rest of the staff are quick to voice their support.

“Yes, Rey, great idea! My girlfriend, Rose - she’s an art teacher at Haysian Elementary. She can put up flyers and let families know,” Finn offers.

“My sister has five kids and is involved in the PTA,” Mitaka adds. “I can tell her about it and she can bring it up at the next meeting.”

Chewie mutters something under his breath in Russian, but Ben can understand him just fine. Malla directs the children’s choir at our church. She can wrestle up some kids to bring along.

Phasma is last to speak but she’s grinning ear to ear. If Phasma approves, then Ben knows this party is almost certainly going to happen. Once she gets an idea in her head, trying to get her to change her mind feels like pulling teeth.

“I am absolutely horrible when it comes to entertaining children but I love a fancy dress party.”

Well, that settles it then. Ben tries for an upbeat reply and it comes out slightly more positive than he’s used to, if still a bit under-enthused. “Right. A Halloween bash. Any more suggestions?”

Rey’s hand is up again and she’s smiling so wide that, oddly enough, he can feel himself start to smile right back.

“Miss Kenobi?”

“I have three more ideas.”

To say he’s impressed by her willingness to take the initiative would be an understatement. He stares at her, stunned, before he recovers and nods his head. “Okay. Let’s hear it.”

She starts listing off her ideas and he’s lucky Phasma has taken out her notebook to jot all of this down because right now, he wouldn’t be able to take his eyes off Rey even if he wanted to.

***

For the first time since starting therapy, Ben calls Dr. Hux to see if he can possibly move his appointment to an earlier day of the week.

Hux is agreeable over the phone, if a bit surprised, and tells him that he has a time slot available on Monday just after lunch. Ben will have to leave work a bit early for it to work, but he agrees to it anyway.

Hux is already waiting for him when he arrives on Monday afternoon. His entire office is beige and nondescript, but Ben likes it even so. It’s strangely calming to be in a space with absolutely no personal touches aside from diplomas on the wall bearing Hux’s credentials.

“Good to see you, Ben. Take a seat. Do you want anything to drink? Tea? The kettle’s just boiled.”

“Uh - sure. Thank you.”

“Cream? Sugar?”

“Both.” Ben folds himself onto the small couch and watches as Hux makes him a cup of tea, trying to think of what to say before Hux can ask him the dreaded question of ‘what do you want to talk about today?’

“I asked someone out like you suggested. Went on a date.”

Hux stops stirring the tea for a moment, but gives no further indication he’s surprised. “Who did you ask?”

“A girl from work.”

“Your new employee?”

There's a bit of an implication to that question and Ben thinks he knows what it is. He’s well aware that it’s an ethical dilemma to ask a subordinate out on a date but at the time, ethics had been the last thing on his mind. He’d been more concerned about not passing out when he called her into his office.

“Yes. The new hire.”

Hux brings him the tea and then takes the seat across from him in his usual armchair. “What’s her name?”

“Rey. Short for Lorreine. She prefers Rey, though.”

Hux nods. “Pretty name.”

“Yeah.” Ben pauses. He might as well address the elephant in the room so Hux doesn’t have to. “Look, I know ethically it wasn’t...the best decision to ask an employee out. But I did.”

Hux regards him, his angular face a blank slate. After a moment, he gives a small shrug. “There are worse things one can do.”

“Oh. Right.” Ben hadn’t been expecting such an unbiased response but honestly, he’s thankful. He’s been mentally beating himself up enough as it is; having his therapist question his moral code would have made his anxiety that much worse.

Hux takes a sip of his own tea. “So how did you ask her? What was that like?”

Ben thinks back to how terrified he’d been when he called her into his office on Saturday. He’d been shaking so bad he could hardly stand up straight, yet he’d managed to get the words out somehow. “She thought I’d called her into my office to fire her. So that was...unexpected. I couldn’t think of what else to say after I told her she didn’t have to worry about losing her job. Then she asked me if there was something she could help me with, so I just...came out with it.”

“Did she agree right away?”

“Yeah, actually. I mean, I think she was confused at first, but then she asked if the place I suggested for dinner had any wine, so I told her yes, and then she said okay.”

“And how did that make you feel? When she said yes?”

Ben doesn’t mull over his response this time. He already knows the answer. “Fucking amazing.”

Hux smiles and reaches to set his cup down on his desk, picking up his notebook instead to write something down. “And so the date? How did that go?”

Ben can feel his heart sink just thinking about it. “Not good.”

“What happened?”

"I blew it. She was so introspective and thoughtful in her answers to me and there I was, struggling to even tell her my favorite color when she asked. I clammed up, and left to go change my shirt, then when I came back I did the same damn thing all over again. I even used that app you told me about, but it didn’t work. This woman - she’s a literal ray of sunshine. She’s exactly what you’d imagine someone with the name Rey would look like. And I feel like I can’t even breathe when she’s around. It’s not normal. I’m not normal.”

“Sounds like you were very nervous.”

“More than nervous. Petrified. I think I even had an anxiety attack in the bathroom.”

“About?”

“Her.”

“What about her?”

“Everything.”

Hux looks down at his notepad. “In our past sessions you’ve mentioned a fear of failure. Were you feeling that way with her?”

Ben can feel himself growing angry, but mostly at himself. “I mean, yeah. You said it yourself last session, didn’t you? I have a problem with women. I’m terrified of them. That’s why I was a nervous wreck around her.”

“And what terrified you, specifically? About Rey?”

Ben pushes himself from his seat and starts pacing. “I’ve never been comfortable opening up to people. Our therapeutic relationship, or whatever you call it? It’s the most I’ve ever told anyone about my problems, ever . And I hate every second of it. No offense.”

Hux shrugs. “None taken.”

“I just...I can’t do the ‘opening up’ thing. Intimacy. In any form. Especially around women. There's the self revelation for today's session. Can I go now?”

“It's up to you. Do you feel ready to go?”

He doesn't. He really doesn’t. He’s just barely started to explain the problem to Hux and he needs to get this out if he has any hope of repairing the damage he did on the date. Rey might’ve seemed like it was all water under the bridge with her sunny smiles at the staff meeting, but he still owes her an explanation at some point. And for him to do that, he has to stay and sort through his feelings.

Ben sighs and sits back down in his seat across from Hux, running his hand through his hair. “My dad was the same way. About letting people in. He just hid it better. He talks a big talk but the only woman he’s ever been with is my mom.” 

Hux is back to scribbling something down in his notebook. "How long have they been together now?”

“Thirty-four years.”

“Hm. And you don't think your dad had the same misgivings about your mum back then as you do now about Rey?”

“I’m sure he did. But my mom’s a fucking force to be reckoned with. She made sure he opened up to her. She wouldn’t accept anything less from him.”

“Do you think Rey is different in that regard?”

“Well, I...I don’t know. I don’t know if she is or not. I haven’t gotten to know her well enough to figure that out.”

“Would you like to? Get to know her better?”

Yes. Yes he would. He’s normally so withdrawn from everything - coworkers, even family - but there’s something about her that keeps drawing him in. He wants to know every little thing there is to know about her, beyond her favorite color being yellow or her owning a cat named Bebe. So Ben tells the truth.

“Yes. I’d like that.”

“What can you do to make that happen?”

Ben scoffs. How can he even begin to make it up to her? Apologize? Explain the situation? “I’d have to talk to her again.”

“Are you prepared to do that?”

“Maybe. I’m not sure.”

“Are you unsure because you don’t know what she’ll say in response?”

“Yes and no. I think - if it had been any other girl, she wouldn’t have wanted anything to do with me after that. But she came back to work the next day. Even spoke with me directly at the staff meeting.”

“And what do you think that says about her?”

“She’s nice?”

“Yes. What else? What do you think her behavior signifies in relation to you?”

“I don’t know.”

Hux cocks his head to the side. “I think you do, Ben.”

Ben doesn’t want to say it out loud. If he does, it’ll be as good as true, which will only feed into the fear he has of intimacy.

Hux is an intuitive bastard and picks up on this immediately, leaning forward in his seat until Ben has no choice but to make eye contact with him. “I’ll tell you what that says about her, Ben. She likes you. Probably the same way you like her. Do you think she would have gone to dinner with you in the first place if she wasn’t interested?”

No, he doesn’t. His anxiety may lie to him about this part, tell him that she was just going along with it to be nice, to make him happy, but the signs were all there. A cute dress. Smiles. Asking him questions. Waiting for ages while he acted like a fucking idiot in the bathroom. Would someone who wasn’t at least a tiny bit interest in him have done all that?

“Tell you what, Ben,” Hux says, when it’s apparent Ben isn’t going to readily accept what was just said out loud. “I’m going to give you some more homework for this week. How does that sound?”

Oh no . Here it goes again. The homework mess that had gotten him into this situation in the first place. But he can’t just say no, can he? After everything he’s told Hux so far? After going through with asking someone out, no matter how disastrous the outcome had been? That feels like giving up, somehow. Like failure. And he doesn’t want to live that way anymore - constantly in fear of ‘what ifs’ that he never actually takes a chance on.

“Okay.”

Hux leans back in his seat, seemingly satisfied. “I'll give you two tasks this time. Task one, talk to Rey. About anything. Doesn’t have to be about the date.”

Ben nods. He can do that much...he thinks . “Right.”

“Task two, initiate touch with someone.”

Now that he has a problem with. “I’m sorry, what ?”

“It doesn’t have to be anything major. A handshake, a pat on the back. Maybe a hug, if it’s your family. What matters is that you do it.”

“Why touching?”

Hux just smiles. “You have a problem with opening up? With intimacy? Intimate actions are your first step, then. You don’t have to bear your soul to anyone - sometimes a simple touch is all it takes to let the people you care about know that you do.”

Ben opens and closes his mouth, his mind blank of any possible objections. Dammit . Why does Hux always have to be so right all of the time?

***

Rey’s third day on the job has been considerably more pleasant than her first two. Saturday had been...Saturday, and Sunday hadn’t started off the best either, what with her arriving late and dreading a conversation with Ben Solo about their dinner the night before. Yet she hasn’t seen him much since the staff meeting on Sunday and when she has seen him, he’s either busy talking to Phas or observing Finn and Mitaka’s work. Never hers, though she prefers it this way. Finn and Mitaka don’t seem to share the same sentiment, though.

“He’s been weirdly attentive. Like, all day. Weirder than usual,” Finn mumbles to them as he painstakingly drizzles melted caramel over the last batch of milk chocolate for the day. “I don’t know what the hell happened between Sunday and now but it’s like he’s trying to be...nice, or something. He shook hands with me and then asked me how my day was going. I didn’t know what to say.”

“I’ve noticed it, too,” Mitaka says. “He came up to me earlier and patted me on the back and said good job. I thought I was hallucinating at first but...no. It was definitely a pat. He’s never done that to me ever.”

Finn shudders. “It’s creepy. I wonder why he’s doing it. He mentioned the possibility of pay cuts during that staff meeting. Maybe that’s still gonna happen? Maybe he feels bad and he’s trying to soften the blow?”

“Or maybe he’s finally pulled that colossal stick out of his ass,” Mitaka grins, then immediately pales, glancing over his shoulder to check that they’re all by themselves even though Ben is still in his office and Phas is helping Chewie stock the front. “Sorry, maybe that was a bit harsh. Still, it’d be cool to come into work one day and not have to worry about your boss giving you the stink eye.”

Finn scoffs. “Yeah right. That’s never gonna happen.”

Rey doesn’t really know what to make of this herself. On one hand, she does agree it’s odd that Mr. Solo is acting so strange compared to what Finn and Mitaka are used to but then again...he’d been nice to her for what little time they’d interacted at dinner. Maz has said he’d been fretting over the menu before she arrived. He’d pulled out her chair for her to sit down. He’d listened to her intently as she talked, leaning forward in his seat as though to prevent himself from missing a word she said. And then he’d told her about his family, smiling as he explained why his grandfather had built this little shop in the first place. Those actions don’t strike her as even remotely unkind.

The remarks that Finn and Mitaka are saying about him, however, are unkind and making her uncomfortable. And a bit sad, for reasons she can’t really examine in detail right now. Maybe on the bus ride home. Signaling she’s done for the day, Rey heads towards the break room to change out of her uniform. She passes Ben’s office on the way. The blinds aren’t drawn and she can see him in there, hunkered over his desk wearing those glasses of his. He lifts his head up and Rey scurries past his line of sight as fast as she can.

***

Rey’s almost to the bus stop when she hears someone running down the street after her, accompanied by a booming voice.

“Rey! Miss Kenobi!”

Somehow, she knows who it is before she even turns around to look. Ben Solo. He stops just in front of her, his hands on his hips as he catches his breath. He has the sleeves of his work shirt rolled up to his elbows. Why that’s so attractive to her, she has no idea.

Going for friendly but coming out overeager, she gives an small wave and smiles at him. “Yes. That’s me!” She inwardly cringes at herself the second the words leave her mouth but there’s nothing she can do to recover what little cool she has. So instead she just stands as awkwardly as always, waiting for him to speak.

He gestures between them with his hand. “About the other night...”

Oh no. Here it comes. The talk that she’s been dreading. The talk about that dinner. “Yes?”

“I’m sorry. I had to leave suddenly. I have a chronic...condition.”

Rey nods understandingly. Maybe it was a case of irritable bowel syndrome, like Maz had said. Maybe he doesn’t think she’s a complete idiot and oversharer like she’d originally thought. “Right. It’s okay. Maz gave me some tiramisu to take home along with a full helping of lasagna so I had a whole extra meal to enjoy that night.” And she had enjoyed it, in a way, if one can count ‘crying on the kitchen counter while eating your confused feelings away’ as enjoying it.

Ben steps just a foot closer. “No, it wasn’t okay. Leaving you there--”

She really needs a hole to open up on the sidewalk right about now and swallow her whole because she can’t deal with this. Can’t deal with him , looking at her with his brown eyes and that full mouth of his drawn into a frown. “It’s nothing! Honestly. Thank you for talking to me about it but it’s no big deal.”

He nods his head once. “Alright.”

“Okay.”

But he doesn’t make any move to leave. Instead he’s just staring down at something. Something on her? She glances down too, inspecting to see if her hands are clean, then looks back up at him.

Suddenly he reaches out and grasps her hand in his and shakes it. Twice.

“Thank you. For being so understanding.”

“Oh! You’re welcome.”

“I’m doing this new thing where I initiate touch to say I’m thankful. Hence this handshake.”

Well, that’s his odd behavior towards Finn and Mitaka explained. “Cool,” Rey says, hating how lame she sounds.

He hasn’t let go of her hand yet, and she hasn’t let go of his either. They’re both completely still, just staring into each other’s eyes now. Rey’s heart feels like a battering ram against her chest. What is happening ?

Ben leans in closer, his shoulders slumping to accommodate their difference in height. Rey follows his lead, too scared, too terrified to even breathe in case doing so ruins whatever this is.

“Rey--” He starts.

Before Rey can even fully process what she’s doing, she uses her other hand that isn’t clasped in his to grab him by the front of his shirt, pulling him flush against her until their lips touch.

It’s over in a second and when it is, Rey’s left with the horrifying realization that she’s just kissed her boss .

But then his lips brush against hers again. They’re soft, and warm, and feel just as plush against her mouth as she thought they would. Rey relaxes her grip on his shirt, her hand traveling upwards to the curls at the nape of his neck.

Ben moans against her mouth and just like that, they’re pulling apart from each other like they’ve been burned. He’s breathing heavily through his nose and she is too, her chest heaving from the shock coursing through her system.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

Rey blinks up at him, feeling more than a bit dazed. Sorry ? “For what?”

“That kiss.”

“Really? I liked it.” She claps her hand over her mouth. She hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

Ben’s eyes go as wide as saucers. She’s definitely startled him, that’s for sure. “But...I’m your boss, and you’re my employee, and...really, I don’t want to be taking advantage of you. Even the date - that was - well, it’s a good thing our HR department consists solely of Phasma. A boss asking his employee out is frowned upon.”

There’s only one part of that drawn out explanation that she’s concerned with. “So it was a date?”

He opens and closes his mouth a few times before managing a nod. “I - yes. I suppose it was. It ended prematurely on my part and again, I apologize for that.” He pauses, then asks. “Why? Did you think it was something else?”

Rey can feel herself blush. “A business dinner, maybe?”

“Business dinner?”

“Well now I know it wasn’t but at the time - yes. The idea crossed my mind.”

He shakes his head once, as though to clear his thoughts. “Yes, well, that’s neither here nor there. It was unprofessional of me to ask you out like that. It won’t happen again.”

“Oh.” She’s disappointed, though she knows he has a point. She’s not sure what she expected, anyways. Certainly not for them to go on another date. Of course not.

Ben clears his throat. “I think it’s best if we go back to normal. If the other employees found out it wouldn’t be good for...team spirit. Morale.”

Rey nods. “Right. Team spirit.”

They’re inches apart again. So close that she can smell him. He smells like peppermint. She’s not sure when they started unknowingly drawing close to each other again, but it’s happened, and now she’s back to not breathing. He doesn’t look like he is, either.

“Maybe we could...one more time. Then go back to normal?” His voice is soft, and deep, and it’s  doing things to her.

So she throws caution to the wind and kisses him again. This time, he immediately kisses her back. The pecks quickly turn to lingering kisses, then they open their mouths and oh , that deepens their connection in such a satisfying way.

Rey’s standing on tiptoe to meet his mouth and he’s leaning down to meet hers but apparently that’s not enough for him because he suddenly picks her up with one arm like she weighs absolutely nothing, cradling the small part of her back. Rey wraps both her arms around his neck, desperate to hold onto some part of him.

He breaks his mouth apart from hers eventually, his breathing ragged. “Okay, maybe more than once. Maybe we could do this...from time to time.”

Rey nods frantically. “Yes. Okay.”

“Maybe all the time.”

“What about team spirit?”

“Fuck team spirit.” He’s back to kissing her again and oh, that word he said shouldn’t have such a profoundly strong effect on her but it does . She can feel it all the way down to her toes. She moves to wrap her legs around him, but then someone shouts ‘get a room!’ from somewhere close by, and reality immediately comes crashing back down to meet her. She’s making out with her boss. Again. In the middle of a public street.

Rey pulls herself away from him and steadies her wobbly legs, smoothing down the front of her sweater.

Ben mimics what she’s doing, fussing with the front of his shirt. “Well. This was…”

“Yeah.”

“Good. Amazing.”

Rey bites her lip hard to keep from grinning. “Okay, well. I better go.”

Ben frowns at her. “Where are you going?”

She points behind her to the bus stop. “Home.” 

“Oh! Right! Okay.” He nods, then steps back, re-establishing some proper distance between them. He doesn’t look any more composed than she does. His hair is a mess, his eyes are wild, and his ears are bright red. He swallows, then gives a little shrug, like he doesn’t know what else to do with his arms. “Have a nice night.”

“You too. Goodnight.”

She watches him turn abruptly on his heel and leave. It’s only when he’s safely out of sight that Rey starts jumping up and down like a fool, finally giving into the giddy laughter that’s been steadily bubbling up inside of her ever since he called their kiss ‘amazing’.

Notes:

This chapter is the longest one yet I think, ahhh! The plot takes on a mind of its own and I can't help it.

Big thanks to my friend darkknightdarkside on tumblr for taking a look at the therapy part for me :) Go follow her, she's the sweetest!

Playlist.

Aesthetic for this chapter.

Lastly, thank you sooo much for your continued support. I can't tell you how much it brightens my day to read your comments and interact with you guys. I hope you have a Happy New Year <3

Chapter 5

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

***

Ben sits in his car outside the quaint bungalow from his childhood, still reeling from the kissing...the wonderful, wonderful kissing that he’s having a hard time accepting as something that just happened to him of all people. Why he drove to his parents’ house straight after, he has no idea, but now that he’s here he finds that he actually wants to go inside and tell them...what? That he’s met the girl of his dreams even though he’s only shared a handful of awkward conversations with her? That he wants to bring her here and introduce her to them?

Ben groans. He’s already sounding like a besotted idiot. It was only a kiss. Or two. Or three. He’d lost track somewhere in between her throwing her arms around him. But Rey had been his first kiss ever, and just the memory her lips against his, and how perfectly right she’d felt in his arms, makes him happy in a way he hasn’t been in months...years, even. Not only happy, but less withdrawn, and actually willing to surround himself with people instead of shutting himself away after each workday like he normally does.

So Ben takes a deep breath, leaves his car, and walks up the familiar and well-worn pathway to the front door. The moment he rings the doorbell he hears Artoo’s frenzied barking from inside, followed by dog nails clacking against the hardwood floor and his mom’s half hearted attempts to shush the pudgy old pug.

“Artoo, be quiet! No, back up, back up!”

The door opens and Artoo goes absolutely haywire, jumping as high as his fat little body can reach to receive pets which Ben obligingly gives him.

“Ben! Hi sweetheart! Are you okay?” His mom looks glad to see him too but also worried for whatever reason. She motions for him to come inside and shuts the door behind them once he does. Her arms move as though to hug him but she lowers them again. Old habits die hard, he supposes. He can still remember the hugs she gave him when he was little - how she used to sweep him up into her arms, covering his face with kisses.

Then he’d grown into a distant teenager who avoided affection like the plague and things had changed for the worse, he thinks. But he’s already initiated touch with three people today, in different ways, and Hux had said that hugs definitely counted. With that in mind Ben hesitantly pulls his mom close, wrapping his arms around her shoulders like he hasn’t done in years.

“Ben?” she questions, her words muffled against his chest.

“Hi, Mom.”

She looks up and he can see there are tears in her eyes. Oh. He hadn’t meant for that to happen. This is the second time in a week he’s unintentionally made her cry. He moves to untangle himself but she holds onto him tighter, refusing to let go.

“Are you okay?” he asks, at a loss of what else to do. He’s never been good with comforting others.

“I’m fine, honey. This is just...unexpected. Your visit and your hug. But very, very welcome.” She sniffles and pats his chest. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“We were worried. Maz said—”

The anxiety attack. Ben inwardly groans. He tries to pull himself from the hug again and this time she lets him go, if a bit reluctantly.

“Maz told you?”

“Of course she told me. What happened?”

“It’s fine. Really. That’s why I came here today. To tell you...things. Where’s Dad?”

“Outside raking leaves. Do you want to stay for dinner?”

She asks it casually as she brushes past him into the kitchen, Artoo following on her heels for a chance to get a scrap of whatever she’s cooking. But Ben can detect the hopefulness in her voice that he’ll say yes this time instead of coming up with an excuse why he can’t.

“Sure.”

She glances up at him, her eyes watery once more. Desperate for her not to make a bigger deal out of this, he wanders off into the attached living room. Threepio is at his usual spot on the couch, his entire body trembling in the way that chihuahuas tend to. Ben sits down beside him and scratches his ears.

“Hey buddy.”

Threepio calms down for exactly three seconds to lean into his touch, then goes back to trembling when Ben picks up a photo album on the coffee table. He’s halfway expecting it to be one of the many albums filled with embarrassing baby pictures of himself - his mom loves those - but instead it’s one he doesn’t think he’s ever seen before. But he recognizes the people in the pictures when he opens it, anyway.

“Grandma and grandpa?”

His mom stops bustling around in the kitchen and comes to join him, leaning over the back of the couch to see what’s caught his interest. “Hm? Oh, yeah! Luke brought that by earlier. He’s been cleaning out his place for a garage sale and found it somewhere. Your Dad and I were flipping through it this morning. Cute couple, weren’t they?”

Most of the photos are in black and white, from the 50’s he’s guessing. The first one is a shot from his grandparents’ wedding, but not the staged one that his mom has on display on the mantelpiece. His grandma Padmé is laughing, her head thrown back as his grandpa nuzzles her cheek. In another photo, a heavily pregnant Padmé is standing outside Say It With Sugar, proudly grinning from ear to ear as she points up at the ‘Open for Business’ sign.

Ben flips through the album quietly, enjoying the small glimpses into the life of the loving couple he never got to meet. As much as he’s tried to convince himself that he’s okay with being alone, he wants this for himself. Wants what his grandparents had and what his parents have now. He’s not so terrified to admit it anymore, after Hux has slowly but surely helped coaxed the truth out of him. And now that he’s actually met someone, kissed someone...the dream of this same kind of love happening to him doesn’t seem as far fetched anymore.

“I kissed the girl. From my date the other night,” he tells his mom, still studiously flipping through the photos to keep the smile from his face.

“What? Ben!” His mom hurries around to the front of the couch and makes a space for herself beside him and Threepio, taking Ben’s hands in her smaller ones. “Tell me!”

He can’t contain his smile anymore, not when she’s so excited. His mom looks like he’s just told her Christmas has come early and she loves Christmas. “Well, the date was disastrous. Maz told you that much, I’m guessing. So today I got her alone for a moment to apologize and...one thing led to another.”

Leia grins, playfully bumping her shoulder against his. “Kissing is nice, isn’t it?”

Ben can’t help but cringe. “Mom, please…”

“You’re gonna have to get used to me embarrassing you about this, Benjamin. Especially if you bring her around which I’m hoping you do.”

“You haven’t called me Benjamin since I was a kid.”

“You’re right. I only use it sparingly to get my point across - which is that I would very much like to meet this Rey. Maz said she was cute as a button.”

Ben can’t argue that. “Yeah, she is.”

“Where’s she from? What’s her story?”

“I don’t know much yet. She’s from England. Grew up there with her grandpa and moved here after he died.”

Leia nods. “Well, I’ll find out more about her when I see her...which will be when?”

“Mom…” he sighs.

“I’m serious!”

“There’s a Halloween party at the shop this Friday. Her idea, actually. She’ll be there.”

“Then that settles it. I’ll invite myself. It’s been awhile since I’ve visited you at work, anyway.” She pats his knee and stands up, taking Threepio with her. “I’m gonna go tell your dad you’re here and that dinner’s almost ready.”

“Alright.”

“Oh! Before I forget!” She leans back down and flips the page of the photo album, pointing to another polaroid. It’s one of his grandfather with a man a few years his senior, photographed in the kitchen of the shop, both of them wearing traditional chef’s coats. “We figured out who that is. I didn’t recognize him at first - he’s younger in that photo than the handful of times I ever met him when I was little, but…”

Somehow, Ben already knows. “Grandpa’s teacher?”

“Yep! Old Ben. Dad used to swear he was the most brilliant chocolatier in Europe at one point in time. I wonder whatever became of him. Doesn’t look so old there, does he?”

Ben looks closely at the picture she’s pointing to. No, he doesn’t look old. He does, however, look vaguely familiar. He has kind eyes and a wide smile that takes over his entire face. Similar to Rey’s, now that he thinks of it. Would she enjoy looking over this, after what he’d told her of his family? She’d seemed interested in talking about it, before he’d gone and ruined the dinner. Maybe this could be another way to open up to her?

“Can I take this with me? The album?”

“Sure. It’s gonna be yours someday, anyway. So will this house and everything in it, with its two spare bedrooms. Perfect for a family.”

“You’re not being subtle at all anymore.”

“Oh hush.” Leia waves off his complaints as she goes to the back door leading to the porch. “If you think I’m over the top, wait till your dad hears about this.”

***

Surprisingly, Rey has been able to successfully pull things together for the party in only a matter of days. It hasn’t been easy, what with the limited budget and her staunch refusal to neglect her regular work duties in favor of party planning, but she’s managed it somehow.

In a way, being so busy has been a blessing. She’s had less time to stare at Ben’s broad back or his ridiculously perfect hair as he goes about his business each day. Granted, she’s still had some time to devote to staring at him, but not nearly enough to get her into trouble. And she’s positive she will get into trouble if anyone finds out she now has a more complicated relationship with her boss than that of just a mere employee. The kiss - kisses, she reminds herself - sealed her fate where that’s concerned.

But she doesn’t regret what she did and she doesn’t think he does, either. They haven’t been alone since that day but there have been several shared and meaningful glances between them, most of which usually result in his ears turning red or Rey tripping over her feet. Plus, she’s fairly confident that the next time they’re alone - and there will be a next time, he’d even admitted to wanting it himself - there will be more kisses. Rey’s stomach flips at the thought of him locking lips with her again, and holding her close in those big arms of his…

“Rey?”

Finn’s voice brings her back from the distracted and dangerous direction her thoughts had been headed. He’s currently fumbling his way through the fake spiderwebs that Rey’s spent the last hour painstakingly decorating the front of the shop with.

“Careful, Finn!”

He finds his footing again and goes behind the register to help Mitaka and Chewie. Both of them are lading the green punch of “Witch’s Brew” into cups as fast as they can.

“Rose just texted me. She’s on the way with Poe. She says most of her students are coming with their parents once they get home from school,” Finn explains.

Rey nods. It’s past four already, which means all school-aged kids are out for the weekend. While she isn’t certain of the extent to which the notice of a party at Say It With Sugar spread around town, she’s prepared for a modest crowd of children nonetheless. The counters of the shop are covered with Halloween-themed treats like white-chocolate covered strawberry ghosts and severed “finger” cookies. It’s over the top, even for her, but this entire party idea is her brainchild and she’s determined to turn a profit from it.

Finished measuring out servings of punch, Finn leans against the counter and smiles. “I gotta say, Rey, this looks good for a last minute thing. Like, Pinterest Soccer Mom good.”

Rey grins. “Working at a bakery definitely had its uses, even though it wasn’t what I wanted to do.” She places one more fake spider ring into her spider web creation and steps back to admire her handiwork.

Phas comes running into the front of the shop moments later dressed in a silver flapper costume, complete with dark red lips and a feathered headpiece. She visibly deflates when she sees that no one else has gone all out like she has. “Did you lot not get my email that I sent out yesterday? It said to bring a costume to change into so we can all be dressed up like the kids!”

“We did get it. We just chose to ignore it,” Finn deadpans.

“I wore a sweater?” Rey offers. She glances down at the hideous orange monstrosity she’s wearing. “Look, the ghost is even saying ‘boo’.”

Phas sighs. “Okay fine, that’s adorable. You’re off the hook. But the rest of you!” She turns to glare at Finn, Mitaka and Chewie, who all look like they couldn’t care less. “I knew I should have come up with a mandatory themed costume for everyone! That way none of you slackers would have been able to say no. Think of how cute we would have looked as characters from The Wizard of Oz or something!”

“Chewie’s definitely hairy enough to be the cowardly lion,” Finn mumbles, which earns him a swat on the head from Chewie himself.

Rey stands back and smiles as they jokingly bicker amongst themselves. She’s only been working here for a week so far but she already feels more comfortable around everyone...well, almost everyone. There’s definitely a certain someone she still feels nervous around, even after the kiss. Especially after the kiss, and he’s due back any minute now from leaving to pick up his parents for the party.

The bell above the shop door rings and Rey’s breath catches as she turns to see if it’s him. But it’s a young couple, the man in crutches and the woman supporting his back as they enter the shop.

“Babes!” Finn hollers, once again almost breaking his neck trying to hastily navigate his way around the spiderwebbed countertops of the shop. To Rey’s surprise, Finn kisses both the woman and the man on the mouth before turning around to introduce them to her. “Rey, this is Rose and Poe.”

“Hi!” Rey extends her hands to shake theirs. Instead, Rose pulls her into a tight hug.

“Oh, I feel like I know you already! Finn has been so much less stressed lately thanks to you. This beautiful dumbass,” she nods her head in Poe’s direction, “Broke his leg in a biking accident a month ago, so ever since then Finn’s had his work cut out for him here.”

“Rose, honey, let her breathe,” Poe says good-naturedly, dragging Rose off of her before extending his own hand for Rey to shake. “Hey, I’m Poe. I work here, too. I’m just out on medical leave for awhile.”

Rey nods, glancing between all three of them. “So, you’re...all together?”

Rose smiles and throws her arms around Finn and Poe. “Yep! They’re boyfriends. But they’re also my boyfriends. It’s called a throuple.”

“Oh! That’s very...modern!”

Poe laughs. “It’s confusing at first. And I know what you’re thinking so I’ll save you the trouble of asking.” He leans in closer and whispers, “Yes, the sex is just as wild as you’d expect. Like, really wild. I’m surprised my leg has healed as fast as it has, considering what we get up to. Never a dull night with these guys.”

Rose, Poe, Phas, and Mitaka all dissolve into giggles. Chewie looks entirely disinterested and unimpressed with the conversation, while Finn is blushing more than Rey has ever seen him do before.

“O-kay! That’s my cue to drag you two oversharers away before you offend anyone. Come on, I could still use some help setting up in the back before the kids come.” Finn leads them off down the hall to the kitchen, all the while pointedly ignoring Phas and Mitaka’s continued smothered laughter.

When he’s safely out of earshot, Rey winces. “I didn’t realize they were all together! I mean, I’ve heard Finn mention Rose before and also Poe...but from the way Finn talked about him I figured they were really good friends or something. I feel bad for asking.”

Phas shrugs. “Don’t feel bad. It took me awhile to figure it out, too, and I’m technically their boss!”

“Finn is private about it but he loves them,” Mitaka explains. “You should have seen the Christmas card they sent out last year. Sickeningly sweet. They wore matching sweaters.”

“And yet he can’t be bothered to dress up for Halloween at work! What an ass,” Phas grumbles fondly.

“They sound really sweet,” Rey smiles.

Phas sighs. “Very sweet, yeah. They’ll all make great parents when they start trying. I do think it’s funny though how much of a prude Finn still pretends to be despite the massive amount of sex he’s regularly getting. Must be nice.”

“Yeah, he’s pretty much living the dream, sex-wise,” Mitaka agrees.

This time it’s Rey’s turn to blush. She’s never been in a relationship before, let alone two at the same time, and all this talk is making her painfully aware of just how nonexistent her personal life is compared to everyone else’s.

The embarrassment is short-lived, though, because the first group of kids arrive only moments later with their parents in tow. Rey and Phas go into customer service overdrive as they greet each guest, compliment everyone’s costumes, and shepherd them to the back where Finn is waiting to begin the presentation.

And then more kids show up.

And even more after that.

Soon enough, the small front of the shop is practically overrun with children in Halloween costumes, all of them hyper and screaming for chocolate. Phas looks frazzled and out of her depth as she tries to corral them into groups, Mitaka is just standing around helplessly like he’s never even seen a child in his entire life, and Chewie...well, Chewie actually looks like he knows what he’s doing, getting the kids into an orderly line by threatening ‘no line? no chocolate’ in his heavy Russian accent.

Amidst all the craziness and yelling, Phas throws her arms around Rey and squeezes her tight. “Oh my god, this is madness, Rey! Wait till Ben sees how many people have shown up. He’s gonna freak!”

The realization hits that this is quite possibly Ben’s worst nightmare. The front of the shop is crowded with parents wanting to browse chocolate, kids continue to file inside in droves, and the parking spaces out front look like they’re all full.

Phas is right. He’s either going to freak or he’ll take one look at this crowd and turn around to leave - which isn’t going to go over well at all, considering she’s overheard multiple children say they’re dying to meet the ‘Mr. Chocolate Man’ who has invited them all here to his magical chocolate shop. Rey stifles a hysterical sort of giggle as she pictures a massive, hulking Ben Solo leaning down to interact with all these tiny humans who seem to think he’s a mixture between Willy Wonka and Santa.

This is definitely going to be interesting, that’s for sure.

Notes:

This chapter was originally going to be longer (6k+ words) but I've decided to split it up into two chapters. So there will definitely be Reylo interactions next chapter, don't worry :D

Thank you all for every hit, kudo, comment, bookmark, and subscription. It means the world that you're enjoying reading this as much as I'm enjoying writing it. Let me know what you thought of this chapter, too!

I am fettuccine-alfreylo on tumblr. Come say hi!

Aesthetic for this chapter.

Playlist.

Chapter 6

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

***

Between picking up his parents (who are never, ever ready when they say they’ll be) and getting stuck in traffic on the way back to the shop, Ben is nearly an hour late to the Halloween party. He doubts there will be a large enough turnout to notice his absence but he’s still the owner, and owners are generally on time to work related functions likes this.

He turns the corner and the shop finally comes into view. Holy hell. Okay, so he’d been wrong about the turnout thing. Really, really wrong. The parallel parking spaces on both sides of the usually quiet street are all filled up. There’s even a line outside the shop.

“What the fuck?” his dad swears loudly from the back seat.

“Han!” His mom jerks around in her seat. Through his rearview mirror Ben sees his dad swerve out of reach just before she’s able to smack him upside the head.

“Leia, would you stop being so straightlaced for a moment and look out your window? There’s no parking! When’s the last time it’s even been like this?!”

Ben sighs and grudgingly listens to his parents prattle on as he drives up and down the street trying to find a place to park. After five minutes he loses his patience and pulls right onto the curb of the closed-for-business flower shop a few spaces down from Say It With Sugar. It’s not entirely legal and his mom tells him as much but Ben ignores her and puts the car in park anyway.

“He gets this bullheadedness from you, you know,” Leia mumbles, unbuckling her seatbelt.

His dad scoffs from the backseat. “You sure about that?”

Ben leaves them both to get out of the car at their own snail’s pace and charges ahead to the shop, bypassing the line of people out front. He’s met by even more people when he walks in the front door. This is by far the biggest number of customers he’s ever seen squeezed into the shop at once. He stands at the entryway momentarily stunned, wondering if there’s some sort of maximum occupancy policy they’re violating, until he hears the bell above the shop ring again, signaling that his parents have finally caught up.

His dad stops short when he walks in, his mouth agape as he takes in the crowd. “What the fuck?”

“Han!” his mom yells again.

“Ben! There you are!” He hears Phasma’s voice above the noisy chatter and locates her quickly by her blonde bob and the feathered headpiece she’s wearing as some sort of 1920’s getup. It’s bent at an awkward angle and she looks more than a bit frazzled as she pushes her way through all the customers to get to him.

His mom and dad pull Phas into a hug as soon as she’s within grabbing distance and she only quickly returns it before detangling herself, which is the first tip-off that she’s far more stressed than she’s letting on. Then she spears him with a glare over his mom’s head. Shit. That’s the second tip-off.

“Everything okay?” he asks.

“The children are waiting, Ben!”

Ben’s mind blanks. “For what?”

“You! Now come on!” Phasma grabs his arm and wastes no time in pulling him back to where she’s come from. Ben waves helplessly at Chewie as he passes him and Chewie waves back without looking up from the register, somehow managing to box up an order and ring up a separate transaction at the same time.

Once they’re past the front end of the shop and in the cool, dark hallway leading to the kitchen, Ben relaxes somewhat. But then he hears high pitched squealing and his nerves return in full force.

“Why do they need to see me?” Ben asks.

“Hear that noise? Because of that,” Phas huffs. “Finn got them all riled up during the chocolate making presentation because he gave them chocolate instead of waiting until we pass out goodie bags later. They’re practically bouncing off the walls now. Rey and Rose are trying desperately to keep them controlled, Mitaka is completely useless, and I told Poe to keep out of the way unless he wants another broken limb.”

“What am I supposed to do, though?” Ben stops, dragging his heels in when Phasma continues to pull his arm. “Phas - I can’t - I don't know how—”

He’s never been good with kids. He’s never really had the chance to interact with kids, to tell the truth. He’s an only child and Luke never married so there’s never been any cousins, nieces, or nephews in the picture. Just him. And now Phas expects him to go in there and get an unruly group of children under control?

Realizing she’s fighting a losing battle trying to get him to budge, Phas throws her arms up in defeat. “You’re the Chocolate Man, Ben!”

Ben blinks. “What?”

“You’re the Chocolate Man. Someone put the silly idea in all their heads that you’re the second coming of Willy Wonka or Milton Hershey or someone equally magical who’s going to waltz in there and dazzle them!”

The idea is so utterly ridiculous that Ben starts to laugh but he immediately shuts up when he sees the murderous look on Phasma’s face.

“I’m serious, Ben! This is a crisis!”

“I’m sorry. It’s just - Willy Wonka?”

“Yes, Willy Fucking Wonka. Think you can manage to act a bit more jovial than usual so we won’t have a room full of screaming, crying, disappointed children on our hands?”

He doesn’t want to do this. He really doesn’t want to do this. He can already feel his skin turning clammy, which is a sign that he’s passed his normal level of social discomfort and is now hurtling towards the ‘Oh Fuck’ zone of anxiety. But he doesn’t really have a choice, does he? Everyone has bent over backwards for this party - especially Rey. The elaborate decorations up front, along with the sheer amount of customers, are a testament to how much careful planning and marketing she’s put into this thing. He can’t let all of her work go to waste.

Ben shoves his hands in his pockets and forces himself to start walking again, one foot in front of the other. “Okay. I’ll do it.”

“Yes! Thank you!” Phas squeezes his arm reassuringly. “I’ll introduce you and let you take over.”

Ben stops her before she’s able to hurry ahead of him to open the doors. “Hold on, just so we’re clear - I’m not going to sing any songs or dance around. I’ll go in there and talk to them, but that’s all I can promise.”

Phas nods. “Alright. Fair enough. Now brace yourself.”

She pulls open the doors to the kitchen and he’s immediately greeted by screaming. And yelling. There are upwards of fifty children but he can’t even begin to count them because they’re moving too fast. Some are playing tag, while others are just running around the kitchen seemingly for the hell of it.

Finn and Rose are right in the middle of the horde, with Finn actually participating in the game of tag while Rose tries to catch individual children and tell them to slow down. Poe is safely sitting off to the side in a chair, looking like he’s thoroughly appreciative of the fact that his leg is broken.

Cautiously, Ben steps a little further into the room and scans for Rey. She’s in a corner with a smaller group of children who appear slightly more sedated as they sit in a circle playing duck-duck-goose. To his surprise Mitaka is with them, sitting cross-legged and patient as a young girl bops his head several times instead of moving on to the rest of the circle.

Rey looks up and catches his eye. She looks about as stressed and overwhelmed as he feels. Ben moves to go to talk to her, but Phasma grabs hold of his elbow before he’s able to.

“I told you it was bad!” she shouts over the noise. “I’m going to try to yell or whistle or something, see if that gets their attention—”

“Don’t bother,” he tells her.

Ben doesn’t know much about children, but he does know that he’s able to draw attention to himself without really trying. He’s tall and broad with funny looking features. He’ll always receive curious and slightly alarmed looks from strangers, no matter how small or nonthreatening he tries to make himself seem.

So he takes advantage of this, crossing over to the steel countertops of the work station. He hoists himself up to sit amongst the chocolate shavings and tools left over from the presentation and simply waits for the children to realize there’s someone new in the room.

It doesn’t take long. It’s like a domino effect, and if he wasn’t so nervous he’d laugh at how quickly it takes one child to notice his presence, then another, and then a few more.

When it’s quiet enough for her to speak, Phasma comes to stand beside him and clears her throat. “Now then. You are all going to come sit in neat little rows, legs crossed, and wait for Mr. Solo to speak. He’s not going to start speaking until everyone is quiet and behaving themselves. Is that clear?”

Practically every child in the room nods in understanding.

By far the most experienced with young children, Rose springs into action, helping them form an orderly line to come sit in front of him on the floor in five rows of ten. Once they’re subdued, all of them staring up at him with big round eyes, he finds they’re somehow more intimidating than they were just a few minutes ago. Which doesn’t make much sense, but then his anxiety never has.

Ben takes in a gulp of breath, tries his best to smile, and then says the first thing he can think of. “You all look...festive. Ready for Halloween, I bet.”

He doesn’t know what he expected. Maybe for them to nod enthusiastically or to scream ‘YES’ at him before getting all riled up again. But they just...stare. Like he’s speaking a foreign language or something.

Ben glances up helplessly at his staff and realizes that at some point in all the chaos, his parents must have quietly slipped in. His mom and dad are both standing beside Rey and he’s glad they’re not talking to her just yet because the last thing he needs right now is both of them bombarding his new employee turned secret kissing partner with questions.

Realizing he’s staring, his mom and dad both give him a wave. But Rey...Rey smiles at him, with one of those huge beaming smiles of hers, and gives him a thumbs up. It’s odd, how such a small and simple gesture from her can bolter his confidence, but he finds it’s all the encouragement he needs to continue. Ben clears his throat and tries to engage the kids again, this time making a point to look at each and every one of them while he speaks.

“I remember always looking forward to Halloween growing up. Dressing up is always fun, but the best part is the candy. Who here likes candy?”

Every single hand shoots up. Ben smiles and raises his hand too. “I like all sorts of candy too, but I think my absolute favorite kind is chocolate. As my chocolatiers probably told you during their presentation, chocolate sets itself apart from other candies out there. It’s not sour but it’s not sickly sweet, either. You can mix it with all sorts of other things to make unique flavors. But do you know the best part? You can even drink it as hot chocolate. You can’t say the same for lollipops or gummy bears, can you?”  

That elicits a few giggles. They’re not the most captive audience ever but at least he’s got them laughing. Ben rakes a hand through his hair, trying to think of what else to say. “To tell the truth, I don’t know all there is to know about chocolate. I don’t work with chocolate day in and day out like my chocolatiers do. I just own the shop, but that’s alright, because every day I come into work I get to smell the chocolate, and I don’t let a single day go by without tasting at least one piece of it that’s made here. It’s not an easy job but the chocolate makes it worth it, and I’m glad you all could come and visit today. Are there any questions?”

With a speech as straight to the point as that he isn’t expecting any, but a little girl in the front row dressed as a bumblebee immediately shoots her hand up.

“Yes?”

“How did you get your own chocolate shop?”

“I inherited it.” At the children’s blank looks, Ben amends, “That means my mom and dad gave it to me. They used to own it before me.”

The little girl lowers her hand, visibly crestfallen. “Oh. My mommy and daddy don’t own a chocolate shop.”

Jesus. What’s he supposed to say to that? He glances up towards Rey again and she’s still smiling. She gives a little shrug as if to say ‘be honest’, and Ben keeps this in mind as he chooses his next words carefully.

“Well...you can own your own shop someday. It might take a while and it may not be easy, but if it’s what you want then I think you should try. Or...you can work here to start out.” The little girl’s eyes light up and she nods eagerly, the antennae on her yellow headband wobbling back and forth. “When you’re old enough, of course,” Ben adds quickly. If this place is still even here by the time these kids are old enough, he thinks grimly.

“Thank you, Mr. Chocolate Man!”

“You’re welcome. It’s Mr. Solo.”

“Thanks, Mr. Solo.”

Ben nods, scanning the group of children again. One kid in the back row is picking his nose and another one is busy licking leftover chocolate off her hands but for the most part, they still seem actively interested in what he’s saying. That has to count for something, right?

“Any more questions?”

To his surprise, practically everyone shoots their hand up this time.

The questions range from practical to absurd, but he answers them all the best that he can. A girl dressed as Dorothy asks what his favorite type of chocolate is, to which he answers anything with mint. A rowdy cowboy seems to be thoroughly convinced that Ben truly is Willy Wonka and asks if there’s a secret room where he can lick the chocolate wallpaper.

“Uh...no. There’s not, unfortunately. All our walls taste like paint. Probably not a good idea to lick them. Please stick to licking the chocolate in the giftbags that will be provided to you. Thank you.”

The very last question is asked by the bumblebee girl again.

“Can you judge our costume contest? Please?”

He’d have to be heartless to say no to the child who’s quickly becoming his favorite out of the bunch. The fact that she goes on to win the costume contest has absolutely nothing to do with his favoritism.

Okay, maybe it has a little bit to do with that. He keeps that to himself, though.

***

After the costume contest is done and Phasma and Rose usher the kids to the front of the shop again, Ben’s parents don’t waste any time introducing themselves to Rey. Ben’s dad even goes so far as to pull her into a hug, which she doesn’t really mind. Once his mom starts asking her questions like how old she is and how long she’s been in America, though, Rey is all too grateful when Ben pulls her aside to ask if she can see him in his office later.

“To reimburse you for what you spent on the party,” he explains.

Rey plays along as best she can, even though Phasma had given her the funds earlier in the week. “Sure thing, Mr. Solo. I’ll go get the receipts from my stuff when I have a minute.”

“Thank you.” He opens his mouth to say something else and then thinks better of it, instead giving her a short nod before leaving to drive his parents home. Probably a good idea, Rey thinks.

It takes longer than expected for Phasma, Finn, Mitaka, Poe, and Rose to leave, as they’re all exceedingly nice and want to help clean up, but after Rey points out that someone needs to stay behind until Mr. Solo returns, everyone eventually agrees to go home and enjoy the rest of their night.

Once she’s well and truly alone, Rey bides her time by taking the remainder of the decorations down up front, all the while trying her best to banish the butterflies in her stomach. But when the bell above the door rings again and she turns to see Ben there, taking up all the space in the entryway, those same butterflies are back again.

“Hi,” she greets him.

“Hello.”

He’s wearing his glasses again and looks so bloody adorable that she wants nothing more than to launch herself into his arms and kiss him all over his beautiful face, the same face that had looked so nervous around all of those kids. She knows the look herself, and she could kick herself for not noticing it in him sooner and instead passing it up as anger or standoffishness.

The more time that goes on, and the more she sees him interact with others, she’s starting to realize that they really aren’t that different. That they both have trouble in social settings. She’d begun to suspect it anyway, but that look of horror when he’d first walked into the kitchen had confirmed it. He’d looked ready to bolt and she’d felt horrible for even subjecting him to such a thing.

Yet something had changed. He’d surprised her and probably everyone else by stepping up to the challenge and patiently answering every little question he was asked. He’d even managed the costume contest, winning the hearts of all those children in the process. Maybe winning some of my heart too, she thinks, though she knows it’s silly to be so caught up in feelings for a man she’s only known for a week. A week! It’s ridiculous and maybe even a bit delusional to develop feelings for someone this quick but she finds she can’t stop it and what’s more, she doesn’t want to.

Rey bites her lip to keep her smile at bay but it doesn’t work, not when his eyes are crinkling at the corners in the makings of his own smile.

“You wanted to see me?” she asks.

“Yes. In my office,” he tells her, and she doesn’t miss his pointed look towards the lone security camera above them.

Rey nods in understanding. “Right. Your office.”

She follows him back to the kitchen again, trying to keep up with his long gait. He quickly unlocks the door to his office and holds it open for her. Rey passes by him, smelling that same peppermint she had when they’d kissed for the very first time. The memories come flooding back to her and her heart leaps in her chest at the thought of him lifting her off the ground, her holding on for dear life, him grounding out ‘fuck team spirit’ before capturing her lips with his…

She turns back around to face him once she hears the door close. “Ben, I—”

He kisses her before she’s able to finish the sentence. He cradles her cheeks as he brushes his lips against hers and Rey leans into his touch. It feels so right, so good, to be close to him like this. She sighs against his mouth and he gently breaks apart only to press soft, unhurried kisses to the corners of her mouth and to the apples of her cheeks.

She feels wanted. Adored. Cherished in a way she’s never felt before. It’s a lot for her to process. She can’t do much else besides grin like an idiot while he continues to pepper her face with little kisses.

“Sorry. You have no idea how much I’ve wanted to do this all week,” he says against her skin.

“I do, though.”

“Really?” He kisses the tip of her nose and her forehead and she closes her eyes, savoring his touch.

“Mhm. You’re a big distraction.”

I’m a distraction?”

She opens her eyes again and sees he’s nibbling his full bottom lip. Definitely a distraction. “Yep.”

“Huh.” He nods his head, brows furrowed, and then he lets out a sound that sounds suspiciously like a suppressed laugh.

“You don’t believe me?”

His ears are turning red. “I don’t know.”

“Well, you should, because it’s the truth. It’s hard to get work done around here when your boss looks like a fancy male model who should be in GQ or something.”

This time Ben actually does laugh and it’s not a quiet one either. He tips back his head and lets out a full belly laugh. Rey thinks it’s quite possibly the cutest sound she’s ever heard, so she tells him this, which only makes him laugh harder.

“I’m serious! I’ve never heard you laugh before now. It’s a nice sound.” She wraps her arms around his middle and buries her face against his chest to shut herself up. She finds it’s more than a bit embarrassing, to be so open and honest with someone like this, but as she feels him reciprocate her hug, the self-consciousness completely melts away.

“You make it so easy,” he murmurs.

“Make what so easy?”

He pauses. “Everything. All of it.”

It’s not a confession but she instinctively knows what he’s talking about. It doesn’t bother her that he hasn’t told her about the anxiety. Even if he never tells her, she doubts it will change her opinion of him. He’s here with her, actually speaking to her, holding her, and that’s all she really wants.

“Ben?”

“Yes?”

“Did you have something you wanted to talk to me about? Not that I’m complaining if you didn’t. This is lovely.”

“Shit! Yeah, sorry. I did. Take a seat and I’ll get it.” He kisses her forehead again and pulls away. She sits down in the chair across from his desk and watches as he goes to open one of the desk drawers, taking out what looks like an old brown photo album. He pushes it across the way to her and then sits down in his own chair, rolling it around to her side of the desk so they’re beside each other again.

“I wanted to show this to you. I thought you might like it.”

“What’s it of? Baby pictures?” Rey grins, trying to imagine what he must’ve looked like as a baby. Jet black hair, those endearing ears of his, and pale chubby cheeks?

Ben grimaces as he flips open the album to the first page. “Uh, no. My mom has plenty of albums of that, but no. This is something else.”

Rey peers down at the photo. It’s of a young couple on their wedding day. The both of them look so loved up and unbelievably happy that her breath catches. “Your grandparents?”

“Yes. You were asking about them last week, during dinner, before I um...” He shifts uncomfortably in his seat. He’s clearly still berating himself over that dinner date.

Rey pats his knee in understanding. “Ben. It’s okay. This is so incredibly thoughtful.” No one has ever shown her anything like this before, or said ‘here, I thought you might like to share in this little part of me’. It means more to her than she can possibly put into words.

She swallows the lump in her throat and turns the page. It’s another shot of the couple at their wedding, both of their faces a mess from shoving pieces of wedding cake at each other. “What are their names?” she asks.

“Anakin and Padmé.”

“They’re so beautiful.” She runs her finger over the photo, committing Padmé’s flirty tea-length wedding dress to memory and the way that Anakin is staring at his wife. Oddly, she’s reminded of Maz’s words. You should have seen his face when he saw you! Like you put the moon in the sky.

Maz was surely pulling her leg at the time, but she’s starting to wonder if maybe there was an element of truth to her words. Had Ben really been staring at her like that, only a day after they’d met? Could this be them someday? Ridiculously happy and in love? Married?

She shakes her head slightly to push aside those fanciful thoughts. She could revisit them later in private by herself. Not right now, in Ben’s office, with their knees all but touching and their shoulders pressed together as they lean over a photo album.

Ben flips forward a few pages, unaware of how far her thoughts have strayed. “That’s Padmé outside the shop right after it opened. It doesn’t look that much different.”

It really doesn’t. She recognizes the same whitewashed brick exterior, the same ‘Open/Closed’ sign...even the window display looks similar. “I think it’s nice that it hasn’t changed. You’ve preserved it very well.”

Ben huffs out a laugh. “It’s less to do with preserving the building and more to do with never having enough funds to change anything significant about it.”

Rey glances at him while he turns the page. Though somewhat relaxed right now, he always seems overworked and tired. He also carries a tension in his shoulders, no doubt a product of the stress that comes with maintaining a business.

“If funds weren’t an issue, though? How would you change this place? If money were no object?” she asks him.

He leans back in his seat a bit, crossing his arms as he thinks it over. “If money was no object...I don’t know what I’d do with it. Hire a designer to completely renovate it? Open another location? God, that’s something I’ve never considered before. Two shops. That’s a lot.” But he’s smiling while he’s thinking about it, and Rey makes a mental note to go home tonight and start looking at competitions they can enter to help give this place a definitive leg up. It had been one of the other ideas she’d mentioned in the staff meeting, after all.

Finn had seemed excited about it. Mitaka, too. They would both be able to represent the company in a competition. Poe as well, if he’s recovered by then. So long as it isn’t her doing the competing. She’s never succeeded at that sort of thing for a number of reasons but she knows the chocolate they make here is good. More than good. It’s not the best she’s ever had - the best she’s tasted, hands down, has been her granddad’s wacky combinations of flavor-infused chocolate - but it reminds her of his, and it’s certainly a high enough quality to compete for some sort of prize. It’s worth a try, at least, to keep the shop operational. For her, for her co-workers, but especially for Ben. She knows by now how much Say It With Sugar means to him.

“Would that be a goal you’d like to have? To have another shop location?” she asks.

Ben nods. “In a perfect world, yeah. I suppose. My mom says that before his health deteriorated, my grandpa had always talked of expanding. Even opening up a shop in Europe somewhere.”

“Do you want that, too?”

“No, no. Too far away from home for me. But he went to culinary school over there. He had connections, that sort of thing. He would’ve been able to manage just fine.”

“That’s right. He was close to his culinary school teacher, wasn’t he? I remember you saying…”

“Yeah. Actually - there’s a picture of them in here somewhere. I’ll find it.”

He flips through the album hurriedly and Rey catches more glimpses of Anakin and Padmé. One taken at Christmas, bundled up in the snow with their two small children. Another one snapped at the lakeshore during the summer, where Rey herself has been many times before. It’s strange, seeing so many candid and intimate moments of a family stored within a little book. She can’t really relate. Her granddad loved taking photos of her, just not himself, so while she has plenty of pictures of her childhood - playdates, losing her first tooth, every first day of school from primary to sixth form - she doesn’t have any photos of him. Her only family.

“Here we go. That’s them together.” Ben’s voice pulls her from her thoughts. He points to another black and white photo and Rey smiles as she leans forward to take a better look at it.

Her heart stops in her chest. It’s Anakin and beside him, her...granddad?

She’s hit with so many emotions at once. Surprise, first of all. Her granddad had spent a few years here in the States when he was younger, but she’d never known what he had done during that time. She should have known, what with this town having a chocolate shop and him being a chocolatier, but she’s never connected the dots till just now and she feels stupid. Stupid, and more than a bit sad. Sadder than she’s felt in awhile, to be honest, as she’s quite literally faced with a physical reminder of someone she misses so much that it hurts.

When she doesn’t say anything, Ben clears his throat. “My mom says he was incredibly talented. One of the best chocolatiers in Europe, I think. I mean, he would’ve had to have been. He helped my grandpa come up with each recipe for every type of chocolate we still sell today. I’m no expert but that probably required a significant amount of skill, wouldn’t you say?”

“What’s his name?” Rey manages to ask past the blood pounding in her ears. She’s trying her best to pretend that her entire world hasn’t just been shifted by a single, solitary photo, but she doesn’t think it’s working.

“Same as mine. Ben. Well, I think people called him ‘Old Ben’, except he’s a bit younger there. I’m not sure about a last name. My mom or uncle might know. They met him a few times when they were kids. I wish I knew his last name, or if he’s still alive and well somewhere with all that incredible talent and experience to pass on. Maybe then I could get in contact with him and see if he could help tweak the recipes or create new ones. God knows we could use a miracle like him right now.”

Oh god. Oh god oh god. She’d told Ben’s parents her last name when she’d introduced herself earlier. Mrs. Solo had given her a funny look and at the time Rey had interpreted it as the older woman sizing her up, but now the realization is setting in that maybe Mrs. Solo had recognized the name ‘Kenobi’ and was trying to place where she’d heard it before.

What’s going to happen when people here find out she’s the granddaughter of Ben Kenobi? She can’t live with that level of pressure again. She’d barely passed culinary school because of it. All of those master chocolatiers recognizing her last name on sight and expecting the same level of ingenuity out of her work, only to be disappointed when she tensed up or flat out forgot her technique during exams? It had been horrible, and a big part of the reason why she’d moved to the States once she’d graduated.

She’d thought in a sleepy town like this, no one would think twice about her last name and the legacy that came with it. But she’d been wrong and now she has to think of some way, of any way, to fix this problem.

Rey stands abruptly from her seat. “Um. I have to go.”

“Are you okay?” Ben stands too. He’s frowning and she knows he can probably tell that she isn’t okay, not even close, but she’s already panicking and has to get away before she bursts into tears.

She manages a smile. “Fine! Just tired. It’s been a long day.”

“I’ll give you a ride home then.”

“No no! That’s okay. I have to get some shopping done first and the store’s on the bus route home, so...I’d best be going, to catch the next bus on time,” she prattles on, purposely avoiding his gaze as she makes her way over to the door.

“Rey,” Ben starts, following after her. She opens the door and then feels his hand on the small of her back, his touch featherlight and hesitant. She forces herself to turn and look at him and immediately regrets it. He looks worried. Confused. Disappointed. She doesn’t deserve this man. She feels like a crook, keeping this part of her past from him, and she doesn’t know how much longer she’ll be able to work here without him figuring it out.

“I’m sorry. I have to go,” she whispers.

She hurries out of his office without another backward glance and once she’s out of the kitchen and away from his view, she breaks into a full-out run. She runs down the hallway to the front of the shop, outside to the end of the street, and doesn’t stop running until she’s all way to the bus stop, out of breath and choking back tears.

Notes:

Thank you to everyone for continuing to support this fic! It took me like a month to update but I appreciate every kudo, comment, hit, and subscription that kept motivating me to write!

I am OVER THE MOON to announce this fic now has fanart! Please go support the artist on tumblr by liking and reblogging their hard work!

Aesthetic for this chapter.

Playlist.

Chapter 7

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

***

“You’re quiet today.”

Ben shifts in his seat and reluctantly pulls his gaze away from the window of Hux’s office, where he’s been watching the rain pour down outside. “I’m always quiet.” 

Hux smiles. “True. But you’re quieter than usual today, I would say. About as quiet as you were when you first started coming to see me.”

“It wasn’t that long ago.” 

“No. But each session you’ve shown you’re able to open up a bit more. Today is different. You’ve given me mostly one word answers and we’re—” Hux pulls up the sleeve of his sweater to check his watch. “Just about at the end of our one hour session.” 

Ben can feel his ears warming up with embarrassment. Had he been doing that with his answers? He hadn’t noticed. “I’m sorry. I guess I’ve got a lot on my mind.”

“Don’t be sorry. It’s alright. Do you want to talk about it?”

Not especially, but he knows he should. “I fucked up.”

“With Rey?”

“Yeah.”

“What happened?” As usual, Hux reaches for his pen and pad of paper while Ben thinks it over.

What had happened? He doesn’t know exactly. One moment he’d been sitting there beside her, showing her the photo album, and the next she’d bolted. Now he knows what she must’ve felt like when he left her at Maz’s, and that thought just makes him feel even worse.

“I showed her a photo album of my grandparents. I saw it at my mom’s and thought it’d be a good idea. A way for me to keep opening up to her, since I have trouble with that.”

Hux nods. “And how did she react?”

“At first? She told me it was thoughtful. She sat right there with me and flipped through it. Asking questions, talking to me.” Ben swallows. “But maybe...maybe it was too much, too soon. She doesn’t have a family and there I was, rubbing my own in her face again. It was a stupid mistake on my part, I guess.” 

“Bullshit.”

Ben straightens in his seat. Hearing his straightlaced therapist curse so casually pulls him from the downward pity spiral his thoughts had been headed. “What?”

Hux caps his pen and tosses his pad of paper to the side. “I said bull-fucking-shit. It wasn’t a stupid mistake. It was a bloody good idea. For your task this week I was going to have you give something to someone, but you’ve done it on your own already. You were able to open up to her by giving her that piece of yourself. You’re making tremendous progress, Ben. I don’t say this often to my clients unless I well and truly mean it but I’m impressed. Really.”

Objectively, Ben knows that Hux is right. He’s doing better than he ever has before. He’s keeping up with his parents like he knows he should, talking to his employees more often, and he even managed to deal with fifty very hyper children at the Halloween party. But all of that good work fades when he thinks of Rey. She’d been in his arms, for fuck’s sake, returning his kisses and hugging him and it had felt so natural, so easy. He doesn’t think he’s ever felt that carefree and happy in anyone’s presence before. But now...now he doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to experience that again with her, and the thought makes his chest ache.

“What’s going through your head right now, Ben?” Hux asks quietly. Ben glances up at him and sees he’s holding out a box of tissues. Right on cue, Ben’s eyes start to water. Well, shit. So much for avoiding the pity spiral.

He’d spent all day Saturday and Sunday bottling up his emotions at work, pointedly avoiding even looking in Rey’s direction so as not to upset himself, but fuck it. He reasons it’s time to let himself break down a bit. He takes a tissue from Hux with a muttered ‘thanks’ and wipes at his eyes. Hux stays quiet while he does this rather than asking him any further questions and Ben appreciates this more than he can possibly say. When he finishes therapy - if he ever finishes therapy - the first thing he’s going to do is ask Hux if he wants to go out for a beer, ethics and professional boundaries be damned. It’s the least he can do to say thanks.

When he’s confident he can speak again without choking on his words, Ben tries to answer Hux’s question. “It doesn’t feel like I’m making any progress, to be honest. I know I am, but I just...keep fucking things up with her. It’s like the moment I think I’ve taken one step forward, I’m thrown three steps back. It’s exhausting. But God, I really like her.”

“Have you considered the possibility that you’re doing everything you can at the moment, and that she’s the one who still needs to work through some things of her own?”

“I...hadn’t, really,” Ben admits. He’d been so worked up over what he had done wrong that he hadn’t given much thought to her emotions, aside from her pretty obvious distress. He feels like an asshole for not thinking this through sooner but in a way, it does make him feel slightly better. If what happened in his office was merely a matter of Rey not being ready for that level of intimacy or having some baggage of her own, he can work with that. If what she needs is time and space, he can give her both. “So...I wait?”

“You wait, or you can ask her directly what happened that day.”

Ben shakes his head. “I don’t want to push her or ask her something that she’s not comfortable sharing with me.”

“So don’t. An honest conversation will have to happen sooner or later for your relationship to move forward but in the meantime, keep doing what you’ve been doing. Show her through your actions that you still care.”

“I can’t just corner her and kiss her. After what happened on Friday that’d be...weird.”

“Not kissing, no. Follow her lead on that. What I’m suggesting is simple acts of kindness on your end. She sounds hesitant to open up, just as you are. Helping her feel at ease around you will facilitate the process. Is there anything you can think of that would be appropriate? Maybe something at work you could help her with?” 

Rey had mentioned entering a chocolate making competition a week ago at the staff meeting, and the reception to this idea from the rest of the staff had been positive. While he wouldn’t be able to contribute anything to the actual competition itself, he can certainly start researching which one Say It With Sugar can enter. It’ll be one less thing that Rey has to do.

“Yeah, I think I know something I can work on.”

“I’m glad, Ben. I look forward to hearing about it next week. Monday at four still work for you?”

“Monday, yeah. See you then.”

Ben leaves the session with a renewed sense of purpose. He still can’t help feeling disappointed with what happened on Friday, but now there’s definitely something he can do to restore some semblance of normalcy at work with Rey. No more avoiding her, no more excuses. If the only role he can fill for her right now is that of a supportive boss, he’ll do it.

He nods, satisfied, and hurries across the business complex’s parking lot to his car. His phone vibrates twice in his pocket on the way there. Once he’s inside and out of the rain with the heat turned on, he checks his messages and suppresses a sigh when he sees who it is.

[Mom | 5:05pm] Hi honey! Call me when you get a chance?

[Mom | 5:06pm] It’s about Rey...

Ben pockets his phone again and puts his car in reverse, pulling out of his parking space. Berating his mom about meddling in his attempt at a relationship isn't high on his to-do list right now. Strengthening the relationship itself is. Whatever she has to say about Rey will just have to wait. 

***

Rey has had a shit two days off work. A shit two days full of increasing dread that someone, probably Ben, is going to figure out her history. And when that happens? She doesn’t know what she’s going to do. Will people at work think Ben had just...just given her the job because of who she’s related to? Will Ben think less of her through her lying by omission? She doesn’t want to find out. But when the alternative is dealing with the situation directly like a reasonable adult, going to Ben and telling him everything...somehow that makes her even more panicked.

So, like any maladjusted but functioning anxious person, she tries her best to avoid the situation entirely. She starts off by scrubbing her kitchen from top to bottom, then completely rearranging the furniture in her living room. When that doesn’t work, she huddles under her bed covers with Bebe and waits for her dose of melatonin to knock her out. 

“I’ll be okay. These things tend to work themselves out naturally. It’ll be fine.”

She scratches behind Bebe’s ears and his rhythmic purring lulls her into a strong enough sense of security that when she finally drifts off to sleep, she almost believes that things will indeed be fine... 

That is, until Wednesday morning when Rey arrives bright and early back to work and sees the huge sign posted inside the window display.

HELP SEND OUR CHOCOLATIERS TO NEW YORK!

BUY ONE GET ONE ½ OFF ALL CHOCOLATE TILL CHRISTMAS!

Proceeds will go directly towards Say It With Sugar’s costs to compete in the national qualifying round of the International Chocolate Making Competition this December!

Rey can feel her face drain itself of color as she rereads the words. There’s a competition. Someone found a competition. Of course there’s a competition. It had been an idea she’d given at the staff meeting, hadn’t it? But that had all been before the picture. The picture had changed her entire trajectory, making her realize that under no circumstances can she compete in a chocolate competition, much less an international-level one where a name like ‘Kenobi’ will be recognized.  

“Rey?”

Rey’s stomach lurches in response to the voice behind her, that wonderfully deep and soft voice with which she’s become intimately familiar. This can’t be happening now. Why of all days did he have to open the shop instead of Phasma? She can’t face him like this. But she has to, she has to, because whenever she shuts her eyes she can see him standing there in his office, asking her what’s the matter and if he can drive her home, being so caring and generous despite his obvious hurt and oh god, she’s the worst person for disappointing him and not telling him the truth and— 

“Ben! Hi!” She turns around to face him and feels the air leave her chest. He’s bundled up in a forest green peacoat, his hair still slightly wet from a shower and the pale skin of his cheeks tinged pink from the early November chill. She’s definitely staring and he definitely knows it because his cheeks turn an even deeper pink as he glances down at the drink tray that she belatedly realizes he’s been holding the entire time.

“Would you like some coffee?”

“Thank you! I’d love some,” she rushes to say, taking one of the piping hot coffees from him. She takes several large sips that scald her tongue and throat but she doesn’t mind, honestly, because at this point she’d rather willingly hurt herself than lose her cool around him again and if that’s not the most perfect metaphor for the predicament she’s in, she doesn’t know what is.

Ben unlocks the door to the shop and Rey wastes no time speeding past him to the kitchen as he punches in the code to disarm the security system.

“Breathe. Breathe. Breathe,” she tells herself, making a mess of the belongings in her locker as she hastily pulls out her uniform and buttons it up. With that done she locks herself inside one of the bathrooms adjacent to the break room and nervously chokes down the rest of her coffee until she hears Finn and Mitaka’s easygoing chatter a few minutes later. Chatter with Finn and Mitaka she can handle, no problem.

Or so she thinks, until it’s apparent that all they want to talk about is the damn chocolate competition.

Finn is practically jumping up and down in excitement about it. “God, I’m so nervous. When Phas texted me about it last night I nearly pissed myself. But I’m really looking forward to it in a way, too? This could be huge for us. Huge! And just think, if it weren’t for you, Rey, no one would have thought to enter the competition in the first place! 

Rey pastes on a smile and steadies herself against the lockers. She’s going to be physically ill if they keep talking about this. She can already feel the coffee roiling in her empty stomach. 

“How’d Phas find out about this thing? Not that I’m complaining but we have, like, a month to prepare. That’s not a lot of time,” Mitaka frets.

Finn shakes his head. “She didn’t find out, it was Solo. Phas said he spent all yesterday looking for one we could qualify for that wasn’t crazy expensive and held somewhere like France.”

Mitaka frowns. “Huh. That doesn’t sound like him. He didn't seem overly keen about the idea when Rey first mentioned it but then again, when has he ever been overly keen about anything besides, well, this?”

“Yeah, I don’t know what’s come over him either, but I like this new version of him.” Finn holds up his cup of coffee identical to the one Ben had given her. “I mean, free coffee? Allowing parties? I could get used to this, even if it means him giving us awkward handshakes from time to time—”

“Finn, shut up!” Rey snaps.

Finn and Mitaka turn to look at her, both of their mouths slightly parted in what she recognizes as shock. She hadn’t been able to help it. Being severely on edge and having downed an entire cup of coffee, the words had just...slipped out, and now it’s too late to take them back. But she doesn’t even want to take them back because she’s furious, mostly at herself but also at them, for being so normal about the prospect of a competition when she can barely breathe just thinking about it. Also for continuing to poke fun at Ben, because can’t they see how hard he’s trying? How much he’s doing to keep this shop afloat? How much he obviously cares for his employees, even though he hasn’t come out and said it?  

“Just...quit talking shit, you two, okay?” she says rather lamely, when it’s apparent that neither of them are going to offer up a retort for her being so short with Finn.

Thankfully Phasma disrupts the awkward silence only moments later, poking her head into the room just as they’re all finishing up changing into their work clothes.

“Hi, all. Just wanted to let you know Chewie’s called out sick this morning. I was wondering if any of you would like to man the register today? If not I can do it, I know it’s a lot to ask short notice and I’d hate to pull you away from your actual work unless absolutely necessary—”

“I’ll do it,” Rey chimes in, already working to unbutton her uniform. It’ll be a nice change of pace, she thinks. It’ll help her clear her head, give her some time away from Finn, Mitaka...and also Ben. This way, she won’t lapse into a panic every time she glances up from her work station in the direction of his office. That had happened all day Saturday and Sunday and she’s not eager to repeat it so soon.

“Oh, Rey! You’re a peach. Are you absolutely sure?” Phasma sighs in relief, gesturing for Rey to follow her to the front of the shop.

“Absolutely,” Rey tells her. “I did cashier work at my previous job so it’ll be no trouble at all.”

It’s a white lie. Cashier work has never been her forte, what with all the small talk and greetings and social niceties, but at this point she’s desperate. Just get me the hell out of this kitchen, she thinks.  

*** 

About an hour before the shop is due to close for the day, Rey notices an older gentleman customer carefully studying each different type of chocolate on display. He goes up and down every display case, even leaning in unnecessarily close so that his nose nearly touches the glass, but not once does he ask to try a sample like the other customers do. Even though Phas had assured her she needn’t worry too much about making sales in addition to working the cashier, this man looks like the type of customer who could potentially spend a significant amount of money if given the right motivation. And the chocolate batches they’d made on Sunday are certainly good enough to serve as that motivation, half off sale or no.

Taking a deep breath, Rey picks up a tray of their bestsellers and comes out from behind the counter to approach him. She can do this. She can help make a sale. Easy peasy. It’s chocolate! Who doesn’t like chocolate? Even someone who looks decidedly like a creepy Bond villain has to like chocolate, right?

“Are you finding everything alright, sir?”

He glances at her briefly. “No, not really, but it’s fine. I was actually biding my time until you asked me if I needed any help. Your customer service skills leave much to be desired but I suppose you’re a step up from that Russian who’s normally here.”

“His name is Chewie,” Rey feels the need to say. What the hell is this guy’s problem?

He waves his hand dismissively. “I was hoping to speak with the owner, Mr. Solo. I assume he’s in? Tell him Mr. Snoke of First Order Sweets Emporium would like a word. He’ll know who I am, we’ve spoken previously.”

The name of the company definitely rings a bell, but she’s not about to break under the pressure of him namedropping whatever stupid, pretentious ‘sweets emporium’ he owns. “He’s in a meeting,” Rey hedges. It’s not necessarily a lie. He meets with Phasma at least once a day, right?

The stranger sighs, straightening up to his full height. Rey can’t help but feel at least a little bit threatened, being the sole object of his scrutiny. “Any idea when he’ll be done?”

“Hard to say.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes.”

“Hm, disappointing. Well, I’ll be on my way soon, then. Thank you.”

The sale, don’t forget the sale! What if he writes a bad Yelp review? Rey’s thoughts scream at her. She clears her throat and forces herself to smile, stepping a bit closer. “These are some of our bestsellers here. Would you like to try one before you leave?”

“No thank you. I’m not interested in those.”

“Any kind of chocolate you like in particular? ”

He sniffs. “I doubt this shop would have it.”

Rey wills herself to take a calming breath to control her rising temper because honestly, what a bloody prick. “Well, I can certainly check to see if we have any. Can you tell me what it is you like?” 

He raises one of his painfully thin arms to scratch his chin in contemplation. Rey doubts he’s truly thinking it over; he strikes her as the kind of person who, despite his obvious disdain for waiting, likes to make others do it for him just because. Well, two can play at this game. Rey forces herself to continue smiling, meeting his unsettling gaze head on. After a rather intense staring competition, neither of them saying a word, he finally bares his teeth in a vague resemblance of an answering smile. “Do you have something with chai in it, perhaps? Ginger?”

Crap. They don’t make anything like that. Rey is stuck, thinking of what to say, and then the old man laughs at her.

“I thought not. No matter.”

As he moves to leave, Rey blurts out, “We don’t have that but we do have a sale on all our chocolate right now. Buy one get one half off. It’s to raise funds for—” 

“For the ICMC, yes. I read the sign.” He chuckles humorlessly and turns around to face her again. “The price of the chocolate is of no concern to me, girl. I care about the quality. The craftsmanship. This chocolate you sell in your shop lacks a certain...something.” Over the course of the conversation he’s steadily raised his voice to the point where they can now be overheard and to Rey’s mortification, several other customers murmur their agreement with what he’s said. She has a sneaking suspicion that he’s done this on purpose, to cause a scene. But she can fix this. She has to fix this. The shop is just starting to get on its feet again and she’s not going to let this dickhead change that.

“Our chocolate is good quality, sir. Very good quality. Say It With Sugar has been open for over fifty years and our recipes are tried and true.”

The old man scoffs. “Ah, but that’s precisely the problem! Your chocolate is old fashioned. No element of surprise. Nothing exciting. It’s boring. People want something new, something different. Chocolate this sub par won’t stand a chance in an international competition. I should know. My company has won the ICMC. Twice.”

The entire shop is silent now. All the other customers are listening in on the conversation.

If she were a few years younger, just out of culinary school and her confidence in tatters, she would have given up already and let the old man have the last word. But Rey has grown since then and she finds she’s angry that some...some stranger thinks that he can come into the shop and insult the chocolate that she and her fellow employees have worked so very hard on. So she sets down her tray of chocolates on the nearby counter, puts her hands on her hips, and tries to look as intimidating as possible even though he’s impossibly tall.

“As a matter of fact, we do have something different, sir.” 

“Oh? Please point me in that direction because I’m seeing nothing but mediocre chocolate throughout this entire store.”

Rey sees red but she’s able to grit out, “It’s in development. We’re coming up with an entirely new line of chocolate for the competition. We’ll debut the line here so that customers can get a chance to taste everything.” The lie comes to her easy enough and much to her satisfaction, it wipes the old man’s smug expression off his face.

“This shop has never had a new line of chocolate.”

“Well, it will soon.”

“When?”

In her head, Rey calculates how much time it would take her, in theory, to come up with at least twenty different varieties of what they already sell. “In a few weeks. By Thanksgiving.”

The old man regards her closely for a moment. “Then I look forward to trying it, Miss…?”

Rey points to her adhesive nametag that Phas had given her this morning. “Rey.”

“Do you have a last name, Rey?” His pale blue eyes narrow, looking down to where she’s pointing. Rey had hastily scribbled ‘Rey :)’ before she’d slapped it on her shirt and now she’s incredibly grateful she hadn’t put her full name, because she’s almost certain this man would recognize it. God knows what he would do with that information.

“Does it matter?” she challenges him, feeling bolder than she’s ever felt before.

His brows raise in surprise but he doesn’t fight her on it, instead holding out his hand for her to shake. “Well then, Miss Rey, I’ll see you near Thanksgiving and if not then, perhaps at the competition?” 

“At the competition, sure.” Rey reaches out to quickly shake his hand once and then pulls back, shoving her hand in her pocket. She holds her breath as she watches him leave the shop and doesn’t let it out until he’s completely out of sight. Only then does the gravity of the situation hit her. Before, she’d maybe stood a chance of somehow getting out of going to the competition, but now? She’s practically signed her commitment to this thing in her own blood. If that wasn't bad enough, she also has to come up with a new line of chocolates in under a month. By herself, unless Finn or Mitaka can miraculously create at least a dozen competition-worthy recipes.

Rey pushes through her rising dizziness and rings up the last of the customers, but then, when she’s finally alone, she doubles over and tucks her head between her knees, trying to gain control of herself.

If her situation was shitty before, she’s made it grow into a shitstorm in a matter of minutes. And when shitstorms happen, her anxiety goes into full throttle. There’s only one thing she knows to do when it’s this bad. 

“Support group,” Rey groans.

***

Ben isn’t really in the habit of checking his email. Say It With Sugar is a small company and every so often the customer service account will get a message but Phas usually answers those. Still, ever since the financial success of the Halloween party she’s been bugging him to check his work email more regularly. Something about appearing ‘more available’ as the CEO, whatever that means.

So right before he’s finished for the day he quickly logs into his account, not really expecting any messages aside from spam. Except there is a message sitting there in his inbox. Sent today, actually, but the sender is someone he has no interest in replying to. Frederick Snoke. He’d already told the businessman a few weeks back that he wasn’t interested in First Order Sweets Emporium buying out Say It With Sugar, and he doubts there’s anything more the guy can say to change his mind.  

But he does a double take once he reads the subject line. Shit. Fingers strumming impatiently on his desktop, Ben clicks to open the rest of the message.

 

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: ICMC

Mr. Solo,

I was in your neck of the woods today and thought I’d stop by Say It With Sugar. I hear you’re entering the International Chocolate Making Competition this year - about time! Good luck to you. A new line is certainly ambitious but I have no doubt your chocolatiers will do well. See you there, perhaps?

Best,

Frederick Snoke  

P.S. I had the absolute delight of meeting your employee Rey today. Keep her around, she’s charming. I feel much more inclined to purchase your chocolate from such a sweet young thing.

 

Ben’s mood considerably sours once he finishes reading the entire thing. One, because he doesn’t like the idea of Snoke or really anyone referring to one of his employees as a ‘sweet young thing’. Two, because he's pretty sure there was a thinly veiled insult towards Chewie in that last sentence and three, he has no idea about this new line of chocolate Snoke is referring to. Say It With Sugar has always had just one line of chocolate, the same one that’s been around since his grandparents first opened this place. Nothing fancy or revolutionary. Just ordinary, regular chocolate.  

Ben frowns. Count that as the fourth reason why the message ruined his relatively good mood. What the hell had he been thinking, entering such a prestigious competition? Pitting his chocolatiers against a company like First Order Sweets?

With a curse he logs out of his email and shuts off his computer altogether. Unless they can pull off some sort of miracle, this competition is going to be a disaster for everyone involved.

Notes:

This chapter summed up:
Snoke: *says something offensive*
Rey: NOT TODAY, SATAN!

Thank you all soooo much for the feedback and continual support. I know I always say that but I really do mean it. Every comment, every kudo, every bookmark, hit, subscription...I love it all & I love interacting with you so you should totally keep commenting *flirts by blinking both my eyes because I can't fucking wink*

Any ideas who should be in Rey's support group? I'm reading the TLJ novelization right now and the Resistance has several endearing minor characters that need more love...what do you think? Let me know in the comments!

MUCH LOVE to darkknightdarkside for reading the therapy section for me again and ensuring me that no, it does not completely suck :')

Aesthetic for this chapter.

Playlist.

Chapter 8

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

***

“So, I made it to the store by myself yesterday. I really wanted to make this vegan lasagna I saw online. In the past I wouldn’t have even considered going out to get ingredients for just one meal. But I did it anyway. And it felt really good, you know? Once I was there, at least. I chickened out at the last minute and did self checkout instead of the real thing, but...progress. I’m getting there.” Kaydel leans back in her seat and tightens the identical topknot buns she always styles her hair into. Rey recognizes it as a nervous habit, and she smiles encouragingly when Kaydel looks her way.

She’s always admired Kaydel’s eccentricity; from her boho style, her commitment to veganism, to the fact that she’s made a living selling refurbished furniture. She doesn’t look like she would be the type to have social anxiety. Then again, no one in the group does. Snap Wexley is a football coach for the local high school, Tallie Lintra is a pilot, and both Bodhi Rook and Alex Kallus are Vietnam vets. All are badasses in their own right and appear as normal as can be. But that’s the thing about anxiety, Rey supposes - it doesn’t discriminate in who it affects. It’s a strangely comforting thought, in a way.

“Thanks for sharing, Kaydel,” the group says.

Kaydel grins and crosses her arms. “Thanks, guys. Really.”

“Would anyone else like to go?” Bodhi says, looking around the group with his big, trusting brown eyes. Pushing his late seventies, he’s the oldest here aside from Kallus, and as the two elders, they tend to run the group more or less. This works just fine for Rey, who’d rather sink into the floor than run one of these meetings.

When Bodhi’s question goes unanswered, Kallus catches her eye and nods, signaling it's about time she shared. He’s always been pushier in his approach than Bodhi. Rey doesn’t mind it as much as when she first started coming; she still needs a bit of coaxing to talk, especially today. She glances across the group to the one other person who hasn’t spoken yet. The middle aged man is a newcomer, or at least no one she recognizes from past meetings. He doesn’t look up, though, so she takes that as her cue to start.

“Hi, I’m Rey, and I have social anxiety.”

“Hi, Rey,” the group chimes back to her.

She starts pulling at a thread on her jeans to give her hands something to do while she talks. “So, I haven’t come to one of these in awhile. Over six months, I think? Not because I didn’t need to come, because I have, but...I’ve been busy living life and sometimes the time just slips away from me, you know?”

The group murmurs their understanding, bolstering Rey’s confidence to get to the real reason why she’s returned after this long.

“A lot of good things have been happening in my life recently. I got a new job as an actual chocolatier at a chocolate shop. I’ve only been there three weeks and I still have to pinch myself everyday when I wake up because it doesn’t feel real. The job itself is a dream, and my coworkers are so nice. They’re quickly becoming like family, in a way.” Her thoughts stray to Ben and her stomach lurches in response. “I’ve also met someone. I’ve never dated anyone before so I never really knew what it was I wanted out of a partner, if that makes sense? But now that I’ve met him, I realize that he’s everything that I didn’t know I was looking for. He’s handsome. Caring. Loves his family. Hardworking. So tall that it’s intimidating at first, but now that I’ve gotten to know him better it’s endearing. He’s also shy. I’m pretty sure he has social anxiety just like me, even though he hasn’t said yet.”

Rey looks up and sees that the man who hasn’t spoken is now staring at her with open curiosity. Like she’s a bug under a microscope or something. Slightly uncomfortable with the intensity she finds there, she quickly glances back down as she continues, “Anyway...having a new job and new people in my life sounds good in theory, but we all know life is never as simple as that, right? And my life is so not simple at the moment.” She can feel her eyes start to sting with oncoming tears but she just lets it happen. She’s cried during group before and she knows it won’t be the last time she does it, either. She normally hates crying in front of people; it makes her feel vulnerable, stupid, and weak - but she knows it’s a natural part of sharing here, where the people who see her cry won’t think she’s any of those things. 

“It’s just...I don’t know what else to do. I feel like my life is falling apart just as it’s really starting to begin and it’s all my own fault.”

She’s tempted to stop there, to not go into any further detail for privacy’s sake, but she’s kept everything bottled up till this point and it’s been...not good. Worrying herself sick, making up excuses and lies, practically digging her new job its own grave...so she lets everything spill out, trusting that no one here will talk about it outside the group. She starts at the beginning: the interview, getting the job, going on a date with her boss - Ben. Kissing Ben. Throwing the party, then kissing Ben again. The picture he’d shown her and her resulting meltdown. The shop’s entry into the competition. Fighting with that awful man named Snoke in front of customers, and telling a bald faced lie about a new line of chocolate due in a month.

By the time she’s finished rambling she isn’t expecting everyone to be actively listening to her dilemma. To her surprise, she glances up and realizes that they all have their eyes on her...in shock, maybe? Disbelief? Disappointment? She can’t really tell.

“Holy shit, Rey,” Snap Wexley finally says.

“Snap! No cross-talking!” Tallie barks out, ever the stickler for rules and protocol.

Snap just rolls his eyes in response. “This is an informal support group with no set rules, Tallie. Not AA or NA. I should know, I’ve been to both.”

“Well, it’s still impolite! Isn’t it, Bodhi?”

Bodhi clears his throat. “Cross-talking isn't strictly forbidden here, no, but it is considered good group manners to keep to yourself when someone else is speaking.” Tallie nods, seemingly satisfied with this answer, while Snap huffs out an annoyed sigh.

“However,” Kallus adds after a moment, his voice gruff with age, “If it’s what you want, Rey, it might help to hear some feedback from other group members. We have a few minutes left here and you sound...stuck.”

Rey is quick to agree. “Yes, please. I need help. I’ll take any advice at this point.”

“Well,” Snap joins right back in, shooting an ill-disguised smug smile Tallie’s way, “it sounds like the performance aspect is what’s causing you the most anxiety. We’ve all been there. I feel it often when I coach. Fear of falling short of expectations, right?”

“That’s a huge part of it, yeah. If people - my coworkers, but especially the judges of this competition - figure out who I’m related to, I’ll blank. It happened at culinary school a lot. It’s like I’m paralyzed from fear, so much that I can’t think straight or move my hands the way I want them to. If that same thing happens at the competition I won’t be of any use and I’ll let everyone down.”

“What if you just avoid the performance aspect of your anxiety altogether?”

Rey shakes her head, thinking back to the absolutely stupid lie she’d told Snoke that had pretty much locked in her commitment to this whole thing. “I’ve passed that point. I have to come up with a line and I have to compete in the competition. There’s no getting out of it.”

“No, what I mean is that...if you pull the attention away from yourself, there’s less of a chance of anything bad happening. Of anyone finding out who you’re related to.”

“I don’t know how I’d go about that.”

Snap scratches his beard in thought. “Well, I know a way but you none of you guys will like it because it involves some lying—”

“Snap—” Tallie warns, but he cuts her off by holding up his hand.

“Okay fine, maybe not lying exactly but just...omitting certain parts of the truth. Your grandpa probably taught you a lot, right? Loads of recipes, techniques, things like that?”

Rey’s first memories are of stirring melted chocolate, sneaking her finger into the bowl for a taste when her grandad turned his back. By the time she was six, she could make her own batches to take to school for Christmas parties. As she grew older, she learned more and more from him: flavor infusions, carving, molds, garnishes...nothing was ever deemed ‘too advanced’ for her to try, and every technique was thoroughly explained with utmost care and patience by him. He hadn’t just taught her how to make chocolate; he’d shown her how it was truly an art form.

“He did. He taught me as much as he knew,” Rey manages to say, feeling her throat close as another round of tears spring up.

“So you can replicate all of that?” Snap asks, gentler this time.

Rey straightens in her seat and hastily wipes at her eyes. “It wouldn’t be easy but in theory I could. Can. Maybe? But that’s beside the point because no one can know I can. It takes years and years of practice outside of culinary school to get to where my granddad was. He taught me young and I caught on early and that’s how I know the things I do. But to everyone else, my co-workers, my boss...I’m a pretty good chocolatier but only two years out of school. Coming up with a huge line on my own would be...strange. It would raise questions. One of them being how I’ve learned it all.”

Snap grins. “And that’s where the omitting comes in.”

Rey’s intrigued, even though the thought of omitting more about her past makes her nerves return. “How do you mean?”

“You were technically your grandpa’s apprentice, right?”

“In a way…”

“So you play that up. Say you’ve gotten in touch with the apprentice of the chocolatier responsible for the original recipes your shop uses. It’s not a lie, per se. You can get ‘in touch’ with yourself, make a bomb ass chocolate line, present it to your boss, and still earn brownie points for showing initiative. No one will know you're the person behind the recipes. At the competition, no one is going to refer to it as ‘Rey’s chocolate line’, so the attention won’t be focused on you. Easy.”

Rey splutters, unable to comprehend how Snap has been able to come up with this detailed of a plan in less than a minute. She isn’t the only one taken aback. Tallie reaches out and whacks him on the back of his head.

“Ow! What the hell!”

“Are you out of your mind? Did you not listen to a word she said before? She’s in this mess because of lies. She can’t keep telling more. That’s just going to make it worse. The fact you would even suggest that is just...just—ugh!”

Bodhi, desperately trying to de-escalate the situation, looks around imploringly at the rest of the group. “Anyone else have an idea?”

Kaydel opens her mouth to say something, but Tallie chimes in again before she can. “I think you should tell the truth, Rey. Come clean, at least to your boss. I know it’s scary to think about putting yourself out there and jeopardizing your new job, but it’s the responsible thing to do,” Tallie urges, giving Snap a strong case of side-eye as she emphasizes the word ‘responsible.’

Deep down, Rey knows that Tallie is right. She considers herself a good person for the most part. Putting the future of the shop in jeopardy, not to mention her budding relationship with Ben, because she can’t get it together and face her fears? That doesn’t strike her as something a good person would allow to continue. A good person would tell their boss and deal with the consequences, whatever those may be.

Bodhi clears his throat when it looks like Tallie is about to keep going. “Let’s agree to table this discussion for now. Rey has a lot to think about now based on your feedback.” Tallie crosses her arms, still visibly annoyed, and gives Rey a meaningful look that clearly says ‘do the right thing to avoid my judgy eyes from now until infinity’.

Rey evades this look as best as she can, hoping Tallie doesn’t corner her in private once group is over. “Thanks for listening, everyone. I...definitely have some decisions to make.”

“Thanks for sharing, Rey,” everyone answers back.

Luckily, Tallie doesn’t come for her, instead opting to rip Snap a new one as everyone else collects their belongings and stops by the refreshment table at the back of the room.

Kaydel sidles up to Rey as she’s surveying the snack selection. “Sorry I didn’t offer any help back there, Rey. Couldn't really get a word in between Snap and Tallie. Those two need to do us all a favor and bang. Way too much tension there.”

Rey smothers a surprised laugh in a bite of brownie. “Well, that’s...one way to solve it, I suppose. And it’s okay! Snap and Tallie are the two extremes of advice giving, so...everyone else’s would have fallen in the middle of theirs, I reckon.”

“Pretty much. All I was going to add is take care of yourself. That’s the most important thing, okay?” Kaydel gives her a friendly pat on the shoulder and reaches for the vegan-friendly fudge that Rey always brings, stashing several pieces away in a napkin. “I've gotta run. Thank you for always making these for me, Rey. See you next time?”

“Next time, yeah. Hopefully.”

Rey finishes her brownie and is just about to fill up a styrofoam coffee cup for the bus ride home when she sees the newcomer approach her. To her surprise, he smiles at her. That’s the biggest reaction she’s seen out of him so far, the second being his short but unnerving stare down during the meeting.

“Hello,” she smiles back, motioning to the coffee dispenser. “Would you like a cup?”

“Can’t. Gives me horrible heartburn, sadly. I was actually wondering if I could have a word with you?” He glances toward Kallus and Bodhi, both of whom are busy stacking the plastic chairs from the meeting while Snap and Tallie continue to argue back and forth in a corner. “Outside where it’s quieter, maybe?”

“Uh...sure.” She has no idea who this guy is, but she’s not getting any bad vibes from him. Weird vibes, but not bad. To be safe, she locates the pepper spray in her purse while she follows him out of the community center to the courtyard out front. He takes a seat on a bench overlooking the lawn and she hesitantly sits down beside him and sips her coffee, waiting for him to speak. She halfway wonders if he’s going to give her a stern talking to not unlike Tallie had. He seems like the kind of no-nonsense dad type who would love that.

He sighs quietly and turns to face her. “Listen...I’m not usually one for giving advice. Advice can only get you so far. I’m a firm believer that you have to make your own decisions. So I’m not going to tell you what I think you should do, because my opinion is that you should do what feels right for you. Trust and believe in yourself. You have everything you need already. In here.” He pats his chest right on top of his heart then taps his forehead. “And in here.”

Rey releases the tension she’d been holding in since he approached her. She’d been so off the mark about the strict dad thing. He’s more like a hippie uncle than a dad. Maybe for this reason, his words hold more meaning and far less guilt than Tallie’s had. “That’s...thank you. That’s what I needed to hear.” And now she’s tearing up again. Perfect.

He smiles, his blue eyes crinkling at the corners. “It’s the truth. Your life is what you make it. Sometimes we take a step forward and then a step back. But it’s still movement, isn’t it? Our blunders, mistakes and mishaps? All part of the journey. Some journeys are just longer and windier than others.”

Rey nods. What he’s saying is a bit more...new age-y than she’s used to hearing out of her support group, but she understands him and appreciates that he’s taking the time to speak to her, especially since he didn’t say one word himself during the meeting. “Are you okay?” she asks.

“Oh, I’m fine. It’s kind of you to ask, but I’m fine.”

“It’s just...you didn’t talk during the meeting so I was wondering what was up.”

“Truth be told, I don’t come to these meetings for myself.”

“So...you don’t have social anxiety?”

“Oh, I do. It’s never not with me. But I’m an old fart. I’ve learned to deal with it in my own way.” He chuckles softly to himself, his eyes miles away. “No, I’ve started coming to these because I have a nephew who’s struggling with the same thing and I want to help him. Thinking back to how carefree he was as a kid, and then seeing where he is now...it hurts. I want to see him happy. He’s existing, but I don’t think he’s truly happy.”

“I’m sorry.” Rey doesn’t pry about his family. If he wanted to tell her more he would, but he’s grown awfully quiet, the warmth that was in his eyes before no longer there. “Are the meetings helping you at all?”

“Some. Kallus recommended a therapist, and as far as I know my nephew is still going to sessions with the guy. I was surprised that he went in the first place, actually, seeing as I didn’t directly suggest it. I mentioned it to my sister - his mom - and she passed the word along. So...it’s an encouraging sign that he’s kept with it, I think.”

“Definitely. Do you think your nephew would want to come to group with you sometime, too?”

“Maybe someday. Someday even soon. The universe is full of surprises.” He pats her knee once and stands up again. “Well, I’d better get going. My brother-in-law and I have a longstanding tradition of Wednesday night cosmic bowling.”

“Cosmic bowling?”

“You know, with black lights. You any good at bowling?”

Rey shakes her head. “I’m dreadful. Like, still missing the pins with the lane bumpers up kind of dreadful.”

“Hm. You should come along sometime. I could show you a thing or two. The blue raspberry slurpees are half price on Wednesdays, too, if that’s any further incentive.”

Rey smiles. “Sounds tempting, but I should get going, too. I’ve got to get a plan together before work tomorrow.” Trying her best to ignore the returning dread in the pit of her stomach, Rey stands and collects her coffee cup from where she’d set it down. She needs all the caffeine she can get for the night ahead. “Thank you for talking to me. I really appreciate it.”

“Don’t mention it. See you around, kid.” He shoves his hands in his pockets and meanders his way down the gravel path of the courtyard, throwing over his shoulder, “Oh, and for what it’s worth? Your boss isn’t going to fire you if you do end up telling him tomorrow. If that’s part of your plan.”

He’s lost her there. He may seem wise, but he’s not all knowing. “How do you figure that?” she asks, hurrying after him.

He stops suddenly, turns around, and winks at her, of all things. “Call it intuition. He’d have to be a pretty poor excuse for a businessman to let someone like you go. Yet the place is still in business, isn’t it? That tells you all you need to know about him.” He nods sagely and continues on walking.

Rey watches him go, chewing on her lip as she ponders over everything. He’s an odd one, and in spite of him seeming like he’s got a few loose screws, he’d done more to ease her mind than anyone else in the meeting had. He’d make a great mentor. Or, if not a mentor, at least a friend. A kooky, Gandalf the Grey kind of friend who blows your mind with wisdom one minute and talks about blue slurpees the next.

She just has to remember to ask him his name next time they meet or else Gandalf is definitely going to stick.

***

Ben had thought that Say It With Sugar’s entry into the chocolate competition was a mistake. It is, but now there’s an even bigger one.

When Phas had slapped the local newspaper down on his desk this morning, it had taken him a moment to realize what exactly was so significant about it. He’ll occasionally skim the paper over breakfast but there’s never much substance to it. Coruscant High School's football team always gets some news coverage, and the small but thriving art community near the lake district advertises monthly events, but overall, the town is a fairly typical New England one: moderately populated but quiet and unnoteworthy.

Except for today.

“Motherfucker,” Ben growls, reading over the headline for what feels like the thousandth time.

Say It With Sugar to Debut New Line of Chocolate Ahead of Competition .

The article doesn’t list a specific source for the information - what kind of shoddy newspaper doesn’t list its sources?! - but Ben knows exactly how this fabricated idea about a new chocolate line got out.

Snoke had mentioned it in his email yesterday. At the time Ben has chalked it up to a misunderstanding on Snoke’s part, but now he knows that wasn’t the case. The bastard has gone through the trouble of paying for a front page news spot so that everyone in town knows about this made-up chocolate line. The man is trying to intimidate and sabotage him, and it’s working.

Since the news broke out this morning, the phone has been incessantly ringing with calls from interested customers as well as retailers around town who are interested in carrying the line within their stores. All of this would normally be excellent for the business - if not for the fact that this damn chocolate line doesn’t exist. Phasma has given non-answers to everyone who has called, Ben’s spent the better part of the afternoon looking into whether he’s within rights or can even afford to take legal action against Snoke, and now he’s trying to draft a statement for the newspaper to fix all of this. It’s safe to say this day couldn’t possibly get any worse.

The office phone rings at that exact moment, as if mocking him. He glances at the number and recognizes it. His mom. At least it’s someone he knows this time. He picks it up to spare Phasma the trouble of another phone call.

“Mom, this is really not a good time to talk - if you’re wondering about the article, just forget it—”

“What article? Oh, that article. Well no, I wasn’t calling about that, though I am over the moon to hear about a new line—”

“Yeah well, it’s not happening, so just forget about it.”

“Oh dear. Did something happen with Rey? I haven’t heard from you since the party. That’s why I called. Really, I didn’t mean to meddle but I thought it was important that you know about her, because how could you let someone as valuable as her slip through your—”

“What - What?” What the hell does Rey have to do with anything? His mom makes the most bizarre mental leaps sometimes and his brain is getting fucking whiplash from trying to follow her train of thought and he doesn’t have time for this

There’s a knock on his office door. He glances up and freezes. It’s Rey. Here. While he’s on the phone with his mom, who seems hellbent on talking about her.

He abruptly hangs up and changes the phone settings so that any future calls go straight to voicemail. He already knows his mom is going to chew his ass about it later, but whatever. Her being mad at him is just another thing to add to his ever growing list of problems.

Ben checks his watch and sees that it’s nearly five. Work for Rey usually ends around four. So what is she still doing here? Does she need a ride home? In spite of the spectacularly shitty mood he’s been in for the whole day, the possibility of spending time with her on a drive across town dulls his anger. A few weeks ago he’d deliberately changed the shop’s hours to avoid that ever happening and now here he is, actively hoping that it does.

Rey stands in the doorway for a few seconds and then tentatively steps inside. “Is now a bad time?”

He wants to say that it’s never a bad time where she’s concerned, that he’ll always make time for her because he is in deep but that’s...no. Too much. “It’s as good a time as any. What’s up?”

She takes a seat in the chair across from his desk - unprompted this time so that’s progress, surely? - and pulls her phone out of her jacket pocket. She glances down at it for a moment, then back at him, and that’s when he realizes her hands are shaking. Badly.

“Rey?”

She pushes her phone across the desk towards him. The article about the chocolate line is pulled up on the screen. Fuck. He and Phasma had purposely not said anything to the staff until they developed a game plan but it’s only natural that some of them would have seen the news and been curious, or even angry. They’re the ones who make the chocolate, after all. Unveiling an entire new line without running it by them firsthand is...yeah. Not a good look. Ben passes her phone back to her and leans back in his seat, running his hand through his hair as he figures out what to say.

“Look, it’s—”

“It was me.”

Ben freezes. “What?”

Rey breathes out a shaky sigh and balls her hands in her lap. “Yesterday, that man Snoke came here, and he was - he was being extremely rude, and insulting the chocolate in front of customers and saying we didn’t stand a chance in the competition and it just...slipped out. I don’t know what came over me. I wanted to shut him up and it worked. Momentarily. Except now it looks like he's gone and had something published about it and - I don’t have an excuse. This is my fault. And I’m so sorry.”

Of all the things he’d expected her to say, he had most definitely not been anticipating that. “So the new line...was your idea? And Snoke believed it?” he asks. She’s just told him that’s exactly what happened but...he’s having a hard time reconciling the woman in front of him, sweet and unassuming, to one who would butt heads with someone as intimidating as Snoke.

Rey nods. “Yes. It was a stupid lie said out of anger and now it’s landed this shop in trouble and - I’m going to make it up to you. I promise.”

Ben stands up from his desk and goes to the door to shut it. Then he stands there, hands behind his back, as he tries to process all of this without losing his shit. All of what she’s said. And she’s said a lot.

As angry as he is that he’s been put this position, he’s not mad at her. Snoke is still the one who took the information, no matter how wrong the information was, and went to the press with it. Snoke is the one who is actively trying to ruin the business. Ben was right about him. The man is a shark. One who gets particularly vicious when things don’t go his way. Ben refusing his offer to buy out the business had just been the start of it. If Ben doesn’t square up, and soon, Snoke is going to make sure he fails. He’s still probably going to fail anyway, what with how greatly the odds are stacked against this chocolate shop - but at least the failure will be on Ben’s terms. Not Snoke’s. He’s not going down without fighting back. Rey, facing off against Snoke - that had been the start of the fight. Now there’s only one way forward, as far as he can see.

“We’ve been using the same recipes for years and years. Since my grandfather ran this place. There’s a reason for that. Creating a new line takes time, grunt work, money, and no small amount of ingenuity. You know this. Mitaka and Finn know it, too. You are all hard working, capable chocolatiers with the education to prove it. So we’ll...figure something out. None of us may have the skill set to create competition worthy chocolates within a month, but dammit—”

“I do,” Rey pipes up.

Ben turns around to face her again. She stands up, clutching a piece of paper to her chest. “You do - what?”

“I - I have the skill set. I came up with a list. Last night. There’s fifteen here, so far. I tested them all. I can come up with more, if need be.”

She crosses the room to him and hands him what he now sees is not one paper, as he had thought, but several pieces stapled together. There on the first page, in small, neat handwriting, is a chocolate recipe complete with detailed, step-by-step instructions. There’s even a sketch in the top right corner of what the finished design will look like. He skims the next recipe, then the next one after that. Cardamom. Peppercorn. Rosemary. Thai basil. One with...bacon? He’s never tried chocolate with flavors like these. To say he’s stunned is an extreme understatement. He’s blown away.

“You did this? All of this?”

“I was half asleep, so some of them might not make any sense, but - yes. I did.”

He shakes his head in awe, staring down at the few precious pieces of paper that could potentially help them win the competition and save the shop. He’s not an expert by any means - his chocolatiers will be making the chocolates, not him - but he instinctively knows how special these creations are. How good they’ll taste. How unique they’ll look.

“I - what - how...how did you learn all of this? Where did you learn all of this?” he asks, looking up at her again. The excitement that’s been steadily building up inside him stops when he gives her a once-over. Her eyes are wide and her hands are trembling again. Her mouth is, too. Shit. She looks like she’s on the verge of tears. “Rey?”

“I’m sorry.” She stops, her voice quivering, and then takes a sharp intake of breath before she continues at a much faster pace. “Um. There are some things that I haven’t told you about my background. I didn’t just learn how to make chocolate from culinary school. I knew before, and - I haven’t told anyone who works here about this, because I don’t want to draw attention to myself. I get nervous when that happens. Beyond nervous, and...if that happens at the competition, I don’t know what—” She breaks off again, stifling a sob with a hand over her mouth.

Instinctively, he knows. Everything is starting to click together. The texts and phone call from his mom about Rey? It’s to do with this. Her training, her background? His mom had found something out. Nothing bad, he thinks; his mom had called Rey valuable and she has just proven to him that’s the case. But it’s clear she doesn’t want to talk about it, whatever ‘it’ is. She’s so nervous she’s shaking like a leaf, and if there’s anyone who can relate to feelings of nervousness, it’s him. She doesn’t have to explain herself. He doesn’t care about where she learned to create recipes as detailed as the ones she’s just given him, or why she’s so hesitant to talk about it.

She’s here with him, talking to him. That’s enough.

“You know what? Forget I asked. It’s none of my business anyways. You’ve given me all the information I need right here.” He folds up the pieces of paper and crosses to his desk, placing them in one of the drawers.

Rey follows after him. “But - what about everyone else? Finn, Mitaka? Phasma? They’re confused and wondering about the new line, too, and I don’t know what to say—”

“I’ll handle it.” He nods encouragingly and smiles at her when she just stares at him, face blank. “Yeah, I’ll handle it. Don’t worry. You just go home and get some sleep. Did you get any sleep at all last night?” he asks, even though the dark circles under her eyes speak for themselves.

“I...dozed, here and there.”

“Take tomorrow off, then.”

“I can’t do that - there’s work to do—”

Rey. Stay home. It will take at least a few days for me to order everything for the new recipes, okay?”

She’s silent for a moment and then she starts to cry again. Fuck. What had he said?

“Rey?”

She wipes furiously at her cheeks with her jacket sleeve. “Will I be fired? After the competition? I’ll - I’ll stick around until then regardless, but I'd rather know now. So I can prepare.”

Ben rears back. “What? No, no you’re not going to be - why do you always think I’m going to fire you?”

Rey winces, wringing her hands. “Because I screwed up? Because it’s all my fault? And I just think that - why wouldn’t you fire me, honestly, after all of this?”

He can’t deal with not touching her anymore. He has to, he has to. He reaches out to take her hand in his and squeezes it gently. “Because I can’t lose you. That’s why.” The double meaning of his words isn’t lost on him. Losing another chocolatier would be detrimental to the business but losing her? Rey? He can’t even fathom it. “You’re important here, Rey.” Important to me. “This is where you belong, okay? I’m not here to fire you, or yell at you, or anything else. I’m here to help you. So can you help me, by coming to me first next time there’s a problem?”

“Okay.” Her lower lip is trembling again and he wants so badly to kiss her. But Phas is still in her office just down the hall, and all professionalism aside, he’d promised himself that he would take Hux’s advice and step back to respect Rey’s boundaries. So he compromises and hugs her. It’s more of a friendly sort of squeeze than anything else, but she returns it in full force, her hands fisting the fabric of his shirt.

“Thank you.” Her words are muffled but he hears them.

He stamps down the urge to run his fingers through her hair, or wipe any leftover tears from her face. Both of those things are decidedly boundary crossing. “It’s going to be okay. Even if we don’t win. We’ll still have a new line of chocolate and interested customers. It’ll keep things going.” For a little while longer, at least, he thinks.

Rey pulls away from him and shakes her head. “No, no. We have to win, Ben. We have to. I want that - that wrinkly dickhead looking gremlin to regret the day he ever tried to fuck with this chocolate shop,” she snarls.

“Whoa.” Ben blinks. Her angry outburst had caught him by surprise, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t like this side of Rey. Determined, competitive, passionate...passionate about something to do with him? It’s nice. Nicer than just nice, actually. It’s a turn on, he realizes. Dammit. Definitely not conducive to setting boundaries.

“Sorry.” Rey winces. “That was a bit harsh.”

Ben schools his face into an expression that he hopes doesn’t broadcast I am really, really attracted to you, especially when you’re angry. “It wasn’t. He is a gremlin. And...we’re gonna beat him.”

“Yeah?”

Ben nods. “Yeah.”

Rey smiles for the first time since their conversation started and it fully cements his decision. They’re going to do this. They’re going to New York, and they’re going to compete in one of the world’s most prestigious chocolate competitions, because now they have a fighting chance.

All thanks to her.

Notes:

I'm baack with a longer update to make up for the stupidly long wait between chapters. I'm on break from school until August so I'm hoping to update more frequently now that I have zero assignments hanging over my head.

Shoutout to forcebondedreylo/iamladyloki and miriofnowhereinparticular for beta reading this chapter! forcebondedreylo also suggested characters to include in the support group and I'm so glad she did because it was SO much fun writing a group dynamic.

Aesthetic for this chapter.

 

Playlist.

 

If you like this story, please share it with a friend! Comments and kudos are also very much appreciated xoxo

Chapter 9

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

***

Ben is adamant that he drives her home. Rey is still smarting from the utter embarrassment of bearing almost all of the truth to him, of crying in front of him, but she’s too tired to protest. She’s been up for more than twenty-four hours and even with the frankly unhealthy amount of coffee she’s consumed to keep her going this long, she’s fading fast. So she waits as Ben goes to briefly say goodbye to Phas and then follows him out to where his car is parked in front of the shop.

Rey manages a quick “thanks” when he opens the passenger door for her, but as soon as she fastens the seatbelt and leans back into the absurdly comfortable seat, she’s struggling to keep her eyes open.

She half-remembers muttering her address to him so he could plug it into his GPS and him turning on his music to something soft and acoustic. Everything after that is lost to sleep.

She wakes to someone brushing her hair from her face and tucking it behind her ear. She leans into the touch, reaching out to bring that warm hand back to her when it withdraws.

“Rey? We’re here.”

“Hm?”

A car door opens and shuts and Rey turns to rub her cheek against the back of her seat, trying to fall back asleep. Just a few more minutes in here, she thinks. It’s so cozy and quiet and it smells like mint - like him. Ben.

She blinks awake as the passenger door opens and then he’s there, unfastening her seatbelt from across her body. It’s a simple gesture and it shouldn’t feel so intimate seeing as he’s barely touching her, but it does.

“You ready?” he asks once he's done.

“How long was I out?”

“It wasn’t a long drive. Fifteen minutes, tops. You live closer than I thought.”

Rey stifles a yawn and closes her eyes again. “It’s a way longer commute during the day when you’re on a bus.”

“I bet.”

“Mhm.”

She’s just about to doze off again when she feels his strong arms scoop under her legs and behind her back to lift her straight out of her seat. Under normal circumstances this would definitely make her beyond embarrassed - her boss is bridal carrying her, like something out of a romance novel - but she can’t find it within herself to care right now. She’s beyond exhausted and it feels good. Really good. Much more intimate than unfastening a seatbelt. She presses her face against the solidness of his chest to hide her dopey grin as he makes his way to her front door.

Somehow, Ben manages to locate her keys from her jacket and unlock the door while still holding onto her just as securely as before. Bebe chirps out a greeting once the door swings open and then lets out a longer, distressed meow, no doubt caught off guard by the six-foot-tall stranger suddenly entering his domain. The bell of his collar rings throughout the quiet house as he scurries off to a hiding place.

“Yeah, that tends to be a common reaction when people see me,” Ben sighs, but she can tell he’s joking by his tone of voice.

“Sorry. He’s a lovable doof once he gets to know you but he’s skittish at first. I don’t get a lot of visitors,” Rey yawns again, still too sleepy to open her eyes all the way to see where Ben’s taking her. He figures out where her bedroom is eventually though; she feels her bed accept her weight as he gently lowers her down onto it.

“Thank you Ben. For everything.” She manages to crack open one eye to see if he’s still with her. He is: kneeling beside her bed, one of his elbows propped on her nightstand as he looks down at her, a slight frown on his face.

“Are you going to be alright?” he asks.

“Yeah. Nothing a normal night of sleep won’t fix.”

Even though her brain is foggy with sleep, she knows that’s not entirely what he means. He means earlier. What she’d told him. What she hadn’t told him. But she doesn’t want to dwell on that. Not now, when the sunset through her window hits his dark brown hair just right and brings out an auburn undertone she’s never noticed before. Unable to help herself, she reaches out to touch it, tucking a stray strand behind his ear in the same way he’d woken her in the car.

They regard each other for a moment, his dark eyes searching hers. There’s an almost palpable shift in energy and she swears he’s so close to kissing her, so close, but—

He pushes himself to his feet. “I’ll let myself out, then. Try to get some rest.”

She can practically feel her chest deflate. “I will.”

He stands there for another second, like he’s deliberating over something, and then nods his head. “See you Saturday, bright and early?”

“Saturday, yes.”

She watches him go back down the hallway, counting how many steps it takes him to reach the front door. Fourteen. About half as many as it takes her.

Rey waits for the front door to click shut. As soon as it does, she buries her face into her pillow, letting out a tired, dejected sigh.

She’s in love with Ben Solo.

Even though she currently has the life force of a zombie, she knows it’s true. Maybe she’s known deep down from the first minute she met him. Maybe the realization hit her somewhere between him carrying her to bed and her reaching out to tuck his hair behind his endearingly large ear. Either way, she loves him.

The problem is, she’s not so sure how he feels about her anymore.

***

“We’re switching the staff meeting to today.”

Phas stops what she’s typing and glances up at Ben with a frown. “We just had one this past Sunday. It’s always on Sunday.”

Ben looks out into the still empty kitchen. “With circumstances being what they are, I thought it would be wise to move it up a few days.”

“Ah. The line. Right.” Phas pushes away from her desk. “So you’ve figured out what we’re going to tell Finn, Mitaka, and Rey, then? And what we’re going to tell the newspaper?”

“Yes.”

Phas nods. “It’ll be a disappointment to those who were calling yesterday, but we’ll deal—”

“We’re going to tell them we have a new line. Because we do.” Rehearsing what he’d gone over in his head, he pulls a copy of the recipes from his jacket pocket. “I got in contact with an apprentice who worked with the chocolatier responsible for our original line.”

Phas takes the sheets from him and reads them over, her eyes widening with each page she turns. “Damn, these are detailed. They sound...amazing, actually.” She flips over another sheet and then looks up at him, appraisingly. “How’d you find this person?”

He clears his throat. “Did some digging. Found him on...Facebook.”

Ben knows Phas would take the truth about Rey to her grave, but he intends to follow through on what he’d said yesterday. He’s going to handle this. It’s going to require a few lies, but necessary ones. And who’s to say that Rey couldn’t have, in theory, been an apprentice to this Old Ben? She had completed her culinary education in the U.K., after all, and he’s 90% sure Old Ben had returned to England at some point in his life…

Okay, it’s more like 80% sure. Maybe it had been in England. Or maybe just anywhere in Europe. The details are murky. His mom and Luke know more about this man than he does; they’d even met him when they were younger, but...there’s no need to involve them.

The point is that while it’s technically a lie, it could hypothetically hold an element of truth to it. It’s a better idea than claiming these recipes came directly from Old Ben himself, because that’s blatantly false. He doesn’t even know if the man is still alive.

Fortunately Phasma doesn’t look skeptical, just taken aback. Which is understandable, seeing as he’s just casually handed her the answer to their problems. “Huh. And he is okay with this? Us using his intellectual property?”

“Yes.” Rey’s okay with it, so he supposes that’s a truthful answer. More or less.

“And he didn’t charge us anything? Expect something in return?”

As far as he can tell, all Rey wants in return is to keep her job here, in which he’s more than willing to oblige her. “No. The recipes are free of charge to use as our own. He...wanted to help us out, I guess.”

Phas peers down at the papers again, still looking a bit dumbstruck, and then she smiles. He feels immediate relief as his nerves leave him, with just a little bit of his guilt staying put. If she’s going along with this, hopefully the others will too.

“Do you want me to break the news to everyone?” Phas asks.

“I’ll do it.”

Phas looks pleasantly surprised at that. “Right. Well.” She stands and hands the papers back to him, but he shakes his head.

“That’s yours to keep. I made copies for everyone.” Typed copies, with Rey’s sketches cropped and pasted to each page. Another necessary precaution to protect her identity.

“Okay.” Phas pauses for a moment and the next thing he knows she’s throwing the papers in the air so she can pull him into a bear hug, squealing loudly with glee as she jumps up and down, jostling him in the process. “Oh my GOD! We’re really doing this! We’re actually launching a new line! Using it in the competition!!”

“That’s...right.” Ben tenses up at first, not really familiar with this level of contact from Phas, but he steadily relaxes when he realizes that...he likes this. He likes hugs. When had that happened?

Unrelenting, Phas jumps some more and shakes his shoulders, grinning. “Jump with me, Ben! Why aren’t you jumping?”

“I don’t do jumps.”

“Just do it once!”

“I’d rather not.”

“Please? It’s for good luck.”

Ben sighs. He’s not a complete buzzkill, despite what people may think. “Fine. Good grief.” He jumps once and Phasma’s back to squealing again, which only draws the attention of Finn and Mitaka, who have just arrived in the kitchen.

“Phas? You alright in there?” Finn peers into her office, his smile fading when he sees Ben. “Oh - sorry, Mr. Solo, I didn’t mean to interrupt your, um…” He pauses, looking at the pair of them - Ben still trapped in Phasma’s very strong embrace, Phasma swaying them back and forth with a huge grin on her face. “Well, whatever this is.”

Now flustered by Finn and Mitaka’s baffled expressions, Ben manages to pry himself apart with no small amount of difficulty, running a hand through his disheveled hair. “It’s - uh. It’s alright. You aren’t interrupting. Why don’t you two come in here? We’ve got a lot to discuss.”

They both take a hesitant step forward. “Should we wait for Rey?” Mitaka asks.

“She’s wasn’t feeling well so she stayed home today.”

He doesn’t mention how he drove her home last night. He’d found out that she lives in a cheerful little one-story house, the front door painted an equally cheerful yellow. He hadn’t seen much of the interior; he’d mostly been concerned with getting her settled in bed without accidentally stepping on her cat. But he’d seen pops of yellow everywhere. Yellow walls. Yellow dishes in the sink. A shabby yellow blanket at the end of the bed. It had made his chest lurch in an odd way and as he’d carefully placed her down to sleep, he realized why: she surrounds herself with color, brightness, and light because it’s a reminder of the one family member she had growing up. Her grandfather. She misses him terribly, but Ben hadn’t realized just how much until he’d stepped into her world.

He’d made a split second decision as he kneeled on the floor beside her bed, watching her as she tucked his hair behind his ear. He thought it was a premature and rash decision at the time, borne out of an intense need to make sure she’d never feel alone again for the rest of her life. It’s why he’d left her place in a hurry before he had the chance to say or do something he’d regret, like kissing her before she’s truly ready to continue whatever this...connection is between them. But he’s since slept and thought it over in his head and he has yet to change his mind.

He’s going to ask her to marry him someday.

He doesn’t know when it’s going to happen, or how he’s ever going to muster the courage to do it - God knows he’s still terrified of intimacy - but he knows it’s the right decision. He can feel it in his bones. He’ll be her family, if she’ll have him. Big emphasis on the ‘if’. Until that ‘if’ becomes a definite yes from her, he’s got to focus on the shop. Take it one step at a time, to secure the future of this place for everyone involved. Starting now.

“It’s time we were forthcoming about a rumor you might have seen circulating yesterday.” Ben collects the papers that Phasma had scattered everywhere in her excitement and passes them to Finn.

“We were curious about that, yeah.” Finn rifles through the papers, Mitaka reading along over his shoulder. “Wait - these are recipes.”

Ben nods. “They are.”

“So there is a new line?”

“There is now. That article was published without consulting us, so we had to scramble to come up with a plan and - this is it.” Ben sighs, trying to remain mindful that Finn and Mitaka may not be as overjoyed as Phasma at the prospect of a new chocolate line. “I apologize for springing this on you so suddenly. It’s not professional of us, and not ideal for you—”

“Wait - are you kidding? These sound fun— ” Finn stops himself short, shooting an apologetic grimace their way. “I mean, that isn’t to say the chocolates we make now aren’t fun, but - this one here is infused with stout beer! How awesome is that?”

“Isn’t it though?” Phasma gushes, hurrying over to point something out. “Look, that one there has jalapeños, cayenne pepper, and pine nuts. I want to eat fifty.”

Mitaka, who’s been more guarded than Finn up until now, cracks a smile at that. “Nice. I do love chocolate with a kick to it.”

Ben watches closely as they continue to ooh and ahh over the chocolate. No one seems even remotely upset that this is the direction Say It With Sugar is going. In fact, they seem downright ecstatic. This is the most animated he’s ever seen Finn and Mitaka get around him, and he hasn’t seen Phas this giddy since she’d waltzed into work wearing her engagement ring from Bazine. Perhaps this whole commotion with the chocolate line had been a blessing in disguise. It’s still a huge risk, what with the funds involved and it happening so close to the competition, but maybe this is exactly what needed to happen for the shop to grow.

“Are we all in agreement, then? This line is something you both want to do?” Ben asks them.

“I’m down. Let’s do it.” Finn outstretches his arm towards Ben, his hand shaped into a fist. Ben stares down at it dumbly for a few seconds until he realizes that Finn wants to fistbump him. Ben obliges, feeling like an out-of-touch grandpa when Finn makes a ‘pew!’ exploding sound as their fists connect.

Phas just laughs, knocking her hips playfully against Mitaka’s. “What about you? You alright with this?”

Mitaka still looks skittish when he looks Ben’s way, like he’s expecting Ben to snap at him. He really needs to work on building a sense of camaraderie with this one. Inwardly groaning, Ben mirrors what Finn did to him, holding out his fist for Mitaka to bump. If this is what guy friends do to show affection, then so be it.

Mitaka just watches him for a few seconds, not moving, but then he grins and returns the fistbump. “You’re on...Ben. It’ll be a welcome change of pace for sure. But shouldn’t we wait until Rey is back tomorrow before we start? I don’t think she’d want to miss out on this.”

Ben knows for a fact she doesn’t want to miss a thing. Even sleep deprived, she’d still been stubborn when he suggested she stay home a day instead of diving into this head first. No one can know that she’s in the loop, though. That will only raise questions, and she’d told him yesterday what happens when she’s the center of attention like that. This plan is meant to avoid that happening altogether. So he’ll have to play along until she decides, if ever, to share that she’s the genius behind all of this.

“It’s settled, then. We’ll start tomorrow,” he says.

***

When Rey returns the next day, she finds that Ben taking matters into his own hands during her absence has proven to be successful. Except for the not-so-tiny detail that his solution, unbeknownst to him as well as everyone else, is identical to the one Snap Wexley had come up with during the support group. The irony of the situation almost makes her burst out in hysterical laughter when Finn and Mitaka fill her in on what’s gone on, but she manages to keep it together.

God, what a mess. She can practically hear Tallie in her head scolding her about lies making things worse. She can’t easily fix what’s been done at this point, though, and she can’t fault Ben for any of it, either. He’d been true to his word and handled it the best that he could. His solution is just way morally grayer than she would have guessed, while also managing to be scarily close to the actual truth of it all.

She’ll tell him the whole truth eventually. She will. She has to. She’s in love with him. How is she ever going to summon the courage to tell him that if she doesn’t first let him know who she really is?

Rey decides to give herself until after the competition to do it. When the stress and pressure of it is over and everyone, including Ben, will hopefully be in good spirits from placing at the national round...or if not placing, at least scoring higher than First Order Sweets. She’ll tell him then.

But in order for that to happen, she has to throw herself into this chocolate making with as much energy as she can, all the while being mindful that no one here except Ben knows these recipes are hers. She has to guide Finn and Mitaka without them realizing she’s guiding them. She does this by furtively observing their work and then periodically asking questions whenever she takes a break from working on her own chocolates. It’s about as helpful as she can get without coming across as knowing more than she should.

“Hey, Mitaka? Could you help me with something?”

Mitaka stops brutally whisking his chocolate to look up at her. “Hm? Oh, sure. What’s up?”

“This recipe I’m doing for the green tea and raspberry says to whip gently, you see? Step seven. Air bubbles from heavy whipping can make it have a sandy consistency if we aren’t careful, I think.” She doesn’t think, she knows, but she’s trying her hardest to be as inconspicuous as possible. “Could you show me your technique?”

Mitaka blinks, looking down at his bowl of chocolate that’s now quickly forming bubbles on the surface, then over to his copy of the recipes. “Oh, crap.” He sets down his bowl and flips through the pages, his face paling as he does. “Oh crap, Rey. Most of these say to whisk gently!”

“It’s okay! That’s why we’re doing all of them in small batches first. To work out the kinks.” She crosses to his workstation and hands him her bowl. “Why don’t you try it again on mine?”

Mitaka takes her bowl from her and flips to the page for the green tea and raspberry recipe, skimming over the directions. “Okay, let’s see...this is a white chocolate ganache base, so the consistency is a bit thicker because of the cocoa butter, but…” He takes her whisk and stirs the white chocolate around her bowl at a much slower pace than before. “It’s going to be around this speed. Not too slow because then it’ll thicken before you add the matcha powder, but just enough…” He glances up at her. “Does that help at all?”

Rey breathes a silent sigh of relief. He gets it, and will hopefully read the directions closer next time so they won’t have to toss out too many batches. “It helps loads. Thank you.”

Where Mitaka is equal parts forceful and lackadaisical in his technique, Finn is overly cautious and precise. This means he takes twice as long to make the thai basil and coconut recipe, with the end result looking half as good as she what knows he’s capable of producing.

“Nearly done with this batch,” he tells her when she asks how he’s doing, wiping a sheen of sweat from his forehead with the sleeve of his uniform. “It’s not the...prettiest thing ever, even though I followed the directions to a T.” He frowns, pointing to the sketch of the chocolate on the recipe page. “It just looks way better in the drawing, which is frustrating.”

“Hmm. What if you added more coconut flakes to the outer shell, as a garnish?”

“I had thought of that, but…” Finn lowers his voice, looking a bit sheepish. “That seems like kind of a dick move, doesn’t it? I mean, whoever this apprentice guy is went through all the trouble of giving us these amazingly detailed recipes. It seems kind of...I don’t know, sacreligious or something to stray too far from what the directions say.”

Rey is beyond touched that he thinks so highly of what she’s come up with, but she can’t have him thinking that these recipes are above some tweaking or personal alterations on his part. Her granddad had taught her that chocolate is nothing to be afraid of - that it’s meant to encourage and celebrate creativity, not the other way around.

“I’m sure this apprentice person wouldn’t mind if you put your own spin on it.” She picks up the bowl of shredded coconut that looks like it’s barely been used by him. “Why don’t you experiment? See what you like?”

Finn takes the bowl from her, though he still looks doubtful. “I guess I could...thanks, Rey.” He clears his throat, looking away from her. “By the way, I’m...sorry for the other morning.”

“What?”

“You know, the day you worked in the front of the shop? Mitaka and I were joking about—” He glances over his shoulder in the direction of Ben’s office, currently sitting empty while its owner is out helping Phas and Chewie reorganize the front end. “Joking about him. And you told me to shut up. Which I deserved.”

“Oh. That.” Rey’s been preoccupied, but she hasn’t entirely forgotten how angry she’d been at the two of them for poking fun at Ben, acting like him bringing everyone coffee was some sort of alien gesture rather than just kindness on his part.

Finn nods, meeting her eyes again. “Yeah. So. I just hope there aren’t any hard feelings between us? I know I need to do better about Solo. Ben. We made him out to be way worse than he actually is.” Finn pauses, then smiles. “He’s a nice guy, actually. Yesterday we fistbumped. Never would have guessed he’d be a fistbump kind of bro. I think when I started working here I was just...intimidated by him based on what Poe had told me, and Mitaka was too, but instead of any of us getting to know him better we kept to ourselves. So that’s going to stop.”

Rey’s taken aback but in the best way. “Of course there aren’t any hard feelings. I’m sorry that I snapped at you that day. I’ll admit I felt intimidated by him, too, when I first started here but…” Her feelings for Ben have changed, as well, though definitely not in the same way Finn’s have. “He’s...nice. Like you said.”

“Yeah. He’s alright.” Finn sighs, looking back to his tray of forgotten chocolates. “Anyways. I’m going to work on these some more. See if I can’t liven them up a bit. Thanks again. You’re making all of this less intimidating, somehow.”

“Glad to help.” She holds out her hand, shaping it into a fist. “Can I get a fistbump, too?”

Finn grins. “Um, is that even a question? Bring it here.”

He shows her how to do a ‘supersonic’ fistbump, which involves some sort of accompanying exploding sound, and just like that they’re back to their easygoing friendship from before.

By four o’clock, they’ve managed to produce small batches for seven out of the fifteen recipes. They’re going to shoot for the additional eight recipes tomorrow so that Phasma and Ben have time to taste them all and provide feedback before the larger batches are made for the launch next week. Eight in a day is an ambitious goal, but Rey knows they can do it; Finn and Mitaka have made tremendous progress throughout the day. This realization fully sinks in as they’re all storing the chocolates to harden overnight.

Finn’s new and improved batch of the thai basil coconut chocolates is beautiful. Not only has he toasted the coconut flakes for the garnish, but he’s also topped each individual chocolate with a sugared basil leaf, presumably to tie the two flavors together. The other recipe he’d chosen, the stout-infused dark chocolate, looks equally impressive with crushed up bits of pretzel and peanuts sprinkled on top. Every chocolate of Finn’s is intricate, enticing, and creative - just as she’d hoped his work would be.

Then, there are Mitaka’s. Although chocolate is widely considered an aphrodisiac, Rey has never thought of it as sensual ...until now. The candied orange peels on the rosemary-orange dark chocolates have been shaped into little hearts, and the outer coating of the cherry-amaretto white chocolates is a deep red color with a matching cherry on top. He’s essentially taken her two original recipes and upped the sexiness factor to one hundred, and it works absurdly well. What’s more, she doesn’t see any air bubbles on the surface. Rey smiles to herself. He’d remembered to gently whip the liquids like the recipes had said.

Rey’s are last to be loaded. She’d made three kinds today: the green tea and raspberry white chocolate, a smoked maple bacon dark chocolate, and a masala chai milk chocolate.

She’d proudest of the chai chocolate in particular. She’s decided it’s going to be the first flavor she suggests to Snoke whenever he inevitably tries the new line. One, because it’s a treat for the taste buds: the cardamom, ginger, cinnamon, and clove perfectly complement the sweet creaminess of the milk chocolate base, giving it a warm, spicy flavor profile.

Two, because it’s a subtle ‘fuck you’ for Wednesday, when Snoke has rather gleefully lamented the fact that Say It With Sugar didn’t carry a similar flavor.

But they do now.

“I hope he chokes on it,” she mutters to herself as she shuts the fridge.

Notes:

Hello friends! Here is another semi-regular update. I've worked out a *tentative* plan to update every week and a half, alternating Wednesdays and Sundays. So if I stick to this schedule you can expect the next update on June 10th!

This chapter was going to be one scene longer and involve some ~~~sensual chocolate tasting~~~ but I decided to split it up because she would've been LENGTHY, y'all. On the plus side, you have that scene to look forward to next time! ;D

Thanks again to miriofnowhereinparticular and forcebondedreylo for beta reading/whipping this chapter into shape in so short a time. I'm so grateful!

That's about it for notes...once again if you like this story, share it with a friend! Leave a comment, a kudo, bookmark it, subscribe, spread the word! I love talking to you all on here. I am fettuccine-alfreylo on tumblr if you'd like to talk there too! I mostly reblog reylo art, fic recs, edits, etc. and cry about it in my tags. Fun stuff!

 

Aesthetic for this chapter.

 

Playlist.

Chapter 10

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

***

Rey should have anticipated that there would be one or two hiccups in the completion of fifteen chocolates within two days, but yesterday she’d been riding the high of everything going okay for once. To be fair, today had started off extremely productive; she, Finn, and Mitaka had worked non-stop through their lunch and up till closing time, managing to complete and store seven more chocolates. But this very last one that she’d volunteered to stay and finish isn’t going as planned. When she first came up with the recipe on Wednesday night, the lavender and salted caramel had paired so well together. Herbal and floral, sweet and slightly salty...but maybe she’d been too sleep deprived at the time to realize that it’s just not that good.

Rey glares down at the tray of chocolates in front of her. Maybe if she glares hard enough, the solution will pop out at her. She scrunches up her face in concentration and focuses for ten seconds, twenty seconds, stretching on into a minute but…no. No difference. Ugh. She lets out a frustrated sigh, blowing at an annoying piece of hair that’s escaped from her topknot.

“You’re still working?”

Rey startles slightly, looking up. Ben’s leaning against the door frame of his office, arms crossed. He’s been in and out of the shop for the past two days meeting with retailers and she’s been so busy making chocolates that they haven’t talked directly. Not since...that night. Thursday. When he’d carried her in his arms through her front door, and she’d come to the rather worrying realization that she’s in love with him.

Rey’s stomach does a somersault just thinking about it. Best not think about it at all, honestly. She reaches for a paper towel to wipe her gloves clean, trying to answer his question as nonchalantly as she can. 

“Yep. Still at it. Finn and Mitaka left already with Phas. We had one flavor left to make and I didn’t mind doing it myself. It’s just taking longer than I expected.”

Two whole hours longer.

Rey sighs again, staring down at the lackluster chocolates in front of her. In the scheme of things, it won’t be the end of the world if they opt for just fourteen chocolates instead of fifteen. Still, it’s disappointing. Every recipe has been a labor of love on her part. To quit in the middle of making the very last one just feels...wrong. But she’ll have deal with it and pack up soon, if Ben is getting ready to leave too.

“Anything I can do to help?” he asks, crossing the kitchen to her workstation. 

“Uh...” She wipes her hands again, trying to concentrate on the chocolates in front of her instead of her distressingly handsome boss who’s managing to take up all of her space (and breath) without meaning to. “Yes, actually. Would you mind tasting one? I could use a second opinion.”

“Of course.” Ben picks up a square of chocolate and pops it in his mouth, chewing silently. He swallows, brushing at the corner of his mouth with his thumb. Rey’s stomach does another quick somersault at the sight. Dammit. She needs to focus.

“Interesting,” he nods, peering down at the chocolates with a frown.

“Interesting?” she echoes.

Ben opens his mouth like he’s going to say something to clarify but then thinks better of it, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I’m - uh. Not really an expert.”

“But you love chocolate.” 

“I do.”

“So as a chocolate lover, what was your impression of that one?”

He hesitates at first, running his hand through his hair. “Well...this one has a lot going on, flavor-wise. But somehow it...didn’t taste that way?” He sighs, shrugging his shoulders. “I’m sorry. That doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.”

Rey nods encouragingly. “No, no! It does! I feel the same. It tastes kind of underwhelming, doesn’t it, despite the flavor combination? Nothing jumps out.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say underwhelming, exactly, but—”

“It’s okay if you’re constructive. Any feedback will help.”

“...Alright. Hang on.” Ben reaches for another chocolate and takes a smaller bite out of it. This time, his tongue darts out to lick at the corner of his mouth when he’s finished. Instead of any stomach somersaults, a pool of heat floods into Rey’s abdomen which is...not good. Not good. She shakes her head minutely, trying to bat away any lingering thoughts concerning his lips, and kissing, and anything to do licking.

“It’s the caramel,” Ben murmurs, fortunately oblivious to her mental battle with herself. “That’s what the problem is, I think. For me anyway. It’s taking away from the lavender. Distracts from it. Try just a bit of the chocolate shell part without the caramel and see.”

Rey reaches for his chocolate square and nibbles on it, trying to regain her senses. He’s right. Without the caramel, the lavender is far more noticeable. Earthy, sweet, with an undertone of mint. It’s not an explosion of flavor by any means; it’s gentler than that, but pleasant. Subtle as opposed to underwhelming.

Rey places the chocolate down on the tray, belatedly realizing that she’d taken a bite out out of his piece instead getting a new one for herself. She glances up at him again, flustered, and finds him staring right back at her - with that same intense, inscrutable expression as the other night, when he’d knelt beside her bed.

“Um. Yeah. That - that’s the problem, I think. I’ll adjust the recipe. No caramel,” she manages. 

Ben nods. “Less is more, sometimes. The lavender is great by itself.”

“I agree. It’s comforting.”

“Like a...bittersweet embrace, or something.”

“A bittersweet embrace...yes. That’s it exactly. I like that.”

“Happy to help.”

“I appreciate it.” Rey brushes that pesky strand of hair out of her face again. God, it’s really hot all of a sudden. She needs to get out of this uniform. Go home, take a shower. The colder it is the better, honestly.

“You’ve got some chocolate,” Ben says, after a beat of silence.

Rey glances up. “What?”

Ben touches his own cheek. “You smudged some on your face just now.”

“Oh. Oops.” Rey wipes at her face with the sleeve of her uniform. “Did I get it?”

“Not all of it. Hold on.” He reaches to rub at her cheek with the pad of his thumb, his dark eyes narrowed in concentration. Rey’s breath catches as she watches him. It shouldn’t be so hard to be around him like this. They’ve kissed, for crying out loud! Several times! But it feels different now. More tense or something and she’s too bloody awkward and clueless to know how to get back to where they were before. Before she went and messed it up. Because she can’t just kiss him again and make it better, surely?  

Her gaze settles on his lips and she licks her own nervously.

No. No kissing. She’s initiated it before. Doing it again without knowing if he wants or feels the same anymore would be...weird. And desperate.

“It’s gone.” Ben clears his throat and steps back, reestablishing distance between them.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” 

Rey meets his eyes again. They’re even darker now. Like melted chocolate, she realizes.

She swallows and blurts out the only other thing she can think of to fill the silence they’ve quickly descended into. “Would you like to try the other flavors? I know we agreed as a group that you and Phasma would taste test them on Wednesday once we’re all back here but you can try some now. If you’d like to. A few of them are still hardening, but—”

“Yes,” he answers quickly. 

“Right. I’ll just...go make a plate of them, then.”

“Perfect. I have to—” He points his thumb over his shoulder towards his office. “Put some work away. I’ll only be a minute.” 

“Sure. Okay.” She watches him stride back to his office and shut the door. Letting out a shaky sigh, Rey goes about preparing a plate of the different chocolates. Fourteen for him, fourteen for her. She arranges them all neatly in a circle, with the peppermint flavor in the middle. Ben’s chocolate, she’s taken to secretly calling it. Emphasis on secretly. Nothing broadcasts the message of ‘hi, I’m head over heels for you, please love me back’ quite like naming a chocolate after your crush who happens to like mint.

Rey glances up in the direction of his office and groans. Who is she kidding? ‘Crush’ is an understatement. She’s skipped it altogether and hurtled straight towards infatuation because she clearly has no sense of moderation.

The perverted, reptilian part of her brain sees fit to remind her of what he’d looked like biting into that lavender chocolate and she blushes all over again. 

“No sense of decency either, Kenobi,” she mutters, checking the time on her phone. He’s been in there for five minutes now and her curiosity is getting the better of her. Not to mention this is starting to feel like a repeat of what had happened at Maz’s, and...well. She’d rather know now if she should just leave and give him space. A quick peek inside to see what’s keeping him won’t hurt, surely?

She approaches his office, standing just off to the side of the windows. The blinds are almost completely shut, but she can still manage to see him moving around inside. Opening and closing drawers of his desk, pulling out that briefcase of his, unbuttoning his shirt and... oh. Oh no.

He’s changing clothes.

Rey gasps, ducking down.

Too late. She definitely caught a glimpse of his bare chest. His bare, muscled arms. And...she’s pretty sure she saw some abs, too. 

Heart hammering in her chest, she scrambles back to her workstation as quick as she can. She busies herself with wiping down the stainless steel countertops until they shine, trying very hard to pretend like she hadn’t just gotten a short but impressionable eyeful of Ben’s body.

His very toned, very broad body.

Crap .

***

Ben is struggling, but that’s nothing new.

He had thought, after Thursday, that he could keep most of his cool around her. Turns out it’s kind of hard to function normally around the person you’ve secretly pledged to marry after you’ve, well...secretly pledged to marry them. It’s even harder still when you’ve been having dreams about said person.

Yes, he’s dreaming about Rey now.

Nothing overtly sexual, thank God, though he supposes it’s only a matter of time before his subconscious concocts some fantasy that he wakes up from, hard and aching. He knows it’s natural, that he’s only human and has urges like everyone else but...still. He’d rather avoid those kinds of dreams for the time being. The non-sexual dreams he’s been having are ridiculous enough.

They start with Rey barefoot, in his kitchen, wearing that pretty yellow sundress she wore to dinner at Maz’s. His dream self comes up behind her, wrapping his arms about her middle. Sometimes he kisses the shell of her ear. Sometimes he moves her hair to the side, kissing the soft skin of her neck. Those details tend to vary, but she’s always making chocolate when he finds her, and she always feeds him a piece with her left hand. Her left hand that’s sporting a rather impressive ring that he put there. That last detail never fails to make his dream self feel an absurd sense of masculine pride.

As soon as he wakes up from the dreams, though, he’s embarrassed. Because how the hell can those dreams ever become a reality if he still can’t get a grip around her? 

“Shit,” he curses, unbuttoning the top button of his shirt. The collar is soaked through with sweat. But that’s what his briefcase of identical spares is for. It’s not a three-shirt kind of day, like the date night had been, but it’s pretty damn close.

Making quick work of the buttons on his second shirt, Ben takes a peek out into the kitchen through the blinds. Rey is wiping down her workstation while she waits. She’s been waiting for - he checks his watch - close to six minutes now. He can’t keep her waiting any longer.

Breathe. He just needs to breathe. Hurry up and change, get back out there, and breathe.

He smooths down his shirt one last time before he opens the door and steps out. Rey immediately glances up, her eyes wide and her face flush with healthy color. Christ, could she be any more gorgeous? 

“Sorry to keep you waiting,” he says, making his way back over to her.

“Absolutely no problem! At all! Ready to taste?” She smiles brightly, setting her towel aside and peeling off her work gloves. 

Ben freezes, momentarily struck blind by the force of her smile, but at her expectant look he manages to recover enough to string a few bumbling words together. “I - yeah. Um. Sure. Let’s start.”

“Great!” She hoists herself up onto the counter, her legs dangling off the side. Ben tries not to focus on how good she smells. Like some sort of fruit, mixed with the rich aroma of the chocolate she’s been working with all day. Peaches, maybe. Or plums.

Completely unaware of how badly he’s struggling, Rey leans in closer to point out a cream-colored chocolate with a red spice sprinkled on top. “First up: the white chocolate ganache with sweet-smoked paprika.” She picks one up for herself and he distractedly does the same, popping it into his mouth. White chocolate has never been Ben’s favorite - too sweet - but as soon as this one melts on his tongue, he starts to reconsider.

“Wow. Wow. It’s - wow,” he manages to get out, mouth still full. Not the most eloquent response seeing as his taste buds are in absolute heaven, but he hopes he gets the point across.  

Rey hums. “It’s nice. Needs a bit more paprika, though.” 

He thinks it’s fine the way it is. Perfect, in fact. “You think?”

“Well - maybe.” She nibbles on another bite of hers, her head tilted to the side in thought. “Then again, maybe not. Let’s wait to see what the others think on Wednesday.” 

“Alright.”

He’s well aware that he’s just going along with what she says, not adding any real feedback, but how could he possibly find anything major to critique? This chocolate of hers...he’s never tasted anything quite like it. Even the lavender one, which she’d struggled with at first, had made a lasting impression on him. And this one - the delicate sweetness of the white chocolate ganache, cut with the spice of paprika - he reckons he’ll need to eat fifty more to be well and truly sated. They are that good.

Next is the honey, lime, and chipotle dark chocolate. After that, the lemon peppercorn. Cardamom vanilla bean, smoked maple bacon, basil and coconut, rosemary and orange...every single one is so mouthwatering that he can’t get much out besides variations of ‘wow’, ‘oh my god’, or ‘fuck’. He uses that last one more often than he probably should but Rey giggles every time he does and, well...it’s nice, making her laugh. Really nice. It’s helping him get out of his own anxious thoughts and focus on the...chocolate.

His eyes stray to her lips, slightly pursed as she finishes her piece of the green tea and raspberry one.

Yes...the chocolate. That’s the focus here.

“You like mint, don’t you?” she asks, once she swallows.

Ben nods, wiping at the corner of his mouth. “Very much. How did you know?”

Rey doesn’t answer at first. She just stares at him with those big, hazel eyes. Not for the first time today, Ben finds himself wanting to bridge the distance between them and do something. Maybe kiss her lips. Or maybe kiss her neck, like he does in his dreams.

Or maybe…

No .

He’s got to be true to his word. Let her initiate on her own time. He’ll be an enthusiastic participant whenever she decides to, but he doesn’t want to rush anything this time.

Or so he keeps trying to convince himself. When he’s so close to her like this, though...

Rey clears her throat, effectively pulling him from his thoughts, as she points to one of the last chocolates on the plate. “Um...I remembered you mentioning it. At the Halloween party. One of the kids asked you what your favorite chocolate was. You said anything with mint, so...I figured there should be a mint flavor. Dark chocolate peppermint.”

Ben feels his face and ears flush red. She’d remembered that? “That's...really kind of you. Thank you.”

Rey bites the corner of her lip and reaches for one. He’s expecting her to bite into it, but instead she holds it up to his mouth. Ben about short circuits. 

“Want the first taste?” she asks.

“Uh.” Shit. FUCK. Shit. This is exactly how his dreams play out, except it’s so much better because it’s not a dream at all. She’s here, in the flesh, asking him so sweetly if he wants to taste a chocolate she’s made specifically for him. He’d be an absolute idiot to say no. “Sure. Okay.”

Rey beams. “Open up, then.”

He’s melting before she even slips the chocolate past his lips, but when she does...oh, he’s a mess, unable to keep from moaning as the chocolate softens from the heat of his mouth. “Oh my god.” He holds his hand over his mouth as he chews. “This is amazing. Fuck.”

Rey doesn’t giggle at his cursing this time. No, she just...watches him, then quickly glances down when their eyes meet, her lashes fanning against her cheeks. “You really like it?” 

“Like it? Rey, I love it. It’s so - God, it’s so velvety and smooth.”

She looks back up at his mention of her name. “Like a caress?”

Ben pauses his chewing as the possible double meaning of her words register with him, then quickly swallows the rest. “Yeah...a caress. And the um - the peppermint. The peppermint...it titillates your tongue.”

Rey nods. “But not at first.”

“Right, yeah. But when it does the flavor explodes.”

“Just wait, the peppermint will be even stronger by Wednesday. After a few days the flavors really start to penetrate the chocolate.”

He’s lucky he’s finished his piece, because he’s sure to have choked on it at those words. “Penetrate the chocolate?” he echoes.

“Yeah.” She’s staring at him again and God help him, he can’t help but stare right back, taking in her freckled cheeks, her bright eyes, how rosy and pink her lips look…

He’s drawing closer to her, or maybe she’s leaning in closer to him, because he can feel the warmth of her skin, can smell whatever fruity fragrance or shampoo she must use to get that amazing scent to linger...

“Rey?” he asks, in barely above a whisper.

“Yes?”

What can he possibly say? 

Please kiss me

No, that’s desperate.

I want to kiss you, but I think it’s important that you’re okay with it, first, because I want to respect your boundaries this time?  

Too wordy, too complicated...but he has to say something, right? He can’t just leave her hanging. He’s already made her wait while he changed, which was really rude, now that he thinks back on it and shit, the panic is starting to kick in again because what is he even doing?

He steps back, clenching his hands into fists so he doesn’t reach out and touch her. “I - will you let me drive you home? It’s getting late. You must be tired, working all day like you have.”

Rey blinks and unless he’s imagining it, her shoulders slump just a bit, too. Whether in relief or disappointment, he doesn’t know. Does she want she same thing as him? Or is she glad that he’s continued to back off, to give her space?

“Yeah! Sure. Okay.” She scoots to the edge of the table and hops down, reaching for the plate. “Just give me a few minutes and I’ll clean everything up.”

Ben shakes his head and grabs the plate before she can. “No, no. I’ll take care of it. This was...really nice and thoughtful of you. The flavors were all incredible. It’s the least I can do to say thanks. You just go get your stuff, okay?”

She nods, once, and makes her way to the breakroom. Once she’s out of sight, Ben buries his face in his hands and sighs shakily. “Dammit.”

Hux is certainly going to have his work cut out when Ben visits him tomorrow because honestly, what the fuck was that?

Notes:

Apologies for the late update. I struggled to make this as good as I'd envisioned. Still not entirely happy with it but oh well.

How did y'all like that nod to the TLJ shirtless scene? And the ~sensual~ chocolate tasting? SORRY FOR THE COCKBLOCK THO *dodges rotten fruit* I've changed the rating to reflect how future chapters will play out if that helps?? Don't hate me :)

For those wondering what Rey really smells like (lol), try Lush's Plum Rain fragrance. It is mouthwatering. It comes in both a shower gel and body spray (can you tell my second obsession besides Reylo is Lush??? haha)

Next up: Ben has a much needed therapy session with Hux, the new line is launched, and the Say It fam gather together for Thanksgiving! See ya again in a week and half on the 24th (hopefully)!

Thank you to my NC Reylos for looking this over <3

 

Aesthetic for this chapter.

 

Playlist.

Chapter 11

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

***

Every session of therapy almost always starts the same: Hux will open by asking some variation of the question ‘what do you want to talk about today?’ or ‘tell me how your week has been since we last spoke?’

Ben understands why Hux does it every time; it’s meant to encourage sharing of feelings or narratives or whatever other therapeutic buzzword Hux likes to call it. But Ben understanding the reason behind it doesn’t mean he likes it. Usually, he dreads it, because he never knows what to say.

Today, though, is different.

“I want to talk about sex,” Ben says with no preamble, folding himself into the sofa opposite Hux’s armchair.

Hux doesn’t seem the least bit caught off guard by this. He just nods like he’d been expecting Ben to say exactly that and sits down in his chair, as calm and collected as ever. “Sex. Sure.”

“Intimacy,” Ben revises.

“Intimacy, sure. Anything specific?”

“Um.” Ben blinks. He hadn’t gotten that far in his plan. He just knows that after the chocolate tasting last night, and the decidedly not PG-rated dream he woke up from this morning, he sorely needs some guidance and support. Asking any family member is out of the question. Especially his mom. She’d sat him down for the ‘talk’ when he was a surly, pimply thirteen-year-old, and he’d rather die a fiery death than relive that experience ever again. So it has to be Hux. Impassive, nonjudgemental Hux, who’s just staring at him like Ben had said ‘nice weather we’re having today’ instead of...what he’d said. Ben inwardly cringes.

“Has it been on your mind a lot lately?” Hux prompts.

“What?”

“Intimacy.”  

Ben shifts uneasily in his seat. “Yeah. Kind of.”

“Kind of?”

“Not until yesterday. But since yesterday it’s been...very much present.”

Hux nods. “What happened?”

Ben hesitates. A lot has happened since last week’s session. A lot to do with him and Rey. In order for Hux to get the entire picture and then help him, Ben needs to fill him in about not just yesterday but everything leading up to it, no matter how private or sensitive. The chocolate line mix-up and Rey confiding in him. Ben driving Rey home and realizing he wants to marry her. The chocolate tasting, then driving Rey home again last night...including the part where he’d stayed in his parked car long after she’d gone inside, wondering how the hell to make sense of all of this. His definite feelings for her, her unclear feelings for him. Everything would be so much easier if he could just tell her how he really feels and ask if she feels the same. But just the thought of doing that is enough to make him break out in a cold sweat.

Ben tells Hux all of this, laying out all of his insecurities and misgivings until his voice feels hoarse from talking. When he finishes, he glances up to gauge Hux’s reaction to his long-winded response. Rather than respond right away, Hux leans back in his seat, smiling politely. Ben can only sit in this uncomfortable silence for a minute, listening to the clock tick, before he starts to feel antsy and annoyed. Why isn’t Hux saying anything?

“Well?” Ben huffs out.

“Well?” Hux asks in return.

Ben clenches his hands into fists. “I just told you everything that happened. Now I need you to tell me what to do.”  

“What time is it?”

Ben blinks, caught off guard by the question. He glances at the clock then back to Hux. “Four fifty.”

Hux nods. “Exactly.”

“What?”

“You’ve talked for almost an entire hour, Ben. Without me guiding you.”

Ben knows this is something to be proud of. His first meetings with Hux had felt like pulling teeth, with the hour sessions seeming twice as long. This one today feels like it’s only just started. Except…he’s rambled the entire hour away, spending all of it on his feelings towards Rey. He’d talked about what he came here to talk about - sex, and intimacy, and his fear of initiating both of those things - but he doesn’t feel like he’s gotten any feedback. No answers, no insights.

Ben stares Hux down, trying his hardest to figure out a less desperate way to phrase what essentially boils down to ‘I am a mess in need of help, and you are a professional help giver, so please do your damn job and help me before I make an even bigger mess, for fuck’s sake’.

Finally, Hux does something, though it’s not what Ben expects; he stands and walks over to his desk, pulling a few books from the small bookshelf beside it. He flips through the texts for a moment and crosses back over to Ben. “Three books about navigating intimate relationships. I highly recommend them all.”

“Oh. Right.” Ben takes the books numbly, trying to keep his frustration in check because really? Fucking books?!

Hux returns to his seat again, crossing his legs as he gestures to the books in Ben’s lap. “If you’re looking for guidelines, how-to’s, or rules, you’ll find some answers if you read those.”

Ben stares down at the texts. On the first cover there’s an illustration of a couple embracing. The second one has some cheesy stock image photo of a man and a woman with their backs turned from each other, both of them frowning. The third cover just bears the title, Intimacy for the Intimidated. He lets out a humorless scoff as he realizes that as much as he longs for his life to be like the first cover’s illustration, his current situation is more or less summed up by the second two.

Great. Just great.

Ben glances up again and Hux sighs softly. “What I’m trying to say, Ben, is that at this point, I’d be doing you a disservice if I told you what I think you should do, or gave you the same answers you can find in those self-help books. I’m here to listen, to support you, to give you homework assignments every so often to push you but ultimately...what happens in your life going forward is up to you. No book can fully prepare you for that, and neither can I, because eventually you just have to take a big breath and do it. Does that make sense?”

It does. It makes total sense, because Hux is logical and sensible to a fault. He hasn’t said anything that Ben doesn’t already know, deep down, to be true. That’s why Hux’s words make Ben’s stomach twist itself into painful knots, because the truth hurts - and it also makes him panic, desperately clinging to any excuse he has left.

“I can’t do any of this on my own. That’s why I come here each week. I don’t know what I’m doing, or what I’m going to do, so I need you to point me in the right direction.”

“Is that what you really think? Or is that your anxiety filling you with doubt?”

“I...I don’t…” Ben trails off, because he doesn’t have another excuse or answer for that one. Dammit.

Hux leans forward in his seat. “You already know what you need to do, Ben. Everything you told me over the last hour? You know what the solution is. You said it yourself.”

Ben thinks back to everything he’d unloaded. He knows he’d mentioned how easier everything would be if he could just muster the courage to tear the metaphorical band-aid off and tell Rey everything. Tell her that he likes her. That he wants her. Wants to date her. Wants to hug her, kiss her, hold her hand whenever she wants. Be her boyfriend, her partner, her family...her lover.

But…there’s another problem.

“When I saw you last week, I said that I was going to back off and give her space. Wait for her to open up and initiate.”

“I remember. I recall agreeing with the decision myself. Made sense, at the time.”

“It did.”

“Does it now?”

Ben shakes his head. “I tried to be her boss and nothing else, I really did. She just - she draws me in. And I don’t think she’s even aware she’s doing it. But I can’t be impartial, not anymore. Not if I’m going to…” He swallows, clenching his eyes shut for a brief moment before he says it. “Talk to her. Tell her how I feel. How I really feel.”

Hux clears his throat. “There’s a saying in Solution Focused Therapy. ‘If it’s not working, try something different’. It sounds like the hands-off, waiting-for-her-move approach isn’t cutting it for you.”

“So I...what? Change it? Stop doing it?”

“That’s entirely up to you but yes, that’s the idea behind it.”

Ben nods, processing this. “What happens if the ‘something different’ doesn’t work? If I freeze up before I can do it? Before I can talk to her, I mean?”

“Did you ever play with one of those slime hands when you were a kid? You know, the kind you’d throw against the wall to see if it would stick?”

Ben is thrown by the random question but he recovers quickly enough. “I think...yeah? I did. I used to do that with spaghetti noodles, too, to see if it they were done enough. My mom taught me how.”

“Right, exactly. It’s the same concept. Same concept as anything in life, really. You didn’t give up the first time you threw that spaghetti noodle and it flopped back onto the kitchen counter, did you?”

“No.”

“And you haven’t given up managing your family’s business, have you? You’re still keeping it going, despite the setbacks.”

Ben understands. It’s a hard pill to swallow but he receives the message loud and clear. Keep going. Don’t give up at the first sign of failure. If one spaghetti noodle falls off the kitchen cabinet, there are plenty more boiling away in the pot. If the slime hand you bought at the dollar store with your allowance money doesn’t stick at first, pick it back up, brush off the dirt, and sling it against the wall again.

“So...I keep trying?” Ben asks.

Hux grins at him. “I’ll see you next week.”

***

“We did good, Chewie. This looks perfect.”

Rey steps back to appraise the set-up that she and Chewie have been painstakingly working on since early this morning. The fifteen different flavors of chocolate are all accounted for and labeled, arranged in rows upon rows in the display cases. Finn, Mitaka, and Rey have made a lot of chocolate over the past several days. Hundreds upon hundreds of pieces to the point of excess, or so they had thought.

But the line of customers she can see out the front window speaks for itself. People want to try the new chocolate, so much that they’re willing to wait in the cold until the shop opens. It’s beyond encouraging for Rey, who has barely been able to sleep for the past couple of nights due to nerves about low turnout.

She is admittedly still nervous about several other things that could potentially go wrong - customers not liking the flavors, haggling over the set prices, or Snoke showing up at some point like he said he would. But she’s dealt with worse. She just needs to breathe. Pour every ounce of energy into the launch today, hope for the best, but most importantly breathe.

A pat on the back from Chewie pulls her from her thoughts, making her startle just a bit. “We will do well, Solnishka. You will see.”

Rey smiles. She’s found that although he’s a man of few words, the massive and seemingly intimidating Chewie has a gentle soul and is incredibly perceptive, picking up on whenever she’s nervous. They don’t talk much, but he high fives her everyday and she shows him pictures of Bebe on her phone and somehow, that's been enough to form a friendship. “I really do hope so, Chewie.”

He smiles and points to his chin, tilting his head back. “Head high. Face the day.”

Rey breathes out and does as he says, feeling the nerves ease up just a little bit more. “Right. Head high. Thanks.”

“Chewie!” Finn bounds into the front of the shop with Mitaka and Phas trailing in behind him. He immediately pulls Chewie into a bear hug, with Chewie grudgingly returning it.

“I missed you,” Finn says.

“You saw me yesterday. All day.”

“So?”

“And today. You came here one hour ago, said hi then. That is enough.”  

Finn pouts. “Don’t deny our love, Chewie.”

That earns him a smack on the head from Chewie. Finn, unperturbed, tackles Chewie in another hug that soon turns into a tussle. Phas pulls them apart, berating them under her breath while still smiling for a few of the nosier customers peeking in through the window, probably wondering why the almost seven-foot-tall cashier has it out for the smaller, overly huggy chocolatier.

“Finn, Chewie, would you fucking quit?” Phas hisses. “We need to set an example and act calm. This is a big day for us and this can’t be as disorganized and chaotic as the Halloween party. We’re to let thirty people in to the shop at a time and that’s it or it’ll be an absolute zoo.”

Finn laughs and nods towards the window, righting his uniform again. “Uh, good luck with that. I checked out the back exit and the line spans to the end of the street. Way longer than it was on Halloween.”

Phas scowls and turns away from the window, facing the rest of them instead. “Fine. Forty people. That’s final. Chewie’s going to work his magic on the register but I expect everyone else to enforce the body limit.”

Rey is only partly aware of the words coming out of Phas’ mouth after that, because Ben has joined them all up front. He comes up behind her, just in the entryway, but she knows it’s him; she smells the peppermint mixed with whatever cologne he wears and even more pathetic, she recognizes him by his breathing. Steady, out of his nose. She remembers that nose bumping against hers the last time they kissed, in his office, the night of the Halloween party. That seems like a lifetime ago, but it’s only been three weeks.

Then there had been that almost-kiss last Sunday, when she’d fed him the peppermint chocolate but...nothing had happened after. He’d backed away, she’d changed out of her uniform, and he’d driven her home again. Walked her to the front door, said goodbye, then hurried back to his car. Only he’d stayed in his car, parked in her driveway, for close to fifteen minutes. She’d timed it, peeking out of her living room curtains to see if he was still there.

Since then, she’s let things be. She hasn’t avoided him or distanced herself, but she definitely hasn’t thrown herself at him like that embarrassing, impromptu ‘Oooh, Ben, try this chocolate I definitely didn’t make JUST for you!’ display last week. Thinking about it makes her wince, and she isn’t eager to make a fool of herself again so soon.

There have definitely been opportunities for her to do so; shared glances, him approaching her several times to ask about what she does on her days off, or her opinion about this or that sort of chocolate. Innocent things on his part. Friendly things. So she’s determined to be friendly back and that’s it. She’s even invited him to the ‘Friendsgiving’ dinner she’s hosting next week, though she doubts he’ll come. He hadn’t seemed very enthused when she’d first mentioned it to him, she thinks glumly.

“Ben! There you are! Are you ready?” Phas cuts her tirade short when she spots her co-manager, and is quick to pull him to the front beside her. Rey moves out of the way when he passes her, trying to keep her eyes on anywhere or anyone else but him.

“Yeah, sorry I’m late. Had to take a call. I’ve been informed there’s press outside, which is fine, I’ll handle it. They’ll probably want a few pictures of us, of the shop, maybe a sound bite or two. Is that okay with everyone?”

Finn and Phasma are delighted. Chewie and Mitaka aren’t, but mutter their agreement all the same. Rey doesn’t say anything. She’d rather remain as anonymous as possible through all of this. The thought of having photos of herself published who knows where fills her with dread. Ben knows she has a fear of attention, but she can’t exactly say anything about that in front of everyone here, can she? So she smiles and nods, quickly glancing Ben’s way.

He’s staring right at her, frowning. Rey looks away again and he clears his throat. “Well, if anyone changes their mind or has any objections...I’ll take care of it.”

That last part was definitely directed at her, she knows, so she allows herself to relax just a bit more. Ben’s going to take care of it, just as he’s done for nearly everything to do with her. He must be sick of covering for her by now, but...she’s grateful. To have someone watching over her. Her relationship with him isn’t everything she wants it to be; in the short amount of time Rey’s tried it, she’s already decided that being ‘just friendly’ towards someone you’re crazy about feels awful. But she’s made her peace with the fact that whatever brief thing there was between them ended before it ever really started.

Okay, she’s mostly made her peace with it.

Kind of made her peace with it.

Rey sneaks a peek at him again, her heart fluttering at the way he looks with his sleeves rolled up and his hands on his hips.

Oh, who is she kidding? She hasn’t made her peace with it at all, but what can she do at this point?

***

Ben has never interacted with so many people, in so short a time, as he has today.

At first he’d met with the press, both for the local news channel and the local newspaper - the same shitty newspaper that had published the unconfirmed headline about Say It With Sugar’s new line. He’d denied the photographer’s request for up-close shots of the chocolate and the interior of the shop for this reason, which in hindsight had been a petty move on his part. But he had also done it for Rey. After the photographer and television crew left, satisfied with the pictures and interviews that Ben, Phasma, and Finn had provided, Rey had seemed far more comfortable.

After the press had been the barrage of customers to deal with, most of them strangers with some familiar faces mixed in. His parents arrived early on. Much to his embarrassment, his mom greeted him with a big kiss on the cheek. She also managed to quietly yet furiously scold him for a few seconds about his ‘lack of Rey news’ before his dad could intervene and pull her away. Next was Maz, who like his mom had seemed hellbent on asking him pointed questions about his ‘love life’. Fortunately, she’d proven easily distracted by chocolate samples.

Rose and Poe had shown up around lunchtime bearing sandwiches for everyone to eat in between customers. Even Bazine had stopped by with a congratulatory flower arrangement - which made Phasma, who had up until that point been ‘strictly business’, promptly burst into tears.

In between ringing up customers like a madman, Chewie had managed to print off hourly sales reports. With less than an hour left before closing time, Ben has finally found the time to read over everything in his office while he scarfs down one of Rose’s sandwiches.

Out there on the sales floor, it felt like literally everyone in town had shown up at some point. Now, looking over the numbers, Ben is fairly convinced that’s exactly what happened. In just a day they’ve made enough to cover the shop’s expenses for the rest of November and all the costs associated with the competition - gas, supplies, badges, hotel rooms, meals. Everything.

They’ve done it.

Ben laughs shakily, rereading over the reports one more time to make sure this is all real.

“Fuck. Okay. Fuck!” He stands up from his desk, running his hands through his hair. He needs to tell everyone. He needs to tell Phas. He needs to tell Rey. Rey, who’s come into his life and turned everything rightside up. She’s responsible for this. It had all been a group effort, yes, but none of this would have been possible if it weren’t for her stepping up in the first place.

He still hasn’t talked to her about his feelings, though not for lack of trying; he’s tried many times these past couple weeks and he’s going to try again today. After the shop closes and everyone leaves. He’ll drive her home again, walk her up to her front door, and this time he won’t fumble or mess it up. He thinks. He hopes.

Ben hurries back to the front of the shop with a spring in his step. It’s just as busy as when he left it. Mitaka and Finn are leaning against the counters as they wait on customers, looking beat from continually stocking the display cases and shelves all day. Phasma’s on the phone with someone, in full customer service mode by the sound of her voice. Chewie’s sitting as he finishes up a transaction - a telling sign of how exhausted he is, because he usually refuses to sit when he’s working.

And Rey...Rey is in a corner, deep in conservation with the last person he wants to see.

Snoke.

What in the hell is he doing back here?

Ben walks towards them, trying to keep his temper in check. Rey’s frowning at what Snoke is saying, shaking her head. As Ben gets closer he can hear Rey mumble something, but he can’t quite make it out above the noisy chatter of everyone else in the shop.

Then Snoke grabs her wrist, and Ben sees red.

But before he’s able to charge at the asshole and do some serious damage, someone steps in between Snoke and Rey.

Luke. Ben’s uncle Luke. Where the fuck had he come from?

“Is there a problem here?” Luke asks calmly.

Snoke quickly lets go of Rey. She backs up to the front window, her face pale, and Snoke redirects his attention to Luke, towering over the much shorter man.

“I remember you.”

Luke doesn’t look intimidated. “I don’t remember you.”

“You’re the previous—”

“That’s nice. Are you done talking to Rey here? I wanted to speak to her for a moment.”

Snoke sneers, turning back to Rey. “She and I were just discussing—”

“I heard what you were discussing, and she doesn’t seem like she wants to talk about it anymore. So are you done?”

Snoke ignores Luke; he’s finally realized Ben has shown up. He quickly schools his expression into a smarmy grin and turns in Ben’s direction, extending his hand. “Ah, Mr. Solo—”

This time, it’s Rey instead of Luke who steps in front of Snoke to block his path. “You need to leave.”

Snoke scowls at her. “I beg your pardon?”

“You heard me. You bought our chocolates so it’s time for you to leave. Now. Before you cause a scene like last time, which is what you probably want, you fucking—”

“Oookay,” Luke interjects, clapping a hand on Snoke’s shoulder with more force than strictly necessary. “We don’t want any trouble. Why don’t I escort you out?”

“Is this your idea of treating a customer with respect, Solo?” Snoke challenges Ben, shrugging off Luke’s hand. “I merely asked your employee here a question and she’s attacking me.”

Rey is red in the face with anger, but she doesn’t respond to Snoke’s accusations. She doesn’t need to. Ben saw everything, and Snoke is an idiot if he thinks Ben is going to side with him instead of Rey. A huge fucking idiot.

“She’s not attacking you,” Ben says.

“She raised her voice!”

“She didn’t. She asked you to leave and accidentally dropped an F-bomb.”

“Nothing was accidental. She told me to leave, spewing insults. That’s a verbal attack on a paying customer.” He holds up his box of chocolates for emphasis. “I’m just trying to support your business and this is what I get in return?”

Jesus, this guy won’t quit. Ben takes a breath in through his nose, trying to keep his voice as level as possible so as not to attract attention. “You aren’t supporting the business. You’re trying to sabotage it. Again.”

Snoke has the gall to act dumb. “Excuse me?”

“Furthermore, you’ve upset my employee, who has done nothing but good work since I hired her. I trust her and her judgement completely. So when she says it’s time for you to leave, it’s time for you to leave. Is that clear?”

Snoke pauses for a moment to collect himself and then smiles again, but it’s a piss poor imitation of one. His nostrils are flaring and he looks even angrier than before. “My...apologies for the misunderstanding. You have an incredible new line of chocolates here. Incredible and definitely competition worthy. And an incredible, spirited group of chocolatiers to match, hm?” He looks directly at Rey when he says this. It makes Ben’s skin crawl with the urge to punch him, but Luke doesn’t waste any more time, going over to the shop door to hold it open.

Snoke jostles shoulders with Luke on the way out, then brushes off his suit and tie like they’re contaminated from the contact. “Till the ICMC, Solo.”

Once he’s finally out of sight, Rey lets out a muffled but unmistakable sob behind her hand. Both Ben and Luke move towards her to help but she shakes her head to stop them. “I need a - I need a moment. Sorry. Excuse me.”

She zigzags through the maze of customers, rushing to the back of the shop. Ben makes to follow her but Luke stops him.

“She needs space. No one’s realized what’s gone on. She’d want it to stay that way, I think.”

Ben looks around the shop. Luke is right. Everyone else seems pretty oblivious to what’s happened within the past couple minutes; Chewie is still busy at the register, and Phas is now helping box up a big order for a customer. Finn and Mitaka are the only ones staring after Rey, both of them looking confused. Ben gets their attention and gestures for them to keep on working.

“You’re doing great, by the way,” Luke says.

Ben sighs shakily, turning his attention back to his uncle again. “What?”

“The shop wasn’t nearly this well run when your parents and I were in charge,” Luke muses, in that philosophical way he always phrases everything. “It’s pretty obvious you’re a natural.”

“Far from natural. It’s been mostly trial and error with a hell of a lot of luck.” Luck in the form of one Rey Kenobi.

“Whatever it is, it’s working. You’re making the whole family proud.”

Ben doesn’t do well with compliments. He never has, so he swallows the sentimental lump in his throat and changes the subject. “I appreciate you coming. I know you value your quiet so...it means a lot. That you’re here. In arguably one of the busiest, hectic shops in town today.”

“I could do with more excitement once in awhile. Besides, your mom’s been talking nonstop about this new chocolate line since it was in the paper. Thought I’d stop in, see what all the fuss is about, say hey to you and Chewie while I’m at it. It's been a while.”

“It has. Sorry I didn’t notice you before…” Ben gestures between them. “Whatever that was, just now.”

“It’s okay, I haven’t been in here long. Chewie said you were in the back so I’ve just been taking advantage of the free samples. Then I spotted Rey, heard that conversation going on between her and that guy—”

“Wait, how do you know Rey? Did Mom tell you...things?”

“Nah. Well - to be fair, Leia probably has told me things, but you know I tend to filter out what she says a lot. My memory can only take so much these days. No, Rey and I...we’ve seen each other. Around. That’s how I know her.”

“That’s...not cryptic at all.”

“Yeah, well.” Luke chuckles, shoving his hands in the pockets of the linen pants he always wears. “It’s not for me to say where I met her. Ask her sometime, if you’re so curious. Though maybe not today. Not the right time. She seems...shaken up.”

“Yeah. Shaken up.”

Ben still feels a bit shaken up, too. He’s never considered himself an aggressive person. Angry sometimes, but never aggressive. When he’d seen Snoke touch Rey, though...he’d been ready to fight. Fight a senior citizen. Snoke is what, pushing his seventies? But Ben hadn’t given a single fuck about his age. He still doesn’t. If Snoke shows his face here again, there’s no telling what Ben will do to him.

“What did he say to her? You heard him, didn’t you?” he asks.

“I did.”

“And?”

“Again, it’s not for me to say. It would be better if you asked her yourself.”

“Luke, come on.”

“Nope. This is something you two need to discuss one-on-one. It’s not my place to get involved - well, any more than I already have.”

Ben frowns. “What do you mean by that?”

Luke just smiles and pats him on the shoulder. “I should get going. And hey, Leia’s probably already talked your head off about it, but don’t forget about Thanksgiving next Thursday. You’re in charge of dessert. Bringing Cool Whip doesn’t count. See you there.”

“Yeah…” Ben means to say more than that before Luke leaves, but he catches sight of Rey again. Sans uniform, all packed up. She meets his eye and crosses over to him quickly.

“Would it be okay if I left early?”

“Yes, of course. Do you need a ride?”

“No, that’s fine, I just need - I need to leave. Immediately. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. Don’t apologize.” He pauses, then adds softly, “Are you okay?”

Rey bites her lip and looks away from him. He can tell by how red her eyes are that she’s been crying.

“Rey?”

She gives a quick nod, sniffling. “I’ll be fine. Thanks for - what you did. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

With that, she takes off. Ben stamps down the urge to go after her anyway, despite her declining a ride home. He was supposed to tell her everything today. That was the plan, before Snoke had shown up and ruined this busy but overwhelmingly positive day. A day that he’d wanted to share with Rey.

Ben clenches his fists at his side. The competition can’t come soon enough, because he cannot wait to put that bastard in his place once and for all.

***

Rey considers herself to be a pretty good baker and an adequate cook. Culinary school had done a number on her, but she’d left with enough knowledge to organize a family-sized meal.

Or so she’d thought.

Thanksgiving - or Friendsgiving, in her case - is turning out to be an entirely different beast altogether. Literally.

“Stupid turkey.” Rey jabs the meat thermometer into the thigh and steps back. “I applaud your sacrifice but you’re a real bitch to cook, you know that?” She counts to ten and then checks the temperature again. The dial’s stalled far below the temperature she wants. Undercooked. Still.

Rey stifles a yell and shoves the flipping bird back into the oven. Everyone’s due to arrive in an hour and she can’t deal with this. You can’t have Thanksgiving without a turkey! Granted, this is her first time celebrating the American holiday since she moved overseas but...still. Everyone knows Thanksgiving equals turkey. Everyone expects the turkey!

She sets the oven timer for another twenty minutes and preoccupies herself with setting the table, stopping to shoo Bebe whenever he jumps up to see if there’s any food to steal yet. After a few minutes of this she throws her hands up in defeat and grabs his barrel body by the middle.

“This is for your own good, you know. You’re a menace and I can’t have you ruin Friendsgiving. I’m halfway to ruining it myself and I don’t need any help, thank you very much.”

Bebe yowls mournfully at her but Rey doesn’t relent, holding his squirming body close to her chest. She carries him to her bedroom, deposits him on the bed, and then quickly runs back out and shuts the door behind her before he can escape.

Then the doorbell rings.

Rey looks down at herself. She’s still dressed in her cat pajamas with matching fur down her front courtesy of Bebe. She hasn’t brushed her hair all day and she still needs to put on makeup. Not exactly ready for company.

The bell rings again and Rey curses, picking up her pace to go answer it. Who the hell is showing up an hour before dinner? She’d told them all seven. It’d better not be Phasma. Just yesterday she’d gleefully admitted to Rey that she’s a horrible cook and would therefore not be bringing anything except wine. Wine is always appreciated, of course, but Rey needs someone who can help her cook that damn bird.

Rose seems like she’d know what to do. Chewie too, or Chewie’s wife Malla. They’re both coming, last she heard. Hopefully it’s them, or maybe…

Rey flings the door open and nearly has a heart attack.

“Ben?”

“Um...Hi.”

She’d thought he wasn’t coming. He hadn’t R.S.V.P’ed. Then again, no one really had. They’d all just confirmed with her in person, asked what to bring, that sort of thing. Friendsgiving is casual, from what she understands. But if she had known Ben would be showing up...well. She would not be dressed in pajamas with cartoon cats on them, to say the least.

“I thought you weren’t - there’s still an hour till - I’m in my pajamas,” she blurts out.

He looks like he doesn’t know how to respond to that, opening and closing his mouth a few times before he nods down to what he’s holding.

She’d been too focused on him - how good he looks in a cardigan, and how he’s shaved his stubble since she’s seen him last - to notice he hasn’t come here empty handed. He’s brought a pie. Pumpkin, by the looks of it. She can’t remember who’d volunteered to bring the pumpkin pie, but they could always do with extra.

“It’s lovely.” Rey takes it from him to get a closer look. “Did you make this yourself?”

He nods. “I’m making another one Thursday when I have dinner with my family. I thought I’d try it out before to see how it went. Used my mom’s recipe. Her pies always look way better. She does something with the crust that makes it...stick? I don’t know. I followed the directions but mine still fell apart.”

“Well, I think it’s perfect. And it smells amazing, too.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

Here is goes again. The awkward silence they always seem to fall into. Somehow, this is the worst one yet. After that latest incident on Saturday with Snoke, things between her and Ben have been...well, they haven’t been anything, because she’s still really embarrassed and upset about what had happened. Facing Ben after all of that, talking to him alone...she’s avoided it for a reason, and this is why.

Ben steps closer. Swallows. And then, surprisingly, he’s the one to start talking again. “Rey.”

“Yes?”

“I didn’t just come here to bring you pie. And, to be honest, I didn’t come here for the dinner, either. That’s why I’m here early on, before everyone else. I just...I really needed to talk to you.”

That sounds ominous. But maybe it’s not. Either way, Rey’s heart has started pounding rather uncomfortably.

“Okay. What about?”

“I’ve tried...a lot of different times to say this over the past couple weeks. Every time I’ve either backed out, or something else has gotten in the way. But...I knew I needed to keep trying, and I’m so sorry it’s taken me this long.” He takes a big breath in and then releases it quickly, stepping even closer to her. “What I mean to say, Rey, is that...I like you. A lot. And...I don’t know if you feel the same, but...I want to start over with you. I want to date you.”

She’s crying. Somewhere between the words ‘like you’ and ‘date you’ the waterworks started, and now she can’t stop blubbering. He looks so concerned that he’s upset her but God, she’s so beside herself she can’t even explain that they aren’t sad tears, they’re happy tears —

She kisses him. Not lightly, either. She’s making up for weeks worth of missed opportunities, of pent up feelings, of longing for something she thought she could never have again.

Turns out she’d been so very wrong about that.

Something clatters to the ground and Ben pulls her closer against him, deepening the kiss. His hands are everywhere - in her hair, on her neck, down her back, and he’s leaving goosebumps wherever he touches.

Rey breaks apart for air after who knows how long, breathing raggedly, but she’s still clinging to him like he may disappear at any given second. “I want that too. To date you. Yes. More than anything.”

He kisses her temple, her cheeks, then moves her hair to the side to bury his face in her neck. Rey melts.

“More than winning the competition?” he asks into her skin.

She nods, her breath hitching. “Yes! Of course. More than that. Regardless of whether we win or lose everything...I still want you. I have for...so long. But I just...I’m a mess. A clueless mess.”

“You’re not a mess.”

“I am.”

“If you’re a mess, then I’m a full-on wreck.”

“Whatever you are, I like it.” She runs her fingers through his hair, over the tops of his ears, and then pulls his head back up for another kiss.

Distantly, a timer goes off.

Crap. The turkey.

“I need to...I have...things. I need to do.”

Ben pulls back slightly, clearing his throat. “Right. Things.”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

Slowly, they let each other go, the timer still ringing shrilly in the background. Rather belatedly, Rey realizes she isn’t holding Ben’s pie anymore. She’d dropped it once she started kissing him.

“No! Your pie!” she wails, dropping to her knees to try and salvage it, but nearly all the pie has left the pan and splattered across the ground.

Ben kneels down too, taking her hands in his before she’s able to scoop up the pumpkin filling. “Rey. It’s fine. It’s just a pie.”

“But it’s your pie!” She doesn’t know why she’s crying again. Ben’s right, it’s just a pie, but he’d made it, and she’s ruined it, just like she’s going to ruin the turkey she’d thought she could handle but no, it’s a dumb stupid bird that takes forever to cook and she has less than an hour before everyone else gets here and she doesn’t even want them to come over anymore, she just wants Ben here, and—

“Rey.” Ben wipes her tears away with his thumb. “Go inside and do what you have to do. I’ll clean this up.”

“My turkey’s an asshole and won’t cook properly.”

“I’ll help you when I’m done here.”

“Everyone’s going to hate dinner and I’m going to ruin Friendsgiving.”

“That’s highly unlikely.”

“I’ve never been in a relationship before and I like you so much but I’m scared I’m going to mess it up or—”

Ben gathers her into his arms and she holds on tight to him, feeling both ridiculously happy and terrified all at once.

“We’ll figure it out. One step at a time. Once dinner is over and everyone else goes home we can talk about this some more. Okay? But right now…turkey. Go show it who’s boss.”

Rey sniffles, then nods, feeling more than a bit embarrassed by how emotional she’s gotten over all of this. “Right. Turkey.”

“And... if this dinner doesn’t work out like you want, and that’s a very big if, because you always manage to pull things off against all odds...there’s always the day after tomorrow.”

“What?”

“Actual Thanksgiving. Thursday. At my parent’s. There will be more pie. You won’t have to cook anything. You’ll just have to abide my mom’s nosiness, my dad’s bad jokes, and my uncle’s really weird topics of conversation. No one from work will be there, so you won’t have to worry about...any of that. It’ll be private.”

Rey can feel herself tear up again, but she can’t help it. He’s told her how he feels, kissed her silly, and now he’s invited her to Thanksgiving with his family. She feels so wanted, so accepted, and it’s all she can do to not smother him to death with another round of kisses.

Instead, she smiles tremulously, and he smiles right back and oh, her heart is so full it could burst to pieces right here, adding to the mess of pumpkin gloop on the ground.

“I’d love to.”

Notes:

In the second scene Chewie refers to Rey as 'Solnishka', which is Russian for 'little sun'. Isn't that the cutest?

Huge thanks to selunchen for drawing Rey and Ben's first kiss from Chapter 4! I gaze at it adoringly on the reg. It's so pretty I want to cry.

I also commissioned reyl-hoe to draw the chocolate tasting scene from Chapter 10 - 3/20/20: I’m not sure of the link to her tumblr anymore, but Chapter 1 of this fic has the drawing at the top!!

You guys, I am DYING over the attention to detail (zoom in and be amazed). I also want to point out that she used a Van Gogh color scheme (blue, orange, yellow), which is a nod to Chapter 3 where Ben refers to Rey in her yellow dress as a "Van Gogh sunflower painting come to life". How freaking brilliant and thoughtful was reyl-hoe to include that?? Gah. I love it so much.

Please consider commissioning both of these amazing artists! They were such a pleasure to work with.

Lastly, thank you to my dear friend darkknightdarkside for always taking a look at the therapy parts for me.

Aesthetic for this chapter.

Playlist.

Chapter 12

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

***

As Ben predicted, Friendsgiving turns out okay. With only a little time left to spare before everyone shows up, he helps carve the turkey into smaller sections, and then Rey microwaves the parts that still look a bit pink. If anyone thinks it tastes too dry, they’re either too nice or feeling too good from Phasma’s wine to tell her. No one comments on why Ben had been the first guest to arrive, either - something Rey is grateful for. She knows she’ll have to tell everyone about her relationship with Ben eventually, but for now...it’s something private for her and Ben to share. No one else.

After dessert, which fortunately includes an intact pumpkin pie courtesy of Rose, Finn suggests everyone play an impromptu game of ‘Who Am I’. Rey doesn’t expect Ben to participate since he’d mostly kept to himself during dinner. However, he surprises her and maybe everyone else when he’s the first to draw from the pile of celebrity names.

As far as Rey can see, the only downside to him playing is that she has to suppress a laugh every time she glances across the table and sees him with ‘Kim Kardashian’ stuck to his forehead.

Phas wins the game fair and square by correctly guessing she’s Lady Gaga. Everyone lingers around after that to catch up, help clean up, and claim which leftovers they want to take home. It isn’t until after eleven that people start to head out. First Malla and Chewie, Mitaka, then a (still very tipsy) Phasma and her designated driver Bazine. Finn and Rose have to practically drag Poe from Rey’s bedroom, where he’s devoted a huge chunk of time to cooing over Bebe. Bebe, who is normally skittish around strangers, acts just as besotted towards Poe and yowls up a storm when he leaves.

Rey and Ben follow the trio out to their car. She hopes it sends the message that ‘Ben’s leaving just after you guys are, I definitely don’t want him to stay longer, nope, nothing to see here’. Going by Rose and Finn’s preoccupation with getting a wine buzzed Poe and his crutches safely into the backseat, it’s safe to assume that none of them are even remotely aware of what’s going on.

Still, just to be sure, Rey waits until Finn’s backed the car out of her driveway and driven to the end of the street by the stop sign to focus her undivided attention on Ben again.

He smiles, leaning against the side of his car. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Rey fidgets where she stands. She’d all but sucked his face off earlier, so it makes no sense why she’s so shy all of a sudden. But there’s something about being alone with him - uninterrupted, with no time constraints or co-workers to consider - that makes her nervous. Not a bad nervous. More like a ‘what happens now?’, anticipatory kind of nervous. An excited kind of nervous.

Rey sighs. “That was...a lot. A lot of socializing.”

“It was,” he agrees.

Rey steps closer to him. “Well. If you’re still feeling up to it...not that you have to, but if you want to, do you want to come back inside and talk, like you said?”

He pushes away from his car and takes a hold of her hand, squeezing it gently. “I want to.”

Rey bites her lip to keep from grinning like a lovesick fool and allows him to lead the way back up the gravel driveway. “Even after dinner? When my turkey ruined your tastes buds?”

“It didn’t ruin my taste buds but yeah, even after dinner.”

“Even after the game?”

“Even after the game. There are worse fates than being labeled as a Kardashian for thirty minutes.”

Rey laughs, and he joins in, and just like that everything feels so easy again. No more awkward silences, no more nerves. Just them, crowding into her tiny kitchen, clumsily feeding each other what’s left of Rose’s pumpkin pie in between more laughter and lingering kisses.

Once it’s clear that Bebe is very annoyed with them standing around but not giving him any food, they move to the sofa in Rey’s living room. Ben holds her close to him, running his fingers through her hair, and it doesn’t take long for Rey to open up about what had happened last week on the day of the launch.

“He offered me a job. Snoke.”

Ben swears under his breath. “He’s got a lot of fucking nerve.”

“I should have known something like that would happen, that things would escalate, but...it started out civil. Or as civil as I could stomach, anyway, knowing he’d paid the newspaper to run that article about us. I suggested he try a sample of the chai milk chocolate. I made that flavor because of him, you know. When he came into the shop the first time, he turned up his nose at all our regular flavors. Said he was looking for something different so I asked him to specify, and he said chocolate with chai or ginger in it. So I delivered.”

“Wait, you - you made up an entire chocolate recipe just to fuck with him?”

“...Yes.” Rey glances up at him, embarrassed, and quickly hides her face in her hands. “It’s immature, I know! I should have been the better person.”

Ben pulls her hands away from her face, grinning. “Are you kidding? That’s hilarious. He tried it, right? Did he say he liked it?”

“Yeah. That was the first positive thing I’ve ever heard him say. But I should have known he wouldn’t just stop there at a genuine compliment. He offered me the job, saying I could do so much better, then when I said no to that he started asking even more questions.”

Ben frowns. “What kinds of questions?”

Rey hesitates. “How long I’d been making chocolate. Where I received my training. Who made the recipes. I didn’t answer so he got mad.”

“He grabbed you. I saw.”

“Yeah.” Rey bites the inside of her cheek, remembering her rising panic when Snoke began hounding her for information, then the shock laced with fear she’d felt when he yanked her by the wrist. “That was weird. It didn’t hurt or anything. Just scared me a bit.” She shrugs her shoulders, trying to laugh it off despite the continued unease she feels just thinking about it. “It’s by far the worst customer interaction I’ve ever had and that’s really saying something because I’ve worked in bakeries. You’d be surprised at how defensive people can get about their cake orders.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there sooner. I’m glad my uncle intervened when he did.”

Wait - Gandalf? Is he talking about Support Group Gandalf? She remembers him appearing seemingly out of nowhere and standing up to Snoke, but everything after that had been a blur, and she hadn’t seen him again once she’d collected her things from her locker that day.

That was your uncle?”

“Luke, yeah.” Ben pauses. “Wait, did you not know he was? He said you guys knew each other.”

“Yeah, we do. But - no. I had no idea he was related to you.” Though it does make a lot of sense, now that she thinks about it. What Gandalf - Luke - had told her about his nephew who struggles with anxiety. She could kick herself for not realizing it sooner. “We’ve only met once. He seemed nice. Very helpful.” She debates whether or not to specify under what circumstances they’d met, but Ben doesn’t press her for any more information about it, so she decides to save that conversation for another time. “He asked me to go bowling with him. Cosmic bowling.”

Ben groans. “He does that a lot. He’ll probably ask you again on Thursday but trust me, you don’t want to. My dad and him are super competitive and play for hours. It’s not fun for anyone else, no matter what they say.”

“I’ll politely decline again. I’m really bad at bowling, anyways.”

“Same here. I still have to use the bumpers and half the time I drop the ball before I can even aim properly. It’s embarrassing.”

Rey stifles a giggle as she imagines Ben, normally so composed and serious, fumbling with a bowling ball. “Yeah, me too! It’s awful.”

“Let’s never go there on a date, then.”

“Any other places off-limits?”

He takes a moment to genuinely think it over and then shakes his head. “No. As long as you’re there, I’ll go anywhere.”

She’s momentarily caught off guard, because that’s just about the most romantic thing she’s ever heard, but she’s able to manage a soft and breathy ‘okay’. Honestly, what else can one possibly say to a response as sweet as that?

Ben kisses the top of her head and is silent for a time, just holding her. After awhile, he asks her quietly, “Rey? Do you think Snoke knows something? About your...background?”

Rey closes her eyes for a second, taking a deep breath. She’d originally planned on waiting until after the competition to tell Ben the full truth about her grandfather, but circumstances being what they are, she’s rather him know now than for him to find out unexpectedly from someone like Snoke.

Before she’s able to speak up, though, Ben takes her hand in his and squeezes it reassuringly. “You don’t have to tell me anything. That doesn’t matter to me. I meant what I said that day when you told me about the chocolate line. Your past is yours to know, not anyone else’s. Everyone has things they’d rather keep quiet. I just want to make sure you’re okay going forward. When it’s time to leave for New York in a few weeks.”

Rey can feel her eyes start to prick with tears. It’s been so long since she’s had someone care about her wellbeing to this extent. Not since her granddad passed away. It’s overwhelming, but not unwelcome. She just doesn’t know how to possibly put all of her gratitude and love into words, so she settles for the next best thing; still holding hands with him, she shifts in his arms until she can lay her cheek against his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

Then she tells him everything.

The tears that were threatening to fall before finally do, turning her into a weepy and runny-nosed mess. She doesn’t know how long it takes for her to get everything out, but Ben never interrupts her. He just listens, and when she finally does finish, he hugs her tight.  

Rey looks up at him, still halfway expecting to see disappointment, shock, or anger on his face but she sees none of those things. He’s just...smiling softly, and Rey nearly collapses in on herself, because he’s just so good to her.

“You’re not upset with me?” she asks, just to be sure.

Ben blinks, looking caught off guard by the question. “You just told me our grandparents knew each other and you think I’m upset with you? Rey - I’m - that’s a good thing!”

Rey stifles a watery laugh, picking at the fabric of his cardigan. “Your front is soaked through with tears and snot.”

Ben shrugs. “I sweat an ungodly amount so this is nothing. I have to change shirts multiple times a day sometimes.”

Rey knows. That’s what he’d been doing, when she’d looked into his office that day and saw him bare-chested. She’d rather die than admit that, though, and she doesn’t want to call anymore attention to what is obviously a physical symptom of his anxiety. It’s like he said: everyone has things they’d rather keep quiet, and the anxiety is his. So she laces their hands back together and kisses the back of his, hoping it reassures him as much as he’s reassured her tonight.

“Well, thanks for letting me make a mess of your cardigan. And thanks for listening. This has been eating away at me and it’s such a relief to let it out, finally. I’ve been...struggling. A lot.”

“You don’t have to anymore. No one has to know any of what you told me tonight, alright? I’ll make sure of it. Anything you need, I’ll do it for you.”

Rey shakes her head. “You can’t, Ben. You’ve already done so much for me and I’m so incredibly grateful that you have, but...I need to face this head-on from here on out. Face the repercussions myself, whatever they are.”

Ben frowns, his brown eyes searching hers. “You’re sure?”

Rey nods, swallowing past the lump in her throat. “That day of the launch, I panicked. I went home and deleted what little social media I had. I thought Snoke would maybe...I don’t know. Try to find me online. Find my surname. Figure everything out and use that against me, somehow. But it’s been almost a week and nothing has happened. Something could still happen at the competition but...I’m exhausted. I just want to live my life without constantly looking over my shoulder or crumbling to pieces over all these ridiculous expectations I have for myself. So...I’m going to tear those expectations down till there’s nothing left but me, just doing what I love. Making chocolate. It’s going to take awhile, and it’s scary to think about, but I’m going to do it anyway. So...that’s that. I’ll be fine.”

Ben huffs out a breath. “Fuck, Rey.”

Ignoring the little flare of heat in her belly at the sound of that word paired with her name, Rey glances up at him again. “What?”

He shakes his head and smiles, running his thumb along her jawline. “Just...you. You’re so amazing.”

You’re amazing. You own a company, you have a wonderful family...you look like a GQ model…”

Ben rolls his eyes. “Oh God, not the GQ model thing again.”

“I’m dead serious!”

“Then so am I. You’re amazing, in the smallest and biggest ways. Doesn’t matter who you’re related to. It has to do with you and everything that you do. I hope you know that.”

Okay, now that wins the most romantic thing she’s ever heard. Rey tucks her blushing face into the safety and comfort of his chest again in lieu of an answer back.

It’s going to be a long time until she openly admits to herself that she’s amazing. When she’s with Ben, though...she’s starting to feel something akin to it, and it’s giving her the courage she needs for the month ahead.

***

Within the span of a few days, the world has turned so much more vivid, more beautiful. The orange and red leaves covering every surface in sight, the Christmas lights already strung up in the center of town, the lake reflecting the colors of nature around it...all of it looks like something off a damn postcard.

Ben knows why. Nothing has changed, not really. But he has. It’s like his life up until this point has been in greyscale, and now it’s in brilliant technicolor, because he has a girlfriend and he’s in love with her. In love with everything about her. Her smile, the freckles on the bridge of her nose, the way she squints her eyes when she laughs. Her humor, her kindness, her passion. All of it. He’s fallen fast, and he’s fallen hard, and his heart goes into overdrive every time he sees her.

Just like it is right now.

Rey is out her front door before he’s even fully pulled into her driveway. She’s styled her hair differently than the topknot he’s used to, most of it down around her shoulders with a section of it braided across the top of her head. She’s wearing the dress from their date - she’s paired it with a jean jacket and a pair of burgundy tights, but he’d recognize that particular shade of yellow anywhere. And her face...she’s fucking glowing, her cheeks flushed pink and her lips a deep berry color.

“Holy shit,” he breathes, unable to keep from staring as she bounds up to his car and clambers inside.

“Hi!” she greets, sounding about as breathless as he’s feeling.

“Hey. You look...”

“Too much?” She stops in the middle of buckling her seatbelt and glances down at herself, then back up at him. “Oh God, should I go change? I have no idea what people wear to Thanksgiving but I wanted to make a good impression for your family, and—”

Ben cuts her off, leaning across the space between their two seats to kiss her soundly on the mouth. Rey lets out a little noise of surprise and then tangles her hands in his hair to kiss him back. He leaves her lips after a moment to plant smaller kisses along her jawline.

“Good thing I wore a lip stain instead of lipstick,” she sighs.

“Why’s that?”

“If I had worn lipstick, it would be all over your face right about now.”

“Mm. I wouldn’t have minded.”

“I bet your parents would.”

He can’t think of a reply to that one, because he’s too busy kissing further down to the pulsepoint on her neck.

“Ben,” she laughs, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck, “Answer my question!”

“Hm?” Another kiss here, another kiss there. Fuck, she smells so good, and her skin feels incredibly soft and warm to the touch—

She pulls him back up for another kiss on the mouth, then another, then another. “Do. I. Need. To. Go. Change?” she asks, in between each one.

“Hell no,” he manages.

“No?”

“You’re gorgeous just how you are.”

She blushes prettily at that, which just makes him want to kiss her even more, but Rey proves to be the more level-headed one, reminding him that dinner is at seven on the dot and they have less than thirty minutes to get across town. Still, he manages to sneak one more kiss in before they’re on their way.

He can tell she’s nervous on the ride over, by the way she keeps smoothing out the skirt of her dress and checking her reflection in the passenger mirror. Yet she handles herself remarkably well when they arrive. She’s immediately bombarded with hugs from both his parents, while an overexcited Artoo runs in circles around her feet and continuously barks at top volume.

Luke takes the less in-your-face approach, greeting her with a gentle pat on the back instead. “Hey kid. Good to see you again. Bet you weren’t expecting to see me here.”

“No, I wasn’t,” Rey says, looking a tad embarrassed.

“How do you and Luke know each other?” Leia butts in, but that’s about the extent of her prying, because Threepio decides at that exact moment to pee on the floor. His parents predictably lose their shit about it, his mom throwing apologies over her shoulder while she chases after Threepio and his dad running around the kitchen, opening every cabinet door to find the pet spray.

Amidst all the noise, Ben turns to Rey and finds her smiling, which is a relief. If she’d looked shocked he would have been completely mortified. He still kind of is, but that’s nothing new where his parents are concerned.

“So...this is normal,” he tells her. “Pretty hectic.”

“Hectic’s nice!” Rey beams.

“Would you believe that this is how things are on a good day, Rey?” Luke asks, leading her to the dining room that’s just off to the side of the kitchen. “It’s even worse at Christmas. Artoo likes to rip open presents and as you can probably already tell, Threepio tends to be a little too piddle-happy.”

“Well, they’re both darling. And so small!”

“You a dog person?” his dad grunts, joining the three of them at the table.

“I like both, but I have a cat. His name is Bebe.”

“Is he a little asshole, too?”

Rey laughs at that. “Kind of, yeah.”

They all settle into their seats and wait for Leia, who arrives a few minutes later with a trembling Threepio in one arm and a big bottle of wine in the other. She sits down with a huff, passing off the bottle for Han to uncork.

“Do you like wine, Rey?” she asks.

Rey nods. “Very much.”

“Great. Let’s drink!”

“And eat,” Luke reminds her.

“And eat!”

Everyone does a very good job of asking Rey appropriate questions - nothing too personal, just things she seems very happy and comfortable talking about: her job, her coworkers, the chocolate line, and her various hobbies (one of which is ice skating, as Ben has recently found out). He’s positive his mom knows about Rey’s grandfather through all her meddling, which means that his dad and Luke are most likely in the loop too, if they weren’t before. But none of them even remotely touch upon anything to do with her past. Granted, Ben had prepared them ahead of time to steer clear of certain topics, but he’s still pleasantly surprised at how well they do.

Somewhere between generous helpings of the green bean casserole and the three different pies - pumpkin, cranberry-cherry, and pecan - Ben starts to relax and enjoy himself, too. A large part of it he can attribute to Rey. Just her sitting beside him, drawing him into conversations, makes him realize how much he’s truly missed by holding his family at arm’s length for as long as he has.

But Ben also knows it’s to do with how much progress he’s made over the past month. It’s easier to open up now. The day before yesterday, he’d stayed up with Rey until the early morning talking about everything from their new relationship to their childhoods. He can’t recall doing that with anyone, ever. And tonight, he’s willingly spending time with his family. Not just out of obligation or guilt, but because he genuinely loves them, their ridiculous antics and penchant for nosiness included.

There’s a lot to be thankful for in his life right now, that’s for damn sure.

After dinner, Han and Luke suggest they all go outside to roast marshmallows in the backyard fire pit. Before Ben can join them, though, his mom asks him if he can help her with something in the master bedroom.

“I want to move the armchair to another spot and I need your strength,” she tells him, ushering him away from everyone else and to the back of the house. The second they’re alone in the bedroom, Ben realizes there isn’t an armchair anywhere. Just his parent’s bed and the old dresser in the corner. She goes over to it and pulls something out of the top right drawer.

“Mom?” he asks, crossing the room to see what she has.

She holds out a small, square shaped box to him, no bigger than the palm of her hand. He takes it from her and opens it up.

“Mama’s ring,” she says. “Round cut diamond, just a little over two carats. I’ve been holding onto it forever. Han gave me my sapphire ring when he proposed, so I’ve never known what to do with this one. I thought maybe, if we ever had a daughter - or daughter-in-law—” His mom breaks off, sniffling, and Ben understands completely.

“Mom. Thank you,” he says, pulling her close into a hug.

Leia dissolves into tears when he does but he just continues to hold her, patting her back like she used to do to him when he was a kid.

“I’ve had a really good feeling about her ever since I met her at the Halloween party,” she smiles, wiping her tears away. “I see the way you look at her, and the way she looks at you. When you know you just know, Ben, and if you two are anything like your dad and I...this is it. She’s it for you, honey. She’s the one.”

“Yeah.” Ben swallows the lump in his throat and smiles back, letting go of his mom to pocket the ring. “Yeah, she really is.”

Notes:

This fic now has even more art! I am so very blessed. The lovely and very talented mrsmancuspia drew the Kiss/RIP Pumpkin Pie scene from Chapter 11. She's a new Reylo artist, so check out her work and show it some love in the form of likes and reblogs!

QUESTION: Do you write for Reylo? If so, feel free to share your fic in the comments! I'm finally caught up with all the fics I'm currently reading and I need MORE!

 

Aesthetic for this chapter.

 

Playlist.

Chapter 13

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

***

The past three weeks have been the best of Rey’s life.

Of course, things have been hectic. She’s never been more nervous about anything to do with her career. But she’s never, ever, had the support she has now. Mitaka, Finn, and a fully-healed Poe have thrown themselves into fine tuning the chocolates for the competition while also maintaining a steady supply for the shop. This hasn’t been easy; out-of-towners have started to pile in along with the locals, making work busier than ever.

Chewie has been as invaluable as ever, pitching in wherever he can to help. He's even talked his grumpy sixteen-year-old son into working the register with him on weekends. In typical Phasma fashion, she’s gone out of her way to make sure everyone is happy on the days they all work overtime, sometimes even catering food from Maz’s for them all to enjoy.

And Ben...he’s been wonderful. Rey has spent as much time as she can with him outside of work. Everything he has done for her, everything that he continues to do, has helped immensely with her pre-competition anxiety. Watching movies, making dinner, going for walks along the lake, getting to know one another better. All of it.

Ben likes to joke that she’ll grow bored with him eventually if they keep up this habit of domesticity, and that he needs to ‘step up his boyfriend game’ and find more exciting activities for them to do as a couple. But the truth is that it doesn’t matter how they spend time together. It’s all been magical and special and important to Rey, because he’s hers and she is his and that makes her happy and the world a better place, somehow. She tells him this, again and again, and the cheesy confession is absolutely worth it for how red his face and ears get every time.

It’s not the same as saying ‘I love you’ but it’s pretty close. Those three little words with so much meaning haven’t been said by either of them yet, but they will be soon. She can feel it, in the same way that she can tell they’re going to have sex. All the signs are there. They flirt incessantly (though slightly better over text than in person), kiss until they can’t think straight, and he’s even touched her breast. Just the once, when they’d been making out. He’d been quick to apologize and take his hand away, and Rey had been too shy to pull it back even though she’d desperately wanted to.

But she’s about to compete in the highly competitive national round of a very prestigious chocolate competition, with the potential to win a prize for the shop and secure a place in the final international round come spring. If she has the courage to get through these next few days, she can do anything she sets her mind to.

And she has her mind set on Ben.

She’s just waiting for the opportune moment. Maybe after New York, when everything settles. Or maybe during the competition this weekend, to keep her mind off things? After the main contest, but before the judging on the last day? Or—

Rey’s phone vibrates, pulling her back from her thoughts and to the present. She’s currently in the backseat of Finn’s car opposite a sleeping Mitaka. In the front, Poe is driving while Finn sings offkey to whatever song is playing on his ridiculously long road trip playlist. Leaning further back in her seat, Rey unlocks her phone, trying to keep the giddy smile from her face as she reads the message from the person she’s just been thinking about.

[Ben | 10:07am] Well, it’s official. Phasma has roped me into being part of her wedding. I knew she had ulterior motives for wanting to drive with just me all the way from Maine to NY today. Smart move on her part. I can’t exactly get out of it when I’m trapped in a vehicle going 70 mph, can I?

Rey looks ahead to the van driving in front of Finn’s car, a rented U-Haul carrying all of their supplies to New York. Phas must’ve taken over the driving at the last rest stop break that Rey had slept through. She can’t see Ben from this distance, just the backs of the seats, but she imagines how he must look: tired eyes and the beginnings of some stubble along his jawline, with those glasses of his slightly askew as he peers down at his phone. She quickly texts back, hoping it’ll bring a tired smile to his face as well. 

[Outgoing | 10:07am] Nope, no getting out of it. My condolences. What will your title be? Best man? Bro of honor?  

[Ben | 10:07am] Something like that.

Rey bites her lip, deciding on a flirty reply.

[Outgoing | 10:08am] You’ll need a plus one ;)

His response is almost instantaneous.

[Ben | 10:08am] Luckily I have someone in mind.

Rey’s stomach does a happy little flip. They’ve talked before about when and where to possibly make their relationship public, but the thought of being his date to a wedding makes her beyond excited. She’s never been someone’s date to a wedding. She’s never even been to a wedding, but she knows she’d love every second of it, especially with him. Still, she’s going for flirty here, not intense and overeager, so she shoots back a casual and cheeky response.

[Outgoing | 10:08am] Oh? What’s she like?  

[Ben | 10:08am] Brunette, hazel eyes, big smile, bigger heart.

[Outgoing | 10:09am] I don’t like the sound of her.  

[Ben | 10:09am] You should. She’s perfect, even when she snores in her sleep. 

Rey stifles a horrified giggle, looking over to Mitaka and then to the front to make sure no one has heard her. She snores? Around Ben? They’ve only spent the night with each other a handful of times. Just sleeping, though she’s certainly thought about slinging her legs over his to wake him up in more ways than one. Now she’s glad she hasn’t. The snoring, coupled with her morning breath and bedhead, doesn’t exactly paint her as the most alluring of bed mates.

All flirting forgotten, Rey shoots back a quick response along with an embarrassed, red faced emoji.

[Outgoing | 10:09am] WHAT. Oh my god! Am I loud? 

[Ben | 10:09am] No, you’re quiet. It’s more of a snuffle than a snore, actually. It’s cute.  

[Outgoing | 10:10am] That doesn’t sound cute.

[Ben | 10:10am] First of all, everything about you is cute. Second of all, did you pack a hat and gloves for this weekend?

Rey smiles, more than happy with his abrupt change in subject. The less time spent talking about her newly discovered sleeping habit, the better.

[Outgoing | 10:10am] Yes...why?

[Ben | 10:10am] :)

[Outgoing | 10:10am] ?? What does that mean?

Rey nibbles on her thumbnail as she waits for him to respond, running through all the possible scenarios in her head. But he just texts back cryptically, not giving her anymore clues.

[Ben | 10:12am] See you in 4 hours.

***

The first stop in New York is the culinary institute that hosts the competition each year. Everyone helps to unpack the van, but it still takes over an hour to register and stow supplies in their assigned workspace for tomorrow. Luckily the hotel is right across the street, but they all still have to clamber back inside their cold and fast-food reeking cars, find parking in the already crowded parking garage, and unload their luggage to take to their rooms. 

Needless to say, everyone is exhausted by check-in. All the trouble proves to be worth it the minute they step into the lobby, though. The hotel is an impressive one, far classier than any that Ben has ever stayed in before. White Christmas lights are strung up everywhere, reflecting off the marble floors, and there’s a giant Christmas tree in the center of the lobby. The place is bustling with ICMC competitors like themselves, adding an element of excitement to the air.

Though truth be told, most of Ben’s excitement is for another reason altogether. As he and Phasma wait by reception for everyone’s room keys, he absentmindedly pats the inside pocket of his coat, checking for the hundredth time to make sure the ring box is still safely tucked inside.

It is. He smiles to himself, and Phas shoots him an answering grin, poking him in the arm.

“You look downright cheerful. Like you haven’t just spent the last eight hours with an overly chatty me. Is all this New York Christmas spirit making your heart grow three sizes?” 

Three sizes is about right, he thinks, when he catches sight of Rey. She’s chatting with Finn, Mitaka, and Poe in front of the lobby’s Christmas tree. Bundled up in her oversized sweatshirt and her topknot worse for wear, she looks just as tired as he feels - but she still has a grin on her face.

He vows to make that grin even bigger when he gets down on one knee and asks her to marry him this weekend. He hasn’t decided when, exactly, but this is a special time for Rey, for both of them, and he wants to make it even more memorable for her.

“I’m just glad to finally be here,” he tells Phas.

*** 

“Do you think everyone will notice we’re both gone whenever they get back tonight?” Rey asks several hours later as they wait on the subway platform. It had taken a fair bit of convincing the others and coordinating via text, but they’d both managed to get out of the night of sightseeing and bar-hopping that everyone else had planned.

Ben looks down at her, squeezing her smaller, gloved-clad hand with his. “Maybe. Maybe not. They were planning on staying out pretty late.” He leans closer, pressing his lips against her temple. “But even if they don’t notice, we’ll have to tell them eventually.”

Rey nods, the corners of her lips quirking up in a shy smile. “Well...I seem to recall from earlier today something about you needing a date to Phasma’s wedding.”

Ben gives his best approximation of a flirtatious smile in return, though he’s positive it comes across as more dorky than anything else. “Hmm. I seem to recall the same.”

He doesn’t just recall. He remembers in exact detail how fucking happy that text had made him and how quickly he’d sent one back. He’d been able to distractedly nod along to Phasma’s constant stream of conversation but all the while, he’d imagined how Rey would look on his arm at a wedding, wearing a pretty dress and looking like a million bucks.

Which had only progressed to thoughts of how she’d look at their wedding, too. Her sunny smile, cheeks pink with excitement...exactly how she looks right now, come to think of it.

Rey, unaware of the direction his thoughts have veered, playfully swings his arm back and forth with hers. “We could tell them then, so long as we don’t steal the spotlight away from the brides.”

“That’d be...yeah. Good. Really good.”

“Really?” Rey’s nose wrinkles adorably when she grins up at him and Ben swallows thickly, trying his hardest to keep his absurd burst of masculine pride in check. When she looks at him like that, though...he can’t seem to keep control of himself. 

“Can I be honest, though?”

“Yeah?” 

“I’m already ready for you not to be a secret. I want the whole world to know what an awesome girlfriend you are. That way I can kiss you in full sight of anyone whenever I want, like this—”

“Ben!” Rey giggles, halfheartedly pushing him away when he rains kisses all over her cheeks. “Okay, okay, we can tell people sooner, but not the whole world! Just work friends. Otherwise we’ll turn into one of those couples. You know the ones. Can’t shut up about each other, have a joint Facebook account, cow eyes twenty-four seven no matter who else is around.” 

“Bold of you to assume we aren’t that kind of couple already.”

“Hush!” She blushes prettily and claps her hand over his mouth when he starts to laugh. Ben kisses her palm through the fabric of her glove. Much to his satisfaction, that makes her blush even more.

He takes her to a well-rated Vietnamese restaurant pretty close to their final destination in Central Park, so she can try their pho. It’s her new favorite thing to eat, after Finn had brought a huge helping of Rose’s homemade recipe to work one day.

Ben doesn’t think it tastes as good as Rose’s, but it’s still worth it to watch Rey attack hers with gusto - something that should really not be as alluring to watch as it is. By the time she’s finished eating, though, he’s feeling more than a bit flushed due to all her vocal enthusiasm. The only thing that’s kept him from turning into a sweaty, turned-on mess has been the waiter’s quick refills of Ben’s ice water, so he makes a point to very generously tip the guy before they leave.

They walk the rest of the way to the park, following the flow of foot traffic. Rey peppers him with questions about where they’re going exactly, and Ben evades them as best as he can until the ice rink finally comes into view.

It’s huge, even bigger than the pictures he’d seen on the website when he booked the tickets. Floodlights surround the perimeter of the rink, almost blinding in their intensity, but the glittering night skyline of the city can still be seen just beyond the treetops. The rink is predictably crowded with skaters, being that it’s close to Christmas, and Ben’s almost positive he’s going to get knocked over at some point by a kid whizzing past him too fast, but...this is all for Rey. As long as she has fun, he’ll willingly make a fool of himself.

“Is this...are we...iceskating?” Rey stops short, letting go of his hand as she takes in their surroundings.

“Yeah. I got us tickets.” He takes them both out of his wallet and hands one to her. Rey takes it into her gloved hands and stares down at it, then back up at him.

Suddenly worried this isn’t what she expected out of their date, Ben rushes to explain, “I know you’re nervous about tomorrow, so I thought it would be a nice distraction. Plus, I remember you telling me you took lessons when you were younger and that you still like to skate when you have time, so — woah!”

His arms are suddenly full of Rey, her legs hooked around his waist as she kisses him over and over. He kisses her back, laughing breathlessly between each one. 

“You did this for me?” she asks him.

He nods, rubbing the tip of his nose against hers. “Yep.”

“Oh my god, Ben!” She kisses him on the cheek this time, nuzzling against his skin. “I’m so happy right now, babe!” 

Babe. That’s new. They haven’t used pet names before, but he finds he likes the sound of it past her lips. Loves it, in fact. It appeals to that same sense of manly, possessive pride because he has a girlfriend and she calls him babe. Now he just needs to find a name to call her, too. Baby? Honey? Dear? Sunshine? None of those seem right. He’ll have to think it over later when he doesn’t have a literal armful of excited, squealing girlfriend.

“It’s a good surprise, then?” he grins.

“Good?! It’s perfect. I love - it. I love it. So much. Let’s go!” She jumps down from his arms and grabs him by the hand again, pulling him along to the rink’s entrance to get their tickets scanned.

Ben has never skated before in his life - he’s always been too awkward and gangly with a shitty sense of balance, even as a kid - so he’s grateful that Rey knows what she’s doing, from putting on and tightly lacing up their rental skates to first stepping out onto the ice. What he doesn’t anticipate is how his legs begin to shake and wobble the moment he starts to actually move. He feels like Threepio that one time his mom made the poor chihuahua wear a pair of ridiculous dog booties to walk in the snow.

“You okay?” Rey keeps asking him, holding on to his hand tight while he grips the sturdy wall surrounding the rink with his other arm. He’s well-aware they’re moving at a snail’s pace compared to most of the other skaters. The only people who seem to be anywhere near his lack of coordination are small children being coaxed across the ice by their parents. 

“I’m - managing,” he gets out, stopping to catch his breath. This is way harder than it looks on TV. His legs are on fire and he’s fucking winded even though they’ve barely covered half a lap around the rink.  

Rey, on the other hand, looks as comfortable as can be, her legs steady and her back straight instead of hunched over like his is.

“I know it’s weird at first but it does get easier when you don’t look down constantly. It’s kind of like walking, just more slide-y. Here, why don’t you let go of the wall and I’ll pull you? I can skate backwards just fine.”

“I don’t know…” 

“It’s okay. Give me your other hand.”

Against his better judgement, Ben lets her gently but firmly loosen his iron grip of the ledge. Then she clasps both of his hands in hers and steers them a little further away from the wall, looking behind her to make sure they have enough space. “I’ll go super slow, I promise. Do you trust me?”

He sighs shakily. “I do. I’m going to break a bone at some point, but I do.”

“Not going to happen on my watch.” She starts to pull him, smiling brightly when his legs don’t immediately buckle. “See? It’s alright. You got this, babe.” 

There’s that babe again. It’s funny, how a single word like that has such a positive effect on him, but it does. Focusing on her rather than anything else, with her yellow knit hat and gloves and words of encouragement, he can feel himself relax muscle by muscle and start to actually enjoy himself.

An hour later and he’s progressed to awkwardly skate-shuffling side-by-side with her and holding just one of her hands for balance. Though from the way she’s psyching him up, one would think he’s displaying Olympic-level skating skills. 

“You’re doing so good, babe! I’m really proud of you. You’re way better than I was my first time and I’m not just saying that because I’m your girlfriend.” 

Ben laughs at that. “Weren’t you five your first time, though?”

“Well yeah...but still. It’s harder to pick this up when you’re old.”

“You’re telling me. My grandpa legs are shot.”

“Older! I meant older. You’re not a grandpa!”

“Rey, just admit you’re dating a senior citizen. I don’t blame you, I get a great discount. You might as well take advantage of it while I’m still kicking.”

This time it’s Rey’s turn to laugh. She tips back her head and lets out a big holler, which earns her a few strange looks from the skaters around them and one ‘is she okay, mommy?’ from an overly concerned little girl. That only makes her laugh more until she literally collapses, falling flat on her butt.

“Rey!”

Without even considering the effect it may have on his knees, Ben drops to the ice beside her and pulls her to him to shield her from the pair of skaters coming right up behind her. Fortunately they stop a few feet from crashing into them and just move around, continuing on their way.

“Fucking fucker,” Ben curses under his breath, checking Rey for signs of injury. “You alright?”

“Go on without me,” Rey croaks, clutching the lapel of his coat for added theatrics. “I broke my fragile ass with that fall and now I’m done for. Tell our children I love them.”

“You missed your calling as an actress,” Ben deadpans.

“Thanks. You too. I know that fall of yours wasn’t scripted but it was very heroic, regardless.”

“I dropped like a sack of potatoes.” 

“Oscar-worthy.”

“I try,” Ben huffs, brushing his jeans clean of stuck-on ice. “Wait. What was that about children?” 

Rey smiles cheekily and quickly gets to her feet, offering her hand to help pull him up too. “Do you want some?”

“Yes,” he answers instinctively, cursing his lack of filter when Rey’s eyes widen. “I mean... someday, you know?” 

“I do.”

“You do?” Ben nervously licks his lip, realizing the position he’s still in. On his knees, with Rey standing over him. The jewelry box is practically burning a hole in the inner lining of his coat and it would be so easy to just reach in, grab it, and hold it up to her.

He’s halfway there, his hands fumbling to unbutton the front of his coat, when a voice interrupts the music on the rink’s speaker system, informing everyone to momentarily clear the ice for the Zamboni driver. 

Just my luck, Ben thinks, though he’s not too disappointed about this missed opportunity. He has the entire weekend to make the proposal absolutely perfect, and he doesn’t want to rush, not when it comes to Rey. Sweet Rey, with her equally sweet heart.

Ben blinks. Now that’s a pet name he hadn’t considered before.

“Ben? You coming?” Rey asks, breaking through his thoughts, her hand still outstretched towards his. 

He takes it in his and stands, pulling her in for a quick kiss.

“Yeah. Let’s go.”

***

Across town and just starting on his second beer, Poe decides it’s time to give in to his nosiness. He’s a gossip lover at heart and he’s among friends. No harm in asking a harmless question, right? To see if they’ve noticed the same thing that he has or if he’s just imagining it?

“Hey guys,” he says conversationally, firmly placing Finn’s wandering hands back on the tabletop instead of where they just were on his thighs. Finn gives him a pout in return and Poe plants a quick, placating peck on his boyfriend’s cheek before turning his attention to Phasma and Mitaka. “I know I’ve been away for awhile and I’m out of the loop, so correct me if I’m wrong. Or in Phasma’s case, keep yelling ‘shame’ at me like they did in Game of Thrones.” 

“Mmmkay.” Phas gives him a wide, tipsy smile, propping her chin up with her hand. “Shoot.”

Poe glances between her, Mitaka, and Finn, trying to work out how to pose his next question with as good taste as possible.

“Rey and Ben. Are they—”

“Yes,” all three of them answer simultaneously, looking no more surprised than if he’d just asked if it’s cold outside.

“Ooookay. That was easy.” Poe blinks, takes a sip of his beer, then follows up with, “And have they…?”

Mitaka shakes his head, Finn lets out a loud ‘NOPE!’ with extra emphasis on the P, and Phasma bangs her fists on the table. “No, but oh my God, do they NEED to! Neither of them look like they’ve had a good lay recently. Possibly ever!” She sighs and picks up her drink, sticking her tongue out to reach the tip of her straw. She misses entirely, poking herself in the face with the straw instead. “Ow. And you know what? I think it’s about time we intervened on their behalf.”

How? They’ve been into each other for weeks now, possibly months, probably thinking we haven’t noticed. We can’t just give them—” Finn pauses to hiccup, “Give them each a cake that says ‘please bang’ on it...or can we?” He turns to Poe. “Can we do that? Is that a good idea? Or is alcohol telling me that’s a good idea?”

“Probably the alcohol, but…I think you’re on the right track. Something a little bit more subtle but enough to get them in the same room together because damn, they’ve got a spark.

“Bedsharing,” Mitaka nods wisely.

“Yeah, that’s the end goal here.” 

“No, I mean bedsharing. It’s a plot device...thing. Two people with an obvious attraction are forced to share a bed for whatever reason. We just need to come up with the reason.” 

“And you know about this how?” Phas asks.

Mitaka’s face turns a few shades pinker. “Doesn’t matter.”

Phas leans closer to him. “Do you read romances, Mitaka? Watch them? Write them?” she croons. 

Anyway,” Poe says pointedly, rapping his knuckles on the table. “Mitaka, I really think that could work. It’ll require some coordination from all of us to happen, but we already know we make a great team. On that note, we should probably start a group text. Phasma?”

“On it.” She grabs her phone from her purse and starts tapping away. A few moments later they all get the notification that they’ve been added. 

Finn snorts. “Nice group name.”

“Thanks! I’m quite fond of it myself,” Phasma grins. “Now...who’s ready to get their asses handed to them at karaoke?”

They all groan because they know it’s true. Phas has never not slayed at karaoke when she has the entire discography of ABBA memorized by heart.

***

For Rey, tonight has felt like one amazing dream. Or something out of those ridiculously cheesy Christmas romance movies that she hatewatches but ends up loving, anyway. She'd walked hand in hand with Ben through this big, bright city. He’d taken her to eat pho, knowing how much she loves it. And then he’d surprised her with iceskating. In Central Park!  

She’s lucky. She feels like the luckiest girl in the world, to be honest, because she’s found someone who treats her like a queen. 

Which is why she also can’t help but feel like a greedy, spoiled rotten person for wanting more.

She wants him. She wants all six-foot-three of him on top of her right now. She wants to feel his weight, touch his bare skin, and look up into his soulful brown eyes as she tells him that she loves him. She’d almost slipped up and told him back at the skating rink, but she’s glad she hadn’t. She knows now, without a doubt, that saving her confession until the most intimate moment between them will make it all the more special.

Time isn’t on their side tonight, though. It’s past midnight and none of their friends are back yet, but she knows they will be eventually. So she just has to content herself with their slow, lingering kisses outside of her hotel room. For now.

“Tonight was so perfect,” she tells him between each one. “Just perfect, Ben. Thank you. No one’s ever—” She stops, swallowing the lump in her throat. “Crap, I’m no good at this. It just - it means so much to me.”

“You deserve it. You deserve - everything. The whole world and everything in it.”

“I’m fine with just you.” She reaches up, running her fingers through his impossibly soft hair. “Just you, Ben Solo. Nothing else.”

He closes his eyes and takes a shuddering breath, leaning into her touch. “Rey, I—”

The elevator dings in the distance, shortly followed by a group of people laughing. The noise snaps both of them out of their daze. That could be their friends stepping out, or just random strangers. Either way, they can’t stay here kissing in plain sight any longer.

“Text me before you fall asleep?” Rey asks, squeezing his hand one more time.

Ben looks physically pained but he nods, kissing the tip of her nose. “Of course. Good night, sweetheart. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“‘Night.”

Rey watches him disappear down the hall and into the room he’s sharing with Mitaka, her heart feeling like it’s close to bursting inside her chest. Then she quickly unlocks her and Phasma’s hotel room and rushes inside, flopping down on her bed with a sigh.

“‘Sweetheart’,” she murmurs to herself, grinning up at the ceiling.

Notes:

Hi lovelies! I'm back. Sorry for the wait in between chapters. Sometimes life gets me down and sucks all my creative energy away but I just have to push through it.

A few updates and insights:

1) You'll notice I set the chapter count to a tentative 17...but given how much I divert from my outline and add scenes in, it could easily go up. Also, I feel like it's my duty to inform you that the next chapter will most likely earn this fic's rating *eyebrow waggle*
2) I've kept the location of Ben and Rey's town purposely vague up to this point, but now you know it's in Maine! I always pictured it as this quintessential and picturesque small town somewhere in New England. I reckon Maine has a lot of those!
3) When researching outdoor NYC iceskating rinks, I found out that the rink I *really* wanted to use is operated by an organization that I do not want associated with this fic (rhymes with grump). So, much like the ICMC being a figment of my imagination, I've exercised my creative control so that the iceskating rink in this chapter does not have a real name or organization attached to it :)
4) EDIT: WE HAVE MORE FANART!!! Please go show some love to benisolo's art of the chocolate tasting from Chapter 10. I'm in love with Ben and Rey's frecklessss <3

As always, thank you for reading/commenting/kudo'ing/bookmarking/subscribing (yes, I notice and track all of these things like a dragon hoarding its treasure lol). If you liked it, please let me know what you thought & share it with a friend <3

 

Aesthetic for this chapter.

 

Playlist.

Chapter 14

Notes:

CONTENT WARNING: this chapter includes a depiction of a panic attack.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

***

The next morning, everyone has breakfast together at the hotel.

Ben’s in a good mood, despite the fact that he and Phasma won’t be able to watch everyone compete today. They’re going to some bullshit meet-and-greet for the business owners instead. This means he’ll have to mingle, and Snoke will most likely be there, but Ben is still riding the high of last night and can’t be fucked to care about any of that.

Rey looks like she’s doing well, too.

She’s quiet while everyone else commiserates about their hangovers over black coffee, but she doesn’t seem visibly nervous, just tired. She shares a brief smile with him in between bites of her bagel, and Ben rests easy knowing she’s going to be okay.

That all changes thirty minutes before the competition is due to start. Ben is sitting with Phasma in one of the hotel conference rooms, waiting for their event to start, when he receives a call from Mitaka of all people.

“Is Rey with you or Phasma?” Mitaka asks, sounding slightly out of breath.

Ben blinks. She’s...not with you guys?” 

Phasma taps him on the shoulder and Ben turns in his seat to face her. She’s holding up her phone, the screen lit up with a text message from Finn reading WHERE IS REY??

“No. And she’s not answering her phone, either,” Mitaka frets.

That has Ben out of his chair, his stomach lurching uncomfortably. “When was the last time you saw her?”

“Twenty minutes ago, give or take? She forgot part of her uniform so she went back to her hotel room to grab it real quick. Said she would only take a couple minutes.”

“Have you checked to see if she’s still there?”

“That’s where we’re all at now. I don’t think she’s here, though. Poe’s pounding pretty hard on the door but if she’s inside, she’s not answering. Can you send Phas up with the room key just to make sure?”

Phasma is already out of her seat too, digging into her purse for her key. “Tell them I’m on my way?”

Ben nods distractedly, watching as she hastily makes her way through the crowd trickling into the conference room and out into the hotel lobby again. He decides to follow her out but heads in the opposite direction of the elevators, to the front entryway of the hotel.

“Are you still there?” Mitaka asks.

“Yeah, sorry, Phas is coming up. Listen, I need the rest of you to go back.” Mitaka must have him on speakerphone because he distantly hears Finn shout his objections. Fighting back his temper, Ben rushes to explain, “There isn’t enough time for everyone to be focused on this, alright? Phas and I will find her. In the meantime, you three need to do what you came here to do - compete. One missing chocolatier isn’t enough to get us disqualified but four is. Is that understood?”

“Yes sir,” Mitaka answers quickly. Ben doesn’t hear any more arguments on the other line so he hangs up and immediately calls Rey instead. The call goes straight to her voicemail, just like he expected it to but God, that makes him even more worried. Where is she? This isn’t like her.

Ben hurries past the hotel’s revolving doors and out onto to the sidewalk. He deliberates for only a moment before making his mind up. The culinary institute has fourteen floors, and he has - Ben checks his watch - twenty-five minutes to spare now. That’s not a lot of time to look for her inside but dammit, he’s got to try.

Steeling himself and checking both ways for traffic, Ben breaks into a run across the street to the other building.

***

Rey had thought that everything would be okay.

That she had a grip on her anxiety.

That her happiness with Ben would take the edge off her fear, come competition day.

But all it had taken for her to crumble, for all the progress she’d made over the last month to be horribly reversed, was a brief run-in with Snoke at the hotel. She’d been rushing through the lobby, having just grabbed her uniform top from her room, when she heard someone call out her name.

Her last name.

“Miss Kenobi!”

She’d had spotted him almost immediately - in a crisp black business suit, flanked by four men in red double-breasted chef coats. His chocolatiers, she realized, looking every bit as severe and cutthroat as she’d imagined they would be.

Snoke had beckoned her to come closer with a wave of his hand, but Rey had been rooted to the spot, stunned into silence because he knew. Somehow, he’d figured out who she was. As he’d moved closer to her, holding out his hand for her to shake, his leering smile just confirmed it.

“I hope there are no hard feelings between us, Miss Kenobi. I wish you and your co-workers the best of luck today - though you won’t need much luck in order to shine, will you? Your skill is innate.” He’d turned to his chocolatiers, smirking. “Rey here is something of a chocolatier legacy, boys.”

That particular comment finally spurred her into action and she’d backed away from him and broken into a sprint, running as fast as her legs could carry her.

Once back inside the institute, hidden away in a quiet bathroom stall on whichever floor she’d stumbled out of the elevator onto, she’d tried calling Ben. But her hands had been too shaky and she’d dropped her phone into the toilet. The freaking toilet!

She’d fished it out and tried to dry it off as best as she could, choking back tears, but the screen remained dark. No way to call Ben, no way to call the others and let them know she was having an emergency. 

Still is having one.

A panic attack.

She can hear her blood pounding in her ears and her heart is beating so fast it feels like it might explode, even though she’s sitting completely still, knees brought up to her chest. 

Rey knows she has to get up, has to find her way back to whichever floor of this building the workspace is on, because surely the competition must be starting soon? She’d gone back to the hotel with almost an hour to spare, but with her damaged phone there’s no way of telling how much time has passed since then, and God she’s going to let everyone down if she stays holed up like this, glued to her little spot on the tiled bathroom floor, paralyzed with fear. 

“Get up get up get up GET UP!” she whispers fiercely to herself, but that only seems to make it worse. Breathing heavy, she tucks her head between her knees and tries to count down from ten.

When she’s on her third failed attempt, the bathroom door bangs open. Rey startles instantly, curling into an even tighter ball. She can’t let anyone hear what a mess she is right now. What if it’s another contestant? What if it’s one of the judges? What if it’s Snoke, come to intimidate her even more, or to somehow blackmail her out of competing altogether? He knows who she is now, and could go straight to the ICMC Board of Directors and try to get Say It With Sugar disqualified on grounds of — having an unfair advantage? Cheating? Is it cheating, that she’s related to a famous chocolatier? It sounds ridiculous when put that way. But Snoke wants to see her fail, wants to see Say It With Sugar fail, and she wouldn’t put any tactic past him at this point—

“Rey?”

Ben.  

Rey heaves a huge sigh of relief at the sound of his familiar voice, but it comes out as a gurgled, watery sob. That doesn’t matter, though. Ben’s here. He’s come for her and everything’s going to be okay.

She moves to stand up on her wobbly legs, only to fall back down in a heap again. She tries to call out his name but it gets trapped in her throat, behind another ugly sounding cry.

Ben knocks on her bathroom stall door and then rattles its frame when she doesn’t immediately answer. “Rey, I’m coming in. Are you away from the door so I can kick it in? No, fuck it, what am I saying? - I’m crawling under.” 

He manages to fit all of his massive six-foot-three frame beneath the stall in a matter of seconds and then he’s surrounding her, pulling her close in a hug. “Are you okay? Are you hurt? I didn’t know where you were, you weren’t answering your phone. It scared the shit out of me.” He brushes her hair from her face and frowns, taking in her appearance. “Shit. Rey, can you hear me?” 

She manages to nod once, but still can’t form the words she wants to say.

His strong hold is her anchor, pulling her back from her spiraling thoughts and to the present. She returns his embrace, squeezing him so tight she knows it must hurt, but her Ben, her sweet Ben, just continues to soothe her with mumbled words of endearment, rubbing her back in comforting circles for who knows how long. 

After awhile, Rey tries to count down from ten again, mimicking Ben’s steady breathing until it becomes her own, focusing in on the ever-present smell of peppermint she’ll always associate with him. 

She makes it to one this time, and starts over again, until she finally feels like she can piece together the fractured mess of thoughts in her head into something resembling words.

“You’re here,” she says as a start, burying her nose into his shoulder. “You’re here now.”

“I’m here now.”

“I’m scared, Ben.” 

“Tell me.”

“Snoke - he knows, Ben, he knows who I am. And I - I thought I was doing so good. That I could handle this, whatever happened, whether people knew who I was or not. But now that I’m here, now that it’s about to start - I’m so nervous I feel sick. And it’s just me. Poe, Finn, Mitaka...they’re fine. They can perform under pressure and get through anything, working as a team. It’s just me, with this crippling fear and self-doubt that takes so little to set me off and - I feel so stupid. And weak. And alone, and I hate myself for it.”

She feels Ben’s hands on either side of her face, gently coaxing her away from the little nook she’s made for herself against his neck and shoulder. Rey feels raw, more vulnerable than she’s ever been, but she fights against the instinct to hide from him and meets his gaze head-on, her vision blurring slightly from her tears as she takes in his fierce, protective expression.

“Rey. Listen to me, okay? No matter if we lose this thing or not, whether you decide to not compete or you do...you are not weak. You are not stupid. And you’re not alone. I’ve got you. Through all of this. Through what you’re feeling right now because I’ve been there. I can’t promise to always have the answers you want, but I want you to know that you have me. You and me, together. Understand? You never have to be alone again, sweetheart. Not as long as I’m here, and I don’t plan on leaving anytime soon.”   

“You’re not alone, either,” Rey manages through a huge lump in her throat, because she understands what he’s saying. He’s talking about his anxiety. It’s not quite a full confession, not yet, but it’s as close he’s ever gotten before, and she could kiss him for it.

So she does.

Over and over again, over every inch of his beloved face, the one she’s committed to memory. Over every beauty mark, every freckle. Over his eyelids, his jawline, the bridge of his nose. Over every single place she can possibly reach until Ben meets her lips with his, so softly that it makes her cry again. 

“How do you always know exactly what to say to me, at exactly the right time?” she whispers. 

“I don’t know. I just think out loud and hope it all makes sense to you.”

“It does.”

“I’m glad. When I first met you I could barely string a sentence together, so being able to say the right thing around you is a welcome development.”

Rey manages a watery laugh. “I wasn’t much better off. I brought cue cards to our date at Maz’s, you know.”

“That’s...really cute. And almost makes up for my turning that dinner into an absolute shitshow. I’m still so sorry about how that night ended, Rey.”

“It’s okay. You were—” Like me, just now, she thinks. Going through a crisis, except he didn’t have her to help him through it, and that breaks her heart. If she had known then what she does now, she would’ve locked herself into the bathroom and held him exactly like he’s doing to her, talking him through his anxieties and fears and everything else. 

“An asshole, to put it lightly,” he finishes for her.

Rey shakes her head. “No. No. You’re the most selfless, wonderful person I’ve ever met and I just - I just can’t bear it to hear you talk about yourself that way. Not now, not ever. Not when you’ve crawled under a bathroom stall and talked me down from a panic attack, Ben Solo. Assholes don’t do things like this.”

He presses his forehead to hers and Rey closes her eyes. She can’t tell him she loves him now, even though she wants to so badly. She doesn’t have enough time to devote to saying what she wants to say, what she needs to say, not with the competition being so close, and— 

The competition!

Rey gasps, wiping her runny nose with her still trembling hands. “Oh hell, I need - I need to go. How much time is left? God, is everyone else okay? I disappeared on them and they were probably trying to get in touch just like you were, except I couldn’t answer because I damaged my phone and I don’t know what to do about that now, either, because phones are so stupidly expensive and I’m away from home and—”

“Rey. Shh. It’s okay. One step at a time. Deep breaths.” Ben lets go of her long enough to check his watch. “It’s ten-fifty. You have exactly ten minutes.”

Rey does what he says, sucking in a sharp breath and then letting it out, slowly. “Shoot. Okay. And we’re how many floors up from where our group’s workstation is?”

“They’re on the sixth. We’re on the ninth.”

“Okay. Okay. Alright.”

Ben frowns. “We can stay here the entire length of the competition, Rey, however long that is. You don’t have to go down there, not if it’s not what you want. You’re recovering from a panic attack and you look exhausted, sweetheart. No one from our team will blame you if you sit this out and take the day for yourself.”

Rey takes his hands in hers and squeezes them for added reassurance. “Ben. I’m...I’m going to do it.”

His eyes search hers, worriedly. “Are you sure?” 

Rey nods and attempts to stand again, holding onto his arms for support. This time her footing is sure and her legs don’t buckle. She takes it as a good sign. “I didn’t come this far to turn around at the last second. I’m still scared shitless, and it’ll be a miracle if I don’t pass out at some point but...if I don’t do this, if I don’t compete, I know I’ll regret that decision more than I’ll regret anything that could possibly happen during it.”

Ben is silent for a few seconds more and then leads her from the bathroom stall to the sink, where he wets a paper towel.

“I can’t go in with you, but I’ll be nearby all day,” he says, gently dabbing the paper towel under her eyes and over her forehead, wiping away the cooling sweat that she can still feel there.

“Don’t you have that conference thing?”

“Fuck the conference. I’m staying with you. Phas will understand. Anytime during competing, anytime you’re feeling like absolute shit, you take a break and meet me out in the hallway. Okay?”

“Okay.”

He kisses her, harder this time, and then pulls her in close again for one last hug. “Then go kick some ass like I know you can.”

***

Rey arrives at the kitchen workspace with five minutes to spare. She’s out of breath, nerves still frayed, hands shaking, but she holds tight to the comforting thought that Ben is right outside, willingly sitting on an uncomfortable bench for the duration of today’s competition, just for her.

Just for her .

He’s doing that for her, and she can do this. She can.

She nods to herself, tightening the strings of her apron behind her back as she approaches the workstation where Finn, Poe, and Mitaka all have their heads bent deep in conversation. They look worried and stressed - mostly due to her, she’s sure. She swallows back her guilt at this thought and waves half-heartedly when Finn notices her. He springs into action, running towards her to envelop her in a bear hug. Rey returns it, smiling tremulously as she breathes in the familiar chocolate scent that lingers on all of their uniforms.

“Rey! You okay, hon? We were really worried about you.” He steps back and holds her at arm’s length. “Shit, you’re white as a sheet. Pre-competition jitters get to you?”

That’s putting it lightly, she thinks, but is fairly accurate. “Yeah, they did. I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be, babe. We’re just glad you’re alright and that you’re here. This’ll be over before you know it. And hey, you have tonight to look forward to!”

“What’s tonight?”

Finn grins. “We’re going out again and you are definitely coming with us this time, missy. No excuses. After today, you need to let loose. I’ll buy the first round of shots for everyone and I’ll get you a super sweet, fruity cocktail too. Those are always the best drinks, no matter what anyone else says.”

“You sure you want to go for round two after last night?” Poe butts in, bemused.

Finn scowls at his boyfriend. “Of course. Anything for Rey. You think I’m not up to it, Dameron?”

“Last night you were crying while singing ‘Girls Just Want To Have Fun’, Finn.” 

“That’s because it’s a good song and Cyndi Lauper is a legend!”

“Didn’t sound so good when you were singing it,” Mitaka mumbles behind him. 

They all dissolve into giggles, even Rey, and that’s when she realizes that even if nothing ever comes of this competition, even if they all go back to Maine emptyhanded, everything is going to be fine. Not just fine. Great. Better than it ever has been. She has an amazing group of friends, an amazing boyfriend, an amazing job. She is not going to let one competition and one weirdly obsessed chocolate competitor get in her way. Not anymore. She’s going to do this, and she’s going to do it well, just like she was taught. Then she can pile back into Finn's cramped car with this little work family that she loves so much and go home, to where she belongs.

***

There are three criteria on which everyone will be judged today: formulation, design, and taste.

The formulation component seems fairly straightforward to Rey; a copy of the recipes has already been given to the judges ahead of the competition, and everyone has already memorized their assigned chocolates, so although they’re working without any directions today, they know exactly which ingredients they need and how long to temper each portion of chocolate.

The design is a lengthier and more difficult process, especially when the five ICMC judges show up at Say It With Sugar’s workstation to watch everyone. The only one out of their team who doesn’t break a sweat during this close scrutiny is Mitaka; in the time that Rey has gotten to know him, she’s realized that his strength is in the final finishing touches and flourishes to garnish each chocolate, and today is no exception to this talent of his. The judges watch him work, their faces blank masks, but Rey can tell from their attentiveness that he’s got them at least slightly impressed.

When one of the judges finally speaks, Rey nearly jumps out of her skin, but luckily the question is aimed at Mitaka.

“What is the glaze made of that you’re spooning on top of the cherries?” This judge, the tallest among them, is an elderly man with a deep and intimidating voice. Dooku is printed on the right breast of his crisp black chef’s coat in a red cursive script. He hovers over Mitaka to get a closer look at what he’s doing and Rey’s heart lurches painfully for him, though his technique doesn’t falter as he answers the man back.

“An amaretto reduction. Just sugar, butter, almond liqueur and a little bit of water to get the right consistency.” 

Dooku nods, focused on Mitaka for a few seconds more, until he turns to Finn, who is nervously crumbling bits of bacon on top of his small batch of smoked maple bacon chocolates. 

“Bacon?” 

“Uh, yes sir. I mean Chef. Yes, Chef. Smoked maple bacon.” 

“Ah.”

Dooku doesn’t say anything else in return, but the only woman judge out of the five appears interested. She looks a little bit less intimidating than the rest, her chef coat an azure blue to match the colorful blue and white headscarf she wears. Rey likes her immediately.

“Would you be able to modify this for someone who doesn’t eat pork?” she asks Finn.

Finn blanches for a second but recovers quickly. “Yes, chef. I think so! With turkey bacon, most likely. I haven’t worked with a vegetarian substitute ever, but I’m sure with some trial and error I could make that work too while preserving the maple flavor.”

The woman chef smiles slightly, her blue eyes encouraging. “That’s the spirit. Adaptability. Any good chocolatier has it.”

Finn nods enthusiastically, a too-bright smile on his face, and then visibly deflates in relief when the woman judge moves on to observe Poe. “Holy shit,” Finn whispers to Rey. “That was Ahsoka Tano. She has her own pastry show on Food Network.” 

This new information does nothing to quell Rey’s anxiety. She swallows thickly, remembering to breathe, and focuses her attention back on her work. “I can’t imagine that’s been easy. This is still such a male-dominated profession.”

“That’s why the world needs more female chocolatiers like you, peanut,” Finn says.

“Peanut?” 

“That’s your new nickname.” 

“...Why?” 

“Because...you’re cute and small, like a peanut. And it took a little bit to crack you open but now everyone can see you for the amazing legume that you are.” 

Rey wasn’t expecting to feel as touched at his explanation as she does. Finn just called her a freaking legume and now she’s close to tears again, and if that isn’t an accurate summary of just how emotional this day has been for her already, she doesn’t know what is. “That’s...an odd comparison, but I’ll take it. Thanks, Finn. You’re sweet.” She blinks quickly and clears her throat, sprinkling a dash’s worth of ground white peppercorn on top of her nearly finished lemon chocolates.

The rest of the decorating goes smoothly and they all finish within a few minutes of each other. The fifteen chocolates look beautiful spread across the white rectangular presentation plate, and Rey feels a swell of pride in her chest offset some of the nerves still there. Their chocolates may not be as elaborate or as complicated as others in this competition, but this is the best work that they have ever done together and it shows.

All chocolatiers are given a thirty-minute break to stretch their legs while the judges reconvene before the start of the tasting segment of the judging. Rey finds Ben exactly where she left him, and shares a brief hug with him before she remembers that her coworkers are set to come out of the kitchen and join her at any second. 

“Alright?” he asks her quietly.

Rey nods, letting out a breath. “Getting there, yeah.”

Ben squeezes her hand and then lets it go, just as Finn’s announces his presence with a loud “BEN!” and runs up to the pair of them, giving Ben a friendly clap on the back.

“I thought you and Phas were gonna be at that conference all day?” 

“I decided to stay behind. For...moral support.”

He catches Rey’s eyes for a split second and then looks back down at his phone. Rey does the same, clicking on the home button just for something to do, the screen still as black and unresponsive as when she first fished it out of the toilet.

Finn doesn't catch on at all. “Thanks, bro. We all appreciate it.” He sits down on the bench, letting out a loud huff. “Damn, I’m exhausted. When we get done here I’m going to take the longest nap so I’ll be ready to throw down later. That reminds me: Ben, you need to come out with us tonight, man. I haven’t texted Phas yet but I know she’ll be up for it, Poe and Mitaka are as game as ever, and Rey here has already committed. Now it’s up to you.”   

“I...well…” Ben casts his gaze around like he’s looking for some sort of excuse to not join, but he quietly sighs in defeat after a moment. “I can stay out. For a bit.”

Finn cheers, fist pumping the air, just as Poe and Mitaka’s stagger out of the kitchen, both of them looking as tired as Rey knows that she does. 

“What’s going on?” Poe asks, stretching his arms. “Why are you fist pumping like it’s 2010 all over again?”

“Ben’s gonna come out with us tonight!”

Poe turns to Ben, looking concerned. “Ben, I apologize in advance for anything that is said or done tonight. Please don’t fire us.”

“That’d be a bit of a dick move on my part, considering how much work you guys are putting in today. How’s it going in there, by the way?”

“It’s hell with the judges breathing down your neck. That San Tekka guy is intense. Dooku even more so. Pretty sure he hates me after I called him sir instead of chef by mistake,” Finn sighs, slumping further down in his seat. “The chocolates look incredible, though, so there’s that.”

“Speaking of, we should probably get back in there soon. We have to talk to the judges even more during the tasting and I need at least a few minutes to figure out what the hell I’m going to say,” Poe frets.

“Same here. I nearly passed out earlier when Dooku talked to me.” Mitaka shakes his head glumly. “I should’ve described the reduction in more detail but I just...blanked. I need to step up my game during the tasting.”

Finn stands up, throwing one arm around Mitaka and the other around Poe. “Could’ve fooled me, Mr. Perfect. You sounded calmer than you ever do around us. How is that even possible, Mitaka? Give us your secrets or I’m not paying for any of your drinks tonight.” 

“That’s not fair. You already promised.”

“You having balls of steel around the judges isn’t fair either, but here we are…”

Their friendly banter fades away as they all head back inside, leaving Ben and Rey alone as they were before. Doing a quick scan of her surroundings first, Rey presses a quick kiss to Ben’s cheek. 

“You’re going out tonight, then?”

Ben groans. “I’ll probably regret it because I can’t hold my alcohol at all, but yeah. You’ll be there so it can’t be all that bad.” 

Rey bites her lip, holding back the urge to kiss him more soundly. “I’ll make it worth your while, then.” 

Ben’s eyes darken with something that makes her stomach tense and her breathing hitch, but in a good way. Not an anxiety way. She doesn’t have time to appreciate the feeling now, but she will. Later. 

That thought, paired with the memory of the look he’s giving her, is going to get her through this final round of the judging. She just knows it, the same way that she knows that tonight they are finally, definitely going to have sex.

Notes:

So, I know I promised smut in this chapter BUT!! The final word count would have been ridiculous and a pain to edit if I hadn't split it up into two parts (hence the updated chapter count...here's hoping it STAYS at 18). The next installment should be up within the week. Nanowrimo is really helping me make some much-needed progress on this fic.

I'm tired and would probably have more to say about this chapter were I more alert, but uh...hope you enjoy, and sorry for taking my sweet time on this! lol

 

Aesthetic for this chapter.

 

Playlist.

Chapter 15

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

***

Each second that Rey waits for her turn during the tasting segment of the competition is excruciatingly slow. First to introduce his chocolates to the judges is Mitaka. Rey watches him effortlessly describe his cherry-amaretto, rosemary-orange, cardamom-vanilla bean, and cinnamon-brown sugar creations without breaking so much as a sweat.

Chef Dooku reaches for the rosemary-orange first, lifting it up between his thumb and forefinger to inspect it before he takes a bite. “Acceptable composition. Firm but not overly so,” he says, rather unaffected, and Chef Tano nods, scribbling down a note on the clipboard she is holding.

The judge’s dour expression changes when he bites into the small piece for the first time. His eyes widen slightly and he glances down at the four remaining rosemary-orange pieces on the plate meant for the other judges, then back up at Mitaka. Then he pops the whole thing into his mouth.

Rey bites her lip to hide her smile. Sampling hundreds of chocolates may sound like a dream to some, but it’s actually difficult work that requires pacing and an iron stomach to withstand the acidity from the cocoa content. Small nibbles of each piece are usually all it takes to ascertain the chocolate flavor, so it’s a big deal for a judge like Dooku, who certainly knows this, to eat anything more than a small bite.

The other judges follow Chef Dooku’s lead, picking up their allotted pieces of chocolate. Their reactions are similar to Dooku’s. Even better, possibly, because Chef San Tekka utters the words ‘remarkable’, Chef Tano dives straight into tasting the cherry-amaretto chocolate without waiting her turn in the chef pecking order, and the two other judges, Chef Windu and Chef Fett, actually shake Mitaka’s hand. That’s a thing that actually happens, and Rey can hardly believe it. It’s a welcome albeit short-lived reprieve from worrying about her own turn.

Poe is next to go. Since rejoining the team from his medical leave, he’s shown firsthand that he’s not afraid to use spice in his chocolate making, and had readily volunteered to handle the two chocolates with the most kick to them: the chili-pepper pine nut and the honey lime chipotle. ‘I’m Guatemalan,’ he’d reasoned to the rest of them, when it came time to decide who would make what during the competition. ‘No offense, but if there’s anyone out of the four of us who knows how to use the right amount of heat without fucking it up, it’s the guy who grew up with a hell of a lot of Scoville units in his food.’ He’d also willingly gone for two of the white chocolate recipes too, the raspberry green tea and the white chocolate with paprika.

Judge Tano calls his honey lime chipotle chocolates ‘inspired’, explaining that they have just the right amount of zing from the chipotle to complement the sweetness of the honey. Even Judge Fett, who before tasting Poe’s chili-pepper pine nut chocolates had readily admitted that he wasn’t a fan of anything with an added heat index, appears very taken with the taste of them.

“An unusual addition, using pine nuts when there’s already a lot going on, but it works. Gives it a nice crunch and a complex flavor.”

“Thank you, Chef,” Poe says solemnly, but Rey can tell from the way he’s biting the inside of his cheek that he’s desperately trying to keep his excitement at bay.

Finn had chosen to make the more savory of the chocolates: the sea salted lavender, the smoked maple bacon, and the stout-infused pretzel. Along with his now-perfected thai basil coconuts, his contributions look beautiful and professional on the plate, like something out of a magazine. Where Mitaka takes extravagant risks with his designs, Finn has made sure that every piece of toasted coconut, every little pretzel nib or basil leaf or crumble of bacon, is perfectly arranged in an exact pattern on top of each piece of chocolate.

Dooku picks up a piece of the maple bacon dark chocolate first, and Finn grabs Rey’s hand underneath the worktable. Rey gives him what she hopes is a comforting squeeze, and together they watch with bated breath as the judge who appeared dismissive of the use of bacon in chocolate takes a bite of it for the first time.

Dooku chews slowly, methodically, then places the chocolate back on the plate in front of him. Finn doesn’t flinch, but he squeezes Rey’s hand even tighter. 

“Did you come up with the recipe for this?” Dooku questions Finn. 

Rey forgets to breathe for a moment. In the weeks leading up to the competition, she and Ben had combed over the ICMC formulation guidelines countless times. Nowhere in the fineprint did it say that each competitor needed to have sole, intellectual property for any recipes used; everyone just had to supply a recipe list to coincide with every chocolate made. Rey had rest a little bit more easy in the knowledge that she wouldn’t have to sign away her anonymity, even if it meant everyone but her and Ben still thought that the recipes were the work of some unnamed ‘apprentice’. But now Dooku questioning Finn is sending her into a panic again. Should she speak up and say it was her, so Finn doesn’t have to unknowingly lie on her behalf? If Snoke already knows about her history, she’s almost entirely certain that word will spread before this competition comes to an end. So what’s the damn point in keeping it a secret anymore? She’s nearly finished with this nerve wracking thing, anyway. It’s time to fess up on her own terms.

Rey opens her mouth to speak but Finn clears his throat and beats her to it. “Uh...I didn’t, no, but our shop has the rights to use the recipes that we do - right?” He turns to all three of them for input. Rey nods, because this is entirely true. Though an unspoken agreement, Say It With Sugar has had the right to use her recipes since she first brought them to Ben. She’d been sleep deprived that day, anxiety through the roof, hoping against hope that he would accept her solution to the mess she’d made - and he had, because he’s a saint and quite possibly the most understanding, helpful person in the history of ever, and his forgiving nature is now saving all of their asses.

Dooku sniffs, passably satisfied with Finn’s answer. “Then I suggest you obtain a trademark for this one.” 

“...Chef?” he asks, and Rey can hear the confusion in his voice.

“Less of a risk of competitors replicating it. The use of bacon is unusual, some traditionalists such as myself might even say it's sacrilege, but...this is an extraordinary piece of work nonetheless.”

It’s not quite a full compliment, not quite an insult, but Finn rushes to thank him anyway. “Thank you, chef! Thank you. It’s been an enjoyable and welcome change of pace to work with flavors like these,” he says.

Dooku nods. “Indeed. The flavor profile of every chocolate has been exceptional, to be forthright with you. It’s been a very long time since I’ve tried these sorts of infusions and unconventional combinations. Remind me of your shop name?”

Rey’s absolutely sure it’s already on the clipboard he’s holding, but he’s just too much of a pompous ass to deign to stop and find it for it himself.

“We’re Say It With Sugar,” she pipes up for the first time, and from sheer will alone her knees don’t buckle from the scrutinizing look he pins her with.

Chef Tano breaks out into a warm grin and murmurs to Dooku, “Skywalker’s shop. In Maine.” To the rest of her colleagues she explains, “Anakin Skywalker. He was in my graduating class. I always liked him.”

Chef Windu speaks up this time. “Anakin Skywalker? Ah, yes, that makes a great deal of sense why these chocolate evoke such a familiar taste memory for me. He studied under one of the greats.” 

One of the greats, being her grandfather. She waits for them to say it, say Kenobi, and for the ball to drop and her teammates to look over at her with confusion, maybe even betrayal, but...it never happens. Chef Dooku carries right along, reaching for the first of Rey’s three chocolates on the plate.

“That’s the masala-chai milk chocolate. Made with a blend of cardamom, ginger, cinnamon, clove, and fennel seeds,” Rey rushes to explain, then pauses, searching for what else to say to describe them. “You’ll notice that there are two other chocolates with similar ingredients, the cardamom-vanilla bean and the cinnamon-brown sugar. All three are meant to complement each other, with this one being the most herbal out of the three.”

The judges chew it in silence. Rey remembers to breathe, just like she’d done with Ben back in the bathroom, and tries not to read too much into why no one has said anything yet, but all five of them are jotting something down on their clipboards.

The lemon peppercorn goes the same way. Rey describes her process as best as she can, including a brief overview of the ingredients, and then the judges take a taste.

Then comes the very last. The peppermint. Ben’s peppermint. Chef Fett asks her what methods she’s used to give it such a powerful mint flavor, to which she replies both a peppermint extract infusion and peppermint candy ground into the chocolate for texture. 

No other questions are asked of her after that. The chefs murmur amongst themselves for a few moments, then Dooku addresses the group again.

“Thank you for your time. The results and awards will be announced tomorrow morning, as will our scoring rubrics should you request them. Good day to you.”

The judges move to the other side of the kitchen to greet a competing team at their workspace, and just like that, it’s over.

Rey suddenly gets the breath knocked out of her when she’s pulled into a tight group hug by Finn, Mitaka and Poe. She returns their embraces and clenches her eyes tight, tears wetting her cheeks again. Except this time, the tears are from an overwhelming sense of relief, because it’s over. She has no idea whether she herself did as well as her teammates but that doesn’t even matter anymore. It’s over, and unlike all of her previous presentation experiences in culinary school, she got through this one in spite of her God awful anxiety.

***

Ben’s made up his mind that the proposal has to happen tonight. It has to, because tomorrow after the winners have been announced it’s back to Maine for everyone, and no one wants to be proposed to on a return road trip. That’s depressing as fuck.

Of course, last night’s date had been the optimal time to propose, and he’s been mentally berating himself all day for not going through with it. But there’s nothing he can do about that now except plan for something even better. There’s only a small window of opportunity left for the romantic, picturesque New York City proposal he’d envisioned and he wants - no, needs to make it happen. For it to be memorable for Rey. The kind of cheesy, storybook proposal that they can tell their grandkids about someday.  

The only problem with this is that he can’t seem to get Rey alone. After the judging she’d gone back to her hotel room to crash, so he hadn’t wanted to deprive her of some much needed sleep by taking her out to lunch. And later, before their night out, everyone had decided to order in food to the hotel, so he couldn’t steal her away for dinner, either.

Even the ride over to the strip of lively bars had been a group affair with everyone crammed into the Uber. Now they’ve been going strong for three hours and he’s barely had a chance to talk to Rey, much less privately, and the loud thumping music of whatever overly trendy bar they’re currently at isn’t helping the situation, honestly.

At least he can look at her, Ben reasons. It’s kind of hard not to stare, given how gorgeous she looks. She always seems to effortlessly blend style with comfort and the end result is never not sexy to him. Tonight she’s wearing a white sweater tucked into a black skirt he’s never seen before, and her legs...her legs go on for miles, the shape of them perfectly outlined through her sheer black tights. He could make sweet love to those legs, he realizes. Kissing her in places that he hopes would make her moan and hold onto him tight, begging him not to stop...

She meets his gaze across the table and shares a smile with him, biting her lip, and he swears all the blood in his body rushes south. Maybe it’s the alcohol in his bloodstream lowering his inhibitions, or maybe it’s even the fucking mood lighting in this place, but he swears to God, if he can’t get her alone soon - to propose, to kiss her, or maybe even to do every other little thing he’s envisioned them doing, if she’s willing - he’s going to go insane.

“Bennn!”

He startles when Phasma sidles up to his side of the table, throwing an arm around his shoulder, a precariously held martini in her other hand. Ben jerks his attention from Rey, feeling his ears burning. “Hey, Phas. You okay?”

She actually boops him on the nose. “Splendid! I just got hit on by the bartender. Said I’m the tallest woman he’s ever seen. That’s hard to believe given how many million people live in this city but hey, I got a free drink out of it. How are you? Enjoying yourself?”

Ben swallows, willing himself to look normal, all the while feeling like the worst sort of horny teenager who’s nearly been caught ogling his crush. “Uh - yeah?”

“Great! Poe’s still over there getting sorted at the bar, but I think we’re going to head to the next stop soon. It’s—” She stops herself to let out a delicate burp, then starts again, “Excuse me. It’s a little bit too far to walk so we’ll get a ride. You still in?”

“Sure.” He’s not quite drunk, a little bit past tipsy, but he could go for a few more rounds if he’s careful and paces himself. And really, from the looks of everyone else except maybe Rey, they’re much further along than he is. He won’t have to worry about being the most wrecked tonight. Mitaka seems to be winning that one already; for the past fifteen minutes he’s been slumped over in his seat, his head on Finn’s shoulder while he happily mumbles along to the electro music. Finn has been Facetiming Rose throughout the whole thing, but he takes a break from his thousandth ‘No, I love YOU more’ when he hears them planning.

“I’ll call the Uber!” he yells at them, before turning his attention back to his call. “Babe, I have to go. My loser friends need my 5-star rider rating!”

“It’ll be a solid two stars before this night is over!” Phas taunts.

“How do you even get two stars?” Rey asks. “Someone would have to throw up in the backseat or something.”

“Rey, don’t encourage her!” Finn pleads. 

I won’t be throwing up, but that’s a good idea Rey, cheers.” Phas nods to Mitaka’s swaying. “I nominate him.”

Ben excuses himself from Phas and Finn’s continued bickering to go and close his tab at the bar. He tries to find Poe at first but gives up when it's apparent that it’s no use with how backed up and busy it is. Despite his best efforts to flag down the two bartenders on duty, they continue to overlook him in lieu of serving drinks - almost like they’re actively avoiding him, until another customer finally takes pity on him and shouts at the bartenders to do their damn job and give Ben his credit card back.

By the time he finally pushes through the crowd and gets back to the table, everyone’s gone.

Everyone but Rey.

Ben gestures to the empty seats, raising his voice slightly to be heard over the music. “They all outside already?”

She smiles sheepishly and stands. “Well - no.”

“What?”

“Finn called an Uber X by mistake.”

Ben stares at her blankly, uncomprehending. “I don’t know what that means. I’m a grandpa, remember?”

Rey laughs. “Uber X only seats 4 people usually. UberXL holds more but the driver had already arrived and Phas and Poe said they were freezing their butts off and - well, it doesn’t matter. They asked if I could stay behind and get another ride with you.”

That’s...convenient. Almost too convenient, except his friends have given no indication that they’ve caught on to anything, so he takes it as a sign that the universe has just decided to align in his favor for once. Ben grabs her hand and pulls her towards him, holding her close like he’s wanted to do all night.

“Do you want to go to the next bar, then?” he asks.

“Not really, no.”

Yes, yes, perfect, this is the perfect time to take her somewhere else, maybe a romantic late night dinner somewhere, or maybe even someplace grander like the Empire State Building. He’s pretty sure it’s still open this time of night and how amazing would that be, to propose on top of one of the most iconic skyscrapers in this city?

He’s just about to suggest it when Rey raises her arms to run her hands through his hair and he loses his train of thought, because fuck that feels amazing. Then she pulls him down to her level so she can murmur in his ear, “Let’s go back to the hotel.”

He’s putty in her hands, the way she’s touching him, and he’s having a hard time finding any reasonable excuse as to why they can’t turn in just yet. Still, he tries. 

“It’s not even midnight. We could go anywhere in the city. Anywhere you want, just say the word and we’ll go.” 

Rey shakes her head. “I just want to be with you.”

“Well, you could be with me on top of the Empire State Building, in Time Square or—”

Alone with you, Ben,” Rey amends.  

“Oh.”

Her meaning is clear, and he’s an idiot for not realizing the entirety of her intentions sooner.

He recalls her words to him earlier today during the competition, when they’d talked about going out for drinks with everyone. I’ll make it worth your while, she’d said. At first his mind had seen fit to interpret that promise as explicitly as possible before he’d quickly self-corrected and envisioned something more innocent, like stolen kisses or a private moment between them. But now he realizes that his first instinct hadn’t been that far off the mark at all. Her flirty little skirt, her black tights...hell, even her hair styled in loose curls and the rosy pink lipstick she’s wearing - this is what she’d meant, isn’t it? She’s done this, dressed like this, for him. Of course she has. She wants his attention and she has it, God, does she have it. And she wants him, wants him just as much as he wants her. Over the past month he’s been determined to let her take the lead where that’s concerned and, well...it sounds like, it looks like she’s ready and willing to do just that. Tonight.

This isn’t going the way he’d hoped. He’d hoped for an unforgettable proposal and then maybe a night spent making love for the first time, if she wanted to or if they could even find a place alone with no roommates to worry about, but...for them, rarely has their relationship ever gone the way he’s expected it to. That awful first date had led to some very nice first kisses, only to be followed by weeks of pent up feelings and miscommunication. And yet they’d figured it out eventually, just like how he’s going to figure out how to propose to her.

But right now, with her staring up at him, her expression mirroring what he feels - the anticipation, the nervousness, the desire - he can’t deny her anything, and nor does he want to. The proposal is just going to have to wait.

Ben composes a quick text to Phas explaining that Rey is tired and how he’s offered to accompany her back to the hotel. It’s a stretch and similar to the excuse he’d given last night but he’s running short on ideas at this point.

“You coming?” Rey asks him once he’s hit send.

Ben has to suppress a curse at how damn suggestive that sounds coming from her.

“Yeah. I’m - yeah. Let’s go.”

***

“Good job, team. I’m impressed how easily we pulled that off,” Poe beams, settling into the backseat of the Uber with Mitaka and Finn. “Nice last minute thinking babe, ordering the wrong size ride. Kind of turned on by how naturally sabotage comes to you.”

Finn grins. “Thanks. You’re not so bad yourself. How much did you have to tip the bartenders so they’d purposely ignore Ben? And what did you even say? ‘Hey, there’s a giant black-haired lumberjack looking dude coming your way, do not interact with him at all costs?’” Finn asks.

“Pretty much, yeah. And I didn’t have to tip them anything. They were all for it. Phas helped with that. One of them was really into her.”

“You’re fucking welcome,” she complains from the front seat. “That’s the last time I’ll ever flirt with a man, ugh.”

“Thank you for your sacrifice,” Mitaka grumbles sarcastically. “Can’t be worse than pretending to be wasted so they’ll be more likely to use my room instead of yours.”

“The bedsharing was your idea, sweet cheeks. And my job was too worse than yours! I also had to nick Rey’s room key off her. Felt like stealing candy from a baby.”

“Fine. But you owe me a drink. When we get back to the hotel in the morning, chances are my room is going to reek and yours won’t.”

Phas laughs. “Kay, that’s fair.”

They all fall into companionable silence for a couple of minutes until the Uber driver tentatively asks, “Um...whose lives did you all just casually ruin, exactly?” 

“Oh, we didn’t ruin them...Chad? That’s your name?” Phas asks.

“Brad.”

“Whoops, sorry Brad. Brad, if anything we’re performing an act of public service. Our two friends need to fuck and badly. We’re just giving them a nudge.”

“Or three,” Finn adds.

“More like four,” Phas chirps, checking her phone. “Annnd Ben has just texted his bullshit excuse. The countdown has begun!”

“Yay,” Mitaka deadpans.

“Don’t sass me.” Phas shuts off her phone and tucks it away with a satisfied sigh and turns to Brad. “So. How’s your evening going?”

***

Ben and Rey take a taxi back to the hotel. Rey no longer has a working phone to order an Uber, Ben would’ve had to download the app on his, and both of them had been too impatient to walk to the nearest subway station and wait for the next train.

Although, waiting in traffic, and holding hands in the back seat without being able to do anything else, had been a test of patience in itself.

Needless to say, when Rey finally leads him down the hallway to her hotel room, her hands are shaking from anticipation. They stop outside her door and her heart starts beating even faster than it had been before. She can barely think, either, from the way Ben puts his arms around her when she cards through her purse for her room key, and—

And she can’t find it. Her key. It’s nowhere in her purse.

It had been safely tucked into her wallet all night. She’s tripled checked there, along with all the other places where it could have possibly fallen out in her purse, but nothing. It’s gone.

“Crap,” she groans, leaning back against Ben’s shoulder.

“Hm?”

“I have no idea where my key is. I need to get in my room, for—”

For the condoms, she’s too mortified to say. This afternoon, when everyone else went back to their rooms to recover from competition adrenaline and lingering hangovers, she’d walked to the nearest corner store and bought a pack. That’s how certain she’d been about the sex happening and damn it, she’d been right about that. She just hadn’t anticipated losing her key in addition to damaging her phone. If something happens to her wallet too before this trip is through, she won’t even be surprised.

“Do you think you left it at one of the bars?” Ben asks. 

“I don’t even know. Phas held my purse when we went to the bathroom at the second bar, but she wouldn’t have done anything to it.”

“I can text her again just to see? Or call her?” he offers.

That’s a bad idea. A BAD one, seeing as she’s trying her absolute hardest to do this with Ben tonight, and she doesn’t want anyone or anything else to interfere, not now, not when it’s so close to happening, and they only have a certain amount of time before everyone comes back.

Rey turns in his arms to face him. “Oh, no, don’t—” 

But he already has his phone out, tapping on it quickly before holding it up to his ear. Rey stifles a dejected sigh, waiting to hear Phas pick up - but it never happens.

Ben blinks down at his phone. “Huh. Straight to voicemail. That’s...unlike her. She has her phone with her constantly.”

“I guess it died?” Rey hopes, prays, that it has. 

“Yeah, probably. You’d think she’d be more careful after what happened to yours today.” Ben pockets his phone and focuses his attention back on her, smiling softly. “But hey, you know what? Unlike a new phone this can be easily solved and won’t cost you money. The front desk shouldn’t charge for key card replacements. Let’s go down there, ask if you can get a new one?

“No!” she practically shouts. She winces, then adjusts her volume, remembering there are other guests on this floor of the hotel. “Let’s, let’s just - can we go into your room instead?” She takes both of his hands in hers. “I’ll worry about the key thing later. Please?”

Ben nods and swallows audibly, the color high in his cheeks. “So, you...you don’t need anything from your room?”

“No, no, it’s not that important. Yeah. It’s - it’s fine.”

Having protection is important, more than a bit, but she’s getting desperate, horribly desperate, and the lust mixed with her lingering liquid courage is telling her that she’ll figure it out somehow, that getting him alone and on a bed is more important than anything else, so—

She doesn’t think, just jumps into his arms and starts kissing him, hard.

Ben’s back slams into the wall behind him and he lets out a surprised moan that Rey greedily swallows. He tastes so good, like whatever drinks he’d ordered throughout the night. She hadn’t noticed, too busy eagerly planning all the ways that she could get him back here. Now that it’s no longer a dream but a reality, she knows she’s going overboard, mauling him in the hallway and shamelessly hooking her legs around his waist to grind against him.

But she doesn’t care, and Ben doesn’t seem to mind. He kisses her back just as passionately, their teeth clacking together from the force of it. And when Rey finally breaks apart from kissing him to urge - no, beg him to take her into his room, Ben growls out a litany of expletives that shoots sparks through her system.

“Oh fuck, fuck it, fuck,” he curses, rushing down the hallway to his and Mitaka’s hotel room. Rey holds onto him tight even though she knows he won’t drop her. He’s incredibly strong, with arms that feel like they’re as thick as tree trunks, wide set shoulders and a chest to match, and - God, she’s so looking forward to getting him out of his clothes. He’s always so professional and proper with his button up shirts and work slacks but she knows he has a body of a Greek god underneath. She’d seen it through the blinds that day in his office when he changed shirts, and through the form-hugging t-shirts he’s worn on the handful of nights she’s slept over at his place. But now, now she’s finally going to be able to appreciate it all up close. Touch him, smell him, taste him...

Breathless with excitement at the thought, she starts to work on his dark blue shirt as he unlocks the door to his room. She’s able to get about halfway down the row of offending buttons before he sets her down on one of the two double beds inside and backs away, raking an unsteady hand down his face.

“Ben. Come back here!” she pleads, kicking off her boots.

“Mitaka, he’s rooming with me, and - they’ll all be back eventually, won’t they?” He goes back over to the door and deadbolts it with a seriousness that would make her laugh if she weren’t so hopelessly turned on.

“They’re staying out till closing time tonight, Finn said.”

He looks through the peephole then back to her. “That’s at 1am. Not a lot of time.”

Rey shakes her head. “Closing times differ by state. It’s 4am here. Believe me, Phas Googled it. That leaves us more than three hours.” She settles back onto her elbows and is pleased to see that that gets his full attention again. “Come here, Ben.”

“Rey,” Ben rasps, stumbling back over to the edge of the bed. He quickly takes off his coat so that he’s down to his halfway-unbuttoned shirt, and Rey’s stomach flips at the sight. “Do you have any idea - what hearing you say that does? What seeing you like this, all for me, I - fuck.”

Rey nods frantically. “I do know. I feel it too. So…” Sucking in a big breath and letting it out, deciding to stamp down any lingering self-doubt to take the lead, she raises her hips slightly, pulling down the waistband of her tights. She pauses when they reach mid thigh and then looks back up at Ben. He’s on the edge of the bed now, one knee on the mattress and his other foot still planted on the floor, watching her, his chest rising and falling in quick succession, his eyes dark and wild. Seeing him unraveling, barely in control, further emboldens her and makes her body ache, desire pooling at the apex of her thighs.

“So...show me what it does to you. Show me what I do to you,” she finishes.

“Jesus fuck,” Ben curses, and then he’s on top of her, pressing her body into the mattress with his.  

***

Ben is drunk. He’s intoxicated.

But not with alcohol. He’s sobering up quickly where that’s concerned.

No, he’s drunk - drunk with Rey. With everything about her. How her eyelashes fan her cheeks while she pulls those sexy-as-hell tights down her legs, how soft and dulcet her voice sounds, the feminine confidence that’s radiating off of her in waves and rendering him achingly hard for her. All of it.  

He’s held on for so long, tried to be a gentleman in every respect. But those words…

Show me what I do to you.

Those words...they burn at his lingering resolve, setting fire to his heart and his soul and his skin, making him lunge at her in desperation.

He kisses her frantically, channeling how overwhelmed he is into every press of his lips to her skin, because he doesn’t know where to start. He’s thought about this before, of course. Thought about it a lot, especially within the past few weeks. Sex. Being intimate. Making love to her. He’s kissed her plenty, even touched her breasts once. But this is different, because...she wants to go all the way, wants to give every bit of herself to him, and expects him to do the same. It’s a lot to take in. It’s daunting. Terrifying, too. But fuck he wants her, wants her so much that it’s eclipsing how anxious he is about all of this.

So he works his hand between their bodies, searching for where she left off with her tights. Rey gasps sharply against his mouth and he swears it’s the hottest thing he’s ever heard. 

“You want me to show you?” he asks, echoing her previous words, his voice guttural and strange to his ears.

Rey nods quickly. “Yes. Please.”

He pulls away from her, back to the edge of the bed. Rey moves to follow him with an adorable noise of protest but he gently presses her back down. 

“Stay there, sweetheart.” 

She sighs prettily and bites her lip. “Okay.”

He makes a mental note of her response to that before focusing on the task in front of him. Undressing her. Slow enough to commit every precious second to memory, but fast enough that he doesn’t tease himself to the point of release and spoil this night for them before it’s even really started. 

Steeling his breathing as best as he can, he peels the sheer tights down the rest of the way until they’re bunched up around her ankles. His eyes roam over the pale uncovered skin of her legs, then the light blue fabric of her underwear peeking out beneath her skirt. 

Fuck.

He closes his eyes, counts to five, then reopens them again. “This,” he gestures down his body, feeling himself sweat when her gaze follows, “This is what you do to me. You’re driving me crazy just by looking at you. You’re so beautiful and sexy and I can’t believe you’re mine. I want you so much.”

A blush blooms over her cheeks as she looks back up at him, taking in his words. “I want you,” she breathes, kicking off her tights completely so she can spread her legs wider. “Ben…please.”

His heart beating out a wild rhythm against his ribcage, he does what he’d thought of earlier tonight: he starts kissing her legs, starting at her ankles and steadily working his way up, higher and higher until he reaches the petal soft skin of her inner thighs.

Rey buries her head into the pillow and lets out a shaky sort of whimper in response, and the sound shoots directly to his cock. 

Gritting his teeth, Ben manages, “Look at me?”

She does almost immediately, her eyes shining bright. She swallows audibly and nods once. 

Keeping his eyes on hers, he continues to press kisses to her overheated skin, taking in the smell of her arousal, the taste of her sweat, until he’s so overcome with need that he knows he just has to have more of her.

Not willing to stop and think about the particulars of what he’s about to do, he quickly pulls her underwear down and off her legs, grabs hold of her thighs, and then buries his face between them. 

Rey’s response is immediate - and loud. She tangles her fingers in his hair, cants her hips up to meet him and calls out his name, just as he tastes her on his tongue for the first time. 

Ben has zero hands-on experience with this, what with him being a virgin. He knows about oral sex and he’s certainly watched videos where it’s been done before. He has urges, after all, but until now he’s never fully understood how enjoyable it could be, how someone could get off on doing this to someone else. But he gets it instantly. He does. It’s a power trip and an act of submission all in one, to be in this position. For Rey to be spread out beneath him, squirming, letting out the most incredible and filthy sounds, her thighs and her hands holding him in place. It’s a heady rush, and even though he’s inexperienced, her reactions alone urge him to keep going, to stop thinking so much and let his instincts take over.

And they do. He uses his tongue and his lips to explore her, to worship her. Rey’s cries of pleasure get louder and higher pitched, and when he can feel her thighs tremble against him, that’s when he knows that she’s close, that he needs to push her just a bit more towards the edge.

“I’m - I’m—” Rey pants, her chest heaving, and Ben understands. He closes his mouth around the most sensitive part of her and sucks, and then she comes undone, the sound of his name on her lips. 

He coaxes her through every tremor and spasm, and doesn’t stop until she tugs harder on his hair, almost painfully. He doesn’t mind at all. If anything it excites him further, makes him eager to continue, but through the lust fogging his brain, he’s mindful that she needs to recover. He can’t expect her to bounce right back and keep things going, no matter how painfully his cock is throbbing for her.

Ben moves from between her legs, back to the end of the bed, but Rey seizes hold of his arms with a strength he doesn’t expect, pulling insistently. 

“Kiss me,” she urges.

With a ragged exhale, Ben climbs back up the bed, the front of him sliding against her with the most exquisite friction, to do just that.

Notes:

Hey. It me. Back with another chapter way later than I said I’d be back. I’m nothing if not consistent in my broken promises at this point LOL

Good news for you: the chapter count went up again. Because of course it did.

More good news: next chapter features the Big Bang™ and then the aftermath. I guess now would be a good time to delete the ‘nothing graphic though’ from this fic’s tag list *pretends to be shocked and dismayed that I failed at keeping the sex vague and tame*

Thank you to Wren for beta’ing this chapter for me in record time! You da best <3

P.S. I’d also like to thank Taylor Swift for her song “Dress” bc it served as a huge inspiration when I wrote the naughty bits. I’m 99% sure she’s a secret Reylo.

 

Aesthetic for this chapter.

 

Playlist.

Edit: there was some confusion about the Say It gang’s plan. As a reminder, Phas and Rey are rooming together, as are Mitaka and Ben (Finn and Poe sharing the third room seemed an obvious choice since they’re together). Phas doesn’t want to volunteer her room for the bedsharing because she’s well...Phas. So she took Rey’s room key to increase the chances they went to Mitaka & Ben’s room instead, lol.

Also: Ben and Rey aren’t rooming together because they assume (wrongly) no one knows they’re together yet.

Hope that helps to clear things up!

Chapter 16

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

***

Rey has had plenty of orgasms by herself before.

She’s twenty-four, after all, and has what she considers a healthy libido. She’s taken advantage of living alone and the wonders of online shopping many times. But what she just experienced...it was more electric, more intense, than anything she’s done solo. Every other climax pales in comparison.

It just feels so different to find pleasure through someone else’s touch. She could quickly get used to it. To this, with Ben, so attentive and passionate a lover. She wants it to happen again and again, in every conceivable way. Wants it to happen again now, even when her mind is still reeling and her center is still throbbing from what he’s just done to her.

It’s like her body instinctively knows that wasn’t enough, that she needs more. Needs Ben. Not just his mouth, but all of him. And there’s a lot of him to take.

So she pulls him back up to her, kissing him hard to show her absolute appreciation for what he’s just done, but also to show that she’s ready to continue whenever and however he wants. The taste of herself on his lips is a surprise but a welcome one, and she deepens the kiss and grinds her front against his, hoping it drives him just as wild as he’s driven her.

“Fuck, sweetheart,” he gasps brokenly against her mouth, and she breaks out into a heat all over again from that.

“I need to get you undressed,” she says, lightly raking her nails over the expanse of his back, still much too covered for her liking. “Will you let me?”

“Will I? - Christ, Rey,” he manages to say, and she takes that as a yes.

Rey continues where she left off with his shirt, finishing up the row of buttons, and then palms at his bare chest once she has access to it, her fingers lightly tracing over his nipples. Ben’s body jerks under her touch when she does.

“So sensitive,” she smiles, leaning forward to press fervent, heated kisses to the side of his neck.

He lets out a strained huff of laughter. “Yeah. Sorry.”

“Don’t be. I love it.”

“You do?”

She nods, pushing the sleeves of his shirt off his arms, until he’s completely bare from the waist up. “I do. I really do. And I want to make this special for you, just like you’ve already done for me. I can barely think straight from what you did, but I know that much.”

Her heart lurches when he smiles tremulously. “You liked it, then?”

Liked it? Ben, it was - life changing. I’ve never felt quite like that. Ever. Never done that. With anyone. This is all so new to me. You’re my first.”

As much as they know about each other, Rey has never admitted outright that she’s a virgin, and it feels...freeing, to finally say it out loud, to tell him what this means to her.

She doesn’t have to wait long for his reaction. Ben immediately breathes out a sigh of relief, his shoulders slumping. “I’ve never - never before, either. I just kind of...read your reactions and hoped for the best. I don’t want to disappoint you.”

“Oh, Ben, no. Never. Look at me.” She runs her hands through his hair, then traces the edges of his ears with the tip of her pointer finger. “I’m so glad that you’re the way that you are.”

“I think the word you’re looking for is clueless.”

“What you did - that was - not clueless. It didn’t feel clueless. At all. If anyone’s clueless here it’s me.”

“You’re not clueless. You’re...innocent, and so sweet, and—”

“Ben. Those mean the same thing.”

He frowns endearingly, conceding defeat. “Well, maybe, but that doesn’t mean you’re clueless. You’re...you. Perfect.”

“Perfectly clueless.”

Ben opens his mouth to object again and Rey takes advantage of this to kiss him again, smiling against his lips as she does. “Hey, it’s alright. I’m good with being clueless. Nothing wrong with it. We may have never done this before but who cares? We can learn together. And you know, some things may be more...instinctual. Than we realize.” Her hands move from his face, down to his neck, back to his chest. “I love your body so much, I don’t think it’s going to take me long to figure it out.”

Ben tucks his face into the crook of her neck, his ears bright red. Rey holds him close, figuring if now’s the time for coming clean, she might as well keep going.

“Speaking of...this isn’t strictly speaking the first time I’ve seen you like this, either.”

Ben lifts his head again, peering down at her. “What?”

Rey bites her lip. “I might’ve...seen you change your shirt in your office before. That day when you tasted the chocolates for the first time.”

Ben looks taken aback, blinking in quick succession. “Oh. That’s - oh.”

“Are you mad?”

“No no, it’s just - I had no idea you saw that.”

“And I had no idea you were hiding a six pack and pecs for days underneath your button ups, yet here we are.”

Ben’s blush creeps down from his ears and cheeks to his neck. “It’s not a six pack,” he mumbles.

“Yeah you’re right, I think it’s an eight pack.”

Rey.”

“Sorry, I’ll stop. You just—” She sighs dreamily, reveling in the solid weight of him on top of her. “You make me really hot and bothered, okay?”

Ben snorts. “I know the feeling. You eating that pho yesterday got me really hot and bothered.”

“What - really?!”

“You were enjoying it, uh - really thoroughly.”

“It was pretty good. I love all sorts of food, chocolate the most,” she admits, running her hands over every bit of his warm, exposed skin that she can reach. “But not even chocolate compares to this. To you.”

Ben’s eyes darken and he rubs himself against her again, making his intent clear, and her skin sings from the rougher contact. Rey loves this easy going pillow talk, loves him even more, but there will be time for more confessions later. Now it’s time for what she’s been waiting for. What they’ve both been waiting for. To have sex.

No, not just sex. It’s more intimate than that.

It’s making love. 

Rey’s nervous about it, of course. This is her first time. She knows there’s a lifetime of this to look forward to with Ben, but she still wants this to be perfect. She wants it to end with them looking into each other’s eyes, searching into each other’s souls, tangled up in a sweaty heap of bedsheets.

“Can I see - you? All of you?” Ben asks, his fingers skimming the bare patch of skin between the waist of her bunched up skirt and her sweater that’s become untucked sometime in all of the excitement. Rey moves to quickly pull the sweater over her head but stops when she sees how he’s looking at her, his brown eyes turned molten fire in the dim light of the room.

“You can,” she nods, emboldened, sitting up on her elbows. “If I can see all of you first.”

Ben hesitates, practically all of his skin breaking out in a flush that makes him look sunburnt. Then he hastily sits back on his heels to unbutton his pants, pulling them down his muscular legs along with his boxers. He does all of this so quick that Rey only barely catches a glimpse of his very large, very thick erection before he’s pressed against her again.

As much as she wants to look him over in greater detail, she loses track of that thought when he thumbs at the waistband of her skirt. He pulls it down her legs and distractedly throws it somewhere across the room, her sweater getting the same treatment seconds later.

He sucks in a sharp, audible inhale when he takes in her cleavage for the first time. She’s wearing an off-white t-shirt bra, nothing special, and she already knows her breasts are very small, but when he looks at her like that...she feels sexy with her minimal curves and practical underwear - something that never happens when she looks at herself in the mirror.

That only continues when Ben slowly, reverently, pulls down the cups of her bra, exposing all of her to his view.

“You’re so beautiful,” he tells her, and Rey believes it. 

She believes it even more when he lowers his head and takes her nipple into his mouth, wetting it with his tongue. 

Somehow, that sight is even more erotic than him in between her spread legs, taking his fill of her. Rey throws her head back and lets out the most indecent, embarrassingly loud moan in response, and Ben sucks harder.  

***

Everything about Rey is perfect. Ben has known this for awhile, from the first day she came into his life. He’d been so convinced of it that he’d hired her after a laughably short interview, and every day since then she’s shown just how right he’d been about that, about how perfect she is.

Her body, though...perfect doesn’t even begin to cover it. He can say with absolute certainty that undressing her is the closest thing to a religious experience he’s ever had. Seeing her naked for the first time, gloriously naked, is making his head spin from lack of proper blood flow, because it feels like every available ounce of it is in his cock. He’s so hard for her it’s a miracle he’s continued to hold on to what little control he still has. 

She’s pink all over, varying shades of it. Her cheeks are full of a healthy, peachy glow. Her lips are the brightest pink, wet and plump from the many kisses they’ve been sharing. But he’s most enthralled by how the dusky rose of her nipples is the same color as the innermost lips of her beautiful little pussy. So he echoes his earlier movements when he pleasured her there, closing his lips around the hard bud of her nipple and sucking.

That drives Rey crazy. She thrashes beneath him, much like she had before when she came on his tongue, and Ben smiles against her chest. Turns out he’s not the only one who is absurdly sensitive.   

“Ben,” Rey whispers, her chest heaving when he switches to her other breast, giving it the same attention. “Ben, please...let me make you feel good. You don’t have to do anything more to me. I’m so ready already, can’t you tell?” Gently, she pries his hand away from underneath her bra. She drags his hand with hers down her body until it reaches her center, and they both gasp. Rey, from his fingers brushing against the secret most part of her, and Ben...from how sinfully, deliciously slick she feels.

“You’re so wet,” he says against her chest, his words sounding rather stupid to him. Of course she’s wet. He’d pleasured her with his mouth until she orgasmed, tasted the evidence of her arousal. But to feel it coating his fingers is another thing altogether. 

Rey just nods, letting out a shaky exhale. “You did that to me. And now I want to do the same to you.”

He’s still so distracted by touching her that her words don’t register until she already has him flipped onto his back, their positions reversed. Now she’s on top of him, her chest pressed to his, her stomach flush against his cock.

“W-What—” he stammers, but Rey cuts him off with another heated kiss.

She comes up for air, breathing heavy, and reaches around her back to unclasp her bra, throwing the small piece of fabric wherever the rest of their clothes have landed. Ben’s focus is drawn to her pert breasts again, watching how they move as she leans towards him, raining smaller kisses down the hollow in his throat, his chest, his stomach…

And Ben can only watch, helplessly, as she moves lower and lower, the loose waves of her hair tickling his skin as she goes.

But even watching isn't enough to prepare him for the shock to his system as her small, capable hand wraps around him.

OhfuckohfuckohfuckohJESUSCHRISTohFUCK—

Rey—” He groans, but breaks off as she experimentally twists his cock in her grip.

“Does this feel okay?” she asks, unaware that she’s rendered him speechless with a simple movement. Ben nods his head rapidly, biting his lip so hard it’s sure to leave a mark. The pain does nothing to curb his pleasure, though. If anything it heightens it, and that intensifies tenfold when he feels her hot breath on him for the first time, kissing him tentatively. 

Ben curses and wrenches her back up to sit astride him again. A bit more roughly than he intended, too; he feels Rey stiffen in his arms for a moment and her eyes flash with worry as she looks him over, like she’s searching for something.

“I’m so sorry. Did you not like that?”

Ben blinks up at her, her words lost for a moment in the haze of lust clouding his brain.

Did he not—? She thinks he didn’t like it?

God help him, she’s the sweetest person he’s ever met. He sits up against the headboard quickly, drawing her close, cupping the back of her neck until their foreheads touch. He’d meant for this new position to comfort her, but it’s having the entirely opposite effect on him; he can now feel the hot wetness of her core pressed against his length, the soft globes of her ass against his inner thighs. Ben shudders out a sigh, wrestling with his willpower for what feels like the thousandth time. 

“Ben?” Rey whispers, uncertainly. “We can...stop. If you want.” 

That certainly gets his attention. Ben immediately starts raining kisses over her face to reassure her, feeling some of his confidence returning when Rey relaxes, tipping her face up to receive each one. He lingers around her throat, nuzzling words into her skin.  

“No, baby. No. I don’t want to stop and I...I loved what you did. Fuck, I did. But I had to stop you because it felt too good, sweetheart. And I don’t want that to be how this ends for us tonight. I want it to end with us together.” Feeling brave, he snakes his hand between their bodies. He finds her clit, rubbing it gently with the pad of his thumb. Rey melts, whimpering as she wraps her arms around his neck for purchase.

Ben knows how this is supposed to proceed. But doing it...that’s another thing altogether. This position, for starters, isn’t what he had in mind. He’s worried he might hurt her, no matter how wet and ready she feels...though perhaps her being on top of him like this may help, now that he thinks of it. She can control the motions, and he’ll go along with however much she is comfortable with. Still… 

He glances down to where they’re nearly joined, captivated by the incredible sight of her outer lips wrapped invitingly around the base of his shaft. With absolutely no barrier between them, he can see the sheen of her arousal coating her mons, her thighs, his own cock—

His thoughts come to a screeching, gut-wrenching halt at that. 

No barrier.

No condoms.

He doesn’t have any condoms, because he’s the biggest idiot in the entire world. He could have easily stopped for some on the taxi ride back to the hotel. Hell, he could have even fought his social anxiety and gone down to the hotel gift shop to ask if there were any available there. But no. He’d been too excited, too nervous, too wrapped up in Rey to do the one thing that people should do before they have sex: have protection for themselves and their partner.

And now he’s going to have to tell Rey, disappoint her, say that they can’t do this after all, and he’s never felt more like an absolute failure. 

Biting the inside of his cheek to keep his boiling anger at himself in check, Ben removes his hand from in between her thighs and rests it against her hip.

“Rey…”

“Ben?”

He hangs his head, resting it on her shoulder, unable to meet her eyes. “Sweetheart, I am so sorry.”

“What for?” she asks, her voice impossibly quiet.

Ben swallows, then forces the words out despite his mortification. “I just realized I don’t have condoms. I can’t protect you. It was fucking stupid of me to forget something so important. You deserve the best and to be taken care of by me and now we can’t - God, honey, I am so—”

That next ‘sorry’ is stolen from him, silenced by Rey when she pulls him up to her mouth for a rough, passionate kiss. He returns it, confused, trying to figure out where in his long-winded explanation he’d said something to encourage her rather than disappoint. 

“Rey,” he manages, breaking apart only for her to kiss him again, even harder, her hands tangling themselves in his hair.

Ben tries again, prying his mouth from hers with a ragged breath and holding her out of kissing range. Rey doesn’t seem to like that; she clenches her jaw determinedly and then, meeting his eyes, deliberately grinds herself against him.

Ben almost nearly comes, his eyes rolling back.

Fuck, baby, we can’t.”

“We can. I want to, Ben. I want you. I want you inside me, I want to feel all of you—”

“Oh my God, Rey. Sweetheart. Fuck, baby. Hold on, slow down, I’m way too close.”

He stills her hips with his hands. Their chests, pressed together, rise and fall in tandem as they try to steady their breathing.

After some semblance of control returns to him, Ben grits out, “Rey, this is dangerous.” 

Rey just shakes her head, unperturbed. “Nothing about this feels dangerous, Ben. This feels right. I actually bought some condoms earlier and they’re back in my room but - it’s locked. We don’t have all night. And I just - I just want you to take me, Ben. I don’t want to wait. I’ve waited long enough. I want this to happen just how it is.” Her hazel eyes search his, so wide and earnest. “Please?”

It’s the ‘please’ that does him in because fuck, he wants this too, and he feels the same as her. They’ve waited for this to happen, and now that they’re this close, it feels like it would be more wrong to stop now than to go forward. This is going to happen. Consequences will be dealt with later but for now…it’s this. Them. Together, finally.

Ben manages to nod and Rey kisses him softly, less frantic than before, murmuring her thanks against his lips. Distantly, he realizes he’s shaking all over and that Rey is too. She leans back a bit, shifting her weight onto her spread knees. She steadies one hand against his shoulder and the other trembles as it moves back down his chest, his abdomen, lower to his groin.

They both watch, transfixed, neither of them breathing, as Rey’s fingers wrap lightly around his cock, lining him up as best as she can against her folds.

And then slowly, torturously, she lowers herself down until he enters her incredibly tight, wet heat for the first time.

***

Rey was expecting pain, discomfort. She definitely feels that at first, the stretch making her cry out as her body works to accommodate his length, his thickness. But she pushes herself, figuratively and literally, Ben’s viselike grip on her hips anchoring her, until she feels close to breaking, she’s so full of him.

Then, she stills, neither of them moving or speaking. Rey’s eyes move from where they’re joined back up to Ben’s face and she finds him staring right back at her, his eyes the darkest she’s ever seen them, his mouth parted in something like awe. Heat floods her core all over again from the way he’s looking at her. Like she’s a powerful goddess, instead of the inexperienced, nervous, all-too-human Rey that she is. It’s that look that finally spurs her into motion, lifting herself up again slowly, her knees shaking, until he’s barely inside her— 

And then slamming back down, forcefully, making both of them cry out this time.

Instinct takes over for both of them quicker than Rey expects. Their bodies meet each other, slow at first, and then the momentum kicks in. It feels wild and surreal, and the blood pounding in Rey’s ears disorients her. But Ben is there, tethering her to reality. He holds on tight to her, his strong arms wrapped around her back, caging her in. After a particularly hard upward thrust of his hips against hers, Rey’s arms mimic his, clinging to him fiercely as she chases the start of that familiar rising tension within her. Except it’s different this time. He’s with her, in her, surrounding her, and all at once she knows that nothing will be the same after this. That her life, once solitary, will be forever linked with his from here on out, and that thought makes tears well in her eyes.

“Are you - okay?” Ben’s noticed the tears, of course he has, his body stilling underneath hers as he brushes at them.

“I—” Rey is so overcome, so overwhelmed with an all-encompassing love for him, gratitude for him, devotion for every part of the person that makes up Ben Solo, she can’t keep that a secret a second more. She has to tell him right now. The words tumble out in a rush and she’s crying as she says them, pressing them into his skin in a kiss, but it feels perfect.

“I love you so much I can’t remember what life felt like without you in it, and I don’t want to remember, either.” Rey moves again, stimulated by the way he’s looking at her, so intense, so focused that she can’t bear to look away, can’t bear to slow down her movements or the words that come next. “I want to spend my whole life with you, Ben. I want to be with you every step of the way, that’s how much I love you - I want to be your wife, I want to have your children, I want to grow old with you, I - oh!”  

She can only hold on, breathless, as he sends her over the edge first, hitting a spot within her so perfectly that stars dance in her vision. Ben captures her lips in a bruising kiss, swallowing her moans as he follows her seconds later.

They collapse together, spent, sweaty, utterly wrecked - just how she had envisioned. Rey has just enough energy left to slide off of his lap, falling into a graceless heap beside him in bed. Ben slumps down, his back hitting the mattress again, and Rey buries herself against his side.

“I love you,” she tells him again, whispering it against his skin, her eyes heavy with sleep. “I love you, Ben Solo.”

The last thing she distantly thinks before she fully drifts off, Ben’s unsteady breathing in her ear, is that she never once heard him say that he loves her back - but that doesn’t mean anything, now.

...Does it?

Notes:

So...hi. Happy New Year. This is where the lite-angst sets in.

I’ve been hinting about it in the comments, and if you’ve watched the movie this is based on, maybe you’ve even expected it. I hope you’ll trust me enough as a writer to a) understand the characters’ motivations going forward and b) stick with this story, even though the next couple chapters will be angsty. Keep in mind this fic as a whole is 95% pure, locally sourced, homespun fluff, so there WILL be a tooth-rotting-sweet ending. But before that happens, they gotta work through some stuff.

BUT on the brightside for y’all: the chapter count went up yet again. @ ME: STOP IT, GET SOME HELP.

I also wrote a smutty one-shot recently, if you liked the smutty bits in Say It but want more filth :)

Aesthetic for this chapter. Please reblog it if you can, as it is the easiest way to help promote my fic so readers new and old can see the update.

Playlist.

Find me on Tumblr or Twitter!

Chapter 17

Notes:

A quick refresher since it has been nearly 7 months since I've updated this (oops)

-Rey and Ben have just had sex. Rey told Ben that she loved him during it, but he didn't say anything back. Hmmm
-Mitaka, Finn, Poe, and Phasma all schemed together to get Rey and Ben into bed. Mitaka generously gave up his right to his room (since he'd been rooming with Ben) by pretending to be drunk so that Rey and Ben would be more likely to pick his room as Bang Station rather than Phasma and Rey's room.
-No one else in the Say It gang aside from Ben knows that Rey is behind the chocolate recipes and is related to a famous chocolatier.

That's it. Enjoy!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

 

***

After Ben hears Rey’s breathing even off, signaling she’s fallen asleep, he waits a solid fifteen minutes in bed. Staring up at the ceiling, nothing but his thoughts for company now.

And those thoughts are telling him to panic. 

So, naturally, he does. 

About everything. 

He could have gotten her pregnant. He might have gotten her pregnant. She told him that she loved him, that she wanted to spend her entire life with him. That’s everything he wants, too. Everything he feels. God, yes.  

But what had he done?

Said nothing, because he’s an idiot. 

No words of endearment after her confession, no follow-up, no sharing that he felt the same way. When the time came for him to step up, he hadn’t. 

And now Rey is sleeping peacefully, snuggled against him, unaware of how much Ben is spiraling downward, downward, downward every second. 

Because he has a problem with intimacy, and this has just proven it. No amount of sessions with Hux, no amount of sweet kisses or caresses or encouragement from Rey, could have prepared him for how utterly stripped raw he’d felt at those words she said.

I love you.

Three little words with so much meaning behind them. So much impact attached. So much...responsibility. Vulnerability. Commitment. Trust

He’s petrified just thinking about it, of the enormity of what’s just happened. 

He can’t do this. 

He doesn’t deserve her. 

He can’t even tell the love of his life that he loves her - so how can he possibly propose to her? He’s out of his mind. 

And he needs to get out of here. Fast. He can’t stay here when he’s like this. It’s stifling, suffocating, getting harder to breathe by the second.

Quiet and gently as one can with a body that currently feels like a live wire, Ben removes himself from Rey’s hold. He finds his clothes on the floor and gathers them into a pile, pulling on his boxers first, then his pants, his shirt, his coat, not bothering with socks before he slips on his shoes last.

Rey stirs slightly during all of this and Ben freezes, completely still while his heart pounds wildly, watching her closely until she rolls over onto her side with her back facing him, letting out one of those endearing, snuffling snores that he loves so much— 

No

He can’t dwell on this, can’t dwell on her, not when he’s this close to an anxiety attack. 

Still, a note, or something, he has to leave her with something, her being without a phone— 

He grabs the pad of paper that the hotel supplies each room and scribbles as legibly as he can, despite how bad his hands are shaking. He crosses out one sentence, then two. After six failed attempts at explaining himself, he leaves the note as it is, unfinished. 

He spares one last lingering glance at Rey while he places the note on the end table and turns off the lights, and then—

He leaves. Out of the room, into the hall, opting to run down the several flights of stairs rather than take the elevator. He doesn’t stop running until he’s far enough away from the hotel, the frigid New York air burning his throat.

***

Rey startles awake in the dark. 

It takes her a moment to get a bearing of her surroundings but when she remembers where she is, she smiles sleepily. 

Ben’s hotel room.  

Ben’s bed. 

Where she had lost her virginity to him. 

Where he had lost his virginity to her. 

Where they had both joined together as one, after weeks of pining and waiting for something to happen, for the right moment to come along. 

It had been perfect. Just perfect. She’d been nervous about it - about whether it would feel good for him, feel good for her. And it had, after just a little bit of pain at first. She’s sore all over, especially between her legs, but it’s a pleasant ache. It doesn’t hurt. Ben had made sure of that. He’d been so incredibly giving as a lover, so sweet and considerate as he always is. 

And when they had found their release in each other’s arms, it had been the single most special moment of her entire life, a moment that she’ll never forget. Long after the competition is over, long after they return to their sleepy town in Maine and continue on with their everyday lives, she’ll remember how she felt in Ben’s embrace.

Because she loves him with her entire being, and he’s made a permanent mark on her heart, one that will only carve itself a deeper place as time moves on. 

He hasn’t yet told her he feels the same. And while that does make her worry a bit - he does love her. 

Right?

“Are you asleep?” Rey whispers in the dark. 

No response from Ben. 

She reaches out with her hand to feel for him and encounters…

Empty sheets. 

A pillow.

What feels like sweat or something else from where their coupling had been. 

But it’s just her in his bed. 

“Ben?”

She turns on her side and fumbles blindly in the dark for the lamp on the bedside table. When she turns it on, she sees a note.

What starts out as curiosity when she first reads it quickly turns to disbelief, then shock, and then a horrible, horrible pain sets in, tears blurring her vision and dripping down onto the paper. 

Rey I

I can’t do this. 

I wasn’t ready.

I have to leave.

I l

I’m so sorry.

She reads the crossed out words over and over again, trying to parse their meaning. Her phone is ruined so she can’t get in touch with him to find out more, to listen to his voice, to his explanations. 

Maybe he had even wanted that, a cruel, traitorous part of her whispers. Maybe he left because he doesn’t love you, after all. He felt smothered and had to get away from you. 

This cruel, traitorous part of her gets even stronger with each passing minute, twisting inside of her like a knife as she stares down at the note, looking for the answers it won’t provide. 

Then, after awhile, an eerie sense of calm sets in. 

Rey redresses, feeling numb. She doesn’t cry as the wetness between her thighs - evidence of their night together - trickles down into her underwear. She doesn’t cry as she heads down to the lobby to request a new key to get back into her own room. She doesn’t cry as she packs up all of her belongings in a matter of minutes. She doesn’t even stop to think about whether she’s being irrational or impulsive or melodramatic. It’s nearly five A.M. and all her friends - Phasma, Mitaka, Finn, Poe - will be back to the hotel soon. She doesn’t know what she’d say to them, how she would explain what’s happened, even if she wanted to. 

All she knows is that she made love to the love of her life, told him she loved him, fell asleep in his arms, only to wake up sometime later with him nowhere to be found. 

Just a note on the bed where he should’ve been. 

So she leaves, hails a cab, and goes directly to Penn Station for a one-way ticket home. 

Away from all of this. 

***

The city that never sleeps truly never does. It’s not as noisy as it had been during the day, but there’s still so much going on and it’s doing nothing to calm Ben down. It’s only making him worse. 

He quickens his pace, creating more and more space between himself and the hotel. City blocks become entire stretches of New York street. He keeps going, losing track of time, trying to remember the mindfulness techniques that Hux has taught him. Deep breaths, focus on your physical sensations rather than your thoughts. Think of the five different senses. What can you smell? Taste? Touch? See? Hear? 

He can smell the city, a mixture of piss and fried food and car exhaust-sludged snow. He can taste the copper in his mouth from breathing in the wintry air too fast. He can’t fucking touch anything because his hands are frozen. He can see lights sprawled out as far as his eyes can see, bodegas and diners and coffee shops all still open despite the early hour. There’s one up ahead of him, the outside seating all vacant due to the cold.

And from inside the café, he can hear…

A song. 

Muffled, soft, but it’s familiar. 

He’d taken French all throughout high school and he still knows the lyrics by heart, even though years have passed since then. 

Quand il me prend dans ses bras

Il me parle tout bas

Je vois la vie en rose

It’s a song about love. 

How two lovers see the world through rose colored glasses when they hold each other.

C'est lui pour moi

Moi pour lui dans la vie

How they’re the only ones for each other. Him for her and her for him.  

Les ennuis, les chagrins, s'effacent

Heureux, heureux à mourir

How all their troubles, all their sorrows fade away, because the couple’s happiness and love eclipses all of that. 

As Ben stands there in the freezing cold, moved to tears by the song, he all at once understands. 

It’s a newfound understanding, one that robs him of breath; one that he wishes, wishes he could have realized sooner. Months back, when he shared his first kiss with the girl in the yellow sweater who’s completely turned his life around. Rey.

He should have never, ever let her go after that first kiss. He should have held on tight and kissed her again and again. He should have never tried to deny his feelings or let the anxious thoughts in his head speak louder than his heart. 

Because him and Rey? 

They're stronger than any anxiety. They’re built to last. Nothing can break them down and crush their spirit, not now, not that they’ve finally found each other. 

Found love. 

“I love her,” he says aloud, to no one, finally uttering the words that he’s felt for her but has never been able to voice until now. Ben reaches into the pocket of his coat, clutching the jewelry box where the engagement ring is still hidden. His expectations about a picture-perfect engagement have been blown to shit, but...it doesn’t matter anymore, and there’s something so freeing about that. The world won’t stop turning if he proposes to her quietly with little fanfare. She’s going to love it because she loves him - and God, he loves her right back. 

He yells, louder:

I love her!

His voice echoes, then fades, swallowed up by the sounds of the city. 

In its place, a growing sense of horror creeps in. 

He’d left her - Rey - in the hotel. 

By herself. 

With a note, when he should have taken her into his arms and told her how he was feeling. She would have understood - he knows she would have. He’d helped her through the middle of an anxiety attack only yesterday. She had let him comfort her then. She’d let him in, had trusted him enough. 

She hadn’t shut him out.

And he’s done exactly that to her.

His own words come back to him - the day she came to him in confidence, telling him that she was the person behind the new chocolate line. She’d been trembling all over from the burden of her secret, scared that he would be upset. And when she had told him the truth, he’d said: 

Can you help me, by coming to me next time there’s a problem?

What fucking right did he have to say those words to her, to urge her to tell him whenever she’s struggling, if he can’t do the same? 

God, he’s a hypocrite. And a damn fool. 

But he’s going to fix this. 

For good. 

No more excuses. 

No more waiting. 

No more running away, no more hiding. 

He’s flinging himself headfirst into this wonderful, crazy, tender, beautiful love he’s found. He’s going to be reckless where he’s been so hesitant. Strong where he’s been weak. 

Brave instead of - or rather, in spite of - being afraid. 

It’s the same idea that Hux has drilled into him every session. 

Keep trying. 

Keep going. 

Don’t give up. 

Ben isn’t about to give up, no way in hell. Not when he finally has the thing he’s always wanted, the person he’s always wanted, in his life. 

He sprints back to the hotel, his lungs on fire and his feet pounding against the pavement. He bypasses the reception desk even though they’re asking him to stop. He hurls himself up the stairway again, and almost falls on his face from how fast he moves down the familiar hallway, stopping outside his bedroom. Breathing raggedly, he inserts the room key card and flings the door open only to find Rey…

Gone. 

Heart sinking deeper into his chest, Ben runs down the hall to Phasma and Rey’s room, banging on the door. 

“Rey? Rey, sweetheart! I’m sorry! Rey?” 

The door swings open. Any hope he had that it would be Rey on the other side fades when he sees Phasma. She looks tired and disgruntled, hair in her eyes and makeup still smeared on her face. 

“Ben. It’s six fucking A.M. We all have to be up in three hours. What the hell do you want?” 

“Have you - seen Rey?” he gasps. 

Phas blinks, like she’s startled, and then shakes her head. “She’s...she’s not here. Is she...um. Is she with you?” 

Ben pushes back any lingering discomfort or reluctance he has about making his secret relationship not-so-secret. He and Rey were going to tell everyone about it eventually. They’d made plans to, had talked about it together. Before...

Ben shakes his head. He’s got to focus. Rey is missing, and he has no idea how to contact her because her cell phone is broken. She could be anywhere. This is too important to be kept a secret any longer. 

“She was. She was with me. We were - together. But she’s...she’s gone, Phas.” The meaning of those words finally hits him and the impact is brutal. He feels faint, on the verge of throwing up, at a loss of what to do. He had thought - he’d thought she’d be waiting for him. He’d thought that everything would be okay once he explained. 

But it isn’t okay. 

Because Rey isn’t here. Unlike her brief disappearance yesterday, he can't find her.

And it’s entirely his fault this time. 

“She’s gone.”  

***

Phasma feels like absolute death and not just because she’s had no sleep. Ben had shown up at six in the morning outside her hotel room just as she’d settled into bed. He’d been frantic, pounding on her door and calling out for Rey. 

With very little prying on her part, Ben told Phasma what she already knew - that he and Rey had spent the night together. But something had happened. Something bad. Something that prompted Rey to leave without a single goodbye to any of them. 

On the bright side - if there is a bright side - Phas thinks that Rey is okay, at least physically. Her luggage had disappeared with her, and after asking the front desk, at least two hotel employees said they’d seen a young woman leave with her things in tow very early in the morning. 

As for Rey’s whereabouts now...Phas has no idea. She could be staying somewhere else. She could already be on the way back to Maine. Hell, she could be boarding a plane to England and none of them would know. Her phone is dead. No texts can be delivered and every call goes to her voicemail. 

Ben is beside himself with worry, currently holed up in his room as he places calls to his parents, his uncle, Chewie — anyone else back in Maine who can keep an eye out for Rey. 

Phas sighs, staring down at her cup of coffee.

Finn, Poe and Mitaka are chatting excitedly beside her as they eat breakfast, oblivious to what’s gone on for the past few hours. No one else knows. Mitaka had roomed with Finn and Poe when they’d all returned from the last bar, as everyone assumed that Rey and Ben were busy going at it. No one but Phas had seen Ben at his worst. His face deathly pale and his eyes wild as he tore his room apart and then Phasma’s, convinced there was a note that Rey had left him somewhere. 

‘I left her a note. It wasn’t much of a note but it was still a note. She’s left me one, too. I know it!’  

No note had been found. Since then, he’s been as quiet and withdrawn as Phas has ever seen him. He’s in no state to serve as moral support for Say It’s chocolatiers during the award ceremony. It’s now up to Phas to keep spirits high.  

“How are we feeling?” she asks, trying to inject as much bubbly enthusiasm into her words as she can. 

“Excited. Anxious. Both. I’ve had too much coffee already but I can’t function on zero sleep and no caffeine,” Finn explains, practically bouncing in his seat.

“Same,” Mitaka says on a yawn, reaching for his coffee cup.

Poe is looking the best out of all of them, damn him. Nothing about his perfectly coiffed hair and bright smile gives away just how little sleep he’s had. “I’m feeling hopeful. Two hours of sleep can either make or break a man, and I choose to make it. And yes. Coffee helps.”

Breakfast continues on in the same way. Finn asks about Rey at some point and Phas has to omit the truth, at least for now. She doesn’t want them worrying about Rey a second day in a row. Once the prizes are announced, once everyone knows whether they’ve made it through the national competition and are onto the main ICMC in spring... then she’ll tell them. 

“She wasn’t feeling well. She isn’t going to be with us today.” 

They all accept that answer at face value and don’t pry any further. 

After breakfast, everyone starts making their way over to the hotel’s main conference room where the award ceremony is taking place today. It’s packed with competitors, everyone dressed smartly in their best chef coats. There aren’t enough places further up to the front, so all four of them take a seat towards the back of the room. 

The ceremony begins with the five judges explaining the history of the competition, how the judging criteria was decided by the founders, things like that. Phas zones out as the elderly judge with the hooked nose drones on and on, as she’s not nearly as invested or interested as the chocolatiers might be. 

Ben finally arrives and sits down beside Phas as the awards for the plain dark and milk chocolate categories start. He doesn’t look any better than before, his face drawn and pained, his hair a disheveled mess from where he's run his hands through it. He doesn’t meet her eyes, just blankly stares at the stage. 

Phas shifts uncomfortably in her seat, pinning a smile back on her face when Mitaka, Finn and Poe look her way. 

After the plain chocolate categories come the awards for chocolate with added ingredients, flavorings, and infusions. Say It’s chili-pepper pine nut dark chocolate and the paprika and cashew white chocolate both receive a bronze medal for Best Use of Nuts in chocolate, followed up by two Best Use of Inclusions/Pieces silver medals for the smoked maple bacon and lavender sea salt dark chocolates. Say It doesn’t place for any chocolates with fillings, but ends up getting three Chocolate Infusion gold medals: one for the stout-infused dark chocolate, one for the dark chocolate peppermint, and the last for the masala chai milk chocolate. 

“Rey should be here! The chai and peppermint were hers,” Finn frets as he returns to his seat after collecting the gold medals. He doesn't look too put out, though; in fact he’s glowing with pride on account of having three of his assigned chocolates place in their respective categories.

“It’s okay. I think she’ll be very happy with the results when we tell her,” Phasma hedges, mindful of the still-silent Ben sitting on the other side of her. 

The awards continue on with several categories that Say It hadn’t qualified for: hot chocolates, alcoholic drinks with chocolate, and chocolate sculptures. 

First Order Sweets Emporium - the same company owned by the man who had offered to buy out Say It With Sugar not too long ago - places in all three categories, adding to its already considerable number of medals. First Order Sweets is the one to beat so Phasma has heard, having won the Grand Prix twice, and it’s looking like that’s going to be an uphill battle. Still, Say It only has to place third overall to compete in the final international competition this spring. It all comes down to what the judges have decided, based on the combined scores from yesterday. 

Once all awards for individual categories have been awarded, Chef Ahsoka Tano steps forward. A hush falls over the audience as they wait for her to announce the three overall winners. 

“We would like to thank all competing chocolatiers and businesses for participating in the national round of the ICMC. You have shown us exemplary work and should be proud of your mastery of the craft that we all hold so very dear.”

“Get on with it,” Poe mutters, and Phas has to shush him to stay quiet. 

“Unfortunately, we can only recommend three companies to move forward into the final international round in Belgium this April. We trust that we have made the right decision, and that these three businesses will represent the finest chocolate making that the United States has to offer. Now, without any further ado, I will announce the winners. We ask that the business owners and chocolatiers alike come to the stage to accept their award and pose for a photo, and remain here while the other names are called. A winning group photo will be taken at the very end.” 

Three of the other judges come forward with trophies. The Grand Prix trophy is massive and gold, easily the size of a small child, but even the bronze trophy is very impressive. Ahsoka takes this one and holds it aloft as she speaks into the microphone. 

“In third place, receiving bronze for Best Chocolate Making and a cash prize of five thousand dollars: Abrams & Johnson Chocolate Factory!”

Cheers erupt from this winning team and they join the judges on stage. Phas bites her lip, steeling herself for the second place announcement. If Say It is going to place, this is probably the chance. Everyone is similarly on edge; Finn and Poe’s legs are bouncing like crazy and Mitaka has his head in his hands. Even Ben looks a tad more animated than before, leaning forward in his seat. 

“In second place, receiving silver for Best Chocolate Making and a cash prize of ten thousand dollars: First Order Sweets Emporium!”

The audience claps but no one from First Order looks particularly enthused to accept the silver trophy. The four chocolatiers in red chef coats take to the stage in an orderly line. The skeletal looking owner practically snatches the trophy from Ahsoka’s hands, no words of thanks exchanged.

Ungrateful ass, Phas thinks, feeling defeated. Say It’s team would have been thrilled to place second overall. Instead the prestigious award has gone to a company that will count it as a loss, not a win. 

“At least they didn’t place first,” Finn grumbles, echoing Phasma’s thoughts. She can only hope that the first place winner will go to someone more deserving.

Up on stage, Ahsoka hoists the gold trophy into her arms. The elderly chef is in her eighties but she doesn't appear to struggle with the prize at all, smiling as she presents it to the audience. “And now, for the Grand Prix winner. The formulation, design, and taste for each individual chocolate creation was carefully considered and then combined for a total overall score. The winning company had the highest raw score and showcased some of the most memorable, delicious chocolates this competition has seen in recent years. I witnessed the chocolatiers hard at work yesterday and I can say with full confidence that their artistic flair, natural talent, and ingenuity will serve them well in the international round. Ladies and gentlemen, our first place winner, receiving gold for Best Chocolate Making and a cash prize of fifteen thousand dollars: Say It With Sugar!”

To say the team is stunned is an understatement. They sit there in shock as applause erupts around them, Ahsoka’s words not quite registering just yet - until Finn leaps to his feet and lets out a huge cheer, fist pumping the air. 

“YEAHHH, BUDDY! WE DID IT!!!” 

Phas can’t help it - she bursts into tears, overwhelmed with the news that their little chocolate shop has won FIRST PLACE. FIRST! And now they’re going to Belgium in the spring to compete against chocolatiers from every part of the world! 

Poe and Finn pull Phasma to her feet, urging her to follow them up to the stage, with Mitaka following close behind with Ben. 

They’re halfway there when Mr. Skeletor from First Order Sweets nudges Ahsoka aside, pulling the microphone from its stand. He snarls, turning to address the other judges behind them. 

“I object to that! I demand a recount of your scores!” 

The applause dies down across the entire room, everyone growing silent at this unexpected turn of events. 

“Mr. Snoke—” Ahsoka Tano begins, but he cuts her off with a hand wave.

Say It With Sugar - they need to be disqualified! Or at the very least, forfeit the Grand Prix! They had a leg up! One of their chocolatiers is a Kenobi, for God’s sake!”

An excited murmur goes through the crowd, which Phas doesn’t understand. Kenobi? Why is Rey being singled out? What does he mean, “a” Kenobi? That implies there is more than one. Is Rey related to some famous chocolatier? And even if she was, why would that matter? It had been a team effort! They had won, fair and square! 

Rage bubbles up inside Phas as she pushes past Finn and Poe, determined to put a stop to this. 

But Ben beats her to it, rushing past her and everyone else to storm up onto the stage. 

The last thing she sees before chaos descends is Ben raising his arm, swinging it back— 

And then socking the smug grin straight off Snoke’s face. 

Notes:

*shows up 7 months late with Starbucks* Hellooooo. I'm back. Again. Anyone still here? 😂 If you are, I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you thought!

Say It With Sugar Playlist.

Speaking of the playlist...you may notice it is a mix of modern and oldies (50's/60's) love songs to fit the theme of this story and the chocolate shop's history itself! They're all Reylo af but my faves are "The Way You Look Tonight" and "La Vie En Rose" - the latter of which is featured in this chapter, as a nod to the French-Belgian movie this fic is based on (Les Emotifs Anonymes) and a reader's comment from FOREVER ago suggesting that Rey and Ben dance to the song. The dancing will come later, don't worry 😘 I'm sorry I forgot who suggested it, but I love you!

My twitter
My other two WIPs, "Mint To Be" and "king of my heart (body and soul)"

I also finished a multichapter fic recently called Bespoke. It's pretty much the reason why it took forever to update SIWS. I got so invested once I started writing! Although SIWS Ben and Rey still own my heart, Bespoke Ben and Rey are some of my favorite Ben and Reys I've written, too. If you check it out, I hope you like it!

As always, thank you so much for reading and supporting this story 💗🍫 Y'all mean so much to me!

Chapter 18

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

***

To say Chef Dooku is intimidating is the understatement of the century.

For starters, he’s tall as hell. Even taller than Ben. He hadn’t looked so big up there on the stage, but now in the privacy of the hotel’s small security office, he seems massive. If his height wasn’t enough, his voice exudes judgement and superiority, meant to make you feel like you’re a lowly flea for even daring to take up his time. He’s like that one professor everyone had in college: holier-than-thou, set in his ways, refusing to grant extensions or extra credit. Someone that twenty-something Ben would’ve cowered from. Someone that thirty-something Ben from only a week ago would’ve profusely apologized to. 

But, the thing is...Ben is fresh out of fucks to give. 

The only two fucks he does still give are reserved for Say It With Sugar and more importantly, his girlfriend. The person he’s risked it all for. The person he’s going to continue risking things for, if he can get out of this hotel, out of this loud and noisy city, back to the little lakeside town he calls home — and win her back.

For that to happen, he needs to fix things with the ICMC - but that doesn’t mean giving in to Dooku’s intimidation tactics. Furthermore, he’s not going to say sorry for something that he isn’t sorry for. Snoke had deserved that punch, plain and simple. He’d deserved the humiliation of having his dentures fly straight out of his ugly mouth, soaring into the audience. He deserved much worse, too, and Ben would’ve made that happen - had Poe, Finn, Phas, and Mitaka not succeeded in pulling him away from the wrinkled old shit. 

So Dooku drones on and on about the possible repercussions Ben will face and what an embarrassment this has been for the ICMC. Ben just sits there, staring at him but not really absorbing anything that’s supposed to make him feel guilty - because nothing, nothing will ever come close to the guilt he feels about Rey. 

“...Assaulting an elderly person. You do realize that contestants have been disqualified for much less than that, correct?”

Ben shrugs. “I’m not a contestant. I just happen to own the business.”

“The business that is the contestant.”

“Semantics.”

Dooku doesn’t like that at all. Probably because no one has ever stood up to him before. He sits back in his seat, his face turning an unpleasant shade of red, blinking furiously. “Well! Well - regardless of semantics, Mr. Solo, your company—”

“My company - my chocolatiers - won the competition. But it’s no fault of theirs that what happened happened. The only person who is at fault here is Snoke.”

“And yourself! You punched the man in the face!”

“He’s tried to scheme and sabotage our chance at winning multiple times. When that didn’t work and we still won he got desperate. I did what I had to do. He fucked with the wrong chocolate shop.”

Dooku’s eyes nearly bug out of his head. “Mr. Solo!” 

“He singled out one of my chocolatiers - my girlfriend, the love of my life—” Ben breaks off, swallowing harshly. He’s not going to cry, not here, not in front of this asshole. “I wasn’t going to just sit there and let him spew his nonsense.”

Dooku’s eyebrows almost reach his receding hairline. “Are you referring to the Kenobi girl? The one who Snoke claimed gave your company an unfair advantage?”

Beneath his bone deep exhaustion, Ben can feel the post-punch adrenaline coursing through his system again, raising his hackles. “She’s a woman and a badass one at that, and for the last time, it doesn’t matter what her last name is! If the rules say somewhere that people should be barred from participating just because they’re related to famous chocolatiers then by all means, show me.”

Dooku remains silent at that. It’s enough of an answer. Say It With Sugar won't be disqualified - at least on grounds of having a ‘leg up’ as Snoke tried to claim. 

Squaring his shoulders, Ben continues, “Now. What does matter is the action you’re going to take, knowing that Snoke has tried to undermine this competition.” 

Dooku rubs the bridge of his nose. “Mr. Solo. Do you even have proof of that? Solid proof?”

Ben doesn’t. It’s all just word of mouth. From him, from Rey, and from Luke, who had seen and heard Snoke talking to Rey on the day of the launch. Their testimonies corroborated together would probably stand a chance, but with there being no way of contacting Rey… 

“I don’t have solid proof, no. No proof that I can offer you right now, anyway. It would take me a few days.”

“Then it appears we’ve reached a standstill,” Dooku holds up his hand before Ben can protest, “At least until I am able to discuss what you have told me with the other board members. If what you said is true, that is very worrying indeed. A two-time winner like First Order Sweets intervening in such a way,” he shakes his head, sighing. “It wouldn’t send a good message. The ICMC’s reputation would be at stake.” 

Ben couldn’t give less of a damn about ICMC’s reputation but he manages a tight smile, just for appearance’s sake. “All the more reason to solve this.” 

“Indeed.” Dooku’s severe frown of disapproval fades just a bit as he leans across the desk, conspiratorially. “Between you and me, we’ve been looking for a valid reason to bar Snoke from the competition for a while now. He’s been a thorn in my side for years, long before I became involved in the ICMC. Years. I’m tired, Mr. Solo. Tired of Frederick Snoke. Tired of First Order Sweets. Your company’s entry into the competition is what we’d been hoping for this year. Fresh blood, so to speak. New ideas, new methods, but excellent craftsmanship. None of the flashy flamboyance that has become the standard. Just chocolate. Good, quality chocolate.”

Ben blinks in surprise. He hadn’t been expecting that. Dooku had seemed on Snoke’s side throughout all of this. If one of the main figureheads behind ICMC is against First Order Sweets, then surely that’s a good sign? 

“That’s...good to know, thank you,” Ben manages. 

Dooku sniffs, his mask of disdain already back in place. “Yes, well, that is all to say: if your allegations against him do turn out to have an element of truth to them, you won’t hear any objections from me. But until then, I suggest you lawyer up. He’s not going to back down, surely you know that.”

A lawyer. That’s more than Ben can process right now. His parents are good friends with a lawyer back home. Lando Calrissian. He practices family law or something similar. Ben can probably go to him for advice if nothing else. Legal fees are the last thing he needs right now. If Say It With Sugar doesn’t have to forfeit their 1st place prize - and that’s still a very big ‘if’ at this point - the fifteen thousand dollars would provide a little bit more of a cushion than Ben is used to. But he wants that money to go to the business itself. Better wages, small renovations, and everyone’s travel costs to Belgium in the spring. 

Not into the pocket of a lawyer that he has to pay to fight against Snoke’s own lawyer. Or lawyers, more like. Snoke is a wealthy, wealthy man. Ben is most decidedly not. 

“I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it, I guess.”

Dooku nods. “Yes, see that you do. It would be a shame for Anakin Skywalker and Benjamin Kenobi’s business legacy to die with you, Mr. Solo.”

Ben bristles. What the hell is it with these chocolatiers and their obsession with legacies? Despite what Dooku had said about fresh blood and new ideas, he and the other judges still seem to be stuck in the past, reminiscing about the good old days. He understands it to an extent but Jesus fuck, they need to just let the past die and start living in the present. 

“You know, not that you’ve cared to ask, but my business was bankrupt and failing when I took over. It’s taken a fuck ton of effort to keep it going. I did it for my family at first. To make my parents proud, to honor my grandparents. But now I’m doing it for me, for—”

For Rey, Ben wants to say. For both of them, together. For any children they have. 

“—For my future. I’m making my own legacy. It’s got nothing to do with who owned it before. So.” Ben huffs out a breath, leveling Dooku with the same serious look that the elderly chocolatier is directing his way. “I’d really appreciate it, Chef Dooku, if you and everyone else involved in the ICMC started seeing it that way, too.” 

Dooku regards him carefully for a moment, steepling his hands under his chin. 

Then he holds out his hand.

“My mistake, Mr. Solo.”

It’s an olive branch, or as much of an olive branch as someone like Dooku can make. Satisfied, Ben shakes it once then lets go. 

“Did you need anything else from me, Chef Dooku?” 

On the desk, Dooku’s cell phone lights up with a call. Even though reading it upside down, Ben can make out the words ‘Tano’ flashing across the screen. 

Dooku frowns, steepling his hands again. “Ah...no. Not at the moment, Mr. Solo. I’ll keep you abreast of any news regarding your situation. You’re here for the rest of the day, correct?”

Ben doesn’t want to be but his hands are tied until the ICMC makes an executive decision about Say It With Sugar. “Yeah. Till tomorrow morning. My employees and I check-out then.”

“Good. If you’ll excuse me, I have to take this.”

That’s his cue to exit, thank God. Ben has been in here for nearly an hour and he needs space to breathe, to think. To mull things over until he can get back to Maine. 

On the way out, he checks his own phone too. Hoping, praying that Rey has called him from a new number. That’s she’s texted him. Anything. He’d even settle for a series of middle finger emojis at this point. 

But there’s...nothing. No missed calls, no texts except from Phasma continually asking him for updates. 

The silence is worse than any other reaction he could have anticipated from Rey. It’s fitting, though; he’d left her alone, breaking her heart even if he hadn’t meant to. 

Now it’s his turn to feel the exact same way. 

***

Fortunately, what happens over the next several hours drastically improves Ben’s situation. It doesn’t solve his personal problems, not even close, but it’s the bright side of an otherwise horrible day and has him fully convinced there’s such a thing as karma and that it’s on his side for once.  

According to Phasma, who spent the better part of the day quizzing anyone who would talk to her, it turns out that Say It With Sugar isn’t the only chocolate shop that Snoke underhandedly or even directly sabotaged. Ben’s punch had caused a ripple effect, giving more than four business owners the courage to finally coming forward with similar accusations against the businessman. 

Then one of Snoke’s own chocolatiers had told the ICMC Board of Directors everything, probably sensing an opportunity to get back into their good graces before shit completely hit the fan. 

This betrayal from one of his own had been too much for the conniving bastard, and he’d promptly collapsed during the disciplinary meeting with the Board of Directors. Amidst Phasma’s snooping for information, she’d seen the paramedics arrive to the hotel and wheel a “very-dead” looking Snoke out on a stretcher. 

Ben hadn’t believed her at the time, but now he knows not to underestimate her Olympic-level talent for nosiness ever again; she found out from another business owner, who found out from Chef Windu, who found out from Chef Dooku, that Snoke was most definitely pronounced dead on route to the hospital.

“A heart attack? Well. That was easy. He can’t get back at Ben for punching him if he’s six feet under,” Finn gloats later as they’re all having dinner in the hotel's bar. 

“Too soon, babe,” Poe says around a mouthful of burger. 

“What? Don’t tell me you aren’t all thinking the same thing? I know I know, don’t speak ill of the dead and everything but...come on! Even Rey would agree with me and she’s the purest cinnamon roll.”

At this mention of Rey, Phas meets Ben’s eye across the table. He averts his gaze, picking at his uneaten pasta. Phas let everyone else know that Rey had left the competition early due to her not feeling well, thankfully leaving out the part about it being Ben’s fault. But they’re all going to realize something is amiss soon. If Rey reaches out to them, if she quits, if she cuts herself off from them - they’ll know something is wrong. They’re her friends, much closer to her than they are to him. And when they find out that he’s hurt her…

However they act, he’ll deserve it. 

Ben swallows thickly, setting down his fork.

He’s still worried sick about her. No one from home knows if Rey is back yet. His mom stopped by Rey’s house earlier but hadn’t seen anyone home. She had a quick chat with Rey’s next door neighbor Jessika, who’s been checking in on Bebe during Rey’s absence. Jessika said she hadn’t seen Rey yet, either, but had promised to get back in touch with Leia when Rey was safely home.

It’s not news that Ben had wanted to hear, but there’s not much else he can do this far away from home. 

Unless...he left? Right now? Took a bus, a train, a plane? With everything about Snoke and the ICMC settled, do they really need him here anymore? 

Phas clears her throat, pulling Ben from his thoughts. “Ahem. So. Back to Snoke. I found even more out about him. Really crazy stuff. Got real chummy with Chef Tano earlier at the bar and she told me lots. She was three sheets to the wind, poor thing. Can’t blame her. She and the other judges have had one hell of a day.”

“Jesus, Phas, you missed your calling as a private investigator. Sherlock Holmes who?” Finn teases. 

“Shush. Okay, so, as I understand it, Snoke had a longstanding vendetta against a lot of the chocolatiers behind ICMC. He studied chocolate making at the same school as Chef Dooku, Chef Tano, everyone. He was forcibly expelled for cheating and getting horrible marks on his practical exams. So he goes and makes his own company, hires his own chocolatiers because he’s a piss poor excuse for one. Flashforward to a few years ago. His hate-boner for competitors is still rampant. He starts going after chocolate shops left and right. Buying them out, making the Northeastern market more competitive. Targeting smaller shops first, even some from the school’s alumni. Pretty sure that’s why he approached you, Ben. He knew you were related to Anakin Skywalker. That your grandfather opened Say It With Sugar. He wanted it for himself.” 

It certainly explains why Snoke had been so persistent about buying the shop, and why he’d so quickly shown his true colors after Ben had refused his offer. 

It explains why Snoke had been so fixated on Rey, too. Upon finding out that she was a Kenobi, he probably burst a blood vessel.

Finn snorts. “Dude had way too much time on his hands. He straight up pulled a Thanos and started stealing chocolate shops like Infinity Stones.”

Phas pulls a face. “I don’t get the nerd reference but yes, way too much time and money on his hands. Greedy bugger. Chef Tano thinks he was on a steady track to monopolize the American gourmet chocolate business within a few years. After that, who knows? He had no qualms about blackmailing and threatening anyone who stood in his way. He could easily ruin businesses if he wanted to. I reckon that’s why the competitors who were singled out by him never spoke up.”

“Until Ben,” Mitaka pipes up, sending an encouraging smile his way. 

“Until Ben,” Phas agrees. 

“Until Rey,” Ben finds himself saying. He looks up and notices everyone staring at him. He swallows sharply again, hastening to add, “I did it for her. And...for the shop. But mostly for her. He had no right to get up there and try to get her - or us - disqualified.” 

“I wish she could’ve seen you go at him, dude. You were a force to be reckoned with,” Poe says, clapping him on the back. “I think she’ll be really grateful you did that. That was a real asshole thing he did, outing her like that.”

Finn shrugs. “Joke’s on him. I had no idea that Kenobi was such a household name among chocolatiers.”

“Me either,” Mitaka adds. “But I was reading up about him after. Rey’s grandfather. Benjamin Kenobi. Do you guys know he has his own Wikipedia page? He came up with all of these different techniques for tempering, infusions, everything. It’s no wonder Rey didn’t tell us about him. Big, big shoes to fill.”

“Yeah, I know. I wonder if that’s why she was so nervous yesterday before the competition.” Finn takes a bite of his fry and then glances cautiously at Ben, like he’s debating whether or not to continue speaking. 

“Finn—” Phasma starts, but Finn must decide to just throw caution to the wind and get it out. 

“Do you know, Ben? If that’s why she was so nervous? She looked awful like she’d thrown up or fainted. Something wasn’t right. And - maybe something still wasn’t right with her this morning, so she went home?”

Phas looks furious at Finn, biting the inside of her cheek to keep from saying anything. When no one else responds right away, he pipes up again. 

“It’s just - you found her. Yesterday. When she went missing. And you - you seem to have a good relationship with her. Working relationship with her. That’s why I asked. I figured you’d know.”

Phas suppresses a groan of frustration but aside from that, everyone at the table descends into an awkward silence. Ben throws his napkin on top of his barely touched meal and pushes his seat away from the table. He waits a beat, wondering how to possibly explain everything that’s gone on, then settles for:

“That is what happened yesterday, yes. And there’s more to it than that. A lot more.”

Like his relationship with Rey. How she’s behind every single chocolate recipe they’ve made. Her anxiety. His, too. What happened last night. What will happen when everyone gets back home. 

But he’s made up his mind. He’ll tell them everything at a later time, even though he’s pretty sure everyone has caught on to the extent of his and Rey’s relationship. Their pointed looks at each other all but confirm it. 

He’ll debrief during the next staff meeting. Hell, maybe he’ll even organize a fucking celebratory staff dinner catered by Maz. They deserve that, just as they deserve an explanation. For now, though…

“You’ll all be paid overtime for the competition and the drive home tomorrow. It’s the least I can do to show you all how much I appreciate you. As for me...I’m going back to Maine. Tonight.” Ben huffs out a breath, standing up from his seat. “I owe someone...someone I love ...a very big, very thorough apology. I’ll see you all again soon.” 

And with that, he leaves. 

Notes:

A shorter chapter this time, but hopefully it answered questions about Say It's future + why the hell Snoke is such an asshole.

Now onto the main resolution 😍❤️️ I'm so excited to write this next chapter coming up, and I'm excited share it with y'all too!! It's one of my favorite parts of the movie that this fic is based on. If you want to spoil yourself, watch "Les Emotifs Anonymes"

Thank you to my trusty betas Michelle and Keely for whipping my writing into shape and being so supportive always 😘 And thank YOU readers for sticking with this story. We are so close to the end!!

Say It With Sugar's playlist.

My twitter.

Chapter 19

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

***

It’s snowing. 

In fact, the entire town has turned into a winter wonderland during Rey’s absence. The roads are clear enough for vehicles but every house, every yard, every tree is covered in crisp white snow, Christmas lights glowing underneath it all. 

Under normal circumstances, this abrupt change of weather would delight Rey to no end. She’s always loved the holidays. The memories she has of past Christmases spent with her granddad are priceless to her. Making hot chocolate together. Decorating their tree. Him showing her how to build a snowman and make snow angels, despite the growing frailty of his age. He’d been the one constant during her childhood, always there for her, always teaching her new things, always showing her the beauty of life’s simple pleasures.  

But Rey doesn’t see anything beautiful now. It’s too quiet, the sky a gloomy dark purple even though it’s just past three in the afternoon. And the cold is biting, the flurries of snow annoyingly sticking to her eyelashes as she trudges up her driveway, pulling her luggage behind her. 

Her next door neighbor Jess has watched after Bebe during her absence so he hasn’t been entirely deprived of company or his beloved two meals a day. Even so, he lets out a loud and plaintive meow as she walks through the door as if to say ‘where have you been, human? You haven’t given me treats or chin scratches for DAYS!’

That warm welcome changes to a soft and questioning ‘mmreow?’ as Rey drops her belongings and slumps down onto the floor, closing the front door with her shoulder. 

And then, when Bebe brushes his soft and fuzzy head against her arm, that’s when Rey truly loses it. She’s held it together for a remarkable amount of time. The taxi ride to Penn station, the entire 8 hour train ride home, the bus ride from the local train station back to Niima street. So she lets herself cry out everything that she’s kept bottled up since New York. She cries until she can’t breathe, gasping for air, and then she cries some more. 

At some point, she lays down on her side and Bebe curls up against her stomach. She wishes his loud, rhythmic purring and warm snuggles could be a remedy to all of her problems, but he does the next best thing: he helps lull her into a fitful albeit deep sleep. 

She dreams about Ben. Romantic dreams where he proposes and they get married and fill a house with their children. She falls asleep in his arms every night then wakes up, turns over in bed, and finds him gone. No trace of him. Every dream twists into this nightmare where Ben either leaves her or worse, ceases to exist in her life at all. 

When she startles awake from the most recent nightmare, it’s pitch black in her house. Disoriented, head pounding from crying and having napped on the floor for who knows how long, Rey winces as she pushes herself up to sitting again. 

The rational part of her knows that she has to move eventually. She can’t stay in this spot for the rest of her life. She hasn’t yet changed out of her clothing from the night before and she regrets that now. She still smells like him, like Ben, and every time she recognizes the scent for what it is, her heart breaks into even smaller, jagged pieces. She’s started her period, too. Where she should feel relief in that knowledge, instead she feels...empty. Numb. But she needs to shower nonetheless. It won’t solve everything, but it’ll wash some memories away. 

She also needs to figure out what in the world she’s going to do about work. Waltzing back into Say It With Sugar on Wednesday like nothing ever happened would be insane. There’s no way she could bring herself to do that, no way she could put on a brave face in front of everyone. In front of Ben. 

She could maybe reach out to one of her support group members for advice or at the very least, a hug - but she needs a phone for that. Hers is broken, yet another reminder of what a disastrous, horrible experience New York had been. She’ll have to purchase a new one eventually but she can’t bring herself to leave the house again and go to the store, not when it’s so dreadfully cold outside. 

Feeling more than defeated, Rey lays back down on the floor again beside Bebe, staring off into the darkness. 

She just about drifts off to what will probably be another round of unsettling dreams when a knock on the front door rouses her awake. 

Holding her breath, Rey waits for another knock to sound. It’s probably Jess coming to check on her. It couldn’t be anyone else; they’re all still in New York. Check-out from the hotel was scheduled for tomorrow morning, so they won’t be back in Maine until later on in the day. Right? 

Three more knocks interrupt her thoughts. 

She doesn’t want to answer. She doesn’t have to answer. The lights in her house are off. She’s been asleep since she returned, and she can still pretend to be until Jess leaves. She can pretend to be tomorrow as well, if anyone else comes to see her or try to talk to her or—

“Rey?”

All at once she’s paralyzed, unable to move from her spot on the floor as she recognizes who the voice belongs to. 

There’s another round of knocks. A long, drawn out pause comes after that, then what sounds like a sigh, and then: 

“Are you there? Please, God, I hope you’re there. Your neighbor said she hadn’t seen any sign of you except for footprints in the snow hours ago. I’ve been checking in with her for updates. Yeah I know, that’s probably creepy, but — I needed to know something, anything, about where you were.”

Two knocks, quieter this time, followed by: 

“I’m sorry it’s so late. I took the first flight home that I could but it got delayed because of the weather. We - we won the Grand Prix. We did it. You did it, Rey. We couldn't have done it without you. Fifteen thousand dollars and a spot at the international round this spring. You should have seen everyone’s face when we won. Phas started crying, Finn started cheering like he was at the Superbowl. And I—” 

She’s crying again. Just hearing his voice is enough to ruin her, to break her down, to strip her raw like she’d felt upon waking up to that note. She claps her hand over her mouth to muffle the sobs, trying to hear what else he’s saying. 

“I did something that I could’ve gotten into a lot of trouble for, but miraculously, I didn’t? I - I punched Snoke.” He laughs, but it sounds humorless. Like he’s weary just thinking about it. “I decked him right in the jaw. I hit that fucker so hard that his dentures broke free of their gum glue and flew into the audience. And afterward...it’s complicated and hard to explain, but long story short, Snoke is dead. He’s gone. He had a heart attack. You don’t have to worry about him anymore, sweetheart.”

Sweetheart. 

That’s like a knife to the chest, hearing him say that. Less than 24 hours ago, that word made her heart soar. Now, it makes her physically ill. She remembers every time he’s called her by that name. The first night at the hotel, after he’d taken her ice skating. The day of the competition, when he’d crawled under a bathroom stall and gathered her into his arms.

You never have to be alone again, sweetheart, he had said. Not as long as I’m here, and I don’t plan on leaving anytime soon.

Had that all been a lie? Had every sweetheart? Even the ones he said during sex? All this time, had he just been telling her what she wanted to hear? Going along with it because he’s too nice to tell her no? Too nice to tell her to her face that she’s a pathetic, unlovable loser with social anxiety who can’t even attend a chocolate competition without getting a panic attack? 

Rey clenches her eyes shut, screwing her face up, trying so hard not to cry any harder as these self-defeating thoughts bury deeper under her skin. 

Through the door, she can hear him choke out: 

“I’m so sorry. For everything. For leaving you and that note and — I don’t know how you can ever forgive me. I need to tell you something, something I should’ve told you before but didn’t have the guts to. And I shouldn’t tell you now, if I don’t even know you’re in there. So please, Rey, can you just — open the door? If you are there?”

That all but confirms it, then. This ‘something’ that he needs to tell her is that he’s breaking up with her for real. That he can’t be with someone like her. He’d flown all the way home from New York just to tell her this and - and she can’t sit here and listen to him anymore. She’s exhausted, mentally spent, but she somehow manages to stand on shaky, sore legs. Sore from everything she’d done with him last night. Moving her body against his so passionately, convinced that she had been making love to her soulmate—

Rey wipes at her face, her skin raw from crying, and hurries towards her bedroom. The last thing she hears him say, muffled through the door, is: 

“I shouldn’t tell you, but I’m going to tell you anyway, on the off chance you’re in there. Rey, I—”

She closes her bedroom door softly. She can’t bear to hear him talk for a second longer. 

***

“Have you heard from her?”

“No, I haven’t. We went by there last night with some of Rose’s pho since we know she loves eating that and - nothing. We’ve stopped by every day, too, since we got home,” Finn sighs, nibbling on his lower lip. 

“I wish she’d give us at least some indication she’s alright. I’m worried about her. This isn’t like her at all. I mean, we’ve known her for what, two months? She’s never gone this long without staying in contact with us. She's only had one sick day and even then, we knew about it,” Mitaka frets. “I know she broke her phone in New York but...a Facebook message? An email? Anything would help.”

Phas remains silent through all of this, but from the looks of it, she so desperately wants to say something. Ben is grateful that she hasn’t. He hates that he’s even put her in this position to start with. 

Poe, on the other hand, is getting completely worked up, stabbing at his food. “Man, fuck this. If she’s in trouble shouldn’t we help her no matter what? This worrying isn’t going to help any of us or her and we’re running out of options, people. At what point do we just barge down her front door?”

Ben has been asking himself the same thing. He’s gone by her place every single night since his return. Her lights are always off, no sign of her. One time he thought he’d seen a shadow through the yellow curtains in her living room, but he thinks that must’ve been a trick of the light. Or maybe a result of his sleep deprivation. He’s had to cancel on Hux this week, far too tired and emotionally drained to even think about attending therapy. He knows what Hux would say, anyway. Keep trying. Don’t give up. Talk to her. 

Well, he’s been trying. He tried talking to her and nothing. And in the wake of these failed attempts, he can feel his anxiety steadily creeping up on him, filling his head with worst case scenarios all over again. Rey hurting herself. Rey moving away. If she’s pregnant, Rey having to raise a baby by herself because she doesn’t want anything to do with him. Ben losing the only woman he’s ever loved or will ever love, all because he allows his damn nerves and fears to control him. 

He has to do something to make this right. He can’t stand the thought of how sad she must be, to be holed up in her house for days on end. He can’t keep living like this, either. Going to her house everyday, hoping she’ll finally come out and speak to him. Driving around everywhere he knows she frequents, convinced he’ll finally see her. Something has to be done. Maybe even something drastic like Poe said, once he tells them everything during this staff meeting.

They seem to be in a good enough mood; he ordered everyone’s favorite dishes from Maz’s for their lunch, anticipating their pushback and anger that he’s responsible for Rey’s absence. He can only hope that they won’t completely hate him after this. 

He clears his throat, making his presence known as he walks into the breakroom. They’re gathered around the table eating, and all of them look up when he approaches. This is awkward. He feels awkward. No, not just awkward. Terrible. But he’d promised them an explanation before he left New York, and he’s not going to break that promise. 

“Good to see you all here again. I hope everyone has been able to get in a few day’s rest since the trip.”

“Looks like you could use some of that, boss,” Poe cuts in, pointing to his own under eye circles as an indication that Ben’s are worse for wear. “You feeling okay?”

Ben sighs. Looks like they’re cutting to the chase already. That works for him. The sooner he gets this over with, the better.

“No, I’m not feeling okay. At all. In fact, I feel like utter shit. And I owe you all an explanation about—”

He swallows, looking back over his shoulder towards the kitchen doors, hoping she’ll suddenly show up. But he knows she won’t. The day after their disastrous first date she’d come back into work looking chipper and happy as can be. But that was before he’d royally screwed things up. Messing up a date? Bad, but fixable. Running away from the love of your life after losing your virginity together, leaving her with nothing but a half-assed note with scratched out apologies? That’s a whole other beast. 

“Let’s start from the beginning, I guess. I’m sorry that I’ve kept this all from you—”

“Yeah, you and Rey are together. We got that. But we want to know what happened with you two so we can help fix it,” Finn interrupts. 

Ben breathes an audible sigh. That’s a relief, at least. One less thing he has to explain. 

“Yes. We are. Or - were. I - I screwed up. Badly. I don’t know how else to say this, so I’m just going to give it to you straight. In New York, we spent the night together—”

“Yeah yeah, we know about that too,” Poe waves him off, impatient. “I’m guessing you completely fucked up the sex, right? It happens, man. We just want to know where to go from here because,” He turns to Finn and Mitaka, wincing apologetically. “No offense guys, but we need Rey if we have any chance of placing at the international round. She runs circles around all of us.” 

“No offense taken,” Mitaka says. 

“That’s fair,” Finn agrees, leveling Ben with a serious look. “And yeah, we do need her here badly but she’s also our friend, dude. So can you just...agree to keep it in your pants until things are smoothed over with her? I mean, getting you two to hook up was our idea, that’s true, but if any of us had known it would end in disaster we wouldn’t have been so quick to push you both together—”

“Wait, wait, hold on, what?” Ben splutters, trying to process everything they’re saying. He looks helplessly at Phasma. “How long has everyone known exactly? How much did you tell them after I left?”

Phas finally speaks, throwing her hands up in frustration. “Oh, don’t accuse me of anything, you big dolt! We all figured it out independent of each other. It wasn’t until New York that we made a concerted effort to do anything about it. There wasn’t an awful lot to it, anyways. I took Rey’s hotel key, Poe bribed the bartender at that last bar to ignore you so you and Rey would miss out on the Uber, Mitaka pretended to be drunk so you two would be way more likely to use your room instead of mine and Rey’s…”

“You what?!”

“You’re welcome, by the way,” Mitaka grumbles. “I took the spare bed in Finn and Poe’s room that night but when I went back to collect my stuff the next day...” He shudders, purposely avoiding eye contact with Ben. “It reeked of sex, dude.”

“Lovely. Thank you for that input, Mitaka,” Phasma groans. 

“This is…” Ben slumps against the doorway. They’d planned for him and Rey to get together that night. They've known about their relationship for awhile. And here Ben thought he and Rey had successfully kept it a secret up until the shitstorm in New York. 

Finn comes over and pats his back good naturedly. “You guys are not subtle. At all. But don’t get bent out of shape about us knowing, okay? You two make an adorable couple. You’re really well suited. I even teased Rey about that on her first day here and...well, look what happened. Turned out to be true. I think I speak for everyone here when I say that we want both of you to be happy, and it looks like that happens when you’re together. You’re a lot more...agreeable, no offense, and Rey’s been at the top of her game these past few weeks. She took the recipes we were given and ran with them, and helped us all become better along the way. Without her, Say It With Sugar isn’t complete. She’s family.”

Finn’s mention of the recipes serves as a reminder that there’s still one more truth Ben owes to everyone before they can move past this and start to make amends. He doesn’t know if Rey would be ready to tell them all of this if she were here, but it has to be said. No more secrets, no more confusion. He wants to make things right, and this is a start. 

“About the recipes…” No one cuts him off this time to say they know about that, too, so he continues, “Rey made them all. Every last one. In one night.”

Silence, all of them staring at him like he’s grown horns. He’d expected this sort of reaction to news of his involvement in Rey's disappearance but truth be told, he’s glad it’s about this instead. 

“Wait...what?” Finn shakes his head. “What are you saying?”

“The recipes are hers. She came up with all fifteen.”

More silence. What are they not understanding? 

“But - but you said there was an apprentice?” Phas ventures.

“Yeah. She’s the apprentice. She didn’t want me to tell anyone because...well. She just wanted to keep her head down and make chocolates without drawing attention to herself. It’s a big source of anxiety for her to be related to someone so huge.”

Phas doesn’t look angry, just stunned. “You mean Ben Kenobi?”

Ben nods. “Her grandfather. He helped my grandfather open this place. Rey learned everything she knows from him. She’s probably one of the best, if not the best, chocolatiers in the industry right now. She’d never admit it, but...well, you guys have seen firsthand how talented she is. She’s not just talented, either. She’s a genius. Coming up with what she has...I’ve never seen anything like it.”

They digest all of this, none of them speaking until Finn finally does.

“And we...we work with her? Holy shit. She could have her pick of companies to work for. Anywhere. She could even have her own show like Ahsoka Tano.” 

Ben shakes his head. “She doesn’t want any of that. She…”

She just wants to belong. To have a family. To be loved. To make chocolate. To see Say It With Sugar succeed. All humble ambitions that mean so much to her, that would make her so happy. And even though he hadn't meant to, he dashed all of those dreams overnight. 

But there’s still time. There’s still hope. There has to be. 

He doesn’t realize he’s crying until Phas is hurrying over to him, wrapping her arms around him in a hug. 

“Oh Ben. Ben, Ben. We need to get her back. And we will. Right, guys?” 

He feels another pair of arms surround him, and another. And then another. 

They’ve got him in a group hug. And he doesn’t hate it. At all. They’re giving him back his strength that was so steadily waning. They aren’t angry with him, they aren’t mad. They care about him. Because they’re his friends. Not just co-workers, not just employees. 

Friends. 

“Yeah, we’ll get her back. We will, boss,” Poe assures him. “Call it Operation Reylo. Part 2.”

“...What?”

“Reylo. Rey and Solo combined. It's the name of the group text we had going on in New York when we tried to...you know. Get you guys to bang. Phas came up with it, not me. Blame her.” That earns him a slap across the head from Phas but he continues, unperturbed, “Now...who’s up for a field trip?”

***

Rey was listless when she first returned home. Now, she’s getting restless. It’s against her nature to be stuck at home all day, doing nothing. Laying in bed, staring at the ceiling. She works with her hands, she’s constantly moving around. It feels weird not to be. 

Today, she’s finally heading out. It’s a Wednesday so everyone will be back at work. Without her. On one hand this means no one will try to show up at her house today. On the other, it’s...painful, to think about them going on with their lives, getting back to business after the ICMC win. So she needs to do the same, or at least try to. 

She takes a long hot shower, washing away all the accumulated grime and sweat from days of sleeping the day away. She cleans out her fridge of expired food and actually makes herself a healthy lunch instead of the instant noodles she’s had for every single meal since she’s returned. She opts for fleece-lined leggings and a sweatshirt instead of changing back into another pair of pajamas for the upteenth time. 

Then, she finally leaves her house. It hasn’t snowed again, but there’s still plenty that’s stubbornly sticking to the ground days after. Carefully, she walks through the slush with her rainboots, making her way up the street. She hadn’t yet decided where she wanted to go today as she was getting ready, but now she knows that the most responsible thing, the thing that will probably help her the most, even though she doesn’t want to admit it, is the support group. 

There’s a meeting at four today and if she catches the next bus at the stop on Niima Street, she’ll get to the community center right before the meeting. It’s a spur of the moment decision, but the bus ride will give her time to mentally prepare for the possibility of Ben’s uncle being there. Luke. Or what she’s going to share with group members. Kallus will probably want her to participate at some point and she will, if only to say she’s having a rough time right now. 

Rey lets out a sigh, her breath mixing with the cold air in a puff, and continues on her way. As she always has. She can do this. Life has kept going while she’s stayed put, and it’s time to catch up.

***  

“Guys...she’s outside. She’s moving. She’s on the move.” 

They’ve all been waiting for a good two hours at the end of Rey’s quiet street, tensions high due to all five of them squished into Phasma’s small silver car. Ben had just started to nod off to the sound of everyone bickering, his body finally giving in to extreme exhaustion, but he’s wide awake at that. 

Rey? Outside? Where? 

He leans forward in his seat to the closest window to see out. Everyone else has the same idea. Finn practically hurtles himself into Poe’s lap, trying to grab at his binoculars. Poe elbows him away, binoculars still glued to his face. “I repeat, Sunshine is moving, over.”

Phasma groans from the front seat. “Poe, we’re all in the same car. Stop saying over. And using code names.”

“Ice Queen is a killjoy, over.” 

Phas is halfway out of her seat and looks about ready to wallop Poe when Mitaka uncharacteristically raises his voice, yanking Phas back behind the wheel.

“She’s coming our way, look! Reverse, Phas! Reverse! Back it up!! She’ll see us!” 

“Shit. Shit shit,” Phas does as she’s told, starting the ignition and doing a three point turn at breakneck speed. 

Ben looks out the rear window from his seat in the back. He can just barely see Rey, her distant figure growing smaller and smaller as Phas presses on the gas. Once the car turns onto another street, everyone starts talking over each other. 

“Now what are we going to do?”

“Where is she going? Should we circle back around the block?” 

“And risk her seeing us? No fucking way. This is a covert operation.”

“Poe, I swear to God, will you stop with the spy shit?”

“But that’s what we’re doing! We’re spying! Call it what it is, Phas.” 

“You’re uninvited from my and Baz’s wedding for being such an annoying shit.”

“Too late, we already bought you something expensive off the wedding registry.”

“Return it!” 

“Will everyone with the exception of Ben because he’s actually being quiet SHUT. THE FUCK. UP?!” Mitaka yells. 

Everyone goes silent at that, so unused to hearing him lose his temper. 

Satisfied, Mitaka clears his throat and sits back in his seat on the passenger side again, running a hand through his hair. “Take a left up ahead, Phas.”

“What? Why?”

“Because there’s a bus stop on Niima and that’s probably where she’s going? She doesn’t have a car and you can’t exactly bike in this weather. Honestly, you guys need to be hit on the head with common sense sometimes.”

No one argues that, especially when Mitaka’s guess turns out to be true. Not even five minutes later, a bus shows up close to where they parked, and they all watch as Rey runs to catch it.

“What now?” Phasma asks. 

Everyone turns in their seats to look at Ben. They’re waiting for his go ahead. This is a crazy idea, and he has no idea if it will even work but he has to try, right? The fact that Rey is out and about for the first time in days is a sign. He has to do this. This is it. Now or never. 

“Follow the bus,” he instructs, heart in his throat, and it gets even worse as they track the slow moving vehicle into the heart of their small town. Through every light, every stop, every turn. People get on and off frequently, but Poe keeps a vigilant eye on all of the passengers with his binoculars. 

Then, finally, they all watch with bated breath as Rey disembarks when the bus stops outside the community center. 

“The fuck? What is she doing here? The most exciting thing that goes on at this place is like, bingo nights for old people. Or knitting circle. Is she in a knitting circle, Ben?” Poe asks. 

“Not that I know of,” he answers distractedly, eyes never straying from Rey. She’s wearing an oversized sweatshirt. Leggings. A pair of checkered rainboots, her hair up in one of those messy topknots he loves so much. She’s never looked more beautiful to him and he misses her. God, he misses her. So much that there’s a physical ache in his chest as he watches her climb the steps to the community center and disappear inside. All at once, he knows what he needs to do next. 

“You all go park somewhere and wait for me. I’m going in after her.”

He opens the car door to his right and climbs out of the back seat, stretching his legs. The large, brick building of the community center, so commonplace that he doesn’t think anything of it whenever he normally passes it by, seems so intimidating. But he doesn’t cower from it or get cold feet. Not now. He’s stronger than that, and he has friends to help cheer him on. 

“Good luck, Ben!” Phasma calls, and Mitaka echoes the same thing. 

Finn sticks his head out the back window. “Remember: apologize, but keep it in your pants, Ben! I know you need her back, but so do we.”

Ben manages to crack a smile at that, nodding. “I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks.” 

Poe pushes him out of the way, trying to squeeze in the last word. “You got this, dude! Go and get her! I’ll be watching with the binoculars, haha.” Phasma pulls away from the curb and Poe shouts back, “Just kidding! Maybe! Good luck!”

Ben doesn’t wait around a second longer; he charges through the snowy courtyard outside of the building, takes the steps two at a time, and heads inside. 

***

“So, yeah. That’s where I’m at right now. I’m slowly but surely getting better at smalltalk with new pilots. It used to keep me up at night, wondering how on earth I could keep a conversation going with a stranger for eight hours straight. And let me tell you, that lack of sleep really hits you hard during long flights. One time I was halfway to Europe when—”

Rey zones off, listening but not really absorbing anything that Tallie is sharing. She feels guilty about it, yes, but at the same time, it’s hard to find the energy to listen and empathize in her current state of mind. It’s exhausting, actually. Maybe coming here wasn’t a good idea, after all. Maybe she should’ve started small and picked an outing that doesn’t require as much mental energy as support group does. Maybe she should’ve just gone to the store for a new phone or groceries. Maybe…

From behind her, Rey hears the door to the meeting room open and close, and she tries not to wince. She really hopes that wasn’t just Luke walking in. She doesn’t know what she’d even begin to say to him. I’m so in love with your nephew it hurts me to be apart from him, but he broke my heart so badly I can barely function? 

That’s heavy, even for support group. He shouldn’t have to deal with her personal problems, especially if they’re to do with his family member. So she’ll act like nothing’s wrong. She’s done it before, she can do it again. And if he asks her anything about it...well, she’ll cross that bridge when she gets to it. No use worrying about it just yet, not when everyone in the group is still sharing, not when—

Rey’s thoughts come to a halt when she smells it. 

Mint. 

Just a hint of it, coming from whoever just walked in. 

Rey lowers her gaze, clenching her fists in her lap. She’s missed the smell of mint so much. It’s something she’ll always, always associate with Ben. 

But it isn’t him. It can’t be him. It can’t be. It isn’t. Get a hold of yourself. It’s not

A chair creaks as the latecomer sits down across the support group circle, just as Tallie finishes her story. 

“Thanks for sharing, Tallie,” the group chimes. 

“Would anyone else like to share? I see we’ve got some returning faces and some new ones,” Bodhi speaks up in that gentle, unassuming way of his. 

Silence, a few more creaks as people shift in their chairs. 

And then, she hears it. Hears him. A voice that is so ingrained in her memory, she’d be able to recognize it anywhere. 

“Hi. I’m Ben. And - And I have social anxiety. I read on the board outside that that’s what this group is for, right? So...here I am.”

“Hi, Ben,” the group chimes back. 

Trying to calm her racing heart, Rey looks up. And immediately meets his eyes. He’s sitting right across the circle from her, his fists clenched in his lap just like hers are. 

“Hardly anyone knows I have it. Only a few close friends and family. I think I hide it alright, in most cases. Most people assume I’m angry with them, or perpetually pissed off, but I’m just...shy. Painfully so, to the point where it makes me anxious.”

He’s actually saying it. He’s finally, finally admitting that he has anxiety. She wishes he’d told her about it before. Before...before what happened, happened. But...he hadn’t. He hadn’t told her, for whatever reason. Whether from a lack of trust or something else. Either way, it stings. It hurts her greatly, how after all of this time, he’d choose this moment to open up. 

Rey swallows harshly, tearing her gaze away from his. She can already feel tears pricking her vision but she won’t cry. She can’t. Not here. 

Ben clears his throat, huffing out a short breath, then continues. “But...but something new has happened to me.”

Something new as in, I finally got rid of my leech of a girlfriend. She knows he’d never phrase it like that, he’s far too kind, but a part of her wishes he would. It would be far easier for her that way, if he gave her a reason to hate him. Because as everything stands...she can’t hate him. Ever. Even though he’s hurt her, she still loves him. So much. That’s why this is so painful, that’s why this is so hard, so—

“I’m in love.” 

Rey looks up at him again, and finds that he’s still staring right at her. All at once, time feels like it’s come to a standstill and they’re the only ones in the room. That’s what it feels like, for his attention to be so focused on her and even though it’s near unbearable, Rey can’t break eye contact, not this time, because...he said he’s in love

“I’m in love,” he repeats, his focus on her undivided, unwavering. “And it makes me feel like I’m burning up, but in a good way. A wonderful way. Not in that horrible, itchy way you get when you’re anxious. And...I don’t want to hide my feelings away like I’m used to doing. Not anymore. Because the woman I’m in love with...I’m head over heels for her. She’s beautiful, inside and out. She’s a genius, she’s kinder than anyone I’ve ever met, she also has anxiety like me...and she’s the love of my life. I know that now. But the thing is...I’ve made a terrible, horrible mistake and I don’t know if I can come back from that. I don’t know if she even wants anything to do with me anymore.” 

He sounds miserable, as miserable as Rey feels, and she can hardly breathe, afraid that if she does, this won’t be real. Any of it. 

“What would you like to say to her, if she were here right now?” Bodhi coaxes, when Ben doesn’t immediately continue. 

Rey realizes that everyone, not just Bodhi, is hanging onto Ben’s every word. One quick glance around the circle and she can see that. Snap, Tallie, Kallus, Kaydel, a few other people she doesn’t recognize...they’re all leaning forward in their seats, waiting for Ben to say something else. 

He doesn’t feel comfortable with this attention. At all. It’s written so plainly to see on his face, in the way he clenches his jaw. But he still keeps going in spite of it. 

“I’d like to ask her to spend some more time with me. To spend all the rest of time with me. We’ll make chocolate, get married, raise a family, grow old together...if she’ll have me. That’s all I want.” He looks close to tears when he repeats the last thing he said, leaning forward in his seat, his eyes beseeching. “All I want, Rey. Is you.” 

She’s crying. Actually, she’s bawling. She can’t control it. She thought she could but this...this is beyond what she can manage. And as she sits there, sobbing uncontrollably, she realizes that everyone is staring at her now instead of him. Waiting for her to say something. 

But she can’t. She won’t. This is too much, too much to process— 

She stands abruptly from her seat, wrenching her gaze away from Ben’s, and runs from the room, nearly tripping over her rainboots as she goes. 

It’s snowing again. Harder this time. She gets halfway through the courtyard out front, not even sure where she’s going, when she hears him shout from behind her. 

“REY! Wait! PLEASE!”

She can’t force her legs to keep moving, but she also doesn’t want to turn around, doesn’t want to face him when she’s like this, her emotions stripped raw, so bare, so similar to that night they were together, that night that caused all of this...

She feels his hand, hesitant, place itself on her shoulder. She shrugs it off immediately, a new set of tears streaming down her face. 

“Rey. I’m so, so sorry,” he says. So softly, so gently, she can hardly stomach it. 

“Why did you come here?” she manages to get out, hating how fragile, how wobbly her voice sounds. 

“I had to tell you everything. Everything I haven’t been able to say. I stopped by your house the night I got back, and every night since, hoping that I’d be able to get a hold of you, but…but that hasn’t worked.”

Rey clenches her eyes shut. She knows. She’d been there, on the other side of her door. But she hadn’t responded. She’d thought he was breaking up with her. Not this. In a way, this is much, much worse. He’d been trying to tell her his feelings, but she had been so deep into her own despair, she hadn’t realized.  

“Rey...I was an idiot in New York. A colossal idiot. But I was so afraid, so panicked, that I ran. That doesn’t excuse it. I should’ve told you. I should’ve been honest. My anxiety won that night, but not anymore. I’ve had enough of it. Enough. I refuse to let it control my life, to let it sabotage the best thing that ever happened to me. You. Falling in love with you. I love you, Rey. I’ve loved you for so long. I think...I think from the first time I ever met you, I knew. You were it for me. I’m sorry I hurt you, I’m sorry it took me so long to put a name to it, to say it. But I’m saying it now. I love you, sweetheart. I love you. And I want to spend the rest of my life proving that to you.” 

She hears movement behind her. People murmuring excitedly. She glances over her shoulder and sees that everyone from support group has followed them outside. They’re all huddled together, watching from the steps. And her co-workers, her friends - friends she has missed so much - Finn, Mitaka, Poe, Phasma - they’re all here, too. 

And then she realizes...Ben isn’t standing behind her anymore. She can’t see his broad frame out of the corner of her eye. 

Slowly, Rey turns around completely, and her heart stops.

He’s kneeling. In the snow. 

But that’s not all. 

His arms are outstretched and in his giant hands - his hands that she loves so much - he’s holding a tiny jewelry box.

“I don’t want your forgiveness, I don’t want to downplay how much you’re hurting, or how much I screwed up. But I meant what I said in there. I want you, Rey. In every way. You make me stronger. You’ve turned me into the version of myself I’ve always wanted to be. And I want to give all of that back to you and share in everything together. Everything that life throws our way. So—”

She watches breathlessly, hardly believing her eyes, as he opens the box with shaking hands, revealing a beautiful diamond ring inside. 

“Lorreine Kenobi - Rey - will you marry me?”

Rey can barely see past her tears. She still hurts, God she does, but every word of his has stitched piece after piece of her broken heart back together. And she’ll have time to mend it some more - with him. Because he loves her. He doesn’t want to break up, he doesn’t want to say goodbye - he wants her. For the rest of his life. 

And she wants him. Desperately. 

She still has a thousand things she’d like to say to him. A thousand questions. 

But for today, for now, there’s only one word that matters, one word that will begin to make things right. 

She gets on her knees too, the snow immediately seeping through her leggings, but she doesn’t care. Nothing else matters now. With all of their friends around them as witnesses, and with every ounce of love that she can summon, she gives her answer in the form of a kiss first, and then says it against his lips, for only him to hear. 

“Yes.”

Notes:

Ahhh!! So what did you guys think? I've been envisioning this chapter for literal YEARS (been writing this fic since March 2016) and I can't believe I've gotten this far!! Only the epilogue left! It'll be a decent size with timeskips so I can't decide whether I want to split it up into two chapters or keep it to one...any preference? Let me know in the comments 🍫

Thank you to my betas Keely and Michelle for always having my back. Go check out their writing, it's fab ❤️️

 

Say It With Sugar's playlist.

 

My twitter.

Chapter 20: Epilogue

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

***

A lot can happen in three months.

Meeting a girl. Together, against all odds, saving a little chocolate shop from financial ruin. Falling in love with her. Proposing to her. 

And even more can happen over another three. 

Being asked by your friends who are in a throuple/triad/polyamory thing to be the Godfather of their future child. Walking your best friend and co-manager down the aisle at her wedding. 

...and having a wedding of your own. 

“You’ve certainly been busy.”

Ben smiles, feeling fully relaxed and happy in his spot on the couch, right across from the person who has continually pushed him and encouraged him to overcome his fears. The person who gave him a simple homework assignment - ask someone out on a date - that would serve as a catalyst, ultimately changing his life for the better.

Dr. Armitage Hux. 

The best damn therapist there is. 

“Busy, yes. In a good way,” Ben agrees. 

“How’s the anxiety been, amidst all the new changes and exciting events?”

“Manageable. Livable. It’s always there, and some situations will always trigger it more than others, but...I go days and days now without it ever crossing my mind. And I have you to thank for that.”

Hux sits back in his chair, crossing his legs. “Give yourself credit where credit is due. You’re the one who decided you’d like to try anti-anxiety medication. You’re the one who has taken what we’ve talked about here, incorporated it into your life, and made lasting changes. I wasn’t there at your friend’s wedding, was I? When you gave your Best Man speech in front of hundreds of people? But you did it, Ben. You’ve always been capable of it.”

“I...yeah. Yeah, I did. I am capable,” Ben concedes. Owning up to his failures comes naturally but owning up to his successes, his triumphs? That’s still a work in progress for him, still feels foreign, but he’s trying every day. He knows if he sticks with it, it’ll become easier over time. 

Hux smiles back at him. “That’s what I like to hear, Ben. I’m really, really proud of you. And I’m not just saying that because it’s our last session. I truly am amazed at how far you’ve come. No bullshit.”

Ben laughs, but it sounds oddly choked up. He has mixed feelings about today. He’s discussed this with Hux before, of course. He’s had ample time to prepare. Hell, when he first started therapy, he wanted nothing more to be done with it. To quit and give up. To never talk about his feelings for the rest of his life. Now that therapy is almost over...there’s no denying that a part of him will miss it. He’ll miss Hux. He never would have thought that possible, but if the last six months have taught him anything, it’s to believe in the impossible becoming possible - as cliché and corny as that sounds. 

Yes. He’s going to miss this. 

But he’s ready and excited to finish this chapter of his life. He has another chapter, a newer chapter, that’s only just beginning. And he has every reason to believe that he’ll be able to use what he’s learned here and keep kicking his anxiety’s ass. One day at a time, with one very special lady. His fiancée, soon to be his wife. Rey.  

“Speaking of weddings…” Ben pipes up, before he loses his courage and decides to never broach this subject. “It’s probably...bending the rules of our therapist-client relationship a bit, but seeing as I’ll no longer be your client after today and you’ve helped me reach this point in my life...” He swallows, continuing, “Can I - can I invite you to my wedding? Maybe?” 

Hux blinks at him, not saying anything right away. The silence turns awkward, and Ben is almost about to tell him to forget he even asked when, to his surprise and relief, his therapist nods his head. 

“Sure, Ben. I’d be honored.”

“Wha - really? That’s allowed?”

Hux nods. “Every therapist has a different standard about these sorts of boundaries, but I’ve been invited and have attended several important events for my current and former clients. And this is certainly important to you. Of course I’ll be there.” He glances down at his notes from the session, quirking a brow. “It’s next week, you said?”

“Yes. March 27th.”

“Your bride won’t be too overwhelmed to add another guest last minute?”

“No, no, she’d love for you to be there. I’ve told her about you. She actually encouraged me to ask you. My mom and the wedding planner are the only ones who’ll possibly fuss at me but it’s fine.”

Hux caps his pen, then leans forward in his seat, arm extended. “Well, Ben...I look forward to it.”

Ben shakes his hand, trying hard and failing to keep from getting teary eyed. “Thank you, Dr. Hux. For...everything. Everything you’ve done.” He clears his throat, feeling the tips of his ears grow hot from embarrassment. “I’ll, uh...I’ll tell my mom to send an invitation here to your office as soon as possible. It’ll have the time and event info on there, that kind of stuff.” 

“I’ll be on the lookout for it.” Hux stands and Ben does too, shoving his hands back into his pockets. This is it, then. The end of therapy. The end of something that’s been a weekly occurrence for so long. What is there left to say, besides goodbye? That seems too trivial, too simple. But he’s at a loss—

“Will there be chocolate?” Hux asks, effectively pulling Ben from his thoughts. 

“Chocolate?” he echoes.

“At the wedding.”

“Oh! Yes, yes, there will be chocolate. Loads of it. The wedding cake, the party favors, everything. Most of it made at our shop.”

“Excellent. Hearing you talk about it, week after week...I think it’s high time I tried some.” 

“You’re welcome to stop by the shop anytime, too,” Ben blurts, before he can stop himself. “There’s a friends and family discount. That - that isn’t to say that you’re either of those things, but - shit, that sounds rude, I didn’t mean it that way, just that - you don’t have to specify you’re a friend in order to use the discount, not if you don’t want to,” Ben winces, but Hux just chuckles.

“You know what? I think I will. Thanks, Ben.”

With that, he gives Ben a clap on the back and hands him a small package, telling him to open it later.

Ben gets as far as the parking lot before he’s tearing into it, letting out a loud laugh at what’s inside. A mindfulness journal, which in itself isn’t strange. It’s the name that catches his attention. 

 

Zen as F*ck: A Journal for Practicing the Mindful Art of Not Giving A Sh*t

 

Ben flips it open to the inside cover and there, written in a tidy scrawl, is a message: 

 

For when your anxiety is being a royal pain in the fucking arse.

Signed, 

Armitage Hux

(Your ex-therapist who can now curse as much as he damn well bloody pleases. Cheers, Ben. You’ve come so far.)

***

Crying is normal on a wedding day.

In fact, it’s expected. 

But Rey is a complete sobbing mess and she’s not even married yet. 

The day had started off full of excitement and anticipation. She’d arrived bright and early to the wedding venue - a beautiful reception hall nestled in the heart of the lake district - and had spent the better part of the day in one of the several private lounges on the second floor, taking turns getting ready with her bridal party of Phas, Rose, and Kaydel. Leia and her close friend and wedding planner Amilyn Holdo had been in and out as well, bringing anything from finger food and dress tape to the wedding photographer who wanted candid pictures. Everything had gone according to plan. 

That was, until Rey made the mistake of sneaking down to the reception for a quick peek at the set-up. 

Rey had requested a 1950’s wedding theme. It was a nod to Say It With Sugar’s origins, and the fact that she had chosen to wear Padmé Skywalker’s tea length wedding dress, much to Leia’s tearful delight. She hadn’t expected to be stunned by the decorations, given the budget and limited timeframe before the ICMC in Belgium, but one look at the place and she could tell that Amilyn had outdone herself. 

There were yellow pops of color everywhere. The cheery bunting and balloons overhead. The checkered napkins and placemats. The sunflower and daisy centerpieces at each table, matching the one’s in Rey’s bouquet. The icing on the wedding cake. Even the yellow vinyl records that people would sign in lieu of a guest book. Amilyn had consulted with her throughout the wedding planning, providing color palettes and design concepts, but all of that paled in comparison to seeing the real thing. It was so beautiful, so perfect, that it made her heart squeeze painfully in her chest. 

If Maz’s team of caterers or the DJ setting up found it odd that the bride was walking around in hair rollers and her robe, choking back tears, none of them said a thing. 

Rey stopped short at a small alcove in the back, close to the double doors which led to the outdoor pavilion where the ceremony would take place. ‘Dearly Departed’ was written in cursive on a chalkboard easel. Strung across the chalkboard, hung up by yellow clothespins, were two pictures. 

One of Anakin and Padmé on their wedding day. The same picture that Ben shared with her way back in October, just after the Halloween party. 

And the other picture…

She’d seen it before, on the same day that Ben showed her the others. However, her familiarity with the photo did nothing to stop her sobs as she took in the sight of her grandfather. His sweet, gentle face lit up in a smile, his arm around Anakin Skywalker’s back. 

You should be here, she thought. 

You should be walking me down the aisle.

You should be giving me away at my yellow wedding, where everything reminds me of you. 

‘Dearly Departed’ doesn’t even begin to explain how much I miss you. On important days like today, my heart aches, knowing that you’re gone. 

It all became too much, too quickly. Overwhelmed with grief, she’d left the venue and wandered outside, down to the lake. 

Now, over an hour later, she’s still sitting there. Right on the bank, tucked into one side of a wooden swing. 

She’ll have to return eventually. Leia and Phasma will wring her neck if her dress isn’t put on with enough time to spare. But she still needs a moment to process her emotions. Several moments. Then she’ll be okay. More than okay. 

Because she’s going to marry the man of her dreams today. The man who has helped her realize that there’s much to look forward to in the future. That happiness and love can mend grief, or transform it into something that you don’t have to deal with on your own. 

Wiping her nose on her robe’s sleeve, she reaches into its pocket and pulls out her phone, shooting off a quick text.

***

“Stop moving, Ben.”

“I’m not moving. I’m just breathing.”

“Which makes your giant chest move and messes me up. I swear to God, who invented bowties? Stupid motherfuck—”

Poe fumbles with the tie again and lets out an inhuman screech of frustration, throwing up his arms. “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t do all of your ties! My hands are tired and I’m getting sweaty in this suit! Can NO ONE in this group tie their own damn ties? Fuck’s sake, who raised you animals?” 

“Babe. It is not that serious. Calm down, take a chill pill,” Finn says, clapping his hand on Poe’s shoulder. His partner shrugs him off, retreating to one of the mirrors in the room to tousle his hair for the umpteenth time. Finn shakes his head, muttering as he turns back to Ben, “You’d think that he was the one who was pregnant and not Rose, being this hormonal. Damn drama king. I keep joking that he’s gonna get that sympathetic pregnancy thing but what if he actually does?” 

”I heard that!” Poe yells.

Finn winces, messing with Ben’s haphazard bowtie again. “Sorry, Ben. I can’t seem to get the hang of this, either. Does your Dad know how to tie one?”

“Doubtful, since he’s already three sheets to the wind with Chewie, but I can still ask him. I think he’s just down the hall.”

He’s halfway there when his phone chirps. It’s a text from Phasma telling him to FIND REY in all caps. He can’t help but be reminded of New York, of when Rey had gone missing twice. But unlike then, when he’d felt hopeless and panicked...he knows she’s still here somewhere. She wouldn’t ever leave him, and he won’t ever leave her. Never, ever again. 

This is confirmed only seconds later when he receives a new text, though thankfully not another shouty one from Phasma this time. 

 

[Rey ❤️ | Sent: 3:25pm] Down by the lake.

 

He finds her swinging by herself underneath the shade of a sycamore tree, just on the edge of the water. 

“Is it considered bad luck if the bride sees the groom all dressed up, and not the other way around?” he greets her, and she turns in her seat as he approaches. He can see that she’s been crying. There are mascara streaks down her cheeks, her hair is in hot pink rollers, and she’s wearing the fluffiest yellow bathrobe he’s ever seen, reminiscent of Big Bird - but she’s never looked more beautiful to him. So he tells her.

“I look a fright,” she mumbles, rubbing the heels of her hands over her eyes. “And I’ll have to get my makeup re-done now. The makeup artist lady will probably think I’m an idiot.”

He sits down beside her. “She won’t. These things happen. And makeup or no, I’m still going to love you. You could wear a paper bag down the aisle and it wouldn’t change a thing.”

She laughs at that, sniffling. “It would probably be easier to put on. The buttons on the back of my dress are a nightmare. You’ll see.” She grows silent again and without a thought to his own clothing, Ben pulls her against him. 

“Tell me what’s wrong?” 

“You’ll think it’s silly when I say.”

Ben kisses her forehead. “If you’re crying about it, it’s not silly.” 

Rey exhales a shaky sigh, bunching up his dress shirt in her hand. “I...really, really miss my granddad. I hate that he’s gone. I hate that he’s not here today. I hate the thought of walking down the aisle by myself and not with him. I know your dad originally offered and that was so sweet of him to do so, and now I feel stupid for saying I’d do it alone. I thought I could do it, but…”

She breaks off, staring out into the lake’s glittering surface. Ben doesn’t say anything just yet, understanding that she needs more time. After a few moments, she huffs out a small, defeated breath of air. 

“It’s just...I’ve dreamed of this day for so long, ever since I was a little girl, and I always imagined my granddad being part of it. But he isn’t. And it hurts.” 

A few months ago, Ben would have felt out of his depth providing comfort and reassurance in the wake of such a personal, painful confession. But now...he can take it in stride and offer her the support that she needs. 

“He meant so much to you. And you meant so much to him. Everything you’ve told me about him, Rey? He loved you. And...regardless of whatever you believe about an afterlife? No one is ever really gone, I don’t think. They continue on in here.” He places his hand on her chest, right over her heart. “His big heart, his kindness? That lives on in you. And I know, I know, that he’s so proud of you, so happy for you. He's watching over you today.”

Rey’s bottom lip quivers at that, and Ben hugs her when she starts to cry again - encouraging her to let everything out instead of bottle it up, because he knows that she tries, sometimes to her detriment, to keep a stiff upper lip and pretend like nothing is wrong. But this is her wedding day. Her special day, when she should be able to feel every degree and depth of human emotion. 

When she’s quiet and still against him, he offers up something else. Something he hopes will help her, in light of what she’s shared. 

“Rey?”

“Hm?” She looks up at him, her eyes still misty, and his heart soars from how much he loves her, how much he adores her. 

“Let me walk you down the aisle.” 

She lets out an unmistakable gasp before she pauses, collecting herself, her throat working as she swallows several times. When she speaks again, her voice sounds tremulous and so very small. “You’d - you’d do that? For me?” 

He brushes his lips against her own, then kisses the apples of her cheeks, tasting the salt of her tears. “I’d do anything and everything for you. I love you.” 

“I love you,” she whispers. “And...I would love that. For you to do that. That means so much to me, Ben.”

Interlocking their fingers, he raises her hand to his mouth and gives it a peck. “Then let’s do it.”

***

Leia has dreamt of this day for a very, very long time. 

Every mother does. 

Every mother wants their child to fall in love, to find their own family. To find someone worthy, someone special. And oh, has Ben found a woman who is both of those things. Rey Kenobi. At first she may seem like a quiet type, shy and gentle like Ben. But much like Ben, she has a steel core of strength, of determination, of bravery. No one without those traits could travel to New York to compete in (and win!) the national component of a prestigious chocolate competition. No one without those traits could choose to fall in love and have a fairly large wedding in spite of social anxiety. 

So Leia knows, deep down, that neither Rey nor Ben have gotten cold feet when the wedding processional music starts without either of them to be found. Something has changed, going by Amilyn’s smirk as she gestures for everyone else in the wedding party to line up in the correct order, but it’s unclear what that something is. 

“The hell are they up to?” Han grumbles, but Leia just shushes him, looping her arm through his as they begin their journey down the aisle strewn with yellow petals. 

Next come the bridesmaids, all of them dressed in adorable vintage-inspired sheath dresses - yellow, of course - accompanied by the groomsmen in smart looking grey suits, the little sunflowers of their boutonnières providing a cheerful pop of color. Rose Tico and Poe Dameron make a striking couple as they travel up the aisle and take their spots on either side of Luke. Leia is pleased to note that her twin looks as cool as a cucumber and ready to officiate a wedding for the first time. No one would suspect that he has social anxiety, too. 

Following Tico and Dameron are Mitaka and a friend of Rey’s. Leia can’t quite remember her name...something with a K? But she’s cute as a button, her hair styled into two adorable victory curls on either side of her head. And the way that Mitaka is blushing whenever he glances at her...Leia needs to keep an eye on that pair, maybe nudging them together if neither of them make a move by the end of tonight. 

Last comes Best Man Finn Trooper and Maid of Honor - or Matron now, since she had her own wedding last month - Phas Netal. They’re both smiling like they have a secret, which they probably do. If anyone besides Amilyn knows why Ben and Rey have made a last minute change to the ceremony, it would be those two. 

This turns out to be true when, instead of “Here Comes The Bride”, the outdoor sound system starts up another song. It only takes the first few notes for Leia to recognize what it is. An instrumental version of La Vie En Rose. She knows this song has some sort of special significance for Ben and Rey, since it’s the song they’ve chosen for their first dance together...and it looks like they’ve decided to use it as they walk down the aisle together, too. 

Tears prick at Leia’s eyes before she even catches her first glance at the couple. The second she does, she descends into full-on waterworks. Han, for as tough and gruff as he likes to act, can’t stop his tears from falling, either. In fact, there’s not a dry eye to be seen. 

Rey looks...radiant. Her name couldn’t be more perfect for such a person. She’d left a couple hours earlier in the day and had returned to the bridal lounge with red eyes and her makeup a mess - but with kiss plump lips and a smile on her face, dispelling anyone’s worries about her well-being. She has that same smile, now. A wide grin, her dimples on display. And her dress ...it takes Leia’s breath away. First it had been her mother’s dress, and now it’s her daughter-in-law’s. There has only been one adjustment made; the delicate lace sleeves are still the same, as is the sweetheart neckline, but Rey has given it a contemporary twist with a yellow petticoat underneath. It’s so her, so Rey, while still honoring Padmé’s memory. Leia is overcome, overwhelmed with pride. 

Her pride increases a hundredfold when she gets a good look at her son. 

Ben has never looked more handsome. He’s dressed in the same light grey suit as the groomsmen, his yellow bowtie slightly askew from Han’s attempt to tie it. His hair has grown a bit longer in recent months, now covering his darling ears, but she has to grudgingly admit it’s flattering. More important than his suit or his hairstyle, though, is how he happy he looks. So, so happy. She hasn’t seen him sport a grin that big since he was a little boy on Christmas morning. That seems like a lifetime ago. Her boy is anything but little nowadays. He’s a man. A man who is getting married to the woman he loves. He’s moving on, growing up, and although her heart aches at the memory of the tiny, toddling two-year-old he used to be - the one she tucked into bed at night, sang songs to, and jumped into rain puddles with - her joy can’t be diminished. 

Because this isn’t the end. This is a new beginning. A new marriage, a new wonderful addition to the family. 

…With hopefully lots and lots of newer additions to come. Grandchildren. Leia can’t wait

“Just look at them. Look at him. We did good,” she whispers to Han, as the music fades and Rey and Ben take their places at the altar, waiting for Luke to begin.

Han rests his chin atop her head, pulling her gently against him. “Yes, princess. We did.” 

*** 

Finn has cried more today than he probably ever has before. 

It started around the time that Ben and Rey approached him before the ceremony, letting him know that they’d decided to walk each other down the aisle, and he hasn’t stopped crying since. The vows were so beautiful and heartfelt that Finn had quite literally choked on his own tears. The first dance hadn’t helped matters, either; their looks of adoration and joy had rubbed off on everyone around them, most definitely including Finn. Then he and Phasma had made a joint speech as Best Man and Matron of Honor and fuck, he could barely get through it, he was such a wreck. He’s had a headache from crying ever since. It doesn’t help that his two significant others are already hormonal as hell, too. Poe and Rose are currently on the dance floor, holding each other tight as they kiss and sob their way through Ed Sheeran’s “Perfect”.

“Jesus, we’re a mess,” he says to no one in particular. Bazine and Phas look over to him with twin grimaces sympathy. 

“You’ve got a big storm coming these next couple months, dude. Between Belgium and the baby you’re gonna be stretched pretty thin. How are you coping?” Phas asks. 

Finn feels his eyes well up again at the mention of the baby. Dammit, why is he like this. How is he going to be there for Rose during labor, during delivery, if both he and Poe can barely keep their emotions in check? They still have five months to go, for God’s sake! What if they’re all shitty parents? What if something happens to Rose during the birth? What if there’s an important Lamaze or Attachment Parenting class he misses during his time in Belgium? What if—

“Oh, Finn. Honey. C’mere,” Phas coos, standing up from her seat and taking a seat beside him, where Rose would be if she weren’t currently doing her weird kissing/crying/dancing combo with Poe. 

Finn returns Phas’ hug when she gives it, sending up a silent prayer of thanks to whoever’s listening that they’ve seen fit to bless him with such a supportive friend group. They’re more than friends, really. They’re family. A family who will have his back through anything. 

Dammit. The tears are back with a vengeance, now. 

“It’s going to be okay, Finn. It is. You’ll see. And if you ever feel like you need an escape from the two crybabies you call your boyfriend and girlfriend, well...Bazine and I have a guest room. You can come and stay whenever. Isn’t that right, honey?” 

Bazine raises her glass of champagne to the both of them. “More than happy to be the designated ‘No Kids’ refuge. So long as you pay us in chocolate. More than what Phasma brings home. She’s stingy with it.”

“Am not!”

Baz sticks out her tongue. “Are too.”

Finn laughs, feeling a little bit less of a mess, just as “Uptown Funk” starts playing. Phasma claps her hands delightedly, dragging him from his seat despite his protests. 

“C’mon, now. This is your favorite song. Don’t even try to deny it. I saw how you shimmied to it at our wedding. Back me up, Baz.”

“Yep, it’s true. I saw it. You need to teach us how to moonwalk, too. You’ve been holding back on the dance moves.” 

“I dunno,” he hesitates, not really feeling like dancing—

Until he sees Rose and Poe, no longer weeping. They’re gesturing for him to come join them and dance, their arms outstretched so he can rush back in. Back to where he belongs. With his two crazy people, with their crazy love. God, he loves them so much. 

“Babe!” they both greet him, kissing his cheek, and Finn melts against them, feeling his worries from before melt away. 

Yeah, Phas is right. It’s going to be okay. With these two by his side, and his family of friends surrounding him...how could it not be?

***

Over by the bar, Mitaka is into his third whiskey and ginger of the evening, silently lamenting the fact that this is the second wedding he’s been to within two months. Of course he’s happy for Ben and Rey, just as he was for Phas and Bazine. He cares about them. They’re his friends - Ben included. Mitaka had been wrong about Solo for the longest time, but within these past couple months he’s really gotten to know his boss, and he can safely say that Ben’s one of the nicest guys he’s ever met. Really quiet, but really nice. More than deserving of the happy ending he’s getting. 

Mitaka snorts. ‘Happy ending’. This isn’t a fairytale. This is a wedding, something that happens to people all the time. He’s got to quit being so romantic. 

Maybe that’s his problem, why he hasn’t found someone. He’s always idealized love. Been too much of a dreamer and not enough of a realist. Waiting around and expecting his soulmate to just come into his life, only to keep getting disappointed when nothing happens. Again and again. 

“Stupid,” Mitaka mutters to himself, forlornly munching on a cube of ice from his drink.

He startles from his thoughts when someone sits down on the bar seat beside him. He turns to look at them and it suddenly becomes harder to breathe. 

It’s her. Rey’s friend, the one he escorted down the aisle. The blonde. The adorable blonde. Kaydel.

“Can I have a shirley temple, please?” she asks the bartender, in that husky voice of hers that makes him flush all over. She pauses, reaching to tuck her honey blonde hair behind her ears. “With extra grenadine?”

Mitaka tries not to stare, but it’s like his eyes are stuck. On her. Her pert little nose, her full lashes, her shy smile and mumbled ‘thanks’ when she accepts the drink from the bartender. She takes a small sip through her straw and her smile grows wider, and Mitaka loses his breath entirely. 

She glances at him and Mitaka jerks his gaze back down to his drink. He finishes what’s left of it and is halfway out of his seat, prepared to bolt from this stunning girl who probably thinks he’s a creep, when she speaks to him. 

“Um...hey?”

He pauses, blinking. She’s talking to him. “Hey?”

She stirs the red syrup into her drink with her straw. “Funny how we haven’t really talked, considering we were paired with each other for the processional. I was beginning to think my breath smelled or I had B.O. or something.”

“Oh, no! No, no. Nothing like that. Sorry. I’m just...not really a good conversationalist. Especially with strangers.”

“I can definitely relate to that. Small talk is awful.”

“The worst,” he agrees. 

“So...you’re Rey and Ben’s work friend, right? A chocolatier?”

“Yeah? Have we...met before?”

“No. I recognize you, though.”

Mitaka feels his face burn up. She recognizes him? Him

“You do?”

She nods. “Yeah.”

“Oh,” he says, rather lamely. “From where?”

“When Ben proposed to Rey? I go to the same, uh - group. Same group as Rey. We all rushed outside to see what was going on and you were there.”

He remembers now. He’d been on the opposite end of the courtyard from Rey’s support group, but he can vividly recall a little blonde head bobbing over everyone else’s, trying to see what was going on. 

“Oh! You were wearing...buns?”

She laughs softly. “Yeah, yeah. I wear those a lot. Trying to break the habit, step out of my comfort zone a bit. Let my hair down, literally and figuratively. So I did that today. The hair and makeup artist suggested this retro hairstyle and I surprisingly love it.” She reaches up to touch her golden tresses, and Mitaka’s throat feels dry all of a sudden. 

“It looks pretty either way,” he blurts out, before he can stop himself. 

“Thanks.” She smiles and reaches out her hand in greeting. “I’m Kaydel, if you didn’t catch it before.”

He did. He did catch it. He couldn’t forget her name even if he tried. He can’t openly broadcast that, though. He’s got to stay cool. Or as cool as he’s capable of being, which isn’t a lot. 

He takes her warm hand in his, giving it a shake. “Uh, mine’s Mitaka. Well, it’s my last name. That’s what I go by.” 

“That’s an interesting name.”

“You should hear my first.”

“What is it?”

He hates it. In a sci-fi franchise full of epic heroes with equally epic names, like Kylo or Wren, his parents had named him after the character with the most boring name. All because his mom had liked the actor who played him. 

“Dopheld.” 

“Dopheld like Dopheld Armesto, the lieutenant from the original Galaxy Crusades trilogy?”

“You’ve seen it?”

“Dude...I love it. I don’t really tell a lot of people this, but I um - I write fanfiction for it.”

He gapes at her for a second, hardly able to believe his luck. “Me too!” 

“What?! No way! Do you ship anyone?”

He’d normally be embarrassed to say, but he’s got such a good feeling about this girl, talking about his nerdy interests comes as naturally to him as breathing. “I like Armesto and Lieutenant Lourd. The officer on the opposite side of the war. She—” She reminds me of you, he wants to say. So taking a big leap of faith, he does.

It’s her turn to blush, and she looks so becoming with a pink tinge to her cheeks that he‘s unable to help himself. Right as the song changes to "December, 1963", he makes up his mind. It’s time to stop waiting for his life to change. This woman - Kaydel - her approaching him like this? This is the sign he’s been looking for. And he’s not going to ignore it.

“Do you wanna dance?”

She beams at that, nodding. “I’d love to.”

As he leads her onto the dancefloor, he’s got a funny feeling in his chest. That this...this is the start of something great. Better than any fanfic he’s read or written. Because this...this is real.

***

Sometime after their second slice of cake and the bouquet toss, Rey and Ben slip away outside to where it’s cooler. She’d suggested it, knowing it helps with his sweating, and he’s never been more grateful for her thoughtfulness. He couldn’t think of anywhere else he’d rather be than here. The moon reflecting off the lake beyond him, fresh air on his skin, his wife in his arms. 

Wife. She’s his wife now. He doesn’t think he’ll ever grow used to that word. 

Ben hums against her skin, kissing the delicate pulsepoint of her neck. 

“That tickles,” Rey giggles, turning in his arms. 

“Mm. I could do more than tickle you. Now that we’re alone.” 

“Mr. Solo, are you propositioning me?”

The champagne has loosened them both up considerably but even if he was fully sober, Ben knows he’d have no problem voicing his desires to her. He’s done it before, hundreds of times, and he’ll do it a thousand more. He can say it with sugar, say it with chocolate, with flowers, with his heart, with his hands and lips—

Now, there’s an idea. 

Ben smiles, guiding them further away into the privacy of the trees surrounding the property. When they’re sufficiently hidden, he pulls her back into his arms, holding her flush against him so she can feel how much he wants her. 

“Yes, Mrs. Solo, I’m propositioning you,” he murmurs, leaning down to kiss the very corner of her red lips, at that sensitive spot he knows that makes her sigh. “Because I’m so very much in love with you, and I’m so very, very eager to get you out of this dress and moaning my name.”

Ben,” she whispers, breathless, and it’s his undoing. 

Inside the reception hall, another song starts and the crowd cheers, masking Rey’s shriek of surprise when he drops to his knees and buries himself under her dress. After tonight, much like La Vie En Rose, he’ll always associate the song with her. It’ll become synonymous with who she is, how much she means to him. His sweetheart. His Rey. His wife. 

Oh, what a night

Hypnotizing, mesmerizing me  

She was everything I dreamed she’d be:

Sweet Surrender, what a night 

***

 

One Year Later

 

The front door to the Solo bungalow opens and closes, signaling Ben’s arrival back home. Home. She’s still getting used to this place feeling like home instead of her former house just off Niima street. Her granddad’s house. She can visit there anytime, though. Han and Leia downsized, moving into her old place so she and Ben could have more space. Space to grow, Leia had said, a twinkle in her eye as she handed over the house keys several months ago. 

“Sweetheart?”

“In the kitchen!” Rey calls. The increased counterspace alone is a major draw to this house, and she’s made a huge mess of it today. Chocolate is everywhere, ingredients placed haphazardly, and Bebe - Bebe is licking a bowl of heavy whipping cream that he definitely shouldn’t be touching. 

“No sir! Bad!” she reprimands, grabbing his barrel body by the middle and heaving him off the counter. He lets out a protesting yowl before skulking away, probably off to eat cat food instead.

Rey slumps against the counter, heaving out a tired sigh. She’s been hard at work for the past - she checks her watch, but it’s covered in chocolate. Crap. She licks some off the face of it, trying to see the time. Seven hours. She’s been working for seven hours and it’s her day off, but she’s happy as can be. Exhausted, nervous, but happy. 

The international round of the ICMC is in Québec this year, which means less travel on her end, but every bit of work as last year. More so, actually, as she’s been asked by Ahsoka Tano herself to co-lead a workshop for aspiring chocolatiers. She couldn’t be more honored or more excited, even though the pressure is a lot to deal with. But she can deal with it. And she will. Her confidence has grown exponentially since last year. A lot of that has to do with Say It With Sugar coming in fourth place internationally. Worldwide. She still has to pinch herself sometimes, just to make sure it all happened. 

The larger part of her newfound confidence, though...it comes from within. She’s worked from the inside out to better herself. It hasn’t been easy, and she still has her moments of doubt. But she’s stronger than she ever knew, and she’s surrounded herself with people who have her back every step of the way. People she loves, who depend on her just as much as she does them.

Her work family. 

Her support group. 

Her mentor and uncle-in-law, Luke Skywalker, who’s finally talked her into going cosmic bowling with him and Han every Wednesday night. 

Her mother-in-law, Leia, who has taken Rey under her wing, giving her that special kind of maternal love that she’s always yearned for.

Her husband, Ben. Her best friend, her champion, her confidant, her life partner, who is unfailingly supportive of her hopes and dreams for the future. 

And there’s also—

Rey rubs her messy hands on her apron and turns around, her heart nearly bursting as she sees who is fast asleep, huddled against Ben’s chest. 

Merrily. 

Her daughter.

Conceived on their March honeymoon in Belgium and born on Christmas Eve, almost exactly a year apart from Ben’s proposal in the snow. Now only three-months-old, she already has everyone wrapped around her tiny pinkie finger. Especially Ben. Merrily doesn’t know that yet, but she will one day.  

“I’ve missed you two,” Rey whispers, wrapping her arms around them in a hug. She kisses the jet black downy hair on Merrily’s head, smelling that precious baby smell - that, and chocolate. It’s an inescapable smell, clinging to their clothes and skin, but it smells perfect. The rich aroma of chocolate- that is home for Rey, more than any sort of meaning she can attach to a house. 

Ben chuckles. “We were only gone for two hours.”

“And I missed you guys all the same. How was the playdate with Finn and Oliver at the park?”

“Oliver napped the whole time then had a blowout. I took that as my cue to leave.”

Rey snorts. “Good thinking. Ever since they introduced solids Rose says it’s been nonstop diaper disasters. That’s our future, babe. In a few months Mer will be interested in putting more in her mouth than just my boob. Better get ready for banana and avocado poops.” 

He grimaces, but Rey knows it’s just for show. He loves everything about fatherhood. He enjoys every second of it. Even the diaper changing, the spit up, and the restless sleep. 

“Were you able to finish up working while we were out?” he asks, rubbing Merrily’s back as she starts to stir. The baby goes still again after a few seconds, breathing out a contented sigh. Ben and Rey share a besotted grin at this little trademark of hers.

“Just about. Come look. I decided to make the chocolate you came up with,” Rey whispers, gesturing him to follow her back to the kitchen. 

“The plum one?”

“Yep. I think I’m going to switch this one out with the dark chocolate rhubarb, based on the feedback we received from the judges at nationals.”

The chocolates are still setting but she picks one up anyway, holding it out for Ben to taste. He takes his time with it as he always does, savoring the chocolate, but she can tell by the look of rapture on his face that it’s a winner. 

Rey bites her lip. “Good?”

He moans a little, swallowing the last bite. “I never thought I’d ever say this, but…”

“Yes?”

“It’s better than the dark chocolate peppermint.” 

Rey is floored. It’s no secret, least of all to her, that peppermint is his thing. Their wedding cake had been chocolate peppermint, for God’s sake! 

“But the peppermint is your favorite!” 

“It was. Now this one is.”

“Really? How come?”

He leans in close to brush his nose against hers, taking care not to jostle Merrily in between them. 

“Because, Mrs. Solo,” he says, and her heart skips a beat, just as it always does when he calls her that, “It smells - and tastes - and reminds me of the reason why I love chocolate so much to begin with.”

“Oh? And what reason is that?”

She knows why, of course she does, but she wants to hear him say it, because she can’t get enough of it. Enough of him. 

Ben kisses her, softly. Once. Twice. Three times.

And then:

“You.”

Notes:

...and so we've reached the end.

I've already cried quite a bit and gotten soppy on Twitter about this, but I just want to reiterate: thank you SO MUCH to everyone who has read and supported this story. I started writing this in March 2016, almost as long as I've been a part of the Reylo fandom. The fact that this fic is over and the sequel trilogy almost is, too...it's incredibly bittersweet. But I have met so many amazing people to remember my experience by. What memories are you taking away from being in this fandom? Lemme know in the comments!

Thank you to my beta Keely for providing constant support and encouragement. She recently got engaged and plans to have a 1950's wedding dress just like Rey! Love you Keely!!!

Additional "Easter Egg" chapter notes, for those who like them:
-Ben and Rey's wedding date, March 27th, is the day I first published this fic. It only seemed fitting to include that 🙂

-The journal that Hux gives Ben is a real thing you can buy. I have one and I LOVE IT.

-All the songs mentioned in this chapter can be found in Say It With Sugar's playlist.

-Armesto is the last name of the actor who plays Mitaka (Sebastian Armesto), and Lieutenant Lourd is a nod to the wonderful Billie Lourd, who plays Kaydel.

...Okay, I think that's it for notes. If you liked this story, please share your thoughts with me and consider checking out my other fics as well. Till the next time, friends. ❤️️🍫