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I've Been Thinking

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Waking up with Peter laying on his chest is really the first time Wade has felt content in a long, long time. For some reason, Peter likes him. For some reason, Peter believes in him. Maybe the spider-boy is just a saint, here to love the unloved and sinful. Unfortunately, his contentment is shattered by reality. The pure, plain and simple reality that he is Wade Winston Wilson.

[you’re just kidding yourself]
{how could he ever like a waste of space like you}
[even if he does, you don’t deserve him]
{pretending to be good doesn’t make you good}
[you’ve gotten greedy]
{taking more than you deserve}
[taking love]
{you never deserve love}

He slides Peter off of his chest, gets out of the bed, and starts looking for something to cover up with. He had fantasized so many times about this happening, and it still beat his best dreams (not in terms of kinkiness, but…). He should be happy about this happening, but he just feels uneasy. He feels like he is on the precipice of ruining everything.

{you are}
[can you be on the precipice of ruining everything when you’re already ruining everything?]

“Shut up.” He whispers to himself. “Just...shut up. You don’t have to pile it on, I already know.”

Peter mumbles unintelligibly and stretches. His eyes flutter open and land on Wade, who stands there, completely naked and afraid. “Where ya goin’?” He asks sleepily.

“I just, I can’t do this.” Wade says. That seems to wake Peter up more, and the brunet sits up in bed. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry… I just…” He waves his hands in the air trying to get the point across, but he doesn’t know what to say.

“I don’t know if I’m awake enough to have the ‘you’re not a bad person’ talk yet. Can you give me like three minutes and a cup of coffee first?” Peter asks.

“It’s not that.” Wade says. “Well, it is, but it’s not.”


Wade sighs. “I’m doing the worst job of explaining this, but…” He desperately searches for something, anything, to cover up with.

“I’ve already seen you naked, there’s no point hiding now.” Peter says.

{damn, baby boy hittin’ us with those facts}
[there’s always a point in hiding]
{well, yeah}

Wade pulls the top sheet up around himself anyway. “It is that, but it’s not just that.” He says. “I have so much going on right now. Emily is basically sharing custody with me, which she said she’d never do. I have a job with regular hours. The katanas are up, I haven’t taken a freelance job that requires killing in more than a year.”

“It’s a whole new world for you.” Peter says. “I’m proud of you, Wade-”

“Shut up.” Wade says, and Peter smiles. “Look, it’s not- It’s not that I don’t want this, I do. I just don’t think I can handle another new thing right now.”

“And I’m proud of you for that too.” Peter says.

{who the fuck is happy getting dumped}
[he is getting dumped by us, to be fair]
{why the fuck are we dumping this hot piece of ass?}

“I’m sorry, what?” Wade asks in disbelief.

“It’s disappointing for me, sure, but… Think, a year or two ago, this wouldn’t have factored in your decision. You would’ve piled me on as another way to self-destruct without batting an eye.” Peter says. “You’ve never cared about yourself before.”

“I-” Wade stops. Does he care about himself? It doesn’t feel like he does, but Peter has a point. He has never, in the past, been one to say ‘too much’ to anything.

“I just hope this doesn’t stop you from sleeping in my bed during the winter because you’re like a portable heater and I would definitely miss the warmth.” Peter says.

Wade feels a smile start to tug at his lips, despite the fact that he wants to fade from existence. “Of course not… Winter is a while away, I should be over it by then, right?”

Peter stands up and stretches, yawning, and Wade’s breath catches in his throat. He didn’t get a good, full look at him before. Peter rummages through his drawers for new underwear and then bends over for Wade’s shirt. “I’m stealing this, by the way.” He says before he pulls it over his head.

“I changed my mind.” Wade says, and Peter glances up at him with all too innocent looking eyes. “I wanna have sex with you again.”

“Is it gonna upset you?” Peter asks.

“What’s one more emotional crisis?” Wade asks. “Up against the thousands I’ve had, this would be the best one.”

Peter grins. “No.”

“But…” He can feel himself pouting, and it scares him a little how Peter is already pulling him back into their little bubble of intimacy. It’s easy.

“What you can do…” Peter says, coming over to rest his arms on Wade’s shoulders. “Is kiss me, maybe take me to dinner later. If you want any of that, I mean.”

Peter looks just as unsure as Wade feels, and for some reason, that makes Wade less scared about it all. He leans in and pecks a kiss on Peter’s lips, and leaves it at that. He doesn’t need to take it all at once, he realizes. That’s what he did last night, and yet...Peter is still here, with his arms about Wade’s neck, smiling up at him like there’s nothing else in the world that matters. “Where do you wanna go?” Wade asks.

“You pick.” Peter says. “You know all the good restaurants.”

He lets go of the sheet, which still stays up a bit because of how tight he had it pulled around himself, and wraps his arms around Peter. “This normal.” He says, sounding surprised.

“Yeah, it does.” Peter says, looking happy and content. Wade wishes he could be there with him. He’s close, but there’s a nagging voice in his head - two, actually - that says this is about to shatter, that it’s not real.

[it is about to shatter]
{and it’s not real}

“I think I might deserve something normal.” Wade says, ignoring them. “Normal-adjacent, at least.”


Those are big words from Wade, and Peter knows it. He agrees, wholeheartedly. He rests his head on Wade’s chest, expecting to find the racing heart he has found so many times before, but instead...Wade is calm, his heartbeat is nice and even and slow. “I think so, too.”