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Lost Hope

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10 … 9 … 8 …

Derek sits down on the front porch of the damaged house, he called home once.
The wood is creaking under his weight, when he tries to sit as comfortable as he can at the place, where his whole family died.
He puts his arms onto his knees and swings his scrutinizing look through the dark and dense forest. He couldn’t see much, so he has to focus on his other senses to get an overview of the environment.
It’s weird how fast he got used to be on the watch all the time at this place, where he never had to worry about safety back then.

Because with his pack, his family, it was the safest place on earth.

When he couldn’t notice any danger, he raises his eyes to the million stars, which brighten up the night sky and drowns into memories.

~

“Come on, Der! They won’t wait forever.” Laura grabs the keys for the little apartment they have rent since a few weeks and a bag filled with snacks,
while she put her coat on in a hurry.

“I just waited for /you/ all the time. I was ready an hour ago.” Derek says a little teasing, but with not many emotions behind it, when he walks to the door, hands in his jacket pockets. He immediately grabs the bag from his sister’s hands, when he notices her fight with the coat.

“How is it even possible that you already have friends?” he asks quietly more to himself as to his sister, who answers anyway.

“That’s because I’m such a wonderful person with an overwhelming appearance. Oh and because I’m /actually leaving/ this apartment to meet people. Maybe you should try it once!”

“Hah, very funny!” Derek rolled his eyes. He really didn’t like it, when his sister gets cocky. Laura just laughs and opens the door.

“Come on now” She runs her fingers through his hair and gives him a little push outside.

~

 

7 … 6 … 5 …

The clock hits almost midnight and he can imagine how every person in Beacon Hills is counting down right now,
ready to welcome the new year and waiting to run outside to start the fireworks.
Everyone filled up with their own hopes and wishes for everything they weren’t able to make true in the past years. Derek smirks at that thought a little.
So many different wishes in so many different heads, but actually everyone has just one.
The oldest hope of humanity, the hope every person has in common and the one that already includes every single wish.

The hope that everything will be better. That everything will be easier.

~

All of Laura’s friends are okay. Derek can talk with everyone and actually cracking a few jokes himself. He doesn’t laugh ones, but he smiles a lot that day.
He has fun. At least that’s what he’s telling himself for Laura’s sake.

She needs such a day, since a long time and Derek knew that. She needs to let go of all the responsibility she had since the fire.
She needs to let go of all those pain and sadness. Just for a few hours. But most of all she needs to see her little brother to let go.

He always has envy his big sister for how she can handle everything. For the control she has of herself and her emotions. He couldn’t do that. He was not strong enough.
He tried. He tried a lot actually. But he couldn’t deal with those things. It just made everything worse. So he buried his feelings and thoughts in the darkest corner of his mind, always trying to avoid them and to concentrate on what’s important for the exact moment.

And for now he has to pretend that he enjoys the night for giving his sister the chance to let go.

~

 

4 … 3 … 2 …

He still pretends to be alright all the time, for his pack, his enemies and himself.
He has to be strong and he has to have things under control. He is the alpha and there are people, who rely on him, even if they don’t trust far less like him.

But actually he has no idea what he is doing. He isn’t strong. Never was.

His half pack ran away and it’s just a matter of time, when Isaac will leave him as well. He has still no clue what Peter is up for let alone where he could even be right now.
Scott made his point clear, that he will never accept Derek as his alpha nor his brother. Talking about alpha issues, there is a whole pack of them,
waiting in town for he doesn’t know what and he is still busy fighting with all his old demons.

His life is just a painful walk through the unknown.
That didn’t change and he is pretty sure that it won’t change next year.

Nothing will change and he will still pretend to be alright, to have things under control.

~

 

“ONE!” it sounds through the whole room in unison.

Everyone is laughing, clapping and drinking. Three of them are running outside immediately to spark the skyrockets off.
Derek is just standing in front of a window, watching outside and fighting for control over his emotions.

Suddenly Laura is standing beside him. She wraps an arm around his shoulder and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, before she lays her head against his.

“Happy new year, baby brother!” It’s just a mutter, but the words don’t mean much for them anyway.

The fire is almost two years ago and they are still on the search for a new place to call home.
Derek has no special wishes and he is just not able to believe that the next year will be any better, so he keeps quiet, just looking at the colorful firework,
which brightened up the sky.

They stand there for a couple of minutes until Laura breaks the silence.

“Thanks.”

Derek looks surprised at his older sister now.

“For what?” he raises an eyebrow, waiting for the answer.

“For trying, for accompany me here. I know that I asked much of you.” She pauses.

“I know how hard everything is. But I’m really happy that you still care enough to pretend at least.”

Derek chuckles. “So you knew the whole time?! Makes it pretty pointless then.”

Laura can’t resist, but laugh at that one. She pulls him closer into a tight hug, resting her head on top of his and her arms around his neck, reclining on his shoulders, while both of them are still watching out of the window into the colorful night.

“You will see Derek. Things will get better. We will get better. I promise!”

 

The moment, when his sister died, was the moment, when he lost the oldest hope of all.

~