As Charlie watched Don run out onto the field for his first game with the FBI team, for his first day back in baseball uniform, Charlie realized that this had been a very bad idea. Charlie should absolutely not have encouraged Don to get back out on the diamond. Don in a baseball uniform put all sorts of bad thoughts back into Charlie’s head. And pinstripes… The FBI baseball uniform had pinstripes, leading Charlie’s eyes everywhere they shouldn’t go. Charlie had gotten good at keeping his eyes up, gotten good at just thinking of Don as his brother, gotten good at ignoring Don’s incredible sexiness. Now Don was standing at second base, stretching and warming up, and Charlie’s body was warming up as well. Charlie needed to get up right now and leave. He needed to come up with some excuse to get away from here and put that particular demon back in its box. He needed to move … move … move … Instead he sat there, watched Don, and everything came rushing back.
When Charlie was 13, he’d realized he was gay. He’d been sitting in the bleachers at a baseball game just like he was now, but then he’d been innocently admiring the college players. The men had seemed so grown up and masculine in comparison to boys his age. He’d watched them stand and bend in those revealing baseball pants, step and throw with their muscular arms, take off their hats and fan their sweaty necks. By the seventh inning stretch, Charlie had needed to go to the bathroom and fumble his way through his first masturbation. When he’d gone back to the bleachers, he’d explained his flushed face to his parents as just overheating. Then he’d seen a group of busty college girls, only wearing bikini tops, soaking in the sun. Charlie had pointed them out to his mom, asking when they’d arrived. His mom had laughed and said they’d been there the whole time and that his Dad had been pretending not to stare at them. Charlie had mulled over this for an inning, then abruptly turned to his mom and said, “Mom, I think I’m gay.” She’d smiled and said that he still had plenty of time to figure out that sort of thing, but Charlie had been sure from that point on.
He’d lost his virginity as soon as possible, once he’d gotten to college and could sneak away from his mom. He’d started out with a geek like himself but very quickly moved on to jocks. His mom had figured things out pretty fast, she’d been no one’s fool, and had a long talk with him. Margaret Eppes had been an unreformed flower child, though, and after making sure that he knew how to protect himself, physically and emotionally, she’d said he could do whatever felt right. As for the fact that he’d been a minor, she’d reasoned that if everyone was expecting him to be an adult intellectually, then he had the right to expect them to treat him like an adult sexually. Charlie had been pretty sure, however, that she’d never told his dad these things.
In college, Charlie had discovered that there were many men who wanted to fuck little boys like him, just as long as he stayed quiet about it. Soon he had been shared by an unspoken fraternity of big, muscular men who kept his mouth and ass as occupied as he wanted. And he’d wanted it a lot. It had been such a glorious respite from his work of the mind, and he’d sometimes even had breakthroughs during sex. He’d gotten the idea for the Eppes Convergence while he was being ‘bridged’ by two huge football players, one in his mouth and one in his ass.
When he was 15, Charlie had another realization, also at a baseball game. He’d been admiring a new player– at least he’d assumed it was a new player because the jersey number wasn’t one used by anyone on Don’s team. Charlie couldn’t see the man’s face as he lined up in the batter’s box, but he was much more interested in the man’s backside anyway. The team outfit this year had pinstripes and they made the players’ asses look heavenly. That particular player had sported the most perfect ass, and Charlie had just wanted to lick up the pinstripes and bite those ass cheeks.
When the player had hit the ball and run to first base, Charlie had realized that it was Don, apparently using some backup jersey and number. Charlie had tried to erase the lustful thoughts from his memory, but it was too late. He’d realized that his big brother was growing into the man of his dreams. There had been no going back from that, so he’d just accepted Don as a dream – a fantasy as remote as a Russian cosmonaut. He had reasoned that people had fantasies about movie stars and celebrities all the time, and no one thought it was weird. He had known enough, however, to keep this particular fantasy to himself, though he had managed to justify putting a poster of Don up on his bedroom wall. He would gaze at it dreamily and jerk off.
Not long after that realization, Charlie had first fucked a man, and had discovered that he was a total ass man. From that point on, he’d searched for jock partners that would let a scrawny kid fuck them. That had been a much smaller pool of candidates, but he’d still managed to get plenty of action and get himself totally hooked. His first sort-of boyfriend at 17 had been a big, blond swimmer, and Charlie had bet that everyone had assumed Charlie was the bottom. On the contrary, the swimmer had enjoyed being fucked in every possible position and Charlie had learned a great deal from experimenting on him.
When that boyfriend had left to train for the Olympics, there had been tears on both sides but Charlie had known he hadn’t loved him. As the years went by, there had been many more men. Charlie had even dated women, at his mother’s encouragement, and fucked a few. He’d found women too soft and wet, even fucking them in the ass gave him little pleasure. He’d stopped dating women and his mother had understood. When he’d finally come out officially as gay, no one had been very surprised. His choice in men hadn’t seemed to surprise anyone either, though he bet that everyone had made the old assumption that he’d been the bottom in the relationships. No one probably imagined these burly men would bend over for him, offering their gorgeous asses for Charlie’s use. If he’d wanted, though, he could have had a new ass every night, because he was very good at making bottoms feel absolutely amazing. Still, there was something missing, something beyond the pleasure, something that Charlie never could find or even define. Until he saw Don heading back out onto the baseball field after all those years.
The first few innings of the FBI baseball game passed for Charlie in a haze of lust and memories. Charlie had watched over the years as Don’s body had grown, matured, hardened. One glimpse of that body had been enough to fuel Charlie’s masturbation for months. When Charlie hadn’t seen Don for a while, the feelings faded, but when he saw Don again, they would rushed back tenfold. Charlie had to wonder if every other teenager who had a poster of their crush on their wall also felt so depressed at times. He felt like he would die when Don was too busy for him or left without saying goodbye.
When Charlie’s mind finally cleared and he looked around him at the FBI baseball game, he realized that he wasn’t the only one with his eyes on Don’s ass. The rest of the FBI crew was sitting around him, and while the women were laughing and joking over the game and David was chatting up some chick, Colby was watching Don. Watching him in a distinctly sexual way. Charlie hadn’t known that Colby was into men, but perhaps that was the cause of Colby being ‘unable’ to get dates with girls. Charlie had to smirk to himself, though. Colby definitely had hold of the wrong side of the equation with Don. Charlie was proud, in an odd way, of Don’s reputation as a ladies’ man. It was appropriate that Don could have any woman he wanted. Charlie was sure that Don could make any woman feel incredible. With that smile and those hands... Also, Don was good at everything, except maybe long-term relationships. Charlie wasn’t much better at those, but mostly because he had never seen the point. He could always find someone to warm his bed, if he wanted it. Don seemed to think he needed to do the long-term thing, but Charlie was secretly pleased that Don never kept a particular girl around for long. He preferred it when it was just Eppes around the house.
The baseball game went by and Charlie mostly watched Don, but he couldn’t help glancing at Colby as well. Charlie had never seen Colby look at anyone like that before, let alone Don, and the intensity of it unnerved Charlie. Charlie couldn’t decide whether to feel annoyed at or sorry for Colby. On the one hand, he was looking at Charlie’s brother like he was a prime steak– well, Don was prime steak but that didn’t give Colby the right to look at him like he was his next meal. At least Charlie could feel smug in the knowledge that Colby was going to go hungry.
The game seemed to go on forever, but it was finally over. It was obvious to Charlie that Don was rusty but he still contributed to an FBI win. After the game, everybody left except for Don and Charlie. Don started running laps around the park, which didn’t surprise Charlie at all. Charlie sat on the bleachers and watched Don pass by. After about an hour, Don slowed down, walked for a little while, and then turned into the clubhouse. Automatically, Charlie followed.
Charlie was halfway down the stairs when he realized what he was doing – he was hoping to catch a glimpse of Don undressing, maybe even taking a shower. His feet kept moving forward even as he tried to rationalize it, but there really was no rationalizing it. He was about to feed an old, sick obsession of his, and maybe he wouldn’t be able to stuff that demon back in the box this time.
Managing to stay quiet, Charlie crept around the corner of the lockers, looking for Don. He saw him at the end of a row, but Don didn’t appear to see him. Don was standing in front of a locker, wiping sweat from his forehead. If Charlie kept still and stayed in this shadow, Don would soon start undressing and Charlie could watch. If Don noticed Charlie just standing there, Charlie could play the old ‘distracted genius’ card. Always worked.
C’mon, Don, take it off.
Don was about to pull off his shirt… when Colby came out of nowhere and slammed Don up against the lockers.