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I've Been Thinking

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"I need to introduce her to someone." Wade says, but Preston immediately shakes her head. "Totally safe, guy wouldn't hurt a fly-well..." he ponders that. "Oh god, Spidey doesn't eat flies, does he?"

"Wilson..." She sighs. "You know how dangerous it is for people to know about her."

"I do, and I've thought about it a lot." Wade says. "This is the guy who has kept his identity safe from the Avengers for years, even working with them all the time. He can keep a secret, and he will keep this one if he knows it."

"He'll know Ellie's identity, but we won't know his." Her eyes narrow. "Unless you do know who he is."

"I-" Wade pauses.

{you can't give up Spidey!}
[who does she think she is?]
{she's holding the ultimate bait}

"This is a test, isn't it?" Wade says. "You're testing me. If I tell you Spidey's identity,"

[oh my god]

"then you won't trust me to keep Ellie a secret. Well, I'm learning and I'm not gonna fail your stupid tests anymore."

Preston gives him a hint of a smile before her face turns very stern. "I'm going to put m faith in you on this. You know who he is, you trust him. After Christmas, we can discuss this more. Let's get through that first."

{because you fucked it up last year}
[she still hasn't forgiven you]
{I don't think Ellie has either}

Wade nods. "I'm not going to disappoint everyone this year, I promise."

"Make that promise mean something."


"He's been gone all day after some vague crap about a job this morning." Peter huffs and Matt sighs again. "Why would he brush it off unless it's something he doesn't want me to know about?"

"I don't know." Matt rests his forehead on the cafe table they've been sitting at for over an hour while Peter complains. Which is exactly what Matt knew would happen if Wade and Peter moved in together.

"I don't get it." Peter continues. "He hasn't taken a lethal job in a long time. He's not even covered in weapons whenever I see him anymore, usually."

Matt wishes and has prayed for Peter to talk about something besides Wade Wilson. So far those prayers have gone unanswered, so here he is. Suffering. "So, maybe it's something else." he mumbles against the table.

"But what?"

"Maybe, if you don't pry, he'll just tell you." Matt suggests because he's a good friend and no matter how much he wishes Peter would talk and think about him as often as he does Wade, it isn't going to happen. He knows that.


"Okay," Peter says after Wade has been home for an hour, singing songs from various kids' shows nonstop. "where were you?"

Wade turns, confused. "I'm making dinner for you and this is how I'm repaid?" he huffs dramatically.

"You disappeared for a whole day." Peter says, "And you were really vague this morning. I'm worried. Wade, if you're doing the killing jobs again, I-"

"Whoa, whoa, calm down." Wade says. "I know lethal jobs are a no-no. Unless they're S.H.I.E.L.D. sanctioned."

"So, no killing?" Peter asks. "Then what're you hiding for me? We're friends, Wade... You do know that you can trust me, right?"

"Of course." Wade smiles. "And I do. This isn't about me not trusting you. I'm hoping all the secrets can be out soon. I'm working on it. It's complicated."

"I'm a little worried." Peter's brows draw together.

"Don't be. It's a good secret."


"Nervous?" Peter asks when the cab drops them off in front of his aunt's house.

"Not at all. Why would I be nervous?" Wade lies. "This is only one of the most important people in your life."

"Unless you wanna sleep on the couch forever, you better suck it up." Peter puts a hand on Wade's shoulder and squeezes gently.

"Yeah, okay." Wade takes a deep breath. "Okay."

{I can't wait to see how you fuck this up}
[we aren't exactly the type you bring home to meet the family]
{I wouldn't bring us home to meet a goldfish}

"Shut up." Wade grumbles to the boxes.

"How did we meet?" Peter asks, and it takes Wade a minute to remember that they planned a story.

"You were gonna take photos of my fucked up face and tell me I'm pretty, but I chickened out." Wade says.

"That's the gist of it..." Peter rings his aunt's doorbell. "Just be yourself."

"That's like, your worst idea ever-" he is cut off by May Parker opening the door and pulling Peter into a tight hug.

"May, you just saw me last week." Peter laughs when she pulls away. "This is Wade."

"It's nice to meet you." Wade says, voice bit strained and hands shoved in his pockets. It isn't often a stranger gets to see him without a mask.

[there's a reason for that]
{we're gonna give her a heart attack!}
[at least then she won't have to look at us anymore]
{remember dying?}
[do I ever]
{ever since the little princess came into the picture, there've been no 'naps'. it's bullshit}
[it's been loud for so long]

Wade tries to shake those thoughts away as he is led into a dining room. May Parker is clearly the world's most polite person ever, as she doesn't stare or make any comments about his appearance. "I hope you boys don't mind me testing these recipes on you. I'm having a little get together for Christmas and I want it to be perfect."

Wade stares at the bountiful meal she puts in front of them and wonders how anyone could ever think this was a bad thing.

{only time we've ever been happy to be a test subject}
[I'm sure something will find a way to go wrong]
{oh, of course, but, at least, we'll be well fed}

"So," May starts after they've been eating for a few minutes, "how did you two meet?"

"Wade was a volunteer for a project I did in sophomore year of college." Peter says easily. "We've sort of been in touch since, and both needed another income for rent, so..."

"I'm glad you didn't just find someone on Craigslist." May says. "So, Wade, what do you do for a living?"

Wade pauses mid-bite and glances at Peter. "Private security." he says slowly. A lie, but sort of true, in a way.

[did we learn something about lying from Peter Parker?]
{Petey is a bad influence!}
[I guess so]

"Oh, that sounds interesting." She says nicely. "A bit dangerous."

"Well, not much damage left to do." Wade says amused, then remembers that he's with normal people who aren't totally desensitized to pain, torture, and death.

{you fucking idiot}
[and here is the fuck up]
{brought to you by our very own Wade Wilson}

"Your sense of humor isn't damaged, for sure." May smiles softly.

"Yeah, Wade always has something witty to say." Peter says. "It's one of my favorite things about him."

{what is hapPENING}
[Peter is saying nice things about us]
[no, we are]
{he has a favorite thing about us!}
['one of']
{he has multiple favorite things about us!}

As they're leaving, Wade hears May say "Your boyfriend seems nice." It takes every ounce of his self-control not to laugh.

He claps his hands over his mouth and snickers when Peter splutters "M-my boyfriend?"

She ushers them out before Peter has a chance to correct her.


They go shopping for Christmas decorations at Wade's insistence. "You haven't had a tree up since you moved out of your aunt's?" Wade gasps and Peter nods. "Unacceptable."

"Why is it unacceptable?" Peter asks, amused. "I know lots of people my age who don't celebrate anymore."

"Unfortunately, you live with me." Wade grins.

{is he going to give us some millennial bullshit about it being a capitalist, consumer holiday}
[well, he is poor]
{so are we, lately}
[it's just a phase]
{you think the big guy will go back to what makes it rain?}
[without a doubt]

He loses Peter in a toy aisle so he can have a private moment. Preston said he was only allowed to get one gift. How in the hell is he supposed to just choose one? Introducing her to Spidey would've been a great gift, but Preston didn't go for it at all. After a while, he settles on an imitation, a Spider-Man figure.

"Really?" Peter shakes his head, coming to stand next to Wade.

"I'm proud of you. You used to be a menace and now the Avengers are using your image for marketing." Wade smiles. "Seriously, though. You did good for yourself."

Peter looks a little taken aback, blushing and rubbing the back of his neck. "Thanks..."


After four hours of arguing over where to put the tree and an additional hour of untangling Wade from the tinsel, they get through the actual decorating pretty fast. The tree isn't too tall for Peter to put the star on top, but Wade lifts him up anyway, just in case.

"I gotta say, it's nice. "Peter says when they're done. "It's still a totally bogus holiday, but it's pretty."

"Listen, about this 'bogus holiday', I'm not gonna be home with you for it." Wade says a little sheepishly. "Work, y'know."

"That sucks." Peter says. "I was gonna bake cookies and everything!"

"Don't joke about cookies, Mr. Parker."

"Okay, but I was gonna share the tube of cookie dough with you." Peter admits. "I have never baked cookies without supervision. Ever."

"How have you survived this long without me?" Wade asks. "When I get back, we're baking cookies."

"Yeah, well, buy more cookie dough on your way home, because that in the fridge isn't going to be there when you get back."