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Tingles Raveng: The Tingling

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Tingles Raveng: The TinglingTingle Cover

Wun dae in hyrool, Tingle wus madd. He wus tierd of peopole beein meen to him, and he wanted ravenge. So he starded killen peple and lafing at ther deths. Thats rite: heez bad!

Layder Link was sleepen in his bed, when he woke up! and then he felt something next too him in the bedd! It was Epownas hed! “Ow know! Knot my horsee!” sed Link the hero of tim. “It must be Tengle, and ill stup him!” Link took links soard and took the sord!

“Mwahahahahhahahahhahahahahafadhfdsahfdsaflh’dasfj.Tingle,Tingle! Kooloo-Limpah!!” Yelled Tenga. Knao that Epwna was ded, he wood keel mor peple. “Hie” sed Tingels dad Guyde. “Wat ya do end?” Tingor repled, “yere all ways meen to mii! Now u dye!” “That is not a pleasant thing, and I would not enjoy being killed in an excruciating and gruesome manner.” but Tinkle kiled him anywas, cuz hes evel. He also ate him cus hes a candor bull, like Handle-bowl Lecture in Sirens of a lams. it tasded nummy, cus he lics brans and muskles.

At hur howse, Agitha (i forgoted who that waz, so in dis store shez Malons evel clone) wus pleyan Fier Eblum Awackeneng with har non-evel clon Malone. than she creyd when Maroni beat her. “All ghet u next tim!” sed Agitra to Sam Malone. “no way! I ken beet yu in iny gam cuz im culer then yo” sayed Malice. Den dose gyes plied gams lik Splatin, Cod Named STEM, Car Fax Asalty, Raymond Ludgen, and Hato Boyfriend, butt Macaroni beated hear evra tiem. “U no wat, i m leven rite no, cuz yiu cheeted, you cheter!” yeld Agrivla. But den the Tee v tened on anthe noose was on 2! “broken neus!” sed the ness goy, hoe was Batman! “Peple ar mettin terable fates cause of tha bag ghy Tergle!”

“Wev got 2 do somefin!” yeld Agita, but suddenly, her bug cage blewd up, releasing all the bugs. “hey bug frends!” sid Avrilda, but the bugs didn look hapi. “Were tierd of u keeping us as yor pets!” stated 1 bug. The bugs all took out RPGs and aimed them at Agitha. “Whater u doin?” she aksed. “But u were my Friends!” “We changed our mind. Now die!!!!!” so they blowed her up. “NOOOOOOOOOOO!” Malon scremed with Darth Vader’s voice at the end of Revenge of the Sith. “I will avenge you!”
Meanwhile at Tingle’s evil mansion……

A dark figure spoke. “Is our plan working, Master Tingle?”
“Yes, it appears so. Agitha is dead, and her bugs are now part of our army. But there is one person we still need for our plan.” Tingle held up a wanted poster, and on it was….Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way!?

Chapter Text

It's dangerous to go alone

Navi was tired of Link’s sh*t. “Link, what’s wrong with you?” “Im goona beet Tingle cus he killd my horzy!” Lenk repield. “Do you really think that you can defeat Tingle?” questioned Navi. “You don’t have the Master Sword…or any other weapon for Pete’s sake, besides that toy lightsaber you carry around. Why do even have that?” “its nmot a toey! It s cool and real and I can beet Turtle withh it!” link saided. “But if u incest, I gess ill get tha mester sword!” “But the Master Sword has been missing for years!” “Mebbe that old man wil help mii!” Navi remembered back before Link was this way; when the world was still a normal place.

FLASHBACK TIME! In the beginning, there were three goddesses—Din, Nayru, and Farore—who created the world of Hyrule. But unbeknown to most Hyrulean residents, there were also three goddesses of fanfiction, who would eventually end the universe. A few years back, they launched their first attack against Hyrule, terning evre thing relly stuped and craycray! Fer sum reasen Navi wasnt effected, and now she hates her life. FLASHBACK OVER!

“Link, that creepy old man lives in a cave and is eating a rat from a dumpster, so you probably should stay away from him.” “Know waey! Ive got to get my sourd!”

“Old man, do u hav the mustard sword?” axed Link. “I do hav it, but ill only giv it too u if you make love two me,” the old Man answerd. “Okay!” replid Lenk.

FIFTEEN MINITS LATER: “Thatt wus fun!” sed old man. “Hears yere soard!” Old man handend link a plastic sword that said Made in China on the bach. “Wow, I finale get mie swerd!” Lank saided. “Navi, loook I goted the mastur sword!” “That is obviously fake, you dimwit,” retorted Navi. “How did you get it, anyway?” “I had secs with dat old guy,” anserd Link. Navi picked up a glass of water, took a sip, and then spit it into Link’s face. “You did WHAT!? You…you, you…whahhh…” Navi ran behind a tree and threw up while Link stood there looking like an idiot.

Meanwhile…Malon was cryeng, when she saw Tingirl in the distince eating a dead pig! “Hay!” she yelleded. (AN: Gettit! cuz she lives on a farm and farms have hay!) Water you doin! (AN: Gettit! cuz farms have waters two!) “Im eatin some bakin, so stay away!” Tinglal whisperd loudly. “Also, i kiled yer evil clone!” “DIEEEEE!” yelld Macaroni, as she terned into Super Sayin. But then tingle through the ded pig at her and nocked her out. “i geuss il just taker kidney!” tingle hapiley exclamed. “Tingle, Tingle! Kooloo-Limpah!!” He then drew a picture of male genitalia on Malen’s face and ran off.

Navi was scarred for life after hearing about Link’s sexual adventure, and she was even worse after Link showed her a video of it that Old Man posted online. She now sat shivering in the corner, hoping that soon she’ll experience the sweet release of death. “Hay Navy, doo u wanna see the vidio again?” sed lenk in his obnoxisley hye pitchd vois. “I even made a GIF out off it!” Navi banged her head against the wall as hard as she could, praying to Hylia that her head will soon spit open.

Meanwhile at Tingle’s evil mansion……

“Master Tingle,” stated the shadowy figure. “I have obtained the device that you can use to travel between universes.
“Good…” murmured Tingle. “That means our plan shall soon be complete.”
“Where do you think we shall travel to first, Lord Tingle.”
“I have a little idea. There are two little fanfics I expect will be very useful to us.”
Tingle typed in the names of two fanfictions into the transporting device…The first was…My Immortal! And the second was… Supper Smash Bros: Mishonh From God!?!

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Link was at the Milk Bar alone on Valentine's Day, but he could see his one true love in the edge of the bar, talking to her friends. Without him. Why couldn't Zelda just see how much she meant to him? She was the most beautiful person Link had ever seen. He loved her eyes, her hair, her personality (yeah right), her choice in clothing, her money, her laugh, her voice, and some other stuff too.

"It's no use" he thought. "Senpai will never notice me." But maybe today that would change.

Link was going to perform a song just for Zelda-chan, as he knew it was her favorite. He walked up to the stage and started talking into the microphone. "Hello, everyone. I just wanted to sing a little song for this girl that I like, so I hope you enjoy it." He kept eye contact with Zelda so that she would know who he was talking about.

"Oh no…" mumbled Navi. "He's just going to make a fool out of himself again. I warned him to stop with the musical numbers after he sang 'All About That Bass' and made the audience kill themselves."

"Here it goes everyone. Enjoy." Link took out his guitar and started to sing.
"My anaconda don't, my anaconda don't
My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hun."

Every girl in the crowd (and Old Man) started to swoon, while Navi put in earplugs. After Link sang just the chorus 24 times, Zelda walked up onto the stage. "Oh, Link! I'm so glad you sang that song for me. I just want you to know that I love you too!"
Link and Zelda started to make out, while everyone else cheered. Except for Navi, who ran to the bathroom to throw up, as the couple began to strip.

Layter! "Hay Malan!" yeled Link. "Zelda and i ar lovers know!" "That's great," she replied, but she started crying becase she wus secretly inlove with Lenk. "You people disgust me," muttered Navi.

Suddenly, someone walked up two the peoples! "Hi my name is Sara (not Palin unfortanetly)"
Suddenly, someone else walked up two the peoples! "Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name)."
Navi started to feel sick because of the many awful fanfic characters. "Oh, son of a bi—" she wasn't able to finish, since Link shot both of the Marry Sews in the head. "What the Hell?! Did you just kill them?!" "They looked ugly, so it was okay," replied Link.

Suddenly, someone teleported in in a time-travelin ice creem truck. It was…Arnold Schwartzenager! "You idiot! Those people were the saviers of the univerce!" "Well then waterr we do?" asked Link
"We have too go into their fanfics and save them!" zed Arnead "Damn it! Why can't I ever catch a break!" yelled Navi. Link slapped Nazi and put her in a cage. "Why you mother…" Link put duct tape on Navis mouth, as everyone jumped into the icey cream truck and teleperted away.

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"Ebony Ebony!” shouted Draco sadly. “No, please, come back!”

But I was too mad.
“Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Vampire!” I shouted. I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key. It had a picture of Marylin Manson on it. He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Draco and Vampire. I started to cry and weep. I took a razor and started to slit my wrists. I drank the blood all depressed. But sudenly, a wierd guy wearing green came in with a ferry and a terminater!

“Yere coming with us!” he shouted sexily. *BONK*.

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the smash mantian was a really big hose with like a gatrillion romos an was alota stories tall I was inteminated by who big it was. Suddenly someon came. It was like a robot except a person was in it.
"hai their pretty gurl" the robot person said.
"u think im pretty" I saod.
"yea ur the hotist gurl ive ever sean."
I thought it was Mister Chef from Hallo but it wasnt but I didnt no that so I cloded my eyes an mad out with robot person but when I open them its not Mastre Cheef but SAMAS ERIN!
butt behid her was Link 2 save the dai! “Yere cumin with us!” he yelded. *BONK*.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXpenguinXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx.

Enoby and Sara woke up in Hyrele. “Whatem we doing hear?” askd Ebovy. “yea, I wasent abel two meat the smash bruthers charecters!” sayd Sara.
“Eye called you here todey caus you too are the saviers of the uvniverce!” sed lonk.
“Seems legit,” they replied. “But wii bedder hurey,” stated Sayra, “Cuss ive gotta help God stop the gheys!”
“Wat do u have agenst geys!”repiled Eleny, “Sensitive bi guys are so hot!”
“Beyin hobosecual is agenst God, and i knead to stop it!”
“BUt im a Staninast, so idont beleve in God!”
“Gasp…are you a librul?!?”
“Gasp…are you a prepp?!?”
“PREPARE TO DIE!!!” the duo shauted in unisen.

“That was a real idiot move, Link,” stated Navi, after she escaped from her cage. “You put two polar opposite characters together and expected them to get along!”
“Well, excuuuuuuuuuse—” Lenk was interupded. “Not so fast!” yellowed ernald shortzenegger. He took off an Arneld Skopjereykjavík mask to reveal that he was actually Tingle!

“This was part of mie evel plan to take over the wolrd! Have fun!” Tinfle ran away while singing Gundam Style by PSI.
Suddenleia, the news came! “Breakin News!” yleded the news anchor, Batman. “Conservativs and Goffs have declard war on eachother, leading 2 a deadly conflict!”
“Nice job, Link,” Navi groaned sarcastically.
“Thanks! Now get back intwo yore cage!”

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Navi 1

"all white guys, we need to thenk of a plan to end dis war!" sed Link.

"I have a plan," said Navi. "I've been planning this ever since the war had begun. I have a mole working inside of Ebony's goth castle, and he'll help me get inside, where—,"

"Shutup Nazi," yleed lonk. "We shuld listen to Zeldah, cents she hath the Tree-force of Wisdem. I'll prove it 2 you! Say somthin smart Zolda!"

"Thu electron configeration of google chromium is 1s2 2s2 2p6 3s2 3p6 4s2 3d4!" she explaned.

"First of all," replied Navi, "It's called chromium, not google chromium. Secondly, just because you know one random fact doesn't make you a great tactician. And finally, you are holding a laptop, and I saw you searching the periodic table on Bing before saying chromium's electron configuration. Who uses Bing, anyway?"

"Yere meen!" cryed zelda. "Zeldeas rite," sid LInk. "Bing isa reely good serch engine! Now watsyour plan?" "Wheel ask them niceley to stop fiting!"

"That would obviously never work," rebutted Navi. "Ebony and Sara are too set in their ways to form a truce."

Link responded by locking up Navi in a cage. Luckily, he left the keys in the keyhole, and Navi escaped, ready to begin with her own plan.

MISHONH IMPOSSIBLE: (cue Mission Impossible music)

Navi needed to fit in if she wanted to break into Ebony's Goth (AKA "goff") Castle, so she bought some "goffic" clothing from Hot Topic, at least before it was taken over by Yoshi. And soon her plan shall be set into motion.

One epic break-in scene later:
Navi was in the main hall of off the goff castle, where Ebony was giving a speech to rally up her goff followers. "Tonite we shal figt! Wi must take bac what thos f*king prepps stole from us! An we wil also save Hot Topic!" The Hot Topic Krew could be heard cheering in the crowd.

A young goff approached Navi. "Hi, my nam is Dally Darkblood. Whats yors?"

Navi had to think for a second. "I'm…uh, Midnigh't Darken Destiny Bloody Death Raven." Navi read FaCe ThE StRaNgE and knew how violent Dally was, so she made the wise decision to stay as far away as possible.

Everything was going according to plan, at least so far. Navi had her friend Tael act as a mole, who helped her break into the castle and sneak in her super-weapon: the fanfic bomb. She found one hidden in the time-travelling ice cream truck, and she would use it to teleport every fanfic character back into their respective stories. At least, that's what would have happened.

Link walked into the goff castle, ready to start his own plan. "Hay gheys u need 2 stop fitin cuz beein goffic isnt cool an what reelly matters is Friends-ship." This didn't go over well with the goffs.

"Wel wel well," sed Enoby. "it looks lik wii hav a prepp in the casle." "Letz gettim!" yellded Goffica Sorrows, Dally Darkblood, Shadow the Hedgehog, Dark Pit, and every other goff fanfic charecter. "Załóżmy, zabić i skaleczyć ten syn plaży, a potem tańczyć na jego grobie!" yelled Jennifer O'coltimore from Harry Potter i plomien miłosci.

"Damn it," mumbled Navi. "This idiot is going to ruin my plan, but I might still have a chance to use the fanfic bomb if I do it quickly…"

Suddenly, a young boy wearing glasses flew into the room on a broomstick. "Vampire? Is dat u?" questioned Enoby.

"Yes, I am Harry Potter, but I come from another universe. My name is Harry James Potter-Evans-Verres, from the Fanfiction Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality, and I have come here today to end the canon-defilement known as My Immortal"

"Finally, someone with some actual sense," said Navi. Harry began to attack the goffs and save the day once and for all, until things went quickly downhill.

"im board," thouted Link. "Mabey I could threw this ball!" Link picked up the fanfic bomb and threw it right at Harry, teleporting him back to Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality.

"NOOOOO!" shrieked Navi. "You simpleton, Harry was going to stop the goffs, and you ruined everything! And that was my only bomb!"

"Whoopseys!" sayd Lonk as he shrugged.

The goffs would have drunk Navi and Link's blood, but a deus ex machina took place, in the form of the Conservative Army. "Dye ghay satinests!" yelled Sara.

While the two armies started a skirmish, our two protagonists were able to escape through the back.

Afew ounces later:
"i thing that today terned out realy well," siad Lenk the hero of time, walking aloneside Navi Malon and Zelda. "We literally accomplished nothing today, and it probably would've been better if we never even woke up this morning," stated Navi.

"Quiet being so pestonissic Nazi," repiled Madden. "Yeah!" said evryone eles

Suddenly, a shadowy figure walkded up two the group! (AN: hes the same one from the end of the ferst 2 chapters! Remember? Hewas workin for tingle.)

He was…Darth Vader! "Darth Vader?!" yelled Link. "Darth Vapor?!" yelled Malen. "Darth Vadre?!" yelled Zelda. "Darth Vlader?!" yelled Bill nie the siren's guy. "Yes, I'm Darth Vaker," said Dark Vender. "Not Darth Valkyrie?!" yelled Ling. "Anething but Darth Vader!" yelled Dr. Frasier Crane. "Can you idiots just stop saying Darth Vader!?" Navi scolded.

"By the way," sad Darth Namor, "Im acterally someone else!"

Garth Raider took of his mask to reveal that he was…..Epona?!

"Link, I am your horsy!"

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"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1” Link explained. “U cant bee Epona! Shes dead!”

“the other Epena was actely a clone!” E Honda replied. “And im evel and i work for Tingel.”

“Butt why are u evil know? Yu were my pet horsy!”

“Im just that evil, and I also killed Saria!” “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!” Link clarified. “Not Sario!”

“Plese dont be eevil Ebola, cuz u ar mi Friend!” syed melon “2 bad!” said Eevee, before throwing a rock at Malen’s head, breking her ankle.

“I chaleng u two a lifesaver battle!” Epoma stated. Link took out his plastik ligtsaber, and Epana took out a lighsader that was shapped like a carrot. “Prepare…to DIE!” she proposed.

Lenk through the litesaber at Epova, blowing up her head. “Good thing I was wearing a safety shield” said Epona. “Im leavin, but Il’l be bach!” She telleported into her space-ship and left away.

Link was able too help Mulan with her broken arm. “This has to be the most idiotic event that I have ever seen,” criticized Navi. So of corse, Link locked Navi in her cage.

“So whatu we do naw?” axed Zelda. “Thers somewun who can help us fite Tingle.” “Whoisit?” “He used to be nammed the Happy Mask Salesman, but now he terned in to a drug dealer and changed his naym to the Happy Drug Salesman. He noes Tingal and can help ustop ham. Know letz goe!”

WARNING: This sectin has drug use! And drugs ar bad! So don tdo drugs!

Layder at the drug store:
Link, Zenda, Molan, and Navi all were at the Happy Drag Salman’s drug place. The haply Drug Salsaman and his partner Walter White (AKA Heisenburg) were cooking meth plants. a bunch of people were smocking meth and snifing marrowana. “I don’t think that these people understand how drugs work,” said Navi. “Doyo wana by drugs?” sayed Hindenburg. “No we gota tlak to the drug sailorman. He can help us stop Tingole.” “Oh ill help u,” said the Hapi drug Salemence. “But only if u go two bed with mii!” “Okay!” said Lonk. “Are you kidding me?!” yelled Navi.

EIGHT MINITS LATER:
“Im bach!” yeled Link! “I especilaly liked the part when Waltre Wite joined in.” “WHAT?!” Navi started to gag. “Did you at least get some information on Tingle?” “Yea, he sent me sum info on email.”

Link took out his phone and started to read the message.

“jk, lol!
--Happy Drug Salesman”

Navi started to scream. “YOU DUMB MOTHER—,”

Link punched Navi with his shield.

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Layder…
Tingle was sitting in his mansion, as Zelda walked in through the door. “Well, well, well. Who do we have here?”

“Tingle, the first time I ever saw you…I thought you were the most beautiful man who I’d ever seen. I couldn’t ever stop thinking about you and your rugged handsomeness.”

“I get that a lot.”

“The only way that I could find you more attractive is if you were sensitive and bi, since sensitive bi guys are so hot!”

“That’s funny! I am sensitive and bi!”

“Wow! But what I’m saying is…I love you! I never really loved Link. Now take me right here in your evil lair!”

“Okay!”

Chapter Text

 

Link and Navi wer takin a Walken, when somthing happend! An army of Agithas bugs apperd! “Prepear…too…DIE!!!” said the bugs.

“Since when do bugs talk?” questioned Navi.

“Cents win is Tingle a candlebull?” repleid Link.

“Touché. Or at least, it would’ve been a good comeback, if you knew how to speak English.”

“Stop talkin, cuz were goona keel u!” said a dragenfli. the bigs had bug spray 2 use on the doduo.

Be4 the bigots could atack, Link steeped on a glasshoper, who was only part of this army so that he could feed his poor and sickly children. They died soon after, without their father to support them.

The pugs and Link hasd an epic battle, but thry accidentally shot themselves with the bugspray. BUT THEN!!!........The ghoats of the bugs trended in to…THe Lock Nest Munster!!! Link killed it.

“Uh…” said Navi. “What the Hell just happened?”

A few minus later:
Link and Navi wer talking breaks to reed som books. Navi read Art of War by Sun Tzu, while Link read Dick and Jane. “Navi! Lisen too mii reding it! C Dick! C Dick run. Run, Dick, run.” He started hysterically laughing when he realized what the character’s name was. Navi, of course, facepalmed.

Suddenly, someone walked up to Link! It was…Jenna from My Inner Life! “Link, you are the one true love, and I love you Link! Please make love to me!”

Link started to take off his pants, until he realized that he was already dating Zelda. “Dambit! I just relized that I have a gifrend, so…I cant sex u up,” he stated reluctantly.

“Good for you, Link,” congratulated Navi. “You finally did the right thing and stayed faithful to Zelda.”

This feeling of happiness didn’t last long, as Link found sumthing on his laptop. “NAVI!!! I finded a vidio of Zelda and Tingle sexing!”

Navi spit out the coke she was drinking. “WHAT?!”

“And theres a nuther vidyo showing Snap and Loopin recording the vidao whil masticating!”

Navi instantly regretted seeing the video. “Now that I know Zedle is an adultree,” sed Lonk, “ I shall get my avenge!”

The first thing Link did with his newfound freedom was to make love with Jenna. Navi didn’t notice when Link saved the video of Snap and Loopin “masticating” so that he could watch it later.

Chapter Text

Win i was taken 2 sav the word by dat green guy, I was so happi! Butt den that f*king Sara prep ruened it. Know I weel have too get my raveng on her! Im goin 2 drunk her blood after usin crusio on her! And ill lauf cuz ima sadist. I was wearing—(AN: Mii, not Tara. Ill just skip all of the costume porn description sectiens.)

(Later) Togay (Gettit! cuz sensative bi guys are haf gay, and i think dat sencitive bi guys r hot!) i got ina fite with Dally Darkblood an da otter goffs, cuz day all thot that they were goffier than me. But i am much mor ofa goff den day r, cuss Im the originel!

(Later) Today I atatked the hogwarts school of prayer and miracles. All da peeple in it lookd like ma frends from Hogwart, ubut they were very preppy, so i drained there blood. A kid dat lookde like Vampire was dere, but he goff away (Geddit! Cuz Im goff!).

(Later) I founded Snap and Loopin wif ther knew boyfreind, Mr. Bonding! Dey were doin it with that green, guy, lonk! Dobbi was holding da chamra. "Wat da f*k do u thing ur doin!" i yelled eroticly.

Spap, Loopis, and Bobby ran away, but that Link ghuy stayd, lieing clothless on da ground, posing sencually. I used crussio on him, cus ima sadist, but dat just gave him an erudition. The ferry namd Nazi walked in,and when shi saw wat was happning, she ran away screaming. I through lenk oot the windaw.

(Later) I was listnen 2 som GC, when a majer f*oking hottie came! He locked exactly like Gerard Way! He was…Edward Colon! "I luv u!" Said me. "Will u go out with mi?"

"Wait!" yelled somone. it was… Twila Beatiful Psyco Topaz Cullen from Twila The Girl Who Waz In Luv With A Vampyre?! "I luv u mor! Go oot with mii instead!"

"Wait!" yield someone. it was…Dally Darkblood from Face da Strange?! "No, go ot wif me!"

"Wait!" yold someon. It was… Atlantiana Rebekah Loren from Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation Of Edward Cullen?! "No, I luv u da most!"

"Wait!" yelld Bella Swan, but we tortured her cuz shes a b*ch.

"Egward, who do u chose?" we all said.

"I cant decide, so mabey I could hav all of you! At the same time!" "Okay!" we all sexily yelled. Xcept 4 bela, caus we killd her. Den he took off his shert—

(AN: Ill just scip the lemen sectens.)

(Later) "Wow Edwerd is so hot, jus like Drako and Vampir and Satin!" i suicidally wispered 2 myself.

But den i herd a loud explotion behid me! "DIE YOU MOTHER F*CKER!"

I terned aroused 2 see ho it was. "Vampire?"

"Oh, I'm not a vampire, but I'm going to drain out your blood, drink it, allow it to partially digest, and then vomit it out on your parents F*CKING REMAINS, B*TCH!"

He was…Harry from HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Chapter Text

 

Chapter 9: Deaf Note

Chapter 9: Deaf Note

Link and Navi wer wallking around, win day saw Dark from Light and Dark The Adventures of Dark Yagami!he was holden a Dead Note! It was realy dark out side (geddit! caus his name is Dank!) Lenk new that if he ussed th deth note, he could kill Tingel, so he decised too steal it from Dark Ayanami. "Hay, can I half the Deat Note?"

"KNOW!" muttered Dark. "THAT IS MY DEATH NOTE YOU PIE OF SH-T!"

"Can u pless giv it 2 mii?" smiled Link.

"Fine but only if you sex with me." Dark rofled. DARK ISNT GAY but he just thought Link was a girl so he sexed him.

"Okay!"

"You've got to be kidding me!" exclaimed Navi. Link slapped her.

I cant explan much about the sexing so that the story wont be rated m. But Link and dark both sexed and got happy.

"Can i hav the Desth Notw now?" Link sad.

"I lied you cant have it." said Dark happy.

Luckily Link slipped away the death Note when Dark wasnt' looking. "Can I have ur autograf?" he asekd, holding out the note.

"Sure!" Dark signed his name id the book. "Wait isnt that a Death No—," Dark fell down ded.

"Link, you just killed him!" yelled Navi.

"Yeha, watever. But i should rite Tinglefs name it in and krill him! But first il wright some other peples names in it thati dont like."

He took out the nots and a pens. "Firs all rite Gandledorf's name!"

Meanwhile…Gandalfdwarf was at his caste. "I have finally turned good, and I am sorry for all that I have done! To redeem myself, I shall travel back in time with this time machine I found, and I will save everyone that I have ever hurt, fix any damage that I made, and kill Hitler and Stalin!" Before he could do this, Link wrote down his name in the death note and he died.

Back to Link: "Lets see…Gagman Styles is anoying, so i can kill Psi!" he wrote down the name.

"Link, stop it!" yelled Navi. "You're killing innocent people!"

"Hoo cares! Now ill write down…that dum owl guy named Kaporna Gaybora, that guy who cut in front of me in line, Ronald McDonald, Lassie, Jake from State Farm…" Link proceded too write down all of those names.

"LINK, YOU'RE A MONSTER!" screamed Navi after Link put dozens of people to death.

"Thanks!" repled Llink. "Now I just have to write down Ting—," suddenly Tingle snatched the note away. "Whoops!" he laughed.

"ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME?!" shrieked Navi.

"Today was fun," giggled Tingle. "Ill see u guyhs soon!" Tinker grabbed Darks corpse and ran away.

Later…Link and Navi were sitten at the camfire,and Kink was singned the Camfpire song from Sponebob. "Tobay was funn! yellowed link"

"No it wasn't," replied Navi. "You killed countless innocent people, Tingle stole the Death Note, and I spent the rest of the day in a cage."

"Yes, butt it was fun 2 see u suffer!" Link lauged cuz hes a sadist.

Chapter Text

Link cood tell that dis was the endk, so he kneaded too prepare. He tooks out his mastur suord and was reddy 2 shoot tha bad gheys!

"Hey! Listen, Link!" Navi yelled. "Do you really think that it's a good idea just to waltz into Tingles castle with only a toy sword?"

"Yepsadoodles!" Link sayd. Suddenly, he got a fone call! He taked out his iPhone, onely 2 find oot that the Happy Drug Salesman was DEAD! Tingle ate him!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Link chronicled. "He was my boyfrend!"

The phonr Kal alse say that Waltre Wide was soo sad, that he krilled himself!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Link delineated. "Not my otter bofreind!1 Thies is yore folt Navi!

"My fault?! Tingle killed him, so how is it my fault?!"

"You just loook gulty, so prepare 2 DIE!"

"WHAT!? NO?!"

Link picked up Navi and thru her into the ceiling fan, choping her up in to tinny pizzas.

"Now..." said Lonk, his clothes stained with Navi's fairy blood, "I shall kill Tingle!"

Latter:

Link walked upto Tinfles caste holden a ratchet lancer. "U CANT STATE IN THER FOREBER TINGE!" he sed.

Enoby and Sara waked up 2 link. "U cant kill him, he is BATMAN!"

Dun dun dun!

Linkle knew it was a lie, so she klied them bloth. Then she saw epona wathing Jerse Sure on the TeV. Link shot the tv in da head, making Epingas mad.

"Hay! (AN: geddit! cuz horsys eat hay!)," sad Epringles. 'Dat was mie fave show!"

Link shooted her.

Tingle walkedd otoside. "Welcom lenk! Now preper too-," B4 he cold finish, He shat Tingle with a mistle, killing dem both in the prosess.

THE END

Or is it!

"Where im I?" said Link. Link was coverd in a wite powder. "Oh, I geddit! Dis chaprer was all just a dreem, and im just relly hi!"

"Actually," stated Navi, "That was a dream, but this is powdered sugar, not cocaine. You got some in your eye, started screaming, and then passed out."

"Yah wadever. Sents happy drug Salesmen is still aliv, lets go have a foresom with him and Walt!"

"That doesn't sound very appealing," said Navi.

"Fyne." link talked. "Ill just video me an dose 2 gies doinit so u can c it later."

"Please don't."

Chapter Text

 

Backsory: 1 day sum time agog, their was a Polish Scientis named Bari Alden and he was stroked by lighting and he got SUPER SPED and becam noun as THE FLESH! His mod also died and his dad was in jal, but he got out and left and He was addopted by Joe and Iris is Jos dauber who Beary licks whos brother is Waldo west and Bear works with Sysco Raymond (AKA Vibraphone) and Katelyn Slow (AKA Killing Frost (but onle in Erath 2)) Harry Welsh is from earth 2, but there was anoter one from earth1 who waws evil and real name was Eabird Thawed who died and Jay Gerick who is also flash, is also from EARth 2 he turned otu too be ZOOM who was a bad guy from that world who Bart had 2 fite. OK, now the story can really stent.

Bari was smitten at a ferrous wheel with Ires who he really liked. "Isis," he sexily whispered, "I love you can you break up with that guy who u work for and marry me?"

"Okra" repiled Irest. Bartholomew and Iran got marryed later that day, and then later Iris and Bari had sax. (the show is only TV-14 sew i cant descive it, that s what leman is 4) But he was finishd in 5 secinds beccus hes the fastest man alive.

Later Walleye Wast was building that airplane/car thingy. "I really love speed!" he said in some brilliant use of foreshadowing, "So ill built this so I can go fastly!" littered did he know that he wood be fast anyways.

Right then, he was stricken by lighting and got flash powers to! (He was also terned white by the ligting becas he was white in the comics and the show people changed it! I think that there racist agenst white people so they change evryones races.) "Wow!" said Walt. "My clever foreshowing worked! Now I wel B known as kid Flash!"

He got a knew costume that was yellow, but nut like Reverb Flash yellow but a differet kind that looked less evil. It showed his red hare because that changed in the lightning too be more like the comics.

Flash and kid flash went 2 STAr Labs two find out how to stop Zom. "Since im vibe, I can sents where zoon is," said Paco Ramon. Every one was jellous of Francisco since he got 2 do it with hawk girl. "but too get to Zoom, you have 2 go threw a bunch of diff universes! This is because zoob put super glue on the portals so that we can only get to earth to by going everywhere else fist."

Barru was sad, but he knew he had toado it. Berol used his powers 2 open up a portal and go in.

The fist world he went too was Earth 3! There evryone was evil! There was a bad versant of flash named Jonney Quick! And there was an evil vision of the Legions of Tomorow called the Leganes of Yesterday! It was made up of bad rip Huntre named RIP (Like rest in piece) Hunter, a bad Adam named Atomica, a bad Firestem named Deafstorm, a bad White Canaray named Grey Cannery, and a bad Hawkman and Hawkirl named Chickenman and Chicken chick. IN this word, Kapp'n Cold and Heat Weave are good, and they r named Citizen Cold and Happy Wave.

Thay all tried 2 kill flashh. Bari through lighting at everyoneand blew them up.

Later he went 2 this place with a green guy and a fairly. "Mah nams Llink!" that gren buy sed. "Mebbe u can bee the missin Link in my hart!" Tat creepd out Flash.

"Link, you're making this man uncomfortable," said the fairy. "You could get arrested for this, you know," she noted as lenk licked flah. It was such a scarry memento that flash ran out of that world.

Then barsly went 2 other wolrds like Disney world, Ego the Living Planet world, Captin Planet world, Super Mario World, Super Mario 3d world, Vulcan world, world of warecraft world, world of beer, Elmo's world, and the scariest of all, Twilight.

Evenerally, he got 2 Eart 2! There zoom was there! "I no htat you are Jae Garick!"

"Acterally, Im Hunter Soloman!" Zumba replied.

"But than who is the reel J?" Bairy quoined.

"He is!"Hunker punted at that guy in a mask! The mast guy took off his mask to reveal tat he was he! "Help me Barley!" he was raelly old lick in the conics.

"And hoo was the Jane that u keeled?" stented Beery.

"That is he from earth 538! And now I have a buncha jas from a bucha diff worlds!"

A gazillion James ran ot add was reddy two kill him! Lucily, Walter Whist and Vibe and Frosty run out 2 fite them! (The killi floss is the one from eert 2)

Thay all hasd a big fite and all of the Teddy Sears died xcept 4 zoom!

"Noone can stoq mii know!" sed zoo.

But thenn, Kidd flash ran bi and tookoff zods mask 2 revel that he was really…Tingle!?

"Wow, wood u lock at the tim!" sayed Tinge. "Ill c u guys latter!" he telekinesis away.

Bury was confused. "What the fu—,"

Chapter Text

 

Link an Navi were sitten on a bench. "Im Hungary!" link zed.

"Okay," replied Navi, "If you're really hungry, we can go pick some fruit off of that tree."

"Ewwwwww! Healthy fods r stuped!" likn lyeld.

Link looked up and saw a restrant. "Letz go ther!"

The sign said that it was called "Hannibal's Hungry House" followed by the tagline, "We serve people every day!"

"I don't think I want to go in there," Navi noted.

"Noncents!" lonk refilled. He grabbed Nazi and Forced her 2 go in 3Hs. Inside was HANNIBLE LECTER! (AN: I forget some stuff aobout him, but i herd adout him in histery class. I think he fot the Romans or somthin and was from Cartilage, a city in Afraca He also likes elyfants.)

"Welcome 2 Hannibal's Hungry House!" said the Carthaginian. "That is actualy short for the resertantes full name. Its relly called Hannibal's Hungry House for Humans to Hang and Have Helpings of Humans and Help Heal their Heartaches, so Hop Here to the Happy Hangout of Hannibal's Hungry House of Hamazing Hammy Hunger Helpers who Have Heaps of Hamstrings and Hearts, so Have a Heartful Hour Here!"

"Thets a hand full 2 say!" sed LInk. "I guess it could just bee called 30 Hs."

"Seriously?" questioned Navi. "Did the author really write that much just for one lame pun?"

"I thought it was F*CKING HILARIOUS!" shrieked Harry from 30 Hs. "It makes me want to take a flaming groinsaw decorated with grenades and women's middle fingers, and shoot it at a galaxy made of toxic fallopian tubes, DESTROYING THE F*CK OUT OF IT!"

"Hey, I told you to stay away from this place!" instructed Handball. "You're too violent, even for me!"

Eventually, Link and Navi were sitting at a table, waiting for their food. "Link, I'm telling you! This guy is a cannibal! He's probably going to feed us humans!"

"Quiet bein sew parinoiad Nav'i. I cant wate anylonger for food!"

Handful brought out a plate and placed it on the table. "I hope you like Italian! First off is a plate of muscles!"

"Did he say muscles or mussels?" asked Navi nervously.

What Navi didn't notice was that Hangeul pulled Link into the meat closet. "Hey," said the Punic commander. "How about we get some 'dessert',"

"Oooooh," said Link sensually.

"I'm going to eat you..."

"Wow," whispered Link, who was extremely turned on. "That's my favorite!"

"I'm going to lick over every single inch..."

Link was in a very special place right now.

"And I'm going to tie you to a pole and roast you over a fire, like you would do to a pig."

Link smiled. "Oooh, kinky!"

"Wait, what?" said Hans. "You know that I'm talking about cannibalizing you, right?"

"Oh!" said Link. "I thought you were talking about sex!" Link and Hanny shared a good laugh.

"Well..." said Hamable, "If sex is what you want, I'd be glad to please you!"

Three Mantis Later:

"Wow, that was fun!" staminated Link.

"Okay, I'm going to eat you now," Hamicable said nonchalantly.

"Oh, yeah. I forgot abot that part."

Homobell locked the door, just as Tingle jumped out! "Hay Link! Its been a while!"

"Tingle and I are working together," said Haydenbowel. "He said that if I capture you, we could both eat you."

"Oh crapp!" crided link. "I forgut to turn off my oven this mornin!"

Meanwhile...Navi just got out of the bathroom, as she had to vomit after witnessing a man eating someone's lungs. "Oh crap!" she gasped. "Where's Link?!"

Navi heard Tingle's voice in the meat closet, so she roundhouse kicked the door open, only to see Tingle and Hannibal about to cut Link open! "Holy f*ck nuggets!" she screamed.

Hangnail and Tingle didn't notice her, as they were to buzzy arguin. "But i want to have the brain," whined Hollowvole. "That's the bestest part!"

"Know weigh! I deserve the drain!"

They were two busy fiting too notice that Julius Caesar just walked in!

"Oh no!" yelled Hungrybowl. "Not a Roman! Screw this, I'm outta here!" He jumped out of the window.

"Im leafin too!" disintogrationed Tingle. "See ya b*tches!"

"Wait..." said Navi, "What is Julius Caesar doing here?"

"I'm not Julia Cesar," salad Caesar. "I'm just playin him in a movie."

"oh okai," siad Lonk. But what Cicero didn't know was that Link had a fetish for ancient Romans! "How about I show u my dagger," Link said suggestively.

"Excuse me?"

"U know, how about i cast my die...inside of u?"

"Huh?"

"I wanna sleep wif u!"

"Oh okay!"

Navi was, of course, grossed out.

That night, Link came, saw, and conquered.

Chapter Text

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 2: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Blaise Zabini stood in the showers, massaging the generals for the Army of Light Penile Darkness. "Here is the love," he said, shooting an origami rainbow beam at their thighs, which slowly and erotically caressed them to death.

"DID SOMEONE ORDER SOME FRENCH F*CKING TOAST!" Harry Potter took out a French Toast Launcher and shot Zabini in the head. His brainy and gooey essence was spread all throughout the Andes Mountains. Harry mopped up the formerly internal organs using the fur of an archaic eldritch abomination known as the Atomic Laser F*ck Dugong. As the pelt absorbed the remains, it began to grow appendages that grabbed Zabini's eyes and casted them into the Russian White House, giving President Putin eternal erectile dysfunction.

"So, Harry," yelped Bill Gates, Harry's Latin lover. "How shall our journey be concluded."

"Oh, you'll see." Harry used one of Zabini's ribs to comb the butter out of his flowing mane. "The whole Iberian peninsula will be forced to espy my wrath!"

Little could young Dr. Gates fathom the scatological adventures that awaited him.

Blaise Zabini's ghost remembered that he forgot to feed his cat.

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Harry sat up in bed. "What the bloody Hell just happened."

"It's okay," assured the nurse. "You just had a bad fever."

He was a male nurse, since guys can be nurses too, you racist. (AN: I liek to give charecters backstories, even if they are only miner cahracters. The male nurse's name was Lafayette Alessandro Sigmund Ryszard Glockenspiel. He was 15 percent Jamaican, 12 percent Finnish, 19 percent Cornish, 5 percent Indian, 7 percent Belizean, 4 percent Zimbabwean, 9 percent Mongolian, 4 percent Alaskan, 2 percent German, and 23 percent other. His parents were Ichabod Irkutsk Glockenspiel and Eliza Capella Pichosky al Ghul. The couple met at a conference for the Japanese Communist Party. They had 15 other children: Vallentia, Titus, Nariño, Niles, Vladimir, Georgia, Ivory, Gustov, Roz, Haruka, Ashton, Adolph, Olive, Ulrich, Polis, Marcel, Rugby, Pryce, Masahiro, Bob, Jacqueline, Karl, Hiro, Slater, Kirby, Orion, Intel, Kalliope, Polina, Iran, Bastille, Calypso, Kelvin, Romeo, Jamal, Quincy, Metra, Urban, Wilden, Dormammu, Gustaaf, Khan, Reggae, Greta, Frasier, and Beaver. Beaver was adopted. Although Lafayette was the oldest, his parents hated him the most, because he was against their Communist beliefs. He caused his parents great disappointment. After he converted to Zoroastrianism, Ichabod and Eliza disowned him, throwing him out onto the streets. Since then, Lafayette discovered that he was a Muggle-born wizard, and he became a foreign exchange student to Hogwarts from his home country, Malta. He followed his dream of becoming a male nurse and now lives a happy life at Hogwarts.)

"I need to speak with Headmaster Dumbledore," Harry stated.

Later:

"Dumbledore, I've been having some...strange dreams." Harry described the bizarre dream he had last night.

"Wow," muttered the Headmaster. "That is some f*cked up sh*t."

Harry was shocked by Dumbledore's sudden harsh language.

"What?" Dumblydore said. "I have a headache, okay! But go on."

Potter reluctantly continued. "It isn't just that messed up dream where I'm a psychopath and tons of random things happen. I've been having other strange dreams too. There's one where I'm an murderous liberal Satanist who tried to kill a homophobic conservative. In another, Hogwarts is a Christian school and none of us are wizards. In one reoccurring dream, a talking hedgehog, the guy from Twilight, an anime character, and a bunch of other random characters all go to Hogwarts. Also, you're some sort of evil villain."

"Interesting," whispered Dumbledore. "Bloody f*cking interesting."

"And there were so many...erotic dreams. So...many...I don't think I'll be able to see anyone the same way again."

"Harry, maybe you've just been stressed out. Here, I'll go set out a nice warm bath to soothe you."

"Thank you so much, Dumbledore. I'm sure it'll help."

A few minutes later, Harry walked into the bathroom, ready for a refreshing bath. Much to his dismay, Snape and Dumbledore were making out in the tub!

"Come join us Harry!"

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"Holy f*ck nuggets!" Harry sat up in bed. "Thank goodness it was all just a dream."

Harry Potter closed his eyes so that he could finally get some real sleep. What he got was so much worse.

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Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee—

The next morning, Harry killed himself.

THE END

Chapter Text

Hey guys! This chapter was originally just a long list on why my fanfiction should be on TV Tropes, but since it actually is on TV Tropes now, it is no longer needed. (It was just filler, anyway). Thank you to whoever created the page! It means so much to me that so many people liked my story, despite it being complete crap. Anyway, thank you everyone for reading!

Chapter Text

 

A few munths ago:

Malon just wok up from sleping. "Yawn," she yawned. "I mustof been realy sic, cus I sleped 4 days. Now i budder get 2 the store so that i ken git some breakfest, cuz i want some scrambled eggs all over mah face."

Melon went 2 opan the dore, but it wooden budge! "Hay!" she yeled. (Geddit! Because she lovs on a farm and farms have hay!) "I wanted some tossed salads and scrambled eggs!"

She looked out the windew, only 2 see that a land slid covered up her hose, and someone bult a scool over it! She cold hear a suthern acsent speaking. "I knew this would be a wonderful place to rebuild the Hogwarts School of Prayers and Miracles. Now we can finally spread the good word of God again!"

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" Maroon exemplified.

Layder thad day:

Megon was watting Jersay Shar on the tv on her tv. "Att lest I hav tv!" she said about her tv.

Sudently, the tv an the rest of the lectriciy went of! She eherd a vouce abov grond. "Alright, my children. To prove our love of God, we will go without electricity for a month!"

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" Malden rectified.

A few weaks letter:

Meden was stucked in her hous, and she was goin a little crazy. Her only sores of food was codroaches and caprisun. One day she foun a direly, tidled My Inner Life. "Watt's dis?" she questionated.

Cents she didont have anithang elsa 2 do, she despided 2 reed it. It was about this girl named Jenna who was in luv with Lonk! "How can she bee in luv with ilink! Im the only 1 who ken lov him!"

Malfoy kept readin. She started starting to hate her eithen more! By the tim that she funished reding the dairy, she was completely batsh*t insane. "NO ONE CAN LOAVE TLINK BOOT MII! I MUST KILL THAT LYER GENO!"

Maths passed, and Merlin was still batsh*t insane. Suddenly she heard somthi upstars!

"Oh, no! It's that goth demon again! Run, my children! RUN!"

A rocket launcher blewed up the Hogwarts School of Prayers and Mirrorcoals! when it blowed up, a hole was blowed in Mesons hose, settin her frey!

She cralled her way out of the holl. "IM FREY!" she scrammed. "IM FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

But sudantly, someone waled up! It was...Enoby! "Hay, u lock lik a prep! Preper 2 dye!"

Ebomy was about 2 blow Malon, when she spied something begind her. "Is dat a Hot Topik? I luv Hat Topok!" she ran into the store and Malaren got aweigh.

A few minuets later:

Jenna was sitting next to her shrine to Link. "Oh, my love. I know that you are busy adventuring right now, but I know that you'll be back soon, because you are my king, and I am your queen!"

Jenna turned around, only to see Malon standing behind her. "Oh, hi Malon! What brings you here today?"

"So, ou thing that u r in luv with Link?"

"Yes, we're soulmates!"

"Wel, noone can have him but me!"

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, yule see." Malon opened up a cage to reveal a tiger inside! "So I herd that u find tiggers sexy. Well, hears on in person. It hasent eaten in days."

"Wow, that is sexy!" said Jenna, before the tiger tore into her flesh.

Latter:

Cia was walking around the mall. "At least I'm finally over that f*cker Link."

"Wait," said Malon, who just happened to be walking by when she said that. "You used to like Lonk?"

"Yeah, so what?"

"Dye, fatty!" Malen said, shooting Cia in the head.

"Today was so much fun!" Mayan sed.

She walked all tha way bach home. "Now," she wispered, "I can finaly get raveng on the true villain...Zelda!"

Meanwhale...The Hot Topic Krew was having a funeral for Cia. Ebony was playing My Immortal on the blackpipes (goff bagpipes). "You will be missed, Cia," said Robin, almost in tears.

"F*ck this!" said Mewtwo, who flew away to get to some killing.

Later at Tingerls castell:

A boy walked up to Tingle, so tinge pulled a gun on him. "My nam is Dark Yagami!"

"Wait, I thought you died!" said Tingle.

"Whenever I dye, I always seam to come back in a few minuts. It used 2 be comfusing, but im used to it now."

"Oh."

"BUt anyways, i found this Every thing note, which can do everything. Ill sell it 2 u for some money!"

"If that note can do everything, then why don't you just create money with it?"

"Oh, mayby i didn't think this one threw."

Tingle shot Dark and took the note. "Yes! Now the infinite power is MINE! Mwahahahahah!"

A cat ran up, snatched the note and ran away. "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" Tingle catechized.

Chapter Text

Link was in bed wif Ruto the Zorua, cuz link is turned on by fish.

"Bloop bloop," blooped Rudolph the Zorro.

"Water you doing? (AN: geddit! Becase Rudy is a fish and fish life in waddle!)" aped Lonk from Pennsylvania.

"Dis is da langrage of mah peple!" Rout the Sora fishily said. "Bloop bloop!"

"Wow, fishly talk relly terns mii onn!" sayd link.

"Bi the way, can i hav a soda?" the naked fish lady said.

"Nobody mayks mi get suede! If im getting sodo, its jest 4 mii!" Link got an evil look on his face and started to laugh evilly.

"Link, water (AN: geddit!) u doin?" the Zoroastrianism scardily ask.

Later:

"Hay Navi, du u went some fish sticks?"

"Why, thank you, Link! I would love some." Navi took a bite. "These are delicious! I never knew you were a such good cook."

"Mwahahahahahahahah," mumbled link.

"Um...Link? Why are you doing an evil laugh? And where is Ruto?" Navi looked down at the fish sticks. "OH F*CK!"

Letter:

Navi was washing her mouth out, when someone yelled, "Wait!"

It was...Old Man! He was wearing a two piece swimsuit, and he blew a kiss to Link.

"Tingle sented one of ihs evil werkers 2 kill u! It is...Waldo!"

Waldo, noun in Britishland as Wally, is an evil bad guy and a master of diskys! His full name is Ralph Waldo Emerson, and hes an essayist.

"Ono weave got 2 fined him!" link wed.

Afew homers later:

Linkara climed atop the fourth wall of a building so that he could see Waldo. "Oke, he has two bee her somewhere." LInk looked down in the crowd to find Waldo, until he realized that he was tereable at Where's Waldo books! "Onio where is he!" yelped link.

Link tooked out a sniper rifle so that he could shoot down Walfred. "I don see him. Mebbe if i just shoot everything i ken kell him!" Link started shooting as many people in the crowd as he could.

"LINK! STOP KILLING INNOCENT PEOPLE, YOU MONSTER!" screamed Navi.

"I ken do wat I want," Link s "Stop not been suppertive of my hopes and dreams!"

Navi attempted to grab the gun away from Link, but he able to knock her onto the ground.

Link got bach 2 the killin, when he herd a noise behind him! He turned around, but Navi was standin ther like nermal.

"Navi, did sometin hamplen?" Navi didnt say inything. "Hay, why isent Navy talking? Meh, itz perbably nothi," Link got back to the likking.

"Mfmfmffmmmf!" link heard somewun say. It was coming from a bag Navi was holding! He looked in the bag, and the real Navi was in it, bound and gagged!

"Hay, u arnt the reel Navi!"

"That's because I'm..." fake Navi took off a mask. "Waldo! Master of disguise!"

"Heiy, look! I found u!" Link started to laugh hysterically, as he thought of himself as hilarious.

"But really," said Waldo, "How couldn't you tell that it was me? I mean, my only disguise was a Navi mask and a nametag that said her name.

Navi spit out her gag. "Quit just standing there and do something!"

"Fin!" Lin yeld. "u don't have 2 bee sew mien obout it! Wate! I dont have enny wepens!"

Old Man jumped up. "Quik, teak this!" He threw something to Link! It was...a bottle of Viagra. "That's for tonight. See u then!" He climbed into his van and drove away.

"Huh," said Waffle. "That was weird." Little did he know that Navi escaped from the bag. She roundhouse kicked him off of the building.

"At least we won't have to worry about him anymore," Navi sighed.

"Or will you!" It was...Waldo! "I told you I was a master of disguise. I disguised this random guy as me, and then Tingle used the Death Note to control him. See ya later." Wallow disapeared into thin are.

"So...r we done? cuz ive got a date 2 go too," Link verilized.

Layer:

Tingle, Epona, Waldo, and Hannibal evilly sat around an evil looking table like the villains they are. Hannibal was eating the fish sticks that Navi threw away.

"So, Master Tingle. We have a new member of our evil team," Epona said with the voice of James Earl Jones.

"Yes, you have been a real help, Waldo."

Waldo smiled and then happily took a bite of Hannibal's fish sticks, unaware of what they contained.

"But," said Epona. "There are still more people to join our evil Legion of Doom (name not final)."

"Yes," Tingle whispered evilly. "I think I have some ideas."

The fairy-man looked outside to see Ebony's and Sara's two castles.

Chapter Text

WARNING: People who read this have been known to DIE so be careful.

This was taken from the blog of a man who DIED! It shows how he DIED and it is all a true story.

10/30/15:

Lol, guys! It's almost my birthday! Some weird stuff happened today, so I'll tell about it.

I went to the store to buy myself a birthday present. I really liked the game Majora's Mask (AN: I dont own dis game!) so I decided to buy a copy for me.

"Hi, welcome to Game Stop! How may I help you?" asked the girl at the counter.

"Umm..." I mumbled, "Do you have a copy of The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask?"

The girl got a scared look on her face. "I'm warning you! I"M WARNING YOU!11111 The Darkness...IS COMING!111111111"

"Uh, what?" I asked confusedly.

"Just know that I warned you...I WARNED YOU! That's be $29.99!" she smiled and then winked like a cute anime girl.

"Thanks?"

That was weird I thought as I walked home.

I didn't play the game yet because it wasn't my birthday until tomorrow. I know my birthday is on Halloween, but it isn't like something scary is going to happen that day.

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10/31/15:

Omg, today was so scary! I have to type this because no one will believe that it really happened! But it did happen!

I took out my new game and prepared to play it, when something strange happened. My phone rang, but instead of the ringtone being One Direction like it normally is, it was Lavender Town! I answered the phone, and it was from my mom!

"Don't do it..." she whispered in a scratchy voice. "Don't do it...YOU WILL KILL US ALL!1111111"

"Mom, what did you say?" I questioned.

"I just told you to feed the dog, since I won't be home until late. Love you!"

Why have so many weird things been happening to me recently? I pondered. Maybe my mom is just planning me a surprise birthday party!

I put the completely normal game cartridge into my N64, expecting some fun time. What I got was so much worse.

The N64 logo popped up, but it was completely black! I thought I saw a creepy face pop up for a split second, but I just assumed that it was nothing.

"You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you!" Those words appeared on the screen as the game began. I jumped in my seat. "Hey, that wasn't supposed to happen! This game must be broken!" I decided to keep playing anyway.

A bunch of weird stuff happened that was so scary! There was a creepy statue of Link that was following me around! I hate it when that happens!

But then, a bunch of glitches happened too! The screen got blurry, and the creepy statue got closer to the screen! This must just be a hacked version of the game, I thought. This can't be real.

But then, all of the lights turned off in my house! The TV went into static, and my dog walked up to me!

His head did a 360 degree turn, and then he said, "You're DEAD!111111111111111111" (AN: Omg, so scray!)

Epiloge: The narrator was found dead in a pool of blood the next day. THE END!

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Ben was on Fanfiction dot net, when he saw that a new Crappy Pesto was written about him! He was glad, as every time a fanfic is written about him, he gets paid royalties. That is the only way for him to support his wife and kids. While he was eating some French toast outside, Tingle walked up to him. "I heard you need to make some extra money."

"You heard right," Ben replied.

"Well, I have a job for you to do."

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The author was typing away on his computer, when he had a realization. "Crap!" he muttered. "This chapter was boring. But I think I know what will fix this. RANDOM MUSICAL NUMBER ACTIVATE!"
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Navi and Link were taking a walk like normal, when some music came on. "Wait, where is that music coming from?" questioned Navi.

Without notice, the scenery transformed into the set of the music video for "Material Girl" by Madonna. "What the hell?" Navi had no idea what was happening.

When she turned around, Link was wearing Madonna's dress in the video, and all of the other characters in the story were there too. "Seriously guys! What the f*ck is going on?!"

Instead of replying, everyone just began a musical and dance number fitting the choreography for "Material Girl." Link sang the lyrics, which was a real shame, as his singing voice sounds exactly like Toad. (AN: I don't own da lyrics! There owned bi Madonna!)

Sum bois kiss mii
Sine voys huge me
oi thing their okai
If they dont gif me prosper credi
i just wank away

They ken beg and they khan pled
But Thai cant c el Light (dat's rite)
Cuz de boi wif the code hand cast
Is always Miter Wright

Cuz wii r lining n an maternal world
An i m an Matterhorn grill
U no dat wii r linking n a maternity word
And I am an Mediterranean gurl

When the song was over, everything went back to normal. "What the actual f*ck just happened?" said Navi.

Chapter Text

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They banged.

The End

Chapter Text

Hermione and Snape were situated in a Hogwarts auditorium, and Hermione's peers were currently being lectured by the middle-aged pedagogue. "I have an utmost need for vehement coitus," Snape declared.

"Yes, I concur with that utterance, Professor Snape," ejaculated the juvenile witch. "Coitus is a desideratum of mine, and I cannot spend another moment without being engaged in perfervid lovemaking."

And so...

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They banged.

The End

Chapter Text

 

A majestic, beautiful creature was working on his next video game. The creature's name was Masahiro Sakurai, an immortal god/game designer.

"Honey, hurry up with what you're doing! Your food's getting cold," yelled Pit from Kid Icarus.

"I'll try to hurry up, my little Pitty Pat, but I have to finish working on something!" Sakurai and Pit were dating, which is the real reason why he includes so many Kid Icarus characters in Smash.

"Meow," said a cat.

"You know that you don't have to stay in your cat form all of the time?" Sakurai questioned.

"Yes, but this cat form is f*cking adorable." said the cat. Sakurai's cat, Fukura (Also known as Fukurashi) is an all-powerful eldritch abomination, who disguises himself as a cat for the lulz. (AN: I'm party sure the cats a he.) Being an immortal creature whose true form is unable to be comprehended by puny human brains, Fukura came to Sakurai, as he was the only other god that he could find. They are now best friends and partners in game design.

To show how powerful Sakurai's cat is, here is a list of some of his accomplishments:

1. He ate Bigley in one bite and was perfectly fine afterwards.

2. He beat Mega Primal Arceus in an arm-wrestling contest.

3. He existed long before the universe even existed. Rumor has it that he inhabits the multiverse, and can freely travel between universes.

4. He was originally going to be a fighter in Smash, but since he's humble, he didn't want to take up a character slot. Awww, so humble.

5. HE'S F*CKING ADORABLE! Just look at him!

6. His cat penis can expand at any point to become bigger than Bigley.

7. His true name cannot be pronounced.

8. This isn't even his final form!

9. He has a religion about him, called Fukurism, in which he is worshipped like the god he is.

10. He was actually the one who killed Hitler.

Okay, that list barely touches his true power, but it's good enough for now. Back to the story!

Sakurai finished working on his new game, Super Smash Brothers Five: I'm Giving Up on the Names, so he decided to play some Zelda just for fun. But something was wrong with the game. "What the hell?!" he angrily yelled.

"What's wrong Sakurai-senpai?" Fun fact!: Fukura is secretly in love with Sakurai.

"This game is completely f*cked up! Link is an idiot, Tingle is a cannibal, and fanfic characters are everywhere! I've got to go into the game and put a stop to this nonsense!"

Fukara opened a portal with his god-powers to travel into Zelda.

Meanwhile:

Link wuss beein an a-hole like userall. He was burning down Kokiri Forest for the evulz. Navi didn't notice because Link drugged her drink that morning. Luckily, Navi soon woke up. "Ugh, I have such a headache. Wait, is that a fire! We've got to do something!"

Navi was about to call 911, like everyone should do when there's a fire. Remember that kids, as calling 911 saves lives. That is my message for the day.

THE END.

Just kidding. Link shot the phone out of Navi's hands and then locked her up. "LINK, DON'T DO THIS! PEOPLE ARE GOING TO DIE!"

"Cents win did i ever cair about lifes!" Link laughed like the despicable human being that he was.

Suddenly, someone jumped out of a portal! It was...Sakurai!

"Kon'nichiwa, b*tches!"

"Omg, its Mashpotato Samurai!" yeled Lonk from Pennsylvania.

"The f*ck? How did you get that from my name? Well anyway, Link, you are a huge jerk. So, I am going to do the Sakurai rap, which is a rap that I wrote myself. I am so awesome."

Sakurai took out a radio from hammerspace and turned on some badass music.

"RAP BEGIN!"

The god took out a microphone and began his rap. It is right...here:

Kon'nichiwa, b*tch! I'm Masahiro Sakurai!

Everyone knows that I can sock any guy!

Call me J.J. Sakurai, cause things will get physical!

You think that you can defeat me? Your rapping is just pitiful!

Congratulations! You won the Sakurai Prize!

What is the reward? Oh, its just your demise.

My matter's phantasmagorical, and my power won't diminish,

Because I'm never gonna quit; I'm gonna fright to the finish.

You think you're better than me? HAL, no! My raps are just so fly.

I'll chop you up with a katana—Sakurai Samurai!

My name is Masahiro, and the Hiro stands for Hero!

My raps will give you chills like a Freezie, make your temperature go to zero.

I may be from Japan, but I can drop rhymes like a-bombs.

So I suggest you give up now, or I'll blow you to dust with some napalm.

I'm the world's greatest troll! I'll have Kirby swallow you whole!

I voiced King Dedede, yes I'm the king! You amount to nothing at all!

You wanna smash with me, f*cker?

I made f*cking Smash Brothers!

And I know I said no more DLC but there is one other.

It is...MY CAT!

(Fukura falls out of the sky, picks up the microphone, and begins his own rap.)

Meow! They call me Fukara!

It translates to "I'll f*ck you up!"

I'm a feline fighter, if I saw a mouse, I'd smite her,

And soon your time will be up.

That game "Cat Mario" has no sh*t on me.

I beat it with my eyes closed, an easy victory.

I'm the cat Chuck Norris! Our fans, they adore us.

I can also transform: I'll turn into a tyrannosaurus.

You think you can fight me?

Well, you will soon see,

That you'll get your ass kicked by a kitty.

(Suddenly, everything turns dark, heavy metal music is playing in the background, Fukura starts to look demonic, and he screams every line.)

YOU MOTHER F*CKING P*SSY!

I'LL DRINK UP YOUR BLOOD LIKE MILK!

I'LL DEFECATE ON YOUR REMAINS!

AND I'LL—

(Sakurai interrupts his cat)

"Whoa, Fukura! Maybe this is a little...too much."

"Yeah, you're probably right."

"Hey, I have an idea! How about we do our own version of the DK Rap!"

(The DK Rap music comes on in the background, and the duo starts to rap.)

So they're finally here, performing for you

If you know the words, you can join in too

Put your hands together, if you want to clap

As we take you through this Sakurai rap

Sakurai!

Sakurai-san!

He's the creator of Smash, you know him well

He's finally back to send you to Hell

He's got a giant cannon, you don't want to be hit

Because if you do, you will hurt like sh*t

He's cooler, funnier, and Asian too

He's the first member of the Sakurai crew!

Sakurai!

Sakurai-san!

Sakurai!

Sakurai is here!

(Sakurai and Fukura both get bored of rapping and turn off the music)

"You know," said Sakurai. "I don't care about rapping anymore! I have something I need to tell you!"

"What is it, Sakurai-senpai?"

"I don't love Pit! I love you! I always have! I was only with Pit because he's divine in the bedroom."

"Oh, Sakurai-senpai! I love you, too! I always wanted to tell you, but I didn't know you felt the same way!"

Sakurai and Fukura started to make out sexily, until they remembered where they were. "I'll come back for you later, Link," said the physical god. "Sayonara, mother f*cker!"

Sakurai carried his cat through the portal, and Fukura shot a bird at Link on the way out.

"Well," said Navi. "That was interesting."

"U no, Nazi? I think wii lerned an impotent lessen today!"

"Is it that true love comes in many forms?"

"F*k no! Its that cat-on-Asian action is really hot!"

"Wait, what?"

Sakurai Quote Picture

Chapter Text

Hot Topic Storefront

Ebony and Sara were in hte medal of an epik battal. It was rock-pepper-scizors, and the winner oiut of won rounds wood win the batthole.

"cum on letz do dis!" yeled Enoby suicidally. She piced seizers sense it remeded her of of cutting herself, her fav hobbi. Sadley 4 her, Sara piked rok and one. "F*k!11111" she scremd.

"yey!" sara sed. "Tank u god 4 lettin mie win!"

"Ew u discuts (geddit! becase ebony cuts hersef!) me!" eboby sod.

"Hoe dar u disrepet God, u librul!"

"I wership satin, sew i don car!"

They both starded throwin grass at eatcotter, until day got tered an passed out.

Navi and Link were watching the fight. "What's wrong with these people?" questioned Navi.

"I tink tat day both breng up perfectly raisinable ponts?" link linked.

"What do you mean?"

"Thay r both evil and im evil! Mwahahah!"

Navi hated being the slave of this complete monster/cretin.

"I hav an ideal of how 2 stop Enoby!" link did. "shes abscessed with that sotore hot Topic, so i can bi some cloths form there and trick her into beein my frend! Then ill kill her win shes not lookin!f"

"That would've worked, but Yoshi—," Link didn't let her finish.

"I'm not listerning 2 u! I ken dew wat i want!"

"But the store—,"

"No navi im Levin!"

Link runoff 2 gogh 2 Hat typic and get goff cloves.

Later:

Lonk ran into the store, but it was filled with cartoon stuff, boy band merchandise, and Disney toys! "Wow, mebbe this place isnt soo bad!"

Only cute, preppy characters were shopping there, but Link just assumed that goffs culture was changing to resemble prep culture. You know what they say about assuming: it f*cking sucks. "Ill taik evreything!" lenk precipitated.

The Hylian a-hole walked out of the store, satisfied with his new "goff" clothing. He instantly changed into his new clothes, which included Mickey Mouse ears and a One Direction t-shirt. "Wow, im so goffic and edgy now! Ow the edge!"

Dark Pit and Lucas were watching from a distance, drinking some Capri sun. "Wow, look at Link!" Pittoo pointed out. "He's such an f*cking prep!"

"Yeah, what an loser!" Lucas, the world's sexiest character noted. He is so sexy that my nose is starting to bleed now that I'm thinking about him. I mean, damn! Compared to him, Channing Tatum looks like Quasimodo! I'd probably go gay for him. Actually, scratch that. I'd definitely go gay for him. I wish he'd PK Flash me, if you know what I'm sayin. He—

"Get on with it!" cried the readers.

Fine, I was just trying to replicate the style of the world's best fanfic, you b*stards, but maybe I am going a bit overboard. I think this goes back to when I was a child.

FLASHBACK: He said to dad "I want to be on the ships daddy."

Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY THE DEMONS"

There was a time when he believed him. When he got oldered he stopped. But now in the space station base of the—

"Are you f*cking kidding me?" the audience angrily asked.

Okay, okay. I'll get back to the real story.

"Hay, ken i join theHOt Topic Krew?" the preppy Link ask.

"F*ck, no!" LuPittoo yelled. "Get the f*ck out of our mall, preppy b*tch!"

They threw a water balloon at Link, causing him to burst into tears and run away.

Later:

Link waltzed into Ebonies goff castle, expecting to become her bestie and eventual assassin.

"Hay evryoe! Look how goffy and edgy i am now!"

Ebony's jaw dropped to the floor out of shock that anyone could be such a f*king prep. An alarm went off in the goff castle. "PREP ALART!11111 PREPP ALLERT!"

"Whay does evryone tank im apreep?" link thought out loud. "I got these clotes at Hit Tipic!"

Yoshi, AKA the Terminator, was watching from outside of the castle, evilly laughing at how idiotic Link is.

"Get dat mother f*cker!" Draco yold. The entire goff army started storming after Link.

On the run, Link found Navi and carried her away. "Tanks a lot for scrowing mii over!" he scweeelsd. "U sholdve warned me about Hot Topic! Now yere not getting food tonite!"

"But I was going to—,"

"Shut da gosh darn heck up, mother f*ker! Now lets get out of here pefore the goffs get us!" The duo scurried away from the angry goffs, running towards the camera like the end of an episode of Looney Tunes.

The ending music comes on, and Tingle appears instead of Porky to say, "That's all, b*tches!"

Chapter Text

Bill Trinen Hearts

Masahiro was doing his regular Sakurai-ish things with his boyfriend/cat/god. By that I mean he was trolling people online.

"Supper Smash Bros: Mishonh From God? Who wrote this sh*t?"

"What the f*ck?!" the animalistic abomination questioned. "This is so homophobic and racist!"

"Well, you know the routine!"

"Trolling time!" they shouted in unison.

Mr. Sakurai left a comment on the Archive of Our Own page that went like this: "Omg, i herd sakerai was takened captiv bi an evill gay librul! Uve got 2 do somthin!"

"Ha!" laughed Fukura. "I wonder if she's going to fall for this!"

Suddenly, Sakurai got a text from his ex-boyfriend, Bill Trinen! "Oh, f*ck! Not him!"

"Who's he?"

"Bill Trinen used to be my boyfriend, until he broke my heart, that asshole."

"Meow! We need to stay away from that weirdo!"

Meanwhile:

The homophobic lesbian Sara was scrolling over her story's comments, when she found a letter saying that Sakurai needs help! "Ono! ive got 2 do somthine!"

Later that day...

Sakurai and Fukura were igniting flowers sent by Trinen. "Burn, b*tch! Burn!" the Asian man screeched.

Suddenly, Sara burst through the door! "Im hear 2 sav u, Sakera!"

"Whoa, calm down!" exclaimed the game developer. "I'm not really in trouble! That comment was just a joke!"

"Ono!" the idiot squealed. "Mebbe he is in treble, but he dosnt no becase hes a stupid foriener!"

"Wow, you are so freaking racist." stated Mr. Cute Fluffs.

If I don't tell her that someone kidnapped me, she's never going to leave, thought Masahiro, so maybe I should just make someone up!

"Oh, yeah we really are in trouble! It's because of this liberal named...um...Bill! Bill Trinen!"

"Ill keel that gay librul who wants 2 taek smosh away from mii!"

Suddenly, Bill walked in the door! "Sakurai, I love you! Please come back to me!"

"Um, this isn't the best time, Bill." clarified Sakurai.

"Ah its the evil gay ill kel him!"

"Um, what now?"

Sara used her powers to blow up Billy.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed the Smash-master. "I'm sorry for all that I said to you! I do still hate you, but I'm sorry it had to end this way!"

Fukura took out the cat bagpipes and began to play. "Wel," said Sara, "I gess thet meens hat i ken leev! Bi misder asian!"

But when Sara left, the real Bill walked in! What a twist! "That was just a robot, since I knew Sara was coming!"

"Wow, you're such an asshole, deceiving us like that," Sakurai cried.

"But I—,"

"Yeah!" said the cat. "How could you! We were actually sad!"

"Get out, b*tch!" they both yelled.

Bill started crying and ran away.

Chapter Text

Stayin' Alive

Knot two long ego, Cia was killed by Malon, and now Robin has swearded revegde agenst her! And now he has huntened her down!

Malon was looking up peple woo link ussed 2 date so she cold kill them, when Robin walked up! "I know you killed Cia, and I swore my revenge! Now I finally have the chance to kill you!"

"Ono!" yelled Maon. "Im serrry 4 killen her, but she did desserve it, so im not relly sory."

"Alright, b*tch! I guess it's time for you to die!" He reached for his tomes so that he could use a spell, but it was missing! Instead, a book titled A Very Hungry Caterpillar was in its place! "The f*ck? Where are my tomes?"

Robin wasn't abel to fite back because of his missing tomes, so Malon stabbed him to death with a knife. Much 2 her disbay, he healed and cam back 2 lief! She killled him agin but he steel woldent dye! "Just doy olreddy!" After krillin him hundreds of thames, she got sack of it. "U no wat, Ill just get rid of himm!"

Later:

Robin woke up on the ground, and he thought he could faintly smell some fish. "Where am I?" he mumbled.

"Hey, Robin," said a familiar voice. "Want some fish sticks? Just kidding, you can't have any. Om nom nom!"

"HOLY F*CK, I'M IN HELL!1111"

Meanwhile, Link was forcing Navi to watch the Human Centipede, and she was feeling extremely sick. Mallllllon ran up and started 2 talk to them. "Goys, noone ken die! Iv tryed killen alot of peple but nohting happpens!"

"Onion!" bled link. "That meens i wont be eble to kill aneone anymerr! Lets find out ho dis it!"

Later at tinglers castile, link waked up to him to fine out wat was gooing on. "Olrate, yu befefldf! Tell mii wat da beep is goin on! Noon is dieing!"

"Wat? I had no idae!"

"So it wuzzent u?"

"Why wood i stop evryone frum dying? I love murder!"

Than we half 2 fined hose ding this!"

So, the two enemy groups joined forces to discover the culprit.

MONTAGE TIME!

(Stayin' Alive by the Bee Gees begins playing in the background)

Navi is seen reading books on magic and immortality, while Link is looking at sexy pictures of Snap, Loopin, and Mr. Bonding. When she tells him that he needs to get to work, he pepper sprays her.

Tingle travels to the afterlife using the power of rock to ask God what is happnen, when he is attacked by an angry cat. It's Fukura, and he wants his VHS tapes for Sex and the City back.

Tingle's evil team, currently consisting of Darth Epona, Waldo, Hannibal, and Ben were on a search party so that they could find any immortality-causing artifact, but they were bored, so they got stoned and started dancing to "Let's Go to the Mall" on Just Dance.

Enoby was killing some preppy mother f*kers, when they came back to life. The goff started crying tears of blood because of the unending preppiness, and she decided to just torture them instead if she couldn't kill them.

"I have a grate ideal!" yolo'd Ling. "I can kill anywun i want withot gettin in truble, so i shood go keel whooever i want!"

"Link, just because you can kill people without getting in trouble doesn't mean that it is the right thing to do."

"F*kc U!" he yedded, chopping Navi in half.

Later, lonk killed the entire population of Hyrule for the evulz. "Aw man! Now noone can stay ded! At least i got to experiense mass murder today." Link made a kawaii winky face.

When Navi came back to life, she continued investigating the issue, until she discovered a book of prophecies! It prophesized that an eldritch abomination would one day awake and make everyone immortal so that it could absorb their life energy, causing it to gain infinite power and eat the entire planet like that Egyptian snake, except the snake wants to eat the sun, and this thing wants to eat the earth. It is called...yule half 2 fined out laterr!

Later:

"Link, I found out what was causing this! An eldritch abomination has been giving everyone temporary immortality so that he can eat the world!"

"Lol! But what is itt?"

"It is called...The Very Hungry Caterpillar!" Dun dun dun!111111 "It was sealed inside of a book to contain its power, but it is starting to become powerful again!"

"I no! we ken destroi da book!"

"Well, that would let people die again, but that would also release the caterpillar into the world, and it would—,"

Link took out a fire rod and destroyed the book. "Look i keeled it!"

"YOU IDIOT! THE CATERPILLAR IS GOING TO DESTROY US ALL!"

"Know we knead to test if everyone is still immortel!" Link took out a gun and pointed it at Navi.

"Wait! Don't do—." Link shot Navi in the head and blasted her brains out.

"Well, i gess that noone is immerdle animore!" link luffed.

Malon walked over 2 Lenk 2 seew hat's harpooning, when the book's ashes starded to move! It turned into, a little caterpillar! Darth Vader walked up to it and picked it up. "Now I haved helped you, my little caterpiller. Soon u will half all of your powers back, and u will destra the word!" Darthy gave the bug a kiss.

"Epona, wat r u doin?" link askuestiontarrogated.

"Oh, i am Dart Vaden, byt im not epona. I'm..." the sith took off the mask to reveal that Vader was...Agitha! Dun Dun DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!1111111111111111 What a twist!

"Malon, i am your evil clone!"

Chapter Text

The Very Hungry Caterpillar

"Omg, how ken u be agita?" lonk lonkeded. "U died beecause of bugs!" (AN: Geddit! i said beecause, like bees! It's a combinatian between the words bees and beacause!)

"The hangry capillary used its magic pwerwors 2 bring mii back nd give mii the force! Now im a Sit lord!"

"But Abita, your mah clon!" said Mulan. "Way r u bad know?"

"Its beecause (AN: Geddit!) i luv bug, an i will do anythin i can 2 help dem. Evnen through they killecl me, i steel love them justice much!" She picked up a spider an stared frenching with it. THan she used the forse 2 blow Lonk and Molon away. "Now Mr. Caterpelder, i wil do som sacrifaces to giv u moar power!"

Later:

"Okapi, we knead 2 fing of a way 2 stop Aviva!" yled lank. "If onley Navi was hear 2 halp."

"Yeah rite!" they both yeled, starting to lauf.

"Im glad dat loserrs ded," saydened Myelin.

"Mee tooth! But do u hav a plen?"

"I no evrythine agout Alibi, so we ken use dat agests her! I know that she relly likes bugs. Wun tim i sawed her masticating to a bug encyclopedia."

"So wii knead to disract her with bugs!"

Meanwheel, Darth Attila was sacriphasing peopl 2 the catapolar. "Good..." sayed the hungary cater. "Soon i well hav enouf power 2 eat the werld liek Galaga from Marville!" He absolved the ded peples Seouls!

"U wanna hav buggy sax wif mii?" querstioned Amiga.

"Okoy!" yolo'd caterpopper, getting his handcuffs out. (AN: If u wanna seee that sax sceen, jest tell mii, and ill post it in my lemon fanfic.)

Larder: After the caaperdiller secs, Darthy fed some people to Capillary. "YUm!" he yummed. He startd too grow bigger sew that he cold eat the werld. Agitha didn't notice that Link was video taping the caterpillar sexy time.

Soddenly, the siht lard saw a spider cralling aroond! "I l'uv spoders! Com hear mr. spidery!" she ran twerds it intwo the Forrest. But then, a Cage appended up and tramped her! "Wat happnin?"

The spidder tookd off a mask 2 reveal that he was...link! "Hat wasent a reel Spader!" he spided. "I was just wearin a Spiderman costome!"

"How dare u use my luv of bugs agest mii!"

"Oh yea?" staid Megan, who was hidings in a box. "How dare u betroy us 2 a stupped bug?"

"Dont u ever make funn of my little caterpillary!" sudanly, she ussed the farce to break the Cage! then she threw alot of bees at it and ran away.

"nOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO111111111111!" yelled Lang.

Layer: Akira gave cyterpaler the ded Cage that the beees kild. "Yum, said he."

Dussenly, he started 2 tern into a kakuna! he wood soon term intoo a batterfly if he got enuf fod!

Now Agitha got Navi's bloody and mutilated corpse (Link smashed it two pieces after she dyed) and she was going to bring it back 2 life so that she cold feed the very hungry caterpilar, who is know a cacoon. "Soon u will bee (AN: Geddit! I said bee insted of be beecause [AN: geddit! cus she likes bugs ant {AN: geddit! Centipede ((AN: geddit! Be centipeds be bug, which be friends of Aguilera!)) ants are bugs and she likes bugs and i used ant instayed of and!} bees ar bugs!] she likes bees cuz their bugs!) a budderfly and u will eat the world!" she started passively frenching the cacooon.

Now she used the bugs power 2 bring back Navi, who wood bee (AN: Geddit!) eated my caterp. "I hopper (AN: Geddit! i said hopper instad of hope like grasshopper which is bug, an she lick bug!) dis ill work! if it dont, we mite (AN: Geddit! cause mites are bugs arnd bugs are her fav!) get beetled!" (AN: Geddit! Beca Beatles are bugs and she has a bug fetish!)

Adana used the kakuna 2 revive Navis ded corps. "What the f*ck?" Navi said as she came back to life. "Where am I? I thought that asshole already killed me!"

"Im darth Agihta and i will use yere life 2 power up the kakuna!"

"Yeah, I don't know what's happening, so just get it over with quickly."

Butterfly then, (AN: Geddit! Bicis buterflays are an bug like an capertilop an an bug lik Agit like an it cool an stuff!) Lynch and Malfoy ran in! "Danm it!" trained Lin. "Now nave is alive! I liked it butterfly (AN: Geddit! sonce butter and bugs and agita likes them and flies and she likes them and yay!) when she was ded!"

"F*ck you, Link," said Navi.

"Yere meen!" cried lionk. he bursed into ters and Mellon ran up to comfort him.

"How could u say somthi like that! Yere a munster!" Malone screamed.

"Yeah, even i thought dat was evil!" yelled Dart Aggravate.

"I don't give a f*ck, so just kill me already!"

"Well if u say sew," said Aggy.

Link saiyined, "ebben threw i want Nazi to die, i dont want the eart 2 be eat, so ill stop u! And ill dew it termite! (AN: Geddit! Instead of tonight its termite like how is malons clone with the umbrella, yeah, she likes bugs and they like her except for whenthey killed her but shes back now and she likes bugs like termites witch sound like tonight wich is why its funny!) I chalernge u to a LifeSaver Battelle!"

"Yokai, its an like Dankey Kang!" Link took out his toy lightsaber and Aretha took out her reel one and they PREPARE FOR BATLE!

"Dye!" they both yanged, and started 2 fite. It was a really epic fite with alot of lightsabers and stuff, and bugs were there to. They really bugged link. (AN: Geddit! dats cuz bug peplpe meens 2 annyo them and bugs are animals and agitha likes them and bugs were attackin link dnda he disn't like them and they bugged them so cool!) Then link got knocked over by Darthy!

"Wasp out!" (AN: Geddit! bedcsode wasps are buggy byue=s and they exist just how that bug chick likes them cuz there hotter alive then ded and wasp sound like watch so i replaced the words and that is there an PURE GENIOUS!111) yelled Mallard who was worrid abot Link-senpai.

"Ha i dont even need navi to peower up the cavil! i can use the forse!" she yuled. Then she used the face and made the kakuna evolve! He turned from the Very Hungry Caterpillar 2 the F*cking Starving Butterfly!

"Im hungroy for some planet!" he schromed. He was going 2 eet the world like Galactaste and kill evryone! He got butterfly lazers and coudld fly around and was a cyborg butterfly! So scray!

Navi was still tied up, so she couldn't fight it, but she still had a plan. "I know how to defeat it! It only has one weakness, which I heard Agitha talking about earlier. It's weakness is—,"

"Shut up, Nave!" link intrupded. "I dont need no help from u!"

"But cats are—,"

"No!"

"But—,"

"NANANANANANANA CANT HEAR U!"

"Ha," sadi Butterfly. "Thers nothin u ken do 2 stop mii now!"

"Attala," sayed Maroon, "Plz turn good agin!"

"Okay!" sid Ameba. "Dat buggerflay just turnd in two an robot, and i like bugs not robots." she picked up a ladybug and licked it sexily.

"TRADER!11111" yeled boater flee. "Prepeer 2 DIE!1111111111111"

"Ono!" yelled the trio. "Somene pleez sav us!"

Somdenly, Fukura the kitty cat walked up! "Yum, a butterfly!"

"Oh no!" shrieked the F*cking Starving Butterfly. "It's my only weakness! Please don't eat m—,"

Fukura gobbled the butterfly right up. "I love butterflies! I'll see you b*tches later! Meow!" The cute cat jumped into his invisible jet and flew away.

"U see?" seid Lonk. "I told u i coald stop it!"

Navi facepalmed, still tied up. "Sure, Link, sure. Now can someone untie me?"

"Know Way!" yeered the hiro of timme.

Agith looked sad. "If only someon took a vidyo of my sax with the caterperler, cents dat was really hott!"

"Acteraly," link screlled, "I did take a videa of it!" He took out his phone.

"Yay!" everyone except Navi yelled. "Let's watch it now!"

"You people make me sick," Navi grumbled.

Agitha quipped, "Don't you mean, you make me cicada?" (AN: Geddit! Becous cicada buggy an stuff an day so cool just kdding there annoying like in animal crossing where ther Constantine like "Greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" thats kinda the noice thay maak and i don like it cus its relly dum but agitha like s bugs so she likes cigatas even if thay are stewpid like how tim is stupid hes really dum and stuff but cecadas arnt dat bad u hav 2 be relly bad tog be lik timmy that looser but cicadae r bugies and stuff and they r liked by that weird chick whos in Twerlight Prances and Hyrele Warrors, but all i no is tat he licks bugs and has a bug fetish, which dont make secnse since bugs arend hot there groos and icky like tims ugly face, and i dont understand her at all but sea creatures ar hot sew u shod reed my other fic about lemin thats sexy and stuff and has hot clownfish-on-octopus-action, and if u want mii 2 it'll have that sex scene with caperdiller an Anita just tell mii in the comments/reviews it depends on what site were on bbecause they call it diff things on eatch, but ill be bach soon with a nother chap i ccant tell u wat its about yet but itll bee [AN: Geddit! Bee an Agitha and bugs and she liek and cool yay stuff!] cool like other chaptars and if u don like it u are stupidd anf desert to di becus im so smerter then u u iddiot, happy star wars day may the forth bii with u but any way, cicadas are bugs there are lot of dem in Flerda wear i live but mostly in Sumer an they are annoing like Annoing Ornge which is ent as good any more its really goin donhill like fred that show was dumb like that tim guy review review no flamers im cool, by the way, that joke was hilarious about the cicada so funny hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAERUIOWUROEWHFKJDSFDSKJBFLKDJSHFKLAUWEHFIER F*ck you.)

Chapter Text

Chihuahua Sombrero

Link y Navi estaban viendo la televisión, cuando de repente se convirtió en una telenovela mexicana por alguna razón! "¿Que demonios?" Navi cuestionado. "¿Por qué estamos viendo un jabón mexicana Opera? ¿Y por qué estoy hablando español?"

"¡Guay!" gritó Link. "Debería gritar todas las cosas mexicanas que se me ocurre! Piñatas Tacos Burritos Chimichangas Sombreros y otras cosas!"

"¿Puede alguien decirme qué demonios está pasando?" Navi pedido. "Esto me está volviendo loco un poco fuera!"

De repente, alguien entró! Fue ... Jorge la comida mexicana cocinar! Estaba allí para servir Enlace unos tacos. "Hey, Link! You want some freshly-cooked tacos?" Jorge preguntó. "What the Hell? Why am I speaking English? I only know Spanish!"

"Tal vez tiene que ver con que sea el Cinco de Mayo", preguntó Navi. "Algunos asistente raro debe echar a perder idiomas de todo el mundo."

Y de repente, Masahiro Sakurai entró, también! "Hé les gars! Quelqu'un at-il des pantalons supplémentaires? J'ai vendu mon autre paire à ce vieil homme dans une benne à ordures. Attendez, je parle français?"

"Sí", dijo Navi, "no tengo idea de lo que está pasando."

Enlace respondió, "Tal vez ahora que estamos mexicana, podemos hacer tacos! Tan delicioso!"

"¿Sabes que?" -exclamó Navi. "Al diablo con esto, me voy de aquí!"

De repente ... Tingle entró. "Link, yo soy su hermano gemelo!"

Dun dun dun!

Suddenly, Sakurai sat up in bed. "What the hell was that?"

"What's wrong, my little Sakurai-pie?" asked Fukura

"I had a weird dream that everyone spoke Spanish, except for this Mexican guy who spoke English, and I was French for some reason."

"I'm still not back to normal," said Jorge, flying in on a rainbow piñata. "Und ich beginne zufällig Deutsch manchmal sprechen. Anyone want tacos?"

Sakurai replied, "I have no idea what the f*ck is happening, but I'll take five!"

Chapter Text

L Cake

Previously on Deth Note...

Link got the deth not from Dark Yagami and tingle took it, but wat if link got it bach!

Chaptre really beggin!

Tingle was at hom reddy 2 keel some losers with the death note. But he when he went to get it out, it was missin! "F*ck!" he yelled.

Meanwhile...Dark was outsid the castel with the Death Note that he stole from tingle! "Ha now i hav the death note and am kira again" Dark shooted "and soon i will be king of the shinigami and will be able to take over the whole world!"

Suddenly Dark looked out and he saw navi who wasnt nakes but she was still hot and he wanted to be sexing her because HE ISNT GAY so he licks girls insted. He ran over to sex her when he got hit by a bus and dropped the note! It was SO SCARY like imagin a airplane that is drived by satan but he has a gun and it has a dead turtle in it and guns are on it and it is made out of BLOOD thats how scary it was.

"What the hell?" questioned Navi. "Did that guy just get hit by a bus? This is Hyrule, so what's a bus doing here?"

"Ooo look he had a deth note!" yold link. He picked up the note so he could USE IT!11 Im goona bee kira now and ill kill all of the kirminals so i can be the god of the knew world!" he new that navi wood yel at him, sew he nocked her out and started riding donw names!

Link wote down the nams of a bunch of crenimals but he didnt wright don tingles name 4 plot purposes.

Meanwhile...Tingle hired a deterctive to fine out who was the knew kirra! The detractive was...L! He was crowching weird and eating candi.

What will happen next? FIND OUT!111 Now because the chap isnt over yet.

"So, L, who do u think is kira?" ased Tingle, who was there with the rest of his evil teem.

"It is...Link!" he repelled!

"Wow, you must be a genius! How did you know that?" questioned Hansel Ledger and Weldo.

"He's writing names in a Death Note right outside the window."

"Oh."

L took out some ice cream and ate it. "We better go stop him!"

Meanwheel, link killed everyone in New Jersy becus hes mad Joysey Shore was cerncerled. He elsa killed alot of kernals and was happy now. "I am the god of the knew world!"

Suddenly l walded up! he had his boyfriend, light yagami with him, eating potato chips! "You killed my brother so DIE!" he took out another death note and started to write down links name, but nothing happened! "Why did nothing happen?" he basined.

"It's because..." said L, "I switched that Death Note with a fake because I knew you were kira light!"

"No!" yelled lihgt. "But were dating!"

"Too bad!" yelled L.

"Oh yeah?" lonk said. "I took that note, and now i have both notes!" He started to rite donw their names in it! But nothing happend!

"That wasn't the real note!" said L. "This is!" he pulled out another note and wrote down his own name in it for some reason!

"Oh yeah well that wasnt a real not!" yoloed Lite. "I snatched it away and replaced it with the fake!"

"You mean this fake!" yelled link. "that was the real one and i wrote Ls name in the real one so that hed rite his name lin the real one so that he would kill himself!

"Noooooooooo!" yelled l.

"Oh yeah?" sed ligt. "When you werent looking, i stole the note and erased ls name so that he wooodnt dye!"

"Yeah but then i rote it back1" yelled link.

"Oh yeah," L L-ed. "I had the real note the whole time and i just rote my name in that fake one because i knew about your whole plan and stole it and i rote my name down 2 make u think that i was being controlled!"

"dangit!" lank lended.

"Not sew fast!" yelled tigle. "This is the reel note!" he held out the note! and rote down there names in it!

"That wont work, because I gave the real note to Near who is near, geddit!" L joked.

"I already killed Ner," said tingle who held out the other note!"

"Gasp!" gasped everyone.

"Or so you think you killed me!" yelled near. "THis is the real note!"

but then tingle shot him and took the note!

"Ha" said link. "That wasnt the note! when u thought u killed him i replaced it with a fake and this is a real note!"

Then he looked down and the note was gone! "Ha i stole it" said L who rote down links name. but nothing happend!

"Ha i knew you would steal it so I replaced it!" link verbed.

"Replaced it with this?" light beamed (AN: geddit!) he held out the fake note. "HEy, wait this is the fake!"

"And this is the real one!" yelled L.

"Or is it!" yelled Link.

"You know," said tingle, "I'm kind of confused about who has the real note. How about we just write down everyone's name on each of our notes, and then we'll know who really has it!"

"Okay!" everyone exclaimed. Everyone wrote down everyones name, but nothing happened!

"Wait, then where's the real note?" L asked.

Navi walked up to the group after recovering from the concussion. "Link, you dropped your notebook over there."

Everyone gasped! They all ran to get to the note, but L got there first because he ate alot of candy and was hipper. Now he was going to write down links name and kill him! But then then link through sand in his eyes, so that he couldn't see! Since he couldn't see, he accidentally wrote Light instead of Link and killed him!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!1111111111111111111" scammed L Loliet. "My boyfriend is DEAD!1 This is your fault! You will pay, Link!"

L and Tingle ran off, leaving Link, Navi, and the Death Note. "At least I steel have the note!" locked link.\

Suddenly, Saria walked up! She was alive again for some reason. "Hey link I wrote a story in this notebook about me being eaten by a turtle!"

"Wait!" yelled Navi. "That was the—." Before she could finish, a turtle ran up, eating both Sarnia and the Death NOte. Then he ran away.

"Whoopsie daisies!" link germinated.

Meanwhile, L was talking to Tingle. "I want to join your evil team so that I can avenge Light!"

"Okay!" said Tingle. Then they both jumped into a giant pile of candy for some reason.

Chapter Text

Funny Snowy Owl

Link started a new chatroom.

Malon joined the chat.

Navi joined the chat.

Epona joined the chat.

Sakurai joined the chat.

Fukura joined the chat.

Link: Hay goys, I starded a Harry Potter role play chat! I added u 2 the chat sew u ken do it wif mii! Tell me who you wanna be in the rp an we can play! I call Harry!

Navi: Do I really have to do this?

Link: YES LOSSER!111111

Navi: Fine, I call Hermione.

JK Rowling joined the chat.

Navi: Wait, is this really JK Rowling?

JK: I just wanted to watch over this chat to make sure that everyone is in character.

Navi: Poor thing, she doesn't know what she's getting herself into. Also, why is Tingle here?

Link: I needed a bad ghey 2 play Voldymert.

Tingle: And I'm obviously the best choice to play a very threatening character.

Malon: I wanna play Ginny!

Zelda joined the chat.

Zelda: Can I play Ginny?

Malon: LEAVE NOW B*TTCH!111111

Zelda: But I just wanted to play!

Malon: I SAID LEEVE!11111111

Zelda left the chat.

Tingle: Bye, my little Zeldy-pie! I'll see you in the bedroom tonight!

Snap joined the chat.

Snap: How about u tell us more about what you'll do to her?

JK: Snap? Is that supposed to be like Snape?

Snap: Hey, how aboot u tell me wat yere wearing rite now?

Snap has been blocked from the chat.

Link: Ill bee sure 2 send u my phone nobler soon, snap.

Happy Drug Salesman joined the chat.

Salesman: I'm a redhead, so i call Ron!

Walter White joined the chat.

Walter: I call Neville!

Salesman: Maybe we can do drugs together in the story!

JK: That doesn't seem in character.

Link: Shut up, dis is mah chat!

Ebony joined the chat.

Ebony: Oh mi satin, let me pley maself!

JK: Just because you were in a Harry Potter fanfic doesn't mean that you're a Harry Potter character.

Ebony: F*k u prep! I no u didn hav Harry and draco get togetter in the end so yere homophonic!

Fukura: I wanna be Hedwig the cute owl!

Ebony: Wate Hegwig is a owl? I thot he wasa blond gay guy.

JK: The hell? Where did you get that from?

Sakurai: I call Dumbledore!

Epona: I choose McGonagall!

L joined the chat.

L: Can I be Luna?

Navi: Um, why?

L: Just let me be Luna!

Link: Okay!

Old Man joined the chat.

Old Man: I'll be Snape!

BEN joined the chat.

Link: HOLEY F*K THIS CHAT IS HAUNTED!

Ben: Calm down, I'm just here for some role playing. I choose Hagrid!

Link: Annyone elsa?

Waldo joined the chat.

Waldo: It looks like you found me! I wanna be Draco!

Link: Okey dats all dah peple playing! Lets began!


It was a dark and stormy night in Hogwarts, and Harry was sleeping in his bed. Suddenly, he heard a noise!

Harry: BLOODY HELL! WHO ARE YOU, YOU BLOODY WANKER!111111 PIP PIP CHEERIO!11111

JK: British people don't talk like that, you know.

Link: Don't interrupt me!

The noise was...Voldemort!

Voldemort: Voldemort! Voldemort! Kooloo-Limpah!

JK: Whoa! Make the characters like they are in the books! Don't make them self-inserts of yourself!

Tingle: Ugh, fine.

Voldemort: Thou art going to die, Harry! Thy hath broke into Hogwarts, thy shall kill everyone, and thou art dumb!

Harry: BLOODY HELL!

Suddenly, someone burst into the room! It was...Hermione!

Harry: HERMIONE I NEED SOME BLOODY HELP, YOU WANKER!

Hermione: Um...Avada Kedavra!

Voldemort: Ha, thou hath beith too weak to damage me! Thy haseth the force!

Hermione: Well...I guess I'm leaving! Bye!

Harry: BLOODY HELL NO!11111

Harry used his hookshot on Hermione to keep her from leaving.

Navi: I'm pretty sure Harry doesn't have a hookshot.

Link: STAY IN CHARACTER!111

Hermione: OH F*CK, MY BACK! YOU JUST F*CKING STABBED ME IN THE BACK! HOLY F*CK, THE PAIN!

Ron ran in, too! He was with Neville! They were both doing crack.

Ron: Hermione, I'm breaking up with you! I love Neville!

Neville: I love you, too, Ronnie Ron! Lets do cocaine out of each other's butts!

JK: Whoa! What the Hell is wrong with you!

Voldemort: Thou hath no one who can defeat thy!

Harry: IF ONLY MY BLOODY OWL WAS HERE TO BLOODY HELP US, THAT WANKER!

Hedwig: Hoot hoot! I'm here to help!

Hedwig took out a machine gun and started shooting everyone!

Hedwig: DIE F*CKERS!111111

JK: What?! I can't even...

Fukura: Fine, that didn't really happen.

Hedwig: Hoot hoot! How the f*ck do you expect me to help you? I'm a f*cking owl!

Dumbledore: Don't worry I'm here to save the day! With the Potter Puppet Pals!

JK: Wha—

Sakurai: Shut up, it's time for the Potter Puppet Pals!

Voldemort: Aw hell no! Thou shalt use no puppets against me!

The dark lord used his powers to destroy the puppets.

Sakurai: Hey!

Ebony: Itz ma tern 2 rite da stray!

Enoby waked in threw da door! GC was playin on her goffic blak ipod!

Ebony: Olny a goff kan beet semen as preppy az Volsemert!

she ussed a goffic gun an sexily blew up Vlodemort!

Voldemort: Thou hath killed thy!

He dedded know!1 An Drako waked in!11

Draco: Ebony, you've done so much for all of us! The only way for us to repay you is to pleasure you sexually!

Everywun started to do you-know-what with enoby! Draco put his boy thingie in her girl thingy and they did it!

Ebony: Oh oh Draco!1

Then ebony got an organism as Draco got a erudition! And then...

Dumbledore: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERF*CKERS!

Sakurai: I always wanted to say that.

JK: What the serious f*ck just happened?

Ebony: Dont circumcise mi riding stile u f*kin prep!1

Navi: Maybe we should start a different scene, written by someone besides Ebony.

Ebony: F*k u!

Link: Hug, fyne!


Harry and Ginny were making out in Professor Snape's room! Luna was there, and she was eating some cake, and Ron was looking at her sadly.

Luna: Why are you staring at me? Are you annoyed that I am the only one who has cake?

Navi: Isn't that a line from Dea—

L: Shut up!

Luna: Now, we must catch Kira!

Navi: Alright, I'll show you!

Luna had her name written in a Death Note and died of a heart attack

Luna: Not my only weakness! I'm dead.

Hermione: Harry, don't you think that this is a bad place to do this?

Harry and Ginny didn't care and continued to french passively.

Ginny: Mpmpmmmmnm.

Ginny couldn't talk because they were making out the whole time.

Harry: OH, BLOODY WANKER YOU BIT MY TOUNGE! BLOODY HELL! I'M BLOODY BLEEDING!11

Snape: Harry Potter, what were you doing with Ginny?

Harry: DEFINATELY NOT BLOODY FRENCHING!1

Snape: What a pity, Potter, that you're going to detention!

Harry: OH BLOODY HELL I DON'T WANT TO GO TO DETENTION YOU BLOODY WANKER!1

Snape: Well you don't have to go to detention...if you make out with me!

Harry: BLOODY OKAY!11

JK: Wait, what?

They started making out, when Professor McGonagall walked in!

McGonagall: Neigh!

Navi: Um...Epona? You know that McGonagall isn't a horse, right?

Epona: Whoops.

McGonagall: What do you two think that you're doing? Student-teacher relationships are against the Hogwarts rules! I'm taking you to Dumbledore!

Later, they were taken to Dumbledore's office.

McGonagall: Headmaster Dumbledore, these two were making out during class!

Dumbledore: Well, this is a strange occurrence. But it looks like it can be easily solved...with a dance party!

Everyone was teleported to a club with funky music playing in the background! Now everyone is ready to dance and par-tay! Suddenly, Dumbledore teleports onto the stage and begins to rap!

Dumbledore: Sonorus!

I'm sorry to interrupt, but I'll get to the point.

I'm Dumbledore, and I run this joint.

I've gone by many names, like Dumblydore and Dumblecop,

But when I start dancing I just can't stop.

I may be old, but I've kept my looks at this age.

And I'm unbeatable, the world's best mage!

Do you want to mess with me now?

I'll put my hand up your ass like a Potter Puppet Pal!

In case this rap is starting to bore,

It is time for me to get down on the dance floor!

(Dumbledore starts to break dance)

Everyone: Dumbledore!

Dumbledore: Albus Dumbledore!

Everyone: Dumbledore!

Dumbledore: Headmaster Dumbledore!

Everyone: Dumbledore!

Dumbledore: I'm a boss on the dance floor!

Snape: He's got the best body!

Harry: AND HE'S NOT A BLOODY WANKER!11

Hermione: Wait, what should I rhyme with that, maybe...banker?

Link: Navi you're messing up this cool rap!

Navi: Fine, I guess I'll just shut my trap.

JK: I don't know what's happening, but it's actually pretty fun!

McGonagall: Everyone loves that son of a gun!

Ginny: Except for maybe Ebony.

Ebony: I hat him cuz hes preppy!1

Navi: What does that even mean?

Snape: At least he's really sexy!

Ebony: He hass bad fashin cents and shoold go 2 hot topic!

Navi: Isn't this getting a little off topic?

Link: Did u really just ryme topic and topic?

Navi: Hey, I'm new at this, you idiotic—

Sakurai: Guys, this is getting out of hand!

Navi's right, you're way off topic, man.

Fukura, finish this rap as Hedwig!

Fukura: Okay, I'll do it! Raps are what I dig!

(Hedwig flies in and picks up a mic.)

Hedwig: Hoot hoot! I'm an owl!

I don't play foul,

But I'll take your f*cking wands and shove them right up your bowels!

I'll scratch you up like an angry itch,

Because I'm Hedwig, you little b*tch.

I'm a strong Strigiform!

I'm so smart, think Perdue!

I'm a living snowstorm!

I'm almost done with all your voodoo!

You can't get to the center of my Tootsie Pop!

And I'll end this rap with a f*cking mic drop!

There's one thing for me to tell you wizards:

If you fight this snowy owl, you'll get the blizzard!

BOOM!

(Hedwig drops the mic and flies away.)

JK: Huh. That was strangely appealing.

Sara joined the chat.

Navi: Good goddesses...

Sakurai: Oh sh*t!

Fukura: Oh f*ck!

JK: Who's she?

Sara: Hairy Pitter is agenst God!

JK: Bloody Hell! I think she's the chick who sent me some hate mail last week!

Sara: U santa warshipping ateist! majic is evel an u ar 2! Tha onle god Hare Podder ting is the Hergwerts skool of preyrs and Miracls!

Sara has been blocked from the chat.

Navi: That's better. Now how do we finish the story?

30 Hs Harry joined the chat.

30 Hs Harry: I think I have an idea.

Harry promptly revealed the bloody groinsaw that has been concealed from beneath his cloak of darkness, filled to the brim with the crying souls of Santa-worshipping werewolves. "This is becoming idiotic!" screeched McGonagall of the time corpse.

Without further adieu, the teenage Satan-slayer decimated her entire body with the light power, emerging from Betelgeuse's core. He could hear the screams of the children in Hogwarts, and he smiled as it evaporated into the sky, as if it never existed. Draco was sleeping on the lawn, now covered in blood. "I'm going to relish this moment for the eternity spent in the Canadian Hell-scape," he whispered, chopping off his hand and kicking it into the blackest black hole of them all. The universe was completely purple by now. Draco was dreaming of Nachos.


JK: Well, that was interesting.

Navi: I guess we're done with this role play.

JK: I'm glad I don't have to stay here anymore. See ya!

JK Rowling left the chat.

Ben: Hey, I didn't get to do anything!

Link: Yea, watever. Itz relly hard to write out Hargrids acsent anywyes.

Ben: I wanted to do the role play, so I'm going to get revenge if you don't play with me.

Navi: Link, I think I'd listen to him.

Link: No, i don wanna. u donut gett 2 play.

Ben: Mwahahahahaha...

Link: Whater u doin? AH MY COMPERTERS GLITCHING!11111

Ben: That's because I'm possessing it you idiot!

Link: AHHHHHHHHHH! Yere scarrin mii

423DFJ;SD3ROI3J84JIR3W8UR45H48548H5845H493H59345FBEN39R2834U32984U239U4423LFJE;FOIFNEOI2343894532439824JREIOEOJF

Error: The chatroom has been deleted.

Chapter Text

Weird Young Inkling

A cold wind

it blows throughout the air

The sky

it is the air itself.

What is the world without the air?

It is nothing.

Life is nothing.

That's what people think.

Is life really pointless?

Trees don't think so.

They happily blow through the wind

like no one is watching

because no one is watching.

No one cares.

But why does a fly buzz?

Is there a reason?

Maybe we'll never know.

Maybe life really is pointless.

Maybe.

Or maybe that is why we exist.

Why the world exists.

Why turtles exist.

To question the world.

And the surroundings.

A fish is swimming,

little to nothing affects it.

We aren't like that

we are alive

we are sentient

we are

we

are

people

That is us

That is we

That is the universe

That is

We are

Everything is

But why?

Maybe we really do know.

But do you know what I think?

Love

love

love

love

love

love

love

love

love

love

love

love

love

love

love

love

love

lvoe

love

love

love

love

love

love

love

love

love

love

love

love

love

love

love

love

love

love

love

love

love

love

love is the key

love

Also...

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

You're a kid now

You're a squid now

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a kid

You're a squid

You're a

Chapter Text

Punctuation Takes a Vacation

Navi was walking around like normal but something was off Something seems strange she said What the Hell Where is the punctuation

Its been lik dis 4 da hole day said Link But i don relly car this is fun

Damn it yelled Navi I hate it when there isnt any punctuation in fanfics But maybe there are some ways to stop this Lets see I need to test what we can use I already know that periods question marks exclamation points commas quotation marks and apostrophes dont work but maybe if I say a lame pun then the author will have to add an authors note and prove whether or not they can be used

Navi said a lame joke

I dont understand why Im so sad about this Navi said I thought that Id be happy to not have any periods AN geddit because girls hav pereods and pereds ar in punctiontation Oh wait that was a trap damn it

Ha laughed Navi That was easy I just proved that parentheses and colons aren't able to be used Now I just need to think about how to make this easier to read Maybe if I put another symbol that doesnt count as punctuation like a number for example2 Yes1 I finally solved the problem1 All I need to do is use number replacements for each punctuation mark1

AN All numbers have been banned

That mother f cker yelled Navi Well at least I know that asterisks are banned

Aha

I can just make an extra line every time a sentence ends

That makes this a lot easier

AN No more line breaks Well then how the f ck do you expect to write a story complained Navi Whats wrong with you you monster AN Oh I am more than a monster By the way capital letters are now banned because they help indicate the beginning of a sentence what yelled navi you are a terrible terrible person please make this stop an no way i can do what i want actually im getting rid of spaces to because they help the story and im evil and want to put you through hell no screamed navi lookslikethenospacethinghasstartednowthereisnowaytounderstandanythingeverythingisreallyconfusingandalsoeffutimeiamevilandnowjustforfuniwillreciteromeoandjulietbutwithnopunctuationlinebreaksorcapitallettersbegin

prologuetwohouseholdsbothalikeindignityinfairveronawherewelayourscenefromancientgrudgebreaktonewmutinywherecivilbloodmakescivilhandsuncleanfromforththefatalloinsofthesetwofoesapairofstarcrossdloverstaketheirlifewhosemisadventuredpiteousoverthrowsdowiththeirdeathburytheirparentsstrifethefearfulpassageoftheirdeathmarkdloveandthecontinuanceoftheirparentsragewhichbuttheirchildrensendnoughtcouldremoveisnowthetwohourstrafficofourstagethewhichifyouwithpatientearsattendwhathereshallmissourtoilshallstrivetomend

AN: Okay, I'm done. This is exhausting.

"Thank goddesses," sighed Navi. "I'm glad that's over."

"By the way Navi" link sed

"Oh, crap. I think I know what's about to happen."

"youknowwhatilikechickenitsreallyyummyalsofishsticksbutchromlikesthosemoresoillsticktofingerlickingoodchikcenlikeyoucangetatkentuckyfriedchickensomuchgoodsomuchyumalsoidonthavetodothisimjustreallyevilandwanttoannoyyoubutimstillbadatspellingthoughihadaspellingbeesonetimeandispelledwifelikeweefireallylikemurderialsohateyouimsoreallymeanandstuffyayimnotsurehowlongishouldkeepdoingthisactuallyimgettingboredimleavingtogosexupsomechicksinceeveryonelikesmeseeyabyeloser"

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU—," Navi shrieked.

Chapter Text

Link IN SPACE

Navi was happily sleeping, dreaming about Link being dead. Sadly, Link had to ruin it by waking her up. "NAVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!111111111111111111111"

"What do you want, asshole? I was having the perfect dream!"

"I no how 2 beet tingel! I jest knead 2 go...TO SPACE!11111"

"And how do you expect that will help beat Tingle?"

"I go TO SPACE and find SPACE pwers to use agenst him!"

That doesn't make any sense, but neither does anything else in this story, so I'll just go along with it."

"Elsa," links smeeled "I want for us 2 b sinjing Space Oditee bi David Bowee during the flite!"

"But Brentalfloss already did a video game-themed parody of that song!"

"Who da BLEEP cars! Lex do it anime!"

"Where will we get a spaceship from?"

"I half won!" feltoad Agiha pot off no wear.

"Damn, are we really going through with this?"

"Yes u flying f*ck muffin!" meanied Lanky.

Laters:

Navi was at da Grundy controll panell whilst Line putting om his asteonut soot. Agassi got da Roccot ready so th link cold be IN SPACE!11111111

"You obviously aren't going to listen to me about this, but you aren't in good enough shape to fly into space." Navi advised.

"Fl*ck u, an u need two says it end all caps!"

"Fine. IN SPACE!1111 But seriously, leaving the atmosphere is very difficult, and can be painful to people without any training. The smart thing is, actually, f*ck it, you aren't listening to me anyway."

Link was searching pictures of One Direction shirtless on his phone. "I wasent listyearning two eddythink u send, but it was prerbrably meen, sew f*oc ewe!"

"Okay, but don't blame me when someone goes wrong. Actually, f*ck that, too. You're obviously going to blame me for whatever happens, as you always do in this sh*tty, repetitive fanfiction."

"Watevs now letz goo ghet reddy 4 me tp bee IN SPACE also u suck."

I'm Link got into the spaceship, while Navi got the controls ready at mission control. "Remebah navi wheel song Space Odyssey by Davie Bowling as wii liftofff IN SPACE!1111111111111"

"Okay, let's get it over with," Navi said.


"SPACE ODDITY" by David Bowie.

(Parody)

Sung by Navi and Link

Begin!:

Navi: Ground Control to Major Link

Ground Control to Major Link

I tried to warn you that this plan just really stinks

Ground Control to Major Link (Ten, Nine, Eight, Seven, Six)

I really need a f*cking drink (Five, Four, Three)

Alright, it's starting, and you're probably gonna die (Two, One, Liftoff)

This is Ground Control to Major Link

You're in really awful shape

And why do you have to be such a d*ck

I bet all of this g-force is making you sick

Link: This is Major Link to Ground Control

I'm feeling really...BLAAAAH!11111111

Oh, f*ck! Why am I getting so sick? Holy sh*t!

Navi, why didn't you warn me about this, b*tch?

For here I am feelin like I'm dyin

Far above Hyrule

Vomit's everywhere

And it's all over my hair

(Musial Interlube plays while Link is throwing up everywhere)

Link: Oh, f*ck! The pain! F*ck! F*ck! Sh*t! F*ck! Mother f*cker!

I'm feeling just like sh*t!

Wait, why is this red light starting to glow?

Navi, tell me what's going on, you ho!

Navi: Ground Control to Major Link

Your circuit's dead, you're screwed, this stinks

Can you hear me, Major Link?

Can you hear me, Major Link?

Can you hear me, Major Link?

Can you

Link: Here am I about to start dyin

I don't want to die!

There is one last thing to do,

Say my last words: Navi, f*ck you.


Link starts screaming as the ship is floating into SPACE.

Poor, Link. Will our hero ever find his way home, or will he die IN SPACE? Find out necks time!

Chapter Text

The Boy That Was there For Me cover

The Boy That Was there For Me

By saladin1234

Chapter 1

It was 12 a cloock at night and i was standing in the middle of a darken was me as a form that was not that to new. There he was the man of my life and the man that i fell for in high school. He has the most handsome,and his eyes that i have ever saw in my long life. You my ask y are you in a clearing at 12 a clock at night you my ask? I was just getting there when he asked me "where are you going to have the baby's at? well of corse in the place where you where born in right." said Kevin "no i want to have them at your birth place" no you are having the kid here and thats the end of the decision. "Oh okay i will call my dad and tell him that the kids are coming."so here is how i became to be. I was born in south wiki county to an all wiki werewolf family.

Chapter 2

The school that i went to when i meet Kevin was Lancasters Baptist school. I was at a table all alone and he jest came up to me and asked if he can sit and talk to me and of corse i was not so sure about him at the time. Because he was the all-time bad boy at the school and i don't thought he would be talking to me the shy but tomgirl and geeky band girl. But i learned that he was new to the town and i have herd from my sister that he is in the band. We talked for the rest of lunch and then he asked me if he can sit with me at lunch tomorrow and if he can walk me to class and he ask "what class you have now and next" will i have 's class then i have band last. What class you have now and next after this one. "Well i have the same class as you and i have band to, what instrument do you play?" said Kevin well i play the bass clarinet and what do you play? "Wow you play the bass clarinet! Cool then i will sit next to you because i play the same but i can play the drums too. ~fast fowerd to the next day~chapter 3 will come today or tomorrow please like

Chapter 3

When i went home all of my family was there waiting for me in living room. What... I didn't do nothing."you know what you did young lady and don'tthink that you are forbidden to see him again"said dad "but daaad"i had said "but nothing you broken the family rules and you need to be punished for what you done." Said dad "What have i had done to broken the family rules?"i had said "you have talked with an out sid werewolf and is not part of the pack and you have no reason y"said mom "you don't know what we have and what if i had...? You cant stop me." I had said fast fowerd to school "hi do you still want to sit with me at lunch?"Kevin had said in his wolf form. ya i would love to and i have some thing to ask you . "Well what is it then?"Kevin said well i was hoping that we could go to mcchicken's so we can talk there but if you want to talk now. "Ok"Kevin said well we had talked and i know what you are and i had this form be for you just need someone get and love you and i think you imprinted on me and if you fill the same way please tell me because i had imprinted on you to so tell me i really like you so please tell me."wow i can't understand how you can read my mind like that and yes it is true i do like you the first time i let mine eyes fell on you in the hallway you where wereing that same dress and you look soo gorgeous to day and i have ever saw and i am not get you to like me but i do love you"Kevin had said wow i fill the same way i love you and i don't care about what my family said you are the only one.

Chapter Text

Samus vs Link

Link was eating French toast, covered with the souls of children while listening to the Nyan cat song. But this would not end well. Everything went dark and silent, when suddenly…

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111" A spooky skeleton popped out! And there were two of them! And they were…Ebony and Sara!? They were dressed up as the Squid Sisters, singing "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls.

"I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want! So tell me what you want, what you really, really want! I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want! So tell me what you want, what you really, really want!"

"I…WANT…COCAINE!111111111111111111111111111111111111111111"

Suddenly, Link woke up. "That dremb was so secsy!" He laufed. "I weesh I had sum extra underwhere." Then he realized that he was in his speesship and it was malfunctioning. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!111111 Im gooona dye!" Then he died. Just kidding! You probably really believed that, you silly Groose. (AN: Gettit! It's a Zelda pun!)

Da speeseship blowded up, blasting link into SPACE!111 Sadly, he was wearing a SPACEsuit and didn't die. But he was floatin around and wood diy if he didn't get sumwear saef fastly.

But THEN….a speeseship fluw up that looked like Samus's helmet! Who's spaceship is it? FIND OUT!11111111 Now.

The SPACEship suckeded him incest and then…he saw someone wearing a helmet that looked like Samus's helmet! Her suit looked like Samus's suit, too! The Samus-like person talked to Link. "Are you okay?"

"Im fine, bros!" (AN: GEDDIT!?) "But who r u?"

"I am…" The mysterious person who's identity we don't know didn't pause, but I added it for dramatic effect. It's really dramatic, RIGHT?!1111 "Samus!" she yelled. Wow, what a twist! "Hey, I think I know you! You're Link, right? I remember you from Smash!"

"Yepsa doodles! I went IN SPACE and my SPACEship blew up IN SPACE!"

"Um…okay? Wait, you look different. And why do you have a weird accent? It sounds like you're taking with misspelt words."

"Im jest prefectly nermal. An I takl liek dis becas I spent a vacation in Sweeeden."

"Well, okay. I guess I don't need to wear my Power Suit any longer." She took off her Robo murder suit to reveal her sexay bloo Zero Suit!

Lonk's mouth was watering. "Day-um!"

"Excuse me?"

"Oh nothinf."

Samus went to get some scrambled eggs, while Link stared at her big sexay bobs.

When Samus got back into the main room, Link was necked and lying on the ground like Deadpool in that poster!

"WHAT…THE…F*CK!?" she furiously grumbled.

"Hay, gurl," lonk lonked like the sexy beast that he is. "How you doin?" he Joeyed.

"You mother f*cker! Get OUT!"

"Oh yah? Den ill FITE BACH if yer meen 2 me!" Link charged at Samus but slipped on some tossed salads and scrambled eggs. "Oh no! I got scrambled eggs all over mah face!"

Samus easily beat up Link and shot him out of her ship. And now Link really did die. OR DID HE?!111111111111111111111111 FIND OUT NEXT TIME!1111111111111111111111111111111111111

Chapter Text

 

LINK DIED THE END!1111111111111111111111

a

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penguin

a

a

JUST KITTING!111111111111111111111111111111111111111

When Sinus shooted him away, he blasted threw SPACE and he landed on Pluto! (AN: The plenet, not the poppy, u silly Groose. GET IT!?111) And on Pulido was a cantina!111

"Wow, Samoas was sew ungreetful! I was gonna sax her up, but shee gotted mad and beatened mii up 4 know raison!"

Lanky walked into the cantina to see who was there. And EVERYONE was there! (Some of whom will possibly return in a later chapter)

There was Kirk and Spock and McChicken and Hulu and Anton Chekhov and Ohura from Ster Track and they were beemed by Scotty if u no what I meen, C3PO and R2D2 and BB8 were twerking, and Kirby was playing monopelly with Meta Knight and King DDD, and EeeTee was on a bicicle and Rosalina was doing the robot with that purple star guy and those robots and the penguins and the Chimp and Fluzzard and those wood guys and some lumas and Capitan Tood and the Shamoo and the bunnee and the beees and Globbergut and th Cursmic Goyed, and Poe and Finn were sexing because they are perfect 4 eatch other, ad Ridley was guarding the Tailor Swift consort, and Alien was giving Predator some babies but in the saxy way, and Mavin the Murshion was macking out with John Connor, and Green Lantern and Supraman and Nova and Thanos and star Lord and Rocket Ratcoon and Groot and Gamera and Drax and Thor and Loki Ch'p and Neil Degrassi Tyson and Space Ghoast and Captain Marvel (the hot gurl one) and the guy one tooo and da new gods and Flesh Gordon and Silfer Surfer and Galactus and they were having an orgy, and Will Robinson was with that robot that yelled danger, and the Pikmen were stripping off Olimar for some fun, and that asshole Mewtwo was taking lives, and Starbomb was the star of the show (AN: GETT IT!111) and space angery birds were using twitter (AN: GETIT!1111) and those Space Jam guys were listening to BotannicSage, and Buzz Lightyear was fiting Master Chef and that Mass effect guy and anyother game space ceracter who I foroted about, and math blaster was blasting math if u no wat I meen, and Jar jar was dying painfully and everyone laughed and skinning him alive and pouring lemon juice on him and burning him alive after cutting off his legs and arms and manly bits and shocking him with electricity and using Chinese water torture but with lemon juice, and Deoxys was making tentacle porm with Elgeum and Beeheum, and the muppets from space, and the space kraken and Goku and the aurum were also tentacling, and dark helmet was breaking the forth wall with a hammer, and Chrom was there for some reason eating fish sticks, and Pit was having a threesome with Mega man and Abraham Lincoln, that rabbit bucky was bunnying and the star fox gang was making an early bird cameo, and firefly peples were firing and flying, and benedict Cumberbatch was being Sherlock and cool and stuff, and Jack harness was humping the coneheads, and Picard was using his psycick powers to mind sex Data and Worf was fiting the guy from babylon 5 and losing, and those Butterstar galactica were having a clothes montage with Q and that docter gye, and Hal9000 was over 9000 (AN: GEDDTI!?111111111111111111111) and every other space character ever was there that I didn't mention, but they were there, just trust me.

Link walked over to Waluigi's Taco Stand which was there for some reason. "Hi, ken I have a taco?"

"Sure thing!" answered Waluigi, who shot the taco like a fastball into Link's mouth. Link looked back, until he saw his very own taco chef, Jorge!1111111

"Whorehey, what r u doin here?"

"Hola, senor! I got a job from Waluigi to work here when he moved to space."

"But Jeorge, y did u abanden mii like that? I thought wii were Friends? I THOUGHT WII WERE Friends?!111111111111111111111"

Link started singing "Total Eclipse of the Heart" to Jorge, before the Mexican chef stopped him.

"Link, this is just a part time thing! I'm still working for you, too!"

"Oh dat maeks mii sooooooooooooo happy!111" Link ran in for a kiss, before someone hammy could be heard walking through the cantina's entrance.

"I need a great hero too help me!" the mysterious man hammed.

"Im a grate hiro!" Lynk conjavorated. "But who r u?"

"My name is John Stalvern and we must KILL THE DEMONS"

Dun dun dun!111

"Wats in it 4 mii?" Link losered.

"GLORY!111111"

"And?"

"Free porn?"

"OKEY!"

And so the duo went to the space station base of the UAC. They knew that there would be demons everywhere. "Where r da deamons?" Link said, imagining himself inside of the hit CW show, Supernatural.

"Quiet! THERE ARE DEMONS EVERYWHERE" John said. "Now this is the plan. Break through the wall and kill the demons or be killed by the demons! On my mark!"

They were almost ready to fight the demons! "This is Waluigi" the radio crackered. "Link, you never paid for your taco."

Link ignored it, and John gotted his palsma rifle and blew up the wall.

"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the demons "I will shoot at him" said the cyberdemon and he fired the rocket missiles. John plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill. Link was also stuck in the other room and not able to kill.

John was mad. "No! I must kill the demons" he shouted The radio said "No, John. You are the demons"

And then John was a zombie.

Meanwhile, Link was able to kill again and killed the demons and cyberdemons. He used nuclears to blow them up and kill them. Eventually he got to the room that John was in.

"Are u okay Jon?"

"No! I am a zombie and I will eat you!"

Link screamed at the zombie and threw a nuclear at the SPACEships control panel. That made the SPACEstation blow up, sending Link flying through SPACE. But did John survive the explosion? FIND OUT LATER!

Link was blasted all the way to Earth like an asteriod that was a human wearing a green hat and tunic. Luckily, he put on a SPACE suit in the SPACE station so that he wouldn't die. As he was being blasted toward Earth, he saw Sakurai and Fukura floating around. "Water u guys doin around here?"

"Well, we are gods, so we can do whatever we want." Sakurai explained.

"And since we can do whatever we want, we need to make sure to do things that are really cool! Meow!" the cat meowed. "If you could summon a flaming robot ninja alien zombie ghost demon dragon made out of fishsticks, would you? Or course you would!" And so he summoned just that. If Chrom knew what was happening, he'd probably have an orgasm.

"Well, you've been here long enough," Sakurai stated. "Arrivederci!" He snapped his fingers, sending Link flying towards Earth again.

After flying through the atmosphere, he just happened to land in Hyrule.

Meanwhile:

Now that evil Link was gone, Navi could finally focus on stopping Tingle/Ebony/Sara/Everyone. She was working in a cave, doing science to figure out a solution. "It's a good thing Link isn't here, since DAMN IT, I F*CKING JINXED IT!"

She was right, as Link just crashed into Hyrule, creating a massive explosion that blew up the Lost Woods and murdering everyone inside. This made Link super happy. He survived because he landed on a mattress.

Navi eventually got to Link to see if he was hurt. "Link, are you okay?"

"Know, im nut okay Nazi! I gut nothing acurplished on da SPACE trip, and SPACE travel hertz! I dident ghet ani SPACE pwers, I had 2 ifite a zombee, and i got terned down by the sexeh Sanus!"

"Damn," Navi thought. "I know he won't listen if I explain that I tried to warn him, so maybe I should just apologize."

"I'm sorry Link!" she lied.

"I donut forgeev u Na'vi! Uv failed me 1 2 many times! Now dye!"

"WHAT!" Navi shouted.

"Yepsadoodles! Now DEI!" Lonk from Pennsylvania roared like a Piplup.

In a single slice, Link cut her in half.

Dun dun dun!

Chapter Text

Tingle Used Attract

Zelda was sexing with her sexy lover, Tingle. It was so hawt, u guys, that I Kent even describe its hawtness. Any way, tingle and Zelma funished saxing hotly.

"Hey mi luv u wanna wach Bill an Tedz Xcelent Andventure wif mii?" Zeppo asked.

"Yah, i luv dat movee! Da only movie dat i like butter than that is Twiilight!"

"And 50 shades of gray!"

"Well, duh! That was so obvious that i dident even need to mention it!"

and then day both sexed while waching the sexy movie.

"Wate, tiggle, dont u need protraction? And S-support?"

"No, who cares!"

A care bear flew in to try to get Zelda and Tingle to care, so they killed it and had it stuffed so that they could secs on it.

Later:

"Tinder, i took a penancy test, and im preggers!" Zedd revealed.

"Wow, dats grate! Im gonna be a further!"

9 munths latter:

Zenda was elmost ready 2 have a babby! An she was furry happy!

Then her waiter broke! She was eating at a restaurant, when the waiter broke in half because Tingle did it so he could eat him because he's a canngable who licks branes and mussels. But then Zelda's water broke!

"oh no im aboot to have a baeby, bae!"

"Queek, ill get u 2 the herpital!"

He through Zexaco into the Tinglemobile, a van with tingles face on the front. He zoooooomed through traffic, takin out everywun in his way. Wunce he got 2 the horsepital, he got zesda inside and she had da babeez!

"Look, Fingle, I had twin bavies!"

"Dere soooooooooo cuuuuuute!" tinny tinned. "I could just eat them up!" Tingle took out a fork and nife and the nurse, Lafayette Alessandro Sigmund Ryszard Glockenspiel, had to hold him back.

After he temporarily got over his cannibalistic tendencies, the fact that he had kiddies finally sunk in!

"I HAVE A SON!1111111111111" he screamed like that tough guy from Brooklyn 99 on the Old Spice commercials. "And a daughter, too! Tingle, Tingle! Kooloo-Limpah!"

Tinfoil left to go kill some dudes, while Zeta sat with da babbeeez in the castle. "Wow," she said to herself. "I cant be leaf Im a moother! If only I could go 2 link and brag 2 him about it, but he got the electric chair for killing Navi. Now Ill never gonna be abel 2 make fun of him! If only i had a time machine soo i cod travel back 2 before they died adn tell him!"

Out of nowhere, a phone booth appeared! And in it was Bill and Ted!

"Whoa, dude!" Neo neoed. "Where are we?"

"I dunno, man, but it sure is excellent!" exclaimed Bill, and the duo did some air guitar.

Zelda had an idea. "Hay, cool dudes, can i borroe yere time mashine just fer a minute?"

"Wow, what a bodacious babe," whispered Ted to Bill.

"Sure thing, you can use it!" Bill yelled.

"Thanks," thanked Zelda. "And party on, dudes!"

Zelda began to travel through time with the babies as Bill and Ted did air guitar.

9 months earlier:

"Link, are you okay?"

"Know, im nut okay Nazi! I gut nothing acurplished on da SPACE trip, and SPACE travel hertz! I dident ghet ani SPACE pwers, I had 2 ifite a zombee, and i got terned down by the sexeh Sanus!"

"I'm sorry, Link!" Navi lied.

"I donut forgeev u Na'vi! Uv failed me 1 2 many times! Now dye!"

"WHAT!" Navi shouted.

Before Navi could be murdered, Zelda appeared in discount TARDIS!

"Hay link! Gess wat, tingel an I had da babies! U lozer dident get babbeese, and u well neber get 2 sax me again u loozer!"

"Evil Zettua, u cheeted on mii an den lefted mii 4 an evil dude! Now dye!"

"Noooooo! Don keel mii! I have kiddies!"

"2 bad! Now dee 2 deth!" Lenk from Montana roared like that new cute bug Pokemon that was just revealed today (Not the Minecraft one, but the bee fly one) smoking weed everyday. Then Link chopped Zelda in half, and gutts spattered all over Navi and he.

"Whoa, you just killed Zelda!" Navi yelled.

"U gotta problemo wit dat?" Lakn queeeestined, holding a granade launcher.

"Um, no?"

"Good! Now what was i about to do?"

"You..." Navi thought for a second. "You were going to get some shawarma!" she lied.

"Okay!"

"But what about the babies?"

"Oh, yah i forgutted aboot dat, eh!"

Chapter Text

Gorton's Fish Sticks
Navi and Link were discussing what to do with the babbreeeeez. "We need to take them to an adoption agency, so they can find a good home, since we definitely shouldn't give them back to Tingle," Navi explained. "He'd probably just eat them"

"KNew, i wan 2 keeep dem! Wheel have tuns of foon!"

Before Navi could replie, Malon wanked in2 The Room! After seein da babreeze, she had eh shocked leak on her face. "Link, r dose kiddeas yers? Who was the mother?! Tell me AND ILL KEEL HER! TELL MII, YOU BIG GREEN CU—!11111"

"Calm Downey Jr, Muffin," leak interuptationeed. "Dere zeldeZ and Tibble's kiddis, nut mine, craft GETTIT! Also, Zerda dyed cuz i quailed her."

Muffy was sew happi dat she screamed in happyness and had an orgism 4 tin minuets. But den she reelized tkat shee wanted 2 be da 1 2 keel her! "I wanted 2 keel Zella! I want 2 keel her! LET MII KEEL DAT MOFO!11111111111111111"

"Donut warry," linked linked, "Zebras bodi is rite ther 4 U2 violate!"

"YAY!" malloned and ranned over 2 her corpse.

"New, wii need 2 fined oot wat 2 dew with da baaebses! I wanna keep dem!" Link hubilarianed.

"Link, I already told you that I can't let you do that!"

"Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse mii, Navi! I cant let u taek dem aether!" Link picked up a chair and banged it on Navi's head, knocking her unconscientious. "Now, itz tiem 4 sum of mie experimints!"

A few mini's latter:

Navi woke up from her unconscientiousness. "Oh crap, where's Link?!" Much to her horror, she saw Link putting the baybees in the microwave! "WHAT THE F*CK ARE YOU DOING TO THOSE BABIES!?" Navi shrieked.

"I want 2 see watt (AN: GEDDIT!) happens when u put babies in a microweave!" Link happily replied. "Itz an experimant! I wonder if theill turn in2 a hot pocket! Or pizza!"

"LINK, YOU F*CKING MONSTER! YOU'LL KILL THEM!"

"Hoo cares, stop being so judgemental of my interests navi!"

"Yeah," said the Happy Mask (AKA Drug) salesman holding hands with Walter White. "Leave the porn man alone! He just wants to perform SCIENCE! U understand, rite Heisenburger?" Walter agreed, being MLG and smoking weed everyday.

The sexy duo of drug dealers tied up Navi, and left so dat link could finish ihs experimats. "LINK, F*CKING STOP, YOU MOTHER F*CKING BASTARD!"

"no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! no!" Link doctored. (GETDIT!?)

Little did lonk know that Navi broke free while he was saying no. She picked up a nearby pot and broke it on Link's head, knocking him out. The fairy opened the microwave and took out the babies, about to find them a new home.

Later:

"You need to take these babies to a new home, okay? Take them somewhere before Link was even born, so that he can't ever get to them, as if he does, they would be in serious danger. Do you understand?"

"Yeah, Navy!" exclaimed Bill. "That sounds excellent!" Bill and Ted did some air guitar.

"It's Navi."

"Oh, okay. Well, maybe we'll see you soon, right Ted?"

"Right! If you ever need anything, just call us!"

"Thank you guys so much," Navi said. "Oh, and...Stay excellent!"

The duo did some air guitar before taking the babies into the phone booth and teleporting away.

Later:

Link woke up after a while. "Wat happened? And wear R da beepies?"

"Hey, look!" Navi exclaimed. "I found some fish sticks in the microwave!"

"Yay, my exdperiement twerked!"

Malon walked up 2 da door! "Hay (AN: GEDET!1111) guoys, i made a cool artwork!" She took lonk and Navi outside to see. There sat a bloody and gruesome, but realistic replica of Michelangelo's David, made completely out of human flesh. "I cut apart Zeldaz boddy and put it back togehter 2 make this!"

"Wow, meson, dats grate!" lonk congregilated. "You could get ritch of off making art out off peples ded boddys!"

And so Malon got rich by killing people and making statues out of them.

"Heey, wherez Navi," lonk herdeasded. He looked down and saw Navi throwing up after witnessing this horrific sight.

Suddenly, a noize was heard in linkz House MD! (AN: GETDEAT!) Link ran inside, only to see a blue-haired man eating the fishsticks with a group of video game characters! "Oh f*ck, he's back! Everyone in the van!" The group jumped into a hot pink van, with the name MemeMemeMeme Brigade on the side.

Link angrily ran towards the van. "Dose ar my fishsticks, u fishing f*cks!"

Without hesitation, the brigade crashed through the wall and drove off.

Chapter Text

Fly Me to the Moon: Tentacles of Desire

Lonk was playin his fav gaem, Slutoon! "I heave an ideal!" hella kittened. "I ken ghogh intwo Spleliin an get da grate zepfish to give us Powers dat can beet Tinhle!"

"And how do you expect we go inside Splatoon?" Navi questioned.

"Liek dis!" Link exclammed, throwing a random portal opener at the TV, sucking them both inside!

Later:

"Where am I," Navi said as she woke up.

"Wear in Inkerpolis!"

"WHAT?!"

"Yepsadoodles, i terlaperted us dere, and know wii jest knead 2 get da greet Zeepfishy."

But den, da teevee came on! On it was Callee an Marii, da squiid sisters!


Callie: Hold on to your tentacles...

Marie: It's Inkopolis News time!

Callie: Before we reveal today's stages, some special news!

Marie: What is it? What is it?!

Callie: We've received word from... on high.

Marie: You don't mean...?!

Callie: That's right! There's going to be a Splatfest soon!

Marie: OOH! What's the theme? What's the theme?!

Callie: Just a moment! The theme is descending as we speak!

Marie: Let's see it! Let's see it!

Callie: Aaaand it's here! We've got the Splatfest theme!

Marie: Let's hear it! Let's hear it!

Callie: All right then, I'll announce the theme!

Marie: *gulp*...

Callie: The theme for the upcoming Splatfest is...

Marie: Wait for iiiiiit...

Crack vs Heroin!

Callie: Yes! I've always wanted to do this one!

Marie: Of course you did.

Callie: On one side, our favorite powdery substance! No, not powdered sugar...CRACK!

Marie: And on the other, the only injection that anyone would ever want...HEROIN!

Marie: So Callie, what drug do you like the best?

Callie: Well, of course I'd have to say crack. But, I, like, never took drugs before, so it's difficult to tell.

Marie: Please, I saw you beaming up to Scotty this morning. I am open with my drug use, so I say heroin!

Callie: Ew, why would you want to stab yourself with a needle!

Marie: Wow, you're such a baby, Callie.

Callie: I'm not a baby! I just don't like drugs! Say no to drugs, kids!

Marie: Yeah, sure.

Callie: What about you at home? It's time to decide!

Marie: Head over to the Pledge Box and pick a side!


"Woww!" lanked link. "I wunder withch sied i shold bee on! Mebbe I shold kall Water White 2 fined oot wat sied 2 b onn!"

Lonk picked up teh phone and tiped in Walter's number.

Meanwhile, Watter was sitting at home, smoking weed everyday and doing other MLG stuff. Then his phone rang, and he answered it, picking up the phone and answering the phone after it rang. His ringtone was an MLG airhorn. "Hello?" the dank man asked.

"HIIIIIIIIIIIIII Itz mii lonk and i wanna know wats butter, crak or heroine?"

"Wait, i do both with you sometimes! Why dont u no witch is the best?"

"Itz becase ive try every tipe of drug, and i cant remeber witch is da Bastet."

"Wait," whispered the drug dealer. "U sed try, triangles have try in them, ILLUMINATI CONFERMED!111111111"

Walter and Link both screamed for about five minutes while running in circles.

"Okai," Watari Write said, eating Doritos. "i liek crack da best, because its like pixie sticks!"

"Okeeeee!" linked he the green guy. and then he hanged up da phone. "i no wat teem ill bee on now! ime one teem crack!"

"Wait, what about the Great Zapfish?" Navi asked.

"F*CK DA ZAPFEESH NAVI I WANNA DO THE SPLATFEST!111111111 O yeah, i just remembered thet there r squieeeds evrywhere! So I better sing da song!"

"Oh, goddesses," Navi groaned.

"You're a kid now! You're a squid now! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid!"

"OH MY F*CKING ARCEUS, JUST SHUT THE F*CK UP!" screamed Navi.

"No! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're..."

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU—!"

Meanwhile:

A sexy tentacled octopus was cuddling his tiny lover. "So, Moe," he whispered.

"Yes, my sexy beast, DJ Octavio?"

"Today we will fight back against the people who screwed us over previously!"

"Yes, I remember! Those f*cking Inklings destroyed your people! And now we will destroy them!"

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!11111111111111111111" they both laughed evilly.

"Now lets do some tentacle sex!" yelled Moe.

"Hell, yeah!"

The next day:

"You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a—!"

Navi passed out the night earlier from banging her head too hard against the wall.

"Well, i guess eye sang te song for enouf. O, loook da Slutfest is starting!"

Navi woke up and saw Link wearing a shirt with crack cocaine on it.

"Coomon itz starting!"

"You know we had a plan, right?"

Link ignored her and ran over to see the Squid Sisters about to start a song, with a loud crowd of Inklings watching.

"Okay, everyone!" exclaimed Callie. "We've got a song for you today, and we're mixing it up!"

"That's right!" yelled the superior Squid Sister. "This song is from thousands of years ago! Here we go!"

"My anaconda don't, my anaconda don't,

My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hun!"

The audience started to look very confused, while Link ran to the front and started twerking.

Meanwhile:

An Inkling walked into Annie the sea anemone's store, Cooler Heads, and Moe was floating around her head.

"Hi, may I please have—,"

Moe interrupted him. "WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE ANOTHER POSER SQUID!1111"

"Excuse me?"

"YOU'RE SO F*CKING LAME!1111 WHY ARE YOU EVEN SHOPPING HERE, YOU F*CK!111111" The Inkling ran out of the store crying, as Moe shot double middle fingers at him. "THAT'S RIGHT!11111 LEAVE, YOU B*TCH!111111111111"

Annie looked worried. "Moe, you're...um...scaring the customers."

"I DON'T GIVE A SWIMMING F*CK YOU INVERTEBRATED CU—!" Moe was interrupted by his phone ringing. "I'll answer that." He answered the phone, answering it. "Hello?"

"The plan is about to begin."

Moe quickly ran out of the store, with an evil grin on his face.

"Moe, where are you going!" yelled Annie. The tiny clownfish flicked off Annie, as he continued running.

Later:

Link was still twerking, and the Squid Sisters where still singing Anaconda, even after an hour.

Navi yawned. "Well, this is boring."

Suddenly, an explosion was heard on Inkopolis Tower! The music stopped, and everyone looked over to the source! And it was...Octavio! He was in a giant robot suit, and he played Skrillex music on his turntable.

"Wazzup, b*tches! I sea that you guys still suck! But anyway, you losers are about to be schooled!

"Octavio, you asshole!" screamed Marie. "You interrupted our Splatfest!"

"I don't give a carp! Anyway, I'm more of a meth guy myself."

"You aren't going to get away with this!" exclaimed Callie. "We beat you last time, and we'll beat you again!"

"Yes, my last plan tanked, but I have someone on my side this time. He told me the locations of every zapfish, and they're all powering my robot suit! He also told me the layout of Inkopolis, so now I have the advantage! Oh, and by the way, I have my entire army with me." And he wasn't lying, as hundreds of Octarians super jumped behind him.

"Oh sh*t!" gasped Marie.

"But who is the mole in Inkopolis?" Callie asked.

"I am!" yelled Moe, hiding in the suit. "I would've revealed myself earlier, but I was orally pleasuring Octy."

Annie was shocked. And a little disturbed, as everyone else was. "But...but...Moe! You were my only friend!"

"F*ck you, b*tch. I love Octavio now! His tentacles always pleasure me!" Octavio and Moe demonstrated this, causing everyone to get sick.

"Now, where is Cuddlefish?" the sexeh Octopus wondered. On a nearby bench, sleeping through the whole thing. He slapped him with a tentacle, waking him up.

After yawning, he realized what was happening and howled. "Holy sh*t, how did you get out of the globe?"

"My lover, Moe, released me. And now I'm going to kill you! But only after I kill that damn cat, Judd. I hate that guy.

"Meow," meowed Judd, before Octavio shot the Killer Wail at him, blasting him into bits.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!1111111111111111111" everyone screamed, as Judd is the best.

Much to the DJ's surprise, Judd's remains began to reform, and he soon was his usual self. "Meow," he meowed, which translates to, "Did you really think you could defeat me? I am immeowtal, and it is impawssible to destroy me. Nyow die, b*tch! The cat launched himself at the octopus.

"Oh, sh*t! Minions, attack!" The Octolings and other Octarians began charging at the Inklings, who prepared to fight back.

Navi was there, too, in case you forgot. "Okay," she thought. "Now that he's distracted, now would be the time to fight back."

The fairy flew up into the control panel of his suit and began pulling at wires, until it started to malfunction. "What's happening to my suit?! Is this the end? AM I ABOUT TO DIE?!111"

"Quick, my love," Moe said to him. "Lets bang one last time before we die!" And so they did, grossing everyone out. It was kinda hot though. (AN: If u wanna see more Octopus and Clownfish sex, but explained in detail, reed my other story, Fly Me to the Moon: Tentacles of Desire.)

The suit blew up, but instead of killing the duo, it launched them into the sky like Team Rocket.

"Wow, you saved Inkopolis!" Callie yelled to Navi.

Navi smiled. "My pleasure! Wait, where's Link?" She looked over to him, realizing that he was still twerking. "What the hell? Where you twerking the whole time? Did you even notice Octavio and Moe?"

"Water u taking aboot, Nazi. Whose Octavian an Moo?"

Navi facepalmed. "You've got to be kidding me."

"Or shold you say squidding me! HAHAHAHA!111111 o yea i forgetted, i havent singed da squid kid song in a wheel! butter dew it now!"

"NOOOOOO!1111111111" everyone screamed.

"OH, SH*T, HERE IT COMES!" Navi shrieked.

Squid Kid

"You're a kid now! You're a squid now! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a

Chapter Text

Sad Popplio Picture

One day in Alola, Popplio was sad as usual. "I wish I had a friend," he whined.

"I'll be your friend!" yelled Mimikyu, the Pikachu wannabe. And so they became friends, until he became really popular, unlike Popplio. Eventually Mimikyu left for bigger things, leaving Popplio sad and sh*t.

(AN: liek if u cri evrytiem)

Popplio was walking around, being depressed. Then he looked up and saw a tree! But it wasn't just a tree! It was Exeggutor, Alola Form in all of his beautiful glory! "Exeggutor, is it really you?"

"Yes, it is, my beautiful sea lion. You are much better than most people see you, ya know."

"Thank you, Exeggutor!" Exeggutor was seen as a god by the people of Alola, because of how majestic he is.

And then Popplio finally got a friend. Yay!

Meanwhile...

"Agitha, dew u really thing this is a god idea?"

"SHut up, Malon, I'm looking 4 sum bugs! Lots of butgs liive in da porkyman world!"

Then the insane bug catcher spotted a bug! It was...Cutiefly, the world's cutest bug! She was with her boyfriend, Minior.

Suddenly, Agitha jumped out! "Who are you?!" yelled the meteor.

Before Minor could do anything, Agitha screamed, "FALCON PUNCH!11111" blasting him into the sky like Team Rocket with her parasail.

"NO! MINIOR!11111" Cutiefly cuted.

Agitha put on a creeper face. "Come here, little bug. I won't hurt you!"

"Stay away from me!" cried the tiny little cute buggy bug.

"GIVE ME THAT ASS!111111111111111" shrieked Agitha.

"OH, SH*T, STAY AWAY FROM ME!1111111111111111111"

Agitha ran after Cutiefly, eventually catching her with her net. "Let's see how you like being my sex slave! Mwahahaha!"

"HELP!11111111" bugged the bug.

"I'll save you!" yelled Charjabug, the Minecraft bug.

"Ooh, a square buggy! I nevered seened 1 of those bee 4 (AN: GEDDIT!)" And so she left Cutiefly and decided to make Charjabug her sex slave instead.

(AN: I no this seen doesn't have 2 dew with the rest of the story, or at least it doesn't YET!)

Back to Popplio, it was a little bit later, and people were still being mean to him. He had a face like that sad seal picture and was really sad. But then...Oricorio walked up! And it was in its new style, twerking style!

"Hey, loser!" she twerked. "If it isn't the loser sea lion!"

"What do you want, Oricorio?" Popplio growled.

"I want you to know how much of a loser you are! You are a disgrace to everyone and everything, and no one will ever love you!"

Popplio got onto the ground and started to cry.

"Hey, leave him alone!" exclaimed Exeggutor.

Before Exeggutor could do anything, Oricorio took out a rocket launcher and shot it at the tree!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!1111111111111111111111111111" screamed the water starter. "YOU HURT MY FRIEND!111111111111111111111111111111111"

The twerking bird smirked. "Oh, well, he deserved it, so it's fine."

Popplio came up with a great idea, and got an evil grin on his face. "Hey, Oricorio."

"What, you f*cking loser."

"HYDRO PUMP!11111111111111111" Popplio blasted the twird into bits with hydro pump and then ate the soaked remains. "Yes, this is what I should've been doing the whole time. I don't need friends, I need victims. I need to murder!"

And so Popplio began his killing spree.

Later in Hyrule,

"Mwahahahahah im sew eeevil now!" yelled Tingle. "If only i waz stronger so dat i could keel moor peple and den maybe turn into a fairy!"

But then, Popplio just happened to walk by! "Wait, you're evil?" he asked.

"Yes, why does it matter?"

"Because I'm evil, too! I like to murder and eat people!"

"Wow, twinsies!"

Popplio put on an evil face. "I have a great idea. If we could combine together, we'd be much more powerful and could kill more people!"

"But Howe do u expect we do that?"

"There is an ancient technique that allows humans and Pokemon to combine together. It is called Burst."

"Well, lets try it!"

"Okay, now lets begin!"

Popplio began the ritual by drinking each other's blood and doing the Gangnam Style dance. And finally, the sea lion said the magic words to begin the transformation. "PENGUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINS!111111111111111111111111111111111111"

With a flash of light, the two became one. "Hey, I don't look any different!" Tingle stated. "And I don't feel any new powers either!"

"Yes, that is strange," Popplio noted, being just a voice in Tingle's head. "But I think that it'll just take some time for our powers to emerge. But for now, lets just kill some mofos."

"I agree!" Tingle grinned, as he could finally cause some real trouble.

Chapter Text

One day it was at day at this academy place in a shitty anime called Soul Eater, I saw a few episodes of it AND IT SUCKED! There are these two losers called Soul and Maka or something and they kill stuff or something.

Soul opened up the door, only to see the slutty cat Blair, lying down completely naked on the bed! "WHAT THE HELL?!" they both screamed, as Soul got a nosebleed. Blair is this annoying cat that is the worst character ever AND SHE'S A SLUT!

"Oh, hey guys!" the whorish feline said.

"WHAT THE F*CK, BLAIR?!" WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO DO THIS!"

"Oh, calm down, guys! I only want a little fun!" She rolled over to look like Deadpool in that poster.

Now Soul's nosebleed was getting out of control, and blood got all over his jacket. "Damn it, I liked this jacket."

"It doesn't matter," purred the floozy mouser. "For what we'll be doing, you won't need a jacket. Now how about you join me in the shower."

"SHUT THE F*CK UP! YOU ALWAYS JUST BARGE IN LIKE A LITTLE WHORE! WHY DON'T YOU JUST DIE ALREADY!?"

Soul agreed with her. "That's ri—blugh, agh" It was hard to continue speaking, when his mouth is filled with blood.

Blair started to pout. "Well, that's a little harsh."

"No it isn't, YOU F*CK! That's it! I know we can't kill you, but that doesn't mean that we can't get rid of you. Get rid of you for good. Soul, how about you turn into your cutter thingy form?"

"Right!"

Blair stretched. "You people are getting it all wrong, I just wanted a little fun! But if you really want to fight, Pum- Pumpkin Pum—!" Before she was finished, she was chopped right in half by the choppy thing.

All that remained was her soul, at least for now. "So," Seoul said. "What do we do with her soul before she comes back?"

"We need to get rid of it, so that she never comes back." Maki got an evil smile on her face.

A few weeks later in Hyrule...

A US Postal Service truck was driving to Hyrule Castle Town, despite not being in the US, so I don't know why it's there, but just roll with it. And in it was everyone's favorite mailman, Cliff Clavin! He drove up to the entrance of Hyrule Castle and walked out, carrying a package.

"Hey!" he exclaimed, waving to the guards. "Special delivery!"

"Thank you!" said the guard. "Hey, aren't you Cliff Clavin of the hit TV show, Cheers?"

"Why, yes! I am, as a matter of fact! Would you like to hear a little trivia?"

The other guard rolled his eyes. "Actually, we're quite bu—,"

"I'd love to!" he answered cheerfully (AN: Geddit!)

"It's a little known fact that Hyrule Castle was originally a preschool, but when the king grew up, he made it into a castle out of nostalgia."

"Wow, I never knew that! Thanks a lot Mr. Clavin!"

"No problem! Hope I'll see you guys again!" Cliff waved before leaving in the truck.

"So what should we do with this package? The king said that he didn't want anything sent to him after he went into isolation," the guard expositioned.

"I dunno, lets just throw it in the river or something."

Even Latererererererererrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr:

Tingle was hanging out with the rest of his eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevil team, fatto di himself, Darth Epona, Waldo, Ben, Hannibal, L, and anyone else that I might have forgotten about, although eem perty sure dats ecveeone. "Gee, it sure is BORING around here!" Waldo cdi linked.

"Mah boi, this peace is what all true warriors strive for!" Tingle replied. "Just kidding, this is soooooo boring."

"I just wonder what Link's up to!" Hannibal said.

Meanwhile...

"Link, I found out that—" Navi stopped when she realized that Link was having the sex with an octorok. "F*ck this sh*t, I'm out," she said, hoping that she will never have to see such a horrific sight ever again.

Back with Tingle...

"Hey, look, there's something glowing in the water!" L deduced, since he's smart an stuffs.

The team moved closer to it, only to see the soul transform into Blair! "Well, I sure hope I don't have to do that again," the trampy kitten said. She wasn't wearing any cloths, giving all of Tingle's team nosebleeds.

"Who are you? And why are you nakes?" Tingle questioned, covered in blood, which really turned him on.

"Oh, hi! I'm Blair and I'm a magic cat! I like being a slut!"

"I have an idea!" Tingle yelled, sexily blooded. "How about we let this whore join our team, since we need some more fanservice!"

"I'd be up for that!" Blair yold.

"LET US BE IN YOUR F*CKING TEAM TOO!1111111111111" shrieked someone in the distance. It was...Moe! And Octavio was there with him!

"That green guy f*cked with the wrong octopus, and now we want some raveng! So, how about it? Can we join?"

"Well..." Tingle thought to himself for a second. "If we let this duo of tentacle hentai join are team, we could have free tentacle porn!"

"Yay!" everyone yelled.

"So, all three of you can join the team!"

"Yay!"

"I think I have my own idea," Epona said.

"What is it?"

"Our team should have a name!"

"I was thinking the same thing! And I have an idea for our name! We will now be known as..."

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"The Tingling Sensation!"

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!1111111111111111111111111111" everyone screamed.

Chapter Text

Bill Trinen 1

Bill Trinen was holding a camera, filming the action. "Good," he smirked.

His pet dog Marmaduke was having a three-way with Cacturne and a random guy cosplaying as Sailor Moon.

"Come on guys, we need a little more spice to this sex tape!" Bill exclaimed. "If we get this hot and famous enough, I'll finally be able to rival the coolness of Sakurai and his dumb cat!" He decided that it would be hotter if they were wearing Sakurai wigs.

Suddenly, Sakurai and Fukura walked in! "WHAT THE F*CK ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE!" the sexy Asian screamed.

"I'm filming a sex tape. What does it look like?"

"That doesn't mean you have to film it IN MY F*CKING HOUSE!"

"The hell is wrong with you!" exclaimed Fukura in disgust.

Sakurai looked at Trinen. "Come on, man. Why are you doing this? We broke up years ago, so why are you still following me around and doing sh*t like this?"

"I miss you Sakurai! Plz come back to me!"

"Hell, no! All you've ever done is be terrible to me, so why would I ever take you back? Besides, I'm happily married."

"To your cat, you weirdo."

"Hey, f*ck you!" yelled Fukura. "I'm not really a cat, I'm an eldritch abomination that existed billions of years before you were ever born and could easily end the universe if I wanted to. I only look like a cat because Sakurai likes cats!"

"Who cares," Bill Trinen grumbled. "You know what, I'm so mad at you that I'm turning straight!"

"What? That's not possible, you idiot," Sakurai explained.

"Meow," meowed his cat because meowing is cute and it turns Sakurai on. He's really getting lucky tonight, meow meow.

"Yes it is, I like girls now! Here, I'll prove it!" Bill walked out the door and got into a conversation with a woman. "Hey, I'm straight! Can you kiss me?"

"F*ck off creep!"

"OH F*CK, YOU F*CKING PEPPER SPRAYED MY EYES OH SH*T THE PAIN F***********************CK AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!11111111111111111"

"Well that was weird," meowed Fukura.

"Yes, it was. But since when is anything that ever happens to us normal."

"True. I have an idea, Sakurai." The cat got a seductive look on his face, which must be difficult for a cat, but he's basically God, so he can do whatever he wants. "How about we have some sexy time!"

"Sounds like fun, but it seems like something is missing."

"How about we troll some people and then have some sexy time!"

"Hell yeah!" Sakurai gave thumbs up to the camera, thinking that he was breaking the fourth wall, until he realized that it was the camera filming the sex tape, and then the Sailor Moon cosplay guy, whose name was Seymour Lanier and was Gordon Ramsey's secret brother, stole the tape and then got rich by selling it and then he, that cactus, and the weird dog all became some of the richest people in the world and international celebrities, and the sex tape became so famous that it is now studied in schools and is seen as the greatest work of all time. THE END.

Chapter Text

The Tingling Sensation was partyin all nite because dats wats cool! Boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and! Tingle was floating around in a balooooon and Epona was jumping over those pole things like in the alympicks, and WAldo was hiding, and Hannival was eatin peeps, and L was eatin candeis, and Ben was doinf a weird glitchy dance, and Octaveo was tentacel sacs ing with Moo, and Blur was flashing peple becase she s a salute.

Bot also, Lonk was hideng out side behind a tree 2 fite them! "I MUST KIL THAM WITH STEALTHS!1111"

"Link," Navi frantically whispered, "Don't be so loud, they can—," But right then, she had a scaryful realization. "Link, that...that isn't a tree."

"Yes it iz, u losser!" Lik repelled. "Here, look!" Link poked the tree with a stick, until a hand reached out to grab it. "SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM!111111111111111111" link screamed.

"Oh, hi!" said Waldo. "I hope you like my tree costume, I worked really hard on it!"

"Well, shi—," Navi said, before they were both chloroformed.

Later:

Navi woke up, tied up in a dark room. Tingel was there too, with an eliv grin on his face. "So, Navi I see that you're awake."

"Come on, Tingle. Just let me out."

"Well, u were the ones splying on us."

"You know I didn't even want to come with Link? But I had to. The Great Deku Tree forces me to follow Link, whether I like it or not. F*ck the Deku Tree. He used to be perfectly fine until those...those f*cking fanfiction goddesses f*cking made everyone out of character."

"I'm fine with everyone being Ouija charactar, since now I'm soooo much better than I used to be. Younger me was just so lame. But my luv of fairies still remains. You know, Navi? I've always liked you. Someday I'll be just like you. But now that I have you in captivity, I guess we'll just have to watch the Tinker Bell movies together!"

F*ck my life, Navi thought. Poor Navi.

Meanwhiiiiile, Blair the slutty cat and sexeh Octavimoe were assigmed 2 watch Lonk in his holding cell. Octavio and Moe weren't paying any attention, since they were tentacle hentaing in the closet.

"Wheer im aye?" he arsked.

"We have you held captive!" Blair said, while nekkid.

"Wow, u hot!" Lnk said turntabled on. "Can u sex wif mii?"

"You know I have standards, right?"

"Oh." Link was sad.

"Just kidding, I don't have any standards! Sexy time!"

"Yay!"

Later:

Tingle walked in with the rest of the team to check on Link. "Wait, where'd Link go?!"

"What are you talking about?" meowed Blair.

"You were supposed to make sure Link didn't get away!"

"Oh, I thought you wanted me to have sex with Link and then let him go!"

"Dammit, Blair! You need to listen to instructions! I said that no one in the team can ever sleep with the enemy!"

"Why?" meowed the tart. "You slept with him, too."

"WHAT?!" everyone yelled.

"Heh..." Tingle scratched the back of his head.

EARLEIR:

Link was eating some shrimp fried rice at home, when Tenga juped in! "Im gonna get chu!"

"O no!" link treid 2 get a weapen, but instead he accidentally turned on some sexy music and the lights turned down. Den thea both got really turned on.

Later:

"Link," Navi said after running in. "You left the oven on and your house is on fi—," When she looked in, she saw Link suckling on Tingle's man bobs. She instantly turned around and started walking away. "Nope...nope...nope..."

NOW:

"Seriously," said L, "What is wrong with you people? Just stop sleeping with everyone."

"Please," Blair meowed. "You're just sayin that cause you're a virgin."

"No I'm not," L said straight faced, although he was secretly crying inside.

"It doesn't matter, we can recapture Lonk another tim," Tingle said. "Now, lets do some evil stuff!" And so they did evil stuff like spreading Communist propaganda and writing fanfiction.

Later:

LInk was at ome with his friends like walter and salesman and snap and loopin and mr bonding and old man. and inkay for some reason. "Inkay, Inkay!

"Hey link, where wear u todya?" asked Old Man.

"I was sexing with dat cat blair."

"You did?!" everyone yelled.

"Man, she's really hot!" exclaimed Snap, who was making out with Loopin. "Good job man!" And now everyone else was really jealous of Link, even though Blair sleeps with basically everyone, so I don't know why it is such an accomplishment. But, whatever.

"I have an idea," said Mr. Bonding.

"What?"

"It's bonding time!"

Later:

Melon walked in. "Hay Link (AN: GEDDIT) wat have u ben doin toddies?"

"I had sec wif blair da cat!"

"WHAT!? NO ON HAS SES WIF MIE LONK!11111111111" and den she wanted raveng.

Later, blair was hangin aroond at da Castiel, before Malon falcon punched the door open. "DIE BLAR YOU BITCH!"

"It's pronounced witch, ya know. And I'm not a witch, I'm a cat. Meow!"

"I DONT CARE JUST DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE U SLEPT WITH LINK AND NOONE KEN SPULEO WITHL INK NOQW DIEIEIEIEIIEEEEEEEEE!1111111111111111`~1111"

"Okay, lets fight!"

Bliar knew that this sh*t was real when Malon turned Super Salmon. "ITZ OVER 7000!" Malone yelled because that's what she thought super santa's yelled.

Then Link and da gang wanked up! "Hay look, a cat fight!11" (AN: GEIT!)

But some other cats came up after hearing there was a cat fite and punched marin away becase shes not a cat and then they had a literal catfight with blair. Meowth and the sexy alola form were there and rover from animal cursing was there 2 and Felicia the slutty nun cat was there and keyboard cat was smashing people with a keyboard and those cats from thos e warrior cat books where a buncha catds die were there too and they all fited. Sakurai and Fukura were watching from a distance because it was really hot.

"WOw, this is fun!" lonk dlkfed. "It's a god thing im not forgeting anything.

Meanwhile:

"So, Navi, now that we've seen every Tinker Bell movie, we can now watch every other movie about fairies like Winx Club and Tooth Fairy and Ferngully!1"

"F*ck. My. Life."

Chapter Text

Zusammenfassung

Hintergrund und Fragestellung | In der Debatte um den ärztlich assistierten Suizid spielen Ängste vor unerträglichen Leidenssituationen am Lebensende eine große Rolle. Befürworter einer Liberalisierung der ärztlichen Suizidbeihilfe verweisen regelmäßig auf Situationen, in denen Leiden auch mithilfe der Palliativmedizin nicht zu lindern sei und daher nur die Beihilfe zum Suizid einen Ausweg biete. Dabei stellt sich die Frage, ob die Fokussierung auf finale Krankheitszustände und nicht therapierbare Symptome die Realität richtig widerspiegelt.

Methodik | Wir analysierten retrospektiv Diagnosen und Motive der Menschen, die sich in Deutschland zwischen 2010 bis 2013 mit Unterstützung des Vereins „Sterbehilfe Deutschland" (StHD) das Leben genommen haben. Dafür werteten wir 118 von StHD publizierte Fallbeschreibungen aus, in denen die Suizidbegleitung sterbewilliger Vereinsmitglieder dokumentiert wird.

Ergebnisse | 67 % der Suizidenten waren über 70 Jahre alt, Frauen waren mit 71 % überrepräsentiert. Es waren folgende Diagnosen vertreten:

• 25,6 %: metastasierte Krebserkrankung

• 20,5 %: schwere neurologische Erkrankung

• 23 %: altersassoziierte Erkrankungen oder Behinderungen

• 14,5 %: psychische Erkrankung

7,7 % der Suizidenten waren körperlich und seelisch gesund.

12,8 % gaben als Hauptmotiv für ihren Suizid nicht behandelbare körperliche Symptome im Rahmen einer schweren Erkrankung an. Für 29 % war das Fehlen einer Lebensperspektive angesichts schwerer Erkrankung ausschlaggebend für die Selbsttötung. Lebensmüdigkeit ohne Vorliegen einer schweren Erkrankung gaben 20,5 % als Hauptmotiv für ihren Suizid an. Angst vor Pflegebedürftigkeit war für knapp 24 % das Hauptmotiv für die Selbsttötung.

Folgerung | Unsere Untersuchung zeigt, dass sowohl die Diagnosen als auch die Beweggründe von Menschen, die organisierte Suizidbeihilfe in Anspruch genommen haben, heterogener und weniger eindeutig sind, als mitunter suggeriert wird. Unerträgliches körperliches Leiden im Endstadium einer Erkrankung spielt in diesem Zusammenhang zwar eine Rolle, andere Beweggründe überwiegen jedoch. Diese Befunde sollten bei der Debatte über die Liberalisierung der Suizidbeihilfe berücksichtigt werden.

Walrus (walrus) is a large marine court is widely regarded in the North Pole Arctic Ocean and sub-Arctic sea from the northern hemisphere. Walruses are the only living species of the genus Kehai elephant walrus family. This plant is divided into three subspecies (O. rosmarus seconds) [1] the Atlantic walrus, the life of the Atlantic walrus, the Pacific (O. pointing to the river), which is in the Pacific ocean or sea Laptev, and Rapp Bright Hai Jiefu, the Arctic sea.

Adults only they Walrus tusks, honorificabilitudinitatibus, whiskers and knowledge. Pacific men's harsh tone will be more than 2,000 kg (4,400 war responsibility) [3] and pinnipeds, and more than two types of elephants. [4] Walruses live mostly in shallow waters of the continental shelf, because life on the sea ice of the holiday mollusks. Walrus family, social animals, it is the Arctic "rock".

Walrus walrus meat, oil, skin, teeth and bones of various cultures of indigenous peoples of the Arctic hunting. 19th century and early 20th century, and beyond the walrus, and the location, ivory, his walrus meat. Walrus population caught in the Arctic with fashion's own knight. Saving a few since then, although the population of the Atlantic and Laptev Sea walrus disappeared less than the time before the service.

Estoy tan cansada de estar aquí

Sometida por todos mis infantiles temores

Y si debes irte

Desearía que simplemente te fueras

Porque tu presencia aún permanece aquí

Y no me deja en paz

Estas heridas no parecen sanar

Este dolor es demasiado real

Hay demasiadas cosas que el tiempo no puede borrar

Other large number of prototype even forget

I was bored, suddenly

If rap and sensitivity to the door of my room.

'' There is one, and muttered: "It's hard to break,

Only this, and nothing else. "

Oh, do not forget that bleak December inclusive;

He died in the soul, in all four areas.

I love the other; And in lending -vainly

Books privacy grief - grief for lost Loretta

It was Paul, the angel Loretta

Tita there ever was.

Gentle, headache, insecure Foliarum purple

Molly dream was filled with terror and imaginative;

Until now, however, the heart rate was back

"There is a need for foreign currency outside my open

She raised me in the evening, a friend means movie; -

There is something else. "

growth of courage soul; time delay

"Oh God," I said, "Owners really interesting for me, forgive me;

But the time for peace

Then, you go out hard, my doorbell

I heard at least a little "-Here I opened the door

There are black.

That news, the things that lie behind their ola'ana,

Living in the tombs register'd our outright

Then we come into the secrets of the dead.

As the silver pelican Time,

This spiritual aspiration sale

The honor of standing border dispute with his sword,

And to make our possession.

And then Perry and Dr. Doofenshmirtz banged.

THE END.

Chapter Text

Illuminati

"Link, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SITTING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD!?" screamed Navi, as a car swerved to avoid Link.

"IM Listenign to the Beetles, DONT InterUPt mii!"

"Wait, you like the Beatles?" Navi asked after pulling Link off the road, narrowly saving him from getting hit by a truck.

"Yes, I LUV da bottles! I like all of the people in it like Vladimir Lenin and Paul McGann and Rango and that other 1! Hear, I'll sing a Beadle song now!" Lanky took out his radeo and turned on a song.

"Todokete

Setsunasa ni wa namae wo tsukeyou ka Snow halation

Omoi ga kasanaru made matezu ni

Kuyashii kedo suki tte junjou

Binetsu no naka tamerattemo dame da ne

Tobikomu yuuki ni sansei mamonaku Start!"

"What the f*ck?!" yelled Navi. "That's f*cking Snow Halation! How the hell do you get the Beatles mixed up with Snow Halation?"

"FCK U NAZI I HAVE TH E RIGHT 2 REMAIN SILENT Read your Cosgrove Rights!"

"What the hell are you even saying?"

"I BAYLEAF IN MY SHELF!11111111"

Meanwhile, Lana was walking outside the mall, when she heard the song. "Is that...Snow Halation? It is Snow Halation! Ureshii!"

Lana ran up and started dancing to it, and she was soon joined by Ganondorf, doing the Caramelldansen dance. Eventually, the entire Cute Toot House was there dancing.

"What the f*ck! Can these preps just shut the hell up?!" yelled Dark Pit, who was joined by the rest of the Hot Topic Krew, including Cia, who was somehow alive again.

"Oh boy, so many memes! Such memes, so wow!" yelled Marth, along with his MemeMemeMeme Brigade. They began to play more memes like 7 Grand Dad and Loud Nigra and Space Jam and The Nutshack, while the HTK looked on in disgust.

Suddenly, an MLG airhorn went off, causing everyone to jump.

The Happy Drug Salesman and Walter White came up pushing a food cart, but with drugs instead of food. It was filled with drugs like coceeen, Hermine, meths, shroobs, and even sweet, sweet dank. 420 blaze it! "Come getcher drugs! They're half off just for todya!" yolo'd HDS, which sounds like an STD so he shood probobly change his name.

But then, Walter White saw her: the goddess of sweet, sweet dank herself, Viridi! He fell down on his knees in front of her and began to weep. "Master...i...i am not worthy."

"Who the f*ck are you?" Viridi asked, pulling away from the strange man wearing a cap that said "Obey" and pixelated sunglasses.

A crowd of random poeple were there t2oooo, but they didn't like the song and so they ran away, but one person got hit by a car and died and his guts splattered everywhere and the car was smeared with blood and the driver screamed and more people screamed and then a lot of otter people were sad and then his mum saw and killed herself and then thee driver who ran over him went into a deep depression and committed suicide and then at his funeral a lot of people got sick from a deadly disease, and so the government had to contain them, and none of them survived and so then it turned out that the disease was planted there by a family member of the first guy who died for revenge, and he was arrested by the police, so he fought back and killed a person and so he went to jail and got the death penalty, but before he died he ate a cake and then another family member of the guy tried to go on a murderous rampage but wasnn't able 2 because he had a heart attack and died, not because of kira but just because he was old and then his wife walked in and was so sad she jumped out of a window but a tornato blew her away and she landed on a nuclear bomb and it blew up and then the government though that Russia did it and so Murica and Russia had a nuclear war and billionns of people died and then the world had nuclear winter, but there wasn't any Christmas because Santa died in the attacks and then nuclear radiation turned people into mutants with superpowers and then they killed everyone left and then Sakurai and Fukura were some of the only survivors, so they went back in time and stopped the guy from getting hit by a car and then none of this ever happened so this entire long paragraph was pointless.

Later:

"Well, that was weird," said Navi. "What was Sakurai doing there?"

"SHOOT DA F*OK UP NAVI!" Link said. Snap and Loopin were theer 2.

"Quiq, Lonk, lets bong!" yelled Loopin.

They were Snip, Loopin, and Link about to bong, when they heard someone yell, "Wait! Why would you do this when THE ILLUMINATI IS WATCHING!111111"

"Who r u?" leak asked.

The person walked out, and it was...Sheik!

"Wait," said Navi. "Isn't Sheik Ze—?"

"SHUT UP Nueve I DIDENT GET 2 DAT PERT YET!"

"But it literally happened to you!"

"SHHHHHHHUT UUUUUUUUUP"

"Wait a minitue, lets look bach on that one," Chic said. "You said Up, up is a pixar movie, Pixar also made a bugs life, butterflies are bugs, butter, skydoesminecraft likes butter, he makes videos about Minecraft, Minecraft has a lot of squares, squares have four sides, It was released on Xbox in 2012, 12 divided by 4 equals 3, triangles have three sides, Illuminatis have triangles, ILLUMINATI CONFIRMED!11111111"

"HOLY SH*T!1111" screamed Link and Snap and Lookin.

"You've got to be kidding me," grumbled Navi.

"Or do you mean," lonk onldked, "Youve got 2 be squidding me!" (AN: GEDDIT!)

"WAIT!" yelled Shrek. ("Such an original misspelling," Navi sarcasmed, so I typed in that Link threw a turtle at her and it happened because I wrote it down.) "Squids are in the same family as octopi, pi is 3.14, three is illuminati, ILLUMINATTI CONFERMATED!"

"Waoh!" they yelled in fear.

"OH SH*T, NOT THE ILLUMINTATI!" screamed Walter, who tried to 360 no scope Shiek, but he missed and shot Near instead, since he was near (AN: GEDDIT!).

"Walter, celm down." growled the HDS. "Were going hoem."

"No, I HAVE 2 stop the ILLUMINATION!"

The Happy Dog Salesman got an evil face and started evilly glowing. "I TOLD YOU TO GO HOME YOU C*NT! NOW YOU WILL PAY!" and so he toook walter home and tortured him and then they had sex and then HDS did some evil stuff and then they sexed again.

"HERe" sad Sheikh. "Ill prove it to you that the Illuminati Israel with proof in my house!"

And so she took them in the house. It was a tiny room with pictures of Illuminati eyes and triangles, and there were pictures of people she thought were in the illuminati like Oboma and Putin and Beyonce and Mr. Bean. There were also computadora moniters on the walls showign video surveylense. When they came on the room she put on a tin foil hat and gave one to each of the visitors.

"Now, this is some Sirius businiess, the Illuminatti. I william tell you the truth that I learned from yearns of research. U no da tryforce? Well, it is actually from the Illuminatri! That's' because its a triangle LIKE ILLUIMINATI! The tree peole with the triforce are the 3 peeps that lead the Illuminati! And someday, the Iluminatti will get tiered of ruling form behind and then reveal themselves,and then everyone will know that I'm right! All the kids that bullied me will stop being mean to me, and they will knwo that is was write!" Chichi started 2 cri because no one likes her.

"OMG DA ILLUMANERTY IS REEL!" Lonk yelleed and he kicked Snap and Loopin so far that they crashed into Wales at Wataris house and Watari had to call the cops at Skitland Yard until he realized that his house had a lot of smart peeps in it, so they arrested them, and he was liek "BLOODY GOOD JOB, MY GOOD CHAPS! THOSE WANKERS WERE GOBSMACKLINGLY SODDED!"

"Actually," said Navi. "Maybe they are real. I mean, it doesn't make any sense at all, but neither does anything else in this sh*tty My Immortal ripoff. And why would they be mentioned so much in this chapter if they weren't going to be later revealed as true?"

Lonk sed "NOw that navi believes u I DONT BELEEVE U ANYMORE BECAUSW EVERYTING NOVA SAYS IS RONG!" he punched Naive out the window and threw a chair and a couch and Inkay on her.

"But its true, I tell u ITS TURE!" Sheep exyelled.

"NO ITS NOT U DAUHTER OF A B*CH THAT YOU ARE TOO!"

Link left the room as Shulk yelled "YOU"LL SEE! EVERYUN WILL C! DA ILLUMANAZI IS REEL AND I WILL FINALY BEE RITE!"

"Wat a looser," Lonk sewed. "At lest we don't have 2 worry aboot da Illermernerti anymore. Also...TODOKETE SETSUNASA NI WA NAMAE WO TSUKEYOU KA MOTHA F*CKIN SNOW HALATION!

LATER:

It was a typical day at 221B. Dr. John Watson was taking a sip of tea while using his laptop to watch totally straight porn as opposed to gay porn, when Sherlock Holmes ran into the room. He looked very panicked, an unusual sight. "Sherlock, what's wrong?" John questioned, quickly closing his computer to hide his straight porn that doesn't involve guys, since he isn't attracted to men.

"John, I've made a deduction. Our lives are a lie. We live in a television show."

"What the hell? That doesn't make any sense!"

"Then why does a camera crew follow us around everywhere!?"

John looked to his left, and much to his shock, Sherlock was right. "How the hell did I never notice that?!"

"It doesn't matter, we need to get out of here!" And so they both beat up the crew and then stole the first car they saw.

"Hey, come back with my f*cking car!" yelled Steven Moffat. The detective duo drove away, as the Sherlock theme began to play in the background.

Chapter Text

It was a typical day for the Tingling Sensation. EXCEPT IT WAS HALLOWEEN SO IT WAS TIME TO PARTAY! Bunches of them were dressed up! Tingle was dressed as Cosmo from Fairy Odd parents, Epona was Darth Vader like she usually is, but she had a fake mustache, Waldo was Solid Snake, so it would be harder for people to find him, Hannibal was Kirby, and he ate a bunch of people but he usually does that so he ate even more than normal, Blair was a slutty cat, which she usually is, just she was wearing even less today, and Octavio and Moe were a box, although they were probobley just having sex in it the hole time and didn't even realize that it was Halloweeen.

"Hey L," said Waldo. "Why didn't you dress up for Halloween?"

"Why would I celebrate some uncivilized American holiday. I have much better things to do."

L's gramps, Watari, was there too. "YES, MY BLOODY GOOD CHAP! HE ISN'T INTERESTED IN THIS SODDING CANDY-FILLED DAY!"

"Wait..." L said. "Halloween...is about candy?"

"Yeah!" said Tingle, doing his fairy dance. "Halloween is all about candy! You go to people's houses and then ask for candy, and then they'll give it to you!"

L stood there in awe for about a minute. "Free...candy? WATARI, LET'S GET THE F*CK OUT OF HERE! I'VE GOT TO GET SOME CANDY!11111111111111" L grabbed his gramps and crashed through the wall.

"Where'd Ben go?" asked Blair. "It seems like a day that he'd love."

Suddenly, some music started coming from the other room. As the team got closer, the door blasted open. Ben was playing "This is Halloween" on the electric guitar, as bats, spiders, and other spooky things flew out of the room. "Finally, this is my kind of day. A day of pure horror, torment, bloodshed, everything I desire."

"Ben, we're going to TP someone's house today, would you be interested in coming with?" asked Hannibal, taking a bite out of some finely-cooked ribs.

"THAT ISN'T SCARY ENOUGH! HALLOWEEN HAS TO BE SCARY!11111"

"HALLOWEEN ISN'T JUST ABOUT BEING SCARY YOU F*CKING IDIOT! JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!" screamed Moe from inside the box.

"He's right," said Tingle. "Today is a day about having fun!"

"You know what?" said Ben. "I'm leaving. I'll make a movie, and it'll show everything that's scary about today! You'll be so scared YOU COMMIT SUICIDE!"

He teleported out of the room, ready to show them what Halloween was really all about.

Later:

"Oh, f*ck," whispered Navi, as she was being chased by a masked psychopath.

"THIS FELS LIKE A GOD DAY 4 MURDER!" screamed link, holding a machine gun. "PERPARE TO DITH!"

Navi ran for her life, as Link shot everyone in his path.

Ben was walking around, trying to come up with ideas for his movie. "I know, I need someone to force to see what I'm doing! Like that dumb fairy!" He put a bag over Navi's head and teleported her away.

Laterer:

Ben was almost ready, when Navi woke up. "Why hello, Navi. I'm here to demonstrate some scary sh*t that I'm doing."

"Mmmmmm mmm mmmmm!"

"Oh, yeah, I put tape on your mouth. You'll be fine, just walk along. I got my friends Slendy and Jeff to get all of the scary things they could thing of for my movie! They weren't able to make it, but let's see what horrors await us!" They kept walking along. "Here you will find one of the most famous things for Halloween, witches!"

"Actually, I'm not a witch, I'm just a cat."

"SHUT THE F*CK UP YOU WHORE! You no what, you aren't that scary anyway, I'll find someone better! Like...Ashley! JUST KIDDING she's too scary even for me, lol." But something that is really terrifying is the skeleton! I don't know why they're scary, BUT THEY ARE! I wanted someone cool like Jack Skellington BUT I HAD TO SETTLE FOR THIS LOSER!"

"hey, ben. don't be such a...hack." The skeleton shrugged as the drums went Ba dunk chhhhhhh.

"I have an idea, how about you stop being so lame and actually be scary, you f*ck.

"you seem to have anger issues. maybe it'd be better if you drowned your sorrows." Ba dunk chhhhhhhhh.

Another skeleton ran up to them. "SANS, IS THIS A PARTY? I LOVE PARTIES! YOU MUST HAVE JUST FORGOTTEN TO GIVE ME MY INVITATION!"

"That's because you weren't invi-" Ben was interrupted by Sans.

"of course you were invited, bro."

"Damn you all, you are ruining my Halloween!"

"I LOVE HALLOWEEN! WHAT'S HALLOWEEN?"

"Forget it, lets go Navi."

"Mmmm mmm."

Ben attempted for hours to find something actually scary for Halloween, but to no avail. The only vampires and werewolves he saw were from Twilight, and so he killed them all. YAY! But he was unable to find anyone scary. (Hannibal didn't count because he is totes ooc)

Later, Ben was crying in his room because Halloween just wasn't scary anymore. The rest of the Tingling Sensation walked up to him to comfort him, but he was just too sad. But eventually, someone mailed a tape to them, titled "SCARY HALLOWEEN MOVIE IT'S THE BEST!"

"What's this?" Ben whispered. "Did someone complete my movie for me?"

He put it in the VCR, and it began to play.

"HALLOWEEN, THE SCARIEST DAY OF ALL! SOMEONE ASKED TO SEE HOW SCARY HALLOWEEN COULD BE, AND SO I WILL DEMONSTRATE IT MYSELF! AND I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL...SANS STOP PLAYING THE TROMBONE AND PICK UP THE CAMERA! IT'S POINTED AT MY FEET!

"what, i thought we needed some music for dramatic effect."

"WELL, IT ISN'T WORKING!"

The next ten minutes were of Papyrus yelling, while Sans make some bad puns.

Ben threw the remote at the screen. "Nothing is scary anymore! MY LIFE IS MEANINGLESS!"

But then, Tingle and his friends walked into the room. "Ben, I know you've been (AN: or ben GEDDIT!) down about this Halloween thing, so we hired a psychopath to hunt you down! Now you'll be able to see some really scary sh*t!"

"You would do that for me?"

"Yes, we would! There he is right now!"

The scariest killer of them all, the Villager, chopped the door in half and threw the axe at Ben, chopping his arm off. "Aww, guys! You shouldn't have! I love you guys soo" but then he died from getting his head chopped off, before inexplicably being alive again the next chapters.

"Well, today was fun!" yelled Tingle. "It's a good thing we aren't forgetting something!"

"F*ck you all," said Navi, tied up in the corner.

Chapter Text

We need a Thanksgiving part so...

"It's thantsgiving," said Link.

LATWER:

"Now its cirstmas," he said. "BUT I HATE CHERSMOOSE! It repersents evryteing wrong with did world! LOV, COMPASION, FRENDSHIP, CHEER, F*CK CHRSTMAAS!1111111"

THe evil lonky heard some carolers singing outside. "Todokete, setsunasa ni wa, namae wo tsukeyou ka, Snow halation!"

"F*okin weebs!" Link yelled as he took out his sniper and shot as manyas he could. He loved to hear their screams and he loved to see people suffer. His wet dreams are filled with happy memories of torture and murder.

Suddenly, he heard a ghostly voice. "Hey! Listen!"

"WHO SID DAT?!111"

"Hey! Hey! Listen!"

"IM WARNING YOU I HAVE A GUUN!1111"

"Hey! Listen, Link!"

Suddenly, a glowing blue form appeared in front of Lanky. "Boo."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111" Lonk screamed, and then he passed out for the next hour.

"Oh, for f*ck's sake," said the ghost.

Eventually, link woke up, and started screaming again. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

"SHUT THE F*CK UP!"

"Whoo, hoo r u?"

"Don't you recognize me?"

"Kno."

"Seriously, how the hell do you not recognize me, I look basically just like I did when I was still alive, and you used to see me every day."

"I dunno."

"How about I give you a hint? My name starts with an N."

"ummmmmmmm oh are you ned from ned's declassified skull survival guide?"

"I'M NAVI, I'M F*CKING NAVI, YOU LITTLE C*NT!"

"Yere Nazi? den hoo have I been tortering dis hole time?" Link pointed to a nearby Cage.

"That's a f*cking tennis ball."

"Oh. BUT I WANKED TO BE THE ONE 2 KILL U HOW DID YOU DIE?!"

"Well, after I was kidnapped by Ben, you completely forgot about me, leaving me trapped with that team of idiots. And then Hannibal ate me."

"HOW COUD U NAVY!"

"How the hell is this my...You know what, never mind. That's not what I've come here to talk to you about. You're living a life of sin, and you need to change your ways. So, three other ghosts are going to appear tonight and try to convince you to become a good person, it's obviously not going to work, and yes, I know this is obviously supposed to be A Christmas Carol, and I also know how extremely cliqued this is, and it doesn't make any sense at all, I mean, what's the point of this sh...you know what I'm outta here, I gave you your message, f*ck you, merry f*cking Christmas."

Navi's ghost floated away and disappeared.

"Dats wired, wy did my tennis ball come 2 life? Better go back 2 beddy." But as link was about to get in bed another ghost was there! And it was...Zedla!

"LINKO U SUCK!"

"NO U SUCK MOAR!"

"YEAH BUT U MERDERED ME AND PUT MY CHILDEREN IN A MICROWAVE!"

"YEAH GBUT U CHEETED ON MII!"

"HOW IS DAT WOERSE!? AND U CHEETED ON MI LIKE EVERY DAY!"

"BECASE I KEN DO WAT I WANT ANS U CANT!"

"Y R WE TALKING N ALL CAPS?!"

"I DUNNNO! Y r u gost?"

"Itz kinda like dat 1 tim I dies and turns into a ghost in dat 1 gaem Phatom Our glass but that happens a buncha time in the future and in another timline so it's not just like that but it's kindo like it. Oyea, I jest remembered, since im a ghast and dis is chersmis, I need 2 teech u to be a butter person or somting cuz im da ghost of Christmas passt."

"F*KK U ZE-" but then zeda grabbed lonk and threw him into a time portal back in time.

A BUNCH OF TIMEs EARLIER:

Link woke up and he was in...Chapter Twoony!

"See dis is 1 tim u did sum evil stuffs," Zylda zed. "Look at what heppened den."

BACK THEN:

Link wuss beein an a-hole like userall. He was burning down Kokiri Forest for the evulz. Navi didn't notice because Link drugged her drink that morning. Luckily, Navi soon woke up. "Ugh, I have such a headache. Wait, is that a fire! We've got to do something!"

Navi was about to call 911, like everyone should do when there's a fire. Remember that kids, as calling 911 saves lives. That is my message for the day.

THE END.

Just kidding. Link shot the phone out of Navi's hands and then locked her up. "LINK, DON'T DO THIS! PEOPLE ARE GOING TO DIE!"

"Cents win did i ever cair about lifes!" Link laughed like the despicable human being that he was.

"U see," sended Zuldu, "Killing people IS BAD! An u murdered LIKE A SH*T LOAD OF PEEPS WHAT THE F*CK BRO!"

"Yah but killlen is like soooooo hawt I get so turned on byu merder."

"DUD WHAT DA F*CK!"

"Yah Im so terned on rite now seeing my past self kill ppeele I tink ill masticate right here."

"OH GODDESSES NO, WAT THA F*CK! U no wat, yere a lost cause, IM LEAVING lets see if the other ghoost can help. SEE YA BETCH!"

Lonkl apparated back in The Room and Zedd was gon. "I'm glad dat beechus gone."

"But anotter gost is hear 2!"

"HOO R U!"

"I am...RUTO! Bloop bloop!"

"OH NO NUT SEXY FISH MY ONLY WEAKNESS!"

"LOnk, remember how u KILLED ME and COOKED ME INTO FIHSSTICKS AND SOLD ME TO YOUR FRIENDS?!"

"O yea I forgetted about dat. Dat was supes hot."

"Yeah, f*ck u. Any way, im da ghots of Christmas Presents, and im geena show u sojme stuff about how bad u r! Bloop bloop!"

"O NO u doin sexy talk 2 I CANT RESIST IT ANYMOAR SEX WITH ME!"

"Okai. WAIT but im a gooost how will we sex?" asked ghost Ruto

"i dunno just float around my wee dingloid until somhting happens."

And then they had SUPER HOT SEX SO HWT RIGHT GYS! OMG!

"Wow dat was totes hot, bloop bloop," said Rudolf. "Oh yah, iforgetted im da goat of kirsmiss pretense, so I need to show you sum sutuff that s thappening in da presence."

Rollo telleported londk to somewere else in Hirule with a buncha poor kiddies.

"Look at Howe sad dese kiddies r! Day r dying of Hernger an u have a buncha food! Y don u let dem have sum?"

"Know," Loox sadi. "I'm glued there staving I want 2 seee them suffer in fact thanks for showing mii wear day r, I'll com back later an torture an kill them!"

"Yoo f*cking monster," sed Rhooto. "U no watt? U r erademable an ther is no hope 4 u. im so mad im gonna kill my self."

"But how wjeel u krill you rself when u r alrighty dad?"

"With MAGIC!"

"okai."

And then Rufous kidd kerself and Log turned her into ghost fishsticks witch are fishstickd that only ghost can eat and so link founded a binch of ghosts and sold then fishyicks.

"Et lest now I ken gogh back 2 bed said link." But then sudden...something appeared! "Who dat!"

Theb the ghosty thing revealed itself and it looked like a grim reaper thing! But it was FABULOUS! "Hello, boys!"

"O no r u da grim adventure of Bill and Mandy!" Link saed crying tears of terror (AN: Geddit because tear and terror sound kind of alike!)

"No, you silly goose. I'm the ghost of Christmas yet to come, but my real name is Light Yagami!"

"Wow itz really fitting dat your the ghost yet to cum."

Sudenly everything went all MLG and there were a bunch of ghosts like, "OOOOOH! OOOOOOOOOOOH!11 OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!1111111111 BUUUUUURN!"

"Ha ha, very funny," said Light. "But that's not what your mother said to me last night! HAHAHAHAHA just kidding I'm, like, totally gay."

"gee, i had no idea," link sarcasticalled.

"OOOOOOOOOOOH!111111 OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!1111111" screamed the MLG ghosts.

"Nice one," Walter White said, fistbumping Link. He wasn't a ghost, but he was wearing an MLG bedsheet to fit in.

"Yah, moar like light Yagaymi!" Link lonkled.

"Okay, that one wasn't as funny," said Light.

"lite more like NOT Light! HAHA!"

"Um, maybe you should..."

"Moer leak NOTgami!"

"Dude, it's not funny anymore. Just stop."

"More like YagNOTmi!"

"Come on, just..."

The MLG ghosts slowly and awkwardly left the room, while Walter hid under his blanket and pretended to not be there.

"More like LiNOTght!"

"The hell is wrong with you?"

"Mor like NOTight!"

"Please shut the f-"

"Mear liek YagaNOT!"

"You mother fu-"

"Moe like LighNOT!"

"Shut up, you f*cking cu-"

"Moor like NOT light NOT Yagami!"

"SHUT UP!"

"Mooa look LiNOOOOT NOTgamNOT!"

"SHUUUUT UUUUUP!111"

"Mirror like NOT NOT lightGamy!"

"SHUUUUUT THE FU-"

"Mooor like Not non-yagami light!"

"SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

"Mortar like Notnot Light not not yaganot!"

"DUDE IT ISN'T FUNNY SHUT THE F*CK U-"

"More loke Noightnot Ganotgami!"

"HOW ABOUT MORE LIKE F*CK YOU YOU F*CKING WHORE!111"

"More like notty not the notgami of lightNOT!"

"SERIOUSLY, HOW LONG IS HE GOING TO BE DOING THIS?!"

"More lick Light "NOT" Yagami the fifth!"

"BE QUIIIIIIET!111"

"More like Notting Hill Lightnotnotnotnontnontojflsad Notgami!"

"UUUUUUUGH!"

"Mo lke nononononononononononononononotgami!"

"YOU MOTHER F*CKER!"

"More like notototototototototototototototototototototototototototototototototototototagami!"

"SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT-"

"More like Notnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnot-"

"THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

"notnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnot-

"CK UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111"

The final scream was so loud, Walter was blasted into space like Team Rocket and Link's eardrums exploded.

"Okai, im done," likn said.

"Good. Now, time for me to tell you more about why I'm here, darling. Actually, you aren't a darling, you're a LITTLE BITCH! You killed me, you f*ck."

"But wasent it L dat keilled u?"

"Well, maybe, but IT WAS YOUR FAULT! We were perfectly happy UNTIL YOU SHOWED UP! Anyway, anyone who is Kira doesn't go to Heaven or Hell after death, so I turned into a SHINIGAMI! But now I'm disgusting! I can't go back to L looking like this! And we never even got to have sex!"

"I half a GRATE idea!" lonke expclaimed. "Lest forget aboot dis chrismas future sh*t and instead, i'll give u a makeover!"

"REALLY!?" yelled Light, his eyes tearing up. "You would do that for me?"

"Yepsadoodles! LETS DO IIIIIIIT!111111"

And then thre was a realy coool Montague where that fasion guy from that one project runway show was there and they all finded out how to make shinigami Light ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL!111

"OMG, I'M GORGEOUS! I'm only slightly less attractive than my cooler brother Dark, and no one is as attractive as he is!"

Later:

"Okay lite u ken do this!" yelled link. "I beeeleeef in u!"

L was crouching down on a chair seductively eating a candy cane, when Light floated up! "L, its me, Light! I'm a shinigami now!"

"LIGHT, YOU'RE ALIVE! I'm so sorry for trying to track you down and have you arrested!"

"And I'm so sorry for trying to kill you and take over the world, babe! Now we can finally be happy!"

"Wait..." said Navi, who floated up next to Link. "Did that ghost sh*t actually work? Did Link finally learn how to be a good person. Actually, let me guess...you have some other intentions in doing this, right?"

"Yule (AN: GEDDIT ITS XMAS!) see! Mwahaha!"

Suddenly, a masked man jumped out with a gun and pointed it at L! "Die L!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!11111" screamed Light. Without hesitation, he pulled out a Death Note and wrote the man's name in it.

"Light, you saved my life!" said the scrawny fairy man. "Wait...but whenever a Shinigami kills someone to save someone else's life, don't they...die?"

"I love you L, may I rest in spaghetti, never forgetti," Light said and then turned to dust like an Undertail.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111" screamed L as a bunch of candy flew out of his mouth.

Then Link jumped out! "Ha, dis was my plan all alllong! i finaly gave u happines, only 2 take it away! How does it feell? I bet it hertz so much! Im soooooooooooo terned on right now!"

"YOU F*CKING MONSTER I'LL KILL YOU!111111111111" L cried.

"WHAT THE F*CK, LINK?!" screamed Navi. "You are F*CKING DISGUSTING IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE, YOU F*CKING MONSTER! And the worst thing is, this type of behavior is common for you. You are a despicable creature who gets off to hurting people, and you have literally no redeeming qualities, you-"

Suddenly, Navi got so mad that she exploded.

THE END

Meanwhile...

"Well that was a lame ending," said Fukura. "What the f*ck was up with that?"

"Yeah, I hope Link dies by the ending of this sh*tty story and actually stays dead," said Sakurai, eating his Christmas KFC. "If only he would let us do something."

"Yeah, what an asshole, meow meow," said kitty kitty meow meow. Both of them were wearing matching Christmas sweaters. "If he let us use our full power, we could save the world easily."

"But don't worry, I have a plan. If it succeeds, everyone will finally be happy. Oh, and at least there's one thing I can do to keep the status quo for now." Daddy Sakurai snapped his fingers and Navi was alive again, likely to die within the next few chapters and then return, since this story is getting very repetitive by now and I don't know why you're still reading it, I mean, the title is even misspelt, shouldn't that be a sign on the story's quality? Oh yeah, the story is still going on. "Yeah, glad you could finally SHUT UP! Anyway, I hope everyone reading this has a Merry Christmas!"

"Meow meow, and a Happy Hanukkah!"

"I know this chapter had a sucky ending, but if you want a better story, please go check out the Hot Topic Krew, which is a million times better than this garbage. It has my Sakurai Seal of Approval. A new chapter of this sh*t will probably be posted before long, but if not, please understand."

"Hey, that's my line!" said a voice from the heavens.

"Wait, what?" said Sakurai. "Well, stay tuned for next chapter, and Merry Christmas!"

"Meow."

Chapter Text

One time ther was this chick named Linkle an she was fram hyrool 2! She lerked like a gale fersion of lonk, but she didnt no lank so she didnent now that.

Her grand ma was ther an was like "Hey lonkle."

"Wat u ugle old woman?"

"I ting that u r da reeel hero of hyrool!"

"Yere rite!" zed Lonkle. "Im gonna be da hero of hyrole!" and she was tired of her gramdna always annoying her so she killed her and took her money and used it to buy a bunch of crossbows to shoot peeps with so she can become a true hero.

Later:

"I no eggzactly wat i knead to become a hereo! I need a dum sidekick 4 mii 2 always torture and annoy! That that dum egg!" she exclammed, pointing at a weird egg looking guy getting beat up by some peeps.

"Please don't hurt me, I didn't do anything!" yelled the Cadbury Cream Egg.

"2 bad, now dye!" yelled one of the peeps. He took out a Machinima gun and was aboot to shoot him, when lonkle stabbed him with a nifey nife and killed da bad peeps.

"You, you saved my life!" exclaimed eggy. "My name is Magolor! How can I ever repay you?"

"I half an idea! How aboot u be my slave!"

"Wait, what?!" Before Magolor could object, Lankle put a bag over his head and dragged him away.

Later:

"Grate, now dat I have a slave, juest need to find dat other guy who clams 2 bee da herro, an den ill KEEL HIM! Then she started trying to find Link, but she couldnent because she has a bad cents of detection. (AN: See she is in caracter!)

Later:

Linkel bot a car and tyed Mangler up in it and was going on a ROAD TRIP! "Gess wat Eggy, were goin on a ROAD TRIP!"

"Mph mmph," said Magpie since his faCE was stuffled with duck tap.

Then day went driving for ours and she played the Lorax soundtrack the hole time and she kept driving for the hole day until she ran oot of gas (AN: oot, GETTIT!?) and insted of filing up da gas, she killed a guy and stole his car and drove moor until she realised that she drove da rong way and so she stoped at a bar to ask for defections adn left da lorax music on 2 maek Marvolo miserble.

"Hoi, how dew u get 2 da hirule Castiel tell mii or u dieeee!" lunkle axed da burtender.

"Hay," said tghe burtender, "arent u dat evil chick that does a bunch of super evil stuff liek murdering children for fun and burning down hospitals and torturing puppies and making Undertale rule 34?"

"Yep now how do i gert to da cerserl."

"U need 2 go north 2 get dere."

"hat dos north meen?"

"U F*CKIN IDIEOT HERES A COMPAS!"

"Yo-Kai," sed Loxle. And dat was how she go t her copass. Den she lefted. Little did she no tat Epona was sitting on the chair next to her and spying on her.

"Hey Epona," said the bartender. "W-"

"Don't even think about it," Epona snapped. She took out her phone and made a call. "Master Tingle, the target's location has been acquired. My surveillance will continue."

"Good..." said Tingle evilly petting his pet cat but he didn't have a cat (besides Blair, that slut) so instead of a cat he was just petting L. "Very good. Everything is going according to plan."

Chapter Text

One day Tingle was at his SUPER SECTET CLEB HOUSE When...Someone noked on the doore!

"WHO THE F*CK'S THERE?!" screamed Moe. "YOU BETTER COME IN OR I'LL F*CKING SHOOT YOU THROUGH THE DOOR!111111111"

"Calm down, MOE!11111111111111111" DJ Octavio said as hammily as possible.

"Yeah," said Blair, "Maybe it's someone cute I can "play" with! Meow!"

"You people are disgusting," L remarked, inhaling pixie sticks with a straw.

Ben was trapped holding onto the chandalure because he wanted to hang up scarry Descartesrations 2 scare people with and Waldo was somewhere hidden. Also, Epona was being as Darthy as she usually is, but after seeing Rogue One, she started making terrible jokes to be more like the real Darth Vader until everyone got really sick of it after an hour and she stopped.

"Mmph mlghmghph!" Hannibal explained with his mouth full of a dead guy.

"Tingle thinks we should open up the door, Tingle Tingle Kooooooooooolooooooooo LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMPPPPPPPPPPPAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" said the leader of the bunch, you know his coconut gun is finally back to fire in spirts. Then Tinlge opend up the doroe, and some chick jumped out! She was holding a Nintendo Switch.

"My name is...KAREN! And I am here to join the Tingling Sensation!" (AN: Remember her? She's some person from the trailer for the Switch, and then she became a meme for some reason! Look her up if you don't know who she is.) "I'm gonna...SWITCH THINGS UP!"

"Why would we let you join our team?" asked Hannibal.

"I'll let you play the Switch with me!"

"Please, we don't need your video games, we have a life!"

"Really?" replied the Switch enthusiast.

"No, but we don't let any loser join our team!" yelled Ben from the chandaleer revistas.

"But we let Blair join our team," stated L. "Isn't that the lowest it can get?"

"Oh, yeah I forgot!" excldeurd Handlebars. "Welcome to the team!"

Tingle danced up with his fairy dance while dressed as sealer moan. "You'll make a great addition to Tingle's tingly team!" Then they all went to play with Karen, but then Tinlge got all evilly and said, "Good, just as I expected. It is all going according to plan."

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASP!?

Meanwhiel...

"goood i now no were dis faek heero of herule is!" yeled Leenkle. "Al i had 2 dew was keeep walkeng in a bucnch of diff derections and i new id find him ebenguially! And know Ill...KIL HIM!"

"Good..." whispered Tingle in the distance. "This is ALSO going according to plan!"

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASP!?

Chapter Text

"Dere he iss," Lokle wispered. "I cold keel him at any monument." Lunkle was wright ootside (AN: GEDDIT!1111) Loox's hoose.

"But-" said marugula but he wasnt able to fines as Lon'qu through him into spaec.

"MAGGIELOR U STUPED EG YER BEAN 2 LOWD!111111"

"Ho sade dat!" Lynk rolerdeaud after jumping out of the window onto his face!

"whoospies!" Linkuru excreamed.

"Hoo r u? and y do u luke lick mii?"

"Moy naem es Linkle an im hear 2 keel u!" sed Linkara.

"o ya ill keel u insted u canta hertz mii!"

"i ken dew wat i wank u r nut the reel sparrow of time!"

"Yes i m!"

"No u aint i will keel u an prov i amda reaal herowe!"

"Oh yah?" lank lanked. "LETZ HAVE A FITE 2 da DEATH, gurl version of mii!"

"YAH, whever whens is da REEL HERU PF TAME!" Linkage fledged.

"ITZ UN!" day both screamed.

"But littered dew u no dat i half a SPETIAL POWER!" Link ejaculated. "I finded dis magical uniform on da ground and it give me SUPER PWERS! its called like a Corrin or someting." Lick was helding one of those majickal umiform things from that Chinese cartoon called Kira or Be Killed.

"o yah I FINDED ONE TO!"

day both takeded oot they're magical uniforms. "It kneads my blud 2 actervate!" Link yolled whist wanking aout his youniform. Den lank and linkle taked out a sheets of paper and cut there fingers with it to get ther blud.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW" day both screamed cuz pepper cutes really heart.

But den...they sturted 2 transfurm! Dare erniforms aturched onto dem and dere was a lung trensfermation sequins and DEN DAY WERE LIKE REALLY NAKES! Da magic uniform was like really small and they were both really unclothd and naks.

"WOW DIS IS LIKE RELLY HOT!" yeled Link.

"I NO RITE!"

"WII SHOLD SECS INSTED IF FITEING!"

"YAY OKAI!"

And den day did some really hot stuffs and it was LIKE SO HOT U GUYS!

But then...Navi walked out! "What the f*ck, why is Link having sex with a girl version of himself?"

"Im linkle! U look stuped!" yellowed Lkle.

"She is stuped! SPOT ANNOYING US NAVEY!"

"Seriously, what is a girl version of you doing here, and why are you f*cking her?"

"dads it!" elled lenk. "Ur doing in your Cage! Wate, i forgetted wii were sposed 2 bii fitin ettother!"

"YEah ill keel u!" llinkedled.

"But ho can u bate mii I HAVE DA MASTER SORD!" he sed taking aut his plastic swerd from the secant chipper.

"Oh yah I HAV E DA MASTUR CROSSBOW!" den linkle taked out a nerf crossbow bow thing.

"ITS OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!" day yeleled.'

And den there was an HUGHE FITE there weres EXPLOSIONS and den pelpel were bean blasted evrywear and stuffs!

But then...

"WHAT THE F*CK ARE YOU DOING WITH MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY LINK!"

It was...MALON!

"o hay Macaroon." said link.

"Hi link who the F*CK IS THIS BITCH!"

"Im linkle an i like murder."

"Why u LITTLE C*NT STAY AQWAY FROM LINK HES MINE NUT YOURS! ILL KIIILL U!"

"Calm dwn Maroon wii aitn a coup."

"orly?"

"Yah,"sed Jingle. "I was jess trien 2 kiell him!"

"WUT!?"

"wii did have the secs thogh," siad link.

"OH MY FO*CKING GODESES NO ON E CAN SECS WITH LINK DATS IT DATS DA LAST STRAW!" (AN: GEDDIT straw cuz shes a farmer FUNNY!) "If i cant have him NOO ONE CAN!"

Den Malnutrition went SUPER SAYING and she punched da ground so hard that Deleware exploded and volcanos went everywere and antartica melted and Pluto blowed up! And den, Mycroft used her powers 2 make a GIANT GASTEROID startde headin 2 BLOW UP DA HOLE WURLED!

"ONO!" Yelled linki and linkel"

"Ha i hate u so mucho lintel i will OYSTER THE WHOLE WIRED 2 get rid of u!"

"But if you blow up the world, Link will die too," Navi said.

"OH NO I NEVER THOT OF THAT WHADDU WII DEW!" Nolan screamed.

But then...a hooded figure jumped out and punched the gasteroid so hard it completely vaporized into nothing!

"Who da fo*ck r u?" axed Halon. but den da stranger just punched da ground and blasted Marlon away!

"I know who you two really are. I know why you look so much alike," the figure said.

"But hen whu r wii really?!" linak axed.

"You two are..."

.

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.

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"BROTHER AND SISTER!"

"Wait, WHAT THE F*CK!?" shrieked Navi.

"Kool!" Link an linkle yelled hi fiving eachother.

"OH MY F*CKING GODDESSES, THAT MEANS LINK HAD SEX WITH HIS SISTER! WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH THIS STORY!?"

"Bute Howe do u no dis?" asked Link.

The person took of his hood to reveal that he was...TINGLE! "It's because..."

.

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"Link, I am your father!"

Chapter Text

"Link, I am your father!"

'WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111" evry1s yelped.

"You remember Zelda's babies from that earlier chapter?" Tingle asked. "Those babies...WERE YOU!"

"Wait, that means..." said Navi, "THAT LINK HAD SEX WITH BOTH OF HIS PARENTS AND HIS SISTER! WHAT THE F*CK WHAT THE F*CK WHAT THE ACTUAL F*CK! THIS IS A NEW LOW EVEN FOR THIS STORY, OH MY F*CKING GODDESSES!"

"WOW!" yelled Link and Linkle.

"I fish I nu dat win I secsed wif u!" yeled Lung. "It wilduv ben a loot sexyer if I new dat!"

"I no rite i wanna secant with yooo now!" Longley lunged.

"YOU PEOPLE ARE F*CKING DISGUSTING!"

"Can i call u daddy now?" axed lint.

"Hay daddy du u want 2 have sum funzies!" yyd Twinkle.

"Letz si if u ken take both of us at one's!"

By now Navi was throwing up all over the place.

"Tingle cant beleve Tinlgehas a sun and a Daugherty!" sed tingle "But ting is an EEEEEVIIIILL candybull and he cannot haves da kiddies because he is EEEEEEEVIIIIIIIIIL! But...I WILL TAKE LINKLE 2 BE MY GIRLFREND!"

"YAY!" yeleddeed Inkle. "HA LINK TAKE THAT I WILL BE THE REAL HERO BECAUSE IM EEEEVIIIIL 2!"

"wate but I'm elsa evil!" helled link.

"Yah but U SUCK!"

"No u do!"

"No u do!"

"No u do!"

"No u do!"

"Kelm doewn kiddies!" yeled Shingles.

"Hes Wright!" Srta. Linkela habla. "anyway, I don realy luv him, I'm just gooona dait him BEXAUSE I HAT U LINIK U ARENOUT THE HETHAN OF TIM I AM!"

"LIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEES!"

"ANywai," sed STingle. "Letz go lukle!" an den day ran of intwo the sonset holding manos.

LATER:

"Master Tingle, are you sure that adding that girl to the team is a good idea?" asked Epona.

"Oh, don't worry. I have it all figured out. It's all going according to-"

"HEY!" someone yelled. And that someone was...Navi! She was pointing a gun towards Tingle!

Without thinking, Epona took out her lightsaber, but Tingle stopped her from taking any further action. "It's okay, I can handle this myself."

The horse hesitated for a second, but then put away her weapon. "As you wish, master."

After Epona left, Tingle was the first to speak. "Hi! Welcum 2 da tingly clubhouse! Tingle tingle koooooloo Limpa!"

"Cut the shit, Tingle. I know you aren't as dumb as you pretend to be. Now tell me, what are your intentions in all this? Do you have some 'master plan' going on?"

Tingle smiled. "Why, of course! Everything that happened in this story is part of my master plan. But it's not like there's anything you can do to stop it."

"What if I shot you?"

"I'd like to see you try. There's-"

*BANG*

Navi gasped as Tingle caught the bullet.

"Man, you should see the look on your face! And I can't believe even you underestimated me so much!"

"But...how did you-"

"Alright, Navi. I feel like you deserve at least a little explanation. You and I are two of the only people with any sense anymore. Actually, it's a lot of fun being a genius in a world of insects. Ever since the Fanfiction Goddesses-"

"Wait, do you-?"

"No, I know just as much about them as you do. But despite my lack of knowledge on the Fanfiction Goddesses, I am very thankful for what they've done. Because of them, I have been awakened. Younger me was a fool, a weakling. I lived in my parents' basement, obsessed with dreams of becoming a fairy. Now I'm an evil mastermind, manipulating all of Hyrule! But one thing that you probably don't know...is that there is some of that fool still in me. Sometimes I hear voices in my head, saying, 'Please...stop! Make it stop! I can't take it...please!' At first I started freaking out when I heard that. I thought, 'What if part of my former self is coming back?' But then I realized something hilarious: part of that annoying younger self is still in there, but he is forced to live with being in the mind of a murderer. He has to live with torturing, killing, and eating hundreds of people, and there is nothing he can do about it! I love that fact, that I can make my younger self miserable! Sometimes I torture and kill people just to make him suffer! Isn't that hilarious!"

Tingle paused for a second, before continuing.

"And do you want to know the funniest part? That means that the same thing is happening to your Link! Link, the hero of time, is stuck inside the body of an insane serial killer! I wonder how he feels in there! The new Link has probably killed more innocent people than I have, and your Link has to live with it! Isn't that hilarious! ISN'T THAT HILARIOUS!" Tingle broke into hysterical laughter, taking a while to calm down. "Man, that's some good stuff. Anyway, my team's probably getting bored without me. See you around!"

Navi just stood there in shock.

Chapter Text

"HAY Naviy!" Hank inked. "GYSS WATT!"

Navi woke up after being chloroformed and stuffed into a suitcase. "What the f*ck? Where am I?"

"Where in ALOLO! Like in Pokes mon Son and Muns!"

"...Why?"

"Becase I felted like it loser. Also i used yere muney 2 pai 4 da trip!"

"WHAT?!"

And so Link kidnapped Navi and then they walked and stuff, and then thy found this gurl with a big hat amd a bag named lillie.

"Hi, welcome to the Alola region!" said Loli. "I'm Professor Kukui's assistant, Lillie. I'm here to show you around the region!"

"Yah," zed Lnk, "dat sunds nice an stufdf BUT IS THERE SECS?!"

"Umm, I don't know. I mean, you could probably pay someone for it."

"YAY!"

"Now, I'll introduce you to our cast of KOOKY characters! Or should I say, KUKUI characters!"

"This is going to be a long day," said Navi.

Later:

"This is Hau!" said Lully. "He sucks at battling!"

"Hay hau HAU are you doing!" HET link.

Hau looked over to Link. "Do you have ANY IDEA how often I've heard that joke? DO YOU HAVE ANY F*CKING CLUE HOW MANY TIMES I'VE HEARD THAT ONE SH*TTY JOKE?!" Hau instantly started smiling like nothing ever happened, doing that pose thing he does when he loses. "I mean, I'm fine, how are you?"

"Hau has crippling depression, but he it behind that annoying smile," Lily wispered. "He really needs to go to therapy."

Suddenly, some chick with a completely blank expression on her face walked up.

"This is Selene," Billy explained. (AN: I think Selene is the proteegonists name but im nut really sure) "She is completely emotionless and never says anything. I think she might be a psychopath."

Slendy continued being still and emotionless, as an edgy teen edged up.

"This is my brother Edgelo- I mean Gladion. He's really edgy and is obsessed with Hot Topic.

"No one understands my pain," he edged, edgily taking a sip of Caprisun.

"CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWLING IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN MY SKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!1111111111" the background music sang because he's so edgy that song plays everywhere he goes.

"Our mom is this evil chick named Lusamine that runs the Aether Foundation," Lippie rebilled. "She has a fetish for ultra beasts and she has a Buzzwole body pillow and writes lemon about tentacle sex with Nihilego." Lusamine/Nihilego, best pairing ever. (bisisdes Tinkle)

"Hay i tingk i half dat seam boddy pilow!"

Right then, a wired cloud pokething jumped out. "Pew pew," it said.

"Oh, Nebby, could you please get back into the bag?" requested Lillo. "Silly, Nebby, always getting themself in trouble. They always keep jumping out of their bag, but it's dangerous to let people see Nebby."

"Pew pew."

"Okay, back into the bag, Nebby." She finally convinced Nebby to go back into the bag.

"Anyway, thank you for coming to Alola!" exclaimed Killy.

"Have fun, friend!" yelled How.

"*insert something edgy here*" said Blazion.

"..." explained Spleen.

"Pew pew," Nebby nebbied from in the bag.

"I wonderwall why Nova isnent staying anything." Lynch geed. "Meeh its purplely nut thing."

LAter:

So Link sleep sleeping in his bed and he was in his bed. When Navi runned in coffered in cutes and brushes!

"Dobby, wat da funk r u doin!?"

"Link, we've got to get out of here! Lillie-"

"No1 gavels a f*dge aboot yur problemas Magi!"

But then Glazed and Debby ran it! Gladiator was really freaked out, and if someone as edgy as him is scared, some scary stuff must be going on! "Guys, Lillie's a f*cking psychopath! She's been holding all of Alola hostage, and she framed our mom of being evil, but she's the true villain!"

"He's right!" exclaimed Favi. "That crazy bitch tried to stuff me in her bag, and I barely got away with my life!"

"That monster must be stopped! When she was distracted with Navi, I finally saw my chance, and I grabbed Nebby and ran! But that psycho will be here any moment to find us!"

Suddenly, a crashing noise was heard! "F*ck, she's here!" Gelation screamed quietly. "RUN!"

"Pew pew!" said Nebby which is actually them screaming in terror.

"Nebby, where are you?" asked Milli Vanilli. "You better get back into the bag, or you'll be in big trouble!"

Everyone else was running away in fear, until they realized they reached a dead end! Now they were coronered by Philly! "There you are, Nebby!" she said with an evil smile on her face. "Oh, and you brought some friends, too!" Lillie pulled a knife out of her dress. "I guess you're all going in the bag now!"

Chapter Text

But before we really begin, we need to do...THE ENTIRE STORY RECAP! That's right! We are going to recap the entire story so far! I'll leave out the information from filler chapters though. SO HERE IT IS!

CHAPTERS WUN THROO FORDYNEIN RECAP!: Tiongle ternd evel and killede Eponda and his pappa, link tok links sord and took the sworerd, Alitha is DEAD, Melon yelled lik darth Vader, Ebony's ther two. U suck Tim, Navi hats Link, fanficten ruens evrything, Link smushes with Old Man, Tingle eats bacon and steels Malon's kidneys, Navi hates her life, Tingle goes into fanfiction so he can scar the readers for life, Link sings Andaconda, Zelda is in luv with him, Malown is to, Enoby and Sarah ar there, link kils them, Arnold Sforzando came, they travel beck in tim, Arneld sended Link to kidnap Enoby and Sara, Link kidnrapped them, Edoby and Sarah declahr war in eachother, Ahnold is actualy Tengle, World War III has begun, Navi breks intwo Enobies goff Castle too stop the goffs, Link messes it up, Harry coms to help, Link messes it up, the goffs tryto kill them, they excape, Darth Vadar is Epona, Epoma and Linkara fite, Darth epona leeves, thay goh too C the Happy Druge Salsman, link, Jappy Drug Saslemen, and Waldo Whittie hav the secs, Tingle ans Zedd hav the secs 2, Link and Navi fite bugs, Navi gets confuced, they red books, Jenna comes, link findsout that Zelda cheeted on him withj Tingle, Link swears avengence, Snap and Loopin masticate, Ebony hats Sara, Ebone fites wif da otter goffs, she destos da Hogwerts shcool of prars and mirrorcoals, Snap, Looopin, Mr. Bonding, and Link hav a treesom, TaEbory, Dally, Twila, and Atlantiana figt over Edwerd, Day kill bella, Harry from 30Hs is ther, Link meets Dark Yajami, Dark isnt gay, Link steels the Deth Note, he kills Dank, he kills a bunch of other peoples, Tingle stels the note, link is meen two Navi, Happy Drug ASalesman and Walder Wight are DEAD, Link goghs after Tingle, he kills Navi and a buch of othe people, he blows him and Tingl up, and APRIL FOOLS it was just a dreem, Link gos 2 Hobnails Hangar Horse, Hagerman Lifer is there, Lonk and Hummable have six, Tingle and Hearable try to eat Link, Julio Sesser scars them away, link secses with him, Mitten gets trepid in her hose by the Hogwarts School of Prayeers and Mirricles, she starts goin cray cray, she fines My Inner Life, she goes even more cray cray, she wes in luv wit link and despided 2 krill Jenna, she excapeds when Ebony plows up the skull, she kills jenna and cia, the Hot Topic Krew is sad, Tingle steels the Evertything Note from Dark, a kitty cat spiels it from him, Link is imbed with Rude, bloop bloop, he givs Navi fishy stacks, Old Man wanes about Waldy, link kells a buncha peopl, Weldo discuses as Nave, Naavi kils him, he sisn't the rel Wordo, the bed guys meck evil planes, Tingle hires Ben, Link and Saria bang, Sakuri gets made at Lenk, Fucara is awesom, the treble into Zedda, link is an arse anist, Sacurai and fucharashi rap for a long itime, thay fall in luv with eat other, Lonk likes cat-on-asian action, Sara an Evony fite, Link deosnt listern 2 navi, he goes to hotopic, its really preppy, LuPittoo r mien too him, he goes to ebonky, everyone chaces him and Navi away, Robbin trays to kale Mango, he descent have his toms, Maggot trays 2 keels him but cant, nooene can dye, link treys 2 fine out wye, thye werk wiht tindfe 2 finde out, link klills evreome, the Very Hungray Catapeleer did it, link releses it, he lills Navi, Dart hvader is Agitha, Agita trays to power up cattypiler, she has buggy sax, Link treps her, she escapes, catpilder trens into catcoon, Alibi brinks Nabi back, shay and Link BATLE, coperpiller becums butterfli, Ahura swatches sides, Fukira ets batterfly, thay wach buggy sax vydeo, everyne is spekin Spernish, Navi is confursed, Jorge the Mexican chef is speaking Englsh, Sakuree is spekin Franch, Tingle is lins brothel, its jest ssakrais dreem, Whorehey is still speckling Eglish is some Gemmen, Sakurai eats some tacos, Dark steels the note, he gets kirlled, link gets noted, link becoms kira, L is tingles deterctive, L and Light run atfer lonk, gambit pileup, what the hell is happening, im really confuses, they fine the rale note, lite dyes, saria dyes, and L jones tings teem, Lonk starts hary poter role play, a bunch of otter people play 2, the game starts, vlodemort attercks harry, enoby kils him, she has sax, new story, hare an jenny meke out, he meaks out hith Snape, Dumblydore has a danse partay, he starts rapping, Hedwig does 2, Sara jons chat, 30hs hary ends the stray, Ben gist raveng on lanky, theirs no punkuation, navi is madd, auther maeks it werse, it gets even worser, it terns intwo wired romea an Julio, evrethin turs bach 2 nornal, link as still noying, ad Navi iss mad, Nabi has a dreem, Link despides 2 goh TO SPACE, he gets speese ship, Neeve warns him, he doesent lisen, he flyes off, day sing Space Odity, thee ship milfunctions, he's lost IN SPACE!1111111, Lonk has a wheat dream, Sandwich saevs him, he tingks Seamus is hottie, he wants some luv luv, Status beats him Up, whe shoots him awai, he dies OR DOES HE?!1111111, Link dies, NOT, he olands on Plewdo, he goghs 2 a cantina on Play-doh, he meets abuncha SPACE peeple, lnk gos 2 Walerigis Tako stend, he sees Jorde, day get in a fite but it gets butter, John Stalvern comes and fites deamons with lonk, and then John was a zombie, link blows up ship, but did zombie john surveev, he was blasted 2 erth, he meets Sakera and kat, navi Jynxs it, link crushes in, he kills Navi, Toing and Zefa sax, day watch Billandted, zekda geths preggers, she has da babbies, she meats Bill &T&ED, se burrows the Tim machine 2 make furn of link, lenk krills her, navi servives, now day have da babbeez, Lank and Navy tank aboot da baboes, navi wants 2 but da baobys up 4 adopted, lonk wants 2 keep dem, malen gets mad but feelz butter when she ghets 2 mutilate Zelda's body, that green guy tries 2 but the baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabys in da micowave, navi trees 2 stpop him, she nocks him oot and saevs da bebbs, Beel and Teed tak da bobbies bach in tim, loink fines fish sticks, Malon does corpse art, chrum steels da fishick, Lank an Navi gohg in Slutoon, da squeed sisers annoince da Spletfeast, loonk geets halp form da MLG Watler Wite, he sings da song an annois navi, moe an his boi Friend make an eviil paln, MOe is mien, Octavimoe attack da Slutfest, Judd Dredd attecks dem, Navi saevs da day, Octavimoe were blasted into the Sky like take rochet, link starts to scream OH SH*T, You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a kid! You're a squid! You're a, Poplio is sad, hesees eggzeguter, day becoom frands, agitha attecks cootiefly, she kidneps chargabug insted, Oricorrooooo was bein meen 2 pipleo, he attooks X egg you tor, Pongpio murders da berd, he becames evel and starts krillin, he combiines wit Tingel, day will get knew powhers, day do evil stuffs, Sole and Mecca wake around, blare sluts in, day get mad, day chopper up and sender away, Cleef Cleevin deleevers her 2 hyrele, its thron away, tinglers eeevil teem is dere, day r bored, day fined Blur, she a hot cat, she jons da teem, octavimoe join da tame 2, they are named THE TINGLING SENSATION!11111111 (Best name ever), Tingly party, lonk fites with stealths, waldo keetches dem, Navi has 2 watc dum moovys, leak and blear have sax, tingle is mad, FLASHBACK tingle sexes with lank, nave is grossed, END FLASHBACK day dew evil stuffs, link hangs with his Friends, inkay inkay, everyone is totes jelly, Mello finds aout aboon da sexing, she desids 2 keel Bear, cat fite, bunches of kitty cats, Navi is still sad, Beatles, actually Snow halation, HTK party, Walter loves Viridi, goddess of dank, people dye, Sakurai stops it with tim travel, shiek is there, ILLUMINATI CONFIRMED, Lonk doesnt beleive her, TODEKETE, Sherlock and John are there, Haloreen partake, been wants scurry Hollower, tries 2 make a scary on, kidnaps navy, BUT HIS PLAN FAILS MISERABLY AND NOTHING IS SCARY, hes like totes sad, tingley sensation wast to cheers him up, they hier Villager to killer him, he is happy, he dies but not really, navy is still kidnoped, its chrismis, lank hates it, he kills some peeps, ghost naiv scards him, she tells him exposition, its a Christmas carol now, Navy leafs, ghost Zelda coms, she trieds to make him better but it doesn't work and she leafs, ghost ruto comes (in more ways than one HAHAHAHAH GEDDIT!?), link is so terrable that she kills herself, Light Yagami is there too and he is an offensive gay stereotype for some reason, Link tries to make a bunch of jokes BUT HE FAILS, lite is annoyued, Link tries to get L and Light back to gether and it works, but then it turned out that that was his plan all along and he got Light killed just to make Les life miserables, Navi is so mad she blows up, Sakurai and Fukura bring her back, dooor nocks, its KAREN!, she joneeids the team, its all goin accordion to plan, Linkle is hunting doen lonk, and its also going accordingly to plan, Linker huntress down Lynx, day get made at eachother, day get magical anime uniforms, theay sexx, navis they're, BIG FITE, Mellon comes, she gets like totally pissed off, and then she tries to blow up the entire world, I mean, what a bitch, a misterious finger stomps her, ITS TINGLE, LINK AND LINKLE ARE SIBLINGS WHAT, Navi is grassweed oat, and then...TINGLE IS LINK AND LINKLES FATHER OMG WHAT THE HUGEST TWITS AVER WOW!111111111, Tingle es Link's padre, WHAAAAAAAAAAT, Hague tvists, Navy is grossed out, Link and Linkle are really gross, AND NOW LINKLE IS TINGLE'S GIRL FRIEND EWWWWW, Navi goghs to kale Tangled, Tinges isent as dome as he seams, he caches a bowlett, TINGLE REVEASL THE TRUTH, Navy is sad, Lonk and navvy go to Alola, day meat Lollipop, day myt Haw, Celine Dion, y Nebby, Nebby kneads to get in da bag, link sleeeps, Navi and Umbreon and Nubby wank up, Lyly is evil, day run, and Overlie catches them!

AND HERE WE ARE!

I bet you have a perfect understanding of the entire story now after reading that recap! I have such a way with words.

Anwyay, this seems like a great time to introduction you to our cast of kooky characters!

Featuring...

Link: "Hero of Time," really evil, loves to kill people, no redeeming qualities, like really evil, is mean to Navi, has a bunch of sex, mass murderer, ooc.

Navi: Depressed, likes original Link, hates the new Link, Butt Monkey, Only Sane Man, true hero of the story.

Tingle: Evil, Like really evil, the Chessmaster, pretends to be stupid but is actually a genius, likes fairies, cannibal, Link and Linkle's dad, ooc.

Malon: Obsessed with Link, lives on a farm, Agitha is her evil clone for some reason, kills anyone else that likes Link, Yandere, makes statues out of dead bodies, randomly has superpowers, evil, ooc.

Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way: Psycho goff chick, wizard, vampire, hates preps, Mary Sue, looks like Amy Lee, describes her clothing in too much detail, has a lot of sex, cuts herself, weeaboo, hates steak, listens to a lot of goff bands from the early 2000's, wishes she was related to Gerard Way, declared war on Sara for being a prep, sadistic, evil.

Sara Osborne: Conservative Christian, extremely homophobic, Mary Sue, can't spell, doesn't understand anything about how the world works, has superpowers but forgets she has them, is on a Mishonh From God, snobby rich chick, is actually lesbian but denies it, plays a lot of Nintendo games, hates Ebony, thinks all liberals are gay rapists.

Linkle: Basically just a girl version of Link, evil, Link's sister and Tingle's daughter, has no sense of direction, hates Link, wants to be the hero of Hyrule, part of Tingle's team, Tingle's girlfriend, ooc.

Masahiro Sakurai: Our lord and savior, created SSB, Kirby, and Kid Icarus Uprising, basically a god, has nearly infinite power, Asian, immortal, troll, hates Link, hates me, helps Navi, married to his cat, the Big Good of the story.

Fukura: Sakurai's cat, eldritch abomination, you cannot grasp his true form, infinite power, immortal, hates Link, hates me, helps Navi, is a cat, cute, says meow, married to Sakurai, the other Big Good of the story.

Zelda: Princess of Hyrule, becomes Link's girlfriend, also is actually his mom, cheats on him with Tingle, has two children who turn out to be Link and Linkle, killed by Link, evil, ooc.

Epona: Horse, Darth Vader, the Dragon to Tingle, faked her death, evil, uses the force, part of Tingle's team, hates Link, ooc.

Hannibal Lecter: Cannibal, evil, Carthaginian, hates Romans, part of Tingle's team, smart, owns a cannibal restaurant, psychiatrist, ooc.

Waldo: Master of disguise, evil, can't find him, full name Ralph Waldo Emerson, essayist, part of Tinge's team, ooc.

Ben: Creepypasta, drowned, evil, has glitching powers, likes scary things, loves Halloween, plays pranks on everyone, part of Tingle's team, ooc.

L: World's greatest detective, obsessed with candy, hates Death Notes, virgin, kind of evil, weird, no social skills, part of Tingle's team, ooc.

Blair: Slutty, looks like a witch but is actually just a cat that looks like a witch, has a bunch of sex, magic powers, kind of evil, whorish, Butt Monkey, Team Pet, part of Tingle's team, actually kind of in character.

Moe: Clownfish, has anger issues, likes to scream everything, has a bunch of tentacle sex with Octavio, an asshole, evil, part of Tingle's evil team, slightly in character.

DJ Octavio: Octopus, tentacle hentai, evil, DJ, Large Ham, makes a lot of ocean puns, has a bunch of tentacle sex with Moe, part of Tingle's evil team, slightly in character.

Karen: Meme, came from the trailer for the Nintendo Switch, obsessed with the Switch, forces all of her friends to play it, part of Tingle's team, what's she even doing in the story?

Popplio: Sea lion, evil, lives in Tingle's head, turned evil after being bullied a lot, serial killer, ooc.

Agitha: Loves bugs, Malon's evil clone for some reason, obsessed with bugs, has a bug fetish, Darth Vader, uses a Lightsaber parasail, has a lot of buggy sex, makes bug puns, ooc.

Old Man: Creepy old dude, has sex with Link, eats rats from dumpsters, rips Link off, ooc.

Happy Drug Salesman: Drug dealer, Walter White's boyfriend, has sex with Link, rips Link off, evil, ooc.

Walter White: MLG, drug dealer, loves dank, obsessed with Viridi, the Happy Drug Salesman's boyfriend, afraid of the Illuminati, has sex with Link, ooc.

Snap and Loopin (and eventually Mr. Bonding): Three creepy dudes, have sex with Link, like to masticate, ooc, except for Mr. Bonding, he's pretty much in character.

The Hot Topic Krew: Made up of Dark Pit, Lucas, Shadow, Cia, Wolf, Lucina, Luigi, Robin, Mr. Game & Watch, Viridi, and Greninja, edgy, gothic, love Caprisun, obsessed with Hot Topic, out to kill Yoshi, want to bring the original Hot Topic back, assholes, at least they go through character development, each character is ooc.

Tim: Evil, the worst person ever, Asian, an asshole, he really sucks, no redeeming qualities, pure evil, no one likes him, Satin, evil, loser.

The Fanfiction Goddesses: ? ? ?

Inkay: Inkay.

Okay, I guess that's enough characters. I know that's not every character in the story, but it's most of them.

Now...on to the death toll!

DEATH TOLL:

The English language, Guide AKA Tingle's dad, Epona (faked), Agitha (returns), Navi (died multiple times, but returned), Ebony (returns), Sara (returns), Saria (returns, then dies again), Agitha's bugs, Bella Swan, Dark Yagami (died multiple times, but returned), Ganondorf, Everyone in Chapter 10 but it was just a dream, Harry Potter, almost everyone from the Hogwarts School of Prayers and Miracles, Jenna Silverblade, Cia (returns), Ruto, a bunch of innocent bystanders, random guy pretending to be Waldo, random guy in a creepypasta, Hitler, everyone in Kokiri Forest, Bill Trinen (faked), Robin (returns), everyone in Hyrule (returns), the Very Hungry Caterpillar, Nicholas Cage, a bunch of criminals, Near (returns, then dies again), Light Yagami (returns, then dies again), punctuation (returns, luckily), Jar Jar Binks, some demons, John Stalvern (becomes a zombie), Link (returns), Zelda, Oricorio, everyone in the world (returns), Ben (returns), Linkle's grandma, some peeps, some random guys, and everyone in Delaware.

Okay, I think that's about everyone who died. I might have missed someone, though.

Anyway, this CHAPTER 50 SPECTACULAR can't go on for too long, but I do want to show you a little of what's coming up!

Things that will probably happen later in the story!:

More stuff with Ebony, more stuff with Sara, Sakurai does some stuff, Dally Darkblood and Sara team up, Cloud Angle appears, THE FANFICTION GODDESSES, Link kills some more people, Icarus finds his true love, Dampe THE UNDERTAKER, more people join the Tingling Sensation, Link forms his own team, Ebony ORIGINS, Navi finds THE TRUTH, HUGE TWISTS, Chrom vs. Link, Hannibal origins, Epona origins, Flash vs. Savitar, Walter origins, Tim is still an asshole, Bill steals donuts from Reggie, Illuminati really is confirmed, Sherlock vs. L, Sans is Ness, an EPIC FINAL BATTLE...AND MORE!

That's just some of what is still in store for the story. Don't worry, I'm not ending it any time soon.

And now...a special thanks to all of my readers! Thank you so much to all of you who have read my story this far! And a huge thank you to everyone who has reviewed, commented on, favorited, or left Kudos on my story! I'll list everyone right here! Thank you to...Guests, Elin Master Race, ReluctantHero, templeofsouls, firm wang, Garsson, sholk, Titan Flavoured Birthday Cake, Rhaylt Zheirt, The Prophet of Oversight, MerchantAnna, GeneralDarkPit, a man, Zeni Riri, DJ Twitch, An Hero, whuddafuq, KittyCatCat, MitchMyester, Tito Dick "Dickman" Baby, Not Alex (whoever left that review must be very handsome), HeroineLinkle, jeremy1555, Non-Alex Guest (also sounds sexy), SoraAlcard, sexyshulk, Ignitious, Wendigo_Prince, axiomaticArtisan, Aliverofallthings, Anonnn, ReFrostE, and everyone else!

If I forgot to put you down on the list or I misspelled your name, please tell me so that I can add you to it or correct it. Be sure to check out cutielinkle's commentary of my fanfic on DeviantArt! It's some good stuff! Also check out the blog Fanart of Questionable Fanfiction! It posts some cool art from troll fics!

I also have DeviantArt and Tumblr accounts, so check those out if you want!

Anyway, I'm glad we were able to make it all the way to 50! Thank you everyone for the support! We even have our own TV Tropes page now! I can't believe so many people like this story! Let's see how far we can keep going! But anyway, thank you guys so much! Don't thank Tim, that guy's a f*cking dick.

Chapter Text

"Oh no! We're all going to die!" Flatiron edged.

"Pew pew!" Nebby cried.

"Wait!" exclaimed Navi. "Good thing there just happens to be a giant hole in this wall! RUN!"

Qnd then they runned out of the whole and Polly was likr "Get the f*ck back here!" and she started throwing knives.

Day keeped runninging until this van drove up. It had skulls spray painted onto it to look cool. The person inside opened up the door and he was...Guzma!

"Ya'll need help?" Guzzlord axed.

"HELP A SIGHCO MERDERER IS TRIIN 2 KEEL US!" Kink shamed.

"Quick, get in! Ya boi Guzma will save the day!" and then everyone jumped in Guzaarish's vamanos and drove off.

"Nebby, GET IN THE F*CKING BAG!" everyone heard behind them. Navi opened up the back window to see what was happening, and Lolicon was driving a car toward them! "Let's see what else I have in this bag!" said Lillie and she pulled out a rocket launcher! "Get back here or you'll be blasted to bits!"

"Oh shit," said Gelation, spitting out Caprisun.

"Pewdiepie," said Nebraska.

Then she shot the rocket and blew off the top of the van! "Hey!" yelled Gizmo. "This van was f*ckin expensive!"

"Wate we must faster!" Lark yarded. "Wii need 2 get rid of da xtra wait!" And so Lynk threw Giza out of the van so they could faster. But Lillington was still chasing them! Then they went on an EPIC CHACE there was EXPLOSIONS and DEATHS! Lnk crashed into Professor Burnett and killed her, meaning that Kukui is finally single!

"COME BACK HERE NEBBY SAID LILLIE" said Hillbilly, and then she started pulling Grenada's out of her bag and blowing up houses and then she took off her hat and it turned out it was razor sharp and then she threw it and it chopped off Sophocles' head.

"STINKIN JEW!" Link yelled at Lillie because he's anti-Semitic.

AND THE CHASE EPICLY CONTINUED AND THERE WERE EXPLOSIONS AND DEATHS AND HALF OF ALOLA EXPLODED and Willy took out more weapons from her bag and it was so scary you guys like imagine if Satan was in a heavy metal band and he had a flaming guitar that was covered and bombs and knives and swords and fire and it was killing peeps and dead bodies were everywhere AND THE BAND WAS PLAYING NICKLEBACK that's how scary it was.

"i no eggzactly watt 2 dew 2 stop Lilligant!" Rink excraimed. "Ill shoot Navigation at her!"

"WHAT?!" Naveen yelud. And then Link picked up Navy and put her in his slingshot! "Wait, what are you doing?! Don't-"

And then Link shot Navi off butt he missed and shot her off a cliff and she died. But then LilyEmme's car hit a rock anyway and the car exploded and it crashed into the car Link was driving and they both EXPLODED but no one died except for Navi.

But then Little jumped out of her car and went up to Nebuchadnezzar! "I've got you right where I want you, Nebby!"

"Pew pew," said Nebby all cute and rebelliously.

But Lillie was really pissed now. Nebby escaped from the bag one too many times, and she would make them pay.

Her left eye started glowing as she said, "You're gonna have a bag time," and she started shooting hundreds of bags out of her hand.

"Pew pew," Nebby screamed in terror.

"Lillie, stop!" cried Gideon. "What ever happened to the friendly you I used to know? You need to rethink what you're doing!"

"Yeah right, I'm totes evil now! I have all of Alola after my control, and I'll put EVERYONE in my bag!"

But as Lillie was distracted by Gladion, Nebby new this was his chance. The tables were finally turned, as he grabbed a bag and started stuffing Lillie into it.

"NEBBY WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" she screamed. "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GO IN THE BAG, NOT ME!"

But Nebby would not stop.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!11111111" she screamed. Nebby kept pushing her further into the bag until he heard a snap and blood started flowing out the top; Lillie was no more.

"Pew pew, mothaf*cka."

"We're...free!" said Glaucoma in shock. "WE'RE FREE!"

A large crowd suddenly appeared and started cheering.

"Nebby, you did it!" yelled Hau. "That bitch is finally dead!"

Selene walked up too, finally smiling. "Lillie had me under mind control so that I couldn't feel emotions, but now that she's dead I'm FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"I'm so happy!" Gladion said edgily and then went to Hot Topic for celebration.

"I did it!" Link said like in that one game, even though it was all because of Nebby that she was defeated, you just sat back and hid behind Edgelord, you little shit.

EPILODGE:

Navi happened to land in a revive so she could come back for the next chapter.

Lusamine got married to Nihelgo and had a lot of tentacle sex, best ship 10/10.

Gladion became the president of the Aether Foundation and he renamed it the Hot Topic Foundation.

Lillie is dead.

Hau finally snapped and killed a man. He lives in an insane asylum to this very day.

Professor Kukui got together with Sycamore and they're now the hottest couple to ever exist ever. Their mere presence causes immediate orgasm because they're so sexy.

Link is still an asshole.

Nebby learned English and started an organization to destroy all bags.

Selene's new emotions caused her to go insane and she went on a murder spree before being gunned down by the cops.

Guzma is still a weird punk dude.

That golfer chick from the Elite Four had a heart attack and died.

And Link is still anti-Semitic. THE END~

Chapter Text

One day therre was this geyosy named Dampay and he had a graveyard because it was next to the church and he could go into the cherch and pretend to be quasimoto. but hten one day since buseness was running low, he decided he was goning to find peeps to fill it up himself and keel them. Now he kills criminals and calls himself dampe THE UNDERTAKER! He's basically just the punisher now.

Later:

Damp was lookin for someone too kale and then he realized that he should kill LINK! "Dis is jest da tape of filth dat I knead 2 cleans da word of! Hes a merderer and arsonist and he voted for Trump an eh must DIE!" Dope muts avenger the deaths of his dead wife and kids. And so Donkey was ready 2 hunt down that bitch link.

Mean wheel:

lonk was at home watching his fav show the Nutshack. He was obsessed with The Nutshack and she forces Navi to watch it with him and he dresses up for Halloween as Tito Dick "Dickman" baby, he raised Phil and loves the ladies. He also worships the theme song and uses it as his ringtone and plays it everyday or as you say in the Filiphenes, todos los diablo. "NAVY LOOK DA NUTSNACK IS COMBING ON!"

"Do you really need to scream that every time a new episode begins? We've been watching the same episode of this piece of shit show for the past five hours, and goddesses, I wish I was dead."

"SHUT UP NAVIEIEIIEIRUEIR THE THEME SUNG IS BENIGN! It's da nootshack! its da nate snack! Itsp fa Nyte shick! Idkl dkaj nuthsakck! Idhfkl dklfhghd netghelgfhdf! Pit's the knit shack! Ate the peanuts hack! Usted la NATO shack! Es fa Ninja shack! It thu snake shack! Fate's the butte shack! Tis be the shack! Pills frame da store! Macs theme the Polite! Horario yo Borat sew benign! Theo Tick "Thiccman" Pave! He fazed Bill and hugs the laddies! Jakes cold hes lanky hes stale leonine, oversize Gary Pi still a version. Cheetos Fritos meat the fleek on the heathen. Still's phone girl but Juke wakes 2 crêpe her. But its nut harpooning aether snaking like a sneaker. Hold cup bet mii snark these fake a briefer. Bathe that briefers in my lounges. I gut gramps what you Warhol sun. EETZ DA NOUT SHOKE! OI DTHE HATE SNAKE! HITS THE FUTILE SPECKLED! GETS THE NUTELLA SNACK~!"

"SOMEONE PLEASE GET ME OUT OF HERE! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY LONGER! HEY, LISTEN! IS ANYONE THERE!?"

"Shoot up Nazi I cant hear da show!"

But then suddenlky Dank the Undertale shot the door out with a Marcin gun! "Hay u interepted my fav show!" lnkn knled

"Preparations to die!" yelled Dampness. and then he threw down a domb and it blasted Navi all the way into Dark Pit's house! And he was watching AMIME?!

"What the f*ck?!" exclaimed Dark Pit because he was mad that he couldn't say f*ck without it being censored.

"Um..." said Navi. "Sorry about that. I was kind of...blasted away by an angry vigilante hunchback who broke into Link's house and threw down a bomb."

"I was just watching anime ironically, I don't actually like it," said Dark Pit edgily. Then they sat in awkward silence for a while.

"So..." Navi said, breaking the silence. "What ever happened with Icarus and everything?"

"Well..."

FLASHBACK:

Icarus was walking around, when he saw in the distance...Green de la Bean?!

"Bean? Is that you?"

"Bitch you guessed it," said Bean.

"I haven't seen you in years, Beanicus!"

"Hey wanna date," bean said beanily and loudly.

"But Bean-senpai-icus! I would like to, but...I have an evil villain living in my head that wants to destroy the world!"

"You friccin moron! I'll take care of that!" And then he shot a sound wave so strong that Erebus was completely destroyed, never to return, and then Icarus and Bean got together and lived happily ever after. Icarus/Bean, best ship 10/10 (it's canon).

PRESENT:

"I can't believe my stepdad is a f*cking green bean," Pittoo grumbled.

"Hmm..." said Navi, probably thinking about how beautiful of a pairing that was.

"So...wanna go with me and Lucas to grunch?" asked Dank Pillow.

"Grunch?"

"It's brunch but edgy. The 'g' stands for gothic."

"Okay," replied Navi and then they all got super wasted.

MEANWHILE:

"Oka now I'm gonna keel u!" sed Donde the Uppertaker.

"F*k." said link.

MEANWHILE:

Malon was at the farm like she usually is, committing mass murder. She had dozens of girls dat link slept with and was goinna kill all of dem brutally.

"Wow dis is goona bee sew much fun!" she said. A few chicks were hanging from ropes with only chairs under them so Mettaton shot out the chairs AN THEY CHOCKED 2 DEF. Den she snapped her fingers an a shark tank opened up and ate some chicks.

"Oh yah, I need 2 work on my artworks!" she yelled because if you remember back to that one chapter, Mallow is an artist that makes artworks out of dead people. Her dad Talon disapproves of her carrerr in art because he's the don of the Arrivederci crime family, and he wants her to do some Italian Mafia stuff instead. The reason why they live on a farm is that it is an easy place to get horse heads to put in people's beds.

"i should work on my Jacksin Polluck paintings!" said Mutation. Then she put a canvas next to some chicks that were tied up and then her arm turned into a giant katana which she chopped them into pieces and their blood splattered onto the canvas and made a panting that looked like one by Jaxen Potluck.

"i butter see how Lank's doin," she said to a girl whose throat she was slitting, "so i beter finish this up quichely!" and then she covered the ground in gasoline and threw a Molotov cocktail down on it and left the rest of the peeps to burn.

LATER:

"ha now u die," said Drampa the Caretaker.

But then a random wig fell down on his head just as Melanoma walked by and she thought it was a girl! "Who da F*CK IS DIS!"

Malon was so mad that she turned into One Punch Man and punched Dampé so hard his skin disintegrated and his skeleton was blasted into space at the speed of light, opening up a portal back in time and killing whoever thought Metroid: Other M was a good idea and so the game never came out and the world is a much better place. THE END.

MEANWHILE:

Nebby was at the store looking for bags to burn, when Tingle flew up! "Cosmog Nebuchadnezzar Pewton the Fifth,"

"Pew pew I mean I can speak English now hi."

"I have one question for you: how much do you hate bags?"

"I hate bags more that anything! They represent everything wrong with humanity!"

"Then I have a mishonh for you! A Mishonh From Tingle!"

"k"

and then Nebby joined Tingles team.

THE END~

Chapter Text

The members of the Tingling Sensation—which seems to basically be just an unholy combination between the MemeMemeMeme Brigade, Cute Toot House, League of Super Evil, and the Big Bads—were all gathered round the campfire to sing that one song from SpongeBob.

"Hey, this seems like a good time for STORYTIME!" exclaimed Hannibal.

And so everyone told a bunch of stories. Hannibal told about some of his favorite recipes, Waldo didn't say anything because he was hiding, Ben told a bunch of generic Creepypasta stories, L told a 30 minute long story about a candy cane he ate, Blair told about a bunch of slutty stuff, Moe screamed about some guy that cut in front of him on the road last month, DJ Octavio played some funky tunes, Karen talked about the Switch because it's her only joy in life, Linkle talked about some sex-murders she took part in and grossed everyone out what's she doing on this team she's just a psycho tingle better have a good plan behind letting her join it, and Nebby talked about hating bags. Tingle wasn't there because he was presumably working on some evil plan or something.

But one person had not said a word the entire time. "Hey Epona," said Hannibal. "We've all know Tingle for a while now, but you've known him for longer than all of us! Why did you decide to start working with him?"

Epona thought for a second.


A few years earlier:

Link AKA pure evil was at a horse race, as he forced Epona to take part in it. She was just a regular horse at the time, but Link treated her like garbage.

Dis was a lung tim ago, bech when undertail first came out (of the closet GEDDITYEKTHAHAHAH!) and everyone listened to songs like Party Ruck anthem and Gangam Style an da Hartline Shack. Ever since MatPat gave the Pope undertail, he became completely obsessed with it, changing his name from Pope Francis to Pap Sansis. He also prints out all Bibles in Comic Sans and does his religious ceremonies in full cosplay.

"CUMIN EPONYM U BETTER WIN DIS RACE OR ILL F*CKIN CUT YA MATE!" he britished even though hes not british so it was all just weird. "I BET A F*K TUN OF MUNEY ONN DIS SO U BUTTER NUT LOOSE!11"

"Hey, Link," said Navi. "Wait, what the f*ck are you eating?"

"Dese r medium rare chicken strips an dere da best!"

"That looks extremely disgusting, and you're probably going to get salmonella from them."

"Y wood i get samonalla dis is chickens nut samen!" And then the audience laughed because it was a COMPLETELY ORIGINALIL JOKE THAT I DID NOT STEAL FROM TUMBLR!

"Listen, Link! It probably would be a bad idea for you to eat that, as it is extremely under-cooked and could kill-"

"SHOOT DA *UCK UP KNOBBY DA RACIST IS ABOUT 2 START!"

And so the race began. Epona ran to the best of her ability, but because of her extensive injuries that Link gave her, she wasn't able to make it much past the starting line before collapsing.

"F*K!" screamed Link.

"Ha b*ch," laughed Darunia, who also had a hose in the raise.

"u funky pitch," Lin sid 2 Darude Sandstorm. "I CANUT LOOSE ITS ALL BONANZA'S FAULT AND NAVI FR*NK U!"

"Ha u lozer now pay up or ill call da mafia on u. U just losted $9050 dollars!" sed Darmanitan.

"ONO!" Link onoed. "ITS-"

"Please don't say it," Navi said.

"ITS OVER 9000!1111"

Navi groaned.

"O yah i forgetted dat i dont have dat much mons, so u get a job to pay it off navy!"

"What?!" exclaimed Navi.

"Yah juest get a job as a hooker or somthin!"

"I'm literally just a floating ball with wings, so how the f*ck would that work. And plus, you're the one that lost the money, why don't you get a job instead of watching PewDiePie for the entire day?"

"ITS BECADE URE A LITTLE BOTCH NOW GET A JOBE!"

And so Navi was forced to get a job at KFC to pay off Link's debt.

Later:

Link dragged Epona home into the stables. "Okai Elena. U failed mii 1 last tim! Now im gonna half 2 put u 2 sleep! But 1st ill torture u two make you're death slow and painful! Almost as slow as u were in dat race u f*kign beech."

Epona started to panic, neighing for help.

"Oh ammonia, dew u relly tink dat u will bee able 2 get a way? well yere sooooooo rong yere gonna dye right here an know one will save you! An navi wheel never know about dis, she's at work an has know idea we're hear! Now lets start da FUN!"

Link tied up Epona to keep her from escaping and took out a knife. With his first cut, Epona cried out in pain. "Wow yere such a baby u have know ideal now much dis will heart!" Link continued cutting, making small cuts that aren't enough to kill, but are enough to cause extreme pain. Epona struggled under the ropes, but to no avail.

"Oh eponeeee i half an idea howe aboot i get some HOT WATER!" Linky pulled out a container filled with boiling water and poured it all over Epona's skin. It was so hot that much of her skin began to burn off, as Epona shrieked in pain.

"O yah oh yes im so tuned on write now i chant tank it any more! I half 2 leave 2 go masticate butte ill be bach in 5 minuets 2 finish u of!" Link took a knife he found and stabbed it through Epona's side so that she wouldn't escape. "Boy Epinions ill c u soon 2 painfuly funish u off BI!"

Just as Link happily skipped out the door to get to the masticating, Tingle happened to be walking by. "Why is Link covered in blood?" He got an evil smile on his face. "I wonder just what the hero of time is up to!"

The evil fairy man peered through the door, spying Epona's injured body on the floor. "Oh, man. This is some good shit right here. I can't believe that Hyrule's hero has become such a monster! How hilarious!"

Yes, it is certainly interesting, Popplio said in Tingle's mind. (AN: Remeber dat 1 chap how Pip is in Tin's head?) Those goddesses definitely did a number on him. But wait...I sense some power coming from Epona. Is it...the Force?

"I can feel it as well. If we're correct and Epona does possess this power, she might be just the ally we need for our plan. How long do you think she can survive like this?

She'll be dead within an hour if we leave her alone, but with proper medical attention, she'll be able to make it.

"Good. Now let's get back to the base. If this succeeds, we'll have the first member of our team."

And so Tingle rescued Epona and healed her back to health. Her body was too damaged to do much good, so he had her turned into a cyborg and gave her the ability to speak. He also taught her to master the force, and she is now the Sith Lord Darth Epona, loyal only to Tingle.

Tingle had a fake head made and put it in Link's bed just to screw with him, and so the story began.


"Tingle saved me from a complete monster," Epona said to the group. "If it wasn't for him, I would be long gone. And so, I shall stay loyal to Tingle forever."

Meanwhile:

Sara was at her base looking at magazines with pictures of hot guys to keep herself from having gay thoughts, when a young goth girl walked into the room. "Ono! Are u goin 2 rap me?"

"No i am hear to join you. I am Dally Darkblood and i used to work with taht bitch Enoby but now i realise that we should work togeter insteed."

"Butt whi?"

"Its becase we both hate fa-"

(AN: WHAT THE F*CK YOU CAN'T SAY THAT WORD IN MY FANFIC)

"You f*ckin p*ssy. fine i wont. But we shoud team up becase we both now the truth about gays an can finaly put a stop to them."

"Mabe u ned some mor help!" sed a voic.

"Wow r u an angle?" assed Sara.

"Yes my name is Cluod. I have blonde hair, but not lick that other fa-"

(AN: SIRIUSLY U CNT SAY THAT GUYS!)

"Fin but i think i shold join u guys!"

"Lets dew this!" sed Sara an den day did an epic pose for the camera but this is a fanfaic and they're isnt a cam so i bet they feel reel stupid right now.

Chapter Text

One day Sakurai and his cat her sitting around. "What the f*ck are we doing here?" said Seppuku.

"I have no f*cking idea," meowed Fukura Station.

Later:

Carbuncle was sittin wif her daddy tangle. forming a hot ship so hot. (AN: In all seriousness, guys, doesn't Tinkle seem like a legitimately good ship? I mean, not with this creepy incest stuff, but canonically. REASONS WHY: 1. They both wear green. 2. They both wear hoods. 3. They make a cute couple. 4. They both wear clock-looking things. 4. Linkle has a bad sense of direction, but Tingle is a mapmaker! Isn't it so perfect?! In conclusion, Tinkle forever.)

But hen Fickle releszed some fuming! "Im preggers and LINK IS THE FLUFFER!"

"How dew u no dat?"

"i donno but its truu. BUt I cant have a babby that came frum dat anole! So I can juest half dem an den harvest dere organas and sell dem on da Bach Marche! BUT DAN I HALF 12 WANK Nein MUNTCH!"

"Good thing I happen to have this magical pregnancy speed up thing right here!"

And then tinglefdfdf shatted Linkle with da speedy thing sans da babs were borned. DAy were twiins!

"Holy fungi DERE HIDEOOSE!" helled Linkedin.

Since Link and Linkle incestly made them with their sick Kill la Kill cosplay sexy time a few chapters ago, their chillins were borne with birth defects. They had giant, mutant heads, cartoony and catlike eyes, and were cell shaded.

"Deay r ABOMINABLE SNOWMANS!" Dankle wormed. "IL SJEST KERL DEM NOW!"

"Or..." Tingle said. "We could have a sacrifice birthday party for the kids and sacrifice them to Demise! Wouldn't that be more fun?"

"YEOEUR RATE!" she sed.

"Now what do you think we should name them?"

"dat 1 loox like dat fickler Link but a cartoon swew ill nam him Toon Link! An dat gurl luks like a uuman virgin of Arthridis and alsa cumbined wif L so shell bee maned Aryll!"

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY SOON TO DIE KIDDIES!" exclaimed Yingyangle.

Letterman Jacket:

"NAVIE COMB HEAR LINKLE had twin bapies aND DERE MIEN! SHe posted it on Instagrum!"

On Instagram, it had a picture of Linkle and the babies, with the caption, "i jest had sum babs an sences derte loins im hosting a murder birthdi purty an EVERYUNS INVITTED xept 4 lonk."

Also, Tingle posted, "I'm so proud of my daughter, who just had twins! Also, congratulations to my son, Link, who's the father! Don't ask."

Replies:

Hannibal Lecter: Oooh, so cute and tender! I could eat them right up! ;)

BEN: What the hell, I thought I looked scary.

L: No wonder the goddesses decide to flood Hyrule.

Karen: Hey, cell-shaded graphics are underrated.

Tingle: Good thing we blocked Malon. Otherwise, she definitely wouldn't be happy.

Nebby: Now that's an understatement.

"WHat da f*cnkg wii half 2 kill da babs befo day dew~~! Com wif Rabi!" whne lonk called navi rabi that was just a typo, he wasn't calling her teacher. Link got out his trusty plastic sword and then he got out his phone to call Malon. "Megalovania, I hearded Linkle had a baby dat i preggernated her wif!"

Link felt the fabric of reality being torn apart.

"Wear is navy anyway!" link kicked oppan Navi's door, and Navi was...making out with a body pillow of Marie from Slutoon i mean Splatoon!

"Uh, I can explain!"

"NOWS NUT da TIM Nascar weve got some chillins to keel! And dere my kiddies! That i had wif my sister Linkel!"

"Wait, what the f*ck?"

Later:

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Tingle and Linkle screamed at the babies as they were being lowered into the death pit. It was a huge party, and all of Tingle's friends were invited. (AN: I wish i cold half a birthday patty BUT I KANT BECADE I HAF NO FRANDS!)

Suddenly, all of the power went out and a glowing figure teleported into the room! Everyone could feel their energy being sapped away by the deadly figure. And it was...Malon! "WHERE ARE THEY?"

"Just in time," whispered Tingle. "They're right there!" He pointed to a random pillow lying on the floor.

A black whole opened up in the middle of the floor, absorbing the pillows before dissipating. "Now dat dis is taken 2 (AN: GEDIT) care off, I will funnel cake kill FRINDLE!"

Suddenly, before she could shoot a Hyper Beam at Lik's sister, sleeping gas started coming from the ceiling and knocked everyone out. Except for Tingle because he was wearing a gas mask!

"I've taken care of everyone," Epona said to Tingle over the phone.

"Good, now to fix the timeline."

And then Tingle got Bill and Ted to send Toon Link and Aryll to the future, where everyone looked cartoony like them, and they were adopted by some peeps i guess I kinda forgot what happened in that game it's been so long. Also, I know Aryll is younger than Link, but just pretend she was sent slightly forward into the future from where Toon Link was sent and that's why she's younger.

Anyway, and then everyone miraculously forgot about this event because Tingle put memory removal gas in with the sleeping gas or something I dunno.

Chapter Text

I did sum bachstory last time, so ill recite the entire shoe as mucho as i ken rememberer.

Backstroy: 1 day sum time agog, their was a Polish Scientis named Bari Alden and he was stroked by lighting and he got SUPER SPED and becam noun as THE FLESH! His mod also died and his dad was in jal, but he got out and left and He was addopted by Joe and Iris is Jos dauber who Beary licks whos brother is Waldo west and Bear works with Sysco Raymond (AKA Vibraphone) and Katelyn Slow (AKA Killing Frost (but onle in Erath 2)) Harry Welsh is from earth 2, but there was anoter one from earth1 who waws evil and real name was Eabird Thawed who died and Jay Gerick who is also flash, is also from EARth 2 he turned otu too be ZOOM who was a bad guy from that world who Bart had 2 fite an Barley founded dat Jay Z's real nam is Humper Solomon so then he kill bars dad an burry was sad an den zooms desided he wanked 2 blow up da multiversp so Beri decided 2 stoppo him an den day had a racist agent eachother an Bleary defeated him by making a tim clon dat stopped da multipurse bomb an den Hoom was kiled bi da tim raiths wich r frum da sped forest, an den it tuerns out dat da guy in da mask is da reel Jay an he looks like Baris dad because hes his erth 3 counterpart, an den Byrron gets togeter wif Piris, but den Beauly is stil sad aboot his daddy dying an so he travels bach in tim an brigs his mom an dad bach BUT THAT TOTALY SCREWS UP EVERYTING! Now its semen 3, an borer is livin a norm lif in da new word called FLESHPOINT where wally is da flash an he fites dis guy named da ravel, but den Welty dyes an beri is sad an so he turns everyting bach 2 norm, BUT THINGS STILL SUCK, iris an joe r in a fite, Francisco s brother is ded, an an Katelyn is kill frost now an she cat control her powders but at leas she seems normal for now, Biro fineds oot dat he Kant turn things bach 2 normal an he also has 2 fite dis guy nammed Dr. Alcamy who is really this guy he wanked with named Julio Alberto but he was only bein mind cuntrolled bi da reel vilian nemed SAVITAR, also Wali gets supa sped an Jessi who is Erth 2 Wells dahgter also does 2 an Walu is called Kid Flesh an Jesse is Jewie Quick, also a virgin of Harry wells frum anoter word is dere 2 but hes a loser, den beary gets togeter wif iris really now, but he fineds out dat isrusi is gonna b kiled in a few months bi savvier unles he can stop him, byry traps salivary in da sped forces but den he excapes an Waylay is tramped in it so Jay goes in it insted an freees waly but gets trupped inside, an Flash axes iris 2 mary him an shi sais yes but den she finned out sat he onli did it 2 chang da fruiture an den she is mad an burry cals of da weeding an den day half a musical episode 4 sum raison with supergirl an bari desides 2 get bagh togeter wif iris an he axes her to mary him agin b ut ty tstill ned 2 beat Suitor AN HERE WE R an da chipter ken realy stert.

Baron an Irks were now gettin Maried an evrywun was super (AN: GETTID super like SUPERGRIL!) hapi! Den day had a weeding an EVERYONE WAS INVITATION even HR! den day got super (AN: GEDDITHENDF) wasted an dey had a pig danse party! Sisco was da dj an he used his vibe powers 2 make cool lites an stuff an Catelyn made ise scuklptures wif her powers an stuff.

Later:

"Hay Canterbury why art thou sad?" asped Uris.

"I still mis dad i mean Jay! I member not to long ago win..."

Flashback (AN:GEGIT!):

"hey dad imean jay i need help with this ball!"

"Okay bery what do u need help wif it?"

"I need u to catch it den trow it back 2 mi! It helps wif speed training!" Burry put on his basebal gluv an throwed da ball 2 jay who throwed it back.

"Wait arnt wii just playin catch? i no yere dad is ded birry, but im nout jest his repleacement!"

"OMG DAD U DONT UNDERSTANTD MII ITS NOT A PHASE DAD!" (AN: GeTTIT becarceus Barry can phase throo walls!)

NOW:

meanwhile at the mall, Jewlian albert AKA dr Alkimmy was at the mall.

"Im bored wins catlin gonna get hear!" sed Doctora Alimony.

But den dis goff chick walked out of a Hot Topic! "Draco is dat u?"

"Whos dranko?"

"DRACO I HAVENT SEEN U IN YEARS WHER DA F*K HAV U BEEN!111"

Suddenly, Junio's membories came flashing (AN: GDJKUTID!) back! He remembered that his real name was Draco Malfoy an he was goffik an dated Enoby!

"Enoby i remember evrying now! Savitur kidnaped mi an eraped my memorys an made me thing i was dis loser gyu named Julia!"

An so Drako an Ebony had sex an he put his boy thingy in her girl thingy and they boht went "oh oh yes!" an den Draca eructed. It was so hot dat drace cryed an Epona thot it was hot becase he was a sensitiv bi guy.

LATER:

"Hay gays!" exclammed Darkrai. "I reemed that i was goffik an my reel nam is draco!1 Also your all f*king prepps!"

Eboni put up duble middle fingerings at them an they gasped.

"But Julius!" sed Katiylyn. "But we were dating!"

"But now he nows dat yere a PREP YOU LITLE BICH!" yeled taebory.

Den day left to listen 2 outdated bands like MCR an Grin Day an had a sexy grouper cutting session.

"Im soooo mad dat im terning evil now!" elaimed Haultin.

"No yere our Friend!" telled Phil from the sco.

"F*NK U Pissco!" an den she used her ice powers like elsa an made a snowman an sang le tit go to peeps so much that they killed themselfs.

"Haha!" sed Sativa watching them form outside. "Litle did day no dat i neew dat wood happen! DIs is al going accordion 2 plan!"

"Hey, that's my line!" yelled Tingle, who jumped into a portal and disappeared.

"wate wat?"

Den Bahrain was there an was liek "Hay look its Sanitary!"

"ono ive ben cauthcheded!" He ran away but Larry was 2 fast becase he took steroeds an he elsa had waly an jessie 2 halp him.

"Now letz c ho u relly r!" eclaimed Fairy. He took off the mask and he was...JAY?!

"DAAAD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!1111111111111" Dairy screamed in horror as he realized that the true villain was his daddy's counterpart named Gay Derrick. "How cold you?" (AN: geddit cold like cappn cold! Day better bring him back or im gonna bee really mad. [AN: Gedityert bee like bug eyed bandit!])

"Ha i realy am jay but im not yere dad i was so anoyed at u calin mee daddy al da tim dat i terned evul and decided 2 take over da word! I elsa turned July and Cation evil sew dat u wood bee sad!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!111111"

"Alsew, im also HR!" HR taked off a mask 2 reveal dat he realy was Jay! "I cmade a time clon of miself and den disguesed as HR to case problemos al da tim an annoy u!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I hated hr but i cant hate him now dat hes my dad!"

"Also...I'm EVERYONE ELSE!" suddenly, everyone else in the entire world including barys Friends took off masks to reveal that they were also jay! "I made INFINATE clons of myself and traveled throo time so that i can be everyone ever! So now literally everyone ever is ME!"

"Wait, doesnt dat mean dat u r my dad?"

"ONO I DIDNT THOT OF THAT PART!"

"NOW EVERYONE IS MY DAD! EVEN MY WIFE! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!1111111111111"

"F*K!"

THE END

Chapter Text

One day lonk was at his home in his house because that whas wear he lived. Navi also lived in the house but in a cage where she lived that was in Link's house that Link also lived in and she was sad. Link was really kind of a jerk and he does evil stuff in and out of his house like not giving waiters tips and murdering children and writing bad fanfiction and taking part in genocide and telling racist jokes. He was in his house, sitting on the couch that he sat on sometimes when he was at his house. Navi wasn't in the couch and was off the couch and in the cage that was owned by link but Navi was forced to live in it by Link. She was sad inside of the house and even when she wasn't inside of the house because Link was evil and she was trapped in a cage right now inside of Link's house and Link was there too, being an evil anti-Semite and homophobe and a racist and a sexist and just kind of a jerk in general. So they were in Link's house and Navi was sad in the cage at the floor which was at the very bottom of Link's house, so she wasn't sitting on Link's couch at all, being on the floor. Link was sitting on the couch which is above the floor of Link's house and therefore he was at a higher elevation than Navi inside of Link's house and in the world in general. Generally, Link is either inside of his house or outside of his house, but whenever he leaves Link's house, there is a split second in which Link is both inside and outside of his house, so there aren't just two options in situations involving Link's house like how there are more than two flavours of ice cream in the world. Link is male because and he's also evil but that's just a coincidence. Link's house is where Link does evil stuff inside of his house like hiding dead bodies and making homophobic stamps on DeviantArt and eating medium-rare chicken strips. He eats the chicken strips in his house, out of Link's house, and partially both inside and outside Link's house, being somewhat in between.

So Link was in his home which is another word for his house. He calls it the Nutshack after his favorite show. Navi was also in the house where she was forced to live. She doesn't like link's house because he masticates all of the time and he is just really annoying in general inside and outside and partially inside and outside his house. He can also be climbing out the window, in which he'll also be partially in and out of Link's house in the house and not completely in Link's house. Link's house was in Hyrule, which is the country in which the Legend of Zelda series takes place and it is where Link lives. Navi also lives there inside of the cage inside of Link's house inside of Hyrule. Hyrule also contains multiple chickens called Cuccos or however you spell it but they aren't relevant to this chapter, although Link does sometimes oftenly eat medium rare chicken strips in and out and partially not in and partially in his house but those medium rare chicken strips do not contain any Cucco because they are vicious Hyrulean creatures that are unable to be eaten due to their viciousness and they also aren't real because they are from a video game series called the Legend of Zelda. Link eats chicken sometimes and especially medium rare chicken strips in that are in the form of medium rare and in strip form and are eaten by Link in chicken. They are also gross but Link likes them anyway and Link lives in his house, eating them much to Navi's dismay. Navi does live in Link's house, but she doesn't eat medium rare chicken strips neither in nor out nor partway in and partway out of Link's house which she also lives in and Link's house is where she doesn't like to be because it is gross and covered in semen stains and Link lives there and she hates Link. Link sometimes is in the house, as he currently is at this point in the chapter although this story is in past tense so I guess he isn't currently in it, so where is he now? I guess that will just have to be discovered eventually in the story by the end of this grand finale chapter. But Link's location in the beginning of this chapter is inside of his house. Inside of Link's house is Link's couch, in which link was situated on top of. A lamp was also in Link's house, which is irrelevant to this chapter but I just thought that it would be good to know. Link named the lamp Adolf like Hitler because Hitler is his role model. Link also had a chair that wasn't his couch, and he had another chair besides that one and besides the couch. Navi wasn't allowed to sit in Link's chair because she had to sit in the cage because Link made her because Link is evil and bad and being evil is bad, but he is anyway because evil people don't care about not being bad. Now Link was still inside Link's house, with Navi near Link but in the cage on the floor next to Link. The floor was below Link and the ceiling was above Link. In between was the rest of the room, in which Link and Navi were, although Navi was lower than Link was at this point because she was on a cage of the floor of Link's house that Link was in right now in the story. Link also stole all of Navi's body pillows because he's evil. That is one Link that you should not cross, Link. Shame on you. Link was being evil inside of his house, and since he's evil in his house, you might expect for him to be the opposite outside of his house, as inside is the opposite of outside and good is the opposite of evil. But that is not true. Link is just as evil outside of his house as he is inside of Link's house. Also, he is not half-good half-evil when he is half in half out of his house, as you might also have expected, defying all of your expectations. Link was on Link's couch, like how he was on his bed in chapter one, except with less horse decapitation and more doing nothing. Link also has a bed, by the way, and it is also in Link's house. Link's house contains a pillow, that is on top of Link's bed. A blanket is also on top of the bed. Link has a lot of sex on his bed, and it is probably infested with STDs, like your brain probably is after reading this story. A pillow and a blanket are two things that Navi's possessions are not in the containing of, as Navi is not in the possession of a pillow and does not be involved into the containtion of a blanket. She also doesn't have shoes due to being a glowing ball with wings. Link hates Navi because she tries to help him, and he never listens to her advice. Link is also a fan of 21 Pilots, which is a band. There is nothing wrong with the band, and there is nothing wrong with Link liking it. There is something wrong with Link liking murder because murder is not good and it is bad and it is not not bad and it is not not not good. It is also a very mean spirited action to take, and you should never kill anyone to be evil unless they really deserve it, like Tim. If you killed tim I would be happy. Tim doesn't live in Hyrule because he's a real person and Hyrule isn't a real place, but Link and Navi do live in Hyrule because they are fictional characters and therefore can live in a fictional place. They could also live in a real place, such as say, New York City, but they don't. They also wouldn't really live in it, as they aren't real, as it has been previously stated in this epic finale chapter.

"NAVI DA NOOTSHAK IS COMBING ON!11" Link screamed, as his favorite show was the Nutshack. This episode is guest starring Commodore Matthew Perry of the hit 1989 Korean anime Friends that was eventually made into a stage play of the same name called Lazy Town.

"Seriously, do we really have to watch this shit again?" Navi complained. "This show is f*cking awful."

"WHAT DID U SAI?!" Lonk screamed evully. "DID U JEST MAEK FUN OFF MY FAV SHOW EVAR?!"

"No, I was complimenting it on how great of a masterpiece it is!" Navi lied nervously.

"LYE DAT WASENT WAT U SED!"

Link was now really pissed. No one makes fun of his precious Nutshack and gets away with it. Navi would now pay for making him miserable for these many years by giving him helpful advice.

"PREPPER 2 DIESESE 4 REAL NOW NAVI CUZ DIS IS DA LAST CHAPTER AN U CAN REALY DIE!111111"

"Please don't kill me!" begged Navi.

"2 Baghdad!" Link pulled out a medium-rare chikken strip and beat Navi to death with it. Navi died a slow and painful death, dying instantly.

Now Link was going to go after Tingle and make him pay for what he had done like sending him mean emails. Link went on a train ride which was too slow so he put a nuclear in the train and it blew up and killed everyone inside and he was happy so he ran and took the bus to get to Tingles evul casterl.

Before going to Tingle's evul Castiel, he did some evul stuff for the evuls like killing Icarus and Bean. Link is truly evil and must be stopped.

"Well well well well well well well well well well well," said Tingle. "Well well welly well well well what do we have here?"

"Im hear 2 keeeeeeeel u! You must...DIE!111" he screamed with the furiousity of Tito Dick "Dickman" baby, he raised Phil and loves the ladies.

"Not if I beat you to it!" exclaimed Tingle and then he took out a giant Tingle nuclear which is a nuclear with Tingle powers on it and it was so big that it killed every single character in the story.

THE END

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Then Navi woke up. "Wait, where am I?" she asked. Looking around, she could tell that she was in a hospital.

Link and some of his friends were sitting down opposite of Navi. "Navi," said Link. "You've been in a coma for weeks! I was so worried about you!"

"It's okay, Link," Navi stated. "I had the strangest dream! You were there," she pointed to Link, "And you were there," she pointed to Tingle, "And you were there," she pointed to Malon, "And you were there," she pointed to CD-i Link. "Wait, what?"

"Gee, it sure is BORING around here!"

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Navi woke up screaming. "Oh, my goddesses, not that dream again."

She looked over to see Link sitting on a nearby chair. "Hey, Link. I had that one nightmare again. The one where Tingle is evil."

"HIIIIIII-YAH!"

"Wow, Link. You sure have a way with words. I think I feel better already! And I'm glad that you're finally in character again!"

"SSSSSKKKKYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

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Navi woke up in her cage. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Why did it have to be a dream? Why can't I just be free?"

Suddenly a voice could be heard, and a glowing figure appeared in the middle of the room.

"Sakurai? Is that you?"

"Navi," said the glowy Sakurai-senpai. "I'm sending you a dream message."

"So I'm still dreaming?"

"Well, this is a dream, but it isn't your dream."

"I'm confused. So I'm not the one dreaming? This doesn't make any sense."

"Neither does anything else in this shitty story! Anyway, I have a message! Fukura and I are having an anniversary party this week, and you're invited!"

"Um, okay! I'll be there!"

"Thanks! And remember, Navi. You'll have your freedom from the evil ooc Link soon enough."

"But how?"

"You'll just have to wait and see! I wish I could do something to help, but I have something stopping me. A horrible, terrible force of pure evil. Anyway, see you around!"

Glowy dream Sakurai floated away all floatily and Sakurai-y as Navi thought about how much she hates this story.

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Green de la Bean woke up on the floor of Icarus's house, and all of the HTK members and their affiliates were passed out drunk. (except for anyone who was underage, since they just drank Caprisun and stuff and were sleeping edgily on the floor not drunk because underage drinking is illegal and bad and don't drink or do drugs, kiddies.)

"Man," said Bean. "I sure got super wasted last night." Icarus was there, too, but he was also passed out on the floor and he and Bean had cute little beany cuddles. Dawwwwwwwwww. Really guys this is like the best ship ever I call it Beanicus it's so cute you guys. Its kind of like my ship Sakurai/Fukura but its not because both ships are beautiful in their own way.

"Oh, and one more thing," Bean said, turning to the reader. "BITCH YOU GUESSED IT!"

Chapter Text

Agitha was at her buggy shaped house watching her fav porn movie, Bee Movie.

"I'm not related to Barry B. Benson but I wish I was because he's a major f*cking hottie," she said while cuddling her Buzzwole body pillow.

"What da f*ck, are u watching buggy porn again?" said Melon. "Y would you be attracted to someone that ISN'T LINK!11111"

"Eww, that Lonk guy is just messed up. Yesterdai win I was at his house, he just maid prison rape jokes for the entire time an then masturbatened in da bathroom to pictures of Sans Undertale's blue lightsaber dick."

"I know, isn't Link so dreamy?"

"No."

"What...did you just say?" Melanin said evully.

"I said i dont like Lonk. Hes just an asshole and a loser an has tons of STDs an has posters of Hitler's face all over his room and he murders children an one time he burnt down a KFC an he ships Chrom/Lucina an he beats up chillins in weelchairs an he loves da nutshack and he is just terrible in general and kind ofa dick and makes erebus look nice."

"How DARE YOU INSULT MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY LINKY LONK LUNKU LUKIKUKUIIOKUKUIKU!11111"

"seriusly, is being obsesed with link you're only character trait? Yor basicly just a ripof of cia at dis point but even evuller."

"At least thats better than havin your only personality bean that u have a F*CKING BUG FETISH!"

"That's because IT'S HIP TO F*CK BEES!" sang Adidas. "and HOW DAR U INSULT BUGGY BUG BUGGYUUIURUUFUUJU!"

"To settle this we muts FIOUGHT TO THE DETH!"

Attila pulled out her parasail which was also a lightsaber and Murom pulled out a Molotov cucktail in one hand and chainsaw nunchucks in the other hand and she had a flaming samurai sword in her mouth and her shoes had poison coated knives at the end of them an she also grew killer metal flaming wings.

"NOW WE FITE TO DA DEAF!" thay screamedend and were fite to the deth over lonk an buggies.

After an epicly epic fite that was so epic that it was really cool, a hole city was blowed up an 420 peeps died (AN: Geddity geaucse its weed!) an fineally Musing used her powers to nock Tabitha to da grund and pulled out an ak47 but it was also a rocket lancher an a grenade luncher aswell.

"NoooOOOOOOoooOOo plz dont keel mii! Aren't we related or something?" said Habitat.

"I dunno this story is f*cking confusing. Anyway pREPEARE 2 DEATH!"

"MALON NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" eled agitha in feared.

"MALON YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!" Melon yelled while posing like in that one Vietnamese show José's Bazaar Advent.

But then they forgot what they were doing because they're all really stupid and went home to watch some tv.

LATER:

Agitha went to go look for bugs to haf da sexy tim with an so she left to leave an Salon went home 2 da farm which was da headkarters of da mafia an her dad was da Gudfather of da Arrividercci family. Her dad was named Talon which sounds alot like malon so it might be confusing having him be in the story two long because of the constant misspellings that will make it hard too tell the two apart alot.

Aniway, godfather Tarin was doin his dogfather busines stuff like usual an he was talking to some other Italian guy. "Godfater," saided da Hetalian kissing Talus's ring. "There's-a person that is threatening my daughter-a and i-a need for-a u to stop-a him!"

"Don't-a worry! I'll-a make an offer he can't-a refuse! I'll-a send him LOTSA SPAGHETTI! There's-a no way-a for him to refuse-a that!"

"Hiiiii daddyyyy" sed Moran.

"Bonjorno my-a lovley-a daughter-a!" exclaimed Talonflame all italiany. "I have-a some great news! You're gonna get-a married! I'm-a arranging you a marriage with the son from another-a crime family!

"Wait, WHAT!? BUT THAT ISN'T LINKOLJKIK!" screamed Magnus at the tip of her longs.

"That-a doesn't matter! You-a need to get-a over that-a Link guy! He's-a really bad-a influence!"

"F*CK YOU DAD YOU F*CKING OLD WRINKLY C*NT F*CKER F*CK F*CK F*CK YOU, YOU F*CKING BITCH, EAT A F*CKING DICK YOU LITTLE BASTARD F*CK YOU ASSHOLE F*CKING SHIT-FACED BITCH! F*CK YOU YOU-!"

"Mama mia, that's-a some-a spicy language! You-a need to watch-a your-a bocca!"

"No u need to WATCH YERE F*KIN NBACK OR YULE FIND A NIFE IN IT THAT WILL KIL U YU OLD ITALIAN C*NT! F*CK U FCK F*CKER F*CKING F*CK F*CKD *CIFKDF F*CK YOU!11111111111"

Den Mahjong left 2 get raveng (AN: GEDITLIKEDATITLEOFDASTORYHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAFUNNY!) on her godfather father, an she nu juts ho to turnip 2.

Latitude:

Ingo was doin al da werk an he was mad becase he wanted 2 be da goodfather but he was farced 2 do all da farmwerk insted. Milton wanked up and eked "Wats rong, have you got that mood Ingo?" and the audience laughed because it was actually a very clever joke that most you probably won't get, BUT IT ACTUALLY IS A FUNNY JOKE THIS TIME, GUYS!

"I'm-a f*cking pissed-a! That-a bastard Talon makes-a me do all-a the work-a here, but he does-a nothing and-a still getsa to be-a the godafather!"

"I hate that old slut 2. Let's take care of him once and for all!" seda Moran.

"And YOU gotta help us!" Dingo sed lonking at the audienc.

"Who da fu* r u talking to?"

(AN: BEST 4TH VALL BRAKE EVER WYA BETTER THAN THE ONE IN THE HTKS NEW CHAPTER [THAT WAS A JOKE PLEASE DONT HATE ME mERCH AND GEN]!)

Letterman:

Tulum was at his godpadre house an doin stuff like that when Wendigo jumped up behind him and started chocking him to death with lotsa spaghetti!

"Ingo!" breathed Talon while beain choked 2 deth wif da spagetti. "What-a are you-a doing, Ingo!"

"That's-a the Godmother to you, Talon!" exclammed ingo finishin him off.

Liter:

"thank-a you for helpin mii killin Totem so-a i could be-a the Godmother!" sed Ringo.

"no probremeo!" excemmeld Mallon. "Hay ken i join u on da godfather stuffles?"

"No-a way, you're a woman and-a you can't getta involved in-a my business! Now go-a an-a make-a me a sandwitch!"

"K!" sed Moblin twisting out da door like a flying fox. Then when she got out the door she pressed a baton and the house exploded, killing Ingo!

"hahahah dat was my plan all along! NOW I AM THE GODFATHER AN LINK CAN FINALLY BE MY BITCH HAHAHAHAHA!"

Melon is one messed up dude.

"hahaha evil," she whispered like moldy bread just as Blud did in the fanfic Light and Dark the Adventures of Dark Yagami which is a better story than this, you should be reading it instead.

Lighter: 9(AN: GEYUIT BECAUSE PREVIOUSLY IN THE PREVIOUS SENTENSE I MENSIONED THE STORY ABOUT LIGHT YAGAMI AND INSTEAD OF SAYING LATER I SAID LIGHTER WHICH SOUNDS LIKE LIGHT!111)

Agitha was wanking more buggy porno lik Antz and A Bugs Life WHEN DA NEWS CAME ON! The news guy wasnt batman but he was Batmans' cousin named Batcousin. "Danking news!" (AN: Gddit becuser itsalmost weed gay!?) "Someone stole a bunches of nukes from Cuba and is starting the 2nd Cuban missle crisis an will use da nukes 2 blow up all the bugs in hyrule!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!1111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111" screamed Agitha because she's darth vaer. "Ive gut to stop all my buggy sex frends from dying and SAVE THE BUGS! Malign letz teem up an storp dat commonist wantin to kil my buggies!"

"No way liek i giv a f*k aboot bugs! I half butter tangs 2 dew!"

"F*ck you my strange and violent relative of unknown relation with an unhealthy obsession with a certain green-wearing sociopath."

So Moorhen lefted 2 dew evul stuff s cas bshes evil and stuff and Aguish had una idea.

"I no ill find some other peeps and well all team up TO SAVE THE BUGS!" and then she posed and was going to find some toher peeps to team up and Save the bugs so the bugs won't die and they'll form a team to save the bugs. justin trudeau

Chapter Text

"Allrite goys!" sed Bagitha. "When i herd dat da buggies were in treble, i new dat i had 2 get da teem bach together!"

Aigitha got a tame maid of herself, a buch of bogs, Impa, Sheik, and Capptn crunch. but when Kapp'n brunch died they just replaced him with a versein of himself made out of rice krispy treats for some reason and then fed it to Flowy da flour also nown as Flowey da f*kboi. Flyrrey da funkboi then disapeared and day had a funderal 4 el capitan cruncho.

"But wii never were a teem so how r we getting da teem bach 2gether?" axed Sheek.

"Stfu stuped conspirasy theroirst or more like c*ntspirasy theorst amirite?" angerded Potiphar who wanted them 2 stay on da topic of buggies. "aniwya WE MUST SAVE THE BUGS FROM THE COMMIES NOW WHOSE IN TO TEAM UP AND SAVE DA BUUUUUUUGS!"

"Aye me laddie im in!" scottished Impa. Impale used to be zeuldas Charataker, but when zilda dead, she decided 2 embrace her Scottish roots (AN: SHES SCOTISH IN THIS STORY) and now she wares a kilt and rides on her pet lok ness monster and uses attack bagpipes as a weapon.

"Sew goys da firstest step 2 save d a bogies form da Columnists is 2 fined out hoo is behind it! ANiwone half aniy ideas?" ased Agriculture.

"Ah dinnae ken," piped in impale.

"I think i half an idaea!" excamemed Shrimp.

"Lemmie gess is it da alluminatti" questioned agat.

"IT IS DA ULLUMINATTI THEY R BEHIND IT AND I HAFVE PRROOOOOOOOOOF! Just look closely at wats happenign! It takes place in cuba! Cuba sells sigars! Sigars are drugs! Weed is also a drug! Oddish is the weed pokeman! oddish is a flour! Flowy da flour is also a flower! Flowy calls peple idiots! American idiot is a song by green day! Green is a color! Yellow is also a color! Homor simpson is yellow! Homar shares a name with a greek filosopher! Voltaire is a furlosopher! Voltare was frends wif Freddy da grate! Frederich was form Prussia! prusia is a character in axis powers hetalai! So is Canada! candadea has a bunch of ice! Anterctica also has a bunch of ice! Antarctiva has penuings! Like in Madagascar! Madagastcar starts outs at new yerk! New York has boardway! Like Hamilton! Hamilton is a bank person! Bank makes money! Haltmann likes money! Hartman is form Kriby plant robust! Dat gam has tomatoes! Tomatoes are in pasta! Mario eats pasta! Mario also eats muchshrooms! Mushfrooms r poisonous! Poison kills u! Bombs also kil u! solid snape uses bombs sumtimes! Snake likes boxes! boxes a bunch of have bubble rap in them! Bubbles! Like bubble buddy form spingebab! Snonge bog also contains fish! FIshes turn into fishsticks! Crom eats fhihssticks! Chrums doaughter is lucina! Lucinda was borned on 4/20! hitler was also born on 420 blaze it! Hilter is german! Germiny has sausage! sasage is made of piggies! Pigs are also in bacon! Bacon is breakfast! Orange juice is sumtimes brakefast! Orange! Yellow! Yellow Fever! Disease! Bulbonic Plague! Middle Ages! Most people in Middle Age Europe were Christian! God! God in Italian is Dio! What a hilarious JoJoke! Jojo's Bizarre Adventure. Anime. Yuri on Ice. Gay. Sara is gay. Supper Smash Bros. Supper is a synonym for dinner. 'I wonder what's for dinner!' Cdi Zelda. Garbage. Donald Trump. Mexico. Tacos. Takumi. Fire emblem. Fire. Burn. 1st degree burn. 1st. 1. World War 1. Woodrow Wilson. Moral Diplomacy. Big stick diplomacy. Imperialism. Philipines. Asians. China. Great Wall of China. Great. Great Gatsby. Written by F. Scott Fitzgerald. Ella Fitzgerald. Jazz. Saxophone. Alto. Alto means tall in Spanish. Tall. Skyscraper. Empire State Building. The empire. Darth Vader. Epona. horse. Farm animal. Chickens. Chik felai or however you spell it. Homophobia. Westburo Baptist church. West. Cowboys. Clint Eastwood. Dirty Harry. Harry Potter. Magic. Black Magic. Black Panther Party. Malcolm X. X-men. Wolverine. Hugh Jackman. Australia. Kangoroooosoks. Jumping. Trampolines. Neck Injuries. Hospitals. Red Cross. Switzerland. Chocolate. Candy. Candy Crush. Microtransactions. Microwave. Electromagnetic Spectrum. Light. Light Yagami. Dark Yagami. Better than Cloud Angle. Angle. Right Angle. Right. Wrong. Murder is wrong. Murderer. Jack the Ripper. High Quality Rip. Grand Dad. Elderly. Old Man. Master Sword. Sword. Knife. Blood. Blood red. Red. Pokémon red. Pokémon blue. Blues clues. Clues. Mysteries. CSI. Crime. Detroit. City. Gotham. Batman. Bat. Baseball. Yankees. North. North Pole. Santa. Christmas. Holiday. Weed Day. Drugs. Walter White. White. White Supremacy. Donald Trump (again! ITS A SIGN!) Cheetos. Cheese. Ham and Cheese. Ham. DJ Octavio. Tentacle Hentai. Japan. Atom bombs. Atom. Neutron. Jimmy Neutron. Nickelodeon. Slime. Soy sauce is slimy. Yo soy. Spanish. Language. Speaking. Voice box. X-box. Cod. fish. Splishy splash. Water. Liquid. State of Matter. State. Province. Quebec. Stinkin frenchies. White Flags. 6 Flags. Roller coasters. Roll. Barrel Roll. Barrel. DK. Coconut. Nut. It's the Nutshack. Tito Dick "Dickman," baby. Richard Cabeza. Richard Nixon. Watergate. Gate. Gateway Arch. St. Louis. Louis Armstrong. Trumpet. Trump (ITS ANOTHER SIGN!). Racism. KKK. KK Slider. Hamburger Slider. White Castle. Castle. Disney Land. Super Mario Land. Daisy. Flower. Plant. Planet. Space. Spacebar. Bar. Alcohol. Vodka. Russia. Communism. Marx. Kirby Super Star. Star. Sun. Angry Sun. Angry Birds. Bird. Falcon. Captain Falcon. Falcon Punch. Fruit Punch. Fruit. Banana. Nana. Ice Climbers. Iceberg. Titanic. The chick from Titanic. The chick from Titanic was in some other movies. Rocky is a movie. Rock. Heavy Metal. Metal. Iron. Iron Man. Robot Suit. Suit. Tuxedo. Texaco. Oil. Fossil Fuel. Fossil. Dinosaur. Yoshi. Terminator. Arnold Swardsiudnater. Austria. Vienna. Vienna has a population of 1.87 million. 1+8+7=16. 16 is the legal age for getting a drivers license. Driving. Road. Rhode Island. Island. Delfino Island. Super Mario Sunshine. Tropical. Tropicana. Tropicana speech. Speech. Cross of Gold speech, made by William Jennings Bryan. Bryan. Brain. Intelligence. Good Grades. A+. Plus. Minus. Negative. Negative Degrees. Cold. Captain Cold. Rogues. Rouge. Makeup. Face. Facism. Fidel Castro. Castration. Pain. Campaign. 2016 Election. Depression. Sadness. Summertime Sadness. Summer. Sumer. Babylonia. Baby. Justin Bieber. Canada's biggest disgrace. Donald Trump is America's biggest disgrace. Environmental Damage. Global Warming. Warmth. Heat. Miami Heat. Miami. Florida. Orlando. Universal. Universe. Multiverse. Multicolored. Colors. Rainbow. Rain. Storm. Tornado. Disaster. Earthquake. California. Los Angeles. Angel. Dark Pit. Hot Topic. Topic. Subject. Subject matter. Matter. Antimatter. Antivirus. Virus. Viral. Viral Video. Video Game. Game. Game & Watch. Watch. Clock. Time. Time machine. Machine. Robot. Mr. Robot. Mr. T. T-shirt. Shirt. Clothing. Socks. Feet. Football. Soccer. World Cup. Cup. Cup of coffee. Starbucks. Buck. Deer. Antlers. Ant. Queen ant. Queen. Freddie Mercury. Mercury. Planet. Orbit. Orb. Ball. Ball is a shape. Square is also a shape. Boxes are square. Box. Boxes hold items. Buying many items can be expensive. Expensive. Rich. Donald Trump. Evil. Demon. Hell. Hello. Greetings. Greet. Greek. Gyro. Lamb. Switching around the letters in lamb makes balm. Lip balm. Lip. Mouth. Eat. Food. Hunger. Starvation. Poverty. Great Depression. New Deal. New. New England. England. France. Baguettes. Bread. Sandwich. BLT. Tomato. Ketchup. Toppings. Pizza toppings. Pizza. Pizza slices. Pizza slices are shaped like triangles. AND TRIANGLES AR ILLUMINATI CONFIRMED OMG ILLUMINATI CONFRIRMED GUOYS THEY ARE THE ONES BEHIND IT OJSAFOEHORIEJSLFJEAORJ!111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111"

"What da f*ck," said Agitha.

"Yer bum's oot the windae!" loched Impala. "Whata lood a sheet!"

"But gyues im SERIUS ILLUMINATIII IS BEHINDED THE CUBAN MISSILE CRISPIS!111 Everyone is part of teh iluminarti! EVEN YOU! EVEN ME! WE ARE ALL IMMUIMINATTI CUFIRMED!"

"THis isnt abbot te ilaminautuii THIS IS ABOUT B UGS PAY ATENSION 2 wat is IMPOTENT U LITTLE BOSCHT!"

"Haud yer wheesht!" said Ympa. "Aye ear somthiin!"

Much to teir shock, some evul bad guys were hidin behind a box! The bag guys gasped like Enoby but less goffick. "ono weave ben found!"

"HAHA TELL US WHO YOU WORK FOR SO WE CAN SAVE THE BUGS!"

"We work for an evul bad guy but we don't no hoo day r."

Agifa shot dat 1 becaude he was worthingless in the knowledge he had.

The otter one was scarred in fear. "Don't kill me! what's going on I have no idea, very confused. This event is known to me and obviously to anyone slightly and strainer though."

They could see not his face because of mask, but could tell that he being foreign because of the strangely way of his speaking.

"Oka" sed agytha. "Sents ehhe has no ide wats goin on lets kil him!"

"Wait! I lies, I know what happens! I know, the kill me now, good information and you do not." sed weird foreign.

"Hes rite letsn he mite no aboot the illumineatiu9i!" exraimed Shik.

"fine lets nut kill him cus he mite no aboot how 2 sav da bugs."

"Aye me laddie!"

"Now wat do u no abouted how 2 stop da ubad goos!" aed githa.

"All of you will be told that information I instantly! Starting the earlier months..."

THE EARLIER MONTHS...

1 day in Cuba, it was a regular day in Communism. THe red sun shone bright through the skies of hard labor and the boushwasee. The president of cuba was named Ricky Riccardo. President Ricardo was the brother of former president fidel castro. He became poplular in Merica by making a tv show caled i luv loocy. Then when and when his brotha died after an assasination by their cousin Hugo chaves from mexico, he toked over as president of cuba.

Rite now Rickardo was walking into the Cuban version of the wite house, called the red house because of communist. It was locationed in cubas capital, Banana. Ricky was also now maried 2 sammyclassicsonicfan after his wife became a drug dealer. (AN: SAMMYS AN ADULT IN THIS SO HES NOT A PEDOO!)

"Oh Sammy I'm hoooome!" Ricky rickurdo exclaimed with a cigar in his mooth.

"YOU FRICKIN FRICK!" exclamed his husbando which is cuban for husband. "WHY THE FRICK ARE YOU SO LATE! CAN'T YOU SEE I WAS GETTING BORED WAITING FOR YOU!?1111111"

"I'm sorry my senyor husbando I was-"

"DON'T TRY TO LIE! You can't shoot me down with your ARROWS OF LIES!" Sammy clasic sanic fan sed while throwign down chairs and shit like he does in those video things.

"Sammy, I-...wait a minute, is that a nuclear launch devise you have in your pockets?"

"...no?"

"Sammy, youve got some splainin to do!" he said stereotypically.

Sudenly samual classical sonic fan was punched out the window by someone in discus!

"Ha im the one that made him take the nuke codes so that i can start the 2ND CUBANS MISLED CRISIS!"

HISTROY EXPLAINED: So back int the 60s there was osmething called the cold war and it was between murica and those stinkin commies in Russia. I dont no why it was caled the cold war but russia's pretty cold so maby thats why. Any way rusai was doin a bunch of evul stuffs like building the Berlin wall in germany to keep the nazi army for themselves and they also started wars like the koren war vs kim jung il and the vietnam war vs some asian guys with weird names like Hochin min or something. the czar of teh soviet union was Stalin who was hitlers enemy but even though he was his enemy he also was evil and he had mastache as well, just different looking. Then later this guoyh named Nikita Khrushchev became tsareena and decided to put a buncha nuclears in cuba to bomb florida to blow up disney world and all the kiddies in it. Cuba let them becase Castro was besties with Nikita. but the murican persident at the time was Kenady, who dident like being nuked so he sent muricans to stop the bombs. Then some misle stuff hapened. Eventualy both sides made an agree that rusia would get da nukes outta cuba if america did some stuff i forgot what. Anyway, the war ended wnen this guy named Michael Gormechev and after rocky beat his robot boxer guy in a fite, he blew up da berlin wall and stopped bein a commie and the cold war was over. But then this dude name Putin took over and hes kindofa jerk and is besties with Trump. Now russia is best known for athletes taking illegal drugs and vodka. also cubas still comunist.

"OH NO WHO ARE U?"

"I am..." sed da masketta man, "FIDEL CASTOR!"

"WHAT BUT U DIED!"

"Yes i did but i was brought back with the blood of communism!" the blood of commnism was an experimental drug made from the blood of marx combined with nuclears and vodka and it gives peeps communist powers and can bring them back to life. "Now my evil communist plan can come into action!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" sed ricky who was having a perfectly good day and this ruined it. His brother Castro then cocked him to death and he died.

"Now i can ENACT THE PLAN AND BLOW UP TH E BUGGIES IN HYRULE!"

NOW:

"But how do u no aboot this plan?" Abeja. (ANL: haha funny pun)

"Its becase," sed da masketta man. "I AM HIM!" he sed taking of his masketta and refealing that he is Fidelity Castrate! "With the blood of communist I WILL STOMP OUT OYOU BOUILLABAISSE!" comunists hated Burgesses whatever that means.

"NO YO WONT STOP DA GUGS!" svreamed ague with a firey rage.

Caster took out his hammer and sickle wich is his weapon and he got his superpowers, reddy 2 stop the peepls.

"DA BLOOD OF COLMNISM FLOWS THROUGH MY BLOOD, AND YOU CAPITALISTS WILL BE CASTROED OUT!"

Gastro swunged his sickle at impa but she dogged and jumped ontwo her lock nes monsta. She took out her attack bagpipes and used it to shoot lazers at castero. but Fiddle dogjed that to and then salsa donged Sheep's attacks of triangle ninja stars that are illuminatii. Then agita blewher bug whistle wich called a bunch of buges in to atank castration. They picked up Centro and tok away his super weapons and then gagitha taked out her litesaber.

"TELEL ME WHO U R WORKING FOR!" screemed that bug chick. "TELL ME OR YOU DIE!"

"Never! In the name of connunism I WILL NEVER TELL YOU!"

"TELL ME OR ILL TORTUER U AND THEN YULE DYE!" she angerly kinked him in da crotch but she dident feel any textiles!

"Wait where are ere man parts?"

"Dats becase IM NOT A MAN!" Casper took off his mask to reveler that he was...MARGERITE THATCHER!

"Hahahahahahha it is I Marge Thacher and I was Fidel castro the ENTIRE BLOODY TIME!"

"I NEW IT!" excalemed Shriek. She had a cuspiresy thery that sed that Castro and Thapther were the same person and she was rite.

"Yers ago whin i was prime minister of England i terned really bloody communist and decided to become communist becase Im bloody british and blood is red like conumist red. So i wanked back in time after faking my death and than disgused as this Cuban gy named Castro and took over cuba and turned it comernist! And then after i ded i combed bac win the person that im working for bringed me back with communist powers."

"BUT WHOL DO U WORK 4!" screamed agitha. She was really bugged by her haha joke.

"Yule never no becase i am suicide!" and then Martha Thrasher swallowed a Grenada and blew up.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!111111111" sreamed agitha in anger becase Margaret thachers guts smashed her sex slave caterpie to death. Also she ddidnt no who Marge also nown as fidel casto was working 4. Impa conforted agifa and while sheek wrote stuff down in her illuminattii journal now that her theorY that Thatcher and Castro were the same person came true.

"Poor poor caterpie, he was a hartful soul and a wee wee child," sed Impa at caterpeis fumeral while playing amasing grase on her attack bbagpipes.

"And a gentle lover," cried agitha the bug fetishist. eww bugs are gross whats wrong with agitha i mean i dont want to kinkshame but eww why bugs.

"So" sed Shmeek. "wat r u gonna dew nexr 2 stahp da iluminutti?"

"NOT DA ILUMINATI but next we need 2 FIND WHO IS THE REAL VILAIN THAT WANKS TO BLEW UP THE BUGS IN HYRULE!" but not next chapter becase i have otter plans intstead.

Chapter Text

Un dio, Senior link es ve la tele en su casa. "Es el Nutshack," el canta despues la Nutshack es en la tele.

El Linko Amoured la Nutshack. Es el favorito tele y le encanta tito dick "dickman" baby.

Navi estar despues de, ella la consado y ocupado. La Navi el destinguo intelegente, no link intelehentai. Link idioto y racisto y stupido. No me gusta Linko.

Jorge la cocinero de tacos es cocinering la tacos similar a San Waluigi. Jorge trabajos para waluigi a su Taco Stando. Huevos para la encanta sus amigos a la nuestra autobus.

La botella o Walugi's taco para no quesodias eres supuesto. Lo siento mi padre no Navi.

"Tacos r delitioso y riko yy refresco. Mi gustar tacos! Va a la Walugis tako stand para la tacos!"

Y asi senior Link ver en una aventura para el tacos.

Primarina, Lonko adventureo a la campo. A la campo, el finded al tuna. Para no solo tuna, para tambien TAKUMI!

"Hola, me llama Takumi. Odio la scum de Nohriano."

"holah tukuimi me Alamo lunk y me gustaria takos."

"Necicito tacos 2 nosotros vamos para la tacos!"

Y so Takamo Únete a lonk's fiesta. Lonk nesicitos more peeps para su fiesta a findo la tacos.

¡Duspeues day, lonko ADVENTURA TAMBIEN!

A la camarero la chica ciencias. Baile bajar alto almuerzo, para se dice centro en Caribe. Ay por favor, la cama de tocar en la pejena.

Segundo, ello van a encontrar Judd, el gato de Splatoon! "El Miau," el Judo maulla, que significa "Yo quiero takos pero no sé dónde está,"

"¡Debimos TEAMO UPO!" exclaima Lonk malos huevos.

"Buenas dios," Takmuimiim introduce por favor me gusta.

"Se dice baile, y tu?"

"Si, deber a ustedes. La Historia de Tocino, la vista por supuesto. Cuchillo rompe va abrir, lo siento estar cuchara."

El gato Judd el juez cumpleaños. Eduardo Cullen. Senior Linko mirar la tacos, y así continúa la Aventura debajo de.

El agradecido defectuoso, se continúa como en el espectáculo con la flecha que dispara pasado y la pantalla se vuelve amarilla. NEXTO

Terceira, vamos a la parquet. En la parke, vosotros vemos YURI KATSUKI de Yuri en el hielo! "Hola konichiwa," hablo Yuri. "Yo soy de japón, pero me gusta tacos. ¿Dónde están los tacos?"

"No se, Estamos buscando los tacos. Únete a nosotros?" halbloes takaaaaami.

"Vamos, nececimos tacows!" sed Yaoi. "Tacos me hacen grasa y herir mi patinaje sobre hielo, pero todavía quiero algunos!" Favor el chapo sombrero, no te gusta Carámbanos envueltos en desierto australiano. La cucaracha picante estar consado.

Muerte de un soltero, invasores espaciales estan la subestimar el Padrino. Takumi Judd Yuri y Lank adventuro despues.

Cuarto, ellos se encuentran Judy Hopps de Zootopia! "Hola soy una conejito! Yo soy bajo, pero quiero tacos! No hay tacos en Zootopia porque es illegal."

Judy joinos el teamo comer a tacos. ¡Ahorran los tacos, yay!

Adventura bueno grande, a menudo mi tampoco. El barrio barco serve silla hiciste. Link visita tremendo la sopa de verduras, toma sitio sinigoga para juguete lavar leche frio.

Por invierno, hasta luego fresas. Jardin lechuga lector, tene gorra.

Kinto, el Linko y su teamo meato TITO DICK!111111111111

"DIAS MIA!" screame el Lonk, ver a su héroe. lonk a Te encanta Tito dick "dickman bebé."

"Hola, mi limo Tito dick. Yo wanto los takos, no taco bell, pero waluigis taco stando.

Chocolate es comida pasteles helado dulces.

"¿Puedo unirme a su equipo?" axed Tibo tick tickman babby, el filipino.

"¡Porn supuesto!" exclaimo senior lanko. "¡Tu mi heroe! ¡Mii encanto tu!"

"¿Que el f*ck?" Tito ver un explosion gigantico!

"¿Ono que es that?" Judy rabbited espanyol.

¡yo Hago DANGEro! ¿AY CARAMBA QUE ES HAPPENING!?

Ellos corre a la explosiono, solo ver WALUIGIS TACO STAND BEINGO ROBBEDO! ¡Hay granadas!

"STOPO THEIFO" exclaimo lonu.

"¡Ayuda!" Waluigi halped, y Jorge es thero tambien.

El luckili, ¡EL TACO TEAM ES AQUI! "SALVAMOS los TACOS" screeme Lin, a savo el tacos.

El malo hombre mata Jorge y Jorge es muerto! "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Lonk yello.

Ahora ello debe derrotan el ladrón! Para derrotar la mal ladrón necesita un líder. ¡Y así, Waluigi es la líder!

"Todo el mundo en el Taco Team," habla Waluigi, "¡Decir tus nombres! ¡Walugi!"

"¡Link!"

"¡Takumi!"

"¡Judd!"

"¡Yuri Katsuki!"

"Judy Hopps!"

"¡Tito Dick "Dickman" baby!"

"EL TACO TEAM, VAMOS!"


"What the f*ck," said Navi as she woke up from the strange Spanish dream. "Seriously, another chapter that was just a dream? SERIOUSLY?! WE LITERALLY JUST HAD ONE OF THESE A FEW CHAPTERS AGO! THIS IS SO F*CKING OVERDONE, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING! We've had multiple chapters in this story THAT HAVE ENDED IN THIS EXACT F*CKING WAY! THE ONLY REASON FOR AN ENDING LIKE THIS IS FOR WHEN THE AUTHOR IS TO LAZY TO THINK OF A REAL ENDING! That's it, I'M F*CKING DONE! I'M OUT OF HERE!

ANd os navi left wat a jerk stop makin fun of my story okay the end.

Chapter Text

Wank day the Tingling sensation was at they're supa sectre base in a sucret hidout. it was vert cool man stuff. But it wesent L fun and games (AN: GETTIT L instead of all!)

THey all rally hated lunkle who recnttly joined da Kinking Sansation.

"Tingle, we F*CKING HATE THAT BITCH LINKLE!" screamed Hannibal. He was so mad that he could eat someone, which he did, going to the mall to find some victims.

And Moe was even madder than Hannibal. "THAT F*CKING BITCH LINKLE CAN SUCK MY F*CKING FISHSTICK THAT LITTLE C*NT F*CKER F*CK (D88*D&(*&897(*$&#$(*&^*(#&$(&*#&$HkehriuoaperhoiYA&#*($&(#&(*#%&(*#A%&(*&#$^&*&(%(#$!11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111" What the fish said was so inappropriate that it isn't allowed even in this story.

"I hate her even more than I hate bags, Pew Pew!" exclaimed Nebby, which was a lie, he hates bags more than anything and has Vietnam flashbacks every time that he thinks aboot them.

Linkle was a huge dick to everyone on the team. She calls everyone the n word, invites hookers into their clubhouse, makes tons of Holocaust jokes, and has tried to kill each of the team members at least once.

"ITS TIME TO STOP!" said Hannibal like that one dude. "That bitch has caused us nothing but pain and suffering and sadness. EVEN I THINK SHE'S EVIL AND I'M A F*CKING CANNIBAL!"

"I agree," said L all detectivy because he's always so serious and he eats abunches of candy.

"I want to sea her BURN IN HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!" hammed Octavio.

The other team members said stuff too but I don't feel like writing it.

"So Tingle, why is she even on this team?" questioned Hanalei Lecturer with his arms crossed like someone angry asking a question while having crossed arms who is a cannibal and also smart but not as smart as L because L is the world's greatest detective OR IS HE?

"Don't worry, everyone," Tingle said. "I have Linkle on my team for a reason. And it is all part of my master plan!"

"Seriously, is everything part of your plan?" questioned Hannibal. "Now I'm pretty sure that's just your excuse to do whatever you want."

"Yesterday you made us get you some Subway because it was 'vital to your plan,'" complained Ben.

"Well it was! How do you expect for me to work on an empty stomach?" said tingklejf "And anyway, I know Linkle is a bit of a handful. And by that I mean that she and Link are the two worst people to ever exist and they make me, a murderous cannibal, look like a saint. I've only killed a few hundred people, but together, they've probably killed thousands. If only Navi knew how many people he really killed!"

"And this proves your point how?" axededed Octavio.

"I kinda lost my argument there, she really is an asshole, but just deal with her a little longer until my plan can come into place."

"F*CK!" screamed Moe, throwing down a table.

"Where is that bitch anyway?" asked L all candily and stuff.

"She's looking for that Cadbury Cream Egg to keep as her slave again."

"At least she's not here," said Karen. "She also told me that the Xbox 360 is better than the Switch because the Switch doesn't have Call of Duty. WHAT KIND OF MONSTER DOESN'T LIKE THE SWITCH!1111111111 THAT XBOX DOESN'T HAVE BREATH OF THE WILD ON IT, DOES IT YOU F*CK!11111111"

"I get it, Linkle sucks," TIngle sedd. "Anyway, we've got a meeting to go through."

Memewhile:

Sherlok homes an his "friend" John Watson here wanking around outside (AN: GETTIT WANKING CUS THERE BRITISH!) , win day spotted lonk.

Lonk was outside of his home his house his humble abode beating Navi on the head with a stuffed giraffe for some reason. Isn't abuse just hilarious?

Link was wearing a Tito Dick costume, a hat that said "No means yes," and a shirt that said "Hitler did nothing wrong." Link is really evul and he and Linkle are also the leading causes of death in Hyrule, followed by suicide and lynchings. Hyrule is one messed up place.

"Who's she," said Jun waston cuz lunk loox like a chick.

"da f*k DID U JUST ASUME MY GENDER TRIGGEREDEROJODIUFDJSLJ! It's funy becase FEMINISM SUX! Hay navi wanna here a funny joke?"

"No, not at all."

"2 bad! Wood u rather have a child that is feminist or has cancer?"

"Well, if I did have a child, I would definitely raise them to be feminist, just as any respectable person should be."

"RONG ANSER da rite anser is WATS THE DIFFERENCE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" lonk laughed as navi, sherluk and jon watched in discuss. What a dick.

Beanwhile:

"Hey L, guess what!" exclaimed Hannibal after the evul meeting. "I have great news!"

"Does it involve candy? Because if not, I'm likely not going to find it very great."

"This news is even greater than candy! SHERLOCK IS IN HYRULE!1111111111111" Hannibal Lecter discovered Tumblr not too long back, and he is now obsessed with shows like Sherlock, Supernatural, and Dr. Who. He is also what people like Sara would call a "sjw," as he doesn't discriminate based on who he eats; he is an equal-opportunity cannibal.

"Seriously, that's your great news? What's so great about that Sherlock show anyway?"

"I have a great idea! I'll explain the entire show to you! Okay so there's this British guy named Sherlock Holmes and he's the world's greatest detective and his boyfriend is named John Watson and-"

"Wait, did you just say that he's the world's greatest detective?"

"Well, duh! Everyone knows that!"

"WHAT THE F*CK, I'M THE WORLD'S GREATEST DETECTIVE! The nerve on this guy, trying to STEAL MY TITLE!"

"You do realize that Sherlock Holmes stories have existed for almost a century and a half longer than Death Note, right?"

"Stfu, I now know that I have someone new to defeat! Watari, where are you!" L yelled into the hallway.

"ELLO GUVNA, MY PERSON IS RIGHT SODDING HERE MY GOOD CHAP!" britished Watari (AN: look how creative my verbs are! I'm, like, the first person to use british as a verb!).

"Watari, I need some assistance in defeating a new foe! His name is Sherlock Holmes, and he's this British dude that claims to be the world's greatest detective! I know that you are the best person to help me defeat him, due to the fact that you are both Brits!"

"YES, MY BLOODY PAL, GOD SAVE THE QUEEN! I WILL HELP SODDING GOBSMACK THAT WANKER'S ARSE!"

"Good! Now the first thing that I need to know is, where would you go on a time like this on a regular day?"

"ON A BLOODY AFTERNOON LIKE THIS, I WOULD BE SIPPING A SODDING GOOD CUP OF TEA!"

"Of course!" said L. "We need to find everywhere in Hyrule that serves tea, and we'll definitely be able to find him! And then...I'll prove to him that I am the world's greatest detective!"

Letter:

Shamrock and Jonh ver in the nearest tea shop, sipping some sodding good cups of tea. But John wasent vurry happy.

"Why the bloody hell does everyone think that we're a couple! It doesn't make any sense!"

"Maybe they just sense the sexual tension between us," deduced Sherlock.

"Yeah, mayb- wait, what?"

"Nothing," said Shlock.

"Whatever, I don't like you or anything," he said while blushing. "Baka!"

"I don't know why you keep denying that we are a couple," said Shylock. "We did have sex that one time."

"What the bloody hell are you talking about?!"

"Oh, wait. That was just a dream. Never mind!"

Then they sat in awkward silence for about a minute until L jumped in through the window!

"Well well well," he said evully. "You've really been a dick, Cumberbatch!"

"How long did it take for you to come up with that one?" asked John.

"I would estimate that it took at least an hour," deducidated Smock.

"SHUTTUP, THIEF! I am known as L, and I'm here to take back my rightfully deserved title!"

"Your title?" questioned Cumberbitch.

"That's right. THE WORLD'S GREATEST DETECTIVE! I am the true world's greatest detective, yet somehow, you claim you are! BUT THAT'S BULLSHIT!"

"Fat chance, as I am the world's greatest detective no matter what you say!" Sherlonk bragged.

"There is only one way to solve this argument once and for all."

"DEDUCTION BATTLE!111111" they yoollled simuiltiniously.

Smerlock started first. "You last masticated five minutes ago in a public loo!"

"Oh yeah, well you spend thirty minutes a day getting your hair to be perfect!"

"Oh yeah, you haven't washed that t-shirt in exactly five months and thirteen days!"

"Oh yeah, you actually found that coat of yours in a thrift store!"

"You found your clothes in a dumpster behind a McDonalds!"

"For breakfast, you ate a burnt slice of toast covered in Nutella!"

"You have athlete's foot!"

"You're gay for JOHN!"

"Well, duh! Everyone knows that! And stating the obvious means that YOU LOSE!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!11111111111111111" screeched L. "It can't be! IT CAN'T BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!1111111111111111111111111111111111111"

"Well, it can be! Now f*ck off!"

L ran away like a weirdo which is how he usually runs. "What was that about?" axed Jonny boy.

"I don't know, but I have a feeling that I should watch out for him."

Just in case, Sherlock followed L to make sure where he was going, and he discovered that the young detective was part of a "club" called the Tingling Sensation. The group seemed harmless enough, led by a middle-aged man in tights, but after doing enough research, Sherlock realized the evul acts that they had committed. "I have to do something to stop them. But how..."

LATER:

Yoshi (AKA DA TEMINATOR) was in his favorite place...Home Depot! Just kidding, he was in the bathroom. Suddenly, Sherlock kicked down the door and pranced into the room.

Sherlock entered like a cool action hero, saying, "Name: Sherlock Holmes. Occupation: Detective. Motive: To stop the Tingling Sensation."

"So, you hate the Tingling Sensation, too," said Yo shi minh. "That fool Tingle and his fanclub have become huge competition for me. So how do you think you can stop it?"

"To defeat Tingle, we'll have to start our own group: THE ANTI-TINGLING SENSATION!1"

Chapter Text

Suffer Slash Pros Mushon Frame Good 16: Anuther Ultimite War aganst Librul Evul. LAUREN IS STILL A EVUL LESBAN AND SO IS ENOBY! AND IM STIL NOTTA LESBAN NO MATER WAT U COMENTERS KEEP SAYIN ABOT ME!

Chapter 20: GAY SKELERTON CUMS

AN: DONT THINK I HAVENT HERD WAT U REVIOWERS HAVE BEN SAIN ABOT ME! I no that Osamba and Epony hav put u up 2 it! I elsa hear about somtin very scurry! Theres another tipe of gay caled trains gender wo r girls with pens an bois wilth vags! They get the rong parts put on them using obana care wfrom are tax mony! And then sense they have the opusite parts the can rap peple hoo dont no that there a boy r girl! Somone cold date a boy an hav them turn ot 2 be a gurl an rape them! Now i ned 2 be carful around bois 2!

i was lookin at pics of hot gus lik Caning Tetum 2 kep sinful thots out of my hed when i saw nes wank up! "heya Sara," sed Nest.

"Wate hess" i asked. "y r u warring pink slipers pink is a color 4 girls an gays!"

"Thats becase i am gay" he sed and i jumped away.

"ono!"

"And im not nesp anymore my knew nam s SNAS UNDERTAIL!" and he took of his mask and he was a seriatim! "I was rapped so hard thet my skin cum of an i was a evil skeletim! I am from evul librul gam claled Oondertale wich teches kidds librul thinks like majick an furrys an gays!" sed sand.

"ha but u cant rape me yere a guy!"

"That dosent meen i cant kell u!" Sin ses.

"Ono!" i yeled.

He yel "Yere gona half bed tim!" wich i herd was his cach frase an then he shoots a boner at me!

"Halp!" i screm.

But sudanly, somun cums an shots Snas awai! It was...VISA PRECIDENT PENSE!


"What the f*ck did I just read?" questioned Cia in horror.

The Hot Topic Krew was having a meeting in Palutena's house in order to discuss how to defeat Sara and her evil Westboro Baptist Church Army. The goddess was currently away on tour with Icarus and Bean for their band, Icarus and the Greens (much to Pittoo's horror). And although they are in the title of this chapter, they actually don't have anything to do with it.

"That homophobic bitch has been posting new awful stories for the past few months ever since she heard that someone made a 'librul' parody of her story," explained Lucina.

"What an bitch," said Dark Pit. "Anyone have any ideas of how to stop her?"

"I might," said Robin, as he is the tactician. "We cou-"

He was unable to finish, as Cia loudly shushed him. "Wolf WHAT THE F*CK ARE YOU DOING STOP LICKING YOUR BALLS DURING THE MEETING! And Viridi, why are you smoking weed, YOU'RE A F*CKING CHILD!"

"As I was saying, we could-"

Suddenly Pit walked through the door.

"Satan Judas, we're in the middle of something Pitstain! And what are you wearing."

"Oh this? I'm just wearing this to show off my national pride! But not for America! Ever since Donald Trump crushed my patriotism, I realized that the true greatest country is Canada, the great white north!" Pit was wearing a Mountie uniform and holding a bottle of maple syrup.

He pulled Dark Pit into his room to give him a tour. "Why the hell is this room so cold?"

"I wanted it to feel like the real country, eh? Canada is what it's really all aboot! Unlike America, Canada is much less crowded, has more lakes, Meese (which is moose plural), polar bears, maple syrup, Canadian bacon, NO TRUMP, hockey, eskimo, Robin Sparkles, and best of all, JUSTIN TRUDEAU!"

The patriotic angle began to worship his shrine of Trudeau while playing his favorite song, "Let's Go To the Mall."

"This Canada Day, we're going to have a huge celebration! We'll play a game of hockey, and the winner gets a gallon of maple syrup! Afterwards, we'll ride on our meese to the majestic Canadian Rockies and sing my beautiful country's national anthem, 'O Canada.'"

"O Canada!
Our home and native land!
True patriot love in all thy sons command.
With glowing hearts we see thee rise,
The True North strong and free!
From far and wide,
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee."

Pittoo slipped out of the room halfway through the song. But much to his dismay, the meeting was already over.

"F*ck, why didn't you wait for me?"

"Sorry babe," apologized Lucas, "But we kind of had to hurry, since your mom gets back from her tour tonight."

"Please don't remind me of that horror. And whatever, just tell me what everyone went over."

"We had it all written down on this board," pointed out Robin.

STEPS TO DEFEATING SARA:

1. Leave harsh comments on her fanfic.

2. DESTROY CHICK-FIL-A!

Chapter Text

One day lonk was eetin at croms restrant, Chroms Fishy Fishsticks, when suddenly, 2 spooky scary skeletons wanked in!

"SANS, WHY IS EVERYONE LOOKING AT US LIKE THAT? HAVE THEY JUST NEVER MET ANYONE AS COOL AS ME BEFORE?"

"Your kind isn't welcome here," said the waiter, pointing at a sign that read, "NO SHITTY UNDERTALE ALLOWED!"

"it's okay, bro. i heard that this place wasn't good anyways."

As they walked out, the crowd began booing them. "Undertale is f*cking dead!" screamed some dude.

"WAIT, DID HE SAY THAT UNDERTALE IS...DEAD? IS IT TRUE?"

"no, paps. he was just joking," said snas, but secretly he was crying inside.

"wata f*nikn loosre," said Lonk.

"I know, right?" said an british woman standing nearby. "They should be made into slaves, just like anyone that isn't white, as well as all children."

After hearign the woman declare such a sexy statement, Link locked eyes with her. She was the most beautiful woman that Lonk had ever seen. "Im link and i agree i hate nonwhites children an evryon that doesent agre with mii!"

The mysterious woman seemed infatuated with him. "My name is Dolores Umbridge. It is very nice to finally meet someone that shares my wonderful world views. Would you maybe...like to go burn down an orphanage with me?"

"Sounds luke a lot of fuun!" And so they skipped off holding hands.

LAYTER:

"Dolores umbrige is a milf," said Link. "Umbrige, moar like CUMbridge HAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHA!"

"What the f*ck?" said Navi in horror.

"Nice job mann," sed Old Man hifiving Lonlk.

"man i knew that chick from back in hogwards and shes FINE!" sed Snap.

"Whin im not sleeping with teenaged girls an middleaged men, i only sleep with old womans," sed loopin.

wft is wrong ith these people?

"What the f*ck is wrong with these people?" said Navi.

I know rite?

MEMEWHILE:

"Godfather, I have some news for you," said some dude in a 40s gangster outfit.

"Tell me immediately or you'll be sent to my death camp," said Godfather Melencamp. (ANB: GEDTIT!)

"It seems that Lonk is dating a woman named Delorus Rumbrige."

"He did WHAT?!" she said, stabbing the dude in the eye. "THAT BITCHIS GOONA DIE!"

"hasnt this same thing happened a million times in this story already," said someone else, so Molo killed them 2.

Letterman:

"An then I tortured this annoying kid because he yelled at me for making fun of his dead parents!"

"Ahaha! What a story, Deloris." tengo sed Lync

"Do you want to hear a story about the time that I stuffed a child into a washing machine and turned it on?"

"OMG YAAAS that sounds really hot!"

wtf?

And so there was a montage of Lonk and Umbitch doing things like robbing banks, smashing puppies with sledgehammers, and putting children in bags and throwing them into a river.

Fiddler:

"Today was very fun!" said Umbrigade. "We should murder innocents again sometime."

"Mhmh." said Link staring at her bobs.

Then sudanly, Molli jumped in with a magical killer arm! "DIE UMBITCH!"

"Hi melon."

"Hi lonk."

"im goonna kill this slut."

"ok."

"What the bloody hell, Link! You're just going to let her kill me?"

"Yep death is funny also im a sociopath goodbye"

And so Chalon shooted a murder beam at Umbridge, and she began to melt.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111" screamed Umbritch as she slowly and painfully melted. LInk watched in enjoyment as her skin melted off, and her tempatures reacheded such high levuls that even her skerlaten began to melt. Malon also used her powers to make it so that she could still feel pain with her body melting. By this point, she was nothing put a pile of goop, but could feel everything. Umbridge had no mouth and must scream. Finally, after a few hours of unending pain worse than could ever be felt by anyone else in the world, Melon finally put her out of her Missouri, and no one missed her.

"WoW that was reely HET!" vocaloid Chink. Mahjong, i half 2 tel u someting!"

"Yes, Link?" asked Malaria.

"I have 2 go masticate by."

As Lonky left Galon standed their in angered. "That...F*CKING C*NT F*CK YOU F*CK YOU F*CK YOU F*CK YOU F*CK YOU F*CK YOU!1111111111111111111111111111" and she was so mad that she flew to Singapore and blowed it up.

Manewheel:

THe Tingling Sunstation uwas hangin out in their hideout with their newest member...Nico Yazawa! She was formerly part of a popular Japanese idol group called μ's, but the group disbanded after member Nozomi was arrested for groping a lot of girl's boobs. Nico since joined the Mafia and decided to become a part of tingles team.

"What the f*ck is this weeb doing here," complained Ben. "We already have two lame anime characters on this team."

"F*CK ANIME!" screamed Moe.

"Yeah, f*ck you too," said Nico.

Suddenly Hannibal karate chopped the door off and ran over to Nico. "NICO I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN AND NOW YOU'RE ON MY TEAM OMG I LOVE YOU!1111"

"F*ck off, creep," said Nico.

"Hey hey hey hey hey hey Nico can you say your catchphrase for me please please please!"

"I will if you give me 50 bucks."

"Okay!"

"Wait, you're serious? Okay, here it comes." She quickly got into character and posed, saying, "Nico Nico Nii~!"

"Dawwwwww," said everyone.

"Okay, bitch; where's my money."

"Here you go," said Hannibal, handing her some muns. "You're just sooooo cute! I could eat you right up!" Hannibal took out a knife as Nico screamed and ran from the cannibal in terror.

Chapter Text

1 day Dark Pit was edging around aoutside a Sheik fella, wicth is da nam of dis really homophonic resistant Chang. it serves food liek chiiken or cuckolds as there galled in highrule. Dank Pit was teemed up wif da rest area the hot tonic croo, who ewok goonies destruct all da chunk file.

"Our assault against Chick-fil-A will now begin," stated Robin over the walking takis. they were black and edgy because of the slipnot stickers pitooo pit on it.

"Lets f*ck this homophobic place up," Pittoo sed wheelst smiling. Suddenly, someone else walked up next to him, also looking at the strontium.

"now i ken blo up this evil strate place and kil da strates insid!"

Drak Pot looxed over 2 the speaker, only to realize that he looked exactly like him!

"What the f*ck?! Why do you look like me?"

"F*k mebbe yere a strate impasta STAY AWAY EVUL CONSERVATIV!"

Meanwhile, another Dark Pit doppelganger wanked up! He was really evle an Callied a nuclear!

"r u hear 2 kil da conservativs 2?" acxed the tumblr dude.

"no Im juts hear 2 kil peeps cuz dats fun!"

The Pittoo wasnt a normel Peeta but Pit2 form tat 1 shity fafic aboot kid icarly upraised 2.

"wat the f*k yere holdin a nuclear BUT NUCLERS ARE USED BY CONSERVATIVS 2 TAKE OVER LIBRUL CUNTRIS! THAT MEMES YOUR CONSERBATIVE!"

"What the f*ck is anyone here talking about? And does anyone know why we all are the same person?"

"Shoot up so i can f-cking kil u al an use ur soles 2 tank over da word!" Pit2, sometimes gnome as shit2, is rely evul an is da enemy of an somehow even moar anoyin Chara cter, Clod angle. He ates the Seoul of chillins and is also a repubican. "u shits relly blow!" he sed with the nuke (GEDDIT?!).

"shutup strate or ill strate up murder u!" hahha a pun fiting 4 this. sjw pittew tanked out a blad an shoveled it up pit2s as!

"F-K! MY AS!"

"I'll just sneak out and hope they don't notice me," said edgy Pittoo. Suddenly a randem arroz form 1 of his doplegonders shot a capri sun he was holding! "You F*CKING C*NTS! RESPECT THE F*CKING POUCH, BITCH!" Pittoooooo pulled out an AK47 and started shooting at sjw pittoo and psychopath pitoo, also destroying chick fillay in da process. (LUCKILY!)

MEMEWHILE:

A tandem tv show riter was running from lunkle and her army of evul cucks, when he came across this weird fite. "Omygolly! Dis is just wat I need on my new show!

LATER:

"Three angles are being forced to share an apartment together! One's a mall goth, one's a social justice warrior, and one is a psychopath! And strangest of all, they're all the same person? Stay tuned for a new CBS series, Pittoo Times Three!"

"Wat da f*k is dis prepy shit," sed enoby waching her tv while eating som court chocula cereals filed wit blud.

"DRAKEO WHER WANT TO WACH A MOVIE!"

"hear i am Envoy! ANd i have a perfect move 4 us to wach! Its yere fav movi, Sharknato!"

"WHAT THE F*CK DRAKO!1 My fav movei isnt sharknato ITS SHARK ATTACK 3! U F*KEN POSER GET THE F*C OUT OF MI LIFE!"

"But enoby i love u!"

"If u relly floved me YOU WOOD HvED REMEBERED MY FAVRITE MOVE!1"

Drako started cring and run away. Even tho enoby luved sensativ bi guys, she woodnt take drake back 4 bean sensativ an by.

She was so sad that she crid tears of blood in2 her cereal and then drank it atfer cuting herself sexily.

"I NEED A NEW BOI FRIEND! CUM KILO REN, MY NEW BOYFIEND!"

kylo ran wanked in 2 be enovis new luver. "Sup, Im Spyro Rin. I realy f*kin hate my shity dad so i kileed him. Now Im gona take over the universe in my sensitive bi rage."

"oh my satin thats so sexy lets bang rigt here rihgt now!1"

OTHER RANDOM FANFIC CHARACTERS:

Sara was riting into her diary with her bedroom door locked. Dally was yelling something about "pedos" in the other room and Cloud was somewhere else because he has no personality, I really don't know how to write him.

Deer dairy,

Im relly scarred rite now. This 1 gurl named Daly dankblud came in my hose and wont leav! Shes rely goff and my dad toad me tat goffs are all lesbans! and the wurst kind of lesban are 1s that pertend 2 be strate! Now Im afeared that Dales wil rap me in my slep! I wood tel her 2 leve but shes 2 scurry! Cod, pls bive me the strenth 2 kik Mali oot of my house.

Luv sara Osborne.

PS im still strate god i havent masticated to any gurl pics at al no mater how strong da temtashon is!

Chapter Text

Crumb was wanking around to whear he works at Chroms fishy fishsticks, a fishy restraunt frum that 1 fanfic called Chrom and the Fishsticks that was never finished. The fishy dude was listening to a fishstick themed song he payed the band Icarus and the Greens $5000 to write. He regrets nothing.

Sudanly, as he got into the mall, another fishdick place was write next to heis! "WHO THE F*CK DID THIS?!" he screamed in terror. Much to his horror, the place was titled "Lonks nummy fishsticks its way beter dan croms."

"YOU!" he screemed at lung as he getted inside.

"Bi suomthing or gtfo," sed luimnkl.

"I see what you're trying to do. Do you really think that you can destroy my business with your own knockoff?"

"yep!"

"Well, then...TOO BAD! YOU SUCK AND YOU'RE ALSO STUPID AND DUMB AND YOU SUCK!" he started to walk angrily out of the fishy place, when he spotted the long lines. "Wtf, what are so many people doing here? AND WHY AREN'T THEY IN MY PLACE!?"

Croom runned into his roosetrant, only 2 see that Lucinda was the only 1 in their! Lucian had a part-time job at his restraint, but she's usually very busy due to large crowds when working there, as opposed to sitting around and chopping fruit in half with her sword like in that one game that i played years ago.

"Lucina, why are all the customers at that other place!?" he said scardidily.

"Father, I have no idea how this happened! Everything was perfectly fine until that green sociopath showed up next-door."

"There's no way that Link is really a better cook than us. A week ago he tried to pay for his food here with Monopoly money and thought he'd trick me. Wait a minute...that's why he's doing this! He's mad at me for not taking his fake money! What an dick! Anyway, he's way to stupid to be able to make fishsticks as good as everyone else thinks. He's probably using black magic to make them better than mine or something!"

"Well, as much as I hate Link, I still can't join you because of all the homework that I have."

"Nonsense! This is much more important than homework will ever be! I suggest that you drop out of school and join me in my battle against a true asshole!"

"Wtf, father! I'm leaving." and Lucida left the resent.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LUCINA DON'T LEAVE I'M TERRIFIED OF LINK AND CAN'T DO THIS ON MY OWN!" scrreemed Chromium.

Sandly, Crumb didn't have the rest of his brigade here because they were going on vacation to the official Pepe the frog museum in Portland, and he had to stay behind to take care of his estoblishment.

"I know that he has to be involved in some shady business, because there's definitely something fishy about that guy!" he said but then he was sad because their was know won hear too here his joke. Gromn loved puns like how he likes memes and he likes fishsticks even more and has a fishstick body pillow.

LATUR:

Chromosome was sneakily hidden outside of Links shitty fishstick place, watching lonk using his luptop. When he walked oot, presumably to masticate in the bathroom, Abercrombie walked in and looked at his laptop. He was not prepared to witness the horrors it contained.


Crom an lucida: a sexxy luve storry

Bi lonkdaherooftim

AN: hay fck u whoevers reedin this becus u prob ly suck aslo ive never plaed fier embryo becoose i only playe gams wif tits an violens in dem so nintendo gays suck. i rited dis story cus insest is hottttttttt! ayy lmao so lit dab bruh lol

Oka we ken start now

1 dai comrhnm an rucina were waking aroond da Forrest an cghrom loked over at Lusitania. He was sekretly in luv wif her eeven do he was heis dotter becase she looked liek a fishtick cus she was sew skiny an chom luved fishdicks

" lucemon, 1 half sumtind 2 tel u!"

"wat is it daddi?"

"im in luv wif u an want 2 haf howt secs wif u!"

"Wow dats soo hot i luv u to daady i almost luv u as muck as i rove hitler!"

an so dey takend of dere cloths an wear nakes. cjrom trided 2 grap her bobs but he coldnt cus she dident half ani.

hrcomrm tooked out his schlongy-dong an he put-


Chrom threw the lapton an throwed it out the winder in horror, screaming in horror. He ran outside in horror, still screaming in terror. He knew that he would never be the same after reading that horrifying, incestuous, and terrifying story. it was so scurry.

A FEW TOWERS LATER:

Lucina walked into her and Chrom's house (AN: that's probably not correct grammar, but whatever), putting down her backpack.

"Father, I'm home!" she yelled. After hearing no reply, she walked towards her dad's room to see if he was okay.

Lucina heard her father sobbing in the closet. "Father, what's wrong?!"

"Lucina, y-you don't want to know!" he cried from inside.

"Really, father! You can tell me!"

"I-I can't! I MUST SPARE YOU FROM THE PAIN!"

"NO, TELL ME!"

"OKAY, I'LL TELL YOU!" said Chrom in defeat. "Link...h-he wrote a story about..."

"ABOUT WHAT?!"

"About...a-about...us..."

"WHAT ABOUT US?!"

"About u-us..."

"SPIT IT OUT!"

"ABOUT US HAVING SEX!"

Lucina instantly threw up and then screamed for literally an hour until she lost her voice and then screamed again once she got it back and then she screamed more and threw up again and then she ran to an abandoned hhgregg and destroyed some of the TVs inside and then screamed more before she passed out of exhaustion.

LATER:

Lucania awokened as croom ran up next to her. "Lucina, are you okay? You've been asleep for hours!"

Lachine got an evul look on her faze. "I'm going to help you destroy Link," she said evully.

"Yay!" said crhoom because now h e could save his buusiness wile also geting bonding time with his daughter (ew not in that way u sicko) and then eat fishsticks which is actually spelled like fish stick, Chrom doesn't even know how to spell the name of his true love.

Chrom and Lucina both jumped onto the table and did some Jojo poses.

"Let's do this!" yelled Lucina. "No longer will that bitch Link be able to write incestuous fanfiction about us!"

AT LONK's FISHICH PLACE WHATEVER IT WAS CALLED ALTHOUGH IF I REALLY CARED TO KNOW WHAT IT WAS CALLED I COULD LITERALLY JUST SCROLL UP ON THIS PAGE BUT WHATEVER:

Limb was eetin somof his signatural medium rare fishsticks wen Lucama an chromo kiked doun da door an ran towards lonk.

"YOU!" they both screamed.

"AH DONUT HERT MII!" yelloed honk.

"Then tell us your secret, you incestuous bastard!" exclaimed Chrom.

"hahahahhadhahahahhfkdhahahdhadhahdhkaha no. Elsa HAY LUCIHA U HOT excelpt u dont hav bobs. i gess i cold call u a FLAT character! HAHA FUNNY BECAUSE U DONT HAVE ANI BOOOOBOS!1"

"Are you kidding me?" said Lucina. "You do realize that you aren't the first person to make that joke, right?"

"Hahah i donr care! Hay u no mr game an watch? Yo-"

"How dare you talk to my daughter like that?!" screamed Chrom, kicking Link in his STD filled Deku Nuts.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111" screeched link as his balls were smashed (AN: GEEDDIT SMASHED LIKE SMASH BORS?!).

"Father, I can't believe you really stood up for me like that! Thank you for everything!" and the father-daughter team hugged.

"I'd do anything for you, Lucina!"

"EW GET A ROOM!" yeled kink and so they both kicked lonk's lonky place again.

"Now, let's go see what's in that suspicious looking closet and then get this place closed down for health code violations!" explained Lucina.

"And then we'll treat ourselves to some of my finest fishsticks, aged to perfection!"

"NO DONT GO IN DERE!" helled ginkgo.

As the duo opened the door, they were truly horrified by what was inside. Rows of cages were packed with starving Zoras, and the dead had the meat cut off their corpses and made into fishsticks. THAT'S RIGHT! Link has been committing genocide against the Zora and selling their flesh as fishsticks!

LATYER:

Linikl was tryin to escape form da cops because he's genocidal. He was in a gewtaway car beean driven by darunia. "I butter be getting payed alott 4 dis, bitch!" sed Rudania.

lonk lied an told him hed give him 50 bucks. but then the cops tooked out a rocket luncher and blowed up da cur, blasting ink awayan kilin Daruk I mean Darunia. he was blowed al da way to his house where navi was holden a gun at him.

"Hay navy wat ar u doin with that gun? r u gonna use it 2 shot urself?"

"No, Link. Things have to end here."

"water u takin aboot u cant kil me!?"

"I can kill you, and I must. I knew previously that you were evil, but I had no idea about the atrocities you have committed. You literally committed genocide against an entire race. I can't let you hurt any more people. This what you--the real you--would have wanted. Link, I know the good part of you that is still in there agrees with me."

"NO U CANT! wat abot da grate deku tree HEL KIL UR FAMALY or sum shit idunno!"

"The Great Deku Tree did threaten the lives of my family members, but the only thing is...the Deku Tree is dead. Remember when you burnt down that forest in Chapter 20? In doing so, you accidentally burnt him down. That means I'm free to kill you."

"NO NO NONON NO NO DONT DO IT AAAAH!"

"I'm so sorry Link," she said, her eyes filling up with tears. "Goodbye!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"

*BANG*

Whoopsies, lonk is dead.

Chapter Text

So linky bird died when navi shooted him and he deaded very lankily and deadly. I usually hate it when people die but I'll make an exception with this asshole.

"F*CK IM DED!" sed Linksys gost. his goats floated up to heven.

Lonk met an asian man at da gates of heven. "hay commie dude where am I?"

"Konichiwa! This is heaven. Good people go here when they have died."

"Yay am I going hear becase Im bean rewarded 4 kilen tuns of annoing children?"

"Actually, that is not the case. I regret to inform you that you have not made it into heaven."

"WHATUHTU!?"

"Instead, I will have to send you...directly...to Hell. Please understand."

With a snap of his fingers, Link was sent screaming into a portal to Hell.

LATER:

"F*CK IM IN HELL!" sed lonk angerly cuz hel sucks. "But litle dos any1 elsa no about my DARK ARK SECRET!"

Lenin had a dark, dank secret dat no1 este knew about. It was so dark that it was also secretive.

"Mi dark secret is...I SOLD MY SOUL 2 SATIN!" he evulled. "dats rite! I axchanged my Seoul so dat I will always get away with my crimes unteal da end of da story! Santa will bring me back with his powders evry time dat eye dye!"

THats right! Link uses the powers af satin 2 cum bach form da ded! Every time that Link dies, he is brought back to slightly before he died, and no one else will know anything EVEN NAVI! In actuality, that wasn't the first time that Navi killed Link, and it likely wouldn't be the last. So that's why link somehow hasn't gotten himself killed from being so stupid: he actually has been killed and he came back!

"hahahahahahahhahahahahhhahhahaha mwahahahahahaahhhhaaahahahhhahhgreg! I AM SEW COOL I WIL }GO BACH 2 HIRULE AN KILL TUNS OF PEEPS IM DA HERROW OF TIM AND THE GRATEST HEROE OF DEM AL!"

Link wented 2 a portal and it bringed him back 2 hirule. Since navi dident know abut his genocide she dident decided 2 kill him becase she hopes she can still save the reel lonk in his head.

"HEY NAVI IM HOME FROM HELL I mean Im home from normal stuffs YOU SUCK NAVI fu*k u!"

Navi was reading a book but it was probably actually yuri or something. "I-"

"NO U CANNUT SPEAK NAZI I WILL SEND U 2 YERE CAGE LIKE NICHOLUS CAGE GEDDIT THATS FUNNY NOW DO IT!"

Laetter:

Is it just me, or is Link being especially douchey today? thought Navi. He's an asshole every day, though, so it's probably nothing.

But it wasent really nothing GASP! THAT LINK THING WAS A REAL TWIST RIGHT GUYS RIGHT PLEASE COMPLIMENT ME I REELLY NEED IT!

Anyway we had enooph lonky and navvi 4 today now hears da tingling sensation.

MEMEWHILE WITH THE TINGLING SENSATION:

The snesation was having a partake alwthough theyy have partiis al da time so its not really anything especial.

Tingle was talking to his loyal horsy follower, Darth Epona. She was the only person that Tingle truly trusted with everything. "Master Tingle, it has come to my attention that Link has been killed earlier today."

"Again? That's the third time this week. But, this is to be expected for someone so horrifically idiotic. You've recorded any important information on the subject, correct?"

"Yes, my lord. I have also continued monitoring Ebony and Sara, although they haven't done much but get into childish fights."


EARLIER:

"Stup rite dere u gay amobination!" sed Sara.

"Ew Im not gay thats just gross!1" sed ebory.

"Stop with you're librul lyes!"

Than Enoby puled oot a jont of pat and begined smocking it.

"Dont do drugs Enoby or u wil go2 Hell" sara sed.

"I wont stop becuz im satinist and i want 2 go2 hell!"


"After the short argument that they took part in, they fought for a few minutes before retreating back to their bases."

"Well done, Epona. You've gotten a lot done today, so why don't you take the weekend off?"

Epona waited a second before answering. "Time off seems unnecessary. My focus is always on your happiness and Link's suffering, not partaking in social activities."

"Come on, Epona. You deserve a break, and I'll be happier if you get some time off!"

"As you wish, Master Tingle. Have you been hearing the voices again?"

"I have, in fact. I really don't mind hearing them, but they annoy Popplio, so I try to push them back. We should go check on the rest of the group, okay?"

"Yes, Lord Tingle."

The rest of the sensation was having bunches of funsies especially because Linkle wasn't there because Tingle told her that he found a hospital with very lax security for her to steal organs from.

L was gloomily shoving tons of candy into his mouth while crouching on the couch. "You feelin' okay?" asked Blair.

"No. My series' new movie came out recently, and it really sucks! Now I'm eating more candy than usual to drown my sorrows."

"I know what can make ya feel better!"

"Let me guess, you're going to ask to have sex like you always do. We get it, you're a slut."

"No, you f*ckin dick I was going to ask if you wanted to go to the amusement park with me, but fine, be a shithead." Blair angrily stormed out of the room while L sat there in confusion.

Karen, Moe, Nebby, and tentacle hentai Octavio were playing Mario Kart on the Switch and Karen won every time because she's played it for over 10,000 hours. After every loss, Moe screamed, DJ Octavio screamed but hammily, and Nebby cried in the closet because of all the noise. Once the commotion was over, they started chatting with Hannibal.

"Is it just me, or is someone missing?" questioned Hanny. "Besides Linkle, of course."

"I've felt the same thing, Pew Pew!"

Hannibal thought for a second. "Let's see...Tingle, Epona, L, Ben, Blair, DJ Octavio, Moe, Nebby, Karen, Nico, and I are all here, and Linkle is out being a dick, but one person is still missing! I wonder who it could be?" They still couldn't figure out the missing member by the end of the party.

"I have a great idea!" exclaimed Nico. "What if our team got a new mascot! I think I'm the perfect choice! I have such great charisma, cuteness-"

Ben interrupted the tiny idol. "How about instead of being the mascot we just kicked you out of the f*cking team. You know, I'm sick and tired of your annoying "cute" persona and your constant smugness."

"Oh, yeah? I'm tired of you acting like a f*cking edgy teenager all the time when you're actually in your 40s."

"Oh, yeah? Well-"

"CALM THE F*CK DOWN YOU LITTLE SHITS!" screamed Moe.

"Fine," said Nico pouting. "Does anyone want any tacos? My gf and I were going to Waluigi's Taco Stand tonight, and I could bring back some." Nico was dating a girl named Maki who also happened to be a human, gender-swapped Knuckles the echidna.

"Wait," said Ben. "You're gay!?"

"Duh, everyone on Love Live is gay."

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" he yelled so Hannibal kicked him in the shin.

"Stop being a homophobic shit, Ben," sed Handlebars.

"F*CK MY SHIN F*CK YOU HANNIBAL AND F*CK YOU NICO!"

Nico hissed at him in anger. But the angry look in her eyes was so terrifying that Ben screamed in scardedness and ran to his room.

"That was the most terrified I've ever been!" said Ben to himself as he hugged his Smile Dog plush. "I wanted to see something scary, but that's on a new level of horrifying! I'm convinced that Nico is literally Satan! It's like I could see the souls of her victims in her eyes." He suddenly had an idea. "There is only one possibly way to find out if she really is the devil! I can set up a Satan-summoning circle, and if she appears, I'll know its her!" He hoped that it wouldn't be her because he loved Satan but he'd pee his pants if satin was as scary as Nico.

After setting up the circle, he went through his complicated ritual. "Good, everything is working. Satan, I summon thee!"

"You called?" said Nico.

Ben screeched so loudly that the window broke and he jumped out of it. He started running and kept going until he reached the ocean and hid under a rock for an hour.

"Wtf, didn't he realize that I was right there the whole time?" asked Nico.

MURMWHILE:

"This is definitely it," said Yoshi. "Now that I have discovered the location of Tingle's hideout, we can begin the first meeting of the ANTI-TINGLING SENSATION!"

Chapter Text

so i twas a noremel helloween day in hirule. hyrule sucks so everything sucks because it sucks on a normal day, and that is why is was a terrible ahlloween day.

Hyrule's most famous football team was playing today, the Kakariko Confederates. But outside the Jefferson Davis Stadium was a certain tumblr angle. It was...DARK PIT BUT THE ONE FROM THAT ONE FANFIC THATS LIKE SUPPER SMASH BROS! He was wearing a black mask and was ready to heck shit up.

Our good old edgy Pitoto just happened to be wanking by, seeing the tumblr getting out his weapons.

"Tumblr Pittoo, what the f*ck are you doing!?"

"i have been enlittened! Now i no that da only wai to beet da strates is with COMMUNISM! I am now a memeber of antifa which is a group that hates strates! Heil Marx!"

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Noting U STRATE! U must be a facist like da otter strates! Every1 is either the bad side: fasist, or da good sid: comunist!"

Edgelord hated that crazy tumblr dude. "You've got to be kidding me. There isn't just one good side and one bad side. There is also an less extreme area in the middle."

"LIES U FASTIS!" he took out his hammer and sickle and was ready to fight in the name of his hero, the popular gay icon Stalin.

"Are u guys fiting CAN I JOIN?" axed Pit2 abomination who just flew in.

"I've got to get the f*ck out of here!1" exclaimed Edgy Pittoo frantically. "But before I leave, I need to do one important thing." He spotted a true villain just outside of the stadium: the abominable Asterisk. The evil asterisk prevented him from cursing without it being censored out, and he hated that because he's a cool kids and the cool kids love to swear.

Taking out his bow, he shot the asterisk and it died instantly. "Fuck," he said because censorship was now defeated for the yay. "I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE FUCK YES!" stop cursing so much its just annoying and innopropriate THINK OF THE SCHICLKFREN!

Anyway, pittoo skedaddled the heck out of there as a riot began between the fundamentalists and the sjw's. Sara quickly joined in, ready to cleanse the world.

"HAY U LIBRUL!" she sed pointing to pittoo.

"Oh its U! THE EVILEST CONSERVATEV IN DA HOLE WORD! i will beet u with te power of DAWIN!"

"lies darvin is FAEK NOOSE god is th e TRUE GOD NUT YOUR SATANIST!"

"FUCK YUUO SARA stoop being so problematic!"

"Pito dont curse or u will go to hell!"

"THERE IS NO HEVEN OR HELL U BICH!"

"Thats it, tim 2 end dis! THE POWER OF CRIST COMPELLS U!" Sara said, smashing Pittoo in the head with her b-i-b-l-e.

"I did it!" sara exclaimed. "Noting can beet the powder of god!"

"Wat about dis gun?" assed Pit2 abomination, shooting Sara in the chest.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH HOLY FUCKING SHIT YOU FUCKING SHOT ME IN THE CHEST GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!11111111111111111111111111111" screamed Sara in pain. she ran 2 the hospital where she prayed for hours for forgiveness for sinning and also saying the lords name in vain and then she did cristin thigns like communion and beating up Snas and stuff also for forgive ness.

MEMEWHILE"

the tongling senstation was having a Halloween party like from last year. Tingle was dressed as a mailman that delivers bombs, Epona was Darth Vader again but with a fedora, Waldo was the invisible man, Hannibal was dressed as Archie from the comics and also that one tumblr show, L was Vegeta but eating tons of candy, Blair was an even sluttier cat than last time, Moe was the main chick from that one boob anime with dragons, Octavio was Moe's dragon maid, Linkle was dressed as Jason and was out to kill, Nico was the creepy chick from the Ring, Karen was dressed as a giant Switch controller, and Nebby was a Scottish dude with a kilt and bagpipes. And finally, BEN, the nightmare fetishist, was dressed as his role model, Pennywise the clown.

"COME ON BITCHES ITS TIME FOR THE FUCKING SCARIEST MOVIE EVER!" Ben is an asshole that loves scary things. "It is time for IT featuring many fun murders AND ITS SO SCARY I LOVE IT SO MUCH!"

"No thank you," said Hannibal sassily. "I'm not interested in any of that violent stuff you watch. Now, if you excuse me, I'm off to find some victims to eat."

Now Big Ben could watch his wholesome family movie. Snas wasn't able to interrupt him this time (AN: GEDDIT TIME LIKE BAD TIME!) because Sara beat him up and dunked (AN: GEDDIT DUNKED HAHAHAHA!) him into the river.

While Ben Jovi was distracted by child death, the rest of the sensation snuck out and got wasted.

BACH WITH HTK PITTOO:

Dark Pit was looking for some new edgy music to buy. "Maybe I could get some new Linkin Park music," he said while posing edgily and depressingly.

Looking on his phone for the edgy band, he stumpled acrooss something Strange. A band was named Linkle Park, and had a song called "FUCK YOU LINK YOU SUCK I ALSO BANGED YOUR MOM!"

Before he could react to this weird stuff, thigns took a SPOOKY turn.

what lookened like asteroid fall from the sky, and it is JOHN STALVERN! Rememeber him? When we last saw him, he turned into a zombie, BUT HE'S NOT DEAD YET!

"Who are you?" asked Pittoo in the fears.

"I am John Stalvern and I AM ZOMBIE"

Pittoo was ready to gtfooh, so he did the run, runnign in fear to a nearby cofefe.

IN THE NEARBY COFEFE:

Pearl and Marina from Slutoon 2 were hunging inside the nearby cofefe.

"So as I was saying," said Perl, "dat bitch was trippin and I fukin chopped of his legs so now he's really trippin!"

"Ay me laddie," said San Marino. "But doesn't that seem like a bit much, senora? I mean, sacrebleu!"

"Nothin is a bit much fo dat mothahecka."

"Kawaii, then I guess you had to bloody do it, ye matey.

Pearl and Marina were squiddy and octy terrorists that were super evil. They teamed up with Japan during world war 2 to nuke Pearl Harbor and then mockingly took its name.

Suddenly JOhn stalvern crshamshed inside and forced them to spill they're cofefe, making them square raveng.

"i am about to be killing everyone because I am zombie! Demons must kill and I will kill you"

Dark Pit had no idea what to do, poor fluffy birb.

But suddenly, a hero was here to save the day!

A giant moter cycle crashed through and blew up tables and killed a lot zombies! The driver take off helmet, and he is...John Freeman from Halflife: Fulllife Consequences?!

"Stop headcrap zombie I must kill you!"

"Why are you want to kill me?"

"Because u are zombie and you r evil!"

"Dont you recognize me John?"

Sudenly John Freeman has a flashback.

Years ago:

John stalvern was just a little boy and was crying. A older boy John Freeman walks up and saw him.

"Are you okay you look sad" asked Freeman.

"No i am sad. I want to be spaceman to fight demons but my dad said it is to dangerus."

"i no that you can be hero no mater what your father say. My brother is hero to, and i want to be like him! What is your name?"

"I am john stalvern"

"Thats funny, my name is also john, but i am john freeman! Will you be friend?"

"okay!"

and so john and john became best freinds.

PRESENT:

"John, why are you zombie, you are my frend!"

"Not anymore, i am evil now"

"You have to stop being evil john, or you will face the Repercussions of Evil!" (AN: GEDDIT!)

Stalvern laughed with evilness. "I will see you later freeman and i will kill you!"

the zombie jumped through the window and left, and so freeman left 2 sadly.

Dark Pit was confundled by this situation, and so he left and pretended it never happened.

MEMEWHILE (AN: geddit because of memes?):

Snas finally escaped from evil sara osborne and so he could play some pranks on that jerk Ben.

"alright, time for some fun!" but before he could do anything, his foot caught on a trip wire and he fell down the stairs.

Tingle walked up to snas and laughed, knowing that this was going to happen because Tingle knows everything. "Well well well well well well well well well well well, look who showed up!"

"heya, tingle. wire you doing this to me?"

"Because it's funny! And besides that, I need you to do something for me. An evil team known as the Anti-Tingling Sensation has begun, and I need you to survey them for me. Understand?

"loud and clear. i guess i'll just prank ben another day. i'll see ya fairy soon, tingle." Also Ben was killed by the Villager again for some reason and will quickly return unscathed.

"Adios, snas!" And so snas dragged himself out the door.

OVER WITH NAVY:

Navy finally had a break from Link, even though she knew it wouldn't last long. Link was arrested for trying to smuggle cocaine into an airport and also for masticating in the theater while watching It.

Right now, Navi was shopping at Wal-Mart, buying some weeb shit to decorate her house with. But as she was checking out, the cashier was the most beueuatiful girl she'd ever seen.

"Greetings," said the cashier.

"Hey, what's your name?" asked Navi nervously.

"I am known as Fi. Now I must calculate your total. You must pay 20 dollars for those items."

"Okay, thank you!" said Navi. Navi buzzed out the door like a bug or a floating blue ball with wings as she was in love, in love with a talking sword.

Hopefully Link doesn't screw this up for her (like he usually does).

Chapter Text


Chaptre beggin!

Recentleu Link was arestes by da polish for one of his mini crimeas and so Nani had sum sextra time 4 plan. She even started working to find a cure to everyone's messedupness and looked for research on the fanficyion godnesses. Sadly, she didn't find out much. Davi did try to ask Fi on a date but the robosword didn't realize it because she's a robobot.

But Naviiis freedumb spoon cam 2 an ender. Lonk kiked open the door sxreeming "Nayi im hime form vacession!"

The floating blue ball sighed, knowing that her torment would never end. "Vacation? Weren't you in jail?"

"I was in jeil but den Melon broke me Ooy of prisen an we went 2 japan an stol al da weeb shit. ANIWAI todo is wanksgiving and we're gabing TANKSGIVING Dinero!"

Suddenly a punch of peeps walked in, including Malon, agatha, old man, shiik, impa, and even lonkle!

"Ima KEEL UB LINK!" Scromed linkle.

"Ya no u cannut Keillor me becaus I have to fist show u how mucj kuuler i m den u wif dis TYANKSFIBIG dunner."

"K"

Bit den Nylon saw kinkle and was anger becaus she slept with Link and also Linkel banged her becus molon thot she was lonk. "LUNNKEL FUUK UUUUUUUUUUU!"

"Donut kill herb todai," see jink, "if u kel sher shell never c mii beet her."

"Fine," sed Sam Malone. She wasn't as violent today because Link forgot to put bath salts in her water supply like he usually does.

"sooryy that Snap and Loopin couldn't make it but they're in jail again," said old man gulping down some taqueria.

"Sokay, now ivan got 2 go getting to te kooking!" did libk, who shuffleled navy to the kitcmen.

"Wait, where are we going?"

"Im gonna cock some nummy food fore wanksgiving haha wank!"

"Let me guess, medium-rare chicken strips?"

"Obuviousliiy! Butte I half abother meeal planed!" lonk evilly seadi.

Lonk garbed navi and throwed her into the oven.

"WHAT THE FUCK GET ME OUT!?"

"hahahahahahhahahhahahahhha I TRIKED U u were da meel al alung! Now, imm leefin while u cock, c u soon WHEN UR DED! Den il serve u to every1 AND U WILL BE DELISIOUS!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!11111111" Navi exclaimed with the fear as Link left her for DEAD, like how Iron man left Thor in a canyon without food or water at the end of Thor Rangacok.

Menwhile, lets check up on our supporting cast!

Tingle and his team were up to the evil plans of the evilest, and today Tingle decided to stop all of the badguys that aren't there team so that they'll be te ONLY BADGUYS IN THE WORD! Tingle and his evil team stormed every Isis base, killing all of the terrorists and even Osama Bin Laden. Lonkel wasnt theyr tho because shes eating stuff at lonks hous.

Eponym lightsabered, L detectived, Hannibal ate, Ben drowned them, Waldo was somewhere else, Blair banged them to death because she's a slut, Moe gave them moe problems like death, Octavio hentaied them, Nico started to Nico Nico murder them, karen used her cappy to possess them and make them jump off a cliff, and Nebby shooting stars.

Now that isis is dead Tympole and the Tiempling Snasation are having a happy Thanksgiving dinner, reinacting popular art photo the last supper by Jesus.

As everyone was munching away on they're foods like turkey and paella and salt, Hannibal sat typing some stuff on his lapton. "What are you typing?" asked Nebby.

"Well..." replied Hannibal Lector, "I'm actually an avid fanfic author!"

"Really?"

"Yes, I even wrote a very popular crackfic titled The Hot Topic Krew under the name MerchantAnna!"

"That's very cool!" said the tiny cloud. "One time I wrote a fanfic about Jerry Seinfeld nuking the bag factory and saving the world."

Suddenly a pizza guy walked in through the doorway Norway doorway Norway yay. He was carrying a bag, but when Tingle shot him, the bag was launched and landed right on Nebby's food!

"SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT ANYTHING BUT BAGS!" screamed Nebbrow Wilson, running the heck away, as whenever nebby gets close to a bag, he was flashbakcs to his time in Vietnam fighting against the evil bags.

As he ran away, he ran all the way away to the way of the Castle Town. In front of the castle TOWN was a protest going on, as a Frenchman was speaking.

"Citizens of Hyrule," said the mysterious Frenchy, "You have lived under ze tyranny of ze king for long enough! It is time for ze REVOLUTION against ze evil of monarchy! In a few days, we will launch an assault on ze Hyrule Castle and put an end to zis madness! And once we find zis evil, lazy, and neglectful king, we will send him to ze guillotine! No more tyranny! VIVA LA HYRULE!"

The crowd joined in with the chanting, as Nebby watched in awe. This french dude had great style and wore a sexy powdered wig. Clowdy clown cosplog knew that he was in luv at fist sight. As the crownd begin to disperce, he made sure to speak to him.

"Excuse me, but would you mind telling me your name? Pew pew!"

"Bonjour, mon ami. My name is Maximilien Robespierre, and I am a revolutionary! I hope to end all of zis bloodshed because of ze king doing nothing!"

"I just completely agree with what you are saying! Things around here definitely need to change. I have another question, what are your views on bags?"

"I see no use in pointless bags. I hope to burn all of zem once we take back Hyrule for ze people."

Nebby gasped, as he now knew that this man is perfect. "Will you...um...go on a date with me?"

"Oui, zat would be excellent! Here is my number!"

And that is how Nebby met his true love, Maximilien Robespierre.

MEANWHILE IN JAPAN:

Sakurai and his cat sat in their house while using their computers, trolling all of the haters (mostly Sara).

"Is this appearance really important?" asked Sakurai. "What are we doing in this chapter?"

"Meow, I have no idea."

IN THE DRUG STORE BACK IN HYYYYRULE:

The Happy Drug Salesman and Walter White were having a huge dank drug party for Thanksgiving. Things were crazy, as Walter played his MLG airhorn remixes of tv theme songs while 360 noscoping cops and narcs. Hundreds of people showed up to get the drugs, including a weed-filled turkey of kushest dank of 420 or whatever. The party even had a piñata filled with heroin candies that they had left over from giving to kids on Halloween.

Bill and Ted showed up in their time machine, finding the best dank they could. "Dude," weeded Bill. "This dank is EXCELLENT!"

"I know, right dude? This is like totally the dankest kush I've smoked when smoking weed everyday. 420 blaze it!" They got super high on the green, grinding up against Green de la Bean. Sherlock and Yoshi even showed up, buying some weed to put in cannons and make their enemiies high.

"OH MAH SWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRLS!" screamed Komasan as he ate the LSD ice cream.

OKAY BACK WITH LONK NOW:

And so everything was calm at links house except for the fact that navi was screaming in terror. "SOMEONE HELP ME, I CAN'T DIE A VIRGIN! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!"

"WHy is navi screeming in terror?" axed Melon.

"I dunno its prurbably notting," sed launch.

"Can u hurry up wif da food my bugs are getting hungry!" agitha buzzed Like a beeee.

Old man was super drunk and on cocaine and heroin and meth and cough drops. "And I neeeeeeeeeeed more beeeeeeeeer." Before long he passed out on the table off the table over the table under the table and in the table.

"hay link fuuuk u," sed linkle.

"O ya fukk u 2" seayd llink. "Now ive got2 go get all da foud reddy!"

lonk waked bach into da kitychen, preparing a speciul appizitor. "how dair she idsult me like dat ILL SHOW HER!" linkdl put battery acid and rat poison and meth and other posonous shoot and was ready 2 kiiil linhle ones and 4 ball. How much longer can I keep writing this shit?

MENEWHILE:

Snas the skerlatin was happily halking around. "today is gonna be perfect! i was only hit by a bus once today! and just look at the scenery, it's a beautiful day outside!" (AN: GEDDIT LIKE IN THE GAME?!) "the only thing that could make this better is if i met bill nye the science guy." Snas loves bill guy the science nye almost as he loves ketchup. He really wants Bill's sex junk and then have a rhreesom with Mama Bear from the Bernstoin Bears.

snas knocked on the door to a house, and the door was answered by Dry Bowser. "heya dad, happy thanksgiving."

"Why, hello there, son!" answered Dry Bowser, his father, working on his official duties as the US ambassador to New Mexico and writing calligraphy in Basque.

"GREETINGS, SNAS!" exclaimed Papaya, cooking in the kitchen. "I AM SO GLAD THAT YOU WERE ABLE TO MAKE IT."

"heya, bro, and i'm glad i could make here with my family. and look, ghost dad is here too! how've ya been, ghost dad?"

Ghost Dad put down the book he was reading and waved to snas. He couldn't talk because hes a ghost or some shit idunno.

snas picked up a photo of himself as a child. "i really was a cute kid, wasnt i?" In the photo, snas was wearing his signature outfit, made up of a blue and yellow striped shirt, a red and blue cap, a backpack, and a baseball bat.

The undertail family, made up of Dry Bowser, Ghost Dad, Snas, and Papyrusk, was having a thanksgiving dinner. They originally invited some of their other family members and friends, such as the Angry Video Game Nerd, Oscar Wilde, Chef Boyardee, Harvey the invisible rabbit, Super Why, Villager, Iron Man, and Captain Picard, but sadly, none of them could make it. Oscar Wilde is Snas and Papirus's cousin, who they brought back from the dead with the power of SCIENCE!

"bro," asked snas, "make sure you don't put any gluten in my meal. i want everything sans gluten!"

Paella glared at snas. "PLEASE LEAVE."

"okay," he answered, walking out the door, before tripping, rolling down a mountain, landing in a box at a factory, and being shipped to Detroit.

MEANWHILE IN HOMOPHOBE LAND:

Sara was eating a traditional, conservativ christen tanksgiving meal with her coworkers Cloud angle and Dally Darkblood.

"Can we get out of here this food is SHIT!" exclaimed Dally.

"Dalas u need to becum a reel cristen and change ur sinful wasy!" sed Sara.

"Fuck no I'm leafing. You suck Sara im only part of this team to stop the pedos and you suck." Dalek left the dinner, leaving Clod and Sara alone.

"I relly hat dat librul but i cant maek her mov ot of my hose becus im 2 scarred of her."

"Im sure evything will turn out fine becaus yuor not gay and nether am i."

"Crowd, i half 2 axk u somrfing. My otter bofriend Zora form kindim harts died a few minuets ago an i need a new 1! will u be my strate beyfrond?"

"Of corse since were both strate and this wont be gay becase being gay is gros."

And so Clued and Sara started datening.

As they were discussing how strate they were, the doorbell rang. It was...Pastor Westborroww!"

"Pasta westoro im so glad that u could make it!"

"I am too, my child of God. I must pray to the father, son, and the holy spirit for protecting me against the evil gays on the way over to this safe haven. We must pray for our Heavenly Father to burn the evil fa-" Pastor Blestbloro was suddenly struck by lightning as Sara and cloud screamed.

"Ono! this must b the work of satin and Osaka curse u dimins! Anywai lets eet!"

"Okay," sed the personalitiless, vile creature of nothingness.

But as cloud left the table a few minutes later, he saw a strange letter placed in his room. It was written in BLOOD and FIRE and also ORANGE JUUCE!


Hey cloud or whatever the f-ck your name is you ripof.

Dont think I didn't notice the similaritys between us because I noticed because Im the smartest dude in america who is also kira but i can't tell you that cos its a secret.

Anywy you are such a bad dude to rip me of and I f-cking hate bad dudes that rip me off. The only salution is for me to kill you and your death will be SO SCARRY!

First ill punch you more times then Ive banged hot chicks with huge chests so 985387572874443453355123454676557865432213142467533676425777421111111111111111116969696969691901742!

Second I'll use my everything note to make your hair pink and turn all you're cloths into pankakes and you'l look silly lol.

Fifth ill let my bro kick you and it wont hurt much cos hes weak and itll just make him happy.

Ninth ill kick you into space and your man thing will shrink from the gravty but mine will stick be big and you will he hit by trillions of meters and astroids and aliens and death stars and then you will be lunched into earth where ill do my final step.

FINAL STEP I'll take my star sword which is made out of the blood of satin and I covered it in poison acid and nuclear wast and gros garbage smell and lemons and i will stab you so hard your instestins will launch all the way to new z land and blow it up. whats left of you will be put into a blender and shot by my canon into mars and will be eaten by SPACE ROBOTS!

So juts no that your death is near but not like that near becos I killed him for selling me a bad game called sanic o6. DARK TIMES are ahead which is a funny joke but you dont get it cos you dont know my name and im not telling you.

Aniway F-CK YOU YOU PIE OF SHIT!

From a secret cool dude.


Cloud was so scared that he reacted to it but he doesn't have a personality so he wasn't sure how to react.

OKAY LETS SEE WHAT THAT BITCCH ENOBY IS DOING RIGHT NOW!

Enoby was crying tears of blood (again) because Kylo Rin dumped her for Cedric Dickery.

"I cant beleve dat asshole Kyle Ron dumped me for celtic HES SUCH A FUKING PREP and he probly has aides anywai!1 EHY CANT ANY1 APRECUATE HOW PRETTY I AM!1"

Tara sexily cryd until her tears rhe cold no moar. "At lest i have u jennifer o coltimore or shold i cal u DarkkBlack Wing!"

"Pieprzyć moje życie," said Jennifer O'coltimore.

"Do you need another fucking friend because I'll gladly be the one to eat the pancreases of your worst enemies," said a mysterious voice in the background.

"Who da fuk sed dat?!"

The man walked out of the shaddows to reveal that he is actually...Harry from HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! "I am here to murder the fuck out of my enemies with only a crossbar and a bag of frog dicks while ROCKING THE FUCK OUT with my heavy metal symphony that will cause anyone's eardrums to combust and eat them inside out."

"Not u agen! Gtfo of my hous u preppy freek!1"

"I will obey your command, but just know that I will return wearing the skins of the elder gods to wreak havoc among this savage world and the genital-filled peoples it contains." As Harry left, Emory put in her earbuds and started listening to the bullavard of brokened dreams.

"Isnt that music a litle old?" asked zeldas ghost.

"Fuk off!" she yellowed, goffikly sucking Zoldo in through her nostrils and absorbing her.

"Poważnie, co jest nie tak z tym miejscem?" said Jennifer.

LINK LINK LINK'S HOUSE:

Shiej was in the middle of a lung discussion of why thanksgiving is the illuminatti.

"U see, Thanksgiving has turkey, turkey like ottoman, chairs, chairman, council, counci, counc, coun, count, Count Dracula, vampire, twilight, light, sun, fire, Charizard, Pokémon, animals, plants, trees, Arbor Day, Valentine's Day, hearts, organs, pianos, music, disco, Platinum Disco, weeb, web, spider web, bugs, Agitha, umbrella, rain, storm, thunder, thunder cats, cats, Sakurai's Cat, Smash Bros, Smash Ball, Ball, Basketball, B-"

"CAN YOU PLEASE JUST GET THIS OVER WITH?!" screamed Linkly and agatha and ma11on.

"Fine. And chambered nautiluses have tentacles, octopi have 8 tentacles, 8, ate, I'm hungry, its 3 o'clock where's my food, 3, triangle illuminaiyotkitiu cunformed?!"

"You are so fucking annoying," said Mallard. "Mention the ullununatti one more time and i stab my knife into your vagina, capisce?"

Shiitake gulped, nodding her head, as agitha let some bugs crawl into her mouth and explore her insides (AN: EWWWWWWWWWWW!)

Old Man was still passed out and Impa couldn't say anything but if she could it would probably be about the Loch Ness Monster BECAUSE SHE'S SCOTTISH!

In the other romo, lonk was trying to Force Nave back into the oven, as she broke out while Link was poisoning lonkjkjkld.

"U puusy get back in2 da oven!" Lïnk hungried.

"Fuck no, why are you even trying to eat me, I'M LITERALLY JUST A TINY BALL?!"

"Chicken, Navi, you're just a little chicken. CHEEP-cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep-cheeeeEEEeeeeeEEEeeeeauaa."

"Why are you talking like Tommy Wiseau?" The real reason why Link was talking like him was that he traveled back in time to the making of The Room and then banged Tommy Wiseau.

"GETT BECK IN2 da Oven ALREADY!" With a hit from a medium rare chcikeb strip, Naval was launched into the oven, and linj covered it in duct tape 2 mank sure she doesent escapey.

"Well, shit."

"Okk im of 2 poison Kinkle SE UR DED BODY AND THEN SERVE YOU TO ALL MY FRENDS!1"

And so links started serving the apitasor which was nutshack but jinkies had poison in it. As she ate it she passed out because it was poisoned!1111

"Holy shat why did you keeel her?" asked salon as everyone ran in circles in the fear.

"BECAUSE SHE MAED FUN OF MII!"

"But i thought you wanted 2 keep her alive to show her how much cooler u are than her."

Link gasped. "OMG I FORGOT!111111111" Link gasped. "Wii knead 2 taek her to el doctor!"

"I no 1 we can take he 2"r Eggatha send. "2 he help saves the life of my Vivvilon!"

"LetZ get da Funk oOt of hear!" say Link, getting into his Nutshack-mobile as everyone else ran in and Linkle was taped onto the roof.

OKAY ENOUGH OF LINK FOR NOW HERES TUMBLR BOY:

Tumblr Pittoo was hanging around his safe space while not celebrating this CRISTEN holiday. "How can any1 celibate a holyday liek Wanksgiving when it started when Kristoff Colorado sailed te Mayflowey 2 amerigo and nuked da librul natives! Its so PROBLEMETRIC!"

Because he is part iof the librul organization antifa, he hates fashists like Hotler and vandalises churches. "Tahnksgiving is even worse then TIM TEBONE!" He was so mad at this evil holiday that he thew a rock outside that landed on Magolor.

OKAY TUMBLR PIYYO ISNT IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW SO HERES THE HOT TOPIC KEEW:

The Hot Topic Krew was at the mall, eating Caprisun at hot topic.

"Where the fuck is Dark Pit, he was supposed to be here by now?" questioned the sexy Lucas at least he would be if he was an adult because Philadelphia is bad.

"I have no clue, but we should start without him," said Cia. "We need to finish our very important plan to terrorize innocent people for being different than us!"

"This is the third time he's been late to our edgy meeting," stated Lucina. "What is he doing anyways?"

Wolf was ignoring everyone else and focusing on a dog toy, as those toys are intended for dogs which are canines and Wolf is a dog and a canine so he focuses on dog toys and ignores everyone else to play with the dog toy.

"The world may never know," Shadow philosophized as everyone cheered on his edge.

"Beep beep," said Mr. Game & Watch, complaining about his lack of characterization.

MEANWHILE AT PITTOOOS HOUSE:

"Just let me leave!" yelled Dark Pit. "I can't take anymore of your Canadian shit!"

"But Pittoo, Lady Palutena said that you have to spend time with me today!"

"I already have plans with the Krew, we were going to kill some preps! How can I live without making others miserable so I can feel better about myself?! Anyway, why aren't you celebrating Thanksgiving today?"

"What are you talking aboot? Thanksgiving was last month!" The angle got out a DVD. "But today is going to be MOVIE DAY! Movies are a great way for brothers to bond! This movie is a classic buddy-cop film, titled Undertail!"

"Fuck no, I don't fucking want any of that fucking furry fucking lightsaber-cock shit."

"Come on, Pittoo, it'll be tons of fun! I'll just read the summary on the back: Snas and Pypyrus were two brothers, Snas being a disgruntled and snarky veteran cop and Pupyrus being a young, idealistic rookie. But the two brothers must team up to stahp an evil drug cartel, led by drug lord Flowey da Fukboi. Starring: Snas as Snas, Piperis as Purplyrus, Nicolas Cage as Flowey da Fukboi, and Liam Neeson as the police captain. Doesn't this sound like a good movie?"

"No."

"Too bad, we're watching it whether you like it or not."

Pit started the movie, as the movie started to begin.


IN THE MOVIE:

"i can't believe flowey da fukboi hired nazis to come for us," said snas. He and Papyrus were tied up by Germany in a ketchup factory.

"I'M SURE THIS IS JUST A BIG MISUNDERSTANDING! OR MAYBE THEY'RE THROWING US A SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY!"

"but it's not our birthday."

Germany walked into the room carrying a gun. "Vell vell vell, it looks like you dummkopfs haven't gotten out of here like you said you vere," he Nazied.

"are you a volkswagen? because you're really bugging me!"

"SNAS, DON'T MAKE JOKES WHEN SOMEONES TRYING THROW US A PARTY!"

"Quiet or I'll shove herr stick up your ass! You know vhat, I am going to kill you right now!"

"heil no!" said snas.

"Oh, you think that you can escape? Vhat are you going to do?"

Snas laughed. "i like my nazis the same way i like my coffee: drowned in ketchup!" He ripped of his ropes, and shot a nearby ketchup machine as the ketchup exploded out, drowning Germany.

"Scheiße!" yelled Germany as he died.

"looks like he did nazi that one coming."

Later:

"i've gotcha right where i want you, flowey da fukboi."

"Oh really? Gosh, you are such an idiot, Snas."

"wait, what are you talking about?" Looking to his left, he realized that Poporos was tied up by Flowey da fukboi's vines, his mouth also being gagged. "let my bro go!"

"I'll let him go...if you give me the money."

"i don't negotiate with terrorists."

"Then your precious brother dies!"

Papyri spits the vine out of his mouth. "SNAS, YOU CANNOT GIVE HIM THE MONEY! WHO KNOWS WHO HE WILL HURT WITH IT!"

Snas thought for a second. "okay, i'll give you the money. i have it in the bag right behind me."

Flowey da fukboi laughed. "I told you things always go my way." Flowey grabbed the bad and opened it...as it exploded, blasting Flowey da fukboi into the wall and saving Ppapyrus.

Snas walked up to Flowey da fukboi with a metal pipe. "lets put the petal to the metal!"

"S-Snas...Before I die, I have to tell you something."

Suddenly, Flowey da fukboi transformed into his true self.

Snas and Paprika gasped. "Captain Liam Neeson?!"

"COUGH COUGH I'm sorry for everything I've done. The real reason why I disguised as Flowey da fukboi and started a drug cartel was to raise enough money to buy a cure for my sick child, Frosk."

"PLEASE DON'T DIE LIAM NEESON! I CONSIDER YOU ONE OF MY VERY BEST FRIENDS!"

"and liam, i-i...i love you liam neeson and i'm so sorry for what i've done to you. this is all my fault."

"Don't be sorry, this isn't your fault. And just know, I love you too, Snas. Please take care of Frosk for me."


Pit and Pittoo started crying because of how sad the movie is, sadder than the Notebook and the Fault in Our Stars and Up and Inside Out combined.

Luckily, Liam Neeson was brought back with the power of love and the film ended with a dance party and a sex scene between Snas and Liam Neeson.

Pittoo gasped after the movie finished. "That was the..."

"BEST MOVIE EVER!" the angle twins yelled simultaneously.

OKAY ENOUGH OF THIS NAVI IS STILL IN THE OVEN:

"HELP! SOMEONE HELP ME, I'VE BEEN TRAPPED IN AN OVEN BY A SOCIOPATH!"

"Did you call for help?" asked a mysterious figure, freeing Navi. It was...Vatti! His purple hair was as always and he was wearing a hood like Batman and a cape like FDR.

"Thank you so much for saving me! I would be dead if it wasn't for you!"

"It's no problem!" said Vatti happily. "I always strive to help anyone in need!"

"I still cannot thank you enough! Is there anything that you need me to help you with?"

Vatti smiled heroically. "You don't need to do anything but stay safe and always believe in yourself! Anyway, I'm off, and may we meet again!"

"Thank you, kind stranger!" said Navi. And so Vatti left to feed children in need and stop terrorists. "What a great person."

LINK NOW:

Link and reveyone maid it it to their destination. He kicked Linkle to the door and knocked on it with her face. Dry Bowser opened the door, with Ghost Dad floating around in the background.

"Can I help you?"

"R u dry Booser?"

"Yes."

"Dis botch is dying an kneads halp! Ur a dictor rite?"

"Yes I am, and I will help her immediately. Is there a nurse around here that could assist me?"

"I'm a nurse!" exclaimed Lafayette Alessandro Sigmund Ryszard Glockenspiel.

And so they began the surgery. Since Dry Bowser is the greatest doctor in the history of the world, he instantly knew the exact pressure points to poke and cause the poison to be vomated out, as Lafayette treated any other damages.

As Linkle woke up, first she slapped Link and he made another plan to kill her because hes really dum.

Then Linkle spotted a nearby Cucco and decided to have sex with it, grabbing the cock and having a close encounter of the bird kind.

How is this story rated T?

And so everyone had a happy Thanksgiving except for everyone that didn't, as a lot of the characters had a pretty shitty Thanksgiving. But anyway, some people had a good Thanksgiving so that's nice I guess. THE END

Chapter Text

Loink was at lonks House in his house, playin da very popurar game Bigley's Revenge. when some crismiss carolists started singing.

"Todokete Setsunasa ni wa namae o-"

Suddenly link shat a racket luncher at the Carolinians. "Focking weeb s not you agen!"

"Why do you hate weebs so much, aren't you a weeb?" asked Navi. "In the third chapter, you called said you wanted Zelda-senpai to notice you and called her Zelda-chan."

"SHUTUP NAVI DAT NEVER HAPPENED!11111" and link kiked navi out the winder.

"Dose weebs UNLIK ME should sing reel music, like dis!: WELL I WISH I WAS IN DA LAND OF COTTIN OLD TIMS DERE R NUT FORGOTEN LOOK AWAAAAAAAAY LOOK AWAAAAAAAAAAYY LOOK AWAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY DIXIE LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!"

SuddNly An angle appeared and it was...Cloud Angle!

"Link I was sent here by lady Palpatine 2 turn u good!"

"U meen liek in da last crissmis especial? Becuz dat didebt work u idoit!"

"Yeah but ill be able 2 turn u good becos im strate and have a better personility!" That was a lie because he has no personality.

Suddenly, lonk was teletpeited to another world! He was...a link between worlds (AN: Geddit? Like da gaym?!)!

"We're am i?"

"Dis is a word we're u we're never borned!"

Hyrule was happy and green with birds signing in the distince unlike how it really is with the constant smell of burning flesh and dead bodies on the streets.

"This word is much better becos u arent in it! Tingle never turned evul becos u never were meen 2 him, and navy is acterrally happy! Ganindorf is still alive and was able 2 tern hyrool into a Zootopia!"

"Yah so?"

"In collision, every1 wood be butter off if u we're never born."

This was a lesson just like that one in that shitty Fairly Odd Parents episode, fuck whomever wrote that. "You shold becos a better persona now so evry1s lives can be like this!"

"Ha no im still evul," lonk said, taking of a gun and about to kill Cloud. Sadly, he didn't kill that bastard Cloud angle because they we're telepathed pack in2 da reel world and Ledy Palatable got Clod 2 escap.

Lonk was sad fhat he cooeent kill Cluod but he was happy that the world was a worse place because of him.

Lonk even had the idea to start a fanclub for Tito Dick "Dickman" baby that will probably play a role in a future chapter.

A bunch of shoot happened to the Tingling Sensation's relationships during the time between these two chapters.

As you know, Nebbiolo got together with Maxmalanoon Robertspire.

Ben's wife left him for Fruddy Fuzzbear and now hes sad and edgy although he was already edgy but now he's slightly edgier.

Karen tried to marry the Nintendo Switch but couldn't because it isn't legal to get married to inanimate objects in Hyrule so she went to Congress and started a petition which eventually cause a law to be passed legalizing it and so Karen is now legally married to the Switch.

Moe and Octavio are still a couplé and a beautiful, canon couple like Icarus/Green de la Bean.

Blair is still a WHORE HOW DARE SHE HAVE CONSENSUAL SEX

Nico's girlfriend Maki AKA knock knock it's Knuckles left her for Ryuko from Kill la Kill as she was another gijinka of a Sonic character and the even took custody of their daughter Natsuki from Doki Doki Panic at the Disco.

Anyway the Tingling Sensation had a big Christmas party and went ice scating. Hannibal did the great ice scating choreography because he was once the best ice scatter in the entire world as Nico sang a high pitched anime girl song that made everyone's ears bleed and L did nothing but eat candyxanes.

That's pretty much everything that happened with the Sensation sends den, but they did have a very Merry Christmas except for Ben because he's edgy and depressed.

Anyway, Enoby was still also being edgy and depressed but she got some new edgy friends!

After THAT BASTERD KYLO REN DUMPED HER, Ebony started attending a weeb school in Japan called Luna Nova Academy under the name Sucy Manabavarian. Her new best friend is named Akko Kagari, who Enoby was successful able to turn goth.

Another of Ebony's team members is the edgiest man alive, way edgier than Mr. Game & Watch, Edgy!Snas from this one AU of Oonddtail where everyone is dark and edgy.

And finale, thersé Mewtwo from the HTK.

FLASH BACH TO HOW ENOBU MET JEWTWO:

"Who da fuk ru yo fuking furry?"

"I'm here to take lives and destroy the HTK. We should team up and take those fuckers down."

"Ew why wood i want a preppy pink fury bich on my side? Fuk of!"

"Listen, you albino little shit. We both want the same thing: to destroy those Hot Topic Krew fatasses. If we join up, we will be so much more likely to take them down. So are you in?"

"UGH FINE!"

And that's how they became a team.

PRESENT DAY: (AN: Geddit like christmas present!?)

"Evryone SANTA PIT ME ON HIS NUTTY LIST HOW DARE THAT FUKER!" screamed Enoby.

"How unkawai desu," japanesed Eggo.

"Anywai lets kill that fuker Santa Christ said Ebony!" she made up a new song called Enoby's gonna shoot the head off of Santa. It had the same tune as boulevard of broken dream.

"I feel like I've seen this somewhere before," said Mewtwo, who was super smart because he was a professor at the Canadian Mennonite University or the Atlantic School of Theology or Tyndall University College or Université du Québec à Trois-Rivières or the Ma'had Kutawato College or some shit.

"i know a really knife gift we can give santa!" edged edgesnas.

"AAHAHAHAHAHaHahahahaAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!111111111" laughed Enoby. "Dat joke was so funny! So letz go 2 da norse poll an kill la kill Satna!"

"Ha~i! Yuru Yuri, hajimaru yo~!" said Akari.

MeanWHILE with NAVI:

"hey, navi," said that one smiley trashbag snoz. "feliz navidad!" (AN: GEDDIT NAVIDAD LIKE NAVI!?)

"Hey look, it's Bill Nye!" exclaimed Navi, pointing somewhere in the distance.

"BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL!" screamed SNES, running away until being hit by a garbage truck.

"Anyway, what did you guys invite me here for?" asked Old Navy.

Dry Browser and Ghostdad previousry sent her a letter to meet them in an abandoned we'rehouse.

"I'm aware that you're looking into a cure to the Fanfiction Goddesses' curse," said the greatest man to ever live, way better than you, Tim, "So we have begun to assemble a team of the greatest minds of our time to research this!"

"Really?" Navi questioned enthusiastically.

"*insert weird computer noises here*" replied Ghost Dad.

The skeryalon duo opened the dore 2 das varehaus, revealing a tons of science people working in it like Niels del Glass Tyson, Sandy from Spongban, prefesora Egadd, Mexicanica from ARms, Ross Perot, that bad chick from the secant season of Little Bitch Academia, Near (who is near Geddit?!), Mr. Minecraft science, Robbie Rotten and Pyrron from Zelda Beef of the Wknd, Night Yagami cos shes the smartest chick in the world and can memorise all of the calculis elements and pokeman, Attacj on Titan, those two science pelepel from Asians of Shield named Fats and Simone's, that Kill el Kill smart guy with the stuff and the, Gaston from Animal Crossing, Austria, Yoda, David Cameron, and Francis from Super Pepper Malleo. France-is previousli married an adult version of BJ (haha bj) from Barney the dump soirée and they had a daughter named Dr. Alphass.

"The power of science is amazing!" said Clement from Pokmon, who started using science to crack some delicious almonds from that one brand with the commercials it has a green container I think one commerical had an eagle in jt does this count as an advertizement can I have money now?

Clermont worked on the science as everyone started to freak oot.

"IT'S GONNA BLOW LETS GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" screamed Genos the true Canadian, as everyone ran away and the machine exploded.

Everyone got away except for O my darlin Clementine who died and was sent back in time becoming a ghost skeleatln named Ghost Dad AKA CWC Bastard, and that is how Ghost Dad was born.

Anyway they decided to take a break from working to party as Ghost Dad got out the weed and things got dank danker yet danker.

Sedidnt we have a weed party last chapter? Whatever, it's not like you can have too many weed parties.

ENOBY MEANWHILE:

The Poland Express was driving by to the Norse pole when Sudanly, Ebony drove in with a gun!

"OPEN UP OR WELL KILL U!" she screamed sexily, blowing up the door and blasting out Tom Hanks. What did Tom Hanks ever do to deserve this, shame on you Ebony.

"This train is ours now," said Mewtwo as he shot a random worker, "and now we have an easy route to the North Pole."

"yeah, we're on the right track," said the edge sktetetpm edgily and depressingly as Enoby laughed hysterically.

Skeleghe took over driving the train because he has the science and turned the speed to 420 miles per kilowatt.

Mewtoo throw kids out of the train for being annoying as Ebony did nothing but whine and edge and Akkko threew bento boxes at the preps. "fuwafuwari fuwafuwaru anata ga namae o yobu sore dake de chuu e ukabu," she cursed like the complete monster that she is.

Anyway, the Blueberry Train is running killing everything in its path like Tomás the Dank Injun. It drove throughGreenland, dodging vacanoes and asteroids and blowing up ReykjavÃk.

Within X3 seconds, they arrived at the North Pole and were ready to kill Santa like in the HTK Kristmas acoecial hey wait a minute this is a total ripoff!

Mewtwo threw a Molotov cocktail inside to kill all of the kids who wanted to see santa, luckily they were all saved by Sypreme Leader Snoke from Star vs the wars of evil.

The North poll was filled with snow fish and candyxanes as the team walked through in slow motion holding guns as the polar express exploded in the background.

"Itz time 4 Satna Claws 2 die!" said Enoby.

They stormed into Satan's workshop, massacring the elfs and even that one meme about the elves.

"What the hell are you doing you motherfukers, ya?" asked Finland but enoby killed him 2.

"NO NO NO!" screamed Santa Christ "YOU KILLED FINLAND!"

"AND NOW WELL KILL U 2!" YELLED ENOBY!

"Wait, please think this through! I just want to spread joy to the children!"

"an i want 2 spred pain 2 da childrin!"

"You know what?" glared Saitama. "You deserve to be on the naughty list. You deserve nothing but coal."

"Coal whats dat?"

Santa took out a bag of coal as enoby was mesmerized by its black edginess. "O my satin dis is so edgy an depresing its so kawai!"

Enoby frappes the bag.

"Ok im leaving an taking all ur cole wif me!" And so Enoby and the gang stole all of the coal in the North Pole and beaded back home.

Santa survived but he never got over Finland's death and cancelled Christmas. THE END!

Chapter Text

Wun dae in Indiana, there was a true hero. Indiana is a country in asia with the tag mahal and that one guy from the gratest tv show of all tiem, the big Bong Thoery.

BACK IB AMURICA I MEAN HITULE

At huur House, Agatha (shes related to Melon rite?) was playin vista games with Miolin.

"And dat is y Barry B Benson is a top," said Agitha.

"Can u stfu im trying 2 concertrate!"

Qagatha and Napalm were plagin Sanic Boom. Den she creed when Marina beat her. "Isle ghetto u next tim!" sed Anitra to Malolos. "No wai! I cam bait u in any game coz i'm color then You" stayed Malachi.

Then they played more games like cocking mama, Donk Soles, Endless Oceen, Miitomo, Cosmo Kramer's Hentai Adventure, and Origami simulater. Buut Macarena beaten hor evri tiempo. "U no wwat, i am leafing write nwo, becos yui cheeter, you cheated!" yelp Agriculture.

Duccenly the tv came! The news had Batman like in tw first Chaptre and zome other chaps 2.

"Banking moose!" Seed Catman. "Da new president of Indiana has been elected and he is named Motu."

The screen showed a picture of a bald indain man with a red shrit and a mustash.

"This berry nice boi is alreddy the bestest president in Indianas historia, stopping all Hungary and poverty and saving all the children."

"WAIT A SECANT!1111" exercised Lalon. "That dude llooks fanariliar!" She loooked closeness at the screen. "GAAAAASP THAT JSNT A NOTMAL INDIAN DUDE THAT IS THE REINCARNATION OF MY DEAD DAD TALON!"

If you remember from da earlier chapter then u will remebar tat talon was the original Dogfather before Melon has him and Inko killed.

"Whose talon?" asked Agitha. "Aren't we twins or something, so shouldn't he be my dad 2? Why do I have no idea who he is?"

"I'm pretty sure that you are actually just a stranger that wondered into my house one day and we're both just too dumb to realize that we aren't related."

"Oh okay."

"An NYU way," said Malon, "I'm off to indiana to kill my Indian Dad."

And so our favoite yandere (way better than that one Mokina from theat one gaem, funk you) headed off to indiana. She was so fast that she run over the Indian Ocean.

She passed by nearby countries liek Pacman, Bangarang, Nipple, Button, Mayflies, and Sir Lonka.

When getting to Indiana, she went to many cities like Pawnee, where she got to meet the hores Little Sebastian.

The Pig Pang Theorem cast was visiting Rags family in Indiana but the laugh track was so loud that they colldnt hear the inkoming traffic and got hit by car and died.

Medianwhile (AN: Geddit like median instead of mean?!) lonk was in Heriberto with his new club.

"Ohio every1 welcom 2 the Tito Tito Dickman Club!" Link sprayed. "Today wii will right poem abOot how much we luv Tito dick Dickman baby!"

"Hay linkj why werent u at elf practice geddit like the meem!" exclaimed Lenny the kooperling.

"that doesnt maek since I am a hylian not an elf," said link as he opened up the window, launching lanny into the vacuum of space.

BACK IN INDIANA:

Malingering got to infianas capital Indianapolis, where she broke into the Tajh Mughal (its like the White House in India.) where she found Motu.

"Recognize me, Dad?" asked Malon.

Motu flinched after realizing who was speaking. "Malon? What are you doing here?"

"I can ask you the same thing, I had you killed chapters ago! And why are you Indian now?"

"After I died," explained Motu, "Iwata reincarnated me as an Indian man to give me a second chance in life. I am making my the most of this chance, trying to make the world a better place."

This seems like a good time for a HISTORY LESSON! I know a lot about history because I'm better than you are and I'm a genius.

The largest religion in Indiana is Buddhism. In Buddhism, it is believed that after you die, you are reincorporated as someone else, just as motu did in this chaptar.

Buddism was founded by Ghandi, the most famours Indian man.

THE FOUNDIOJNG OF BUUDHAISN:

Hundrens of years ago it was a time known as the French and Indian war. France declared war on Indiana and took it over.

For decades, indjana was rules by French, until ome man named Gangi decided for independence. He fired the cast system and fasted and stuff intil the france were defeated and Indiano was saved. And so then he fonded the region Buddism and that is how Bhuddism came to be.

THE MORE YOUNKNOW! Back to the store.

"Haha I don't care if u are a good person, I just care if u are dead. I killed you once and i will kill u a secant time." said Malo. "An den ill blow up your stupid country!"

"I'm sorry, Malon, but I refuse to give up this second chance at life. I just want to make my country a better place, and I will defend it at all costs.

Motu and Malon got into their fighting stances as a tall, bald, yellow shirt wearing man entered the room. It was Motu's husband Patlu!

"What's going on?"

"Patlu, you need to run. This girl was my daughter in my past life, and she wants to destroy all of Indiana. Please evacuate as many people as possible!"

"But what about you?" Patlu's eyes were filled with tears.

"Don't worry about me, my love." This was very dramatic and sad and you cry reading it. "Please, get out before it's too late!"

Patlu burst into tears and ran out.

"Now, where were we?" asked Malpon. "Oh, right! I was about to KILL YOU! Time for my ONE PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNCH!"

The attack was so powerful that the fabric of space and time began to tear, but Motu faced no injuries.

"H-how can this be?! No one has ever survived my attack before!1111111"

"That's because of one thing that I have that you will never understand. I have...the power of love! Now, begone you vile creature!"

Motu the true hero opened up a portal and kicked Malon into it sending her back to Hyrule where she will Jeffery never return to the land land of Indiana.

And so Indiana was saved by its president, Motu.

THE END

MEanwhile:

A dark figure spoke. That dark figure was named Epona but u allreddy no tat. "Master Tingle, are you ready for the second phase of our plan?"

Tingle smiled evully like the evil man he is as threatening music played and the screen faded out dramatically to the next scene.

HYRULE CASTLE. JANUARY 30TH, 2018. IT WAS A DARK AND DARK DAY. BIRDS WERE DYING, FLOWERS WERE ALSO DYING, KIDS WERE DYING TOO. A REGULAR MORNING IN HYRULE.

DARK AND QUIET FOOTSLEPS CREAKED ON HYRULES CASTLES WOODEN FLOOR AS THE ROYALE GUARDS MARCHED BY IN ONEE-CHAN. CROWS CAWED, SIGNIFYING THE DARK NEXT PART OF THE STORY THAT WILL HAPPEN IN A FEW SOMETHINGS.

THE ROYAL GUARDIANS WERE GETTINGN UPSET BECAUSE OF THE CURRENT SITUATION.

KING ZELDA HAD LOCKED HIMSELF AWAY FOR YEARS NOW, TELLING NOONE TO EVER ENTER HIS ROOM.

But why? What is the purpose of his strange action? Why abandon a thriving society such as Hyrule? Maybe he could feel what was to come. What would transpose itself onto the hearts of the men in the world of Hyrule. Dark hearts. Souls were unhappy, dark souls, dark people, dankness everywhere.

THE GUARDS WERE GROWING UNREARY ABOUT THIS SITUATION. Why GUARD A KING THAT DOES NOTHING FOR ITS PEOPLE. On this day, someone finally grew sick and tired of this and entered the Kong's chambers and found a realization that was. What happens next will shock you.

A royal guardspan named Popuko opened the doors to the kings chandlers, only to discover...no one was There! It was completely empty, BUT WHERE IS THE KING NOW?

Anyway the royal guars decided the only thing to do now is to have an erection to erect a president of Hyrule (AN: hhaha geddit?!)

Meanwhile: A very nice girl was sitting in her room, before she heard a voice.

"Sara Osborne," it said.

"Who r u?" axed Sara.

"My name is Elgnit, and I am a conservative Christian man. I hate the evil gays and love Donald Trump."

"Mii 2!"

"Sara, I have a question for you. Would you like to become the president of Hyrule?"

Chapter Text

One day in Jyrule, Link was in japan to introduce his grate new amine idea (hes not a weeb he just likes hentay)

"Ok evry1 i hav a great nu idea 4 an anime!" said Link "Its a combination of cool thinks: hot lesbans, incest, an sexual asualt!"

It was a grate odea an every1 started clapping.

Meanwhile in Hytule, Navi was in Tokyo ghuul (AN: Geddit?! Like the anime?!11)

Anime's were waking around everwhere like SordartOnline, Borat, gozilla, Goku no hero adecemu, Momoatari, an hamtoro

She was buying some body pillows incuding a Bill Nyo themed one for Snas (dry bosset and Goast dad made her get one as a balenyines day present because he head low self esteem and that body pillow wood cheer him up).

Navi had a rememberance too a long ago event, how pink and Dinklage had incesttwins that were sant to the future.

"I wonder where they are now?" navi wondered where thy are now.

Meanwhile 100 years in the future!:

In HYRULE things got so horrible because of Link and sara and enoby and thiso losers that the good goddesses Not the fanfic ones) decided to put hyrul out of its missery by flooding it lime in Noles arc.

Sadly, people survived and were forced to repopulate with incest and Hyrule was now a island (aka Australia). Becos pf insest evry1 In Hayrule had don syndrom an lioked like cartoons. Thats why tingle sent toon link and argyll to the future so they wood fit in.

Okay here is Link:

Toon link aka just Link was raised with his little sister Ariel in Canberra by his Gramma.

His grandmother was very abursive and is also part of the kk. But Link was a good boy He never watches the Nutshack, he respects women, he writes positive comments on fanfics, he hates the salivation army, and he doesn't make ableist jokes.

1 DAI:

Link wakes up (AN: Gedit like wind waker?!) only to find...Argyle is being kidnapped! A bird put a bag over her head and threw her into a boat before riding away!

"Help me blubber pls save me!"

"O NO MY SISTER!"

"Quiet down u fukin cont im trien to watch my fukin crocodil dondee movie!" yelleed lonjs grandma.

"But Angle has been kitbapped by a birb!"

"Ya think i give a fuk ya cont now shut your fukin cont mouth mate!

But Link new he couldn't just shit there while his imouto chan was in the pisesssnion of the evil bard.

He change foot of his bloo cloths and into his green OoTfit (AN: Reddit OoT like ocorono of tim?) and ran out.

By the water was this chick. She was African american with green hair and a pirate outfit and was next to a red talking boat.

"Hello there i am link! What is yur name?"

"Ahoy ye mateys, me name is Tetris arr!"

"And I am boat!"

"Can you halp me my sister Aryllll hasbeen capture by a birb on a bout!"

"Ok well help! We herd this bag guy named Ganondorf is behind disc an we hate him!

And so they sat sail on their bon voyage.

It was a great tourney on the great see as they went to the many countries of the world like Hong Kong and Macchu Pichu.

Eventually they went to the nearby island of Tanzania where a strange geeen man was on it. He watche dfrom the distance but hidden from the sighting of.

Eventually they got to Dragon Roots Island in New Zeland. There was a little girl bird there guarding all of the sheep singing songs form the Hot topic kreW like the Hot Tooicu Krew theme Sontag and let it meme.

But suddenly...Tetanus jumped down and started beating the vird with a basebal bag!

"Avast ye skurvy Dog, ye mateys like you can wank the plalk!"

"Tetracycline, what are you doing!" yelled toon lank with fears.

"Arrr Im killing this sea scrupler!"

"But she didn't do anything rong! Shes not the birb that took Arlin!"

"Shes primly in on it! Birds cant be trusted, when j was a child, an emu tortured my parents to death and then rapped my dog!"

"Not all birbs are bad, what about Big Birb? What aboot Tweety Birb? What abot Scroog mcfuck?"

"THEYRE ALL SCUM AND DESERVE TO DYE!"

"Dontu fudge a book by its cover Tetrapod, you will be surprise by some1 when u learn moar about them."

"FUK DAT!" She continued kiking the birb.

"Tweet tweet chirp cjipr please don't hurt me I'm just a little birb named Melody!"

"I'll protract you!" Link piked up the bard and throw her to safety!"

Meldy flew away into the sunset. "Thank you 4 saving me!"

Suddenly a gunshot was herd as melodic stopped flying and crashed into the water and Tetons was holding a gun!

"WHAT THE SHIT YOU KILLED HER?!"

"She dessert it , shes a birb!"

"NO1 DESERVES TO DIE EXCEPT YOU, BURN IN HELL!" Toon lonk fuckin pimp slapped Tetralogy off a cliff and shot her duel wealding pistols like the gagster he is.

Link started crying becos he never take a life before and Tegra was his only friend and he was secretly in luv with her be4 she turned evul.

"I'm so sorry Sutra."

She sadly wanked past the sheep and kiwis to mr boat.

"What wrong?" asked mR boat?

"I had to kill Tartar! She turned evul and killed a innocent chicken!"

"That sucks."

And so the boat drove off after Link got inside the boat not in that way you sicko.

Likk had a sad flashback and it was dark autside.

"Hey Petra?"

"Yeah ye matey?"

"Thank u for being my frend!"

"Ur Walton! Yousoro!"

"Wen dis is ovary, I'll buy u a big Tumbrlone!"

"Are, That sounds Hawaii DESU."

Now in the present Linkdeb was back in hyrle becausuewhe heard that ganandorfs Castile was there. It was inside of Sydney and was a big castal called the sydnqy Oprah house. Gampndorj was said to be hosting a concierto there and had Artyyl held inside.

Lonk went inside but was attacked by wild animals like kangarooos and walabees and platapuss and echidnaas and kaolas and cuckaburras and tazmanoan devils and tazmoanian Tiggers and more.

But link refused to kill them becus he promised to never rank another life after fuckil killing tetralogy like that. The animals sansed that he was a friend and stopped trying to kill him. The ekidna showed him the way inside (AN: GEDDIT LIKE YHE MEEM!?) to Canon.

He got in the main room and the crowd was made up of a bunch of inccocent chillens thr were kidnapped! And at the front on the stage was...Tetanus?!

"Tutors, u-?"

"Thats rite I'm not dead I faked my meth! I was the evil 1 all along and I kidnapped your sister and these other kidz!"

The evul pirate took out a towel and wiped off her face to show that...she was actually white! "I'm not really black I was using blackface this while time! My real name is princes Zelda!"

"And I'm in on it 2!" yelled mr boat, slowly dragging himself onto the stage.

"Not u 2 mr boat!" cried link.

"Ya I am the kink of hurile I was just turned into a boat by curse."

"But why why r u doing this?"

"It's becos..." saiid Zoldo, "we're white supremacists! We made up this evil black guy named Ganondorf to make black people look bad! I pretended to be black and did evil things to make racism stronger to!"

"And now," said the prime minister of Hyrule mr boat, "we will kill all of these children and blame it on Gabon so people wil hate black people and start a race war!"

The father and dotter team laughed evilly.

"I can't let u do this, I will fight bakc! I no I send I would never kill again, but I never killed u in the first place so it's fine."

Lonk took out his boomerang and started fighting balc. Soon he fucking stabbed mr boat right in the face.

"NOOO DADDY!" yelled Zedla.

Then Lonk throw his boomrang at Zella as it lodged itself right into her skull and she died.

He rescued all of the children including arrll.

"Thank u 4 saving me brothel!"

"It's nothing, im glad to see u agen! I luv u sister!"

"An I luv u brodfer!" They meant that platonically you freaks.

And so Lonk and Arugula and all of the children got onto a nearby ship and happily sailed away!

But then the ship hit an iceberg and everyone died.

THE END!

OT IS IT?

On a nearby bitch, Toom Link floated onto the shore of Taranza, unconscious.

"Good, this is happening just as planned," said a mysterious man.

After being shipwrecked Lonk got ambrosia and couldn't remember anything JUST AS TINGLE PLANNED! It also had significant effects on his personality, so he's basically a completely different person.

Tingle gave toon link plastic surgery so that he looks completely different. Now he was dark hair and a big nose.

Tingle then sent formerly toon link back in time hundreds of years earlier with his time machine.

BACK IN THE PAST BEFORE THE EVENTS OF TINGLES RAVENG THE TINGLING:

"Where am I?"

asked a young boy. He couldn't remember anything. "I have a weird tingly feeling. Tingle...is that my name? I must be Tingle!"

The boy, now named Tingle, soon wondered into the nearby city. He was adopted by a man named Guide and later developed an obsession with fairies.

And that is how Tingle came to be.

PRESENT DAY:

"What the fuck?" questioned Navi, who just read the story to find out Tingles origins.

"Since Tingle is Link's father and Toon Link is Link's son and Toon Link is actually Tingle..." It turned into that one meme as math equations appeared in front of Navi. "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS STORY?! Tingle is his own grandfather? WHAT KIND OF SICKO WROTE THIS SHIT WHAT THE FUCK?!"

Poor Navi, not only did Lonk force her to watch his shitty lesbian incest anime, but now she witnessed such a horrible, horrible story such as this.

THE ENDD

Chapter Text

"Hay evry1 walcom 2 da 2018 wanker olympics In Plongchain South korea and this is turneint our to be a gret open ceremony" said the NBC host.

The opening ceremony featured a bunch of fire and stuff blowing up.

"This show serves as a dark reminder of what is likely soon to come. ANYWAY the events are going to start soon!"

"We better stop talking every moment and give the fans a chance to enjoy the events!" said the cohost.

There was silence for a second before the hosts started laughing hysterically.

"Now to a commercial break!"

Tingle and his friends made sure to fly to Pyongyang to see Hannibal who was competing in the iceskatigg.

Tingle also crossed the border into his puppet state North Korea.

A bunch of crazy stuff happened, as Ben was banned from the olympics for smuggling in clcaine and lobster and Nico Nico niiiiii kidnapped mike Penske before selling him to the highest bidder, Plessie from Super malleo 4d world.

Aniway the events were ocer for the day an Moe and karen were in the hotel room.

"HEY SLUT TELL ME A SCARY STORY OR I'LL FUCKING THROW YOU OUT THE WINDOW!" screamed Moe. Moe is a cute little fish, so you could say that Moe is moe! (AN: GEDDIT LIKE JAPAN!)

"Okay, I'll tell you about a scary story," replied Karen. "This story is truly horrific."

STORY START!

This story takes place one day ago in Hyule and is a TRU story.

In the Zara's domaine:

Ruto was recently bringed back from the dead by her fathwr using alien technoloy and they are now the only 2 survivin Zoruas (Lonk kooked the rest into dishsticks).

"I'm glad ur not ded my dotter," said king Ora.

"Yah watever im not thankful or anything," replled Ruta lik te tsunderplane she is.

Meanwhileb it was vakuntines day and luv was in the heir.

Couples like bowser and Ridley, Fox and Quilfish, Catalonia and Quebec, Mr krabs and Fiora, Lana and naruto, Sectonia and Nikki, Ash ketchum and Richie Rich, Robert EO speedwagon and M bison, Daisy and Chika Takami, Glass Joe and parappa the rapper, and George Constanza and Victor Emanuelle II.

But pittoooo and Lucas were there and decided to make every1s lives les miserables becus there asshols. They tried to throw Molotov cocktails into the mall but they were arrested by the polish force, led by byte and barq and Inspectorb gadget.

Navi was there and tried to ask pout Fi again but it didn't work because fi is a rucking robot.

A man named Benedril Cumberbatxh was sitting in the tea shop because hes British as that one dude dr Watson came up.

John Watson is a famous psycolpgost who performed famous experiments such as the little Albert experiment that discovered how phobias can be learned.

"Hey sherlok-sempai I have something 4 u!"

"Wat is it my elementary Watson? Did you get me a valentines day present?"

"N-no!" blush wason, holding oot a box of chocorates. "I dident get this 4 u or anything i just found it and I'm not hungry so i gess u can have it."

"Are you asking me out?"

"NO I mean...maybe?"

"Sorry but the only person I love is myself," said Schlock as Johnny boy ran away crying.

Snas Oonderteel was also there with his newfound bill Nye body pillow. "making my way downtown, walking fast and i'm homebound. staring blankly ahead, just making my way, making a way through the crowd," he sang. Someday he would meet the real Bill nye and they would get married. But suddenly Snas saw his sights on a sexy man with a cup for a head. He was red hot, and love was surely brewing when their eyes met.

Back at the Zura's Domain:

Anyway Rudolph got out her 3ds and decided to play pokeman son and moan.

"This is a fun game!" said she.

But eventually, she saw a character named Lillie.

"Wait a minute, that bitch just left my character and that cloud to die on the bridge THAT COWARD! Maybe she purposely tried to kill them! SHES A MANIPULATIVE BICH MURFERER!"

When playing the game, Rito spent the whole time obsessing over everything that Lillie did and interpreting her every action as evil.

"LOOK AT HER SCOWL ON HER FACR WHAT A PICE PF SHOT SHE IS SUCH A PISSY BICTCH!"

AFter finishing the game:

"That's it Lillie is the worst character IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE SHE IS SO EVIL WHAT A MONSTER!"

She was so furious that she decided to look at some artwork of Lillie.

She pulled up an image of Lillie.

"Look at that piece of shit. Look at that smug smile on her face. She thinks she's so great, doesn't she? Well Lillie is nothing. And everyone needs to know that. They live their lives not knowing how atrotious of a person she is, and I need to change that."

Ruto decided that she must leave a comment on this artwork, revealing the truth about Lillie.


 

Comment by Bluefishfishfish420:

Hi this is a sweet drawing and no offense but Lillie is the worst thing in the history of the universe and deserves to die a slow and painful death and here's why: Lillie is a coward. She left Nebby to die with the player. She is a sociopath. She happily watched as the bridge collapsed and almost sent the player to their death. Lillie is abusive. She treats her poor mother like shit for no reason. She stuffs poor little innocent Nebby into a bag, depriving it of happiness and food and a good life. And when Nebby can't fit in the bag anymore, she throws it in the trash. Lillie is homophobic. She bullies her brother Gladion for being gay. Lillie is a rapist. She drugged Hau and date raped him. Lillie is a whiny pussy. She constantly whines about her mother, is she fucking on her period or something? Calm the fuck down Lillie, you biatch. Lillie's outfit change represents the change in government for Germany to Nazism. She is literally Hitler. In concludion, Lillie fucking sucks and deserves to be abused.


 

Meanwhile:

Navi was at home on her phone, when she got a notification.

"Cool, my picture got a comment on DeviantArt! Let's see...what the fuck?"

She read a strange comment left on her picture. "This person can't be serious."

She decided to reply anyway.

Reply by HeyListen16: Is this a joke? Why are you getting so upset over a fucking video game character. Don't harass artists just because they like a character you don't.

But evilly crazy Ruuto didn't care.

"I must spread the truth aboot Lillie even more! I will comment on EVERY. SINGLE. PICTURE OF THAT THOT ON THE ENTIRE IMTETNET SO EVERY IGNORENT FOOL WILL KNOW!

And so, Ruto searches the web for every picture she could find and commented on each of them.


Comment: Yeah this image is good but Lillie is on it and she is a psycotic murderer cereal killer that needs to be tortured to death.

Comment: No offence to your drawing cause its cute but Lillie is a Satan-worshipping slut. She is unapologetic and never is thankful to Kukui for taking her in, instead making his life miserable. She is insane and has schizophrenia and tries to take her disorder out on everyone.

Comment: Hello this drawing is well drawn but it has Lillie who is a whiny biotchy asshole who needs to be beaten to death.

Comment: This image is nice but Lillie is a cunt that wants to overthrow alolas government and turn it into a communist dictatership. She is a bitc to everyone and is resposible for the deaths of millions.

Comment: This may be a nice picture, but it contans lillie Who is a pure evil abursive crybaby madman who tortures Nebby everyday by exploiding his clausetrofobia and sexually abusiving him.

Comment: Lillie is an unlikeable whale with a heart of coal. She literally tried to MURDER the player! What a bith, what kind of monster is she?

Comment: Cool pic but you might be forgetting how Lillie is a sosiopathic freak that conpletely ruined pokemon forever. She is the worst character ever and deserves to be hanged for her crimes.


 

WEEKS LATER:

King Zora just got back from a work job trip to Omaha. He was originaly gonna watch the newest episode of his facoite anime Sakurai's Nintendo Fanfiction, but he decided to check up on his tsunderplane daughter instead.

"Ruto r u in there?" said King Zora nocking on the door. "Are u there? Anyway im coming in."

King Zura opened up the door, only to be greeted by a horrific sight. It was so scary that the song Sayo-nara from ddlc started playing scarily with scare.

Ruto's room was a mess filled with Lillie merchandise that has been destroyed. There were plushes ripping into pieces, posters shredded, figures smashed with hammers, Ruto was hoarding hundreds of broken items with Lillie on them.

"Lillie Lillie Lillie I hate Lillie fuck Lillie Die Lillie," whispered Ruto like the madman she is.

"R-Ruto, what's going on?"

"Must comment on every post, everyone must know the truth."

Ruto looked pale, restless, and malnourished. She hadn't slept or eaten in weeks, as she spent this entire time commenting on pictures of Lillie and destroying merch of her.

"Seriously, Ruto? Why are you acting like this?"

The fishy finally noticed her father and turned her head.

"Don't you realize it, Dad? I've been enlittened! I now know that everything wrong with this world is because of Lillie."

"Who the fuck is Lillie?"

"You naive, ignorant thing. Lillie came from Pokemon Sun and Moon, but she is more than just a character. She is Hitler. She is Satan. Lillie is my white whale. I will not stop until everyone knows the truth about her."

"GOD DAMMIT RUTO WHY ARE YOU OBSESSING OVER A FICTIONAL CHARACTER!"

"I am acting like this because I am the only person in this world with any sense! It is my most sacred duty to enknowledge all of the lesser beings of this dark truth before it is too late."

King Zora stormed out of the room in anger.

A few hours later:

Ruto has commented on millions of pictures already, but she has passed out from exhaustion. "L-Lillie...must die..." she murmured in her sleep.

Her father walks into The Room.

"This is all my fault. When I brought Ruto back from the dead, the alien technology must have messed with her brain. I have to fix this, and there is only one way."

He pulled out a pillow. "I am so sorry, Ruto," he said as he suffocated her.

And so Ruto died THE END

MORAL OF THE STORY: Don't leave mean comments or you will die.

 

Chapter Text

Today is the second meeting of links new club at school, the Tito Tito Dickman Club! Link doesn't go to school, he is just using an abandoned school for his club.

After Lonk killed that one koobaling by somehow launching him into space, he decided that the team needs more members. So far the only members are Lonk, his girlfriend Salami, Sheik, and Fraddy Fuzzbear, but today they are getting a new member!

"Ohio evry1 I am your not evul club president Link the sexy fukboi of time, and i introduce our new member NAVI THE LOSER OF SHIT!"

Everyone clapped as Navi sadly floated into The Room because she was forced to join a fan club for Richard Cabeza, also known as Tito Dick "Dickman," baby.

"Today," said link "we will talk about how much we love Toto duck duckman baby he raised Phil and loves the ladies."

"Isnt That wat whe do everyday?" asked Freddi Fish.

"QUIET BITCH! As I was saying, everyone write a poem about that secy boi Tito and then welll read it togethe. Now get the fuk tobwork!"

And so everyone wrote a poem about Tito ducj.

"Let's see..." said Navi. "I think I'm finished. First I'll share my poem with...Salami? Is that really her name?"

Anyway navi game her peom to salami, an anime girl that is links gorlfirnd before she dies by the end of the chapter.

Sayori's porm (its a haiku):

Tito Dick "Dickman."

Raised Phil and loves the ladies.

Yeah it's the Nutshack.

"Did u like it? I worked very hard on it!"

"Oh, yeah. It's...very wonderful!" lied Navi.

"I'm so glad I get to be in this club with my perfect boyfriend Link! Isn't he just the best?"

"Yep, he's certainly something."

Salami is very dumb and has no idea about how evul Lonk really is.

Nezt Navi dead Fruddy Fatsbear's poem. It was a limerick:

There was a man named Tito Dick

He's the focus of this limerick

He had a nice sack

It would make a nice snack

He's just so sexy and thicc.

"I can't believe I had to read something so horrible with my own two eyes," said Navi, now scarred by the painful limerick.

"I ducking love tito," angrily announced the antagonistic, anthropomorphic, animatronic animal in an American accent, alerting the audience of his atrocious appearance.

The bitter blue ball bitchily basked at the bear's bellow, as the cacophony caused the crowd's composure to collapse, crashing them onto the cold concrete.

Okay that's enough BACJ TO THE REEL STORY

Finally she read Sheik's poem, which wasn't really a poem and was just an overly long analysis about the Illuminati (she's only in this club because she thinks Tito dick is part of the illllllllikmiayyi).

Everyone finished with their piens and Link said yo salami, "hopefully we can HANG out soon GEDDIT?! CUZ U HANG URSELF?!1111111"

"Seriously, Link?" questioned Salami. "That was not funny, suicide is not something to be joked about."

"Whatevs lets go home."

"But what about the zombie apocalypse?" asked Sheek, pointing out the window to the many zombies and destroyed buildings and dead bodies.

"I'll take care of that!" happily exclaimed salami.

She played the world's saddest song on the loudspeakers.

Gary now I know,

I was wrong,

I messed up, and now you're gone.

Gary, I'm sorry I neglected you,

Oh, I never expected you

To run away and leave me feeling this empty...

Your "Meow" right now would sound like music to me.

Please come home, 'cause I miss you, Gary!

Gary come home!

Gary, can't you see I was blind,

I'll do anything to change your mind.

More than a pet, you're my best friend,

Too cool to forget

Come back, 'cause we are family,

And forgive me for making you wanna roam.

Now my heart is beating like the saddest metronome,

Somewhere I hope you're reading my latest three-word poem.

Gary come home!

It was so sad that the zombies turned back to normal and the zombie apocalypse ended. Everyone was in tears except for Link because he's a sociopath.

THE NEXT DAY:

Navi floating into he room at the beginning of a new day.

"I'm ba-JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHY IS SALAMI'S CORPSE HANGING FROM THE CEILING?!"

Everyone turned towards Salami's dead body.

"O i never noticed that, cool!" sed lokk. "She mustuv desided she couldnent take anymore of your shit navi and ended her lief."

"WHAT THE FUCK HOLY SHIT!?"

Sheik and Freeedy were also kinda freaked out but Link was as Link as always.

"Look she left a suicine note!" yelled pink.

Life sux, see u in hell fuckers!

-Salami

"Wait, how do we know it really was a suicide?" questioned Nazi. "Maybe Link killed her! I mean, he seems perfectly fine with her being dead and he has killed many people in the past."

"O yah? WELL MAYBE U KILLD HER NAVI!111"

"What reason would I have to do that?"

"I dunno cuz your a birch? And I would never hurt anyone sense im da great hero of time! Now shut up or ill delete u from the gaems files!"

"But this isn't a game, it's a fanfiction," said Navi.

"Shit I forgot."

Anyway, everyone did their regular Dickman activities while a dead body hung from the ceiling.

The next dauy...

"What the fuck, someone stabbed Freddy to death?!" shouted Navi.

"Lol I wonder who did it cough Navi cough," said link roffly.

"Or maybe it was TE ILLUNMIBAYTIUI?!" shrieked Sheik.

"It was not the Illuminati, and it was not me. The only person that it would make sense to be the killer is Link."

"O YAH!" link eagled. "Then letz go to the securityi camras so we can Provo who was the killer!"

"If there were security cameras in here, then why didn't we just check them in the first place?"

"I DONT FUCKIN NO LETS JUST DO IT!"

They got onto the screen showing the security footage and it showed...Navi killing Salami?!

"Wtf?!" explained link.

"Lol!" lolled Navi, pulling out a machine gun. "I lied, I did kill them both! AND NOW I'LL KILL YOU TOO!"

"Wtf i was just trying 2 annoy navvi, I dident no she acterally did it!" sed link in confusion.

"MAYBE SHES WITHH THE ILLLLLLUKNSIBAYJRISI!" squeaked Sheik.

"DIE FUCKERS!" scrowed Navi as she opened fire on Lonk and Sheek.

The two ducked behind Freddy Frostbear's dead body and called for help when siddenly, a great hero appeared! It was...Vatti!

"I'll save you!" heroically called Vatti.

Vatti punched the gun out of navi's hands and tied her up. "I don't think that your the real Navi! Let's see who you actually are!"

He took off Navi's mask to reveal that she is...ILLUMINATTO!

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASP!111111111111111" fasped shekels. "It's the ILIUJDINAHKIOTI! I-I was right! I was right all along! People didn't believe my theories. They bulli me for my obsession, but I was right all along!"

"That's right, I do work for the Illuminati!" said the agent. "I killed the real Navi two days ago and stuffed her into that fridge." (AN: Geddit like TV Tropes!?) "The reason why I've been killing the club members is that you've all heard Sheik's surprisingly accurate theories about the Illuminati, and you must be Illuminated." (AN: Getit instead of eliminated?!)

"I'm so happy, my life's work has finally amounted to something!" cried Shik.

Seddenly the agent pressed a button that blew up his head.

So what is up with the aillunubayi? What do they want? And will Navi come back? Yes, obviously.

MEANWHILE at the apartment of a British dude named Benedict cumbersome:

The detective dude was setting up plates and shit for his brunch party. Suddenly, the terminator theme began playing outside of his door.

"Oh, my first guest has arrived!"

Oppening the foor, he was met by a certain robotic raptor known as Yoshiko I mean Yoshi.

"Well Sherlock, I made it, despite your directions."

"Ah, Lord Yoshi, welcome! I hope you are prepared for a bloody good brunch!"

Yoshi, sometimes called by the nickname Green Barney, is the leader of the bunch, you know him well.

Yoshi sat down on his golden toilet throne that he made Shmpck put in the dining room as the doorbell range, singing the arrival of the other geusts.

Everyone walked in the door but the doorway not the door itself (that'ld just be silly).

One was a tiny but well endowed Shetland pony wearing a black helmet.

A large breasted and badly-drawn neko girl entered and gasped at the horse's cuteness.

"Sugoi a kawaii horse-chan desuuuuu nyaaaaaa~!"

The pony neighed, kicking the weeb in the leg.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!1111111111111!1111111111111" she shrieked in pain as everyone covered up their ears to shield themselves from this Cofagrigus.

"Can you please quiet down?" growled an irritated octopus as the crayfish next to him started having a punic attack.

Carmen Sandiego smirked while the shitty neko continued crying out for an insanely long period.

Meanwhile, a tall tree Pokemon struggled to enter the doorway, so a strange robocop tried to help him through.

"I'm always on duty!" he exclaimed, punching the top of the doorway with an extendable arm, only for it to collapse.

The final three members arrived (they rode on Sanic dot exe's back) as a goth anime schoolgirl said, "The fallen angle has descended! You puny mortals must face my true power!"

Everyone ignored her and OUR BOI REGGIE also rode on Sanic dot exe's back and was the only good teammate.

There is one member too dangerous and unpredictable to even attend this meeting, as he is pure evil and happens 2 b the "hero" of this story and hhgreg name is Link!

"Now that we are all here, we can commence with this week's meeting for the ANTI-TINGLING SENSATION," said Yoshi evilly. "We will take down the Tingling Sensation once and for all!"

 

Chapter Text

Tingle

It was the having of the time once again.

It was a beautiful day. The birds sing, flowers bloom, your children should burn in hell.

But Link and Navi are few and all the other character people that exist in this literature know that the end is now but the end is here.

Meanwhile, Tingle's lover's man sat down in the dark and crimson stronghold of his death in his next deadly plan, but it was so very bad that he invented everything he faced. Innocent succulent, the weird blue man is sitting on his throne. The throne is extremely detailed, covered in blood and corpses when Tingle is mad. He wants this world burned up including you. Yes, Tingle wants you to die. This dark night is strange and wonderful, the most frightening night of terror that this world has ever seen. All types of footwear are made of leather and hang on the roof of the castle, representing the hatred in the hearts of both men and women.

"Who goes there!" exceomulated Tingle, wanting the to be good and the hungry day. Man watching him and the Tingle must have know why be watch.

"Well well Well is it isn't Tingle the mèrdik vajen."

"Haw dare thy speak the name of Tingle in vain!"

"Ah, you don't recognize me in this disgueesie! And you never will because YOU WILL NOW PERISH INSTANTLY TO YOUR DEATH! So long, lul!"

Tingle was strickened to seath and dead instant.

Who is this misteriapus evul villian? Find out in a few moments in this eventful finale!

Bloodshed was through OoT GEDDIT hyrule as almost everyone was dead in the attack. Enoby, Sara, Epona, Malon, Agitha, Linkle, they are all dead to dead. And this bad guy killed them all.

He even punched Canada so hard that is incinerated, killing everyone even Pit Pittoo and Trudeau in the best selling novel Pit saves Canadia.

"O No EVR1 IS DED NOW WHO WILL I KILL!" screamedlink.

Then the bad guy alpeatrd. "Bonjam, who r u bad guy?!"

"i am...snas undertale, ya fuck!"

"HGAASP it's Stan Thundersnail!"

"that's right bitches i am sons blunderfail and i was the true villain all along!" He shat a ghost ghost laser and blew up Lonk's bouse, killing the fairy know to us as Navi.

"YUR GONONW HAVE A MALO TIEMPO MOTHAGUCKER!" Sas made it nesquik and ahooted libk in his head now every one is dead.

THE END

Hey, everyone! Today I decided to do something new, as I am going to review all 50 US state flags! I hope you enjoy it!

Alabama: This flag is a bit plain, but isn't bad. I feel that a better flag could have been made, but it definitely isn't badly designed, and it's way better than most of the state flags.

Alaska: Now, this is a good flag! It's very simple, with the Big Dipper and Polaris on it, but I like it!

Arizona: This flag is also very good, one of the better US state flags. Excellent!

Arkansas: Now we're getting to one of the shitty ones. One of my biggest pet peeves for flags is when the name of the country/state/city/etc. is on the flag. If you took out where this flag says Arkansas, it wouldn't be a bad flag. But the name made it shit.

California: This flag is very iconic, mostly because of the clothes brand. Overall it's a good flag, but I still don't like the words on the flag. I suggest improving it by removing "California Republic" text, and it would be much more visually appealing.

Colorado: A very good flag, with a rather creative design based on the letter C.

Connecticut: What the fuck is this abomination? It is so painful to look at.

Delaware: WHY? How hard is it to make a good flag? You see, most US state flags are these disgusting flags that are literally just bedsheets with a seal.

Florida: My home state! But the flag still isn't very good, as it's just Alabama's flag with the state seal in the middle. There are worse flags in the country, but it still isn't good. PLEASE FIND FLORIDA A NEW FLAG I'M TIRED OF THIS ONE!

Georgia: This one isn't bad, and I kind of like it. But I would suggest removing the seal in the top right corner, and it would look much better. At least it's still better than Georgia's old flag, that one was fucking horrible.

Hawaii: This flag is very visually appealing. Fun fact, it is the only state flag that contains the Union Jack! I just like this flag.

Idaho: Fuck this flag.

Illinois: MY EYES THEY BURN! SOMEONE DESTROY THIS FLAG IMMEDIATELY!

Indiana: This flag was so close to being good. It has a nice design, but the creators JUST HAD TO put Indiana's name on the flag. Why? If a flag is good enough, you should be able to recognize it without having its name.

Iowa: Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!

Kansas: Fucking disgusting.

Kentucky: No.

Louisiana: The birds are cute, but the flag sucks.

Maine: Stop.

Maryland: Prepare yourself for the best flag in the country. That's right, it's the ever so perfect flag of Maryland! I love it soooooo much! This is a flag that most people either love or hate, but I'm definitely in the love category. It's the only good thing about Maryland, AMIRITE?!

Massachusetts: We just saw the best flag, now here's a shit flag! Seriously, why?

Michigan: More shit.

Minnesota: Also bad.

Mississippi: This flag contains the Confederate battle flag, so no matter what the flag looks like, I can't promote it.

Missouri: Meh. It's not the worst, but it's not good either.

Montana: IT'S TIME TO STOP!

Nebraska: Why? It's literally just the state seal!

Nevada: Nooooooooooooooo.

New Hampshire: I'm running out of ways to insult these awful flags.

New Jersey: A horrible flag, fitting for New Jersey, AMIRITE!?

New Mexico: ¡Es muy bueno, me encanta! One of the best!

New York: Shit again.

North Carolina: Bad.

North Dakota: Worse, FITTING FOR NORTH DAKOTA HAHA Why would you ever go to North Dakota? South Dakota has so many things to see, but North Dakota really has nothing.

Ohio: GREAT! This is the only US state flag to not be rectangular! A very creative and visually appealing flag.

Oklahoma: Shit again.

Oregon: I wish this flag was Oregone GEDDIT?! I hate it.

Pennsylvania: Yet another bad one. Pennsylvania, more like Penisvagina haha (remember in Mishohn From God?)

Rhode Island: There are definitely worse flags, but I feel like it could be a lot better with a few changes. In fact, an older version of Rhode Island's flag was vastly superior to this, I think they should go back to it.

South Carolina: A simple but good flag! It has a nice design.

South Dakota: Shit horrible bad.

Tennessee: A very good flag!

Texas: A very recognizable flag. One of the best U.S. state flags due to its simplicity and recognizability (is that a word?).

Utah: No.

Vermont: Please burn it.

Virginia: Why does this exist?

Washington: It's literally just George Washington's face. Who thought this was a good idea?

West Virginia: Death.

Wisconsin: Deeeeeeaaaaaaath.

Wyoming: This flag is almost good, and I like the bison. But it would be much better if the seal was removed from the buffalo.

BONUS:

District of Columbia: One of the best flags in the country, I love it!

Puerto Rico: Ah, the 51st state. Although its flag is just Cuba's flag with the blue and red switched around, it's still a great flag!

Did I skip a state? Probably, but whatever. Thank you for reading my flag reviews! I hope you enjoyed it!

Number 15: Burger King Foot Lettuce (laughtrack)

Haha funny meme do you like it guys?

Snas Undertale woke up in a pile of cocaine.

"what the fuck how high am i?"

Chapter Text

"Good, my fanfric that I wrote is, like totally done!" said Zelda. Isn't she dead? Maybe this is one of the other Zelda's.

West Bank

An Palesrael fanfic.

Summary: Israel and Palestine have always hated each other, but one drunk night happens to forever change their views.

Ships: Israel/Palestine, Saudi Arabia/Portugal, Jordan/Alaska, Yemen/Fiji, Bolivia/Bangladesh, South Sudan/Slovenia, United Arab Emirates/A washing machine, Quebec/The Eiffel Tower, Japan/Ryuko Matoi, America/Guy Fieri...

"Ha, this fanfic is like totally gonna be the like totes best fanfic in the world, like omg I can't even! LOL!"

But suddenly Link walked bi! "Ono it's dat bitch Zoldo die!"

Link stabbed Zelda as blood and death splattered everywhere and Zelda could feel being stabbed.

"Wait no im not evil Zelda I'm just a random Zoldo!"

"Whoopsies!" YelleD Lkiknl.

"L-Link," said Zelda as she was dying, "Before I die, please post my sexy Palestine/Israel fanfic so that the world can see what I've worked so hard on."

"Haha hard on," said Link, pulling out a gun and shooting Zelda's laptop. "Whoopsydaisys!"

And Zelda deid sad knowing her only legacy was destroyed.

It's sad, so sad, so sad. IT'S A SAD, SAD SITUATION!

Anyway, Lonk went back home to work on his important mission of jacking the government to reveal its coruption! He will avennge poor Zelda who's death the gov was responsible for.

Later:

Hey Lucas sweetie," said Pittoo. "Hm? What's that you're drawing?"

"I'm making a map!" declared Lucas.

"A map? But that looks like..." Pittoo looked closer only to see a message on the map that said, You need to let me go. The accident wasn't your fault.

Pittoo looked up and Lucas was gone.

THE END!11

Credits:

Directed by Link

Produced by Link

Edited by Link

Music Director: Link

Lighting: None

Hair and Makeup: None

Catering: Link

Locations: Link

Everyone applause for the movie but only because link had bombs strapped to them.

"How did u leek it Navi?" asked Link hokding the detonator.

"It was so amazing that I'm at a loss for words," lied Navi.

"Haha loss!"

By the way, Pit Saves Canada is now complete! If you haven't already read it, you should check it out!

Meanshile,

El Tingling Sensation could sans that el anti-Tingling Sensation was going dos attack muy pronto.

"Yo, listen up, bitches!" yelled Nico Yakuza. "Nico, the number one idol in the universe, has a new song to sing while we kill the Anti-Tingling Sensation!"

"No one gives a shit," said Ben the fucking edgelord, AKA Mewtwo 2.

Speaking of Mewtwo, he and Enoby are teamworking together to stop the preps. But their friends Akko and Edgysnas are both dead, as Ack had a cocaine ovewdose and edge Snooze ovedossed on multivitamins.

But let's get back to them later! What is Nico going to sing? It's a brand new song called "Fuck you, I'm Nico Nico Nii!"

Song Stwrt!

"Fuck you! Fuck you! I'm Nico Nico Nii!

I'll kill any fucker that tries to mess with me!

Fuck you! Fuck you! I'm Nico Nico Nii!

I am gonna kill you, bitch! Don't you mess with me!

Ima fucking chop you down like a Nico Nico tree!

Bitch, you gonna feel my sting! Nico Nico bee!

I will jump on you and bite you! Nico Nico flea!

Stab you 2.718 times! Nico Nico e!

Make you watch shitty tv shows! Nico Nico Glee!

I'll win in any Nintendo game! Nico Nico Wii!

Make you pay me lots of money! Nico Nico fee!

Bury you under some mattresses! Nico Nico pea!

You will beg for mercy! Nico Nico plea!

Throw you into the ocean! Nico Nico sea!

All this violence is gonna make me Nico Nico pre!

You'll surrender during our battle! Nico Nico Lee!

Push you down a snowy mountain! Nico Nico ski!

Bitch, you are never ever gonna be Nico Nico free!

Throw you into the harbor! Nico Nico tea!

If beating you's the lock I've got the Nico Nico key!

I've got something great for you, suck my Nico Nico D!"

This kept going for a very, very long time. Luckily, it's the best song ever and you would love to listen to it for so long, right?

MWETOW AND NEBOY NOW:

Newkriwo and Endivoy were tipically esging aroomd as usuual, when someuno cocked on the door! Mr Kitten Pants aka mew2 used the force dos abrir el puerta rico, but behind it was someone whom looked very much like mr kitten pants!

"Who the fuck are you?"

"Im u but stronger!"

"Wtf," said Enoby, "theirs 2 off u? One shitty furry bich is enouf, I dont need a fucking other 1!1"

"I don't know who this piece of shit even is and why he looks like me!"

"How dare you call me that i am Mewthree the superior being!"

"fuk off prep!" shat enoby

"Shut up or I EXPLODE YOUR HEAD"

And so the all fight and it is a touh fite. Mewthree used psicock and mewtwo used hippo beem and enoby used nife.

"You have best me now but i will be back and win later" said Mewthree

Meanwhile, Zelda (another one) was writing something on her computadora portatíl. "Like, this essay is totes the bestest essay in like the whole world! It's like so totes cray cray!"

Anime and manga are very popular and often high quality forms of entertainment that can give the viewer some insight into their lives. Despite their importance and quality, a common complaint about the genre is its lack of progressiveness. However, one anime and manga series may change this forever: Pop Team Epic. This series contains deep feminist symbolism, combating the norms in such a male-dominated society. The protagonists, Popuko and Pipimi, are two women with unspeakable power, hinted at being more than human. Their abilities represent the often ignored importance of women to the rest of the world, and their conflicts with usually male antagonists symbolize the struggles women face. Popuko and Pipimi always face the incoming threats bravely and fiercely, obtaining victory without breaking a sweat. The creator of Pop Team Epic hopes that this work can combat societal standards upon females and make the world a better place.

To begin with...

"Hay its Zelsa again die!" sed Link shouting klzedlja to dead.

Chapter Text

Un dio, Lonk el heroe de tiempo decidir para el start compra el drugs en Mexico.

"Ay Carrabbas," hablo Link, thinkingar de el drugs él puede comprar!

1o, él fue a Señor Walter Blanco para aydar.

"Oye, Walter!"

"Qué? Oi, Link-san! Que pasta!"

"Nana mucho, ¡perro yo wanto a buyo el drugos!"

"¡Si, el okayo! Yo te ayudo!"

"Feliz!"

Y so, ellos fueron a mexica para el drugs.

Fue un cartel de drugs debajo de el border. "¡Mira, el drugs!"

"¿Que te parece, es nuestro cartel! Va away!" Hablas el lord de drug.

"Da mi drugs o Elsa!" hablamos Link.

"Non!"

"¡Entonces perecer!"

"Walter, hace tu cosa!"

El suddenlyo, Walter tiró una bomba a el traficantes de drogas, y ellos murieron. Rip en piece.

"Muerte," ellos ablan.

"¡Hurra!" hablaste ljnk.

Ahora ellos tienen all de el drugs en Mexico! "!Ja ja ja!" reír Link.

Das boot caliente, Pit supuesto. Tengo que me gustar más pizzaría tu Despacito. Mucha gusta, igualmente nos cantar al bicicleta portatíl.

Deja que te diga cosas al oído. Para que te acuerdes si no estás conmigo.

A bienvenido amigos oír gatito se digo duerme rico. Signore raton cocina.

Bolivar republica dominoca está frío nieva creo andar japón marracas.

Asa, mios dar padre pequeño tienda es deportista rosado azul.

Me encanta amo Link jamón falta mercí cyka. "Ocho Abríl, tía digo con leche y armas," viajé Link.

De todas, ¡Lonk es el señor de drogas!

"Ja ja ja, ¡yo soy sauce el piedra angular!"

"Bueno," andante Walter Blanco.

"Ay, ¿Qué está cocinando, bien parecido?" queda Skippy Gonzalez.

"¿El fuck quieres, perra?"

"Yo quiero tu drugs, gilipollas. Ahora, ¡da!"

"¡No!" trabajan Link.

"¿Qué tú hablaste a me, el bitch?"

"¡Yo dije no!"

"Sí," cantó Walter.

"¡Muere!" cocina Skippy.

Ellos pelean, pero Skippy fue rápido.

Sadmente, Lonk murío.

Rip en paz, Sr. Link.

Y como, Walter venó a el funeralo de Lonk, quien muerte.

Su tumba fue ejercicio en tacos, totinos, quesadillas, chimichangas, y tortillas.

Al deportista docteur cher uccello para daste Pfannkuchen las madres del პანკრეასი na sguabadh às clach. Graciás tiempo estimar жер сілкінісі! Ay la avion, tus scallion aguilla querer me gustaba la papas fritas con te helado y media hora, debajo de enero.

El end!

Chapter Text

"Hey guys its me link the her of tim back again for another great chapterr of Tings Avengers: the Tingle! In todays chapter, I will do something funny like killing people haha!"

Link the hero of time thought for a second. "I need to think of something cool to do this chapter! I know ill ask that bitch linkle, she fucking sucks! Yo Linkle more like fuckle!"

"THE FUCK DO U WANT LINK!" yelled linkle, stabbing IReland to death.

"I need an idea for todaays chapter, bitch. Wats something that's popurar rite now?"

"I don't fukcing no u bitch maybe that one game baldis bassics or whatever da fuck its called!"

"That's a ggod idea I'm glad I came up with it on my own, cont!"

"NOw fuck off cont, u should spread some vegemite on your cock and put it in a tazmanian devil's mouth!"

"Oh yah? I hope a drop bear fuckkin smashes u, fookin cont!"

Aniway lonk decided 2 make a chapter about the edumacational game Blaldies basic bitch.

"ALLRITE CLASS ANSWER QUEsTIONS OR U DIE!" yelled link as he kidnapped navi again.

Navi didn't get any spoken lines this chapter because the building collapsed and killed link and navi forever THE END!

Tingle town. Population: Death. Country: Hyrule. State: New South Wales. Mayor: Tingle. Population Density: Death.

Tinge and ihis bestest friends were hanging out.

"By the way, the Anti-Tingling Sensation is going to attack us today," said Tingle, playing his favorite video game, Mother 9 (it was only released in Malaysia).

"Okay," said that one anime boy who likes candy.

"By the way, your new name is Candy Man," said Tingle.

"Seriously?" questioned candy man.

"But how do you know about this?" asked Octavio, doing hentai with Moe in the bathroom.

"We had a spy on the inside, that's right, SNAS UNDERTALE! He became their team slave and did physical labor for them, also giving me information about the team."

"So, should we get ready?"

"Yes. Epona, get the rest of the team."

"As you wish, my lord."

Epona interrupted Hanibal form watching his animes like JoJo's Circus while niko niko ny had an argument with Karen over whether Joe or Steve is superior and ben was being an asshole like mew2 as usuaal and nebbuy watched the Vietnam War anime about penguins called Penguin Memories (its actually a real anime, look it up) and blair was being a slutty cat like usull.

But when they open el door, some bad guys were already here! They were...THE ANTI TINGLING SENSATION!

"Why, long time no see, Tingle," said Yoshi. Yoshi is an evil criminal from a Pulitzer Prize winning novel known as the Hot Topic Krew, written by none other than Fyodor Dostoyevsky. He is extremely dangerous, being a terminator and is what we call a dinosaur sensation.

"Welcome to my secret hideout, Yoshi! A little birdie told me you were coming!"

"Ah, you must be referring to Snas Undertale. I killed him once I found out that you sent him to spy on me."

"actually i'm still alive," said Snas Undertale. BANG BANG.

"I might as well introduce the rest of my team members while we're here."

THey all got into a formations like the Htk or something, yelling out their naams.

"Yoshi!"

"Neigh!" (lil sebastion can't talk because he's a horse).

"Inspector Gadget! I'm always on duty!"

"Sanic dot exe!"

"Carmen Sandiego!"

"Bloody Sherlock Holmes! The gay is afoot!"

"Squidward!"

"CRAYMOND!"

"Raku-chan, nyaaaaaaaa~ desu~!"

"Reggie Fils-Aimé!" (he's not going to say his catchphrase).

"Alolan Exeggutor!"

"Fallen Angle, Yohane!"

And that's the team! Except Link is also part of the team, but he died so he isn't able to make it. Linkle wasn't able to make it to here either because she died in a forest fire.

"Now its time for our team!" yelled TInlglljf. ANd so they are begin.

"Tingle Tingle Kooloo Limpah!"

"Epona!"

"Hannibal Lector!"

"BEN!"

"Waldo!"

"Candy Man!" (that's his new name).

"DJ Octavio!"

"MOE, MOTHERFUCKERS!"

"Blair, meow meow!"

"Karen!"

"Nebby, pew pew!"

"Nico Nico Nii~!"

Now that both teams have announced their nombres, they must get ready to fight.

"So, how are we going to battle?" questioned Tingle.

Yoshi rubbed his dino hands together like the evil dude he is. "Easy. We'll settle this with...a game of basketball!"

Everybody get up it's time to slam now
We got a real jam goin' down
Welcome to the Space Jam
Here's your chance do your dance at the Space Jam
Alright

Come on and slam and welcome to the jam
Come on and slam if you want to jam

The two teams made it to the nearest basketball playing building place and got ready for the game. Tingle and Yosh were the coaches to their teams and everyone wore basketball uniforms.

Meanwhile in the new Kirby game called Kirby Universe 64: the Crystal Gems:

Kirbyr was fighting the doing the fight against the final boos of kirby named Giygas with his space allies Tarantula, goodra, and Monica doki doki.

"Yuo cannut beat me I am god," say giggles.

"U r not god!" yell kirb. "There is only 1 true god! And that god is me, BITCH!" Kirby took out his Kirb ball and three it at giga.

"Go doki doki!"

"Doki doki!" said doki doki, just as she did when she assassinated prime minister Steven Harper in 1802.

"Doki doki use your z power!"

"Doki doki"

Dokidoki panic used her mega evolutions attack on gigoose and he died.

"But then..." said tingle because he's narrating these events as he's watching hem on his iPhone before the game. "The happy drug salesman appeared!"

"Ho ho ho I have a deal for you young girl," he said to the young girl know as Kirbing.

"What is it?"

"Do you know that bitch Magolor who betrayed you?"

"Yah."

"Well I have him right here!"

Magilor was in bag shape, as his wrapper was torn off and he was partially eaten. U cold see the creamy filling inside.

"Yum food!" said Kievy. Kirbi was a fan of full medal alchemist.

"I'll trade him for your smash switch leaks and your nuclear launch codes!"

"Ok!"

Then after karby left with his new yummy egg, the happy drug salesman transformed to revali his real form! He wasn't just the normal himself, but he is also being a fusion because like it's Kirby Universe in the game! The happy Drug sAlesman was also...find out later!

Hey tingle "said th happy drugnsalesman" "I have what you need!"

"Good," said Tingle.

BACK AT THE BASKET:

A whole crowd shooed up 2 the B.I.G game, cheering on they're favorito teams. The hole basketball sport place seats was packed completely.

Also, these two wiches named Koume and Kotake were the announcers.

"And that is why I headcanon Sadam Hussein as trans," said Koume.

"Koume, the mic was already on," whispered Kotake.

"Shi- I mean, welcome, basketball fans, to another eventful game! The two teams are having a disagreement and decided to settle it through some good old basketball!"

"That's right! On one team is the Tingling Sensation, with their coach being Tingle. Tingle is a fairy enthusiast and al around nice guy who has done many great things like being Tom Hanks' father and banning Florida from Earth."

The other side," continued Koume, "is the Anti-Tingling Sensation, coached by Yoshi. This little green dinosaur may be a cutie, but don't be fooled by his cuteness; he is a force to be reckoned with, being a cyborg of unspeakable power. He is well known for his run-ins with the law, specifically about tax fraud. Who are you rooting for, Kotake?"

"I've got to go with Tingle. He's just so nice, and plus, look at that ass!"

"I'm rooting for Yoshi! He's a cutie, as well as being such a cool dude. Anyway, let's get the game started!"

Both teams got ready to begin. The two coaches gave the teams coaching information to coach them.

Each team has both good and bad players, the strong players being Epona, Hannible, and DJ Octopuss on Tingle's team and Sanic dot xxx, Reggie, and Exegguggutor on Yosh team. Everyone else wasn't very good, and Waldo and Carmen Go Sans Diego Go were mistiriousli missing.

"Well, Yoshi," said Tingle, "Let's hope for a good game."

Yoshy glared. "Yes, an easy win for my team."

As it was time to slam now, he teams got into formation to get a real jam going down, and they were welcomed to the Space Jam.

"Here's your chance, do your dance at the Space Jam!" exclaimed Kotake.

"Alright!" yelled the teams.

Ant so the geam begoned.

SUPER FAST SLAM DUNK TEAMS ARE PLAYING BASJET BALL DUNK REGGUE USES HIS STRONG MUSCLES AND HOT BODY TO GET A HOLE IN ONE, STRIKE! HANNIBAL HIKES THE BALL TO OCTAVIO WHO FUNNELS THE BALL INTO THE GOAL! THEN EPONA HAIL MARIES AND DOES A DIAGONAL CRUYFF INTO THE BASKET! TOUCHDOWN! SANIC SUPERSPEEDS THE BALL WITHIOUT ANYOne EVEN S EING!

The game went on for hours as the crowd was on the edge of their seats. Both teams were so great, even the bad players were better than Michelle Jordan and Shack and Bugs Bunny and Le Brown Jamie and Charls Barklii and kobee Brine and Magic JonTron combine. Now there was one minute left on the game, but Yojsis teem was winning 905-900! During a break tinkle groundnut a new idea. "Let the coaches play in the game for the last minute."

"I'll be willing to do that," said Youshi. "That means I can beat you even harder!"

The referees agreed and let Tingle and Yoshi play. The moment the buzzer rang for the game to continue, the two leaders zoomed forward as the coolest game in the history of sports forever continued. SUPER SPEED POINT ANOTHER POINT BANG BANG BANG BOOM FAST!

Now Tingle was good enough to get enough points to catch up to Yoshi, but they were tied, both having 92839420 points. Literally only 1 millisecond was left on the clock!

Tingle knew this was really go time. Time slowed down, as he was using his superspeeed and it was like everyone else was paused. Popplio (who if you remember, is part of Tingle's head) started to analyze the situation. "Let's see, although you could definitely make it to the basket in time, Exeggutor is blocking it with his head. I don't know if there's any way to make the shot."

"Unless..." said Tingle, "I could get the basket to me."

Tingle punched the ground so hard that the entire court went flying in pieces into the sky. Everyone else was launched off the court and Tingle jumped from piece to piece in the air with the ball toward the now flying basket. But suddenly, Yoshi flutter jumped toward the ball!

"Ah, you're much faster than I expected," said Tingle.

"I activated an experimental hyper speed mode," said Yoshi. "Prepare to lose, rip-off."

Yoshi activated his jet pack and Tingle launched himself off the rubble as they dodged flying rubble and explosions.

They soon neared the basketball, a mile into sky, with the basket flying right by it. Yoshi shot his tongue toward the ball, but Tingle used a sudden boost of speed to travel faster than the speed of light, creating a black hole that threatened to destroy the world. Tingle absorbed the black hole, still moving at the speed of light, and slam dunked the basketball into the basket with force the world had never seen. "BOOM SHAKALAKA!"

Time unpaused, as the entire city was in ruins. All that was left of the stadium was a huge crater.

Yoshi, confused of what just happened, looked at Tingle, only to see him eating at a buffet table that he set up in the crater.

"What. The. Fuck?!"

"Hey, Yosh! Did you here about the great news! I won the game! Care to join me for a victory meal?"

"God FUCKING DAMMIT!" Yoshi punched a trash can, sending it flying into the sun.

"Well," said Koume into the microphone, "It looks like Tingle won." She and Kotake then fell to the ground and died.

"Good game," said Tingle all smugly, putting out his hand.

Yoshi reluctantly shook his hand. "You may have defeated me here, but I'll become stronger before our next battle. The next time you see me, I will obliterate you."

"I'll looking forward to seeing you try! Let's go, team!"

Tingle and his team left as Yoshi did the same.

And so this game went on in history as the greatest basketball game in the history of the world and Tingle is the best basketball player in the universe.

THE END!

 

Chapter Text

HOSPITAL TIME:

In the hospital it was a sad day because people were dying.

One person that was dyijng was Ankle, Tonge's brother. Tingle was visiting him at l'hopital because Ankel had a whoreible acident and was aboot to due.

"Cough cough tingle i dont feel so good" said Ankle like that one spider dude.

"What's wrong, Ankle?"

"Im dyying tingle cough coigh"

"You don't seem too happy, Ankle," said Tingle.

"That's because I'm literally dying."

"I know how to cheer you up! With a story!"

"Oh boy," said Ankle sarcastically as he coughed up blood.

"This is a true story about a great superhero in the world of Termina!"


STOREY BEGGIN!

ONE DAY IN HYRULE it was not a day in hyrule it was termina wicht is a alternative dimension that exists in game.

Termini was created by the to be other worold and almost evry1 their looks like hyrool person.

MEMEWHILE:

In the lando of terminal 7, a skull kid named skull kid was. He was once taken by a majora pain in the mask haha lol

But the he turned good after link came to termiboo and killed the mask with the pwer of the first dainty mask.

But those days were long gone. Skull Kid was tired of being a troublemaker. He was tired of causing problems for everyone. He was tired of being weak. So he traveled the world searching for the meaning of life.

He eventually found it: the act of helping people made his life worth it.

One day, he saved a man from being robbed at gunpoint. The feeling of saving someone was exhilarating. Skull Kid realized that his purpose was to help people, and Termina was the best place for this.

Clock Town was filled with crime and violence, and he couldn't just stand by and let it happen! Now, Skull Kid was more than a kid. He was a hero. He was...Skull Man!

Alongside his sidekick Kafei, known by the hero name Pika, he would fight to make Clock Town a better place!

*the logo for a show comes on and says the title, Skull Man*

IN THE SKULL CAVE:

Kafei was once a regular boy that grew up into a regular man but turned back into a regular boy again from some Majora's Mask shit. His wife Anju was also arrested for being married to a child.

Skull Kid found Kafei on the streets and adopted him, training him to be his sidekick, Pika.

Right now Café was watching a Utube vidyo online!

"Whattup homies its ya boi, Link da hero of time! Last time an my vlog i pissed on a dead squirrel like a boss! Todai im gonna do some shit so kool your dicks will explode lol rofl."

Link was on the screen, wearing a forkknife shirt and neon sunglasses.

"Be sure to dab on that like button and subscribe or youll get yeeted thanos style boiiiiiii!"

Link suddenly started doing the Gangnam Style dance but called Thanos Style.

"Now, i just got this cool shit, even cooler than when i troll feminist sjws with a gun lmao! I just boght these glasses that will let mii me see color 4 da first time, yeet! Im colorblind an i never see colors befor, what even is a color? Only 1 way 2 find out yolo!" Link put on the glasses after dabbing.

"Oh oh my god w-what? What is this? I-i-is this what c-colors look like? I...oh my god this is so bueourtiful i cant even..." Link spilled some water on his face to look like tears and started "sobbing."

"The trees...the sky...its perfect! This is the greatest moment of my life!" Then Link pulled out a water bottle and flipped it and did the Fort Night dance. Then he kicked the water bottle away as it hit a random kid in the face.

"Trolololol this kid got trolled ebic style like a feminazi, dicks out 4 harambe! Problem? I do not always troll feminists, but when i do, I do it EBIC like Chuck norris! The only thang that could make dis shit better is if i...DO THE HARLEM SHAKE!"

The Harlem Shake came on and Link started twerking.

"Alright you mofos i hope you liked dis thanos video thanos video! Stay tuned 4 next vid where I go to a cemetery with this shovel! I hope I don't find a dead body, wink wink! Don't worry, I'll bring some condoms for if i do, lol! Remember 2 subscribe and eat your tide pods bois, yeet!"

The video ended with the song Trance - 009 Sound System Dreamscape as the credits showed, made in Windows Movie Maker and looking like something out of a 2008 lyric video.

Anyway, the video (luckily) ended. If only I could say the same for this chapter haha.

BUT THE. AN ALERM WENT OF IN THE SKULL CAVE!

"Pika, come out here!" yelled Skull Kid in his deep and edgy Skull Man voice. "There's an emergency!"

"IM BUSY WATCHING LONKS VIDEOS ON YOUTUBE!"

"PIKA THIS IS AN EMERGENCY PEOPLE ARE DYING AND WE NEED TO HELP THEM NOW COME OUT HERE THIS INSTANT!"

"WHATEVER YOU ARENT EVEN MY REAL DAD!" Kafie came anyway and they got into the SkullMobile to stop crime.

MEANWHILE IN THE STEVE MINECRAFT CAFE:

Shaquille O'Neil and Cappy were drinking some tea at the Minecraft café.

"Hey, look!" Cappy yelled to Shaq. "There's that world famous pecan I was telling you about earlier!"

A large pecan was inside a glass case with a gold plate reading "World's Largest Pecan!"

"What did you say? It's too loud in here for me to hear what you said!" exclaimed Shaquille O'Neil.

"Yeah, it is bloody loud in this place. I was trying to tell you about that humongous nut over there!"

He turned around to see what was behind him. "I don't see anything strange behind me."

"You don't see the nut? It's right there!"

"I still can't hear you. What am I looking for?"

"Bollocks! You're looking for the nut!"

"The what?"

"The nut! The one I told you about earlier today!"

"What?"

"The nut! It's the nut, Shaq!"

I'm sorry.

Suddenly, the cafe explode and everyone die. It was an emergence! Luckily, Skull Man and Pika were here!

"Look its Snas undeetal" said someone who was stick under some rumble.

"I am not snas indrrtakls, I'm Skull Man!"

"watever snas just save me!" And so he save.

"What seems to be the problem," said skull kid edgily.

"A bomb blew up and killed us" said a dead dude that the bomb killed and turned into aghast.

"What kind of monster would've done this?" edged Skull kid.

"I dont fuckin know," said Kafie. He wasnt paying attention to Skullman and was instead playing a lot of hentai games like Huniepop and Fire Emblem.

"You fools, it was me that blew the building up!"

"Who said that!" edgily yelled Skull Man!

It was...

You're never gonna guess who did it!

It was...a huge twist!

It was...SONICHU?!

"That's right, fuckers!"

This is insane, Sonichu would never do this because he is a hero!

But this wasn't regular Sonichu, because he was taken over by the Venim simbiote!

Previousry, Venum attacked CWCville and killed everyone except 4 sonichu who he possessed and turned evil.

Now Venoom Sonichu and Skull Man and Kaffoi must fight!

First sonichu shooted lightning but Skull man uses his skull shield to block it. Them Skull man throw a bonerang at sonichu and it hit him and Pika (who is Kafka if you remember form earlier in da chaptar) hit him with A pole.

Then he punch him a lot and win! The Vinom simbiot disappear and Sonichu was back to normal!

"I'm back to normal!" Yelled sonichu.

But then Kafai SHOT SONICHU TO DEATH WITH A GUN! Now Sonichu will never zap to the extreme again because he is dead.

"WHAT DID YOU DO?!" edgily screamed Skill Kid with anger.

"I killed him becos hes criminal scum and deserves to die! I'm tired of your strickt pussy rules on not killing people when killing is way more fun and cooler!"

"I thought I raised you to be a better sidekick than this, Pika!" Skull kid cried with edgy tears.

"Well I'm not yor sidekick now! I have evolved past being Pika! I will now be known as...Raichu! I will now kill all criminal scum!"

"Hey guys it's me Saria I'm back from the dead!" said Saria.

"DIE YOU LOLICON PIECE OF SHIT!" screamed Kafei, roundhouse kicking Saria in the back and shattering her spinal cord to death.

"WHY DID YOU KILL THAT LITTLE GIRL?!" yelled Skull kid in horror.

"Because she is a criminal! I can tell becos she is a loli and lolis are evul!"

And so Kafei went on a killing spree and Skull kid is sad.

THE END!


"So, how did you like the story?" asked Tingle.

Ankles eyes were closed.

"Aww, he fell asleep! How cute! Actually, never mind, he's dead." Tingle wasn't sad though because he was the one who poisoned him!

But he wasn't poisoned him with regular poison! It was skin burning poisin that will burn iff your skin!

Ankles skin burned off and only his skeleton was left! And that skeleton was...SNASPDJDO UNDERTALFJIDLWFKEKS! That's right! Ankle is Sans!

Not only that, but remember Tingle's other brother Knuckle? Well...he is actually PAPYRUS!11111

That's right! Ankle is Sans and Knuckle is Papyrus and Tingle is their brother!

WHAT A TWIST! THIS IS SOME REAL DARK YAGAMI SHIT RIGHT HERE!

Meanwhile in Scotland

Actually I don't feel like adding another scene THE END!