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B is for Bamboozle
Rating – G

Everything feels so strange. She would pinch herself but this isn’t a dream; she’s dreamt about this moment many times and it’s never been this good. People must have been voting for her and she finally delivered a somewhat respectable performance but the best she could have hoped for was to scrape into the band. Hearing her name announced first was almost unbelievable, as though someone had made a big mistake. That announcement isn’t the only thing that confuses her, she’s not that close with Nadine, so she doesn’t understand why she was so excited when Davina called Nadine’s name.

X is for Xmas
Rating – PG13

She thought that this was one year that she definitely knew what she wanted for Christmas. As far as wishes go it was on the excessive side and it would’ve been greedy to have asked for anything more. It has been a magical day, against the odds Sound of the Underground has won the race for the coveted Christmas number one but right now that just seems a mere added bonus because Cheryl, drunk on wine and Christmas cheer, cornered her under the mistletoe and gave her a mind-blowing kiss that has her re-evaluating everything she ever thought she wanted.

P is for Paltry
Rating – PG13

People spend so much time obsessing about love, writing novels about it, in one way or another basing the vast majority of songs on it, that she thinks it should be something elusive, something rare. You should have to work on falling in love, it shouldn’t be something that blindsides you or that can creep up on you without you realising. It shouldn’t just happen at the drop of a hat. It should have taken so much more than Cheryl singing the words “I’m the only woman for you” to belong to her and yet belong to her she does.

Y is for Yank
Rating – PG13

She was raised a good Catholic girl, God fearing and reasonably obedient. She is not without sin; she blatantly lied to the nation in an attempt to get something she coveted. That’s a sin of her past, she has confessed and moved on. Now she commits sins that she can’t confess because she doesn’t think of them as trespasses and she doesn’t want to stop. Cheryl was sent to tempt her and she has failed. She wants to blame Cheryl but Cheryl didn’t wrench her from the path of righteousness, if Cheryl is the serpent, she took the apple willingly.


U is for Undulating
Word Count – 100
Rating – R


Her fingers lose their hold on the sheet scrunched between them as it occurs to her that she recognises the tune being hummed against her inner thigh, “Is that Racy Lacy?”

Nadine slithers her way back up Cheryl’s body, “Is it wrong that I like it when you have undulating, grundulating, grinding hips?”

“Does this also mean you think I have a PHD with me legs apart?”

“You do okay,” Nadine smirks, “and you definitely have dreamy eyes.”

She flips them over, reversing their positions, “Maybe you need a refresher course in just how educated in bed I really am.”


A is for Anticipate
Word Count – 100
Rating – G

She used to lie awake the night before her birthday too excited to find sleep. She’s not a little girl any more and the prospect of presents and cake no longer keeps her awake, nowadays there are new things that steal her slumber. Will the new album sell? Will the latest single debut in the top ten? Will she find herself on the front-page because the paparazzi captured her failing to exit a car in a dignified way? Most of all she wonders when the day will come that Cheryl truly commits to Ashley and she is left all alone.

I is for Ink
Rating – PG13

“I’m thinking about getting a new tattoo.”

“Well you do have few millimetres of spare skin.”

“I don’t have that many. Ashley thinks it should be his name.”

“He wants to brand you?”

“Don’t make it sound so creepy.”

“It’s a fabulous idea I can’t wait for you to be claimed property.”

“It’d upset you?”

“I’m not over the moon about the idea. I could maybe live with Cole, I could squint and pretend it had a ‘y’ or better still you could get them to accidentally spell it wrong.”

“You don’t think he’d notice?”

“I doubt he can read.”

J is for Jugular
Rating – PG13

She watches a point in Cheryl’s neck as it flickers, she doesn’t think it’s a pulse point – she resists the urge to check cause she knows Cheryl finds her fascination with her neck disturbing. The movement is small and sometimes she thinks she has imagined it but it’s definitely there, flittering above Cheryl’s collar bone, a sign of life and of frailty.

“As you looking at my neck again?” Cheryl’s voice is tinged with fatigue but her smile is indulgent.

She doesn’t answer, she places her head on Cheryl’s chest and contents herself with listening to her heart beat instead.

Off the Record Related Drabbles

O is for Opposite
Rating – PG13
AN – set during episode one

“Bastards, bastards, bastards.”

“Don’t let them get to you, it’s what they want.”

“Why can’t they leave us alone? We went to Ibiza to relax and to get away from the media. Instead we have to worry about telescopic lenses and come home to stories about how Girls Aloud sleep together.”

“You are aware that if there hadn’t have been cameramen in the bushes you and I would have been sleeping together.”

“I wasn’t planning on letting you sleep but that’s really not the point.”

“It’s publicity, it’s good for the single.”

“Bugger the single, I’d rather have the sex.”

G is for Girdle
Rating – R
AN – set during episode two

“What ya thinking about?”

“The video.”

“God, I can’t handle more complaining, if you want to bitch go hang out with Nicola.”

“It’s not about complaining, I’m just curious ‘bout something.”


“How tight was the corset they had you in?”


“Cause your breasts are always impressive but fuck me.”

“That was all me.”

“They must have been using some sort of special lens.”

“You doubt I’m well endowed?”

“Cheryl I’m familiar with that area of your anatomy and it’s never disappointing but the video? You look like a porn star.”

“You didn’t like it?”

“I didn’t say that.”

Z is for Zipper
Rating - R
AN – set during episode three

“I’m going to fucking kill Lauren.”

“Oh we’re still on this.”

“Don’t say that like it’s no big deal.”

“You looked fine.”

“No you looked fine, I looked a right dickhead.”

“Nobody cares.”

“I do, I was on tele looking like that and you were no help.”

“I was as supportive as I could be.”

“Supportive? You were busy mocking me.”

“I was mocking myself, besides there are advantages to you not being in wardrobe, at least I won’t have to explain that,” she gestures at Cheryl’s ripped shirt, a casualty of Nadine’s refusal to waste time unfastening the zip.

R is for Rind
Rating - R
AN – set during episode three

The skin tastes tart as the segment of lemon is placed in her mouth, she goes to remove it but Cheryl orders against it. She doesn’t like being told what to do and Cheryl seems to be doing that a lot tonight. Only moments ago she was being scolded for giggling while tequila splashed on her stomach. Nadine doesn’t bother to complain and she doesn’t bother to tell Cheryl to stop drinking, she just focuses on the warm tongue as it removes the trail of salt from the valley between her breasts and laps at the alcohol in her navel.

C is for Collapse
Rating - R
AN – set during episode three

Standing is necessary but completely beyond her capabilities. Attempting to sit taxes her body to its limit and she flops back onto the bed. Nadine is no support at all and Cheryl sort of hates her right now, “Don’t you fucking laugh at us this is your fault.”

“I didn’t make you drink.”

“Yes you did.”

“You’re a big girl Cheryl you could have just stopped.”

She turns her head to look at Nadine and tries to ignore the blinding pain that move causes, “I could not. You were all naked and sexy, how was I meant to think straight?”

F is for Fatal
Rating – PG13
AN – set during episode three

“No, there will be no kissing.”

“It’s fine, the film crew ain’t around.”

“But you probably have rabies or foot and mouth or mad kangaroo disease, I’m not sure that I should be in the same room as you.”

“Jesus Nadine they were zoo animals.”

“Then they shoulda been in fucking cages and not running around in the open trying to eat your face.”

“I was perfectly safe.”

“You were perfectly insane, those little buggers could have messed you up.”

“So you want us for me looks?”

“At the moment I only want you if you get yourself cleared by quarantine.”

L is for Loner
Rating – PG13
AN – set during episode three

Australia is a very, very long way from home. It’s not like she didn’t realise that or failed to notice just how long the flight to New Zealand was, it’s just that tonight she is acutely aware of the distance. She can’t join in the festivities with the others, it’s going to be a while before her body is willing to consume anything containing ethanol, and she can’t be bothered to fake happiness for the cameras. She will go back to the hotel and let her misery keep her company while she waits for Nadine to return from her date.

S if for Startle
Rating - R
AN – set during episode three

As she flops onto the bed it issues a rather unusual sound for an inanimate object. “You could have given me a heart attack, what the fuck are you doing in my bed?”

Goldilocks appears to be wide awake, “Waiting for you to come home from your date.”

“What if I’d brought Jessie back?”

“I would have made it very clear that I’d be the one you were spending the night with.”

“You don’t think finding you naked in my bed might have made him think that he was getting really lucky tonight?”

“Shit, I never even thought of that.”

N is for Narcotic
Rating – PG13
AN – set during episode three

Affection is a funny thing, she should be giddy with excitement that someone like Jessie Metcalfe is interested in her but she doesn’t feel anything except flattered. When he sends her flowers she just wishes that they were from Cheryl. It does her no good to be this obsessed with Cheryl, she needs to try to break her addiction, try to move on. That’s easier said than done. As hot as Jesse is, the thought of him doesn’t make her heart race or her stomach flip and she worries that after Cheryl no-one will ever make those things happen again.

D is for Dank
Rating – PG13
AN – set during episode four

The cab stinks. It has that distinctive scent of accumulated sweat and other body odours and its current occupants aren’t helping the situation. Every single one of them reeks after their trek up the hill in pursuit of the world’s most overrated view. Her clothes are sticking to her, the muscles in her calves feel like they are on fire and her feet have become vehicles for blisters and cuts. Even the fact that Nadine is sitting on her knee isn’t making her happy because she is certain that there is more of Nadine in Kim’s lap than in hers.

V is for Votive
Rating – PG13
AN – set during episode four

The lights are off but the room is aglow with the flickering of tea lights. “Are you planning some sort of religious ceremony?”

“I was trying to be romantic, I thought I needed to make up for being so bitchy today.”

“I feel like we should be sacrificing a virgin.”

“Well we don’t have any of those around.”

“I could go and try and rustle up some livestock for you.”

“That’s very sweet.”

“I’m thoughtful that way.”

“You know I would be willing to perform a ritual sacrifice if I thought it would get us the fuck out of Greece.”

T is for Trickle
Rating – PG13
AN – set during episode five

When the idea of the documentary came up she wanted to use it as an opportunity to prove that she is not the bitch of the band. She hasn’t been all that successful in her mission but she refuses to pretend to enjoy herself just because the cameras are rolling. At the moment everyone is staring at her, it must seem odd that she’s happy all of a sudden. They can think what they like, she’s hardly going to tell them that she likes the way the rain makes Nadine’s top cling to her body in all the right places.

H is for Hankering
Rating - R
AN – set during episode five

“I hate it here.”

“That’s hardly surprising, you’ve hated everywhere that we’ve been recently.”

“Oh I take all of that back, I really hate it here.”

“So what has Shanghai done to you other than fail to know about your celebrity status?”

“It smells wrong, it looks strange. I don’t even like the food, I just want to have something familiar, something that I recognise the taste of, something good.”

Nadine grabs Cheryl, kissing her soundly, “Does that help?”

Cheryl slowly peels Nadine’s shirt from her body and then knells down scattering kisses over her abdomen, “It’s certainly a start.”

M is for Marvel
Rating - R
AN – set during episode five



“You’re staring at me strangely.”

“I was just thinking about how easy this is for you, how well you adjust, how everything interests you instead of annoying you.”

“You’re surprised that I travel well?”

“I just find it amazing is all. When we met I thought you were an innocent baby and I was going to teach you so much but now I think you understand more of the world than us.”

Nadine flashes her a lascivious grin, “You taught me plenty.” A bold hand slides between Cheryl’s thighs, “Do you want a demonstration of what I’ve learnt?”

And back to non-OTR related

E is for Elliptical
Rating – PG13

Cheryl stirs and with drowsy eyes looks down at the fingers moving on her stomach. She smiles and murmurs, “I love you infinity,” before returning to sleep. Nadine wishes she could believe her but she knows Cheryl’s love isn’t endless. The symbol she’s drawing is meaningless, an elongated figure eight, two linked ellipses, nothing more. They don’t have forever, in a few days she will watch as Ashley claims Cheryl with a circle of gold. She rubs her hand over the area of skin trying to erase her mark, trying to erase dreams of the future they do not have.

Q is for Quilt
Rating PG13

Nadine appears to be in pain, trailing after the Tweddy’s while they select items for Cheryl’s wedding registry is clearly not her idea of fun. Cheryl watches as Nadine idly runs her hand over various pieces of haberdashery with absolutely no interest in adding an opinion to the debate on virtues of down feathers. She knows that Nadine’s pain is only in part related to the fact that today is about the wedding, Nadine also hates this because she’s not a homemaker, because she’s not interested in settling down or marriage or children. That would be why Cheryl needs Ashley.

W is for Wanton
Rating – Rish

She was prepared to endure the hen’s night like a necessary evil but there have been moments that have come close to being enjoyable. Cheryl is adorably honest when drunk and is currently listing the cons of fidelity. It seems that high on that list is the fact that Ashley doesn’t have breasts like Nadine because Cheryl can’t seem to stop mentioning them or pointing them out. She will let Cheryl take advantage of those breasts later, right now they have to work on keeping Cheryl quiet so that the media don’t get a bigger scoop than pictures they’ve already snapped.

K is for Knife
Rating – PG13

She has imagined this day since she was a little girl, it was going to be perfect, she was going to be a princess. If today is a fairytale, it’s a fractured one. She has a wealthy prince, a dress of white and an army of bridesmaids but those things don’t obliterate doubt or blind her to the hurt in Nadine’s eyes. A knife hits glass, heralding the start of the speeches and she feels nothing but dread. She doesn’t fear commitment but she does fear that the story of her marriage doesn’t end with the words ‘happily ever after’.